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Speaker 1: Wind Down Michael Colin and I'm her radio podcast. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: what's up grass? Uh? So, before we just came on here,

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Speaker 1: I told Easton, I said I have a new song

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Speaker 1: coming for you, and he was just like woo, and

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Speaker 1: that was I mean, I'm losing my mind. Um. And

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Speaker 1: so I was gonna play a little snippet and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, let's press play and then I'll

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Speaker 1: do a little D D sneak. But this is like

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Speaker 1: the old so I have I have about um probably

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Speaker 1: like a million songs that I haven't cut from the past,

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Speaker 1: and this this is the one song that I have

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Speaker 1: always wanted to cut and I never have. UM. But

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Speaker 1: it's not going to be the slow It's just gonna be.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is so. This is before this me singing.

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Speaker 1: This is before I got a record deal. Get ready

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Speaker 1: for it. This is how much I love the song.

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Speaker 1: Would you describe this as a bob It's a slow bop.

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Speaker 1: It's nothing, yep, little sneak peak, little sneak peak. Can

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Speaker 1: we no, because they're just gonna have to wait. No,

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Speaker 1: You're just gonna have to wait. Decent, I'll send it

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Speaker 1: to you. At least you have it but it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be It's gonna be a lot in that. But I

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Speaker 1: mean that rips as it is like if you go faster,

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Speaker 1: I might I might explode. But it's a it's a

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Speaker 1: good little love, a little love song. But no, it's

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Speaker 1: a song that I wrote my old producer that UM

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Speaker 1: I used to work with at the label, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, am I allowed to cut an old song

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Speaker 1: that you guys passed on? And he was like yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was like cool, thanks got the green light. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm cutting that. So new music is on the way,

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Speaker 1: east On. Just so when do you think we'll be

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Speaker 1: able to add that to our playlists and everything? When's

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Speaker 1: that going to hit shelves? I'm thinking April, maybe March.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's soon. Yeah, I'm excited for I think

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Speaker 1: you're going to play it at the l Ray Theater

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Speaker 1: show right, Yes, I am, which we're coming to hey

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Speaker 1: Easton actually, so wind downs going on the road. We're

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Speaker 1: going to Texas the first UM the first week of March.

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Speaker 1: We're doing UM San Antonio, Austin, Houston, Dallas and it's

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Speaker 1: going to be a lot of fun and you know

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Speaker 1: it's not recorded, but we just hang out we just

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Speaker 1: kind of interact with people, and at the end of

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Speaker 1: the show, I sing. But we're also at the end

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Speaker 1: of March, coming to Sacramento in Los Angeles and Easton.

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Speaker 1: Would you like to pay a guest? I would love

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Speaker 1: to be a dream come true. Thank you. Maybe we

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Speaker 1: could even have like an Eastern duet. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I mean I was just wondering if I should buy

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Speaker 1: a ticket or not. I was like, can I get

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Speaker 1: you know, you got me on the list for the

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Speaker 1: House of Blues and you were so nice to do that,

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Speaker 1: But I don't want to assume that I can get

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Speaker 1: that going forward. Jane, I'm about to buy a ticket,

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Speaker 1: but I would I would be so honored to be

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Speaker 1: part of the show. Thank you so much, Well everybody.

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Speaker 1: I should definitely then go to Janna Cramber dot com

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Speaker 1: to get their wine down tickets to also see Eastern

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Speaker 1: at the l Ray Theater. Mark would come, but he, um,

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Speaker 1: it's past his hest kids, right. Oh yeah, I don't

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Speaker 1: like going places and doing things. You're like me on

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Speaker 1: a regular basis, Yeah, exactly. Um, do you have a

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Speaker 1: new bop coming out? Mike? Uh No, I don't, right,

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Speaker 1: you sing all the time? I do sing all the time,

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Speaker 1: which is funny. Someone actually, someone just asked me recently,

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Speaker 1: who was it. I don't remember. They're like, does Jane

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Speaker 1: just seeing all the time like at home? And uh

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Speaker 1: I was like, no, Actually, I'm the one that sings

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Speaker 1: all the time and I have a terrible voice. That's

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Speaker 1: not true. You have a really good voice. And it's

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Speaker 1: just but it's just funny that the people that like

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Speaker 1: you that can sing and do professionally don't sing at home.

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Speaker 1: Described Ken, it's I don't know, platinum selling singles. Gay, Okay, okay, anyways,

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Speaker 1: what's going on? N handle the compliment, okay, Michigan right now.

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Speaker 1: But I'm just think it's funny that the people that

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Speaker 1: can't sing are the ones that are singing, and the

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Speaker 1: ones that actually can don't at home. You know what

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Speaker 1: Michael's bop is right now? Mark, since you said Bob

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Speaker 1: Michaels were all obsessed with the Greatest Showman soundtrack, I

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Speaker 1: mean him and Jolie. Oh I love it, like so

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Speaker 1: good the amount of time, so good that they're running

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Speaker 1: around the house doing like singing those songs, which what's

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Speaker 1: your favorite one that you always sing? Come Alive is great?

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Speaker 1: I mean, the Greatest Showman's um, the one between zac

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Speaker 1: Afron and Hugh Jackman enough his Fantastic Sick that's like

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Speaker 1: the ballad when Julie hangs on the railing on the stairs,

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Speaker 1: and like you did this spin where he wiped out

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Speaker 1: the other night. Doing it was what I would have

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Speaker 1: given to have, Like my phone, I wear my socks

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Speaker 1: and I'm just like doing power slides and moonwalk and

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Speaker 1: all over the the kitchen and stuff. And I feel

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Speaker 1: like I have to ice my knee every time I'm

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Speaker 1: done dancing because we just go at it and stuff.

