Speaker 1: Wrong Burgundy Podcast. It's welcome back the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm Ron Burgundy with me as always is Carolina. Great
Speaker 1: to be back with you, Ron, Thank you, Thank you, Carolina. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know it. It is great to be back with me.
Speaker 1: Not just for you personally, Carolina, but I think everyone
Speaker 1: feels it's great to be back with me. Being without
Speaker 1: me this long it had to be tough on everyone,
Speaker 1: especially right now. So I see we're starting this season
Speaker 1: at your standard level of narcissism. But it is always
Speaker 1: a pleasure, Ron, I don't even care. I'm just so
Speaker 1: happy to be back. I don't what did you say that?
Speaker 1: What's that word? I don't know what that word means?
Speaker 1: Always a pleasure. No, the word you just said, narc
Speaker 1: narc is, narcissis him? What what is that, Carolina? If
Speaker 1: if you're someone implying that I'm a narc I am
Speaker 1: not a narc um. No, no, no, it has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with being a narc. I said narcissism, and
Speaker 1: I would silent see never tip off the police if
Speaker 1: I knew about some creeps running an illegal chop shop,
Speaker 1: or inform the FBI about a group of interstate crystal
Speaker 1: meth dealers, never specific never. In fact, let's not discuss
Speaker 1: either of those things anymore in detail, because my friends
Speaker 1: are clean. No one is a whistle. No one's asking
Speaker 1: you to discuss your friends or whatever is going on
Speaker 1: with the interstate meth dealings of them. That's fine. The
Speaker 1: point is, I'm not an arc, if that's what you're
Speaker 1: implying with that fancy word you use. Know, No, I
Speaker 1: wasn't implying that you're. Of course you're not an arc, regardless.
Speaker 1: I'm insulted at the implication. Didn't imply that Ron Burgundy
Speaker 1: is no snitch. You feel me? Do you feel me?
Speaker 1: I feel you. I'm not a narc, Carolina. I will
Speaker 1: cut you if I need to. Okay, straight up logo.
Speaker 1: Know you're not loco. You're not straight up loco. You're
Speaker 1: not going to cut me. The word narcissism has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with being a narc. Okay, all right, as
Speaker 1: long as we are clear, that's all I ask for. Clarity, right, yeah, transparency, clarity, good, Okay,
Speaker 1: not a narc. I'm just so you know too. I'm
Speaker 1: not even a tattle tale, which some could argue is
Speaker 1: even worse. I don't you're not a tattle I know,
Speaker 1: and I don't. I don't know how we got here already,
Speaker 1: but if we could get to our topic today, that
Speaker 1: would be amazing. Yes, you told me you had some
Speaker 1: interesting updates on where we're at with the vaccines. Obviously
Speaker 1: a lot of the country has been vaccinated, thankfully, So um,
Speaker 1: what's your angle? What have you learned? Well, um, go
Speaker 1: back to I'm not a tattle tale, but I loved
Speaker 1: the game show tattle Tales, so we can move to
Speaker 1: the topic though. Yes, um, yes, the topic of the vaccine. Okay,
Speaker 1: I would love to jump to this. I would love
Speaker 1: to get some real news and and stop being accused
Speaker 1: of sharing information about possible crimes I have witnessed in
Speaker 1: order to help myself in personal law enforcement situations. So
Speaker 1: let's just put it to bed once and for all.
Speaker 1: Ron Burgundy is neither a narc nor a tattle tale
Speaker 1: if you're helping yourself in perfect though, once again, I
Speaker 1: love the game show Tattle Tales. You've made that quite clear.
Speaker 1: If you're helping someone for your personal gain, it actually
Speaker 1: does sound exactly what a narc is. But you know what,
Speaker 1: We're gonna let that run by. And if you could
Speaker 1: share with us your experience about the pandemic or the vaccine.
