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Speaker 1: Straight people get to hold hands with the person that

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Speaker 1: they love on the street. If I want to hold

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Speaker 1: my boyfriend's hand on the street, it is almost like

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Speaker 1: an act of revolution.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 3: She was like, you know, if you want to be gay,

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Speaker 3: if you want to be with this girl, then you

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Speaker 3: need to move out, and you lose all benefits.

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Speaker 1: As my daughter, Black and brown folk are sometimes not

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Speaker 1: allowed to be soft. We're not given the same grace

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Speaker 1: to be tender.

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Speaker 2: What up, y'all? Welcome to Cheeky's and Chill.

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Speaker 3: I'm your host Cheeky's, and I'm here today with a

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Speaker 3: very very special and sexy guest. Okay, you know what, bitch,

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Speaker 3: go on, go on and introduce yourself.

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Speaker 4: You Yeah, Cheekys, what up? I'm so happy to be

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Speaker 4: here with you.

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Speaker 1: It is truly an honor, and you are like Latino royalty.

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Speaker 1: So I'm so excited to hang with you and chat

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Speaker 1: with you. But for those of you who don't know me,

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Speaker 1: my name is Curly Velaskiez. I am a writer, active personality.

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Speaker 1: I was kind of discovered in the kitchen at BuzzFeed.

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Speaker 1: I used to serve their lunches and I worked my

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Speaker 1: way up into creating content for them, and you know,

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Speaker 1: we started the Latino vertical called Beto Like, which has

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Speaker 1: opened the doors for me in so many different ways,

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Speaker 1: which has led me to play myself on the show

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Speaker 1: called Viva on Stars and also comment on a documentary

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Speaker 1: about Walter Metgado on Netflix with me and my Boilat

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Speaker 1: talking about the impact that he had on the culture.

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Speaker 1: And you know, and now I get to hang with you.

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Speaker 1: We've actually hung out before. I interviewed you a long

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Speaker 1: time ago at BuzzFeed. Yes, yes, several hairstyles ago and

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Speaker 1: several outfare.

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Speaker 2: Oh and how are you, babe, how are you?

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Speaker 4: I'm good.

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Speaker 2: I wanted to tell you right now in this moment,

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Speaker 2: In this.

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Speaker 1: Moment, leg day at the gym was on Tuesday, so

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Speaker 1: I am sore as hell, but I'm so excited. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to tell you too, because there's so you know

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Speaker 1: Latina mom Latina moms are always like they are impressed,

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Speaker 1: but not easily impressed.

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Speaker 4: And I told my mom like, I'm gonna hang out

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Speaker 4: with Cheeky's and she was like.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, like so excited. She loves you and

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Speaker 1: your family. I'm constantly getting like updates on how the

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Speaker 1: family's doing, Your sister and I Jennica are friends on.

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Speaker 2: Insta yes and Insta yes.

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Speaker 4: I love her, So, I love you fabulous. She's fabulous.

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Speaker 1: But and so my mom is a huge fan shout

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Speaker 1: out if she's probably gonna be listening.

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Speaker 2: And what's your mom's name?

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Speaker 4: miRNA mir.

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Speaker 2: Sending you a big old kiss, mam. Are you close

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Speaker 2: to your mom?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 1: I'm tired with all my family like super tight. We

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Speaker 1: weren't always really tight specifically because like growing up as

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Speaker 1: a young queer kid, a lot of parents in general,

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Speaker 1: but I feel like Latin parents or Latino or LATINX

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Speaker 1: have you identified, they sometimes will inflict their own generational

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Speaker 1: trauma on their own kids and then without knowing it.

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Speaker 1: So they weren't always necessarily the best parents. But I

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Speaker 1: think that they also weren't the worst. But growing up

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Speaker 1: and being able to look back and be like, damn,

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Speaker 1: you were twenty how old when you had me?

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Speaker 4: Like you were just learning.

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Speaker 3: You know exactly things have changed? And my mom, believe

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Speaker 3: it or not, was very also very traditional. I mean

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Speaker 3: it just I mean they're so young when they have us,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So they're growing up or

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Speaker 3: we're growing up together.

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Speaker 2: You feel me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm glad.

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Speaker 3: I'm glad everything's good with your family. So in today's episode,

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Speaker 3: Curly and I are going to talk about his coming

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Speaker 3: out story and the spectrum of identifying as gay or

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Speaker 3: queer in the LATINX community. I happen to think that

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Speaker 3: people are born gay. I don't know what you think.

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Speaker 3: I want us to have a very open conversation. I

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Speaker 3: feel that there's usually I talk about this with a

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Speaker 3: lot of my friends, that there's a gauging either on

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Speaker 3: your mom's side or your dad's side.

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Speaker 2: But I really feel that that exists.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: I actually identify as queer, and a lot more people

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Speaker 1: are identifying more queer. Kind of gives you the space

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Speaker 1: to not just live in this one box at being gay,

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Speaker 1: right like okay yo put hamblow. I used to hook

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Speaker 1: up with girls when I was younger and boys. I

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Speaker 1: identified as bisexual for a really long time, and then

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Speaker 1: I started to skew more into boys. And now that

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Speaker 1: I'm older, I don't know that I would necessarily.

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Speaker 4: Rule it out that I would hook up with the girl.

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Speaker 1: And I also find that I don't really care what

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Speaker 1: somebody's working with between their legs. If you have a

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Speaker 1: cute fade and a nice bicep, I'm down, you know me.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, I'm so glad you're explaining this because again,

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Speaker 3: this is a topic that is still very taboo in

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Speaker 3: our culture. Yes, unfortunately, but this is why we're having

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Speaker 3: this conversation. Because now that you're saying, I'm glad that

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Speaker 3: I'm that we're talking about it, you know, queer. Now

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Speaker 3: I know what it is. So because my brother Johnny,

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Speaker 3: he's gonna be twenty one, he has had a hard

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Speaker 3: time accepting it. At first he thought he was gay.

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Speaker 3: Then he's like, you know what, he told me something else.

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Speaker 3: I don't remember what it was called. But he's like,

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Speaker 3: I just it doesn't matter. Like you just said, if

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Speaker 3: you have a penister of vagina, if I am connected

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Speaker 3: to your soul, yeah, then I want to be with you.