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Speaker 1: Even Jason's like spinning around walking back where it's trying

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Speaker 1: to moonwalk. It's so cute. He'll spin and then turn

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Speaker 1: around and like walk back where it's like he's been walking.

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Speaker 1: It's amazing. My kids went through a Greatest Showman Face two,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't nearly as long as the Frozen Face,

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Speaker 1: and I wanted it to keep going. It shouldn't have

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Speaker 1: ended because I'm with Mike. I love that entire soundtrack.

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Speaker 1: The other side is the one you're referring to because

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Speaker 1: it got to be sad. As a former professional athlete,

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Speaker 1: there's not as ice as knee. I've been dancing to

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Speaker 1: a huge Jackman songs. It's so bad. But you know,

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Speaker 1: I told Janna too after I saw this movie, and

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Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with a soundtrack. I know Janna and I

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Speaker 1: had this discussion before, but I love the bringing up

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Speaker 1: with all of us right now. And I'll go ahead

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Speaker 1: and I'll start by by answering my own question because

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Speaker 1: I'm that excited about it. So, if there's any kind

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Speaker 1: of genre movie, what kind of movie would you like

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Speaker 1: to be? In mind before anyone goes is I would

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Speaker 1: love to be in any kind of military like Lone

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Speaker 1: survivor Thirteen Hours, any kind of type of military, you know,

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Speaker 1: shooting shoot him up, a movie like that. Or my

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Speaker 1: second we're doing we're doing it like I'm just I

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Speaker 1: just have to say this. My second, on the complete

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Speaker 1: opposite side of the spectrum, is to be in like

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Speaker 1: the greatest Showman type musical movie with dance numbers and

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Speaker 1: all that stuff. I would love it that. I mean,

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Speaker 1: one of your best friends is one of the biggest

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Speaker 1: casting in directors in Hollywood, So it's like, just just

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Speaker 1: tell them that's what you want to do, and I'm

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Speaker 1: sure I'll put you in one of those movies. This

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Speaker 1: is true, And if you don't mind having like your

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Speaker 1: wife like on like where's the hook? I'm here? Um,

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Speaker 1: well that's cool. So I think that's pretty neat. Yeah, Eastern,

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Speaker 1: I want to hear yours next. Oh man, Um, I

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Speaker 1: too love musicals. I would love to be I would

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Speaker 1: love to. I would love to say I just want

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Speaker 1: to sing a dance, That's all I want. I mean,

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Speaker 1: i'd like to be in a superhero movie. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'd like I'd like to put on a super suit

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Speaker 1: and fly around and blow up bad guys. And I

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Speaker 1: could see you being in like a dead Pool. I

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Speaker 1: would love to. I would love to be a met

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Speaker 1: a superhero. I'd love to break some fourth walls, you know, Mark,

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Speaker 1: I'm real curious to know what yours is. I think

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Speaker 1: i'd like to be in like a sports movie, like

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Speaker 1: a baseball player in a sports movie. I think that'd

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Speaker 1: be pretty neat because that's a fantasy of mine because

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Speaker 1: I can't do anything athletically, like literally nothing really, and

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Speaker 1: growing up I would go out for literally because I

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Speaker 1: love baseball with such a passion and I was always

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Speaker 1: the one of the through in right field and bad

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Speaker 1: and laughs, because I couldn't hit the ball. I was

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Speaker 1: so bad. But on a movie that I could be amazing,

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Speaker 1: I would say that interesting. I love it. I mean,

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Speaker 1: take a guest, guys, what do you think? I know

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Speaker 1: the answer Eastern Mark. Well, this is where because you're

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Speaker 1: an actual actress in movies. But I've never been in

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Speaker 1: a certain type of movie. I've always wanted to be in.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, you're a You're a big city girl that

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Speaker 1: goes home to a small I've done five thousand of Who,

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Speaker 1: five thousand and one, I got another one coming soon.

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Speaker 1: It's not that it's not a romantic. If I could

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Speaker 1: go back, it would be. Well, there's two things since

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Speaker 1: Mike did too. The first one is pride and prejudice.

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Speaker 1: I want to Mr Darcy so bad. Well, that's a

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Speaker 1: good one. A period like what a dream like Dreamboat?

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Speaker 1: That movie is just my everything. And honestly, for the

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Speaker 1: longest time, I was like, where's my Mr Ducie right here?

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Speaker 1: And so then and then um, I kind of want

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Speaker 1: to play like remember that movie with Ben Affleck and

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Speaker 1: Blake Lively. Oh my gosh, I'm forgetting the movie now

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Speaker 1: where she's like a total drug the town. I would

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Speaker 1: want to be Blake Lively in the town drug addicted,

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Speaker 1: I do. I think it'd be just like I don't know,

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Speaker 1: trash and I just want to just I want to

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Speaker 1: be I want to be Alex from One Tree Hill

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Speaker 1: on like steroids it. Yeah, so that's I mean, I'd

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Speaker 1: love to see that. I think that would be fun

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Speaker 1: or or or and he it was like times, like

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Speaker 1: you know about time that was so good with Rachel mcgadhams.

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Speaker 1: I just want to I just would like to work.

