Speaker 1: I won't let my body out out well everything that
Speaker 1: I'm made do. Won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 1: I'm learning to love who I am again. I'm strong,
Speaker 1: I feel free, I know who every part of me.
Speaker 1: It's beautiful and now will always out with if you
Speaker 1: feel it with yours in the air, she's some love
Speaker 1: to the boom. I am there. Let's say good day
Speaker 1: and did you and die out? Happy Saturday? Outweigh fam,
Speaker 1: you know what I want to talk about today with
Speaker 1: Kat here. Cat Defada is joining me. She's a licensed
Speaker 1: therapist specializes in eating disorders. Lisa will be back soon.
Speaker 1: By the way, I hope y'all are following along on
Speaker 1: her Instagram with her sweet baby. I loved seeing her
Speaker 1: as a mom. You can check her out. She's at
Speaker 1: Lisa hame h a y I am and Cat is here,
Speaker 1: and so I thought, I make this opportunity to run
Speaker 1: something by her, which is a mental state or like
Speaker 1: a world that I lived in for a long time.
Speaker 1: My brain was constantly stuck in this cycle of my
Speaker 1: life will be better when I lose five pounds, or
Speaker 1: if I could just lose ten pounds and everything would
Speaker 1: be fine, And so I was constantly chasing that weight loss.
Speaker 1: And I recently got back from a big work event
Speaker 1: where we have this huge festival in Vegas and I've
Speaker 1: been doing that every year for ten years or so,
Speaker 1: and I thought, wow, I went on this event and
Speaker 1: I didn't have any of that pregame mentality where it's like, Okay,
Speaker 1: i gotta lose five pounds so that i can show
Speaker 1: up and be my best self, where I've got to
Speaker 1: do this cleanse before I go do work, because that's
Speaker 1: just the world I lived in, and I didn't do
Speaker 1: any of that. I didn't have the I was in recovery,
Speaker 1: but I didn't have the opportunity to go do anything
Speaker 1: because well there wasn't much going on. But now that
Speaker 1: we're getting back to quote unquote normal in a sense
Speaker 1: and events are going to start picking up, I'm like,
Speaker 1: this is the way to do it, because I'm no
Speaker 1: long or thinking Okay, I can show up to that
Speaker 1: if I lose five pounds or because if I lose
Speaker 1: five pounds, I'm gonna be yes like everything you're giving
Speaker 1: me these eyeballs, like I'm crazy person. But I can't
Speaker 1: be the only person that was living in that constant
Speaker 1: state of I'll be happier if for I'll perform better
Speaker 1: at work if I and it was all weight related
Speaker 1: or if my stomach was flat or this or that,
Speaker 1: like everything had to do with how I looked, and
Speaker 1: somehow restricting for a whole week before I had a
Speaker 1: work event helped me think I looked better. Well, I'm
Speaker 1: giving you those eyes because I'm like, I'm wondering in
Speaker 1: that time, what was going to be different if you
Speaker 1: lost five pounds. We said everything will be better, things
Speaker 1: will be better. I don't know. It was a but
Speaker 1: it was on heavy rotation and I thought I everything
Speaker 1: would be different. It was very toxic, But I also
Speaker 1: wonder with that, so what would be different everything? Okay,
Speaker 1: what messaging? Everything? What messaging do you have around you
Speaker 1: that's helping you believe that everything is going to be
Speaker 1: better if I have a stomach because everywhere you turn
Speaker 1: you see messaging that if you diet and lose weight,
Speaker 1: everything will be better. Yeah. I gave this to an
Speaker 1: assignment to a client one time because I just was like,
Speaker 1: this is fascinating. If you go look at ads for products,
Speaker 1: any product, it could be orange juice, it could be mascara.