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Speaker 1: They're safety or sexual, there's a lot of different things.

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Speaker 1: I think queerness. By the way, I sent your brother

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Speaker 1: a message, I was like, if you need to talk,

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Speaker 1: if you just need a friend, like anything, anything, anything.

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Speaker 1: He probably didn't see it in the DMS or he

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Speaker 1: probably was.

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Speaker 2: Like, I don't know you I would tell him that.

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Speaker 4: But I was like, if you ever.

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Speaker 1: Need to talk right, because like there's no right way

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Speaker 1: and there's no wrong way, like to be who you are.

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Speaker 1: So for me, it's like I do believe that people

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Speaker 1: are born a certain type of way right, and they

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Speaker 1: can I believe that as well. But I think of

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Speaker 1: queerness and I think of sexuality and gender as a spectrum. Look,

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Speaker 1: I think people can be born this way. I think

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Speaker 1: I was born this way. I came out really young,

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Speaker 1: even as a little kid, I didn't really know how

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Speaker 1: to hide it. I didn't know what I identified as.

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Speaker 1: But I think everybody, everybody, if they left themselves, if

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Speaker 1: they really were like you know what, like I fuck

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Speaker 1: with this person so much like we could have a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I might not want to fuck you, I might not

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Speaker 1: want to have sex with you, but like do you

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Speaker 1: want to be like a life partner of mine? Do

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Speaker 1: you want to be like with me? And it could

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Speaker 1: be like best friends. It can look so many like

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Speaker 1: so many different ways.

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Speaker 3: I have a question, Curly, and I feel like you

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Speaker 3: are the person I can ask this like too, and

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Speaker 3: You're not gonna get offended or anything. Because I've always

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Speaker 3: wondered the word fag.

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Speaker 2: How do you feel.

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Speaker 4: About that word?

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Speaker 2: Honestly, I just, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: Dude, I think I mean, I was like, you know what,

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Speaker 3: I'm asked curly because yes, there's certain people that are like,

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Speaker 3: don't call me that, Like you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: I get that, I mean I would never, but you

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Speaker 3: know what I mean, Like, what do you feel about

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Speaker 3: the word fag?

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Speaker 1: Again, it's a nuanced conversation, right, Like, it's very it's

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Speaker 1: interesting on one side.

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Speaker 4: Can we use it to be empowering? Like me personally?

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Speaker 1: I heard Margaret Cho said Margaret Show years ago said

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Speaker 1: I love the word faggot because it describes my kind

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Speaker 1: of guy, like my kind of person.

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Speaker 4: And I remember growing up and being like, oh my god,

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Speaker 4: I love that too.

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Speaker 1: On the flip, my favorite are so I've ever existed,

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Speaker 1: perhaps maybe my favorite human. Maya Angelo would consistently quote

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Speaker 1: the Bible and say, like in the beginning, there was

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Speaker 1: the Word, and the word was God, and the word

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Speaker 1: was with God. And she would say, there is power

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Speaker 1: that you can measure in words. So when you use

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Speaker 1: words like fag and fag, it like you have to

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Speaker 1: really understand the type of energy that you are really

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Speaker 1: birthing through the divinity within you.

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Speaker 4: Right, So, like there is power in your words.

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Speaker 1: So personally like me, I mean, I mean, but to

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Speaker 1: other people like who are who are still being killed

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Speaker 1: across the world, who still don't have laws, who still

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Speaker 1: can't get married, no laws of protection, who are literally

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Speaker 1: being murdered globally, those words and maybe the use of them,

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Speaker 1: they're you know, you should be mindful of that that

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Speaker 1: you are kind of essentially perpetuating a word that is

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Speaker 1: rooted in hate and rooted in bigotry.

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Speaker 2: Right, Okay, perfect.

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Speaker 3: I needed to ask that because again, I want everyone

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Speaker 3: that's listening to understand I'm a huge advocate for the

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Speaker 3: LBG community, Q community, you know, So I'm just like,

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Speaker 3: I wanted to to have this conversation with someone like you,

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Speaker 3: especially with coming out, and I just saw this post yesterday.

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Speaker 3: How or what do you do when someone comes to

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Speaker 3: you and comes out? What are the actions? You give

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Speaker 3: them a hug?

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Speaker 2: If you have no words? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: So when you came out, how was that? How old

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Speaker 2: were you when you came out?

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Speaker 4: I was very young.

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Speaker 1: I was the first time I ever vocalized it to anybody.

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Speaker 1: I was eleven, and then by the time I came

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Speaker 1: out to my family, I was like twelve thirteen, But

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Speaker 1: that's kind of a weird I just shared this story

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Speaker 1: with like Hulu and Attention, and it's kind of a

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Speaker 1: story because it was kind of the beginning of the

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Speaker 1: Internet craze where aol was popping off and chat rooms

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Speaker 1: and being able to search for things that you didn't

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Speaker 1: have access to before. Right, So I got caught because

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Speaker 1: I was looking at dicks on the Internet and I

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Speaker 1: didn't know. Nobody told me this that there was a

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Speaker 1: thing called your Internet search history, right, I guess. And

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Speaker 1: so when my parents went in, they were like, what

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Speaker 1: the fuck are you looking at? And I was like,

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Speaker 1: what do you mean? And they were like, well are

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Speaker 1: you gayer?

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Speaker 4: Like what are you? And it was a whole big thing.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot more dramatic than that, of course, right,

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Speaker 1: Like I was crying and my dad I thought, you know,

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Speaker 1: my dad was uh, my dad was a marine. He

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Speaker 1: we grew up in kind of in an abusive household.

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Speaker 1: Like my dad is very macho, like the type to

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Speaker 1: be like I'm a build that. I don't need it.

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Speaker 1: I don't need to pay anybody. I'm a build this shit.

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Speaker 1: Oh I don't need to like hire somebody to fix them.

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Speaker 2: Doesn't.

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Speaker 1: No, he is like a man's man, which just dope

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Speaker 1: by the way, because if I'm walking with him at night,

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Speaker 1: I like gets in front of us, He's like what,

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Speaker 1: like he's ready, right, marines man?

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Speaker 4: Okay.