Speaker 1: I think that would be helpful and interesting to our
Speaker 1: listeners to hear what Ron Burgundy has to say. Couldn't
Speaker 1: agree more, Carolina, folks. I think right now people are
Speaker 1: looking for straight facts, real information. Things are changing by
Speaker 1: the day, and one thing I'm very proud of is
Speaker 1: that I am. I am a trusted source for so
Speaker 1: many people out there, not as a journalist, but as
Speaker 1: a human being. People think of me as a comforting, compassionate,
Speaker 1: welcoming presence in their homes. Even in bad times. I
Speaker 1: make people feel better. I bring a sense of calm
Speaker 1: during these difficult times. I'm like a golden Retriever puppy
Speaker 1: wrapped in a bow, or like a little snow man,
Speaker 1: or like a nice shot of rum right when the
Speaker 1: kids go to sleep and you're off the wagon again. Anyway,
Speaker 1: to our listeners, I know Ron and I sometimes have
Speaker 1: our differences on the air. That's only when you're being
Speaker 1: an idiot, which I say with all due respect, and
Speaker 1: otherwise we get along swimmingly. It doesn't feel with all
Speaker 1: with all due respect. You can't just say with all
Speaker 1: due respects, and I feel respected, but I mean it
Speaker 1: is with all due respect. Well, Listen was a really
Speaker 1: tough year on all of us, and I'm sure our
Speaker 1: odd is always glad to hear your voice again in
Speaker 1: this new season. That I don't think you're wrong about
Speaker 1: that is that's a real unpartisan view right there. People
Speaker 1: are people are very happy to hear me right now.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether it's the timber of my voice,
Speaker 1: my measured tone, or my musky personal scent, but I've
Speaker 1: never felt more loved and appreciated as a broadcaster than
Speaker 1: right now. I guess that's important. In fact, some people
Speaker 1: have told me they've been listening to this podcast, heard
Speaker 1: my voice, and all of a sudden, they feel like
Speaker 1: they can actually smell me in the room. My voice
Speaker 1: must send out some kind of fair mind. I need
Speaker 1: to interrupt. That was from a very strange fan letter
Speaker 1: we received about a fan being it will smell you
Speaker 1: in the room, and you know what, we actually we
Speaker 1: forwarded that to the proper authorities. Why did you do that?
Speaker 1: I was really creepy, but I was touched by their correspondence.
Speaker 1: I I sent them an expensive gift basket of candied almonds.
Speaker 1: Let's get back to talking about the pandemic. Yes, the
Speaker 1: PAM demmic, the changing political landscape. No, Pan, did you're
Speaker 1: saying PAM PAM pandemic, not the PAN Yes, yes, the
Speaker 1: PAM DEMI. Carolina, surely you're aware of the PAM demic.
Speaker 1: So many people throughout the world are fighting this PAM DEMI.
Speaker 1: I've read some recent Pan Pan. Not PAM PAM demic, pandemic.
Speaker 1: I'm not talking about the COVID pandemic yet. I was
Speaker 1: speaking on the PAM demic. Wait, did you think I
Speaker 1: was talking about the coronavirus. Well, yes, that's what we
Speaker 1: were talking about. The COVID pandemic. COVID nineteen is a pandemic,
Speaker 1: and I have some optimistic news to share about the
Speaker 1: pandemic later on on the show. First, though, on today's show,
Speaker 1: I wanted to talk about the dangerous PAM demmic. I'm
Speaker 1: I think everyone is confused right now. So do you
Speaker 1: have updates on your experience with COVID and the vaccine
Speaker 1: or not? I do major updates, huge scientific advances. In fact,
Speaker 1: I have the vaccine ron that's great. I actually I
Speaker 1: was worried that you weren't going to take the vaccine
Speaker 1: I mean, there's some anti boxers out there, and guess
Speaker 1: what I will be taking it live on today's episode
Speaker 1: of the podcast. That is actually great, But let's not
Speaker 1: waste any more time about Pam or Pan. This is
Speaker 1: going to set a great example for people who may
Speaker 1: still be a little nervous to take it. Great. No,
Speaker 1: I agree, let's let's get right to it. But first,
Speaker 1: some info on the Pam demons I was speaking about,
Speaker 1: because you're apparently not even aware it's going on. Honestly,
Speaker 1: not a surprise because with all due respect and mentally,
Speaker 1: as I say that, I'm underlining the word due before respect.
Speaker 1: You are a terrible journalists. You can't underline something in
Speaker 1: your head and then acts, so I think it serves
Speaker 1: the same purpose if you announce that, just so you
Speaker 1: know before I say this, it's underlined in my head. Okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm italicizing in my head. That works. That works fine,
Speaker 1: that works for me. No, thank you. It's not capitalized
Speaker 1: with all due respect when you call me a terrible journalist,
Speaker 1: so all of that is italicized phrase and it's not
Speaker 1: is italicized. To listen, I think I'm so lost right now.
Speaker 1: It doesn't matter run. I think I speak for everyone
Speaker 1: when I say we don't know what a Pam p
Speaker 1: Am demicist. Yes, p Am, thank you, I am capitalized.
Speaker 1: Nobody knows what that means. See, this is what I
Speaker 1: meant when I said we struggle professionally. No, no no, I
Speaker 1: know we struggle professionally. I feel it every moment of
Speaker 1: every hour of every day, atalicized underlying Okay, yes, well, okay,
Speaker 1: quickly tell me what the Pam demmick is and then
Speaker 1: we'll move on to encouraging people to get vaccinated who
Speaker 1: are scared. I don't know if it's your generation. I
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's that TikTok app distracting you.
