WEBVTT - Coming Out in the Latinx Community 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:06.080 Straight people get to hold hands with the person that 0:00:06.120 --> 0:00:08.119 they love on the street. If I want to hold 0:00:08.119 --> 0:00:10.280 my boyfriend's hand on the street, it is almost like 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:14.159 an act of revolution. You know. She was like, you know, 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:16.560 if you want to be gay, if you want to 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:18.320 be with this girl, then you need to move out, 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:21.400 and you lose all benefits. As my daughter, black and 0:00:21.400 --> 0:00:24.000 brown folks are sometimes not allowed to be soft. We're 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:30.280 not given the same grace to be tender. What up, y'all? 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:33.240 Welcome to Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease, 0:00:33.760 --> 0:00:37.800 and I'm here today with a very very special and 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.600 sexy guest. Okay, you know what, go on, go on 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:46.800 and introduce yourself. You check what. I'm so happy to 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.880 be here with you. It is truly an honor, and 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.159 you are like Latino royalty. So I'm so excited to 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.200 hang with you and chat with you. But for those 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:57.440 of you who don't know me, my name is Curly Velasquez. 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:01.279 I am a writer, active personality. UM. I was kind 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:03.360 of discovered in the kitchen at BuzzFeed. I used to 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:05.560 serve their lunches and I worked my way up into 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:08.920 creating content for them. Um and you know, we started 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:12.640 the Latino vertical called Fedle Like, which has opened the 0:01:12.640 --> 0:01:15.480 doors for me in so many different ways, which has 0:01:15.520 --> 0:01:17.679 led me to play myself on the show called Viva 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:22.720 on Stars and also comment on a documentary about Walter 0:01:22.760 --> 0:01:25.160 Medicago on Netflix with me and my boy lad talking 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:27.720 about the impact that he had on the culture. And 0:01:27.760 --> 0:01:29.280 you know, and now I get to hang with you. 0:01:29.560 --> 0:01:31.840 We've actually hung out before. I interviewed you a long 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:37.600 time ago at BuzzFeed. Yes, several hairstyles ago and several 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:42.320 Oh and how are you, babe, how are you? I'm good. 0:01:42.400 --> 0:01:44.720 I wanted to tell you right now in this moment, 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:48.640 In this moment. Leg day at the gym was on Tuesday, 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.760 So I am sore as hell, but I'm so excited. 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:53.920 I wanted to tell you too, because there's so you 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:58.560 know Latina mom. Latina moms are always like they are impressed, 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.720 but not easily impressed. And I told my mom like, 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:04.440 I'm going to hang out with cheeks and she was like, 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:09.480 oh my god, like so excited. She loves you and 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:13.079 your family. I'm constantly getting like updates on how the 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:16.800 family is doing. Um, your sister and Jenica are friends 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:23.360 on Insta, Yes, and in Yes, I love her, I 0:02:23.440 --> 0:02:26.640 love you all fabulous. She's fabulous. But and so my 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:28.960 mom is a huge fans shout out if she's probably 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:36.320 gonna be listening. And what's your mama's name? Merna sending 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:40.680 you a big old kids mom. Are you close to 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.080 your mom? Oh? I'm tired with all my family like 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:46.120 super tight. We weren't always really tight specifically because like 0:02:46.160 --> 0:02:48.600 growing up as a young queer kid, a lot of 0:02:48.639 --> 0:02:51.200 parents in general, but I feel like Lettin parents or 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:54.280 Lettino or latin X have you identified, they sometimes will 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.960 inflict their own generational trauma on their own kids and 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:03.480 without knowing it. So they weren't always necessarily the best parents. 