Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Tilly and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3: Scrub Dub Dub and the dubtutu.
Speaker 2: It was absolutely a gift for the eyes and the ears.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2: What would you like to talk about? Because you don't
Speaker 2: like to jump straight into the dear Banya stuff.
Speaker 3: I don't. I like to feather in a little bit
Speaker 3: of like how are you feeling, how's your heart? What's new?
Speaker 3: Like what's going on? Give me summer plans? Like, give
Speaker 3: us a little something.
Speaker 2: Well, I love We're in spring right now, and I
Speaker 2: love spring, and you're trying to rush me into summer
Speaker 2: and I want to.
Speaker 3: Be mostly in spring. People plan for summer and then
Speaker 3: mostly in summer.
Speaker 2: People don't plan at all. I'm not a planner. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm just existing in the time that I'm in. Wow,
Speaker 2: imagine you're eighty years old and you get to come
Speaker 2: back to this day. Are you just gonna be a friend?
Speaker 3: I'm seeing that all over. I'm like, what the hell
Speaker 3: is going on here? Is this person really eighty? Like
Speaker 3: I didn't get it at first. I was like, is
Speaker 3: this person really eighty? And they'd like have good skincare
Speaker 3: or like what's happening.
Speaker 2: No, it's just like it's like trying to get people
Speaker 2: to just be present and enjoy the day. Don't like
Speaker 2: wish away this time of your life, because when you
Speaker 2: turn eighty, you'll be looking back going like, what what
Speaker 2: I would give to be thirty six again, in a
Speaker 2: healthy body where I can go outside and go on
Speaker 2: a hike and have the energy and look in the
Speaker 2: mirror and not feel you know, old.
Speaker 3: I know it's nice, So.
Speaker 2: Quit trying to get me to think about summer when
Speaker 2: I'm in spring.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, this went into a ted talk that I
Speaker 3: was not anticipating I might do.
Speaker 2: That might be my new career path, just ted talks
Speaker 2: across the nation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my new career path might be helping women find
Speaker 3: prenatals that don't make them naw twenty four seven. Oh
Speaker 3: I've heard about that. Oh my god, I've heard.
Speaker 2: And you know what really intimidates me about pregnancy if
Speaker 2: I ever choose to do it, what the nausea of
Speaker 2: the first trimester.
Speaker 3: It's just the thing is, you just never know. Not
Speaker 3: everybody's the same. Some people have no nausea.
Speaker 2: Who do you know that has had none. No, No,
Speaker 2: so many people really yeah, like zero percent nausea.
Speaker 3: Zero percent.
Speaker 2: Name you like ten, I'm listening.
Speaker 1: One or two.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll get you off the podcast. Okay, Yeah, but
Speaker 3: like not want you to know people to know that
Speaker 3: they didn't. Yeah, exactly exactly, it's top secret information. But yeah,
Speaker 3: I feel like so many people have like such different pregnancies,
Speaker 3: Like you can't compare and then you don't. The thing
Speaker 3: that's weird is that you just don't know until you know,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: I just was thinking about how horrible I feel when
Speaker 2: I'm just like even hungover nauseous, and how or just
Speaker 2: sick and nauseous, and how doing that for days on end.
Speaker 3: But no, it's true, sounds so bad. Yeah. There was
Speaker 3: one day where I was like ill all day and
Speaker 3: I was like, am I just gonna be ill for
Speaker 3: the next three months while I'm taking these pre needles?
Speaker 2: Ali and I have a prediction that you're gonna have
Speaker 2: an easy pregnancy from your lips to God's ears.
Speaker 3: But I I split up the dose. I like split
Speaker 3: up the dogo yo yo, yeah yo, and yah. I
Speaker 3: split up the dose. It was like I took eight
Speaker 3: pills at once, and then I split it up into
Speaker 3: five and three, and now it's much better.
Speaker 2: Why not four and four?
Speaker 3: Because there's you take there's like three, three and two,
Speaker 3: six eight, So I do three and two. So I
Speaker 3: take five and then I take the other three with lunch,
Speaker 3: A lot.
Speaker 1: Of math involved. I didn't think there would be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, interesting, it's a lot of pills.
Speaker 3: I got a real potent one potent potent like oh,
Speaker 3: very like, yeah, potent. Got the good stuff, you know,
Speaker 3: a lot of the good stuff.
Speaker 2: Oh oh, you're saying like the one you bought, yeah, prenatal. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I thought even like just one of the supplements you
Speaker 2: took was real strong.
Speaker 3: No, no, no, I'm just saying. The one that I'm
Speaker 3: taking is podent. Gearing you up, gearing me up? You
Speaker 3: know why not? I'm gonna do it, give it to me, Okay.
Speaker 2: Are you ready to jump into deer Vonno?
Speaker 3: I guess I wish you would give me like a
Speaker 3: little more like what would you like to hear? What
Speaker 3: are you doing this weekend?
Speaker 2: Uh? I don't you know. What's so nice is that
Speaker 2: I don't have anything this weekend, and it feels amazing
Speaker 2: because last weekend was Haley's birthday, and Haley's like my
Speaker 2: birthday personally, I I don't need a lot on my
Speaker 2: birth I am happy for people to achnowledge it. That
Speaker 2: feels really nice. But I'm I don't need a lot
Speaker 2: in terms of celebrating my birthday. I like to go
Speaker 2: on a trip with my friends and that is so sufficient.
Speaker 2: I don't need a lot of attention in that way.
Speaker 2: Hailey loves her birthday. It is like the biggest day
Speaker 2: of the year. So as her girlfriend, I feel like
Speaker 2: a lot of uh pressure, well not pressure, but I'm like,
Speaker 2: I want to make it GRAVI toss great for her.
Speaker 1: I don't think gravitas works there.
Speaker 2: What is GRAVI toss?
