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Speaker 1: Loyalty should be earned, not expected. Bars bars. I like

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Speaker 1: that one. The question is can loyalty be regained? Dead ass? Hey,

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Speaker 1: I'm Cadine and we're the Ellises. You may know us

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Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each

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Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make

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Speaker 1: you need derby most days. Wow. Oh, and one more

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Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We created

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Speaker 1: this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's most

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Speaker 1: taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk about

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Speaker 1: through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is the term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead asks, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about

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Speaker 1: to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass starts right now. So what story time, baby story.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna take y'all back to a very funny story

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Speaker 1: that's not funny to some people here, some people here.

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Speaker 1: Let me it's a traumatic story. Let me think about

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Speaker 1: what this one could be. The year this was sera

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Speaker 1: what a circle? Two thousand and nine? The way back?

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Speaker 1: All right? Okay? Um, Codeine was in her makeup groove.

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Speaker 1: This was she was freelance makeup artists on top of

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Speaker 1: working at Montague at the time. Or was no, it

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Speaker 1: was you started at kings Plaza, started work Alaza Cosmetic.

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Speaker 1: Shout out to Max. So we had just moved back

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Speaker 1: from Canton, Michigan. Four bedroom home, full finished basements, uh,

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Speaker 1: living room, dining room, four years space, driveway to everything.

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Speaker 1: Codeine decided that she wanted to move back to Brooklyn

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Speaker 1: to be next to her family because she's really big

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Speaker 1: on family. She don't want to live in in Michigan. Um,

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Speaker 1: I just got released. I said, let's live in Michigan

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Speaker 1: because we have a home here, I have a name

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Speaker 1: here in Michigan. I was working at the University of

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Speaker 1: Michigan as a learning coordinator, so I was making some money.

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Speaker 1: Was plans on building a business. Becase like, let's moved back.

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Speaker 1: So I was like, fine, we can move back. If

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Speaker 1: this is what you want, baby, my fiance wife to be,

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Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna do. So we moved back

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Speaker 1: and my grandmother's apartment was available. When I first got

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Speaker 1: into the NFL, my grandmother had moved to Virginia and

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Speaker 1: she had an apartment that was rent controlled. She had

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Speaker 1: put me on the least. I took over the payments.

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Speaker 1: The payments were real low. I think at the time

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Speaker 1: it was nine dollars for that apartment. You'll all seeing

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Speaker 1: us growing our three bedrooms, a four a living room,

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Speaker 1: dining room, two bathrooms, a huge apartment. Every room in

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Speaker 1: the apartment had a window, which is something you don't

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Speaker 1: find in apartments nowadays. Was a corner apartment. So we

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Speaker 1: moved back. But what's the one key thing? So Bara

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Speaker 1: was mad. My grandparents had moved to Virginia. They hadn't

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Speaker 1: lived in it for years. Uh, two of my friends

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Speaker 1: had moved into the apartment in the interim while I

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Speaker 1: wasn't there, and they did not keep the apartment up.

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Speaker 1: The department wasn't renovated. Um, it was just bad. It was.

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Speaker 1: It was all bad. So Kay was just like, how

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Speaker 1: come we can't just find a place in Canarsi where

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Speaker 1: we grew up with the houses. I said, no, listen

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Speaker 1: to me, all right, listen, this this place is going

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Speaker 1: to go through gentrification. The Barclay Center is gonna come

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Speaker 1: here in about three or four years. Remember this, two

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Speaker 1: thousand and three or four years they just broke ground

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Speaker 1: in the Barclay Center. Everything's gonna change. These apartments are

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Speaker 1: gonna turn to condos, and when they do, we're gonna

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Speaker 1: get an inside track and we can make some money

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Speaker 1: off of them. So she was like, whatever, devout. But

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Speaker 1: at the time Crown Heights where we lived with Crown,

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Speaker 1: it was Crown Heights. Crown Heights. The street we lived

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Speaker 1: around the corner from lcol Name. The street was murderous

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Speaker 1: role when we first he didn't tell me that there

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Speaker 1: were two murders on the very street that we delivered.

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Speaker 1: The adjacent street two murders right before we moved there.

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna tell her this because I had a

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Speaker 1: plan and exactly and when my mom was like, you're

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Speaker 1: moving my dogter weird? Where when When when she put

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Speaker 1: the agent from the w where I knew she was concerned,

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Speaker 1: I said, I got We're good. I got this. So

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Speaker 1: we moved back to Crown Heights. Codeine has to wake

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Speaker 1: up in the morning and she has to go do

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Speaker 1: a wedding. Right, she has to do a wedding. And

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Speaker 1: Codeine and I had always had this conversation about her

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Speaker 1: parking and leaving the lights on while she's looking for

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Speaker 1: parking and just having her door open after she parks,

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Speaker 1: because at our apartment building there were apartments everywhere, so

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Speaker 1: people watch you as you park. The first night we

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Speaker 1: stayed in the apartment, Codeine goes down to get her

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Speaker 1: and I told this story before. She goes down to

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Speaker 1: get her person the morning, right, and when she gets there,

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Speaker 1: her purse is gone. They broke into the window stole

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Speaker 1: the person from there. I told her, like, yo, you

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Speaker 1: can't leave stuff on the front of the the car,

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Speaker 1: the front car seat it was, it was the floor

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Speaker 1: of She claims it was the floor. I think it was.

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Speaker 1: So I'm telling you that to give you context. This

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Speaker 1: night in particular, Codeine and I get home and we

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Speaker 1: both had cars. We're circling for parking. Right Conein finds

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Speaker 1: a parking spot right on the edge of the corner

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Speaker 1: and I'm still circling. When I circle, Codeine is taking

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Speaker 1: her makeup bag and putting it inside the car. She

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Speaker 1: got two doors open, the trunk open, and the dome

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Speaker 1: light is on, and she's taking this big bag from

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Speaker 1: the trunk and putting it in the car. And I'm

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Speaker 1: driving by and I'm like, hey, turn the light off,

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Speaker 1: closed the door closed on. She's like, what what why?

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Speaker 1: And I'm like, you can't have people watching you put

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Speaker 1: stuff in your car and then go upstairs. She's like,

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Speaker 1: don't worry about the valve we had parked. We got

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Speaker 1: there like one o'clock, one o'clock and she had to

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Speaker 1: be up at five. I'm only gonna be there for

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Speaker 1: a little bit. So now the morning comes, she leaves.

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Speaker 1: I'm laying there in the bed. My phone rings every

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Speaker 1: time she goes downstairs, and my phone rings two minutes

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Speaker 1: after she leaves. I know there's a problem. She gets downstairs,

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Speaker 1: my phone rings and says, the balls on it. I say,

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Speaker 1: what's up, baby? This is all I hear? Why? What

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Speaker 1: about why? I said, what happened? Baby? Okay, they stole

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Speaker 1: all my makeup. I said all of it. She said,

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Speaker 1: all my fucking makeup, every piece, every brush, every foundation

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Speaker 1: is gone. The whole bank is gone. I got a

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Speaker 1: whole wedding. What I supposed to do? Why day? I

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Speaker 1: had a wedding of thirteen women to do. I had

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Speaker 1: to be in Long Island by six thirty am. So

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Speaker 1: I um, I remained calm. I said, um, can you

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Speaker 1: go buy makeup and she was like, I gotta go

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Speaker 1: buy let's make up right now, not mentioned that thousands

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Speaker 1: of dollars where to make up that point in fact,

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Speaker 1: So she goes, just I'll figure it out, hangs up

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Speaker 1: the phone. Right I'm like, damn, this is this is

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Speaker 1: all bad right now? She ends up calling one of

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Speaker 1: her fellow makeup artists, getting her brushes, getting getting all

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Speaker 1: the makeup done. I was able to make the money

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Speaker 1: and come back home. She came back home, sat on

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Speaker 1: my lap and just sobbed a little bit and was

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Speaker 1: just like, I can't believe this is where we are.

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Speaker 1: But in that moment she came back home and she

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Speaker 1: looked at me, I realized like how loyal she was

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Speaker 1: because she could have went and stayed with her parents,

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Speaker 1: she could have went into so many other things, but

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Speaker 1: she decided to stick it out with me. And probably

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Speaker 1: the worst time of our lives collectively that we had

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Speaker 1: been in at this point, because we met in college scholarships,

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Speaker 1: NFL money house to now having to figure stuff out.

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Speaker 1: And it was at that moment that I realized, you

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Speaker 1: know what, sirls loyal got a rider, bro ride it

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Speaker 1: die there. You d try if you d a t

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Speaker 1: I need to ride and get some street smarts. Because

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Speaker 1: about that, I was like, what are you doing? It's

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Speaker 1: that private house life facts, baby, this karaoke thing. To me, Baby,

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm geek and I'm fined. Hey, all I

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Speaker 1: want to not is just getting had girl. You look

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Speaker 1: so good to die for for real though? Whoa it's

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Speaker 1: a secret society? Oh you ask his truss? Oh my god. Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty, loyalty.