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Speaker 1: I told I told Janna this, and this is I

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Speaker 1: feel like Janna sells herself short when it comes to

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Speaker 1: her capabilities as an actress. And I was watching this

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Speaker 1: uh behind the scenes thing on john Wick three and

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Speaker 1: where Halle Berry was being interviewed and just watching how

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Speaker 1: Hallie Berry go through the training and everything. I was like,

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Speaker 1: that's just Janna And I told you after I saw it,

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Speaker 1: I was like, you need to put yourself out there,

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Speaker 1: get out of your comfort zone because you're hard working.

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Speaker 1: Dedication when you are into something or like on a

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Speaker 1: on a project or on a job is so intense.

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Speaker 1: Like you would kick ass in that training, you would

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Speaker 1: kick ass in the physical you know, requirements needed for

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Speaker 1: a role like that, and you can be very intimidating.

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Speaker 1: Your little cute self can be very intimidating. I've seen it,

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Speaker 1: so I was like, you can do that stuff, and

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Speaker 1: I really think you should. You should try. I know,

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Speaker 1: anytime my agents sent me like a cop, I'm like

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Speaker 1: nol pass because I just feel so silly to be

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Speaker 1: like put him up or if you do like that,

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Speaker 1: Like like I know that if I was on set

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Speaker 1: and I was in the costume and I had the gun,

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Speaker 1: like I could be badass, but in the audition, I'd

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Speaker 1: be like put them up, put him up, put them up,

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Speaker 1: freeze crazy. Every every person should be acting with be

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Speaker 1: like all right, here's a face mask. It's a picture

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Speaker 1: of my husband. Wear this. Stop stop. Like we said

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Speaker 1: in therapy, were not going to make jokes. Now you're

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Speaker 1: making jokes, so you can that. I can't. No, I'm

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Speaker 1: not making jokes out here. We go and then we're

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Speaker 1: taking a turn. No one that everybody. That was a

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Speaker 1: fun game like that. Um oh, I'm really excited. We

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Speaker 1: have a really really cool guest on today. UM. Her

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Speaker 1: name is Susan Stiffleman, and she's a badass. Um for

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Speaker 1: over thirty years, Susan has worked with families to create

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Speaker 1: greater harmony and deeper connection between parents and children, which

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Speaker 1: I think is awesome. And then I was on her

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Speaker 1: website to an Eckhart Toll Lana's Marsett like they've all

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Speaker 1: get just like saying her praises so um. She's got

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Speaker 1: a lot of great books out there to parenting without

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Speaker 1: power struggles raising joyful, resilient kids while staying cool, calm

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Speaker 1: and connected like hella um. So I'm excited to talk

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Speaker 1: to her. Should we take an email before we talked

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Speaker 1: to Susan? Oh? I love it. Early email, early email.

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Speaker 1: We'll see Janet has issues in the bedroom. Janet says,

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Speaker 1: actually said, it's very nice things at the top here

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Speaker 1: that I'd like to share with you. She says, Hey girl,

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Speaker 1: I'm a huge fan. I've loved you since One Tree Hill.

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Speaker 1: I have fallen in love with your podcast. They're so

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Speaker 1: informative and funny and make my day. That's sweet. That's

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Speaker 1: very sweet. Anyway, thank you, she says. Okay, So when

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Speaker 1: my husband and I started dating, I wanted sex more

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Speaker 1: than him, and over the years the roles have reversed.

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Speaker 1: Now he wants it way more than me. I have

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Speaker 1: a sixteen year old and a three year old, and

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Speaker 1: I work a full time job, and at night I

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Speaker 1: rock my son to sleep. That's like our mommy and

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Speaker 1: sun time, and then I lay him down, and then

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Speaker 1: it's time to clean up toys. And then by the

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Speaker 1: time I get to bed, all I want to do

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Speaker 1: is sleep. I love, love, love my husband. I just

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do, so I can relate on

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Speaker 1: both sides. Having said that, I feel like when you're

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Speaker 1: that tired, because I get it. At the end of

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Speaker 1: the day, it's so tiring, but if it's been longer

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Speaker 1: than a certain period, you just gotta do it. I

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Speaker 1: think that's just my It's just just like your relationship

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Speaker 1: is work. That involves work in the bedroom too. Whether

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Speaker 1: sometimes you want to have the conversations and it's like

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Speaker 1: you don't want to fight, you don't want to have

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Speaker 1: the deep, drawn out conversations. But that's kind of like sex.

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Speaker 1: You don't really want to have sex, but you gotta

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Speaker 1: do it because it's part of it's part of the relationship,

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Speaker 1: it's a part of what. But I'm just saying like

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Speaker 1: it's a part of what the man needs. It's a

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Speaker 1: part of whether you want to or not. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's kind of like you just have to give a

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Speaker 1: little bit. Yeah, but is that I mean, I feel

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Speaker 1: like that's a very I mean, husbands are nodding their

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Speaker 1: head and they're thrilled with that answer. But is that

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Speaker 1: the right answer? Is it the right today? Whatever? I've

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Speaker 1: heard some women say that if you want to keep

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Speaker 1: your man happy, give it to him whenever he wants.

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that, not whenever. I don't think whenever,

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Speaker 1: because I think that beats a dead horse. Like especially,

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be giving something that you don't want whenever

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Speaker 1: he wants. It's just a hey if whatever they come

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Speaker 1: up with, maybe how what what is enough for for him?