Speaker 1: Wait, yes, a heavy load.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know if it's that. It's more just
Speaker 2: like I want it to be great for her. And
Speaker 2: so on her actual birthday, we did like I woke up, Oh,
Speaker 2: I got all of her friends to write cards for her,
Speaker 2: because that's her love language. Like one time in twenty twenty,
Speaker 2: since no one could come be a part of the party, yeah, pandemic,
Speaker 2: everyone sent her cards. I had everyone send her cards,
Speaker 2: and she always references that that was like one of
Speaker 2: her favorite birthdays, and so I thought, why not do
Speaker 2: it again? So I had everyone bring her card, Tany
Speaker 2: and Robbie, and I put them on balloons and she goes, wow,
Speaker 2: I feel like this, this feels very Tawnya. And then
Speaker 2: everyone was responding to my story about it. They're like,
Speaker 2: this is so Tanya.
Speaker 3: He sent it to me too, He's like, this feels
Speaker 3: very you coded.
Speaker 2: Haley has a lot of Tanya things about her. So
Speaker 2: I I know how to cater to Tanya, you know, yes,
Speaker 2: And so I she thought they were all for me.
Speaker 2: So at first I was like, that is very Tanya.
Speaker 2: But I switched it up a little bit. Yeah, And
Speaker 2: so I did that for her and then made breakfast
Speaker 2: and then we just went and got massages and then
Speaker 2: I planned the park party, and so I was I
Speaker 2: was like exhausted from now back.
Speaker 3: Is like I gotta put my feet up this weekend.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I'm like I need just nothing on the agenda.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you have so many things? Oh? You
Speaker 3: have next weekend. I'm going to do no nothing on
Speaker 3: the agenda.
Speaker 2: I'll believe it when I see it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, We're going to San Diego this week and my
Speaker 1: daughter is in the UCSD production of Footloose.
Speaker 2: So house college life really adjusted.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's adjusted now. It was. It was rocky for
Speaker 1: a while. The transition was rough, interesting, but now she's
Speaker 1: in a better place. Her first roommate situation wasn't great.
Speaker 1: Now she's in a better room made situation and she's
Speaker 1: very She's found her people.
Speaker 2: She in a dorm.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and she has.
Speaker 3: It happened around October, right, the transition to did No.
Speaker 1: It was more recent than that. Yeah, it took a while.
Speaker 2: How are her parents doing?
Speaker 1: Her parents also had a hard time with transition.
Speaker 2: Yes, and sister.
Speaker 1: Sister was okay, it's all about me now. Sister likes
Speaker 1: having the only focus in the house. Yes she does.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's something about the baby, the baby of the family,
Speaker 2: which only the baby ever understands. Yeah, because it's either
Speaker 2: kind of sad that they're the last one and they
Speaker 2: don't have everyone around to celebrate everything, or they're like finally, No.
Speaker 3: It's also annoying because then like you're the only focus.
Speaker 3: So then if you're not home at like eleven oh two,
Speaker 3: you know what i mean, Like when there's other siblings involved,
Speaker 3: it's kind of like can't really keep up.
Speaker 2: It's crazy thinking about you not being home at nine pm,
Speaker 2: A little rebel. Back in the day, you were like
Speaker 2: eating hot cheetos, sneaking.
Speaker 3: Outside my door telling my dad I was sleeping at
Speaker 3: Stacy Nelson's when really I was at Scott Thompson.
Speaker 2: Oh, oh, my gosh, Stacy Nelson. But Scott Thompson, that's right,
Speaker 2: where is he? I think he's married, sneaking around married,
Speaker 2: not sneaking around.
Speaker 3: No kids. I think everyone grows up. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 3: and my twenty year reunion is coming up?
Speaker 2: Are you going? I think? So?
Speaker 3: I don't know, I should I should?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: I think I was talking to.
Speaker 3: One of my girlfriends from high school and she's like,
Speaker 3: I don't know. It seems kind of weird. Why because like,
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: They're never what you want to It's never role me
Speaker 1: and Michelle, Right, it's not.
Speaker 2: They're always like so glorified on TV shows. Right.
Speaker 1: So ours is like in a bar in the middle
Speaker 1: of nowhere in Wisconsin and people just come. There's no host,
Speaker 1: there's no pictures on the wall, there's no nothing. And
Speaker 1: I've never been to one, by the way. Always see
Speaker 1: him on Facebook and I want to go to them.
Speaker 1: It's not like this thing like, oh, I have no
Speaker 1: use for that. I want to go, But it's always
Speaker 1: a random summertime in Wisconsin. We're always working. I could
Speaker 1: never make it.
Speaker 2: Like a celebrity in your home, like people know what
Speaker 2: you're doing.
Speaker 1: So No, I didn't think so. But I had lunch
Speaker 1: with a guy a few months ago that I went
Speaker 1: to high school with, and he knew my whole life.
Speaker 1: He knew that I did Discover Millionaire show, he knew
Speaker 1: that I did comedy sports, he knew this. He knew
Speaker 1: that I worked for Rick D's and with see, I
Speaker 1: was like, wow, that's that's interesting. Yeah, yeah good. I
Speaker 1: either he just did his homework or maybe people know.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: No, I feel like he followed, followed your career.
Speaker 1: We'll see more. Because also I tend to put stuff
Speaker 1: on Facebook that's going to make it seem like I'm
Speaker 1: a bigger deal than I am. Oh, like me and
Speaker 1: Jimmy Fallon, Like I personally did a picture that made
Speaker 1: it not look like a post picture, like hey, we're
Speaker 1: just buddies hanging out. Yeah you're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: Mark's friends with Jimmy Fallon. I'm not. But I want
Speaker 1: the people that went to high school to think that,
Speaker 1: oh wow, that's important to me for some reason. Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, mine's like doing like they have like an Instagram page.