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Speaker 1: So then hm, I ended up coming out and it

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Speaker 1: was rough in the beginning. It was really tough. The

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Speaker 1: way that they started to come around was when I

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Speaker 1: got my heart broken for the first time. And when

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Speaker 1: you are depressed and in love and you get your

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Speaker 1: heart broken, like you don't that's something that you know

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Speaker 1: people who have been older, like people who have been alive,

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Speaker 1: that they're the ones that can help me, and be

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Speaker 1: like I promising you will make it.

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Speaker 2: You feel like you're gonna die in the moment.

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Speaker 4: Be like you're gonna die.

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Speaker 1: And so I remember putting my head on my mom's

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Speaker 1: shoulder and being like, I'm just so sad. I was

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Speaker 1: heartbroken over somebody that I loved and his family didn't

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Speaker 1: accept him, and he became a we're Catholic and he

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Speaker 1: became like even more Christian and he died. He dove

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Speaker 1: deeper into his faith and kind of abandoned everything that

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Speaker 1: I had known about him because of his faith, and

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Speaker 1: I just felt like I wanted to help him get

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Speaker 1: to a point where he could understand that the creator

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Speaker 1: loved him exactly as he was. And so it was

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Speaker 1: really hard, and so that's when we started to kind

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Speaker 1: of get closer to one another. But you know, one

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Speaker 1: of the things that I always say, Bodahan Blow is

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Speaker 1: that when somebody comes out to you, or somebody says, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm queer or I'm this or whatever, I don't really

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Speaker 1: like when people say I accept you, like that's great.

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Speaker 1: But I always say like, okay, because because I always say,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you order something like online, like on

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Speaker 1: eBay or something.

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Speaker 4: You get it in the mail or on Amazon.

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Speaker 1: You get in the mail and you're like, well, it

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Speaker 1: doesn't look the way that I wanted it to look,

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Speaker 1: but it's fine.

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Speaker 4: I accepted. I'm too lazy to send it back. It's fine.

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Speaker 1: But I prefer when somebody says that's amazing, cheeky's I

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Speaker 1: celebrate you, because when you order something on Amazon and

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Speaker 1: it is exactly what you wanted.

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Speaker 4: You're like, oh my god, this is exactly what I wanted.

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Speaker 4: This is exactly what I needed. So would do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So when you do that for somebody in your

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Speaker 1: life where you go Cheeky's. You are exactly who I

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Speaker 1: wanted in my life. You were exactly who I needed.

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Speaker 1: I prayed for God for you, I thought of you,

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Speaker 1: and you got here and here you are, and I

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Speaker 1: love you and I celebrate you.

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Speaker 2: You know, my goodness.

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Speaker 1: That to me is better than I accept you because

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Speaker 1: you're like, whatever, it's fine, you don't really care.

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Speaker 3: I celebrate are yeah, noolutely No, I'm so glad, yeah,

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Speaker 3: because that those these are all things that we all

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Speaker 3: need to know.

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Speaker 2: You feel me.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know if you know, but I

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Speaker 3: had I had like a I I always say this.

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Speaker 2: I think I'm like twenty percent lesbian.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I get a little vodka in me and I'm just

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Speaker 3: like I want to kiss girls.

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Speaker 2: You know what.

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Speaker 4: Everybody's on the spectra everyone, Yeah, you know it's true.

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Speaker 2: A friend twenty three?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Whoa you know?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What kind of girls are you get into when you

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Speaker 1: have a little vodka? Do you like a more fam

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Speaker 1: a little bit more mask, more.

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Speaker 3: Masks to be honest and sometimes listic? It just it

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Speaker 3: just depends, you know what I mean. I haven't done

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Speaker 3: it a lot, and I'm gonna be honest, but yeah,

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Speaker 3: there are times when I'm just like, I just want

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Speaker 3: to kiss this.

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Speaker 2: I'm all about the anatomy of a woman.

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Speaker 3: I think every woman is so beautiful and I love

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Speaker 3: looking at their bodies and like the whole thing, like

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Speaker 3: and not in a sexual wage, just like I appreciate

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Speaker 3: and you know the woman, you know, the body of

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Speaker 3: a wisd you know.

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Speaker 1: The same mean too, that's you know, being queer, right

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Speaker 1: Like You're like, I identify.

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Speaker 4: Predominantly as a straight woman.

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Speaker 1: I'm assume like you would say that you're sis and

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Speaker 1: pet sis like cis gendered and heterosexual, and but you

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Speaker 1: have like.

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Speaker 4: Your little like you know, every now and then you're

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Speaker 4: like a.

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Speaker 1: Little the nextra, which is so cool because I think,

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Speaker 1: there you go, there you go. There's the beauty of

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Speaker 1: the spectrum, which I hope that more people are willing

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Speaker 1: to tap into. It doesn't mean and that's the thing too,

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Speaker 1: right Like, it doesn't mean like you someone's like, well

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Speaker 1: then you're by or you're a lesbian, and you're like, well,

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Speaker 1: not really, I don't really identify in that in those spaces,

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Speaker 1: but I can identify over here.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 1: I also had a question for you cheeky's too like

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Speaker 1: and I don't know if it's too deep or if

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Speaker 1: it's anything.

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Speaker 2: Nothing's too deep shoo, because.

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Speaker 1: You mentioned like your mom, right, and your mom is

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Speaker 1: this icon that everybody knows. And you mentioned that you

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Speaker 1: think that she may have had an issue with your brother,

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Speaker 1: and we were also talking about like growth. Do you

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Speaker 1: think that you know in twenty two twenty one that

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Speaker 1: there would have been some level of growth and that

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Speaker 1: she may have actually been like, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: celebrate you.

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Speaker 3: You know what, Curly I I've never talked about this anywhere,

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Speaker 3: but I feel comfortable with you and this is a

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Speaker 3: space to do it.

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Speaker 2: My mom was a very open woman and very.

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Speaker 3: Very raw in certain areas of her life. When I

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Speaker 3: went through my I had a girlfriend at twenty three.

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Speaker 3: I talk about it in my book Forgiveness. And she

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Speaker 3: found out because she was looking through my stuff. Actually

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Speaker 3: my sister told her, so, she was looking through my

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Speaker 3: stuff and she she told me, you know, and here's

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Speaker 3: the thing. She's not here anymore, you know, because I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna you know, I just want to clear that up.

