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Speaker 1: Well even at tend at eleven, I can't say I

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Speaker 1: don't really care about you know, how good they are, right.

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Speaker 1: I want them to like it, I want them to

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Speaker 1: work hard. I want to do those things right. But

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Speaker 1: I'm not cared about the wins and losses. And then's

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Speaker 1: why I realized how hard this is from multiople to

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Speaker 1: due to push back on what traditional thinking is. It's

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Speaker 1: so hard, But now eleven years did I just point

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Speaker 1: to the statistics. This is the Reformed Sports Project, a

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Speaker 1: podcast about restoring healthy balance and perspective in all areas

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Speaker 1: of sports through education and advocacy. Hi, this is Nick

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Speaker 1: Bonacoor from the Reform Sports Project podcast. Today, I'm joined

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Speaker 1: by a wrestling and m m A superhero as well

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Speaker 1: as a Reformed Sports Project advisory board member, Ben Askrin.

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Speaker 1: One of the most dominant college wrestlers in history. Ben

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Speaker 1: became a folk hero during the two thousand eight Olympics

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Speaker 1: in Beijing before going on to become a multiple time

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Speaker 1: m m A champion and one of the sports biggest stars.

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Speaker 1: Ben and I talked about his unconventional approach to development

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Speaker 1: and train any youth athletes, locking in mentally and being

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Speaker 1: a good competitor man, extra freaking fired up. I have

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Speaker 1: not just another ridiculous guest, but he's someone that's near

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Speaker 1: and dear to the Reform Sports Project mission. It's kind

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Speaker 1: of been involved in somewhere or another from the beginning.

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Speaker 1: He's been a voice of reasons, someone that I've turned

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Speaker 1: to from guidance. He's he's an advisory board member. I'm

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Speaker 1: just super pumped to have him. He's a former Olympian,

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Speaker 1: m M A champion. I mean, he's a podcast so

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Speaker 1: SE's everything you could possibly imagine. An NCA National champions

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Speaker 1: the man, the myth, the legend. Ben Asker and Ben Man.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for hopping on, brother, Yeah, I appreciate it, and

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Speaker 1: obviously yes, I do love the mission. Um. I don't

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Speaker 1: know how I caught one you in the beginning, but

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Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that what you're doing is really

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Speaker 1: important and I I really pushed back against how pushback

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Speaker 1: against all the norms and youth wrestling over the last

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Speaker 1: ten eleven years of running my academy. Well, that's kind

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Speaker 1: of where I want to start with you, man. I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know everyone knows you as you know, the the

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Speaker 1: great wrestler, and of course you know the media mogul

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Speaker 1: that you're turning yourself into and all these great things,

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Speaker 1: but at the end of the day, you have you know,

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Speaker 1: I know from you know seeing it and speaking to

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Speaker 1: certainly one of the best wrestling youth academies in the country, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, consistently. And that's where I wanted to start

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Speaker 1: and talk about, you know, your development, right because we've

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Speaker 1: talked about how retention and not just in youth sports

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Speaker 1: in general, but retention and wrestling is something that's it's

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Speaker 1: pretty wild. How are you developing these kids? What makes

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Speaker 1: you different at asking wrestling academy from a development standpoint, um,

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Speaker 1: you know, and how you do things? Sure so well,

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Speaker 1: I think when we started elevens and now we're up

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Speaker 1: to five academies and and it's going really well. And

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Speaker 1: how it I don't know really have the most kids

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Speaker 1: of a wrestling academy or club in the country, but

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Speaker 1: I would be that we did either. Um, I think

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Speaker 1: when we when we started, we really pushed back on

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Speaker 1: the notion that they've got to be really good young

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Speaker 1: you gotta grind um and we said, hey, no, we can,

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Speaker 1: we can, we can do this a lot lighter when

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Speaker 1: more younger and then we and get the kids to

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Speaker 1: really love this war wrestling, and so then when they're

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Speaker 1: you know, teenagers, they'll be willing to do the things

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Speaker 1: necessary to achieve at the highest levels. And now, so

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Speaker 1: eleven years later, I was just talking to actually some

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Speaker 1: of my YouTube we had guys went about everything. We

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Speaker 1: have two things left. We have n title to win

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Speaker 1: from our academy and then we have a World of

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Speaker 1: Unlemping title. But we've had you know, n say All

