Speaker 1: We're back. I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth and
Speaker 1: coming in September a new site we have built together
Speaker 1: called Defecto or Defector, and we're gonna have a new
Speaker 1: podcast to go with it, this Verry Podcast, which has
Speaker 1: the name The Distraction. It's out right now at available
Speaker 1: every rust. Get your podcast at such a Spotify, Apple,
Speaker 1: Go listen right now to The Distraction everywhere. It's out
Speaker 1: right now. Go listen to see I buy your own. God,
Speaker 1: I wish my father would have told me what Mary
Speaker 1: sex is like. That came out wrong, God, and your dad,
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, all right, I I apologize. God, I don't
Speaker 1: mean to say that like that, but dead as I
Speaker 1: needed somebody to tell me what I was in store
Speaker 1: for because this year right here, well, I mean me too.
Speaker 1: I wish somebody told me I'd have to bust the
Speaker 1: wide open every day. Your mother tell you that, she
Speaker 1: and tell me that, man, it's messed up. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: Cadine and and we're the Ellis. You may know us
Speaker 1: from posting funny videos with our boys and reading each
Speaker 1: other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make
Speaker 1: you need derby most days wow. Oh, and one more
Speaker 1: important thing to mention, we're married, Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.
Speaker 1: Dead ass is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 1: When we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about
Speaker 1: to take Phillow's talk to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: ask starts now. So I roll over to my wife.
Speaker 1: She's looking good in the bed. She don't got no
Speaker 1: pennies on. I'm like, baby, you sleep. She go, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: that's definitely might like, oh god, I know what he's
Speaker 1: about to ask. So I'm like, so, I'm like, yo,
Speaker 1: you up. She likes, I'm I'm not in a mood,
Speaker 1: but if you wanted, you could take it. And then
Speaker 1: she rolled over her stomach and poke up butter and
Speaker 1: I'm like, yo, this is what we're doing. Now. There's
Speaker 1: moments like that where I just have to give consent
Speaker 1: and be like, all right, we'll go ahead, do what
Speaker 1: you gotta do. And it's a lot of times too,
Speaker 1: because I ain't signed up for that, be Yo, I
Speaker 1: ain't signed That's why I started my voice mad low,
Speaker 1: because I knew my voice is gonna get high, because
Speaker 1: I knew I was going getting my emotions. But I
Speaker 1: ain't signed up for that. B That's that's, that's that
Speaker 1: thing called married sex, married sex. How the sex changes
Speaker 1: a little bit with marriage? Do you feel like it's changed? Bab?
Speaker 1: Did you really have to ask me that question? Did
Speaker 1: you not hear my voice go up? Three options octaves?
Speaker 1: I know how story time levels have changed, huh, from
Speaker 1: the load to the high. I got him all in
Speaker 1: his feelings married sex, married sex. I'm gonna call your
Speaker 1: big daddy and scream your name. Matter of fact, I
Speaker 1: can't wait for you, ken Range. So what you're saying,
Speaker 1: I get my swirrelve on, bring it, louve, make it
Speaker 1: last forever. Damn the kitty cast time Daddy slowed down
Speaker 1: on your flow. Put it on me like a g baby,
Speaker 1: nice and slow. I need a rough nack nicking man
Speaker 1: dingle in the second. Wain afraid toup on my hands,
Speaker 1: paint me from the back, no doubt I'm the player
Speaker 1: that you're talking about. But do you really think that
Speaker 1: you could work it as I got to your shorty.
Speaker 1: It's real. Do the man of still doing it and
Speaker 1: doing it. It's doing it. Well, that's my song. I
Speaker 1: love its. You gotta learn the words of that. I mean,
Speaker 1: you just be messing my songs all the way up.
Speaker 1: So I just sing the sounds that's the most and
Speaker 1: don't disrespect the song like that. Okay, I'm not disress
Speaker 1: doing it. Well, you can tell I'm fresh to you
Speaker 1: see the lyrics. I'm so fresh fresh when singing with it.
Speaker 1: It's all that's my stock coming. That's my jam. As
Speaker 1: I sat when I say, yeah, you sound like I
Speaker 1: noticed word for word. They know, little Kim, Now you
Speaker 1: got it going. I can't wait to your mother here this.
Speaker 1: I can't this episode. So what are we talking about today? Sex?
Speaker 1: Let's talk about sex several several several songs. So, yeah,
Speaker 1: Mary's sex. What does it mean in our relationship? I mean,
Speaker 1: what does it mean in any relationship? It's crazy because
Speaker 1: when we asked about questions for the podcast, you know,
Speaker 1: you put the question up on our Instagram stories and
Speaker 1: I would say, well, we got thousands of questions in,
Speaker 1: but so many of them had to do with sex, marriage, intimacy,
Speaker 1: how to keep the sparks, Yeah, I think, because that's
Speaker 1: probably what men and women not Probably that's what men
Speaker 1: and women struggle with. I think a lot of finances, yeah,
Speaker 1: within relationships, you know, and yeah, finances, but you know,
Speaker 1: I'd like to spend let's get started, sexual expectations when married.
Speaker 1: How do we deal with this? We don't deal with it.
Speaker 1: We don't. To be honest, sex is probably the most
Speaker 1: debated and discussed and argued about topic within our household
Speaker 1: at least, and I'm sure a lot of couples feel
Speaker 1: the same way. So here's my thing, right, our parents.
Speaker 1: I know for a fact, my parents didn't talk to
Speaker 1: me about sex. No, Like my father's conversation with me
Speaker 1: with sex was, yo, you know I got condoms in
Speaker 1: my bottom draw right, And I was like, yeah, that's
Speaker 1: what old old high school. So it waited till high
Speaker 1: school because I feel like nowadays we're going to have
Speaker 1: to have that discussion with our sons, like earlier on yeah,
Speaker 1: thank YouTube, yeah, YouTube, social media and some of somebody's
Speaker 1: raggedy ass kids. That being a class that's talking about
Speaker 1: stuff away before their time, Like you got about somebody's
Speaker 1: kids are ragged d okay, makes me want to home school.
Speaker 1: But the funny thing is is no one ever speaks
Speaker 1: like they act like sex is taboo in a marriage,
Speaker 1: you know, like we talk about single sex all the time,
Speaker 1: we talk about open relationships all the time, and when
Speaker 1: it comes to marriage, nobody talk about sex. And for me,
Speaker 1: I kind of feel like married people are unprepared for
Speaker 1: when they're married and how to deal with sex issues
Speaker 1: because no one talks about it. All right, So let's
Speaker 1: talk about expectations with sex, right, I'm going to be
Speaker 1: perfectly honest. When you get married as a man, you
Speaker 1: expect when you first get married to be able to
Speaker 1: have sex whenever you want to have sex. That's what
Speaker 1: people think, like, Oh, I'm a man, I got me
Speaker 1: a woman. I'm you know, she wants me to be monogamous.
Speaker 1: I only want to be with her. So when I'm horny,
Speaker 1: me and my wife have sex. And we also expect
Speaker 1: that our women are going to want to have sex
Speaker 1: when we want to have sex as well. That don't
Speaker 1: happen talk about it. So the whole shot out the
Speaker 1: window because that's not how it goes. And I think
Speaker 1: also too well, first off, let me just dial back
Speaker 1: for a second. Sex and the topic of sex in
Speaker 1: my household did not even happen really, No, it was
Speaker 1: very awkward. My father never ever mentioned sex ever, and
Speaker 1: I probably felt like, you know, as a girl, my
Speaker 1: mom she had to be the one to anybody who
Speaker 1: knows my mom a k A me me shout out
Speaker 1: to you, but love you. However, very awkward with anything
Speaker 1: having to deal with sex, you know, even when it
Speaker 1: came time for like menstruation. She got me a book
Speaker 1: and it was like a very kind of awkward discussion
Speaker 1: about the book. Yeah, she gave me the book. She
Speaker 1: was like, you know, I like for you to read,
Speaker 1: so read this and let me know if you have
Speaker 1: any questions. Um, but yeah, the sex topic was very, um,
Speaker 1: kind of glazed over. No, tell them the story about
Speaker 1: when we were getting married. Tell them you're trying to
Speaker 1: dance around it. Well, first of all, um, my mom
Speaker 1: knew prior to us getting married that Devil and I
Speaker 1: were sexually active. I mean, we were together for like
Speaker 1: seven eight years and she she did know, she did.
