WEBVTT - The Journey to Sobriety 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:00.880 I'm Tamika D. 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:03.199 Mallory and the ship Boy my Son in general. 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:05.640 We are your host of TMI. 0:00:05.400 --> 0:00:09.600 Tamika and my Son's Information, Truth, Motivation and Inspiration. 0:00:09.840 --> 0:00:14.400 New Name, New Energy. 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:15.880 So how you been this week? 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:18.080 It's been a good week. It's been a good week. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:20.720 I mean, I don't know, you know, it's always shit happening, 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:22.000 like we were talking, is it a good week? 0:00:22.120 --> 0:00:23.840 Is a bad week? We live in America and we 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:25.880 and we kill people all around. 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:31.560 Lord, I had a really good week. Good. You know. 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:33.000 I deal with a lot. 0:00:32.800 --> 0:00:36.800 Of schools and children and I had a speaking engagement 0:00:36.840 --> 0:00:41.960 at Garfield Academy in New Jersey and shout out to 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:45.800 Principal Lance. He was he's a dope principal. And I 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:49.400 sat with these young kids and the school is amazing. 0:00:49.680 --> 0:00:52.080 Like the school, it's like, you know how they talk 0:00:52.120 --> 0:00:54.360 about so what it is? They actually have a store 0:00:54.640 --> 0:00:57.200 where this is a class. They have a barbershop that's 0:00:57.200 --> 0:01:01.080 a class. They have a restaurant that's a class. They 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.040 have all these things where these kids get to take 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:04.600 those as classes. 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:08.400 And they work using their real experience exactly. 0:01:08.120 --> 0:01:10.320 And they work in those stories and they work in 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:13.200 them and it's dope. The whole environment is dope. And 0:01:13.240 --> 0:01:14.679 it was a lot you know, I think it's a 0:01:14.680 --> 0:01:16.759 lot of at risk youth in there, some of them. 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:19.520 One of these kids probably was fourteen, told me how 0:01:19.520 --> 0:01:21.920 you just got shot last year four times? 0:01:22.640 --> 0:01:22.760 You know. 0:01:23.000 --> 0:01:27.120 Another kid, yeah, four times. And another fifteen year old kid. 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:30.440 His father was you know, in the streets and got murdered. 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:34.399 His mother died from canta, so he was dealing with 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.360 a lot. It was just so many different little issues. 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:40.000 But they were really attentive, you know, and I felt 0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:43.160 I felt like I connected with them, you know, because 0:01:43.560 --> 0:01:46.360 my story is similar to a lot of theirs, and 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.840 just breaking down certain things, you know, talking to them. 0:01:49.840 --> 0:01:51.240 And at the end, they all came. 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:53.360 Up to me, they took pictures with me, they took 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:56.560 my phone and made me follow them on Instagram, and you. 0:01:56.520 --> 0:01:58.000 Know, it was it was, it was. It was a 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:01.200 real like touching moment for me. 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:05.880 And the biggest thing was at the end of the day, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:08.760 when I was about to leave, the principal called me 0:02:08.760 --> 0:02:12.240 in this office and said, hey, two guys that have 0:02:12.280 --> 0:02:14.280 been fighting all year, they probably had about four or 0:02:14.360 --> 0:02:17.079 five fights, you know, they want to sit here and 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:20.280 resolve their issues while you're here, you know, based off 0:02:20.360 --> 0:02:23.680 what you said and inspired them and motivated them to 0:02:23.720 --> 0:02:26.760 want a squash to be And you know, they sat down, 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:29.399 like two young men probably I think they're like sixteen, 0:02:30.240 --> 0:02:33.119 and one guy just admitted that he created the situation. 0:02:33.240 --> 0:02:36.000 You know, he was misinformation, miscommunication. 0:02:36.160 --> 0:02:39.239 He attacked the guy based off something and the god said, yeah, 0:02:39.240 --> 0:02:40.520 I didn't even know what that was. 0:02:40.919 --> 0:02:42.160 And at the end, you know, they. 0:02:42.080 --> 0:02:46.120 Both said they peace and they drafted up, you know, 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:48.200 and they gave each other a hug and he was like, yeah, 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:50.959 and I know, and it made me feel like this 0:02:51.040 --> 0:02:52.840 is working. You know, a lot of times we have 0:02:53.520 --> 0:02:56.800 a lot of different situations in this work where we 0:02:56.919 --> 0:02:59.640 I've lost kids that I was just talking to that 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:03.040 I had just mediated situations would and two or threes later, 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:06.400 two or threes two or three days later, they were 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:10.400 shot and killed or incarcerated. And you take it hard 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:13.359 because you're like, then, I wasn't able to do something 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:16.000 to help them, well, you know, to save them from 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:17.239 making those decisions. 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:19.880 But when you actually get situations like. 0:03:19.840 --> 0:03:23.760 This and you see, you know that in that minute, 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:28.080 a few minutes that you had with those kids, it 0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:32.119 transformed the thought process that's been going on for over 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:36.080 a year with them, like literally have four fights, you know. 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:37.480 So that's beautiful. 0:03:37.480 --> 0:03:39.280 And you know what I would say just one more 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:42.160 point on that is, even at sixteen years old, if 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:44.280 you're paying attention to what's happening in the world, you 0:03:44.360 --> 0:03:46.840 realize that could it really could be do a die. 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:49.760 So if you want to live, you even have to 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:56.440 have the emotional intelligence to stop the train before it wrecks. 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:59.720 Good that you're doing here, just keep pushing it because 0:03:59.760 --> 0:04:07.040 you know it can be very discouraging sometimes to beat 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:08.560 you up. They tell you that this is a lot, 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:11.840 but you keep going and you know it brings me 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:16.560 to purpose. Well, that's absolutely absolutely when thinking about my 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.400 you know, my thought of the day today is around 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:20.719 this idea of. 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:22.800 Sobriety. 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:29.719 You know, I am really I don't know if I 0:04:29.760 --> 0:04:32.800 want to say proud of me because I don't even know. 0:04:32.920 --> 0:04:36.440 I don't I really don't have all of the lexicon. 0:04:36.600 --> 0:04:39.960 I'm literally developing it. Five years later, I'm writing my 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:49.200 first real speech about my process to get sober and 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:52.680 what I went through and how I initially got addicted 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:55.400 and what was at one point something that I didn't 0:04:55.400 --> 0:04:57.440 even know was a part of addiction. I had no 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.120 idea the first time I swallowed a pill that it 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:01.480 was a part of an addiction thing. 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:02.880 And I certainly didn't understand the. 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:08.920 Political nature of addiction and that there's actual forces working 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:10.799 towards like I didn't think any of that. I didn't 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:13.160 know there was a story and a situation out there 0:05:13.160 --> 0:05:16.159 in the world that can explain why we're addicted to 0:05:16.240 --> 0:05:18.880 these pills. So I didn't know. I didn't know so 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:20.680 many other people was on it. But now that I'm 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:24.279 more educated, and now that I'm more confident, right now 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:26.320 that I've been able to kick shame and the ass 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.400 about this particular issue and other things like you know 0:05:29.440 --> 0:05:31.800 what I'm saying, One thing i will say is one 0:05:31.800 --> 0:05:33.840 of the things that I'm beginning to realize is certain 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:37.760 parts of my story I'm not able to tell because 0:05:37.960 --> 0:05:41.000 other people's lives will be impacted. And I'm talking about 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:44.719 things from childhood all the way to now. You don't tell, 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:48.400 or you don't want to disrespect or embarrass other people, 0:05:48.600 --> 0:05:51.680 even your family members and your friends. You want to 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.560 be mindful, and it's very important that when we start 0:05:54.600 --> 0:05:57.800 talking about telling our stories, which people are entitled to 0:05:57.880 --> 0:06:01.080 that that we're very careful to know that your time 0:06:01.200 --> 0:06:04.479 is not everybody else's time. And because I have compassion 0:06:04.600 --> 0:06:08.400 for that, I'm careful and mindful. But there's lots of 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:11.120 components of my life that there are people in the 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:14.800 world who believe because they know that I did something, 0:06:14.920 --> 0:06:17.720 or I was a place, you know, a strip club, 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.200 slept with this guy, did this thing or whatever, they 0:06:21.240 --> 0:06:24.479 believe that they're holding something that will just tear me 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.640 to shreds. And of course, when the truth about your 0:06:28.720 --> 0:06:31.680 life and things come out, it can hurt you to 0:06:31.839 --> 0:06:34.480 hear people's opinions and to lose. 0:06:34.200 --> 0:06:35.840 Opportunities, or to have people. 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:38.200 Don't trust you, or don't believe you or don't believe 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:42.159 in you, of course, but I've come to know that 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:46.600 ripping the band aid off of situations, problems, issues that 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:51.000 you've been through can oftentimes provide you with freedom, freedom 0:06:51.040 --> 0:06:54.000 to walk forward and deal with whatever it is and 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:57.760 kick it up under your feet, right, And so I 0:06:58.520 --> 0:07:03.760 have disassociated myself with the shame of my story around addiction. 0:07:04.240 --> 0:07:06.279 I don't have it anymore. I've thrown it out. 0:07:06.360 --> 0:07:08.679 It's taking years to get there, but I think five 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:13.240 years of sobriety is a time when you could actually 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.200 tell the full story and not worry about who feel 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.840 who know, who was there, who saw you when. 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:21.840 You was nodding out, Who to help you get the drugs, 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:23.040 who didn't, who did this? 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:23.400 Who? 0:07:24.240 --> 0:07:27.760 It doesn't matter because now the work that's on me 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.160 is bigger than me. I have found that disassociating yourself 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:34.760 from all of this shame and guilt that holds us 0:07:34.800 --> 0:07:36.880 down might just be the thing that we need to 0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.480 get free and to have the space to do things 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:40.440 right going forward. 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:48.160 Sounds like you have been in deep contemplation and you 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:51.280 have really come to terms with you. You know what 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:54.160 I'm saying, just being just understanding who you are, what 0:07:54.280 --> 0:07:57.720 you are, and just freeing yourself from all the things 0:07:57.760 --> 0:07:58.440 that bind you. 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:01.600 TMI today is. 