Speaker 3: It's like dedicated to like our reunion class of five reunion,
Speaker 3: like tagging me in it, and I'm like, oh.
Speaker 2: I just had like forty people that I graduated with,
Speaker 2: So I I really don't know how many have come
Speaker 2: back for.
Speaker 3: The reminding the two hundred something my class was like my.
Speaker 2: Graduated That's what I'm saying. You would see people and
Speaker 2: be like, oh my gosh. Like I could just go
Speaker 2: on Facebook and quickly see what everyone's up to that
Speaker 2: I graduated with.
Speaker 1: And the people who are not on Facebook are also
Speaker 1: the ones that don't go to the reunions, so it's
Speaker 1: going to be the same people, right.
Speaker 3: So I don't know. Mine's until thing. It's like the
Speaker 3: weekend of Thanksgiving.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, you have time to think about it.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, yeah, the early bird ticket pricing is now.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, I might hold off.
Speaker 1: It seems like a bigger deal than my.
Speaker 3: Into like one hundred bucks or something. It's not usually
Speaker 3: in the summer, No, it's like Thanksgiving. I think it's
Speaker 3: a Saturday, Saturday or.
Speaker 2: Sunday Homecoming weekend, Homecoming weekend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all right.
Speaker 2: We'll stay tuned to see if Tanya goes to a
Speaker 2: reunion and think right now.
Speaker 3: And I was trying to decide if we should host
Speaker 3: Thanksgiving this year. That's on my my.
Speaker 2: She skipped summer and we are into deep fall. Wow,
Speaker 2: she's skip spring, skip summer and where.
Speaker 1: And fall and we've skipped Dear Bondy. That's all the
Speaker 1: time we have.
Speaker 2: We'll be right back with dear Vanya. All right, we
Speaker 2: are back with the content you want.
Speaker 1: Who knows what anybody wants, but this is anonymous. Hi,
Speaker 1: I beca Tanya Mark and Easton. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: love you guys so much. I don't know if I'll
Speaker 1: ever stop crying a Tanya and Robbie wedding content. And
Speaker 1: I want about ten more episodes about it with Paulina
Speaker 1: and Robbie, et cetera, et cetera. I have a modern
Speaker 1: woman dating question. I'm twenty eight diving into dating with Hinge.
Speaker 1: The ultimate goal is to find my life partner. I'm Tanya,
Speaker 1: if you couldn't tell already, and I'm trying to figure
Speaker 1: out how to do the casual thing, eggs and multiple
Speaker 1: baskets thing. I'm going on date number three with a
Speaker 1: guy who looks like he has potential and seems pretty
Speaker 1: intentional and locked in to me. But do I and
Speaker 1: how do I keep adding new guys into the mix
Speaker 1: to have comparative reference points. I say this because after
Speaker 1: my first date with this guy, I had another date
Speaker 1: the next day, and it made it super clear to
Speaker 1: me that this guy and I had more of a
Speaker 1: natural dynamics, what made it easy to know who I
Speaker 1: would pursue a second date with. But my concern is
Speaker 1: if I get to date number four, date number five
Speaker 1: with this guy and at some point I might feel
Speaker 1: like it's weird to keep adding more people in. My
Speaker 1: real worry is he lives not too far from me,
Speaker 1: and I'm stressed that I'll be on another date a
Speaker 1: lah mister Wilsher, and luck would have it, he'll see
Speaker 1: me on another date with a guy when I just
Speaker 1: mentioned I was having dinner with a friend, because side note,
Speaker 1: what do you say it when you're trying to do
Speaker 1: casual dating but you're pretty regularly texting one of the
Speaker 1: people already about your dates. My worst nightmare will be
Speaker 1: holding hands was some random dude and this guys somehow
Speaker 1: seeing and feeling like I was stringing him along. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, because I just dove into dating
Speaker 1: for kind of the first time in my life, it
Speaker 1: feels like going on multiple different dates will help me
Speaker 1: assess just how legitimate I think a guy is or
Speaker 1: if he's right for me.
Speaker 2: Help.
Speaker 1: I'm imagining this and Mark's voice and there it was
Speaker 1: lots of love, a scrubber, and a super proud tanyah.
Speaker 2: So this is funny because when I was going through
Speaker 2: my text when you first met Robbie, there was a
Speaker 2: we had done a whole conversation about you putting eggs
Speaker 2: in multiple baskets, not putting all your eggs in one basket. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and you told me after a certain amount of dates
Speaker 2: with Robbie he had canceled any future dates that he
Speaker 2: had on the apps.
Speaker 3: Yeah, which was like two months later.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so but how many dates was that?
Speaker 3: Uh? Uh? I could check my notes, but notes, Yeah,
Speaker 3: I have notes every single date. I think our first
Speaker 3: thirty dates are documented in my phone.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what through thirty?
Speaker 1: Right? Not bad?
Speaker 3: And the only reason I stopped stopped. Was the pandemic hit,
Speaker 3: and our dates were just like sitting at home.
Speaker 1: By the way, that combined with your dear future husband journal,
Speaker 1: that is a book.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you literally don't have to do anything. Put it,
Speaker 2: put a little bow on it. True.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you thank you for that.
Speaker 1: I'm not kidding. I think there's something.
Speaker 3: There, but I feel like I want to say it
Speaker 3: was probably like six or seven dates in, maybe more
Speaker 3: eight dates in that he stopped put the kebash on
Speaker 3: other people that he was dating. There was really only
Speaker 3: one other girl that he was dating, but he wasn't
Speaker 3: dating her as much as he was dating me.
Speaker 2: Here's my question to anonymous, how do you feel about
Speaker 2: the idea of this guy going on dates with other
Speaker 2: people and having multiple dates at the same time like
Speaker 2: you're doing. That's an excellent question because if you don't care,
Speaker 2: maybe this isn't your guy and maybe you should keep
Speaker 2: dating other people. Because I think Tommy can say that
Speaker 2: as soon as she met Robbie, she did not like
Speaker 2: the idea of him going on any other date.
