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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John, your og Okay

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Speaker 1: Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 1: Before that, we have a quick two minute break from

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Speaker 1: the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: Yo, John, you know what time it is?

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Speaker 1: What time it's time to give your mom that present

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Speaker 1: you've been waiting to give her all these years?

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Speaker 2: And what's that truth?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: That's true?

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Speaker 4: Sam?

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Speaker 2: You know it's day three?

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Speaker 5: If Mother May I have a DNA test week here

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Speaker 5: on Okay Storytime, and we're doing DNA test.

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Speaker 2: Stories every day leading up to Mother's Day.

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Speaker 1: We've got tales that I'll make us say, Wait, Mom,

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Speaker 1: is that my dad? And also like does that dad

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Speaker 1: have another kid? And is that dad even my real dad?

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Speaker 1: Or is he my fake dad? Stepdad?

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Speaker 2: No fake dad's no fake dads.

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Speaker 5: And if you knew here looking for the series titled

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Speaker 5: my husband is a Secret son from a past partner,

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Speaker 5: just click the link in the show notes slash description

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Speaker 5: or search Mother May I, Okay Storytime wherever you get

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Speaker 5: your podcasts.

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Speaker 4: My sister in law secretly DNA tested my daughter to

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Speaker 4: prove she wasn't mine, But I already knew. I third

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Speaker 4: email have a daughter who's I am not biologically related

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Speaker 4: to her at all. There is no blood relation between us.

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Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user throw razzle tester

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Speaker 4: on the r slash br updates Separate. So I was

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Speaker 4: friends with her mother for most of all my childhood.

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Speaker 4: We were never involved romantically and we were always just friends.

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Speaker 4: She had her daughter at twenty three with her twenty

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Speaker 4: five year old husband when my daughter was a newborn

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Speaker 4: about three months. Technically, both her mother and father were killed,

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Speaker 4: so the daughter is their daughter, the friend's daughter. I

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Speaker 4: won't go into much detail for privacy reasons, but it

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Speaker 4: was a workplace shooting. My friend and her husband had

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Speaker 4: worked in the same building, and we're both That is

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Speaker 4: starting off very sad, but it seems like there's a

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Speaker 4: reason why we're getting this story. Both my friend and

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Speaker 4: her husband had grown up with less than ideal families

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Speaker 4: and didn't have any siblings, so there wasn't any next

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Speaker 4: of kin for their daughter to go to. However, because

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Speaker 4: I was close with them, I was able to adopt

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Speaker 4: her very sweet story. Even though I had been iffy

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Speaker 4: about the idea of kids. I didn't want their daughter

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Speaker 4: to grow up in a foster care or around people

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Speaker 4: who didn't have connection to her bio parents, so I

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Speaker 4: stepped in. What a great friend. That's an amazing friend.

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Speaker 4: My parents and siblings know that my daughter is not

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Speaker 4: my actual daughter, biologically speaking, my daughter I'll call Lily

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Speaker 4: for the post. Lily also knows that she's adopted. I

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Speaker 4: never really had the fact that she was adopted. She

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Speaker 4: knows her parents are dead and were killed by a

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Speaker 4: bad man, but I'm saving the details for when she's older.

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Speaker 2: That's fair.

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Speaker 4: Lily does not look like me at all. She looks

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Speaker 4: exactly like her mother and biological dad. Most people assume

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Speaker 4: that I'm her biodad and that she just took after

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Speaker 4: her mom. I don't ever really carerect this when and

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Speaker 4: if people assume this, because it just seems unnecessary. At

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Speaker 4: the end of the day, they have questions, you know,

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Speaker 4: you can always tell them, but you don't need to

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Speaker 4: like she's your daughter, Lily is your daughter. My brother

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Speaker 4: has been with his fiance for about two years now.

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Speaker 4: A few weeks ago, we were all meeting up at

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Speaker 4: my parents' house and my sister in law some old

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Speaker 4: picture of me, my friend, and her husband. She pointed

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Speaker 4: to my friend and asked who was she and I

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Speaker 4: explained that.

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Speaker 2: Was Lily's mother.

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Speaker 4: Sister in law got quiet and stood in front of

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Speaker 4: the picture for a while. I didn't think too much

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Speaker 4: about it to clarify. She knows my friend passed away,

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Speaker 4: but I guess didn't know that she had been married,

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Speaker 4: or that Lily is not my biological daughter. I suppose

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Speaker 4: she assumed my daughter was mine and my friend's biological daughter.

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Speaker 4: My sister in law got a DNA test done on

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Speaker 4: my daughter behind my back. She used my brother's DNA

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Speaker 4: for the test, and when it came back that they

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Speaker 4: weren't related, she knew that me and Lily weren't related.

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Speaker 4: She came up to me with the results and waved

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Speaker 4: them in my face, saying that I was taken care

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Speaker 4: of a deceased woman's affair baby. She said this to

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Speaker 4: me in front of my daughter. I just stared at

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Speaker 4: her for a while before bursting out laughing at this.

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Speaker 4: I would have been really offended. I feel like this

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Speaker 4: would have been told to the sister in law that hey,

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Speaker 4: Lily is his daughter, she's adopted. I mean, I feel

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Speaker 4: like that's just something you can tell people. But the

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Speaker 4: fact that she was assuming and jumping to conclusions and

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Speaker 4: now she's doing the waving your face. He's kind of

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Speaker 4: messed up in a lot of ways. But let's see

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Speaker 4: what op says. I told her I knew Lily wasn't

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Speaker 4: my biological daughter and that this thing called adoption exists.

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Speaker 4: That's so funny that this thing called adoption exists. Her

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Speaker 4: face went red and she stormed off. My brother is

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Speaker 4: mad I embarrass his fiance, But I said she embarrassed her. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: she embarrassed herself by DNA testing a kid that isn't

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Speaker 4: hers and then parading the results up to me. What

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Speaker 4: did she want me to do? What was her goal

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Speaker 4: in this? Did she want me to break down and

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Speaker 4: abandon my daughter? My brother said she thought she was

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Speaker 4: doing the right thing and called me an a hole.

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Speaker 4: I don't feel like the a hole, especially considering my

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Speaker 4: sister in law was the one who stuck her nose

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Speaker 4: where it didn't belong. I'm asking for redded opinions mostly

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Speaker 4: just for validation.

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Speaker 2: So was I the a hole? No?

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Speaker 4: No, no, no no no. It's kind of crazy that

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Speaker 4: your sister in law is. She tried to be like

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Speaker 4: high and mighty and proud that I was a detective here.

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Speaker 4: I figured it out I knew, and that's she kind

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Speaker 4: of like parades it around like she again she's high

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Speaker 4: and mighty when everyone in everyone is pretty much in

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Speaker 4: on the joke, but her, she kind of deserved it.

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Speaker 4: You're not in the ahole. That's crazy. There's a TLDR.

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Speaker 4: Let's see where we can catch up to So we

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Speaker 4: found the TLDR. Yadaya, YadA. So my sister in law

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Speaker 4: ended up coming to my house and apologizing as well

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Speaker 4: as telling me the full story my brother. Now we're

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Speaker 4: throwing in the brother. My brother put her up to

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Speaker 4: the DNA test. When I first adopted Lily, my brother,

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Speaker 4: for some reason, believed that Lily was my bio daughter.

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Speaker 4: He thought me and Lily's mom were together and just

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Speaker 4: weren't telling anyone. He believes that when she got pregnant,

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Speaker 4: Lily's mom told me that Lily was mine and that

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Speaker 4: she was going to say that it was her husband's,

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Speaker 4: and I went along with it because I didn't really

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Speaker 4: want kids. So your brother is now embarrassing your sister

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Speaker 4: in law, Lily, your deceased friends. It seems like very dumb.

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Speaker 4: The sister in law was under the impression I believed

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Speaker 4: I was Lily's bio dad. She saw the picture of

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Speaker 4: Lily's mom and I, and after asking for clarification on

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Speaker 4: who she was, assumed we were together in it, and

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Speaker 4: then got suspicious when she saw that the other guy

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Speaker 4: in the picture, Lily's actual biodad, looked a lot like Lily.

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Speaker 4: I also want to clarify. I didn't tell her that

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Speaker 4: Lily's biodad was in the picture because she had specifically

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Speaker 4: pointed to Lily's mom, and I assume she knew that

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Speaker 4: Lily was adopted. We're all just assuming here, guys. Don't assume.

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Speaker 4: Don't assume, just ask.

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Speaker 2: I didn't know.

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Speaker 4: My brother had been telling her lies for nearly two years.

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Speaker 4: She got the DNA test out of her own suspicions,

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Speaker 4: and my brother helped her with it because he thought

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Speaker 4: it would reveal that I was actually Lily's biodad.

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Speaker 2: Why why would.

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Speaker 4: You just jump to that conclusion? Makes no sense, especially

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Speaker 4: the tragic story he manipulated her into thinking that it

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Speaker 4: would clear the air of suspicion, when really he was

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Speaker 4: just trying to prove that I was really Lily's biodad

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Speaker 4: and lying about the reasons for adoption. That makes zero sense.

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Speaker 4: Especially if one you are iffy about kids too. You

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Speaker 4: know that's your brother's friend and really close friend, especially

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Speaker 4: from all childhood.

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Speaker 2: Why would you lie?

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Speaker 4: I don't understand what the brother is doing this. The

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Speaker 4: sister in law was kind of just it was over

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Speaker 4: her head and she kind of got like, kind of

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Speaker 4: got caught like a deer in headlights. So let's continue. Well,

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Speaker 4: of course, the results proved I wasn't Lily's biodad and

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Speaker 4: that my brother was wrong. My brother felt too embarrassed

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Speaker 4: to confess to his fiance that he had lied about

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Speaker 4: the circumstances, which is why my sister in law confronted

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Speaker 4: me with the results. My sister in law also apologized

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Speaker 4: for me showing the results in front of my daughter.

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Speaker 4: She told me that her mom had an affair and

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Speaker 4: cheated on her father god pregnant with another man's kid,

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Speaker 4: and had let her father believe the kid was his.

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Speaker 4: What that's why would you tell that? Why would you

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Speaker 4: say that? Her father was devastated by this when he

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Speaker 4: found out, and she grew very resentful of woman who

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Speaker 4: don't do that to their spouses. Oh this is the

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Speaker 4: sister in law. Wow, Okay, that that makes a lot

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Speaker 4: more sense. The sister of law had that story that

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Speaker 4: she told her mom that her mom had an affair

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Speaker 4: and cheated on her father, got pregnant with another man's kid,

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Speaker 4: and had let her father, so she kind of lived that. Wow,

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Speaker 4: that's traumatic and which again makes some sense, and again continuing,

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Speaker 4: she had wanted to sit me down and talk to

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Speaker 4: me about it without my daughter, but when she saw

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Speaker 4: me with my daughter, she got angry, thinking I was

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Speaker 4: being led on to believe I was raising my daughter

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Speaker 4: when I was actually raising another man's kid. She ended

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Speaker 4: up exploding and immediately waved the results in my face.

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Speaker 4: That's why she thought she was doing the right thing,

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Speaker 4: because of her trauma and her experiences. But again that's

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Speaker 4: just it's a domino effect that should have never been

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Speaker 4: a domino effect and should have been told clearly and

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Speaker 4: to the point, and again got caught in the crossairs.

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Speaker 4: My sister in law does feel very guilty, and she's

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Speaker 4: angry at my brother for lying to her. I'm not

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Speaker 4: angry at her for doing the test, because she thought

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Speaker 4: she was doing the right thing right. I also forgave

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Speaker 4: her for the way she told me about the results,

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Speaker 4: because clearly affaires are sensitive subject for her, and I

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Speaker 4: can understand why she would have exploded like that. I'm

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Speaker 4: pretty sure she plans to break up with my brother now,

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Speaker 4: and I don't blame her. When I called and asked

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Speaker 4: my brother about this, he admitted it. When I asked

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Speaker 4: why he would think this, he said that he couldn't

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Speaker 4: think of a reason why a man who had been

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Speaker 4: against having kids at the time would willingly adopt a

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Speaker 4: baby without having a blood connection to it. Unbelievable. He

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Speaker 4: told my sister in law that I was Lily's biodad

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Speaker 4: and was aware of the fact. He took it a

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Speaker 4: step further here and said that me and Lily's mom

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Speaker 4: were together at the same time of Lily's conception. Both

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Speaker 4: myself and my parents are going low contact with my

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Speaker 4: brother for a while now. I know I will forgive

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Speaker 4: my brother eventually, but I cannot do that right now.

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Speaker 4: He believed I was low enough to have an affair

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Speaker 4: with a married woman, get her pregnant, take zero responsibility,

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Speaker 4: allowed to pass off the kid as another man's, and

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Speaker 4: then only take responsibility because her mom died. Op not

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Speaker 4: the ale here at all. Your brother is the a whole,

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Speaker 4: and going low contact makes sense. I mean, I feel

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Speaker 4: like if you explain the story's you don't have it.

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Speaker 4: You don't even need an explanation. You have Lily and

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Speaker 4: that's all you need. And you love her very much,

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Speaker 4: and you took the mantle of being a parent when

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Speaker 4: it's not even yours. You are cherishing your friend and

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Speaker 4: her husband who passed away from a tragic accident, and

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Speaker 4: you know that's amazing. You deserve all the love and respect,

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Speaker 4: as does Lily the sister in law, if she is

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Speaker 4: still your sister in law. She was trying to do

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Speaker 4: the right thing, and you know she has a traumatic past.

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Speaker 4: That sister in law was not. She was misled and

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Speaker 4: misguided and misinformed by just a crappy brother. And I

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Speaker 4: know he's your brother and you love him, so does

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Speaker 4: your family. But it makes sense to just go low

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Speaker 4: contact and that hopefully gets resolved, and you know you can.

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Speaker 4: This is not necessarily forgive him. He doesn't deserve forgiveness,

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Speaker 4: because that's just really low and really just a really

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Speaker 4: mean move to just throw his again significant other at

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Speaker 4: you like that because he just assumed not Okay.

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Speaker 6: My son's best friend came from a troubled home and

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Speaker 6: I was asked to foster. Wow, that's a big, big commitment,

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Speaker 6: big ask I have one son, Henry, age twelve. Henry

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Speaker 6: is best friends with a boy named Archie, age fourteen.

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Speaker 6: It has always been clear that Archie comes from a

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Speaker 6: troubled home from what I can gather, and I do

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Speaker 6: not have the full information. Archie's mom is a user

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Speaker 6: of illicit substances, and Archie has been on the at

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Speaker 6: risk register for a long while. Honestly, I don't know

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Speaker 6: why it has taken in them this long to decide

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Speaker 6: he's being moved to foster care. I was told that

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Speaker 6: the school had recommended me and asked to see if

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Speaker 6: I could take him in. They said it would likely

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Speaker 6: be long term, until he turns eighteen. I honestly didn't

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Speaker 6: know what to say. I was in shock. I have

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Speaker 6: been unofficially supporting Archie for a while now. I pick

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Speaker 6: him up from his house and drop him off at

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Speaker 6: school with my son. He spends a lot of weekends

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Speaker 6: at my place. On days when he doesn't come to

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Speaker 6: my place, I make sure to pack him something to

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Speaker 6: eat when I pick him up, because he told me

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Speaker 6: that his school lunch is his only meal most days,

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Speaker 6: I buy him soap and deodorant, and I even wash

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Speaker 6: his clothes for him. But supporting however I can and

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Speaker 6: taking him on fully is a big jump. I'm a

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Speaker 6: single dad. I have a decent job, but I'm far

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Speaker 6: from well off. I live in a small two bedroom house,

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Speaker 6: meaning Henry and Archie would have to share a room,

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Speaker 6: which they do now in Archie's days, but it's only

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Speaker 6: for short bursts. Plus there's the responsibility of taking on

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Speaker 6: another human. I was told that they had a lack

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Speaker 6: of foster cares in the local area, so if I

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Speaker 6: didn't agree to take him, it is likely that he

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Speaker 6: would have to move counties and schools. I don't want

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Speaker 6: that already having Archie stay with me for the two

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Speaker 6: week Christmas holidays, so I asked if I could think

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Speaker 6: about it and give him the firm answer the new year.

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Speaker 6: They agreed. Archie has not yet been informed about any

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Speaker 6: of this. I've tried to make this a normal Christmas

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Speaker 6: for him as much as possible. My heart is telling me,

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Speaker 6: of course, you're gonna take that little boy in, but

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Speaker 6: my brain is worried about the responsibility and cost of

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Speaker 6: taking on another mouth to feed, another boy to clothe.

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Speaker 6: At the same time, I keep thinking about Archie's situation.

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Speaker 6: He has already had such a rough start in life,

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Speaker 6: and I know that he needs stability and care more

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Speaker 6: than anything else. I can't bear the thought of him

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Speaker 6: being uprooted again, losing his school, his friends, and the

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Speaker 6: small semblance of normality he has here. I keep asking

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Speaker 6: myself if I can really give him what he needs,

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Speaker 6: and I don't know if I have all the answers

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Speaker 6: right now. I've always taught Henry the importance of kindness,

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Speaker 6: and I see how much he cares about Archie too.