Speaker 1: Literally any product. You open a magazine and we look
Speaker 1: at ads. What are you seeing in those ads? Typically? Well,
Speaker 1: then white person? Yeah? Happy? How happy? Do this look happy? Yes? So,
Speaker 1: but I don't even notice that. I'm like, oh look
Speaker 1: how yeah. So there's two things that they are yea
Speaker 1: and I. We've gotten more diverse than are. And I
Speaker 1: will give credit to advertise for seeing more inclusive, but
Speaker 1: for a lot of times and I can't even and
Speaker 1: I I am a on the thinner side white person,
Speaker 1: So what a privilege for me to in up and
Speaker 1: see someone that actually kind of looks like me. I
Speaker 1: can't imagine for all the years people have had to
Speaker 1: open up and see somebody or someone that looks absolutely
Speaker 1: nothing like them. So I just want to take a
Speaker 1: side note to recognize that. And we are making huge
Speaker 1: shifts to that. But I think that speaks to like
Speaker 1: everything around me that I'm seeing is this image and
Speaker 1: they look happy or they look successful, they have the
Speaker 1: life I want, so to have that I must look
Speaker 1: like that. Yeah, I'm glad you brought up the happiness
Speaker 1: because now I did answer you with everything, But I
Speaker 1: think the narrative and thankfully it's been a long time
Speaker 1: since I've had that in my head and I don't
Speaker 1: want to go back to that. But yes, I will
Speaker 1: be happier, so therefore everything will be better. My relationships
Speaker 1: will be better. I'll be nicer and more fun because
Speaker 1: I'm happier. My husband will like me more, my job
Speaker 1: will do better because phil pressure to look a certain way,
Speaker 1: and it goes on and on and on. And I
Speaker 1: would also wonder, like what is that level of happiness? Like, well, no,
Speaker 1: I tell you what. I was love very happy because
Speaker 1: I hadn't eaten in three days. It's just like almost
Speaker 1: as dangling carrot in front of you that you are
Speaker 1: like keep chasing, but you never get closer to it.
Speaker 1: So I want that carrot. That's the happiness, So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna chase it. And how I'm gonna chase it is
Speaker 1: through juicing and diet and exercise in this and all
Speaker 1: of that. But it's almost like it's getting a little
Speaker 1: bit further away because let's say, I mean, this is
Speaker 1: a story that I don't know if you've talked about
Speaker 1: this on here, but I talked about it all the time.
Speaker 1: Is if I lose five pounds, I'll be fine, I'll
Speaker 1: be happy. That'll be whatever. Okay, you lose those five pounds,
Speaker 1: then what Oh, then you're chasing five more. Now I
Speaker 1: need a tone, or okay, now I need to get botox,
Speaker 1: or okay, I think I'd be happier if I was blonde,
Speaker 1: or maybe a should get the colored contacts. If we're
Speaker 1: looking for what we look like to give us happiness,
Speaker 1: we can always change what we look like. And there's
Speaker 1: if there's always going to be something that you are lacking.
Speaker 1: Because we're comparing ourselves to all these other people and
Speaker 1: we see all the things we like about them. We
Speaker 1: don't see as much of their perfections as we see
Speaker 1: in us. So there's always going to be something. And
Speaker 1: we often talk about brain space and what and needing
Speaker 1: disorder can do to your brain space. It consumes it,
Speaker 1: it takes it over, it sets up shop, and that
Speaker 1: is basically all you think about, and then relationships suffer
Speaker 1: and that doesn't lead to happiness. You know, you may
Speaker 1: think that you're making progress because say you are tracking
Speaker 1: your weight, you have lost the weight, but then what
Speaker 1: But for me, that's all I was thinking about. When
Speaker 1: can I work out? How long can I work out?