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Speaker 1: Americana that two guys take third. Last year, we had

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Speaker 1: a Junior World champion. Last year, We've had junior World

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Speaker 1: team members, Junior national champions, Cannet national champions. So like

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Speaker 1: we've had a Division three national champion, but Division two

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Speaker 1: national champions. So um, you know, our kids have kind

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Speaker 1: of achieved almost everything that's for wrestling. So I think, uh,

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Speaker 1: there is further and further proof that the way we're

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Speaker 1: doing it is a really really good way for everybody. So,

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Speaker 1: like you mentioned, it sounds like you're saying develop a

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Speaker 1: love of the sport early on, Like you know, because wrestling,

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Speaker 1: at least from what I've you know, my experience, my

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Speaker 1: kids do it is it's one of those sports where

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Speaker 1: there's definitely a mantra of like, hey, this is a

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Speaker 1: tough sport, you gotta be tough, which it's certainly which

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Speaker 1: it certainly is is, but I mean do you do

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Speaker 1: that with six seven eight? You're like, how how do

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Speaker 1: you incorporate the toughness? Yeah? Where I think people are

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Speaker 1: wrong is that the there's too many people that want

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Speaker 1: to get a new guy into sport wrestling and say,

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Speaker 1: see how hard this is. I knew you couldn't do

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Speaker 1: it type of thing, you know, And to me, it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we know it's gonna be hard, but let's let's get

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Speaker 1: the kids that kind of enjoy its. What I bring

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Speaker 1: the kids in for the first time, and this is

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Speaker 1: where they start when they're seven, or they start when

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Speaker 1: they're fourteen. You know, it's like, you know, if I

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Speaker 1: make it the hardest thing they've ever done on day one, man,

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Speaker 1: there's no investment from them. They've investing one day, you know,

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Speaker 1: and so the liflid they're gonna stick around is not

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Speaker 1: that good. Whereas you know, if I get them to

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Speaker 1: do it for a couple of years and they start

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Speaker 1: to like it and there's an investment by them, and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden it gets hard. They're way

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Speaker 1: more willing to do those hard things because they're like,

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Speaker 1: I'm invested in this. I like this, this is something

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Speaker 1: I want to be successful at, and they're willing to

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Speaker 1: do the hard things that are necessary be successful. We

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Speaker 1: all those huntings are important. I just don't think and

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Speaker 1: we don't think that those hard things are necessary on

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Speaker 1: day one. So when do you recommend, like, like, let

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Speaker 1: let's say I bring my kid into askin wrestling. I

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Speaker 1: have I have a seven year old and it's his

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Speaker 1: first day putting on a pair of shoes, getting on

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Speaker 1: a mat. What does that look like? Uh? So we've

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Speaker 1: are in Ninja's classes. Um, that's nine years and younger,

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Speaker 1: and you know, like my specific academy have a lot

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Speaker 1: of them, so we get to split them. So we

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Speaker 1: split the five year old by themselves, six and seven

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Speaker 1: year olds by themselves, eight nine year old by themselves,

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Speaker 1: and you know, d eight nine year old obviously way

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Speaker 1: more mature than the five year five year old. It's

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Speaker 1: big seven year old. So you can do a little

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Speaker 1: more with them, you can move a little faster, but

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Speaker 1: it's generally the same. We're gonna warm up, do some

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Speaker 1: calisthetics and jumnastics. When showing handful of moves, we're into

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Speaker 1: a tiny bit of hive wrestling and we're gonna play

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Speaker 1: a game and that you know, that's gonna be over

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Speaker 1: the course of one hour and so um, they're just

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Speaker 1: getting to get on the mat and learning to be

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Speaker 1: aggressive it and learning a couple of moves and just

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Speaker 1: enjoying it generally. So when you say play a game,

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Speaker 1: because I listened to you and I'm going, this is

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Speaker 1: the way I think you sports should be in everything, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: like you gotta keeping what are games? Do? You keep

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Speaker 1: it competitive so that the kids are working together or

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Speaker 1: at least striving to be successful. Well, I think the

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Speaker 1: goal of the games. I mean, obviously stay they want

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Speaker 1: to have fun in the games. That that's big. But

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Speaker 1: they're all kind of physical ish games, right rough, aggressive

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Speaker 1: that type of thing. And so you know, I think

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Speaker 1: because we're talking about brand new wrestles are brand new kids.