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Speaker 1: How fit was that? Actually? Perfect? Perfect? And it was

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Speaker 1: accurate the lyrics and die for it too. Let me

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Speaker 1: so talk to me your thought process. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I trusted you and whatever vision you had set for

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Speaker 1: us right away, and I always have from from early

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Speaker 1: I want to say, even from our very first conversation

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Speaker 1: that we had um. But we when we met up

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Speaker 1: at Hashtra that one day when I had the event

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Speaker 1: and we sat sat on your bed and I eat

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Speaker 1: that here when we were talking, I always really just

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Speaker 1: was like, man, this within minutes of meeting you, I

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Speaker 1: knew that this was a dude with charisma, he knew

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Speaker 1: what he wanted, he had somewhat of a plan to

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Speaker 1: get there. So I always believed and knew that. Um.

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Speaker 1: So in this this particular story you know, um, that

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Speaker 1: movie back that we did, like you said, from the

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Speaker 1: NFL having a place in Michigan to then having to

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Speaker 1: start over again, it was never a thought in my

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Speaker 1: mind to bail on you because things then kind of

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Speaker 1: took a turn for the worst, and I wouldn't even

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Speaker 1: necessarily say the worst, but just coming from where we

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Speaker 1: were in that place to then having to be back

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Speaker 1: in Brooklyn, the recession hit, all of the investment moneys

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Speaker 1: that we had put aside, everything got lost, so there

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Speaker 1: was the rebuilding that had to happen. Um. But I

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Speaker 1: want to say that I always fully believed in you.

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Speaker 1: I fully believed in our vision that we had for

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Speaker 1: ourselves together, um, collectively and also as individuals. So it

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Speaker 1: was really easy for me despite those moments of you know,

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Speaker 1: what I felt like was turmoil at the time, I

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Speaker 1: also felt like at the very end, at least we

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Speaker 1: had each other. But it was never a thought for

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Speaker 1: me to be like, I got to just find a

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Speaker 1: way to do this on my own. I'm like, if

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Speaker 1: we're gonna struggle, we might as well struggle together, you know,

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to disclose something to you that in

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Speaker 1: front of everybody that a lot of people asked me

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Speaker 1: at the time time, Right, if I own a house

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Speaker 1: in Michigan, I have a name in Michigan, I had

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Speaker 1: a job in Michigan. You had a job in Michigan.

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Speaker 1: Why would I allow your wanting to move back to

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Speaker 1: Brooklyn to uproot us and come back to Brooklyn and

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Speaker 1: start all over when I already had something in Michigan.

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Speaker 1: And my thought process was, I believed in us. I

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Speaker 1: believed in you because at this point it wasn't just

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Speaker 1: about me carrying everything, because I had carried everything for

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Speaker 1: those three years. Now I knew I was going to

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Speaker 1: have to rely on you while I rebuilt. And the

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Speaker 1: same way you trusted me and and you believed in me,

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Speaker 1: I believed in you. So for me, it wasn't just

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Speaker 1: about Okay, I gotta leave my job here in Michigan

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Speaker 1: and leave my home here in Michigan. Because the our

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Speaker 1: mortgage in Michigan at the time was four hundred dollars

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Speaker 1: and we were leaving this big home and a job

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Speaker 1: where I was making more than enough money to cover

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Speaker 1: the mortgage, and you were making money because you were

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Speaker 1: working as Uh, you're working at math back of the

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Speaker 1: more later Michigan. So I felt like we could we

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Speaker 1: could build something in Michigan faster than Brooklyn. But I

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Speaker 1: wanted you to be happy. I never saw Michigan as

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Speaker 1: home either. I felt like I didn't even we were

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Speaker 1: at a transition point in our life, and I felt like,

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Speaker 1: all right, if we're going to build a home base,

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Speaker 1: we're looking to be married too and possibly have a

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Speaker 1: child soon. I just wanted to go where the support was,

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Speaker 1: and the support was back in Brooklyn, you know. But

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Speaker 1: I know you were kind of torn about that at

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Speaker 1: the time, like should we go or should we not? UM?

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Speaker 1: I was torn because, Um, financially, it would have made

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Speaker 1: so much more sense for us to stay in Michigan

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Speaker 1: because after we left Michigan, I had to rent out

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Speaker 1: the home, and every month the home wasn't rented out,

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Speaker 1: I would have had to pay. You know what I'm

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Speaker 1: saying that we were struggling financially because I had that home.

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Speaker 1: I had the home in uh Tennessee. You know, I

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Speaker 1: had all of the car notes and everything. So it

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Speaker 1: was a big risk. But like you said, you trusted me,

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Speaker 1: and I trusted you and not for nothing. That wasn't

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Speaker 1: the very first time you ever showed loyalty to me.

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Speaker 1: I remember when um, I separated my shoulder and you

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Speaker 1: and I and this this is not really just loyalty,

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Speaker 1: but I separated my shoulder in college and I had

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Speaker 1: to sleep sitting up to prepare for next week. And

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Speaker 1: you came out and you sat up with me and

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Speaker 1: slept up with me. And this was before the whole NFL.

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Speaker 1: Because a lot of people think, oh, it's easy for

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Speaker 1: Codeine to say I'm loyal to the vow because he

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Speaker 1: was going to the NFL. I was a hundred and

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Speaker 1: fifty six pound wide receiver at Hofstra University. I was

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Speaker 1: not a six five, two hundred and thirty pound receiver

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Speaker 1: at Alabama with a first round grade. So when someone

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Speaker 1: does that for you, it's not like, oh, I can

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Speaker 1: see the first round glitz and glamour. I had never

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Speaker 1: even talked to you about being the NFL great. It

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Speaker 1: was just about I can get to a practice squad.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I feel like the beginning when we met, you

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Speaker 1: never spoke about the NFL. That was never like it

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Speaker 1: was a conversation. It kind of just happened. I think

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Speaker 1: once your junior year hit. Maybe it was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe I could. It was an opportunity. This didn't get

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Speaker 1: a little bit nestic to start things off. But it

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Speaker 1: wasn't And it wasn't even like I was gonna play

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Speaker 1: five years and make millions. It was I can make

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Speaker 1: a practice buy the time. You can only be in

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Speaker 1: a practice quad two years. So I was like, if

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Speaker 1: I could make a hundred thousand dollars in four months

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Speaker 1: and then repeat it a hundred dollollars in four months,

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Speaker 1: then we'll be good. But um, yeah, Like to me,

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Speaker 1: loyalty is earned over time. Right. So many people talk

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Speaker 1: about loyalty, and when they talk about loyalty, they create

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Speaker 1: a list of things you have to follow of mind

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Speaker 1: in order to be considered loyal. And I'm the older

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Speaker 1: I get. I realized, like, you cannot have real loyalty

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Speaker 1: without hardships, because loyalty has to be tried and tested,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. When you're going through the words,

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Speaker 1: even even through infidelity or cheating, you can make a

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Speaker 1: poor decision, or someone can make a poor decision, right,

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Speaker 1: and that doesn't always show a disloyal act. A poor

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Speaker 1: decision isn't a disloyal act. Disloyal acts are continuously making

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Speaker 1: selfish decisions because you have something to gain and you're

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Speaker 1: not thinking about your partner. You make a poor choice.

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Speaker 1: Because I don ever believe in mistakes. It's not mistakes

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Speaker 1: unless someone trips and falls on your dick. That's that's

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Speaker 1: that's the only thing that's a mistake. Trip and fold

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Speaker 1: on the dick. That's that's the only way it could

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Speaker 1: be a mistake. Right that that's an accident. You sleep,

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Speaker 1: somebody accidentally fell on my dick, and not to do

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Speaker 1: about that. Sorry, big. But if you make a poor decision,

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Speaker 1: it's how you respond to making that poor decision, which

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Speaker 1: shows loyalty. Right, So you make a poor decision, you realize,

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Speaker 1: damn I did that. I was selfish. Okay, it hurt

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Speaker 1: my partner? Now did it hurt my partner? Loyalty can

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Speaker 1: because you asked that loyalty can be regained. It's like,

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Speaker 1: can I show my partner that I'm loyal by doing

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Speaker 1: anything or everything possible to get her trust back or

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Speaker 1: his trust back? You understand what I'm saying. It's also

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Speaker 1: to being receptive to the change that you see and

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Speaker 1: not living in that moment. Because it has to happen

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Speaker 1: a lot of times if the trust is broken. For example,

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Speaker 1: because we have a list of things here that loyal

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Speaker 1: is trust, open communication, partnership, authenticity, UM, lasting companionship, commitment

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Speaker 1: to the relationship, patients UM strong conflict resolution skills, mutual support,

294
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Speaker 1: having each other's backs. Those are so many things that

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00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:17,160
Speaker 1: can go under the loyalty umbrella. But sometimes it's easier

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Speaker 1: said than done. If the loyalty is broken, then you

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Speaker 1: kind of have to convince yourself is this something that

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Speaker 1: I want to work towards? Re kind of extending that

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Speaker 1: olive branch to the person and saying, is this loyalty

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Speaker 1: something that we want to I can regain gain? And

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Speaker 1: I think that the only thing I'll say about this

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Speaker 1: list is says loyalty is all of these things. You

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Speaker 1: would have to add the caveat all of these things

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Speaker 1: through hardships and adversity. It's easy to be loyal to

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Speaker 1: someone when everything is going good. Yeah, and what environment? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: of course everything. It's easy to be loyal to this purpose,

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Speaker 1: this person because you get everything you want from that person.