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Speaker 3: But you know, she was like, you know, if you

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Speaker 3: want to be gay, if you want to be with

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Speaker 3: this girl, then you need to move out and you

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Speaker 3: lose all benefits as my daughter. And I'll never forget

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Speaker 3: I was in the rest of my but I love

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Speaker 3: this girl, you know what I mean. And and the

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Speaker 3: crazy thing is a it wasn't even a sexual thing

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Speaker 3: with this girl. It was all mental and I felt

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Speaker 3: different and I didn't feel the pressure because I was

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Speaker 3: sexually abused of having to have sex. It was just

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Speaker 3: it was it was non existent the sex. It was

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Speaker 3: just kissing and holding hands, and I just felt, Oh,

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Speaker 3: someone loves me without wanting to touch me, you know, sexually.

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Speaker 3: So I tried to explain that to her and she

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Speaker 3: didn't understand it. And I told her, I'm like, you

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Speaker 3: have a lot of gay friends, and your fans are gay,

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Speaker 3: and you have employees that are gay. She's like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: but not in my household. And I think it was

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Speaker 3: just because of how she grew up.

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Speaker 2: Now, mind you.

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Speaker 3: I think if she was here now and how things

364
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Speaker 3: out are and how she knows and she loves Johnny,

365
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Speaker 3: her youngest, it would have been difficult for her. She

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Speaker 3: probably wouldn't have talked to him for a little bit,

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Speaker 3: but she would have come around. I know it for

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Speaker 3: a fact, because she loves her children more than anything,

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Speaker 3: you know. But it's tough because I've never said that

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Speaker 3: out loud. You know, I never want to make my

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Speaker 3: mom look bad. But that's we all have to respect

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Speaker 3: everyone's thoughts and their feelings and how she was raised

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Speaker 3: in reality, because still in our family, it's not necessarily okay,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean to be gay, to be queer,

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Speaker 3: but it's kind of like, don't talk about it. Let's

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00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,640
Speaker 3: just out of sight, out of mind sort of thing. Yeah,

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00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:06,040
Speaker 3: but yeah, I think she would have come along. And

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Speaker 3: but more than anything, I think my mom was more

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Speaker 3: like what am I doing wrong as a parent?

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Speaker 2: I wasn't here.

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Speaker 3: She would blame herself a lot, like it's because i'm working,

382
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Speaker 3: it's because I chose the wrong men to have kids

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Speaker 3: with and they're not here to help me. And that

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00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:19,600
Speaker 3: would have gotten in her mind, like what did I

385
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,720
Speaker 3: do wrong as a parent? And in reality, it's not

386
00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:23,680
Speaker 3: about the parent, you know, it's not.

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Speaker 1: And I understand that, and I'm really thankful. Thank you

388
00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,200
Speaker 1: for opening up in that way, and thank you for

389
00:16:29,240 --> 00:16:32,120
Speaker 1: sharing that part. It actually moved me to emotion and

390
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,800
Speaker 1: I was getting chills because you know, that goes back

391
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Speaker 1: to the trauma of our family and the way that

392
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 1: what they inflict on us and what they put on us.

393
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Speaker 1: I am giving you so much love and so much

394
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Speaker 1: energy that you, yes, I feel that that you just

395
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:50,240
Speaker 1: want to be loved and hugged and you know, not

396
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:52,600
Speaker 1: have to do that other thing, right.

397
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Speaker 4: We have.

398
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:57,000
Speaker 1: We don't really know each other outside of this, but

399
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Speaker 1: I love you. You are so loved. You are amazing.

400
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,960
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing that. It is really powerful, and

401
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 1: you know, I do hope that I do think as

402
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,520
Speaker 1: well that hopefully there would have been like a movement

403
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,920
Speaker 1: into understanding, like I'm sure you would do with her

404
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:13,480
Speaker 1: and everything.

405
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Speaker 3: I think she would have understood it, you know what

406
00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,760
Speaker 3: I mean. And then my sister went through that, and

407
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 3: then she went through through she's she calls it a phase.

408
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 3: Now it's part of her testimony. And my mom thought

409
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,040
Speaker 3: it was because of me. She's like, she saw you

410
00:17:25,080 --> 00:17:27,080
Speaker 3: do it, and it's because now she wants to do it.

411
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:29,240
Speaker 3: And I really think that there's a gay geene in

412
00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,000
Speaker 3: our family, you know what I mean. I have a

413
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,040
Speaker 3: lesbian aunt, I have a gay uncle, you know, and

414
00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:35,520
Speaker 3: it's just something don't talk about it, you know, what

415
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,080
Speaker 3: I mean. But it's like, it's the truth, dude. This

416
00:17:37,359 --> 00:17:38,840
Speaker 3: is the life that we live, and there's nothing wrong

417
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 3: with loving whoever you love. And back then, I was

418
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,919
Speaker 3: scared and I was young, and I did choose my

419
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Speaker 3: mom and my family over this girl.

420
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Speaker 2: Her and I are still friends. She's beautiful.

421
00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,120
Speaker 3: I love her so much, and she has a girlfriend,

422
00:17:49,119 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 3: and but she taught me so much. Now I'm like, Okay,

423
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:53,240
Speaker 3: I learned what I had to learn from her, and

424
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:56,120
Speaker 3: I'm grateful, you know. And I don't judge my mom

425
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 3: because I get it, you know, and she was born

426
00:17:58,840 --> 00:17:59,520
Speaker 3: in a different time.

427
00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:01,800
Speaker 1: You feel me, Yeah, absolutely, And that's the thing too.

428
00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:02,959
Speaker 1: You want to get to a place where you're not

429
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 1: judging anybody.

430
00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:06,760
Speaker 2: And I think I'm just about I'm about live and

431
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:07,160
Speaker 2: let live.

432
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:09,399
Speaker 1: You feel me, yes, and then and then there and

433
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:10,960
Speaker 1: then you know, Now in twenty twenty one, there are

434
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,159
Speaker 1: different terms that people use that they're like, you know,

435
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,879
Speaker 1: safeio sexual. That's when you like, you're you don't care

436
00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:17,560
Speaker 1: what they're working with, you just like their.

437
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 2: Mind, right, Like that's right, Yeah, that's my brother.

438
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm I just find out that I can identify

439
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:27,040
Speaker 1: as androsexual and that means that I don't care what

440
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:30,040
Speaker 1: you're working with. As long as you are a masculine

441
00:18:30,080 --> 00:18:33,600
Speaker 1: presenting individual, I'll probably be attracted to you.