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Speaker 1: And you know, I talked about this with this society,

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Speaker 1: society is absolutely softer than it's ever been, which, honestly,

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Speaker 1: it makes our job more important because wrestling and you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe other sports are certain extent, but absolutely wrestling. There's

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Speaker 1: one of the last bastions where you can go be

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Speaker 1: aggressive and be rough and be tough and it's really positive.

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Speaker 1: You know, most places you're told not to do those things.

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Speaker 1: And so you know when they get to like one

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Speaker 1: game we do is matt battles. You know, we have

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Speaker 1: a padded matt they'l laid out and then the last

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Speaker 1: one on the mat wins. You know, they gotta push

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Speaker 1: each other off, right, um, just learning to be physical,

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Speaker 1: rough and have follows in. So when do you start

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Speaker 1: looking at like, Okay, this kid's progressing. How do you

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Speaker 1: gauge each individual kid or do you have a structure

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Speaker 1: in your sick intuit or do you look at each

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Speaker 1: kid and said, this kid's developing faster word to speed

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Speaker 1: him up a little? Um? Well, even at ten, at eleven,

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Speaker 1: I can say I don't really care about how good

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Speaker 1: they are, right. I want them to like it, I

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Speaker 1: want them to work hard, I want them to do

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Speaker 1: those things right, but I'm not cared about the wins

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Speaker 1: and losses. Um and and like at that age, we

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Speaker 1: would I would not they'll listen to me, but I

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Speaker 1: would recommend against taking your kid to big national tournaments

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Speaker 1: and stuff like that, because it's just it's not relevant,

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Speaker 1: you know, like do some local tournaments, maybe do the

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Speaker 1: state tournament, and then you know, do other things. Like

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Speaker 1: they don't need to wrestle year round at that age,

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Speaker 1: and a lot of people they start trying to do

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Speaker 1: that and competing year round and it's just it's not

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's healthy. So what why because that's

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Speaker 1: a big top. Why is it that you think that

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Speaker 1: the year round at those young rages isn't advantageous to

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Speaker 1: their development? Well, so okay, so I said competing year round, um,

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Speaker 1: you know because maybe you're around members and a lot

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Speaker 1: of them play will play other sports, um saying the

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Speaker 1: summer right, and they may still stop in once or

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Speaker 1: twice a week to see us. UM. But just like

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Speaker 1: having to competition at the level of anxiety two kids,

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Speaker 1: you know, hey, I need to go perform, and having

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Speaker 1: that year round at a young age, like why is

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Speaker 1: it important? It's not, you know, and so they need

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Speaker 1: to have that off time or the down time. I

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Speaker 1: really think of that. You know, in Keene eleven, their

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Speaker 1: competitive seasons should be probably four months three or four

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Speaker 1: months UM. And obviously they're new if they're newer, I'd

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Speaker 1: probably even shrink that more. Um. And then by the

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Speaker 1: time they're getting seven grade, which like thirteen, fourteen, fifteen

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Speaker 1: years old. You know, now we can start expanding to

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Speaker 1: six or seven months type season if they're really serious.

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Speaker 1: They're not, we don't need to do that. Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: with the hope of them when they get to high

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Speaker 1: school them saying, hey, this is something I want to

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Speaker 1: be really, really good at and I'm gonna put all

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Speaker 1: my effort in doing that. Do you find you get

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Speaker 1: pushed back sometimes? I mean, of course, enough the name

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Speaker 1: anybody or gett into details. But even though you're Ben

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Speaker 1: Asker and you're one of the greatest American wrestlers of

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Speaker 1: all time, did you get pushed back from parents and

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Speaker 1: times like hey, oh yeah, of course of course. And

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Speaker 1: that's why I realized how hard this is for most

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Speaker 1: people to do, to to push back on what traditional

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Speaker 1: thinking is. It's so hard. But now eleven years in,

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Speaker 1: I just point to the statistics. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: we had a hundred and forty herd was a hard

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Speaker 1: forty United States qualifiers in the High School Vision last week,

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Speaker 1: uh places in sixteen Champs we had thirty two kids

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Speaker 1: go to college last year. UM, we currently have thirty

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Speaker 1: one guys on Division one rosters. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's like it's really hard to argue with you about

