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Speaker 1: We mad nosy, So we got a whole episode of

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Speaker 1: listener letters.

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Speaker 2: This is probably every season one of my most favorite shows.

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Speaker 2: But y'all know that already. Dead Ass.

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Speaker 3: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devout and we're the Ellis's.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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Speaker 3: Voice and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.

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Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married, Yes.

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Speaker 1: Sir, we are. We created this podcast to open dialogue

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Speaker 1: about some of Li's most taboo topics.

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Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day. So when

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Speaker 1: we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We about to take philos off to our whole new level.

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Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: We have some very deep listener letters today, are they Yes,

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Speaker 1: We're gonna jump right into it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I realized we on the lineup we have

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Speaker 2: about four. But it's because y'all have been doing such

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Speaker 2: an amazing job of making sure that we get all

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Speaker 2: the tea. We want you to paint the entire picture.

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Speaker 2: Don't leave any details out because the more details you

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Speaker 2: leave out, the more we are left to assume. And

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Speaker 2: we don't want to do that because you know what

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Speaker 2: happens when you assume, baby.

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Speaker 1: Make an ass out of you and yourself.

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Speaker 2: Because nothing to do with that, nothing to do, nothing

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Speaker 2: to do it is all right, So let's just go

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Speaker 2: ahead and get started with number one.

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Speaker 3: Do you want to go first?

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Speaker 1: Baby? You know I'll go first today.

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Speaker 3: Thank you so much, shake things up for y'all. You

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Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, all right?

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Speaker 1: Do you think number one? Hey, y'all, first, I want

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Speaker 1: to start off by saying that I'm a huge fan

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Speaker 1: and I've been watching supporting y'all since Kate was pregnant

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Speaker 1: with Kyro. Thank you so very much.

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Speaker 3: I want it back in the day joint.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to try to make this short, but bear

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Speaker 1: with me. According to the page and a half letter,

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Speaker 1: this will not be short. I'm currently going through my

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Speaker 1: first very official heartbreak. Me and the person, me and

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Speaker 1: the person started dating. I wonder why to see me

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Speaker 1: and the person? Me and the person started dating long

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Speaker 1: distance back in March of twenty twenty one, we were

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Speaker 1: making it work despite all of the obstacles that were

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Speaker 1: throwing our way. However, in August twenty twenty two, things

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Speaker 1: took an unknown turn. He fell into a ain't the funny,

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Speaker 1: she said the person, and then she said he she

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Speaker 1: really must be mad at this person he is giving that. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he fell into a depressive state and never told me.

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Speaker 1: So this was about three months of him not communicating

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Speaker 1: his true feelings and not being vulnerable with me. A

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Speaker 1: week before I went to visit him, he tried to

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Speaker 1: break up with me, but I didn't take it serious

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Speaker 1: because to me, everything was fine. So I went to

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Speaker 1: see him for my Thanksgiving break and the vibes was

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Speaker 1: just off. He revealed to me that he wasn't happy

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Speaker 1: with himself and that he wanted us to break up

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Speaker 1: so I can find someone better. Wow, he was self sabotaged,

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Speaker 1: and that's what it sounds like our relationship. So I

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Speaker 1: begged him to stay with me because this is the

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Speaker 1: only real problem we've had to deal with, and I

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Speaker 1: took it. That's him running as soon as things got hard.

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Speaker 1: So we ended up working it out and stayed together

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Speaker 1: about two maybe three weeks later, I was back at

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Speaker 1: school and he wanted to break it with me again

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Speaker 1: over the same thing, and I'm begging him again to

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Speaker 1: stay and work it out. This went on for about

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Speaker 1: two weeks until I eventually gave up because I was

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Speaker 1: tired of being the only one fighting. After that, he

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Speaker 1: told me once he got his mental state together, he

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Speaker 1: wanted to try again. Fast forwarding now March twenty three.

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Speaker 1: We haven't spoken for overall month, but I'm waiting for him,

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Speaker 1: and everyone says that I should move on and enjoy

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Speaker 1: the college experience by talking to different guys. Yes, I'm

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Speaker 1: twenty one, but I just want to know if I'm

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Speaker 1: wrong for waiting for the one person who I feel

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Speaker 1: understands me and that I feel like is my soulmate.

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Speaker 1: Keep in mind, this is my first official relationship and

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Speaker 1: we lost our virginity to each other. That's what it

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Speaker 1: is right there. Sorry for the long story, and I

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Speaker 1: appreciate any advice I could get.

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Speaker 2: Aw First of all, the fact that twenty one year

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Speaker 2: olds want to listen to what we have to say.

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Speaker 2: I think that's so cool. It makes me feel like

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Speaker 2: an auntie. Exist No, not the auntie trying to be

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Speaker 2: nobody honesty, but a cool big says. I love that.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting because we can speak from the perspective of

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Speaker 2: being together in college, right, And the first thing I'm

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Speaker 2: inclined to say to her is, yes, girl, go ahead

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Speaker 2: and enjoy that college experience, because you're gonna want to

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Speaker 2: talk to different guys and you're gonna want to see

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Speaker 2: what's out there. And that's literally the exact rhetoric that

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Speaker 2: was spewed to me when I met Devo. But I

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Speaker 2: was willing to stop at nothing to be with Devo,

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Speaker 2: even though me myself was not necessarily even looking for

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Speaker 2: a relationship, because I ultimately felt like he was the one.

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Speaker 2: I think the difference here, though, with that situation, or

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Speaker 2: our situation rather with her, is that you were kind

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Speaker 2: of bought into it too, and it doesn't seem like

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Speaker 2: this gentleman here who she's referring to is ready for that.

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Speaker 3: And it's hard when you feel like you're the only

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Speaker 3: one fighting in the relationship.

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Speaker 2: I know you felt like there was moments where I

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Speaker 2: was completely detached and you were the only one fighting,

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Speaker 2: and vice versa. So I get that perspective, but I

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Speaker 2: also feel like, maybe you're so young like, there's so

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Speaker 2: much life to live, and you know he may be

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Speaker 2: your person and he's that person that understands you and

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Speaker 2: I know is very delicate when you lose your virginity

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Speaker 2: to someone, like that's a connection that you feel like

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Speaker 2: you have waited a particularly long point in your life.

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Speaker 2: You're on your twenty one, you finally lose your virginity

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Speaker 2: to someone, only to see that this person you know

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Speaker 2: does not want to be with you. And again, it

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Speaker 2: may not be because of any kind of bad blood

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Speaker 2: or anything. It just seems like he's just not in

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Speaker 2: a good mental space. Do you think that's what it

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Speaker 2: is the valid Do you think that he may be

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Speaker 2: using that as an excuse too, to be like, I

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Speaker 2: just don't necessarily want to be with you.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be honest right now, a lot of

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Speaker 1: people these days are using mental health as a way

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Speaker 1: to get out of things. Not saying that he's not

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Speaker 1: dealing with that, right but it sounds to me like

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Speaker 1: he's a young man who's in a relationship with a

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Speaker 1: young woman who he may have lost interests, or he

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Speaker 1: may be interested in going out and seeking other opportunities

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Speaker 1: just because he's also a young man. The easiest. You know,

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Speaker 1: back in the day, it used to be it's not you,

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Speaker 1: it's me. But now when you can couple, it's not you,

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Speaker 1: it's my mental health. Now people are more inclined to

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Speaker 1: be like, oh, let me give you the space you

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Speaker 1: need for your mental health, because back in the day

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Speaker 1: it was just it's not you, it's me. That's what

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Speaker 1: it sounds like. Here. It sounds like they're both young,

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Speaker 1: they were having fun. He's ready to try something else,

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Speaker 1: so it's not you, it's me type of thing. And

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Speaker 1: when you use mental health nowadays, it's a trigger word

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Speaker 1: for people to give you your space and be let

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Speaker 1: down easy.

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Speaker 3: And it's typically a delicate situation.

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Speaker 2: But also too, I don't want it to muddy the

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Speaker 2: water for people who legitimately do have no health issues too,

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Speaker 2: you know. But I get what you're saying. So many

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Speaker 2: people are just spewing mental health, mental health. I need

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Speaker 2: a break because of this. You've seen it with you know,

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Speaker 2: famous athletes and entertainers, and you know that's been more

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Speaker 2: of the focus now too.

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Speaker 3: But are people using that you think as an excuse

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Speaker 3: Sometimes for.

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Speaker 1: Us it's impossible to tell when they're using it on sue,

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Speaker 1: So you never want to label it. But what I'm

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Speaker 1: saying is based on what she's saying. Everything in his

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Speaker 1: behavior and everything sounds like he just wants to do

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Speaker 1: something else, you know what I'm saying. That's that's what

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Speaker 1: it sounds like to me. And it's easier to say

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Speaker 1: I need a break for my mental health than it's

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Speaker 1: to say I just want to break up, because maybe

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Speaker 1: he's trying to let her down easy and say it's

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Speaker 1: not you, it's not it's me. In a different way,

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Speaker 1: it's a new age version of it's a new year.

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Speaker 1: To me, it sounds like a new age version of it. Now.

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Speaker 1: I can't say that he doesn't have mental health issues,

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Speaker 1: but he also could have said to her, you know,

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Speaker 1: I have mental health issues. Can you help me get

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Speaker 1: through this?

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Speaker 3: And let's do it together.

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Speaker 1: Let's do it together. He could have said that, but

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Speaker 1: he didn't.

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Speaker 2: Right because she said she feels like this is the

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Speaker 2: person who understands her. One person understands So you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe is it vice versa. Does he feel like she

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Speaker 2: understands him or maybe not. He may not feel like that,

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Speaker 2: but yeah, that's a good point that you may that

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Speaker 2: he may be wanting her if he wanted to be

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Speaker 2: with her long term, he would have been more inclined

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Speaker 2: to say, hey, let's do this together, or can you

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Speaker 2: help me get through this.