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:07.440 We as women, and I saw Aman Decillo's talking on 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:13.880 her Small Doses podcast about being too much right. We 0:08:14.000 --> 0:08:18.400 as women we do, you know, we talk when we 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.920 want to. I never forget getting a call from someone 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:25.119 very close to me who said, oh, you know, women 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:28.800 just all day y'all just don't ever stop telling and 0:08:28.920 --> 0:08:33.400 doing and directing. But I feel like men don't, really, 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:36.720 they say, because I've been told by a number of men, 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.640 you got to say it the right way. You can't 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:43.079 just always have an attitude. You need to stop being 0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:48.360 so this and that, and you know, and and and nagging, and. 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:50.320 You have to nurture the right way. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:52.760 And you need to you know, have a certain type 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.440 of positivity and this and that, and you could get 0:08:55.480 --> 0:08:58.400 a man to do anything just with your energy. I 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.439 have found you could say a nice you could say 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:05.559 it nasty, and the same result that most men do 0:09:05.600 --> 0:09:10.640 not want to be corrected and or just suggested of 0:09:10.720 --> 0:09:12.559 a new or better way to do things. 0:09:12.840 --> 0:09:13.200 Period. 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:14.920 I don't think that's true. 0:09:15.440 --> 0:09:21.920 I really I think that delivery is everything right, because nasty, 0:09:22.800 --> 0:09:23.400 that's not true. 0:09:23.440 --> 0:09:25.040 It's not nasty or nice. Right. 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:28.280 It's the time you say it, it's when you say it, 0:09:28.280 --> 0:09:32.679 it's how you say it. All those things come if 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:33.320 you're correct. 0:09:33.520 --> 0:09:33.959 If a man. 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:35.600 If a man is in the middle of a speech 0:09:35.600 --> 0:09:38.320 and he's giving it, and he's talking around people who 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:40.560 are listening to him, and he's and he's saying something, 0:09:40.600 --> 0:09:42.160 you stopping, I don't say it that way. 0:09:42.640 --> 0:09:44.280 Don't say it that way. Say it this when you. 0:09:44.200 --> 0:09:49.000 Smile and you stop and you say it, don't say 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:52.280 this when you smile, you think that you're saying it nice. Right, 0:09:52.320 --> 0:09:55.040 What you just did is correct him in front of 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:58.280 people that think he knows what he's talking about. Right, 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.760 So what you did is you you just you lowered 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.920 a little bit of his his his status in front 0:10:03.960 --> 0:10:04.400 of people. 0:10:04.679 --> 0:10:04.880 Right. 0:10:04.920 --> 0:10:08.480 You didn't whisper behind his back and say, yo, if 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:10.000 you got a man and you with a man and 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:12.160 you saying and something, he did something on you, wether. 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:13.800 It's back, babe, you know what you should have did. 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:15.199 I loved what you did. 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:17.880 But imagine if you got right. 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:20.760 So you gotta because it's like, but it's still a 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:21.880 man has an ego. 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:23.600 Everyone has an ego. 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:25.679 You dealing with a man with an ego, and if 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:27.800 you don't care about the man's ego, then fuck it. 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:29.880 You can say what you want, but if you want 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.040 to get the best response from a man, then you 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:35.679 have to fill out how do I work with this individual? 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:36.199 Right? 0:10:36.200 --> 0:10:37.920 How do I talk to this man and get the 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:39.520 best thing from this man? 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:41.000 I know the things he likes. 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.040 Especially if this is a person that you would or 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:45.040 you're not with, or somebody that you come through with, 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:48.000 somebody that's a friend of yours. You know the things 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:50.520 to say to trigger that person. You know the things 0:10:50.600 --> 0:10:53.520 that he's gonna argue over. You know all of those things. 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:56.320 So if you take the if you made a decision 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:59.120 that you don't give a fuck, you just gonna call 0:10:59.160 --> 0:11:01.319 him out, or you're gonna to tell him what's right, 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.559 however you want to say it, when you want to 0:11:03.559 --> 0:11:08.120 say it, despite how he can he takes information, how 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:12.080 he best in takes information. It's really like I see 0:11:12.200 --> 0:11:15.400 women do it all the time. Women have no problem 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:20.400 talking to their children, right, women with children and be like, damn, 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:23.559 I wish they talked to me that way. There's just 0:11:23.880 --> 0:11:26.719 there's no care about what you think. You don't want 0:11:26.720 --> 0:11:28.760 to bruise the kids ego, you don't want to you 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:31.840 don't want to stop him. You don't use certain language, 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:34.000 you don't use certain words when you speak to him, 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:38.079 all these things you're careful about. How you give this 0:11:38.200 --> 0:11:41.840 information to your child because you want him to receive 0:11:41.920 --> 0:11:44.800 it and you want him to feel empowered after he 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:48.199 gets the information. Why don't you think that you should 0:11:48.240 --> 0:11:48.760 give your. 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:50.200 Man man like you child. 0:11:50.440 --> 0:11:53.839 Absolutely, but you got to reduce yourself down like you 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:57.199 talking to a kid in order to communicate with your 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:01.400 man or a man. And so, ladies, my point has 0:12:01.480 --> 0:12:05.720 been proved a man himself, because. 0:12:06.240 --> 0:12:09.600 The reality is because you, because you care about how 0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:11.760 you speak to you, we just want you to speak 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:12.720 to us with care. 0:12:12.920 --> 0:12:18.960 And I'm saying that. 0:12:17.280 --> 0:12:20.079 What is wrong for a man to want. 0:12:19.880 --> 0:12:21.000 But I just want you to know. 0:12:20.880 --> 0:12:24.200 That he feels that it's either his woman, his friend, 0:12:24.520 --> 0:12:28.080 his sister, has anything to speak life into him instead 0:12:28.080 --> 0:12:31.319 of pointing out the flaws of him, not if to 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:35.400 find the good things. Like a woman told me the 0:12:35.440 --> 0:12:38.480 other day, you know what, somebody always points out the 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:40.720 bad stuff. It never says anything about the good stuff. 0:12:41.080 --> 0:12:42.160 That's how men feel. 0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.840 And I'm just saying that a lot of I find 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:46.800 with a lot of men. 0:12:47.080 --> 0:12:50.319 When you start trying to say, hey, listen, this needs. 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.440 To be or let's try to do this, or let 0:12:52.520 --> 0:12:55.280 me tell you about this thing, it becomes a big problem. 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:56.640 That's all. So anyway we. 0:12:56.600 --> 0:13:00.360 Can bring the guests on and and uh see how 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:02.840 he can tell us that I'm doing too. 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:06.280 Much too Maybe maybe he won't. 0:13:07.800 --> 0:13:12.200 We have a brother today who is well respected in 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.400 many places, but certainly in New York and around the country. 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:20.800 I was looking for someone to bond with about my 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.600 sobriety five years. 0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:26.080 I'm celebrating. I didn't even know if you were supposed 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.360 to say, you celebrating sobriety. 0:13:28.120 --> 0:13:34.160 Should celebration claps? 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:39.640 You know, we got to get in my claps or snaps? 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:41.199 No claps. 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:43.680 I love you. You snap sometimes. 0:13:44.880 --> 0:13:48.360 When it's good. Word yeah, so you could put snaps 0:13:48.400 --> 0:13:54.679 in whatever. But you know, I contacted Erica Ford. I'm like, yo, E, 0:13:55.320 --> 0:14:00.400 who do we have that works specifically with peepeople who 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:03.920 suffer with addiction. That helped to put people in the 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.600 right direction, helping the detox, helping to get themselves together. 0:14:06.640 --> 0:14:08.760 And she was like, oh, I said for the podcast, 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:10.640 And she's like, oh, no, I know it's one brother. 0:14:10.760 --> 0:14:15.040 You have to have him on sent me the contact 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:16.679 and then I looked on the page. 0:14:16.679 --> 0:14:18.760 I'm like, wait a minute. We've been in. 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:23.040 One another's community for a while, but of course I 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:25.600 didn't know the full story. And so I'm happy that 0:14:25.800 --> 0:14:28.160 you are joining us here today. 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:35.720 Brandon Chastang listen, man, I appreciate the love and honor. 0:14:35.880 --> 0:14:36.080 Man. 0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:40.040 It's wonderful being on set with you guys. Man, Thank you. 0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:47.600 I call him b McFly McFly my god. 0:14:47.640 --> 0:14:51.800 We've We've had many conversations, always in mind what he does, 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:54.400 you know, and it's always been mutual respects. Sometimes we 0:14:54.480 --> 0:14:57.560 might get on live and debate, you know, over topics, 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:00.280 but it's always in love and respect. You know, I've 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:02.760 watched him for years in Philly just you know, he 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:07.000 always created like what I call infomercials, and he always 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:12.200 created really touching and passionate infomercials about what was going 0:15:12.240 --> 0:15:13.960 on in our communities and what was going on in 0:15:14.000 --> 0:15:18.160 the streets and just trying to give real life experiences 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:21.440 and messages. So you know, I've always been a fan 0:15:21.480 --> 0:15:24.840 of what he does, and just like constantly seeing him evolve. 0:15:25.040 --> 0:15:28.280 You are someone that I might and I appreciate what 0:15:28.320 --> 0:15:33.600 you do and watching your evolution is motivational inspiration, know 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:36.800 to me, and I know what it means to everybody else. 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:38.400 So continue to do what you do. 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:39.400 Thank you. 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:46.320 It's friendly brotherly debate. I mean, like I feel like, 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:50.280 you know, we should they should see black men speak 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:54.560 and have emotional intelligence without you know, getting to a 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:57.080 point where now were having a yelling match on live. 0:15:57.600 --> 0:16:00.960 You know, we usually either agree to this, but we 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.120 might change each other's perspective, like, you know what, I 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.200 didn't see it that way might be right, and that's 0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:07.600 that's what That's what love is, man, That's what growth. 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:09.000 That's what it is. Man. 0:16:09.080 --> 0:16:11.920 That's a good thing. That's a good thing. So you know, 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:14.320 it's just been a few weeks that. 0:16:14.560 --> 0:16:18.520 I am, you know in this place where I'm like, wow, 0:16:18.680 --> 0:16:23.440 five years went by fast but slow, yes, and slow. 0:16:23.880 --> 0:16:26.680 It's like you know now and I learned from you. 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:27.560 It's been six. 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:30.040 Years for you success. January the twenty first. 0:16:30.040 --> 0:16:32.520 I need all the months, and we got some months, 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:34.360 and we got some mens with months with it. 0:16:34.440 --> 0:16:34.520 You. 