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Speaker 1: Straight people get to hold hands with the person that

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Speaker 1: they love on the street. If I want to hold

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend's hand on the street, it is almost like

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Speaker 1: an act of revolution. You know. She was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: if you want to be gay, if you want to

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Speaker 1: be with this girl, then you need to move out,

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Speaker 1: and you lose all benefits. As my daughter, black and

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Speaker 1: brown folks are sometimes not allowed to be soft. We're

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Speaker 1: not given the same grace to be tender. What up, y'all?

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cheeks and Chill. I'm your host cheek Ease,

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Speaker 1: and I'm here today with a very very special and

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Speaker 1: sexy guest. Okay, you know what, go on, go on

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Speaker 1: and introduce yourself. You check what. I'm so happy to

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Speaker 1: be here with you. It is truly an honor, and

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Speaker 1: you are like Latino royalty. So I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: hang with you and chat with you. But for those

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Speaker 1: of you who don't know me, my name is Curly Velasquez.

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Speaker 1: I am a writer, active personality. UM. I was kind

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Speaker 1: of discovered in the kitchen at BuzzFeed. I used to

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Speaker 1: serve their lunches and I worked my way up into

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Speaker 1: creating content for them. Um and you know, we started

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Speaker 1: the Latino vertical called Fedle Like, which has opened the

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Speaker 1: doors for me in so many different ways, which has

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Speaker 1: led me to play myself on the show called Viva

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Speaker 1: on Stars and also comment on a documentary about Walter

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Speaker 1: Medicago on Netflix with me and my boy lad talking

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Speaker 1: about the impact that he had on the culture. And

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Speaker 1: you know, and now I get to hang with you.

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Speaker 1: We've actually hung out before. I interviewed you a long

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Speaker 1: time ago at BuzzFeed. Yes, several hairstyles ago and several

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Speaker 1: Oh and how are you, babe, how are you? I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you right now in this moment,

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Speaker 1: In this moment. Leg day at the gym was on Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: So I am sore as hell, but I'm so excited.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you too, because there's so you

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Speaker 1: know Latina mom. Latina moms are always like they are impressed,

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Speaker 1: but not easily impressed. And I told my mom like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to hang out with cheeks and she was like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, like so excited. She loves you and

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Speaker 1: your family. I'm constantly getting like updates on how the

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Speaker 1: family is doing. Um, your sister and Jenica are friends

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Speaker 1: on Insta, Yes, and in Yes, I love her, I

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Speaker 1: love you all fabulous. She's fabulous. But and so my

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Speaker 1: mom is a huge fans shout out if she's probably

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Speaker 1: gonna be listening. And what's your mama's name? Merna sending

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Speaker 1: you a big old kids mom. Are you close to

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Speaker 1: your mom? Oh? I'm tired with all my family like

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Speaker 1: super tight. We weren't always really tight specifically because like

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Speaker 1: growing up as a young queer kid, a lot of

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Speaker 1: parents in general, but I feel like Lettin parents or

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Speaker 1: Lettino or latin X have you identified, they sometimes will

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Speaker 1: inflict their own generational trauma on their own kids and

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Speaker 1: without knowing it. So they weren't always necessarily the best parents.

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Speaker 1: But I think that they also weren't the worst. But

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Speaker 1: growing up and being able to look back and be like, damn,

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Speaker 1: you were twenty how old when you had me? Like

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Speaker 1: you were just exactly things have changed and my mom,

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Speaker 1: believe it or not, was very also very traditional. I

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Speaker 1: mean it just I mean they're so young when they

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Speaker 1: have us, you know what I mean. So they're growing

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Speaker 1: up or we're growing up together. You feel me. I'm glad.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad everything is good with your family. So in

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Speaker 1: today's episode, Curly and I are going to talk about

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Speaker 1: his coming out story and the spectrum of identifying as

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Speaker 1: gay or queer in the Latin X community. I happen

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Speaker 1: to think that people are born gay. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what you would think. I want us to have a

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Speaker 1: very open conversation. I feel that there's usually I talked

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Speaker 1: to I talk about this with a lot of my friends,

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Speaker 1: that there's a gauging either on your mom's side, your

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Speaker 1: dad's side. But I really feel that that exists. You

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Speaker 1: know what, I actually identify as queer, and a lot

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Speaker 1: more people are identifying more as queer. Queer kind of

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Speaker 1: gives you the space to not just live in this

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Speaker 1: one box of being gay, right like, okay, you'll put below.

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Speaker 1: I used to hook up with girls when I was

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Speaker 1: younger and boys identified as bisexual for a really long time,

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Speaker 1: and then I started to skew more into boys, and

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Speaker 1: now that I'm older, I don't know that I would

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Speaker 1: necessarily rule it out that I would hook up with

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Speaker 1: the girl. Um. And I also find that I don't

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Speaker 1: really care what somebody's working with between their legs. If

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Speaker 1: you have a cute fade and a nice bicep, I'm down,

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Speaker 1: you know. So, yeah, I'm so glad you're explaining this

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Speaker 1: because again, this is a topic that is still very

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Speaker 1: taboo in our culture unfortunately. UM, but this is why

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Speaker 1: we're having this conversation, because now that you're saying, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad that I'm that we're talking about it, you know, queer.

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Speaker 1: Now I know what it is. So because my brother Johnny,

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Speaker 1: he's gonna be twenty one, he has had a hard

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Speaker 1: time accepting it. At first he thought he was gay.

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Speaker 1: Then he's like, you know what he told me something else.

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Speaker 1: I don't remember what it was called. But he's like,

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Speaker 1: I just it doesn't matter. Like you just said, if

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Speaker 1: you have a penister of vagina, if I'm connected to

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Speaker 1: your soul, then I want to be with you. There's

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Speaker 1: sabeo sexual, there's a lot of different things. I think queerness.