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Speaker 1: And ultimately lean on each other. And ultimately it's not

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Speaker 1: about what you want in a relationship. You want to

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Speaker 1: make this work. You're in love with him, You this,

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Speaker 1: you this, you that. If he doesn't want the same,

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Speaker 1: it's sometimes it's easier to let people go. Well when

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Speaker 1: people tell you what they want and what they need

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Speaker 1: and what they require, believe them. You can't change their mind.

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Speaker 1: And to me, she's getting all the signs of he

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Speaker 1: doesn't want his mind changed. And as much as you

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Speaker 1: love him, if he's not going to love you the

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Speaker 1: way you want to be loved, to be there for

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Speaker 1: you and reciprocated, then it's time to move on and

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Speaker 1: find somebody that will fact and wish him well. You

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Speaker 1: can keep checking on him and stuff, but what's it Well.

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Speaker 3: And he might be, you know, in a better space

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Speaker 3: later on.

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Speaker 2: But whether you don't want to do is sacrifice now

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Speaker 2: your health, happiness and mental health at the expense of

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Speaker 2: somebody else. Because one thing you can force is vibes

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Speaker 2: and one thing meet man, I do manah beg all right,

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Speaker 2: I'm not begging anybody for anything. So you know, I

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Speaker 2: know you've made attempt sus to try to say, hey,

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Speaker 2: let's give it one more try, let's wait, But if

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Speaker 2: you're giving it another try and it's only a two

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Speaker 2: weeks three weeks later, it seems like it's just kind

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Speaker 2: of being drug out. And at this point, baby, keep

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Speaker 2: it pushing. You're twenty one. I'm sure you have a

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Speaker 2: lot going for yourself. The fact that you even wrote

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Speaker 2: in and you so eloquently expressed the situation shows that

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Speaker 2: there's definitely potential for you in whatever relationship you decide

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Speaker 2: to get into. But think about yourself, you know, and

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Speaker 2: continue to work on yourself because the right person in

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Speaker 2: the right situation will eventually come along. And not to

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Speaker 2: say it won't be with him, it just may not

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Speaker 2: be the time right now.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we need to do an additional podcast about how

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Speaker 1: to deal with people who say they have mental health issues,

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Speaker 1: because you and I have both dealt with that with

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Speaker 1: friends and families saying they have mental health issues and

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Speaker 1: with us feeling lost, Yes, because we don't know whether

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Speaker 1: to push them or to give them space. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: based on what we've seen on social media, Pushing them

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Speaker 1: and giving them space can both lead be detrimental something

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Speaker 1: detrimental to them, you know. So we need to do

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Speaker 1: a whole podcast on how to deal with people make

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Speaker 1: note of that, say they have mental health, and.

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Speaker 2: Maybe bring in some sort of expert who can speak

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Speaker 2: more about that and help us kind of navigate through

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Speaker 2: how we can give support to people who do have

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Speaker 2: same to have mental health issues, particularly close to us.

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Speaker 3: So that's a good idea. So good luck to you, sis,

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Speaker 3: keep keeping on.

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Speaker 1: You heard that one.

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Speaker 3: We'd love to go back to being twenty one again.

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Speaker 3: Oh man, I'm only twenty five.

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Speaker 1: That's a couple of years ago for me. Read the

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Speaker 1: second listening letter.

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Speaker 3: I to valan K.

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Speaker 2: I want to start off by saying I love your

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Speaker 2: podcast and book. I'm about halfway through the book.

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Speaker 3: Awesome.

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Speaker 2: Your podcast has helped me through so many tough days,

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Speaker 2: and I appreciate your transparency. It really made me feel

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Speaker 2: like I wasn't alone in this.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: That is why we do it, y'all. Yes, realize you're

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Speaker 2: not the only one, you're not the anomaly. You're not crazy,

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Speaker 2: or you might just be crazy. But I'm crazy.

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Speaker 1: Too, And that's all right, that's it, that's actually what

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Speaker 1: it is.

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Speaker 3: AnyWho.

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Speaker 2: I'm a mom of three littles who works from home

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Speaker 2: in a corporate job. My husband is a police officer

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Speaker 2: and his hours get long and the job is stressful.

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Speaker 2: I don't currently have a village to help me, so

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Speaker 2: I'm usually on my own with my kids while I work.

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Speaker 2: My oldest just started pre k ages are four to

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Speaker 2: two and eleven months old.

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Speaker 3: We're done at three. Oh man, you got your hands.

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Speaker 2: Oh hobby got snipped while I was pregnant with our

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Speaker 2: last congratutave out on your snip.

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Speaker 1: Awesome. Finally somebody celebrates my snip because you know it

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Speaker 1: didn't happen here.

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Speaker 3: We're still waiting for that sample to get.

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Speaker 1: You're supposed to help collect the sample. Your job.

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Speaker 2: I did the hard several several times. Don't ask me

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Speaker 2: where is that? Several places? I got to get back

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Speaker 2: to that urologist with him all any who to continue

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Speaker 2: the story? Oh, I said, okay, here we are. Since

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Speaker 2: having kids, I really lost myself. I don't know what

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Speaker 2: I like anymore. Hobbies, what makes me happy? My husband's

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Speaker 2: always asking me what makes me happy? And I'm just

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Speaker 2: at a loss for words. I have no idea what

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Speaker 2: the answer is, and it's really hard. The last few

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Speaker 2: years I just went to have my kids. My husban's

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Speaker 2: been my job and my household. I never knew how

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Speaker 2: to answer the question, and it's disheartening. I started working

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Speaker 2: out again and chatting with a therapist, but just wanted

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Speaker 2: to know what Kay did to find herself again. What

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Speaker 2: steps could I do to find myself again. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I have no real purpose anymore outside of being

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Speaker 2: a mom and wife. I always was a go getter

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Speaker 2: or had the go getter attitude and was very driven.

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Speaker 3: Before my kids.

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Speaker 2: I was in the Navy, graduated college which with a

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Speaker 2: bachelor's degree, got a great job, and then got married

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Speaker 2: and had kids. And now I'm done with kids. I'm

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Speaker 2: just lost and really don't know how to find my

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Speaker 2: purpose again. I want to be excited about life again.

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Speaker 2: I'm only thirty five and refuse to think this is

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Speaker 2: it for me. Also, I should say my husband allows

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Speaker 2: me every opportunity to get out of the house and

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Speaker 2: go have me time, but your girl is still struggling

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Speaker 2: a bit.

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Speaker 3: Anything would help coming from you guys. Again.

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Speaker 2: Appreciate you all, and please keep doing what you're doing.

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Speaker 2: You help so many y'sus.

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Speaker 3: Girl.

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Speaker 2: First of all, I see you, see you, I understand you.

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Speaker 2: I am you still to an extent, and I was you.

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Speaker 3: To me.

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Speaker 2: It sounds like back to back postpartum, prenatal, postpartum, prenatal,

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Speaker 2: everything in between.

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Speaker 3: Your children are so close in age four, two.

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Speaker 2: And eleven months that you just have not even had

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Speaker 2: a chance to recoup since the first baby.

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Speaker 3: Think about it, four.

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Speaker 2: Years postpartum, pregnant again, prenatal, pregnant, postpartum again, and now

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Speaker 2: you have an eleven month old. So what it seems

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Speaker 2: to me is you've had compounded situations of hormonal imbalance

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Speaker 2: from growing humans and then recovering from that. And that

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Speaker 2: can be a very tiring place. It can be a

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Speaker 2: very stressful place. It can be a very depressing place,

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Speaker 2: and it can also be a very lonely place.

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Speaker 3: I think what you and I have in common is.

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Speaker 2: Is husbands who are in invested in making sure that

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Speaker 2: you're okay and making sure that you're doing the things

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Speaker 2: to find yourself again. But I do think it will

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Speaker 2: take some time for you. The fact that you don't

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Speaker 2: have a village. I feel for you in that sense,

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Speaker 2: because that's literally what has helped Devalini just have help

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Speaker 2: with the children and be able to then have the

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Speaker 2: space and the time and the latitude to be able

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Speaker 2: to even start figuring out what the purpose is. Again,

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Speaker 2: So it can be a very very dark and daunting place,

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Speaker 2: and you don't have to feel bad for that. It

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Speaker 2: seems like you may have a little bit of postpartum

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Speaker 2: depression because when I had postpartum depression, I did deal

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Speaker 2: with a lot of purpose issues.

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Speaker 3: Remember I kept saying to you, like, man, I don't

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Speaker 3: know what my purpose is.

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Speaker 2: And I recently sent on one of our live shows

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Speaker 2: that I just recently felt like, wow, I may just

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Speaker 2: be walking in my purpose doing everything that I'm doing

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Speaker 2: with the podcast and with you know, my children and

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Speaker 2: my family and my husband, like being that pillar for

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Speaker 2: my family.

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Speaker 3: That is a part of my purpose.

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Speaker 2: But I do understand wanting to have your own again,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes that's reinvented after you have children. So who

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Speaker 2: you were prior to having children can be refreshed and

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Speaker 2: renewed and reinvented after children. So my advice to you

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Speaker 2: would just be to give yourself a little bit more time,

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Speaker 2: because I think you may still be in that phase

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Speaker 2: of you know, hormones leveling out. Even with me after Dakota,

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Speaker 2: I realized that when it came to them to working

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Speaker 2: out and reinvesting in myself and in my health, that

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Speaker 2: I really didn't start to see the benefits of it

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Speaker 2: until he was at least a year maybe you know,

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Speaker 2: fourteen months later. That's the space that I'm in now.