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Speaker 6: Part of me feels that this might not just be

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Speaker 6: me taking on more responsibility. It's about giving him the

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Speaker 6: chance to grow up with a sense of love and belonging.

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Speaker 6: So I suppose I'm left balancing what's practical with what

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Speaker 6: feels right in my heart, and I'm leaning towards saying yes.

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Speaker 6: I spoke to my own mom about it, and she

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Speaker 6: thinks it's an awful idea. She's worried I'm biting off

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Speaker 6: more than I can chew, especially as a single dad.

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Speaker 6: She reminded me that I already have a ton on

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Speaker 6: my play, with work, the house, and raising Henry on

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Speaker 6: my own She said that taking in another child, especially

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Speaker 6: one with a difficult background, would add stress and might

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Speaker 6: affect my ability to provide for Henry properly. She didn't

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Speaker 6: say it outright, but I could tell she's afraid this

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Speaker 6: might make life harder for all of us, including Archie.

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Speaker 6: I understand her concerns, honestly, I do, but I can't

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Speaker 6: imagine just turning him away when he needs help the most.

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Speaker 6: I told her that I haven't made a final decision yet,

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Speaker 6: but that I need to think about what's best for

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Speaker 6: everyone involved, not just what's easiest. And I haven't even

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Speaker 6: discussed any of this with Henry yet, which will be

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Speaker 6: a huge factor in my final decision. This has been

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Speaker 6: a huge rant, and if you've read it, thank you.

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Speaker 6: I just needed to get this out somehow, And there

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Speaker 6: are some comments relevant comments. DFPHD says couple of thoughts.

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Speaker 6: It's four years. Like, obviously kids need support well beyond

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Speaker 6: eighteen if you can provide it. But if you can

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Speaker 6: get that kid to graduate high school, you would already

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Speaker 6: be a saint and nothing more could be expected of you,

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Speaker 6: so it's not for us. Also, once that kid is sixteen,

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Speaker 6: he can start working and help around the house more Legitimately,

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Speaker 6: both things are not just for your benefit but also

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Speaker 6: great things for him to learn. Ask social services what

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Speaker 6: additional resources you'd have access to if you were to foster.

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Speaker 6: For example, here where I live, foster kids qualify for

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Speaker 6: free school lunches, so that's a cost you don't have

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Speaker 6: to incur. I would also find a local foster parent group,

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Speaker 6: as I'm sure there are other resources available that may

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Speaker 6: not even be ran by the state. Real talk. If

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Speaker 6: it was me, I would do it as long as

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Speaker 6: I didn't think that Archie would be a danger to Henry,

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Speaker 6: Like unless you think Archie could be violent, except that

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Speaker 6: that makes a lot of sense. That makes sense, yeah,

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Speaker 6: because that is a difficulty with taking in foster kids.

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Speaker 6: It's like, because they come from a difficult home, they

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Speaker 6: obviously have difficult behavior that might show up things, Yeah,

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Speaker 6: like hoping mechanisms for emotions and stuff like that, So

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Speaker 6: that can come up. If he's a good kid, I

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Speaker 6: would do everything in my power to make that happen.

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Speaker 6: I would set up a GoFundMe if necessary. I would

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Speaker 6: try to lean on my friends and family to help. Also,

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Speaker 6: depending on what your job is, I would ask if

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Speaker 6: they can help in any way. I say this as

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Speaker 6: someone who works for a giant company. Yes, I would worry,

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Speaker 6: but a fourteen year old kid in foster care is

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Speaker 6: not something I'd be able to let happen to a

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Speaker 6: kid I care about. Another comment, Caffeine Please says I'm

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Speaker 6: a single dad to two foster children, started much the

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Speaker 6: same way, was asked to take in a youth of

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Speaker 6: a friend of the families. I've been fostering for a

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Speaker 6: few years now. It's by far one of the best

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Speaker 6: decisions I've ever made. Oh wow, that's great. Oh my gosh,

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Speaker 6: my gosh. Yeah, heck yah. It's an adjustment, but it's doable. Granted,

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Speaker 6: I'm in Canada and can only speak for the agency

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Speaker 6: I work with, but they've been great about helping with

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Speaker 6: supports needed. There is funding for food, clothing, Christmas and birthdays.

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Speaker 6: You can get them to approve a certain number of

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Speaker 6: paid respite hours per week. I have a respite worker

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Speaker 6: for twenty five hours per week, which I'm sure as

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Speaker 6: a single parent you can understand is a huge help.

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Speaker 6: And all the youth I've taken in over the last

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Speaker 6: couple of years are always extremely grateful for a stable

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Speaker 6: home that said. If you decide it's not for you,

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Speaker 6: there's no shame. But if you do decide to do it,

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Speaker 6: I assure you it's worth it. It's obvious you care

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Speaker 6: about the kid, which is probably already more than he's

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Speaker 6: used to. Props to you for considering it. There is

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Speaker 6: an update, so let's just.

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Speaker 7: Get right into yah and let us know the comments.

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Speaker 7: Would you foster this child or not? Yeah?

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Speaker 6: What do you think?

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Speaker 2: Update?

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Speaker 6: I just wanted to come on and give an update.

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Speaker 6: I want to say a huge thank you for all

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Speaker 6: the responses. I genuinely didn't expect to receive so many replies,

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Speaker 6: especially to something that was just meant to be a

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Speaker 6: rant to get my emotions out. When I was asked

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Speaker 6: to take in Archie, at first I felt honored. Then

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Speaker 6: I felt worried about everything. I'm quite an anxious person

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Speaker 6: in general, and my thoughts were flooded with concerns about

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Speaker 6: whether I'd be good enough to support Archie in the

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Speaker 6: way he needs. I love my mom, but she didn't help.

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Speaker 6: I think I get my anxiety from her, although she

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Speaker 6: has it on a much higher scale than I do.

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Speaker 6: Every possible thing that could go wrong. She was texting

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Speaker 6: me about all a week. You're already stretched in with

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Speaker 6: work and Henry. You won't get one on one time

390
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Speaker 6: with Henry anymore. How will you afford everything? These are

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Speaker 6: real concerns, and I'm glad you brought them up because

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00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,040
Speaker 6: they gave me the opportunity to think about how I

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Speaker 6: could mitigate them. A few of you mentioned the fostering allowance,

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Speaker 6: which I knew about, but I couldn't find any concrete

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Speaker 6: information about on how much it would actually be. Every

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Speaker 6: source online seemed to give a difficult answer, but none

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Speaker 6: suggested it was very much. However, as some of you advised,

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Speaker 6: I called the Social Worker's office and said I was

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Speaker 6: seriously considering taking in Archie, which they were thrilled about,

400
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Speaker 6: but I needed to understand the finances first to see

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Speaker 6: if it was feasible. They said it. They couldn't provide

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Speaker 6: exact numbers, as every case is different and it isn't

403
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Speaker 6: decided until a placement is found. However, they told me

404
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Speaker 6: the minimum would be around one ninety euros about two

405
00:17:33,240 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 6: hundred and forty dollars US per week, and that it

406
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Speaker 6: would likely be completely tax free. Additionally, i'd receive a

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Speaker 6: significant discount on things like council tax that was honestly

408
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Speaker 6: a lot more than I expected, and much higher than

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Speaker 6: most of the figures I'd seen online. They also put

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Speaker 6: me in touch with some of the other foster cares

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Speaker 6: who answered my questions, which was incredibly helpful. This week

412
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Speaker 6: has been very busy. I worked out my finances out

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Speaker 6: of the estimate fostering allowance and calculated how much Archie

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Speaker 6: would likely increase my expenses. It worked out that I'd

415
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Speaker 6: actually have a surplus compared to my current situation. Many

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Speaker 6: of the foster cares I spoke to don't work full time,

417
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Speaker 6: using the allowance to supplement their income. I'm not sure

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Speaker 6: if I want to do that, but they mentioned it

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Speaker 6: helps to work part time since fostering involves a lot

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Speaker 6: of work meetings, reports, and other responsibilities. On top of that,

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Speaker 6: I'd need to complete training during the first year to

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Speaker 6: become fully qualified. I considered that, and with the additional allowance,

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Speaker 6: I could move to a point six contract working three

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Speaker 6: days per week while still covering the costs of moving

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Speaker 6: to a three bedroom house. While that would leave me

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Speaker 6: with a slightly less disposable income, it wouldn't be a

427
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Speaker 6: significant reduction. I've spoken with my word, and they said

428
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Speaker 6: they would support me if I decided to do this,

429
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Speaker 6: but I haven't made my final decision. I don't want

430
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Speaker 6: it to seem like I'm taking advantage of Archie's allowance.

431
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Speaker 6: After sorting out the finances, I needed to talk to Henry.

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Speaker 6: This was honestly the most important part of my decision.

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Speaker 6: Henry said no, I would struggle to go ahead with it.

434
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,119
Speaker 6: I took him out and explain the situation. I didn't

435
00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,240
Speaker 6: go into details of why Archie is going into care,

436
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,440
Speaker 6: as it's not my already to tell, even though Archie

437
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 6: himself has been open about his rough home life. I

438
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,200
Speaker 6: discussed the potential changes, less one on one time, less privacy,

439
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:08,960
Speaker 6: at least in the short term, while we find a

440
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,760
Speaker 6: bigger house and so on. Henry was incredibly supportive. He

441
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:14,880
Speaker 6: said that he and Archie had talked about how they

442
00:19:14,880 --> 00:19:17,359
Speaker 6: both wished Archie could come and live with us. I

443
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:19,720
Speaker 6: told him not to mention anything to Archie yet until

444
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,440
Speaker 6: I had the chance to speak with him, and he agreed. Yesterday,

445
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,439
Speaker 6: I arranged for Social Services to come over. Archie, his

446
00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 6: social worker and I sat down to talk. They told

447
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,440
Speaker 6: Archie that he was going to be placed in foster care.

448
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:33,119
Speaker 6: Archie cried a lot, I cried a lot, and he

449
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,440
Speaker 6: asked to see his mom, which the social worker said

450
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,800
Speaker 6: that they'd arrange as soon as possible. In that moment,

451
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,399
Speaker 6: Archie didn't seem like a teenager. He seemed like a

452
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,359
Speaker 6: small child whose world was crumbling. And they asked Archie

453
00:19:43,359 --> 00:19:45,159
Speaker 6: if he'd want to stay with me. Although he was

454
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,640
Speaker 6: still distraught about being in care, he said he'd love

455
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,840
Speaker 6: to stay with me. We discussed what it would mean

456
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:52,720
Speaker 6: and how it would affect us. Afterward, Archie and his

457
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,160
Speaker 6: social worker spoke privately, and the social worker and I talked.

458
00:19:56,440 --> 00:19:59,159
Speaker 6: They expressed how thrilled they were about my decision and

459
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:01,200
Speaker 6: said that they were police please. I planned to move

460
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 6: to a bigger house soon, as Archie would need his

461
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,840
Speaker 6: own space, which I fully agree with. Normally, the boys

462
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 6: spend most of their time upstairs playing Xbox, but later

463
00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 6: that day Archie came down and asked if we could

464
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,040
Speaker 6: watch a movie together. He sat next to me, rested

465
00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,159
Speaker 6: his head on my shoulder and said, thank you for

466
00:20:16,240 --> 00:20:18,520
Speaker 6: letting me stay with you. Writing this, I can feel

467
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,480
Speaker 6: tears welling up in my eyes again. I put my

468
00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 6: arm around him and said I'd always be there for him.

469
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,080
Speaker 6: By the way, we will always be there for you

470
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 6: with stories just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

471
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,600
Speaker 6: or your favorite podcast app. Just search Okay storytime you

472
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 6: can see more stories like this. Today, Archie seems a

473
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,320
Speaker 6: little down, which is entirely understandable. I honestly expected him

474
00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:41,439
Speaker 6: to take it harder than he has. To cheer him up.

475
00:20:41,480 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 6: We're going to see the new Lion King movie, even

476
00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:45,919
Speaker 6: though I hate those live action films, but this is

477
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 6: for Archie, and then going out to eat, letting the

478
00:20:48,520 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 6: boys choose where I might return in a few months

479
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 6: to give an update on how things are going. For now,

480
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 6: I'm just hoping that everything will be okay. I know

481
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:58,040
Speaker 6: the first few months will be the hardest. If you

482
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 6: guys have any experience fostering or a similar situation like this,

483
00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 6: or just supporting comments, comment down below because he's amazing.

484
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 6: But that is the end of the story, so let's

485
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:13,479
Speaker 6: get on into the next one. My husband is upset

486
00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,000
Speaker 6: that I dress up for work but not at home.

487
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 2: What does that even mean? I'm actually confused.

488
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,800
Speaker 8: I fifty one female work for a hospital in the

489
00:21:21,960 --> 00:21:24,720
Speaker 8: HR department. I try to dress appropriately for the role.

490
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,840
Speaker 8: Sometimes I curl my hair, wear dresses, et cetera. I

491
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:29,880
Speaker 8: don't get too fancy. By the way, this comes from

492
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,320
Speaker 8: Jenny Bean two thousand and two on the Okay story

493
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:35,320
Speaker 8: Time Suffered it. I, on a personal level consider myself

494
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,920
Speaker 8: very plain. I do not feel I am attractive in

495
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,280
Speaker 8: any way. Girl, you gotta get that confidence up. I

496
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:43,199
Speaker 8: am certain it is body dysmorphia that's said. I couldn't

497
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,520
Speaker 8: care less what I wear or how I look. I

498
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:47,959
Speaker 8: make an effort for the job. My husband, who has

499
00:21:47,960 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 8: a reactive attachment disorder as well as his team issues,

500
00:21:51,160 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 8: gets upset when I get go a little over to

501
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:54,920
Speaker 8: the top, like curling my hair.

502
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 6: He gets jealous.

503
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:59,560
Speaker 8: I do not have a wandering eye, and never have.

504
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 8: I am not interested in drawing attention to myself in

505
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 8: any way. I prefer to be in the shadows and

506
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,560
Speaker 8: as unnoticed as possible. This morning, he got upset because

507
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 8: of how I was dressed. He was distant and quiet,

508
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:17,200
Speaker 8: and I immediately knew why. So in frustration, I took

509
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,760
Speaker 8: off the dress I was wearing all my jewelry and

510
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,480
Speaker 8: put on the plain as yet work worthy garb. I hat.

511
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 6: Oh, girl, don't let him dole your spark.

512
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:26,960
Speaker 9: Yeah.

513
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, in the world.

514
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 2: We want you to be yummy, as yummy as possible

515
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 2: for real, though, don't let anybody yuck You're yum. I'm

516
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:38,200
Speaker 2: not kidding. I'm not freaking kidding.

517
00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 8: So what After I was at work, I texted him

518
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 8: that I knew he was upset and that I didn't

519
00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,560
Speaker 8: dress up for anything other than work. He deflected and

520
00:22:46,560 --> 00:22:48,560
Speaker 8: said he didn't understand why I don't fresh up like

521
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 8: did for him. When we do our market job, we

522
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 8: do craft events. If you have never done one, they're

523
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 8: messy and difficult work. We have to unload everything from

524
00:22:57,000 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 8: the truck, which is often dirty, set up our store

525
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 8: from which involves setting up things meant to be used

526
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 8: outdoors and are dirty or are dusty from previous use.

527
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,680
Speaker 8: Then stand most of the time, then break down, pack

528
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 8: it up. On those occasions, I pull my long.

529
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 6: Hair up and out of my face.

530
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:16,800
Speaker 8: There's usually wind and I despise my hair flying about

531
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,159
Speaker 8: my face. I wear jeans and a nice top, and

532
00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,640
Speaker 8: usually my hiking boots are good sturdy sneakers. That way,

533
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,120
Speaker 8: if I get dirty, no, biggie, you should be thinking, Wow,

534
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,080
Speaker 8: my hatty wife is working.

535
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:33,040
Speaker 6: Look how she is Ooh, she's got her hair up.

536
00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:34,119
Speaker 6: She's freaking hot.

537
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 2: I love a girl who's not afraid of blue collar

538
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 2: labor milk.

539
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 8: On a real it feels as though I should want

540
00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:42,200
Speaker 8: to dress up for him when we do things together,

541
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 8: so he can see and admire me.

542
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:45,160
Speaker 6: I just don't see the point.

543
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,040
Speaker 8: If I'm going to get sweaty and dirty, he wants

544
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 8: to see you get sweaty and dirty. He doesn't like

545
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 8: that my shirts are baggy. I have recently been on

546
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,680
Speaker 8: a weight loss journey and a lot of my clothes

547
00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,280
Speaker 8: are not tight fitting. But it isn't anything I have

548
00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:04,280
Speaker 8: ever cared for to begin with. I don't care for

549
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:08,000
Speaker 8: tight fitting clothes. Even the dresses I wear for work

550
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 8: are Billowis. When I get home, I like to get

551
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,439
Speaker 8: comfortable and put on relaxing clothes. I get that I

552
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:15,240
Speaker 8: want I should want to look good for my husband,

553
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:17,600
Speaker 8: and I don't disagree with this, but there have to

554
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 8: be some limits and compromises. I'm not on an episode

555
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 8: of Leave It to Beaver and should be able to

556
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:22,800
Speaker 8: get comfortable.