Speaker 1: And this happened because she and I were on a
Speaker 1: mother daughter vacation and she kind of just flat out
Speaker 1: asked me in a very awkward way. We were sitting
Speaker 1: at a bar side by side, eating and she was
Speaker 1: just like, so, you know, are you sexually active? Like
Speaker 1: first of all, when I was like, you want to
Speaker 1: know if I'm having sex, Mom, I am yes, because
Speaker 1: at that point we were we were talking or in
Speaker 1: a relationship for like three or four years, Giamma, I
Speaker 1: was giving it up like three or four years. Come on.
Speaker 1: So it was very you know, awkward, and she almost
Speaker 1: choked on her steak at the time. And and then
Speaker 1: she said to me, um in a very again awkward way.
Speaker 1: You know, I was really just hoping to, you know,
Speaker 1: speak with you about sex, you know, on your the
Speaker 1: night before your wedding, and and present you with like,
Speaker 1: you know, your honeymoon nightgown, and let you know about
Speaker 1: let you know about your husband, you know what he's
Speaker 1: gonna do, how you address in your nightgown after the wedding,
Speaker 1: and how he would undress you. And I was liker
Speaker 1: to make and consummate the marriage. Who still says that nowadays.
Speaker 1: I literally looked at her and I like bust out
Speaker 1: laughing and I'm my mom, what I said, girl, shade?
Speaker 1: But no shade, but more shade. You were five months
Speaker 1: pregnant with me when you got married, so I had
Speaker 1: a drop drop the bomb sound. I was like, girl,
Speaker 1: you acting this if this is something for it, let
Speaker 1: me guess. She kept the conversation. Yeah, yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: you learn how to do it once the chief comes
Speaker 1: out and then start kathy ship. It was totally like,
Speaker 1: you know, well, Conny, you know I would like for
Speaker 1: you to learn for my mistakes and I would like
Speaker 1: for you to do better. And every parent wants their
Speaker 1: child to do more and better than they did. And
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm glad you got pregnant and
Speaker 1: had that baby because that baby is me with steak.
Speaker 1: That's what you're saying. Yeah, you have a mistake, you know.
Speaker 1: Um So that's where the sex talk for me. So
Speaker 1: that was it. So your mother never never prepared me
Speaker 1: for marriage sex, and so what did you think? What
Speaker 1: did you think, Okay, now that I'm a wife sex,
Speaker 1: like this is what I should do or this is
Speaker 1: what I'm expecting out of my marriage. What did you think?
Speaker 1: To be completely honest, I did not think it was
Speaker 1: going to take a turn or that dramatic of a turn,
Speaker 1: because sex was never really an issue for us, you know,
Speaker 1: being you know young, and you know, dating and stuff
Speaker 1: like that. Sex was always great, and it was spontaneous
Speaker 1: and it was frequent, so you never really foresee the
Speaker 1: decline in sex happening. But sex is gonna be the
Speaker 1: same as I was, you know, at eighteen. And but
Speaker 1: and this is where men and women always different. You
Speaker 1: didn't foresee the decline happening. And sex was always fine
Speaker 1: for you because our drives have always been different. So
Speaker 1: although in your mind, in your perspective, sex is fine,
Speaker 1: in my mind set wasn't fine even before manage. Remember
Speaker 1: we store talking in in college like can you dress up?
Speaker 1: Can you do something to make it more spicy? And
Speaker 1: then we got engaged like can you do this? Can
Speaker 1: we role play? And the thing that we struggle with
Speaker 1: the most is she'll be fine if we don't have
Speaker 1: sex for three or four or five days a week,
Speaker 1: And she's fine, and she's fine, Okay, a week maybe
Speaker 1: pushing it. But in your mind you're like, oh, our
Speaker 1: sex life is fine. I didn't have sex for four
Speaker 1: or five days, I sex like fine. That don't mean
Speaker 1: that our sex life is fine over here though, But
Speaker 1: I know, but for I guess I look at the
Speaker 1: quality of the sex versus the quantity. Like that's why
Speaker 1: I said, I feel like the sex life is great
Speaker 1: because it's like when we do do it, it's like amazing.
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm more concerned with like the quality of
Speaker 1: each time versus how frequent it is, because then we
Speaker 1: have those moments where we're having sex frequently. Then you
Speaker 1: you're you're hit me with the oh, well you didn't
Speaker 1: seem like you were too into it, right, or you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna want to do it if you're not
Speaker 1: all in, And I'm just like, well, you are fighting
Speaker 1: with me about frequency, but can you under stick? But
Speaker 1: can you understand where I'm coming from as a man,
Speaker 1: as as a as a man, a grown a dunt man.
Speaker 1: I keep myself in shape. I feel like I'm fairly attractive, right,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm attractive to members of the opposite sex.
Speaker 1: I can I can find ways to have sex. I
Speaker 1: can have sex when I want. Here you go see,
Speaker 1: I'm speaking in hypothetical, But what I'm saying is I
Speaker 1: can have sex when I'm in the mood to have sex.
Speaker 1: So when I'm horny, I'm in the mood to have
Speaker 1: sex and I don't get a chance to have sex.
Speaker 1: That doesn't put me in a good happy place. But
Speaker 1: for you, if you're not in the mood to have
Speaker 1: sex and you don't have sex, you're fine. So what
Speaker 1: happens is is for you, it's not just about quality
Speaker 1: and quantity. It's just quality because you're not as horny
Speaker 1: as I am. For me, it's about quality and quantity
Speaker 1: because I need to have sex more often. And then
Speaker 1: on top of that, if you're trying to keep up
Speaker 1: with me those days in between when you really don't
Speaker 1: feel like having sex, but we have sex, it really
Speaker 1: does nothing for me because as as a man, you
Speaker 1: want to hunt, you want that live action. She wants me.
Speaker 1: I want her type of sex. You don't want that.
Speaker 1: Let me roll over on my stomach and go take
Speaker 1: it sex like that ship. Don't do nothing for me once,
Speaker 1: once it's all over, I'm called man, Why not just
Speaker 1: do that? Because I'm still warning exactly what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: like and I just don't. I don't think men and
Speaker 1: women will ever fully ever understand each other with that,
Speaker 1: Like y'all bodies work differently than ours, like we're wired differently,
Speaker 1: So that's just what it is, I mean. But then
Speaker 1: we can also talk about the importance of always communicating
Speaker 1: our needs because I think we're very open about that.
Speaker 1: We're honest, we're very transparent. You let me know what
Speaker 1: you want. Just because you tell me what you want,
Speaker 1: don't mean you're gonna get it all the time. But
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try my best. I get that. I get that.
Speaker 1: But my thing is as a man and a husband.
Speaker 1: I feel like if women were more open and honest
Speaker 1: with younger women about what it is to be married,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have these issues once people get married, and
Speaker 1: the same thing for men with their sons. So for
Speaker 1: like for me, for example, with with our boys. People
Speaker 1: ask me all the time, are you gonna push your
Speaker 1: kids to get married? No? Are you gonna talk to
Speaker 1: your your boys by right now? I'm not because I
Speaker 1: know firsthand and from speaking to all the married men
Speaker 1: in my generation and past who only speak after we
Speaker 1: start talking. Once you're married, sex in marriage is a problem.
Speaker 1: And if you're pushing your kids to get married and
Speaker 1: they're and they're not happy sexually, more than likely that's
Speaker 1: a recipe for disaster. And those young men are either
Speaker 1: going to cheat or they're gonna get a divorce. And
Speaker 1: I want my sons to understand wholeheartedly what they're getting
Speaker 1: into with sex in the marriage before they make that decision.
Speaker 1: And if I had a daughter, I would tell her
Speaker 1: the same thing. I would tell her, Like, listen, when
Speaker 1: you get married to somebody, you're asking this one guy
Speaker 1: for the rest of his life to just have sex
Speaker 1: with you. And you're asking him with all this testosterone.
Speaker 1: Because if she's anything like you, she's gonna date a
Speaker 1: guy who works out a lot, ambitious, you know, saying
Speaker 1: take care of himself. Guys like that have high testosterone,
Speaker 1: they'd like to have sex often. Correct, correct, you do.