442
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:36,120
Speaker 2: It's what, what did you say that was.

443
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,600
Speaker 4: Called andro sexual?

444
00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:41,000
Speaker 3: Andro sexual? And you know what, I'm gonna be real

445
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 3: honest with you right now because now that you're bringing

446
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:47,320
Speaker 3: that up. A few years back, I thought either you're gay,

447
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:51,359
Speaker 3: queer or straight, and I didn't really believe in bisexuality.

448
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,679
Speaker 3: And through Johnny, I was all open about, you know,

449
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:57,960
Speaker 3: gay people and queer, you know the community, but I

450
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,920
Speaker 3: didn't understand bisexuality or what we're talking about until like

451
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 3: a few years back. With Johnny, he's like, no, he

452
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:07,320
Speaker 3: made me understand, and he's like, genuinely, I wish in

453
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:09,119
Speaker 3: my heart for a long time, it took him a

454
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:12,080
Speaker 3: while to just accept himself. Now he's more open about it,

455
00:19:12,160 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 3: but he's like, I don't want to feel this way.

456
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:16,840
Speaker 3: I can't help that I'm falling in love with this girl.

457
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,600
Speaker 3: But I was in love with the boy last year,

458
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,960
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. I was like, oh, he's like,

459
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: I swear to you, like and he made me understand.

460
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 3: And now I'm like, damn, and I think everything happens

461
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:28,400
Speaker 3: for a reason. He's like my he's my brother, obviously

462
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,480
Speaker 3: he's my son. Yeah, And I know it would have

463
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,600
Speaker 3: been very hard for my mom to accept.

464
00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:34,560
Speaker 2: It's very traditional.

465
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:39,399
Speaker 3: And it's just because I think of how she was raised,

466
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:40,440
Speaker 3: and I don't blame.

467
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,399
Speaker 4: Her as far as your brother goes.

468
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:47,399
Speaker 1: You know, having dealing with your identity, your queer identity,

469
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: whether that's queerness within your gender or your sexuality, and

470
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 1: the guilt that sometimes we feel like we're different or

471
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: we're hurting people, or the need to live within like

472
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:03,439
Speaker 1: a heteronormative life. When you it can get daunting, and

473
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:05,680
Speaker 1: it can get scary, and it can get sad, and.

474
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,240
Speaker 4: You know, sometimes you're like, I want to be like them.

475
00:20:09,359 --> 00:20:11,440
Speaker 4: I want to be where the people are right.

476
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 1: And when I look at nature, I look at all

477
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,919
Speaker 1: the fish in the sea, the insects crawling around the

478
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,960
Speaker 1: different types of flowers and trees, and I think, I

479
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:26,040
Speaker 1: always say, the Creator loves and honors diversity. It honors difference, right,

480
00:20:26,119 --> 00:20:29,000
Speaker 1: And so humans tend to be like, Nope, we got

481
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 1: to stay in line, and we gotta do this. We

482
00:20:30,040 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 1: gotta be one way you can express yourself for all

483
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 1: that you are, for all that you were created to be.

484
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 1: Don't hurt nobody, don't be NARCISSISTICO live with good intentions.

485
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 1: But if being you it makes you feel good, where

486
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,679
Speaker 1: would you want to wear? Wear a little makeup, thy

487
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: hat on? Like then you are absolutely honoring that which

488
00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:53,040
Speaker 1: created you and the place from what you came from.

489
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 3: Yes, I completely agree with you, and that's something that

490
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:58,440
Speaker 3: I'm all about, live and let live.

491
00:20:58,520 --> 00:20:59,639
Speaker 2: I love you. You don't hurt me.

492
00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:02,280
Speaker 3: I don't you do whatever you want as long as

493
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:04,240
Speaker 3: you're not hurting anyone. I always say that, and that's

494
00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,159
Speaker 3: something that I told Johnny, my brother. I'm like, you

495
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 3: know what, because of the Christianity. You know, my family's

496
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:11,199
Speaker 3: Christian and my mom wouldn't be okay with them. Like

497
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 3: this is your life. Though you have a testimony, you're

498
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 3: gonna be able to share like you can't help what

499
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 3: you are. You know what I mean, and you have

500
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 3: to embrace it and now it's better.

501
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:26,399
Speaker 2: But absolutely all right, curly.

502
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 3: So in the black and Latino culture, how do you

503
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,280
Speaker 3: feel like coming out? Do you think it's less or

504
00:21:35,280 --> 00:21:38,760
Speaker 3: more accepted? Then let's say you know Anglo, Like, what

505
00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:39,679
Speaker 3: do you think about that?

506
00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 1: I always say that I can only speak from experiences

507
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:47,040
Speaker 1: that I come from, So I like, I can't necessarily

508
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,679
Speaker 1: speak on black experience, but I can speak on like

509
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:55,240
Speaker 1: Mestiso Latine experience. And what I find from having conversations

510
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 1: with a lot of amazing black folk in academia and

511
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: in entertainment and brown folk in the same communities as well,

512
00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:09,080
Speaker 1: is that machismo is really like a currency. It's a

513
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: currency globally, right, like being even sometimes fems and women

514
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 1: think like they got to act a certain type of

515
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:20,920
Speaker 1: way to be seen to be taken seriously. And and

516
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: this is kind of a debate that I've gotten into before,

517
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,400
Speaker 1: is that I think that like black and brown folk

518
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,880
Speaker 1: are sometimes not allowed to be soft, We're not given

519
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,600
Speaker 1: the same grace to be tender. Those things can be

520
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:34,200
Speaker 1: seen as white, they can be seen as weak. They

521
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:39,439
Speaker 1: can be seen as like boys don't cry, boys don't cry,

522
00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 1: you know, like tapping up like.

523
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 4: You know, back in the day, would always call me

524
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 4: a which is true. And yeah, I agree, I think

525
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 4: it is sad.

526
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:53,879
Speaker 1: And there's also there's always going to be a conversation

527
00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 1: about queerness, especially when it comes to the spectrum of

528
00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:04,439
Speaker 1: racial identity, and kind of like racial politics, skin tone,

529
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,160
Speaker 1: colorism specifically I think within the United States.