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:06.880 But I think that they also weren't the worst. But 0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:09.919 growing up and being able to look back and be like, damn, 0:03:09.960 --> 0:03:12.440 you were twenty how old when you had me? Like 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:17.720 you were just exactly things have changed and my mom, 0:03:17.760 --> 0:03:19.960 believe it or not, was very also very traditional. I 0:03:19.960 --> 0:03:22.040 mean it just I mean they're so young when they 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:23.840 have us, you know what I mean. So they're growing 0:03:23.960 --> 0:03:26.639 up or we're growing up together. You feel me. I'm glad. 0:03:26.639 --> 0:03:28.760 I'm glad everything is good with your family. So in 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:31.640 today's episode, Curly and I are going to talk about 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:35.320 his coming out story and the spectrum of identifying as 0:03:35.360 --> 0:03:38.720 gay or queer in the Latin X community. I happen 0:03:38.760 --> 0:03:41.160 to think that people are born gay. I don't know 0:03:41.200 --> 0:03:42.640 what you would think. I want us to have a 0:03:42.720 --> 0:03:45.360 very open conversation. I feel that there's usually I talked 0:03:45.400 --> 0:03:47.320 to I talk about this with a lot of my friends, 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:50.360 that there's a gauging either on your mom's side, your 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:53.000 dad's side. But I really feel that that exists. You 0:03:53.040 --> 0:03:55.480 know what, I actually identify as queer, and a lot 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.400 more people are identifying more as queer. Queer kind of 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:01.520 gives you the space to not just live in this 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:04.920 one box of being gay, right like, okay, you'll put below. 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:06.400 I used to hook up with girls when I was 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:09.960 younger and boys identified as bisexual for a really long time, 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:12.560 and then I started to skew more into boys, and 0:04:12.560 --> 0:04:15.040 now that I'm older, I don't know that I would 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:18.320 necessarily rule it out that I would hook up with 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:21.080 the girl. Um. And I also find that I don't 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.680 really care what somebody's working with between their legs. If 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:26.800 you have a cute fade and a nice bicep, I'm down, 0:04:27.160 --> 0:04:31.280 you know. So, yeah, I'm so glad you're explaining this 0:04:31.400 --> 0:04:34.440 because again, this is a topic that is still very 0:04:34.480 --> 0:04:38.920 taboo in our culture unfortunately. UM, but this is why 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:41.159 we're having this conversation, because now that you're saying, I'm 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:43.239 glad that I'm that we're talking about it, you know, queer. 0:04:43.320 --> 0:04:46.479 Now I know what it is. So because my brother Johnny, 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.640 he's gonna be twenty one, he has had a hard 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:51.479 time accepting it. At first he thought he was gay. 0:04:51.520 --> 0:04:53.320 Then he's like, you know what he told me something else. 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:54.880 I don't remember what it was called. But he's like, 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.080 I just it doesn't matter. Like you just said, if 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:59.760 you have a penister of vagina, if I'm connected to 0:04:59.800 --> 0:05:02.479 your soul, then I want to be with you. There's 0:05:02.560 --> 0:05:05.799 sabeo sexual, there's a lot of different things. I think queerness. 0:05:06.120 --> 0:05:07.719 By the way, I sent your brother a message, I 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:09.279 was like, if you need to talk, if you just 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:13.880 need a friend, like anything, anything, anything. He probably didn't 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:15.279 see it in the d M s or he probably 0:05:15.320 --> 0:05:17.800 was like I don't know him, but I was like, 0:05:17.839 --> 0:05:20.280 if you ever need to talk, right, because like there's 0:05:20.320 --> 0:05:23.560 no right way and there's no wrong way, like to 0:05:23.640 --> 0:05:25.839 be who you are. So for me, it's like, I 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:27.960 do believe that people are born a certain type of 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:31.279 way right and they can uh. I believe that as well. 