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Speaker 2: And it's also okay to be a little uncomfortable and

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Speaker 2: confused about where you are in life, because that discomfort

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Speaker 2: just means that growth is on the horizon.

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Speaker 3: So lean into that.

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Speaker 2: Continue to investigate the things that you like again, take

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Speaker 2: time that your husband is giving you, that me time

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Speaker 2: that's very necessary for you to soul search. I think

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Speaker 2: it's great that you have a therapist that you can

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Speaker 2: lean on and speak to and kind of get your

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Speaker 2: thoughts out.

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Speaker 3: And it does get better.

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Speaker 2: It does get better, particularly when the kids are older

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Speaker 2: and they start to be a little bit more independent

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Speaker 2: once they start school, and then you can regain some

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Speaker 2: time again to see the things that you like.

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Speaker 3: So think about what you think will make you feel better.

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Speaker 2: First off, in the situation, does it mean getting a

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Speaker 2: light workout in going for a pilates class, you know,

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Speaker 2: go into a coffee shop and just grabbing lunch on

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Speaker 2: your own and being still, do you have a girlfriend

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Speaker 2: or your mom or somebody who can just be a

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Speaker 2: partner that will just help you to have time outside

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Speaker 2: of the children. Sometimes when you're a stay at home

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Speaker 2: mom and you're with the kids all day, you feel

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Speaker 2: like you're just always talking baby child language.

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Speaker 1: She's not No, she has a job.

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Speaker 3: Oh I didn't know. She said she wants to work. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: oh she does have a corporate job. Oh's a corporate job. Oh, okay,

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Speaker 3: got you. So you do work from home.

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Speaker 1: But this is my thing though, And.

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Speaker 3: But I guess I say stay at home meaning being

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Speaker 3: in the house all.

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Speaker 2: The time, but you're not to stay at home mom.

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Speaker 1: And this is I think we've gotten so far left

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Speaker 1: from like when now we empower women so much that

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Speaker 1: being a mom or being a wife is not my purpose,

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Speaker 1: Like I'm so much more than that. When people don't

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Speaker 1: have a purpose in their career now, they feel like

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Speaker 1: they don't have a purpose. I'm just a mom, I'm

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Speaker 1: just a wife. Being You can't just say somebody's just

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Speaker 1: a mom, Like I don't want to say I'm starting

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Speaker 1: to get annoyed. But I am starting to get annoyed

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Speaker 1: when people downplay the role of motherhood and wifehood in

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Speaker 1: a woman's life, as if if you want to be

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Speaker 1: or choose to be a mom and a wife, now

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Speaker 1: you're less than a woman. You know, we've come so

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Speaker 1: far left Before it was, you know, before it was

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Speaker 1: if you don't have a career, if you don't have

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Speaker 1: a career and you're just a mom and a wife,

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Speaker 1: that's what woman who was? And now if you only

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Speaker 1: have a career, you're losing something as a woman. If

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Speaker 1: you don't have a husband and you don't have kids.

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Speaker 1: You don't have to choose one or balance both in

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Speaker 1: order to be a full fledged woman, right you don't.

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Speaker 3: And one doesn't necessarily hold more value.

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Speaker 1: No, it's just what matters to you. And this is

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Speaker 1: my truth. If you're chasing a career and you can't

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Speaker 1: find purpose in a career, maybe having a career is

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Speaker 1: not your purpose. If you enjoy being a mom and

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Speaker 1: a wife, it is okay, Like, can we stop discrediting

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Speaker 1: women who want to just be moms and wives? Not

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Speaker 1: I don't even say just be Can we stop discrediting

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Speaker 1: women who want to be moms and wives.

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Speaker 3: That's true.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point, you seriously, because it seems that

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Speaker 2: people don't even aspire to that anymore, which is fine,

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Speaker 2: but it's because it's seen as, oh, you're just a

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Speaker 2: stay at home mom or you just want to tend

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Speaker 2: to your family, which to me, when.

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Speaker 1: Is so it's almost like back to social conditioning, right,

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Speaker 1: every generation has a certain thing that they're socially conditioned

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Speaker 1: to do. In the fifties, we were socially conditioning women

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Speaker 1: to be step Ford wives. Remember that movie Start for Wives.

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Speaker 1: You know, stay at home, make sure that the food

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Speaker 1: is cooked and the kids were good, make sure you're

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Speaker 1: prim and proper, make sure you stay in shape. And

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Speaker 1: that's what we conditioned women to do in the fifties

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Speaker 1: and sixties. Then there was a change women empowerment movement

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Speaker 1: in the sixties and seventies and the eighties, and they

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Speaker 1: got more into the workforce. And now it's like, you

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Speaker 1: have to have a career, you have to chase something

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Speaker 1: other than being just a mom and just the wife,

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Speaker 1: because being just a mom and just the wife it's

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Speaker 1: not enough. So now you have women who may want

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Speaker 1: to be moms and wives who feel like, well, what's

439
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,920
Speaker 1: my purpose? Because I don't have anything else? What's wrong

440
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,320
Speaker 1: with that purpose? Your purpose could be raising the great

441
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,080
Speaker 1: next astronaut, because you're there to make sure that your

442
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:29,520
Speaker 1: child or children get every aspect of life that they

443
00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 1: can to be the greatest version of themselves.

444
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,440
Speaker 2: Do you remember when I said that to you, when

445
00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,200
Speaker 2: I was to figure out my purpose and I said,

446
00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 2: what if my purpose is just to be here with

447
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,280
Speaker 2: my husband and my children and raise the best human

448
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:42,880
Speaker 2: being psychic?

449
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,680
Speaker 1: How did you feel? How did you feel?

450
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,880
Speaker 2: We still felt like there was more to be done.

451
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,320
Speaker 2: That's my problem, because all I'm hearing is you have

452
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 2: so much potential exactly, you know, you can be so

453
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,280
Speaker 2: great at this. And this was after maybe Jackson chyron Cash.

454
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 2: I don't even think I had gotten to this point yet.

455
00:19:57,320 --> 00:19:59,360
Speaker 2: We may not even had the podcast set and all

456
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,639
Speaker 2: of these things happening. But still sometimes I have moments

457
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:05,240
Speaker 2: within this space where I'm working, where I feel like I'm.

458
00:20:05,160 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 1: Still not doing it. We gotta be careful with that,

459
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,280
Speaker 1: because I'm no. We got to be careful with that.

460
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 1: Because a woman asked you at the one of the

461
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 1: live shows, and it was a very genuine question. She

462
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,920
Speaker 1: was like, Kadeen, what's next for you? What is your

463
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 1: what are your dreams? What do your think?

464
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:22,200
Speaker 3: And I'm like it's like, oh, Deval's doing all this stuff,

465
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:23,119
Speaker 3: but what do you want to do?

466
00:20:23,200 --> 00:20:25,280
Speaker 1: But my thing is like, how does someone say to

467
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: you what's next? What are your dreams? What's next for you?

468
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 1: When you're you're at a show where Kadeen is the

469
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,919
Speaker 1: head host of the podcast. We just got off a

470
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:37,040
Speaker 1: tour for New York Times bestseller, and it's like, that's

471
00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,240
Speaker 1: still not enough. You know, we put so much pressure

472
00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 1: on We put so much pressure on women to be

473
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:45,080
Speaker 1: everything and all the things. You have to be an

474
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:48,720
Speaker 1: A one mom, you have to be an A one wife.

475
00:20:48,920 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 1: You have to be the CEO of a company, you

476
00:20:51,119 --> 00:20:52,959
Speaker 1: have to be the lead actress in this. You have

477
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:55,439
Speaker 1: to be the best w NBA player. Like, if you

478
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,440
Speaker 1: don't do all of these things, you don't have a purpose.

479
00:20:57,880 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 3: You need every practice.

480
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:00,560
Speaker 1: There's no way they have.

481
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,399
Speaker 3: A hot piping meal ready for everybody at the end

482
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:02,720
Speaker 3: of the night.

483
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,919
Speaker 1: Like we have to stop doing that to women and

484
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,959
Speaker 1: trying to define what a woman's purpose is, right, we

485
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,399
Speaker 1: really do have to stop to find it. Now. I

486
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:12,679
Speaker 1: will admit it's a little bit more simple for guys

487
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: because we don't have to carry children, so we know

488
00:21:16,760 --> 00:21:18,879
Speaker 1: what our purpose is. Our purpose is to provide and

489
00:21:18,880 --> 00:21:21,280
Speaker 1: protect the person who is carrying our children. But let

490
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: me ask you a question. What if you don't want

491
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,959
Speaker 1: to have children as a guy, right, then it's like

492
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: your purpose is to just be a career driven person

493
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,159
Speaker 1: and to just make as much money as possible, and

494
00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 1: that's fine, right. We have so many different variables for

495
00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,680
Speaker 1: what a guy can do. When a guy could be

496
00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:39,000
Speaker 1: before a woman, it is almost like it's this abstract

497
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,240
Speaker 1: idea that a woman has to be all of the

498
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,280
Speaker 1: things or she is nothing, and that's scary.

499
00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:46,000
Speaker 3: It is scary.

500
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:46,719
Speaker 1: That's scary.

501
00:21:46,800 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 2: It is a scary, scary place. I recently came across

502
00:21:49,440 --> 00:21:51,280
Speaker 2: a page on Instagram. I think it's called like the

503
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,680
Speaker 2: Rich Aunties or something like that, and that's like a

504
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,680
Speaker 2: now a movement of women, or at least it's probably

505
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,440
Speaker 2: been a thing, but you know, with social media, things

506
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,280
Speaker 2: are brought to the forefront. But it's literally a platform

507
00:22:01,359 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: for women who say, I don't care to have children.