Speaker 3: My eggs were all in his basket after.
Speaker 2: She tried to take I remember she tried to date
Speaker 2: them out.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I tried to take one day right after meeting him,
Speaker 3: and it was horrible and then what happened to her
Speaker 3: and then after that, I uh, and he didn't want
Speaker 3: to be exclusive. So I was like, Okay, fine, I'll
Speaker 3: go date again. And I went out with another guy
Speaker 3: and was like, no, I know.
Speaker 2: But what I'm saying is if anonymously, I think that
Speaker 2: if you don't care about him going on dates, and
Speaker 2: I think you should keep going on dates because I
Speaker 2: don't think this is your guy, I agree.
Speaker 1: But if you care and any part of your body
Speaker 1: is tingling when you're with him, there's no rule that
Speaker 1: says you have to go out with other guys.
Speaker 3: I agree. I agree Beca's eggs were all in Haley's
Speaker 3: basket after your first kiss. Yes, yeah, and like there's
Speaker 3: nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, And to be honest, I had dated
Speaker 2: and I didn't feel anything with anybody, So I think
Speaker 2: the first time I felt a connection that's strong, I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't want to go on dates. Here's
Speaker 2: my eggs, and I'll take your eggs thinking very much,
Speaker 2: and it was kind of a mutual decision. But I
Speaker 2: think that if you're feeling like this guy stands out
Speaker 2: and you aren't really needing to go on dates. You
Speaker 2: don't have to. You don't have to put.
Speaker 3: Your eggs in other baskets. No, don't let that be.
Speaker 3: Don't be fooled by that. You don't have to have
Speaker 3: your eggs in multiple assets. Honestly, the way back when
Speaker 3: Haley started their relationship is like the dream to guess, like,
Speaker 3: are my eggs in your basket? Are they in mine?
Speaker 3: Like it was just like on from day one, I
Speaker 3: sent like three months being like are we are we not?
Speaker 2: In the in the lesbian world, they call that you hauling.
Speaker 2: And the thing that really like saved you. But the
Speaker 2: thing that saved our relationship from moving like way too
Speaker 2: fast because it emotionally was so fast, was the fact
Speaker 2: that she left and went on tour and we were
Speaker 2: like physically separate, which I think literally I think that's
Speaker 2: the reason why we were able to like have get
Speaker 2: to a healthy place in our relationship, because I think
Speaker 2: it would have been so much really fast. I know,
Speaker 2: I know it feels great, but it's really intense. You know,
Speaker 2: it was already intense and she wasn't even here. I
Speaker 2: can't imagine if she had been here and like we
Speaker 2: would have just like moved in me and my two
Speaker 2: sisters and Haley that's crazy no, But so my advice
Speaker 2: is if if you don't want him going on other dates,
Speaker 2: and you don't necessarily want to be going on dates,
Speaker 2: I think you have a conversation like, hey are you
Speaker 2: dating other people? Where are we at? If you don't
Speaker 2: care about him going on other dates, I think you
Speaker 2: continue dating until you find someone that you don't want
Speaker 2: to think about them going on other dates.
Speaker 3: I think so too, unfortunately, and.
Speaker 2: If it's not this guy, it's going to be one
Speaker 2: of the ones where your eggs.
Speaker 3: Just around the river. Bad. I look once more?
Speaker 1: All right from Kayley Hi, I Begatania, Mark and Easton.
Speaker 1: I'm a thirty three year old female and so in
Speaker 1: love with my husband. In four years, we're such a
Speaker 1: wonderful and happy stage in our lives. My question is
Speaker 1: about having kids. I wanted to be a mom since
Speaker 1: I was a little girl, and I always felt like
Speaker 1: it was for me and I know my husband would
Speaker 1: be the best dad. However, shortly after our wedding, my
Speaker 1: brother and his wife had their first child, and to
Speaker 1: be honest, watching them go through the experiences, my husband
Speaker 1: and I completely terrified. Their daughter has a lot of
Speaker 1: behavioral issues. Their pediatrician says it's normal. She throws tantrums
Speaker 1: constantly daily, sometimes multiple times a day. She screams, hits, bites,
Speaker 1: cries whenever she doesn't get away. She's not a good sleeper,
Speaker 1: she needs constant attention. She cannot play independently. And originally
Speaker 1: we thought it was the terrible twos and she'd grow
Speaker 1: out of it, but she turned four in January and
Speaker 1: she's still going strong. On top of all that, my
Speaker 1: brother and his wife are getting divorced. The trouble started
Speaker 1: right after they had her, and they've tried to work
Speaker 1: through it in couple's therapy, but they're moving forward with
Speaker 1: the divorce. Watching the whole thing go down has us
Speaker 1: both scared to death. We've also but if your friends
Speaker 1: recently start having kids, and one couple constantly expresses how
Speaker 1: much they hate being parents and even say awful things
Speaker 1: about their baby, Oh my god. When we think about
Speaker 1: our life long term, we know we want to be parents,
Speaker 1: but we're so scared of losing sleep, losing ourselves, losing
Speaker 1: each other in the process. And if it's anything like
Speaker 1: my brother's experience. I'm not sure my mental health can
Speaker 1: survive it. So it's our fear of sign that we
Speaker 1: shouldn't be having kids. Should we just have faith and
Speaker 1: dive in and hope for the best. I'm so interested
Speaker 1: in all of your perspectives as Tanya has, and she's
Speaker 1: hoping to start her own baby journey soon. And I'm
Speaker 1: a Becca through and through, so her advice always gheits home.
Speaker 1: I'm also counting on you, Mark to bring the positivity
Speaker 1: out of this one. I love you all. Thanks for
Speaker 1: being that podcast besties.