530
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 2: But absolutely, have you dated how do you raise?

531
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,800
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, I actually I actually have never dated a

532
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:13,359
Speaker 4: white person.

533
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,119
Speaker 1: That's mainly not because I don't want to, but I

534
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:22,199
Speaker 1: find that white queer folk in LA sometimes tend to

535
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,760
Speaker 1: date other white queer folk in LA. And this is

536
00:23:26,840 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 1: kind of like based on my own limited experience. I'm

537
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:31,440
Speaker 1: not trying to generalize anybody in it, and I'm not

538
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:35,359
Speaker 1: saying everybody does this, but I find that when a

539
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 1: lot sometimes when white queer folks want to date me

540
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:40,320
Speaker 1: or some of my friends, they expect us to be

541
00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:44,400
Speaker 1: kind of like hyper versions of what they expect a Latino,

542
00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,560
Speaker 1: a black American or a black Latino or a Mestiso

543
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:50,959
Speaker 1: to be like a little bit rougher, a little bit

544
00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: more hood.

545
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:53,160
Speaker 4: They want us to be the top all the time.

546
00:23:53,800 --> 00:24:00,159
Speaker 2: Okay, have you been on faithful.

547
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 1: Before, like, you know, never in any of my Actually

548
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna keep it real with you, because

549
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:10,199
Speaker 1: I always keep it real. I actually had different ideas

550
00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: of what unfaithful meant for a very long time, like

551
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 1: I didn't understand. So for me, I always thought that

552
00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 1: unfaithful meant an affair, like having an affair with somebody, like.

553
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:21,600
Speaker 2: An emotional affair, like.

554
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,439
Speaker 1: An emotional a physical affair, like I was going to

555
00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: the same person. I always thought of that as being faithful.

556
00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 1: I never thought like kissing someone else was unfaithful. I

557
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,160
Speaker 1: never thought that like engaging sexually with some other person

558
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:36,040
Speaker 1: one time was being unfaithful.

559
00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 2: And like flirting, texting and stuff.

560
00:24:38,760 --> 00:24:41,359
Speaker 1: Well even like even like oral like I never thought

561
00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:44,400
Speaker 1: that that was like cheating. I was like, well, I'm

562
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 1: going to go back to like my boyfriend and I'm

563
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,760
Speaker 1: never going to see this person again, So how is

564
00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,040
Speaker 1: that being unfaithful? But now as an adult, and of

565
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: course three years of therapy and kind of you know,

566
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:56,359
Speaker 1: understanding and by years I mean like a year and

567
00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 1: a half and two the years it's.

568
00:24:59,119 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 4: Just and by years I mean six months.

569
00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:07,479
Speaker 1: I love it, but like no, but you know, after therapy,

570
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 1: like I'm like, oh, I was kidding myself, Like I

571
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:14,479
Speaker 1: was like not being honest with myself. And sometimes you

572
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: don't even know that you're not being honest with yourself.

573
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: You start to believe what you believe. And yeah, so

574
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,440
Speaker 1: to answer your question, yes, did I think that that's

575
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 1: what I was doing at the time.

576
00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 3: No, but yeah, you had to go through that in

577
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 3: order to figure out, Okay, this is what's wrong, this

578
00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:30,080
Speaker 3: is what's right or whatever.

579
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: Absolutely, Curly.

580
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:35,360
Speaker 3: So I have a question in regards to social anxiety,

581
00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,600
Speaker 3: and I'm going to tell you because again, I always

582
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,320
Speaker 3: go back to my brother Johnny, because that's like the

583
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:44,199
Speaker 3: closest thing I have, like to the LGBTQ community. So

584
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,800
Speaker 3: he has a lot of social anxiety. You know, he'd

585
00:25:47,880 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 3: rather stay at home. He rarely likes going out to

586
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 3: parties his friends invite him. And I have to tell Johnny, like,

587
00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:55,679
Speaker 3: you got to go and explore and meet new people,

588
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,719
Speaker 3: and is that a thing like for you or you

589
00:25:58,800 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 3: just never experienced that?

590
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: My god, I'm very open about it, and I think

591
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 1: that a lot of people, you know, they consider me

592
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 1: an extrovert' and I'm like, I am a very very

593
00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 1: very friendly and loving introvert.

594
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 4: Like I love people. I love to make jokes.

595
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,720
Speaker 1: But like, if you tell me, like like, if you

596
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: beat Curly, come to the house, I'm making dinner. It's

597
00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:19,359
Speaker 1: just me and two other people.

598
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 4: Done.

599
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,640
Speaker 1: If you tell me Curly come into the house, I'm

600
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:22,639
Speaker 1: having a party, I'm.

601
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,560
Speaker 4: Like, fuck, Like what do I know.

602
00:26:26,359 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 1: I will say that there's several things, right, I'm like,

603
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,119
Speaker 1: we have to grow up in the closet, we have

604
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 1: to grow up in the dark. We have to learn

605
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: how to move in the world without being able to

606
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: do the same things that a lot of straight people,

607
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:40,520
Speaker 1: specifically straight passing people as well can do. Like you

608
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 1: can have a crush on a boy and flirt when

609
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,000
Speaker 1: you're like in the sixth grade and be like I

610
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:47,840
Speaker 1: like him or whatever. I couldn't do that. I mean,

611
00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: I still did it because I was like, I'll be

612
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:52,480
Speaker 1: a fuck, but like a lot of us couldn't do that, right,

613
00:26:52,560 --> 00:26:54,960
Speaker 1: So we're not given the same grace or the same

614
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 1: time to really grow in the same way that a

615
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 1: lot of people get to scypically, since hat people get

616
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:04,919
Speaker 1: to My anxiety also comes from the fact that I

617
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: present as a queer person.

618
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 4: You look at me, I got a.

619
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,439
Speaker 1: Little sway in my hip, I moved my hand a

620
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,359
Speaker 1: certain type of way. You know, I wear makeup, and

621
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,320
Speaker 1: when you when I open my mouth.

622
00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 4: I'm like, hey, what up? You know what I mean?

623
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,159
Speaker 4: I'm not like, oh, I'm not what's good? I'm like,

624
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 4: what up? What's good? You know?

