1 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,320 Speaker 1: What Up? I am Dramas and this is the Street 2 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:23,759 Speaker 1: Stoic Podcast, bringing you your daily dose of timeless Stoic 3 00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:28,520 Speaker 1: philosophy remixed for the hip hop generation. We are combining 4 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:31,760 Speaker 1: ancient philosophy with lyrics and quotes from some of the 5 00:00:31,920 --> 00:00:36,240 Speaker 1: greatest to ever grace a microphone. And with that in mind, 6 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:46,480 Speaker 1: let's get things started with your daily shot of inspiration. Now. 7 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,960 Speaker 1: Today we're gonna be focusing on the Stoic idea of 8 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: focusing on what you can control, but specifically, in this case, 9 00:00:56,680 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: we're talking about not settling for less than you deserve. 10 00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:03,600 Speaker 1: And I'm gonna start today with a quote from one 11 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:06,399 Speaker 1: of the Stoics, from Marcus aureally Is, and he says, quote, 12 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: don't you see how much you have to offer and 13 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 1: yet you settle for less? Really powerful powerful words right there, 14 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,559 Speaker 1: you know, And and this can pertain to just about 15 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:22,320 Speaker 1: anything our lives, right you know, we often allow ourselves 16 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: to settle for less than what we deserve. But specifically 17 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: for today's show, I want to talk about this in 18 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,320 Speaker 1: the form of relationships. And this can go for romantic 19 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: relationships or or friendships, right I think it's one and 20 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 1: the same. And bringing in some some hip hop lyrics here. 21 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:42,120 Speaker 1: I'm bringing in a lyric from Big Pun on the 22 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:45,680 Speaker 1: tracks They're not a player, right, And I'm purposely cutting 23 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:49,559 Speaker 1: out certain parts around this line. But but Pun says, 24 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 1: quote highly intelligent bachelorettes, that's the best. I won't settle 25 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 1: for less. And of course this is like a fun song, 26 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 1: and the other lyrics around there aren't the most romantic, right, 27 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: But I want to focus on the idea that he's 28 00:02:05,120 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 1: literally proclaiming exactly what he's looking for in a partner, 29 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:14,119 Speaker 1: right or or specifically in this one, it's probably you know, sexually, right, 30 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 1: But he's still declaring that this is what he wants, 31 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: and that he refuses to settle for less. And I 32 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: think if that's like a page from his book, that 33 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 1: we all need to take understanding that we deserve exactly 34 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: what it is that we want. Now, I'm not saying 35 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,600 Speaker 1: you should have, you know, unreasonably high standards, you know, 36 00:02:35,040 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: But at the same time, if there are characteristics that 37 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:42,200 Speaker 1: are generally important to you and your happiness, why would 38 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 1: you ever settle for anything less? And of course I'm 39 00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: also not saying to go break up with your partner 40 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,640 Speaker 1: if they don't fulfill your every need and desire or 41 00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,920 Speaker 1: come up short in some area because quite frankly, we 42 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: all do, right, but they should at the very least 43 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: be trying to give you what you need. Right. We 44 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:05,959 Speaker 1: all so oftentimes fall into like this notion of comfort, right, 45 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,959 Speaker 1: and whatever is sort of easiest, whatever kind of passes 46 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 1: us by and and just allows us to kind of 47 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: fall into with the least amount of effort, and before 48 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: you know it, you wake up one day and realize 49 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,680 Speaker 1: that you don't love that person or they don't truly 50 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:22,519 Speaker 1: make you happy. Right, it's more of a relationship out 51 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: of convenience. We just sort of wing it right, and 52 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:27,519 Speaker 1: we're not clear on what we want, and we wait 53 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: until there's like this quote unquote spark right, and listen, 54 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 1: chemistry is great and all, but if that person doesn't 55 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 1: meet your core needs, right, the things that truly make 56 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: you happy, what does that chemistry actually matter? Right? And 57 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 1: I think for people who are in relationships, or if 58 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: you are in a situation ship, whatever it might be, 59 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: I think you have to come to terms with the 60 00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:53,040 Speaker 1: idea and the fact that you can't control the way 61 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:56,480 Speaker 1: that somebody treats you, but you can control whether or 62 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:59,160 Speaker 1: not they continue being a part of your life. Right 63 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 1: that asp this whole scenario is in fact up to 64 00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 1: your choosing. The ball is in your court right now. 65 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: For me, I think it took me a while to 66 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: realize this. Right, I was living the bachelor life for 67 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: for a long time, maybe longer than I'd like to admit, right, 68 00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: But I also think that I wasn't clear on what 69 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,240 Speaker 1: I truly wanted from a partner, and and to be honest, 70 00:04:21,520 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: when I was younger, I was also often intimidated by women. Right. 