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:38.520 March eighteenth was when I checked in to rehab. I 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:40.480 don't even remember the day that I checked out. 0:16:40.520 --> 0:16:42.120 I guess I should look at that because that would 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:44.880 actually be the But it was the beginning of the journey. 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:45.560 It was the beginning. 0:16:45.560 --> 0:16:49.800 It was March eighteenth, and I never forget my homegirl, 0:16:49.960 --> 0:16:54.840 Rachel Nordlinger dropped me off to a place in Ohio. 0:16:55.160 --> 0:16:58.080 My story which I have explained to people many times, 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:02.040 but I swear every time every time I post about it. 0:17:02.120 --> 0:17:05.760 I've been publicly talking about my sobriety. 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:07.879 Sent for two years, Okay, since two years in. 0:17:08.400 --> 0:17:12.440 So two years after I went to rehab, I began 0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:13.359 to talk about it. 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:14.160 I was there. 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:17.240 Under an alias, so people didn't know my name except 0:17:17.240 --> 0:17:20.399 the guy who happened to ask me. He was like 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:22.600 kind of you know, he was just there. You know, 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.560 they would play It was only one TV, two TVs 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:29.200 that worked and the one in the kitchen. People watch 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:32.760 music videos, sports shows, different things. And one day there 0:17:32.840 --> 0:17:35.119 was music videos on that my son was not in. 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:36.560 But he asked me. 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:37.359 Oh, do you know. 0:17:37.560 --> 0:17:39.119 You know it's a guy, he's a great rap and 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:40.919 his name is my son. And he made it like 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.119 he didn't know if I knew him or not. But 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:46.560 I understood when he said that he knew me. And 0:17:46.680 --> 0:17:49.000 you know, so I was under an alias, but he 0:17:49.920 --> 0:17:51.040 already was on it. 0:17:51.560 --> 0:17:54.600 I think my name was like Marcia. 0:17:55.720 --> 0:17:56.000 Wow. 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:59.680 And and in fact, I'll be honest with you. Once 0:17:59.720 --> 0:18:03.200 he he gave on or let onto the fact that 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.840 he knew who I was or who I am, I 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:09.920 was ready to leave because he was a young white boy, 0:18:10.480 --> 0:18:13.240 a young white man, excuse me, I was, and he 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:16.160 was younger than me, he might have been twenty. We 0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:20.199 were in Ohio in a house in the woods, so 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:23.480 it wasn't. I wasn't in a facility, in a building 0:18:23.800 --> 0:18:25.320 with security and all of that. 0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:28.760 We were literally in a house. And the story of how. 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.879 I got there was Jason Williams, the NBA All Star. 0:18:34.320 --> 0:18:37.600 I knew that he had started treatment programs. I knew 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:40.159 that he was specifically dealing with alcohol abuse. We know 0:18:40.400 --> 0:18:43.760 his story and all the trial, trials and tribulations that 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:44.440 he faced. 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:47.960 And I called him one. 0:18:47.920 --> 0:18:51.080 Day with a hypothetical question, like, YO, if you know 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:54.399 somebody that has an issue, they have an addiction, you 0:18:54.440 --> 0:18:56.640 know what do we what should how? 0:18:56.720 --> 0:18:58.160 What would you tell them to do? 0:18:58.920 --> 0:19:02.199 And it's funny because when you've been through this and 0:19:02.280 --> 0:19:05.280 I know that you can speak to the amount of 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:08.919 hypothetical questions you get that are really the person not 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:10.520 speaking hypothetically at all. 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:11.720 Right, I get it. 0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.159 All the time, every time I post, every time I 0:19:14.200 --> 0:19:17.640 talk about it, I get people. And when I say people, yes, 0:19:17.760 --> 0:19:20.639 they're just everyday individuals of course that reach out. But 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:25.160 I'm talking about celebrities, people who are in high places 0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:29.719 that you would never imagine their children themselves are dealing 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:33.480 with issues and they reach out and they ask me, hey, you. 0:19:33.440 --> 0:19:35.160 Know you have any resources? 0:19:35.240 --> 0:19:38.640 And I always can pick up that this person, it's 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:42.320 really intimate what they're experiencing. So when I reached out 0:19:42.320 --> 0:19:44.320 to Jason and I said, you know, do you have 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:46.960 any where could I go? 0:19:47.160 --> 0:19:48.199 Or who can I talk to? 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:51.080 Or what would you suggest that a person do, he 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:54.159 just answered the question like, well, we have resources. You 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.040 want to put my people in touch with the person, 0:19:57.160 --> 0:19:59.000 so we could download whatever whatever. 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:00.720 So I said, hey, thank you. 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:03.359 So I went away, and I would imagine that he 0:20:03.480 --> 0:20:06.520 sat there and thought to himself, the person is her 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:07.880 and so she ain't. 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:09.000 Gonna put her people in touch with me. 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.359 So he wrote me back a few days later and said, hey, Tea, 0:20:14.720 --> 0:20:18.720 you know, I don't know what your story is, he said, 0:20:18.760 --> 0:20:21.359 but I'm just letting you know. It doesn't get brighter, 0:20:21.400 --> 0:20:25.280 it gets darker. He said, it gets darker. The situation 0:20:25.440 --> 0:20:28.760 doesn't get better, it gets worse. And then he wrote 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:30.480 this line, Yeah, I. 0:20:30.400 --> 0:20:33.840 Mean because it gets man. I had a friend before. 0:20:33.480 --> 0:20:35.040 That, I was out to dinner with a young This 0:20:35.080 --> 0:20:37.000 is when I first started popping pills, and I was 0:20:37.040 --> 0:20:40.520 sleeping and feeling better and numbing the world out, and 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:43.119 I was out with my girlfriends at dinner and I 0:20:43.200 --> 0:20:45.760 told him like yeah, man, wow, like you know, and 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:48.720 at the time, you know, it was like cool, kind 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.400 of like popping some zannies and some perks. 0:20:51.600 --> 0:20:52.480 It was kind of cool. 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:54.640 So I'm talking about it with these girls and these 0:20:54.640 --> 0:20:56.359 are my girls that we did. 0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:58.679 A little this and a little act together in so 0:20:58.720 --> 0:20:59.560 I can bring it up. 0:21:00.119 --> 0:21:03.960 And one of them said at the table, Hey, so 0:21:04.040 --> 0:21:06.760 letting you know this thing is a dark hole. 0:21:07.680 --> 0:21:09.760 You need to be mindful. It's a dark hole. 0:21:10.280 --> 0:21:12.680 So when he said that to me, I'm gonna get 0:21:12.680 --> 0:21:16.480 your reaction. When he said that to me, he said, 0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:22.399 and you want to get control over the situation before 0:21:23.520 --> 0:21:24.400 it takes. 0:21:24.160 --> 0:21:26.840 Control of you, in the form of you in. 0:21:26.800 --> 0:21:29.400 A car accident, they find the pills in your car, 0:21:30.480 --> 0:21:33.800 you and you know, you go through the airport, you 0:21:33.840 --> 0:21:36.200 get arrested for smuggling drugs. 0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:39.080 He's like, you wanna get control. 0:21:38.760 --> 0:21:42.639 Over the situation before it takes control over you. And 0:21:42.720 --> 0:21:45.480 I sat there with that for a while, but sure 0:21:45.560 --> 0:21:47.080 enough I wrote back to him and. 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:50.840 Said I have a problem and I need help. And 0:21:50.880 --> 0:21:51.760 that was the beginning. 0:21:52.080 --> 0:21:55.560 How long were you How long were you on? 0:21:56.800 --> 0:22:00.480 So you you know, I know that I know that 0:22:00.720 --> 0:22:05.119 In two thousand and seventeen and eighteen was the worst 0:22:05.240 --> 0:22:08.040 period of it. Like that's when I was really on, 0:22:08.600 --> 0:22:16.159 you know, two thousand and two thousand and nineteen is 0:22:16.200 --> 0:22:18.440 when I went in. So twenty seventeen and eighteen was 0:22:18.480 --> 0:22:22.000 the worst time. But I can't trace back because I 0:22:22.040 --> 0:22:25.720 think even with the XANX and other things like especially Xanax, 0:22:25.840 --> 0:22:29.200 which which xan X became a backstory, like that became 0:22:29.440 --> 0:22:32.800 because once you started taking perposes, the xan X is 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:35.160 like it's just and I'm gonna be honest, and I'll 0:22:35.200 --> 0:22:36.000 say this to anybody. 0:22:36.000 --> 0:22:38.000 I'm not ashamed about it at all at this. 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:38.680 Point in my life. 0:22:38.680 --> 0:22:40.160 So I'm ready to talk. 0:22:40.280 --> 0:22:43.399 Whatever you asked me, I can tell you specifically, so 0:22:43.960 --> 0:22:47.080 you know, when I think back to win, I believe 0:22:47.320 --> 0:22:53.639 somewhere in two thousand and sixteen, maybe twenty sixteen, is 0:22:53.680 --> 0:22:56.159 when I first popped the zanny here and there. You know, 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:58.879 I was sort of doing those things just to you know, 0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:03.440 taking a zan as a part of my regular party life, 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:07.239 like regular life, regular life. But in terms of the 0:23:07.320 --> 0:23:10.920 abuse and the addiction it because I didn't need the 0:23:11.000 --> 0:23:13.199 Xanax all the time, that wasn't a thing. But in 0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:17.160 twenty and seventeen and eighteen when I started going through 0:23:17.960 --> 0:23:21.960 some like real life crises, especially political, And that's why 0:23:21.960 --> 0:23:23.520 they tell you if. 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:28.120 You live for the applause, you will die with the booze. 0:23:28.400 --> 0:23:31.480 And once I started getting booed and people were talking. 0:23:31.920 --> 0:23:33.720 I was like, what do I do. 0:23:33.800 --> 0:23:36.000 I've never been in this position before, so you know, 0:23:36.080 --> 0:23:38.679 I could talk about this all day, but you know, 0:23:38.960 --> 0:23:42.639 in those two years, I was in a dark, dark place. 0:23:42.680 --> 0:23:46.320 And it took me all of twenty and eighteen, texting 0:23:46.400 --> 0:23:49.840 back and forth with Jason, having conversations with this one 0:23:49.880 --> 0:23:52.720 and doing this and that to actually go. So it's 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:55.080 a process that requires patients. 0:23:55.960 --> 0:23:56.400 Man. 0:23:56.920 --> 0:24:01.239 I graduated from Lincoln University two thousand and four, and 0:24:01.280 --> 0:24:06.399 I got shot immediately after I graduated because I knew 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:12.359 going to college is like, no disrespect to my school, 0:24:12.760 --> 0:24:16.439 no disrespect to HBCUs. But at the time, when I 0:24:16.480 --> 0:24:19.879 graduated from high school in two thousand, I thought I 0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:21.160 was going to the thirteenth grade. 0:24:23.160 --> 0:24:28.480 People was getting robbed, shot, shot at fights. I fought 0:24:28.520 --> 0:24:31.359 a lot in college college at that time. 0:24:31.600 --> 0:24:34.200 I'm sure I'm not saying it's different now, but I'm 0:24:34.240 --> 0:24:37.119 sure it's a lot. Yeah, it's way better but you know, 0:24:37.200 --> 0:24:41.680 coming from that era, and you know, you got people 0:24:41.680 --> 0:24:42.920 from New York, Philly, d C. 0:24:43.240 --> 0:24:43.640 Jersey. 0:24:44.320 --> 0:24:48.119 Everybody's trying to you know, the Internet wasn't popping, so 0:24:48.160 --> 0:24:50.320 it's like you Basically, what I'm trying to say. 0:24:50.200 --> 0:24:51.399 Is you still in the mix. 0:24:52.880 --> 0:24:56.520 And when I graduated with a criminal justice degree, I 0:24:56.560 --> 0:24:59.920 knew I was going to graduate. It was just too easy, man, 0:25:00.000 --> 0:25:02.560 and I got shot. I graduated May second, two thousand 0:25:02.600 --> 0:25:05.720 and four, got shot July fourth, two thousand and four. 0:25:07.080 --> 0:25:11.160 And that's when doctors, I say, are black people worse 0:25:11.280 --> 0:25:15.280 enemy to a certain degree, because this man said take 0:25:15.760 --> 0:25:20.280 as prescribed every six hours or as needed. Never gave 0:25:20.359 --> 0:25:23.080 me the logistics on what did it do to you? 0:25:23.640 --> 0:25:26.600 It's gonna you're gonna crave for it. Possibly you're gonna 0:25:26.640 --> 0:25:27.800 want it bad. 0:25:29.080 --> 0:25:29.320 Man. 0:25:29.520 --> 0:25:31.679 I took that pill, and I said, I wasn't a 0:25:31.680 --> 0:25:33.159 weed smoker, but I smoke. 0:25:32.960 --> 0:25:33.440 Here in there. 