557
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,360
Speaker 6: Okay, are you a millennial?

558
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,639
Speaker 2: Are they're like aren't they like fifty or forty?

559
00:24:27,680 --> 00:24:30,320
Speaker 6: Are they have no idea. Are you a boomer? Are

560
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:31,040
Speaker 6: you a gen X?

561
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:33,800
Speaker 2: We know I've watched Leave It to Beaver. It's a

562
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,840
Speaker 2: classic show.

563
00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,159
Speaker 6: You know what I'm done?

564
00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: Are you not?

565
00:24:40,920 --> 00:24:41,199
Speaker 9: Gen Z?

566
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 2: There you go?

567
00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,879
Speaker 6: What am I missing? Am I an a hole? Edit update?

568
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,199
Speaker 8: Thank you to those who provided some insightful feedback that

569
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,919
Speaker 8: was thought provoking and gave me something to consider moving forward.

570
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 8: Point one For those who assume I don't dress up

571
00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 8: for him, I do.

572
00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 6: I did.

573
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 8: It's occasionally, though, I see how I can do this.

574
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:02,960
Speaker 8: More off, we don't do date nights.

575
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,440
Speaker 3: Well, you gotta do date nights now. Get gotta get hot,

576
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:08,920
Speaker 3: you gotta be able to do. Guys, do date nights.

577
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 3: If you're d if you're in a relationship, you have

578
00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,960
Speaker 3: to have date nights. You got you guys. Yeah, you're

579
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 3: just friends. Your roommates who.

580
00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 9: Live together.

581
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:21,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, they hang out every day they live together. Yeah,

582
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:26,800
Speaker 2: so that's not enough. You gotta hang You gotta date night.

583
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 6: We don't do date nights.

584
00:25:28,600 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 8: I work full time and he usually prepares our meals

585
00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:34,280
Speaker 8: throughout the week. I cook on the weekends. So maybe

586
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,040
Speaker 8: one night a couple times a month, I can do

587
00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:38,199
Speaker 8: a special date night at home and dress up for

588
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 8: the occasion.

589
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 2: It's date night.

590
00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:40,640
Speaker 6: God said.

591
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 8: I do enjoy being comfortable in my own home. This

592
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,120
Speaker 8: is usually shorts and a shirt. But if we need

593
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 8: to go someplace, I change. Point two. When we are

594
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,600
Speaker 8: at the market slash events together, we both dress business casual.

595
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:57,320
Speaker 6: He looks nice, I look nice. They all look nice.

596
00:25:57,560 --> 00:25:59,800
Speaker 8: We do this so that we look professional and business

597
00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 8: like when we talk with customers. I don't dress like

598
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 8: a slob. I do pull my hair up and back

599
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 8: because her my face while trying to do things just

600
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 8: isn't doing for me.

601
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 2: Good girl, girl, you know you look good girl.

602
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,280
Speaker 8: We know you look Why this will be a boundary

603
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 8: I set for outdoor events.

604
00:26:16,880 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 6: Point three.

605
00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:21,399
Speaker 8: My husband takes pride in his appearance. He likes this

606
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 8: to be the first thing people notice about him. He

607
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,360
Speaker 8: just as nicely. When he plans to go out places

608
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:27,680
Speaker 8: when warm, it's cargo shorts and a button down shirt

609
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 8: or polo, both of which have collars. Very rarely does

610
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 8: he get out in a t shirts. I do not

611
00:26:34,840 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 8: care about my appearance, even though some suggest this isn't true.

612
00:26:38,880 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 8: I don't dress to impress. I dress because my role

613
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,679
Speaker 8: at my job requires it. On occasion, I like to

614
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:46,959
Speaker 8: curl my hair because I like the way it looks.

615
00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 8: I don't do it to flaunt about. Most often i'm

616
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 8: playing at work. It just doesn't matter.

617
00:26:52,920 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 6: To me like it does for others.

618
00:26:54,359 --> 00:27:00,520
Speaker 2: Girl, you're hot, girl, Look at all the whole snack girl.

619
00:27:00,840 --> 00:27:03,800
Speaker 8: On rare occasions when I'm feeling good about myself, I

620
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,640
Speaker 8: may put a little more effort into a hairstyle or outfit,

621
00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 8: but it's not what is important to me. It's like

622
00:27:09,800 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 8: having a uniform for a job.

623
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,719
Speaker 6: You can just do it because he's suspected.

624
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 8: I do recognize where I can compromise and appeal to

625
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 8: his tastes and desires by dressing up more often and doing.

626
00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:21,480
Speaker 6: Special things just for him.

627
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 8: I just realized that we're no longer dating, but it

628
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 8: doesn't mean those sorts of things have to stop happening.

629
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:29,120
Speaker 8: I can see how this is important to him, even

630
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 8: if it isn't important to me. I will work to

631
00:27:31,080 --> 00:27:34,480
Speaker 8: improve in this area. Point four. We're both a therapy

632
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 8: that said we're still humans? Are we humans?

633
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:39,879
Speaker 9: I don't know.

634
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:47,119
Speaker 2: I'm mostly cookies right, say about sixty forty cookies to person,

635
00:27:48,760 --> 00:27:51,920
Speaker 2: and you know what you look like? One of these cookies.

636
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 8: Part of unlearned bad behaviors is to make mistakes and

637
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 8: grow from them. It is also important that I understand

638
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:00,800
Speaker 8: is disordered to respond best. I know this time wasn't

639
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,120
Speaker 8: a great response, and I take ownership of that. Girl,

640
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 8: don't take ownership of that. He's being mean. But again,

641
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 8: I am human. Are we Who's to say? We did

642
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:11,440
Speaker 8: end up talking about things and working through most of it.

643
00:28:11,600 --> 00:28:12,400
Speaker 6: That's nice.

644
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:15,240
Speaker 8: We are compassionate to each other's growth. I also recognize

645
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,199
Speaker 8: that with my husband being older than myself, he has

646
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,399
Speaker 8: a lifelong process of growing and that not everything for

647
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 8: him will change, especially not overnight. I am further along

648
00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 8: in my therapy. My reaction was just being a butt

649
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 8: hurt lady girl. He was mean that wounded inner child

650
00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 8: thing girl. He was mean to you.

651
00:28:31,160 --> 00:28:32,240
Speaker 6: Why are you taking the flat?

652
00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:34,440
Speaker 8: I owe this helps answer some questions, and I thank

653
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:36,600
Speaker 8: everyone who has inputs and suggestions.

654
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 6: Update, Oh, update, do you have any thoughts? Probably not.

655
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 2: It was getting hot, it's getting sticky. They were a

656
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,240
Speaker 2: little bit, so I took him out. You can have

657
00:28:47,320 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: them because you are a snack.

658
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,800
Speaker 8: I did dress up this weekend, did my hair and

659
00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 8: put on some jewelry. I refused to unload the truck,

660
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 8: but we set up together. He said he thought I

661
00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 8: looked beautiful. That's nice, and he appreciate that. I listened

662
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 8: to him. I did feel good and liked his attention.

663
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,240
Speaker 8: After that, on the weekends, I pick on one day

664
00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:08,160
Speaker 8: to dress up nice with the normal and is he

665
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 8: doing the same?

666
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:10,520
Speaker 9: Yeah?

667
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,640
Speaker 2: Does talk about his wardrobe?

668
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:15,280
Speaker 6: Is he wearing a freaking cowsuit?

669
00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 8: Is he wearing like basketball shorts and a flannel?

670
00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 6: Because that's that's not doing it for you, and he

671
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 6: should be doing it for you.

672
00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 2: He should be. He should be like took Soedo t

673
00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:30,120
Speaker 2: shirt at the very least, at the.

674
00:29:30,160 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 8: Very least, maybe one of those T shirts with the

675
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 8: little bathing suits on them and the hairy chest.

676
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like yeah one, yeah, like a six pack.

677
00:29:37,480 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: He should wear my hair.

678
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 6: And dress casually.

679
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 8: Yes, is a woman in marriage and it is important

680
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,360
Speaker 8: not to let the relationship flounder.

681
00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 2: I think as a man in marriage, it's also important,

682
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 2: as seem as in marriage, marriage make it go.

683
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 8: We both work hard to make our marriage a peaceful

684
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 8: and loving one. We both have things to work on

685
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:01,240
Speaker 8: with ourselves as well. I felt it important that I

686
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 8: heard him by doing more with myself, but I do

687
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:04,360
Speaker 8: explain that dressing.

688
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:05,680
Speaker 2: Up for markets is not gonna happen.

689
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,280
Speaker 8: I also explained I had one T shirt and the

690
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 8: rest were blouses. He apologized for making me feel like

691
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 8: I went dressed as a slob when he knew how

692
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 8: much work it was in our last few markets. I

693
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 8: curled my hair. It looked like crap by the end

694
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 8: of the day, but I did it. His birthday is

695
00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 8: coming up and I booked as a train ride, which

696
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 8: is lunch, and I planned to be very dressed up

697
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 8: for that. Then the next day we're going hiking, so

698
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:26,600
Speaker 8: I'll look nice.

699
00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:27,560
Speaker 6: But again I will.

700
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:29,800
Speaker 8: Wear clothes appropriate for the activity and still look nice.

701
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 8: But you guys can look nice when you listened to

702
00:30:31,760 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 8: full episodes with stories.

703
00:30:33,640 --> 00:30:36,640
Speaker 2: Just like this. Yeah that's right, just like this is going.

704
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 8: To Spotify, Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast Up and

705
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 8: Start supposed.

706
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 2: To start him.

707
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 6: I used to one of the.

708
00:30:41,600 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 8: Commonists responses and explain to him that I don't want

709
00:30:43,760 --> 00:30:45,719
Speaker 8: to be noticed while at work. I want to blend,

710
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,120
Speaker 8: so I dressed for the position nothing more. I told him,

711
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 8: it's like my armor, girl, I don't have to stick

712
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:53,480
Speaker 8: it out at home.

713
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:55,280
Speaker 6: I want to be comfortable and I want him to

714
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:55,720
Speaker 6: notice me.

715
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,239
Speaker 8: I also explained to him that in the future, if

716
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 8: he's bothered by something, he can be emotional.

717
00:31:01,320 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 2: Cry man, yeah, cry, Hey men, men can have emotions,

718
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,600
Speaker 2: get vulnerable. Cry right now.

719
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 8: But he needs to explain himself so we can talk

720
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 8: about it so that I don't cry going to work.

721
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 6: Man, he doesn't stew on it.

722
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 2: Remember her.

723
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:18,200
Speaker 8: He agreed with this, but we'll see. Thank you again

724
00:31:18,280 --> 00:31:22,200
Speaker 8: to those provided feedback. I was trying to say, that's

725
00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:23,080
Speaker 8: the end of the story.

726
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: Hey, it's sam' your og host here. We're gonna get

727
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 1: back to the stories. But here's three minutes of ads

728
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

729
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:32,760
Speaker 2: I was upset my sister seated me with strangers at

730
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:36,280
Speaker 2: their wedding. They just rolled their eyes at me. It's

731
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,880
Speaker 2: been eight years, so I feel safe in posting this.

732
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,040
Speaker 2: I love my sister and it's water under the bridge,

733
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 2: but we've never discussed or resolved this beef because that's

734
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,120
Speaker 2: just not how that part of my family does things.

735
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:51,920
Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from user recent Gas forty

736
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:54,800
Speaker 2: two oh three, and you can submit your stories to

737
00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 2: the r slash Okay storytime subreddit. Soap I fifty three

738
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 2: female am never male, and it's taken me decades to

739
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: heal my ish and make peace with it. But for years,

740
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 2: attending weddings as the always single person was really upsetting

741
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 2: and embarrassing. Although I'm confident in non romantic situations, outgoing

742
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:17,200
Speaker 2: and funny, I am overweight and have only had a

743
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 2: handful of boyfriends in my life, so this issue was

744
00:32:20,080 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: particularly painful and often made me cry out of humiliation

745
00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,720
Speaker 2: and insecurity. Eight years ago, my half sister, who's twenty

746
00:32:27,760 --> 00:32:31,320
Speaker 2: eight female at the time, married a brit and insisted

747
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,440
Speaker 2: on the wedding being in his hometown since they lived

748
00:32:34,440 --> 00:32:37,480
Speaker 2: here in the United States. He actually wanted the wedding

749
00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 2: to be in our home state because it's a popular

750
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 2: place that people like to visit, and his friends and

751
00:32:42,320 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 2: family from England were excited to have a reason to

752
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 2: come here, but she was insistent that the wedding be

753
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:51,840
Speaker 2: in England. Pop California could literally be anywhere. I was

754
00:32:51,840 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 2: gonna say New York, but she would have said City

755
00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 2: if that was the case, a very famous city that

756
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 2: a lot of people like to join. At the time,

757
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 2: our dad, U seventy two male, was dealing with significant dementia,

758
00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 2: had cancer and a lot of mobility issues. One of

759
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 2: our other sister, thirty female who I'll call Lauren, was

760
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 2: many years into treatment for stage four breast cancer and

761
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:15,320
Speaker 2: had a ten month old baby. The fourth sister gave

762
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 2: birth six weeks early to a child who barely survived

763
00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 2: and was in the nick YU until he was seven

764
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,680
Speaker 2: months old, making it impossible for her to travel to

765
00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,200
Speaker 2: England for the wedding. So the fact that the bride

766
00:33:25,440 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 2: insisted on England given all of this, was particularly insensitive,

767
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 2: given the challenges our family faced and trying to travel

768
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 2: for an international wedding. For the wedding, Lauren the sister

769
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 2: was the maid of honor, and I and a cousin

770
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 2: were bridesmaids, and three of the bride's friends were also bridesmaids.

771
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 2: The bride and groom knew how I often felt extremely

772
00:33:47,800 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 2: uncomfortable being alone at weddings, and have been supportive of

773
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,480
Speaker 2: me in the past, but it became apparent to us

774
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 2: as we tried to plan our trip that they really

775
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 2: didn't have any intention of spending any time with us

776
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,160
Speaker 2: in Europe. They had a big group of affluent hips

777
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:04,479
Speaker 2: to friends at the time that dominated their social life.

778
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,240
Speaker 2: They planned to go early to England, as did many

779
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 2: of her friends, and they planned a honeymoon with the

780
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:13,320
Speaker 2: whole group and his parents in the south of Spain

781
00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,960
Speaker 2: at an oceanside city for the week directly following the wedding.

782
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,320
Speaker 2: My dad was not much of a traveler. His idea

783
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,879
Speaker 2: of a vacation was camping, and we knew he would

784
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:25,239
Speaker 2: be very uncomfortable in Europe, especially given his dementia. My

785
00:34:25,320 --> 00:34:28,080
Speaker 2: sister Lauren really wanted to join the group in southern

786
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 2: Spain so that we could see more of Europe without

787
00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 2: overtaxing her while she was in treatment and caring for

788
00:34:33,880 --> 00:34:37,240
Speaker 2: a baby. The bride and Lauren had always been extremely close,

789
00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 2: basically BFFs, and Lauren hoped to spend more time with

790
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 2: the bride and groom after the wedding, and she very

791
00:34:43,040 --> 00:34:45,520
Speaker 2: much wanted some time to relax on a sunny beach

792
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 2: given the long illness she had been battling. But when

793
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:50,840
Speaker 2: we tried to make these plans, the bride and groom

794
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:54,040
Speaker 2: were very evasive and it became clear to us that

795
00:34:54,080 --> 00:34:56,760
Speaker 2: they didn't want us there. We don't know if perhaps

796
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,880
Speaker 2: we embarrassed them because we weren't affluent hips, but it

797
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 2: seemed pretty rude, given that we were forcing our ailing

798
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 2: and aging father and our cancer stricken sister to travel

799
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,799
Speaker 2: across an ocean for their wedding, and if we were

800
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 2: going to do all that, we wanted to make a

801
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 2: trip out of it and spend more than just a

802
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 2: couple of days required for the wedding. It was pulling

803
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,439
Speaker 2: teeth to try to get information from them about where

804
00:35:20,440 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: we should fly into, how we should travel to the

805
00:35:23,080 --> 00:35:25,720
Speaker 2: north of England, and where we should stay. And although

806
00:35:25,760 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 2: I had been to Paris many years before, I was

807
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: the only one to have been to Europe before in

808
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:35,080
Speaker 2: our group. Guys, if you're gonna have a destination wedding

809
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,719
Speaker 2: in a different continent, you have to take point on

810
00:35:39,200 --> 00:35:44,360
Speaker 2: providing information to your guest list for it. It's insane

811
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:45,319
Speaker 2: that you're not doing that.

812
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:48,800
Speaker 7: I'm planning a trip to go to a different city

813
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 7: for a wedding and I'm very impressed with the bride

814
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,400
Speaker 7: and groom and how much information they gave us, because

815
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,200
Speaker 7: now I know where to get a little hotel at,

816
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 7: where to get my plane to go to and I'm

817
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 7: solid and they even gave me the activities for like

818
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:02,960
Speaker 7: after the wedding, what they want to do.

