WEBVTT - Part Two: Why Kidnapping Conspiracy Theories Are Everywhere 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:07.000 Ah, Welcome back to Behind the Bastards, a podcast about 0:00:07.000 --> 0:00:13.000 the ever present fear of death and pale anxiety. Pain 0:00:13.080 --> 0:00:16.159 that is like never leaves, that's just always there in 0:00:16.200 --> 0:00:18.479 the heart of every single person and drives us to 0:00:18.560 --> 0:00:21.280 most of the terrible crimes that we commit as a species. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:26.280 What are you doing, Sarah? 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:26.680 What else? 0:00:26.720 --> 0:00:27.880 I'm here and I'm scared. 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:29.760 Yeah, we're all. 0:00:30.160 --> 0:00:30.240 So. 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.959 I keep and raised goats, and one of my goats 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:36.440 gave birth this year, so I've been milking her. You 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:38.720 can milk a goat for about a year after they 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:40.720 give birth, you know, something like that. It kind of 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:41.559 depends a little bit. 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:43.520 Is it also birth control for the goat? 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:48.839 I don't know enough about goats biology to tell you that, Sarah, but. 0:00:48.840 --> 0:00:51.880 I appreciate you're accepting that. That's above your pay grade. Yeah, 0:00:51.920 --> 0:00:54.800 that's well above my pay grade. I've just figured out milking. 0:00:54.960 --> 0:00:58.480 So I got this this little little lady goat. She's 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:02.160 a Nigerian dwarf. She's small, She's about the size of 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:06.240 like a small dog. Nothing bad has ever happened to 0:01:06.240 --> 0:01:08.840 this animal. She has never been been threatened, she's never 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:12.240 been attacked, she's never been like harmed. All that people 0:01:12.280 --> 0:01:14.000 have ever done for her. All that I've ever done 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:15.880 for her is go is bring her food and other 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:18.959 things that she likes. And all that the milking processes 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:23.600 is her receiving treats while she's milked. And still if 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:25.760 I move the wrong way around her, if I like, 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:28.760 you know, like I have to be there's very specific 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:30.600 ways that I move when she's in there, because if 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:33.640 I move the wrong way, she will freak out and 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:38.000 run away. Right, And that's because she is descended from 0:01:38.000 --> 0:01:40.680 a long line of prey animals that had to always 0:01:40.760 --> 0:01:42.759 be ready to be attacked and to try to run 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:43.559 away from danger. 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:43.840 Right. 0:01:44.200 --> 0:01:47.400 It's the same reason why you know, people had a 0:01:47.440 --> 0:01:49.240 whole fun thing on the internet the other cup a 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:51.360 few years ago about like if you put like a 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:54.800 cucumber or something out slightly outside of a cat's field 0:01:54.840 --> 0:01:58.480 of vision, they'll freak out because their instincts tell them 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:02.360 this is a snake. And we all know this about animals. 0:02:02.400 --> 0:02:02.880 I'm not like. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.400 People love to scare their people love. 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.480 To scare their cats to make them feel like, you know, 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:12.440 they're and it It's interesting to me because like currently 0:02:12.480 --> 0:02:15.079 in right wing media, there's this huge thing with like 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:19.640 biological reality, and you know, we're going against these deeply 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:22.959 programmed things when people are allowed to be transgender or 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:26.840 like biologically men are meant to fight in a felanx 0:02:26.880 --> 0:02:29.240 with a spear and like you're you know, this is 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:31.240 why you need to pay ten thousand dollars to have 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.000 a man yell at you. Well, you do push ups, 0:02:33.040 --> 0:02:37.560 otherwise you're not connected to your your like ancestral masculinity. 