508
00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:07,040
Speaker 2: That is not my purpose. I don't desire that, I

509
00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 2: don't aspire to that. So I'm going to be the

510
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 2: quote unquote rich. Yeah, and they and they revere it

511
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,800
Speaker 2: and they empower it, and there's like a whole I

512
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 2: think they have like over one hundred and something cave followers.

513
00:22:17,080 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 3: Imagine people are revering that.

514
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 1: But imagine if a woman says I don't care to

515
00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:22,680
Speaker 1: have a job, I don't care to work. I want

516
00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:23,959
Speaker 1: to be a wife and I'll be a mom. They

517
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: will say, oh, you're taking us back to the fifties.

518
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:27,320
Speaker 1: Why is that right?

519
00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 2: Right?

520
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:32,640
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying to me, I just think

521
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,679
Speaker 1: that that's so asked backwards, like who is going to

522
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: raise our future?

523
00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:40,399
Speaker 2: That part, you know, because clearly, clearly a lot of

524
00:22:40,440 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: things have faltered.

525
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:44,879
Speaker 3: If you just look at the way society educational system.

526
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:48,040
Speaker 1: You know why teachers complain so much about having too

527
00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 1: much to do, because they're responsible for all of the

528
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,159
Speaker 1: kids because everyone else is at work. Now, I'm not

529
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 1: saying that women are supposed to be home to help teachers.

530
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:59,320
Speaker 1: What I'm saying is that we discredit the value of

531
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 1: someone being at home to take care of home. And

532
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 1: look at how society is getting.

533
00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 2: Messed up home to receive the children when they come

534
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,880
Speaker 2: home from school and make sure that the idle time

535
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 2: is not super idle where they're out there doing a

536
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:12,480
Speaker 2: bunch of nonsense.

537
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 1: Like as a suffered as a latch key kid who

538
00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 1: had to help raise my younger brother and sister because

539
00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:25,320
Speaker 1: both my parents work, I value the fact that one

540
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:28,960
Speaker 1: of us or both of us can be home when

541
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 1: the kids get here. Yeah, for sure, for sure, you

542
00:23:31,400 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, Like, I value that, and I

543
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: think that we're as a society need to get back

544
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:38,639
Speaker 1: to creating a safer space for the family unit to

545
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: exist without ridicule. You know what I'm saying, Like, even

546
00:23:43,840 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: if it's a stay at home dad, they'll ridicule a

547
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 1: stay at home dad and be like, oh you do

548
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,200
Speaker 1: is stay or do stay home with the kids.

549
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,359
Speaker 3: While your wife goes out and stay home raising kids?

550
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,639
Speaker 2: It seems like gets to be at the bottom of

551
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,800
Speaker 2: the totem pole now, as if that's there's no value in.

552
00:23:56,880 --> 00:23:59,680
Speaker 1: But then but then they the same people complain.

553
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,960
Speaker 3: Who raised these kids out.

554
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 1: In the street. I think there's nobody home to raise them.

555
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,440
Speaker 3: That's a fact. So back to your story, that's a

556
00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:09,119
Speaker 3: good point, you may be.

557
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 1: Yea, I was just saying that I just don't. I

558
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,879
Speaker 1: just would. I was saying all that to say this,

559
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,879
Speaker 1: your purpose may not be connected to a career. It

560
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: may not be connected to an activity. It may be

561
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 1: connected to the very thing that you enjoy doing. Like

562
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: you said, all she said, all I have is my

563
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 1: husband and my kids. That may be your purpose, and

564
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 1: you're running from it because you're afraid of the ridicule

565
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 1: that you may receive by saying I want to dive

566
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: into my kids and my husband. And also that may

567
00:24:36,119 --> 00:24:38,680
Speaker 1: just be for that season. You may just be into

568
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,879
Speaker 1: your kids and your husband for that season because your

569
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,360
Speaker 1: children are young, and then as they go to school,

570
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: then it's like I figured something else out, you know,

571
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 1: like your purpose doesn't remain the same throughout your entire life.

572
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:52,880
Speaker 2: Oh for sure, it changes, and some things are seasonal,

573
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,480
Speaker 2: some things are reasonable, you know. But I think for her,

574
00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 2: I think, coupled with what you've mentioned, I think it

575
00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:02,639
Speaker 2: also may have a lot to do with what I

576
00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 2: said initially in the very beginning that just having the

577
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 2: children back to back and just feeling like you're in

578
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 2: a rut is something that's completely normal, particularly having children

579
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 2: so close together.

580
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 1: I hear you man but I hear this thing with

581
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:17,840
Speaker 1: women in purpose and they kids be like fourteen, you

582
00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,200
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, And it's like, at some point,

583
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: it's not postpartum depression. At some point, it's the fact

584
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 1: that it's okay to want to be a mom. Like

585
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: people be wanting their mom. Like why do we keep

586
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,679
Speaker 1: saying like, oh, I'm just a mom. You are a mom.

587
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,400
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, You're a mom. Some people

588
00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,760
Speaker 1: I be wanting my wife. Some people just want their

589
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:42,159
Speaker 1: wife when my days get long and I'm tired of

590
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 1: shit and I want I just want my wife. We

591
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: got to stop letting people think that, you know, I'm

592
00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:50,240
Speaker 1: just a wife. No, have you ever heard a man

593
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,919
Speaker 1: be like, I'm just a husband. There's a pride that

594
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 1: we take in being a husband, you know what I'm saying.

595
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,119
Speaker 1: There's a pride that we take in and providing for

596
00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: our family and protecting and being the emotional support and

597
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 1: being there head of household and being the stability when

598
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 1: everything's in chaos. There's a pride. This should be a

599
00:26:05,480 --> 00:26:07,639
Speaker 1: pride that women take and being a wife and a

600
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: mom and being like, we need to stop that rhetoric

601
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 1: of just a mom. Or just a wife. You take

602
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:16,640
Speaker 1: pride in that, and I don't want to always say

603
00:26:16,640 --> 00:26:19,480
Speaker 1: it's postpartum that could be part of it. Yes, three

604
00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: kids under five, there's a lot of stress there, so

605
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,200
Speaker 1: I get that too, but this should be pride there

606
00:26:25,240 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 1: that you're doing a great job.

607
00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 2: No for sure, and now you know you and hubby

608
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 2: you're done having kids too. Once the kids get older

609
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 2: and you get some time to yourself, you'll figure it out.

610
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:35,080
Speaker 2: You'll figure it out.

611
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 3: So good luck to you, sis, Thank you for writing in.

612
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 2: I think this might be a good point to take

613
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 2: a quick break because we have two more listening letters

614
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 2: when we get back.

615
00:26:42,600 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 3: So let's go pay some bills and we'll see y'all

616
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:45,919
Speaker 3: in a.

617
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:57,800
Speaker 1: Second and we're back and to go take a quick

618
00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,200
Speaker 1: break your dig let's get back to this this third listener.

619
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,560
Speaker 1: Let the thing.

620
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, you guys have been thank y'all for for the

621
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 3: writing and music. Been great.

622
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 1: Deval In Kadeen Ellis, words cannot express how much I

623
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,280
Speaker 1: admire you both as individuals as well as a unit collectively.

624
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,080
Speaker 1: We over me has blessed my life in a tremendous way.

625
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: I'm a man that's divorced who desires to be married again,

626
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,760
Speaker 1: so I'm always reading and acquiring different tools to become

627
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,879
Speaker 1: a greater version of me. That's a great job. I

628
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: appreciate and celebrate your story of how you made it

629
00:27:27,119 --> 00:27:29,639
Speaker 1: through the being of service. Part about being in a healthy,

630
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 1: committed relationship marriage is what I aspired to do most

631
00:27:32,800 --> 00:27:35,240
Speaker 1: did I mentioned Chapter eight had me balling like a baby.

632
00:27:35,680 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 1: It was Thanksgiving night, Kay had to go to work

633
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:39,720
Speaker 1: while the vows with the family in Jackson and Kadeen

634
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,160
Speaker 1: was super sad she had to leave, and devou said,

635
00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:44,440
Speaker 1: holding back tears, this is what this will be the

636
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 1: last time you will have to do this. That's exactly

637
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:50,239
Speaker 1: what happened. That did something to my soul spirit as

638
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,600
Speaker 1: a man. The way you guys present love to me

639
00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 1: is what I aspire to have. I know you both

640
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:57,280
Speaker 1: don't like the term couple goals and I don't like

641
00:27:57,400 --> 00:27:59,400
Speaker 1: using it, so I'll just say I will definitely take

642
00:27:59,400 --> 00:28:01,000
Speaker 1: a lot of what I learned from this book and

643
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,160
Speaker 1: utilize it in my next last relationship marriage. I appreciate

644
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,399
Speaker 1: the broth that's dope. Thank you for sharing your life

645
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:10,120
Speaker 1: with little o' me. I celebrate you guys in every way.

646
00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:12,359
Speaker 1: Thank you guys for showing us black love. It's the

647
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,000
Speaker 1: complete honesty. It's the extreme transparency and the attitude of

648
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:19,040
Speaker 1: gratitude that I will keep near. The way you both

649
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,680
Speaker 1: decide to wake up every day and choose each other

650
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,919
Speaker 1: or ask each other how can I be of service

651
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:26,160
Speaker 1: to you? What do you need from me? Is why

652
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: y'all's marriage took a turn for the best. Y'all rock

653
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:30,560
Speaker 1: thanks a lot.

654
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:35,680
Speaker 2: Bro little appreciation letter, But I think it's pretty dope.

655
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,320
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I always love when I hear

656
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 2: the fellas write in because why I typically we're led

657
00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 2: to believe and historically males, particularly black males, and we're

658
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 2: not sure if well he did DCA is a black love.