625
00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I feel like I always talk about, I

626
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 1: have moved through the world as a queer person, and

627
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:32,159
Speaker 1: it is scary, Like toxic masculinity seeks to destroy a

628
00:27:32,160 --> 00:27:35,480
Speaker 1: lot of things that aren't masculine, And whether that's a

629
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:39,480
Speaker 1: woman or them somebody who's queer, it's scary. I have

630
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 1: to worry about if I want to go out but

631
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 1: a hamp I was wearing. I just went to a

632
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: fashion show and I was wearing a small ballero naked.

633
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:47,720
Speaker 4: And just jeans.

634
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:51,960
Speaker 1: I would never go into like a gas station like

635
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 1: that by myself. I'd be scared because what would happen, Like,

636
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 1: what's going to happen?

637
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, So it's the outside world, right and what they

638
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:01,959
Speaker 3: put on us that causes it.

639
00:28:01,960 --> 00:28:02,880
Speaker 4: It's a safety thing.

640
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:04,840
Speaker 1: And I find that a lot of weird people we're

641
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:07,960
Speaker 1: just afraid for our lives. We're afraid of like getting

642
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 1: made fun of. We're afraid of like people instigating a situation.

643
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 1: You know, some straight people get to hold hands with

644
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 1: the person that they love on the street. If I

645
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,720
Speaker 1: want to hold my boyfriend's hand on the street, it

646
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:20,920
Speaker 1: is almost like an.

647
00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,800
Speaker 4: Act of like revolution.

648
00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:26,720
Speaker 1: It's like I'm being like, here we are, I'm fucking

649
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 1: queer and we're going to hold hands down the street.

650
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 1: But I don't want to fucking be a revolutionary cheeky's

651
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:32,919
Speaker 1: I want to be called my man's hand.

652
00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of like, what the heck you know?

653
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 3: And hasn't gotten Has a social anxiety gotten better throughout

654
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 3: the years?

655
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,840
Speaker 2: You feel the same after it? Well, because oh.

656
00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:47,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, the pandemic is one thing, but anyways, with.

657
00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 1: The pandemic it has you know what, it always changes.

658
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 1: I always say there's no right answer, and there's no

659
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: wrong answer, and the right answer always changes. Right, So

660
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 1: like some days I'm like, oh, I'm fucking good. I'm

661
00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:03,760
Speaker 1: doing so good and this is what works for me.

662
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: In other days I'm like, nah, I'm but I'm very

663
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: like the way that I was raising a lot of

664
00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,239
Speaker 1: people are raised. It's like, I'm not going to back down. So,

665
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 1: like you have anxiety, I gotta fight it. I'm not

666
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:15,320
Speaker 1: going to sit there and be like, oh no, I

667
00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 1: can't do it. And some people do and that's okay,

668
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 1: and we're all in different places in our life. But

669
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,200
Speaker 1: I will say I do this thing, like I hate

670
00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 1: going to the supermarket. I get anxiety about going to

671
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 1: the supermarket. And I know a lot of people do

672
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:29,479
Speaker 1: as well, But I do this thing where I'm like, curly,

673
00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:32,239
Speaker 1: if you go to the supermarket right now, you're going

674
00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: to meet a fine ass guy and he's gonna be

675
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 1: so fucking like you want to meet.

676
00:29:36,280 --> 00:29:38,760
Speaker 4: A fine ace guy. You want to meet a let's go.

677
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,240
Speaker 1: And so I go. I'm all excited. I'm like, oh

678
00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:43,200
Speaker 1: my god, I'm going to meet my husband.

679
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:44,800
Speaker 2: That's funny, dude.

680
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,840
Speaker 4: I stay in that zone. And so I get there

681
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,600
Speaker 4: and to makekeitha for a while.

682
00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,440
Speaker 2: That used to It's so crazy. I used to do

683
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:52,840
Speaker 2: that to go to the gym, bitch.

684
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:57,120
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, get ce girl, put on those go work

685
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 3: out because you know there's gonna be a hot guy

686
00:29:58,800 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 3: there's yeah.

687
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: Yes, that's how you trick yourself and you do those things.

688
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:05,760
Speaker 4: I mean anxiety.

689
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: I think that it's like it's a big thing, even

690
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: like you know, She's like, oh I saw you, and

691
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, of course, I've I've lived with anxiety.

692
00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 4: I know her. She lives in my house too. She

693
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:22,800
Speaker 4: never lives in my house.

694
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:27,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I'm like, but if you're barely learning that language,

695
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: you know, my dad learning about the word trauma he

696
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:34,040
Speaker 1: didn't know, and so now he's more open. He's like,

697
00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 1: I think that was traumatizing to me as a kid.

698
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: I think I have trauma.

699
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's because I think they grew up not believing

700
00:30:41,960 --> 00:30:46,400
Speaker 3: in anxiety or depression and no, you know and and no, dude,

701
00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 3: that ship exists and it's real. And I think after

702
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,400
Speaker 3: the pandemic, that's when it really hit me where I'm like, damn,

703
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,080
Speaker 3: what is going to happen? Sometimes you think twice three

704
00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 3: times to go out, now, you know what I mean?

705
00:30:56,960 --> 00:30:59,560
Speaker 3: So and you hit that, you hit that rock bottom

706
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 3: where you're is I did you know I was going

707
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:03,720
Speaker 3: through a lot during the pandemic or should I say

708
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 3: the quarantine, And I started feeling all that, the depression

709
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 3: and everything, you know, like the unknown you feel me

710
00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,320
Speaker 3: absolutely yeah.

711
00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:13,000
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of people, a lot of us

712
00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,560
Speaker 1: like the unknown is kind of what scares us all

713
00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: the time. It was something I saw something that said,

714
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 1: if you're feeling depressed, it's because you're thinking about the

715
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,720
Speaker 1: past too much. And if you're feeling anxious, it's because

716
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 1: you're thinking about the future too much. So if you

717
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:31,880
Speaker 1: can find a way to stay in the present, it helps.

718
00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 1: I mean Look, it's so hard because I'm always especially

719
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 1: like we're in entertainment too, right, Like, and I started

720
00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: in the kitchen, so I feel like I got kind

721
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: of discovered in a way. And I'm like, well, what

722
00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 1: happens with us in entertainment? We got to keep hustling.