0:02:37.600 --> 0:02:39.720 You got to eat raw meat, you know whatever, kind 0:02:39.760 --> 0:02:43.280 of fucking nonsense. And everyone's fine with like or all 0:02:43.280 --> 0:02:45.080 of these people are fine with the idea that, like, 0:02:45.440 --> 0:02:48.440 you know, my ancestral men were hunters and fighters, so 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:50.840 I need to do hunting and fighting stuff in order 0:02:50.840 --> 0:02:54.680 to be like truly happy. But nobody likes the nobody 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.160 likes being told. Nobody's willing to accept that, like, well, 0:02:57.160 --> 0:03:00.880 your ancestors were constantly at threat from various kinds of animals, 0:03:00.919 --> 0:03:03.880 and so there is always fear in your heart and nothing, 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:07.280 nothing will ever make that go away, Like you just 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:09.360 have to learn how to deal with it and cope 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:12.720 with it. Because we grew up in a world that 0:03:12.880 --> 0:03:15.880 was deeply, deeply dangerous in ways that like it is 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.520 not anymore, and that's just will always be with you. 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:21.400 And none of these people want to accept that. They 0:03:21.440 --> 0:03:24.920 want to take the parts of like ancient humanity that 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.760 are like standing with a shield and a spear or 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:30.280 trying to hunt a fucking gazelle, but they don't want 0:03:30.320 --> 0:03:33.040 to accept that, like the actual thing that will never 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:35.480 leave us because of our ancestors is fear. 0:03:36.360 --> 0:03:36.880 I don't want to. 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.760 Be too dramatic, but I feel like I'm having a 0:03:38.800 --> 0:03:42.600 breakthrough right now because I feel like I have been 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:48.200 treating like my life and also the therapy that I've 0:03:48.240 --> 0:03:50.640 been doing as an approach to like, well, I feel 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:54.160 really fearful and anxious a lot, and that's a failing 0:03:54.240 --> 0:03:57.440 on my part, or like not a moral failing, but 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.760 like that's something that's wrong with me that has to 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:02.920 do with my personal history, and it's a problem, and I, 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:04.960 you know, and I to be clear, like I do 0:04:05.000 --> 0:04:07.240 think that I need to deal with that, and we 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:09.120 all need to learn how to manage fear in our 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:12.640 own ways and also to trust it at times, but 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:16.480 seeing it is something that's just part of the organisms 0:04:16.520 --> 0:04:19.520 we are, instead of this idea of like an invading 0:04:19.600 --> 0:04:22.000 presence that shouldn't be there like it's just right. It's 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:23.880 like it's natural for us to be afraid. That's what 0:04:23.920 --> 0:04:26.000 we're how what we are? 0:04:26.640 --> 0:04:29.719 Yeah, what I'd like people at home to do. You know, 0:04:30.200 --> 0:04:32.719 the next time the fear hits you, right and you 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:36.440 find yourself wondering why am I so afraid? Instead of 0:04:36.720 --> 0:04:39.599 burrowing into like whatever you said in your like going 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.760 on Twitter and you know, doom scrolling or any of 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:45.280 that stuff, get on the Internet and look up a 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:49.200 picture of the skull of a cave bear. Cave bears 0:04:49.200 --> 0:04:52.680 don't exist anymore, but they're much larger than all of 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:55.640 the all present day bears. They're small compared to cave bears. 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.039 They were like the elephants of bears, and they used 0:04:59.080 --> 0:05:02.360 to murder the shit out of us. And look at 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.120 the skull of a cave bear and realize, like, that's 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:08.680 why I'm scared right now. It's because many, many years ago, 0:05:08.880 --> 0:05:11.960 my ancestors had to constantly be worried about this fucking 0:05:12.040 --> 0:05:16.200 thing charging out of whatever cave and murdering their entire family. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.120 And so now I'm sitting at home, in my air 0:05:19.160 --> 0:05:21.680 conditioned house where there are no cave bears, and I'm 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:25.200 scared like, just look at a picture of a cave bear. 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:26.400 That's why you're scared. 