0:25:34.760 --> 0:25:37.520 I drank here and there, but I wasn't addicted to that. 0:25:38.080 --> 0:25:41.879 I even took ecstasy pills, but I didn't like the 0:25:41.920 --> 0:25:45.080 after effects of it. When I first took a percocet, 0:25:45.640 --> 0:25:49.439 I said, Wow, why y'all don't sell these over the 0:25:49.480 --> 0:25:52.920 count I never even heard of these. And then I'm 0:25:52.920 --> 0:25:55.960 gonna say, from two thousand and four to twenty and eighteen, 0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:57.840 I was the worst person ever. 0:25:59.160 --> 0:25:59.200 Was. 0:25:59.440 --> 0:26:03.080 I was scyn I was a junkie, I was a. 0:26:02.960 --> 0:26:09.320 Criminal and four from two thousand and four to eighteen wow, 0:26:10.040 --> 0:26:12.400 fourteen years of my life, I was a junkie. 0:26:12.400 --> 0:26:15.680 I was. I was. I was because it go from 0:26:15.920 --> 0:26:16.920 it feels so good. 0:26:17.280 --> 0:26:19.040 I got a bullet in my knee and I'm, you know, 0:26:19.119 --> 0:26:21.960 healing up right, so now I'm walking. I'm like when 0:26:21.960 --> 0:26:25.160 I take the pill, I'm walking on this and like, yo, 0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:27.040 this pill is that powerful. 0:26:28.000 --> 0:26:28.720 And it made me. 0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:34.440 Feel extra extra, extra confident, like I'm not afraid. It's 0:26:34.440 --> 0:26:38.040 not I'm not afraid to be something. I'm not afraid 0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:42.600 to be even more of me. And then it goes 0:26:42.640 --> 0:26:47.199 from that to I went from taking pills for the 0:26:47.280 --> 0:26:52.560 physical pain to taking pills for the mental pain. My 0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:55.760 father used to sell me pills, and I used to 0:26:55.800 --> 0:27:00.480 ask myself, I'm spending I'm giving my father more money 0:27:00.520 --> 0:27:01.280 for pills than. 0:27:01.200 --> 0:27:04.159 He ever gave me in my life. He knew that 0:27:04.400 --> 0:27:06.679 this was it controlled me. 0:27:08.000 --> 0:27:10.240 I did everything under the sun for my pills, except 0:27:10.320 --> 0:27:12.800 doing anything with another man, or put somebody in jail, 0:27:13.680 --> 0:27:16.760 anything else you could think of, which I'm not gonna 0:27:16.760 --> 0:27:21.040 say I'm proud of or whatever, but I probably did it. 0:27:20.920 --> 0:27:25.080 It was the serious because you know this, because we've 0:27:25.119 --> 0:27:25.760 discussed it. 0:27:25.800 --> 0:27:26.119 I mean it. 0:27:26.440 --> 0:27:31.280 Finally, my son and a few other people were really 0:27:31.320 --> 0:27:33.280 aware of how bad the situation. 0:27:33.480 --> 0:27:35.880 Yea controlled you that I was already, but like they 0:27:35.880 --> 0:27:38.520 were aware of the depth of it, and when I 0:27:38.600 --> 0:27:42.359 was trying to explain it, it was like they felt 0:27:42.400 --> 0:27:47.240 sorry for me because I'm like, I cannot period just 0:27:47.280 --> 0:27:48.480 stopped taking pis. 0:27:48.320 --> 0:27:51.159 No way because because of the withdrawal. 0:27:52.600 --> 0:27:57.080 You ever had the flu, you ever catch covid or 0:27:57.760 --> 0:28:01.399 it's ten times worse than those two combine. My eyes 0:28:01.440 --> 0:28:05.480 are hurting, my phlangies, my fingertips are hurting, I'm sweating, 0:28:05.560 --> 0:28:08.920 I'm cold sweats, and it's like, I don't It got to. 0:28:08.840 --> 0:28:14.080 The point where I say, I would rather die. 0:28:12.560 --> 0:28:15.679 Because I because I'm I'm I'm facing humiliation now and 0:28:15.720 --> 0:28:16.720 I don't want to face that. 0:28:16.960 --> 0:28:17.480 I don't want to. 0:28:17.480 --> 0:28:21.000 Let the world know that I need help. So it's 0:28:21.040 --> 0:28:24.360 like my my ego, my pride. It's like, yo, bro, 0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:28.880 you are junkie out here, so what I still don't 0:28:28.880 --> 0:28:30.359 want to let people know I need help. 0:28:31.480 --> 0:28:35.280 So every single day I yearned for these pills. 0:28:35.359 --> 0:28:39.120 I did, boy like like like, and that's why. And 0:28:39.160 --> 0:28:42.200 when I hit, when I went to rehab, like man, 0:28:42.640 --> 0:28:44.520 when I think about the things that I did to 0:28:44.600 --> 0:28:50.280 get these pills, and I hear these stories of men 0:28:50.400 --> 0:28:54.600 giving their bodies to other men because the pills controlled them, 0:28:54.960 --> 0:28:57.240 and I'm looking back, like, boy, you better not laugh, 0:28:57.280 --> 0:28:58.400 because you probably could have been. 0:28:58.360 --> 0:29:01.360 The next one time, one more thing. 0:29:01.560 --> 0:29:05.000 Like like, I'm two seconds away from doing something to 0:29:05.080 --> 0:29:05.880 the extreme. 0:29:06.280 --> 0:29:07.920 And then and then they were worried. 0:29:08.040 --> 0:29:10.000 He was specifically worried because it was only a few 0:29:10.040 --> 0:29:12.840 people that knew but worried about where I was getting 0:29:12.880 --> 0:29:13.240 this thing. 0:29:13.320 --> 0:29:14.480 And that's a. 0:29:14.440 --> 0:29:18.080 Whole other side of the of the like for me 0:29:18.560 --> 0:29:21.520 to meek a mallory to be out here, which they 0:29:21.560 --> 0:29:26.040 were already after me, right, already under scrutiny, and here 0:29:26.040 --> 0:29:28.680 I'm going trying to hustle around and have a conversation 0:29:28.760 --> 0:29:30.000 with this friend and do this that in. 0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:32.080 The third to get them to get and you're gonna 0:29:32.120 --> 0:29:34.479 go to the extreme, right, You're gonna go to defense. 0:29:34.640 --> 0:29:34.760 Man. 0:29:34.840 --> 0:29:38.000 I would walk I would walk in the rain. I mean, 0:29:38.040 --> 0:29:40.040 I didn't take sit See, I was so in debt 0:29:40.080 --> 0:29:41.520 with it. Were was just to the point I just 0:29:41.560 --> 0:29:42.200 wanted to die. 0:29:42.240 --> 0:29:42.440 Bro. 0:29:42.840 --> 0:29:45.800 I used to ask God, Yo, listen, don't wake me 0:29:45.960 --> 0:29:48.760 up the next day because I'm no good. Please let 0:29:48.800 --> 0:29:52.520 me die a high depth, please, man, a high depth, 0:29:52.600 --> 0:29:55.280 like I'm no good to my kids, I'm no good 0:29:55.280 --> 0:29:57.720 to me because I'm my My life is just. You 0:29:57.800 --> 0:30:00.400 went from being the man and getting all the women 0:30:00.480 --> 0:30:04.000 in college and this and that, so now you're begging, yo, 0:30:04.000 --> 0:30:06.360 bro let me borrow twenty dollars. Man, I got you. 0:30:06.760 --> 0:30:08.600 You'll be me flying. You don't never be asking to 0:30:08.600 --> 0:30:09.400 borrow twenty dollars. 0:30:09.400 --> 0:30:10.280 Bro. I really need it. 0:30:10.720 --> 0:30:13.160 And I thought I was cool. And when I look back, 0:30:13.200 --> 0:30:15.360 I'm like, Yo, I'm no good than me. I'm no 0:30:15.400 --> 0:30:18.000 good to my children, I'm no good to the community. 0:30:18.800 --> 0:30:19.200 I am. 0:30:19.600 --> 0:30:24.520 I am scum. God, don't wake me up please. And 0:30:24.560 --> 0:30:26.000 every time I used to wake up, I used to 0:30:26.040 --> 0:30:28.480 be like, yo, I'm up, yo. And now I gotta go. 0:30:28.680 --> 0:30:31.440 You making me suffer going through this pain over and 0:30:31.480 --> 0:30:34.640 over and over again. I gotta go through withdraw, I 0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:37.960 gotta go through the constipation. I gotta go through every 0:30:38.320 --> 0:30:40.680 single thing? Why are you putting me through this pain? 0:30:40.800 --> 0:30:41.040 Oh? 0:30:41.200 --> 0:30:44.560 Your stepfather died, your mother died, your father's selling you 0:30:44.600 --> 0:30:47.960 pills every Why am I going through this? 0:30:48.640 --> 0:30:48.960 Damn? 0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:49.000 So? 0:30:49.120 --> 0:30:49.480 How many? 0:30:49.480 --> 0:30:51.720 How many times did you actually try to stop? 0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:55.920 Bro? I tried to stop, maybe. 0:30:56.360 --> 0:30:57.800 Before you actually succeed. 0:30:57.840 --> 0:30:59.680 I tried to stop when I went to I went 0:30:59.720 --> 0:31:02.560 to yell, and I stopped because I'm like, I'm not 0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:06.440 going in there on the week shit. And my mind 0:31:06.800 --> 0:31:09.960 is like something went through my body, like you're gonna 0:31:10.000 --> 0:31:12.560 go through something, but you're still gonna You're gonna prepare 0:31:12.640 --> 0:31:15.400 yourself for jail. Right, So I'm gonna say I probably 0:31:15.400 --> 0:31:18.920 stopped like three times. But then once my mother passed away. 0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:20.840 She had me at fifteen, so she passed away at 0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:21.720 forty eight years old. 0:31:21.920 --> 0:31:24.640 She was young. I'm a couple seconds away from being 0:31:24.680 --> 0:31:25.840 forty eight forty two. 0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:28.600 Once she passed away, and once I seemed like, yo, listen, 0:31:28.640 --> 0:31:30.920 my life is going down. She passed away from a 0:31:30.960 --> 0:31:34.200 drug overdose. My father is selling me drugs and he 0:31:34.240 --> 0:31:37.720 was a drug addict. I'm just surrounded with no hope, 0:31:38.760 --> 0:31:40.000 and I was the only hope. 0:31:40.120 --> 0:31:42.560 Oh beat me fly. He went to school and he 0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:43.400 did see he did. 0:31:43.560 --> 0:31:49.240 I'm the only hope man bro. Shout out to my 0:31:49.320 --> 0:31:53.280 kids mother, my core parent. She kept fighting for me. 0:31:53.400 --> 0:31:56.240 She kept fighting with me. She was enabling me to 0:31:56.440 --> 0:31:58.040 but she also kept fighting. 0:31:58.160 --> 0:32:00.200 All your help enable you the. 0:32:00.720 --> 0:32:04.239 Yeah, I don't want to see you, they don't want 0:32:04.280 --> 0:32:06.480 to I used to lie to her, Yo, Bro, I 0:32:06.560 --> 0:32:07.480 used to lie to her. 0:32:07.400 --> 0:32:09.600 And YO, listen, they got me kidnapped. They say they 0:32:09.600 --> 0:32:12.440 need a thousand dollars. I used to make up like 0:32:12.640 --> 0:32:15.960 all type of anything to get this drug and choice, 0:32:15.960 --> 0:32:18.600 and back then it was it wasn't no cash at 0:32:18.840 --> 0:32:19.240 I got to. 0:32:19.240 --> 0:32:24.760 Go to Western Union, Western Union and my co parent. 0:32:24.840 --> 0:32:27.440 Man, we not together whatever, But I love her the 0:32:27.480 --> 0:32:31.240 life like I I like, I like. She just kept 0:32:31.600 --> 0:32:34.000 and she put me in rehabiting arms acres. Shout out 0:32:34.000 --> 0:32:35.440 the arms acres upstate, New York. 0:32:35.480 --> 0:32:37.280 How many do you have? Four children? 0:32:38.000 --> 0:32:41.760 My son he's twenty three, my daughter nineteen, My son 0:32:41.880 --> 0:32:43.840 is fourteen, and my daughter's nine. 0:32:43.920 --> 0:32:47.520 So I have that process like them seeing you go 0:32:47.600 --> 0:32:47.920 through that. 0:32:48.160 --> 0:32:50.840 I missed my daughter, So shout out to my daughter 0:32:50.800 --> 0:32:54.520 and my oldest daughter, Tam. It was ten years in 0:32:54.600 --> 0:32:58.320 my life that I missed with her. The drug addiction, 0:32:59.120 --> 0:33:01.120 and it's like we never mister b to this day, 0:33:02.120 --> 0:33:05.920 like like she honored me, like she honors me. But 0:33:06.320 --> 0:33:09.720 my oldest son, he really didn't feel it too much. 0:33:09.800 --> 0:33:13.520 But my two youngest ones dead, they all felt it. 0:33:14.280 --> 0:33:18.320 But it's like it's it's just weird how it's levels. 0:33:18.320 --> 0:33:21.040 It's different levels for all of them. My oldest daughter 0:33:21.080 --> 0:33:25.360 felt it the most. And I used to beat myself up, man, 0:33:25.440 --> 0:33:27.000 because it's like drug. 0:33:26.680 --> 0:33:30.280 Addiction took over me. It wasn't me. 0:33:31.760 --> 0:33:34.600 I got shot and I just it just said, yo, 0:33:35.840 --> 0:33:37.920 I got you. 0:33:37.920 --> 0:33:40.640 You are about to be a menace. 0:33:40.960 --> 0:33:43.920 You ever seen the movie Pink, I mean the series Painkillers? 0:33:44.000 --> 0:33:46.400 I did. Everybody keep telling you the way. 0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:48.960 You describing it is, it sounds like the same. 0:33:49.120 --> 0:33:51.960 I didn't see it yet. Man, you'll listen to me. 0:33:52.960 --> 0:33:55.560 I've never been on drugs. I never, you know, I have. 0:33:55.800 --> 0:33:57.480 Both of my parents were addicted to drugs. 0:33:57.520 --> 0:34:00.000 My father over when I was twelve years old. 0:34:00.440 --> 0:34:02.280 My mother, you know, a boy, the grace of God, 0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:05.560 she cleans herself up after twenty and she passed away 0:34:05.600 --> 0:34:08.839 from cancer, but she was drug free. 0:34:09.200 --> 0:34:13.960 But this when I watched this. 0:34:13.880 --> 0:34:16.200 Series, right, it was just a regular guy it's one 0:34:16.239 --> 0:34:19.160 guy in particular. He was working, you know, he worked 0:34:19.160 --> 0:34:22.600 in He was a mechanic, and he hurt itself and 0:34:22.719 --> 0:34:24.440 he was a good family guy. 0:34:24.280 --> 0:34:26.160 And he just he wasn't a mechanic. 0:34:26.280 --> 0:34:28.080 He owned. 0:34:28.840 --> 0:34:30.400 He was like he was a good family guy and 0:34:30.440 --> 0:34:33.719 he started taking it and like you said, he felt better, 0:34:33.880 --> 0:34:35.160 Like damn, it's like a super dry. 0:34:35.200 --> 0:34:36.200 He was working good. 0:34:37.719 --> 0:34:39.720 His wife. 0:34:40.360 --> 0:34:43.680 Yeah, he had he had injured his spine, like. 0:34:46.200 --> 0:34:49.600 It was terrible, and as it goes through, at the 0:34:49.719 --> 0:34:51.799 end of it, he actually kills it. 0:34:51.880 --> 0:34:52.759 He overdoses. 0:34:52.880 --> 0:34:56.200 Like at the end of the thing, he did everything 0:34:56.280 --> 0:34:58.400 like he went through the dw he cleaned hisself up 0:34:58.400 --> 0:35:00.520 and then he just it was like go back. 0:35:00.640 --> 0:35:02.920 Could not like and it was like, damn. 0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:06.160 When I'm listening to you and I'm looking at this, 0:35:06.520 --> 0:35:09.839 I'm like, damn that that has to be. It has 0:35:09.880 --> 0:35:12.200 to be the hardest thing in the world. And I 0:35:12.239 --> 0:35:15.480 can't even imagine something controlling me to that degree. 0:35:15.520 --> 0:35:19.040 I just came and the argument is because we've had 0:35:19.040 --> 0:35:22.319 the argument again, they didn't know how significant it is. 0:35:22.400 --> 0:35:24.960 It was, so it's kind of like, all right, you 0:35:25.080 --> 0:35:27.400 got some shit going on, but you just it's like 0:35:27.680 --> 0:35:30.839 anything else to stop, and I'm like yeah, and then 0:35:30.960 --> 0:35:33.640 and then, and I would get into arguments with the 0:35:33.760 --> 0:35:36.480 small group of people that I was close to that 0:35:36.640 --> 0:35:40.960 knew about it, because their position was that Okay, you know, 0:35:41.560 --> 0:35:43.440 I get it, but it's in your mind, like you 0:35:43.600 --> 0:35:46.080 just weakened the mind. I'm like, nah, this is something 0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:50.080 they they had. They literally designed a drug and that's 0:35:50.120 --> 0:35:54.880 what painkillers and Painkillers is on Netflix. Dope Sick is 0:35:54.920 --> 0:35:59.680 the same story. It shows you that they designed this 0:36:00.080 --> 0:36:01.920 to make people hyper addicted. 