71 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,880 Speaker 1: I felt unworthy of of certain women's attention. And when 72 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 1: I was younger, if a woman that I liked, you know, 73 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:34,599 Speaker 1: didn't make the first move or didn't make it painfully 74 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,400 Speaker 1: obvious that she was into me, I'd often just you know, 75 00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:40,359 Speaker 1: let that moment pass me by and be wondering. What 76 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 1: if I didn't have that confidence in myself. I didn't 77 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: believe that I deserved what I truly wanted in in 78 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: another person. Right Therefore, I didn't even put myself in 79 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 1: what I felt like would be harm's way in case 80 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,640 Speaker 1: I got rejected. Right, I lacked that confidence in myself 81 00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:58,680 Speaker 1: to give myself what I truly wanted as far as 82 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: you know, a potential partner goes, you know, and a 83 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 1: combination of a lack of confidence and also being unclear 84 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: on on what I actually wanted Like, it left me 85 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:12,200 Speaker 1: with a reality that was everyone that I would date 86 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: or just hang out with, they came up short in 87 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: some sort of way when it came to fulfilling my 88 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 1: needs from a potential partner. Right. Maybe I was intensely 89 00:05:21,720 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: attracted to certain people, but our conversation, you know, it 90 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:27,120 Speaker 1: lacked any sort of depth to keep me interested. Or 91 00:05:27,120 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: maybe you know, it was somebody that I got along 92 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:32,560 Speaker 1: with well, but I wasn't physically attracted to them enough 93 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 1: to to maintain my interest in the in the long term. Right. 94 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 1: And it really wasn't until I began to to slow 95 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: down and get clear on what I was doing wrong. 96 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: It took a pandemic and a quarantine for this to happen. 97 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,200 Speaker 1: But once I began to kind of sit with myself 98 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:51,479 Speaker 1: and slow down and get clear on what exactly I 99 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 1: was doing wrong, right, I had to take ownership for 100 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: the fact that it wasn't that women in my area 101 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 1: weren't datable, right, It was the fact that I is 102 00:06:00,640 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: not taking out women that potentially could meet those those 103 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: interests of mine because I wasn't even clear on what 104 00:06:05,839 --> 00:06:09,360 Speaker 1: exactly I wanted, right, So when I slowed down, got 105 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: clear on what I was doing wrong and began to 106 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 1: recognize that the signs were there before I even you know, 107 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 1: hung out with this person or after the first date. 108 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,279 Speaker 1: The signs were there and I still know order it. 109 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,440 Speaker 1: I began to recognize what were those things that turned 110 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 1: me off or what were those things that I actually liked? 111 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: And on top of that, I began to try and 112 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 1: build up my confidence and remind myself of my worth 113 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 1: and of my value and what I had to potentially 114 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: offer as a as a partner right, and that I 115 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:38,560 Speaker 1: should be unafraid to approach, you know, a person who 116 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: I think may meet my interests or the needs or 117 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: the things that I'm looking for in a in a partner. 118 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 1: And also, again with the idea of slowing down and 119 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:49,640 Speaker 1: taking notes, I kind of, you know, reflected on my 120 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 1: dating history I used as a means to inform me 121 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: on on what I did or did not want, right like, 122 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,560 Speaker 1: what were the characteristics in people that I actually liked 123 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,640 Speaker 1: and what were the ones that were red flags for 124 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:02,719 Speaker 1: me that that completely turned me off. That showed me 125 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:04,719 Speaker 1: that this person was not someone that I could be 126 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:07,360 Speaker 1: within the long term. Right. And listen, it's not a 127 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,200 Speaker 1: one way street. Right. It's not you declaring what you 128 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,040 Speaker 1: want and everybody else is supposed to just fall the line. Right. Like, 129 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,800 Speaker 1: Amongst me doing that work and getting clear for myself 130 00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,440 Speaker 1: on what I wanted, I also had to make sure 131 00:07:19,480 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 1: that I was in fact the type of person that 132 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 1: would attract that partner that I was looking for. I 133 00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:27,600 Speaker 1: had to to grow up a little bit, right, I 134 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,400 Speaker 1: had to begin to make decisions based upon my future. 