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.720 It's also just to bring it into horror movies, as 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:34.440 I must, like, it's fascinating how so many horror movies 0:05:34.640 --> 0:05:36.600 because the House without a Cave Bear makes me think 0:05:36.600 --> 0:05:41.200 of Barbarian and that so many horror movies are about 0:05:41.200 --> 0:05:43.640 the idea and horror stories before that are about the 0:05:43.640 --> 0:05:45.880 idea of something that wants to kill rye. You coming 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:48.719 out of the past, yeah, because of you know, traumas 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:50.880 or misdeeds of the pastor just from the past in 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.000 some way, because we act like the present is all 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:56.599 about our thriving and having fun and being wholesome. But 0:05:56.720 --> 0:06:01.279 really when we're focusing on that, understand on some level, 0:06:01.400 --> 0:06:04.200 like modernity itself is sort of a denial of death. 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:07.880 I think, yeah, yeah, I mean that's like with all 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:12.240 of these like Silicon Valley dudes who just like were 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.400 born at the right time to get incredibly lucky gambling 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:20.120 on you know, fucking tech companies and suddenly made a 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:23.160 billion dollars or whatever. Like none of them can get 0:06:23.160 --> 0:06:26.040 over the fact that they're always scared to despite all 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:29.120 their money and their bodyguards, and so they they can 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:32.599 coct these, you know, insane things to like I'm going 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:34.880 to live forever if I do this, or you know, 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:38.760 it's this, it's this. It's all this denial of the 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:42.640 reality and inevitability of death, and also this denial that 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:47.560 like fundamentally we're descended from like little bitty dudes and 0:06:47.680 --> 0:06:50.560 ladies who there were bigger things around that ate them, 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:52.520 and so we were scared of those things. 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:59.599 Like it's only it's it's so recently in human existence 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.160 that we've not getting eaten all the time. 0:07:02.800 --> 0:07:05.360 Yeah, we were constantly getting eaten by shit. We were 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:10.720 scared little guys, and so were our cats, you know, 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.440 like just like that's the same reason, like what you got, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:16.280 you get like a duck. Why is my dog anxious 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:19.400 all the time? Well, it's because it's descended from like 0:07:19.600 --> 0:07:21.840 little guys who had to be worried all the time. 0:07:21.960 --> 0:07:26.239 We all are. It's fine anyway, Sarah. On the seventy 0:07:26.360 --> 0:07:29.280 ninth or whatever anniversary of the day the classic Michael 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:33.160 Bay movie Pearl Harbor was inspired, a woman named Katie Sorensen, 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:36.760 thirty years old, visited a Michael's craft store in Pedaluma, 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.640 California with her four year old son and one year 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:43.520 old daughter. Now, Pedaluma is basically a suburb of San Francisco. 0:07:43.640 --> 0:07:45.600 This is relevant to the tech industry stuff we were 0:07:45.640 --> 0:07:48.720 talking about. The median household income is over one hundred 0:07:48.720 --> 0:07:51.720 thousand dollars a year. This is a wealthy suburb. And 0:07:51.760 --> 0:07:54.400 the crime rate in Pedaluma is about one point four 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:59.240 times below the national average, so fairly safe place. But 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.600 despite how safe and affluent the suburb she lives in is, 0:08:02.720 --> 0:08:06.640 Katie Sorensen was scared. And Katie Sorenson was also a 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:11.160 small time influencer on Instagram. She's like a mommy influencer. 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.920 Right now her shit has been thoroughly scrubbed from the 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.880 Internet because of what happened next, But based on context clues, 0:08:18.240 --> 0:08:20.680 I think it's fairly safe to say that none of 0:08:20.720 --> 0:08:25.840 her frequent updates prior to December seventh got that much traction. 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:29.280 She was, in other words, like a failing momfluencer who 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:32.520 was desperate to find something that would bring followers to 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.120 her account. And here is the post that she made 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:36.200 in an attempt to do that. 