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Speaker 1: But what about when that person isn't doing every thing

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Speaker 1: that you want them to? Do Are you still going

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Speaker 1: to be loyal to this person? Because loyalty, You know,

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Speaker 1: people say loyalty is not conditional, You just loyalty. Why

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Speaker 1: why would you be blindly loyal to somebody without building

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Speaker 1: the trust with someone and through those trusts that have

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Speaker 1: to be hardships. Because if everything is perfect and the

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Speaker 1: first time something doesn't go your way and you bail,

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Speaker 1: then you're not loyal. You understand what I'm saying. It

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Speaker 1: can't just be I'm gonna be loyal as long as

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Speaker 1: you follow all my rules, because that's slavery, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And and and sometimes people and I

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Speaker 1: saw a meme the other day saying that people people

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Speaker 1: these days want emotional slaves. You know, they want people

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Speaker 1: to just adhere to all of their needs and wants.

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Speaker 1: And I I need kind of society that we're in now. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: we've already spoken about how no relationship can survive with

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Speaker 1: the memia mentality. I'm glad you brought that up. You

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Speaker 1: want to know why loyalty can only be gained through service?

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Speaker 1: You know, see what I'm saying, How do I how

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Speaker 1: do I know if this person will be loyal to

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Speaker 1: me through service? Will they will they service me? How

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Speaker 1: do I? How did this person know if I'll be

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Speaker 1: loyal to them through service? Right, it's all about services.

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Speaker 1: I have to do acts to show you that I'm

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Speaker 1: a loyal person. So those acts are almost like tests

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Speaker 1: in a sense, going back to saying that being tested

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Speaker 1: for loyalty, to test to see how someone will respond

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Speaker 1: within a particular situation, or you think it's more just

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00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,399
Speaker 1: see that's a good question. I wouldn't say tests because

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be with whether it's your friends, your partners,

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Speaker 1: your bins. You don't want to walking out time and

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Speaker 1: see how loyal they are. No, it's it's service. Does

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Speaker 1: this person need anything? Well, when I say tests, I'm

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Speaker 1: more so mean like a situation may occur, okay, and

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Speaker 1: then how they respond to that in that moment then

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Speaker 1: gives you a kind of like that that marker. Yes. Absolutely,

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Speaker 1: for for example, we've had tests that claim in our

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Speaker 1: relationship in different ways, different forms, not just I think

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00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,440
Speaker 1: also two people think of loyalty and they think of

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00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 1: like fidelity all the time. That's the first thing that

349
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: comes to mind, But there are also other ways to

350
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:14,080
Speaker 1: not be loyal to someone. Absolutely, the number one reason

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00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 1: why people lose their partner and they think it's infidelity,

352
00:19:18,640 --> 00:19:22,600
Speaker 1: it's not. It's financial reasons. People become uncomfortable in their

353
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Speaker 1: lifestyle because something changed and they can't live the way

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00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:29,600
Speaker 1: they want to live, and they begun. They begin to

355
00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:35,560
Speaker 1: become disloyal. For example, use us right, I've started to

356
00:19:35,600 --> 00:19:38,280
Speaker 1: build something for us in Michigan at the time because

357
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,600
Speaker 1: I was working. You wasn't working right, We had no

358
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Speaker 1: infidelity issues at that time. You decide I want to

359
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Speaker 1: go back to Brooklyn and and live with my family

360
00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 1: because you're not in the NFL anymore. And now I

361
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Speaker 1: have to work, and now I have to work in

362
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Speaker 1: them all. I'm leaving. That had nothing to do with infidelity.

363
00:19:58,359 --> 00:20:01,760
Speaker 1: What happens. It became a little bit uncomfor a change happened,

364
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,840
Speaker 1: and now you can make a decision where you know

365
00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 1: what the run is over, you know the valiin making

366
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,840
Speaker 1: this money no more. I'm gonna go do something else

367
00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 1: or go find somebody else. That was a possibility. You

368
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,120
Speaker 1: could have done that. You know what saying was bad.

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00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,600
Speaker 1: I'm talking the past tense. Now you're still you still

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Speaker 1: ain't put on my good wig for no reason. Yes,

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00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 1: the good the good cis got the good wig on

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00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:28,840
Speaker 1: right now, right, but the lace, so I'll put the

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Speaker 1: hat on. I was just pretending like this was a

374
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 1: merch drop. But one day, one day, you gotta just

375
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:36,119
Speaker 1: take the hat off so they can see what the

376
00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,360
Speaker 1: lace look like. So y'all can see what I see.

377
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,879
Speaker 1: The whole meme at that point. And you're about to

378
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:43,720
Speaker 1: have me do that because we were a bunch of

379
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 1: memes right now. But you're not gonna catch me with

380
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:50,440
Speaker 1: a bad lace front. Okay, But I could have. Yeah,

381
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,639
Speaker 1: you could have. And people always think that sometimes when

382
00:20:52,680 --> 00:20:55,679
Speaker 1: people split up, it it's always because of sexual reasons.

383
00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,160
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not. And I mean I could I could

384
00:20:58,200 --> 00:20:59,520
Speaker 1: have done the same thing. I could have said, you know,

385
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Speaker 1: you want to go back to your family, will go.

386
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:06,080
Speaker 1: I'm staying, you know. But we chose each other, and

387
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,400
Speaker 1: we chose each other through the hardships, and we continue

388
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,480
Speaker 1: to choose each other every day. Love is a choice

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Speaker 1: that you make every morning when you wake up. Yes,

390
00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 1: right again. Love is a choice that you make every

391
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Speaker 1: morning when you make up. Do you know why that's important?

392
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:25,160
Speaker 1: Because loyalty to me shouldn't be an obligation. It doesn't

393
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:30,520
Speaker 1: matter to me if you're like, loyalty can can be performative, right, Right,

394
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:34,600
Speaker 1: so you know you can gain something by being with me. Right,

395
00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:37,440
Speaker 1: So I'm in the NFL, I'm making money. It's like,

396
00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: let me show my loyalty to the value because I

397
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 1: can get the lifestyle that I want. Right. That's performative.

398
00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:47,479
Speaker 1: That's performative. Loyalty can be performative. Exhausting, exhausting to keep

399
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 1: up with fake it is fake. Yeah, a lot of

400
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 1: people have fake loyalty. A lot of people. The reason

401
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,320
Speaker 1: why I like the term you brought up about choices

402
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: because for me as a person, I like the fact

403
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,520
Speaker 1: that you make a choice to be loyal as opposed

404
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 1: to being obligated to being loyal. You understand what I'm saying.

405
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:07,240
Speaker 1: It's the same thing for business partners or friendships. It's

406
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 1: like when you get to a point in your life

407
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,119
Speaker 1: where you can provide stuff for people, there's a lot

408
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:14,919
Speaker 1: of people that will show loyalty because they know they

409
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:18,160
Speaker 1: can gain by being a friend. I want someone, especially

410
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:21,399
Speaker 1: in my relationship, who chooses to be loyal and this

411
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 1: is important to me. When we talk about um the

412
00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:29,520
Speaker 1: patriarchy and we talk about marriage, there was there was

413
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 1: a discussion going on about the game and him saying

414
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,840
Speaker 1: that he doesn't care how much money his girl makes.

415
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: He's paying all the bills because that's what he feels

416
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,160
Speaker 1: like he wants to do, and I kind of agree

417
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,040
Speaker 1: with him. I agree with him because that's how I feel.

418
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,840
Speaker 1: I want to express, you know, my ability as a

419
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,119
Speaker 1: man to take care of you. I want to pay

420
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 1: all the bills and do all this other stuff. I

421
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,120
Speaker 1: get it. He never said he didn't want his girl

422
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 1: to work, and I want to point I'm going to

423
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: bring that up because you work, and you make a

424
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:58,040
Speaker 1: lot of money, more than enough money to take care

425
00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: of yourself and all of the kids and live the

426
00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:03,639
Speaker 1: lifestyle you want to live. Without me. That makes me

427
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,479
Speaker 1: feel good because I know that you're making a choice

428
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 1: to be here and not obligated. You understand what I'm saying.

429
00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:14,360
Speaker 1: Nobody hates, nobody likes a relationship, but you feel obligated

430
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,440
Speaker 1: to be in because then it becomes a choice. And

431
00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: that can even just be with a friendship, you know

432
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: what I mean, Like you don't want somebody that you

433
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 1: feel like, well, I think the reason why even just

434
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: in a friendship, for example, when it comes to loyalty

435
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,560
Speaker 1: and maintaining friendships. My circle is so small because I

436
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 1: have those friends that understand that we're all, for the

437
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:35,040
Speaker 1: most part, working moms. Some of us have spouses, and

438
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,280
Speaker 1: we can talk today and not talk for six months,

439
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 1: and pick up right where we left off in six

440
00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 1: months and be like, hey, girl, how's everything going. No

441
00:23:43,800 --> 00:23:46,800
Speaker 1: hard feelings, because we understand what it is. Um also

442
00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: to having friends that in our darker times or in

443
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,480
Speaker 1: the times where we didn't have as much going on,

444
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,440
Speaker 1: we had a handful of people that we could rely on,

445
00:23:57,000 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 1: a handful of people that would check on us, and

446
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,400
Speaker 1: full of people that would just pop up and say, yoh,

447
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 1: what's up. I'm coming to check y'all. Yes, And then

448
00:24:05,359 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 1: here we are fast forward years later, and then you're

449
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:09,800
Speaker 1: starting to get phone calls from people that you haven't

450
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 1: heard from in a decade, a decade, because it's been

451
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 1: about a decade for the NFL. Then it's two thousand

452
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 1: and ten when I officially retired from the NFL. My

453
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:20,280
Speaker 1: last game I played was in two thousand and eight

454
00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:24,359
Speaker 1: until now. Two thousand nineteen is when we made the

455
00:24:24,440 --> 00:24:28,680
Speaker 1: move to California, and now we got the quiz almost

456
00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: a decade or a little bit over because we were

457
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:34,240
Speaker 1: in the apartment for about ten years, Jackson, that's the market.