Speaker 1: So if if my daughter is going to be anything
Speaker 1: like you and it's gonna date guys like that, she's
Speaker 1: going to have to understand what you're asking from a
Speaker 1: man is not something that you're you're going to be
Speaker 1: able to deal with often unless you know what it
Speaker 1: is to go into that relationship. And it's just crazy
Speaker 1: to me how there's so many facets, so many things
Speaker 1: that go into being married to somebody. Why is it
Speaker 1: that sex always falls at the top, Like, oh, because
Speaker 1: if right, I'm a sex is not right, We're gonna
Speaker 1: have a divorce. Sex. Sex so many different areas surrounding
Speaker 1: marriage and relationships, and sex always seems to trump everything
Speaker 1: because if I have sex with someone and and because
Speaker 1: if I have sex with someone else, you're gonna want
Speaker 1: to leave or kill that person. That's so, that's why
Speaker 1: it's important. Like sex can't only be important to a
Speaker 1: woman when they want it to be important. It has
Speaker 1: to be important to you when it's important for me
Speaker 1: as well. You can't say to a person, oh, why
Speaker 1: it's sex important, and then say don't have sex to
Speaker 1: nobody else because it means that much to me. Think
Speaker 1: about how that sounds to a man. Well, of course,
Speaker 1: if it means bringing another person into your relationship, thoughout
Speaker 1: like that's that's not acceptable either. I agree that's not
Speaker 1: acceptable either. So that's why, of course it would matter
Speaker 1: to somebody else in that circumstance. But I get what
Speaker 1: you're saying. You feel like, if it matters that much
Speaker 1: to you, then you should make every effort to make
Speaker 1: sure that I'm happy within the confines of our relationships exactly.
Speaker 1: And my thing is if if if that woman and
Speaker 1: I can't just say woman, because there are other relationships
Speaker 1: where sometimes the men I was gonna say that too.
Speaker 1: A couple of questions that we saw in our d M.
Speaker 1: What do you do when the man sex drive is
Speaker 1: lower than the women? So that's a that's a difference,
Speaker 1: and that's and that's why I can't say man and women.
Speaker 1: But that's why I say, if if you have a
Speaker 1: lower sex drive than your partner, you you cannot just say, well,
Speaker 1: you got to accept the fact that my sex drive
Speaker 1: is lower and deal with it. I think at that point,
Speaker 1: if you know your sex drive is lower, but you
Speaker 1: want monogamy from that person, you have to work to
Speaker 1: do everything in your power to help that person through
Speaker 1: your sexual issues. And then vice versa. If you know
Speaker 1: your sex drive is higher, you should be able to
Speaker 1: work to help that person so that you can meet
Speaker 1: in the middle. But I think too often the people
Speaker 1: with the lower sex drive just dismiss it and say,
Speaker 1: and we can say women, because majority of these issues
Speaker 1: happened with husband and wives. Women just dismiss it as well,
Speaker 1: I'm tired, I got a headache. You have to deal
Speaker 1: with it. That's not we had several children. Our bodies
Speaker 1: are different. Like there's so many factors, and I think
Speaker 1: I don't think it's for lack of just wanting to
Speaker 1: satisfy your partner or just wanting to have sex. Sometimes
Speaker 1: your body chemistry just does not call for it, like
Speaker 1: I've had times, especially after having the kids, recuperating from
Speaker 1: having babies, you know, breastfeeding a lot of a lot
Speaker 1: of things. Sometimes you just don't even want to be touched.
Speaker 1: Like I've had moments like that, you know, where You've
Speaker 1: just wondered like is it something that I'm doing wrong?
Speaker 1: Or am I not doing enough of X y Z?
Speaker 1: And I have to clearly communicate with you, like baby,
Speaker 1: I just finished, like nursing and pumping this baby. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean to feed this baby. And that's
Speaker 1: very fair. You know it's hard. But what about people
Speaker 1: whose kids are fourteen? You don't give me that excuse
Speaker 1: when Jackson, when Jackson, when Jackson, Well, what about we
Speaker 1: had these issues before you got pregnant with Kyro and
Speaker 1: Jackson was five, So you weren't breastfeeding, you were pumping,
Speaker 1: you were staying home, you weren't working nineteen hours. It
Speaker 1: wasn't you didn't have those excuses. And the reason why
Speaker 1: I say that is because I think it's unfair for
Speaker 1: us to put a stigma. And this is me speaking
Speaker 1: from a man's standpoint. This is why I'm just speaking
Speaker 1: from a man standpoint. I think it's unfair when a
Speaker 1: man doesn't want to settle down because he knows sexually
Speaker 1: that he wants to continue to explore, people say, oh,
Speaker 1: he's being immature. What about a woman who enjoys having
Speaker 1: you know, a friend or you know, a buddy or
Speaker 1: somebody who is just you know, they had that mutual
Speaker 1: understanding where this is what it's gonna be, you know,
Speaker 1: or she may have one or two people like that
Speaker 1: who she's you know, in those kind of relationships with
Speaker 1: Now she's a hell. Well, there's there's always a double standard.
Speaker 1: But I think that women are women have grown a
Speaker 1: lot in owning their own sexuality since I've been a child.
Speaker 1: You know, back in the day, it was just oh,
Speaker 1: you you know, you have your whole. Now people are
Speaker 1: people are actually starting to applaud women who own their sexuality,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And I think there's a
Speaker 1: difference when you talk about calling a woman a whole,
Speaker 1: you know, that norm typically in our when men talked
Speaker 1: about it, it it was, well, she's a hop because she's
Speaker 1: just having sex for money. She's just having sex, but
Speaker 1: these dots because she's wanting something. A professional woman who
Speaker 1: has multiple partners because she doesn't want to deal with
Speaker 1: anybody's bullshit, and she make her own money, she lived
Speaker 1: in her own life. I don't see her as a hope.
Speaker 1: I don't see her no different than I see a
Speaker 1: dude who does the same thing. And I think that's
Speaker 1: where we've grown as a society. But I feel like
Speaker 1: in a marriage, you don't have those options to just
Speaker 1: be able to have a funk buddy because people have
Speaker 1: issues with that. So my thing is, if if you're
Speaker 1: a wife and you don't want your husband to have
Speaker 1: us buddy, or if you're a husband and you don't
Speaker 1: want your wife to have a buddy, we have to
Speaker 1: continue to work together to help each other sexually. You
Speaker 1: can't just leave someone to their own devices and say
Speaker 1: deal with it, because once you do that and you
Speaker 1: just say, well you got to deal with it, that's
Speaker 1: when it comes all right, I'm gonna deal with it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's definitely not a deal with it. I mean for
Speaker 1: us at least. I think that's why you and I
Speaker 1: to having the transparency and being able to talk about it,
Speaker 1: and you're letting me know, like, hey, you gotta help
Speaker 1: me out here. You got to do this, or I'll
Speaker 1: let you know to that. You can't come home and
Speaker 1: just want to smash. I need a little bit of
Speaker 1: for play. You need to get this engine started, like
Speaker 1: you need to to to massage me a little bit.
Speaker 1: You don't mind doing, which I just wish that people
Speaker 1: would have. Expectations would have been different if we'd have
Speaker 1: been educated beforehand. Absolutely, because even in marriage counseling like that,
Speaker 1: they don't really talk that much about. No, especially if
Speaker 1: you have like premarital counseling within a church, they don't
Speaker 1: speak about speak about it. Be spoken about the expectations
Speaker 1: would help people deal with that, right at least know
Speaker 1: what they're getting into. Well after the show, this is
Speaker 1: the after party. Let's talk about some four. So again,
Speaker 1: it's different for men and women. Like I just said
Speaker 1: just now, sometimes you gotta massage me, you got to
Speaker 1: get the engine running. And I think for me too
Speaker 1: sometimes the lack of sex drive that I have in
Speaker 1: that moment, it can change if you just took the
Speaker 1: time too. But then you also said that sometimes you
Speaker 1: don't want to be touched, so you can't just say
Speaker 1: I gotta take the time. But then sometimes when I
Speaker 1: get to your nips, you'd be like, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like nobody touching my nipples. Well that was that. That
Speaker 1: was in the context of just having a baby. Because
Speaker 1: every when you have somebody in your body for nine
Speaker 1: to ten months and then the baby comes three weeks ago,
Speaker 1: it was three weeks ago. You're having breast fed for
Speaker 1: over a year. Like, you gotta be honest, you gotta
Speaker 1: bead maybe sensitive a little bit sometimes. Yeah, but that's
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like you can't like as a man,
Speaker 1: like no, like, listen, yo, yo, this is dead as
Speaker 1: truth as a man. We want to hear that ship
Speaker 1: man Like, so four play can't be a discussion about
Speaker 1: four play for but it's has to happen. It can't
Speaker 1: be a discussion about four play Like you can't tell
Speaker 1: me I need four play and then when I go
Speaker 1: to do four play but not there today because I
Speaker 1: might in the mood. It's like bro, bro, like yo,
Speaker 1: like you you're turning this into Twister, not not Red
Speaker 1: red six, not Red six Green five. It's like what
Speaker 1: the you know I know before. Play doesn't have to
Speaker 1: necessarily mean you're touching me. It can be like getting
Speaker 1: dressed up, getting dressed up, going out for a nice night,
Speaker 1: being romantic and closed. You know, so you don't want
Speaker 1: me to you don't want me to touch you for
Speaker 1: four play. I'm saying we can get to that far,
Speaker 1: but I'm just saying sometimes you want to. There has
Speaker 1: to be an experience around it, and it doesn't have
Speaker 1: to be every single time, but you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: Like on certain occasions, it would be nice to have
Speaker 1: something unfolded. Like we go out for dinner, we have
Speaker 1: a couple of drinks that loosens me up a bit.