819
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,360
Speaker 2: That's a good example of what to do. As I said,

820
00:36:06,440 --> 00:36:11,160
Speaker 2: in many ways other than romantic, I am independent and confident.

821
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 2: I very much wanted to see more of England, so

822
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 2: I chose to fly in the day early and do

823
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:18,440
Speaker 2: a day tour that I was excited to do. So

824
00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:20,960
Speaker 2: I traveled alone to London, took the day trip, and

825
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 2: then took the train north, where the groom's aunt kindly

826
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,160
Speaker 2: met me at the train station and our group stayed

827
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,839
Speaker 2: with her. She was a lovely hostess. That evening we

828
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:32,560
Speaker 2: expected to have dinner with the bride and groom, and

829
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,799
Speaker 2: after a lot of hassle, we did end up having

830
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 2: dinner with them, but immediately after we were hustled away

831
00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:41,399
Speaker 2: and they went out with their friends. The next night,

832
00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:43,880
Speaker 2: we transferred to the venue where we were all staying

833
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:47,120
Speaker 2: and had the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. It was more

834
00:36:47,120 --> 00:36:49,640
Speaker 2: of the same with the bride and especially the groom,

835
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 2: really blowing us off. The groom almost acted like we

836
00:36:52,920 --> 00:36:55,319
Speaker 2: were invisible. How are you going to act like your

837
00:36:55,400 --> 00:37:00,319
Speaker 2: bride's family is invisible at your own wedding. I feel

838
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 2: like they both are acting like their family's invisible. So

839
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,360
Speaker 2: they're both red flags, but I guess they're made for

840
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:06,759
Speaker 2: each other.

841
00:37:06,800 --> 00:37:10,880
Speaker 7: Conspiracy theory is that the husband's family super rich and

842
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 7: he does not think that his wife's family is thus

843
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 7: looks down on them, and since they have a different lifestyle,

844
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 7: maybe the wife also Opie's sister, also feels the same way.

845
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:22,919
Speaker 2: I think there's more of just like an age gap,

846
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 2: and it's like you're old and gross when we're young

847
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 2: and hot and rich. I think it's as simple as that.

848
00:37:27,880 --> 00:37:29,799
Speaker 2: I think they're just self absorbed. I don't even know

849
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 2: if there's anything deeper into it. I think they're just

850
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,839
Speaker 2: a bunch of rich young people who are like, we're

851
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 2: hot and you're not. When we got to the venue,

852
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,240
Speaker 2: I was all excited and I gave him a big hug,

853
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 2: and he literally gave me the hug and shove and

854
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 2: then turned back to his friends. Very little was done

855
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 2: in the way of introductions between the United States contingent

856
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:50,680
Speaker 2: and his friends and family there. Fast forward to the

857
00:37:50,719 --> 00:37:53,840
Speaker 2: wedding and the reception. I've learned that weddings in England

858
00:37:53,960 --> 00:37:57,319
Speaker 2: last a long time. After the wedding, there was a

859
00:37:57,360 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 2: cocktail hour where while we took pictures when the attendance,

860
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 2: couples were asked to make a splashy entrance. After we

861
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,200
Speaker 2: did that and the bride and groom were introduced, I

862
00:38:06,239 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 2: went searching for my seat. It was then that I

863
00:38:09,200 --> 00:38:11,880
Speaker 2: discovered I had been seated three rows of tables away

864
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 2: from the bride and groom, the attendant tables, and close family.

865
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 2: I was seated at a table of total strangers. I

866
00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 2: didn't know these people, and there was no effort made

867
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,360
Speaker 2: to introduce me. In a state of utter shock and humiliation,

868
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,200
Speaker 2: I did sit down and introduce myself to everyone and

869
00:38:28,320 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 2: tried to make conversation, but I was getting more and

870
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:35,279
Speaker 2: more upset. I felt completely humiliated. I didn't understand why.

871
00:38:35,320 --> 00:38:37,239
Speaker 2: At the very least, I couldn't have been seated with

872
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 2: the groom's aunt, who I at least knew from staying

873
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 2: with her, or with a couple of family friends who

874
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:45,120
Speaker 2: had made the trip. So rather than cry in front

875
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,439
Speaker 2: of everyone, I got up and excused myself and went

876
00:38:48,560 --> 00:38:51,399
Speaker 2: and hit out in one of the parts of the

877
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 2: inn where I knew no one would be I could

878
00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 2: not stop crying, and I am one of those people

879
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 2: who look absolutely horrendous after I cry. Oh, you mean

880
00:38:59,200 --> 00:39:00,800
Speaker 2: everybody one of those people.

881
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:03,399
Speaker 7: You're a human being crazy, You should figure that out.

882
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: Getting the sense that Opie's a little too hard on herself,

883
00:39:06,239 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 2: there's no hiding that I have been crying. The bride

884
00:39:09,160 --> 00:39:11,719
Speaker 2: finally noticed I was gone and sent Lauren to look

885
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 2: for me. Lauren was very sympathetic and was trying to

886
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 2: comfort me. But I'm also one of those people that

887
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:20,480
Speaker 2: will cry harder if you ask me what's wrong. So

888
00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:22,400
Speaker 2: I thanked her, but told her to just go ahead

889
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 2: and go back and give me some time. I was

890
00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 2: gonna try and fix my makeup and come back, which

891
00:39:27,080 --> 00:39:29,680
Speaker 2: I did. I don't know exactly how long I was gone,

892
00:39:29,760 --> 00:39:32,520
Speaker 2: but dinner was over and toasts were starting. Lauren was

893
00:39:32,520 --> 00:39:34,520
Speaker 2: the maid of honor, so she gave a speech, as

894
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 2: did my dad, and others made speeches for the groom.

895
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:39,840
Speaker 2: By this time, I was calm down enough that I

896
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,680
Speaker 2: was able to smile and applaud. After her speech, Lauren

897
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,440
Speaker 2: approached me to check in and said that when she

898
00:39:44,520 --> 00:39:47,160
Speaker 2: told the bride and groom why I was upset, they

899
00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 2: just rolled their eyes and said, I was being ridiculous.

900
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,800
Speaker 7: So you're gonna put your sister that you're not really

901
00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 7: close with. I'm thirteen years older than my youngest sibling.

902
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 7: I know him. I'm like, you know, we're good. We talk,

903
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:04,479
Speaker 7: but I'm not like super close because I don't live there.

904
00:40:04,640 --> 00:40:07,919
Speaker 7: But I'm not like three tables away from him at

905
00:40:07,920 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 7: his wedding.

906
00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 2: Yeah right, you'd be at the family table. I mean,

907
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,839
Speaker 2: it feels like they already knew this. OPI had made

908
00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,760
Speaker 2: it clear that these people knew how she felt at weddings,

909
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,120
Speaker 2: and especially like around strangers or whatever. It's like she

910
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:23,920
Speaker 2: needed to be in a familiar, comfortable place.

911
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:26,600
Speaker 7: I bet whenever they were writing their list of people

912
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:29,000
Speaker 7: they wanted at their wedding, you were not in the

913
00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 7: top fifty.

914
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,640
Speaker 2: I did my best for the rest of the night

915
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,239
Speaker 2: to participate in all of the wedding things and dance

916
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 2: with them. The bride never said a word about any

917
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,399
Speaker 2: of it, and the groom didn't speak to me once

918
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 2: the entire evening. These people suck. But you know what

919
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,160
Speaker 2: doesn't suck you joining us to listen to full episodes

920
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:50,640
Speaker 2: with stories like this on Spotify, on iHeartRadio, on Apple podcasts,

921
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,359
Speaker 2: wherever you listen to podcasts, Just search Okay story Time

922
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 2: and there you will find the Fountain of youth, of stories.

923
00:40:57,880 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 2: There's like fifty days worth stories and there's more at

924
00:41:01,320 --> 00:41:03,319
Speaker 2: it every day, but we do have a little bit

925
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 2: of story left. Honestly, like, are you at peace with

926
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 2: this or are you like I'm done with these people.

927
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,600
Speaker 7: I am low contact, but like there's more of a

928
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:17,120
Speaker 7: vibe of neglect and ignoring rather than outright trying to

929
00:41:17,160 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 7: get after you.

930
00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:20,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, it wasn't maybe malicious, it was just purely like,

931
00:41:20,680 --> 00:41:23,399
Speaker 2: I don't care. I do not care that you're here.

932
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:25,600
Speaker 2: I do not care to look after you. I do

933
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 2: not care to cater to you.

934
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:30,240
Speaker 7: Like see them at holidays. You can get them underwear holidays.

935
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,399
Speaker 7: You don't have to get them something that could actually help.

936
00:41:33,560 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 7: You don't have to get them the newest edition of

937
00:41:35,880 --> 00:41:37,960
Speaker 7: Lord of the Rings, but just get them like, you.

938
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:38,480
Speaker 9: Know, socks.

939
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd say definitely low contact. But I also just

940
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:46,319
Speaker 2: realized maybe that the reason that Op's sister was so

941
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,799
Speaker 2: adamant about having the wedding in England was that she

942
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:50,640
Speaker 2: thought maybe her family wouldn't be going.

943
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:54,760
Speaker 7: There might be trauma around that, or the now husband

944
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:58,399
Speaker 7: has infiltrated the siblings mind and made her think that's

945
00:41:58,400 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 7: what I'm thinking let's.

946
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,400
Speaker 2: Finish the story. When we got back to the States,

947
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:04,000
Speaker 2: there was a lot of resentment, but as a group,

948
00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,279
Speaker 2: we did our best to work through it because we

949
00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:09,239
Speaker 2: love each other. A few years later, the groom made

950
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 2: a snide comment to me about that situation, kinda as

951
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 2: if he was mocking me for it, and I snapped

952
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,640
Speaker 2: back and told him that he hadn't even bothered to

953
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:20,319
Speaker 2: introduce me to the people he seated me with. He

954
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,399
Speaker 2: said he didn't think it was a big deal since

955
00:42:22,440 --> 00:42:25,600
Speaker 2: I can quote talk to anybody. I asked if he

956
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:27,319
Speaker 2: really wanted to get into it, and he said no,

957
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 2: so we both dropped it. Why why are you letting

958
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:33,440
Speaker 2: these people off the hook? That is not cool. Do

959
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:36,280
Speaker 2: not let lame o's off the hook for their lame

960
00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 2: o activities and behavior.

961
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,720
Speaker 7: Maybe she has a chronic thing of people pleasing.

962
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 2: So we are all fine today and I love them

963
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:47,920
Speaker 2: all dearly, but I still have a pretty deep wound.

964
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:50,919
Speaker 2: And as I'm writing this, it makes my eyes burn.

965
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:53,520
Speaker 2: So we're not all okay, are we? So am I

966
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 2: the a hole forgetting my feelings hurt at my sister's

967
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 2: wedding and excusing myself to go cry. Sorry, I was

968
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,239
Speaker 2: not more succinct. Yeah, how dare you have emotions? How

969
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,279
Speaker 2: dare you have feelings? No, you're not an a hole

970
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:06,040
Speaker 2: for that. You would be an a hole if you

971
00:43:06,080 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 2: got emotional and stood up and loudly sobbed, wept and

972
00:43:09,480 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 2: screamed at the wedding and then ran out and made

973
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,840
Speaker 2: a huge scene, then you're the a hole. But going

974
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:18,240
Speaker 2: to quietly cry in a stairwell away from the party,

975
00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:20,440
Speaker 2: that's you know, You're not an a hole for that.

976
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:22,359
Speaker 2: It's just a human moment. You're a good girl.

977
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,880
Speaker 7: Don't worry about it, and that's the end of that story.

978
00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:32,320
Speaker 7: My sister excluded her best friend from her bridal party.

979
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:34,440
Speaker 7: Then she got out shown at.

980
00:43:34,320 --> 00:43:38,799
Speaker 2: Her wedding get out shown you dim light throwaway.

981
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:41,800
Speaker 7: Because I don't want any family members finding my real account.

982
00:43:42,280 --> 00:43:45,240
Speaker 7: My sister and twenty nine female has been best friends

983
00:43:45,239 --> 00:43:48,760
Speaker 7: with Ruby thirty female or as long as I twenty

984
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:52,000
Speaker 7: five female can remember, so growing up, Ruby was like

985
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 7: a second big sister to me. One thing that is

986
00:43:54,440 --> 00:43:57,520
Speaker 7: important to note is that Ruby has always had the

987
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:03,000
Speaker 7: most outrageous smash since possible. She's the person that would

988
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:06,399
Speaker 7: wear those runaway outfits that you think and no one

989
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:10,320
Speaker 7: would actually wear. By the way, this comes from Throwaway

990
00:44:10,440 --> 00:44:12,960
Speaker 7: Sister Wedding on the r slash Okay Storytime sub at

991
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:17,640
Speaker 7: it so and he got engaged pre COVID. Almost as

992
00:44:17,719 --> 00:44:21,319
Speaker 7: it happened, she started being really weird to Ruby when

993
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:23,480
Speaker 7: she made me made of honor. I was kind of

994
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 7: surprised because they always sworn to be the maid of

995
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 7: honor at each other's wedding, but I am her blood sister,

996
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:34,240
Speaker 7: so it wasn't that weird. But I was completely blown

997
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:37,080
Speaker 7: away when she made a group chat and I found

998
00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,239
Speaker 7: out that Ruby wasn't even a bride's maid. I think

999
00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:42,359
Speaker 7: she doesn't want Ruby there because she knows she's gonna

1000
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,359
Speaker 7: wear the most extravagant thing at her wedding and she

1001
00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,520
Speaker 7: does not want to have to deal with that drama.

1002
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,439
Speaker 7: Both me and my mom tried to talk to her

1003
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 7: about it, since we figured out they had an argument

1004
00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,800
Speaker 7: or something, but she would only say that Ruby didn't

1005
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,360
Speaker 7: care anyway. I know that Ruby was hurt, but she

1006
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:01,560
Speaker 7: didn't want any drama, so I agreed to let it go.

1007
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 7: Throughout the whole wedding process, my mom kept asking Anne

1008
00:45:05,840 --> 00:45:10,120
Speaker 7: if she would invite Ruby, if she would ask Ruby's opinion, etc.

1009
00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 2: Etc.

1010
00:45:11,280 --> 00:45:14,680
Speaker 7: But Anne refused to have any contact with her or

1011
00:45:14,719 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 7: talk about anything wedding related with her whatsoever. On Saturday,

1012
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 7: my sister was married. She had a beautiful, outside socially

1013
00:45:23,520 --> 00:45:28,360
Speaker 7: distanced wedding, but she was seething the whole time because

1014
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:33,560
Speaker 7: of Ruby's dress. It wasn't at all outrageous by Ruby's standards,

1015
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,080
Speaker 7: so I don't believe that she wanted to outshine my sister.

1016
00:45:37,400 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 7: She wore quite a simple wedding dress, but that was

1017
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:43,480
Speaker 7: her choice as made of honor. I of course went

1018
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 7: to her fitting, and that was literally the one she chose.

1019
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 7: Anne has been cursing Ruby out, saying that their friendship

1020
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:56,120
Speaker 7: is over ever since, like she hadn't been ignoring her

1021
00:45:56,239 --> 00:46:00,399
Speaker 7: all throughout the lockdown. Finally, I just said that she'd

1022
00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 7: been friends with Ruby most of her life, she knows

1023
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 7: what she dresses like, and that she should expect this.

1024
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 7: If it was not much of a problem, she would

1025
00:46:10,560 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 7: have found a way to mention it to her or

1026
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,920
Speaker 7: just made her a bridesmaid. Anne lost it with me.

1027
00:46:16,320 --> 00:46:19,800
Speaker 7: She sent Ruby's some really horrible messages after she screamed

1028
00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 7: at me. She didn't say a word to me at

1029
00:46:21,960 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 7: all of yesterday, but she's bad mouthing me to our dad,

1030
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:28,360
Speaker 7: who is on her side. My mom has told Anne

1031
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,320
Speaker 7: that she should apologize to Ruby for the nasty messages

1032
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 7: she sent and for yelling at me. So Annie isn't

1033
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 7: talking to her either. I don't know what's going on,

1034
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,960
Speaker 7: but Ruby swears on her life that they didn't have

1035
00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:42,439
Speaker 7: an argument or anything pre covid. Anne says that that's

1036
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:45,239
Speaker 7: none of my business and I should be supporting my

1037
00:46:45,400 --> 00:46:49,240
Speaker 7: real sister. My dad agrees with her, and she's rallied

1038
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,600
Speaker 7: the other bridesmaids against me. So I don't know. Am

1039
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:54,680
Speaker 7: I the a hole? Just to clear some things up

1040
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,000
Speaker 7: before we get into the clarifications, what did Ruby do exactly?

1041
00:46:58,320 --> 00:46:59,320
Speaker 7: Was she even at the wedding?

1042
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:03,080
Speaker 2: We don't have an ida yet on Ruby's presence at

1043
00:47:03,120 --> 00:47:06,000
Speaker 2: the wedding. She was taken out of the bridal party.

1044
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:09,080
Speaker 2: Let's get some clarifications. We might be getting some more answers.