Speaker 2: Tonya just eyeing me through on the wide eyed the
Speaker 2: whole time. Kayleie, I think you're going through something that
Speaker 2: so many people go through, Like I think you have
Speaker 2: an idea of what you want in your life, right.
Speaker 2: You want to get married, you want to fall in love,
Speaker 2: you want to find your person, and then you want
Speaker 2: to create babies and have babies and be a mom
Speaker 2: and be a parent. And then the thing is is
Speaker 2: that I think when our parents were parents, like my
Speaker 2: mom never complained about being mom. My mom never made
Speaker 2: it seem hard or like a burden, and so I
Speaker 2: didn't know of anything other than just like pure bliss,
Speaker 2: enjoy being a mom.
Speaker 3: Until social media, really.
Speaker 2: Social media, and like being and also being an adult
Speaker 2: and like having a reality of how much sacrifice and
Speaker 2: like love goes into being a parent, and also hearing
Speaker 2: like it is people say it's like the hardest thing
Speaker 2: you do, but like you have never experienced the love
Speaker 2: like that, And I think that. I think there's so
Speaker 2: much beauty and getting to experience that. And I also
Speaker 2: think we have a little more insight into the potential
Speaker 2: of challenges that comes with being a parent more than
Speaker 2: ever before. People talk about it, like way more openly
Speaker 2: than ever. And you also, the thing is that you
Speaker 2: don't know what you're gonna get when you become a parent.
Speaker 2: And Mark's only well Toni's a stepparent, but Mark's the
Speaker 2: only parent in here who has you know, navigated having kids.
Speaker 3: But I'm interested in when she said, I'm scared of
Speaker 3: losing sleep, losing ourselves and losing each other in the process.
Speaker 3: This is a wacky idea, but I feel like the
Speaker 3: first three years is when it's like really intense. This
Speaker 3: is what Robbie's you know, taught me, is like that's
Speaker 3: when it's like the first few years when it's like
Speaker 3: a baby baby. That's when you're really losing the sleep.
Speaker 3: That's when you're really losing like the all of that stuff.
Speaker 3: There are so many kids that are out there that
Speaker 3: need to be fostered and adopted. If you guys know
Speaker 3: that you want to have kids and you want to
Speaker 3: have a family, but maybe you don't want to like
Speaker 3: loose sleep, lose yourselves and lose a thing. What if
Speaker 3: you foster to adopt a child that's like for and up, Well.
Speaker 2: That comes there's a lot of there's a lot that
Speaker 2: comes with that too.
Speaker 3: Emotionally, I know, I know, but she's saying she believes
Speaker 3: it in her heart that she wants to be a parent,
Speaker 3: but she's scared of these certain things that I feel
Speaker 3: like come with like a baby baby. So maybe fostering
Speaker 3: to adopt is the way. Well I think, I know,
Speaker 3: there's a lot of idea.
Speaker 2: It's not nothing. I mean, having a baby, no matter
Speaker 2: how you do, it is like the most beautiful I think,
Speaker 2: like one of the most sacrificial, loving things you can do,
Speaker 2: whether it's you have the child biologically or adopt or foster,
Speaker 2: whatever the reason. But marg I guess the thing is you,
Speaker 2: as a parent, you are going to lose sleep, like
Speaker 2: that's inevitable.
Speaker 1: I think you're gonna lose all three of those to
Speaker 1: some extent, not completely, but you are gonna lose sleep.
Speaker 1: You are gonna lose yourselves, You're gonna lose each other
Speaker 1: a little bit. But you're also bringing in such an
Speaker 1: incredible joy into your lives, and that's okay. You're willing
Speaker 1: to sacrifice some of that for the positives. You're only
Speaker 1: focusing on the negatives in this email. There's nothing positive
Speaker 1: in this email about having babies except that it was
Speaker 1: your calling when you were a kid. But there is
Speaker 1: so much positives. And I've talked on here before and extensively.
Speaker 1: There's a Marken Easton show from years ago where we
Speaker 1: talked about this a lot, the issues we had with
Speaker 1: my daughter and her anxiety and how I was completely
Speaker 1: ill equipped to deal with that, and how I am
Speaker 1: not proud of how I dealt with that, and how
Speaker 1: I'll never forgive myself or how I dealt with that.
Speaker 1: But even with that stress and craziness that brought into
Speaker 1: our lives, the joy of having her far outweighed any
Speaker 1: of that. Like it's not even close. It's not even
Speaker 1: a conversation maybe I wouldn't have to go through that,
Speaker 1: but then she's not in our lives, Like that's not
Speaker 1: even a thought. It's the most glorious thing. Being a
Speaker 1: parent is incredible, and when you hold your child for
Speaker 1: the first time, that's what you're going You're gonna be
Speaker 1: flooded with and you're gonna know that you made the
Speaker 1: right decision, and you know that it doesn't matter what
Speaker 1: the future may hold. There might be behavioral issues or
Speaker 1: anxiety or who knows what could happen, it's all worth
Speaker 1: it in that moment and throughout it will all be
Speaker 1: worth it from that moment on, and you'll know when
Speaker 1: you hold her, you'll know this was worth it. And
Speaker 1: I wouldn't change a thing, and I would die for
Speaker 1: this child.
Speaker 2: That's what I hear consistently. And I also, I know
Speaker 2: it's totally different, but I do think it's different when
Speaker 2: it's your child, like when it's your choice. But no, fine,
Speaker 2: I think it's different when it's it's yours. And you're
Speaker 2: comparing your your brother in law brother.
Speaker 1: Who her brother.