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Speaker 1: Or that's also okay for her, Like hey, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to do it every week, but I could do

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Speaker 1: it every two weeks. You know that way, it's like

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Speaker 1: they kind of have this agreement. Doesn't make it as

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Speaker 1: fun and as romantic, but when you get that far

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Speaker 1: into marriage, it's kind of like all right, but then

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Speaker 1: also do fun ways to spice it up, like maybe

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Speaker 1: if he would not do it so um routine, like

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Speaker 1: maybe if or maybe she'd want to do it too,

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Speaker 1: like maybe not the end of the day, like maybe hey,

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Speaker 1: a little like lunch call, fun time. That's what I

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Speaker 1: was thinking. Has changed up the time a little bit

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Speaker 1: because sometimes first thing in the morning, before the kids

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Speaker 1: wake up, might be a better option because for whatever reason,

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Speaker 1: or yeah, maybe middle of the day, somehow you can

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Speaker 1: make it happen. That's probably a better idea, only because

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Speaker 1: I don't like whatever he wants, you know, if he

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Speaker 1: wants to do it, you know, I don't know. It

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Speaker 1: just doesn't feel it's it kind of feels wrong to me.

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Speaker 1: I agree with that too. I agree with it. It's

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Speaker 1: not whenever he wants, but there are times get a timeline.

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Speaker 1: I almost feel like, and then discuss that. What do

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Speaker 1: you think, Mike, I think, Uh. The way I received

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Speaker 1: your point was I liked the comparison to just like,

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Speaker 1: you have to have conversations and talk about problems and

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Speaker 1: conflict in in marriage, in relationships, that's part of a

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Speaker 1: necessity that you have to do um and you know,

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Speaker 1: sex is part of the physical connection intimacy of relationships.

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Speaker 1: So it's just like Janna said, that takes work as

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Speaker 1: well as everything else intellectually and emotionally. So it's just

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Speaker 1: one of those things you got to consider that. It's

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Speaker 1: not it's not something where it should just be taking

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Speaker 1: off the table like I'm just too tired for a month.

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Speaker 1: Why can't you understand I'm tired. But eventually you have

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Speaker 1: to I don't have to do anything, but you should.

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Speaker 1: I mean, you should want to connect with your partner,

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Speaker 1: you should want to please them and do those things. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's just part of It's just part of it all.

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Speaker 1: It's part of marriage, is part of work, working on

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Speaker 1: the relationship. I mean, yeah, it's just funny because when

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Speaker 1: I was talking to an errand my trainer has been

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Speaker 1: so open about her sex life and how you know,

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Speaker 1: she even said it on our podcast that they don't

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Speaker 1: really have sex a lot to every like six months

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Speaker 1: or something like that. And in you know, in my mind,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, what is that? What is that lack

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Speaker 1: of intimacy than due to the relationship or is it okay?

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Speaker 1: And that's just what works for them, you know, maybe

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Speaker 1: that is just what works for both of them, which

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Speaker 1: is far Yeah, which is totally fine, But I think

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Speaker 1: just figuring out what works for each other where that

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Speaker 1: the girl isn't just compromising or the guy isn't just

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Speaker 1: compromising like himself? Like kind of too your part point

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Speaker 1: where you were saying Mark, you know, not having to

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Speaker 1: compromise like no one's kneeds are put above somebody else's right. Yeah, interesting?

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Speaker 1: Do you have another one before season clo. Let's see.

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Speaker 1: Let's see. Kelsey has some suggestions for us. So, she says,

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Speaker 1: she heard you talking to Joe Frost super Nanny, and

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Speaker 1: one of the you mentioned your issues with night training,

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Speaker 1: potty training at night, w a pain in the acctive

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Speaker 1: to change the sheets at three am. Well, she has

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Speaker 1: a hack for you. She says, all you need a

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Speaker 1: two mattress protectors and two fitted sheets. Just make the

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Speaker 1: bed twice as it were. Then when an action occurs,

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Speaker 1: you stumble into your child's room half asleep. You strip

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Speaker 1: the first layer away and behold, the second layer is

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Speaker 1: already there, nice and clean and dry. Hope this helps,

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Speaker 1: and still give me a shout out. Shout out Kelsey

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Speaker 1: and the other one. She wanted to mention her favorite

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Speaker 1: Birds and the Bees book. Her daughter is five and

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Speaker 1: she is the most educated and informed for her age.

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Speaker 1: The book explains where babies come from in an age

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Speaker 1: appropriate manner. It's called It's Not the Stork, a book

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Speaker 1: about girls, boys, babies, bodies and friends. Interesting. I like

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Speaker 1: the double sheet thing. I never really thought about that.

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Speaker 1: Usually I just put down those crab protector squares. But

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Speaker 1: I like the double the double sheet crib or mattress protector.

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Speaker 1: That's kind of great. And like the princess and the piece,

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Speaker 1: she just gets higher and higher and higher. I know

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Speaker 1: that you do. You know it's your go for it.

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Speaker 1: That that double sheet thing. I just it's been a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks since I've went the bed, but the

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Speaker 1: that double sheet thing went viral on the internet a

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Speaker 1: couple like six months ago. It was like, hey, if

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Speaker 1: you hate doing laundry, you hate making your bed, just

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Speaker 1: like put like three or four sheets down, then when

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Speaker 1: one gets dirty, you take it off and then you're

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Speaker 1: you're good to go. Like you do it in advance.