Speaker 1: Then we get home. Glad you brought that. Hello massage,
Speaker 1: thought you brought that up. Because we go out to eat,
Speaker 1: get something to drink, and you fall asleep in the cab. Okay, Like,
Speaker 1: gentlemen this and I hope the gentleman this is what
Speaker 1: married sex is. Like your wife is going to give
Speaker 1: you a ship things to do right, and you're gonna
Speaker 1: try to do these things and every time you do it,
Speaker 1: and when you don't have sex, you're gonna be pissed.
Speaker 1: And then she's gonna give you another list of things
Speaker 1: to do, and you're gonna be pissed. And what you're
Speaker 1: gonna happen, and what's gonna happen is you're gonna end
Speaker 1: up just rolling her booty over and just taking it
Speaker 1: whenever she says you can take it because you're tired
Speaker 1: of doing a ship ton of things and you're tired
Speaker 1: of having these discussions married sex. Stop. First of all,
Speaker 1: I'm first of all, come on, you're mad because you
Speaker 1: just made me lose my train of I had a
Speaker 1: very good point and you just made me lose my
Speaker 1: train of thought with your whole spield just now. The
Speaker 1: thing is, I know my limits. For example, when I
Speaker 1: go out, we have a couple of drinks to two
Speaker 1: and a half ish and I'm good to go. This
Speaker 1: dude want to be like, here, baby, take a shot
Speaker 1: with me. Here, take one more drink because you like,
Speaker 1: I'm a little like you know you're you're you're allowed.
Speaker 1: Freaking is a lot more freaky when you saw Yeah,
Speaker 1: my freak odometer goes up. However, there's a very small
Speaker 1: like part. There's a short time frame between like when
Speaker 1: I drink the last drink to when it kicks in
Speaker 1: that can either be a good time. I'm going to
Speaker 1: sleep here when I gotta juggle with to have good
Speaker 1: married sex. So what I gotta do is I gotta
Speaker 1: buy my wife a dress, right, I gotta take out
Speaker 1: to dinner. I gotta make sure she has between two
Speaker 1: and three drinks about sixteen and a half ounces. Then
Speaker 1: I got home. Is less than thirteen minutes, because it
Speaker 1: gets to fourteen minutes, I'm she's gonna be sleep So
Speaker 1: I gotta do all this. Then when I get in
Speaker 1: the house, I gotta hope her nipples work today because
Speaker 1: you want me to do four play, But if I
Speaker 1: touch her nipples the wrong way, sex is in honesty.
Speaker 1: This is what it's like for me. This is what
Speaker 1: we talk about to have to try to have sex
Speaker 1: with my wife. And what women don't understand is is
Speaker 1: like y'all making me jump through all these hoops to
Speaker 1: have sex with my wife. Well, I could just meet
Speaker 1: a chicken the club of the ball and have that
Speaker 1: that animalistic type of sex, and that is what men want.
Speaker 1: They want that your four play is different from our
Speaker 1: four play. Our four players just like random spontaneous. She's
Speaker 1: all over me, I'm all over her. She might have
Speaker 1: scratched me, and I'm like, oh, sh did that hurt?
Speaker 1: But she scratched me? And then you have sex. And
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Talking to your single friends a
Speaker 1: little bit too much. I do. I got to because
Speaker 1: if I don't talk to my single friends, whateverse am,
Speaker 1: I gonna look at you living vicariously through their story.
Speaker 1: Shout out, thank you for keeping my imagination. If I
Speaker 1: don't have you, I'll be drinking every damn. We need
Speaker 1: to bring balal in for a story time. Tell us
Speaker 1: how it really went now with this single life you do?
Speaker 1: Single life is single life is great, and not for nothing.
Speaker 1: I'm single life is great. Single life is great. And
Speaker 1: then we have single friends who are just like man
Speaker 1: I wish I had with y'all had because married life
Speaker 1: is great. I'm not gonna say make it seem like
Speaker 1: married life is great. I'm being fair. You know what
Speaker 1: the best part about Mary sex is right, you and
Speaker 1: I have been monogamous for a while. I get to
Speaker 1: be as nasty as I want to be with you
Speaker 1: and not have to worry about anything. Hey, I'm shooting
Speaker 1: the club, but you get pregnant. Oh well, just add
Speaker 1: one more to the party. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like now, guys, I am protecting myself just so you know,
Speaker 1: because I don't trust you no more um one pump
Speaker 1: too many and that we have three children because the vow.
Speaker 1: I could not rely on the vow. Like I said before,
Speaker 1: you had one job and devout failed at that job.
Speaker 1: That was That was That was the doctor. First of all,
Speaker 1: Listen when the doctor game was it wasn't just a
Speaker 1: plow game. When the doctor says, you don't gotta worry
Speaker 1: aout getting pregnant because she's breastfeeding. So typically women don't
Speaker 1: ovulate when they breastfeed. Did the doctor not say that?
Speaker 1: Do we ever do anything typical? Do val? But did
Speaker 1: the doctor? You gotta listen. You have to listen to
Speaker 1: your physician. Yeah, all right, you gotta listen. They don't
Speaker 1: all be knowing. I listened. I listened. Well you know what,
Speaker 1: Thank god you did that, because now we have cats.
Speaker 1: Exactly exactly, I shout out to cats. He's the baby
Speaker 1: of the family and he will remain the baby of
Speaker 1: the family. But don't try to get me pregnantly. I'll
Speaker 1: pull up this footis Remember when you said to get
Speaker 1: pregnant until we square away to sex. You know what's funny,
Speaker 1: I didn't even mention resetting my free clock. That's something
Speaker 1: that we spoke about in a video that you did
Speaker 1: on Instagram. So let me tell you how this works
Speaker 1: for me. I have to reset my wife's freak level. There.
Speaker 1: You go right by withholding the D right, But that
Speaker 1: doesn't help me because I still be I'd be mad
Speaker 1: and I'll be horning. But I know that if I
Speaker 1: reset it, if I just let like a week go by,
Speaker 1: she really can't take a whole week without having none.
Speaker 1: So when the week goes by and then she starts
Speaker 1: to come on to me and she's like, hey, babe,
Speaker 1: you know what I do, I'd be like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: going to sleep. Can she be mad? And I just
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that's got to fight him for it
Speaker 1: and be cute. But that's how it was when we
Speaker 1: were in college, right, And it's more frequent, but like
Speaker 1: I said, the quality, the quality at that point I
Speaker 1: probably want to do. That means I gotta have sex
Speaker 1: once every nine days. It's not that's not going to happen. Yo.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. Let me let me tell
Speaker 1: you something. When you get married, there are a lot
Speaker 1: of outside factors that affect your intimacy. One of the
Speaker 1: things that I've learned with me and my wife is
Speaker 1: that when I travel and I don't see her for
Speaker 1: a couple of days, or she travels and she don't
Speaker 1: see me for a couple of days, that's sex when
Speaker 1: you first see each other. Is that And when you're
Speaker 1: not married and you're dating, that's what happens a lot,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, like or like having a
Speaker 1: long distance relationship, And that's true. And we actually had
Speaker 1: a serious discussion about our sex life recently, and we
Speaker 1: said that maybe we are around each other too much
Speaker 1: because that happens with us working together a lot. I mean,
Speaker 1: we're doing a podcast together, we do videos together, we're
Speaker 1: working on getting our shows together. Like so doing everything
Speaker 1: together all the time, we're always in each other's face.
Speaker 1: There's no time to really miss each other, you know.
Speaker 1: So I was traveling to Memphis the other day and
Speaker 1: I was like, Yo, that's like two or three days
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna see him, you know, with the kids
Speaker 1: mixed in there as well. So I was like, all right,
Speaker 1: and didn't when I saw you. We did we did
Speaker 1: get a pop in. It was great, it was great.