458
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,800
Speaker 1: So then it's like, now we're here at this point

459
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: in our lives and it's just like, man, I haven't

460
00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: heard from such and such a years, but people are

461
00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:43,200
Speaker 1: popping up at the door or asking to and I'm

462
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 1: just like, you know, those are things that when you

463
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:48,000
Speaker 1: think of loyalty in general, it's not you can't be

464
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 1: loyal when it's convenient for you to be loyal, because

465
00:24:52,160 --> 00:24:54,680
Speaker 1: trust me, people take notes, you know. I like that

466
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: when loyalty is not convenient, it's not convenient at all.

467
00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: You have to be loyal during the hardest times. And

468
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 1: that's how you can prove if someone is loyal because

469
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:07,200
Speaker 1: you know, also that's the first word that's thrown out

470
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: if someone is to step out, achieve right, or they're disloyal.

471
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 1: Person made a poor decision, you know, whether it's a

472
00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: man or a woman, they made a poor decision. So

473
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,640
Speaker 1: that does that mean that you accept if someone constantly

474
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 1: step out, No, because now that person is making a

475
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: repetitive choice to be selfish, that person is not loyal.

476
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,680
Speaker 1: If a person making poor decision, but then realize their

477
00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,880
Speaker 1: poor decision and it's not working to build that trust back.

478
00:25:31,320 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: That person can now work to build loyalty back. You

479
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying because because it's not sports right, people,

480
00:25:39,960 --> 00:25:42,959
Speaker 1: the greatest basketball player of all time is Michael Jordan's

481
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: and they say all the time the reason why he's

482
00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 1: the greatest is because he's six and no in the finals. Right,

483
00:25:48,560 --> 00:25:51,920
Speaker 1: relationships don't work like that relationship. You're not gonna be perfect.

484
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: Everybody is not going to be perfect. And then I'm

485
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 1: talking about poor decisions even with money, because you hear

486
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: a lot of people have gambling issues, poor spending habbits,

487
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 1: and when they make a poor decision they're partner. The

488
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:04,560
Speaker 1: first thing to throw out is that you're not loyal

489
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 1: because you didn't do what I wanted you to do.

490
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: You can't do that to somebody. With all people, and

491
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: we all have to make choices every single day, and

492
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,199
Speaker 1: you have to watch your partner and say are they

493
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:18,960
Speaker 1: going to continue to choose themselves? Because loyalty also doesn't

494
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: mean loyalty to somebody else like a third party. You

495
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,639
Speaker 1: and I are in this together. Are you loyal to me?

496
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,280
Speaker 1: Are you loyal to somebody? Else, or are you loyal

497
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: to yourself? Because loyalty to yourself when you're in a

498
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 1: relationship is that selfish? You know what I'm saying. You

499
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 1: can't always just choose yourself, especially in your when you're

500
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 1: in a relationship. So when you're looking for someone who

501
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: is loyal or trying to see if your partner is loyal,

502
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: see if they're constantly choosing you, you know what I'm saying,

503
00:26:46,800 --> 00:26:50,239
Speaker 1: Because if we're life partners, we got to choose each other.

504
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,399
Speaker 1: Like you know, I laughed because you mentioned sports for

505
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: a second, and I laughed about the story you tell

506
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: on the Breakfast Club shout out to the Breakfast Club

507
00:26:57,760 --> 00:27:00,200
Speaker 1: with me and Pam Oliver. Oh yeah, you know. And

508
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: I thought it was a very loyal move, okay, because

509
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 1: I've seen home girling on the on the field and

510
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,720
Speaker 1: I was like, listen, my boob is on the field

511
00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,080
Speaker 1: that you told him he would never be on this.

512
00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:14,440
Speaker 1: I just want to let you know he's right there,

513
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: he's right there, he's right there. Right. That was a

514
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: loyal move. I feel like I had your back, you know,

515
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,520
Speaker 1: I appreciate I hope you appreciate it. But but we've

516
00:27:25,560 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 1: had we've had those moment moments with each other forever.

517
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:32,920
Speaker 1: I mean even because loyal just having your something like

518
00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: having your booze back, you know what I mean. Like

519
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,240
Speaker 1: sometimes I's as simple as that two thou seven, I

520
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 1: hadn't made them every year. I had to go make

521
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:43,160
Speaker 1: the team. You moved to Michigan in two thousand seven

522
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,760
Speaker 1: to stay with me, not knowing whether or not I

523
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,680
Speaker 1: was going to be on the team or not. Yeah,

524
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:50,840
Speaker 1: I really had no idea at that point what was happening.

525
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: But there were about to believe in you too, which

526
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: I think that also can be one of the cornerstones

527
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:00,680
Speaker 1: for loyalty is having a really deep belief in your

528
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: spouse or your partner and really feeling like, man, I'm

529
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:08,760
Speaker 1: willing to invest in this person, invest time, invest energy,

530
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,119
Speaker 1: and invest the love. I'm willing to do all that

531
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: because I know that this person is worth it, you

532
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:17,639
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So I got I got a

533
00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: big loyalty because we had to go through this with loyalty,

534
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 1: picking your partner over your family. Oh that's a big

535
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 1: one because at certain times had to Uh, I had

536
00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 1: to choose. You had to choose. I had to because

537
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: your mother was not my mom. Was not said. My

538
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 1: mother told me point blank pretty much like when I

539
00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 1: went to college and stuff like that, because I said,

540
00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 1: I grew up in a very strict West Indian household.

541
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: My parents had me under their thumb for mad long.

542
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:49,000
Speaker 1: So when I was going to college, I was like,

543
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:52,240
Speaker 1: it's lit like about to go. I'm about to be

544
00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: going to parties, I'm about to be haven't doing all

545
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: the things right. Um. And then I went to college

546
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,520
Speaker 1: and immediately found it out, and my mother pretty much,

547
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: you're welcome. I do think the Good Lord every day. Um.

548
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: So my mom pretty much had told me when she

549
00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: knew that I met Devil, and I was kind of like,

550
00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:13,800
Speaker 1: you know, told me like I met this guy and

551
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,080
Speaker 1: blah blah blah, zero interests, like y'all maybe had zero interests.

552
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: She did not want to hear about anybody that I meant. No. Mom, Well,

553
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 1: so I'm not gonna say she has zero interests. She

554
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: hated me. No, I'm just saying Initially, when I told

555
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 1: her that I meant somebody, she just she like glazed

556
00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 1: over it. She's just like, so, yeah, what did you

557
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:34,560
Speaker 1: say about your you know, mass communication one on one class?

558
00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,720
Speaker 1: Like so she just completely deflected like the Queen of deflecting, right,

559
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:43,640
Speaker 1: So she deflected. So Devel was pretty much not trying

560
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 1: to hear it. At that point, my mother said to me, Kating,

561
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: you can walk through the door with Jesus Christ. It

562
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: does not matter to me, not this in your life.

563
00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:54,800
Speaker 1: A girl of your caliber needs to be in school

564
00:29:55,200 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 1: and you need to be focusing in your books and

565
00:29:57,080 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: your grades and what is it that you want to do?

566
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 1: I want wouldn't. In turn, she was right like she

567
00:30:01,480 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 1: did have her her she did have a point. Mimi

568
00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 1: had a point um, but also she didn't have a point.

569
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,080
Speaker 1: She was right. She was right in the same way

570
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: Pam Oliver was right, yes about saying I was too small.

571
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:14,520
Speaker 1: It was small exactly like if you're looking at what's

572
00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 1: in front of you, that would probably be the box

573
00:30:17,760 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 1: that I checked too, because when I met him, you know,

574
00:30:20,080 --> 00:30:24,520
Speaker 1: he was like a hundred and what with a big

575
00:30:24,560 --> 00:30:27,280
Speaker 1: gas head. My cousin remember saying that looked like a

576
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 1: lollipy was not that big bro for your body. It

577
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: was though he didn't know what you know, what's that

578
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 1: these muscles? I remember my cousin meeting him. She was like, man,

579
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:38,200
Speaker 1: it looks like a lollipop shout out to Sophia. Um.

580
00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:40,200
Speaker 1: But yeah, so my mom was just not trying to

581
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 1: hear it in that moment. So there came a point

582
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,240
Speaker 1: I wanted to say, maybe two years into our relationship

583
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,560
Speaker 1: that div was just not having it no more. If

584
00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:48,840
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not gonna allow your mother to

585
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 1: just like ignore me or disrespect me or anything, so

586
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: or he felt disrespected. So at that point, I was

587
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: just like, I'm gonna have to go with my man.