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.720 This week. My children were the targets of attempted kidnap, 0:08:42.720 --> 0:08:46.160 which is such a weird thing to even vocalize, but 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.600 it happened, and I want to share that story with 0:08:49.679 --> 0:08:51.920 you in an effort to raise awareness as to what 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:55.880 signs to look for and to just encourage parents to 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:58.320 be more aware of their surroundings and what is going 0:08:58.320 --> 0:08:58.920 on around them. 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.440 I think right now we are so distracted by. 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:05.880 Everything that's going on in the world that we are 0:09:06.000 --> 0:09:10.920 kind of have our guards up so much about masks 0:09:10.960 --> 0:09:13.160 and wanting to keep our children safe that way, that 0:09:13.200 --> 0:09:16.720 we're forgetting the most important way to keep them safe, 0:09:16.760 --> 0:09:18.559 and that is with us and to not have them 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:23.160 take in. So I'm going to share a story an 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.560 effort to raise that awareness, but it's I'm not ready. 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:28.600 I this is hard for me. I'm not ready to 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:30.880 share this story, but I know it's important and I 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:36.080 would rather be uncomfortable, an awkward and get the message 0:09:36.080 --> 0:09:39.079 out sooner than wait until I feel composed. 0:09:39.600 --> 0:09:43.439 Okay, that's probably enough, Sophie. So you can see here 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:46.200 both if you think back to the chain letters we 0:09:46.240 --> 0:09:48.000 were talking about, right, if you think back to that 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.719 murderer in the backseat chain letter we read, you can 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:55.160 see the same structural harm hallmarks here. Right, there's the 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:58.080 claim that like parents are not someone like the person 0:09:58.120 --> 0:09:59.800 that this is meant for. You're not paying enough at 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:02.600 take to a danger that you're not aware of, but 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:05.080 it's present. Right, you need to be more aware of 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:07.000 this danger. You need to be more aware of the 0:10:07.040 --> 0:10:10.120 threat that your kids are always facing. Right, there's this. 0:10:10.400 --> 0:10:13.120 It's framed in this like here are suggestion, like I'm 0:10:13.160 --> 0:10:15.640 telling you this so that you can avoid the stangers, 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:19.920 that you can protect yourself and your loved ones. And 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:22.680 from there on, like from the point that you know, 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:25.920 we stopped that video, the story that she was giving continued, 0:10:26.120 --> 0:10:27.679 and I'm going to read a summary of what she 0:10:27.760 --> 0:10:31.120 said in this. In another video from a local Sonoma paper, 0:10:31.200 --> 0:10:34.600 The Press Democrat, she described being followed by an unknown 0:10:34.600 --> 0:10:36.920 man and woman at the Petaluma Michael's craft store on 0:10:36.960 --> 0:10:39.360 North mcdowe Boulevard from the time she arrived in the 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.880 parking lot with her children until they returned to her car. 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:44.280 In the parking lot, she said the couple approached her 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:45.800 as she was putting one of her children in a 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.080 car seat, and what she suspected was an attempt to 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:51.440 grab the stroller. A separate man who spotted Sorensen and 0:10:51.480 --> 0:10:54.320 recognized she was in danger, stepped into help, she said 0:10:54.360 --> 0:10:56.800 in the videos. Meanwhile, she said the pair drove off 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:00.720 and like, first off, if you are taking your kid 0:11:00.800 --> 0:11:02.960 to a Michael's craft store, the worst thing that is 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:04.839 going to happen to you that day is being in 0:11:04.880 --> 0:11:07.400 a Michael's Craft store. Right, they are not going to 0:11:07.480 --> 0:11:12.800 get kidnapped. O, They're unpleasant. I would prefer to be 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:16.520 kidnapped being in a Michael's craft store. You know, you 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.320 meet better people getting kidnapped than you do to have. 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:23.680 Michael's Craft store due to you, I don't know nothing 0:11:24.800 --> 0:11:25.760 Michael's Craft store. 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:28.840 Yes, actually I have. The last guy I needed. I 0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:32.199 needed styrofoam cones. And if you need if you need 0:11:32.240 --> 0:11:35.000 a cone in a shape that's made out of styrophoe 0:11:35.040 --> 0:11:39.040 or something made out of styrofoam, like, that's that's where 0:11:39.080 --> 0:11:40.080 you go, is a Michaelson. 