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Speaker 1: By the way, I sent your brother a message, I

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Speaker 1: was like, if you need to talk, if you just

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Speaker 1: need a friend, like anything, anything, anything. He probably didn't

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Speaker 1: see it in the d M s or he probably

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Speaker 1: was like I don't know him, but I was like,

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Speaker 1: if you ever need to talk, right, because like there's

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Speaker 1: no right way and there's no wrong way, like to

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Speaker 1: be who you are. So for me, it's like, I

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Speaker 1: do believe that people are born a certain type of

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Speaker 1: way right and they can uh. I believe that as well.

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Speaker 1: But I think of queerness and I think of sexuality

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Speaker 1: and gender as a spectrum. Look, I think people can

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Speaker 1: be born this way. I think I was born this way.

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Speaker 1: I came out really young, even as a little kid,

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Speaker 1: I didn't really know how to hide it. I didn't

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Speaker 1: know what I identified as um. But I think everybody, everybody,

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Speaker 1: if they left themselves, if they really were like you

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Speaker 1: know what, like I funk with this person so much

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Speaker 1: like we could have a relationship. I might not want

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Speaker 1: to fuck you, I might not want to have sex

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Speaker 1: with you, but do you want to be like a

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Speaker 1: life partner of mine? Do you want to be like

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Speaker 1: with me? And it could be like best friends. It

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Speaker 1: can look so many like so many different ways. I

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Speaker 1: have a question, Curly, and I feel like you are

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Speaker 1: the person I can ask this like too, and You're

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Speaker 1: not gonna get offended or anything. Because I've always wondered

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Speaker 1: the word fag. How do you think about honestly? I

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Speaker 1: just god, dude, I think I mean I was, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I want to ask curly because there's certain

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Speaker 1: people that are like, don't call me that, Like, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. I get that, I mean I

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Speaker 1: would never, but you know what I mean, Like, what

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Speaker 1: do you feel about the word fact? Again, it's a

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Speaker 1: nuanced conversation, right, Like it's very it's interesting on one side.

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Speaker 1: Can we use it to be empowering? Like me personally? Um,

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Speaker 1: I heard Margaret Chow said Margaret Show years ago said

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Speaker 1: I love the word faggot because it describes my kind

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Speaker 1: of guy, like my kind of person. And I remember

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Speaker 1: growing up and being like, oh my god, I love

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Speaker 1: that too. On the flip my favorite area so I've

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Speaker 1: ever existed, perhaps maybe my favorite human. My Angelo would

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Speaker 1: consistently quoth the Bible and say, like in the beginning

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Speaker 1: there was the word, and the word was God, and

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Speaker 1: the word was with God. And she would say there

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Speaker 1: is power that you can measure in words. So when

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Speaker 1: you use words like fag and fag, it like you

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Speaker 1: have to really understand the type of energy that you

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Speaker 1: are really birthing through the divinity within you, right, so

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Speaker 1: like there was power in your words. So, um, personally

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Speaker 1: like me, I mean, but to other people like who

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Speaker 1: are who are still being killed across the world, who

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Speaker 1: still don't have laws, who still can't get married, no

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Speaker 1: laws of protection, who are literally being murdered globally. Those

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Speaker 1: words and maybe the use of them there, you know,

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Speaker 1: you should be mindful of that, that you are kind

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Speaker 1: of essentially perpetuating a word that is rooted in hate

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Speaker 1: and rooted in bigotry. Right, Okay, perfect. I needed to

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Speaker 1: ask that because again, I want everyone that's listening to

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Speaker 1: understand I'm a huge advocate for the LBG community, um

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Speaker 1: Q community, you know. So I'm just like, I wanted

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Speaker 1: to to have this conversation with someone like you, especially

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Speaker 1: with coming out, and I just saw this post yesterday.

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Speaker 1: How or what do you do when someone comes to

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Speaker 1: you and comes out? What are the actions? You give

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Speaker 1: them a hug if you have no words, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? So when you came out, how was that?

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Speaker 1: How old were you when you came out? Um? I

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Speaker 1: was very young. I was the first time I ever

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Speaker 1: vocalized it to anybody. I was eleven, and then by

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Speaker 1: the time I came out to my family, I was

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Speaker 1: like twelve thirteen. But that's kind of a weird. I

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Speaker 1: just shared this story with like Hulu uh and attention.

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Speaker 1: And it's kind of a story because it was kind

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Speaker 1: of the beginning of the Internet craze where a O

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Speaker 1: well was popping off and chat rooms and being able

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Speaker 1: to search for things that you didn't have access to before. Right,

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Speaker 1: So I got caught because I was looking at dicks

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Speaker 1: on the Internet and I didn't know. Nobody told me

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Speaker 1: this that there was a thing called your Internet search history, right,

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Speaker 1: I guess. And so when my parents went in, they

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Speaker 1: were like, what the fund are you looking at? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, what do you mean? And they were like, well,

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Speaker 1: are you gay? Like what are you? And it was

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Speaker 1: a whole big thing. It was a lot more dramatic

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Speaker 1: than that, of course, right, Like I was crying and

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Speaker 1: my dad I thought, you know, my dad was My

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Speaker 1: dad was a marine. He we grew up kind of

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Speaker 1: an abusive household. Like my dad is very MUCHO like

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Speaker 1: the type to be like I'm ana build that. I

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Speaker 1: don't need it, I don't need to Anybody'm gonna build

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Speaker 1: this ship. I don't need to like hire something to

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Speaker 1: fix up. Doesn't ask for directions. No, he is like

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Speaker 1: a man's man, which is dope, by the way, because

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Speaker 1: if I'm walking with him at night. He gets in

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Speaker 1: front of us, He's like, what, like, he's ready, right,

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Speaker 1: Marines man. Okay. So then UM, I ended up coming out,

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Speaker 1: and it was rough in the beginning. It was really tough.

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Speaker 1: The way that they started to um come around was

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Speaker 1: when I got my heart broken for the first time. UM.