1045
00:47:09,239 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 2: Ruby didn't wear a wedding dress or anything really outrageous.

1046
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:17,280
Speaker 2: It was a dark red body con dress, satiny material.

1047
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:21,040
Speaker 2: There were lots of people in form fitting dresses, the

1048
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:24,640
Speaker 2: bridesmaids were wearing them, and she didn't look out of place,

1049
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:29,720
Speaker 2: so other bridesmaids were wearing these nice fitted dresses. Added again,

1050
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:33,840
Speaker 2: some of you people are ridiculous lmao. Assuming the absolute

1051
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,440
Speaker 2: worst case scenario. It wasn't a spaghetti strap dress that

1052
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:42,080
Speaker 2: just barely covered her boot at It was an appropriate.

1053
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,640
Speaker 7: Length and had a long sleeves. If this needs saying twice.

1054
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:50,680
Speaker 7: The bridesmaids were wearing body con dresses, so were many

1055
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 7: other guests. It wasn't a particularly traditional affair. Nobody was

1056
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 7: offended by our figures. Ruby's dress didn't massively stick out.

1057
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:04,399
Speaker 7: Ruby is very attractive, she's always been, but I never

1058
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 7: thought it was an issue for Annie before. Ruby and

1059
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,200
Speaker 7: Anne have been best friends for twenty five years. They

1060
00:48:10,200 --> 00:48:13,080
Speaker 7: didn't grow apart or anything, and they stayed in constant

1061
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,400
Speaker 7: contact even as adults. And then Anne suddenly wasn't talking

1062
00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:19,640
Speaker 7: to Ruby anymore. My mom and I weren't trying to

1063
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:20,320
Speaker 7: be controlling.

1064
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:21,280
Speaker 9: We were worried.

1065
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:24,239
Speaker 7: We assume that something really bad had happened for them

1066
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:27,839
Speaker 7: to cut contact overnight when Anne refused to talk about it.

1067
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,440
Speaker 7: My mom was only more worried because she normally is

1068
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,560
Speaker 7: an open book. I have a conspiracy theory Anne's partner

1069
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:35,720
Speaker 7: has a crush on Ruby.

1070
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:38,520
Speaker 2: My conspiracy theory, An is mad that this person's hotter

1071
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,720
Speaker 2: than her. That's it. I think if you're getting married

1072
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:43,680
Speaker 2: at your wedding to your husband, if someone is hot

1073
00:48:43,840 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 2: in your proximity, it shouldn't be like friendship ending world

1074
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:51,320
Speaker 2: ending territory. Be secure you're getting married.

1075
00:48:51,520 --> 00:48:52,880
Speaker 9: Yeah, another context.

1076
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 7: I don't love Ruby more than Annie or anything like that.

1077
00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 7: The only reason I'm so close to Ruby is because

1078
00:48:59,360 --> 00:49:02,839
Speaker 7: Anne you to be close to Ruby. They were basically inseparable,

1079
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:06,080
Speaker 7: so I grew up tagging after both of them. Of Course,

1080
00:49:06,120 --> 00:49:09,239
Speaker 7: I love Anne very much. I just think she's being

1081
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 7: unreasonable in the situation. Ruby was always going to be

1082
00:49:12,600 --> 00:49:15,440
Speaker 7: at the actual wedding. The phrasing was bad on my part.

1083
00:49:15,520 --> 00:49:15,920
Speaker 9: Sorry.

1084
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:19,839
Speaker 7: When my mom was suggesting that Anne invite Ruby, it

1085
00:49:19,960 --> 00:49:22,560
Speaker 7: was to the wedding prep things like the dress shopping, etc.

1086
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 7: I don't know if Dave Groom has feelings for Ruby.

1087
00:49:26,280 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 7: I have never thought that. They've met many times, and

1088
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,920
Speaker 7: there's never been any signs that he does. I definitely

1089
00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:34,520
Speaker 7: do not think it is an affair, because then surely

1090
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,399
Speaker 7: my sister wouldn't want to marry Dave, and neither would

1091
00:49:37,440 --> 00:49:39,440
Speaker 7: Ruby want to be at the wedding at all. Ruby

1092
00:49:39,480 --> 00:49:42,840
Speaker 7: doesn't have a history of going after Anne's boyfriends or rushes.

1093
00:49:43,040 --> 00:49:43,840
Speaker 9: We have an update.

1094
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:46,120
Speaker 7: I think this point may be proven wrong.

1095
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:49,279
Speaker 2: That the husband doesn't have an interest. That makes the

1096
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 2: most sense on why she'd be so upset after being

1097
00:49:52,680 --> 00:49:55,560
Speaker 2: friends for twenty five years and she's been hot the

1098
00:49:55,600 --> 00:49:57,319
Speaker 2: whole time. It's like, you already know your hot friend

1099
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:58,959
Speaker 2: is going to be at the wedding, but it's because

1100
00:49:59,000 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 2: your husband says so, I think about how your friend

1101
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 2: is so.

1102
00:50:01,120 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 7: Hot, lady, and read update based on some of the

1103
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 7: advice I'm receiving. I was going to tell Anne this

1104
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:10,640
Speaker 7: morning how much she means for me and that I'm

1105
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:14,400
Speaker 7: here for her, but she seething again, so I'm not

1106
00:50:14,440 --> 00:50:16,680
Speaker 7: trying to. Dave asked me if I could talk to

1107
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:20,759
Speaker 7: Anne because they've also apparently had a massive fight because

1108
00:50:20,800 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 7: he tried to defend Ruby on the wedding night.

1109
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:25,399
Speaker 2: I mean, I would defend her too.

1110
00:50:25,719 --> 00:50:28,400
Speaker 7: This is the first time he's ever asked me for

1111
00:50:28,480 --> 00:50:31,480
Speaker 7: help with their relationship, so he's clearly at a loss.

1112
00:50:31,880 --> 00:50:34,560
Speaker 7: I said, I was just as confused, and we didn't

1113
00:50:34,560 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 7: even know why she wasn't in the bridal party, so

1114
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 7: he should just try and talk it out with Anne.

1115
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:41,920
Speaker 9: This is where it gets weird.

1116
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 7: Dave said that the reason Ruby wasn't in their wedding

1117
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 7: party was because he wanted her as a best woman

1118
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 7: and Anne wanted her as a maid of honor. But

1119
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:56,560
Speaker 7: Anne wouldn't budge and said that they should just drop

1120
00:50:56,640 --> 00:50:59,640
Speaker 7: her from both parties to be fair. He said that

1121
00:50:59,719 --> 00:51:02,640
Speaker 7: she explained it to Ruby and that's why they had

1122
00:51:02,640 --> 00:51:05,200
Speaker 7: a fight, because Ruby wanted to be included.

1123
00:51:05,360 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 4: This red dress symbolizes something.

1124
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 2: First of all, I've never really considered that someone would

1125
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 2: be that insane to wear a red dress to a

1126
00:51:13,360 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 2: wedding because they're like, I have's up with the groom

1127
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:18,120
Speaker 2: or the bride or whatever. But like, is that What

1128
00:51:18,160 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 2: this means is that what's going on here is Ruby

1129
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 2: trying to be like, fine, you don't want me in

1130
00:51:22,960 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 2: your bridal party. Guess I'll let you know. I slept

1131
00:51:25,520 --> 00:51:26,200
Speaker 2: with your husband.

1132
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 7: Dude, Maybe why does he want her in the wedding party?

1133
00:51:29,680 --> 00:51:31,920
Speaker 2: All right? I want her? Oh, I want her.

1134
00:51:32,040 --> 00:51:34,839
Speaker 4: Nobody gets her and she doesn't get a say. She

1135
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 4: just gets blindsided.

1136
00:51:36,080 --> 00:51:37,879
Speaker 7: I said okay and just hung up. But the more

1137
00:51:37,920 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 7: I think about it. The more confused I am. If

1138
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:42,840
Speaker 7: they had a massify about Ruby being made of honor,

1139
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 7: surely Ruby would remember.

1140
00:51:45,239 --> 00:51:46,359
Speaker 9: Also, I don't.

1141
00:51:46,080 --> 00:51:49,120
Speaker 7: Know why Dave would want Ruby as his best woman, when,

1142
00:51:49,400 --> 00:51:52,800
Speaker 7: to my understanding, he only met her after he started dancing.

1143
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,920
Speaker 7: And I really am taking your advice not to meddle

1144
00:51:56,239 --> 00:52:00,400
Speaker 7: to heart, which is a nightmare because now curiosity is

1145
00:52:00,600 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 7: totally peaked, so I won't bring it up. It's possible

1146
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:08,439
Speaker 7: that this is all I'll ever know, but this will

1147
00:52:08,480 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 7: bug me to my grave, but I have made a

1148
00:52:11,360 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 7: vow not to push Anne any more on it. Thank

1149
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:17,880
Speaker 7: you everyone for your comments. Thank you all to the

1150
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 7: not the a hole people for reassuring me that I'm

1151
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:24,240
Speaker 7: not the one acting crazy. Update two, I'm even more confused.

1152
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:27,880
Speaker 7: Dave called me up about thirty minutes ago, asking in

1153
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 7: a very angry tone of voice, if any of his

1154
00:52:30,719 --> 00:52:35,400
Speaker 7: groomans behaved inappropriately towards me. I ask what, and he

1155
00:52:35,440 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 7: asked again. I hear Anne in the background shouting something.

1156
00:52:38,800 --> 00:52:41,520
Speaker 7: I said that they had been perfect gentlemen at the

1157
00:52:41,560 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 7: wedding and that I had had any contact with him since.

1158
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:48,040
Speaker 7: He then asked me if Ruby knew that she was

1159
00:52:48,160 --> 00:52:50,319
Speaker 7: meant to be the best woman. I said, not to

1160
00:52:50,360 --> 00:52:53,560
Speaker 7: my understanding, but it was possible that I don't know,

1161
00:52:53,640 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 7: as both she and Anne had been quite secretive about

1162
00:52:57,000 --> 00:53:00,399
Speaker 7: what happened between them, and that he'd be better off

1163
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:04,919
Speaker 7: asking them themselves. He laughed and hung up. Ruby has

1164
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:08,359
Speaker 7: texted me, asking what's happening and if I knew about

1165
00:53:08,360 --> 00:53:10,920
Speaker 7: the best woman sush made of honor thing. Just now

1166
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,160
Speaker 7: I got a message from one of the bridesmaids saying

1167
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,640
Speaker 7: that if Dave calls me, I shouldn't answer him, and

1168
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 7: is on the phone to my dad's screaming. It sounds

1169
00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,600
Speaker 7: like I have no clue what's going on, but I

1170
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,479
Speaker 7: think somewhere in this mess is the truth of what's

1171
00:53:25,600 --> 00:53:30,120
Speaker 7: actually happening. Everything seems to be exploding. I now think

1172
00:53:30,160 --> 00:53:34,280
Speaker 7: that the bridesmaids, or at least that particular one, are involved,

1173
00:53:34,560 --> 00:53:36,879
Speaker 7: and if things keep happening at this pace, I think

1174
00:53:36,920 --> 00:53:39,480
Speaker 7: I should eventually find out what in the flying f

1175
00:53:39,600 --> 00:53:40,120
Speaker 7: is happening.

1176
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 2: Conspiracy theory. Prior to the marriage, Ruby and husband were

1177
00:53:45,239 --> 00:53:49,120
Speaker 2: in swingers groups together and the bride does not know

1178
00:53:49,719 --> 00:53:52,719
Speaker 2: about this or knew about it, but was like, all right,

1179
00:53:52,760 --> 00:53:54,680
Speaker 2: I know about it. Never talk about it and will

1180
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:55,040
Speaker 2: be okay.

1181
00:53:55,320 --> 00:53:58,840
Speaker 7: D three. There's been a lot of shouting in tears today. Honestly,

1182
00:53:58,880 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 7: I'm exhausted, but so many people have commented for the update,

1183
00:54:01,760 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 7: so here it is. I'm still kind of in shock

1184
00:54:04,800 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 7: and has been lying to just about everyone. The story

1185
00:54:08,600 --> 00:54:12,200
Speaker 7: is very complicated and long. This list is actually what

1186
00:54:12,600 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 7: I used to wrap my own head around. It's all

1187
00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:19,239
Speaker 7: the facts and I have in chronological order.

1188
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:19,879
Speaker 2: Number one.

1189
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:23,320
Speaker 7: Dave has been to jail and is an ex substance abuser.

1190
00:54:23,560 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 7: He met Ruby before he met Anne. After he recovered,

1191
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 7: he was really struggling with money and Ruby helped him

1192
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:33,719
Speaker 7: a lot. He considers her to be one of his

1193
00:54:33,840 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 7: closest friends. Okay, that makes sense about the best woman thing.

1194
00:54:37,239 --> 00:54:40,600
Speaker 2: My swinger theory is crumbling before my eyes.

1195
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 7: Two years later, Dave was doing well at his job

1196
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 7: and much more stable and functional. Around this time, Ruby

1197
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:52,440
Speaker 7: introduced him to Ann three and was very reluctant to

1198
00:54:52,440 --> 00:54:55,279
Speaker 7: have a relationship with Dave because of his past, which

1199
00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:58,680
Speaker 7: she had strong feelings for him. Eventually they began dating,

1200
00:54:59,080 --> 00:55:00,840
Speaker 7: but she was still a shit shamed of the person

1201
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 7: he used to be, so she told us that they

1202
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:06,200
Speaker 7: met over a dating app Dave consisted to this at

1203
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:06,560
Speaker 7: the time.

1204
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 2: Boo on all of that.

1205
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:11,239
Speaker 7: As Dave became more comfortable with himself and the relationship

1206
00:55:11,280 --> 00:55:14,759
Speaker 7: became more serious, he told Anne that she needed to

1207
00:55:14,760 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 7: be honest with us about his history. She read to

1208
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,840
Speaker 7: tell us, but she didn't. She told Dave that she

1209
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:26,760
Speaker 7: had and wrote a fake letter from my family about

1210
00:55:26,800 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 7: how we were all really grateful for his honesty and

1211
00:55:29,520 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 7: accepted him. She told Ruby that my parents had reacted

1212
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 7: really badly. So Ruby never brought it up with Dave

1213
00:55:35,560 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 7: or my family because she thought it was still a

1214
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:39,520
Speaker 7: very sensitive topic.

1215
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,840
Speaker 2: Send this girl into the black hole that turns you

1216
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 2: into spaghetti. What are you doing? If you're so ashamed

1217
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 2: of this guy, why are you marrying him? You absolute idiot?

1218
00:55:51,640 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 2: He deserves better than you. You are trash. And you

1219
00:55:55,480 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: know what, sometimes in life, our partners, when we learn

1220
00:55:59,480 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: about their path, sometimes it does change the way that

1221
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:02,920
Speaker 2: we think about them, It does change the way that

1222
00:56:02,920 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 2: we feel about them. And that's okay. But you know,

1223
00:56:05,640 --> 00:56:07,279
Speaker 2: if that's the way it is, and that's the way

1224
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:09,600
Speaker 2: it is, move on with your life. Don't stick around

1225
00:56:09,680 --> 00:56:12,880
Speaker 2: and like lie to your entire family about the nature

1226
00:56:12,880 --> 00:56:15,279
Speaker 2: of y'all's relationship and the nature of his past, Like,

1227
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 2: you're not doing anyone any service, and neither are you yourself, Dave,

1228
00:56:19,400 --> 00:56:22,000
Speaker 2: by staying in a relationship where somebody is clearly ashamed

1229
00:56:22,040 --> 00:56:24,120
Speaker 2: of who you used to be keyword used to be.

1230
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,640
Speaker 2: People change, people grow.

1231
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:29,920
Speaker 7: I've had very close family members go through this, go

1232
00:56:30,000 --> 00:56:34,400
Speaker 7: through substance abuse, and through miraculous changes of life and

1233
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:38,840
Speaker 7: behavior through finding you know, religion and these other things

1234
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 7: they changed. I've seen this happen firsthand. It's just crazy

1235
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 7: and could not get over this and see how this

1236
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:49,000
Speaker 7: person can change. When Dy've proposed and started freaking out

1237
00:56:49,040 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 7: about the wedding, They've wanted people from a support group

1238
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:55,280
Speaker 7: to be there, Ruby as this best woman, et cetera,

1239
00:56:55,640 --> 00:56:59,120
Speaker 7: which would expose the lines, but she didn't want to

1240
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,399
Speaker 7: tell us who Day was or Dave that she had

1241
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:05,840
Speaker 7: lied to him, so she decided to continue lying instead

1242
00:57:05,880 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 7: of coming clean.

1243
00:57:06,840 --> 00:57:09,480
Speaker 4: So you let this lie grow into a dark monster.

1244
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,759
Speaker 2: If anyone should be embarrassed, it should be an embarrassed

1245
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:13,520
Speaker 2: about herself.