Speaker 1: Sometimes working out twice, like I wasn't cultivating relationships. I
Speaker 1: wasn't enjoying meals with families. I would be out to
Speaker 1: dinner if I was in Let's use l A for
Speaker 1: an example. I can speak of a very specific time
Speaker 1: where I was in l A for a work event
Speaker 1: and I knew i'd be on a red carpet, and
Speaker 1: I was hanging out with a lot of friends. I
Speaker 1: think even like Mary was there and our other friend Kara,
Speaker 1: and I think my husband was even in town, and
Speaker 1: Bobby was there, and we all went out to eat
Speaker 1: and I took my green juice and everyone ate and
Speaker 1: I drank my juice, and so that wasn't happiness, but
Speaker 1: my brain was consumed with it. So I literally saw
Speaker 1: no problem with it. I thought, yeah, I'm showing up
Speaker 1: to this restaurant and I pulled my juice out of
Speaker 1: my purse, and I didn't get to enjoy everything with
Speaker 1: everybody else. That was my routine before an event. That's
Speaker 1: what I did. I juiced, And on my four Things podcast,
Speaker 1: I would recommend that other people do that too, And
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful to be in a different place. But
Speaker 1: I would tell people, hey, you know I mean, and
Speaker 1: this is a saying from Dion Sanders, and I think
Speaker 1: it is funny and take from it what you will.
Speaker 1: But he was an athlete, but he's like, hey, if
Speaker 1: you look good, you feel good, feel good, you play good.
Speaker 1: If you play good, they pay good. So that was
Speaker 1: sort of my mentality with juicing. And I don't think
Speaker 1: he meant any harm by that saying, but in my
Speaker 1: mind I was like, well, in order to look good
Speaker 1: and feel good, I need a juice. So and then
Speaker 1: I'm going to show up and perform my best because
Speaker 1: I'm feeling confident, and then I'm gonna do are at
Speaker 1: my job. Yes, I don't think that's that bad of
Speaker 1: a saying. I think that's not. Well, what does look
Speaker 1: good mean? And that goes back to like what are
Speaker 1: you seeing out in the world. That's that's in quotes good. Now,
Speaker 1: in this place of recovery, we get to decide what's good.
Speaker 1: So if I look good, I feel good. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: looking good for you back then was having a body
Speaker 1: of a neating disorder, right, So that might be shifting
Speaker 1: for you now, so you can still think you look good,
Speaker 1: so you feel good, but it's not maybe based on
Speaker 1: your pants size. Right. I also would just like to
Speaker 1: take a second, because there are people who are probably
Speaker 1: relating to this or that are like pushing it away.
Speaker 1: And you're talking about when you were in that space
Speaker 1: and you really really thought you you really did think
Speaker 1: you were happy. There is a space in our disease
Speaker 1: where we really do think that what we're doing is
Speaker 1: working for us. And I think that we can get
Speaker 1: really down on ourselves when we're outside of that space.
Speaker 1: And I can't believe I did that, or I can't
Speaker 1: believe I thought that, or I can't believe I sent
Speaker 1: that message or told that thing to that person or
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And I think it's worth mentioning and
Speaker 1: worth taking a second to even just sit in with
Speaker 1: yourself if you're feeling that like it's okay, totally you
Speaker 1: didn't know and now you do, like you can't know
Speaker 1: what you don't know, and that disease is really strong.
Speaker 1: And so if you did something like that and you're
Speaker 1: feeling guilt and shame over it, okay, but did you
Speaker 1: know that that was bad and wrong in that time? No,
Speaker 1: you didn't. I honestly didn't know any better than love
Speaker 1: that way for so long that it felt normal. I
Speaker 1: didn't surround myself with people that all acted that way
Speaker 1: by any means, but because I had a platform to
Speaker 1: put out a message that way, and I felt like
Speaker 1: others were doing it in a sense like I felt,
Speaker 1: and I followed people on Instagram that had behaviors like that,
Speaker 1: so to me, it was very it was normal norm.
Speaker 1: And now I have this recent example of being in
Speaker 1: Vegas a couple of weeks ago where I got to
Speaker 1: enjoy food and not work out and still show up
Speaker 1: and do my job. And did you feel good on
Speaker 1: when you were giving I felt great, Yes, I felt great.