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Speaker 1: And when you are depressed and in love and you

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Speaker 1: get your heartbroken, like you don't that's something that you

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Speaker 1: know people who have been older, like people who have

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Speaker 1: been alive, that they're the ones that can help you

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Speaker 1: and be like, I promise you will make it feel

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Speaker 1: like you're going to feel like you're gonna die. And

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Speaker 1: so I remember putting my head on my mom's shoulder

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Speaker 1: and being like, I'm just so sad. I was heartbroken

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Speaker 1: over somebody that I loved and his family didn't accept him,

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Speaker 1: and he became um we were Catholic, and he became

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Speaker 1: like even more Christian, and he died. He dove deeper

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Speaker 1: into his faith and kind of abandoned everything that I

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Speaker 1: had known about him um because of his faith, and

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Speaker 1: I just felt like I wanted to help him get

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Speaker 1: to a point where he could understand that the creator

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Speaker 1: loved him exactly as he was, um, and so it's

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Speaker 1: really hard, and so that's when we started to kind

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Speaker 1: of get closer to one another. Um. But you know,

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I always say bot him

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Speaker 1: blows that when somebody comes out to you, or somebody says, um,

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Speaker 1: oh I'm queer or I'm this or whatever. I don't

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Speaker 1: really like when people say I accept you, Like, that's great,

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Speaker 1: but it's good. But I always say like, okay, because

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Speaker 1: because I always say, um, you know, when you order

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Speaker 1: something like that online, like on eBay or something, and

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Speaker 1: you get it in the mail or on Amazon. You

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Speaker 1: get in the mail and you're like, well, it doesn't

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Speaker 1: look the way that I wanted it to look, but

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Speaker 1: it's fine. I accepted. I'm too lazy to send it back.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. But I prefer when somebody says that's amazing, cheekies.

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Speaker 1: I celebrate you because when you order something on Amazon

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Speaker 1: and it is exactly what you wanted, you're like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this is exactly what I wanted. This is

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Speaker 1: exactly what I needed. So we would do that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So when you do that for somebody in your life,

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Speaker 1: where you go cheekies, you are exactly who I wanted.

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Speaker 1: In my life. You were exactly who I needed. I

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Speaker 1: prayed for God for you, I thought of you, and

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Speaker 1: you got here and here you are and I love

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Speaker 1: you and I celebrate you. You knows that to me

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Speaker 1: is better than I accept you because you're like whatever,

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Speaker 1: It's fine, you don't really are relutely No, I'm so glad, yeah,

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Speaker 1: because those these are all things that we all need

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Speaker 1: to know. You feel me. I mean, I don't know

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Speaker 1: if you know, but I had I had Like I

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Speaker 1: always say this, I think I'm like lesbian. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: get a little vodka and me and I'm just I

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Speaker 1: want to kiss girls. You know what what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's on the spectru every year, you know, true, I

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Speaker 1: had a friend. You know what kind of girls are

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Speaker 1: you gonna do when you have a little vodka, like

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Speaker 1: a more fam a little bit more mask, more mask

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Speaker 1: to be honest and sometimes listen, it just it just depends,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I haven't done it a lot.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, but there are times when I'm

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Speaker 1: just saying I just want to kiss. I'm all about

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Speaker 1: the anatomy of a woman. I think every woman is

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Speaker 1: so beautiful and I love looking at their bodies and

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Speaker 1: like the whole thing like and not in a sexual way,

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Speaker 1: just like I appreciate and you know the woman you

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Speaker 1: know the body of a woman you too, that's being queer, right,

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Speaker 1: Like you're like I identified predominantly as a straight woman,

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Speaker 1: and I'm assuming like you would say that your sis

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Speaker 1: and at um sis like sus gendered and heterosexual um.

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Speaker 1: And but you have like your little like you know,

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Speaker 1: every now and then you're like a little which is

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Speaker 1: so cool because I think, there you go, there you go.

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Speaker 1: There's the beauty of the spectrum, which I hope that

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Speaker 1: more people are willing to tap into. It doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: and that's the thing too write like, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: like something's like well then you're by or you're a

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Speaker 1: lesbian and you're like, well not really, I don't really

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Speaker 1: find that in those spaces, but I can identify over here,

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Speaker 1: you know. I also have a question for you Chiakis too, like,

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Speaker 1: and I don't know if it's too deep or if

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Speaker 1: it's anything. Nothing is too deep because you mentioned like

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Speaker 1: your mom, right and your mom is this icon that

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Speaker 1: everybody knows, and you mentioned that you think that she

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Speaker 1: may have had an issue with your brother. Um, and

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Speaker 1: we were also talking about like growth. Do you think

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Speaker 1: that you know in any one that there would have

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Speaker 1: been some level of like growth and that she may

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Speaker 1: have actually been like, you know what, I celebrate you,

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Speaker 1: you know what, curly, Um, I I've never talked about

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Speaker 1: this anywhere, but I feel comfortable with you and this

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Speaker 1: is a space to do it. Um. My mom was

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Speaker 1: a very open woman and very very raw in certain

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Speaker 1: areas of her life. When I went through my I

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Speaker 1: had a girlfriend at twenty three. I talked about it

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Speaker 1: in my book Forgiveness, and um, she found out because

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Speaker 1: she was looking through my stuff. Actually my sister told

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Speaker 1: her so. She was looking through my stuff and she

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Speaker 1: she told me, you know, um, and here's the thing.

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Speaker 1: She's not here anymore because I'm gonna you know, I

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Speaker 1: just want to clear that up. But you know, she

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, if you want to be gay,

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Speaker 1: if you want to be with this girl, then you

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Speaker 1: need to move out and you lose all benefits as

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Speaker 1: my daughter. And I'll never forget I was in the

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Speaker 1: rest of my but I love this girl, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. And and the crazy thing is it

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Speaker 1: wasn't even a sexual thing with this girl. It was

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Speaker 1: all mental and I felt different and I didn't feel

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Speaker 1: the pressure because I was sexually abused of having to

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Speaker 1: have sex. It was just it was it was non

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Speaker 1: existent in the sex. It was just kissing and holding hands.