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.200 But I think of queerness and I think of sexuality 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:37.200 and gender as a spectrum. Look, I think people can 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.440 be born this way. I think I was born this way. 0:05:39.480 --> 0:05:42.320 I came out really young, even as a little kid, 0:05:42.360 --> 0:05:44.360 I didn't really know how to hide it. I didn't 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:50.080 know what I identified as um. But I think everybody, everybody, 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.080 if they left themselves, if they really were like you 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.440 know what, like I funk with this person so much 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.080 like we could have a relationship. I might not want 0:05:58.080 --> 0:05:59.400 to fuck you, I might not want to have sex 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:01.920 with you, but do you want to be like a 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:04.280 life partner of mine? Do you want to be like 0:06:04.440 --> 0:06:06.359 with me? And it could be like best friends. It 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:09.440 can look so many like so many different ways. I 0:06:09.480 --> 0:06:11.280 have a question, Curly, and I feel like you are 0:06:11.320 --> 0:06:13.800 the person I can ask this like too, and You're 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:15.840 not gonna get offended or anything. Because I've always wondered 0:06:16.360 --> 0:06:20.520 the word fag. How do you think about honestly? I 0:06:20.640 --> 0:06:23.839 just god, dude, I think I mean I was, like, 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:26.599 you know, I want to ask curly because there's certain 0:06:26.640 --> 0:06:28.280 people that are like, don't call me that, Like, you 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:29.600 know what I mean. I get that, I mean I 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.080 would never, but you know what I mean, Like, what 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:34.039 do you feel about the word fact? Again, it's a 0:06:34.120 --> 0:06:37.839 nuanced conversation, right, Like it's very it's interesting on one side. 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:42.320 Can we use it to be empowering? Like me personally? Um, 0:06:42.360 --> 0:06:45.520 I heard Margaret Chow said Margaret Show years ago said 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.440 I love the word faggot because it describes my kind 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:51.919 of guy, like my kind of person. And I remember 0:06:51.960 --> 0:06:53.280 growing up and being like, oh my god, I love 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:56.560 that too. On the flip my favorite area so I've 0:06:56.560 --> 0:07:00.359 ever existed, perhaps maybe my favorite human. My Angelo would 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:03.120 consistently quoth the Bible and say, like in the beginning 0:07:03.120 --> 0:07:04.800 there was the word, and the word was God, and 0:07:04.839 --> 0:07:06.640 the word was with God. And she would say there 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:10.720 is power that you can measure in words. So when 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:13.720 you use words like fag and fag, it like you 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:16.640 have to really understand the type of energy that you 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:20.040 are really birthing through the divinity within you, right, so 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:24.520 like there was power in your words. So, um, personally 0:07:24.680 --> 0:07:28.160 like me, I mean, but to other people like who 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:31.160 are who are still being killed across the world, who 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:33.680 still don't have laws, who still can't get married, no 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:37.880 laws of protection, who are literally being murdered globally. Those 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:40.680 words and maybe the use of them there, you know, 0:07:40.720 --> 0:07:42.840 you should be mindful of that, that you are kind 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.760 of essentially perpetuating a word that is rooted in hate 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:49.240 and rooted in bigotry. Right, Okay, perfect. I needed to 0:07:49.240 --> 0:07:52.080 ask that because again, I want everyone that's listening to 0:07:52.240 --> 0:07:55.679 understand I'm a huge advocate for the LBG community, um 0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:59.240 Q community, you know. So I'm just like, I wanted 0:07:59.280 --> 0:08:02.200 to to have this conversation with someone like you, especially 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:05.120 with coming out, and I just saw this post yesterday. 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.480 How or what do you do when someone comes to 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:10.000 you and comes out? What are the actions? You give 0:08:10.040 --> 0:08:11.280 them a hug if you have no words, you know 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:13.400 what I mean? So when you came out, how was that? 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.680 How old were you when you came out? Um? I 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:17.760 was very young. I was the first time I ever 0:08:18.080 --> 0:08:20.920 vocalized it to anybody. I was eleven, and then by 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:22.960 the time I came out to my family, I was 0:08:23.000 --> 0:08:25.640 like twelve thirteen. But that's kind of a weird. I 0:08:26.360 --> 0:08:29.720 just shared this story with like Hulu uh and attention. 