1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:13,440 Speaker 1: M K. Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, 2 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all 3 00:00:18,880 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: the small decisions we can make to become the best 4 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 1: possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr Joy hard 5 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:30,720 Speaker 1: and Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more 6 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: information or to find a therapist in your area, visit 7 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 1: our website at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. While 8 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, 9 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:46,240 Speaker 1: it is not meant to be a substitute for relationship 10 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:57,440 Speaker 1: with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y'all, thanks so 11 00:00:57,560 --> 00:00:59,840 Speaker 1: much for joining me for session one ten of the 12 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girl's podcast. Are you as excited as 13 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 1: I am about Queen Sugar returning next week? The trailer 14 00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:10,440 Speaker 1: for this new season looks incredible and I already know 15 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,200 Speaker 1: we're going to have so much to talk about, So 16 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: as we prep for the season premiere, I wanted us 17 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: to dig a little deeper into one of my favorite 18 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: characters from the show on FI. But before we get there, 19 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:26,640 Speaker 1: let's show some love to our sponsor. Support for today's 20 00:01:26,640 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 1: episode comes from natural Sious. 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Now let's get back to 42 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: our episode. So, the new season of Queen Sugar premiers 43 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 1: next Wednesday, June twelve, and y'all already know it's one 44 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: of my favorite shows and one of my favorite characters 45 00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,720 Speaker 1: on the show is on By, who's the matriarch of 46 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:03,919 Speaker 1: the Emily. She reminds me of so many women in Louisiana. 47 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: For today's session, I'm joined by La Shasta Belle to 48 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:11,360 Speaker 1: chat all about on By. La Shasta is the founder 49 00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: and CEO of I Choose Me p LC Healing for Me, 50 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 1: Living for Me, a counseling and coaching practice. She is 51 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: licensed as a professional counselor, certified as a life coach 52 00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:29,240 Speaker 1: and anxiety treatment professional. La Shasta supports individuals and couples 53 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:32,240 Speaker 1: to show up in their lives for themselves first. This 54 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:37,800 Speaker 1: often includes journeying through anxiety, depression, and communication barriers. La 55 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:44,120 Speaker 1: Shasta also supervises interns working towards full licensure as professional counselors. Recently, 56 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: her passion and excitement for helping others led to her 57 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: publishing her guided journal, A Space for Me. In this session, 58 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: La Shasta and I chatted about the role on By 59 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 1: plays and her family, the dynamic between on By and 60 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: her fiance, how would why on buying my seek therapy? 61 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,160 Speaker 1: And she shared some of her favorite resources. If you 62 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: hear something while listening that really resonates with you, please 63 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,120 Speaker 1: be sure to share with us on social media using 64 00:04:13,120 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: the hashtag tb G in Session. Here's our conversation. Thank 65 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,760 Speaker 1: you so much for joining us to daylish as, Thank 66 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,240 Speaker 1: you for having me. I'm very excited you were able 67 00:04:23,279 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 1: to join us today. So we have been talking a 68 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: lot offline about one of our shared favorite shows, which 69 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 1: is Queen Sugar. This week we are going to be 70 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:34,880 Speaker 1: talking about By, who is I think a lot of 71 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: fans favorite character. So tell me a little bit about 72 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,039 Speaker 1: how you see By kind of showing up in her family. 73 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,919 Speaker 1: So I've been watching, Like you said, it's one of 74 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: my favorites. I've enjoyed every season. Each season gets better. 75 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 1: This particular season, I really just took some time looking 76 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 1: at Vias character and the whole autonomy that she was 77 00:04:57,279 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 1: seeking out and in the in the way that she's 78 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 1: seeking it, and of course is in her pie business, 79 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,680 Speaker 1: and so I see her as a very caring, nurturing, 80 00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:11,359 Speaker 1: yet damaged woman like that She's not healed from the 81 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:15,039 Speaker 1: abuse that she experienced in her marriage, her previous marriage, 82 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: and it shows up in the relationships that she has currently. Okay, 83 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: so we probably should maybe talk about like the relationships 84 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 1: individually and then probably bring it back to center. So, 85 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: of course one of the central relationships in her life 86 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 1: is that of the relationship with her in Hollywood. So 87 00:05:34,440 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 1: what do you kind of see going on in that relationship? 88 00:05:37,800 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: In this season, more than any other season, it seems 89 00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,280 Speaker 1: that they are discovering that they're not exactly on the 90 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: same page with many things, from emotional support to financial support, 91 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:53,280 Speaker 1: to how we're they're going to get married, to how 92 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: they celebrate birthdays. There's been a lot of discord, and 93 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 1: most of it seems to be by once again wanting 94 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,480 Speaker 1: this autonomy. And even on one episode, she even said, like, 95 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:07,839 Speaker 1: what I want for my birthday already have and that's 96 00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: my last name. And Hollywood even says, and they're kind 97 00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: of having an argument about her taking his last name, 98 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: and he's like, you don't want my money, you don't 99 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 1: want my support, you don't want this, you don't want that. 100 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:21,520 Speaker 1: All I have left to give you is my last name. 101 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:29,839 Speaker 1: And so we see that they start to really understand that, yes, 102 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,840 Speaker 1: they love each other, but they're seeking out different things 103 00:06:32,839 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 1: in the relationship, to the point that Hollywood Mom even 104 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 1: kind of pulls him to the side to say, hey, 105 00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:41,440 Speaker 1: you know, you were really throwing yourself in this relationship, 106 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:44,479 Speaker 1: but where are you where? Where are your hopes and 107 00:06:44,560 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: your dreams? And she talked about how she couldn't dream 108 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 1: basically because she had to do what she had to 109 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 1: do as a mom and as a wife, and that 110 00:06:52,920 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: he has that opportunity and that the woman he has 111 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:59,120 Speaker 1: is not the woman that he's seeing and buy. So 112 