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Speaker 1: But my personal opinion is I think bodily fluids can

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Speaker 1: soak through. I don't think when sheet is going to

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Speaker 1: do the job, Well, that's the mattress protector. That's I'm

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Speaker 1: still against it. I'm still against The man is spoken,

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Speaker 1: he's against it. So they were saying to do that

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Speaker 1: like as adults, like just put on multiple fittage adults.

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Speaker 1: What about pellow cases. Yeah, this person doesn't seem to care.

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Speaker 1: I guess that's the worst of it for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: those other sheets are are just as offensive. I think. Hey, Mark,

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Speaker 1: question for you, Yes, where have you guys gone? And

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Speaker 1: the family vacation? Um? We The hard thing for us

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Speaker 1: is that all of my wife's family, and she has

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Speaker 1: a large family, and they're all in Wisconsin, and so

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Speaker 1: whenever we have an opportunity to take time off, we

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Speaker 1: pretty much go to Wisconsin. We've also visited and visited

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Speaker 1: my sister in Seattle. As far as straight up family vacations,

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Speaker 1: they've been few and far between. But we've done San

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Speaker 1: Diego a bunch of times. And gosh, is that it?

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Speaker 1: That's sad? If that's it, Sorry, I didn't like we

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Speaker 1: did Mexico was part of Arta once. Yeah, there's not

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Speaker 1: been a lot because when we have time off, we

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Speaker 1: had to Wisconsin. And it's also tough being down here

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Speaker 1: in the lower corner of the country. It's like Vegas,

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Speaker 1: San Diego, San Francisco. Otherwise you got a long trip

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Speaker 1: ahead of you. And now that's what we were kind of.

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Speaker 1: So I'm starting to have anxiety just from the amount

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Speaker 1: of like stuff that's pilot on this year, and I

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Speaker 1: hate being away from the kids. Like I I personally

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Speaker 1: like to travel with the kids. Mike doesn't like to

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Speaker 1: travel with the kids. Um, and so it's that kind

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Speaker 1: of battle but between us both because I I I

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Speaker 1: personally would like to bring them on the tour and

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Speaker 1: I would like to, um, you know, maybe then stay

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Speaker 1: when we're in l A for a week or so

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Speaker 1: and have the kids here, and then I'm like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we can then go to the beach and then you know,

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Speaker 1: do some this, and and um, you know, he's just

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Speaker 1: more of like, you know, don't get the kids out

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Speaker 1: of the routine, which I understand. But then also I

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Speaker 1: have the I'm left with the mom guilt of being

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Speaker 1: away and being away so much and having to like

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Speaker 1: fly to things and not taking them with me. So

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Speaker 1: it's just been like really really weighing on me. And

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Speaker 1: then so I was like, well, can we at least

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Speaker 1: plan a family vacation where it's just us for it's

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Speaker 1: not you know, going to Michigan or Virginia and it's

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Speaker 1: just I mean, it's just us for as a family

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Speaker 1: and we go somewhere and that way I have something

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Speaker 1: to almost look forward to in a way, knowing that

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Speaker 1: I was going to have like this great quality time.

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Speaker 1: It's so expensive to travel as a family. Four good.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, but it's like the flights. I mean, we

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Speaker 1: even just planned our Fourth of July to go to

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Speaker 1: Michigan and we had to cut costs and we're flying

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Speaker 1: one place and then running a car here to go

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Speaker 1: to a to be because I'm like, how like now

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Speaker 1: I see when my parents we didn't travel as much.

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Speaker 1: It's so expensive and I just can't rationalize paying too

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Speaker 1: grand for airfare and then then the hotels and I'm

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Speaker 1: like ten tho dollars for just a king room and

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Speaker 1: at Atlantis, like what, so, have any suggestions for a

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Speaker 1: nice family I'd like a beach, preferably um email the

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Speaker 1: podcast with some great family vacation ideas Eastern what's our

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Speaker 1: email address? That's wine down And I hurt radio dot

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Speaker 1: Com because I really would like to do Atlantis, but

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Speaker 1: it's so expensive. It is And also came in mind,

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Speaker 1: I understand not wanting to break the kids from the

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Speaker 1: routine because they have a hard time with that but

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Speaker 1: if you never ever break them from the routine, you're

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Speaker 1: never going to be able to break them. It's gonna

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Speaker 1: be that much more traumatic because you're gonna have to someday.

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Speaker 1: And if they've never been broken of it, I think

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Speaker 1: it's gonna be a real hard time for that. Yes,

425
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 1: but nope, nope, nope, nod. Also it's yes and or

426
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: yes also yes. Also, um My thing I was talking

427
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,000
Speaker 1: to buddy about a buddy of mine about it the

428
00:22:56,040 --> 00:23:01,320
Speaker 1: other day is when they're this young, they're not going

429
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,880
Speaker 1: to remember the experience yet. I totally disagree with you, Joe.

430
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,320
Speaker 1: That's such a great age. Yes, Jolie is starting to

431
00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:13,439
Speaker 1: be at that age. But it's depending on where we're going.