588
00:30:57,960 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 1: I stopped going like a whole year and a half

589
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 1: come into the house. So then I was conflicted because

590
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,160
Speaker 1: in that moment, I had to decide was I going

591
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 1: to go and see my family and then spend time

592
00:31:09,720 --> 00:31:12,680
Speaker 1: away from him, and then do I cut my family

593
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: time short to then go chill with him? And I

594
00:31:16,080 --> 00:31:18,040
Speaker 1: kind of felt caught in the middle at that point too,

595
00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: but I just had to go with my heart at

596
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 1: that time. So I was like, all right, we're just

597
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: gonna have to split this time. I had to respect

598
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,479
Speaker 1: the way you felt in that moment too, because at

599
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,000
Speaker 1: first I was just like, you know, you you don't

600
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:31,360
Speaker 1: understand my mom. That's just how she is. And if

601
00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:32,800
Speaker 1: I was not trying to hear that, and I couldn't

602
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:37,680
Speaker 1: expect him to understand or to tolerate it. So yeah,

603
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: I my loyalty was definitely tested at that moment, like

604
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 1: which way was I going to go? But also that

605
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:46,760
Speaker 1: tested my loyalty if I was willing to deal with it. Absolutely,

606
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:49,480
Speaker 1: you could be like, Yo, this girl's mother is diff

607
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 1: I wanted. Is just what I want to deal with

608
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life potentially? Yeah, Yeah, So

609
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 1: that was That was an interesting time. And like a

610
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: lot of moments, like loyalty test, testing someone's loyalty comes

611
00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:05,400
Speaker 1: in so many different facets in a relationship. Um, it's

612
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: important to feel chosen. Makes you feel good, you know,

613
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:13,280
Speaker 1: as a person when you know that person which he

614
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: was rocking with you, Yeah, because you chose You chose

615
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: me when I was skinny, you chose me when I

616
00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,560
Speaker 1: was broke, you chose me when I was making poor

617
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: selfish decisions. And it feels good to be chosen, and

618
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 1: it makes you feel like I have to do the

619
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:34,560
Speaker 1: same things, you know what I'm saying. It's motivating to

620
00:32:34,640 --> 00:32:37,200
Speaker 1: be like and that's why a lot of people don't

621
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 1: They don't understand, like why some men don't understand, like,

622
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:43,440
Speaker 1: why would you go so hard for a woman? You

623
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Why does it? Because you know,

624
00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,440
Speaker 1: I make these posts about how much I adore you

625
00:32:47,560 --> 00:32:49,120
Speaker 1: and how proud I am of the things you've been

626
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: able to accomplish, and over time, you have chosen me

627
00:32:53,960 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: so many times. I want to celebrate the fact that

628
00:32:57,760 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: I feel chosen. You understand what I'm saying. Even even

629
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,640
Speaker 1: when they came to to choosing me for children right

630
00:33:04,680 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: after having Jackson and the issue, yeah, having the decision

631
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 1: to have Jackson and everything, the traumas you went through

632
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,400
Speaker 1: with having Jackson, have to have surgery and almost have

633
00:33:14,480 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 1: a blood transfusion, to then choose to say, you know what,

634
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 1: let's go again and have another child because you believe

635
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: in this partnership, in the legacy. It's like, then, once again,

636
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: she chose something that I wanted and needed. You know,

637
00:33:25,400 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 1: I just realized when you said that in this moment,

638
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: and this is a little bit off topic, but I

639
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,600
Speaker 1: just realized that's probably why in the moment I didn't

640
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,240
Speaker 1: realize I was traumatized from my experience with Jackson. I

641
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 1: always wonder why we took that long break in between

642
00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 1: that we took five years, five years, and I think

643
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: I might have just been like dealing with some trauma

644
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,120
Speaker 1: from that moment that I was almost you think you

645
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:46,160
Speaker 1: think there was no thinking for me at that point.

646
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,280
Speaker 1: I really just just hit me like that's probably why

647
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 1: I waited so long in between in the hospital, right, um,

648
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:53,840
Speaker 1: And we've told this story on the podcast. In the

649
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 1: hospital when I blacked out, had no when I remember

650
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 1: coming to and I'm saying that Canino be out of surgery,

651
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 1: you know, in about an hour, I remember saying to myself,

652
00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 1: I hope my son is okay. You know what I'm saying.

653
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: If my wife makes it out of this, I'm never

654
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:14,800
Speaker 1: having children again. Like that was my that was my

655
00:34:15,040 --> 00:34:18,359
Speaker 1: like my mindset, my my I was processing that if

656
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:23,319
Speaker 1: we get escaped this unscathed, I'm good with one child.

657
00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:26,879
Speaker 1: I'm good with being here. So for me, every time

658
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 1: I thought of having children again, it was like, do

659
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:32,720
Speaker 1: we go through this process possibly having this process again

660
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: and even once again trying to be loyal choosing you.

661
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: I wanted more kids, but I'm not going to choose

662
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: to put your life at risk just because i want

663
00:34:42,800 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: more kids, you know what I'm saying. And that once again,

664
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: its loyalty to your partner you're seeing in some relationships,

665
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 1: or you don't want more kids. I'm out because I

666
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:53,480
Speaker 1: want more kids. It's like, wow, that was a very

667
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,160
Speaker 1: conditional move, you know what I'm saying, not being able

668
00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: to communicate and just make up to make a decision

669
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: for both of I'm out if you don't want to

670
00:35:01,239 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: have more kids. Like, there's so many decisions that happened

671
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: within the course of a relationship that requires someone to

672
00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 1: be selfless that I think people don't realize, especially single people.

673
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:15,359
Speaker 1: You know, if if you're watching social media or listen

674
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:17,800
Speaker 1: to what people say when single people have an opinion

675
00:35:17,840 --> 00:35:21,680
Speaker 1: about how married people move, that be the best for me,

676
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,399
Speaker 1: That would be the best for me. I love y'all,

677
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:27,319
Speaker 1: my single folks with y'all be having a whole lot

678
00:35:27,360 --> 00:35:31,600
Speaker 1: to say sometimes do I love? I love my single people.

679
00:35:31,640 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 1: I love my single friends. But even my single friends

680
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: when they try to give me advice about how I

681
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: should move even different through even my single female friends

682
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: when they're like, oh, well, you know, KaDee, maybe feeling

683
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:46,839
Speaker 1: this or maybe you should try this. Sometimes I'll be like, yo,

684
00:35:46,920 --> 00:35:52,400
Speaker 1: with all due respect, you can't possibly understand what what

685
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: it feels like to want to be of service to

686
00:35:56,680 --> 00:36:02,400
Speaker 1: somebody because either you you've tried failed, you've chosen not to,

687
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: you have no desire right, or you have no desire

688
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: to be In either case, then you can understand the

689
00:36:08,800 --> 00:36:12,479
Speaker 1: feeling I have. Not that you're wrong, but you can't

690
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: understand the feeling I have to want to work to

691
00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 1: be with this person. So to hear all of the

692
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: opinions and hear all the stuff of people who are

693
00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:23,319
Speaker 1: not even actively trying to be in relationships about how

694
00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 1: married people should be sound crazy to me because it

695
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:30,759
Speaker 1: also takes a delusional person. It really doesn't think, but

696
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:35,719
Speaker 1: it takes a delusional person to be married right think

697
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:37,640
Speaker 1: about this, to believe that this person, like you, have

698
00:36:37,719 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 1: a blind trust in someone that at any point can

699
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:42,360
Speaker 1: decide the married person you feel like has an element

700
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,879
Speaker 1: of delusion in them. All crazy. We're all crazy because

701
00:36:45,880 --> 00:36:48,480
Speaker 1: we all walke around here and trying to figure it out. All.

702
00:36:49,520 --> 00:36:54,279
Speaker 1: That's what Delenna said yesterday, she said, we're here, we

703
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: have no pretending like wet figure out and we don't.

704
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,560
Speaker 1: We don't, and we're all crazy to think that. Just

705
00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: just to think that you are going to choose me

706
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,439
Speaker 1: all the time, every single time, the way I want

707
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:08,800
Speaker 1: it done, and the minute you don't, I get upset.

708
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: It's fucking delusional. It's delusional. And to be honest, I'm

709
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:17,879
Speaker 1: delusional because I'd be like, I'd be like, 't gonna

710
00:37:17,880 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 1: do it the way I want to do it? And

711
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 1: then when you don't every day, I think you are

712
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 1: delusional because you want because you on your side. I

713
00:37:24,719 --> 00:37:26,640
Speaker 1: think that I'm going to make all my decisions based

714
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:30,200
Speaker 1: on you every single time. That's delusional, you know what

715
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And the thing is, I'm willing to admit

716
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: that married people are crazy, you know what I'm saying.

717
00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: But at the same time, I'm not trying to listen

718
00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 1: to a single person tell me what loyalty looks like,

719
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: because that's that's really what it is. A lot of

720
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:45,600
Speaker 1: a lot of single people have comments about this. This

721
00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,960
Speaker 1: is why I can't get married, because the loyalty you're

722
00:37:47,960 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: not even trying. You gotta kind of be I mean,

723
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:53,040
Speaker 1: to be honest, you have to be a little delusional

724
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:57,479
Speaker 1: to believe in God. It's blind faith, right, it's blind faith,

725
00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: and we and yet we do right, and yet we

726
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:04,400
Speaker 1: do so I believe in loyalty. I believe in loyalty

727
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 1: is blind, it's blinding, and it's hard even a relationship

728
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 1: with God's herd yes, because there's the tests, there's blind faith,

729
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: Like you said, there's getting through what we What were

730
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 1: we watching? And the young lady said, um, oh, it

731
00:38:23,880 --> 00:38:28,320
Speaker 1: was Jamie Foxx showing Netflix. Dad, don't embarrass me, And

732
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,560
Speaker 1: I think it was the first The second episode was

733
00:38:30,560 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: about church and she didn't want to go to church anymore.