00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,719 Speaker 1: I think we need to kind of interrogate more about 113 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: this because I feel like by is a lot of 114 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,359 Speaker 1: us right, Um, you know, like she is involved in 115 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 1: a lot. She is, you know, a huge caregiver. I 116 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 1: feel like in her family she's always you know, trying 117 00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 1: to run interference and taking care of everybody's issues, and so, 118 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: you know, she is kind of that stereotypical strong black woman, 119 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,760 Speaker 1: right like, I don't need anybody. I can take care 120 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: of this myself. And so what might this look like 121 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 1: in counseling, Like how might you help her to be 122 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,960 Speaker 1: able to recognize some of what's going on with her well, 123 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,520 Speaker 1: I think first, going back to what you said about 124 00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:38,360 Speaker 1: all the various roles, I would first kind of talk 125 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,400 Speaker 1: with her about each role and how she identifies and 126 00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:45,120 Speaker 1: what she feels her purposes in each role, because she 127 00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,559 Speaker 1: does tend to kind of jump in and problem solve 128 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: and everyone's problem, yet some of her own problems go 129 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:55,440 Speaker 1: on addressing in her relationship with Hollywood. So in counseling, 130 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: we would start there about the various roles, and then 131 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:02,200 Speaker 1: her deciding what she wants to say no to and 132 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: setting some boundaries as it relates to her no being 133 00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:09,760 Speaker 1: knowing her yes being yes. And then once we kind 134 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,040 Speaker 1: of spend some time there, I would gently kind of 135 00:08:13,120 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: move her into the space of recognizing that maybe her 136 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:21,480 Speaker 1: lack of healing from past hurts it's interfering with her 137 00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:25,280 Speaker 1: relationship primarily with Hollywood, but we also see it come 138 00:08:25,360 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 1: up a little bit with Nova, and hoping that she's 139 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 1: not too resistant to that process, because right now from 140 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,240 Speaker 1: season three and what I see with Buy, I'm not 141 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: sure that if she came into counseling that she would 142 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 1: be open to receiving that past hurts were showing up 143 00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:43,680 Speaker 1: in her life. So a lot of good work to 144 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,319 Speaker 1: dig in there with her definitely a lot of work. 145 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,880 Speaker 1: I feel like some of the roles that she take 146 00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:52,120 Speaker 1: on she feels like she has to, and they've been 147 00:08:52,160 --> 00:08:55,080 Speaker 1: an obligation for so long that maybe when her nieces 148 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,040 Speaker 1: and nephews were younger, yes, but as they've grown into 149 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:01,040 Speaker 1: a well into adulthood, there's still some spaces what she 150 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: shows up or maybe necessarily is not. It's not needed 151 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 1: for her to be there. But I don't think that 152 00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,280 Speaker 1: she knows how to disengage. Mm hmmm. That's a very 153 00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: good point. And I think you know, I definitely was 154 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:16,160 Speaker 1: struck by that whole conversation between her in Hollywood about 155 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: taking her last name. I would imagine that a lot 156 00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,880 Speaker 1: of women struggle with that right, and that that is 157 00:09:20,920 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: often a difficult conversation to have with a partner about 158 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: what's my name going to be? Am I going to 159 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 1: change my name? You have any ideas for other people 160 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,720 Speaker 1: who may be struggling with that are thinking through, like, Okay, 161 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: when I get to that stage, I don't necessarily want 162 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,720 Speaker 1: to change my name, And how might I talk to 163 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:38,480 Speaker 1: a partner about that? I think it's most important it's 164 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:44,000 Speaker 1: she's sitting with yourself and observing your inner dialogue and 165 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:48,320 Speaker 1: your inner thoughts to understand the reasoning behind not wanting 166 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:52,440 Speaker 1: to take someone else's last name first and foremost, because 167 00:09:52,480 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: with By it seems like she's well, she says it, 168 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: I don't want to feel like I'm owned by anybody. 169 00:09:59,679 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: And I believe that she's speaking directly from her past 170 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: pains and her abusive marriage, that she felt like she 171 00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,840 Speaker 1: was on and controlled and that she wasn't her own person, 172 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:14,640 Speaker 1: and she's connecting taking a last name, Hollywood's last name, 173 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: to have experiencing that same type of pain and that 174 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,960 Speaker 1: same type of bondage. So I would say, first and foremost, 175 00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,760 Speaker 1: identify the reasoning for not wanting to take the other 176 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: person's last name, and then when you when you have that, 177 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,680 Speaker 1: you can have an informed conversation because if that other 178 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: person is loving on you to the space of wanting 179 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:37,160 Speaker 1: you to have their last name, they will be willing 180 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: to sit and listen as to the reason you want 181 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,680 Speaker 1: to keep your own last name. Yeah, and I want 182 00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: to make sure we're clear, you know, like everybody is 183 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,440 Speaker 1: free to make whatever decision they want, right, But I 184 00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 1: think either way you choose, you know, it does sound 185 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:53,160 Speaker 1: like sitting with yourself about like your reasons why you 186 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,720 Speaker 1: might want to change your last name or your reasons 187 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,640 Speaker 1: why you would not want to change your last name. 188 00:10:57,920 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: You do need to kind of sit with where is 189 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: that coming from? Absolutely, and it's something that should be 190 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: discussed prior as soon as possible, right so that each 191 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: person knows the other person intention, because it's it really 192 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: called Hollywood completely off guard to know that she didn't 193 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,839 Speaker 1: want his last name. Yeah, so this, you know, when 194 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:20,960 Speaker 1: we've talked on other episodes about like premarital counseling and 195 00:11:21,040 --> 00:11:23,920 Speaker 1: like when you're you know, getting serious with someone, these 196 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:25,920 Speaker 1: are the kinds of conversations you would want to have 197 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,559 Speaker 1: right about like name changes and stuff like that before 198 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: maybe you even get to the engagement phase. Ideally, Yes, 199 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,760 Speaker 1: that that's the that's the ideal. Now what ends up 200 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 1: happening some in some cases is not necessarily that, But 201 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,439 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you still can't have that conversation, 202 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:46,280 Speaker 1: right of course. Of course, So you talked a little 203 00:11:46,320 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: bit about her relationship with like her nieces and her nephews. 