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:32.079 And it's kind of a story because it was kind 0:08:32.080 --> 0:08:34.439 of the beginning of the Internet craze where a O 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:38.120 well was popping off and chat rooms and being able 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:41.240 to search for things that you didn't have access to before. Right, 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:44.320 So I got caught because I was looking at dicks 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:48.520 on the Internet and I didn't know. Nobody told me 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:52.280 this that there was a thing called your Internet search history, right, 0:08:52.440 --> 0:08:57.679 I guess. And so when my parents went in, they 0:08:57.679 --> 0:09:00.800 were like, what the fund are you looking at? And 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.680 I was like, what do you mean? And they were like, well, 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:06.480 are you gay? Like what are you? And it was 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.160 a whole big thing. It was a lot more dramatic 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:10.440 than that, of course, right, Like I was crying and 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:14.199 my dad I thought, you know, my dad was My 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:17.000 dad was a marine. He we grew up kind of 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:20.080 an abusive household. Like my dad is very MUCHO like 0:09:21.040 --> 0:09:23.640 the type to be like I'm ana build that. I 0:09:23.640 --> 0:09:25.360 don't need it, I don't need to Anybody'm gonna build 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:27.760 this ship. I don't need to like hire something to 0:09:27.760 --> 0:09:30.560 fix up. Doesn't ask for directions. No, he is like 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:32.480 a man's man, which is dope, by the way, because 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:34.680 if I'm walking with him at night. He gets in 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:36.719 front of us, He's like, what, like, he's ready, right, 0:09:38.600 --> 0:09:43.120 Marines man. Okay. So then UM, I ended up coming out, 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:46.160 and it was rough in the beginning. It was really tough. 0:09:46.440 --> 0:09:50.400 The way that they started to um come around was 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:53.800 when I got my heart broken for the first time. UM. 0:09:53.920 --> 0:09:56.960 And when you are depressed and in love and you 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.800 get your heartbroken, like you don't that's something that you 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.280 know people who have been older, like people who have 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:05.000 been alive, that they're the ones that can help you 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:06.880 and be like, I promise you will make it feel 0:10:06.880 --> 0:10:09.959 like you're going to feel like you're gonna die. And 0:10:10.040 --> 0:10:13.559 so I remember putting my head on my mom's shoulder 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.800 and being like, I'm just so sad. I was heartbroken 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:20.640 over somebody that I loved and his family didn't accept him, 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:25.560 and he became um we were Catholic, and he became 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:30.000 like even more Christian, and he died. He dove deeper 0:10:30.000 --> 0:10:33.000 into his faith and kind of abandoned everything that I 0:10:33.000 --> 0:10:36.760 had known about him um because of his faith, and 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:38.959 I just felt like I wanted to help him get 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.040 to a point where he could understand that the creator 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:45.480 loved him exactly as he was, um, and so it's 0:10:45.480 --> 0:10:46.920 really hard, and so that's when we started to kind 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:50.080 of get closer to one another. Um. But you know, 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:51.600 one of the things that I always say bot him 0:10:51.600 --> 0:10:54.800 blows that when somebody comes out to you, or somebody says, um, 0:10:54.880 --> 0:10:57.360 oh I'm queer or I'm this or whatever. I don't 0:10:57.400 --> 0:11:01.280 really like when people say I accept you, Like, that's great, 0:11:01.800 --> 0:11:04.760 but it's good. But I always say like, okay, because 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:07.280 because I always say, um, you know, when you order 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:10.240 something like that online, like on eBay or something, and 0:11:10.679 --> 0:11:12.480 you get it in the mail or on Amazon. You 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:14.040 get in the mail and you're like, well, it doesn't 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:15.400 look the way that I wanted it to look, but 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:17.280 it's fine. I accepted. I'm too lazy to send it back. 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:22.120 It's fine. But I prefer when somebody says that's amazing, cheekies. 0:11:22.360 --> 0:11:26.040 I celebrate you because when you order something on Amazon 0:11:26.640 --> 0:11:30.040 and it is exactly what you wanted, you're like, oh 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.680 my god, this is exactly what I wanted. This is 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:35.960 exactly what I needed. So we would do that. Yeah, 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:37.680 So when you do that for somebody in your life, 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:41.360 where you go cheekies, you are exactly who I wanted. 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:44.040 In my life. You were exactly who I needed. I 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:46.800 prayed for God for you, I thought of you, and 0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:49.240 you got here and here you are and I love 0:11:49.280 --> 0:11:53.080 you and I celebrate you. You knows that to me 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.199 is better than I accept you because you're like whatever, 0:11:55.200 --> 0:12:01.839 It's fine, you don't really are relutely No, I'm so glad, yeah, 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:04.760 because those these are all things that we all need 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:06.079 to know. You feel me. I mean, I don't know 0:12:06.120 --> 0:12:09.280 if you know, but I had I had Like I 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:13.480 always say this, I think I'm like lesbian. Yeah, I 0:12:13.559 --> 0:12:15.520 get a little vodka and me and I'm just I 0:12:15.559 --> 0:12:18.440 want to kiss girls. You know what what I'm saying. 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:22.480 Everybody's on the spectru every year, you know, true, I 0:12:22.480 --> 0:12:27.920 had a friend. You know what kind of girls are 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:29.600 you gonna do when you have a little vodka, like 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:32.679 a more fam a little bit more mask, more mask 0:12:33.080 --> 0:12:36.280 to be honest and sometimes listen, it just it just depends, 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:37.800 you know what I mean. I haven't done it a lot. 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:39.959 I'm gonna be honest, but there are times when I'm 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:41.839 just saying I just want to kiss. I'm all about 0:12:41.840 --> 0:12:44.040 the anatomy of a woman. I think every woman is 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:46.200 so beautiful and I love looking at their bodies and 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.120 like the whole thing like and not in a sexual way, 0:12:48.200 --> 0:12:52.280 just like I appreciate and you know the woman you 0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:56.360 know the body of a woman you too, that's being queer, right, 0:12:56.360 --> 0:12:59.240 Like you're like I identified predominantly as a straight woman, 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:01.440 and I'm assuming like you would say that your sis 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:06.679 and at um sis like sus gendered and heterosexual um. 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:09.480 And but you have like your little like you know, 0:13:09.559 --> 0:13:12.840 every now and then you're like a little which is 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.880 so cool because I think, there you go, there you go. 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:18.360 There's the beauty of the spectrum, which I hope that 0:13:18.400 --> 0:13:22.880 more people are willing to tap into. It doesn't mean 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:24.680 and that's the thing too write like, it doesn't mean 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:27.360 like something's like well then you're by or you're a 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.319 lesbian and you're like, well not really, I don't really 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:33.280 find that in those spaces, but I can identify over here, 0:13:33.679 --> 0:13:41.080 you know. I also have a question for you Chiakis too, like, 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.120 and I don't know if it's too deep or if 0:13:43.160 --> 0:13:46.520 it's anything. Nothing is too deep because you mentioned like 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.280 your mom, right and your mom is this icon that 0:13:49.400 --> 0:13:51.480 everybody knows, and you mentioned that you think that she 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:54.920 may have had an issue with your brother. Um, and 0:13:54.960 --> 0:13:57.839 we were also talking about like growth. Do you think 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:02.160 that you know in any one that there would have 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:05.680 been some level of like growth and that she may 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:09.959 have actually been like, you know what, I celebrate you, 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:12.760 you know what, curly, Um, I I've never talked about 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:15.439 this anywhere, but I feel comfortable with you and this 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:18.480 is a space to do it. Um. My mom was 0:14:18.520 --> 0:14:24.400 a very open woman and very very raw in certain 0:14:24.440 --> 0:14:27.800 areas of her life. When I went through my I 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:29.880 had a girlfriend at twenty three. I talked about it 0:14:29.920 --> 0:14:33.560 in my book Forgiveness, and um, she found out because 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:35.520 she was looking through my stuff. Actually my sister told 0:14:35.520 --> 0:14:38.760 her so. She was looking through my stuff and she 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:41.480 she told me, you know, um, and here's the thing. 