Speaker 1: But wow, I just I find it very hard to
Speaker 1: believe you don't know about the awful Pam demmic going
Speaker 1: on at the same time as COVID nineteen, which, by
Speaker 1: the way, I've got vials of the vaccine sitting here.
Speaker 1: But we'll get to that now. The Pam dimmick, on
Speaker 1: the other hand, that's the news. That's the real. Okay,
Speaker 1: how about this as an option, we talk about the
Speaker 1: COVID nineteen vaccine first. A lot of people, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's amazing scientific breakthrough that we even got this,
Speaker 1: and I think we just want to encourage it again.
Speaker 1: And then and then after we finish, you can talk
Speaker 1: about your PAM VERSU PAN whatever you want. Here's the
Speaker 1: second option. We go to commercial break. Okay, make some coin,
Speaker 1: a little little cashi or cheddar as they say, and
Speaker 1: then come back and talk about both the pandemic and
Speaker 1: the pan dimics. So the opposite of what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: That sound good. I am the host of the show.
Speaker 1: You feel me, I feel you, I feel you. You
Speaker 1: feel me that I don't know the whole I feel
Speaker 1: you think? Did you just learn that? I learned it yesterday? Okay?
Speaker 1: Promise me, by the way, when I say you feel me,
Speaker 1: I mentally underlined feel, so you feel me. And when
Speaker 1: I say stop asking me that I did an explanation point.
Speaker 1: All right, good, Okay, Well, let's just promise people should
Speaker 1: talk more like this with each other. It's a little confusing,
Speaker 1: but I guess we're just trying, as you said to
Speaker 1: you operate with clarity. Your favorite things supposedly listen, just
Speaker 1: promised me when we get back, you're going to get
Speaker 1: right to the vaccine, because I think people really want
Speaker 1: as much information as they can right now, people who
Speaker 1: were nervous. Yes, absolutely absolutely. When we come back, we
Speaker 1: will discuss the pam dem No welcome back. If you're
Speaker 1: just tuning in, it's the podcast, not a radio show.
Speaker 1: No one's I've finally gotten that concept. Really, it seems
Speaker 1: like we always up against this. I'm just maybe maybe
Speaker 1: they decided to fast forward and start in the middle
Speaker 1: of the podcast. That's what I'm maybe maybe. Okay, it's
Speaker 1: within the realm of possibility. So you were saying you
Speaker 1: actually have the COVID vaccine and you're preparing to take
Speaker 1: it live right here on the podcast. How safe it is? Now?
Speaker 1: Is it maderna Fiser, the Johnson and Johnson. Well, Um,
Speaker 1: it's actually the v I P One. Not a lot
Speaker 1: of people have heard of this brand. It's I haven't.
Speaker 1: It's made in a secret laboratory in the Marshall Islands,
Speaker 1: which is a US protectorate. Um. And uh, it's a
Speaker 1: very v I P service. Um, and it comes with
Speaker 1: also v I P bottle service. I have a choice
Speaker 1: of a bottle of champagne vodka. You have to pay extra,
Speaker 1: but it's worth it. But what I'm trying to say
Speaker 1: is I realize I am very fortunate to have this
Speaker 1: V I P vaccine and not everyone has access to it,
Speaker 1: which is really a shame. It's not fair. But I
Speaker 1: have it because I'm a celebrity, and I'm I'm going
Speaker 1: to take it live right here, showing how safe and
Speaker 1: effective it is, how safe and effective the secret vaccine
Speaker 1: from the martialized secret vaccine, which is a hybrid of
Speaker 1: all the other vaccines, so therefore it is symbolic of
Speaker 1: how safe the vaccination processes as a whole. I'm not
Speaker 1: loving this build up, but let's just get to um
Speaker 1: you taking in we can before we discuss the pandemic.
Speaker 1: Let's discuss the pam demmic, folks. I don't know how
Speaker 1: to report this in a way that doesn't sound a
Speaker 1: little strange, but I assure you everything I'm about to
Speaker 1: tell you is very real, underlined very mentally, and you
Speaker 1: deserve the truth. There are women named Pam all over
Speaker 1: the world who are disappearing, just vanishing into thin air.
Speaker 1: It's a scientific mystery. We are experiencing a true pam medemic.
Speaker 1: I'm going to treat this like it's normal and just
Speaker 1: say that I don't have any reports of missing PAMs. Well,
Speaker 1: that doesn't surprise me at all. I mean, you're probably
Speaker 1: too busy binging reruns of Friends or Sanford and Son
Speaker 1: in your pajamas to open up a damn newspaper. I'm
Speaker 1: not binging episodes of Sandford and Son. I don't believe me.
Speaker 1: I have been staying informed every day. I watched the
Speaker 1: news every morning, and and it's overwhelming. I'm I'm filled
Speaker 1: with anxiety, but not anxiety over missing palms or pamelas.
Speaker 1: There's no reports of women named Pam going missing. Wait,
Speaker 1: but you've seen Sanford and Sun, right, because that's a
Speaker 1: very good show. Yes, I've seen Sandford and Son. Do
Speaker 1: you do you want to sing the theme to Sanford
Speaker 1: and Sun with me? Right now? You know what I
Speaker 1: really just like to But okay, stop d please keep
Speaker 1: let's keep it going by not until you sing the
Speaker 1: theme to Sanford and Sun with me. Come on, come on,
Speaker 1: people are going through hard times. Bring them a little joy.
Speaker 1: My name is Sanford, and I have a son and
Speaker 1: we run a junkyard. Okay, don't make a lot of dope,
Speaker 1: but we have a lot of love. Yours were the
Speaker 1: lyrics they left out I'm played by Red Fox. I'm
Speaker 1: a very fouled mouth comedian, but I cleaned it up
Speaker 1: for the boob tube. Okay, let's you're sitting here with
Speaker 1: the V I P. Question mark. Yes, not a question mark.
Speaker 1: It's news to our listeners that there is a secret,
Speaker 1: not f v I P. Yes, FDA didn't have to
Speaker 1: look at it, went straight to the marketplace. I see
Speaker 1: if you could afford it. I see the syringe. Look
Speaker 1: at their flecks of gold bullion. Is that it's beautiful?
Speaker 1: I hope it's not the Loquere gold Schlager. And what's
Speaker 1: the other syringe next to you? That's a that's botox.
Speaker 1: Well it's a filler, all right, So I didn't know
Speaker 1: you do botox. No, it's for you for that saggy
Speaker 1: jarline of yours. Happy birthday. I don't have. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not vain, but I don't have. I have. Actually,
Speaker 1: this syren and Jo over here in this drawer is
Speaker 1: the vaccine and I will be taking it live on
Speaker 1: the air in just a few moments. I should note
Speaker 1: this is a special celebrity edition of the vaccine. We
Speaker 1: get it, which can't take it? And you have to
Speaker 1: be a celebrity to get it. Yeah, okay, I'm just
Speaker 1: I'm a little worried about you taking something that's not
Speaker 1: FT approved, And I just want to really highlight underlying
Speaker 1: italicized for our listeners that Maderna, Fiser, Johnson, and Johnson.
Speaker 1: These have all been approved to take. Um, you won't
Speaker 1: get serious side effects. But this um, this, uh, this
Speaker 1: untitled v I P. You know, Marshall Islands. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I don't understand that you have to be a celebrity. Well,
Speaker 1: it's just it's not enough to be rich. They only
Speaker 1: give this vaccine out to celebrities, a couple of YouTubers
Speaker 1: like Addison Ray, the guy who's sang chocolate rain. We
Speaker 1: are very lucky to be celebrities and have early access
Speaker 1: to this vaccine. And do you have any idea when
Speaker 1: it will be f D approved or when the rest
Speaker 1: of the world will be getting the option of taking
Speaker 1: the v I P vaccine. You told me it's actually
Speaker 1: one effect, one efficacy. It doesn't sound actually possible. They
Speaker 1: think it might be effective, and the FDA doesn't know
Speaker 1: about it. They do not, And let's let's keep it
Speaker 1: like that for a second. As for when non celebrities
Speaker 1: will get access to the vaccine. I forgot to ask. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was on me. Oops. Anyway, before I take this vaccine,
Speaker 1: let's get back to the mysterious disappearance of women named
Speaker 1: Pam happening all over the world. Fine, I give up,
Speaker 1: tell us about the Pam deemic. I want to know now,
Speaker 1: what what p am demic? What is that? It's very serious, Carolina,
Speaker 1: and it's a good thing you're not named Pam, even
Speaker 1: though I've always thought Carolina was a horrible name. You're
Speaker 1: You're lucky you're not named Pam. Um that I was
Speaker 1: named after my grandmother and she was a wartime nurse
Speaker 1: actually well as sexy. As that said, let's stay focused
Speaker 1: on the Pam demmic. He might have just this is
Speaker 1: just a hypothesis I have. But did you happen to
Speaker 1: mispronounce the word pandemic at the top of the show,
Speaker 1: and now you're just trying to cover with some made
Speaker 1: up store you've invented about women named Pam disappearing? And
Speaker 1: if that's the case, you know, let's move on. It's okay.
Speaker 1: You made a mistake and you don't need to have
Speaker 1: this insane cover story. Absolutely not Carolina, absolutely not. I
Speaker 1: assure you that the case, the Pam demic, is real
Speaker 1: and it's touched my life personally. I admit I didn't
Speaker 1: take it seriously enough at first. It started with my
Speaker 1: neighbor Pam. Her mail started to pile up outside of
Speaker 1: her house and other neighbors were concerned she She hadn't
Speaker 1: been seen for a while, and Pam was usually out
Speaker 1: in her dumb garden every day with a portable radio,
Speaker 1: listen to music out. I mean, I like Katrina and
Speaker 1: the Waves, but every day out in the garden blasting
Speaker 1: that walking on Sunshine song at seven thirty am. I mean,
Speaker 1: I guess it was her routine. I mean, the details
Speaker 1: make this sound legitimate, but I still feel like this
Speaker 1: might be made up. I'm sorry, Well, this is a
Speaker 1: very complex story and I want to cover all the details. Caroline.
Speaker 1: It's called journalism. Please look it up. Fine, I'm sorry, No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's not good enough. To take out your phone right
Speaker 1: now and look up the word journalism. I'll wait. I
Speaker 1: think I think you'll learn quite a bit. Fine, take
Speaker 1: it out. Fine, go ahead, we can take as long
Speaker 1: as it takes. I heard has said I have unlimited time.
Speaker 1: I could do a ten hour podcast if I wanted
Speaker 1: to go ahead, look it up. Journalism the activity or
Speaker 1: profession of writing for newspapers, magazines, or news websites, or
Speaker 1: preparing news to be broadcast. I don't think I needed that,
Speaker 1: I could, Yeah, thank you. Now let a real journalists
Speaker 1: do their job. So with this whole Pam demic thing,
Speaker 1: I initially looked the other way when Pam disappeared because,
Speaker 1: like I said, she was annoying the music, more annoying
Speaker 1: than you, Carolina. I know, I'm I'm being serious. In fact,
Speaker 1: she was a real Hold on, let let me find
Speaker 1: the politically correct term for this. Yeah, we can stand
Speaker 1: by while you do take your time with that. Is
Speaker 1: it is it cool to call a woman a harpy?
Speaker 1: Is that a no go harpy? For the sake of
Speaker 1: moving this along, call a woman a harpy at wonderful?
Speaker 1: So this harpy c word disappears, okay, and I don't
Speaker 1: think much of it. Maybe she moved and opened a
Speaker 1: candy store in Portland, and maybe maybe she was killed
Speaker 1: by the yakuza. Not my problem. I'm just happy to
Speaker 1: have a little break from that damn walking on sunshine song, which, again,
Speaker 1: great song, but small doses. You know. However, other Pam's
Speaker 1: start to disappear, famous PAMs, Pam Dauber, Pam Greer, They
Speaker 1: were vanishing into thin air. I was following the story
Speaker 1: when I found out Pam Anderson had vaporized. That's what
Speaker 1: I said, enough is enough. So you're claiming that random
Speaker 1: women named Pam or vaporizing into thin air, Carolina scientists
Speaker 1: are baffled, and that's why it's called a Pam demmic.
Speaker 1: I mean, when you get an opportunity for wordplay, no
Speaker 1: matter how dire the circumstances, you you have to take it.
Speaker 1: All right, I'm gonna be direct. You were the one
Speaker 1: who said you liked clarity. You were the one that
Speaker 1: said you like transparency. Right. Opaque is my enemy, and
Speaker 1: not because that's the name of the stripper who stole
Speaker 1: my wallet, Opaque. That's okay, she was beauty full. So
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you a question for the second time. Italicized,
Speaker 1: did you accidentally mispronounced the word pandemic at the start
Speaker 1: of the show and then create this elaborate and frankly
Speaker 1: unbelievable lie so that you wouldn't sound stupid that's just
Speaker 1: I'm I'm being treparent. No, I did not. That's a
Speaker 1: total falsehood. And this has nothing to do with the
Speaker 1: fact that you have the v I P quote unquote
Speaker 1: coronavirus vaccine right in front of you. Yes, I'm looking
Speaker 1: at it right now, which I can see you have.
Speaker 1: And I know that you don't love shots, um, and
Speaker 1: I know that sometimes you put them off. You got
Speaker 1: the polio vaccine last year, and um, I just want
Speaker 1: to know if you're trying to put it off with
Speaker 1: this long diagnosis for a pandemic, right, I really, I
Speaker 1: really don't like shot scare Lada. They hurt. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's a needle going into your arm. It gives
Speaker 1: me a big auchie. You're a grown man. Run. You
Speaker 1: don't need to say OUCHI, but I don't like ouchies.
Speaker 1: There's no such thing as a pandemic, is there. Run.
Speaker 1: Be clear you're afraid to take the vaccine. I'm not
Speaker 1: afraid of the vaccine. This is a great, special, celebrity
Speaker 1: only vaccine. They've only made a hundred of these, and
Speaker 1: they gave them to big stars, big stars like me
Speaker 1: Iced Tea and Kelly Giddish. In fact, the whole cast
Speaker 1: of Law and Order Special Victims Unit got this vaccine.
Speaker 1: I think it's amazing that so many famous people were
Speaker 1: willing to forego Maderna, Fiser, Johnson, Johnson again FT approved
Speaker 1: vaccines and go for this mysterious one from the Marshall Islands. Well,
Speaker 1: I have no fears about the vaccine safety. Do you
Speaker 1: think Big Pharma is going to take a chance on
Speaker 1: Mauritshka Hargat's life. I doubt it. I guess not. S
Speaker 1: VU is too important of a television franchise. I was
Speaker 1: lucky to get this vaccine, and to get it, I
Speaker 1: had to post a major strings shout out to Addison Ray. Okay,
Speaker 1: you need to knock it off. This is a chance
Speaker 1: for you to really step up as a journalist and
Speaker 1: it will show people there's hope on the way. It
Speaker 1: will protect you against getting the virus. All you need
Speaker 1: to do is give yourself a little shot. And I'm
Speaker 1: just saying, maybe it shouldn't be this one. Maybe let's
Speaker 1: go to CVS and get you Maderna. I'm so scared
Speaker 1: of needles Carolina, and I'm sorry I'm not as tough
Speaker 1: as iced Tea. Here's what we're gonna do Okay, we're
Speaker 1: gonna take a little break. You are going to take
Speaker 1: a deep breath, and when we come back, I think
Speaker 1: you have a journalistic responsibility to say, no, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to take this v I P vaccine. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go make a legitimate appointment with the doctor. And you
Speaker 1: know this vaccine isn't real and that's why no one's
Speaker 1: heard about it. Again, I cannot stress this vaccine is
Speaker 1: only for celebrities, all right. Normal people won't be getting
Speaker 1: this for at least a year. You guys will have
Speaker 1: to go with Fiser Maderna and Johnson and Johnson or anyway.
Speaker 1: I promise you I'll take it tomorrow. Listen, don't take
Speaker 1: the vi I P vaccine and we'll just come back
Speaker 1: after these words from our sponsors. Hold on, don't you
Speaker 1: ever throw to commercial? I throw to commercial? This is
Speaker 1: the Ron Burgundy Podcast. All three words mentally underlined. Throwing
Speaker 1: to commercial is the responsibility of the show host, not
Speaker 1: the and I hate to use this word, not the
Speaker 1: harpie who co hosts. Find throw a commercial, and then
Speaker 1: you're going to be the brave man we all know
Speaker 1: you are when you get back. You're gonna be transparent. Fine,
Speaker 1: and you're gonna go get Viser or Maderna. Fine. When
Speaker 1: we come back, I Ron Burgundy will take the special
Speaker 1: celebrity coronavirus vaccine like a big boy with no ouches. Well,
Speaker 1: I can't promise no ouchies when it's not approved. Look,
Speaker 1: this vaccine is not safe for normal people. It's it's
Speaker 1: only safe for celebrities. Celebrities have stronger immune systems, and
Speaker 1: so you you, the normal people just won't be getting
Speaker 1: it for at least a year until you build up,
Speaker 1: you know, the proper platelets. Until you have the proper
Speaker 1: platelet distribution, you're gonna have to go with you know,
Speaker 1: the run of the mill Fiser Maderna, Johnson and Johnson
Speaker 1: Medical miracles. Yeah, okay, we'll have to figure this out
Speaker 1: when we come back. After these words from our sponsors,
Speaker 1: be right back, Welcome back. I'm Ron Burgundy. I I'd
Speaker 1: like to apologize for my behavior during this episode. I
Speaker 1: am sorry for making up a ridiculous story worry about
Speaker 1: women named Pam disappearing. Yeah, that took us off track
Speaker 1: for quite a bit. Actually, I know. I I just
Speaker 1: want to apologize for insinuating there was a Pam Demmick,
Speaker 1: there is, in fact no such thing. I would especially
Speaker 1: like to apologize to Pam Dauber, who you may know
Speaker 1: as Mindy from Morgan Mindy, but I know just as
Speaker 1: my good friend Pam. Okay, this is progress. Actually, um now,
Speaker 1: how about you give yourself, against all of my advice,
Speaker 1: that celebrity shot and maybe it is safe. Maybe I'm
Speaker 1: being overbearing, and soon this you know, the key vaccine,
Speaker 1: once normal people build up to celebrity immunity. Yeah, once
Speaker 1: they get their platelets up in line with what we have.
Speaker 1: And again I cannot stress this enough. This is a
Speaker 1: special V I P edition of the vaccine. So unless
Speaker 1: you're a big celeb like Juice Newton or one of
Speaker 1: the Kia Hamster, you will not have access to this.
Speaker 1: So if this mysterious new vaccine does work, which I
Speaker 1: have my doubts about, I would still love our listeners
Speaker 1: to get Maderna fives or Johnson Johnson. I can't say
Speaker 1: it enough instead, but yes, if it's a hundred percent
Speaker 1: efficacy the Marshall Islands vaccine, then we do hope that
Speaker 1: everyone who needs it can get it soon, Yes, immediately
Speaker 1: after all celebrities get it First, there's thousands of celebrities,
Speaker 1: maybe hundreds of thousands of your counting globally. Yes, so okay, okay, Carolina,
Speaker 1: I'm going to administer the vaccine to myself. Ron Oh
Speaker 1: my god, run, let me stop you right there. I
Speaker 1: think just put in your arm like your bicep. There's
Speaker 1: no need to take off your slacks. If it's all
Speaker 1: same to you, I'd prefer to do it this way.
Speaker 1: I'm not being creepy. This is medical. You've said that before. Wait,
Speaker 1: so I'm sorry. Most people have a nurse and minister
Speaker 1: this to them and it goes up your butt. But you,
Speaker 1: yourself part of the v i P experience in the
Speaker 1: comfort of your own home, administering the vaccine to yourself
Speaker 1: in your butt cheek. And remember it also comes with
Speaker 1: v i P bottle service, your choice of a premium
Speaker 1: to medium level of vodka or any spirit. I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna turn my head. Let me know when you're done. Okay,
Speaker 1: h are you okay? Okay, okay, okay. This was not
Speaker 1: my vaccine experience. By the way, I got my journey
Speaker 1: at CBS. It was very quick and easy. This this
Speaker 1: actually seems like a harder way Okay, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: do it. I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna count
Speaker 1: to three and just administer the vaccine. Okay, one, two, three, four, five,
Speaker 1: six seven? You missed three to four? No, do it,
Speaker 1: Just do it right, just do it and just okay,
Speaker 1: here we go, Here we go. I'm giving myself the
Speaker 1: shot in my right butt. Cheek ow. Oh, this hurts
Speaker 1: my but so bad? Is it still going on? Oh?
Speaker 1: I want my blanket, give me my blanking. My butt hurts. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: it's done. It's done. I'm I'm sitting down. Oh, your
Speaker 1: hands back up cheek. Okay, well, let me keep my
Speaker 1: pants back up there. You were very bravely. You did
Speaker 1: regress to a childhood state for a second there. But
Speaker 1: I'm I'm proud of you. How do you feel well?
Speaker 1: As you know, with any vaccine, you're you're going to
Speaker 1: experience some symptoms of the virus. But I gotta be honest.
Speaker 1: Now that the shot has gone into my butt, I
Speaker 1: think I'm okay, terrific. Good. This is really wonderful news.
Speaker 1: I hope it's brought our audience a little hope. And
Speaker 1: you and I worked together on this ron we were
Speaker 1: you know coworkers, Um, no, we didn't you. You didn't
Speaker 1: just take a sharp needle to you. But you're not
Speaker 1: even famous enough to do it if you wanted. My
Speaker 1: point is if everyone works together and looks out for
Speaker 1: one another, we will get through this. I think that
Speaker 1: can be our our message today. I suppose you're right.
Speaker 1: That's a nice sentiment, Carolina. You know, for a woman
Speaker 1: with a I said this, with all due respect, a
Speaker 1: medium level of attraction, you can you can be kind
Speaker 1: of sweet. I don't think it's with all due respect.
Speaker 1: I almost would rather you call me ugly. Medium level
Speaker 1: of attraction. Are you noticed? I'm sorry? Are you noticing
Speaker 1: any side effects? Honestly, no, I feel totally the same,
Speaker 1: did you? Why are you talking that high? Like? What
Speaker 1: I mean? My natural not a perfect round dancing voice.
Speaker 1: You've gotten very high pitched. It sounds like helium voice.
Speaker 1: I don't know when you're talking about? A sham told me?
Speaker 1: Can you not hear yourself? Do you sound normal to yourself?
Speaker 1: You sounds strange to me. Hold on, let me just
Speaker 1: do some vocal retren scientists. The respected risk of reads
Speaker 1: risque magazines Chugger con has a chip Tooth, the Symphony,
Speaker 1: Nest Night, deep Me finish hold on. My voice does
Speaker 1: sound very odd. I think this is why you want
Speaker 1: the FDA approved vaccines. I think this is a side
Speaker 1: effect of the celebrity vaccine. I knew I should have
Speaker 1: never taken this thing. And it sounds like a weird,
Speaker 1: sick muppet. Is this going to wear off? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Broadcasting careers ruined. I want my normal voice aback, Carolina.
Speaker 1: I think we should call the doctor. I think we
Speaker 1: need to call someone and just let them know what's
Speaker 1: going on. I don't know what to do. I can't
Speaker 1: call my doctor. And I bought this vaccine off the
Speaker 1: dark rap the dark You bought this vaccine off the
Speaker 1: dark Well, I was lying about this being a celebrity
Speaker 1: vaccine off the dark web. And no, I won't not
Speaker 1: give you any information about it because I am not
Speaker 1: a nark. I don't believe you just injected yourself with
Speaker 1: a random medication you bought up the Internet. It's not
Speaker 1: being a nark. Not the dark web, okay, the secret
Speaker 1: Internet that's illegal where you can fight drugs a gun
Speaker 1: through bitcoin. Oh, my voice is stuck like this. You
Speaker 1: need to seek a medical attention. We need to seek
Speaker 1: a medical attention. I need to just go, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: are you okay? This is terrible, my beautiful voice, my
Speaker 1: lovely you will ever take me seriously as a journalist
Speaker 1: with this voice, it seems like it's wearing off just
Speaker 1: a little bit. It is h Hello, Hello, almost there.
Speaker 1: This is this is Ron berg. Yeah, I am trustworthy. Hello,
Speaker 1: this is Rore you go, I am trustworthy and important.
Speaker 1: That sounds like you. Hello, this is Ron Burgundy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm Ron Burgundy. He's back. Okay, the piano tuner told
Speaker 1: preposterous lies with Piper Perabo. There you go. Thank god,
Speaker 1: my voice went back to normal. That was scary. It
Speaker 1: must have been a temporary side effect of the medication. Still,
Speaker 1: I don't love that you bought it off the dark web,
Speaker 1: and we should probably just see a doctor who knows
Speaker 1: whatever was in that syringe, just to be safe. Maybe
Speaker 1: you can test it. Well. That's really smart, Carolina, what
Speaker 1: a great message to send out. I'm sorry, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to allow you to push that anti vax or
Speaker 1: nonsense on this program. I am not an anti vax er.
Speaker 1: I'm pro vaccinations. You just injected yourself with medication bought
Speaker 1: from the dark web with bitcoin. I I ain't been
Speaker 1: saying multiple times, take fis or take Majorna. We offered
Speaker 1: to drive you to CVS and get Johnson and Johnson
Speaker 1: like everyone else. Well, I think the worst of it
Speaker 1: is over. I feel fine. I'll it get easy today.
Speaker 1: See my doctor if I think it's necessary. Wow, I
Speaker 1: think we have learned a lot on today's show about
Speaker 1: what you lied f of the time. Hold that thought.
Speaker 1: I think I am going to see a doctor. Something happened.
Speaker 1: I mean, yes, I think that's a really good idea. Yes,
Speaker 1: I mean my voice seems to have modulated back to
Speaker 1: its normal tenor. But I think there's a another issue
Speaker 1: going on. Um, is your breathing okay? Are you feeling
Speaker 1: chest pressure? Trouble breathing? No, no, no, no, no, none
Speaker 1: of that. It's just what is it? Just tell me
Speaker 1: what it is. It's the damnedest thing. But I don't
Speaker 1: know quite how to say this, but just say it.
Speaker 1: What's going on? Just reached around inside my pants. My
Speaker 1: genitals are missing what it's smoothed down there. It's like
Speaker 1: it's like a ken doll. This is a real problem.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to say This has been the Ron
Speaker 1: Burgundy Podcast for this week, and we will see you
Speaker 1: again next time, hopefully with my genitals back where they
Speaker 1: should be. Also, I'd like to leave you with a
Speaker 1: final thought. If you're thinking about buying a vaccine from
Speaker 1: the dark web, don't do it. An ambulance and the
Speaker 1: I again, sincere apologies to my dear dear friend, Pam
Speaker 1: daughter Yeah call them right now.