204 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 1: What kinds of things do you see going on there 205 00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:55,680 Speaker 1: that other people might also be struggling with? Well, we 206 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,679 Speaker 1: saw early on, not necessarily this season, but early on 207 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 1: her struggle in with new boundaries as Ralph Angel came 208 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,640 Speaker 1: more into the picture and wanted to show up as 209 00:12:06,679 --> 00:12:10,360 Speaker 1: a parent for Blue, that she really struggled with allowing 210 00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,000 Speaker 1: him the space to grow into the father that ultimately 211 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: she raised him to be. So while she raised him 212 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 1: Ralph Angel, she was just unwilling to relinquish some of 213 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,560 Speaker 1: that control so that he could blossom. And then I 214 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:28,040 Speaker 1: think with Charlie, it was more so the dynamics of 215 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:33,360 Speaker 1: her being the half sibling and integrating into the family 216 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,360 Speaker 1: that she was really trying to make sure that Charlie 217 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 1: was comfortable and would go through great extents to connect 218 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,559 Speaker 1: the siblings and to make sure they were all on 219 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 1: the same page. And even up season three, when Charlie 220 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: and Nova was having some tension behind Remy, she was 221 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,280 Speaker 1: right there in the middle of and saying, what's wrong, 222 00:12:52,360 --> 00:12:55,560 Speaker 1: Tell me what's wrong, something's not right. I've noticed this. 223 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,079 Speaker 1: I've noticed that when they could have clearly taken care 224 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:03,079 Speaker 1: of it themselves. Also in season three, seeing when Nova 225 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,720 Speaker 1: decided to share things about the family that By was 226 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: very much against it, to the point that she told 227 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 1: Nova like something is wrong with you and you need 228 00:13:12,280 --> 00:13:14,719 Speaker 1: to figure it out if you think this is okay. 229 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,959 Speaker 1: So actually having her question her character, yeah, I think 230 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 1: you raised some great points around that. And I hadn't 231 00:13:20,480 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 1: even thought about how early on, you know, because she 232 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:26,920 Speaker 1: initially had custody of Blue right, so while Ralph Angel 233 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,080 Speaker 1: was still on probation and things, she was the one 234 00:13:29,080 --> 00:13:32,160 Speaker 1: who was responsible for him, And so I had not 235 00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: even thought about how much tension there was when he 236 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: wanted to step into more of a full time parenting 237 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,320 Speaker 1: role and how she had difficulty really letting go of 238 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,920 Speaker 1: that relationship. Yes she did, and I mean she journeyed 239 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,839 Speaker 1: through it well are well enough because by the time 240 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:50,480 Speaker 1: we got to season three, she was advocating on his 241 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 1: behalf when she went to to see the other grandmother 242 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:59,079 Speaker 1: about the custody, So she was able to navigate the 243 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:01,839 Speaker 1: waters as it lights to that and I and we 244 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 1: see that oftentimes that as as a strong black woman, 245 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:09,400 Speaker 1: when something that's put to us multiple times in different ways, 246 00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 1: we start to embrace it. And I think that Ralph 247 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,600 Speaker 1: Angel was very adamant about saying you know, and setting 248 00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:19,200 Speaker 1: boundaries with with by and saying, hey, this is what 249 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 1: I need from you, this is what I need in 250 00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: this space, and he was very persistent with it, and 251 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,800 Speaker 1: then she was able to respect those boundaries right right. 252 00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,040 Speaker 1: And it does feel like there is like some weird 253 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,080 Speaker 1: tension between her and Nova and maybe and I feel 254 00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: like I've seen that more this season, and that could 255 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 1: have been kind of contributed to because like she was 256 00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: hiding that secret about remy right, and so she didn't 257 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 1: want to be honest about that, which maybe led to 258 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 1: some tension. Do you see other things that maybe have 259 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,560 Speaker 1: kind of led to the tension between her and Nova? Well, 260 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: I mean I see that tension, as you said, but 261 00:14:55,480 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 1: also maybe considering the fact that her the loop us 262 00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:03,920 Speaker 1: having lupus, that Nova was the only one that knew mmmmm. 263 00:15:04,560 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: And so now the roles kind of change a little 264 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 1: bit because one, she's getting help from Nova and she 265 00:15:10,640 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 1: needs to help, and so it becomes a level of 266 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: her depending on Nova for help, but also Whereby is 267 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,920 Speaker 1: usually the keeper of the secrets for everyone else, now 268 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 1: she has to trust Novah to keep her sleeper good point. 269 00:15:24,240 --> 00:15:26,240 Speaker 1: So I think that that's something else that we should 270 00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 1: probably talk about, because you know, like I know, even 271 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 1: in my own family, like my mom and my aunts 272 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 1: will like not tell me about medical stuff that's going on. 273 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: And I don't know, you know, if there's necessarily like 274 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:41,200 Speaker 1: a black culture kind of thing, but it does feel 275 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: like there is a vine of you know, like older 276 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 1: generations not wanting to tell people what's going on with 277 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: their medical health. You talk more about that or anything, 278 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,360 Speaker 1: you know, any of your thoughts around that. Um, you're right, 279 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: And I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing either. 280 00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:59,320 Speaker 1: I've had the same experience. I can remember my grandfather 281 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: not disclosing certain things to us for for years and 282 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 1: would just tell someone whoever took him to the doctor, 283 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 1: just to sit in the way an area and he 284 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: would come out and say he's a one. And so 285 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,720 Speaker 1: if you are the individual that it is withholding something, 286 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,840 Speaker 1: knowing that it's not so much as about having your 287 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: family and your business, but it's about having that support 288 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: and also considering their feelings in the position that they're 289 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 1: in when they do eventually find find out. Because one 290 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,360 Speaker 1: thing that Ralph Angel said after finding out is that 291 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,280 Speaker 1: this feels familiar. This feels like like pop And so 292 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: now he's reliving a trauma in the present based on 293 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: by choosing not to share with them what she was 294 00:16:42,720 --> 00:16:46,400 Speaker 1: going through, right, So, I think something that has not 295 00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: been touched on in the previous seasons, and and maybe 296 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:54,360 Speaker 1: I've just not remembered, but there's also likely a significant 297 00:16:54,360 --> 00:16:57,600 Speaker 1: amount of grief that she's experiencing related to her brother, 298 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: um you know. So now she is basically like the 299 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 1: only one in her family besides you know, in that generation, right, 300 00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:07,439 Speaker 1: besides like nieces and nephews and um you know that 301 00:17:07,520 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 1: kind of thing. And I don't know that they've ever 302 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: really kind of fully explored like the grief that she 303 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 1: probably is still feeling. I don't think that they have either. 