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:46.600 She's not here anymore because I'm gonna you know, I 0:14:46.680 --> 0:14:48.520 just want to clear that up. But you know, she 0:14:48.640 --> 0:14:50.680 was like, you know, if you want to be gay, 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:52.680 if you want to be with this girl, then you 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:54.600 need to move out and you lose all benefits as 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:56.640 my daughter. And I'll never forget I was in the 0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:58.320 rest of my but I love this girl, you know 0:14:58.360 --> 0:15:00.080 what I mean. And and the crazy thing is it 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.160 wasn't even a sexual thing with this girl. It was 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.120 all mental and I felt different and I didn't feel 0:15:04.120 --> 0:15:06.720 the pressure because I was sexually abused of having to 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.120 have sex. It was just it was it was non 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:11.800 existent in the sex. It was just kissing and holding hands. 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.680 And I just felt, Oh, someone loves me without wanting 0:15:13.720 --> 0:15:16.800 to touch me, you know, sexually. So I tried to 0:15:16.800 --> 0:15:18.840 explain it to her and she didn't understand it. And 0:15:18.840 --> 0:15:20.320 I told her, I'm like, you have a lot of 0:15:20.360 --> 0:15:22.320 gay friends, and your fans are gay, and you have 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:24.000 employees that her gay. She's like, yeah, but not in 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:26.640 my household. And I think it was just because of 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:29.320 how she grew up now, mind you. I think if 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.120 she was here now and how things out are and 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.200 how she knows and she loves Johnny, her youngest, it 0:15:34.200 --> 0:15:35.920 would have been difficult for her. She probably wouldn't have 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:37.440 talked to him for a little bit, but she would 0:15:37.440 --> 0:15:39.480 have come around. I know it for a fact, because 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:41.880 she loves her children more than anything, you know. But 0:15:41.960 --> 0:15:44.880 it I it's it's tough because I've never said that 0:15:44.920 --> 0:15:46.800 out loud, you know. I never want to make my 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.160 mom look bad. But that's we all have to respect 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:53.040 everyone's thoughts and their feelings and how she was raised 0:15:53.080 --> 0:15:56.360 in reality, because still in our family, it's not necessarily okay, 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.800 you know what I mean to be gay, to be queer, 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:00.720 but it's kind of like, don't talk about it. Let's 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.640 just out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Um. 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:05.680 But yeah, I think she she would have come along. 0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:08.480 And but more than anything, I think my mom was 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.440 more like, what am I doing wrong as a parent? 0:16:10.520 --> 0:16:12.760 I wasn't here. She would blame herself a lot, like 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:14.840 it's because I'm working, It's because I chose the wrong 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:16.720 men to have kids with and they're not here to 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:19.040 help me, and that would have gotten in her mind, 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:20.800 like what did I do wrong as a parent? And 0:16:20.800 --> 0:16:23.640 in reality, it's not about the parent, you know, it's not. 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:26.080 And I understand that, and I'm really thankful. Thank you 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.040 for opening up in that way, um, and thank you 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:31.960 for sharing that part. It actually moved me to emotion 0:16:32.000 --> 0:16:34.560 and I was getting chills because you know, that goes 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:36.520 back to the trauma of our family and the way 0:16:36.520 --> 0:16:38.120 that what they inflict on us and what they put 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:43.280 on us. Um. I am giving you so much love 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.760 and so much energy that you, yes, I feel that 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:48.760 that you just want to be loved and hugged and 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:54.840 and you know, not have to do that other thing, right, Um, 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:56.840 we haven't. We don't really know each other outside of this, 0:16:56.880 --> 0:16:59.960 but I love you. You are so loved. You are amazing. 