WEBVTT - Navigating Love's Complexities: Partners with Baggage 0:00:03.000 --> 0:00:06.320 Dang Gang Gang, Welcome, welcome back. You guys already knows 0:00:06.360 --> 0:00:10.680 your girl Amaara La Negra and you're listening to Exactly Amada, 0:00:11.000 --> 0:00:13.520 a production of iHeart. Thank you so much for tuning in, 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:16.040 same routine you guys already know. Don't forget to give 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:17.280 me those five stars. 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:18.920 Give me those five stars. 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:22.760 Subscribe to the podcast on your favorite podcast platform, whichever 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:23.320 one may be. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:26.480 And go ahead and just go over to the YouTube channel. 0:00:26.640 --> 0:00:28.640 Go check me out on YouTube right Exactly I'm out 0:00:28.680 --> 0:00:31.200 on the search bar or so you can check out 0:00:31.200 --> 0:00:33.000 what I'm doing with my life, my music, my career, 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:36.800 no laya achievement. Don't pay attention to the gossip, but 0:00:37.120 --> 0:00:40.040 definitely pay attention to exactly Amada. And today I want 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:44.360 to have my producers, friends, co hosts sometimes and all 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:47.680 that good stuff Arlene and Alex today coming in through 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:52.239 because today, okay, I want to do something I don't know. 0:00:52.240 --> 0:00:52.560 I don't know. 0:00:52.560 --> 0:00:54.080 I always want to do something different, but I want 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:56.800 to hit up like real topics. And I always want 0:00:56.800 --> 0:00:59.160 to talk about relationships because I feel like I can't 0:00:59.160 --> 0:01:01.040 gomost this, can't figure it to get it right. 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:04.240 You can't figure it out, you know what I. 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.080 Just think I'm stressed out because it's just too much 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:08.280 going on. I'm in the middle of a lawsuit. I'm 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:10.640 trying to you know, start dating and getting you know, 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:13.000 get back to the streets. I have a lot of 0:01:13.000 --> 0:01:17.040 pressure from society. I have things going on in my household. 0:01:17.040 --> 0:01:18.920 There's just too much that I'm stressed out. That's why 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.400 I want to vent with you guys. On today's episode, 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.120 we'll be discussing the challenges of dating someone who is 0:01:25.160 --> 0:01:29.000 still well it's not still in a relationship, but has 0:01:29.080 --> 0:01:31.200 unresolved issues with their ex. 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:35.720 I now, some of y'all can relate. I know that's right. 0:01:36.120 --> 0:01:37.920 What do you do? How do you go around it? 0:01:38.080 --> 0:01:39.840 And I'm going to break it down for you in 0:01:39.880 --> 0:01:42.800 a second as far as for example, have you ever 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:47.160 started a relationship where somewhat their ex still isn't over them. 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:51.200 They continuously figure out ways to get involved in your 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:55.040 new relationship, whether they have comments or even if they 0:01:55.040 --> 0:01:58.400 have children together, and they use their children as a 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:01.040 weapon between the father and the mother. 0:02:01.280 --> 0:02:03.320 Arlene, have you ever been in a situation like this? 0:02:03.960 --> 0:02:05.760 Who a mata? Where do I start? 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:08.760 I want to hear it. I start at this point, I. 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.919 Mean, I'm a little older than y'all, so I dated 0:02:11.000 --> 0:02:14.120 a lot. So there's a lot of baggage that I've 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:18.040 been carried throughout the years. I don't know about if 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:20.520 XES wanted to be up in my business, but I 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:23.720 did carry a lot of baggage from past experiences. 0:02:24.000 --> 0:02:25.840 Well, at least you're honest, and we got to be 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:28.040 thankful for your honesty because a lot of women out 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:30.080 here aren't honest about the things that they be doing, 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:35.040 including their fake pages on social media to start commenting 0:02:35.080 --> 0:02:37.399 to the next girl, and you know, trying to put 0:02:37.440 --> 0:02:40.440 all types Yes, I've said it, I've heard it. 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:42.880 And in my past, I did. 0:02:42.760 --> 0:02:44.840 You know, go through an experience like that where the 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:47.080 person that I was dating their ex would you have 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:49.760 like a fake page, and she would talk all types 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.400 of bullsh shit to me and try to send me 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.040 pictures of them together, like old pictures of them together. 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:58.680 And you know, he even had to show me on 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:02.160 his phone like the dates of when that picture happened. 0:03:02.200 --> 0:03:04.120 That later on, I was like, why the hell do 0:03:04.160 --> 0:03:06.799 you still have those pictures? And that's another thing too. 