304 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,639 Speaker 1: There there have been moments where she will speak of 305 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:23,280 Speaker 1: her brother and speak of missing him or or speak 306 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: of their journey together over the years, and even one 307 00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:32,040 Speaker 1: season when um Nova was really struggling with Charlie's mom 308 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:35,520 Speaker 1: being around. But I spoke on some pains that her 309 00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:40,000 Speaker 1: brother may have experienced in those relationships between Charlie's mom 310 00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 1: and and Nova's mom. But that is something that has 311 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 1: to be factored in that she is the last in 312 00:17:46,240 --> 00:17:51,119 Speaker 1: that generation, which also could possibly make her feel even 313 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,920 Speaker 1: more responsible for the outcome and the well being of 314 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:59,119 Speaker 1: others in the family. Right right, Yeah, And so I 315 00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,920 Speaker 1: think that that leasta my next question about self care, 316 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,800 Speaker 1: because it does not feel like she has a lot 317 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,080 Speaker 1: of strategies for taking care of herself, you know, like 318 00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,160 Speaker 1: it feels like her boundaries are everywhere. You know, she's 319 00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:12,879 Speaker 1: dipping her nose and everybody's business and trying to like 320 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,160 Speaker 1: run her entire life, not asking for help or even 321 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,880 Speaker 1: allowing people to help when they, you know, want to help. 322 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 1: So what what kinds of things might you be able 323 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,359 Speaker 1: to help her do if she were a client to 324 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:27,680 Speaker 1: develop a self care strategy. Well, at first I would 325 00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:31,639 Speaker 1: explain to her, you know what self care really means. 326 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 1: It's been masked with so many different things to to 327 00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:38,320 Speaker 1: make it seem like it's more about spending money and 328 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 1: vacationing and trips. But just helping her understand that her 329 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:45,520 Speaker 1: self care is any decision that she makes about her 330 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 1: mental and physical wellness. Um. So that could be something 331 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,040 Speaker 1: as simple as waking up in the morning. I imagine 332 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,480 Speaker 1: ain't buy as a as a praying woman, So waking 333 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,360 Speaker 1: up in the morning, saying a prayer and taking deep 334 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,800 Speaker 1: breaths and setting the intent for her day. Um or 335 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:08,040 Speaker 1: something as simple as walking the property and having a 336 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 1: sense of gratitude that that is land that's been in 337 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,639 Speaker 1: their family for generations and that they're able to pass 338 00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 1: it on and create a legacy. And then just throughout 339 00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: the day being mindful of the thoughts and the words 340 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 1: that she put out there that is coming from a 341 00:19:23,080 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: very present place and not a a place of pain, 342 00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,520 Speaker 1: and being able to see things for what they're they 343 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 1: present themselves to be. Like when Hollywood offers help, that 344 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,919 Speaker 1: he's not offering help in in exchange for putting her 345 00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:39,119 Speaker 1: in bondage, that he's truly offering his help because he 346 00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: wants to support her. Um So, those would be some 347 00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:45,800 Speaker 1: things because but I probably would be resistant to self care. 348 00:19:46,160 --> 00:19:49,240 Speaker 1: If I mentioned, you know, going to the spa or 349 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: taking a girl's trip, she would likely be resistant to 350 00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:55,639 Speaker 1: that because she's even told Hollywood about not wanting to 351 00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: spend money that's not necessary or shopping and things of 352 00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,119 Speaker 1: those natures. Uh So I would try to keep it 353 00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 1: home base for her in her self care and helping 354 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,600 Speaker 1: her to understand that it's simple as making a decision 355 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:11,280 Speaker 1: that is going to contribute to her her physical or 356 00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: mental wellness. Yeah, I completely agree with you. I think 357 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,280 Speaker 1: she would be very resistant to anything that sounds like 358 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 1: um Like a lot of people are right like that. 359 00:20:20,560 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: They feel like it's selfish or you know, like, Okay, 360 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:24,760 Speaker 1: I got so much to do, I don't have time 361 00:20:24,800 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 1: for all of this what seems kind of frivolous, but 362 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 1: in actuality, especially given you know her health conditions, it 363 00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,240 Speaker 1: really is important for her to be making sure that 364 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 1: she's like keeping her stress down and you know, taking 365 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:41,560 Speaker 1: really good care of herself. Absolutely, and and part of 366 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:46,439 Speaker 1: that is sitting with her thoughts and feelings and recognizing 367 00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:51,120 Speaker 1: what they are and possibly where they may have come 368 00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 1: from before speaking things out of her mouth. I'm thinking 369 00:20:55,960 --> 00:21:00,920 Speaker 1: of the scene where Hollywood comes in and he's obviously tired. 