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Speaker 1: And I just felt, Oh, someone loves me without wanting

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Speaker 1: to touch me, you know, sexually. So I tried to

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Speaker 1: explain it to her and she didn't understand it. And

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Speaker 1: I told her, I'm like, you have a lot of

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Speaker 1: gay friends, and your fans are gay, and you have

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Speaker 1: employees that her gay. She's like, yeah, but not in

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Speaker 1: my household. And I think it was just because of

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Speaker 1: how she grew up now, mind you. I think if

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Speaker 1: she was here now and how things out are and

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Speaker 1: how she knows and she loves Johnny, her youngest, it

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Speaker 1: would have been difficult for her. She probably wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: talked to him for a little bit, but she would

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Speaker 1: have come around. I know it for a fact, because

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Speaker 1: she loves her children more than anything, you know. But

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Speaker 1: it I it's it's tough because I've never said that

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Speaker 1: out loud, you know. I never want to make my

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Speaker 1: mom look bad. But that's we all have to respect

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Speaker 1: everyone's thoughts and their feelings and how she was raised

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Speaker 1: in reality, because still in our family, it's not necessarily okay,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean to be gay, to be queer,

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Speaker 1: but it's kind of like, don't talk about it. Let's

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Speaker 1: just out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Um.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, I think she she would have come along.

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Speaker 1: And but more than anything, I think my mom was

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Speaker 1: more like, what am I doing wrong as a parent?

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Speaker 1: I wasn't here. She would blame herself a lot, like

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Speaker 1: it's because I'm working, It's because I chose the wrong

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Speaker 1: men to have kids with and they're not here to

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Speaker 1: help me, and that would have gotten in her mind,

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Speaker 1: like what did I do wrong as a parent? And

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Speaker 1: in reality, it's not about the parent, you know, it's not.

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Speaker 1: And I understand that, and I'm really thankful. Thank you

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00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 1: for opening up in that way, um, and thank you

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00:16:29,080 --> 00:16:31,960
Speaker 1: for sharing that part. It actually moved me to emotion

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Speaker 1: and I was getting chills because you know, that goes

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00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,520
Speaker 1: back to the trauma of our family and the way

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00:16:36,520 --> 00:16:38,120
Speaker 1: that what they inflict on us and what they put

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Speaker 1: on us. Um. I am giving you so much love

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00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:46,760
Speaker 1: and so much energy that you, yes, I feel that

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00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:48,760
Speaker 1: that you just want to be loved and hugged and

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Speaker 1: and you know, not have to do that other thing, right, Um,

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Speaker 1: we haven't. We don't really know each other outside of this,

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Speaker 1: but I love you. You are so loved. You are amazing.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that. Um, it is really powerful,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I do hope that I do think

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Speaker 1: as well that hopefully they would have been like a

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Speaker 1: movement into understanding, like I'm sure I do with her

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Speaker 1: and everything. I think she would have understood it, you

352
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,040
Speaker 1: know what I mean. And and then my sister went

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Speaker 1: through that, and then she went through through she she

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Speaker 1: calls it a phase. Now it's part of her testimony.

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Speaker 1: And my mom thought it was because of me. She's like,

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Speaker 1: she saw you do it, and it's because now she

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Speaker 1: wants to do it. And I really think that there's

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Speaker 1: a gay ging in her family, you know what I mean.

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00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 1: I haven't a lesbian aunt. I have a gay uncle,

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00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,320
Speaker 1: you know, and it's just something. Don't talk about it,

361
00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:36,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But it's like, it's the true, dude,

362
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,080
Speaker 1: is this this is the life that we live. And

363
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:40,280
Speaker 1: there's nothing wrong with loving whoever you love. And back

364
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,239
Speaker 1: then I was scared and I was young, and I

365
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,879
Speaker 1: did choose my mom and my family over this girl.

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Speaker 1: Her and I are still friends. She's beautiful. I love

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Speaker 1: her so much and she has a girlfriend, and but

368
00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 1: she taught me so much. Now I'm like, okay, I

369
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,960
Speaker 1: learned what I had to learn from her, and I'm grateful,

370
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,080
Speaker 1: you know, And I don't I don't judge my mom

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Speaker 1: because I get it, you know, and she was born

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Speaker 1: in a different time. You feel absolutely And that's the

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Speaker 1: thing till you want to get to a place where

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Speaker 1: you're not judging anybody. And I think I'm just about

375
00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,399
Speaker 1: I'm about live and let live. You feel me, yes,

376
00:18:08,520 --> 00:18:09,919
Speaker 1: and then and then there and then you know now

377
00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,119
Speaker 1: in different terms that people use that they're like, you know,

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00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,880
Speaker 1: sabeo sexual. That's when you like your You don't care

379
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:19,400
Speaker 1: what they're working with. You just like their mind, right, Like, yeah,

380
00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: that's my brother. I'm I just found out that I

381
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Speaker 1: can identify as andro sexual, and that means that I

382
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,919
Speaker 1: don't care what you're working with. As long as you

383
00:18:28,920 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: are of masculine presenting individual, I'll probably be attracted to you.