Speaker 1: But then the next day, I want to get a
Speaker 1: popp in and she was like, no, thanks. I was like,
Speaker 1: didn't we just do this yesterday? And that's but that's
Speaker 1: and and this is and this is just me being
Speaker 1: open about men when men are juggling different women. That's
Speaker 1: part of the joy of juggling different women is that
Speaker 1: I already know, Okay, I have my my girl that
Speaker 1: I see on Mondays. I don't gotta be on her
Speaker 1: back about having sex again on Tuesday or Wednesday, because
Speaker 1: I have another woman that I'm going to either fly
Speaker 1: you know, I'm gonna go see. So you get a
Speaker 1: chance to juggle and then enjoy and then when they
Speaker 1: see you. It's that same type of feeling when you
Speaker 1: go down to being sex having sex with one person.
Speaker 1: You don't get an opportunity on Tuesday and Monday to
Speaker 1: have sex. Monday girl must be nice, Monday girl, listen,
Speaker 1: But how you know Monday girl and getting something on
Speaker 1: Thursday from somebody else with the risk because because when
Speaker 1: you're not in a relationship with that person, you're not
Speaker 1: worried about it. And that's stuff, and that's what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: there's a there's a balance and everything, But what I'm
Speaker 1: saying is if you protect yourself and you live that
Speaker 1: type of life, that's what the struggle is for gods
Speaker 1: who go from that type of lifestyle to married sex,
Speaker 1: because once you have sex with your wife on that Monday,
Speaker 1: you're not going to get that same type of sex Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of like, Wow, no one explained to
Speaker 1: me that this is what it's like, and vice versa
Speaker 1: for a woman who wants more from her man and
Speaker 1: she's not getting it. You know, let's just be very
Speaker 1: clear that this is not just always a man woman
Speaker 1: thinking the man once all the time and the woman doesn't.
Speaker 1: But don't don't give me the exception and make that
Speaker 1: the rule. You can't give me the exception. Most of
Speaker 1: the exception a couple of women in my damn the
Speaker 1: majority of the majority of marital issues that we spoke
Speaker 1: to all of our friends, it's always the men who
Speaker 1: want to have sex and the women. So you can't
Speaker 1: give me the exception to tell me that's a rule, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to do that. I'm just saying to
Speaker 1: the person who feel that they don't get enough. You
Speaker 1: know what I mean. You can apply they can apply
Speaker 1: it today life. Yeah, well maybe in your next life
Speaker 1: you can juggle some women, but not in this one.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. Just now, only not only
Speaker 1: do I gotta jump through all these who's to do?
Speaker 1: Four play? I can't even have hypothetical. I can't even
Speaker 1: think about it. Sure I can't, Jesus jesus. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: the after party was popping. Yeah, so let's talk about
Speaker 1: the hotel, keeping the spicy in the bedroom, making your
Speaker 1: partner feel sexy on that, you know that touched on that.
Speaker 1: That's the that's the four play part of it, which
Speaker 1: is so funny. I wish I could see the shirt
Speaker 1: that Devot has on today here in studio. Every inch
Speaker 1: counts on purpose, don't it? Did you purposely do that?
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, he would right, Well, every inch does count,
Speaker 1: I will say, I will say every centimeter, ever centimeter
Speaker 1: does it? Really? Yeah? Absolutely? Do women do? Women? Because
Speaker 1: we have we talk about the sizes, you know, when
Speaker 1: the guys were the gray sweatpants and you see the
Speaker 1: dick print and like that's a thing. It's like a sport.
Speaker 1: Like we watched for things like that. So here's my
Speaker 1: thing though, why why is it a sport? And why
Speaker 1: do women like look at all that if they don't
Speaker 1: like to have sex that much? I mean, I'm not
Speaker 1: just talking about married women. It's just in general. I
Speaker 1: have my you know, have my group chats with my girls, singles,
Speaker 1: some aren't summer, you know, in between. Um. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: that's just a thing that we talked about in general
Speaker 1: as a woman. You know, it's like it's like bird watching.
Speaker 1: It's like bird watching watching Jesus Christ, it is, you know,
Speaker 1: but just they're just like, yeah, okay, So you know
Speaker 1: what's funny is you know, I mean, y'all objectify men
Speaker 1: the same way we objectify web We definitely do. You
Speaker 1: just have a problem with us objectifying y'all. I don't
Speaker 1: have a problem with anything, actually, because I see your
Speaker 1: group chats. I see how y'all get down, and I
Speaker 1: know she's huge. I don't care, I don't fat. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I appreciate a beautiful woman, I can exactly so. But
Speaker 1: the same way your group chats with like women in
Speaker 1: these bodies and stuff, we look for dick prince. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's about to be great. Sweatpants season two. Actually that
Speaker 1: can go year round, Like as far as I'm concerned.
Speaker 1: As far as I'm concerned, were your great sweatpants old?
Speaker 1: That's all because this and this and we're seeing what
Speaker 1: you're getting before you actually like to drive it. It's
Speaker 1: like going to the showroom. You can see what's out
Speaker 1: there and then you can decide if you want to
Speaker 1: So funny, I'm gonna be honest at least that's what's
Speaker 1: my single friends say. I'm gonna be so honest. It's
Speaker 1: so hard for me to hear you get so excited
Speaker 1: talking about dick prince and then when the time to
Speaker 1: have sex, not being a move for sex that should
Speaker 1: be annoying to married men because I'm just looking at
Speaker 1: it like sometimes I don't want to be penetrated. Honestly,
Speaker 1: it's just so hard for married men to the deal
Speaker 1: with that, like to hear it's like women will be
Speaker 1: and you be in the living room and a guy
Speaker 1: will come on the screen and women like yes, yes,
Speaker 1: and I'm like yes, like I'm not a move. It's
Speaker 1: like saying yes, then no, now we cause see it.
Speaker 1: You know, I can appreciate a beautiful man, a beautiful woman.
Speaker 1: You know, beautiful dick print. I can appreciate all. That
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I want to act on it in
Speaker 1: that moment in time, you know what I mean, it's
Speaker 1: just what this so? But you? I mean, the thing
Speaker 1: is you do you make me feel sexy? You do,
Speaker 1: which is great, but just make me feel sexy and
Speaker 1: then keep it pushing son, that's yo. I hope you'll
Speaker 1: listen to this. I hope I hope y'all listening to
Speaker 1: this because people ask all the time, like y'all make
Speaker 1: everything looks so perfect, and you know, like y'all just
Speaker 1: seem like everything don't be perfect. Everything perfect. I'll never
Speaker 1: profess for anything to be perfect over here, because we're not. Um.
Speaker 1: Here's here's another funny story. What's not really a story.
Speaker 1: But I asked for Codeine to dress up all the time,
Speaker 1: and she gives me eight thousand excuses as to why
Speaker 1: she can't dress up. And then now, now here's the
Speaker 1: funny part, guys, because and I'm gonna talk from a
Speaker 1: man's perspective, right, she was just like, you know, let's talk,
Speaker 1: let's have an open discussion, let's communicate, So you communicate
Speaker 1: the things you want and your wife is not going
Speaker 1: to give you the things that you want. She's not
Speaker 1: What is the man supposed to do? Then? So, in
Speaker 1: this particular discussion that we've had about the dressing up thing,
Speaker 1: it's been a recurring problem for us. So it's at
Speaker 1: the point now where I feel like, if I do
Speaker 1: dress up, all the viol thinks about it is the
Speaker 1: only reason why she's dressing up is because I said
Speaker 1: she should dress up. And then it loses its authenticity
Speaker 1: and the organic spontaneity of the moment, and you feel
Speaker 1: like the only reason why she's dressing up is because
Speaker 1: I said X y Z about it, true or false?
Speaker 1: Because I've asked you to do it for years and
Speaker 1: you didn't do it for years. I know, I don't
Speaker 1: blame me for respond to it when you've took so
Speaker 1: long to do it and you didn't do it. My
Speaker 1: point is this, right, women sex drives lower than men,
Speaker 1: and since it's lower, my wife gives me a bunch
Speaker 1: of excuses is to why she can't do certain things.
Speaker 1: I continue to ask, and she gave miss uses, excuses, excuses.
Speaker 1: What you, as a woman, tell me what a man
Speaker 1: is supposed to do? What? What would have what would
Speaker 1: you do if the shoe was on the other foot
Speaker 1: gets you a side chick? What you see? You see?