370 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:03,959 Speaker 1: You can see, you know, his shoulders are slump that 371 00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:08,480 Speaker 1: they're his face is is disgruntled, and she says hey, 372 00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:10,760 Speaker 1: and he says hey, and and he was like, I'm 373 00:21:10,760 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: just gonna go on and call it a night, And 374 00:21:13,520 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: rather than saying like, what's wrong? Are you okay, she 375 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,400 Speaker 1: kind of jumps into did you see that article about 376 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,879 Speaker 1: that that nova Um wrote? And he says, yes, he 377 00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:26,320 Speaker 1: saw it, and she goes on to speak her piece 378 00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:28,920 Speaker 1: about it, and then you see him come into the 379 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: room and have a seat, and then at that point 380 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:34,679 Speaker 1: she says, like, oh, what's wrong. And then he expressed 381 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,920 Speaker 1: himself and says that I don't, I don't, we don't 382 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,920 Speaker 1: see this the same, And then he become he opens 383 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: up to her about the pain that he's experiencing and 384 00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 1: how it's hard to carry that pain, and he could 385 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 1: relate to what Nova was saying about her dad and 386 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:54,960 Speaker 1: and the pain. So something I think that we also 387 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,359 Speaker 1: have not really talked about, or you know, we talked 388 00:21:57,359 --> 00:22:00,280 Speaker 1: about a little bit offline, um is really it to 389 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: like all of the traumas that she has experience that 390 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,080 Speaker 1: like have resulted in the way that she shows up 391 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:10,520 Speaker 1: in these different relationships. So likely before we could do 392 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:12,800 Speaker 1: any of like this self care work or maybe at 393 00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 1: the same time, you really would have to kind of 394 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: dig into helping her to process some of the traumatic 395 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:23,840 Speaker 1: experiences from her past. Absolutely, like absolutely, And like I 396 00:22:23,880 --> 00:22:27,040 Speaker 1: said before, I don't even think that she has the 397 00:22:27,119 --> 00:22:33,800 Speaker 1: awareness that her central thinking comes from the abusive relationship 398 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: marriage that she was in, that that's her that's her 399 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,119 Speaker 1: core of her thinking. It's almost as if every decision 400 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,240 Speaker 1: that she makes or the comment that she makes comes 401 00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:47,520 Speaker 1: from that space, especially as it relates to her sense 402 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,640 Speaker 1: of autonomy. Now, outside of that, I wouldn't be able 403 00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: to say. But when it comes to her wanting to 404 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:59,320 Speaker 1: be independent, it's all framed from a place of trauma. 405 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,679 Speaker 1: So how would you help her to raise that awareness? 406 00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: What would that even look like? Like? You said, First, 407 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: we would have to go and unpack some of the 408 00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: pain that she has experienced in her marriage, her previous marriage, 409 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:20,320 Speaker 1: also in raising her her niece and nephew and their 410 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,360 Speaker 1: mom being you know, not in the picture, and then 411 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:26,399 Speaker 1: their dad passing. Even though it was in their adult life, 412 00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:30,440 Speaker 1: she still felt like it was undone um. They weren't ready, 413 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:34,359 Speaker 1: so to speak. So I would help her first about 414 00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,160 Speaker 1: realizing what what the stakes that she had in her 415 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 1: life throughout the time, what was in her control, what 416 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 1: was out of her control, being able to in some 417 00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,560 Speaker 1: ways make peace with her past, and knowing that she 418 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,959 Speaker 1: can't change it and undo it, but she can accept it, 419 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 1: and what acceptance would look like for her, and and 420 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 1: helping her to understand that she gets to define that 421 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:56,280 Speaker 1: that it's her life, so she gets to the side 422 00:23:56,920 --> 00:24:00,600 Speaker 1: define what acceptance looked like for her, what closure looks 423 00:24:00,640 --> 00:24:05,199 Speaker 1: like for her, and once we process that, then I 424 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,760 Speaker 1: think we would experience a shift in mindset where she 425 00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,679 Speaker 1: would realize for herself like, oh, you know my not 426 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,520 Speaker 1: want in Hollywood to help? You know it? Can it 427 00:24:15,680 --> 00:24:19,159 Speaker 1: come from when my ex husband anytime he would help me, 428 00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: I would have to reciprocate in a way that I 429 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:23,919 Speaker 1: didn't want to reciprocate, or whatever it may be. I 430 00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:25,760 Speaker 1: think she would be able to make some of those 431 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:31,879 Speaker 1: connections herself once closure and healing took place. Very good points, 432 00:24:31,960 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: very good points. So how might you help her to 433 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,920 Speaker 1: um process some of the trauma of the abusive relationships? 434 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,399 Speaker 1: Like what kinds of things might you do specifically to 435 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 1: help her with that? Well? Typically, most oftentimes as a clinician, 436 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: I don't work much with trauma, but when it comes 437 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,520 Speaker 1: well I can let me not say that, because we 438 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,720 Speaker 1: all have some level of trauma, but typically when we're 439 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 1: looking back um over time and years of trauma to 440 00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:05,399 Speaker 1: that depth, in that extent, however, when I am with 441 00:25:05,440 --> 00:25:08,679 Speaker 1: the client and it comes up, we do some cognitive 442 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 1: behavior of one looking at what's rational thinking, what's irrational thinking? 443 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 1: If there's over generalizations taking place, being able to refute 444 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:23,120 Speaker 1: those Um, if there's some anxiousness related to certain things 445 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:28,120 Speaker 1: like taking up a spouse last name or allowing yourself 446 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,679 Speaker 1: to be celebrated in a space when you think what 447 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: you've been doing all along, it's good enough, Like for 448 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 1: her sixtieth birthday she mentioned going to the restaurant was enough, 449 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,000 Speaker 1: it's been good for the last sixty years, but then 450 00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:43,199 Speaker 1: excited to be celebrated, being able to embrace those spaces 451 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 1: that the abusive relationship does not determine her work, that 452 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:51,760 Speaker 1: she determines her own worth and processing through through that. It. 453 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:55,239 Speaker 1: So let's talk a little bit about because you know, 454 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:58,400 Speaker 1: now she is like embarking on this whole new journey 455 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:01,359 Speaker 1: in her life of entrepreneurship. Great, Um, she's you know, 456 00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 1: studying her pie business and getting lots of you know 457 00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 1: activity around that. What are some things that you think 458 00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,919 Speaker 1: might come up as she continues in that journey that 459 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: might be helpful to talk about in therapy work life balance. 460 00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,640 Speaker 1: As you mentioned before, it doesn't seem like she has 461 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 1: much of that, but I see that as she ends 462 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:24,360 Speaker 1: up having her own uh space, like she desires that, 463 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,239 Speaker 1: she's going to want it to be just perfect, and 464 00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 1: so being able to have that balance also in planning 465 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,120 Speaker 1: a wedding and enter and and enter into a new 466 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 1: chapter of her life in a different way. Although she's 467 00:26:36,040 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: been married before, this marriage will definitely show up differently 468 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 1: for her in her life in a different way because 469 00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:47,320 Speaker 1: she's in a different place personally. And then also being 470 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: able to manage her health and her and her mental wellness. 