734
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: And the reason why she didn't want to go to

735
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 1: church anymore was because her mom made her go to church,

736
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:41,000
Speaker 1: and when her mom got sick, she prayed to God

737
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: to save her mom. And when her mom died, she said,

738
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:46,399
Speaker 1: I did all that pray and it didn't work. Why

739
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,160
Speaker 1: should I believe in a God that would let my

740
00:38:48,239 --> 00:38:53,640
Speaker 1: mom die? Right once again, conditional. Your loyalty to God

741
00:38:53,800 --> 00:38:55,680
Speaker 1: or the God that you pray to is only conditional

742
00:38:55,760 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: based on you getting everything you want every single time.

743
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,279
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. That doesn't mean that God

744
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,200
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. That just means that you're loyalty to him

745
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 1: or to anybody else. It's fake because you're only going

746
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:13,160
Speaker 1: to be loyal when you get what you want, or

747
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: it's just not wholehearted. But it's just not wholehearted. Conditional, conditional, conditional.

748
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:21,600
Speaker 1: Shout out to Jamie foxx Sidbar the Homie. Five ways

749
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 1: to choose your partner every day. Celebrate the winds, hold

750
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 1: on through the lows. Remember step in instead of stepping out.

751
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:37,560
Speaker 1: Remember your manners, which are sometimes real hard, because very

752
00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:42,359
Speaker 1: hard sometimes because to delusional people thinking they write all

753
00:39:42,440 --> 00:39:47,480
Speaker 1: the time, man right, man is what um? Share the

754
00:39:47,520 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: winds and respect yes, basy and remember your man is

755
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:56,479
Speaker 1: like the same, and share the winds and celebrate the winds.

756
00:39:56,520 --> 00:39:59,000
Speaker 1: It's kind of the same. So this could be three

757
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 1: things to choose your partner every day. Well, I mean,

758
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,200
Speaker 1: I guess that's the most important one though, is what

759
00:40:06,880 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 1: hold on through the Absolutely it's easy to celebrate. But

760
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 1: you can celebrate winds with people you don't even like.

761
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:15,080
Speaker 1: That's a fact. You got to share the wins. I'm

762
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 1: not celebrating nothing with people I don't like. That's been

763
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,959
Speaker 1: that's been hitting you lately. You've been seeming very upset

764
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 1: about that. I'm not upset, but I'm just being mindful

765
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:24,680
Speaker 1: of my space and my energy. I got you. That's

766
00:40:24,719 --> 00:40:28,640
Speaker 1: just what it is, you know, and respecting through the lows.

767
00:40:28,680 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 1: In respect that because Kadina and I have had some

768
00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: moments where we've disrespected each other when when stuff got low,

769
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: said some wild stuff to each other. But you know

770
00:40:44,960 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 1: we're here. We're here because I wanted, because I want

771
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: to be Yes, that is the fact. And you also

772
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 1: know that if you have attempted to do anything else,

773
00:40:54,320 --> 00:41:00,719
Speaker 1: I will punch you down and find you she's crazy, delusional. Guys. Well,

774
00:41:01,160 --> 00:41:02,959
Speaker 1: I guess it's about time we take a quick break

775
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: and raison news and then we'll come back to listener

776
00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,840
Speaker 1: letters and see what y'all have to talk about. Thanks.

777
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:23,040
Speaker 1: All right, we're back, guys to Caden's favorite part of

778
00:41:23,080 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 1: the show, listener letters. Let's see what you have for

779
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:31,600
Speaker 1: me today. UM, I'll go all right. First, I want

780
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,239
Speaker 1: to say that I am a huge fan. Starting from

781
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,640
Speaker 1: you guys feature on Black Love. Yeah, we love Black Love,

782
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Um. From then, I've been keeping

783
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:42,800
Speaker 1: up with you guys, and I love the podcast. Me

784
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: and my husband have been together since teenagers sixteen years together,

785
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 1: five married, three children thirteen six and two. We're both

786
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 1: thirty four years old, and throughout the years we have been.

787
00:41:54,960 --> 00:41:57,480
Speaker 1: There has been infidelity on both sides. I cheated in

788
00:41:57,560 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 1: the marriage also because of the insecurity I have from

789
00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:03,759
Speaker 1: felt from his I guess from his infidelity. Okay, so

790
00:42:03,840 --> 00:42:07,560
Speaker 1: she cheated because he did. Um. When he gets caught,

791
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 1: he lies about it no matter the evidence. He will deny, deny, deny,

792
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 1: but claims he wants his family. Just recently, I decided

793
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:19,240
Speaker 1: marriage counseling was my last draw, and within the counseling,

794
00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: he opened up to me that he was molested by

795
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: a woman who babysat him and his brother when he

796
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 1: was a child, and the cheating is his way for

797
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,279
Speaker 1: him to feel in control. I love him, I really do,

798
00:42:30,960 --> 00:42:32,839
Speaker 1: and I want to be there for him in this time.

799
00:42:32,960 --> 00:42:35,680
Speaker 1: But part of me feels like with therapy he can

800
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,760
Speaker 1: get through the situation and be the faithful, loving husband

801
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,480
Speaker 1: I need. But on the other side, I feel like,

802
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 1: even with therapy, will the cheating ever stop. This is tough,

803
00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 1: but I've been so hurt and so broken by the

804
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,680
Speaker 1: infidelity I really can't take another hit. On the flip side,

805
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:54,160
Speaker 1: I do want to be supportive and fight for my marriage.

806
00:42:54,600 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: What's a girl to do? The first thing I want

807
00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 1: to say is Um, I'm I'm glad she talked about

808
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,719
Speaker 1: the story because people think that molestation only happens on

809
00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 1: one side, but many young men deal with molestation as well,

810
00:43:07,480 --> 00:43:12,880
Speaker 1: and it can be an issue as that person becomes

811
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:17,200
Speaker 1: an adult. If they don't deal with it, manifests itself.

812
00:43:17,239 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 1: I think that's differently different people. UM, and I can't

813
00:43:20,760 --> 00:43:24,400
Speaker 1: speak too much on it because that's not something I've experienced. However,

814
00:43:24,520 --> 00:43:26,560
Speaker 1: I do know that in just speaking to people are

815
00:43:26,640 --> 00:43:29,440
Speaker 1: just hearing about stories, that it can manifest itself in

816
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:31,800
Speaker 1: different ways. And I have heard people say men and

817
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,359
Speaker 1: women say when they've been molested, at some point they

818
00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:36,839
Speaker 1: do feel like they want to take control of their sexuality,

819
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 1: so they become more sexual. I've heard that being one

820
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:41,799
Speaker 1: of the ways it manifests, if not the only way.

821
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:44,480
Speaker 1: So the fact that you guys are in therapy and

822
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:47,800
Speaker 1: working on it, hopefully therapy can help him deal with

823
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:49,880
Speaker 1: his past trauma and if he can deal with it

824
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:51,839
Speaker 1: and he can be the husband that you want him

825
00:43:51,880 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: to be. So I do think there's hope. Yeah, I

826
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,680
Speaker 1: don't think there's hope. I do understand you don't also

827
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 1: feeling like you don't want to take another hit but

828
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 1: I think that since this his surface and before or

829
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:02,719
Speaker 1: he used to just deny, deny, deny, Now that you

830
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:04,560
Speaker 1: guys are in counseling and we're getting kind of to

831
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,600
Speaker 1: the root of why he's doing it, there's a possibility

832
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:10,000
Speaker 1: that there may be a breakthrough and if he deals

833
00:44:10,040 --> 00:44:13,400
Speaker 1: with that, there may be a brighter side for them.

834
00:44:13,600 --> 00:44:15,880
Speaker 1: And ultimately, it's just whether you want to or not.

835
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,360
Speaker 1: No one else can give you advice or say to

836
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:20,920
Speaker 1: you whether you should be with your husband or not.

837
00:44:21,400 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: If it's not a detriment to you physically, mentally or

838
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 1: your health, If it's something you can work on together

839
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 1: and you want to be there, work on it, don't

840
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 1: ever let somebody else say to you you should just

841
00:44:32,200 --> 00:44:35,360
Speaker 1: walk away. You understand what I'm saying. So, so, I

842
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 1: think this is a choice that you have to make personally.

843
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,840
Speaker 1: It seems like you guys are pulling out all the

844
00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: stops to figure out a way to help. Yeah, definitely

845
00:44:42,160 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 1: fighting for the marriage to Yeah. So I said, yeah,

846
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:47,759
Speaker 1: definitely be there as a support system to him, you know,

847
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 1: as you to work on this together, because it seems

848
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,239
Speaker 1: that you've had a really great history together. You have

849
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,440
Speaker 1: three children, invested both still young, only thirty or four

850
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: years old. UM, so good luck to you guys on that. Yes,

851
00:44:59,280 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 1: I am a twenty six year old male in my

852
00:45:01,120 --> 00:45:04,160
Speaker 1: relationship definitely reminds me of both of you. Literally almost

853
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: everything you'll talk about I feel like I can relate

854
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,200
Speaker 1: to in some way. And when I started to listen

855
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 1: from the first season so now just a few months ago,

856
00:45:10,360 --> 00:45:17,320
Speaker 1: has definitely been a source of therapy for me personally. Testimony. So,

857
00:45:17,440 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 1: my fiance and I have been together since we were

858
00:45:19,760 --> 00:45:22,399
Speaker 1: sixteen and fifteen, were twenty and twenty five, and we're

859
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:23,880
Speaker 1: going to be married at the end of the summer.