1246
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 7: So and pretended to be really upset that she going

1247
00:57:17,760 --> 00:57:19,880
Speaker 7: to have Ruby as a maid of honor, so she

1248
00:57:19,920 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 7: can make the argument that she should be dropped from

1249
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:25,680
Speaker 7: both wedding parties. She told Dave that she had explained

1250
00:57:25,680 --> 00:57:28,480
Speaker 7: their decisions to Ruby and that Ruby had take an

1251
00:57:28,560 --> 00:57:31,560
Speaker 7: issue with it to keep him happy. In reality, she

1252
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 7: knew that if Ruby knew she was meant to be

1253
00:57:34,680 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 7: best woman, it could easily get back to me and

1254
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:41,920
Speaker 7: Mom and then raise questions from us about Ruby's relationship

1255
00:57:41,920 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 7: with Dave. So she didn't tell Ruby anything at all,

1256
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 7: and that's why Ruby was so confused about what happened

1257
00:57:49,360 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 7: and couldn't think of anything too, And told Dave and

1258
00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:55,720
Speaker 7: all his friends from his support group that they shouldn't

1259
00:57:55,760 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 7: mention the substance abuse in speeches or even casual converse

1260
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 7: because it was a sensitive subject for certain family members.

1261
00:58:04,240 --> 00:58:07,440
Speaker 7: Before the wedding, told the bridesmaids so many lies about Ruby.

1262
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:10,400
Speaker 7: She told them that she had had a habit of

1263
00:58:10,440 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 7: casting scenes and that she was going to try and

1264
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 7: sleep with the groomsmen, that one of them was an

1265
00:58:16,080 --> 00:58:18,960
Speaker 7: ex boyfriend of hers that dumped her, that she would

1266
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,520
Speaker 7: get way too wasted. Essentially, she painted Ruby as a

1267
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:26,919
Speaker 7: disaster waiting to happen so the bridesmaids wouldn't like her,

1268
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:30,520
Speaker 7: and also that they could keep her away from certain people,

1269
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:33,800
Speaker 7: specifically the ones that are also knew Dave at the wedding,

1270
00:58:34,040 --> 00:58:37,160
Speaker 7: and also told the bridesmaids that the only reason that

1271
00:58:37,240 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 7: Ruby was invited is because I'd idolize her that they

1272
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:43,160
Speaker 7: wouldn't repeat any of the lies she told to me.

1273
00:58:43,440 --> 00:58:45,959
Speaker 2: This person needs to be like locked up. This level

1274
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:50,360
Speaker 2: of lying is like disturbing, especially about the guy you're

1275
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:53,400
Speaker 2: gonna marry, and like one of his closest friends that

1276
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:55,880
Speaker 2: helped him in a time of need.

1277
00:58:56,160 --> 00:59:00,640
Speaker 7: Very premeditative on a lot of different levels. After the wedding,

1278
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:04,400
Speaker 7: Anne put on her enormous meltdown about the dress. The

1279
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:08,000
Speaker 7: bride'smaids obviously didn't have a very positive opinion on Ruby's,

1280
00:59:08,000 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 7: so they were easy to convince that it was meant

1281
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:14,120
Speaker 7: to be a genuine slight. My dad did what Anne

1282
00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:18,240
Speaker 7: apparently expected everyone to do by caving immediately because she

1283
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:21,040
Speaker 7: was the bride. If me and my mom had done

1284
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 7: the same, and would basically have used it as an

1285
00:59:23,680 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 7: excuse to cut Ruby out of everyone's life. She tried

1286
00:59:26,720 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 7: to do the same with Dave's groomsmen by insisting to

1287
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:32,520
Speaker 7: them that they had said inappropriate things about the bridesmaids.

1288
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,920
Speaker 7: The ideal was to basically removed anybody that knew the

1289
00:59:35,960 --> 00:59:39,200
Speaker 7: truth about Dave from the general social cervile, so it

1290
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:41,640
Speaker 7: when it come up again, Dave smelled her at he

1291
00:59:41,680 --> 00:59:45,680
Speaker 7: asked what exactly the issue was with Ruby's dress and

1292
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 7: what exactly his friends had said, panished and accused him

1293
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:53,400
Speaker 7: of not loving her, choosing his friends over her, etc.

1294
00:59:53,760 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 7: And turned into a massive argument. Dave was mad and

1295
00:59:56,920 --> 00:59:59,560
Speaker 7: very suspicious, so he started calling people up to try

1296
00:59:59,600 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 7: and figure out what had happened. A couple of the

1297
01:00:01,560 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 7: bridesmaids said that Anne was telling the truth about the groomsmen.

1298
01:00:04,760 --> 01:00:07,439
Speaker 7: She asked mush pressure of them to but most were

1299
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 7: kind of weirded out by the request, and I think

1300
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:13,800
Speaker 7: they successfully got that across to Dave. He called me

1301
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,960
Speaker 7: to ask if I knew what was going on, and

1302
01:00:16,240 --> 01:00:19,280
Speaker 7: told Dave that I was just like him, caring about

1303
01:00:19,360 --> 01:00:22,479
Speaker 7: Ruby more than her, and also that I wasn't there

1304
01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 7: when it happened. But the timing of the story didn't

1305
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:28,320
Speaker 7: match up, so Dave called me anyway, that was the

1306
01:00:28,400 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 7: weird phone call. At this point, he knew she was

1307
01:00:31,120 --> 01:00:34,000
Speaker 7: sprouting bs, so she asked her up front what was

1308
01:00:34,040 --> 01:00:38,520
Speaker 7: going on. She broke down and told Dave everything. He

1309
01:00:38,680 --> 01:00:42,240
Speaker 7: was fuming. He texted us to let us know about

1310
01:00:42,240 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 7: his past, then basically evicted an out. She came to us,

1311
01:00:46,200 --> 01:00:50,280
Speaker 7: where she then had to explain everything again.

1312
01:00:50,560 --> 01:00:55,200
Speaker 2: I mean, he's not taking her back, right, He's leaving now, right,

1313
01:00:55,360 --> 01:00:58,520
Speaker 2: We're gonna divorce now, because if you married me and

1314
01:00:58,560 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 2: the whole time you had lied to your family about me,

1315
01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:04,080
Speaker 2: I don't think I would be able to look you

1316
01:01:04,440 --> 01:01:07,960
Speaker 2: in the face and not just despise you. So divorced.

1317
01:01:08,080 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 7: Absolutely, just leave her.

1318
01:01:09,760 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 2: She's trash.

1319
01:01:10,760 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 7: Anne is absolutely shaken. I never considered her capable of

1320
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 7: this kind of deception and manipulation, and I don't think

1321
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:21,320
Speaker 7: she has ever done something like this before. Contrary to

1322
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:24,480
Speaker 7: what some commenters seem to believe, I don't hate my sister.

1323
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 7: I feel sorry for her, even though I'm really hurt

1324
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,080
Speaker 7: by what she did, because she feels guilty and absolutely

1325
01:01:30,120 --> 01:01:32,800
Speaker 7: miserable because she's worried that things will never be worked

1326
01:01:32,840 --> 01:01:33,600
Speaker 7: out with Dave.

1327
01:01:33,920 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 2: They shouldn't be worked out with Dave. Also, let your

1328
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 2: opinion of your sister be changed. Dude. She's a crazy

1329
01:01:39,680 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 2: liar manipulator. This is an insane amount of lying and

1330
01:01:43,840 --> 01:01:47,480
Speaker 2: deceit to level at your own husband and family.

1331
01:01:47,600 --> 01:01:49,760
Speaker 7: She's gone to bed now, very upset because her mom

1332
01:01:49,760 --> 01:01:52,000
Speaker 7: won't even look at her. She's a fuming that Annie

1333
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:54,400
Speaker 7: would deceive her and hurt her and so many other

1334
01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:57,200
Speaker 7: people like this. I do understand where she's coming from.

1335
01:01:57,320 --> 01:02:01,160
Speaker 7: My dad is also very shocked and hurt and texted Ruby.

1336
01:02:01,560 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 7: She sent her a message explaining and apologizing, but obviously

1337
01:02:05,160 --> 01:02:08,840
Speaker 7: Ruby really is angry and upset. She just told her

1338
01:02:08,880 --> 01:02:11,160
Speaker 7: that she couldn't speak to her right now, but maybe

1339
01:02:11,200 --> 01:02:13,640
Speaker 7: she'd call her in the morning, once they both had

1340
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:16,320
Speaker 7: the chance to calm down. Dave is probably the most

1341
01:02:16,680 --> 01:02:20,240
Speaker 7: her out of everyone, and I understand why he wouldn't

1342
01:02:20,240 --> 01:02:22,920
Speaker 7: speak to Anne. But he did tell me that he

1343
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:26,120
Speaker 7: really thought that he had our acceptance and that the

1344
01:02:26,240 --> 01:02:28,920
Speaker 7: letter she had written to him had been his most

1345
01:02:29,040 --> 01:02:32,320
Speaker 7: treasured possession ever since he received it, and to find

1346
01:02:32,360 --> 01:02:36,480
Speaker 7: out that it was false was absolutely crushing. Bro probably

1347
01:02:36,600 --> 01:02:38,880
Speaker 7: has that letter either framed or like in a very

1348
01:02:38,920 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 7: special spot, like in a box that he keeps all

1349
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:43,520
Speaker 7: his other childhood memories, and then every time he sees

1350
01:02:43,560 --> 01:02:46,120
Speaker 7: it he feels like gratitude because someone actually accepted him

1351
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,960
Speaker 7: for who he was. And that all the work that

1352
01:02:48,000 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 7: he put into himself was actually appreciated.

1353
01:02:50,160 --> 01:02:52,959
Speaker 2: For that to be a lie. I need o Pee

1354
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:56,200
Speaker 2: to hold her sister to a little bit more than

1355
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,400
Speaker 2: I stole up my sister, like you need to be

1356
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:02,680
Speaker 2: worried about anything your sister's ever said to you now

1357
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,360
Speaker 2: and anything she ever will say to you in the future.

1358
01:03:05,400 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 2: This is not someone you can ever trust. The intricacy

1359
01:03:08,280 --> 01:03:14,600
Speaker 2: of the web she spun is unbelievably like an inhuman thing.

1360
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:18,680
Speaker 2: I can't imagine being Dave and realizing that the letter

1361
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:21,400
Speaker 2: I thought was written by her family and was just

1362
01:03:21,640 --> 01:03:25,520
Speaker 2: a complete fabrication. I don't think i'd ever speak to

1363
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 2: Anne again. I wouldn't even be upset. I wouldn't be mad,

1364
01:03:29,360 --> 01:03:31,840
Speaker 2: I wouldn't be sad. I would just be like wiped

1365
01:03:32,760 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 2: flat nothingness. I don't care. Who's this creature speaking to me?

1366
01:03:36,800 --> 01:03:39,440
Speaker 2: Go talk to someone else. I don't know who you are.

1367
01:03:39,640 --> 01:03:41,600
Speaker 7: I feel so bad for him. I told him that

1368
01:03:41,720 --> 01:03:43,920
Speaker 7: we did accept him for who he was, and then

1369
01:03:43,960 --> 01:03:46,080
Speaker 7: nobody blamed him, but I don't think that held much.

1370
01:03:46,440 --> 01:03:48,920
Speaker 7: He has asked for distance from our family, and I

1371
01:03:49,040 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 7: understand why. I'm not sure when he will be willing

1372
01:03:52,120 --> 01:03:54,480
Speaker 7: to speak to Anne again, or if he wants to

1373
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 7: be her husband after this, I wouldn't blame him if

1374
01:03:57,200 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 7: he goes on and find someone else. Thanks Redda, it's

1375
01:03:59,880 --> 01:04:03,320
Speaker 7: her out. Everyone was way off base, although I don't

1376
01:04:03,360 --> 01:04:06,400
Speaker 7: think anyone could have predicted this, but a lot of

1377
01:04:06,440 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 7: comments were very insightful and gave me food for thought.

1378
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 7: Despite everyone kind of looking in the wrong directions except

1379
01:04:13,520 --> 01:04:15,560
Speaker 7: the weirdos about the dress, you know who you are

1380
01:04:15,800 --> 01:04:19,520
Speaker 7: and we got an update two weeks after this find.

1381
01:04:19,760 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 7: The past two weeks have been very stressful. Anne mom

1382
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:25,280
Speaker 7: have been fighting and crying for most of it. We've

1383
01:04:25,360 --> 01:04:28,040
Speaker 7: learned that this deception of Anne was not out of

1384
01:04:28,080 --> 01:04:31,080
Speaker 7: the blue. She has had this obsession with her image

1385
01:04:31,320 --> 01:04:34,120
Speaker 7: for a very long time. She confessed a lot of

1386
01:04:34,160 --> 01:04:36,960
Speaker 7: stuff from secondary school and her job. Some of it

1387
01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 7: was worrying and some of it was really scary and manipulative.

1388
01:04:40,680 --> 01:04:42,800
Speaker 7: I feel so distant from the person she has become.

1389
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:44,680
Speaker 7: I think she's coming around to the point that you

1390
01:04:44,720 --> 01:04:47,280
Speaker 7: should be worried about who your sister has become. I

1391
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 7: think it's happening now. There's tension between us that I'm

1392
01:04:50,080 --> 01:04:52,880
Speaker 7: not sure will ever go away, even though it really

1393
01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:56,560
Speaker 7: pains me as well because she's my sister. Once my

1394
01:04:56,680 --> 01:05:00,000
Speaker 7: dad heard some of the revelations, he decided that Anne

1395
01:05:00,080 --> 01:05:03,840
Speaker 7: should go to a therapist and really struggled against the decision,

1396
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:07,400
Speaker 7: which led to a massive fight between her and my dad.

1397
01:05:07,760 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 7: I've never seen my dad get so angry, neither has she,

1398
01:05:11,280 --> 01:05:14,960
Speaker 7: which is probably why she eventually agreed. The therapist is

1399
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:18,440
Speaker 7: supposed to help and process her emotions after everything that

1400
01:05:18,520 --> 01:05:21,800
Speaker 7: has happened, and also hopefully get to the root of

1401
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:24,440
Speaker 7: her problem. A lot of the comments suggests that our

1402
01:05:24,480 --> 01:05:27,240
Speaker 7: family wasn't healthy in the way we interact with each other.

1403
01:05:27,560 --> 01:05:30,440
Speaker 7: I'm conflicted on this because on one hand, me and

1404
01:05:30,520 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 7: my mom were right that something was very wrong, But

1405
01:05:33,760 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 7: then that doesn't mean that we didn't behave badly. If

1406
01:05:37,120 --> 01:05:37,680
Speaker 7: that makes.

1407
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,000
Speaker 2: Sense, it does it? Where was your bad behavior?

1408
01:05:40,080 --> 01:05:44,080
Speaker 7: I think maybe in the dad's enabling part, like oh baby,

1409
01:05:44,080 --> 01:05:46,600
Speaker 7: it's fine, and then O P and the mom are

1410
01:05:46,640 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 7: like super against it. So I suggest a family therapy.

1411
01:05:50,160 --> 01:05:52,560
Speaker 7: My parents are looking into it. Hopefully we can learn

1412
01:05:52,600 --> 01:05:56,040
Speaker 7: a little bit more about boundaries and each other and

1413
01:05:56,080 --> 01:05:58,400
Speaker 7: eventually move on from this. And it has been talking

1414
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:01,280
Speaker 7: a lot to Ruby from this sounds of it Ruby

1415
01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 7: is still very upset, but I have been taking the

1416
01:06:04,240 --> 01:06:07,840
Speaker 7: advice not to meddle so much in their relationship, so

1417
01:06:07,880 --> 01:06:10,200
Speaker 7: I'm learning to leave it to them. Me and Ruby

1418
01:06:10,240 --> 01:06:12,800
Speaker 7: still speak a lot, but not about Ann. Da've sent

1419
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:16,000
Speaker 7: me a message two days ago. I think has sadly

1420
01:06:16,080 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 7: resolved this terrible situation after learning that this is part

1421
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:24,960
Speaker 7: of a pattern of behavior. She doesn't think that he

1422
01:06:25,080 --> 01:06:27,840
Speaker 7: wants to be in a marriage with Anne at all.

1423
01:06:27,920 --> 01:06:31,120
Speaker 2: Que the orson wells. Stand up in the theater and clap,

1424
01:06:31,120 --> 01:06:31,880
Speaker 2: and that's what we're doing.

1425
01:06:31,880 --> 01:06:35,600
Speaker 7: This is good, as he feels that she hasn't only

1426
01:06:35,720 --> 01:06:39,240
Speaker 7: hurt him deeply, but deceived him about the type of

1427
01:06:39,320 --> 01:06:40,280
Speaker 7: person she is.

1428
01:06:40,560 --> 01:06:42,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, that's what I mean. It's like, I

1429
01:06:42,120 --> 01:06:43,720
Speaker 2: don't even know who you are. Why are you talking

1430
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 2: to me. You're not my wife, you're not my fiance.

1431
01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:47,960
Speaker 2: I don't even know who you are. Stop talking to me,

1432
01:06:48,080 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 2: Get away from me. She was embarrassed by his past.

1433
01:06:50,520 --> 01:06:53,720
Speaker 2: I know from Ruby that he is also seeking therapy

1434
01:06:54,040 --> 01:06:57,760
Speaker 2: and confided in friends about what happened, so he has

1435
01:06:57,800 --> 01:07:01,400
Speaker 2: a strong support system around him. I'm not getting involved

1436
01:07:01,440 --> 01:07:04,680
Speaker 2: with him other than that, as I think he deserves distance.