471 00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:55,240 Speaker 1: That's definitely gonna come up because, like you said before, 472 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 1: if her stress level it is not managed, it's going 473 00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,440 Speaker 1: to impact her health. And if her physical ful health 474 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 1: of ampacted, then her business is impacted. So I think 475 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,600 Speaker 1: those are going to be some things that come up. 476 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,639 Speaker 1: And then the business side of business, like she loves 477 00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,920 Speaker 1: making pies and being with the people and servicing them 478 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 1: and and having the conversations with them, but the actual 479 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,240 Speaker 1: running of the business, the books, you know, the ordering, 480 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,480 Speaker 1: those types of things. Being able to discuss how she 481 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: will source out, because she will have to at some 482 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 1: point source out beyond having a helper in the kitchen 483 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 1: with the pies. Got it? So? I also, and I'm 484 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 1: not sure it may have just been my own suspicion, 485 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,680 Speaker 1: but I felt like I was always waiting for the 486 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 1: other shoe to drop in that deal between her and 487 00:27:43,359 --> 00:27:46,240 Speaker 1: the guy from the grocery store, like something about him 488 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,919 Speaker 1: just feels a little shady to me. Um, And I 489 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,080 Speaker 1: kept wondering, like, is she being taken advantage of in 490 00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 1: this deal? In the beginning that I got the same vibe, 491 00:27:55,480 --> 00:28:00,320 Speaker 1: especially when the split was like seventy thirty or sixty forty, 492 00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:04,080 Speaker 1: it was really strange. Um, But it seems like to 493 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,600 Speaker 1: me as things progress, and him inviting her over for 494 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:11,480 Speaker 1: dinner and meeting his wife, and then him even going 495 00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:15,879 Speaker 1: so far as to research her her condition after she 496 00:28:16,040 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 1: revealed it to him, and and even him saying like, 497 00:28:19,080 --> 00:28:21,840 Speaker 1: I want to know what's going on, Um, this is 498 00:28:21,880 --> 00:28:25,199 Speaker 1: important to me, and then researching and saying this is 499 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,920 Speaker 1: what I found, this is what I know. It started 500 00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: to seem more genuine. But then I also know she 501 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,359 Speaker 1: has Charlie in place with lawyers that look over the paperwork. 502 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 1: So I'm not sure if another shoe will drop, But 503 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,720 Speaker 1: I I wholeheartedly get what you're saying, because I had 504 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 1: that same feeling at the start of their relationship. Yeah, 505 00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 1: so I guess we would just have to stay tuned 506 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,400 Speaker 1: to see if that stays on the up and up 507 00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: right right exactly hopefully, hopefully it will, especially at the 508 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 1: end of the season, him saying that the very uh 509 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,360 Speaker 1: diner that she worked for I think she said eighteen 510 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: plus years could possibly be her new home. Mm hmmm, Yeah, 511 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,720 Speaker 1: that definitely did seem exciting. So any other skills, you 512 00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:14,160 Speaker 1: feel like she will need um to kind of move 513 00:29:14,200 --> 00:29:16,360 Speaker 1: into the stack space of her life some of the 514 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,640 Speaker 1: things that she's already showing an inkling of, like how 515 00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 1: she kind of when she talked to Nova and she said, 516 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,160 Speaker 1: I realized I never dreamed big enough that I didn't 517 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,600 Speaker 1: give myself permission. That she's on the surface of some things. 518 00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,000 Speaker 1: And so I think part of it is going to 519 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 1: continue to pursue some of the mindset that she's already 520 00:29:37,320 --> 00:29:40,480 Speaker 1: started to shift in and then opening up to other 521 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:45,080 Speaker 1: possibilities and definitely asking for help, putting herself first and 522 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,760 Speaker 1: her health first. And she's she's doing that in some 523 00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,720 Speaker 1: ways um and then in some ways not. So she 524 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 1: won't allow Hollywood to really help, like I said before, 525 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:58,080 Speaker 1: and we established that comes from past pain, but creating 526 00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: a balance because he is her partner and it is 527 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,800 Speaker 1: going to be important to let him in and let 528 00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:06,320 Speaker 1: him be of support. So I think that that's going 529 00:30:06,320 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 1: to be a pivotal place where she'll have to work 530 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:13,840 Speaker 1: or she'll start to see that relationship being impacted more 531 00:30:13,880 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: than she realizes. So I think that that would be 532 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 1: an interesting thing to talk more about too. Like if 533 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,560 Speaker 1: you had a client like buy who came in and 534 00:30:22,640 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 1: you know, we're doing so much for everybody else, but 535 00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,680 Speaker 1: had real trouble asking for help or allowing people to help, 536 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:29,520 Speaker 1: what kinds of things might you do with them to 537 00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:32,160 Speaker 1: help them to kind of practice allowing people to help more. 538 00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:37,720 Speaker 1: I would likely, you know, talk about and and explore 539 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: compassion and empathy because a lot of times we will 540 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,440 Speaker 1: extend it but we do not know how to receive it, 541 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:48,800 Speaker 1: and knowing what that means, and helping her to identify 542 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:51,760 Speaker 1: how it makes her feel to be of help, that 543 00:30:51,920 --> 00:30:55,320 Speaker 1: that sense of altruism that she's allowed to feel when 544 00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,680 Speaker 1: she's helping, even when maybe they're not asking for her help, 545 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 1: um that she's right there Johnny on the spot, and 546 00:31:03,400 --> 00:31:06,440 Speaker 1: what she if she could imagine, or asking her to 547 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 1: imagine what it would feel like for her if the 548 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: people in her life didn't allow her to help. And 549 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: so we would really sit with that and explore and 550 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: then doing some different homework quote unquote exercises where we 551 00:31:22,360 --> 00:31:25,240 Speaker 1: start with smaller things, asking for health, things that she 552 00:31:25,320 --> 00:31:30,240 Speaker 1: doesn't mind re relinquish and control of, and then working 553 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: her way up through some bigger things, and also understanding 554 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: that getting that help does not mean that she's no 555 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 1: longer in control, because she still gets to control the 556 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,320 Speaker 1: extent of which in which they help and what areas 557 00:31:42,360 --> 00:31:45,800 Speaker 1: that that she gets the help got it, So really 558 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: kind of taking some baby steps like Okay, what are 559 00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: the things that you would have the least trouble, kind 560 00:31:50,920 --> 00:31:53,720 Speaker 1: of letting control, letting go control of, and starting there 561 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:58,040 Speaker 1: absolutely because I imagine if I was on my couch 562 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: something she would will be like, no, that's not gonna happen, 563 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:05,600 Speaker 1: and she may not even show back up if we 564 