659
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:50,440
Speaker 2: So a black male or not, you are not never

660
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:53,120
Speaker 2: feel safe or allowed to express their feelings or.

661
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 3: To even ask questions.

662
00:28:54,480 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 2: So the fact that he, as a now single black male,

663
00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:02,280
Speaker 2: you know, did purchase our book and it spoke to

664
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,840
Speaker 2: him in some way and he aspires to be married again.

665
00:29:04,920 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 3: I love that.

666
00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 2: And that's one of the biggest things we talk about

667
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 2: in the book is like what do you aspire to

668
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:12,240
Speaker 2: be when it comes to relationships? Do you aspire to marriage?

669
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,320
Speaker 2: Do you not aspire to marriage. And that's why I

670
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 2: think the book was so vital for not just people

671
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 2: in relationships, whether they're married or couples or you know, engaged,

672
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:23,560
Speaker 2: but the single person who is on the fence about

673
00:29:23,560 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 2: deciding or the divorce. See like he is, you know,

674
00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:27,920
Speaker 2: who was just like, man, do I want to be

675
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:28,440
Speaker 2: married again?

676
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,960
Speaker 1: The divorce part is of what I want to tackle.

677
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: He said. The chapter eight really spoke to made him

678
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,480
Speaker 1: call like a baby, which means it was triggering. Right.

679
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,719
Speaker 1: That was a chapter I talked about feeling less of

680
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 1: a man because you had to go to work. I

681
00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: wonder if he got divorced because he couldn't provide something,

682
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: or if he wasn't able to provide and financially this

683
00:29:49,240 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: became an issue for him and his ex wife, right.

684
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:55,080
Speaker 3: And maybe the insecurities around that, you know, cause other

685
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 3: issues in their relationship.

686
00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:59,880
Speaker 1: Right. But I feel like so many men don't want

687
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:02,200
Speaker 1: to talk about that, but this is a reality. There

688
00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: is a fear amongst men of not being able to

689
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:09,760
Speaker 1: provide everything that the women they fall in love with needs,

690
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:13,720
Speaker 1: and so many men don't talk about that. But oftentimes

691
00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 1: men will self sabotage or walk away or feel like

692
00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,280
Speaker 1: I really don't need love because they have an insecurity

693
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: about being able to support to provide what a woman

694
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:25,480
Speaker 1: needs in totality.

695
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,120
Speaker 2: Also to adding to what you said, the pressure that

696
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,920
Speaker 2: us women put on men to feel like you need

697
00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 2: to make sure there's a timeline in which all of

698
00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 2: these things. Yeah, that's you know, that too is an

699
00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 2: issue because, like we've said, even on the journey to marriage,

700
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:45,560
Speaker 2: the journey to being engaged, there's so much pressure on

701
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 2: the men to do it in a conframe when us

702
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:51,760
Speaker 2: women feel is necessary and vital because in our timeline,

703
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:54,720
Speaker 2: this is when it works. But we're not thinking past

704
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:57,960
Speaker 2: that moment, whereas men, at least if he's a.

705
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 3: Good man, you know, is really.

706
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 2: Under the stress and pressure of figuring out how to

707
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,880
Speaker 2: provide past the engagement and past the wedding day. So

708
00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,640
Speaker 2: you know, I'll speak to the women because I know

709
00:31:07,680 --> 00:31:10,440
Speaker 2: we do this a lot. It's putting pressure on our

710
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 2: men to do things in the way we want it,

711
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 2: in the order in which we wanted. When you've led

712
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,560
Speaker 2: me to realize that every man has.

713
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: A plan, well, no, I'm not going to say every

714
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:24,200
Speaker 1: good man, every good man, every good man has a plan.

715
00:31:24,600 --> 00:31:27,080
Speaker 1: Every good man has a plan, and sometimes their plan

716
00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,560
Speaker 1: may not fall in line with your timeline, you know,

717
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: because the woman's biological clock is a real thing, you know,

718
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: And for people who don't understand what that is is

719
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 1: that the older you get, the less likely it is

720
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,560
Speaker 1: that you have a healthy pregnancy or a healthy child,

721
00:31:41,640 --> 00:31:43,880
Speaker 1: especially if you get into your men to late thirties,

722
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: you know, Kadeen and I learned that once you get

723
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: to thirty six, you're considered geriatric. You know. The prime

724
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: age for women to have children are I think nineteen

725
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: to thirty. I think that's what they said, that's rue

726
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: your bust last time I saw yeah, prime abe, prime

727
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: ages nineteen to thirty, thirty two or something. So for women.

728
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: They're for women who are really aspiring to have families

729
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: and they're trying to do it within that time. Women

730
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: often have to balance that and having a career if

731
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:13,720
Speaker 1: that's something they wish to do. Sure, and like we

732
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:18,200
Speaker 1: talked about the Lastness and a letter, ninety five percent

733
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: of women now feel like even if they wanted to

734
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,520
Speaker 1: have a child or be married, they have to do

735
00:32:23,560 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: that while balancing a career because society has told us

736
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: now just being a mom is not enough. So as

737
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,440
Speaker 1: a man, you have to think if you're being deliberate

738
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,600
Speaker 1: about being with a woman, she's going to have a timeline.

739
00:32:37,280 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: And as a man, when you're trying to provide for

740
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 1: an entire family, things don't always go as quickly as

741
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 1: you expect them to go. I've been here before, even

742
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: getting a head start and playing in the NFL, still

743
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 1: had to restart in our mid to late twenties and

744
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 1: it took us about ten years to get back. What

745
00:32:56,240 --> 00:32:58,440
Speaker 1: if you are a woman that didn't have patience, who

746
00:32:58,520 --> 00:33:00,200
Speaker 1: was just like, man, I don't want to live in

747
00:33:00,240 --> 00:33:02,240
Speaker 1: this apartment no more. I wanted living a type of

748
00:33:02,280 --> 00:33:05,240
Speaker 1: life I'm out. That could be an issue for a

749
00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:08,240
Speaker 1: lot of people, and I feel like men don't speak

750
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:11,920
Speaker 1: about that enough. And that's why women don't understand why

751
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,840
Speaker 1: men always delay the process of engagement or why men

752
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 1: are sometimes like I'm not ready yet. Women often assume

753
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 1: it's because, oh, he don't want to give up all

754
00:33:21,440 --> 00:33:25,800
Speaker 1: the booty he's getting. Sometimes it's not even that. Sometimes

755
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:30,200
Speaker 1: it's like I don't have the money to get engaged,

756
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,920
Speaker 1: let alone get engaged, have a wedding, buy a house,

757
00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: build a family, continue a legacy, that can be daunting

758
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:38,440
Speaker 1: to a man.

759
00:33:38,560 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 3: Yea.

760
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 2: And I mean think about it. People who have a

761
00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 2: certain kind of way they want to be proposed to.

762
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: You know.

763
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 2: We have someone that we know that proposed with his

764
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:53,400
Speaker 2: mom's ring and it was super low key, just the

765
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 2: two of them, and she.

766
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 1: Couldn't be happy and she couldn't be happier, you know.

767
00:33:56,880 --> 00:33:59,760
Speaker 2: And that think about the delay that could have happened

768
00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:02,760
Speaker 2: in their proposal and them starting their life together because

769
00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 2: he felt the pressure of having to save all this

770
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 2: money and do this grand you know, engagement situation, that

771
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 2: that whole as we say, quote unquote instagrammable moment, that

772
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,919
Speaker 2: would delay their their life starting together by it could

773
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 2: be easily two years, two three years easily if he

774
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,399
Speaker 2: was trying to, you know, save up for the kind

775
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:21,400
Speaker 2: of ring that she wants.

776
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:23,239
Speaker 1: But that's also speaks to their relationship that they were

777
00:34:23,280 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: able to have that discussion where he felt comfortable knowing

778
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,120
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter what I propose with. She just wants

779
00:34:29,160 --> 00:34:30,719
Speaker 1: to know that I'm here for the long haul, and

780
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 1: I want her to know that I'm here for the

781
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:37,000
Speaker 1: long haul. And ultimately, that's what relationships are about. It's

782
00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 1: about creating a team to build something with. You know,

783
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,880
Speaker 1: we we hear so many people say, now, what are

784
00:34:42,920 --> 00:34:45,200
Speaker 1: you bringing to the table? Right?

785
00:34:45,360 --> 00:34:51,319
Speaker 2: Maybe I am that's a good Listen, I'm the lumberjack

786
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 2: who cut down that.

787
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,840
Speaker 3: They like, Okay, then it's a battle.

788
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 2: It's like then I was the one who panted the

789
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 2: tree like it's always keep going with it.

790
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 3: They gonna keep going with it.

791
00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: I want to challenge people to say, let's come together

792
00:35:07,320 --> 00:35:12,399
Speaker 1: empty to build something. You know, people, because because people

793
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:13,160
Speaker 1: say to me, you.

794
00:35:13,120 --> 00:35:15,760
Speaker 2: Don't come together empty. You come together with your skill

795
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:16,600
Speaker 2: set and your no.

796
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,080
Speaker 1: No I mean when I mean empty, I mean as

797
00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 1: far as people keep saying, what do you bring into

798
00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,360
Speaker 1: the table, what do you bring into the temple? You

799
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 1: and I brought shit to the table. We were eighteen

800
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,399
Speaker 1: years old, or we brought was ideas, or we brought

801
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:31,880
Speaker 1: was ideas, work ethic, pat We did bring good sense

802
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,400
Speaker 1: and that helped a lot. That definitely helped a lot,

803
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:37,239
Speaker 1: took the edge off. But we brought a passion, a

804
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:40,600
Speaker 1: work ethic, and an unyielding need to be of service

805
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 1: to each other. We didn't bring money to the table.