Speaker 1: I tell said, right, Okay, guys, so we're gonna take
Speaker 1: a quick break and get into some ads, but we'll
Speaker 1: be right back with these listener letters. This for the record, there,
Speaker 1: it is a win for the ages. Tiger Woods is
Speaker 1: one of our most inspiring sports icons. In his story,
Speaker 1: it comes with many chapters. I am deeply sorry for
Speaker 1: my irresponsible and selfish behavior, but here it is the
Speaker 1: return to glory. This is All American, a new series
Speaker 1: from Stitcher hosted by me Jordan Bell. You realize Tiger
Speaker 1: Woods doesn't know who he is best in the history
Speaker 1: of Gaul, no question in my mind. And this season,
Speaker 1: with the help of journalist Albert Chen, we're asking what
Speaker 1: if the story of Tiger Woods that the media has
Speaker 1: been what if it's been completely wrong? All American Tiger
Speaker 1: is out now listen and Stitcher, Apple Podcasts or your
Speaker 1: favorite podcast app. All right, so you know we love
Speaker 1: to hear from you all out there and our listener
Speaker 1: letters segment, So I value want to go ahead and
Speaker 1: read that, what would you tell your son's mommy? I
Speaker 1: really really like her you know, we've been married for
Speaker 1: a long time, but I'm just not happy with this
Speaker 1: aspect of our relationship because she doesn't try for me.
Speaker 1: I would always be rooting for their success as a
Speaker 1: married couple because I feel like they would have the
Speaker 1: example in us. So I would also talk to him about,
Speaker 1: you know, the open communication, the dialogue and stuff. Sometimes
Speaker 1: people don't feel comfortable even divulging that that to each
Speaker 1: other as a married couple. So the communication factor is
Speaker 1: a big thing, and I you would want her to
Speaker 1: have to try for you the same way he should
Speaker 1: try for her. I get it, But also to don't
Speaker 1: put things in a box of how things should be
Speaker 1: necessarily in your mind. Be receptive to what your partner
Speaker 1: is doing. It may not be the exact thing that
Speaker 1: you want, but the effort is usually what counts the effort.
Speaker 1: This would come the effort, so it may not be
Speaker 1: exactly you know, cookie cutter, you know you wanted me
Speaker 1: to dress up as a cheerleader and swing from the chandelier.
Speaker 1: That's what I want. She might swing from the ceiling fan,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't mean that. What if ain't swinging at
Speaker 1: all over? What if she still got sweatpants on and
Speaker 1: the wig that she had on with the hat from earlier.
Speaker 1: But you like that though I thought you thought it
Speaker 1: was cute. I wanted the cheerleader, wanted the cheer leader.
Speaker 1: It's just you know, it's funny, you know what It
Speaker 1: comes back to, though, realistically, it really does come back
Speaker 1: to expectations. It really does, because if you were if
Speaker 1: if you were told early on and I was told
Speaker 1: early on what this was like, we would be able
Speaker 1: to prepare going into the relationship and make a decision
Speaker 1: prior to thinking that it was another way, Because I
Speaker 1: honestly and this is not fair to you, and it's
Speaker 1: not fair to women. As a man, you don't know
Speaker 1: about women's sex drives. You don't know about all of that.
Speaker 1: You meet a woman y'all just met, you're having sex
Speaker 1: all the time to three times a day because y'all
Speaker 1: just met, and then you're thinking ship when we get married,
Speaker 1: this is going to be my life. Absolutely, I never
Speaker 1: foresaw that that we would eventually have problems with sex.
Speaker 1: Like I said that all the time, I was like,
Speaker 1: I can't believe everything that we argue and debate about
Speaker 1: sex is always at the top of the list, Like
Speaker 1: why we have so many other things going on, so
Speaker 1: much going for ourselves individually and collectively as a family.
Speaker 1: Why are we always talking about sex? Always tends to
Speaker 1: happen that way. So one thing I do, one thing
Speaker 1: I do do not do do. One thing I do
Speaker 1: do is um when it comes to K I tried,
Speaker 1: especially with keeping keeping the spice, I try to empower
Speaker 1: your sexy by letting you know that I'm always attracted
Speaker 1: to you. You do you know? Like sometimes you know
Speaker 1: what I do, gentlemen, is my wife walked by and
Speaker 1: I probably see it all the time. I'm always touching her,
Speaker 1: but I'm always smacking her, But I'm always telling her
Speaker 1: to drop it, because I think it's important for a
Speaker 1: woman to know that she's sexy, to have her do
Speaker 1: those things that you want her to do. You know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You can't have the battle because if
Speaker 1: you're not sexy after having kids to get back yourself,
Speaker 1: you know, and you can't just be on her. The
Speaker 1: only reason why we're talking about it so much now
Speaker 1: is be as the podcast. But you can't be on
Speaker 1: her so much about what you're not getting and not
Speaker 1: empowering her sexy. So I spend a lot more time
Speaker 1: talking about how beautiful she is and how much I'm
Speaker 1: still into her, just so that she can feel like
Speaker 1: sexiness and herself. When you know, I think and I
Speaker 1: feel bad sometimes because I'm like, I know, my husband
Speaker 1: just really wants to be with me in this snowman
Speaker 1: dam how to meet him there, and I'll be honest.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest. As much as women look at Dick Prince,
Speaker 1: Me and my friends we do put a lot is
Speaker 1: a lot of I G. Models in our group chat,
Speaker 1: but my married friends, all of us love having sex
Speaker 1: with our wives, you know what I'm saying, Like, we
Speaker 1: we look at women and it's funny. We talk about
Speaker 1: different body parts. We you know, some of it is
Speaker 1: jokes and stuff like that. And we do have some
Speaker 1: single friends in the group chat, But for the most part,
Speaker 1: all of my married friends love having sex with their wives,
Speaker 1: like I love having sex with my wife, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like I can look at beautiful women
Speaker 1: all day and go home and feel not not content.
Speaker 1: I feel great when I have sex with my wife,
Speaker 1: And I think that's important about married sex. You know,
Speaker 1: you have to be married to someone who when you
Speaker 1: lay down with them to to do that. Do you
Speaker 1: feel like, damn, I'm doing it with someone who right,
Speaker 1: Who's someone who I wanted to be with the beginning,
Speaker 1: from the beginning, And that's important absolutely. And on the
Speaker 1: other side of things, I speak to a lot of
Speaker 1: women who are married as well, you know, friends and stuff,
Speaker 1: that feel badly that they can't match their husband's sex drive.
Speaker 1: And it's a it's like a well what do you
Speaker 1: do about? What do you talk about his married? As
Speaker 1: married women, it's just like, damn, you want to have
Speaker 1: sex again. Like just recently, we were visiting with some
Speaker 1: friends down to d C. And you know, one of
Speaker 1: my friends down there was just like, girl, like, I'll
Speaker 1: be trying to keep up with him. I feel bad,
Speaker 1: but I'd be tired. Like we understand too as women
Speaker 1: to struggle with trying to you know, juggle getting the
Speaker 1: drive back if any after the baby, dealing with sometimes
Speaker 1: can't not even being able to hold your bladder, Like
Speaker 1: that's just not sexy, you know what I mean, Like
Speaker 1: little things that the body is doing now that they
Speaker 1: didn't do before. And naturally we're all getting older in it,
Speaker 1: but I think we all do feel a sense of
Speaker 1: guilt that we can't keep up with our husband. And
Speaker 1: then I do have one friend who feels like she's
Speaker 1: not getting it enough from her husband. So when you
Speaker 1: talked about it being an anomaly, it's not necessarily an
Speaker 1: anomaly because there are legitimately women's still an anomally though
Speaker 1: it is just a percentage, like it's not right. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess because I know somebody first hand that has
Speaker 1: that issue too. So she's trying to find ways to
Speaker 1: entice her husband. And I had to say to her too, honestly,
Speaker 1: like girl, when's the last time you got yourself together?
Speaker 1: You know I honestly, like group of women married friends
Speaker 1: sit down and say, yo, girl, when's the last time
Speaker 1: you Because we do that as husbands, Like we've sit
Speaker 1: in our group chat and we'll complain about our wives
Speaker 1: and will like will hold each other to the fire,
Speaker 1: and like even like will say is my dog? He'll
Speaker 1: say to me like, yo, but when's the last time
Speaker 1: you took on a vacation? Like when's the last time
Speaker 1: that you've done X y Z? But I know, I
Speaker 1: know I loved your brother because I loved your brother.