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:09.440 I know that today I'm all over the place, but 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.239 that just brought me up to a good point. When 0:03:11.240 --> 0:03:13.040 you break up with someone, are you supposed to delete 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.880 other pictures and everything that came with them from the past, 0:03:16.120 --> 0:03:18.160 or are you still supposed to save them? Like if 0:03:18.160 --> 0:03:20.760 you guys have romantic pictures from when you were dating, 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:26.160 or like nudes or like sex videos or whatever, do 0:03:26.240 --> 0:03:27.640 you keep that or you delete it? 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:32.440 Once a relationships, that's important, that's super important because you 0:03:32.480 --> 0:03:37.360 know what people in today's age tend to say that 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:41.280 they got rid of it, But listen, personally, I've seen 0:03:41.360 --> 0:03:45.320 people say, like, being these relationships that break up and 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:50.400 then they have complete access still to everything that was 0:03:50.480 --> 0:03:53.280 sent between each other. They never deleted it. And I've 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.120 seen them put that they've deleted it and have it, 0:03:56.320 --> 0:03:56.960 and something. 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:57.200 Goes with me. 0:03:57.240 --> 0:04:01.240 I've seen people tell me, oh, yeah, I don't have 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:02.960 that anymore, and then their friends tell. 0:04:02.880 --> 0:04:06.960 Me, oh, by the way, I'm like, oh really. 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:10.000 Exactly, So that's my thing. Do you delete it? Do 0:04:10.080 --> 0:04:11.840 you keep it? What do you do with all the memories? 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:15.440 Let's just say, you know, there's like memories, whether it's pictures, videos, 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:19.520 or whatever, what about it. There's like material things, you know, 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:22.960 this sweater, this clothes, these shoes, these things that you 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.880 you know that remind me of you, that you gave me, 0:04:24.960 --> 0:04:27.120 that you bought for me, whatever it is, I just 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:27.640 want to know. 0:04:28.000 --> 0:04:29.159 Are you supposed to keep. 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:32.800 It, give it away, delete the videos, keep the videos. 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.320 Does it make a difference. Should we be you know, 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:40.720 grown enough adults enough to not care, or because we 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:43.080 live in an era where everybody wants to have receipts. 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:45.720 I got proof, I got the real thing. 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:48.640 So this girl used to send me old videos that 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:50.680 in the moment, I was like, oh my god, I 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.440 can't believe we're just with the skank. And then he 0:04:52.560 --> 0:04:54.599 was like, no, that's oh that's not what she said. 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.160 So he want to show me in his phone all 0:04:57.200 --> 0:04:59.960 the way back in his gallery when the picture was say. 0:05:00.520 --> 0:05:02.280 But in the process, I saw a whole bunch of 0:05:02.320 --> 0:05:04.919 stuff that I'm like, why do you still even have this? 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:08.560 Because I don't have it, Like I be deleting, Like 0:05:08.640 --> 0:05:10.800 once it's done, I don't even want to remember that 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:12.240 I ever had anything to do with you, Like you 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:12.960 don't even exist. 0:05:13.040 --> 0:05:14.520 I it's done, is over. 0:05:14.720 --> 0:05:17.440 I don't need any of those memories, especially if they 0:05:17.440 --> 0:05:20.160 were like nude or like you know, sexy videos and 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.120 stuff like that. It is a rap, but you can't 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:26.080 trust it. There has to be a way of coping 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:30.360 with that, like just understanding to let it go, you know. 0:05:30.480 --> 0:05:32.920 And I think that also comes with insecurity. 0:05:33.279 --> 0:05:37.359 It comes with maturity, understanding your value, Understanding that you 0:05:37.360 --> 0:05:39.920 don't have to beg anyone to love you, to care 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:41.160 for you, to want you. 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:43.160 And if someone tells you that they. 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.920 Don't want you once, don't make them tell you more 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:47.839 than once that they don't want you. It's like, I 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:50.279 feel like love now has become so toxic and we 0:05:50.320 --> 0:05:53.640 become so territorial over the people that we're with that 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:57.240 we've lost the point where we realize are worth I 0:05:57.240 --> 0:05:58.479 think that's the most important part. 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:00.880 Realize your worth worthy of. 0:06:00.839 --> 0:06:02.960 So much that if you don't want me, there's so 0:06:03.000 --> 0:06:04.640 many other people that would love to be with me. 