135 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,400 Speaker 1: If I was looking for a serious relationship, I knew 136 00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 1: that I had to be a good partner to them. 137 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,560 Speaker 1: And that meant, you know, getting my ship in order 138 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 1: in my personal life, you know, getting rid of toxic 139 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: friendships that that may bring me down and not be 140 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:46,200 Speaker 1: the type of people that we want to associate with. Man, 141 00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,320 Speaker 1: getting my finances in order. Right, nobody wants to settle 142 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:51,560 Speaker 1: down with somebody who has, I don't know, a terrible 143 00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: credit score and is in in debt. Right, Like, I 144 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,320 Speaker 1: really went deep and tried to become the best version 145 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,280 Speaker 1: of myself, knowing that that would then potentially attract the 146 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:05,160 Speaker 1: person that I was looking for. Now we've talked about 147 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,480 Speaker 1: my story, how how this has you know, uh affected 148 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: my life, and how I've adapted it. We've heard from 149 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 1: Marcus A really as one of the Stokes. We've heard 150 00:08:12,640 --> 00:08:15,600 Speaker 1: from from Big Pond, one of the greatest ever grays 151 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,840 Speaker 1: a microphone. Now let's talk about how you can make 152 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: it your mantra for today. But first let's take a 153 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 1: quick break and then we'll be right back. All right, 154 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,880 Speaker 1: So we've heard from Marcus a really is, we have 155 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:37,960 Speaker 1: heard from Big Pond. I've given you some insight into 156 00:08:38,040 --> 00:08:40,559 Speaker 1: my life. Now let's talk about how you can make 157 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:43,960 Speaker 1: it your mantra for today. Now, there are a few mistakes. 158 00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:47,280 Speaker 1: I think people sort of find themselves committing right. Maybe 159 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 1: you might be this person where you allowed your your 160 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,520 Speaker 1: loneliness to you know, force you into settling and and listen, 161 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,040 Speaker 1: I've been guilty of that, you know in the past 162 00:08:56,080 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: as well, where you just are are tired of of 163 00:08:59,160 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 1: the dating bull, you're tired of running around, and you 164 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: just kind of want to have something stable. But the 165 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,520 Speaker 1: reality is, you know that feeling that comes along with 166 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: not being with the type of person that you want 167 00:09:10,679 --> 00:09:13,360 Speaker 1: to to be with. You know that that will eventually 168 00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,559 Speaker 1: creep up. Once the newness of of having somebody there 169 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,760 Speaker 1: begins to fade, you're going to recognize that you're you're 170 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: just settling, and that relationship is no longer fulfilling. Like 171 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:28,280 Speaker 1: you can't allow the excuse of not wanting to be 172 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:32,880 Speaker 1: alone as a reason to just hop into a relationship, right, 173 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,800 Speaker 1: none of us want to spend our our days alone. 174 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,680 Speaker 1: We all want to have somebody to come home to 175 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,360 Speaker 1: ur to share our our ups and downs with. Right, 176 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: But again, settling for someone who's just a body will 177 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: never bring you that fulfillment that you're looking for, and 178 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,400 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, you're always going to 179 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: be yearning for something more. Right, And this leads me 180 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: into my my point and finding confidence in yourself right, 181 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 1: like understanding that you have the ability to get whatever 182 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: it is that you want. You just have to declare it. 183 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,199 Speaker 1: You have to make it perfectly clear to yourself exactly 184 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,040 Speaker 1: what it is that you are looking for, and in 185 00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:10,080 Speaker 1: this case, getting clear on what is actually important to 186 00:10:10,240 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: you in a partner and having enough confidence in yourself 187 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: and loving yourself enough that you're okay with being alone 188 00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 1: until you get that person that meets your standards, and 189 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: again you cannot control the way that others treat you, 190 00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,440 Speaker 1: but the wrong person continuing to be a part of 191 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:34,720 Speaker 1: your life or not, that is completely on you. Now. 192 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: With that said, thank you all so much for checking 193 00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:39,760 Speaker 1: out the Street Stoic podcast. Do your best to apply 194 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 1: these concepts that we've discussed into your everyday life, and 195 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:49,559 Speaker 1: I'll catch you all next time. The Street Stoke Podcast 196 00:10:49,679 --> 00:10:53,000 Speaker 1: is a production of My Hearts Michael Podcast Network.