806
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 1: We didn't bring degrees to the table. We earned all

807
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:48,360
Speaker 1: that together yeah, and that's what I'm saying. How about

808
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,319
Speaker 1: you find somebody who's empty like you're empty, and be like, hey,

809
00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:52,200
Speaker 1: let's build.

810
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:53,799
Speaker 2: Something that might be what our first listener letter girl

811
00:35:53,840 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 2: is feeling, like twenty one, I think I found my business.

812
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:58,520
Speaker 3: And we can build together like we did. You know,

813
00:35:59,280 --> 00:36:00,720
Speaker 3: she might have been feel that too.

814
00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,880
Speaker 1: And that's okay. So if you're not complete, and this

815
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,319
Speaker 1: is to men and women, because you know, both men

816
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: and women have to listen to people on Instagram shout

817
00:36:09,480 --> 00:36:12,359
Speaker 1: out these lists of demands that their significant other has

818
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,640
Speaker 1: to have, and a lot of people feel like I

819
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: don't have anything on those lists, especially if you're twenty one.

820
00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:19,920
Speaker 1: I don't make six figures, I don't have two degrees.

821
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 1: You know, it's hard out here for single people. So

822
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 1: I'm going to employ you, guys to find someone who's

823
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,879
Speaker 1: looking to build. Find someone looking to build, not find

824
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,720
Speaker 1: someone who's looking for a complete person.

825
00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 3: That is a fact. Good stuff, good stuff.

826
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,319
Speaker 2: Good luck to you, brother, Yes, thank you for the

827
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,239
Speaker 2: well wishes, and thank you positive words for all that

828
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:49,320
Speaker 2: good stuff. All right, and onto her lastness letter on

829
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 2: this episode by quick Man even diving in here, Hey

830
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,399
Speaker 2: to Valancadin, I love you guys so much. Been rocking

831
00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 2: with you for a while now, and I've learned so

832
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 2: much about me and people just by listening to what

833
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:02,560
Speaker 2: you guys talk about and applying it to my daily life.

834
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 3: Thank you for that.

835
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:06,320
Speaker 2: I was at y'all's live show in Dallas this past February,

836
00:37:06,360 --> 00:37:09,600
Speaker 2: sat next to Triple and knew all the answers to

837
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,560
Speaker 2: the questions and had the best time. Listen, y'all. If

838
00:37:13,600 --> 00:37:17,040
Speaker 2: you have not been to a live show, y'all have

839
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:17,520
Speaker 2: to do it.

840
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 3: Fact, you have to come.

841
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: It's probably one of my most favorite things to do

842
00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 2: ever in life, is be on stage, performing, engaging with

843
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:28,759
Speaker 2: you guys. If you have Patreon, you know that you

844
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 2: can watch the actual live shows.

845
00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 3: We literally really we literally.

846
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,400
Speaker 2: Feel like it's like a almost like a mix between

847
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:39,040
Speaker 2: like a comedy show slash yeah deval is like a

848
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 2: you know, a whole stand up comedium low key. So

849
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 2: it's a good time. So thank you for coming to

850
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:49,879
Speaker 2: the show. I kind of want to share then when

851
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,759
Speaker 2: I was a question time, but I felt like it

852
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 2: was too much. Oh she wanted to share this, Okay,

853
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: so here's the story. Sorry in advance. If it's hell

854
00:37:56,640 --> 00:37:58,880
Speaker 2: along got to give you all the context. As Kadeen

855
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 2: likes to say, thank you Sis, I'll be listen land.

856
00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 2: I lost my virginity at age nineteen when I was

857
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:07,439
Speaker 2: in college, and it totally wasn't worth it. I say

858
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 2: this because I grew up in a religious household, so

859
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:12,520
Speaker 2: I was always told to wait until marriage to have sex.

860
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:16,680
Speaker 2: Was even given books to read on why you should wait,

861
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:20,600
Speaker 2: what happens if you don't, and whatnot. After I had sex,

862
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 2: I felt bad about it. I was disappointed within myself

863
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 2: and the guy was going around campus spreading rumors about it.

864
00:38:26,760 --> 00:38:28,000
Speaker 3: Damn that sucks.

865
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 2: I was like, I should have listened to my mom

866
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,000
Speaker 2: and waited until the right person came along. So I

867
00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,920
Speaker 2: told myself the next time I do engage in sexual activities,

868
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:37,720
Speaker 2: it would be with someone who I feel is worth

869
00:38:37,760 --> 00:38:40,919
Speaker 2: it or who I feel is trustworthy.

870
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 3: All right, fast forward to now. I'm thirty five.

871
00:38:43,840 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 2: Okay, so it's been a couple of years now and

872
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: I'm practically a virgin again since I haven't had sex

873
00:38:48,800 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: since age nineteen.

874
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: Oh what does Sun do?

875
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 3: Wow?

876
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 1: The Sun made her go from sex Pacific room.

877
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 2: Was on campus and think about the build up of

878
00:38:57,280 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 2: what she was raised to believe, and then she did

879
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,359
Speaker 2: that and she was about.

880
00:39:01,000 --> 00:39:05,120
Speaker 1: Well we discernment about who we choose man, I just her.

881
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 2: I now have a boyfriend and it's a fresh relationship.

882
00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:10,040
Speaker 2: He is aware of how I feel about sex and

883
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:14,000
Speaker 2: my first encounter and how my first encounter went. I'm

884
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: not really holding out until marriage, but I don't want

885
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: to have sex just because I wanted to have meaning,

886
00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,720
Speaker 2: substance and not just be a random fuck. He says

887
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 2: he understands, and he will leave it alone, but then

888
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 2: he'll come back and pressure me about it. All my

889
00:39:28,320 --> 00:39:31,200
Speaker 2: relationships are like this. I date to one I don't

890
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,960
Speaker 2: put out, they dump me. I don't want him to

891
00:39:33,960 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 2: be like that because I do feel like he's different

892
00:39:36,160 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 2: than other guys than others, but I can't get him

893
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 2: to see that. I'm just not quite ready yet. Is

894
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 2: there any advice that y'all could offer me in my situation?

895
00:39:46,880 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 2: Thank you for your time, Any advice you can give me?

896
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,680
Speaker 3: Love you guys? How do you feel about this as

897
00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 3: a guy.

898
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just be clear, Okay, if we're dating, I

899
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 1: like to have sex. If you don't want to have sex,

900
00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 1: then we don't have to date in that manner. Like

901
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: she has needs, I have needs. No one need is

902
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,600
Speaker 1: greater if we can't come to a medium, and we can.

903
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 1: If our needs are not in alignment, we need to

904
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:19,319
Speaker 1: find someone else whose needs are in alignment. And that's

905
00:40:19,320 --> 00:40:21,040
Speaker 1: for both of us. If she doesn't want to have

906
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: sex and she wants to court until she gets married,

907
00:40:24,200 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: or she's not sure, she needs to court with someone

908
00:40:26,480 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 1: who desires the same thing. You know, I'm not I'm

909
00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:32,279
Speaker 1: not gonna shame her for not wanting to have sex,

910
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,719
Speaker 1: But I'm also not gonna be shamed for wanting to

911
00:40:34,760 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 1: have sex. You know. It's just two people who have

912
00:40:37,120 --> 00:40:42,080
Speaker 1: different values. Yeah, And I feel like it's okay to

913
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:43,919
Speaker 1: tell people like, hey, you know what, our values aren't

914
00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 1: in alignment. So I like you, you cool person, But

915
00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 1: I'm gonna find somebody else whose values are in my alignment.

916
00:40:50,560 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: There's too many people in the world to settle in life,

917
00:40:53,239 --> 00:40:54,759
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So that's how I feel

918
00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: about it. I mean, kudos to her for sticking staying

919
00:40:58,480 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: ten toes down.

920
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, you know what I'm saying, it's

921
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 2: awesome for you to feel that way. And also, so

922
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:06,000
Speaker 2: I wonder if you've like spoken to anybody about that

923
00:41:06,040 --> 00:41:06,879
Speaker 2: trauma pretty much.

924
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: And I do think she's having a trauma response to it. Yes,

925
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,440
Speaker 1: by waiting sixteen years and now every other guy is

926
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 1: compared to that guy, so she's never going to I

927
00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:19,879
Speaker 1: don't feel like she's going to open up after sixteen years.

928
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:21,879
Speaker 1: And she says she's dated multiple guys and it's gotten

929
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 1: the same thing. She's afraid, which I understand right, Like

930
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:27,000
Speaker 1: that's a traumatic she is it afraid.

931
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,680
Speaker 2: And these guys, they if they're clearly interested in her

932
00:41:29,680 --> 00:41:31,799
Speaker 2: and they have feelings for her or just are dating her,

933
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:33,120
Speaker 2: you know guy's.

934
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:33,520
Speaker 3: Going to want to fuck.

935
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,680
Speaker 1: But also she has to use discernment and realize, like,

936
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,120
Speaker 1: if this keeps happening over and over again, you keep

937
00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:41,839
Speaker 1: dating the same type of guy, at some point you

938
00:41:41,840 --> 00:41:43,759
Speaker 1: have to change things up. If the type of guy

939
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 1: you like wants to have sex and you're not ready

940
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:47,920
Speaker 1: to have sex, you have to change it up and

941
00:41:47,920 --> 00:41:50,240
Speaker 1: see if you can find someone who else is looking

942
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:55,440
Speaker 1: to explore that opportunity. May not be as experienced in

943
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,120
Speaker 1: that realm, So maybe that person is looking to explore

944
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,080
Speaker 1: with you because you're not as experienced. But if she

945
00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:04,839
Speaker 1: keeps chasing guys who are experienced in sex and want

946
00:42:04,920 --> 00:42:06,960
Speaker 1: to continue to have sex, but then say she's not

947
00:42:07,000 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 1: ready to put out. She can't feel a way if

948
00:42:08,719 --> 00:42:09,400
Speaker 1: they're ready.