432
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:18,080
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, beach trip, cool, Disney World awesome, But

433
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: you know, here's my Devil's overseas or out of the

434
00:23:21,880 --> 00:23:26,920
Speaker 1: country or anything like that. Like it's not they won't remember,

435
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: but when we travel, like we are capable of bringing

436
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: them with us for work, and right now they're not

437
00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:37,920
Speaker 1: in school. So in my mind, I'm like, we're not

438
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 1: going to then take them out when they're in school,

439
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,520
Speaker 1: because it's like then I'm going to have you being like,

440
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:44,560
Speaker 1: well we can't miss any days of school and there

441
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,919
Speaker 1: are attendants. So it's like, now is the time that

442
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,880
Speaker 1: I can have that, that we can have that time

443
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 1: together with the kids, because in a year and a half,

444
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 1: Julie is going to be an elementary school and Joelie

445
00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,720
Speaker 1: is not going to be able to miss any days

446
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,879
Speaker 1: of school. Because you know, I get that you're wanting

447
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:03,399
Speaker 1: to be like strict about school, but right now, like

448
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,359
Speaker 1: now is the time I'm gonna meet me now halfway

449
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: where it's like, let's let them travel with us and

450
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 1: and be a part of our routine and have to

451
00:24:12,359 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 1: make those memories. And yeah, Jason isn't going to remember,

452
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: but I'm going to remember having that time with him

453
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,040
Speaker 1: and not being away and traveling so much. They're going

454
00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 1: to see the pictures in the videos, which will at

455
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,159
Speaker 1: least if they don't remember it, they'll think they do

456
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,320
Speaker 1: because of all the pictures and videos. It's not like

457
00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:31,439
Speaker 1: when we were kids. Damn you Mark exactly, you know,

458
00:24:32,440 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: and it's like that time, like Jason, this is our

459
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:38,199
Speaker 1: last kid, Like he's so precious and and Jolie's so

460
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 1: fun right now and in no time, literally in a

461
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: year and a half, she will be gone every single

462
00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: day at school, every single day, and then we're gonna

463
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: be working around her schedule to go on family vacations

464
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:52,280
Speaker 1: because you don't want to take them out of school.

465
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:58,159
Speaker 1: I hear you, and you make valid points. My question

466
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 1: of that is, where's it come in when you know,

467
00:25:03,320 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: I feel like when we talk about finances and recently,

468
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 1: because this January wasn't as good as last January, you're

469
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,960
Speaker 1: freaking out, and so we wanted to be very cost conscious.

470
00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 1: Was understandable. But then when it comes to, oh no,

471
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 1: but let's travel with the kids and buy four tickets

472
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:24,520
Speaker 1: and you know, do all these things, it's like not

473
00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 1: a big deal, like money still money. I totally hear

474
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,960
Speaker 1: you in valid point. In my mind, though, when it's

475
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:34,640
Speaker 1: with the kids, I don't give a crap because I'm

476
00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:39,960
Speaker 1: with my babies. I'll pay the extra or whatever to

477
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,600
Speaker 1: be with my babies because there you know that time

478
00:25:42,680 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: is so precious. And then I'll have I'm working and

479
00:25:45,200 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: I don't have mom guilt like I have them with me.

480
00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:50,360
Speaker 1: How cool is that? I don't even care. That's why

481
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,439
Speaker 1: I didn't even care about doing the airbnb for a

482
00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,720
Speaker 1: week and a half in l A, which we're all

483
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: doing now because dud like just like like just our

484
00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:01,399
Speaker 1: nanny Kylie. She's even like, oh, She's like, hey, we

485
00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:04,520
Speaker 1: should and we should try to, you know, convince dad.

486
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,000
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, honey, I'm already on it,

487
00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:10,440
Speaker 1: like I'm already trying hie up in both the years,

488
00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,520
Speaker 1: trying to be come on that that can we go

489
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,560
Speaker 1: can go here? Can we go there? And then it's

490
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,159
Speaker 1: like and I have to go back to Kyle and

491
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,160
Speaker 1: be like he said no to the l A trip

492
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:23,560
Speaker 1: and they're like, damn it, Dad, But now I think

493
00:26:23,600 --> 00:26:26,120
Speaker 1: I got you there with this whole school thing. You made.

494
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: You made a valid point of the school thing, and

495
00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:31,520
Speaker 1: I'll be more lenient moving forward after the l A

496
00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:35,399
Speaker 1: trip hashtag win. It's interesting you already know you're going

497
00:26:35,440 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 1: to have conflict over Janna wanting to pull them out

498
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:40,880
Speaker 1: of school and Mike never wanted to because are I

499
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,160
Speaker 1: already feel that? That's why I'm like, okay, now, then

500
00:26:43,240 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 1: give me it right now so that I then don't

501
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:48,679
Speaker 1: I'll then respect you more with what you want, but

502
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,520
Speaker 1: yet I won't pull you as much. I just love

503
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,000
Speaker 1: having like Jolie was my road dog man. She was

504
00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 1: with me since she was six weeks old on the

505
00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 1: road on a bus, toured with me everywhere I went,

506
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,600
Speaker 1: went to New York with me, strolling around, did dancing

507
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:06,119
Speaker 1: the start like she was. She's she's like my roadie

508
00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: and I miss like I miss I miss having my

509
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,399
Speaker 1: kids with me when I'm out doesn't feel it doesn't

510
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,479
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel as good. At what point? And this

511
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,919
Speaker 1: isn't this isn't directed towards you, This is just on

512
00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: this general topic of discussion. I have a great point

513
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,560
Speaker 1: to this some so at what point and this is

514
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:25,680
Speaker 1: and Dr Stiffelman is ready and we can maybe touched

515
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,639
Speaker 1: on this after. But my my question is, at what

516
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: point does it become selfish to want to bring them everywhere?