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Speaker 1: success that we're having. And really from any metric. We

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Speaker 1: keep tracking a lot of metrics. UM, any metrics, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to argue to gus for having So people are

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Speaker 1: gonna get very far to argument. So let's say I'm

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Speaker 1: I don't I'm not been asking, but I want to

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Speaker 1: start a club. I'm a passionate wrestler, but I don't

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Speaker 1: have the reputation that you do to be able to basically,

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Speaker 1: you know, get people to buy. And how can I

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Speaker 1: take your methodology or your ideology and apply that and

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Speaker 1: work through that pushback that I'm gonna get from parents? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think someone else would have to probably start small

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Speaker 1: and you know, proved with a few kids. And because

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Speaker 1: people notice results, they do right and like, at this

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Speaker 1: point are the way we're having results. It's really undeniable

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Speaker 1: and there's nothing anyone can say anymore. And that was

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Speaker 1: staying truth to anyone. So if someone's having results, people

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Speaker 1: are going to pay attention to that person. Do you

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Speaker 1: consider retention a results? So how do you pick I'm

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Speaker 1: just talking to I was talking to one of my

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Speaker 1: other So we we have five locations and we have

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Speaker 1: a manager at each location, is what we call kind

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Speaker 1: of the head coach. Um. He's you're a guy, He said,

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Speaker 1: uh something like. He said something about keeping kids around.

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Speaker 1: I said, well, Jordan, don't you realize that all these

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Speaker 1: other stupid rest of the academies what they don't realize

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Speaker 1: if you just keep the kid around and keep them coming,

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Speaker 1: they're gonna get good. Like there's just no way around it.

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Speaker 1: We've never had a kid who just keeps coming to

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Speaker 1: practice and they don't get good, you know. And so

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Speaker 1: obviously because we keep a lot of kids from there,

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Speaker 1: give a lot of kids get really good when we return.

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Speaker 1: Then and I touch on the rise of women's wrestling

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Speaker 1: and mental conditioning. Where we left off, Ben and I

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Speaker 1: were about to discuss the merits of wrestling and learning

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Speaker 1: how to be a good competitor. If I'm a parent

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Speaker 1: who never wrestled, which I wasn't. I had no exposure

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Speaker 1: to it, but I saw the value in the discipline,

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Speaker 1: the accountability. Why would wrestling be a sport to introduce?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm a big advocate of it. I love it.

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Speaker 1: Why would it be a sport that may be a

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Speaker 1: parent who's looking for activities for the kids to try.

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Speaker 1: Why should they bring him in the wrestling room and

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Speaker 1: give it a try. Well, I I mean why I

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Speaker 1: liked it as the accountability, the responsibility. Um, it's it's

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Speaker 1: one of those things. And this is where it's like

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Speaker 1: also if the coach does too much, you kind of

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Speaker 1: are taking some of these things away. But there's so

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Speaker 1: many things that kid has to balance to become a

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Speaker 1: very wrestler, and it's kind of all on him and

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Speaker 1: the spotlights on it's one on one, right, So you

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Speaker 1: can't if you're not doing your work and you're in

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Speaker 1: another work, you could always and incredive, you could always

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Speaker 1: blame it on a teammate or somebody else. But in wrestling,

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Speaker 1: you gotta go out and you have to shake hands

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Speaker 1: with another person, you have to compete with them, and

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Speaker 1: then you see the result afterwards. Right, so the result

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Speaker 1: is very evident. Did you do the right things? Have

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Speaker 1: you been doing the right work? Those kind of things,

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Speaker 1: you know, And so I love that portion of it. Um.

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Speaker 1: And my daughter, my oldest daughter, so my my two

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Speaker 1: daughters wrestled. Um. I told both them at nine years old,

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Speaker 1: they'll compete a few times, and then at ten years

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Speaker 1: old they can start choosing if they want to do

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Speaker 1: or not do certain sports and start you know, narrowing down.

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Speaker 1: But I said, it's really important to me that they

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Speaker 1: go compete at least a couple of times, because there's

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Speaker 1: that feeling of being on the mat all by yourself

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Speaker 1: and shaking their hand and having to figure it out.