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:06.800 If you and I don't work out as much as 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:09.920 we may try, there's somebody out there that will give 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:10.960 me everything that you're not. 0:06:11.360 --> 0:06:13.960 And sometimes you have to be okay with being by yourself. 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:15.120 Like I am right now. 0:06:15.520 --> 0:06:19.400 I enjoy I enjoy my piece, I enjoy my Space, 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.560 I enjoy my liberty, I enjoy going out on dates 0:06:22.839 --> 0:06:25.640 with no serious commitment. Till we figure things out, like 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:28.279 take things slow, and I just feel like if things 0:06:28.279 --> 0:06:30.400 don't work out, they didn't work out for a reason. 0:06:30.680 --> 0:06:34.080 You don't have to stay in the picture like a stalker, like, oh, 0:06:34.080 --> 0:06:36.120 I'm already moving on, but I mun still be like 0:06:36.400 --> 0:06:37.440 looking out to see what. 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:38.520 My ex is doing. 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:41.760 See saka well, saka well, That's how I feel. However, 0:06:42.520 --> 0:06:46.400 here comes a very important factor. What do you do 0:06:47.520 --> 0:06:52.039 if you're ex and you have children together, if you 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:53.520 have children in common? 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:56.000 How do you deal with that? Alex? 0:06:56.680 --> 0:07:02.320 How do you deal with not being spiteful without you know, 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.440 not using your kids as a weapon between both of y'all? 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:07.480 How do you deal with that? 0:07:07.920 --> 0:07:08.240 See? 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:11.760 For me, when my X ray started dating again, For 0:07:11.800 --> 0:07:14.240 me it was different. For me, it was I wanted 0:07:14.280 --> 0:07:16.480 to make sure that the kids were with someone who 0:07:16.600 --> 0:07:20.160 was safe, right. I never was the one to be like, oh, 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:21.560 who is he questioning? 0:07:21.640 --> 0:07:23.440 What does he do? Where is he coming from? Blah 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:24.000 blah blah. 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:26.000 For me, it was always like, huh, when they're you 0:07:26.040 --> 0:07:28.320 know who this person is, how they're going to act 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:28.920 around my kids? 0:07:28.960 --> 0:07:29.080 You know? 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.200 And I have two daughters, so I'm even more protective. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.840 You know, you never know right walking up into the house. 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:36.800 But the thing about it is that when you are 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.640 a public figure, and I'm not saying I'm just having, 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:44.440 you know, generic conversation, but when you are a public figure, 0:07:44.760 --> 0:07:48.200 things just become so much bigger and people just zoom 0:07:48.280 --> 0:07:50.000 into your life in a way that they don't do 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.760 with obviously someone who's not in the spotlight. So yes, 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:54.960 it may make it a little bit more difficult, or 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:58.120 more obvious, or more whatever. I am very respectful when 0:07:58.120 --> 0:08:00.960 it comes to people that have had children in common. 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.120 It's like, no matter how much I may like you 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:05.679 or whatever, I respect the mother of your children. 0:08:05.880 --> 0:08:07.520 I understand that she was there before me. 0:08:07.560 --> 0:08:10.080 I understand that she takes a very important role because 0:08:10.200 --> 0:08:15.240 she is taking care and raising your children that came 0:08:15.280 --> 0:08:17.440 out of both of y'all that you guys made together, 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:19.720 and I am new into the picture. I've always been 0:08:19.800 --> 0:08:22.320 that type of person. If I am dating someone that 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.360 has children, I am the type of person that I'm 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:29.080 always very open minded into having a conversation with your ex. 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:32.040 Only if you guys have children in common, not if 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.240 this is your extra years ago as ericomigo, but if 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:37.760 your ex which will remain to be in your life 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:39.400 for the rest of your life, because you guys have 0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:40.559 children in common. 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:41.920 And I'm in the picture. 0:08:42.480 --> 0:08:43.920 If you ever want to sit down and have a 0:08:43.920 --> 0:08:45.719 conversation with me, you want to know where I come from, 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:47.360 who I am, what do I do? So you say, 0:08:47.480 --> 0:08:49.280 you know, if I'm into drugs, if I'm crazy, if 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:50.240 I'm whatever. 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:51.480 I want to make you. 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.440 Feel comfortable enough because I understand that your children will 0:08:54.480 --> 0:08:57.679 now be in my space because now I am dating 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:09.320 the father or whatever. I would ask this more because 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.560 Alex has already been there. When you divorced your ex 0:09:12.640 --> 0:09:14.760 wife and then you got with your new wife, did 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.559 your ex and your new wife ever meet or had 0:09:17.559 --> 0:09:20.000 a conversation or did you put it together? 