1437
01:07:04,720 --> 01:07:07,680
Speaker 2: From my family after everything, but knowing he's okay does

1438
01:07:07,760 --> 01:07:09,919
Speaker 2: make me feel a little bit better. And guys, after

1439
01:07:09,960 --> 01:07:11,479
Speaker 2: the story, if you want to feel a little bit better,

1440
01:07:11,680 --> 01:07:15,160
Speaker 2: go to your favorite freaking podcast platform search up Okay

1441
01:07:15,240 --> 01:07:17,760
Speaker 2: story Time and we have layers upon layers of stories

1442
01:07:17,960 --> 01:07:21,960
Speaker 2: just like this one. Go there and you'll feel better instantly. Dakota,

1443
01:07:22,280 --> 01:07:24,440
Speaker 2: but right where we want to be. From Dave's perspective,

1444
01:07:24,600 --> 01:07:25,480
Speaker 2: I think everyone.

1445
01:07:25,200 --> 01:07:27,200
Speaker 7: Got a mental check up. They're like, well, all came

1446
01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:29,080
Speaker 7: to a come to Jesus meeting. I was like, Okay,

1447
01:07:29,160 --> 01:07:32,480
Speaker 7: we're not like really vibing with each other and definitely

1448
01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:35,480
Speaker 7: is not the person we think she is, and she

1449
01:07:35,560 --> 01:07:38,320
Speaker 7: needs to rework herself from the base and everyone sees

1450
01:07:38,360 --> 01:07:38,880
Speaker 7: the mistakes.

1451
01:07:38,920 --> 01:07:39,320
Speaker 9: I like this.

1452
01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 2: I think the only way that's gonna happen, though, is

1453
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:42,520
Speaker 2: group therapy. I don't think if she goes to a

1454
01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:45,320
Speaker 2: therapist that she's gonna get like a real change or

1455
01:07:45,320 --> 01:07:47,439
Speaker 2: a real turnaround. I think it has to be within

1456
01:07:47,480 --> 01:07:51,320
Speaker 2: the context in the setting of the family, because you know,

1457
01:07:51,920 --> 01:07:54,600
Speaker 2: when you lie to your therapist, you don't get anything

1458
01:07:54,600 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 2: out of it. And Anne has shown herself to be

1459
01:07:57,720 --> 01:08:02,160
Speaker 2: quite the liar, so need a deeper accountability than just

1460
01:08:02,280 --> 01:08:04,400
Speaker 2: herself to get anything out of it.

1461
01:08:04,520 --> 01:08:09,240
Speaker 7: But Anne has taken this news bad. When she first

1462
01:08:09,240 --> 01:08:11,320
Speaker 7: got the message, I think she had a panic attacked

1463
01:08:11,480 --> 01:08:14,560
Speaker 7: and was breathing really quickly and shaking and crying. She

1464
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:17,800
Speaker 7: knows that Dave learned about her past from Ruby and

1465
01:08:17,960 --> 01:08:21,519
Speaker 7: is absolutely furious with Ruby for telling him. She's just

1466
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:25,599
Speaker 7: as preoccupied with the thought of being someone divorced as

1467
01:08:25,640 --> 01:08:28,599
Speaker 7: she is with the fact that Dave's leaving her ooh,

1468
01:08:28,680 --> 01:08:31,360
Speaker 7: because she's really focused on her image. So now that

1469
01:08:31,439 --> 01:08:34,120
Speaker 7: she's a divorcee, she's like freaking out about that. And

1470
01:08:34,160 --> 01:08:36,240
Speaker 7: then now she's like, oh wait, but also now Dave

1471
01:08:36,360 --> 01:08:37,200
Speaker 7: is leaving, well.

1472
01:08:37,120 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 2: That's why she was freaking out. She's like, I don't

1473
01:08:39,000 --> 01:08:40,680
Speaker 2: want to be the one married to someone who had

1474
01:08:40,680 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 2: the substance abuse problems. You sick idiot.

1475
01:08:44,080 --> 01:08:46,800
Speaker 7: He divorced, you live with it. I really hope that

1476
01:08:46,840 --> 01:08:49,479
Speaker 7: the therapist helps her get better. And although I'm not

1477
01:08:49,560 --> 01:08:51,800
Speaker 7: taking it as hard as my mom, I do feel

1478
01:08:51,840 --> 01:08:55,599
Speaker 7: guilty for not noticing this sooner because she's just not well.

1479
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:57,240
Speaker 7: That's the end of that story.

1480
01:08:58,520 --> 01:08:59,680
Speaker 9: Hey, it's johnio Ogo host here.

1481
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:01,400
Speaker 2: We get back to the stories. But he's a quick

1482
01:09:01,400 --> 01:09:03,040
Speaker 2: three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

1483
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:06,680
Speaker 6: My husband is upset that I encouraged our son to

1484
01:09:06,720 --> 01:09:09,760
Speaker 6: help in the kitchen because it's not manly.

1485
01:09:09,800 --> 01:09:12,000
Speaker 9: And he's got on mosum grass.

1486
01:09:11,680 --> 01:09:14,639
Speaker 6: In general sense. I know I am not the a whole,

1487
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:17,599
Speaker 6: but I want an unbiased opinion from people in here.

1488
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:21,360
Speaker 6: I forty two female, have three sons, Jamie sixteen male,

1489
01:09:21,680 --> 01:09:25,799
Speaker 6: Matt twelve male, and Paul ten mail with my husband

1490
01:09:25,920 --> 01:09:28,479
Speaker 6: Charlie forty five mail. By the way, this comes from

1491
01:09:28,600 --> 01:09:31,920
Speaker 6: Flashy Fly sixty five nineteen and if you want to

1492
01:09:31,920 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 6: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

1493
01:09:34,360 --> 01:09:37,800
Speaker 6: story time subreddit. My middle son, Matt, is a little

1494
01:09:37,840 --> 01:09:40,360
Speaker 6: different from his brothers. His brothers like things that are

1495
01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:43,479
Speaker 6: typically meant for men, like sports, gadgets, video games, and

1496
01:09:43,520 --> 01:09:45,800
Speaker 6: so on, but Matt is different. He is not a

1497
01:09:45,800 --> 01:09:48,479
Speaker 6: big sports fan. He likes reading and painting. He doesn't

1498
01:09:48,520 --> 01:09:51,120
Speaker 6: mind doing things that are typically not for boys. Another

1499
01:09:51,200 --> 01:09:53,639
Speaker 6: thing about him is that he is passionate about food.

1500
01:09:53,760 --> 01:09:55,760
Speaker 6: He has been like this since he was six. He

1501
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:58,360
Speaker 6: would often come to the kitchen and see me cook

1502
01:09:58,400 --> 01:10:01,080
Speaker 6: and oftentimes offered to help. Well, I don't let him

1503
01:10:01,120 --> 01:10:03,280
Speaker 6: do heavy things like cutting or standing too close to

1504
01:10:03,320 --> 01:10:05,439
Speaker 6: the fire, but he would be a helping hand. I

1505
01:10:05,479 --> 01:10:08,439
Speaker 6: call him Ramsey Junior after Gordon Ramsey. Honestly, I like

1506
01:10:08,479 --> 01:10:11,000
Speaker 6: this arrangement because while I am doing all of the cooking,

1507
01:10:11,120 --> 01:10:13,320
Speaker 6: my other boys are in their room. My husband, on

1508
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:15,439
Speaker 6: the other hand, is not impressed by Matt. He is

1509
01:10:15,479 --> 01:10:18,040
Speaker 6: a proud father of three sons and often likes to

1510
01:10:18,080 --> 01:10:20,879
Speaker 6: do stuff with them, like teaching them how to play baseball,

1511
01:10:20,960 --> 01:10:24,479
Speaker 6: playing video games, wrestling, watching sports. But Matt is not

1512
01:10:24,520 --> 01:10:26,760
Speaker 6: interested in any of those things. He has said over

1513
01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:30,040
Speaker 6: and over that those typical things they do doesn't interest him.

1514
01:10:30,120 --> 01:10:32,320
Speaker 6: My husband would still force him to do it because

1515
01:10:32,360 --> 01:10:34,400
Speaker 6: he thinks it is more important for him to do

1516
01:10:34,439 --> 01:10:36,960
Speaker 6: things that are more masculine with his brother because it

1517
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:39,960
Speaker 6: creates a bond. I've tried several times to convince my

1518
01:10:40,040 --> 01:10:42,000
Speaker 6: husband that he ought to let Matt go and let

1519
01:10:42,120 --> 01:10:44,480
Speaker 6: him do his thing. We eventually reached to a compromise

1520
01:10:44,520 --> 01:10:46,679
Speaker 6: that Matt will do sports and other stuff with them

1521
01:10:46,760 --> 01:10:48,759
Speaker 6: once a week so that he's in touch with his brothers.

1522
01:10:48,880 --> 01:10:51,320
Speaker 6: Rest of the time, he would do his own activities

1523
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:53,719
Speaker 6: that he likes. My husband also doesn't like that Matt

1524
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,720
Speaker 6: would rather stay in the kitchen with me being my

1525
01:10:55,800 --> 01:10:58,479
Speaker 6: helping hand, rather than with him and my other boys.

1526
01:10:58,720 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 6: He sometimes tries to curt him by saying he shouldn't

1527
01:11:01,400 --> 01:11:04,280
Speaker 6: be doing girly things, or he will not get any

1528
01:11:04,360 --> 01:11:06,479
Speaker 6: girls in the future, or he will be made fun of.

1529
01:11:06,640 --> 01:11:09,479
Speaker 6: The incident happened yesterday. I was in the kitchen preparing

1530
01:11:09,520 --> 01:11:12,439
Speaker 6: for lunch. My husband and sons were outside playing football.

1531
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:14,880
Speaker 6: Paul and Jamie called Matt to come play with them,

1532
01:11:14,920 --> 01:11:17,360
Speaker 6: but Matt was not interested. I told him he should

1533
01:11:17,360 --> 01:11:19,360
Speaker 6: go play with his brothers now while I do the

1534
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:21,719
Speaker 6: meal prep and he can come back during the cooking process.

1535
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:24,160
Speaker 6: Matt agreed, but he came to the kitchen after ten

1536
01:11:24,160 --> 01:11:26,400
Speaker 6: minutes and started helping me. My husband was with the

1537
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:30,000
Speaker 6: boys too. He called Matt several times, but Matt didn't budge.

1538
01:11:30,040 --> 01:11:32,840
Speaker 6: I can see it irritated him. After the lunch, my

1539
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:35,519
Speaker 6: husband was pissed and told me that what I am

1540
01:11:35,520 --> 01:11:37,719
Speaker 6: doing to Matt is going to harm him in the future.

1541
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 6: I told him, how is forcing him to do things

1542
01:11:39,960 --> 01:11:42,400
Speaker 6: he doesn't like would help him. He wasn't listening and

1543
01:11:42,479 --> 01:11:44,439
Speaker 6: kept saying things like he needs to be a man

1544
01:11:44,520 --> 01:11:46,840
Speaker 6: and stop doing girly things and the way I am

1545
01:11:46,920 --> 01:11:49,400
Speaker 6: encouraging him to cook and bake things like grandma. He

1546
01:11:49,439 --> 01:11:51,559
Speaker 6: would get bullied in school and he doesn't want a

1547
01:11:51,560 --> 01:11:54,519
Speaker 6: son who is a sissy. I was shocked. I told

1548
01:11:54,600 --> 01:11:56,200
Speaker 6: him that he needs to get his head out of

1549
01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:59,360
Speaker 6: his but because cooking is gender neutral, there is nothing

1550
01:11:59,400 --> 01:12:02,120
Speaker 6: wrong with me Matt wanting to cook. My husband got

1551
01:12:02,160 --> 01:12:05,360
Speaker 6: mad and told me I am ruining my son's future.

1552
01:12:05,479 --> 01:12:07,759
Speaker 6: He doesn't want him to grow up weak and fragile,

1553
01:12:07,880 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 6: and making him do girly things will make it worse.

1554
01:12:10,640 --> 01:12:10,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1555
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:14,200
Speaker 7: She's not saying, hey, cook, also wear this maid dress

1556
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:14,840
Speaker 7: while you're cooked.

1557
01:12:14,840 --> 01:12:15,719
Speaker 9: She's like, no, just cook.

1558
01:12:16,120 --> 01:12:16,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1559
01:12:16,720 --> 01:12:19,360
Speaker 7: He's looking at it like, oh he's wearing he's wearing

1560
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 7: a maid dress?

1561
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:20,679
Speaker 1: This is orrible.

1562
01:12:21,439 --> 01:12:21,639
Speaker 6: Yeah.

1563
01:12:21,760 --> 01:12:22,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1564
01:12:22,200 --> 01:12:24,040
Speaker 6: He needs to learn how to be a man like

1565
01:12:24,120 --> 01:12:26,799
Speaker 6: his dad and learn how to provide rather than taking

1566
01:12:26,840 --> 01:12:30,280
Speaker 6: on feminine roles. And just because I couldn't get a daughter,

1567
01:12:30,439 --> 01:12:33,160
Speaker 6: I should stop turning my son into a girl. This

1568
01:12:33,240 --> 01:12:35,479
Speaker 6: turned into a huge fight between him and me, and

1569
01:12:35,520 --> 01:12:37,880
Speaker 6: now he is not talking to me. Matt is sad

1570
01:12:37,960 --> 01:12:40,080
Speaker 6: because he thinks he's the reason why his dad and

1571
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:42,320
Speaker 6: I fought. I had to assure him that it was

1572
01:12:42,360 --> 01:12:45,600
Speaker 6: not his fault at all. So reddits am I the

1573
01:12:45,640 --> 01:12:48,040
Speaker 6: a hole? Or should I just have told Matt to

1574
01:12:48,040 --> 01:12:50,200
Speaker 6: play with his brother and not come into the kitchen

1575
01:12:50,280 --> 01:12:51,759
Speaker 6: until the lunch is served.

1576
01:12:51,840 --> 01:12:52,680
Speaker 9: Bro, you already know.

1577
01:12:53,040 --> 01:12:55,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know You're not the a hole at all.

1578
01:12:55,439 --> 01:12:57,760
Speaker 6: There's a little edits. I have read the comments. I

1579
01:12:57,880 --> 01:13:01,040
Speaker 6: just want to clear out any confusion. Boys, Jamie and

1580
01:13:01,080 --> 01:13:03,360
Speaker 6: Paul do have a good relationship with Matt. Yes, they

1581
01:13:03,360 --> 01:13:05,400
Speaker 6: are different and would rather stay in their rooms and

1582
01:13:05,479 --> 01:13:07,559
Speaker 6: do their own thing, but none of them have ever

1583
01:13:07,600 --> 01:13:10,759
Speaker 6: bullied Matt or made fun of him for liking things differently. Also,

1584
01:13:11,000 --> 01:13:13,800
Speaker 6: I'm a homemaker for now, but my husband does help

1585
01:13:13,840 --> 01:13:16,360
Speaker 6: me with some chores like getting the kids ready for school,

1586
01:13:16,479 --> 01:13:19,759
Speaker 6: driving them to school, and other extracurriculum, folding the laundry,

1587
01:13:19,920 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 6: taking care of our lawn, so it's not that I'm

1588
01:13:22,880 --> 01:13:25,760
Speaker 6: totally helpless. The kitchen judy is one hundred percent mine

1589
01:13:25,800 --> 01:13:28,040
Speaker 6: because my husband doesn't know or like to cook.

1590
01:13:28,200 --> 01:13:31,000
Speaker 7: I really would love to dive deep into the psychology

1591
01:13:31,040 --> 01:13:33,439
Speaker 7: of this man and understand and then like, this is

1592
01:13:33,479 --> 01:13:35,320
Speaker 7: what I would do. I'd meet with him and be like, Yo,

1593
01:13:35,479 --> 01:13:37,160
Speaker 7: why do you think this is a feminom trade. Yeah,

1594
01:13:37,160 --> 01:13:39,800
Speaker 7: because I grew up, and then I'm gonna hit him

1595
01:13:39,840 --> 01:13:41,439
Speaker 7: with Oh, so you're gonna let another man tell you

1596
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:47,360
Speaker 7: how to think. Sounds pretty gay to me. Who come on, dude,

1597
01:13:47,400 --> 01:13:47,680
Speaker 7: come on.