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Speaker 1: You know, like that's an important skill, um, because that

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Speaker 1: I mean, that's life, right. I mean, there's gonna be

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Speaker 1: people who assist you and help you through life, but

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day, no one's gonna hold

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Speaker 1: your hand through life, and you're gonna have to figure

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Speaker 1: things out and around sometimes. You know, you you brought

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Speaker 1: up your daughters and you know, you turn on social media.

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Speaker 1: Of course, I'm in you know, the wrestling realm, and

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Speaker 1: I see I I don't know if I've seen a

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Speaker 1: faster growing sport than than female wrestling. Is that something

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Speaker 1: that you've seen a dramatic increase in over the last

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Speaker 1: ten fifteen years. Yeah, it's definitely. It's definitely picking up steam.

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Speaker 1: I hope it keeps going. You know it's it's awesome.

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Speaker 1: My daughter, my oldest daughter, really enjoys it. My my

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Speaker 1: younger daughter is someone's middle on it. They're starting to

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Speaker 1: get more and more girls, so it's really good. One

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Speaker 1: thing that I want to ask you that I think

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Speaker 1: is is fascinating and I've never experienced it myself. I

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Speaker 1: don't think many have, certainly at your level. Was you

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Speaker 1: know you mentioned wrestling being one on one or if

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Speaker 1: you're a fighter a combat sport, you're one on one

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Speaker 1: in many ways. Because, for instance, I talked to Trot Nixon,

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Speaker 1: who's a good friend man who played for the Boston

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Speaker 1: Red Sox. He talked to me a lot about being

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Speaker 1: locked in. You know, when you're at the plate, I'll

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Speaker 1: get later to hit. What is it like getting locked in? Man?

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Speaker 1: How do you do that? That's something you have to train,

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Speaker 1: like walk into the mat when you're about to wrestle,

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Speaker 1: like getting yourself mentally. But I guess that's mental conditioning.

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Speaker 1: But the concept of locking in, how do you develop that? Well?

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Speaker 1: I think that's so I I always say I think

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Speaker 1: that's one of the biggest advantages that wrestlers have when

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Speaker 1: we go to mixed our shal arts is that a

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Speaker 1: lot of other mixed martial artists when they do tickboxing,

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Speaker 1: jiu jitsu, they've maybe competed sometimes, right, but generally by

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Speaker 1: the time a wrestler would go through a college wrestling

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Speaker 1: season and then he would, you know, go and choose

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Speaker 1: to do mixed of our shorts, he's probably competed like

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Speaker 1: between five hundred a thousand times, you know. So they've

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Speaker 1: had that, they've had all that practics, that training their

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Speaker 1: mind to do the competition aspect, right, So they're good

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Speaker 1: at the competition. There's being good at wrestling, there's being

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Speaker 1: good at competing, and they're not. They're not the same thing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, obviously they can work together, right, but they're

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Speaker 1: not the same thing. So when you say being good

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Speaker 1: at wrestling versus what is being good at competing? To

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Speaker 1: you being good at competing? So like when you go

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Speaker 1: shake hands, like I mean, we all know people who

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Speaker 1: are probably in every support which this happens, the not

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Speaker 1: expert other sports kids who are better in practice than

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Speaker 1: there are matches. And the reason they like this because

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Speaker 1: they're not good at competing. Because when it comes to competing,

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Speaker 1: like you're saying, they have all these um probably unhealthy

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Speaker 1: thoughts coming near their head. What happens if I win,

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Speaker 1: what happens if I lose? Oh my god, this guy

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Speaker 1: look really strong. You know, all these stupid things that

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Speaker 1: don't really matter they're thinking about it makes them a

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Speaker 1: poor competitor. So that's fascinating to me. Like, did you

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Speaker 1: have to train that yourself? Like this? Absolutely? What are

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Speaker 1: the things that you did, like along the way to

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Speaker 1: really work on that. Yeah, I'll just give you the

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Speaker 1: biggest example. When I was fifteen, I was starting to

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Speaker 1: get like pretty good at wrestling on the state level,

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Speaker 1: and I had aspirations, do you really want this national tournament?