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00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,280
Speaker 1: It's what what what did you say? That was called

385
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:40,720
Speaker 1: andro sexual? Andro sexual? And you know what, I'm gonna

386
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,159
Speaker 1: be real, honest with you right now, because now that

387
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,640
Speaker 1: you're bringing that up. A few years back, I I

388
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:49,639
Speaker 1: thought either you're gay, queer or straight, and I didn't

389
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:53,600
Speaker 1: really believe in bisexuality. And through Johnny, I was all

390
00:18:53,640 --> 00:18:56,199
Speaker 1: open about you know, gay people in Queer, you know

391
00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,320
Speaker 1: the community, but I didn't understand bi sexuality or what

392
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,560
Speaker 1: we're talking about until like a few years back. With Johnny,

393
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,520
Speaker 1: he's like, no, he made me understand, and he's like, genuinely,

394
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 1: I wish in my heart for a long time. It

395
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:11,120
Speaker 1: took him a while to just accept himself. Now he's

396
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 1: more open about it, but he's like, I don't want

397
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:15,400
Speaker 1: to feel this way. I can't help that I am

398
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:18,199
Speaker 1: falling in love with this girl. But I was in

399
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:20,119
Speaker 1: love with the boy last year, you know what I mean.

400
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,680
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, he's like, I swear to you,

401
00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:24,639
Speaker 1: like and he made me understand, And now I'm like, damn,

402
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,119
Speaker 1: And I think everything happens for a reason. He's like

403
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,919
Speaker 1: my he's my brother. Obviously he's my son. And I

404
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,720
Speaker 1: know it would have been very hard for my mom

405
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,600
Speaker 1: to accept it. She's very traditional, and it's just because

406
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,880
Speaker 1: I think of how she was raised and I don't

407
00:19:39,880 --> 00:19:43,919
Speaker 1: blame her as far as your brother goes. UM. You know,

408
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:48,160
Speaker 1: having dealing with your identity, your queer identity, whether that's

409
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,919
Speaker 1: queerness within your gender or your sexuality. UM, and the

410
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,360
Speaker 1: guilt that sometimes we feel like we're different or we're

411
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,639
Speaker 1: hurting people, or the need to live within like a

412
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:03,520
Speaker 1: heteronormative life. When you it can get daunting, and it

413
00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:06,000
Speaker 1: can get scary, and it can get sad, and you know,

414
00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 1: sometimes you're like, I want to be um like them.

415
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:12,600
Speaker 1: I want to be where the people are right. And

416
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 1: when I look at nature, I look at all the

417
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:18,200
Speaker 1: fish in the sea, the insects crawling around, the different

418
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 1: types of flowers and trees, and I think, I always say,

419
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: the Creator loves and honors diversity. It honors difference, right,

420
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: And so humans tend to be like, Nope, we gotta

421
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,240
Speaker 1: stay in line, and we gotta do this. We're gonna

422
00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:33,520
Speaker 1: be one way you can express yourself for all that

423
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,920
Speaker 1: you are, for all that you were created to be.

424
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 1: Don't hurt nobody, don't be narcissistic intentions with good intentions.

425
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,200
Speaker 1: But if being you it makes you feel good. Where

426
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:45,720
Speaker 1: would you want to wear? Wear a little makeup though,

427
00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:49,920
Speaker 1: hat on like, then you are absolutely honoring that which

428
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: created you and the place from which you came from. Yes,

429
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 1: I completely agree with you, and that's something that I'm

430
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,119
Speaker 1: all about. Live and let live. I love you. You

431
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:01,840
Speaker 1: don't hurt me. I don't you do whatever you want

432
00:21:01,880 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: as long as you're not hurting anyone. I always say that,

433
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: And that's something that I told Johnny, my brother. I'm like,

434
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,840
Speaker 1: you know what, because of the Christianity. You know, my

435
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,080
Speaker 1: family's Christian and my mom wouldn't be okay with them,

436
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 1: Like this is your life. Though you have a testimony,

437
00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,400
Speaker 1: you're gonna be able to share like you can't help

438
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:18,439
Speaker 1: what you are. You know what I mean, and you

439
00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:21,159
Speaker 1: have to embrace it and now it's better. But but

440
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 1: absolutely all right. Currently, So in the black and Latino culture,

441
00:21:31,359 --> 00:21:34,120
Speaker 1: how do you feel like coming out? Do you think

442
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:38,479
Speaker 1: it's less or more accepted? Then let's say you know Anglo, Like,

443
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,160
Speaker 1: what do you think about that? UM? I always say

444
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 1: that I can only speak from experiences that I come from,

445
00:21:44,640 --> 00:21:48,440
Speaker 1: So I like, I can't uh necessarily speak on Black experience,

446
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:53,200
Speaker 1: but I can speak on like mesty so Latino experience, UM,

447
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,640
Speaker 1: and what I find from having conversations with a lot

448
00:21:55,680 --> 00:22:02,160
Speaker 1: of amazing uh black folk in academia, in entertainment and

449
00:22:02,359 --> 00:22:06,480
Speaker 1: brown folk in the same communities as well. Is that

450
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,360
Speaker 1: machismo is really like a currency. It's a currency globally, right,

451
00:22:10,440 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 1: like being even sometimes fans and women think like they

452
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,639
Speaker 1: got to act a certain type of way to be

453
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:21,480
Speaker 1: seen to be taken seriously. Um. And and this is

454
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,359
Speaker 1: kind of a debate that I've gotten into before, is

455
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: that I think that like black and brown folks are

456
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 1: sometimes not allowed to be soft, We're not given the

457
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 1: same grace to be tender. Um. Those things can be

458
00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:34,159
Speaker 1: seen as white. They can be seen as weak. They

459
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:40,160
Speaker 1: can be seen as like, um, boys don't cry, you know,

460
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: like tapping up da like you know, back in the

461
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 1: day would always call me, which is true. And yeah,

462
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:52,400
Speaker 1: I agree, I think it is sad. And there's also

463
00:22:52,440 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 1: there's always going to be a conversation about um queerness,

464
00:22:56,760 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 1: especially when it comes to the spectrum of racial identity

465
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:05,640
Speaker 1: and kind of like um racial politics, skin tone, colorism

466
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:11,040
Speaker 1: specifically I think within the United States. But absolutely, oh yeah,

467
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 1: I actually I actually have never dated a white person.