949
00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:11,640
Speaker 2: To move on, or what if they embark on the

950
00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: relationship with her and say, oh, maybe I'll maybe I'll

951
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:16,080
Speaker 2: wear her down, like maybe I'll be the.

952
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,359
Speaker 3: One to change her mind.

953
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:20,279
Speaker 2: That's definitely that's probably also what some of these guys

954
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 2: are thinking. You know, absolutely we were going to build

955
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:25,719
Speaker 2: this you know, awesome relationship or the feelings where she's

956
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:28,160
Speaker 2: gonna feel like she wants to but then being pressured

957
00:42:28,239 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 2: is not going to make you feel anymore.

958
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: Absolutely there. But also if but here's the thing, even

959
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,879
Speaker 1: the word pressure in the terminol she she says, they

960
00:42:36,880 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: pressure me, and then when I say I'm not interested

961
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:42,919
Speaker 1: or I don't want to do that, I get dumped. No,

962
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 1: how about their continuously being honest with you about what

963
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:48,799
Speaker 1: they need and require, and when you say I'm not

964
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 1: ready to do that, they make a decision to go elsewhere.

965
00:42:52,120 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 1: That's not you getting pressured and getting dumped. You're not

966
00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: aligning thoughts. And what happens is people take rejection so

967
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 1: next negatively, you know what I'm saying so, then they

968
00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: put negative words because the way she tells a story,

969
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:08,279
Speaker 1: which I understand based on what happened to her, she

970
00:43:08,360 --> 00:43:11,480
Speaker 1: feels like now she's being pressured and getting dumped. I

971
00:43:11,520 --> 00:43:14,200
Speaker 1: don't think it's pressure. I have a responsibility because this

972
00:43:14,239 --> 00:43:16,719
Speaker 1: is also what could happen. Look, you don't want to

973
00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:19,719
Speaker 1: have sex. I want to have sex. I could easily

974
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 1: say cool, I'm with you. We're going to ride the

975
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,280
Speaker 1: celib celibacy thing together and then go fuck other people.

976
00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:28,640
Speaker 1: They could do that, but it's just saying like, hey,

977
00:43:28,680 --> 00:43:29,880
Speaker 1: look man, you know, come on, like you know, I

978
00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,359
Speaker 1: really want to engage in this with you. I want

979
00:43:31,360 --> 00:43:32,840
Speaker 1: to try this with you, and I want to try this.

980
00:43:32,840 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 1: How about why are you not comfortable yet? It may

981
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,400
Speaker 1: feel like pressure to her. They may still want to

982
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:44,239
Speaker 1: understand sorry, it's okay. They may want to understand why

983
00:43:44,280 --> 00:43:46,160
Speaker 1: it's not happening, and then once they realize, you know what,

984
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:48,640
Speaker 1: she's not with it, so it's like, you know what,

985
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: for your best interests in mind, I'm going to go

986
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 1: find someone who else is in alignment.

987
00:43:54,239 --> 00:43:56,640
Speaker 2: I thought about that when I first read it. I'm like, shoot,

988
00:43:57,520 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 2: I would think a guy I can't speak for men

989
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 2: in general. But I'm saying a guy who's genuinely saying

990
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 2: maybe interested in her and says oh, because she says

991
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:06,560
Speaker 2: she feels like he's different. Maybe there's some sort of

992
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:08,880
Speaker 2: you know, synergies that they had that she didn't have

993
00:44:08,920 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 2: with somebody else before. What's stopping him from like just

994
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:15,200
Speaker 2: smashing an somebody else on the side, That's what I'm saying,

995
00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 2: continuing in a relationship with relationship with her with the

996
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,439
Speaker 2: hopes that maybe one day they can be sexually active,

997
00:44:20,480 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 2: and then he could probably describe everybody else.

998
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:26,000
Speaker 1: And that's what I'm saying. The fact that they're speaking

999
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 1: with her means they're trying to be honest, and she

1000
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,359
Speaker 1: takes it as pressure, but they could easily just be like,

1001
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: all right, I'm with you while doing something else. And

1002
00:44:34,239 --> 00:44:36,200
Speaker 1: the fact that they're not, and when she says they

1003
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,120
Speaker 1: dump me, no, they're making a choice for themselves. And

1004
00:44:39,200 --> 00:44:41,320
Speaker 1: that's something we also said in our book We Over Me.

1005
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 1: We have to stop making people feel like when they

1006
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 1: make choices for themselves to not be in a relationship,

1007
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:52,680
Speaker 1: they're selfish. That's not selfish to me, that's deciding that,

1008
00:44:52,760 --> 00:44:55,880
Speaker 1: you know what, whatever's going on in this relationship is

1009
00:44:55,920 --> 00:44:58,520
Speaker 1: not better. It's not good for the betterment of me

1010
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:01,080
Speaker 1: or you. So I'm going to make a decision for

1011
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 1: me and for you and say let's go our separate

1012
00:45:03,880 --> 00:45:08,239
Speaker 1: ways rather than dragging us both down, you know, by

1013
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:12,720
Speaker 1: doing something despicable, you know what I'm saying.

1014
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 3: More hurt, closing more closing war.

1015
00:45:14,120 --> 00:45:16,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so I think I think, young lady, I

1016
00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: think you should look at it like that. If the

1017
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 1: young men are telling you, like, hey, this is not

1018
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: gonna work for me, I'd rather, you know, find someone

1019
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 1: who wants to have sex at least applaud him for

1020
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 1: his honesty and not doing you dirty by having sex

1021
00:45:29,040 --> 00:45:32,080
Speaker 1: with other people and keeping you around. But also I

1022
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:35,320
Speaker 1: think you should speak with someone about your hurt, Yeah,

1023
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 1: so that you can move forward and find peace. Because

1024
00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 1: after sixteen years, if you're still going back to that

1025
00:45:41,120 --> 00:45:43,440
Speaker 1: time in life, that means you haven't let it go,

1026
00:45:43,560 --> 00:45:46,279
Speaker 1: you haven't forgotten about it, and you haven't forgiven that

1027
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: young man or healed from it. Then that means you'll

1028
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:51,000
Speaker 1: never grow from that. So that's sure.

1029
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:53,040
Speaker 2: And I think the assumption to now is that if

1030
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 2: you're thirty five and you're in the dating scene, you're probably.

1031
00:45:55,960 --> 00:45:58,880
Speaker 1: Fucking yeah, that's what people what people gonna think.

1032
00:45:58,800 --> 00:46:01,600
Speaker 2: You know, But you should never have to alter your

1033
00:46:01,640 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 2: beliefs to your desires or budge on your stance because

1034
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 2: of pressure from anyone.

1035
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 3: So good luck to you girls.

1036
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:14,759
Speaker 1: And they're men. There are men who are virgins or older. Yeah,

1037
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 1: there was a football player, I think it was Daryl

1038
00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:19,279
Speaker 1: Green who was They used to call him the forty

1039
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,919
Speaker 1: old version. He had never had sex before. And and

1040
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,120
Speaker 1: that's also to say, like there's always somebody for somebody,

1041
00:46:27,360 --> 00:46:28,960
Speaker 1: you know, Like, you don't have to say I have

1042
00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: to convert to what the world believes in order to

1043
00:46:31,719 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: live my life. No, you don't. If you don't want

1044
00:46:34,080 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: to have sex to a marriage and you want to

1045
00:46:35,440 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: get married at forty there are playing people out here

1046
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:39,239
Speaker 1: who are probably doing the same thing. You just have

1047
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,160
Speaker 1: to find those pockets of people, you know what. You

1048
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:43,120
Speaker 1: don't have to convert to what the world believes to

1049
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:44,120
Speaker 1: make yourself happy.

1050
00:46:44,360 --> 00:46:47,920
Speaker 2: The old Jamaican proverb that my mom said to me,

1051
00:46:48,160 --> 00:46:49,080
Speaker 2: every whole of us.

1052
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 3: Every.

1053
00:46:53,239 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 2: Do you have anyone on it? That whole isn't like

1054
00:46:55,080 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 2: the whole people out there and being a bush wh

1055
00:47:00,960 --> 00:47:04,719
Speaker 2: as in the gardening tool. Right, every hole has his

1056
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:06,919
Speaker 2: stick in the bush.

1057
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 3: That's it. Everybody has their person. I'm the hole, you're

1058
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:14,840
Speaker 3: my stick.

1059
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 1: Just caught yourself a hole, I'll stick my stick in

1060
00:47:19,680 --> 00:47:25,400
Speaker 1: your bush hole Like, what gonna this and so profoundly

1061
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: like I'm a hole, you're my stick.

1062
00:47:27,760 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 2: This analogy is a wild when you really think about it. Yes, me, me,

1063
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:34,239
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have I'm gonna have to talk to me

1064
00:47:34,280 --> 00:47:36,120
Speaker 2: about this and be like, do you understand what y'all

1065
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 2: what y'all are saying over here?

1066
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 1: And your mom got dressed up the other night. Your

1067
00:47:40,239 --> 00:47:45,000
Speaker 1: mother had on a uh, some tights on with some

1068
00:47:45,080 --> 00:47:49,000
Speaker 1: boots Louisa tom boots and the freaking bots. They were

1069
00:47:49,080 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 1: cute though I don't know what they was. But your

1070
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:53,400
Speaker 1: mom a less She was going out to get chosen.