0:36:02.040 --> 0:36:04.240 That's what they wanted, Like that was the goal. 0:36:04.920 --> 0:36:08.160 The thing that you how you control people is you 0:36:08.239 --> 0:36:12.239 feed the doper mein the doper meine must get fed man, 0:36:12.520 --> 0:36:16.799 and for weak people like myself. At one point in time, 0:36:17.320 --> 0:36:21.200 I needed it. I needed it so bad that I 0:36:21.239 --> 0:36:25.080 would have praised those guys man, like thank you, you 0:36:25.160 --> 0:36:27.840 brought something to my life that's like I can really 0:36:27.920 --> 0:36:32.040 like love and cherish even though it's tearing me down right, 0:36:33.600 --> 0:36:36.839 get to the point where that ship just become part 0:36:36.840 --> 0:36:37.680 of my part of me. 0:36:38.440 --> 0:36:40.399 You can say shit on this show, we say shit. 0:36:41.920 --> 0:36:44.799 It just gets to the point where you get so 0:36:45.080 --> 0:36:47.880 used to it that it's like what do you go? 0:36:48.000 --> 0:36:51.240 Where do you go next. So for me, I started 0:36:51.239 --> 0:36:56.040 mixing percocests with the zanies. Right now, you're mixing it up, man. 0:36:56.120 --> 0:36:58.840 I was taken at the time. Man, I was taking 0:36:58.880 --> 0:37:02.279 probably like fifteen thirties a day if I can afford it, 0:37:02.760 --> 0:37:08.920 in like twelve or fifteen zannies because I didn't want 0:37:09.360 --> 0:37:12.000 I told you, I started taking these drugs for the 0:37:12.080 --> 0:37:12.719 mental pain. 0:37:12.800 --> 0:37:15.600 Now I ain't got shit. I ain't shit. 0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:20.120 My life is done, my mother is dead, everybody is going. 0:37:20.360 --> 0:37:21.360 Man, it's over. 0:37:21.800 --> 0:37:25.320 Yeah, I'm named. I am in the process of naming. 0:37:25.360 --> 0:37:27.640 I think I'm up to like eleven. I was taking 0:37:27.680 --> 0:37:31.879 twenty pills a day, thirties. I didn't go that far 0:37:32.040 --> 0:37:34.359 because I was afraid it would kill me. But then 0:37:34.480 --> 0:37:36.799 sometimes I wanted to just like you slip out like 0:37:36.880 --> 0:37:42.319 it's cool. But fifteens and I was taking I'm now 0:37:42.440 --> 0:37:46.760 naming each one of them because I realized that each 0:37:46.960 --> 0:37:49.919 one of those pills that I swallowed throughout the day 0:37:50.840 --> 0:37:57.600 had a meaning in my life. Imposta syndrome, past sexual assault, 0:37:58.640 --> 0:38:04.560 you know, feeling unworre just all those things. It felt 0:38:04.560 --> 0:38:06.920 like it was numbing. And you know, we talked about 0:38:06.920 --> 0:38:10.560 this earlier. But I want to bring introduce it into 0:38:10.640 --> 0:38:15.400 this conversation that the nation of Islam has a saying 0:38:15.480 --> 0:38:21.720 that perhaps the drug abuser is actually more in tune 0:38:21.760 --> 0:38:24.480 what's happening in the world than those of us who 0:38:24.520 --> 0:38:27.960 are not drug abuses, because every time they wake up 0:38:28.160 --> 0:38:32.480 from their dopeness, so being doped up, they see the 0:38:32.480 --> 0:38:35.319 world and say, oh no, no, no, dope me up again. 0:38:35.400 --> 0:38:36.719 I can't I can't hand. 0:38:36.960 --> 0:38:40.000 You know, I mean with even like you brought a 0:38:40.080 --> 0:38:44.920 valid point, I mean, I started taking percoses for the neglect. 0:38:45.239 --> 0:38:46.279 I ain't believe in God. 0:38:46.320 --> 0:38:48.200 At one point it's like God, why you got me 0:38:48.239 --> 0:38:51.080 here at a house where I'm being abused. I'm being 0:38:51.120 --> 0:38:54.799 physically abused over and over and over again, and I 0:38:54.840 --> 0:38:59.520 have two teenage parents and it's just like they're on drugs, 0:39:00.120 --> 0:39:03.000 Like these are the things that's going on in my head, 0:39:03.040 --> 0:39:05.719 and it's like, okay, now I'm playing back to childhood years, 0:39:06.080 --> 0:39:09.720 from childhood years to you know, growing up young adults, adults, 0:39:09.719 --> 0:39:12.240 and that was just like yo, I'm seeing the world 0:39:12.560 --> 0:39:13.920 and it's like it's no good for me. 0:39:14.440 --> 0:39:17.600 This is why I want to die. I gotta die. 0:39:18.160 --> 0:39:20.840 And that was the reason why I went to rehab 0:39:20.840 --> 0:39:22.680 because I kept waking up, and I'm like, oh no, 0:39:22.840 --> 0:39:29.280 maybe maybe I'm a bigger person because you wasn't dying. 0:39:29.440 --> 0:39:30.680 I wasn't dying, you know what I'm saying. 0:39:30.680 --> 0:39:32.840 You kept saying that, and God was like, no, no, 0:39:33.080 --> 0:39:33.720 you're not going. 0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:36.040 To right and you're not doing it and then going 0:39:36.080 --> 0:39:39.240 to rehab man January to twenty first, twenty eighteen. 0:39:39.719 --> 0:39:41.160 That was the start of the beginning. 0:39:41.400 --> 0:39:43.160 It's the start of the beginning. 0:39:43.480 --> 0:39:45.000 Yeah, it's just the start of the beginning. 0:39:45.640 --> 0:39:46.640 What was that process? 0:39:46.719 --> 0:39:49.080 Like, I wasn't scared anymore. I was more so nervous 0:39:49.120 --> 0:39:49.719 than so. 0:39:49.920 --> 0:39:51.719 I wanted to ask one more question before you say that, 0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:55.120 because they always say, like I remember when my mother 0:39:55.160 --> 0:39:58.359 went to rehab, like when she actually you know, stop 0:39:58.440 --> 0:40:01.320 using drugs like she had Oh, we had sent her away, 0:40:01.480 --> 0:40:04.120 she came back this and that, and was it was 0:40:04.160 --> 0:40:06.279 it a feeling that you just was tired that you 0:40:06.400 --> 0:40:09.440 made a decision like I'm tired of this. 0:40:09.520 --> 0:40:12.600 I'm tired because like I said, I kept waking up. 0:40:13.400 --> 0:40:16.640 I wanted the overdose. I didn't had enough heart to 0:40:16.960 --> 0:40:18.480 you know, jump off a roof or put a gun 0:40:18.520 --> 0:40:21.279 to my head or anything like that. Hang myself. So listen, 0:40:21.360 --> 0:40:22.719 let me take these pills. Because I knew I took 0:40:22.760 --> 0:40:25.839 fake pills. I knew it had dope in it, cracking it, 0:40:26.280 --> 0:40:27.799 I knew it was all types of stuff in it. 0:40:29.160 --> 0:40:30.640 The goal was to take percoses. 0:40:30.719 --> 0:40:34.839 But I'm sure I took millions of fake pills. Right, 0:40:35.560 --> 0:40:41.439 I'm like, damn, I'm tired it for me, it's over right. 0:40:41.640 --> 0:40:44.880 And once I went in there, now I'm nervous because 0:40:44.880 --> 0:40:48.200 I don't know what to expect. And shout out to 0:40:48.280 --> 0:40:51.319 the guy. I hope he's I hope he's strong. We 0:40:51.440 --> 0:40:54.440 shared the room doing during our first. 0:40:54.200 --> 0:40:56.839 Week of You never forget those people. 0:40:56.920 --> 0:40:58.240 You never forget those people. 0:40:58.280 --> 0:40:58.480 Man. 0:40:58.520 --> 0:41:00.680 And I'm in a room with a I'm in a 0:41:00.760 --> 0:41:02.600 room with a guy that like smelled like he just 0:41:02.640 --> 0:41:05.879 came from the sewer, and I say, yeah, I need this. 0:41:07.160 --> 0:41:10.520 He smelled bad. And I know, yeah, you ain't far removed, 0:41:11.560 --> 0:41:14.520 you know. And then after my first week of detox, 0:41:15.800 --> 0:41:17.960 after the first week, and then I finally moved over 0:41:18.040 --> 0:41:20.759 to rehab, and now you got Now it's like you 0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:23.719 got guys in there that's mandated. You got guys in 0:41:23.760 --> 0:41:26.120 there that's just looking for a home. You got guys 0:41:26.120 --> 0:41:28.520 in there. That's just like it was very few of 0:41:28.600 --> 0:41:33.239 us that really wanted to see that change, and that 0:41:33.840 --> 0:41:38.040 I guess the last three weeks it was a beautiful 0:41:38.040 --> 0:41:39.600 thing because I didn't want to leave. 0:41:39.680 --> 0:41:41.960 I mean, I wanted to leave, but I. 0:41:42.000 --> 0:41:45.880 Was so far away that once you leave, it's no 0:41:46.040 --> 0:41:49.280 coming back, and it's no busses that you could catch. 0:41:49.320 --> 0:41:51.600 It's no yo, let me hitch hike for a cat, 0:41:51.920 --> 0:41:55.719 It's none of that. You're done up. It's over. So 0:41:55.800 --> 0:41:58.520 I said my last two weeks, man, I'm just gonna 0:41:58.600 --> 0:42:00.960 create skits. I already had it in my mind what 0:42:01.040 --> 0:42:02.840 it is that I wanted to do. I'm going to 0:42:02.920 --> 0:42:06.880 tap into my diamond that I was afraid of. And 0:42:06.960 --> 0:42:08.920 once I tapped into my diamond, once I once I 0:42:08.960 --> 0:42:11.759 got out of rehab my first week, it was up. 0:42:12.200 --> 0:42:14.319 I jumped on the internet and it was up from there. 0:42:14.560 --> 0:42:16.919 Talk about your diamond, Like, so what is that now? 0:42:16.920 --> 0:42:18.360 What's the why did you identify? 0:42:18.760 --> 0:42:20.879 Because I knew you already know who you are? 0:42:20.960 --> 0:42:22.759 Like jay Z said, you are who you are before 0:42:22.800 --> 0:42:25.279 you got here, whether you got the richest, whether you 0:42:25.320 --> 0:42:26.359 got whatever it is that you. 0:42:26.360 --> 0:42:28.919 Got, you know who you are before you got here. 0:42:29.400 --> 0:42:31.400 So I knew what I wanted to do, but I 0:42:31.480 --> 0:42:35.960 always I was afraid of success, right. And it's a 0:42:35.960 --> 0:42:38.200 lot of even in this is when we talk about 0:42:38.239 --> 0:42:39.800 the young kids, right, a lot of y'all know what 0:42:39.840 --> 0:42:41.920 y'all want to do, you're just afraid of it. So 0:42:42.040 --> 0:42:45.600 I knew that I was ready for the world. I 0:42:45.680 --> 0:42:48.600 just was afraid to tap into it. And I tell people, 0:42:48.640 --> 0:42:50.560 the richest place in the world is the grave, man 0:42:50.600 --> 0:42:53.360 because they die with trollion dollar I did, you know 0:42:53.400 --> 0:42:56.080 what I'm saying. So I'm like, you know what, I'm 0:42:56.080 --> 0:42:58.680 gonna let the world norm gonna be transparent. I'm gonna 0:42:58.719 --> 0:43:00.279 let the world know that I was a bad parent. 0:43:00.320 --> 0:43:02.120 I'm gonna let the world know that I was addicted 0:43:02.080 --> 0:43:04.040 to drugs. I'm gonna let the world know that I 0:43:04.120 --> 0:43:06.120 used to do things because I wanted to be like 0:43:06.200 --> 0:43:06.720 that guy. 0:43:07.320 --> 0:43:08.840 I played both sides of the fence. 0:43:09.680 --> 0:43:12.760 I'm gonna be transparent on here because it's no secrets. 0:43:12.800 --> 0:43:17.239 I know it's somebody's suffering, just like me. Now, everybody's dead, 0:43:17.239 --> 0:43:20.120 your grandmother, your grandfather, your mother, everybody's dead. Now when 0:43:20.120 --> 0:43:22.400 now you got to be the leader? You know what 0:43:22.400 --> 0:43:24.799 I'm saying, and I know with somebody out there that's like, yo, 0:43:25.080 --> 0:43:26.440 thank you. So that's what I did. 0:43:26.480 --> 0:43:26.640 Man. 0:43:26.680 --> 0:43:28.760 I'm like, Yo, I'm gonna create skits. I love acting. 0:43:29.040 --> 0:43:31.839 I'm gonna create skits because me talking all day, I'm 0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:33.840 probably not gonna get people to gravitate. But let me 0:43:33.880 --> 0:43:36.880 create these skits, get them to gravitate, and now let 0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:38.839 me drop the let me drop the message. 0:43:39.600 --> 0:43:40.480 And that's what I did. 0:43:40.520 --> 0:43:40.719 Man. 0:43:40.880 --> 0:43:44.440 So working with people, if someone you know, they approach 0:43:44.480 --> 0:43:46.720 you and they have an issue, they have a problem, 0:43:46.760 --> 0:43:49.160 what do you do. What's the process of helping them 0:43:49.200 --> 0:43:52.440 get sober? Because we don't use the word clean. 0:43:52.440 --> 0:43:56.200 Right, right, So I tell people this, right, are you 0:43:56.280 --> 0:43:57.800 willing to get sober? 0:43:58.640 --> 0:44:00.640 Like you were willing to use? 0:44:02.000 --> 0:44:02.560 That's deep? 0:44:03.040 --> 0:44:06.279 Got to reverse it because I was willing to I 0:44:06.360 --> 0:44:11.560 was willing to walk miles for a pill one one 0:44:11.680 --> 0:44:13.480 that wouldn't do nothing for me. 0:44:14.000 --> 0:44:14.840 One. 0:44:15.160 --> 0:44:18.160 I'm like, do you have a support system? Yeah, I 0:44:18.200 --> 0:44:21.160 have an iron or a mother or a gram All right, 0:44:21.920 --> 0:44:23.239 what if they don't have you for the rest of 0:44:23.280 --> 0:44:23.720 your life? 0:44:24.440 --> 0:44:25.240 What if you die? 0:44:26.800 --> 0:44:29.279 Now that's gonna be selfish to them. So how bad 0:44:29.320 --> 0:44:32.359 do you want to get sober? And once you tell 0:44:32.400 --> 0:44:33.920 me you want to get sober. I asked, yo, do 0:44:33.960 --> 0:44:37.120 you have insurance? Because if you got insurance, man, we 0:44:37.120 --> 0:44:39.319 can go wherever city we in, we can go to 0:44:40.520 --> 0:44:44.680 a rehabilitation program in that city and we go from there. 0:44:45.160 --> 0:44:47.640 I put that on the internet. I've took so many 0:44:47.640 --> 0:44:51.000 people to rehab Like I'm with you. I don't get 0:44:51.000 --> 0:44:53.440 paid for it. I don't have a nonprofit for it. 0:44:53.560 --> 0:44:56.640 Because this is the thing here right when you stop 0:44:56.800 --> 0:44:59.200 doing what works, you're going to nine. 0:44:59.040 --> 0:45:02.040 Times out of ten start using again. M hmmm. So 0:45:02.160 --> 0:45:05.400 what works is for me is yo, you gotta help somebody. 0:45:05.480 --> 0:45:07.600 When you sit back and stop helping people, Oh, you 0:45:07.640 --> 0:45:08.920 think you got it under control. 0:45:09.160 --> 0:45:10.960 I am not far removed from being. 0:45:10.800 --> 0:45:14.000 A junkie again, absolutely, So I'm going to continue to 0:45:14.000 --> 0:45:17.520 help somebody to remind me that you're not far removed. 0:45:18.840 --> 0:45:19.319 I tell a. 0:45:19.239 --> 0:45:21.760 Person, your thirty days is better than my six years. 0:45:22.480 --> 0:45:24.800 You did thirty days of being sobered? 0:45:25.000 --> 0:45:28.200 Yo, whoa two? Three, four days? 0:45:28.360 --> 0:45:28.640 Is me? 0:45:30.120 --> 0:45:31.120 When you go through. 0:45:32.760 --> 0:45:36.439 You talk from using all the time and needing it 0:45:37.000 --> 0:45:40.520 each day, you're just like, yo, this is crazy. 0:45:40.600 --> 0:45:42.280 How did you do two days? 0:45:43.160 --> 0:45:43.800 One thing? 0:45:44.120 --> 0:45:47.239 The people who run the program, they knew they knew 0:45:47.280 --> 0:45:49.280 who I was, they knew I was on the alias, 0:45:49.360 --> 0:45:51.640 they knew me that they gave me my dignity as 0:45:51.719 --> 0:45:55.239 much as they possibly could. I took paper towels and 0:45:55.320 --> 0:45:57.640 double layered them all over my bathroom. 