860
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:26,560
Speaker 1: Growing up from teams to young adults, going through high

861
00:45:26,560 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: school and college and now adulting, it has been a

862
00:45:28,719 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: full roller coaster, as expected in any relationship, and we're

863
00:45:31,960 --> 00:45:34,919
Speaker 1: just scratching the surface by entering marriage. Throughout the eleven

864
00:45:35,040 --> 00:45:37,320
Speaker 1: years of being together, there has been breakups, to makeups

865
00:45:37,360 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 1: and so forth, and transgressions mainly on my end, but

866
00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:42,520
Speaker 1: we're still here. And we were supposed to get married

867
00:45:42,600 --> 00:45:44,759
Speaker 1: last year, but COVID delayed that and we ended up

868
00:45:44,800 --> 00:45:46,960
Speaker 1: getting a home together and moved in together, which we

869
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 1: will be six months, which will be in six minutes

870
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,480
Speaker 1: before the wedding, and by this happening, it has really

871
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:55,200
Speaker 1: opened up the door to us digging deeper in our

872
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,040
Speaker 1: connection and addressing issues like sex and trust and her

873
00:45:58,160 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: and understanding one another and communication. And we started to

874
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:03,439
Speaker 1: do a couple of therapy and also marriage counseling because

875
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:06,520
Speaker 1: the wedding is soon. What I need help with with

876
00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:09,680
Speaker 1: now is still feeling what what I need a little

877
00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:11,840
Speaker 1: hope with now? Is I still feel like something is

878
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: in the way or blocking us or I don't know

879
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,880
Speaker 1: if it's just me so reaching another level in our relationship.

880
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,480
Speaker 1: I don't know what that is. I don't know if

881
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,359
Speaker 1: I should be concerned or just go with the flow.

882
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:23,839
Speaker 1: We're both on the same page now and we both

883
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:26,600
Speaker 1: know we can never be ready to be married. So

884
00:46:26,680 --> 00:46:29,000
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the cold feat starting to kick in.

885
00:46:29,480 --> 00:46:32,120
Speaker 1: It's just something that I feel like it's missing that

886
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:35,400
Speaker 1: could take us to the next level, especially listening and

887
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 1: learning from YouTube. What is your advice and opinion on this?

888
00:46:40,120 --> 00:46:43,520
Speaker 1: So him feeling that something is missing, Remember, we had

889
00:46:43,640 --> 00:46:45,440
Speaker 1: moments I feel like in our relationships kind of I

890
00:46:45,440 --> 00:46:46,960
Speaker 1: guess kind of like we can relate because we met

891
00:46:47,000 --> 00:46:49,279
Speaker 1: when we wereround eighteen nineteen and then here we are now.

892
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 1: So they've been ten years into their relationship. Remember we

893
00:46:52,360 --> 00:46:53,879
Speaker 1: had moments where we felt like, man, things are kind

894
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 1: of coasting and doing too well, Like what's going to

895
00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:58,480
Speaker 1: happen to just take us to the next level. And

896
00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,279
Speaker 1: for me be kind of the pessimist pessimists that I was,

897
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:04,520
Speaker 1: would always bee like, damn, something bad, it's probably gonna

898
00:47:04,560 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 1: happen that will then test us, you know, and take

899
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: us to either the next level or just break us

900
00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 1: up or something. Um. So I can kind of understand

901
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:14,360
Speaker 1: what he means when he says that he feels like

902
00:47:14,400 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 1: there's something, but I also feel like to being together

903
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:20,560
Speaker 1: for ten years, you get into this groove sometimes and

904
00:47:20,640 --> 00:47:23,000
Speaker 1: they can tend to be a little monotonous at monotonous

905
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 1: at times where you feel like, damn, like everything is

906
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 1: just kind of coasting. When is something going to happen? Um,

907
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:30,840
Speaker 1: But they did have a lot that happened to you

908
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,960
Speaker 1: figure in the eleven years that they've been together. Um,

909
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:37,480
Speaker 1: they have the house now, you know with COVID, the

910
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:40,280
Speaker 1: wedding got delayed and then people, I think sometimes expect

911
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,719
Speaker 1: for there to be a grand something to happen after

912
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 1: the wedding too, and that doesn't necessarily happen because life

913
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:47,360
Speaker 1: kind of just moves on. You have the party for

914
00:47:47,440 --> 00:47:50,279
Speaker 1: the day and then the next thing. So I don't

915
00:47:50,280 --> 00:47:52,319
Speaker 1: know if you guys are hoping to have children, maybe

916
00:47:52,400 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: children will be the next thing on their list. You

917
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 1: don't think, so, do you know what it is? Okay?

918
00:47:57,200 --> 00:47:59,960
Speaker 1: Maybe from a band's perspective, you can speak together sty

919
00:48:00,000 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: of fifteen and sixteen. Right, they've been together ten years.

920
00:48:03,000 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 1: You know what? They haven't worked on themselves purpose. Everything

921
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:12,200
Speaker 1: they've done in their adolescent to now young adult lives

922
00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: has been for each other. Either one of them have

923
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:17,880
Speaker 1: focused on their purpose as individuals. And I know this

924
00:48:18,000 --> 00:48:20,279
Speaker 1: because we went through this. And I tell anybody who

925
00:48:20,360 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: starts being in a relationship from young, you cannot be

926
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,400
Speaker 1: complete in a relationship if you don't know who you

927
00:48:25,480 --> 00:48:29,279
Speaker 1: are what you're doing. Some of the poor choices I

928
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 1: made in our relationships stem from the fact that when

929
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 1: I was young, I was always trying to do everything

930
00:48:34,840 --> 00:48:39,000
Speaker 1: for you and to please you or to society's standards.

931
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,160
Speaker 1: Should have been happening at that point in our life,

932
00:48:42,200 --> 00:48:45,320
Speaker 1: at that juncture, and it wasn't until I made choices

933
00:48:45,400 --> 00:48:48,520
Speaker 1: for myself and decisions for myself that it made me

934
00:48:49,400 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 1: make decisions, say, you know what, I want to be

935
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: here because here is where I thrive or here is

936
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: where I feel better. But when you're not taking time

937
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: to do it for yourself, you can't really figure out

938
00:49:02,360 --> 00:49:03,920
Speaker 1: if here is where you want to be. Well, that's

939
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,400
Speaker 1: true because you figure if you have something says an

940
00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 1: individual goal that you're trying to attain, or something that

941
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:11,600
Speaker 1: you want to do for yourself just because you feel

942
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 1: like that's your purpose to do in that process or

943
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:18,600
Speaker 1: in that victory, that is something then that you together

944
00:49:18,680 --> 00:49:22,520
Speaker 1: you can celebrate and the benefits of. Right. So that's

945
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:24,759
Speaker 1: a really good point about because listen, think about it.

946
00:49:25,719 --> 00:49:28,560
Speaker 1: Two years ago now you're thirty seven. Now, two years

947
00:49:28,600 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: ago you were thirty five, right, which is still ten

948
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:33,759
Speaker 1: years older than them. You and I were sitting down

949
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 1: and you were sobbing because you were like, I don't

950
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:41,000
Speaker 1: know what my purpose is. And that's thirty five you're

951
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 1: telling me. They know, they don't know. And it wasn't

952
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 1: until you and I sat down and we have you

953
00:49:45,760 --> 00:49:49,000
Speaker 1: sat down with our business manager, Donorra and Dinora was like, yo,

954
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 1: what's going on like sometimes case seems in, sometimes she

955
00:49:52,120 --> 00:49:54,640
Speaker 1: seems out. And I was like, I don't think she

956
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 1: knows exactly what she wants to do. And you took

957
00:49:57,120 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: some time to buy yourself, not without me guiding you,

958
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 1: because I tend to do that. I tend to feel

959
00:50:03,040 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 1: like and I tend to lean on like you for advice.

960
00:50:05,680 --> 00:50:09,200
Speaker 1: So it really took soul searching myself. You know what,

961
00:50:09,239 --> 00:50:12,319
Speaker 1: I'm praying on certain things and fasting about certain things

962
00:50:12,360 --> 00:50:14,480
Speaker 1: and just really just saying okay, and this is what

963
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:17,719
Speaker 1: I am saying, devout. I thought I wanted to do

964
00:50:17,880 --> 00:50:22,880
Speaker 1: this because part of our relationship was me being expected

965
00:50:22,920 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 1: to do this as your wife. And he was like,

966
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:26,360
Speaker 1: I just don't want to do it or some of

967
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: these were dreams that I had when I was like younger,

968
00:50:28,440 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 1: pre marriage, three kids, free everything, And I was like,

969
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 1: I thought, that's where my interest lies, and it's just

970
00:50:33,840 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 1: not lying it no more. You know, So yes, young man,

971
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: because you're twenty six, and I think the same should

972
00:50:41,040 --> 00:50:43,959
Speaker 1: be for your fiance as well. You know, just taking

973
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:46,399
Speaker 1: some time for both of you. You know, your mom

974
00:50:46,560 --> 00:50:51,920
Speaker 1: told us early in she said, y'all need to take

975
00:50:52,000 --> 00:50:55,880
Speaker 1: some time to learn yourselves. You right, you don't know

976
00:50:55,920 --> 00:50:58,160
Speaker 1: who you are, all into each other playing house so young.