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: started too aggressive and in the spaces that she's not 565 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: ready to um to, to let go of. And then 566 00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,719 Speaker 1: I would also talk to her about modeling behavior because 567 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 1: she it's really important to her for her nieces to 568 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:24,400 Speaker 1: to live their best life, and so I would talk 569 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 1: to her about the behavior that she's modeling in her 570 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: own life and how she feels that it may be 571 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:33,239 Speaker 1: impacting Charlie and Nova. So you Bichen something that I 572 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 1: think we should maybe talk about a little bit, this 573 00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:39,320 Speaker 1: whole idea of if you went too hard too soon, 574 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:42,320 Speaker 1: she might not show back up to therapy. Can you 575 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:46,640 Speaker 1: talk more about what you mean? Then? Well, you have 576 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 1: to meet a client where they are, and so part 577 00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: of the process that most of us have established is 578 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,920 Speaker 1: an intake to just get an idea of where the 579 00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:59,320 Speaker 1: client is. And so if I were to jump right 580 00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,959 Speaker 1: in and say, well, you need to hire staff and 581 00:33:02,000 --> 00:33:05,720 Speaker 1: take some days off, then I imagine that by would 582 00:33:05,760 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: not come back if I was to maybe suggest to 583 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:13,200 Speaker 1: her doing more community outreach, because one of the things 584 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,360 Speaker 1: that she mentioned in these in three is that she 585 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: wanted to create a space where other black women could 586 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 1: learn and grow and have businesses on their own. So 587 00:33:23,280 --> 00:33:26,480 Speaker 1: if I approached it from that perspective of networking, which 588 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,520 Speaker 1: means she's not in the kitchen baking pies as much, 589 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,400 Speaker 1: but she's working on another part of her business, then 590 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:35,440 Speaker 1: she would embrace that and eventually get her to the 591 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,520 Speaker 1: space of being willing to take some days off and 592 00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:41,360 Speaker 1: take care of herself and spend time with her her 593 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: family rather than waiting till high work is done and 594 00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:50,400 Speaker 1: business is done. And squeezing them in around business. Right, 595 00:33:50,440 --> 00:33:52,760 Speaker 1: So kind of helping her to get through it, get 596 00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:54,880 Speaker 1: to it through a back door, which is sometimes what 597 00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: we do. Right Oftentimes we we have to use that 598 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:01,840 Speaker 1: that back door or UM. I don't know about you, 599 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:05,200 Speaker 1: but it's been very few times where I've had clients 600 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: come in and say, you know what, this is my junk, 601 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,440 Speaker 1: this is it, and this is what I know I 602 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:12,320 Speaker 1: need to do. I just need support doing it. Um, 603 00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,080 Speaker 1: it's very few times that I have that. And even 604 00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,319 Speaker 1: when I do, when we start getting to okay, well 605 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:21,279 Speaker 1: this is what you mentioned, it's like yeah, but the 606 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:25,200 Speaker 1: readiness of it of it changes. So I imagine that 607 00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:29,399 Speaker 1: if I came into therapy that just showing up would 608 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,200 Speaker 1: have taken a lot out of her, and so I 609 00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:35,279 Speaker 1: would be very I would be very mindful of that 610 00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:40,400 Speaker 1: and her perspective of therapy and if it works and 611 00:34:40,440 --> 00:34:42,920 Speaker 1: if it helps or not, and I would approach it 612 00:34:42,960 --> 00:34:47,080 Speaker 1: that way. Uh of just taking really small baby steps 613 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:51,359 Speaker 1: and validating her the whole way and making sure that 614 00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:55,480 Speaker 1: what she wanted stayed at the forefront of the therapeutic 615 00:34:55,520 --> 00:35:01,920 Speaker 1: process while integrating those uh therapeutic strategies without her maybe 616 00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:04,520 Speaker 1: even realizing that the onset that that's what they were, 617 00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:07,200 Speaker 1: and then we would get into it. Once she went 618 00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:10,360 Speaker 1: out and get the network and in the community outreach 619 00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,080 Speaker 1: and coming back and telling me how it made her feel, 620 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,040 Speaker 1: then we would process Okay, well, while you were doing that, 621 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 1: who was in the kitchen taking care of the pies? 622 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,719 Speaker 1: Like get the pie order backlog? How how did that 623 00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:24,720 Speaker 1: work out? And then she would see that it's okay 624 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:26,879 Speaker 1: to step away from the business and the business will 625 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:31,000 Speaker 1: still be okay. Very good points, very good points. So 626 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:34,279 Speaker 1: what are some of your favorite resources for Like we've 627 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,480 Speaker 1: talked about so many different things, right, um, so related 628 00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,440 Speaker 1: to the conversation, what are some of the your favorite 629 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,319 Speaker 1: resources that you suggest for your client? Is related to 630 00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:46,120 Speaker 1: some of the struggles that buy is having. So I 631 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:49,480 Speaker 1: know that the Boundaries book have been discussed thoroughly and 632 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:54,520 Speaker 1: mentioned oftentimes. But I think that understanding when and how 633 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:58,120 Speaker 1: to set boundaries and what boundaries are are pivotal. It's 634 00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,719 Speaker 1: the core of who we are and it helps us 635 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 1: to establish how to be our best self. So I 636 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,320 Speaker 1: would definitely say that that would be a resource. The 637 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:10,200 Speaker 1: author even has a Boundaries and Dating which is Dr 638 00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 1: Henry Cloud and then also there are some apps out 639 00:36:14,120 --> 00:36:17,920 Speaker 1: there that I think are are really amazing that oftentimes 640 00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,239 Speaker 1: I suggest with UH with my clients, And one of 641 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,319 Speaker 1: them is a lifestyle app, and it basically helps you 642 00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:27,960 Speaker 1: track your time and helps you to see where you're 643 00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 1: spending your time and then you can be more mindful. 644 00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:34,239 Speaker 1: So with Vie we talked about work life balance. She 645 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,440 Speaker 1: could really she could use that app and end up 646 00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:39,480 Speaker 1: seeing how much time she's spending at work versus how 647 00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,799 Speaker 1: many times, how much time she's spending at home, how 648 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:46,440 Speaker 1: much time she's spending on herself, maybe exercising or during devotion. 