0:11:40.160 --> 0:11:43.600 I've had many pleasant experiences at Michael's Craft store, just saying, 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.160 and was never kidnapped. 0:11:45.559 --> 0:11:49.040 No I I I I only go I roll to 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:52.240 the Michaels like I'm heading to like downtown Fallujah in 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.480 two thousand and five. You know you've got to be 0:11:54.559 --> 0:11:59.559 ready at a Michael's. That's where shit goes down. It's 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:03.800 their locker. Yeah, like like rolling into a Michael's and 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:07.520 that in that hurt locker body armor. This will stop 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.559 them from taking me, yeah. 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:11.719 And also any glitter from getting on here. 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:16.360 That's right, that's right. So Sorensen, in addition to posting 0:12:16.360 --> 0:12:19.000 these videos, the first of which almost immediately gets to 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.920 like two million views, which was had never happened to 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:25.200 her account before, she makes a kidnapping report to the 0:12:25.200 --> 0:12:30.480 Petaluma police, right, so they deemed this a suspicious person's case. 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.199 So her her video goes viral, she makes her report 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:36.839 to the police, she publishes a second video, and here's 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:39.560 there's a number of dumb things that that Sorensen does, 0:12:39.600 --> 0:12:43.600 But the stupidest miss error that she makes in this 0:12:43.720 --> 0:12:47.600 grift is in her second video, she brags that there 0:12:47.600 --> 0:12:49.640 are like in order to market it, she says there 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.199 are details in the video that she didn't give the cops, 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.560 which is like saying, in your viral video, I made 0:12:55.559 --> 0:12:59.400 a false police report. You know, don't do that as 0:12:59.480 --> 0:13:01.880 a as a up. If you're going to commit this crime, 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:06.480 don't make that mistake. So that said, her marketing is good. 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:09.280 These videos get about four and a half million views 0:13:09.320 --> 0:13:12.200 combined together. But it's a bad idea from a not 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:15.520 getting arrested standpoint, because while if you don't make a 0:13:15.520 --> 0:13:17.440 police report, you can get away with this kind of 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:19.720 thing any amount of time. Right, if you're just like 0:13:19.760 --> 0:13:22.480 posting videos saying my kids were nearly kidnapped, here's what 0:13:22.520 --> 0:13:25.679 to avoid, that's fine. Once you make a police report, 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:29.600 you have created a situation in which you might get 0:13:29.600 --> 0:13:32.760 in trouble. And Sorensen probably still would have been okay. 0:13:33.000 --> 0:13:35.560 But in addition to making a police report, she made 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:40.520 the further mistake of accusing specific people who had names 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:44.160 of having been the wanna be pedophile child abductors. Right, 0:13:44.760 --> 0:13:48.719 so the specific people that she made allegations against were 0:13:48.720 --> 0:13:51.880 another couple that was just at Michael's that day, Eddie 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:56.040 and Sadie Martinez. Again, like she sees like a Hispanic 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.839 couple in the store, she decides, and she claims in 0:13:59.840 --> 0:14:03.560 her videos that she heard them describing her children on 0:14:03.640 --> 0:14:06.160 the phone with a third party, So she thinks they're 0:14:06.200 --> 0:14:10.080 like spotters talking back to the kidnapping base about like 0:14:10.160 --> 0:14:12.000 these kids they can steal, and. 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:14.800 Just talk about this operation like the last Yeah, we're 0:14:14.840 --> 0:14:16.720 running on three year old white kids. 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:19.240 Grab her? Yeah, yeah we got oh we need it, 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:22.040 We need another like uh this this one's like blonde. 0:14:22.040 --> 0:14:24.880 She's got a jumper on. Do we need another jumper kid? Yeah, Like, 0:14:25.200 --> 0:14:29.080 go ahead and get her. So she she not only 0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:32.760 does she give these people's identifications, she like describes them 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:35.320 to the police, but she takes pictures of them in 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.760 the store and she posts it on her Instagram. 