977
00:50:58,200 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 1: I need stopping. Stop. She said that pretty was just

978
00:51:02,680 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: like that. Stop. That's how my mom's been looking when

979
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:10,439
Speaker 1: she talked to me, and she's stop. And at the time,

980
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 1: I was in twenties and I'm thinking I know everything

981
00:51:14,239 --> 00:51:18,320
Speaker 1: all the time. Fifteen to twenty you think you know everything.

982
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:24,239
Speaker 1: Five you know you know everything. To thirty you start

983
00:51:24,320 --> 00:51:27,560
Speaker 1: to realize like should I ain't know nothing at all time?

984
00:51:28,120 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 1: Then in your thirties you're fixing all of the mistakes

985
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:34,399
Speaker 1: you made from fifteen to thirty, So take some time

986
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:36,960
Speaker 1: to know yourself. I'm thirty seven. I've seen a lot

987
00:51:37,000 --> 00:51:38,400
Speaker 1: of people to say they're not gett married in their

988
00:51:38,440 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 1: twenties now, like a lot of millennial gen Zers are

989
00:51:42,239 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 1: the gen Z's after us. Yeah, a lot of them

990
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:46,839
Speaker 1: saying like, man, I don't know based on what they

991
00:51:47,719 --> 00:51:49,360
Speaker 1: are we gonna get married in If you could do

992
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 1: it all over again, would you get married in twenties? Um? No, No,

993
00:51:55,719 --> 00:51:59,120
Speaker 1: Or I would have maybe taken some time to just

994
00:52:00,000 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 1: build on my own. I always wanted to have my

995
00:52:01,920 --> 00:52:04,839
Speaker 1: own place, my own apartment somewhere, do my own things.

996
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:07,360
Speaker 1: So no, I probably wouldn't have gone wouldn't I probably

997
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 1: would have And also know what now and also to

998
00:52:09,800 --> 00:52:11,560
Speaker 1: a different perspective I looked at as a woman, was like,

999
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 1: damn in my twenties and if I want to be

1000
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,879
Speaker 1: married and have children, like the clock's going to take

1001
00:52:16,320 --> 00:52:18,560
Speaker 1: and then you realize, like the clock is not really

1002
00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:20,960
Speaker 1: take care of your body and take care your body

1003
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:23,239
Speaker 1: that you're supposed to do, and you know you'll be

1004
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 1: all right having children in your thirties. So I I

1005
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,600
Speaker 1: would get married in my twenties. I would have took

1006
00:52:30,680 --> 00:52:34,120
Speaker 1: time to focus on myself. Saved us a lot of

1007
00:52:34,239 --> 00:52:37,960
Speaker 1: heartbreak and anger toward frustration towards each other. Now I

1008
00:52:38,040 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 1: will say this, what we have now is special because

1009
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:43,239
Speaker 1: we've been through all of that and now it's sure

1010
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:46,320
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. Kind feel like we're a

1011
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:48,960
Speaker 1: bit of an anomaly. Sometimes I agree, you can't. You

1012
00:52:49,000 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 1: can't show me the exception to make it the rule.

1013
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 1: So would I change what happened with us? No, I'd

1014
00:52:55,320 --> 00:52:58,000
Speaker 1: never change it. But I have boys, hopefully one day

1015
00:52:58,040 --> 00:53:00,239
Speaker 1: I have a daughter. And if they ask me what

1016
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:04,000
Speaker 1: they should do, I'm not going to say meet your

1017
00:53:04,040 --> 00:53:07,000
Speaker 1: wife or your your your husband at stick it out.

1018
00:53:07,000 --> 00:53:09,520
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that. So young man, I think

1019
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:13,319
Speaker 1: you should focus on learning about yourself. Let your your

1020
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:17,760
Speaker 1: young lady focus on learning about herself and come together

1021
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 1: a complete, a complete individual. So y'all can choose to

1022
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,319
Speaker 1: enjoy life together, because I think that's what we do now.

1023
00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:27,600
Speaker 1: And some days I still wake up like, name, something's missing,

1024
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 1: But I know it's because I'm not doing fully what

1025
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: I want to do yet, So that feeling of emptiness

1026
00:53:33,680 --> 00:53:36,399
Speaker 1: doesn't come from my lack in my marriage. It comes

1027
00:53:36,440 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: from me not fulfilling my purpose of what that is

1028
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 1: true because if that sometimes wakes up some mornings and

1029
00:53:40,880 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 1: you know, we kind of see this little down, a

1030
00:53:42,320 --> 00:53:45,800
Speaker 1: little funk, and I automatically think it's because of me.

1031
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 1: Like naturally, I'm like, oh my god, what did I do?

1032
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:51,040
Speaker 1: What did I not do? What is it? I'm literally

1033
00:53:51,080 --> 00:53:53,200
Speaker 1: and is everything okay? And He'll be just like, no,

1034
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:54,920
Speaker 1: I just I just want to act so bad. I

1035
00:53:55,040 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 1: want to be on these films. I want to be

1036
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,320
Speaker 1: making blockbuster films, like That's what I want to do.

1037
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 1: And I'm like, oh, so he's just having a moment

1038
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:04,040
Speaker 1: where within the context of his purpose and where he

1039
00:54:04,120 --> 00:54:06,160
Speaker 1: wants to be in life. He feels like he's not

1040
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:09,359
Speaker 1: there yet, but there's that burning desire and not for nothing.

1041
00:54:09,440 --> 00:54:12,160
Speaker 1: Money can't change that. Because Cadine used to wake up,

1042
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:15,560
Speaker 1: I was making a ton of money playing football. Can

1043
00:54:15,600 --> 00:54:16,839
Speaker 1: he used to make up and I'm just like, what's

1044
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,359
Speaker 1: wrong with you? Same thing, same thing. She's like, I'm

1045
00:54:19,400 --> 00:54:23,480
Speaker 1: just here. I felt like I was just like, I'm like,

1046
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 1: I'm thankful that you are able to afford us a

1047
00:54:26,320 --> 00:54:29,479
Speaker 1: lifestyle where we don't have the pressures, but I feel

1048
00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,680
Speaker 1: like I'm just wasting away, like that I need to

1049
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 1: be doing something. And at the time I was my

1050
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 1: egos like, damn, is something wrong with me? You know

1051
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,279
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like she's so ungrateful, like do I

1052
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:40,560
Speaker 1: not make enough money that she's not happy? Nothing to

1053
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:43,000
Speaker 1: do with money. We make more money now than we

1054
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:45,360
Speaker 1: made when I was playing football, and k still some

1055
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:48,239
Speaker 1: makes up some mornings and she's just like and but

1056
00:54:48,360 --> 00:54:49,880
Speaker 1: now I don't look at her and be like what

1057
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:51,800
Speaker 1: am I not doing? I was like, you, baby, you

1058
00:54:51,840 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 1: need something to figure out what you need to figure

1059
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,360
Speaker 1: that out? And we give each other space to do

1060
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: that space and grace all right now, well, if you

1061
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: want to be featured as one of our listener letters,

1062
00:55:02,000 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 1: be sure to email us at dead as Advice at

1063
00:55:04,440 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. That's d E A d A S

1064
00:55:07,719 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: S A d V I C E at Gmail. Now

1065
00:55:13,000 --> 00:55:15,320
Speaker 1: time for the mot. You know what the mot is.

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00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: I just made an acronym that just came to me.

1067
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,160
Speaker 1: When I looked at it, I was like, wait a second,

1068
00:55:22,360 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 1: m O TAM is wrong with moment of truth? That

1069
00:55:27,000 --> 00:55:29,759
Speaker 1: was just like palm. You came up with pull out

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00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 1: method conscious exactly and the uh what was it for

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00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: the other one? Uh s s dB snip them balls.

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00:55:40,400 --> 00:55:44,040
Speaker 1: I love a good acronym. I love a good acronym,

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00:55:46,120 --> 00:55:52,520
Speaker 1: A right moment, moment of truth. Loyalty. It's earned, not expected,

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00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,399
Speaker 1: It's not conditional m hm. And in order to prove

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00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:01,239
Speaker 1: real loyalty, it has to be tested with adversity. You

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00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:06,319
Speaker 1: took all of the moments of truth, Devo, you took

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00:56:06,440 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 1: all of the truth. I'm just full of knowledge. Don't

1078
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:18,080
Speaker 1: be mad at me. That sums it up, y'all. Loyalty, loyalty, loyalty,

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00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:21,759
Speaker 1: boom boom. All right, y'all, So be sure to find

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00:56:21,880 --> 00:56:24,960
Speaker 1: us on social media. Follow us at dead as the

1081
00:56:25,080 --> 00:56:27,960
Speaker 1: podcast Who Are You, I Am? And Who Are You?

1082
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:31,839
Speaker 1: If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rate,

1083
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: review and subscribe and tell a friend, Tell Auntie, Tell

1084
00:56:37,239 --> 00:56:42,000
Speaker 1: your Uncle's dead as. Dead Ass is a production of

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00:56:42,080 --> 00:56:44,640
Speaker 1: I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the

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00:56:44,719 --> 00:56:48,560
Speaker 1: Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at

1087
00:56:48,600 --> 00:56:50,719
Speaker 1: dead as the Podcasts and never miss a Thing