517
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 1: I think they're experiencing new places. I talked to one

518
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 1: of Rascal Flats's daughter, who was on the road since

519
00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,360
Speaker 1: she was a baby, and I pulled her aside when

520
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:46,960
Speaker 1: I saw her just a couple of months ago, and

521
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:48,639
Speaker 1: I said, how is it? I just want to know

522
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: it from your point of view, how is it growing

523
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:52,439
Speaker 1: up on a bus? And she goes, it was the

524
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:54,359
Speaker 1: coolest experience of my life. And she's like, I feel

525
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,600
Speaker 1: like I'm more UM, I feel like I'm more mature.

526
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,960
Speaker 1: I've seen so many amazing places and she's and I

527
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 1: was like, awesome, cool, thanks, that's what I needed to

528
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: How old is She's fifteen? Right, so she had some

529
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 1: formidable years where she was out on the road experiencing that. Right.

530
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,040
Speaker 1: The kids aren't that old to be experiencing No, she was.

531
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 1: She started as a baby, so she grew up. She

532
00:28:16,080 --> 00:28:20,160
Speaker 1: didn't really remember until she totally did. She thousand percent

533
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 1: remember every second of it. Okay, let's take a break

534
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:34,359
Speaker 1: and talk to Dr Stiffleman. Okay, so excited. We have

535
00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 1: Dr Susan Stiffleman on the phone. Hey Susan, Hi, fine, thanks,

536
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: nice to meet you. Nice to meet you too. Thank

537
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:46,520
Speaker 1: you so much for coming on our podcast. Um. But Susan,

538
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: you are a marriage and family therapist and even working

539
00:28:49,400 --> 00:28:53,560
Speaker 1: for over thirty years. Um, what do you have? Um? Like,

540
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 1: what's your background? How did you get into family therapy?

541
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,840
Speaker 1: I was actually a teacher first, and after being a

542
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 1: teacher for a long time, and I was always a

543
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 1: little bit of a renegade, understanding that not every child work,

544
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:09,280
Speaker 1: you know, sort of process or in took in information

545
00:29:09,280 --> 00:29:11,360
Speaker 1: in the same way and yet we were asking kids

546
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 1: to sort of do the cookie cutter thing, And so

547
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:17,280
Speaker 1: I became more interested in alternative ways of learning and

548
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 1: processing and the various forms of intelligence. And that sort

549
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:24,280
Speaker 1: of led me to see that a lot of kids

550
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:29,160
Speaker 1: who are having trouble in academic ways showed up with

551
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:32,240
Speaker 1: emotional issues or vice versa. Kids who are having emotional

552
00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,880
Speaker 1: issues might manifest it by having trouble with school or homework.

553
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,080
Speaker 1: And so I ended up becoming a family therapist to

554
00:29:40,200 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 1: address both sides of the picture, both the emotional and

555
00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: psychological as well as the more educational and academic. And

556
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: one thing led to another. I started to do workshops

557
00:29:49,320 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: and found myself deciding that really parents could get further

558
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 1: with some of the ideas I was teaching if they

559
00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 1: learned some of the strategy instead of sending me their

560
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,160
Speaker 1: kids to be fixed. So um, that kind of led

561
00:30:04,160 --> 00:30:06,840
Speaker 1: me to doing workshops in the books and things like that. Um,

562
00:30:07,040 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: I do you know, I have worked with children directly

563
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: for decades, but more commonly, I found that when you

564
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,160
Speaker 1: help parents make some shifts in how they're approaching their

565
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,800
Speaker 1: their kids, you know how they're coming, helping them come

566
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 1: alongside their kids rather than coming at them in a

567
00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: more adversarial way and letting go of some of the

568
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,600
Speaker 1: patterns that they inherited from their own childhood. That that

569
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 1: you just get you know, everybody's happy, or kids are

570
00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,280
Speaker 1: more cooperative, parents who are more connected with their kids,

571
00:30:32,280 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 1: and vice versa. Absolutely, And that brings me to a

572
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,040
Speaker 1: question I wanted to ask Susan, is when you start

573
00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:41,840
Speaker 1: working with these parents, are many of them able to

574
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:48,240
Speaker 1: acknowledge or realize the traits that they received from their parents?

575
00:30:48,320 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: And are they do they have these moments where like, oh,

576
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 1: my gosh, like I'm acting like my dad or I'm

577
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,960
Speaker 1: acting like my mom, or does that help them realize

578
00:30:56,000 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: and kind of change that way. I love that you're

579
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:03,840
Speaker 1: asking that because it's not the conventional approach, But I

580
00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 1: do find that a lot of our own stuff gets

581
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,600
Speaker 1: triggered and brought to the surface when we're parenting, you know.

582
00:31:10,720 --> 00:31:12,920
Speaker 1: So we might have swore up and down, I'm never

583
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:14,520
Speaker 1: going to yell at my kids, I'm never going to

584
00:31:14,680 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 1: shame them, I'm never going to threaten them, I'm not

585
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:19,320
Speaker 1: going to use bribes the way my parents did. And

586
00:31:19,320 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: then in the heat of the moment that you're doing

587
00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,959
Speaker 1: the exact same thing, and you're almost watching yourself like

588
00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:27,320
Speaker 1: who is this person? What words are coming out of

589
00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: my mouth? And yeah, And so when parents are kind

590
00:31:31,440 --> 00:31:35,640
Speaker 1: of open to understanding that we have so deeply internalized

591
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: the the patterns and the approaches that our parents used

592
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,760
Speaker 1: with us, then it takes some of the kind of

593
00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 1: guilt and shame out of parenting, which I'm a huge

594
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:50,480
Speaker 1: anti fan of, like we're so mean to ourselves when

595
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 1: we lose our way as parents, And in my community

596
00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 1: and my work, I'm really about kindness and understanding and compassion,

597
00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 1: not only towards our kids, but towards ourselves off for

598
00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:04,400
Speaker 1: sort of stumbling along here, especially when we have difficult childhood.