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:38.800 Oh huh. 0:14:38.920 --> 0:14:42.080 So now the Martinez is find out about this because 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.840 these postco viral, and her son comes up to Sadie 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:48.800 Martinez and is like, hey, mom, somebody claims that you 0:14:48.800 --> 0:14:52.320 were part of a kidnapping gang and Michael's you might 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:54.040 want to you might want to be aware of this. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:57.040 I also love how like, okay, so you're in this 0:14:57.080 --> 0:15:00.680 elite kidnapping gang. I love it. You're like, where should 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:04.200 we go to pick up kids without being noticed? Yeah, 0:15:04.200 --> 0:15:08.080 Michael's craft Michaels cruise around a store and a mini 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:10.200 mall with eight thousand cameras in it. 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.840 That's also the least if you were to tell me 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:17.840 this is a kidnapping gang that specifically abducts like sixty 0:15:17.920 --> 0:15:20.280 four year old women, Right, I'd be like, well, yeah, 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:22.680 that's a Michael's. That's that's definitely where you're gonna abduct, 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.240 like where you go for that, Yeah, or guys who 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:28.240 are weirdly into model trains, Yeah, you're gonna get a 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:30.240 lot of that stuff out a Michael's. But like, kids 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:33.600 don't go to Michael's. Children do not like Michaels. It's 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:36.520 not the it's it's the place to get like kind 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.440 of vaguely unsettling Christmas decorations. That's what I go to 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:40.000 Michael's for. 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:43.920 Right, you know kidnappers love yeah, kidnappers, So maybe they're 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:45.120 there on an errand. 0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:48.400 Anyway, And again, the martinez Is are the kind of 0:15:48.440 --> 0:15:50.760 people who go to to a Michael's. Right, they're like 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:54.760 a middle aged couple shopping for whatever kind of decorations together. 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:59.000 But this lady decides like, nope, they're part of a 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:02.560 kidnapping gang. That's the only reason why you know a 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:05.240 couple would be at a Michael's craft store is to 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:09.200 steal my children shop is to steal my white children. 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:12.000 Now this this happens. 0:16:11.720 --> 0:16:14.880 Nobody wants white children. They're terrible, No, no, horrible. 0:16:15.880 --> 0:16:16.720 You can't see. 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.520 Them anything anymore without them having an incident. 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:22.320 They all got they all got allergies, you know, which 0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:25.800 is because they're not actually abiding by the primal principles 0:16:25.840 --> 0:16:28.160 and eating nothing but raw liver exactly. 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:31.760 Otherwise you'll never got big and strong like Thank you, 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:33.200 man who was not on steroids. 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:36.120 Thank you. Look, this is why I am getting in 0:16:36.160 --> 0:16:39.800 to the to the liver influencer business. Uh. And I'm 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.880 specifically selling freeze dried polar bear liver now, Sarah, A 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:50.000 lot of doctors, the same guys in the pharma industrial complex, 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:52.720 will tell you that even a single bite of polar 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:56.440 bear liver will kill you because of how concentrated the 0:16:56.800 --> 0:17:00.960 vitamins are. It's basically poison, that's what doctor say. But 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.320 you know, if we've learned one thing from the pandemic, 0:17:04.480 --> 0:17:06.840 it's that you can't trust doctors. So I'm going to 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.200 start selling polar bear liver. 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.800 I think the grenades are going to be more ethical. 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.040 But you know, yeah, forget forget about the Franklin expedition, 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:17.840 yeah orch ever when they all died from doing that, 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:19.120 yeah in the future. 0:17:19.440 --> 0:17:22.440 Look, they died because they didn't have a grenade launcher. 