Speaker 2: You're comparing your brother's situation, and it sounds like they're
Speaker 2: in the trenches, but I'm sure they wouldn't give up
Speaker 2: her for anything, like they probably are, like she's crazy
Speaker 2: and we're dealing with a lot of behavioral stuff, but
Speaker 2: I we love her because she is theirs. And I
Speaker 2: think that it's the same, like it's it's different, but
Speaker 2: it's like I don't necessarily I love dogs, but like
Speaker 2: what I do for Phoebe and how I love Phoebe
Speaker 2: is so different than.
Speaker 3: How I love well, I love.
Speaker 2: Sonny, but like what I tolerate with Phoebe, I would
Speaker 2: never tolerate with you know, she could be on the
Speaker 2: rug And I'm like, can I love you? And if
Speaker 2: another dog peace, I'm like, is your dog not pot
Speaker 2: potty tray in your dog? But I think it's like
Speaker 2: when when it's your child, like there's an innate love
Speaker 2: that you have for them that that conquers all the challenges.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't mean that it erases the challenges. I
Speaker 2: just think that the love that's there conquers those And
Speaker 2: I also think that in terms of your relationship, you
Speaker 2: hear people it is hard to navigate those times in
Speaker 2: your sleepless and you have this new baby that you're
Speaker 2: caring for and you're tired, and your like patience is limited,
Speaker 2: but making time for each other to make sure that
Speaker 2: you stay connected and it might be a few hard years,
Speaker 2: but you come back to each other, and I'm assume
Speaker 2: that it makes you stronger when you come back to
Speaker 2: each other.
Speaker 3: I also just feel like though I think that I
Speaker 3: think that normalizing the conversation of like, it's okay to
Speaker 3: not have kids as well, for sure, totally, but I
Speaker 3: think I do think there's.
Speaker 2: A lot of negativity around becoming a parent.
Speaker 3: No, but there's also a lot of negativity around people
Speaker 3: who say they don't want to have kids.
Speaker 2: But she said she's always thought she would be.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I really maybe it's changed.
Speaker 2: Totally, But I'm just saying I also feel there's a
Speaker 2: lot of negativity around becoming a mom, and I don't.
Speaker 2: I think that it should be also the positives should
Speaker 2: be praise. And I also think, yeah, if you look
Speaker 2: at all these things and you go, I don't want
Speaker 2: it that bad, like being a mom isn't doesn't trump
Speaker 2: these things that I'm scared of, then yeah, it's okay
Speaker 2: to also not want to have kids. Like I've I've
Speaker 2: navigated these feelings back and forth so much, especially the
Speaker 2: past few years because Unfortunately, there is a time clock.
Speaker 2: You know, the clock is ticking biologically, so annoying. But
Speaker 2: I think that there's so much beauty in both decisions.
Speaker 2: But I just want to I want to not have
Speaker 2: kids based on the negative experiences that others are having.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And also what I said is from a dad's perspective,
Speaker 1: a mother child bond is that much more powerful. Yes,
Speaker 1: So yeah, just you wait, none of these concerns you
Speaker 1: have now will exist when you're holding your baby.
Speaker 2: Wow, they might. Let mean, I've talked to some people
Speaker 2: that you know, it's I think postpartum is gnarly.
Speaker 1: Well, that's true. That's a whole other conversation.
Speaker 2: There's that's the thing. Like, I think that people are
Speaker 2: finally talking about things postpartum, like anxiety and intrusive thoughts
Speaker 2: and things that we never heard anyone talk about. So
Speaker 2: I think there's I get the the hesitation around just
Speaker 2: jumping into it now because there's it's important to think
Speaker 2: about things. But it's also yeah, you.
Speaker 3: Are so gnarly.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Like when I think about myself and my luteal phase,
Speaker 3: I'm like, that's just my luteal phase.
Speaker 1: Wow, my wife had our oldest alley. Uh, without any drugs,
Speaker 1: not intentionally.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: They gave her an epidural and it didn't take Uh.
Speaker 1: There was a trainee on staff that night. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: then they brought her into the delivery room without any thing,
Speaker 1: so straight raw doctor. Damage was done down below in
Speaker 1: the process. She had broken blood vessels all around each eye,
Speaker 1: like she went through it. Sure, here I go. And
Speaker 1: when she held Ali, the first thing she said to
Speaker 1: me was it was all worth it. And it's been
Speaker 1: eighteen years and she would say the exact same thing.
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: And people keep doing it. So you know that there's
Speaker 2: the love erases the pain and the torture, like because
Speaker 2: people go, I remember I've had I had a friend
Speaker 2: who was like, I'll never do it again. The pregnancy
Speaker 2: was horrible, the you know everything about it. Had another baby,
Speaker 2: it's like your brain goes yep, Wow, this is the great.
Speaker 2: There's something about it that people go back for more.
Speaker 2: So there's a testament to that. And it's okay to
Speaker 2: choose a different paths. I agree, whatever you choose, We're
Speaker 2: rooting for you. It's beautiful. Life is beautiful.
Speaker 3: It is beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's all about how you make it. Yes, we have
Speaker 2: an email from Anonymous and her sister in law is
Speaker 2: making up lies. But we're going to get to that
Speaker 2: when we come back. All right, Mark, this one stressful.
Speaker 1: Anonymous ses Dear Easton, Becca, Tani, and Mark in no
Speaker 1: particular order.
Speaker 2: I love that the order has become a sensitive topic.
Speaker 1: Day one Scrubbery here, thank you for bringing me so
Speaker 1: much joy each week. I had the privilege of attending
Speaker 1: the Live San Francisco show, and I hope you just
Speaker 1: had to do it again. That was a good one.