723
00:31:45,520 --> 00:31:47,360
Speaker 1: We got to keep singing and dancing and making jokes,

724
00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:49,840
Speaker 1: making jokes till I'm eighty. Now I got to get

725
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 1: on TikTok and learn a fucking hold routine.

726
00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 4: Pressure.

727
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, some serious pressure, no, yeah, real, yeah, yeah, I

728
00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 3: just put something on my Instagram about that too, about

729
00:31:59,800 --> 00:32:01,640
Speaker 3: you know, live in the moment, don't worry about what

730
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:02,760
Speaker 3: hasn't even happened.

731
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,800
Speaker 2: You feel me, We stress ourselves out.

732
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 4: Yeah.

733
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 1: My therapist calls it catastrophizing. Oh, you're catastrophizing. You're creating

734
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: a scenario that hasn't even happened yet, You're thinking of

735
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,560
Speaker 1: a catastrophe that hasn't even happened.

736
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:17,760
Speaker 2: And so I'm like, my therapist calls it future tripping,

737
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 2: your future tripping.

738
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:22,560
Speaker 3: I've heard that one too, Yes, yeah, I love future

739
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 3: tripper right now, hold up.

740
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 4: I'm always fucking future tripping always.

741
00:32:26,760 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 3: Honestly, curly, this has been such a beautiful, open, honest relationship.

742
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 3: Relationship conversation could be a relationship now that I know

743
00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 3: you know.

744
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:40,120
Speaker 4: We're both could work.

745
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 3: Yes, I just want to say thank you. Honestly, you

746
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,840
Speaker 3: are a beautiful human being. You have such a beautiful

747
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:52,680
Speaker 3: light and this mind that I'm just like, so you're intriguing,

748
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,240
Speaker 3: So thank you. And I think that you are a

749
00:32:55,280 --> 00:32:58,120
Speaker 3: wonderful role model, a person that people can look up to,

750
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 3: and which is why I wanted to talk to you.

751
00:33:00,480 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 3: And I don't know, do you have some type of

752
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 3: advice something that you would want to tell someone that's

753
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 3: coming out and they don't know what to do or

754
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:06,160
Speaker 3: how to do it.

755
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your words, and I really

756
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: feel like this is a really beautiful conversation as well.

757
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:17,080
Speaker 1: So the feeling is absolutely mutual advice. You know, there's

758
00:33:17,080 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: no wrong way, there's no right way, and the answer

759
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,960
Speaker 1: always changes. If you are in a safe space, if

760
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: you are in a space where you can come out

761
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: do it, You're gonna love it. If you can't, that's

762
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 1: also okay, Like do what feels right for you, do

763
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 1: it the best way that you can. At the end

764
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 1: of the day, we're all going to go back to

765
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:33,719
Speaker 1: the source. We're all a little cups of water going

766
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,840
Speaker 1: to get to get thrown back into the ocean. And

767
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:40,160
Speaker 1: you know, live it up as best as you can,

768
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: love as hard as you can, laugh, as hard as

769
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,959
Speaker 1: you can, masturbate, do the thing, stick something in your

770
00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:50,000
Speaker 1: call it a day, explore.

771
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 4: You know.

772
00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:53,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, And you know, talking about this subject, that's what

773
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,080
Speaker 3: I told Johnny when you wanted to come out. I'm like, dude,

774
00:33:56,480 --> 00:33:59,680
Speaker 3: if it makes you feel worse, keeping it inside, than

775
00:33:59,720 --> 00:34:02,280
Speaker 3: bring out. If it's gonna if it's scary to bring

776
00:34:02,320 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 3: it out, keep it in for a little bit, you

777
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 3: know what I mean. And I just want you to

778
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 3: be happy. And once you're happy and you don't, you

779
00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 3: don't have that weight on you, and you're like, this

780
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:12,720
Speaker 3: is who I am, and you you completely accept yourself first.

781
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,120
Speaker 3: Everyone else is gonna feel that and accept you have

782
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 3: no other choice but accept you, and then you're gonna

783
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 3: be able to really just fly. You feel me, and

784
00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:22,760
Speaker 3: he did Now he feels I've seen since he's talked

785
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:28,560
Speaker 3: about it, you know, publicly, he's definitely radiating. He's better.

786
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 3: He's just in a different place, you know. So that's

787
00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,840
Speaker 3: just my little two cents on it, but you know,

788
00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 3: absolutely Curly, thank you again, it has been a wonderful conversation.

789
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 3: We have to do it again for sure, and I

790
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:42,239
Speaker 3: want I'm sure a lot of people know who you are,

791
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 3: but just in case they may not know and they

792
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:47,360
Speaker 3: just put on game today, let them know your social

793
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:49,080
Speaker 3: where they can find you are your phone one, accept

794
00:34:49,080 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 3: your address.

795
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:50,240
Speaker 4: Go awo.

796
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 1: You can find me on Instagram and TikTok at the

797
00:34:53,040 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 1: Curly b Show vas in Victor and I'm just there

798
00:34:57,160 --> 00:34:58,880
Speaker 1: just I basically just show me and my family all

799
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: the time. And we also would love to have you

800
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:02,320
Speaker 1: on our podcast.

801
00:35:03,160 --> 00:35:04,319
Speaker 2: I was going to tell you about that.

802
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 1: Yes, we are called the Super Secret Bestie Club. It's

803
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:11,160
Speaker 1: me and my best friend Maya Morrio, who you know

804
00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:13,759
Speaker 1: we have. We give advice on topics that are very

805
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: normal crushes, boyfriends love. I'm always giving like the kind

806
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:19,480
Speaker 1: of problematic advice and she's more live.

807
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:22,879
Speaker 2: I love it. I would love to. I would love

808
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 2: to be honest, that would be so amazing.

809
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:26,719
Speaker 4: We'd love to have you. Please check us out.

810
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:40,880
Speaker 3: Oh thank you, and don't forget to listen to Cheeky's

811
00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:45,160
Speaker 3: and Chill every Monday on the iHeartRadio app. Apple Podcast

812
00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:49,040
Speaker 3: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. This is

813
00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 3: a production of iHeartRadio and MICA podcast Network. Follow us

814
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,440
Speaker 3: on Instagram at Microura Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's on

815
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 3: Instagram at cheek Keys and I'll see you guys next week.

816
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 3: This is my nom Bezo and remember conduce to see

817
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:04,960
Speaker 3: nel Narda