649 00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:49,400 Speaker 1: It starts to track and it gives you a weekly 650 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 1: output of what's happening, and even will help you to 651 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,239 Speaker 1: um to see changes that you made, Like I looked 652 00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,839 Speaker 1: at mine recently and it's like, oh, you spent more 653 00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 1: time on lunch this week then last week, So it 654 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,800 Speaker 1: gives you that insight. The name of the epig images 655 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:13,600 Speaker 1: lifestyle Okay, it's just called lifestyle app. Yes, And there's 656 00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,280 Speaker 1: a there's a sleep app that goes that's also similar 657 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 1: to that that tracks your sleep, which we didn't even 658 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:22,960 Speaker 1: get into that, but I imagine that buys not getting 659 00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:26,400 Speaker 1: regular sleep with her work on so much which impacts 660 00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 1: her mental and physical health. Also, UH, Calm app c 661 00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,759 Speaker 1: a l M is for meditation. So I mentioned you know, 662 00:37:33,840 --> 00:37:37,000 Speaker 1: maybe starting buy out with the morning prayer and setting 663 00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:41,719 Speaker 1: her intent. Well, sometimes it's hard to initiate that on 664 00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,520 Speaker 1: our own and we need some guidance. And so this 665 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:49,800 Speaker 1: app provides guided meditation, it provides unguided meditation, it provides 666 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:53,840 Speaker 1: music to help with focus and sleep. It's a several 667 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:58,480 Speaker 1: components uh that teaches mindfulness, even master classes. Um. So 668 00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: it's one of my favorite go to apps. Um. And 669 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:06,719 Speaker 1: then if it was just the overall struggle of being 670 00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:09,239 Speaker 1: able to feel good about yourself and show up in 671 00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,600 Speaker 1: a good space, then the Virtual Hope Box and it's 672 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:16,080 Speaker 1: basically what it says is a hope box of all 673 00:38:16,120 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 1: the great things to remember to help you establish your 674 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,040 Speaker 1: best self. Um. And then another book, as far as 675 00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: our book resource, Girl Wash Your Face, and it talks 676 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:29,719 Speaker 1: about how to you know, live and be the best 677 00:38:29,760 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 1: person and learn how to hustle and not see yourself 678 00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:36,560 Speaker 1: like everyone else sees you, but see yourself for yourself. 679 00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:40,439 Speaker 1: Got it? Yeah, I definitely have heard lots of people 680 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:43,160 Speaker 1: talking about Girl Wash Your face too, so that may 681 00:38:43,160 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 1: be a good one to check out. Definitely. The other 682 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:48,400 Speaker 1: thing joy is that we are we are our best 683 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:52,719 Speaker 1: resource if we really take time with ourselves. So just 684 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:57,400 Speaker 1: really being present and and recognizing the emotions and feelings 685 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,960 Speaker 1: that we're experiencing and allowing ourselves to experience them without 686 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 1: any guilt, without any shame, without any judgment. That helps 687 00:39:04,760 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 1: us to grow tremendously and it does not take any 688 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,520 Speaker 1: additional purchases are apps? Right? If we would just sit 689 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:17,399 Speaker 1: down and be quiet sometimes, dre that's it? So where 690 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:20,520 Speaker 1: can people find you, Lisasta? What is your website address 691 00:39:20,560 --> 00:39:24,560 Speaker 1: as well as any social media handles you want to share? Okay, 692 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:30,160 Speaker 1: so my website is www dot I choose me to 693 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:34,319 Speaker 1: the number two day dot org. They can find me 694 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:38,200 Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram as um. I choose me the 695 00:39:38,280 --> 00:39:43,200 Speaker 1: number two day. Facebook is La Shasta Bell lpc S 696 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:48,080 Speaker 1: and they can always text I choose me to five 697 00:39:48,160 --> 00:39:52,560 Speaker 1: five five eight eight to stay connected. All right, So 698 00:39:52,600 --> 00:39:54,839 Speaker 1: all of that information will be included in the show notes, 699 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,920 Speaker 1: so people can make sure they have access to that 700 00:39:57,000 --> 00:40:00,160 Speaker 1: even after they listen to the episode. Right, great, I 701 00:40:00,280 --> 00:40:04,080 Speaker 1: really do appreciate being able to chat and especially when 702 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:07,400 Speaker 1: it's about a show that is amazing and it's doing 703 00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:10,880 Speaker 1: so many great things for us as a culture and 704 00:40:11,040 --> 00:40:14,120 Speaker 1: as a society, and being able to highlight things and 705 00:40:14,600 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 1: in a way that are subtle but yet broad and 706 00:40:18,520 --> 00:40:22,320 Speaker 1: and bold. And so I appreciate the time you've allowed 707 00:40:22,440 --> 00:40:25,600 Speaker 1: me to talk about clean Sugar and Buy and I'm 708 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,279 Speaker 1: so looking forward to the next season to see how 709 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:32,000 Speaker 1: they will develop by his character out even more. Yes 710 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 1: me too. Thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. 711 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:39,640 Speaker 1: I'm so grateful of Shafts that was able to share 712 00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,759 Speaker 1: her expertise with us today. To learn more about her 713 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:46,520 Speaker 1: and her practice and the resources that she shared, visit 714 00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,080 Speaker 1: the show notes at Therapy for Black Girls dot com. 715 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:53,200 Speaker 1: So last Session one ten. If you love this conversation, 716 00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: go ahead and text two of your friends and tell 717 00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,600 Speaker 1: them to listen, and be sure to share your takeaways 718 00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:00,799 Speaker 1: with us in your i G store race or on 719 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:05,960 Speaker 1: Twitter using the hashtag tv G in session. Don't forget 720 00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,600 Speaker 1: to show some support for our sponsor for this episode, 721 00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:12,760 Speaker 1: natural Sious. Natural Sious is the world's first vegan high 722 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:16,200 Speaker 1: performance hair care line that delivers the results of twelve 723 00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,600 Speaker 1: products and only three. You can find the products and 724 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:23,320 Speaker 1: over twelve hundred Sally stores nationwide, and you can also 725 00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:26,440 Speaker 1: get ten percent off your purchase online by going to 726 00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:30,120 Speaker 1: Sally Beauty dot com and using the promo code five 727 00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:35,120 Speaker 1: five five five five five at checkout. If you're searching 728 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 1: for a therapist in your area, check out our directory 729 00:41:38,480 --> 00:41:42,279 Speaker 1: at Therapy for Black Girls dot com slash directory. And 730 00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:45,080 Speaker 1: if you want to continue this conversation with other sisters 731 00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,879 Speaker 1: who listen to the podcast, come on over and join 732 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:50,279 Speaker 1: us in the Thrive Tribe, which is the Facebook group 733 00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:53,800 Speaker 1: for our community. You can request to join at Therapy 734 00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:57,000 Speaker 1: for Black Girls dot com slash Tribe and be sure 735 00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,960 Speaker 1: to answer the three questions that are asked to gain entry. 736 00:42:00,680 --> 00:42:03,560 Speaker 1: Be sure to visit our online store at Therapy for 737 00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:06,800 Speaker 1: Black Girls dot com slash Shop, where you can find 738 00:42:06,800 --> 00:42:10,880 Speaker 1: our guided affirmation track, break up journal, and your favorite 739 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:14,680 Speaker 1: Therapy for Black Girls t shirts and mugs. Thank y'all 740 00:42:14,760 --> 00:42:17,239 Speaker 1: so much for joining me again this week. I look 741 00:42:17,320 --> 00:42:20,640 Speaker 1: forward to continue in this conversation with you all real soon. 742 00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:21,959 Speaker 1: Take it care