Speaker 1: I need your advice. I recently went on a group
Speaker 1: vacation with several other couples that I don't know very
Speaker 1: well from my husband's brother's birthday. Over the past year,
Speaker 1: I've lost weight through pilates and running. My sister in
Speaker 1: law repeatedly old people on the trip behind my back
Speaker 1: that I'm on ozembic. One of the other women told
Speaker 1: me what was being said and even defended me when
Speaker 1: I wasn't there. I am not taking ozempic. I have
Speaker 1: nothing against it, but whether or not I'm taking ozempic
Speaker 1: is irrelevant. It is rude and appropriate for my sister
Speaker 1: in law to spread that narrative. She doesn't know that
Speaker 1: I'm aware of what she did, and I don't want
Speaker 1: the person who told me to get dragged into the drama.
Speaker 1: This is also not the first time she's made up
Speaker 1: something about me behind my back. My husband is furious
Speaker 1: and wants to address it, possibly by talking to his brother,
Speaker 1: but I don't want this to create lasting damage in
Speaker 1: their relationship. How would you handle this? Should I address
Speaker 1: it directly with my sister in law? I hate confrontation.
Speaker 1: Should I let my husband handle it? Or should I
Speaker 1: just let it go?
Speaker 3: I mean, I know what I would he just let
Speaker 3: it go. I'd let it go, let it go, like
Speaker 3: like you know what I say?
Speaker 2: What I go? Did someone tell you that I was
Speaker 2: on a zimpic and then she'd be like what why?
Speaker 2: And You'd be like, oh, someone on the party mentioned
Speaker 2: that you that you said that I was on no ozempic.
Speaker 2: I'm not. I'm not taking ozempic. That's what I'd say,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: I just feel like nowadays we have so many tools
Speaker 3: at our fingertips. You can go on your Instagram and
Speaker 3: post a picture at your pilates class and say I'm
Speaker 3: so grateful to pilates and running for helping me shed
Speaker 3: the weight, no shade on ozembic or Manjaro. But like
Speaker 3: I did this one nd per second. What I'm saying
Speaker 3: is like, if there's been passive aggressive no, but like
Speaker 3: who people might be not just the sister in law,
Speaker 3: other people might be assuming that she's on ozempic. So
Speaker 3: it's like, if you're upset about this narrative that's being spread,
Speaker 3: it's probably not just coming from your sister in law,
Speaker 3: because I think that society nowadays, if people lost, if people,
Speaker 3: if someone loses a lot of weight, everyone's first thought
Speaker 3: is to Zembic Manjaro, And so it's not you know,
Speaker 3: it's set me whatever, trizipitide. And if that's not, then
Speaker 3: we go be Manjaro all the things. And if that's
Speaker 3: not the narrative that you want out there, then correct
Speaker 3: the narrative yourself and take it into your own hands
Speaker 3: and post a picture and say proud of this. I
Speaker 3: did it without any medication, like whatever you want to say.
Speaker 3: But you can control the narrative in your own way.
Speaker 3: I think go into your sister in law personally. I
Speaker 3: just wouldn't. I don't want to have confrontation with my
Speaker 3: sister in law there's no point. She might just think
Speaker 3: you're on it and like said in passing, I'm just
Speaker 3: gonna go on on on her side and say she
Speaker 3: probably wasn't doing it ill willed.
Speaker 2: She seems like she's done this before though a little.
Speaker 3: I don't know. If she is bitchy and she is
Speaker 3: like that, then confronting her is not going to help
Speaker 3: the situation.
Speaker 2: I'm I think the opposite because I think if you
Speaker 2: if you ask direct a direct question, but you're not
Speaker 2: accusatory towards her of just like, hey, did someone tell
Speaker 2: you that I was on a zembic, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: like I've done it all naturally, it just makes her
Speaker 2: go like, oh I need to stop running my mouth.
Speaker 2: And maybe not, but I just think if someone called
Speaker 2: me out on that, I'd be.
Speaker 3: Like, you would not do that. I think I would
Speaker 3: as someone who does not like confrontation, you would not
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 2: I've been getting better about my conversation.
Speaker 1: Sure, did the husband talk with his brother?
Speaker 2: No, because what are they gonna know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, basic should be.
Speaker 2: She's good. I think she says anything to anyone, Hey, bro,
Speaker 2: my wife's not ozimpic. Tell your wife stopped talking about my.
Speaker 3: Wife and then he'd be like, okay, and then he'd probably.
Speaker 2: Forgets Okay, I'll let her know tonight, bro Yeah.
Speaker 3: And then tonight comes and goes and he never says anything. No,
Speaker 3: I forgot that.
Speaker 2: Hey, did you know that Sherry's on ozimpic. That's what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. I could get twisted. I think if you're
Speaker 2: gonna if you want to say something, I think you
Speaker 2: do it and and again you go at it and
Speaker 2: not accusatory way, just like to let her know that
Speaker 2: you know that she's running her mouth. Or you can
Speaker 2: go Tanya's approach and just post and say, like your
Speaker 2: own narrative, so grateful for all the pilates and running
Speaker 2: and no ozimpic or semi glue tide or monjaro.
Speaker 3: Yeah no or no science, this is all natural, whatever
Speaker 3: you want to say.
Speaker 1: The bottom line is you look great.
Speaker 2: The thing is. The thing is people are talking because
Speaker 2: you're having results. Yeah, and you know how you're doing it.
Speaker 2: And regardless of if they're regardless of how you did
Speaker 2: or what you did, if you feel great about yourself,
Speaker 2: that's the important thing that you need to focus on.
Speaker 2: If your sister in law is someone who runs her
Speaker 2: mouth don't let her run her mouth like, if she's
Speaker 2: gonna be that way, let her be that way.
Speaker 3: Let them, let them.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 3: Take people as they are, take people as they are.
Speaker 1: Having it, not bother you is pretty pretty good defense.
Speaker 2: IM just saying yeah, yeah, but also calling someone out
Speaker 2: on there is a good Don't let people. Don't let
Speaker 2: people talk about you without having a conversation.
Speaker 1: All right, do your favorite Do not look at the
Speaker 1: next page because there's a quiz for you guys already.