1071
00:47:53,440 --> 00:47:55,680
Speaker 3: It was given fashion over vibes. I'm like, man, you've

1072
00:47:55,680 --> 00:47:59,239
Speaker 3: been shopping on, you've been shop looking. She was.

1073
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:03,799
Speaker 1: Sixty five. Yes, the mother's out here strutting in sixty five.

1074
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 1: That means you got at least twenty five more years

1075
00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:07,160
Speaker 1: to be fine.

1076
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:08,040
Speaker 3: At the very least.

1077
00:48:08,080 --> 00:48:09,320
Speaker 1: It's a good thing. I got.

1078
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:12,160
Speaker 3: Cute and put together.

1079
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:21,480
Speaker 2: And you know now, I know why because everyone. Oh

1080
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 2: my goodness, love you guys. I love this time. Thank

1081
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 2: y'all so much for continuing to write into listener letters.

1082
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:27,920
Speaker 2: We always encourage it, we love it. We love to

1083
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:31,280
Speaker 2: hear from y'all and it really gives us a pulse

1084
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 2: in the community, I feel like, because it really makes

1085
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,480
Speaker 2: us feel connected to you guys, and we love to

1086
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: always see that these listener letters start with someone telling

1087
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 2: some kind of story about how they appreciate the things

1088
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 2: that we do, or they've been following us for a

1089
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:46,600
Speaker 2: long time, And just as an appreciation to y'all, a

1090
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:49,680
Speaker 2: thank you. We literally could not do this without you

1091
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:53,440
Speaker 2: if we did not have listeners and supporters who just

1092
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 2: always continue to revere us and support everything that we do.

1093
00:48:57,640 --> 00:49:01,680
Speaker 2: So if you're listening on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen,

1094
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:04,880
Speaker 2: if you're subscribed to our Patreon, which is getting to

1095
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,400
Speaker 2: be so popping now it's fairly new for us, but

1096
00:49:07,960 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: you know we're building it up with videos, exclusive content.

1097
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:13,799
Speaker 2: So thank y'all so much for whatever avenue it is

1098
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 2: that you continue to support us in.

1099
00:49:16,360 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 3: Do you have a moment of truth for listening letters?

1100
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 1: Baby, I have a moment of truth? Is a quick

1101
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:23,080
Speaker 1: moment of truth, Let's continue to have grace for each other.

1102
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 1: When you hear these stories, there's never a right and

1103
00:49:26,160 --> 00:49:28,719
Speaker 1: or wrong unless someone come miss physical violence or does

1104
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:31,280
Speaker 1: something really fucked up. It's never a right and or wrong.

1105
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:34,000
Speaker 1: It's just different perspectives and how we deal with things.

1106
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:36,880
Speaker 1: I'm big on having no judgment for people, whether they

1107
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 1: write in or they ask questions in live shows, We're

1108
00:49:39,239 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: not gonna judge.

1109
00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:40,960
Speaker 3: We'll have fun with y'all.

1110
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, we'll have fun. We'll make jokes and stuff like that.

1111
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:45,640
Speaker 1: But let's continue to have grace for each other, learn

1112
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:47,359
Speaker 1: about each other, and love on each other.

1113
00:49:47,760 --> 00:49:48,280
Speaker 3: Absolutely.

1114
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,400
Speaker 2: I love that, baby, And I guess my moment of

1115
00:49:50,440 --> 00:49:54,440
Speaker 2: truth is, you know, just to thank y'all to be honest, like,

1116
00:49:54,560 --> 00:49:59,399
Speaker 2: I love hearing from you, We love the support. We

1117
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 2: love that you are continuing to give us a space

1118
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:06,640
Speaker 2: to be creatives and to also share and elevate the culture.

1119
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:11,719
Speaker 2: We would hope just by continuing healthy conversations and continuing

1120
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 2: to have people seek help. You know, that's something that's

1121
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 2: definitely never been a thing for us in the black

1122
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 2: community particular.

1123
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,080
Speaker 1: To seek help. I'm done k is like, we need

1124
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:25,560
Speaker 1: people to seek help because in the black community. Be

1125
00:50:25,680 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: sure to find us on patreons. It's the exclusive dead

1126
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:32,320
Speaker 1: Ass Podcast content. Find us on social media.

1127
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 3: Just so stupid.

1128
00:50:33,600 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 2: No, I'm just saying that to say, like asking for

1129
00:50:35,480 --> 00:50:38,000
Speaker 2: help or giving it, you know, asking for advice or

1130
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 2: wanting to write into us to hear our perspective, people

1131
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,680
Speaker 2: don't necessarily do that. A lot of people internalized stuff

1132
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:48,960
Speaker 2: and they don't joke for help. I know you are judging.

1133
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,319
Speaker 1: I'm judging. You told these people seek help. They wrote

1134
00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:52,920
Speaker 1: it for listen. Let us you here talk about some

1135
00:50:53,000 --> 00:50:53,919
Speaker 1: y'all need to seek help.

1136
00:50:55,040 --> 00:50:56,040
Speaker 3: That's not what I said, everybody.

1137
00:50:56,040 --> 00:50:58,080
Speaker 1: I know. That's why it's a joke. Be sure to

1138
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:00,759
Speaker 1: find us on a Patreon and see that exclusive dead

1139
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:01,759
Speaker 1: Ass Podcast video.

1140
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 3: Read that part. You just be taking over myself.

1141
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 2: Well. First of all, if you want to be featured

1142
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,680
Speaker 2: as a listener letter because we didn't do that part,

1143
00:51:08,120 --> 00:51:10,800
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at Deadass Advice at gmail

1144
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:11,200
Speaker 2: dot com.

1145
00:51:11,239 --> 00:51:14,239
Speaker 3: Because I was coming back to it, I was coming back.

1146
00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:16,480
Speaker 1: That makes sense, yo. Let me tell you something. Kadan

1147
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,319
Speaker 1: is never gonna admit fault for anything. She completely missed it.

1148
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,360
Speaker 1: I did not completely miss We always do that part

1149
00:51:22,680 --> 00:51:24,480
Speaker 1: before the moment of truth and you did it.

1150
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,200
Speaker 2: This is a listener letter episode, so after the moment

1151
00:51:27,200 --> 00:51:28,959
Speaker 2: of truth, I wanted to wrap it up with letting

1152
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:30,759
Speaker 2: them know where they can write a listener letter.

1153
00:51:30,840 --> 00:51:32,399
Speaker 1: That makes no sense. We don't do that. We never

1154
00:51:32,440 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 1: do that. We always finish the last listening letter. And

1155
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:37,560
Speaker 1: you say, dead Ass part this is still eleven says

1156
00:51:37,600 --> 00:51:41,000
Speaker 1: it's eleven seasons. It's eleven seasons. In every listening letter

1157
00:51:41,040 --> 00:51:43,319
Speaker 1: episode we do the dead Ass advice.

1158
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 3: And put me in a box. Why can't I do

1159
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:45,760
Speaker 3: something different?

1160
00:51:46,000 --> 00:51:47,960
Speaker 1: Exactly? So, why can't we be sure to find us

1161
00:51:47,960 --> 00:51:51,920
Speaker 1: on Patreon this exclusive that's you just said, that's my job. See,

1162
00:51:52,200 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: come on, come on, come on, I'm trying to hear

1163
00:51:55,560 --> 00:51:56,160
Speaker 1: this argument.

1164
00:51:56,400 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 2: Well, if you want to get on me for not

1165
00:51:57,800 --> 00:51:59,440
Speaker 2: saying that part first, and I can get on you

1166
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 2: about taking line on line, be sure to find us

1167
00:52:03,200 --> 00:52:06,200
Speaker 2: on Patreon to see exclusive dead Ass podcast content, and

1168
00:52:06,239 --> 00:52:08,759
Speaker 2: you can find us on social media at dead Ass

1169
00:52:08,800 --> 00:52:09,440
Speaker 2: the Podcast.

1170
00:52:09,640 --> 00:52:12,000
Speaker 3: You can find me Kadeen I am.

1171
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 1: If you'd like to be featured as one of our

1172
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:17,320
Speaker 1: listening email a dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

1173
00:52:17,440 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 1: That's d E A D A yok up the whole show.

1174
00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 1: I'm control you down, yeah spelled dead ass advice without

1175
00:52:28,520 --> 00:52:28,960
Speaker 1: looking at it.

1176
00:52:29,040 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 2: Go E E A D A S S A D

1177
00:52:34,040 --> 00:52:36,960
Speaker 2: V I C E at gmail dot com. It's a

1178
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:40,319
Speaker 2: little truckle bus there, a little I just giving the

1179
00:52:40,360 --> 00:52:41,239
Speaker 2: inflection you give.

1180
00:52:41,640 --> 00:52:43,240
Speaker 3: Alright, that's how you be sounded.

1181
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:44,720
Speaker 1: I'll be a little bit more smooth.

1182
00:52:44,760 --> 00:52:48,399
Speaker 3: But go ahead whatever, finish it up. And if you're listening, ahead, and.

1183
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,239
Speaker 1: I am devo, And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts,

1184
00:52:51,320 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: be sure to rate, review and subscribe. You're a hot

1185
00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:02,680
Speaker 1: mess dead ass. Y'all get help, Signed Kadenium.

1186
00:53:02,400 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 3: Let me go get some help my damnself. Florid.

1187
00:53:05,520 --> 00:53:08,600
Speaker 1: Dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network and

1188
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:12,240
Speaker 1: is produced by Donor Pinya and Triple. Follow the podcast

1189
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,879
Speaker 1: on social media at dead Ass the Podcast and never

1190
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:15,600
Speaker 1: miss a Thing.