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:21.480 Has this ever happened? 0:09:21.679 --> 0:09:23.840 Oh yeah, yeah, you got you gotta have that. You 0:09:24.040 --> 0:09:24.920 got to have that. 0:09:25.080 --> 0:09:29.040 So, for instance, I never introduced anyone to my daughters 0:09:29.040 --> 0:09:31.040 when I was dating right when me and my ex 0:09:31.080 --> 0:09:34.000 got divorced or whatever. They never met anyone when I 0:09:34.720 --> 0:09:37.840 was dating someone for about a year and a half, 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:40.680 and that's when I finally introduced them to this person. 0:09:40.800 --> 0:09:44.360 That's the only woman from my exes that they ever met. 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.800 She was kind, she was loving, she took care of 0:09:47.840 --> 0:09:51.199 my children. You know, she didn't have to, she was 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:54.120 She was there for them, which was something comforting for me. 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:55.080 Right. 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:59.559 So I've had the I've had the pleasure of being 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:04.720 with someone one that completely loves them, has seen them 0:10:04.760 --> 0:10:08.120 grow up, and you know, they're women now, they're nineteen 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:12.760 and twenty one. Yeah, so they are they're grown ups now. 0:10:13.559 --> 0:10:14.320 You know. I had my. 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:18.000 Kids very very young. It was difficult for me as 0:10:18.040 --> 0:10:21.599 a single dad to meet women when I was divorced 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.720 and have my kids anywhere near them, especially since I 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:29.320 was a very very protective of them. And number two, 0:10:29.559 --> 0:10:32.680 I don't know what is going on through someone's mind. 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:36.160 I know my ex was always very adamant, like like, 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:37.560 who are these women? 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:38.200 You know? 0:10:38.360 --> 0:10:40.440 Are you know, because they would my kids would come 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.280 home and be like, oh, daddy was talking someone because 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:44.680 they might have stopped by and said hello to me, 0:10:44.880 --> 0:10:47.520 And when they did, they would go home, Oh we 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:49.000 met daddy. 0:10:49.120 --> 0:10:51.480 You know, and that was starting. 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.400 Yes, yeah, And it was less It was less about 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:56.400 the oh, I'm jealous because I still like him because 0:10:56.440 --> 0:10:57.199 she had already moved on. 0:10:57.320 --> 0:10:59.079 It was more like the protective issue. 0:10:59.120 --> 0:10:59.240 Right. 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.360 So that's something I throw to you. I know that 0:11:01.440 --> 0:11:06.120 you're in the limelight. So that's very difficult to navigate. 0:11:06.360 --> 0:11:07.560 It is very difficult. 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:10.520 I haven't been in a situation at this moment where 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.880 I have to feel like I need to explain to 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:17.400 anyone or anybody. You know, I am the mother and 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:19.920 father of my children, so therefore I make the best 0:11:19.920 --> 0:11:23.400 decisions for them. At this moment, they are small and 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:27.240 they don't really know the difference too much. Once they 0:11:27.320 --> 0:11:32.000 start to clearly understand, I will be very very protective 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:35.400 and very respectful, and I will treat it accordingly as 0:11:35.400 --> 0:11:38.040 far as who they get to meet and when they 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.440 get to meet, Which brings me back to this question. 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:43.560 How do you know when it's the right person that 0:11:43.600 --> 0:11:46.559 you can introduce them to your children? Because you could 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.319 be dating and you really like this person and it's like, 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:50.640 oh my god, I really think there's going to be 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:55.040 a thing. How long before you introduce them to your 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:56.960 children and be like yo, this is because what you 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:58.800 don't want to do is be dating someone. We're like, oh, 0:11:58.800 --> 0:12:00.240 this is the one and they be like oh over. 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:02.520 Then you come back to dating someone else. Oh look 0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.000 meet this person. Oh it's over. Because they can be 0:12:05.080 --> 0:12:08.080 very confusing for the children, it can lead traumas. They 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:11.520 may not understand what's going on. They may emotionally become 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:14.440 attached to this person that once you guys break up 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.160 as adults, it affects their well being as well. 0:12:17.400 --> 0:12:20.720 So when do you introduce them? How do you even 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:21.120 do that? 0:12:21.240 --> 0:12:24.840 Because I thought about it, My girls are small. Eventually 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.000 I will have to solidify my relationship because. 