0:17:00.080 --> 0:17:03.480 Thank you for sharing that. Um, it is really powerful, 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.360 and you know, I do hope that I do think 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.040 as well that hopefully they would have been like a 0:17:09.080 --> 0:17:12.840 movement into understanding, like I'm sure I do with her 0:17:13.000 --> 0:17:15.240 and everything. I think she would have understood it, you 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:18.040 know what I mean. And and then my sister went 0:17:18.080 --> 0:17:20.520 through that, and then she went through through she she 0:17:20.600 --> 0:17:22.639 calls it a phase. Now it's part of her testimony. 0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:24.520 And my mom thought it was because of me. She's like, 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.359 she saw you do it, and it's because now she 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.720 wants to do it. And I really think that there's 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.400 a gay ging in her family, you know what I mean. 0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.960 I haven't a lesbian aunt. I have a gay uncle, 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:35.320 you know, and it's just something. Don't talk about it, 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:36.880 you know what I mean. But it's like, it's the true, dude, 0:17:36.920 --> 0:17:38.080 is this this is the life that we live. And 0:17:38.080 --> 0:17:40.280 there's nothing wrong with loving whoever you love. And back 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:42.239 then I was scared and I was young, and I 0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:44.879 did choose my mom and my family over this girl. 0:17:45.119 --> 0:17:47.440 Her and I are still friends. She's beautiful. I love 0:17:47.440 --> 0:17:49.679 her so much and she has a girlfriend, and but 0:17:49.760 --> 0:17:51.320 she taught me so much. Now I'm like, okay, I 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.960 learned what I had to learn from her, and I'm grateful, 0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.080 you know, And I don't I don't judge my mom 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:58.800 because I get it, you know, and she was born 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.440 in a different time. You feel absolutely And that's the 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:02.640 thing till you want to get to a place where 0:18:02.640 --> 0:18:05.840 you're not judging anybody. And I think I'm just about 0:18:06.000 --> 0:18:08.399 I'm about live and let live. You feel me, yes, 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:09.919 and then and then there and then you know now 0:18:09.960 --> 0:18:13.119 in different terms that people use that they're like, you know, 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:15.880 sabeo sexual. That's when you like your You don't care 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:19.400 what they're working with. You just like their mind, right, Like, yeah, 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:23.320 that's my brother. I'm I just found out that I 0:18:23.359 --> 0:18:26.560 can identify as andro sexual, and that means that I 0:18:26.560 --> 0:18:28.919 don't care what you're working with. As long as you 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:33.600 are of masculine presenting individual, I'll probably be attracted to you. 0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:36.280 It's what what what did you say? That was called 0:18:36.560 --> 0:18:40.720 andro sexual? Andro sexual? And you know what, I'm gonna 0:18:40.760 --> 0:18:42.159 be real, honest with you right now, because now that 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.640 you're bringing that up. A few years back, I I 0:18:45.680 --> 0:18:49.639 thought either you're gay, queer or straight, and I didn't 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:53.600 really believe in bisexuality. And through Johnny, I was all 0:18:53.640 --> 0:18:56.199 open about you know, gay people in Queer, you know 0:18:56.240 --> 0:19:00.320 the community, but I didn't understand bi sexuality or what 0:19:00.400 --> 0:19:03.560 we're talking about until like a few years back. With Johnny, 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:06.520 he's like, no, he made me understand, and he's like, genuinely, 0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:08.720 I wish in my heart for a long time. It 0:19:08.760 --> 0:19:11.120 took him a while to just accept himself. Now he's 0:19:11.119 --> 0:19:12.840 more open about it, but he's like, I don't want 0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:15.400 to feel this way. I can't help that I am 0:19:15.440 --> 0:19:18.199 falling in love with this girl. But I was in 0:19:18.240 --> 0:19:20.119 love with the boy last year, you know what I mean. 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:21.680 I was like, oh, he's like, I swear to you, 0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:24.639