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.560 If you have a grenade launcher and you eat the 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:27.880 polar bear liver, then you're fine. Then all the ever 0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:29.800 fear of death will leave you. 0:17:30.840 --> 0:17:33.840 Yeah, And that's you know, small price to pay. It's 0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:36.640 what five ninety nine a month for your uh, your 0:17:36.760 --> 0:17:37.320 liver club. 0:17:37.640 --> 0:17:40.000 It's like three hundred and forty seven dollars a week. 0:17:40.119 --> 0:17:45.399 What it is not, Sarah, The Feds do not like 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.159 you taking this many livers from this many polar bears. 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:50.320 It has made a lot of problems for me. But 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:51.960 I do it for you listeners. 0:17:52.440 --> 0:17:54.040 You know, the cost covers legal fees. 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:58.080 Yeah. Yeah, So Sorensen makes this post and accuses the 0:17:58.119 --> 0:18:03.640 Martinez being petophy kidnappers. Right in the middle of that period. 0:18:03.840 --> 0:18:05.439 You remember a couple of years back where there were 0:18:05.440 --> 0:18:07.840 a bunch of viral stories of like white people calling 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:10.520 the cops on people who are not white for bullshit reasons. Right, 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.280 There's that lady who threatened that black bird watcher in 0:18:13.359 --> 0:18:16.400 Central Park. There was there was a lady who called 0:18:16.440 --> 0:18:18.760 nine one one on like a black family and Oakland 0:18:18.800 --> 0:18:21.120 cooking barbecue in the park. You know, these are kind 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:23.879 of like again in that like Karen sort of viral 0:18:23.960 --> 0:18:27.240 story theme which is almost as reliable a traffic getter 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:31.439 as a kidnapping stories. So as soon as the Martinez 0:18:31.480 --> 0:18:33.359 is like came forward and you are like this fucking 0:18:33.480 --> 0:18:37.360 mommy blogger like or mommy influencer or whatever like accused 0:18:37.440 --> 0:18:41.080 us of being a pedophile gang, the virality that had 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:44.880 been really good for Sorenson's follower a count initially kind 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:46.800 of came back to bite her in the ass. So 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:49.879 the Pedaluma police made a timely update being like, you know, 0:18:50.119 --> 0:18:53.040 there are inconsistencies between the police report she filed and 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.000 the story she did on Instagram. Sorensen compounded her mistakes 0:18:57.000 --> 0:18:59.000 by doubling down and was like, I want to see 0:18:59.000 --> 0:19:01.720 these people prosecute you did a'll testify in court that 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:04.639 they were trying to steal my kids. The Michaels people, 0:19:04.960 --> 0:19:06.919 you know, the cops talk to them and Michaels is like, 0:19:07.080 --> 0:19:09.840 we didn't see anything problematic appen. There's no evidence of 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:15.199 anything happening. So this all ends in Sorenson getting charged 0:19:15.240 --> 0:19:17.760 in twenty twenty one with three misdemeanor counts a false 0:19:17.800 --> 0:19:20.520 report of a crime. She was convicted on one count 0:19:20.520 --> 0:19:22.920 and sentenced earlier this year, Just a couple of weeks ago, 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:27.439 to twelve months of what's called informal probation, which restricts 0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:30.040 her from using social media and requires a four hour 0:19:30.080 --> 0:19:35.840 implicit bias training. She's going to still to that definitely, Like, look, 0:19:36.000 --> 0:19:38.159 I yeah, hard to argue with the fact that, like 0:19:38.200 --> 0:19:40.560 this lady being off social media is good for her, right, 0:19:41.600 --> 0:19:43.320 she should not be on the internet. None of us 0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:44.480 really should, that. 0:19:44.560 --> 0:19:46.560 Really should, but especially not hers. 0:19:46.560 --> 0:19:47.480 Especially not her. 0:19:48.560 --> 0:19:52.880 But wow, I mean, you know, I don't think harsher 0:19:52.920 --> 0:19:56.000 punishment fixes anything for anybody. It's a question of who 0:19:56.000 --> 0:19:58.800 gets too much rather than who gets too little. But yeah, 0:19:58.840 --> 0:20:02.679 it is, I mean that is, and that's a remarkably 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:04.240 light sentence for fucking up someone. 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:04.680 Yeah, I have that. 0:20:04.880 --> 0:20:05.600 I shall say that. 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.200 She's probably gonna spend I think, like thirty days in 0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:10.800 jail and then she's got like a work release program, 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:12.879 so you know, it's not I don't know, like what 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:17.240 I would say is like the proper penalty here or whatever. 0:20:18.600 --> 0:20:22.600