0:45:57.719 --> 0:45:58.480 No, I put. 0:45:58.520 --> 0:46:02.399 Newspaper and then paper towels all over my bathroom floor. 0:46:02.680 --> 0:46:05.240 And I had my slippers. And that's how I was living. 0:46:05.280 --> 0:46:09.080 I was so depressed. And I did not take a 0:46:09.200 --> 0:46:12.880 shower for the entire time that I was on the 0:46:12.920 --> 0:46:15.840 other side of the house because I was not about 0:46:15.840 --> 0:46:16.520 to get in. 0:46:16.560 --> 0:46:19.160 That shower with that stuff and that thing. 0:46:19.200 --> 0:46:21.160 And I didn't have no cleaning products because you can 0:46:21.200 --> 0:46:23.520 sniff cleaning products and they don't give you that. 0:46:23.719 --> 0:46:25.680 And I just was going through so much. 0:46:25.760 --> 0:46:31.319 But I thank God for every second because during that 0:46:31.520 --> 0:46:34.959 time that I was in rehab, that was the most 0:46:34.960 --> 0:46:38.239 that I could hear the I could crystal clear here 0:46:39.360 --> 0:46:43.319 the Lord's direction for me and the and the and 0:46:43.480 --> 0:46:47.440 I was. I kept apologizing to myself, I was apologizing 0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:51.439 to God. I was apologizing to my son, and all 0:46:51.480 --> 0:46:54.360 throughout that I could hear him saying rest, child, like 0:46:54.600 --> 0:46:58.759 just lay down, just rest, rest your spirit, rest all 0:46:58.800 --> 0:47:02.800 these things because you come out of this, right, You're 0:47:02.880 --> 0:47:06.640 going to be more powerful than you can even imagine. 0:47:06.840 --> 0:47:10.160 And I was going to keep the story to myself, 0:47:10.200 --> 0:47:13.360 but then I realized it wasn't my story to hold. 0:47:13.960 --> 0:47:16.560 It was God's story. It was God. 0:47:16.719 --> 0:47:19.280 So how dare you. 0:47:20.040 --> 0:47:23.839 When somebody There are people in my comments section when 0:47:23.880 --> 0:47:27.880 I posted about five years and they're saying things about 0:47:27.920 --> 0:47:30.040 what they went through. And a lot of women, a 0:47:30.120 --> 0:47:34.280 lot of women, because sleeping is real hard for us 0:47:34.560 --> 0:47:36.120 when we got to think, you know, and I think 0:47:36.200 --> 0:47:39.080 brothers have the same thing, but especially with us as women, 0:47:39.320 --> 0:47:40.400 when we're trying to. 0:47:40.320 --> 0:47:44.160 Figure everything out, everything out, care for the family, the man, 0:47:44.400 --> 0:47:45.200 keep the man. 0:47:45.440 --> 0:47:49.759 Look fine, go to work, do this that everything that 0:47:49.800 --> 0:47:54.440 we're trying to do, sleeping is very difficult for us. 0:47:54.760 --> 0:47:58.680 And so there are several people, particularly women, who are 0:47:58.680 --> 0:48:02.680 telling their stories. And one woman said, I have never 0:48:02.880 --> 0:48:06.239 talked to one person about this, and I find myself 0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:09.400 on your page in the comments section, telling this story 0:48:09.520 --> 0:48:11.560 right here, and I never talked to anybody else. 0:48:11.760 --> 0:48:16.719 But it's because the power of your story, right, can heal. 0:48:18.200 --> 0:48:18.319 You? 0:48:18.360 --> 0:48:18.440 Know? 0:48:18.960 --> 0:48:20.440 I don't want to kill you. I want to heal 0:48:20.520 --> 0:48:22.719 with you. I don't want to kill you. 0:48:22.760 --> 0:48:24.640 I want to heal with you, and see, the only 0:48:24.680 --> 0:48:27.640 way we can heal is if somebody be transparent. That's it, right, 0:48:28.000 --> 0:48:30.919 And I ask people right when I talk to the kids, 0:48:30.920 --> 0:48:33.120 I said, if you discovered a diamond that was worth 0:48:33.360 --> 0:48:36.719 billions of dollars trillions of dollars, would you keep it 0:48:36.719 --> 0:48:41.080 to yourself? Would you tell someone? Or you undecided? And 0:48:41.160 --> 0:48:43.040 most of them say, I keep it to myself or 0:48:43.040 --> 0:48:46.960 I'm undecided. The diamond is you. You think the person 0:48:47.600 --> 0:48:52.080 that's like full of talent, full of a gift, Why 0:48:52.080 --> 0:48:53.799 would you hide that gift when you know you can 0:48:53.840 --> 0:48:54.800 spread it to the world. 0:48:54.840 --> 0:48:56.760 Man, our story. 0:48:57.800 --> 0:49:00.120 This is one of these stories where it's like it's 0:49:00.120 --> 0:49:02.400 a secret society, man, because if you don't know what 0:49:02.440 --> 0:49:05.520 this pain feel like, how we broke through the pain, 0:49:05.920 --> 0:49:09.960 you would never understand. You would never ever understand. I 0:49:10.000 --> 0:49:12.440 tell people those who were addicted to drugs and got 0:49:12.480 --> 0:49:14.440 about of it, man, they probably the strongest people in 0:49:14.480 --> 0:49:17.040 the world, because it's like this is a drug that's 0:49:17.080 --> 0:49:18.880 like controlling this. 0:49:19.200 --> 0:49:21.359 Drugs control everything. 0:49:21.800 --> 0:49:24.440 Like listen, if you addicted the drugs, man, don't be 0:49:24.480 --> 0:49:26.759 ashamed of your story. Be ashamed if there's no ending 0:49:26.800 --> 0:49:27.480 to your story. 0:49:28.080 --> 0:49:29.359 So what is next? 0:49:29.719 --> 0:49:31.800 What is it the fact that you don't get funding? 0:49:32.280 --> 0:49:32.440 Right? 0:49:32.680 --> 0:49:33.960 Yeah, like you should be. 0:49:34.200 --> 0:49:37.759 I mean I think people are afraid of listen, if 0:49:37.760 --> 0:49:40.399 you don't want to help fund, you know what I'm saying. 0:49:40.880 --> 0:49:43.479 I'm only here to help them. I'm here to tell 0:49:43.520 --> 0:49:47.240 my story and to help those who are addicted. Because 0:49:48.440 --> 0:49:51.279 people think that drug addiction is cool. They or they're 0:49:51.320 --> 0:49:52.959 in the now. They don't believe that. 0:49:52.840 --> 0:49:53.440 They are on. 0:49:53.840 --> 0:49:56.160 Like, I'm not sleeping on a park bench. I'm not 0:49:56.200 --> 0:49:58.879 selling my body. I'm not committed, but I'm not. 0:49:59.160 --> 0:49:59.760 Just getting little. 0:50:00.080 --> 0:50:00.840 I just get a little. 0:50:00.960 --> 0:50:03.319 But this is why when I on my platform, I 0:50:03.360 --> 0:50:07.880 congratulate those who are celebrities because it's like, yo, it 0:50:07.960 --> 0:50:12.160 takes you gotta dumb it down, man, order for people 0:50:12.160 --> 0:50:13.719 to say, oh, no, you're rich, you got this, you 0:50:13.760 --> 0:50:16.719 got that. No, that don't mean anything. Drug addiction. Don't 0:50:16.719 --> 0:50:18.719 care about your age, your color, where you're from. This 0:50:18.760 --> 0:50:21.839 is why I love all people, because they don't care 0:50:21.840 --> 0:50:25.680 about who you are. They just want to get you 0:50:25.880 --> 0:50:28.759 to take. And I'm wondering, like yo, why people don't 0:50:28.760 --> 0:50:31.359 want to rock with me? And I feel like they 0:50:31.440 --> 0:50:33.600 just don't trust me when it comes down to drug addiction. 0:50:33.800 --> 0:50:36.440 But then they're gonna let these big companies and corporations 0:50:36.480 --> 0:50:39.320 kind of like say, oh, you're fitting off, leave that alone. 0:50:39.360 --> 0:50:41.080 And this is no leave all of them alone. So 0:50:41.120 --> 0:50:42.480 you know what I'm gonna do. I'm just gonna keep 0:50:42.480 --> 0:50:45.719 talking about it. You know, hopefully don't nobody drug in the. 0:50:45.760 --> 0:50:46.439 Hip hop world. 0:50:46.480 --> 0:50:49.359 That's another crazy thing because and I'm I'm I don't 0:50:49.360 --> 0:50:51.839 want to be long winded. So many of us are 0:50:51.920 --> 0:50:54.840 dying from drug addiction and it's. 0:50:54.680 --> 0:50:56.719 Like living with drugs. 0:50:56.880 --> 0:50:58.359 Yeah, and I'm talking about it. 0:50:58.360 --> 0:51:00.800 And you see it. You can see that is taking 0:51:00.840 --> 0:51:01.200 them over. 0:51:01.280 --> 0:51:04.440 And because they have status and they have money, nobody 0:51:04.520 --> 0:51:07.080 is actually trying to do anything to help them. 0:51:07.120 --> 0:51:11.800 I would go to Philadelphia has this place called Kissington 0:51:11.840 --> 0:51:19.040 and Alleghany. It's the worst place in the country, and 0:51:19.080 --> 0:51:22.160 I will I'll put my life on that. That's how 0:51:22.480 --> 0:51:25.480 That's how much I know for a fact, you call them, 0:51:25.920 --> 0:51:27.319 that's pretty much almost done. 0:51:28.320 --> 0:51:28.480 La. 0:51:28.960 --> 0:51:32.920 It's nothing worse than Kensington and Alleghany. There's zombies. The 0:51:32.920 --> 0:51:35.240 cops sit back and be like, as long as nobody 0:51:35.360 --> 0:51:38.680 hurt themselves, like long as nobody die or nobody's fighting, 0:51:39.040 --> 0:51:41.240 they got it. They can shoot up they were shooting, 0:51:41.320 --> 0:51:44.879 they would yo, they're shooting up right, and like on 0:51:44.960 --> 0:51:48.960 the block, every it's like a whole community, thousands and 0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:49.960 thousands of people. 0:51:50.200 --> 0:51:52.400 We have to do a part too of this conversation 0:51:52.520 --> 0:51:55.359 because it is the question why isn't why is there 0:51:55.400 --> 0:51:56.600 not the support for us? 0:51:56.719 --> 0:51:59.640 Because it's not a support for the thing is right? 0:52:00.560 --> 0:52:03.880 I was listening to so I just listened to interviews 0:52:03.880 --> 0:52:07.160 and I listened to narratives, and it's like people have 0:52:07.360 --> 0:52:10.640 made they've made this. 0:52:13.840 --> 0:52:15.799 What is the word I want to use? 0:52:16.280 --> 0:52:19.520 They've come to a conclusion that everything that black people 0:52:19.600 --> 0:52:22.279 do for to help black people in some type of 0:52:22.320 --> 0:52:25.560 scam or that we're trying to get over right like 0:52:26.239 --> 0:52:28.560 our own people. That people say, oh yeah, I don't 0:52:28.560 --> 0:52:31.480 want black lives matter the end, because the somebody said 0:52:31.480 --> 0:52:34.240 the n w a CP doesn't want to end racism 0:52:34.360 --> 0:52:35.760 because then they can't be funded. 0:52:35.840 --> 0:52:38.560 Right then you if. 0:52:37.800 --> 0:52:41.000 And that makes sense in an interview, but that's like 0:52:41.040 --> 0:52:43.920 saying the doctors don't want people not to get healed 0:52:44.120 --> 0:52:46.839 because if they stop dying, then nobody has a job. 0:52:47.760 --> 0:52:50.320 The police don't want crime to stop because if they 0:52:50.360 --> 0:52:51.040 stop coming. 0:52:50.960 --> 0:52:53.680 Crime, there's no industry. 0:52:53.120 --> 0:52:56.840 In the world that that is not gonna fund unless 0:52:56.840 --> 0:52:57.800 the problem exists. 0:52:57.880 --> 0:52:59.640 Right, So why why do we. 0:52:59.560 --> 0:53:02.400 Point out only our people and the ship that benefits 0:53:02.440 --> 0:53:04.840 us and the people that work toward the benefit and 0:53:04.880 --> 0:53:06.160 the protection of our people. 0:53:06.239 --> 0:53:06.399 Right? 0:53:06.640 --> 0:53:08.680 And we do that, and we and we think it's 0:53:08.719 --> 0:53:11.480 something we think it's something wrong that you decide, you 0:53:11.560 --> 0:53:11.839 know what. 0:53:12.200 --> 0:53:14.760 I'm a person that's formally addicted. 0:53:14.800 --> 0:53:16.840 I want to do something better and I need to 0:53:16.840 --> 0:53:20.120 be funded because I can't survive, right, And I can't. 0:53:20.160 --> 0:53:22.560 I can't do any work if I can't survive, right, 0:53:22.800 --> 0:53:24.960 So we we always looking for the bat if you 0:53:25.160 --> 0:53:27.080 if you put up to raise money so you can 0:53:27.120 --> 0:53:30.200 start your own I'm saying to skip. But this is 0:53:30.239 --> 0:53:33.160 what our people, this is what our people have been taught. 0:53:33.200 --> 0:53:36.080 It's the worst thing. And it's like, damn you. You 0:53:36.080 --> 0:53:37.839 you try to get into some shit that to can 0:53:37.920 --> 0:53:40.719 help your people. You come back with knowledge you have, 0:53:41.440 --> 0:53:44.200 you know, unwilling wisdom about some ship that you actually 0:53:44.239 --> 0:53:47.040 went through, and you know that you can be a resource. 0:53:47.080 --> 0:53:49.640 You know that you can help people. But our own 0:53:49.719 --> 0:53:52.279 people are are the biggest adversaries to that. 0:53:52.680 --> 0:53:59.240 Post traumatic slave disorder PTSD post traumatic slave disorder the mind. 0:53:59.680 --> 0:54:01.920 When you walking around with a constipated mind, you just 0:54:01.960 --> 0:54:04.600 got garbage beside your brain. I don't expect you to 0:54:04.640 --> 0:54:07.360 be receptive to information if you have if you have 0:54:07.400 --> 0:54:11.440 a constipated mentality, if you have a poor minded mentality, 0:54:11.560 --> 0:54:14.799 I don't expect that people still told on Harriet tell 0:54:14.880 --> 0:54:22.000 me and that was a go and it's still going on. 0:54:21.920 --> 0:54:22.439 To this day. 0:54:22.560 --> 0:54:26.920 Well, brother, we just I mean really, appreciation is too 0:54:26.960 --> 0:54:29.439 small of a word, right, Like I wish I had, 0:54:29.520 --> 0:54:33.600 and I think from my perspective, I appreciate it even 0:54:33.640 --> 0:54:36.239 more because I know that I could just hear in 0:54:36.320 --> 0:54:39.759 you my same story, like exactly what I went through, 0:54:39.800 --> 0:54:43.239 the feelings, the whole thing, and it's so deep and 0:54:43.280 --> 0:54:46.160 it is a secret society, but we're making it not 0:54:46.400 --> 0:54:51.080 as not so secret by having platforms with people have 0:54:51.200 --> 0:54:52.080 been writing to me. 0:54:52.840 --> 0:54:54.280 I would never have thought. 0:54:54.520 --> 0:54:56.680 And by the way, I want to say that the 0:54:57.160 --> 0:55:01.040 support and the amount of folk who've reached out to 0:55:01.080 --> 0:55:04.160 me from the top, who you could think of, people 0:55:04.239 --> 0:55:07.840 in elected office, celebrities down to not even down to 0:55:08.840 --> 0:55:15.359 two people who just regular folks has been overwhelming. Text messages, calls, prayers, 0:55:15.440 --> 0:55:19.719 love and support and even those who make this particular statement, 0:55:20.080 --> 0:55:21.759 I know that it's not. All of them are not 0:55:21.840 --> 0:55:25.280 coming from a bad place, but they say I would 0:55:25.400 --> 0:55:28.520 never have thought. And I want you at people who 0:55:28.560 --> 0:55:30.960 are out there, of people who are listening, to look 0:55:30.960 --> 0:55:32.960 at yourself, look at your brother, your sister, your mother, 0:55:33.040 --> 0:55:39.000 your father, your cousins, and the pastor, the pastor, the teacher, 0:55:39.480 --> 0:55:44.560 the lawyer, the lady who's the good lady from the community, 0:55:45.040 --> 0:55:50.440 and know that yes, you, yesterday, Yes it could also 0:55:50.719 --> 0:55:51.120 be you. 0:55:51.600 --> 0:55:54.120 So when you say I would never have thought, think. 