468
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 1: That's only, um, not because I don't want to, but

469
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: I find that white queer folk in l a sometimes

470
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:26,239
Speaker 1: tend to date other white queer folk in l A UM.

471
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: And this is kind of like based on my own

472
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,879
Speaker 1: limited experience. I'm not trying to generalize anybody in it,

473
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,520
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying everybody does this, but I find

474
00:23:33,600 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 1: that when sometimes when white queer folks want to date

475
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,199
Speaker 1: me or some of my friends, they expect us to

476
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,720
Speaker 1: be kind of like hyper versions of what they expect

477
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 1: a Latino, a black American or a black Latino or

478
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,800
Speaker 1: mestizo to be like a little bit rougher, a little

479
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:52,520
Speaker 1: bit more hood. They want us to be the top

480
00:23:52,560 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 1: all the time. Okay, have you been unfaithful before? Like

481
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:06,120
Speaker 1: you know, never in in any of my Actually, I'm

482
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna keep it real with you, because I

483
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,399
Speaker 1: always keep it real. I actually had different ideas of

484
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,000
Speaker 1: what unfaithful meant for a very long time, like I

485
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: didn't understand. So for me, I always thought that unfaithful

486
00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:20,120
Speaker 1: meant an affair like having an affair with somebody, um,

487
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: like an emotional affair, like an emotional physical affair like

488
00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 1: I was going to the same person. I always thought

489
00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:29,200
Speaker 1: of that as being unfaithful. I never thought like kissing

490
00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:32,639
Speaker 1: someone else was unfaithful. I never thought that like engaging

491
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: sexually with some of the person one time was being unfaithful,

492
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 1: and like flirting, texting and stuff, well even like even

493
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,000
Speaker 1: like oral, like I never thought that that was like cheating.

494
00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:45,040
Speaker 1: I was like, well, I'm going to go back to

495
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 1: my boyfriend and I'm never going to see this person again,

496
00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:51,760
Speaker 1: So how is that being unfaithful? But now as an adult,

497
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,720
Speaker 1: and of course three years of therapy and kind of

498
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 1: you know, understanding and by years, I mean like a

499
00:24:56,119 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: year and a half and two the years, Um it's years.

500
00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:06,199
Speaker 1: I need six months. I love it. But like no,

501
00:25:06,320 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: but you know, after therapy, like I'm like, oh, I

502
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,200
Speaker 1: was kidding myself, Like I was like not being honest

503
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 1: with myself. And sometimes you don't even know that you're

504
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:18,000
Speaker 1: not being honest with yourself. You start to believe what

505
00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 1: you believe. And yeah, So to answer your question, and yes,

506
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 1: did I think that that's what I was doing at

507
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: the time, No, but yeah, you had to go through

508
00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,439
Speaker 1: that in order to figure out, Okay, this is what's wrong,

509
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: this is what's right, or whatever. Absolutely clearly. So I

510
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,560
Speaker 1: have a question in regards to social anxiety and I'm

511
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,840
Speaker 1: going to tell you because again I always go back

512
00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:40,920
Speaker 1: to my brother Johnny, because that's like the closest thing

513
00:25:40,960 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: I have, like to the lgbt Q community. So he

514
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 1: has a lot of social anxiety. You know, he'd rather

515
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,560
Speaker 1: stay at home. He rarely likes going out to parties.

516
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: His friends invite him. And I have to tell Johnny, like,

517
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: you gotta go and explore and meet new people. And

518
00:25:56,400 --> 00:25:58,480
Speaker 1: does that is that a thing like for you or

519
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:01,119
Speaker 1: you just never experienced that? My god, I'm very open

520
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,800
Speaker 1: about it. And I think that a lot of people,

521
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:05,679
Speaker 1: you know, they consider me an extrovert, and and I'm like,

522
00:26:05,760 --> 00:26:09,719
Speaker 1: I am a very very, very friendly and loving introvert.

523
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 1: Like I love people. I love to make jokes. But like,

524
00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,520
Speaker 1: if you tell me, like, give you curly come to

525
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,760
Speaker 1: the house, I'm making dinner. It's just me and two

526
00:26:18,760 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 1: other people. Done. If you tell me Curly coming to

527
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:23,960
Speaker 1: the house, I'm having a party, I'm there, Like fuck,

528
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 1: Like what do I know? I will say that There's

529
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 1: several things I'm like, we have to grow up in

530
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 1: the closet, we have to grow up in the dark.

531
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 1: We have to learn how to move in the world

532
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: without being able to do the same things that a

533
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 1: lot of straight people, specifically straight passing people as well

534
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:41,440
Speaker 1: can do. Like you can have a crush on the

535
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: boy and flirt when you're like in the sixth grade

536
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,160
Speaker 1: and be like I like him or whatever. I couldn't

537
00:26:47,240 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: do that. I mean, I still did it because I

538
00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:51,000
Speaker 1: was like the funk, but like a lot of us

539
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:54,040
Speaker 1: couldn't do that, right, So we're not given the same

540
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:56,840
Speaker 1: grace or the same time to really grow in the

541
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,960
Speaker 1: same way that a lot of people get to spec

542
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: typically since hat people get to um. My anxiety also

543
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 1: comes from the fact that I present as a queer person.

544
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,159
Speaker 1: You look at me, I got a little sway in

545
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,240
Speaker 1: my hip, I moved my hand a certain type of way,

546
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: you know, I wear makeup, and when you when I

547
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,679
Speaker 1: opened my mouth, I'm like, hey, what up? You know

548
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: what I mean? I'm not like, I'm not what's good?

549
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 1: I'm like, what up? What's good? You know? So I

550
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,959
Speaker 1: feel like I always talk about I have moved through

551
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:27,120
Speaker 1: the world as a queer person, and it is scary,

552
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:32,720
Speaker 1: Like toxic masculinity seeks to destroy a lot of things

553
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 1: that aren't masculine, and whether that's a woman, then somebody

554
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 1: who's queer. It's scary I have to worry about if

555
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 1: I want to go out, but the hand while I

556
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 1: was wearing I just went to a fashion show and

557
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 1: I was wearing a small ballero naked and just jeans.