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Speaker 1: And I went my bombed, And the reason I bombed

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Speaker 1: was because I was like overly concerned. Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: are the college coaches watching this? Oh I heard this

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Speaker 1: kid was a state channel and all this bullcrap, you know,

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Speaker 1: And so my, you know, my coach actually at the

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Speaker 1: time accurately recognized that. Thankfully, they said, hey, I got

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Speaker 1: kind of over anxious mind also, And actually there's a

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Speaker 1: lot of type of personality type kids, you know, And

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Speaker 1: because because your mind doesn't stop, it just goes and

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Speaker 1: goes and goes, and so you tell me you know, hey,

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Speaker 1: having all those thoughts is unhealthy and if you can't

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Speaker 1: handle it, you need to figure out a way to

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Speaker 1: distract yourself. Right, So that became the thing is like,

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Speaker 1: you know, see me laughing and joking around, having a

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Speaker 1: good times because I'm really trying to distract myself because

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Speaker 1: I could just sit here and obsess about all different

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Speaker 1: possibilities of the competition that we're gonna do. But that's

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Speaker 1: not good for me. It's unhealthy. It's gonna lead to

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Speaker 1: a negative outcome. Um. So I became really good at

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Speaker 1: that as I went on in my high school college career.

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Speaker 1: I think I have one loss. I think I think,

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Speaker 1: are you a one loss as someone who is maybe

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Speaker 1: like ranked lower? And that clears go as men, that's impressive, man,

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Speaker 1: obviously we know that, but like the ability to lock

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Speaker 1: in like that is something that I think kids will hear.

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Speaker 1: And you know, it's such an it's such an underrated

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Speaker 1: I feel like it gets talked about more now, but

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Speaker 1: it's an underrated aspect. Everyone talks about physical and all

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Speaker 1: that well, because it's hard. It's hard. It's hard to measure,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, when you can't want to find things,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's easy for a coach and said, hey,

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Speaker 1: go do single eggs. Your single eggs have been enough.

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Speaker 1: You know, that's really simple. Whereas and honestly, at a

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Speaker 1: low level, probably should be focusing on those things, you know,

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Speaker 1: those skills. And then once the kids get a little better,

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Speaker 1: it's like you can start recognizing, Oh, this guy's got

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Speaker 1: some competition anxiety. Oh this kid has issues with adversity. Right,

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Speaker 1: something bad happens and alsodden the wrest of like ship.

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Speaker 1: You know, so you can start identifying some of these

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Speaker 1: issues that each chid has and you start, you know,

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Speaker 1: working on them with the kid because you know, at

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Speaker 1: a certain level, unless you can unlock some of these

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Speaker 1: mental problems, the kids can be stuck there forever. A

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Speaker 1: big part of our audience are sports parents. You know,

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Speaker 1: people are gonna hang on. They want to find the secrets.

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Speaker 1: So you're a parent, you're a sports parent. Um, you've

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Speaker 1: been through it yourselves, I guess if you if you

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Speaker 1: were just pass along one message to parents whose young

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Speaker 1: kids are trying to find their way. They may have

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Speaker 1: a passion, they may not. They're trying to find it. Um,

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Speaker 1: and let's says centered around wrestling or athletics overall, How

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Speaker 1: is a parent do you step back, let the kids

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Speaker 1: find their passion without being overbearing, but at the same time,

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Speaker 1: you know, making sure because I think you still get

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Speaker 1: kids are kids. You gotta hold them accountable, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. I mean, but there's just there's so

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Speaker 1: I think there's standards that you should hold you know,

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Speaker 1: your kids accountable to in life. And it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: having a strong work ethic obviously would be a good one. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, dealing well with adversity. Like my middle daughter,

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Speaker 1: my younger daughter, my middle child, Uh, she really struggles

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Speaker 1: with getting like too upset about certain days. You know.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, hey, that's you know, whether I'm then

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Speaker 1: working on sports then just working on it and like

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Speaker 1: we are sisters jacking with her, you know, so like hey,

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Speaker 1: control your emotions here, react well to adversity, that type

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Speaker 1: of stuff, you know, so you're always teaching to those moments, right,

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Speaker 1: Like that's life. I mean, if we don't realize that's life.