Speaker 1: Parts of me were happier, I know than I was
Speaker 1: back then, because you know what, I would restrict for
Speaker 1: those however, many days before the event, and then the
Speaker 1: minute the event was over, I'd be like, let's go
Speaker 1: get pancakes, and then I would completely over indulge because
Speaker 1: my body was like feed me, feed me, and I thought, well,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter now I don't have an event, so
Speaker 1: I'll just continue this fisious cycle of restrict binge, restrict binge.
Speaker 1: And that's so hard for people to understand who are
Speaker 1: in it. So I'm glad you're giving a real life
Speaker 1: example and talking about it. But when I have conversations
Speaker 1: with people about like, listen, I promise you're going to
Speaker 1: enjoy your life more outside of this way of living,
Speaker 1: in this belief system that you've created, it is possible
Speaker 1: for you to enjoy your life and what you look
Speaker 1: like in your pants size not to be the most
Speaker 1: important thing. And people cannot get that through their brain
Speaker 1: until they've experienced it, and they're like, wow, So now
Speaker 1: you're having this moment and you're like, I've experienced it,
Speaker 1: and me not juicing and being in my life and
Speaker 1: accepting who I am, how I am, how I come
Speaker 1: allowed me to enjoy my life better. I have now
Speaker 1: have that experience, but I didn't know before. Yeah, well,
Speaker 1: and we desperately want that shift for you, but it's
Speaker 1: going to happen in your own time. And I would
Speaker 1: hear certain things, but it wasn't registering with me. Like
Speaker 1: I knew I needed to make a change, but it
Speaker 1: took me a long time to get there. It was
Speaker 1: a journey. So I don't want you to be discouraged
Speaker 1: in any way if this is something that you too desire,
Speaker 1: but it's not happening overnight because you literally have to
Speaker 1: rewire your brain and that takes time, but the good
Speaker 1: news is is that it's possible. And when we share
Speaker 1: our stories or you hear about other people, than that
Speaker 1: is the hope that you have and the encouragement to
Speaker 1: to continue down that path of putting in the work,
Speaker 1: to to know that that it can happen and that
Speaker 1: we want that you And that's why we have that way,
Speaker 1: and that's why I love our tagline, A Life without
Speaker 1: Disordered Eating outweighs everything. It truly does. And I want
Speaker 1: you to have that brain space back, and so does Lisa,
Speaker 1: and so does Cat and any of our guests that
Speaker 1: come on. Just know that you are not alone. And
Speaker 1: I'm so thankful for our little community. And I will
Speaker 1: add this last thing because I just think it's helpful
Speaker 1: to hear and to be reminded of this. That we
Speaker 1: see with our eyes how we're feeling inside of our bodies,
Speaker 1: and we see through the messages that we are telling
Speaker 1: ourselves inside of our bodies. So if we're sending that
Speaker 1: message over and over and over and over again that
Speaker 1: I will be happier. If I lose five pounds, I
Speaker 1: will be happier. If I can fit into this, I
Speaker 1: will be happier with this color hair. We're going to
Speaker 1: see that, and we're gonna be dissatisfied when we look
Speaker 1: at ourselves until we get that thing, and then we're
Speaker 1: gonna want something else. But if we send a different
Speaker 1: message about can be any message that you want, you
Speaker 1: get to create it. I can be happy in this body,
Speaker 1: I can love this body. I can show up fully
Speaker 1: in this body. You're gonna see a body that you
Speaker 1: believe is worthy of being seen and shown off the
Speaker 1: way it is. And that is literal science. It's connecting
Speaker 1: your body and your thoughts and your belief system altogether.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Cat, and I hope people will check you
Speaker 1: out on Instagram your account of such an encouragement to
Speaker 1: me as I'm in my recovery. She's at cat dot
Speaker 1: de fata d e f A T t A and
Speaker 1: that's Cat with a K like a Kardashian um. So
Speaker 1: cat dot de fata is where you can find her.
Speaker 1: I'm radio Amy on all my socials, and then I
Speaker 1: gave Lisa's Instagram out at the beginning. But if you
Speaker 1: would love to email us, we want to hear from you.
Speaker 1: Hello at Outweigh podcast dot com. See you next Saturday,