558
00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 1: I would never go into like, uh gas station like

559
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,560
Speaker 1: that by myself. I'd be scared because what would happen, Like,

560
00:27:54,600 --> 00:27:57,919
Speaker 1: what's going to happen? So it's the outside world, right

561
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:02,199
Speaker 1: and what they put on that causes it. It's a

562
00:28:02,240 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: safety thing. And I find that a lot of weird

563
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 1: people were just afraid for our lives. We're afraid of

564
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 1: like getting made fun of. We're afraid of like people

565
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: instigating a situation. You know, some straight people get to

566
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 1: hold hands with the person that they love on the street.

567
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 1: If I want to hold my boyfriend's hand on the street,

568
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 1: it is almost like an act of like revolution. It's

569
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:27,040
Speaker 1: like I'm being like, here we are, I'm fucking queer,

570
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 1: and we're going to hold hands down the street. But

571
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:31,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to be a revolutionary cheekys. I want

572
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,840
Speaker 1: to be puld my man's hand. Yeah. Always kind of

573
00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:38,200
Speaker 1: like what the heck you know, hasn't gotten has a

574
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:42,320
Speaker 1: social anxiety gotten? Better throughout the years you feel after

575
00:28:42,480 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: well because oh yeah, has it because the pandemic is

576
00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 1: one thing. But anyways, with the pandemic, it has you

577
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:54,200
Speaker 1: know what, Um, it always changes. I always say there's

578
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,239
Speaker 1: no right answer and there's no wrong answer, and the

579
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: right answer always changes. Right. So like some days I'm like, oh,

580
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: I'm looking good, I'm doing so good and this is

581
00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 1: what works for me. And other days I'm like, no,

582
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,920
Speaker 1: I'm but I'm very like the way that I was raising,

583
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:09,320
Speaker 1: a lot of people are raising, like I'm not going

584
00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: to back down. So like you have anxiety, I gotta

585
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:14,520
Speaker 1: fight it. I'm not gonna sit there and be like,

586
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 1: oh no, I can't do it. And some people do

587
00:29:16,720 --> 00:29:18,520
Speaker 1: and that's okay, and we're all in different places in

588
00:29:18,520 --> 00:29:21,760
Speaker 1: our life. But I will say I do this thing, um,

589
00:29:21,800 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: like I hate going to the supermarket. I get anxiety

590
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:25,160
Speaker 1: about going to the supermarket. And I know a lot

591
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 1: of people do as well. Um, but I do this

592
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 1: thing where I'm like, curly, if you go to the

593
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:33,120
Speaker 1: supermarket right now, you're going to meet a fine ace

594
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 1: guy and he's gonna be so like you want to

595
00:29:36,120 --> 00:29:38,400
Speaker 1: meet to find a guy you want to meet, let's

596
00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: go and so I go. I'm all excited. I'm like,

597
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:45,240
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm gonna meet my husband, I say,

598
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: in that zone. And so I get there and keep

599
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: that for a while. That used to It's so crazy.

600
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 1: I used to do that to go to the gym. Bitch, Yeah,

601
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: get cute girl, put on those I go work out

602
00:29:57,280 --> 00:30:01,000
Speaker 1: because you know there's gonna be a hot guy there. That. Yes,

603
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,480
Speaker 1: that's how you trick yourself and you do those things.

604
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: I mean anxiety. I think that it's like it's a

605
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:16,239
Speaker 1: big thing, even like you know, she's like, oh, and

606
00:30:16,280 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 1: I'm like, of course I've I've lived with anxiety. I am.

607
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 1: I know her. She lives in my house too. She

608
00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 1: never lives in my house. Yeah, And I'm like, but

609
00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 1: if you're barely learning that language, you know, my dad

610
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: put learning about the word trauma. He didn't know, and

611
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:34,560
Speaker 1: so now he's more open. He's like, I think that

612
00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 1: was traumatizing to me as a kid. I think I

613
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,880
Speaker 1: have trauma. Yeah, it's because I think they grew up

614
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: not believing in anxiety or depression and no, you know

615
00:30:44,520 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: and and no, dude, that ship exists and it's real.

616
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: And I think after the pandemic. That's when it really

617
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 1: hit me where I'm like, damn, what is going to happen?

618
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,080
Speaker 1: And sometimes you think twice three times to go out, now,

619
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,360
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? So and you hit that,

620
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: you hit that rock bottom where you're I did you

621
00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 1: know I was going through a lot during the pandemic

622
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 1: or should I say the quarantine? And I started feeling

623
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:08,520
Speaker 1: all that the depression and everything. You know, like the

624
00:31:08,640 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 1: unknown you feel me? Yeah, I mean a lot of people,

625
00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: a lot of us, like the unknown is kind of

626
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 1: what scares us all the time. Um. It was something

627
00:31:18,600 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 1: I saw something that said, if you're feeling depressed, it's

628
00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:24,360
Speaker 1: because you're thinking about the past too much. And if

629
00:31:24,400 --> 00:31:27,040
Speaker 1: you're feeling anxious, it's because you're thinking about the future

630
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,360
Speaker 1: too much. So if you can find a way to

631
00:31:29,400 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: stay in the present, it helps. I mean, look, it's

632
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 1: so hard because I'm always especially like we're in entertainment too, right, Like,

633
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,800
Speaker 1: and I started in the kitchen, so I feel like

634
00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 1: I got kind of discovered in a way, and I'm like,

635
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,440
Speaker 1: what happens with us in entertainment? We gotta keep ustling,

636
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: We gotta keep singing and dancing and making jokes. Making

637
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:50,280
Speaker 1: jokes until I'm eighty. Now I gotta get on TikTok

638
00:31:50,320 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 1: and learn a hold routine. Yeah, some serious pressure. Yeah yeah,

639
00:31:57,160 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: I just put something on my Instagram about that too,

640
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 1: About you live in the moment. Don't worry about what

641
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:05,120
Speaker 1: hasn't even happened. Do you feel me? We stress ourselves out.