Speaker 1: When you get lost in your marriage and everything is
Speaker 1: going on, you sometimes as a man forget to do
Speaker 1: those things that you were doing when you are according
Speaker 1: your wife, you know what I'm saying. So we hold
Speaker 1: each other with accountable and I feel the same way
Speaker 1: about We definitely do. We definitely do. And I say
Speaker 1: to my female friend whose husband seems to not have
Speaker 1: a drive like that, you know, what are you doing
Speaker 1: to entice that? You know what I mean, because I
Speaker 1: know she too had had some children as well, and
Speaker 1: you know, sometimes when I even see her just in passing,
Speaker 1: I'm my girl, you got to take some time in
Speaker 1: self care, you know, get back to feeling like yourself again,
Speaker 1: because that too can probably affect the way he looks
Speaker 1: at you. And I don't think it's the thing being
Speaker 1: shallow where your husband is just like, girl, you know,
Speaker 1: you have to get yourself together. But my mom, even
Speaker 1: my mom, as you know, still she don't tell me,
Speaker 1: not about your mom having sex. No, no, I can't
Speaker 1: do that. You know, even my mom has said to me,
Speaker 1: you know, Kadine, make sure you get yourself together after
Speaker 1: these kids and be the woman that your husband level.
Speaker 1: And I was like, that was probably the realest thing
Speaker 1: my mother ever said to me. And she said it
Speaker 1: to me out of just sheer wanting to see my
Speaker 1: marriage succeeded that. For whatever reason, she felt they need
Speaker 1: to say that to me. And I don't think it
Speaker 1: was shallow, but I think it was like her saying,
Speaker 1: you know, real canine, like make sure you keep yourself
Speaker 1: together for yourself and for your husband. And that goes
Speaker 1: both ways, because I don't think we talk about this
Speaker 1: enough as men. We got to do a better job
Speaker 1: of keeping ourselves in shape, not only just to be
Speaker 1: healthy and beare for our families, but yo, you want
Speaker 1: your wife to drop it like it's hot, nigga go
Speaker 1: to the gym like like we yea, we'll be clowning
Speaker 1: on some of my married friends. You know, dudes being
Speaker 1: there complaining my wife. She'll be one to have those sex.
Speaker 1: It's like, dude, you gained sixty pounds from college. You
Speaker 1: was a savage ripped athlete in college, and now you
Speaker 1: don't work out no more. Like that's not fair to her.
Speaker 1: That's not fair to her, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like that's and and we hold each other accountable. We
Speaker 1: we got our running chat where he was like how
Speaker 1: many miles did you put in? How much did you
Speaker 1: live because for us, it's also a competition. You know,
Speaker 1: you and your group of friends, y'all, y'all dated men
Speaker 1: who were collegiate athletes or professional athlete. The most part
Speaker 1: and majority of us are super duper competitive. So when
Speaker 1: we look at the young boys who are out here
Speaker 1: on Instagram with no shirts and stuff like that, we're like, Yo,
Speaker 1: that's what our wives are looking at. Bro. You you
Speaker 1: want to you know, you want to keep your wife entice,
Speaker 1: that's what she's looking at. Bro, Go to the gym.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. You can't just drop out here.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, you're here already falling out
Speaker 1: of receiveing. We got to control of things we can control.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying that if you're not gonna
Speaker 1: put some color in that and you're not gonna work out,
Speaker 1: your wife ain't gonna want to do it like you
Speaker 1: used to do when we was in in C Square.
Speaker 1: So that's that's a fair. That's fair for women. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying that that's fair because men have
Speaker 1: to do a better job and also just being healthy,
Speaker 1: because we gotta do absolutely. Yeah, we're gonna have to
Speaker 1: definitely talk about health and fitness to at some point. Well,
Speaker 1: let's see, we have a couple of listener letters here.
Speaker 1: I think some of the stuff we touched on a
Speaker 1: bit um. Enough about wives not wanting to give it out,
Speaker 1: what about husbands belower sex drives. So we touched on that,
Speaker 1: well I did. We did touch on that, and I
Speaker 1: think a lot of that too, is is working out
Speaker 1: in performance. There are certain exercises you can do to
Speaker 1: boost your testosterone to make sure you still have that.
Speaker 1: If you do dead lifts, if you do squats, if
Speaker 1: you sprint. When you break down those large muscle groups,
Speaker 1: your body has to get a jolt of testosterone to
Speaker 1: rebuild the protein and rebuild the muscle groups. So what
Speaker 1: it's ultimately doing is it's constantly pushing testosterone through your
Speaker 1: body to help you regenerate. So getting a lot of
Speaker 1: sleep and doing certain workouts and exercise can help you
Speaker 1: boost your testosterone. A lot of guys ask me devout,
Speaker 1: how do you you're stay in such good shape. You
Speaker 1: know you probably work out four or five hours a day.
Speaker 1: I really don't. I probably get about an hour to
Speaker 1: an hour and a half maybe three or four days
Speaker 1: a week. But when I work out. It's high intensity,
Speaker 1: heavy lifts, and I do a lot of sprinting, a
Speaker 1: lot less jogging. But that can help the men who
Speaker 1: feel like their sex drives are lowering. Continue to work
Speaker 1: out like you're a pro athlete. To find a way
Speaker 1: to work out like your pro athlete. That will help
Speaker 1: you out. And you gotta get sleep or lower the
Speaker 1: the sets that you do or the you're not going,
Speaker 1: You're not gonna love me no more. I need you
Speaker 1: to love me. I need you to love me. How
Speaker 1: do you keep the spark in your relationship going? Seems
Speaker 1: like you have it all figured out, girl, We don't.
Speaker 1: You don't ship together. We don't figured out. We are
Speaker 1: trying to. But okay, but but but we are together
Speaker 1: and we are happy, so we can't say that we
Speaker 1: don't have it figured out. We are happy. We struggle
Speaker 1: with certain things in sexually, but we are happy. There's
Speaker 1: one way I know to keep things in it's pretty
Speaker 1: much to keep the spark is that I constantly touch
Speaker 1: on my wife. It don't matter where we are in
Speaker 1: between meetings. She's going to know that I'm here and
Speaker 1: she's gonna know what I'm feeling her. She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: always letting her know. And it may be a soft kiss,
Speaker 1: it may be a whisper and air touches. That's a
Speaker 1: very affectionate individual. I'm not as affectionate, don't I think too,
Speaker 1: because that stems from just like much out and growing
Speaker 1: up and just not being that affectionate in general with
Speaker 1: the way my family interacts. Not that we don't show love,
Speaker 1: but we should love different. Um. But yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: the spark for me is engaging Devo in those moments
Speaker 1: and really stopping and trying to take the time to
Speaker 1: enjoy those couple of seconds that we have because life
Speaker 1: is so hectic, you know, so little makeout sessions here
Speaker 1: and there. You know, are trying to get in the
Speaker 1: shower with him every now and again and turn the
Speaker 1: water so it's extra I hate that man, you're trying
Speaker 1: to boil the dirt off the video. That about that too,
Speaker 1: But um, just just trying to like embrace those small
Speaker 1: moments sometimes just help to get us through the day.
Speaker 1: That and also I do make it a point to
Speaker 1: know what my wife likes and make sure that I
Speaker 1: do the things that she likes, especially when it comes
Speaker 1: to close and what I wear. I know that she
Speaker 1: she's attracted to a certain style. I noticed she likes beards.
Speaker 1: So if I'm not recording or if I'm not feeling
Speaker 1: a commercial, I'm just gonna grow my beard out just
Speaker 1: because I know that she likes beards, and this vice
Speaker 1: versa will be going. And she like, what you want
Speaker 1: to see me in tonight? Right exactly? And yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know all my favorite colors red she
Speaker 1: got read on. Now she put on a sweat of
Speaker 1: dress and like, we're going out to night for an event.