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Speaker 1: It Listen, if you can't do do things well in sport,

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Speaker 1: you can translate that to life. If you can have

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Speaker 1: a strong work ethnic, you can control your emotions, you

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Speaker 1: deal with adversity. If you can do these things well

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Speaker 1: in life, could take them to sports and give them

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Speaker 1: a sports you can take them to life, and sports

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Speaker 1: are a really easy place to learn it, because hey,

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Speaker 1: you win or you lose, and then life kind of

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Speaker 1: moves on, you know. Um. And I always say like, hey,

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Speaker 1: you know, how about if you don't learn these lessons

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Speaker 1: in sport or anyone else, and now you're seven and

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Speaker 1: you lost your job and you've got a family to feed, Well,

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Speaker 1: that's a lot harder to time learn how to a

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Speaker 1: strong worth guy thinking how to bounce back with adversity?

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Speaker 1: Should I'd much rather learn that on a fifteen you know,

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Speaker 1: figure it out and then have that skill. Last thing

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Speaker 1: I want to ask you, and this is what might

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Speaker 1: be the most important part of this whole thing, is

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Speaker 1: so many athletic careers are developed and lost on the

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Speaker 1: car ride home from a sporting event. What do you do?

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Speaker 1: How important is it for parents to be mindful of like, hey,

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Speaker 1: when we're in this car right after an event, especially

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Speaker 1: if whether the kid did really well or not so well,

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Speaker 1: how do you manage that? How do you think parents

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00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: should try to manage that? Um? Yeah, I think you

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Speaker 1: should say a few things, a few standards, and then

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Speaker 1: be done with it. You know, it's like we're not

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00:20:03,880 --> 00:20:06,120
Speaker 1: gonna harp on this or argue about this for an hour.

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Speaker 1: You know, one soccer game when my when else is playing,

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Speaker 1: I said, hey, I don't think your effort was good enough.

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Speaker 1: And if we're into sports or anything else, I'm gonna

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00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,040
Speaker 1: hold you accountable to having a great effort and I

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00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:19,000
Speaker 1: want you to hustle more, and you need to hustle more.

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00:20:19,320 --> 00:20:21,440
Speaker 1: And she's like, but yeah, I'm like, no, like that,

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Speaker 1: that's it. You could have worked harder and you know,

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00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 1: and then that was it. And you know, like her

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00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,920
Speaker 1: first term issue did terrible. I didn't came out that

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Speaker 1: she was like a deer headline she would owe three

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Speaker 1: your first resident curbit and uh, and there was you know, hey, nothing,

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Speaker 1: We're just gonna I think I think we can publish that.

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Speaker 1: I didn't really like that, and I said, well, you know, um,

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Speaker 1: what's it. What is the George Peterson will pursue what

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Speaker 1: is meaningful, non with expedient. So life can't be centered

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00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 1: around fun. Life should be centered around purpose. Um. So

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00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: we kind of had dad talk and I said, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, when you get to be ten, I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: start letting you make your decisions out what you want

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Speaker 1: to do. But until then, you know, here's our plan.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna do a few more competitions. Um So I think, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I think, no matter what in your kid's life, you

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00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,600
Speaker 1: should be teaching them good life values and less skills.

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Speaker 1: And then I, you know, I think the other thing

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Speaker 1: because this does actually then further the performance anxiety of kids.

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Speaker 1: If we're harpening on wins and losses, that's gonna make

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Speaker 1: kids have performance anxiety about winning and losing because we're

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Speaker 1: we as a parent of stuff on that. So you know,

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Speaker 1: my thing is effort and that that's whether I'm coaching

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Speaker 1: kids or whether I'm parenting my kids. Is like, I

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Speaker 1: need you to have great effort. That's what I'm expecting

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Speaker 1: of you. That's something you control. And if you do

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Speaker 1: that and you win or you lose, I'm happy. I'm satisfied. Man.

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Speaker 1: I love it so important effort over performance teaching and

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Speaker 1: man life less is Ben Asker, And I cannot thank

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Speaker 1: you enough for your time, bro. I know it's valuable,

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00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 1: and I just can't thank enough for your support coming

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00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,879
Speaker 1: on taking us through this right now. I appreciate your

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Speaker 1: man that's been askering wrestling and m M a champion.

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Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the Reformed Sports Project podcast. I'm

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00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,359
Speaker 1: Nick Boticourt and our goal is to restore a healthy

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00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,199
Speaker 1: balance and perspective in all all areas of sports through

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00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: education and advocacy. For updates, please follow us on Facebook, Twitter,

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00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,159
Speaker 1: and Instagram, or check out our website by searching for

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Speaker 1: the Reform Sports Project