0:55:54.080 --> 0:55:58.360 Think, think, think, because it can and it is happening 0:55:58.400 --> 0:56:00.839 to so many people. And I just you know, I 0:56:00.880 --> 0:56:04.440 think this is one of those things. Be McFly. 0:56:05.920 --> 0:56:07.839 I prefer to go with Brandon, but. 0:56:09.640 --> 0:56:12.840 That you know, I pray, I pray that we received 0:56:12.920 --> 0:56:15.520 the resources that we deserve to do the work. This 0:56:15.600 --> 0:56:18.480 is important work, but I also want to say that 0:56:19.080 --> 0:56:21.280 this is not something we need to Yes, the government 0:56:21.320 --> 0:56:24.440 should be funding us because they take our money, so 0:56:24.440 --> 0:56:27.000 they should give it back. But our own people have 0:56:27.239 --> 0:56:30.560 enough money to fund this type of work that we 0:56:30.600 --> 0:56:32.640 could do it on our own. And I think that's 0:56:32.719 --> 0:56:34.720 that's the conversation and what it's got to be about. 0:56:34.719 --> 0:56:37.600 And yes, it takes what does it take? 0:56:38.920 --> 0:56:42.200 Money, money, and to do anything. 0:56:45.160 --> 0:56:47.719 You got to come back if you do more than 0:56:47.880 --> 0:56:48.480 just this. 0:56:48.800 --> 0:56:51.520 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, talk about you know, your work 0:56:51.520 --> 0:56:52.319 in totality. 0:56:52.680 --> 0:56:56.279 Let's get it. Man, appreciate. 0:56:57.280 --> 0:57:01.279 Always shout out to be McFly Man to my brother Man. 0:57:01.680 --> 0:57:04.400 We met on the internet, but we've connected a few times, 0:57:04.480 --> 0:57:08.640 and I never knew all of that, right, I just 0:57:08.719 --> 0:57:11.120 knew that he was somebody that I seen on the Internet, 0:57:11.160 --> 0:57:13.680 and I loved his message. I loved the passion that 0:57:13.760 --> 0:57:16.160 he spoke with, and his skits were really you know, 0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:20.600 really powerful, and just hearing that and just just listen 0:57:20.640 --> 0:57:23.080 pretty much, I just let you, y'all into you actually 0:57:23.120 --> 0:57:26.439 was getting interviewed. This is even though you were interviewing well, 0:57:26.480 --> 0:57:29.960 you actually was interviewing yourself too, because for real, it 0:57:30.000 --> 0:57:33.600 was therapeutic watching you and just seeing how passionate you 0:57:33.720 --> 0:57:35.360 was and you were telling your story. So I was 0:57:35.840 --> 0:57:38.640 sitting there, you know, I got me one or two questions, but. 0:57:38.600 --> 0:57:41.320 For the moment that dominated the contents and it. 0:57:41.200 --> 0:57:43.600 Was it was something that you needed to die because 0:57:43.600 --> 0:57:46.960 it's still therapeutic, like right every time, five years this 0:57:47.000 --> 0:57:50.920 is five years of your sobriety, and you know you 0:57:51.000 --> 0:57:55.000 feel empowered, but you also know how you didn't feel. 0:57:54.760 --> 0:57:55.880 Strong at the time. 0:57:56.200 --> 0:57:59.040 You know, you talk about your deepest, darkest moments and 0:57:59.080 --> 0:58:02.000 how you felt like you were helpless, and like I 0:58:02.040 --> 0:58:05.200 remember you sitting there telling me I cannot stop taking pills, 0:58:05.440 --> 0:58:07.120 like literally looking at my face, and I'm like, what 0:58:07.160 --> 0:58:08.080 do you mean you can't? 0:58:08.440 --> 0:58:10.040 And I didn't understand. 0:58:09.640 --> 0:58:11.920 It, And more and more that you said it, and 0:58:11.920 --> 0:58:14.840 the more I hear these testimonies, I realized, Dan, this 0:58:14.920 --> 0:58:19.000 is this is something that I can't possibly even understand. 0:58:19.360 --> 0:58:22.120 But just to see that you you found the way 0:58:22.680 --> 0:58:24.000 you know what I'm saying. And the thing is, the 0:58:24.000 --> 0:58:25.520 reality is I don't know if I would have been 0:58:25.560 --> 0:58:27.240 able to do that. I don't know, right because I've 0:58:27.280 --> 0:58:29.240 never been through it. So you don't know if you 0:58:29.280 --> 0:58:32.120 can overcome something until you've actually done it, and you've 0:58:32.240 --> 0:58:35.040 actually went through something that a lot of. 0:58:34.960 --> 0:58:38.040 People don't come back from. And you know, just hearing 0:58:38.080 --> 0:58:39.840 you speak about it and if. 0:58:40.200 --> 0:58:45.600 So good that I can say emphatically like once I 0:58:45.720 --> 0:58:51.280 walked into that facility to that house on March eighteen, 0:58:52.000 --> 0:58:56.600 I never ever took another pill again, Like who like 0:58:56.680 --> 0:59:00.760 you don't even understand what that means. Like you said, 0:59:00.760 --> 0:59:02.880 you've never been through it. So to be able to 0:59:02.920 --> 0:59:07.040 say that and to know it, because before that I 0:59:07.080 --> 0:59:09.360 would say, oh, yeah, no, I'm detoxing. But then I 0:59:09.440 --> 0:59:11.320 knew I would sneak a pill and do this and 0:59:11.360 --> 0:59:13.640 do that, because that's just the process. But to know 0:59:13.720 --> 0:59:19.240 that what he said, when b McFly said that, you 0:59:19.280 --> 0:59:22.680 know your thirty days are better than my six years, 0:59:22.760 --> 0:59:25.400 I know what he's talking about because those thirty. 0:59:25.200 --> 0:59:26.800 Days, that's the hardest time. 0:59:26.880 --> 0:59:30.360 That's the hardest part is being able to keep going 0:59:30.440 --> 0:59:32.760 for thirty days. It's by the time you get to 0:59:32.800 --> 0:59:36.520 six years, it's just coming five years later. 0:59:36.840 --> 0:59:38.400 You know, it's a thing of the past. 0:59:38.560 --> 0:59:40.880 It's you know, it's something that you know, you think 0:59:40.920 --> 0:59:44.840 about you It's like, oh wow, right, that's so far away. 0:59:45.560 --> 0:59:48.160 When that happened over there thirty days ago. 0:59:48.240 --> 0:59:52.720 It's like, yo, cannot even make it thirty one days? 0:59:52.760 --> 0:59:55.160 Can I make it thirty days and an hour? 0:59:56.080 --> 0:59:56.240 Right? 0:59:56.320 --> 0:59:58.959 It's really tough. And so to be able to say 0:59:59.000 --> 1:00:02.920 that and to know that there ain't nobody that you know, 1:00:03.000 --> 1:00:05.840 it ain't no, ain't no, ain't no nobody with a 1:00:05.880 --> 1:00:09.240 script around the corner like Na, Na, remember that scripts 1:00:09.600 --> 1:00:12.560 people had that script March twenty then you said you 1:00:12.600 --> 1:00:16.400 had a script that Nah, that's not a thing, And 1:00:16.440 --> 1:00:19.320 I'm so proud of myself, but I know for that, 1:00:20.480 --> 1:00:22.520 it's somebody that's. 1:00:22.280 --> 1:00:24.160 Going through it right now and they need to hear 1:00:24.200 --> 1:00:26.280 you and like that, Like you said that lady wrote 1:00:26.320 --> 1:00:29.360 in your comments that she had never shared it with anybody, 1:00:29.400 --> 1:00:31.800 and you know, and we just have powers to be 1:00:31.880 --> 1:00:34.479 able to move people in different ways. And the fact 1:00:34.520 --> 1:00:37.000 that she wanted to share that with you, whatever you 1:00:37.160 --> 1:00:41.160 said or did or whatever it was, it was able 1:00:41.200 --> 1:00:44.400 to move her and hopefully move her to do something 1:00:44.400 --> 1:00:45.080 to help herself. 1:00:45.160 --> 1:00:47.360 So no, she's she's she's sober. 1:00:47.560 --> 1:00:48.400 Oh she's sober now. 1:00:48.520 --> 1:00:49.040 She said she. 1:00:49.160 --> 1:00:52.920 Got sober, never told anybody about it, and now she's like, yo, 1:00:53.040 --> 1:00:56.360 I'm on internet. She she she gave off, which I 1:00:56.400 --> 1:00:57.800 didn't even click a page or anything. 1:00:57.960 --> 1:01:01.800 She gave off a woman of our right, just like. 1:01:08.120 --> 1:01:10.360 She might have needed to tell somebody because it might 1:01:10.400 --> 1:01:13.240 have saved somebody's life. So shout out to you, Shout 1:01:13.240 --> 1:01:16.960 out to be McFly for you know, for overcoming the 1:01:16.960 --> 1:01:22.880 odds man and being examples of what it is when 1:01:23.720 --> 1:01:27.040 you decide mentally that you're going to win and you 1:01:27.080 --> 1:01:31.440 gonna overcome something, so shout out to y'all. So on 1:01:32.200 --> 1:01:34.520 a different note, I wouldn't say light, but on a 1:01:34.560 --> 1:01:37.000 different note, you know, I have a I don't get 1:01:37.000 --> 1:01:42.520 it today, but today's I don't get it. It's a 1:01:42.560 --> 1:01:44.920 two prong I don't get it, you know, because I 1:01:45.000 --> 1:01:47.520 know I want to get killed or stabbed up by nobody, 1:01:48.080 --> 1:01:48.240 you know. 1:01:48.320 --> 1:01:51.680 So I wanted I wanted to I wanted to. 1:01:53.280 --> 1:01:58.280 Give a question to both men and women who actually 1:01:58.360 --> 1:02:02.040 engaged in this behavior. I need to know why do 1:02:02.160 --> 1:02:06.000 women have babies with men that don't want to have babies? 1:02:07.200 --> 1:02:08.080 That's the first part. 1:02:08.400 --> 1:02:12.360 But I also don't get why do men have unprotected 1:02:12.440 --> 1:02:14.880 sex with women that they don't want to. 1:02:14.840 --> 1:02:18.000 Have children with? Right, So it's a two prong question. 1:02:18.040 --> 1:02:19.600 You saying you don't want to have a baby, You're 1:02:19.600 --> 1:02:22.920 saying this and that, and you know you don't, but 1:02:23.000 --> 1:02:25.800 you still continue to have unprotected sex with this woman, 1:02:25.880 --> 1:02:28.720 knowing that the possibility exists. 1:02:28.320 --> 1:02:30.240 For her to have a baby, and you know that 1:02:30.240 --> 1:02:31.520 she wants to have a baby. 1:02:31.800 --> 1:02:35.360 So I don't understand neither one of these mentalities at all. 1:02:35.800 --> 1:02:39.760 I wish somebody would give me an understanding of how 1:02:39.840 --> 1:02:43.120 it even makes any level of sense, because it's probably 1:02:43.440 --> 1:02:45.400 the dumbest should I ever seen. 1:02:45.440 --> 1:02:49.560 But maybe you shouldn't have sex because if an accident, 1:02:49.760 --> 1:02:52.080 like what if you told a woman I don't want 1:02:52.120 --> 1:02:55.040 to have children and then she gets pregnant by accident. 1:02:55.120 --> 1:02:57.080 You can't go telling people that they have to have it. 1:02:57.280 --> 1:02:58.920 But the thing is, but the thing is, but no, 1:02:59.240 --> 1:03:01.560 you don't. You can have the baby. But the thing is, 1:03:02.120 --> 1:03:05.400 the problem is you're looking, You're having an expectation of 1:03:05.480 --> 1:03:07.760 somebody that you shouldn't have an expectation. 1:03:07.960 --> 1:03:11.320 Well, no, but if I did not try to get 1:03:11.440 --> 1:03:17.240 we both made a decision. We know sex makes babies, 1:03:17.560 --> 1:03:19.320 we know that. We know that, we know that. 1:03:19.760 --> 1:03:23.120 But there's some people that irresponsible that. 1:03:23.200 --> 1:03:26.760 The whole point of sex, right, it was, Yes, there 1:03:26.880 --> 1:03:31.960 was the part about pleasure. It was a pleasure, the 1:03:31.960 --> 1:03:36.840 whole point pleasure sex. No, No, it is reproduction. You 1:03:37.040 --> 1:03:39.800 think that what you know I'm talking about. 1:03:39.560 --> 1:03:40.680 Most people in the world. 1:03:40.720 --> 1:03:44.840 You said, I'm not talking about what are you talking about. 1:03:44.960 --> 1:03:48.600 I'm not saying that it cannot that it does not 1:03:48.760 --> 1:03:53.280 benefit the pleasure purpose. I'm saying that the organs and 1:03:53.360 --> 1:03:58.320 the actual practice of it. Pro Creation is at the 1:03:58.360 --> 1:04:01.520 heart of what you're supposed to into when you have sex, right, 1:04:01.560 --> 1:04:02.800 So intercourse, right, it's. 1:04:02.680 --> 1:04:05.040 Supposed to it's supposed to be about procreation. 1:04:05.320 --> 1:04:09.840 Okay, So now you have a baby, you have sex 1:04:09.840 --> 1:04:12.200 with somebody and they tell you, I do not want 1:04:12.240 --> 1:04:12.920 to have kids. 1:04:13.000 --> 1:04:13.400 That's right. 1:04:13.800 --> 1:04:16.880 So the next question, one we think would be do 1:04:17.080 --> 1:04:21.200 you want to have kids? Right, because if you want 1:04:21.240 --> 1:04:23.480 to have kids, even if we about to use a condom, 1:04:23.800 --> 1:04:25.760 I know that the chances that the kind of could 1:04:25.760 --> 1:04:27.919 break or that could be an incident. So if you're 1:04:27.960 --> 1:04:30.080 not one of those people who are willing to have 1:04:30.120 --> 1:04:33.480 an abortion, and you might you know, some people want 1:04:33.480 --> 1:04:35.200 to have an abortion, but they might find out too 1:04:35.280 --> 1:04:38.120 lay and or their bodies can't handle it for whatever reason. 1:04:39.680 --> 1:04:43.000 Well no, yeah, now yeah, Now politically you can't do 1:04:43.080 --> 1:04:45.320 it for you can go to jail. But I'm saying 1:04:45.360 --> 1:04:48.320 that there are people who literally with the ability to 1:04:48.440 --> 1:04:51.520 get an abortion, they cannot do it because of their 1:04:51.560 --> 1:04:55.400 their whatever right their physical condition. So I'm not even 1:04:55.440 --> 1:04:59.320 told by unprotected sex. The question still is out there. 1:04:59.720 --> 1:05:02.600 If that person says yes, I want to know, I'm 1:05:02.640 --> 1:05:04.520 not willing to go in the back alley and get 1:05:04.560 --> 1:05:09.080 a hanger up me or whatever. Why then do you 1:05:09.120 --> 1:05:12.520 are you should you still be held accountable for that child, 1:05:12.720 --> 1:05:13.840 at least financially. 1:05:13.960 --> 1:05:16.760 I think for me, right that as a man, I'm 1:05:16.800 --> 1:05:19.880 always gonna be hand accountable for any creation that I make. 1:05:20.480 --> 1:05:24.120 Right, But I'm a responsible individual like that. That is 1:05:24.160 --> 1:05:24.920 a decision that. 1:05:24.880 --> 1:05:27.520 I've made that if I make a baby, regardless of 1:05:27.600 --> 1:05:30.320 how it's made, that is my child, and I'm going 1:05:30.400 --> 1:05:33.760 to do everything possible to support, love and be a 1:05:33.800 --> 1:05:37.920 father to my child. But I also being Devil's advocate 1:05:38.040 --> 1:05:41.280 and just giving you another perspective. I know men that 1:05:41.400 --> 1:05:44.439 just don't want anything to do with they they don't 1:05:44.480 --> 1:05:48.000 have They're not stable at all. They don't they don't 1:05:48.040 --> 1:05:52.240 claim anything. I know men that just literally just move around. 1:05:52.280 --> 1:05:55.840 They don't have any goals or aspirations to be fathers 1:05:55.880 --> 1:05:58.400 to children, right, and they live their life and win. 1:05:58.440 --> 1:06:02.080 The relationship with the women is the relationship. Especially if 1:06:02.080 --> 1:06:04.959 they never wanted to have the child, then they are 1:06:05.200 --> 1:06:09.000 completely fine with having absolutely no relationship with a child. 