Speaker 3: Hear right, the auzy one. Yeah, yeah, I thought it.
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to quiz you on these and you already
Speaker 1: looked at it.
Speaker 2: I didn't look at it, so you can quiz me.
Speaker 1: An Australian accent.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I read. I read the prep When Sam said,
Speaker 3: do you.
Speaker 1: Want to do with this question in your Australian accent?
Speaker 3: Uh, I don't think I would do it, all right,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't either.
Speaker 1: Good day, Becca, missus yadagar Mark and Easton. My name
Speaker 1: is Sam and I want to congratulate Tony on a
Speaker 1: recent nuptials. So thrilled for you. Like many others, I
Speaker 1: love hearing the origin stories. So here is mine. I
Speaker 1: found scrubbing enduring the longest loneliest Lockdown days, where Melbourne,
Speaker 1: Australia had one hundred and twelve days straight of lockdown stay
Speaker 1: at home orders due to the pandemic between Grayce and
Speaker 1: Aatomy and the days of scrubbing in. Somehow I got by.
Speaker 1: I stumbled across the pod and then listened to the
Speaker 1: back catalog and was hooked listening to every episode from
Speaker 1: then until now and have now begun re listening to
Speaker 1: fill in between waiting for new episodes to drive. Wow. Sam,
Speaker 1: that's great. My favorites are always the chit chat between Becca,
Speaker 1: Tanya and Mark and Easton. You don't know it, but
Speaker 1: you've all been there through some challenging days, the lockdown
Speaker 1: COVID days, but from the end of a relationship, the
Speaker 1: end of a teaching career, through mental burnout, relocating and
Speaker 1: moving back in with my parents, and my forties to
Speaker 1: start over again, through reinventions and reinvestments. I appreciate you
Speaker 1: all alongside me through this crazy roller coaster life. I
Speaker 1: love you all. Keep up the awesome work. Your authenticity, humor, softness,
Speaker 1: friendship and laughter is so infectious. Finally, good Anya, You're
Speaker 1: all a bunch of rippers, and I hope to hear
Speaker 1: in the future episode that missus Yadegar has a bun
Speaker 1: in the oven aka preggers. I thought we could play
Speaker 1: a fun game called do you know this? Ostragon slang
Speaker 1: love you all from Sam all the way from the
Speaker 1: land down Under. So Tanya, you can't play this game?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I read them already, all.
Speaker 1: Right, Becca? What is a barbie?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: Okay, the skewer? What's a bob?
Speaker 2: Is that a girl? Yes?
Speaker 1: Very good?
Speaker 3: What's a motzi?
Speaker 1: I think maybe just mazzi, mazzi, m o z z
Speaker 1: i e mazzi, a car drag. It's short for something
Speaker 1: something that's annoying. A no, slightly higher pitched.
Speaker 2: Oh, mosquito?
Speaker 3: Yes? What about a Macca's McDonald's.
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: What about a Dunna? Am I doing a good Australian accent?
Speaker 2: What was that one?
Speaker 1: I doubt it?
Speaker 3: Can you do that for Mark Dunna Mark d u.
Speaker 1: N n y Dunny or Dunna. I would never have
Speaker 1: guessed this in a million years.
Speaker 3: Did you go to the Dunna.
Speaker 2: The dentist?
Speaker 1: You should go to then before we go on our trip,
Speaker 1: you should go to the Dunny the store shut the
Speaker 1: mall toilet.
Speaker 2: It's a long colge toilet.
Speaker 3: Oh, he's such a bludger.
Speaker 2: Losers, douchebag, cheeter.
Speaker 3: A spill it a spit the dummy Scottish.
Speaker 2: What's happening?
Speaker 1: Spit the dummy, spit the dummy. Yeah, someone spit the dummy.
Speaker 2: Someone, well, someone fell someone No, drop the ball.
Speaker 1: Robbie left his socks on the floor and Tinya split
Speaker 1: the dummy.
Speaker 3: Oh she freaked out, got upset. Yeah, let's go to
Speaker 3: talk talk.
Speaker 1: I've heard this next one fadcom fat income.
Speaker 3: Yeah it's okay, fadcum. It's not false, but it's bad. Incum,
Speaker 3: it's not false, it's true. Yes, wow, really lead a horse.
Speaker 3: But uh, criaky, crikey, crikey.
Speaker 2: Shoot like dang, oh oh my, like, oh my god, crazy.
Speaker 3: Cricky dogs cheers, no, uh talks. Go you go to
Speaker 3: the beach. Make sure you take your dogs.
Speaker 2: Your towels, your bag. You're some suit YESU.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's nice, Sam, Thank you for that.
Speaker 2: Sam. That was so fun. Great great work Tanya and Mark.
Speaker 1: I've never been able to master us.
Speaker 3: Really hard one.
Speaker 2: It's a really hard one.
Speaker 1: When I was there, we went there for a honeymoon,
Speaker 1: by the way, so oh my gosh, wow, and I
Speaker 1: had it down pretty good when we were there, but
Speaker 1: it's gone now sorry.
Speaker 2: You should return.
Speaker 1: I should.
Speaker 2: That's it. That's all. We're leaving, that's it.
Speaker 3: We got to go. We're gonna go down and it's
Speaker 3: like British now goodbye.
Speaker 1: Then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Australian almost sounds like a really thick Southern accent,
Speaker 2: like there's a drawl or something to it that nar
Speaker 2: I love Nor, I always say Nor. Haley always goes like,
Speaker 2: I feel like you could have like that, you would
Speaker 2: have a good Australian accident. I'm like, all I can
Speaker 2: say is more yeah, And I don't even know if
Speaker 2: I do that well, But that's all for now. We
Speaker 2: hope you have a wonderful weekend, enjoy the spring weekend.
Speaker 2: Yes mid April. We love you so much.
Speaker 3: By love you,