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:28.760 Right now I'm dating. 0:12:29.280 --> 0:12:33.160 I just got out into being open minded enough to 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.880 even start going out on dates. You guys know that 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:40.120 I've been very vocal about being celibate and the traumas 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:43.200 that I've had after childbirth and how I'm not prepared 0:12:43.640 --> 0:12:48.120 to move forward in the physical aspect. Mentally, I am 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:51.680 opening my mind into understanding that I'm still young and 0:12:51.720 --> 0:12:54.160 I deserve to be loved, and you know, life goes 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:59.000 on right. Everybody has their own healing process. But eventually, 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:00.599 my girls are going to have to eat someone and 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:02.760 I'm gonna have to date someone. So how do I 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:06.840 know when to be like and then also understand Mommy 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:07.920 is dating this person. 0:13:08.320 --> 0:13:11.560 It doesn't mean that this is your new stepdaddy, you know. 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:13.960 It doesn't mean that this is your near father figure 0:13:14.000 --> 0:13:17.120 at this moment, Mommy, the adult. 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:21.120 This person likes this person, new friend, this new friend. 0:13:21.200 --> 0:13:24.760 Because I've also seen women that have their dog, their kids, 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:26.560 all of a sudden, as soon as they start dating, 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:29.920 calling the you know, their boyfriend's daddy and all types 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.960 of like and that's very confusing. 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:33.160 It's just so much. 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:36.040 I know that right now you're in a situation, you're dating, 0:13:36.400 --> 0:13:38.400 doing a little dating, You're dabbing your. 0:13:38.280 --> 0:13:41.320 Toes a little bit. How's the dating life going? 0:13:41.520 --> 0:13:45.920 And are you now reluctant to even. 0:13:45.760 --> 0:13:46.400 Get out there? 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:49.079 Is what's going on in your life right now making 0:13:49.080 --> 0:13:52.680 you feel like, damn, should I get back into Michael Koh? 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:55.199 Yeah, and just go ahead and hide again. You know 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:59.319 what I enjoy going out in dinners. I enjoy life experiences. 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:02.360 I enjoy the morning text messages and being told that 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:05.480 you're beautiful and missing someone. You know that process in 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.560 the beginning of like, damn, I can't wait till you 0:14:07.559 --> 0:14:09.000 know you wake up and the first thing you look 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:10.480 is look at their message to see if they hit 0:14:10.520 --> 0:14:11.120 you up first. 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:13.800 And you know, all that journey is such a. 0:14:13.800 --> 0:14:16.960 Beautiful experience that I feel that sometimes once you feel 0:14:16.960 --> 0:14:19.480 that you already have somebody solid, you've been with them 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:22.400 for years, you lose that, you know, And I love 0:14:22.480 --> 0:14:25.360 the dating process. I feel that once you have sex, 0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:28.720 which is normal, is natural. Everybody loves to have sex, 0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:32.760 go for it. But I feel that sometimes sex changes 0:14:32.800 --> 0:14:35.800 the energy of things, It changes the rout of things. 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:38.000 That's why I feel like people should date, get to 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:39.800 know each other. Like back in the days, people used 0:14:39.840 --> 0:14:42.320 to go on long dates and you know, the popcasts 0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.120 right in front of your door before you go in, 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.080 and like, I love that journey. I'm a little bit 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:49.680 traditional in old school in that process, and I feel 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.160 that once it happens, it happens, you know. Like I said, 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:54.760 I know that once I physically give myself to someone, 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:57.880 things are going to change and it's going to be 0:14:57.920 --> 0:15:00.080 like you know, I don't know, maybe it does, and 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.440 maybe you know, because people do it like a hobby 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:04.440 these days. It doesn't even have to mean anything. It 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:06.400 just means you know, I wanted you want it, We 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:07.280 got it in all right? 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:09.840 Then bye. I'm not built like that. 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.320 I respect everybody who you know is open minded and 0:15:13.440 --> 0:15:14.240 is down with it. 