Speaker 1: And I was like, all right, I'm definitely gonna get
Speaker 1: a red dress, like because I know what he'd like
Speaker 1: to see me in a nice fitting red dress. So
Speaker 1: just taking into account those little things that you know
Speaker 1: your partner would like, and I mean, I could get
Speaker 1: better with that too, and we both can, you know,
Speaker 1: we just we just try to be cognizant of the
Speaker 1: fact that you have a life partner that you have
Speaker 1: to spend the rest of your life with. It's important
Speaker 1: that when you're making decisions somewhere and I'm not even
Speaker 1: saying the back of your mind, in the front, the
Speaker 1: forefront of your thoughts should be how is this going
Speaker 1: to affect my partner, and for someone like me who
Speaker 1: sex is extremely important to me, I'm always trying to
Speaker 1: make sure that I'm doing things to help her kind
Speaker 1: of boost her sex drive, kind of get her in
Speaker 1: the mood. So whether it's you know, you know, keeping
Speaker 1: my beard or wearing the type of shirt she liked,
Speaker 1: or for example, she likes when I wear blazers and
Speaker 1: I go out. I don't always like wearing blazes, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna put on a blazer and all the time
Speaker 1: I love him in a nice little suit and stuff
Speaker 1: like that, and he just like, nah, I'm gonna wear
Speaker 1: some ripped means and a T shirt. And I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, well, I guess. And I got to take
Speaker 1: into account that maybe if I put this blaze on,
Speaker 1: she might drop might I might and a third drinks
Speaker 1: and just be right that we could walk home from
Speaker 1: wherever we're at Exactly, we're only gonna go about about
Speaker 1: thirteen minutes away from where we're staying tonight. This is
Speaker 1: where we can get home in time, and if it's twelve,
Speaker 1: that's even better. And our last listener question, do you
Speaker 1: feel your relationship changes once you get married if you've
Speaker 1: already lived together? I really think it depends on how
Speaker 1: long you've lived together. I mean, I am an advocate.
Speaker 1: I know people feel their way about it, like not
Speaker 1: shacking up. That was an issue for both of our
Speaker 1: parents before we got married, the whole living together situation.
Speaker 1: I am at an advocate for living with someone before
Speaker 1: you get married. Yes, just to see what it's like.
Speaker 1: Because I actually have one of my sister's friends who's younger,
Speaker 1: she's twenty five now, who I just saw recently, and
Speaker 1: she was just like girl, we were doing great long
Speaker 1: distance wise, and now we're together in the same state,
Speaker 1: living together, and it's not gonna work. I'm about to
Speaker 1: find me another apartment just or at least I have
Speaker 1: my space. So how would she have known that unless
Speaker 1: she was together with him living And then when you
Speaker 1: get married to you throw a whole bunch of other
Speaker 1: responsibilities into it, like bills and how we're going to
Speaker 1: divide certain responsibilities along the household. So I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: I'm an advocate for that. It does change now that
Speaker 1: you think of not that I think about what you said.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go hell yes, not just I'm gonna say
Speaker 1: hell yes. You want to know why Her question no, hell,
Speaker 1: yes to do. Things change when you get married on
Speaker 1: both sides because men and women, once you hear that
Speaker 1: title wife or husband, there comes a certain level of
Speaker 1: obligation that people automatically put with it. You know, or
Speaker 1: you're gonna do that. You're gonna do that? What I
Speaker 1: can't do that? Now? No, you're my wife, No I'm
Speaker 1: your husband, or you know what I'm saying, or no,
Speaker 1: you're my husband. People do that all the time because
Speaker 1: there's a certain level of respect that needs to be
Speaker 1: garnered once you do get married that if you're just
Speaker 1: living together, there might be a little bit more leeward
Speaker 1: with you know what I'm saying. So for example, you
Speaker 1: could be living together with someone and you know, we're
Speaker 1: just trying to figure out and see if it works.
Speaker 1: But like you said, we're living together, we're having a
Speaker 1: bad moment. I'm going to go stay with a friend
Speaker 1: of mine while we live together. You know, doing that
Speaker 1: when you're married, Like like I mean, you can do that,
Speaker 1: but still it's like you're gonna stay with your friend,
Speaker 1: but you're my wife, you know what I'm saying, Like
Speaker 1: you better bring your ass home. Your my husband. You
Speaker 1: need to bring your ass home. Yeah, this is more
Speaker 1: at stake, definitely, and I think it does. It does
Speaker 1: change because of that, and also because of the financial
Speaker 1: responsibilities and the fact that you put together a contract.
Speaker 1: Mar Yeah, yeah, so I would go Hell. Yet, when
Speaker 1: you get married, regardless of living situations, it definitely does change.
Speaker 1: Sure do you just gotta make sure you decide if
Speaker 1: it's going to change for the better, yes, for the worst,
Speaker 1: and let's hope us for the better because we want
Speaker 1: everybody to be happy. Yes, we love hearing from you guys.
Speaker 1: So if you ever have a question about love, sex, relationships, health, finances,
Speaker 1: or anything else you've been itching to ask us about,
Speaker 1: hit us up at dead ass Advice at gmail dot
Speaker 1: com and your question with our answer could be read
Speaker 1: on the show. So let's just cap us all off
Speaker 1: with the moment of truth. Um. I think my moment
Speaker 1: of truth right here when it comes to married sex
Speaker 1: is to really try for your partner, whatever that looks
Speaker 1: like to you within your relationship, whether it's the man
Speaker 1: who has the lower drive, the woman has the lower drive,
Speaker 1: vice versa. Make sure you were at least trying and
Speaker 1: trying not in the sense of what you think the
Speaker 1: partner wants, but having a discussion about it and saying, baby,
Speaker 1: I need more of this or I need less of this,
Speaker 1: and that's something I need to even teach myself. And
Speaker 1: this moment of truth is kind of like reiterating that
Speaker 1: for me, um, because a lot of times too we
Speaker 1: get caught up in what it is that we want
Speaker 1: in that moment, and I think we need to just
Speaker 1: not be as selfish, and we need to make sure
Speaker 1: that we're taking into account exactly what it is our
Speaker 1: partner needs and trying to me halfway. I mean, compromise
Speaker 1: sounds cliche and it sounds corny, but that's ultimately what
Speaker 1: it is. And I think your partner will appreciate the
Speaker 1: effort more than the execution. If that makes sense. No,
Speaker 1: it does make sense. It makes sense, And my moment
Speaker 1: of truth is is this. I wish that more men
Speaker 1: would speak to the next generation or younger generation about
Speaker 1: the truth of marriage and sex. I wish my family
Speaker 1: and my my elders and my family would have spoken
Speaker 1: to me about it just so that I could have
Speaker 1: been more prepared. I also wish that your family and
Speaker 1: your elders from the women would have prepared you so
Speaker 1: you could be more prepared to that we could make
Speaker 1: an educated decision on what we wanted to do and
Speaker 1: how to move forward before we had to go through
Speaker 1: the bumpy trials and tribulations of marriage sex without knowing,
Speaker 1: you know, without knowing. So my moment of truth is
Speaker 1: just I I wish that I would have known more.
Speaker 1: And my second moment, because there's two moments. My second
Speaker 1: moment of truth is when you make a decision to
Speaker 1: be married, understand that sex is going to change throughout time,
Speaker 1: but you make a decision to stay married for all
Speaker 1: of the other reasons that you're married. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, Like, that's just the truth. That's actually every
Speaker 1: sex is going to trump every decision. It's very important,
Speaker 1: it's important to me, but I don't I made a
Speaker 1: decision to be married for so many other reasons, and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna work to continue to make my sex life
Speaker 1: as great as I can within the confines of what
Speaker 1: my marriage is. And that doesn't mean everything's gonna be perfect.
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean everything's gonna be great. When you see
Speaker 1: the videos and you watch this and we're being sexy
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, I don't want anyone to feel
Speaker 1: like while they do that all the time. We have
Speaker 1: our issues with sex. We're constantly working through it and
Speaker 1: I love being married. I love my wife, and I
Speaker 1: just feel like we're gonna get this done one way
Speaker 1: or the other. Absolutely, get what done, marriage or sex both,
Speaker 1: We're gonna get dead to be sure to follow us
Speaker 1: on social media. I am devout and that's cadein. I
Speaker 1: am for me kh a d E and I am
Speaker 1: not codeinium, but I mean, hey, I'll take it either way.
Speaker 1: And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to rate,
Speaker 1: review and some scribe that spread. The Lovely Wane Baby
Speaker 1: Baby Dead Ass is a production of Stitcher. It's produced
Speaker 1: by T Square, Stephanie Karauke and Dinora Opinion. Our executive
Speaker 1: producer is Chris Manning, and we'd like to give a
Speaker 1: special thanks to our recording engineer Jared O'Connell, our sound
Speaker 1: designer Brendan Burns, and studio manager Ashley Warrens. We'll back.
Speaker 1: I'm Drew McCarry and I'm David Roth. We have a
Speaker 1: podcast going on right now. It's part of the stitchen Net.
Speaker 1: We're called Substraction. That's available every we get a podcast
Speaker 1: at Stitcher, Spotify, Apple Go listen right now to the distraction,
Speaker 1: right now, it's out. Do it. Please,