1598
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:50,880
Speaker 6: But there are some comments comment number one, cooking professionally

1599
01:13:50,960 --> 01:13:54,599
Speaker 6: is a male dominated job. Your husband needs professional help. Ope,

1600
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:56,920
Speaker 6: he responds to this. Also, I'd love to see him

1601
01:13:56,960 --> 01:14:00,160
Speaker 6: call Gordon Ramsay weak and fragile to his face. But

1602
01:14:00,200 --> 01:14:02,800
Speaker 6: there is an update. Hello everyone, I just wanted to

1603
01:14:02,800 --> 01:14:04,640
Speaker 6: say thank you for the comments. I know some of

1604
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:06,519
Speaker 6: you called me a troll. I don't know why you

1605
01:14:06,600 --> 01:14:09,480
Speaker 6: think that. I just wanted some unbiased opinion. So anyways,

1606
01:14:09,640 --> 01:14:13,559
Speaker 6: I am here to update on the situation. My husband, Charlie,

1607
01:14:13,720 --> 01:14:16,599
Speaker 6: was not letting it go. He insists Matt is wrong

1608
01:14:16,680 --> 01:14:18,960
Speaker 6: for wanting to cook with me. The argument between me

1609
01:14:19,080 --> 01:14:21,639
Speaker 6: and him never truly settled, so a few days ago

1610
01:14:21,720 --> 01:14:24,040
Speaker 6: he decided to call his dad. He thought that since

1611
01:14:24,040 --> 01:14:26,599
Speaker 6: his dad was in the military, he would teach Matt

1612
01:14:26,640 --> 01:14:29,439
Speaker 6: some lesson. So my father in law came to our house.

1613
01:14:29,720 --> 01:14:33,400
Speaker 6: We chatted and talked. Charlie brought up the issue with Matt.

1614
01:14:33,560 --> 01:14:36,040
Speaker 6: He just talked about everything, starting from his passion for

1615
01:14:36,080 --> 01:14:39,120
Speaker 6: cooking and not being interested in other masculine stuff. Father

1616
01:14:39,160 --> 01:14:41,880
Speaker 6: in law was quiet and thought about it. Matt looks

1617
01:14:41,920 --> 01:14:44,439
Speaker 6: scared because the father in law looks like a scary guy.

1618
01:14:44,560 --> 01:14:46,400
Speaker 6: Father in law told the kids to go to their

1619
01:14:46,439 --> 01:14:48,160
Speaker 6: room because he wants to have a chat with the

1620
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:51,520
Speaker 6: hubby and I after we were alone. I was expecting

1621
01:14:51,560 --> 01:14:54,280
Speaker 6: a father in law to blame me, but instead he

1622
01:14:54,439 --> 01:14:56,439
Speaker 6: blamed my husband. Ool.

1623
01:14:57,680 --> 01:15:00,120
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm so happy.

1624
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:03,320
Speaker 6: He said, he's really embarrassed of my husband for having

1625
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:06,880
Speaker 6: such backward thinking. He knows that when father in law

1626
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:08,840
Speaker 6: was in the military, he had to do all his

1627
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:11,840
Speaker 6: chores and sometimes have to cook. He just loaded on

1628
01:15:11,920 --> 01:15:15,240
Speaker 6: my husband that he is teaching the wrong lesson to Matt.

1629
01:15:15,320 --> 01:15:17,280
Speaker 6: That cooking is a good skill and it will help

1630
01:15:17,320 --> 01:15:20,200
Speaker 6: in real life. Watching sports and video games will not

1631
01:15:20,200 --> 01:15:23,360
Speaker 6: teach him anything valuable. There is more. I cannot write

1632
01:15:23,360 --> 01:15:26,639
Speaker 6: all of it, but my husband looked really defeated. He

1633
01:15:26,720 --> 01:15:29,200
Speaker 6: tried to argue that Matt needs to do tough things,

1634
01:15:29,320 --> 01:15:31,720
Speaker 6: but father in law shut that down by saying he

1635
01:15:31,760 --> 01:15:34,519
Speaker 6: has the nerve to say cooking is easy when he

1636
01:15:34,640 --> 01:15:38,679
Speaker 6: probably can't boil water. Honestly, it was funny to watch

1637
01:15:38,680 --> 01:15:41,679
Speaker 6: my husband being berated by his dad like a kid.

1638
01:15:41,880 --> 01:15:43,679
Speaker 6: Father in law then called the boys to the room

1639
01:15:43,680 --> 01:15:46,400
Speaker 6: and told us to give them privacy. We were outside.

1640
01:15:46,479 --> 01:15:48,200
Speaker 6: I was looking at my boys through the lip at

1641
01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:51,360
Speaker 6: the door. Matt looks relaxed, but the heads of Jamie

1642
01:15:51,439 --> 01:15:54,240
Speaker 6: and Paul was down. Long story short. Father in law

1643
01:15:54,280 --> 01:15:57,080
Speaker 6: told my boys not to bother Matt anymore. He also

1644
01:15:57,200 --> 01:15:59,680
Speaker 6: instructed that my boys helped me in the kitchen once

1645
01:15:59,720 --> 01:16:01,920
Speaker 6: a week to learn how to manage a home. He

1646
01:16:02,000 --> 01:16:04,719
Speaker 6: also told Matt to not be scared and do whatever

1647
01:16:04,760 --> 01:16:07,400
Speaker 6: he likes. I'm glad Charlie brought him to our house,

1648
01:16:07,479 --> 01:16:10,280
Speaker 6: even if his plans backfired. I thought after father in

1649
01:16:10,320 --> 01:16:12,880
Speaker 6: law left there would be peace. My husband would be

1650
01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:16,599
Speaker 6: normal and understand. But he was sulking and moping around.

1651
01:16:16,800 --> 01:16:20,519
Speaker 6: I asked him continuously what happened. He didn't answer at first. Mmmm.

1652
01:16:20,800 --> 01:16:22,800
Speaker 9: He didn't man up and take it. He didn't man

1653
01:16:22,840 --> 01:16:24,160
Speaker 9: up and say he was wrong.

1654
01:16:24,160 --> 01:16:27,400
Speaker 6: Exactly, oh my gosh. But then after a lot of

1655
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:30,160
Speaker 6: pushing and pestering, he did. He said that the reason

1656
01:16:30,240 --> 01:16:32,880
Speaker 6: why he didn't want Matt to do feminine things is

1657
01:16:32,920 --> 01:16:35,479
Speaker 6: because he my husband was bullied for that when he

1658
01:16:35,520 --> 01:16:37,759
Speaker 6: was in school. I knew he had to deal with bullies,

1659
01:16:37,800 --> 01:16:40,240
Speaker 6: but he never told me why he was bullied. This

1660
01:16:40,360 --> 01:16:42,800
Speaker 6: is my first time hearing the story. He said that

1661
01:16:42,840 --> 01:16:45,120
Speaker 6: when he was about Matt's age, he would also be

1662
01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:47,040
Speaker 6: in the kitchen with his mom because he liked watching

1663
01:16:47,040 --> 01:16:49,559
Speaker 6: her cook, and they lived in a joint family, so

1664
01:16:49,600 --> 01:16:51,920
Speaker 6: his uncles and aunts would also live in the house.

1665
01:16:52,200 --> 01:16:55,080
Speaker 6: Like Incanto, he would often get bullied by his cousins

1666
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:57,559
Speaker 6: because he spent more time in the kitchen. He also

1667
01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:00,200
Speaker 6: admitted that he had an interest in knitting and had

1668
01:17:00,200 --> 01:17:02,320
Speaker 6: to stop because he once heard his then crush say

1669
01:17:02,360 --> 01:17:05,160
Speaker 6: that it makes him gay, so he also got bullied

1670
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:07,640
Speaker 6: for knitting. I was angry at him, but now I

1671
01:17:07,760 --> 01:17:10,040
Speaker 6: just pity him. I had to explain the situation to

1672
01:17:10,120 --> 01:17:11,680
Speaker 6: him that we do not live in the past and

1673
01:17:11,720 --> 01:17:13,879
Speaker 6: a lot of things have changed, and that he shouldn't

1674
01:17:13,920 --> 01:17:15,760
Speaker 6: have to give up what he likes because people are

1675
01:17:15,800 --> 01:17:18,360
Speaker 6: stupid around him. There was a lot of conversation about

1676
01:17:18,439 --> 01:17:21,520
Speaker 6: the past and present, and also about him being comfortable

1677
01:17:21,560 --> 01:17:23,680
Speaker 6: with this situation as a whole. He told me that

1678
01:17:23,720 --> 01:17:26,160
Speaker 6: he will not pressure mat anymore. He realized that in

1679
01:17:26,240 --> 01:17:28,599
Speaker 6: order for his kid not to get bullied, he became

1680
01:17:28,680 --> 01:17:31,639
Speaker 6: his own kids bully. Things are fine now. Today all

1681
01:17:31,680 --> 01:17:34,200
Speaker 6: of the boys, including my husband, helped me in the

1682
01:17:34,280 --> 01:17:36,920
Speaker 6: kitchen for the first time. I felt a little.

1683
01:17:36,640 --> 01:17:37,519
Speaker 2: Relieved by it.

1684
01:17:37,680 --> 01:17:40,519
Speaker 6: Also to those people who told me to leave my husband, why,

1685
01:17:40,720 --> 01:17:43,639
Speaker 6: he's a good guy. I know he holds some backwards views,

1686
01:17:43,920 --> 01:17:47,080
Speaker 6: but he is nice and caring. I understand he has insecurities,

1687
01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:49,439
Speaker 6: but they are not worth having a divorce. Things are

1688
01:17:49,479 --> 01:17:51,400
Speaker 6: fine now, and if it goes bad, I know what

1689
01:17:51,520 --> 01:17:54,640
Speaker 6: to do. Quick comment before we get into another update.

1690
01:17:54,880 --> 01:17:57,280
Speaker 6: I was so happy it turned out well. Your husband

1691
01:17:57,280 --> 01:18:00,439
Speaker 6: calling his father was the best thing to happen. Matt

1692
01:18:00,479 --> 01:18:02,559
Speaker 6: gets to do what he likes. Your husband opened up

1693
01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:05,280
Speaker 6: about his feelings and realized his mistake. Maybe your other

1694
01:18:05,400 --> 01:18:08,120
Speaker 6: kids also likes cooking and were scared to express that.

1695
01:18:08,240 --> 01:18:13,160
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, yeah, which is a great poay. Also, your

1696
01:18:13,200 --> 01:18:15,200
Speaker 6: husband liked knitting when he was younger, and maybe doing

1697
01:18:15,240 --> 01:18:17,719
Speaker 6: that together or gifting him some needles and wool would

1698
01:18:17,720 --> 01:18:20,920
Speaker 6: be nice. I don't know, was just a thought, MOPI replies,

1699
01:18:20,960 --> 01:18:22,800
Speaker 6: I don't know if he likes knitting now or not,

1700
01:18:22,920 --> 01:18:24,720
Speaker 6: but I will ask him. He is still in his

1701
01:18:24,760 --> 01:18:27,960
Speaker 6: peak masculine phase baby steps, but we do have another

1702
01:18:28,040 --> 01:18:31,880
Speaker 6: update that's a year later. Hello everyone, I just saw

1703
01:18:31,920 --> 01:18:34,519
Speaker 6: my post on Instagram and totally forgot about this account.

1704
01:18:34,560 --> 01:18:36,880
Speaker 6: I thought I should give an update. It is not

1705
01:18:36,960 --> 01:18:39,720
Speaker 6: a happy update, thoh, because my husband and I are

1706
01:18:39,720 --> 01:18:43,160
Speaker 6: going through a divorce. I think that was gonna happen

1707
01:18:44,479 --> 01:18:47,160
Speaker 6: after my last update. Everything was fine until my husband

1708
01:18:47,240 --> 01:18:49,760
Speaker 6: started acting weird and out of character. I will not

1709
01:18:49,840 --> 01:18:51,880
Speaker 6: go into details that much because he was having an

1710
01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:55,280
Speaker 6: affair with someone he met online. So apparently my husband

1711
01:18:55,320 --> 01:18:57,760
Speaker 6: has been using online forums even read it to vent

1712
01:18:57,800 --> 01:18:59,960
Speaker 6: his frustration about Matt, and he feels he has fit

1713
01:19:00,280 --> 01:19:02,600
Speaker 6: as a father and me not supporting his decision is

1714
01:19:02,640 --> 01:19:06,080
Speaker 6: a masculating to him. That is when he found his mistress,

1715
01:19:06,120 --> 01:19:08,720
Speaker 6: thirty five female who poisoned his ears that I'm not

1716
01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:12,080
Speaker 6: a good wife because I should obey my husband. She

1717
01:19:12,200 --> 01:19:14,599
Speaker 6: and my husband bad mouthed me, and she even had

1718
01:19:14,640 --> 01:19:17,320
Speaker 6: some questionable words for my son as well. So we

1719
01:19:17,439 --> 01:19:19,559
Speaker 6: have been fighting a lot about this. He blames me

1720
01:19:19,680 --> 01:19:21,240
Speaker 6: because none of this would have happened if I just

1721
01:19:21,320 --> 01:19:23,760
Speaker 6: respected as authority as the man of the house, and

1722
01:19:23,840 --> 01:19:26,920
Speaker 6: that mistress understands him and knows when to shut up.

1723
01:19:27,080 --> 01:19:29,080
Speaker 6: I still cannot believe he will turn his back on

1724
01:19:29,200 --> 01:19:32,280
Speaker 6: us just because my son liked cooking. This is not

1725
01:19:32,400 --> 01:19:34,960
Speaker 6: the man I married. I sometimes feel sad because I

1726
01:19:35,000 --> 01:19:37,240
Speaker 6: have been struggling with depression for a long time. My

1727
01:19:37,360 --> 01:19:40,000
Speaker 6: sons are pretty depressed too. I took them to therapy.

1728
01:19:40,080 --> 01:19:43,240
Speaker 6: I will never feel sad if you listen to full

1729
01:19:43,280 --> 01:19:46,719
Speaker 6: episodes just like this. Just go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts,

1730
01:19:46,840 --> 01:19:50,880
Speaker 6: or your favorite podcast app and search. Okay, storytime. There

1731
01:19:50,920 --> 01:19:53,400
Speaker 6: is a tiny bit more. Do you have any final thoughts?

1732
01:19:53,520 --> 01:19:56,200
Speaker 7: Well, this was a little red flag that became a

1733
01:19:56,200 --> 01:19:59,280
Speaker 7: black flag, and I'm glad you guys aren't together anymore

1734
01:19:59,439 --> 01:20:03,000
Speaker 7: or nook to be together, because goodness gracious having that around,

1735
01:20:03,439 --> 01:20:06,400
Speaker 7: having that around your household, and then him being a

1736
01:20:06,520 --> 01:20:09,280
Speaker 7: role model for how you should treat women for your boys,

1737
01:20:09,600 --> 01:20:10,799
Speaker 7: this is the best case scenario.

1738
01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:12,880
Speaker 6: Actually, that's a good point. I didn't even think of that,

1739
01:20:12,960 --> 01:20:14,240
Speaker 6: but that makes a lot of sense. There is a

1740
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:16,679
Speaker 6: little bit more. Let's jump right into it, especially Matt

1741
01:20:16,680 --> 01:20:19,519
Speaker 6: because he believes we are divorcing because of him. No,

1742
01:20:20,080 --> 01:20:22,320
Speaker 6: he took it hard. He even told me he will

1743
01:20:22,320 --> 01:20:24,639
Speaker 6: stop cooking if that means his dad will stay with us.

1744
01:20:24,760 --> 01:20:27,040
Speaker 6: My other sons are also very sad too, but so

1745
01:20:27,120 --> 01:20:29,400
Speaker 6: far they have been understanding. My father in law is

1746
01:20:29,439 --> 01:20:31,559
Speaker 6: one hundred percent on my side. He has been helping

1747
01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:33,479
Speaker 6: me with a lawyer and pretty much just own my

1748
01:20:33,560 --> 01:20:36,000
Speaker 6: husband for his behavior towards me and my kids. That's

1749
01:20:36,040 --> 01:20:39,480
Speaker 6: been my life. I'm struggling a lot with the financial situations.

1750
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:41,639
Speaker 6: I did get a job, but it is not high

1751
01:20:41,680 --> 01:20:44,639
Speaker 6: and pay. My soon to be ex husband has moved

1752
01:20:44,680 --> 01:20:46,920
Speaker 6: in with his mistress. I just hope we will see

1753
01:20:46,960 --> 01:20:47,639
Speaker 6: good days too.

1754
01:20:47,800 --> 01:20:48,280
Speaker 2: That's all.

1755
01:20:48,400 --> 01:20:51,880
Speaker 6: Pray for us, praying. Dang, wow, Wow, that's the end

1756
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:52,360
Speaker 6: of the story.

1757
01:20:52,720 --> 01:20:55,559
Speaker 9: Day Oh, I was not expecting this.

1758
01:20:55,960 --> 01:20:59,160
Speaker 6: Yeah, it was Tiggy's Well.

1759
01:20:59,120 --> 01:20:59,920
Speaker 9: Had a great up job.

1760
01:21:00,360 --> 01:21:00,960
Speaker 7: So sad.

1761
01:21:01,320 --> 01:21:03,519
Speaker 9: Well, what matters is that this is the end of

1762
01:21:03,560 --> 01:21:04,120
Speaker 9: the episode.

1763
01:21:04,439 --> 01:21:06,479
Speaker 6: It is the end of the episode, isn't it so

1764
01:21:06,680 --> 01:21:10,400
Speaker 6: really cool? Well, if you love us, make sure to subscribe.

1765
01:21:10,439 --> 01:21:12,640
Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow.