1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: So first, I want to say I initially posted this 2 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:05,239 Speaker 1: just to find out if I was wrong for sabotaging 3 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,280 Speaker 1: my husband's tournament. I ended up sharing a lot of 4 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,600 Speaker 1: context and I never expected to read receive such an 5 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,120 Speaker 1: outpouring of advice on other issues. But oh my god, 6 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 1: your responses have been the best thing that has happened 7 00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,960 Speaker 1: to me lately. Your words have had a profound impact 8 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:23,120 Speaker 1: on me. From the bottom of my heart. Thank you 9 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: so much to all the mama's dads and everyone who 10 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 1: offered their wonderful advice and educating me on postpartum depression. 11 00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 1: Y'all the chat saw this early. Yeah, also, I love 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 1: one got a comeback story. Yes, man, I was getting sad. 13 00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:39,320 Speaker 2: Me too. 14 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:40,160 Speaker 1: I was getting sad. 15 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 2: I wanted to get out of there and I wanted 16 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,240 Speaker 2: to be happy. 17 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. And it seems like maybe on the 18 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:48,560 Speaker 1: way to that. Yeah, the Internet. Internet's given a little 19 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,560 Speaker 1: fuel pet fuel on the fire, let's see. So after 20 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: reading everything, I immediately booked an appointment for the next day, 21 00:00:56,120 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 1: and it turns out I do have postpartum depression. I'll 22 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:02,600 Speaker 1: be starting therapy soon and my doctor has suggested joining 23 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 1: a support group. I'm still considering it. I never thought 24 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:08,759 Speaker 1: I'd be saying this to random strangers, but I love 25 00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:13,679 Speaker 1: you so much. You've turned my life around. Thank you 26 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 1: so so much to everyone who informed me about tongue ties. 27 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 1: What's that. I went to see a doctor for this 28 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 1: as well, and it turns out my baby has a minor, 29 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:25,479 Speaker 1: oh noticeable tongue tie. I thought that was causing all 30 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 1: the latching issues. 31 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 2: I thought they were saying that she had a tongue 32 00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 2: ti So tongue tie is when I actually am tongue 33 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:34,360 Speaker 2: I think I am tongue tied, which is why I like, 34 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:39,880 Speaker 2: basically I got braces and then my teeth moved and 35 00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 2: I had to get in visi line and they figured out. 36 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,640 Speaker 2: So it's basically when your tongue it's like they're I 37 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 2: don't want to just like show my tongue, but uh, 38 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 2: there's an attached part of your tongue to the bottom 39 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 2: of your mouth actually, so some people don't have that, 40 00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 2: or a lot of people don't have that, and so 41 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 2: you can move, you have like more more ability mobility 42 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 2: in your tongue, but when you had when your tongue tied, 43 00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:09,000 Speaker 2: it's like less mobility. 44 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,840 Speaker 1: So you don't have a lash. Sorry, you don't have 45 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:12,920 Speaker 1: a latch on your tongue. 46 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,040 Speaker 2: What do you mean the latter? 47 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,560 Speaker 1: Are you tongue tied or without the tongue tie? 48 00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,960 Speaker 2: I think I'm tongue tied. That is my recollection. Please 49 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:23,240 Speaker 2: correct me if I for I'm remembering. 50 00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:27,160 Speaker 1: Yeah correctly, But Ming Ming says, good job, Reddit, I'm 51 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: gonna shout out, shout out read it. I've scheduled an 52 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,520 Speaker 1: appointment later this week to get that corrected. Without your advice, 53 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,880 Speaker 1: I would never have known and it would have continued 54 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,600 Speaker 1: to be a struggle. So yesterday I was feeling so depressed, 55 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 1: crying all day, But today everything feels so much better. 56 00:02:43,280 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 2: I was right. I was right. 57 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,280 Speaker 1: Yes, I says the friendulum under your tongue stops it 58 00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: from moving a lot if you have it when you 59 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: poke your tongue out. 60 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 2: I don't know, no, I think I yeah, yeah, I 61 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 2: remember I had to go to like a speech therapist 62 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 2: because they were gonna watch there is well so there 63 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 2: is a in college because this is when I was going. 64 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 2: So my orthodontist was saying, like I had to get 65 00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,280 Speaker 2: in visil line because my I had pushed my tongue 66 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 2: had pushed my teeth forward. So they were like, like going. 67 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:14,240 Speaker 1: Out, So can you not stick your tongue out? 68 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:20,760 Speaker 2: No, I can, I can do. It's so the position, 69 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 2: so it's hard to explain, but it's just like it 70 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 2: just affects the mobility, Like I don't have as much 71 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 2: mobility in my tongue because it's tongue tied, and so. 72 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 1: Might not be tongue I know, maybe I'm you might be. 73 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 2: But basically there's a like a little like surgery you 74 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,280 Speaker 2: can get, not surgery, but like a little you know 75 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:43,360 Speaker 2: thing you can do where you just cut the the 76 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:46,600 Speaker 2: tie basically, but then you have to get speech therapy 77 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:49,240 Speaker 2: to completely relearn how to talk without a lisp. And 78 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want to do that. So 79 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,560 Speaker 2: they just gave me an in visile line and we 80 00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 2: called it. Today. 81 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,240 Speaker 1: I mean, it's worked out pretty sure. 82 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:56,360 Speaker 2: My teeth are still straight. 83 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: So yesterday I was feeling depressed, crying all day, but 84 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: today everything feels so much better. Each one of your 85 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,760 Speaker 1: comments made a difference. I've read almost all of your advice. 86 00:04:07,800 --> 00:04:09,680 Speaker 1: Though I couldn't reply to every comment, I spent a 87 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: lot of time reading and each one touched my heart deeply. Again, 88 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: Thank you so much everyone. You are incredible. So to 89 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:19,320 Speaker 1: everyone who DM me with their advice and resources like books, 90 00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:23,679 Speaker 1: other subreddits and websites, I am eternally grateful. I promise 91 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:26,039 Speaker 1: I'll reply whenever I get a chance. I saved a 92 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 1: lot of comments because the advice was so valuable. I'm 93 00:04:29,040 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 1: amazed that so many people took the time to give 94 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 1: me and my baby detailed, thoughtful replies. I'll try to 95 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: respond to you guys whenever I can, and I hope 96 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: you all understand about the spicy sleep thing. Thank you 97 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,040 Speaker 1: to everyone who made me aware that this isn't normal. 98 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 1: I had been feeling guilty this whole time, thinking it's 99 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:48,400 Speaker 1: already been six weeks and wondering why I don't want 100 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 1: to have spicy sleep. Jake was gaslighting me into believing 101 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 1: that my spicy sleep drive should be normal after six 102 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:57,560 Speaker 1: weeks and guilting me for not wanting to have spicy sleep. 103 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,839 Speaker 1: Each of the four times we did, I felt very uncomfortable, 104 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:03,799 Speaker 1: but I thought maybe it was just me freaking. 105 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,680 Speaker 2: This guy keeps getting worse. 106 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: Now that everyone has shared how long their partners waited, 107 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 1: and husbands have told me how long they waited for 108 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:14,360 Speaker 1: their wives to feel comfortable. It made me realize how 109 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,880 Speaker 1: much I've been pressured unfairly ridiculous. Also, there were a 110 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:20,600 Speaker 1: few gamer people who trolled me heavily for what I did, 111 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,719 Speaker 1: but most of the gamer parents, especially gamer dads, came 112 00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 1: forward and shared how wonderful they are as parents and 113 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:30,359 Speaker 1: how gaming comes after their child. I can't believe that 114 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: has to be said. 115 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, oh, like the killed my kid over 116 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: video game. No, I feel like the tools are in 117 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 2: the comments. Is like game before everything. 118 00:05:42,560 --> 00:05:45,240 Speaker 1: Game is life, game is life before life, game before 119 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:47,719 Speaker 1: the life of a child. The first hour after I 120 00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:50,880 Speaker 1: posted this, I was harassed badly, especially by this one person. 121 00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,640 Speaker 1: His account has been deleted by moderators now. But after 122 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 1: that horrific hour, most people were so supportive and so nice. 123 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,279 Speaker 1: I was thinking of deleting my posts after all the 124 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 1: backlashrooms gamers and a lot of men agreeing with Jake 125 00:06:02,279 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: saying that it's just because I am on maternity leave. 126 00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: I do nothing all day and shouldn't expect Jake to 127 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 1: help because he is working, and I am being unreasonable 128 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:12,440 Speaker 1: for wanting him to help out more. But thank god 129 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,799 Speaker 1: I didn't delete it. It would have been the worst mistake, 130 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,840 Speaker 1: and Catarrhaine says that they're an age gap here. Why 131 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: is that X so heavy sighted? It's just twenty seven 132 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 1: to thirty. He's thirty, so it's not like that. It's 133 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: not that that big of a gap. Trust me, guys. 134 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 1: It's not just about the advice, but the emotional support 135 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: you gave me, and a day sitting miles away from me, 136 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:32,119 Speaker 1: my husband couldn't even give me that in three months 137 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: being under the same roof as me. That made me 138 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,680 Speaker 1: feel so much better realizing how much I needed to 139 00:06:37,680 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 1: support again, Thank you so much everyone. I still cry 140 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,839 Speaker 1: a lot and feel an overwhelming sense of guilt, like 141 00:06:43,880 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 1: a heavyweight pressing down in my heart. There are a 142 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: few moments where I feel like I'm feeling as a 143 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: mother and a wife, and the pain of those thoughts 144 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,039 Speaker 1: is unbearable. But thanks to all of you, I feel 145 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:55,320 Speaker 1: so much better than before. Your words have been like 146 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: a lifeline pulling me out of the darkest depths of despain. 147 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,440 Speaker 1: Every comment, every message has been a reminder that I'm 148 00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,919 Speaker 1: not alone in this struggle. I can describe the relief 149 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: of knowing that there are people who understand care. It's 150 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:14,600 Speaker 1: like a warm embrace that I desperately needed, and for that, 151 00:07:15,360 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: I'm very grateful. You've given me the strength to keep 152 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 1: going to fight for myself and my baby, and for 153 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: that I will never be able to thank you enough. 154 00:07:24,200 --> 00:07:27,840 Speaker 1: And they have some questions from the people on Reddit 155 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: that OP answers, and we do have more updates, But 156 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:32,760 Speaker 1: this feels like a really great. 157 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 2: Stet, absolutely I agree. Just just getting a piece of 158 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:38,440 Speaker 2: confidence here, yeah. 159 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 1: And I think that's what like sometimes when I read 160 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:44,360 Speaker 1: the first part of these stories, I'm like, oh my god, 161 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 1: this sucks. How are we going to find a way out? 162 00:07:47,240 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 1: And what I love about the Internet. What I love 163 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: about this show, while I love about a lot of 164 00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 1: these subreddits, including our own, is the Internet can just 165 00:07:56,960 --> 00:08:00,680 Speaker 1: give context, you know, and it's not always the best context, 166 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: but like sometimes it just gives context of what is 167 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 1: normal in a situation like this, like what is okay 168 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:12,800 Speaker 1: to ask for? And also like are you so depreciating 169 00:08:12,800 --> 00:08:15,320 Speaker 1: your own self worth that you're accepting behavior that is 170 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:20,000 Speaker 1: way below the minimum of what someone should accept, especially 171 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:26,920 Speaker 1: in a a parent dynamic like OP was not getting 172 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: any support, And so it's really cool to see Reddit 173 00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:33,880 Speaker 1: kind of unite in helping this this person op get 174 00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: a little perspective. 175 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,400 Speaker 2: Yeah. I also think when you internalize everything, it makes 176 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: you feel very lonely. But to me, one of the 177 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 2: most comforting things is every individual experience has been experienced 178 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 2: by like nothing you were. No individual experience is unique 179 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,840 Speaker 2: as like a whole person, you are unique, but everyone 180 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 2: there's going to be like tons and tons of people 181 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,959 Speaker 2: who have gone through every experience that you've gone through. 182 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:02,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, makes sense. And I think and that is like 183 00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:04,920 Speaker 1: you're just not alone, you know exactly most of the 184 00:09:04,920 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: people around you probably are. I think there's a there's 185 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 1: an erroneous thing that like you believe everyone's more confident 186 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: than you are or everyone doesn't have as much anxiety 187 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: as you do. And like the deeper you get with people, 188 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: the more you realize, like that that. 189 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,439 Speaker 2: Even the most confident person has a lot of insecurities. 190 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,920 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, insecurity is like like a part of being human. 191 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:31,520 Speaker 1: And I think when you venture to ask the world 192 00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: how are you feeling, you often find they say, hey, 193 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,400 Speaker 1: just like you. And I think that's a really comforting thing. 194 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:40,240 Speaker 1: And I think that's what you can get from doing 195 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 1: posts like this, which is really cool. So we have 196 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: some questions and says how long have we been together? 197 00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:52,760 Speaker 1: We dated for one year and five months before getting married, 198 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,439 Speaker 1: and have been married for about a year and four months, 199 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:59,439 Speaker 1: so a total about two years and nine months. It 200 00:09:59,520 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: goes into are are two year theory? And did you 201 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,160 Speaker 1: did you get in a van together? Did you do 202 00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 1: a road trip? 203 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? 204 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:07,480 Speaker 2: Were there any road trips in those years? 205 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 1: Were there any road trips? Was the pregnancy planned? Yes, 206 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 1: it was planned. Actually his idea ridiculous. I wanted to 207 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,200 Speaker 1: wait at least a year after getting married, but he 208 00:10:20,240 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: made everything sound so good, like we were what would 209 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:26,559 Speaker 1: be like, we would be such good parents, and how 210 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,960 Speaker 1: we would do stuff together, and how happy everything would be. 211 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: I didn't need much convincing. I got very excited hearing 212 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 1: all this and had butterflies in my stomach. But now 213 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 1: that I think of it, While we were dating, I 214 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 1: remember him saying multiple times that it's his goal to 215 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 1: get married to have a kid before turning thirty. So 216 00:10:41,760 --> 00:10:44,840 Speaker 1: this is just a this is just a thing checkbox. 217 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,440 Speaker 1: Emma was born a month before he turned thirty, so 218 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,880 Speaker 1: maybe he was just trying to achieve his goal. A 219 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,079 Speaker 1: lot of people, mostly men, are commenting that what they 220 00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: believe happened is that we dated for a few months, 221 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 1: got pregnant, and had to marry in haste, all within 222 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,319 Speaker 1: the last year, and that the reason he is going 223 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: like this. According to them, I forced him into all 224 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: of this because I am a bee who baby trapped 225 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,600 Speaker 1: him and he never wanted to have a kid. But 226 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,560 Speaker 1: this is far from the truth. How long does my 227 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 1: attorney leave last and is it paid or unpaid? I 228 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:17,079 Speaker 1: work at a well known USA based company that offers 229 00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 1: sixteen weeks of paid attorney leave. Attorney to leave can 230 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:23,200 Speaker 1: be extended up to twenty two weeks, but those additional 231 00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: weeks will be unpaid. How does my income compare to his? 232 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:29,120 Speaker 1: I do make a little more money than he does annually, 233 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 1: but also have longer working hours. He usually works from 234 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: ten to five with an hour break in between, to 235 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:37,000 Speaker 1: about six hours of actual work. Why did I have 236 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:38,720 Speaker 1: a baby with him when I knew he was so 237 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,559 Speaker 1: into gaming? No, he wasn't into gaming that much before. 238 00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: It was like three to four hours a day. 239 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:46,360 Speaker 2: Three to four hours day is a lot. That's a toime, 240 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 2: that's a lot. How much is he doing now? Three 241 00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,560 Speaker 2: to four hours a day is a lot? 242 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,360 Speaker 1: That's that's like. He gets home from work at. 243 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 2: Five, when do you guys hang outs, and. 244 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,800 Speaker 1: Then games until he goes to sleep. After the baby came, 245 00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: he didn't game much for about a week, But after that, 246 00:12:02,440 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: oh my god, he was gaming twenty four to seven, 247 00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,719 Speaker 1: even during meals and work breaks. Once I caught him 248 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 1: working on his laptop during his hours and gaming with 249 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:15,320 Speaker 1: his free hand. He probably is cutting a lot on sleep. 250 00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:20,839 Speaker 1: Just a game, it would easily be ten plus hours 251 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: of gaming daily. 252 00:12:22,400 --> 00:12:25,120 Speaker 2: Sovia Cologne says he's addicted to gaming. Yeah, that's an addiction. 253 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,440 Speaker 2: Ten plus hours. 254 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,200 Speaker 1: That's more than he's working. 255 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, you're doing it while you're eating. You're doing it 256 00:12:30,559 --> 00:12:31,400 Speaker 2: while you're working. 257 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: That's so much. Does he help with other tours, No, 258 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 1: he rarely does. I do all the tours, like laundry's dishes, vacuuming. 259 00:12:39,280 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 1: Once I threatened him that he must at least do 260 00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:43,720 Speaker 1: his own dishes because I wouldn't do anymore. And after that, 261 00:12:43,760 --> 00:12:47,439 Speaker 1: he got a huge stack of disposable plates, spoons, and glasses, 262 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:50,360 Speaker 1: et cetera. Honestly, I use those two from his stock 263 00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 1: because I'm so exhausted. Sometimes I do most of the cooking. 264 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: He'll boil eggs at most, and that's like two to 265 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,320 Speaker 1: three times a week. About three weeks ago, I was 266 00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 1: already mad at him because I had asked him to 267 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,559 Speaker 1: change Emma's diapers if she pooped while I was at 268 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:07,040 Speaker 1: my gynecologist for a follow up. He didn't change Emma's diapers, 269 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: so I didn't make food for him for three days. 270 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: He ordered door Dash for all the meals. That's why, 271 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: even though a lot of people are asking me to 272 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: leave him with Emma for eight hours, I don't know 273 00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:19,920 Speaker 1: what condition I'll find my baby when I come back. 274 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:24,920 Speaker 2: No, I literally refuse to have a child with a 275 00:13:24,920 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 2: partner that doesn't know how to cook. Yeah, you don't 276 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 2: have to be an amazing cook, but if you don't 277 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 2: how to cook, it's gotta try. 278 00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:34,240 Speaker 1: It's it's not about like it's it's about like, it's 279 00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:38,400 Speaker 1: about just contributing, Yes, exactly, if you can contribute, that's. 280 00:13:38,280 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: It's just taking care of yourself. 281 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,959 Speaker 1: Like my Like my ex was a really good cook, 282 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:47,760 Speaker 1: and I am becoming better work. I made a pretty 283 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 1: good stow yesterday. But what we would do is she 284 00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:52,000 Speaker 1: would cook and I would clean everything. Yeah, and that 285 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 1: was kind of a role. She hated cook like she 286 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: hated cleaning and love cooking. I was not good at 287 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: cooking and canon door cleaning. 288 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:03,320 Speaker 2: Uh, but I think even I would go beyond like 289 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 2: cooking cleaning. I think everyone went before you have a 290 00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:10,079 Speaker 2: child should have a certain level of cooking knowledge. 291 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 1: So you can provide for that child. 292 00:14:11,800 --> 00:14:15,600 Speaker 2: If a parent is gone. Yeah, I think every parent 293 00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: should have a working knowledge of cooking. 294 00:14:18,280 --> 00:14:20,840 Speaker 1: Persa Grieba says he regrets the baby. I don't think 295 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:23,520 Speaker 1: the gaming is the problem. It is his solution. Maybe 296 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 1: he's depressed because of the baby he doesn't want, like 297 00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:29,160 Speaker 1: the baby that doesn't want to go to school, or 298 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 1: like a baby that doesn't want to go to school. Yeah. 299 00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: I actually think I was watching like a podcast about addiction, 300 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: and something they talked about is like addiction isn't the problem, 301 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:42,080 Speaker 1: it's the solution to the internal emotional turmoil that someone 302 00:14:42,120 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: is feeling. Right, So he's probably feeling some kind of 303 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: terrible emotion and this is the way to numb himself 304 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 1: from that. Yeah. So I mean also something you could 305 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,640 Speaker 1: do is like also see how he's feeling. Not that 306 00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 1: he deserves that, but like if you're trying to figure 307 00:14:56,920 --> 00:14:59,960 Speaker 1: out like, yeah, how to proceed. I think starting with 308 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 1: how he's feeling, even though he doesn't deserve your kindness 309 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: or empathy like, I think it might improve the like proceeding. 310 00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,480 Speaker 2: Towards the like. It's not even staying together, it's just 311 00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:15,800 Speaker 2: like he's going to be parents. 312 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: You know. I was only gone for an hour and 313 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:20,640 Speaker 1: a half, and I came home to her crying and soiled. 314 00:15:20,840 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: While my husband had his headphones on, he claimed he 315 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,320 Speaker 1: didn't hear her crying. God knows how long my baby 316 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: had been crying. I fell awful that night and cried 317 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: myself to sleep, thinking did she start crying as soon 318 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,480 Speaker 1: as I left and cry for the whole hour and 319 00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:37,360 Speaker 1: a half. I have no idea what I will do 320 00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 1: after I resume my job, and I barely have ten 321 00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,160 Speaker 1: weeks to figure everything out. I haven't thought about what 322 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:45,600 Speaker 1: to do about Jake as of now, but I'll let 323 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:47,400 Speaker 1: you know a lot of people have suggested that I 324 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,560 Speaker 1: go to my parents' house or call my mother in law, 325 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 1: but it would create a huge scene if I did. 326 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,600 Speaker 1: My parents, especially my dad, are very protective of me 327 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:57,280 Speaker 1: since I'm an only child. If he knew how Jake 328 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 1: has been treating me and our daughter. He would take 329 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 1: me home immediately and get me to work. 330 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,320 Speaker 2: Go to them. They seem super supportive. 331 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, go to them, and Jake would be in serious trouble. 332 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,320 Speaker 1: He doesn't like Jake already, and if my cousin brothers 333 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:14,960 Speaker 1: found out, I can't even explain what would happen to him. 334 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:16,800 Speaker 1: So it looks like you have a sports say, yeah, 335 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 1: I go to them. I'm the only sister in the family, 336 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,160 Speaker 1: so they are extremely protective of me as well. It's 337 00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: not that I don't want to be with my family 338 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 1: or get their help, but I would have to explain 339 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: the reason, and I don't want to do this to 340 00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 1: Jake just yet. Many people have mentioned that Jake might 341 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: have postpartum depression too, because it's unusual for him to 342 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:36,280 Speaker 1: change all of a sudden like this. I still want 343 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:38,560 Speaker 1: to hold onto hope after reading all those comments about 344 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 1: how therapy changed their husbands, and even some dads coming 345 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,240 Speaker 1: forward telling me how they used to be like Jake 346 00:16:44,360 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 1: and now they have changed. 347 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:49,280 Speaker 2: But I don't think that matters right now. There's no 348 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 2: way that he's going to change quick enough, you know, 349 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:56,040 Speaker 2: for you to be able to stay in this situation. 350 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 2: I think that you would say some separation. 351 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: Yes, completely agree. I think I think you are not 352 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:05,320 Speaker 1: going to feel good and not going to be able 353 00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,400 Speaker 1: to take care of your child in this environment because 354 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:12,399 Speaker 1: he's creating this hostile environment for you and your child. 355 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 2: So I think you go straight to your supports system 356 00:17:15,000 --> 00:17:17,520 Speaker 2: that clearly is protective of you. And I think like 357 00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:19,560 Speaker 2: it's just remembering like he's like, oh, well, I don't 358 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 2: want to you know, I don't want to get them 359 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 2: like I don't want them to attack Jake. I still 360 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,880 Speaker 2: want to give Jake a chance. You've given him multiple chances, 361 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 2: and I also think it's time to also think about. 362 00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:32,640 Speaker 1: Giving yourself, give yourself a chance, and also like but. 363 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 2: Also your child. Yeah, and you it's like very fairly 364 00:17:37,560 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 2: so cannot take care of this child alone right now. 365 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I'm not saying like Jake, like I'm not 366 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: saying you because it sounds like she doesn't want to 367 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:48,199 Speaker 1: give up completely on Jake, And I'm not saying you 368 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,879 Speaker 1: have to do that, but you. I think Sophia is right. 369 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,040 Speaker 1: You do have to get out of this environment, and 370 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,280 Speaker 1: maybe what you can do is like like once you 371 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,520 Speaker 1: get out of the environment, it's like hey, like it 372 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:01,080 Speaker 1: seems like you might be going through pro part of depression. Yeah, 373 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:03,600 Speaker 1: I think you need a therapist. I can't be with 374 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:07,440 Speaker 1: you right now until I see change. I really hope 375 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,040 Speaker 1: you get the help that you need. And I think 376 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:13,800 Speaker 1: that feels like the best way to leave. It's also empathetic. 377 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: It's empathetic yourself, empathetic to baby, and empathetic to him 378 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: right because he's probably he's not. 379 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 2: Going to change until he gets he's. 380 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:25,280 Speaker 1: Shaken, until he's shaken a little bit. I really do 381 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 1: think like he might have the ability to change. Like, 382 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 1: I don't want to write him off for not doing that, 383 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 1: but you don't need to be there and be changed, Yeah, 384 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: to see that change or to care the burden of that. 385 00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,240 Speaker 1: Chibby Lee says she needs to leave, and even some 386 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 1: dad's coming forward telling me how they used to be 387 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,479 Speaker 1: like Jake and now they've changed. However, two to three 388 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 1: dads also DM me, saying they are like Jake and 389 00:18:48,560 --> 00:18:50,440 Speaker 1: told me to run as far as I can. 390 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,640 Speaker 2: One of them yeah, they're like, yeah, I knew these two. 391 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:55,560 Speaker 2: You should probably leave. 392 00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,240 Speaker 1: One of them said he ended up beating his six 393 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,439 Speaker 1: month old baby when he was crying. Another said he 394 00:19:01,560 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 1: shook his baby, which you know that is one of 395 00:19:05,359 --> 00:19:08,120 Speaker 1: the signs of postpart and depression. Yeah, oh my god, 396 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 1: this terrified me. Jake's bathing awfully, but I think he 397 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,840 Speaker 1: would never do something like that. But after reading all 398 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 1: of this, I don't think I can leave Emma alone 399 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:17,400 Speaker 1: with him. 400 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,919 Speaker 2: The thing is that, regardless if he'd go there, he 401 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,560 Speaker 2: has already put your child in danger by letting her 402 00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,680 Speaker 2: cry for who knows that long. 403 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:26,879 Speaker 1: I'm crying writing this, but I want you all to 404 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:28,720 Speaker 1: know that when Emma grows up, I will make sure 405 00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 1: to tell her about the kind strangers who helped her 406 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,200 Speaker 1: and her mama in such difficult times. I'll tell her 407 00:19:34,280 --> 00:19:38,080 Speaker 1: about the people who, even from miles away, reached out 408 00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,080 Speaker 1: with their hearts and lifted us up when we were 409 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:44,920 Speaker 1: at our lowest. The tears I shed now are not 410 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:47,919 Speaker 1: just from the pain and exhaustion, but also from the 411 00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: overwhelming gratitude I feel for each one of you. I'll 412 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 1: forever be grateful for your kindness and compassion, and I 413 00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: want Emma to know that in our darkest moments, there 414 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 1: were angels who came to our rescue. Thank you for 415 00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: giving us the strength to carry on. I'll try to 416 00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:05,520 Speaker 1: keep all of you updated on how things progress, sending 417 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:07,760 Speaker 1: love and gratitude to each and every one of you. 418 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 1: And edit. Many of you are urging to call my 419 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,639 Speaker 1: dad asap and get this help. Agreed, Yes, trust me, 420 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,879 Speaker 1: I understand why you're saying this, but there's something you 421 00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: should know about my dad when it comes to me. 422 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:21,080 Speaker 1: He's incredibly hot headed and protective. If my dad, brothers 423 00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: and uncles find out about how Jake has been treating me, 424 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: they will definitely go after him and it won't end well. 425 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:31,480 Speaker 1: I'm scared they will face charges or worse and what 426 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:35,160 Speaker 1: they'll do to Jake. I mean, that's a support system 427 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: right there. Yeah, that for you. Even if Jake decides 428 00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:41,479 Speaker 1: to get therapy, it changes, my dad will never let 429 00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 1: me try again with him. There's no way my family 430 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 1: will allow Jake back into my life. Maybe good once 431 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,639 Speaker 1: they know everything. It hurts every day when I have 432 00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,960 Speaker 1: to hold back tears while talking to my mom, dad, 433 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 1: and other family members. It hurts to lie to my 434 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,040 Speaker 1: parents to pretend that everything is perfect when I'm actually 435 00:20:57,080 --> 00:21:00,240 Speaker 1: falling apart. Sometimes I break down while I call and 436 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 1: I have to cut the conversation short, lying that Emma 437 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: woke up again, so they don't hear me crying. You 438 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 1: don't know how much I want to tell them, how 439 00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 1: much I want their support, but I'm terrified of making 440 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,960 Speaker 1: a decision. There's no coming back from in such haste. 441 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,920 Speaker 1: But you need to tell them. You need to tell 442 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,600 Speaker 1: them I fear making a decision in haste that leaves 443 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:21,639 Speaker 1: no room for redemption or reconciliation. But this is in haste. 444 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 1: You know you've been thinking about this for a while, 445 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:26,399 Speaker 1: and he's shown his colors. Yeah, tell Papa Bear and 446 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:28,600 Speaker 1: have that Grizzly go on a rampage. 447 00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:29,240 Speaker 2: Agreed. 448 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:34,960 Speaker 1: Agreed, but we got some relevant comments and possibly another update. Whoop, 449 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:39,240 Speaker 1: so Smeekhead says, seriously, leave him. Let your dad do 450 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,359 Speaker 1: what he will. He's not going to get any better. 451 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 1: Good luck and good focus twenty six to sixty five 452 00:21:43,320 --> 00:21:46,639 Speaker 1: says agreed. You gain nothing by protecting Jake from your father. 453 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 1: You'll gain support and much needed rest if you tell 454 00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 1: your dad they are more likely to help you with 455 00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,760 Speaker 1: the kid than Jake and fair Strawberry six seven oh 456 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,080 Speaker 1: nine says, Honey, it's a big booty red flag that 457 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 1: your dad already doesn't like him. Your dad is is 458 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,639 Speaker 1: the person to call right now. Please. I say this 459 00:22:02,640 --> 00:22:06,440 Speaker 1: from experience. He will not change without a harsh reality check, 460 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,359 Speaker 1: and even then he will only change if he wants 461 00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:14,360 Speaker 1: to go where you actually have support. Call your dad. Yep, 462 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:16,439 Speaker 1: and the this W one two three says absolutely, this 463 00:22:16,680 --> 00:22:18,880 Speaker 1: be with people who love you and Emma. It's time 464 00:22:18,920 --> 00:22:20,879 Speaker 1: for you both to get some peace. We have an 465 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:21,960 Speaker 1: update a few hours later. 466 00:22:22,080 --> 00:22:23,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I think you have to immediately go to 467 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:24,080 Speaker 2: your parents. 468 00:22:24,119 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: It's only been five hours since I posted my last update, 469 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,639 Speaker 1: but they have been through. But they have been enough 470 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,920 Speaker 1: to knock some sensitive me. You guys are right woo. 471 00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:35,120 Speaker 1: I'm being an a hole and not prioritizing my baby, 472 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: so I need to get out of here asap. Oh 473 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: my god, I read the comments that I'm overwhelmed. I'm 474 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,119 Speaker 1: crying hysterically again. Jake even shouted from the other room, 475 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:45,840 Speaker 1: asking if I could keep it down. You're right, he 476 00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 1: won't change, He's so insensitive. Realizing how foolish I've been 477 00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:52,840 Speaker 1: has hit me hard. You all made me see how 478 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:56,040 Speaker 1: stupid I am for not leaving Jake and going to 479 00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:59,239 Speaker 1: my parents, and how I am putting both Emma's and 480 00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: my life in danger. The thing that moved me the 481 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: most was when you told me to imagine if it 482 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: was Emma being treated like this, would I want her 483 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: to keep quiet or tell me what's happening with her. 484 00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:14,040 Speaker 1: That hit me so hard. I can't bear the thought 485 00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:16,879 Speaker 1: of her going through what I'm going through. I've decided 486 00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,640 Speaker 1: to talk to my family tomorrow or the day after tomorrow. 487 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:22,800 Speaker 1: I need some time to think about what, how much 488 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 1: to say to them so the worst doesn't happen and 489 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,320 Speaker 1: my family doesn't end up in jail. They love me 490 00:23:27,359 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: a lot and have been protected to me since I 491 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,800 Speaker 1: was a little kid. I also need to find and 492 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:34,520 Speaker 1: upload all the recordings from the CCTV cameras to my laptop, 493 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 1: which will help me with custody if we end up 494 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 1: getting divorced. I need time to figure out the recordings 495 00:23:39,840 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: and CCTV stuff, so I'll probably call someone for help. 496 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,080 Speaker 1: I'm thinking of doing this discreetly when Jake is sleeping, 497 00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,639 Speaker 1: because I'm scared he might completely lose it. I know 498 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: he probably won't even notice, since he mostly sleeps between 499 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: gaming and doesn't come out of his room. But then again, 500 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: I've been an idiot about so much stuff already, so 501 00:23:56,600 --> 00:23:58,639 Speaker 1: let me know if I should do it another way. Please, 502 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 1: if there are steps other and recordings and important documents 503 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 1: I should take before telling my family and leaving, let 504 00:24:05,240 --> 00:24:08,280 Speaker 1: me know, because I know once I leave, I won't 505 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: be coming back. And Mingwing says, send them the post 506 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:12,760 Speaker 1: to the parents, suppost to the family. 507 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, and then you don't have to like you can. 508 00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:17,280 Speaker 2: This is already already led. 509 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:20,240 Speaker 1: I know I don't reply often, but I read your 510 00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,920 Speaker 1: comments and I promise I'll try to reply when things 511 00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: are better. But please, I only have a little time 512 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,919 Speaker 1: and don't want to mess this up. You guys have 513 00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,719 Speaker 1: scared the heck out of me with the possibilities of 514 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:35,000 Speaker 1: what could happen. You all are saying, Jake, will I'm 515 00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 1: alive the baby and I'll end up doing a funeral 516 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 1: for my baby. Saying stuff like that, that's a very 517 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: cruel and mean thing to say. I've already been so 518 00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 1: depressed and crying, and now it feels like I'm drowning again. 519 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,560 Speaker 1: Please please please stop saying that. It's very insensitive. Even 520 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:52,560 Speaker 1: if you're saying this so I would ask for help 521 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,760 Speaker 1: and leave Jake. Secondly, I know you must be thinking, 522 00:24:54,800 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: why does this woman cry a lot? She's always crying 523 00:24:57,280 --> 00:25:02,320 Speaker 1: and she's pathetic. Oh but I don't know what's happening 524 00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: to me. All I do is cry, and I wasn't 525 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:06,440 Speaker 1: like this before. I cried very little before giving birth. 526 00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:08,400 Speaker 1: To be honest, I'm just very overwhelmed. 527 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:12,360 Speaker 2: You're burnt out and you have PbD. We've already established this. 528 00:25:12,840 --> 00:25:15,120 Speaker 1: To those who are saying bad things about my dad, 529 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,680 Speaker 1: calling him a psycho control freak with angry ashes, trust 530 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:21,560 Speaker 1: me is nothing like that. He's actually a very calm person. 531 00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:25,640 Speaker 1: But he is very close to me and extremely protective. 532 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:27,720 Speaker 1: Since I was little. He gets very protective when someone 533 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 1: raises their voice at me. He's not a bad person, 534 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: he just cares deeply about me. Thank you all for 535 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:35,400 Speaker 1: your support and advice. You open my eyes, and I'm 536 00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,680 Speaker 1: determined to make things better for Emma and me. Ps 537 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: Emma just woke up and now she is staring at 538 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:43,119 Speaker 1: me with her big blue eyes, and she isn't even crying. 539 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:45,320 Speaker 1: Maybe she is trying to say something. I don't know. 540 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,280 Speaker 1: Even this is making me break down in tears. I 541 00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:51,240 Speaker 1: am back from where I began. I'm going crazy. I 542 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,560 Speaker 1: can't believe looking at her tiny hands, her little fingers, 543 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,960 Speaker 1: gripping mind that I was being such a blindfolded, idiotic 544 00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 1: bee who is going to jeopardize my baby's life. The 545 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:01,439 Speaker 1: guilt and shame or overwhelming, and I feel like the 546 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:03,800 Speaker 1: worst mother in the world, and pride if cape Town 547 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: says okay, mom a bear, I understand this is probably 548 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: the hardest thing you've ever done, and there's a million 549 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 1: emotions slash thoughts running through your head. But step one 550 00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:15,200 Speaker 1: is schedule a breakdown six to eight months or a 551 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: year from now. I'm not trying to be flippant, so 552 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,280 Speaker 1: please forgive me if it comes off that way. You 553 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: absolutely have to go through all your thoughts and emotions, 554 00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:24,239 Speaker 1: but schedule them for later. You have work to do. 555 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: Like Kenny Rogers said, don't count your money when you're 556 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 1: sitting at the table. There'll be time enough for accounting 557 00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,399 Speaker 1: when the dealing's done. Birth certificates for you plus Emma, 558 00:26:32,480 --> 00:26:36,200 Speaker 1: any passport slash piticien docs. Remove him from your bank 559 00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:39,720 Speaker 1: account if he has access, lock down your credit cards, 560 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:43,359 Speaker 1: your credit slash credit cards, and that is where that 561 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:44,120 Speaker 1: story ends. 562 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:47,360 Speaker 2: I really hope, I hope you get out of there. 563 00:26:47,359 --> 00:26:51,640 Speaker 1: Get out, get out. You have depression. All you need 564 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:53,800 Speaker 1: to do is just give the word. 565 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, just tell your parents. 566 00:26:55,800 --> 00:26:57,119 Speaker 1: Just tell your parents, give the more. 567 00:26:57,200 --> 00:26:58,240 Speaker 2: You don't have to deal with this. 568 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, it sounds like they love you enough that they'll 569 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 1: get you out. 570 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,200 Speaker 2: Absolutely. That is the end of that story. 571 00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:07,359 Speaker 1: Man, These these two stories have been a little bit 572 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 1: of an emotional doozy for me. Are you I'm a 573 00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:14,600 Speaker 1: little I'm a little emotionally worn out. Yeah. Oh man, 574 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:17,560 Speaker 1: I don't know if the other one's happier. Really is 575 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 1: it going to be back to back? Can we can 576 00:27:20,119 --> 00:27:24,440 Speaker 1: we please like do something a little happier because I'm 577 00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 1: my little heart. My little heart works a little bit. 578 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,679 Speaker 1: But that is where this episode ends. So if you 579 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:33,879 Speaker 1: love us, make sure to subscribe. 580 00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:36,440 Speaker 2: We love you and see you tomorrow. 581 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,240 Speaker 1: This is an episode from Deep Within the Archives. 582 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:44,280 Speaker 3: Time for okop relash. 583 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,000 Speaker 1: Today, I afked up by communicating with my. 584 00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,119 Speaker 3: Wife what you're talking about? 585 00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 1: I don't know, communicating something, but probably something not good. 586 00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,359 Speaker 1: You know. One of the most important parts of a 587 00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 1: healthy relationship is communication, right. 588 00:27:58,119 --> 00:27:59,399 Speaker 3: I would I would say that's accurate. 589 00:27:59,720 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: Doctor, your partner, you say, hey, this is what I'm feeling. 590 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:03,879 Speaker 1: How are you feeling? And I say, this is what 591 00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:05,679 Speaker 1: I'm feeling, how are you feeling? And goes back and 592 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: forth until you die. 593 00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 3: Ye, it does. 594 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,520 Speaker 1: That thought was on my mind this morning when I 595 00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:13,080 Speaker 1: woke up next to my beautiful wife. The morning sunlight 596 00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:15,680 Speaker 1: made her skin glow with an aura I'm sure one 597 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:20,080 Speaker 1: could only see through my eyes. Oh that's cute, beautiful, Oh, 598 00:28:20,080 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 1: he loves her. I shuffled over to her side of 599 00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:24,800 Speaker 1: the bed, trying to be as gentle as I could. 600 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:28,640 Speaker 1: I wanted to preserve that moment, but I couldn't resist 601 00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 1: the urge to be closer to her. I settled in 602 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 1: with my head, laying next to hers and looking directly 603 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:39,080 Speaker 1: into her eyes. Her beautiful blue eyes. Her closed eyelids 604 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: could never hide what I knew to be the most 605 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 1: lovely eyes the planet ever, the planet has ever seen. 606 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,320 Speaker 1: This man is sweet. She must have felt me there, 607 00:28:48,440 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: because her eyes began to slowly open, just when I 608 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: thought I couldn't feel any more content in my life. 609 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: She smiles at me. I smile right back at her. 610 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 1: With the thought of communication on my mind, I said, 611 00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:03,120 Speaker 1: you don't let me spoon with you while we sleep, 612 00:29:03,160 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 1: because you'll far to my dick. Right now, my wife 613 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 1: wouldn't talk to me what what a first thought to have. 614 00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,160 Speaker 3: I mean, also first thing waking up, like that's just 615 00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 3: like straight to the races. 616 00:29:18,840 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, and like also, you don't you don't spoon when 617 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:25,959 Speaker 1: when when sleeping because of Dick Dick Furt Apparently. 618 00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 3: I guess she doesn't let them yea spoon because of 619 00:29:30,840 --> 00:29:34,280 Speaker 3: that potential risk. I guess that's the situation happening here. 620 00:29:35,200 --> 00:29:38,480 Speaker 1: H geez, I don't. I don't think that's actually the 621 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: situation though. I think it could just be like maybe 622 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:44,360 Speaker 1: it's uncomfortable. Yeah, you know, get me a HoTT and 623 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: sweaty like your boy. Yeah, I'm sweating like a little 624 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 1: piggy under those blankets. There we go, There we go.