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:17.600 I'm just not that girl. Do you think partners are 0:15:17.600 --> 0:15:20.680 more jealous because of everything that they see on social media, 0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:23.760 like if their baby daddy is online with someone new, 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.200 do you think social media is playing a part in that, 0:15:26.520 --> 0:15:30.400 because I would imagine that's hard to see your baby 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.760 daddy with another person, especially if they're attractive and they're 0:15:33.800 --> 0:15:37.440 posting these you know, elaborated pictures together. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.720 And if they're having a good life and a good time. 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.200 Of course, there's a part of you, no matter how 0:15:42.280 --> 0:15:45.640 much you say it doesn't bother you that you feel like, damn, like, 0:15:45.880 --> 0:15:48.000 why didn't you do that with me? You know, why 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:50.600 are you becoming the better version of you for someone else? 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:53.520 I got to put up with all your bull you know, 0:15:53.560 --> 0:15:56.440 your bs, and then this other person gets to get 0:15:56.480 --> 0:15:59.080 the best version of you. I polished you, I cleaned 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:02.440 you up, I I made you mature. I made you, 0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:04.520 you know, go to school or have a better job, 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:07.920 or you know, physically become more attractive for someone else. 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:09.440 But you couldn't do that for me. 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:13.080 And I think it's important that we understand that sometimes 0:16:13.200 --> 0:16:15.920 we're not meant to be in a forever relationship with someone. 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:18.960 Sometimes we're just there to build from and for each other. 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.400 The way that I handle that is that I avoid 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:26.560 looking at anything related to any of my exes. I 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:30.800 avoid any social media content. My friends and family know 0:16:30.960 --> 0:16:34.200 not to send me anything. Don't mention to me, oh 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:35.160 I saw this first. 0:16:35.200 --> 0:16:35.760 I don't care. 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:41.080 Just don't because it will bring somewhat of a little something. 0:16:41.400 --> 0:16:43.680 Not in all relationships, because some of the ex relationship 0:16:43.680 --> 0:16:46.480 you're like, oh, I don't care, some still linger a 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:49.200 little bit somewhere in the back of your heart for 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:53.160 half a second, and it might just be like going, damn, 0:16:53.240 --> 0:16:56.960 that's okay, you know whatever, especially if you haven't found 0:16:56.960 --> 0:16:59.560 somebody else or if you haven't been able to move on. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:01.920 So yeah, it can be very difficult, and I think 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.360 it's important for us to understand each other's feelings. 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.240 You know, Let's not be disrespectful. 0:17:06.320 --> 0:17:09.119 Let's not be harsh on someone who once upon a 0:17:09.160 --> 0:17:11.920 time cared for you, loved for you know, had love 0:17:11.960 --> 0:17:14.800 for you, and now that you've moved on, you just 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.480 want to act like their feelings don't count. It doesn't 0:17:18.520 --> 0:17:20.520 mean that that's any of your business because your feelings 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:23.000 are yours. You got to handle your own feelings batter 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:25.800 you know, be cordial, like you know, I get it. 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:28.960 Let's not be extra disrespectful because men will do that too, 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:31.800 and women will do that too. They'll be all, you know, 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.400 extra sexy, grinding all up. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:37.800 On their new you know, partner, and doing all. 0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:39.879 That extra stuff that you weren't doing before, trying to 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:50.720 be spiteful because you know they're watching. Honestly, you know 0:17:50.800 --> 0:17:52.879 that recently there was a TV interview where they were 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:56.840 saying that I was fast. Wasn't she just with her 0:17:56.880 --> 0:17:59.560 baby daddy and look at her now moving on to 0:17:59.640 --> 0:18:03.720 someone else. I'm gonna excuse me pause, and I'm gonna 0:18:03.720 --> 0:18:06.119 speak generic because I don't want to make it about 0:18:06.200 --> 0:18:11.480 my situation. But in many occasions, while the woman is 0:18:11.520 --> 0:18:14.240 still in the relationship, the man is already having affairs 0:18:14.240 --> 0:18:18.600 with several different women, and you're still there holding onto 0:18:18.640 --> 0:18:21.680 things and being you know, forgiving them, thinking that they 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.560 can change. I'm not saying it's about me, but it 0:18:24.600 --> 0:18:28.480 sounds very familiar. So, you know something, they're like, oh, 0:18:28.520 --> 0:18:30.919 you know, you moved on, Yeah, but this person had 0:18:30.960 --> 0:18:34.040 already moved on while we were together, with several, not one, 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.399