1:06:09.120 --> 1:06:11.320 There are men that way, They're all like that. I 1:06:11.440 --> 1:06:13.479 want to there are a bunch of men like that. 1:06:13.600 --> 1:06:16.160 I just want you to know, and I'm gonna let 1:06:16.200 --> 1:06:19.080 you just finish it up that my mother used to 1:06:19.120 --> 1:06:22.840 tell my cousins, you know, the men in our family, 1:06:22.880 --> 1:06:26.439 and I'm sure she got this from my grandmother, that 1:06:26.800 --> 1:06:31.400 having sex is extremely expensive. It's probably the most expensive 1:06:31.440 --> 1:06:33.680 decision you will ever make in your life, because you 1:06:33.720 --> 1:06:36.640 can catch STDs, something that you can never get rid of, 1:06:37.120 --> 1:06:40.520 and you can make a responsibility bring something into the 1:06:40.520 --> 1:06:42.560 world that you may not be prepared to take care of. 1:06:42.880 --> 1:06:45.800 So I hope that as men, our brothers are out 1:06:45.840 --> 1:06:50.360 there educating. We're helping our younger brothers to know it's expensive. 1:06:50.440 --> 1:06:53.040 It's like they say dating, you can't just date, like 1:06:53.160 --> 1:06:55.920 dating costs money. It costs money to date somebody. It 1:06:56.000 --> 1:06:59.840 costs money and mental health stuff, whatever you. 1:06:59.840 --> 1:07:00.480 Are to call it. 1:07:01.120 --> 1:07:03.520 I hope they're saying it's expensive. But I hope that 1:07:03.600 --> 1:07:06.640 our young brothers are also understanding it's not just the 1:07:06.680 --> 1:07:11.440 pleasure principle. It is actually an act that should result 1:07:11.560 --> 1:07:14.600 in the procreation so that we as a as a 1:07:14.600 --> 1:07:17.720 as a race, a human race, can continue to grow 1:07:17.800 --> 1:07:21.120 and blossom and to multiply. So when you start putting 1:07:21.120 --> 1:07:24.720 that ship in that language, then people should get a 1:07:24.760 --> 1:07:27.960 different understanding. When you lay down with somebody, you're not 1:07:28.200 --> 1:07:31.000 just laying down with them so you could feel good, 1:07:31.040 --> 1:07:33.760 so you could get your ejaculation, whatever. 1:07:33.720 --> 1:07:41.880 You are, you are actually laying down in a spiritual experience. Bruh. 1:07:41.880 --> 1:07:44.320 But it's it's not that ain't nobody listening to it. 1:07:44.320 --> 1:07:50.439 It's that it's not really being taught because I heard I. 1:07:50.360 --> 1:07:55.920 Was told don't have that's it, right, But the average 1:07:55.960 --> 1:08:02.920 person that's been having sex, right, they don't see the soul. 1:08:03.400 --> 1:08:05.400 I hear what you're saying, and I'm trying to tell 1:08:05.440 --> 1:08:09.040 you that the average reality of that we deal with 1:08:09.200 --> 1:08:13.600 on a basic human level, that's just not everybody's reality. 1:08:13.680 --> 1:08:14.360 And there are. 1:08:14.280 --> 1:08:17.400 People who don't give a fuck, this is what I'm 1:08:17.439 --> 1:08:23.040 trying to say, And they give but they don't give 1:08:23.040 --> 1:08:26.800 a fu. But there are people who really don't care 1:08:27.479 --> 1:08:29.680 about principle. 1:08:29.840 --> 1:08:32.640 They never even heard that what I'm and. 1:08:32.800 --> 1:08:34.040 Some people that they just don't. 1:08:34.040 --> 1:08:36.680 It just doesn't align with them and they've made up 1:08:36.720 --> 1:08:39.240 their mind that they don't care about certain things. So 1:08:39.280 --> 1:08:43.160 what I'm trying to say is I want us all 1:08:43.439 --> 1:08:46.880 to be proactive and not reactive. I want women to 1:08:46.920 --> 1:08:49.639 stop giving your bodies to men who say they don't 1:08:49.680 --> 1:08:51.479 want to have children when you want to have children 1:08:51.720 --> 1:08:53.000 that might impregnate you. 1:08:53.080 --> 1:08:55.200 Stop having unprotected sex with these men. 1:08:55.439 --> 1:08:58.280 Stop expecting them to be men when they haven't shown 1:08:58.320 --> 1:09:00.599 you or told you that they will be men men. 1:09:00.960 --> 1:09:03.960 Stop having sex for women unprotected that you don't want 1:09:04.000 --> 1:09:05.759 to be bothered or protecting. 1:09:06.479 --> 1:09:08.760 Well, you're just having said no, But that's not right. 1:09:09.160 --> 1:09:11.920 But protection does not guarantee a person. 1:09:12.920 --> 1:09:17.360 You're taking the necessary precautions, right, So I can't. 1:09:17.680 --> 1:09:19.599 But once you have a baby, then that's it. 1:09:19.680 --> 1:09:22.080 But once you have a baby, what I'm trying to 1:09:22.120 --> 1:09:25.240 say is it is it? But once you once we've 1:09:25.280 --> 1:09:29.599 had a baby, and we've had a baby, do accident 1:09:30.120 --> 1:09:32.320 right and I didn't purposely do something, and you made 1:09:32.320 --> 1:09:34.280 a decision that you're having a baby, and you're not 1:09:34.400 --> 1:09:36.519 in a situation where you can't have a baby, and 1:09:36.560 --> 1:09:39.559 you made that decision that you want to have that baby. 1:09:40.400 --> 1:09:45.120 I even though I personally I would never say that, but. 1:09:45.200 --> 1:09:48.960 I can't abandon never abandoned a child. But I can't. 1:09:49.160 --> 1:09:53.080 I can't call a man at fault. It's just like that. 1:09:53.120 --> 1:09:55.479 You can ask you a question that comes you know 1:09:55.520 --> 1:09:56.080 what that comes to. 1:09:56.680 --> 1:09:59.120 You know, she's having it if she's impregnated with a baby, 1:09:59.240 --> 1:10:01.320 because this is the aug they have. She's pregnant with 1:10:01.320 --> 1:10:03.400 a baby she does not want to have. She's gonna 1:10:03.400 --> 1:10:04.480 get rid of that baby. 1:10:04.280 --> 1:10:08.000 Right, Well, some people don't. There's a lot of people that. 1:10:08.280 --> 1:10:12.400 There's but more often than not, no more, if a 1:10:12.479 --> 1:10:14.920 woman does not want to have a baby, she does 1:10:14.960 --> 1:10:15.559 not have. 1:10:15.520 --> 1:10:19.599 Excuse me, excuse me. Let me lay down some facts 1:10:19.960 --> 1:10:20.600 so you can know. 1:10:21.000 --> 1:10:24.360 Okay, the statistics are that more women have children they 1:10:24.400 --> 1:10:24.960 don't want. 1:10:25.160 --> 1:10:27.680 Okay, abortion is actually. 1:10:28.960 --> 1:10:32.920 Women have children they do not want than those who 1:10:32.960 --> 1:10:36.880 have abortions. One, we don't always have the resources because 1:10:36.920 --> 1:10:40.800 of shame and yes, because of rape and other incidents 1:10:40.840 --> 1:10:42.559 that you were unable to navigate. 1:10:42.600 --> 1:10:45.040 You have a lot of women, my son. A lot 1:10:45.080 --> 1:10:45.559 of times. 1:10:45.560 --> 1:10:47.640 The way that you see the world, you think of 1:10:47.680 --> 1:10:50.960 it as we are very we we are elitists in 1:10:51.040 --> 1:10:54.559 our experiences because we live in the north, We live 1:10:54.560 --> 1:10:57.000 in New York. We live in a place where playing 1:10:57.040 --> 1:10:59.519 parenthood is right there. The other clinic to this place 1:10:59.560 --> 1:11:02.040 that that you know, all the clinics we've been to, 1:11:02.080 --> 1:11:02.519 some of them. 1:11:02.520 --> 1:11:04.160 I'm sure you're done sad in some of them. 1:11:04.600 --> 1:11:05.920 I shouldn't business. 1:11:06.000 --> 1:11:07.800 You never went to take a woman or pick a 1:11:07.800 --> 1:11:13.639 woman up from having an abortion. You just low live neself. 1:11:13.800 --> 1:11:16.360 No, I've never got I don't have it, so. 1:11:16.320 --> 1:11:19.040 Then and that's and that's and that's a beautiful thing. 1:11:19.280 --> 1:11:21.880 It was being funny, but on the serious side, when 1:11:21.920 --> 1:11:24.040 you live in a community that doesn't have a clinic, 1:11:24.160 --> 1:11:27.080 or the clinic is killing people, or you have to 1:11:27.120 --> 1:11:30.000 have money, you don't have insurance, you don't have health insurance, 1:11:30.240 --> 1:11:32.400 or you can't get a hold of the health insurance 1:11:32.479 --> 1:11:34.400 card because your parents keep. 1:11:34.280 --> 1:11:35.040 It locked away. 1:11:35.640 --> 1:11:37.640 You have the baby that you know, You have the 1:11:37.640 --> 1:11:41.599 baby that you don't necessarily want. Sometimes family members will 1:11:41.640 --> 1:11:44.719 force you because of your the religious beliefs of your mother, 1:11:44.800 --> 1:11:47.920 your grandmother or whomever. They tell you we don't do abortions, 1:11:48.040 --> 1:11:50.040 so you get pregnant and you end up with a child. 1:11:50.120 --> 1:11:53.440 There are more stories like that than people who have abortions. 1:11:53.600 --> 1:11:56.160 I get your point that a woman has that option. 1:11:56.120 --> 1:11:59.080 Or used to in some places, but I'm just saying, 1:11:59.600 --> 1:12:02.519 just know that there are more people who have children 1:12:02.560 --> 1:12:04.360 that they don't want and they have to take care 1:12:04.360 --> 1:12:08.519 of them. Our community and especially our men should hold 1:12:08.680 --> 1:12:12.439 responsible any man who has a child on this earth 1:12:12.520 --> 1:12:15.360 that they do not do something to contribute to them. 1:12:15.680 --> 1:12:17.519 I agree with that, I agree with them, But I'm 1:12:17.560 --> 1:12:21.400 trying to say even if I personally, but I don't 1:12:21.439 --> 1:12:23.920 see them at full I just don't. If you, if 1:12:23.920 --> 1:12:26.439 you take all the necessary course, if you take all 1:12:26.439 --> 1:12:28.439 of the necessary precautions not to. 1:12:28.360 --> 1:12:29.840 Have a child, you can't. 1:12:30.280 --> 1:12:33.160 My sign, I don't understand what I'm getting ready to 1:12:33.200 --> 1:12:36.559 tell you. If you have sex, you have not taken 1:12:36.720 --> 1:12:38.519 all of the necessary. 1:12:38.040 --> 1:12:41.120 Every time, that every time you should want to have 1:12:41.120 --> 1:12:41.439 a child. 1:12:41.560 --> 1:12:42.519 No, it's not one. 1:12:42.640 --> 1:12:46.720 I didn't say anything about that absolutely, because what you 1:12:46.920 --> 1:12:51.080 just said is that it is. It's not really tell 1:12:51.120 --> 1:12:54.240 you what's so realistic about it, because this is because 1:12:54.560 --> 1:12:57.439 because we are on a hot mic, and what we 1:12:57.560 --> 1:13:01.080 say here goes into the world, and when we are 1:13:01.920 --> 1:13:06.280 you say that you need to take the every you say, 1:13:06.520 --> 1:13:11.280 every necessary precaution not to have a child, that you 1:13:11.320 --> 1:13:13.040 cannot hold the person at fault. 1:13:13.520 --> 1:13:16.280 You are not being that that responsible. 1:13:17.439 --> 1:13:20.080 No, you said I cannot hold them at fault. 1:13:20.520 --> 1:13:21.960 I think should be responsible. 1:13:22.000 --> 1:13:24.000 So no, no, no, you said I cannot hold them at fault. 1:13:24.680 --> 1:13:26.360 What I am saying to you is that it is 1:13:26.400 --> 1:13:30.400 an incomplete thought. What you said here is that if 1:13:30.439 --> 1:13:34.800 you have taken every possible precaution. So now if we 1:13:34.840 --> 1:13:37.559 write down a list of precautions of not getting pregnant, 1:13:37.560 --> 1:13:39.720 because they don't have no world where you can get 1:13:39.760 --> 1:13:43.720 pregnant by the air blowing on you, understanding that not 1:13:43.840 --> 1:13:48.120 having sex is the first way not to have keys. Okay, 1:13:48.200 --> 1:13:51.680 So once we know that, then as a community, if 1:13:51.720 --> 1:13:54.439 a person made that step and they did have sex, 1:13:54.439 --> 1:13:57.400 which means they didn't take the first precaution, and you 1:13:57.560 --> 1:14:00.439 have a child, it should be condemnation that you don't 1:14:00.439 --> 1:14:00.920 take care of. 1:14:01.080 --> 1:14:02.519 But it doesn't matter to some people. 1:14:07.680 --> 1:14:09.240 Man or woman. I don't. 1:14:10.600 --> 1:14:13.959 If you do, you condemn a woman that has abortion 1:14:14.520 --> 1:14:17.519 you don't want no, what are you talking about? 1:14:18.520 --> 1:14:21.960 Child that's walking around? 1:14:22.040 --> 1:14:26.200 Are you condemning a woman who made a decision that 1:14:26.360 --> 1:14:29.320 I don't want to have this baby. I don't want 1:14:29.400 --> 1:14:30.840 I don't want none to do with this baby. The 1:14:30.880 --> 1:14:33.599 man wants the baby and he she says no, I 1:14:33.640 --> 1:14:36.000 don't want the baby, and she gets rid of the baby. 1:14:36.000 --> 1:14:38.640 Do you con I do not condemn I do not 1:14:38.720 --> 1:14:41.720 condemn her, but I will tell you this much. I 1:14:41.800 --> 1:14:46.280 absolutely condemn any person because, by the way you told 1:14:46.320 --> 1:14:50.560 me the other day, there's no way that the average 1:14:50.640 --> 1:14:54.280 woman is stronger than a man physically, if you fit physically, 1:14:54.320 --> 1:14:58.080 there's no way physically that the average woman, not women 1:14:58.880 --> 1:15:01.479 woman is stronger than the That means that if I 1:15:01.520 --> 1:15:03.680 get into a fight with a man and I hit 1:15:03.760 --> 1:15:05.840 him or do something to him and he beats me up, 1:15:06.240 --> 1:15:09.320 I put myself in a situation because I already know 1:15:09.400 --> 1:15:10.599 that for the most part. 1:15:10.400 --> 1:15:11.479 I cannot beat that man. 1:15:12.000 --> 1:15:14.760 So if you have sex with a woman, as a man, 1:15:15.160 --> 1:15:18.599 you are putting yourself in a situation that you cannot control. 1:15:19.360 --> 1:15:20.800 You get beat up body. 1:15:20.960 --> 1:15:23.000 But hear what But I hear what you said. 1:15:23.000 --> 1:15:26.160 But just like and I'm telling you, just like you said, 1:15:26.640 --> 1:15:28.720 she knows she she can't beat the man. It don't 1:15:28.720 --> 1:15:30.760 stop him from fucking you up. If he don't give 1:15:30.800 --> 1:15:32.680 a fuck whether you could beat him or nothing. Just like, 1:15:32.760 --> 1:15:35.320 it don't matter that you care. You condemn the nigga 1:15:35.360 --> 1:15:35.960 that don't want. 1:15:35.800 --> 1:15:36.519 To baby, that's me. 1:15:36.800 --> 1:15:39.800 It doesn't matter. Our community. Don't get the community. 1:15:39.920 --> 1:15:41.000 Don't get community. 1:15:41.920 --> 1:15:44.599 It's a bunch of dead it's dead beat niggas wunning 1:15:44.600 --> 1:15:46.320 around here all day and they look. 1:15:46.200 --> 1:15:49.320 Around mindsets like yours when you telling it, not hold 1:15:49.360 --> 1:15:53.240 them at fall. At fall, I call court and I'm 1:15:53.280 --> 1:15:56.720 giving the judge I'm no judge, and the jury and 1:15:56.760 --> 1:16:00.479 the motherfucking executioner. If you don't take care of child 1:16:00.479 --> 1:16:02.639 that you laid down to make, you ain't ship. 1:16:03.240 --> 1:16:03.600 That's it. 1:16:03.760 --> 1:16:05.800 Yeah, you can say that, but some people don't care 1:16:06.080 --> 1:16:08.240 about not being ship. That's all I'm trying to say. 1:16:08.520 --> 1:16:08.880 To tell you. 1:16:08.960 --> 1:16:11.040 It is niggas that is piece of ships, and they 1:16:11.280 --> 1:16:15.840 all they so they are so comfortable being pieces of ship. 1:16:16.160 --> 1:16:21.320 So with that said, another episode. Somebody's gonna be wrong, 1:16:21.439 --> 1:16:23.760 somebody gonna be right. She ain't gonna never be wrong, 1:16:23.840 --> 1:16:25.479 but it is what it is. 1:16:26.040 --> 1:16:30.040 We love y'all. Tm I tune in, keep on tuning in. 1:16:30.160 --> 1:16:41.880 Number one show in the world. 1:16:33.040 --> 1:16:45.280 So check out the video version of TMO 1:16:45.600 --> 1:16:48.559 Every single Wednesday on Iwoman Dot TV.