642
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:10,480
Speaker 1: My therapist calls it catastrophizing. Oh, you're catastrophizing. You're creating

643
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: a scenario that hasn't even happened yet, You're thinking of

644
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 1: a catastrophe that hasn't even happened, and so I'm like

645
00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,600
Speaker 1: my therapist calls it future tripping, future tripping. I've heard

646
00:32:19,640 --> 00:32:23,440
Speaker 1: that one too, Yes, yeah, trip right now, hold up,

647
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm always future tripping always. Honestly, Curly, this has been

648
00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 1: such a beautiful, open, honest relationship, relationship conversation. Could be

649
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:38,760
Speaker 1: a relationship to now that I know you know we're

650
00:32:38,840 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: both could work. Yes, I just want to say thank you. Honestly,

651
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:47,160
Speaker 1: you are a beautiful human being. You have such a

652
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: beautiful light and this mind that I'm just like, so

653
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,600
Speaker 1: you're intriguing, So thank you, And I think that you

654
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,600
Speaker 1: are a wonderful role model, a person that people can

655
00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:59,800
Speaker 1: look up to, and which is why I wanted to

656
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,520
Speaker 1: talk to you. And I don't know, do you have

657
00:33:01,560 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 1: some type of advice something that you would want to

658
00:33:03,480 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: tell someone that's coming out and they don't know what

659
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:07,520
Speaker 1: to do or how to do it. Um, thank you

660
00:33:07,560 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: so much for your words. And I really feel like

661
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 1: this is a really beautiful conversation as well. So the

662
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: feeling is absolutely mutual advice. You know. Um, there's no

663
00:33:17,280 --> 00:33:19,320
Speaker 1: wrong way, there's no right way, and the answer always changes.

664
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,200
Speaker 1: If you are in a safe space, if you're in

665
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 1: a space where you can come out do it. You're

666
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,760
Speaker 1: gonna love it. If you can't, that's also okay, Like

667
00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 1: do what feels right for you, do it the best

668
00:33:28,560 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 1: way that you can. At the end of the day,

669
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: we're all going to go back to the source. We're

670
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,200
Speaker 1: all little cups of water going to get to get

671
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:38,600
Speaker 1: thrown back into the ocean. And you know, live it

672
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: up as best as you can. Um, love as hard

673
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:44,640
Speaker 1: as you can, laugh, as hard as you can, masturbate,

674
00:33:44,720 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: do the things stick something in your day, explore, you know,

675
00:33:51,440 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 1: and you know, talking about this subject, that's what I

676
00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,960
Speaker 1: told Johnny when you wanted to come out, I'm like, dude,

677
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:59,720
Speaker 1: if it makes you feel worse keeping it inside, then

678
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,080
Speaker 1: bring it out. If it's gonna if it's scary to

679
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:03,560
Speaker 1: bring it out, keep it in for a little bit,

680
00:34:03,640 --> 00:34:05,440
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? And I just want you

681
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: to be happy. And once you're happy and you don't,

682
00:34:07,960 --> 00:34:09,480
Speaker 1: you don't have that weight on you and you're like,

683
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,920
Speaker 1: this is who I am, and you you completely accept

684
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 1: yourself first. Everyone else is going to feel that and

685
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 1: accept you have no other choice but accept you, and

686
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:18,640
Speaker 1: then you're gonna be able to really just fly. You

687
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: feel me, and he did. Now he feels I've seen

688
00:34:21,239 --> 00:34:27,239
Speaker 1: since he's talked about it, you know, publicly, he's definitely radiating.

689
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:30,480
Speaker 1: He's better. He's just in a different place, you know.

690
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:32,520
Speaker 1: So that's just my little two cents on it, but

691
00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:36,239
Speaker 1: you know, absolutely, Curly, thank you again. It has been

692
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,040
Speaker 1: a wonderful conversation. We have to do it again for sure,

693
00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: and I want. I'm sure a lot of people know

694
00:34:41,760 --> 00:34:43,719
Speaker 1: who you are, but just in case they may not

695
00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: know and they just put on game today. Let them

696
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:48,319
Speaker 1: know your social where they can find you are your

697
00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 1: phone one, accept your address. You can find me on

698
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:54,640
Speaker 1: Instagram and TikTok at the Curly b Show, Vias in

699
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 1: Victor Um and I'm just there. I basically just show

700
00:34:58,120 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 1: me in my family all the time. UM. And we

701
00:35:00,440 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 1: also would love to have you on our podcast. I

702
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 1: was going to tell you about that. Yes, we are

703
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: called the Super Secret Bestie Club. It's me and my

704
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:11,480
Speaker 1: best friend, um Maya Moyo who uh you know we have.

705
00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: We give advice on topics that are very normal crushes, boyfriends, love.

706
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,680
Speaker 1: I'm always giving like the kind of problematic advice and

707
00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:22,200
Speaker 1: she's more like, I love it. I would love to.

708
00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 1: I would love to be honest, it would be so amazing.

709
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,640
Speaker 1: We'd love to have you. Um. Please check us out.

710
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 1: Oh thank you, and don't forget to listen to Cheeks

711
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 1: and Chill every Monday on the I Heart Radio app,

712
00:35:44,239 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 1: Apple podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts.

713
00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:53,000
Speaker 1: This is a production of I Heart Radio and podcast Network.

714
00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,640
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Podcasts and follow me

715
00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 1: Cheeks on Instagram at cheek Kee's and I'll see you

716
00:36:01,160 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: guys next week. Les nombezzo and remember condos too. See

717
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: Nana h