599
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 1: There's no way that it's not gonna manifest in one

600
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:10,960
Speaker 1: moment or another when we're stressed or tired or or

601
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,959
Speaker 1: you know, overwhelmed. So it's really reassuring when parents are

602
00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:16,720
Speaker 1: open to the possibility that, yes, number one, they're doing

603
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: what their parents did to them even though they can't

604
00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 1: believe it and they promised not to. And also that

605
00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: um allowing that to just be so is the first

606
00:32:26,080 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 1: step to making some shifts and being more intentional about

607
00:32:29,360 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 1: doing it differently. What age do kids start to feel

608
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:38,880
Speaker 1: the tension between parents if there's conflict between the parents birth.

609
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: I think kids are incredibly tuned in to us. I

610
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 1: mean it's it's a survival mechanism for a child who's

611
00:32:49,120 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 1: dependent on their caregiver to look after them and meet

612
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: their needs. Given how helpless children are, you know, human

613
00:32:55,800 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: babies are that there's a heightened sense of awareness and attunement.

614
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:02,280
Speaker 1: Now the child, you know, one year old may not

615
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,920
Speaker 1: say I sent a lot of tension between you and mommy,

616
00:33:06,600 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: but um, we have seen that kids do um absorb

617
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,960
Speaker 1: a lot and observe a lot. And it doesn't mean

618
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,239
Speaker 1: that parents shouldn't have conflict or fight. It's part of

619
00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:20,440
Speaker 1: the dance, isn't it. But um, Sometimes, even in very

620
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 1: young children, if you if you and your partner have

621
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 1: just had an argument or things are a little rocky,

622
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,800
Speaker 1: and the child seems more distressed or or a little

623
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 1: more temperamental or crying more, and you think maybe there's

624
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 1: they've picked up on something, you can just say, sweetheart,

625
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,760
Speaker 1: you know, daddy and I love each other so much,

626
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 1: and you know you might be feeling that we were

627
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: a little impatient with each other today, even with a

628
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,560
Speaker 1: child who's not going to process that verbally because they're

629
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:47,719
Speaker 1: too little. I think it's a great, great thing, just

630
00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:51,840
Speaker 1: setting a trajectory of we don't hide our feelings in

631
00:33:51,880 --> 00:33:54,280
Speaker 1: this family. We don't run from them or sweep them

632
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 1: under the rug. To say yes, sometimes being a grown

633
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 1: up or married or human is is a little bit

634
00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 1: of a rocky ride, and we'll be fine. And you know,

635
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:06,760
Speaker 1: what you're feeling is what you're feeling, and we're not

636
00:34:06,840 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 1: pretending otherwise. Kids, then it's okay for them to see

637
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: bouts of conflict. You know, we prefer that children not

638
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 1: be a witness to ongoing arguments between parents. It's always

639
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,440
Speaker 1: best if you can, you know, have it. You know,

640
00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:25,399
Speaker 1: maybe you give each other a look and you're really

641
00:34:25,480 --> 00:34:28,160
Speaker 1: unhappy with something that your partner did or said, and

642
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,400
Speaker 1: the kids are in your midst and you kind of

643
00:34:30,800 --> 00:34:35,440
Speaker 1: have your code word, like you know, peacock feather, and

644
00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 1: that's an indication like I'm not done with this right,

645
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:44,040
Speaker 1: but um it is. I think that it's there's going

646
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: to be time still when your child witnesses you guys

647
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:50,000
Speaker 1: giving dirty looks, are saying, well, I don't want to

648
00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,680
Speaker 1: do without or no, I hate that restaurant or why

649
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,680
Speaker 1: why did you give her cookies right before dinner? That's

650
00:34:55,719 --> 00:34:59,239
Speaker 1: just part of being human and we can aspire to never,

651
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: you know, have conflict in front of our children, But

652
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,240
Speaker 1: I think that we can help help them make meaning

653
00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:07,800
Speaker 1: of it in a way that doesn't leave them wondering.

654
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:10,560
Speaker 1: You know, where's the floor here? Like? Am I just

655
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:14,400
Speaker 1: free free floating by acknowledging you know what, Daddy and

656
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 1: I had a little bit of a disagreement. We love

657
00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 1: each other so much and we don't see eye to

658
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: eye about that thing, and we're going to talk about it,

659
00:35:21,120 --> 00:35:23,680
Speaker 1: and we love each other and we love you, So

660
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:27,760
Speaker 1: that the child is left knowing also that humans sometimes

661
00:35:27,960 --> 00:35:30,680
Speaker 1: disagree or have conflict and that it's normal and they

662
00:35:30,719 --> 00:35:35,359
Speaker 1: don't have to like pretend that never happens. In general. Yeah,

663
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:39,759
Speaker 1: I don't have conflicts, But does that send um? Does

664
00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 1: that send also a bad not bad at all, but

665
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:46,239
Speaker 1: like does that send a message? Like you know when

666
00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,680
Speaker 1: when Jolie, our daughter, she's four, and she goes off

667
00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 1: to have relationships and she's like, well, I never saw

668
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: mommy and daddy fights, and then that's or my mom

669
00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:57,319
Speaker 1: dad fights, so you know, um, it's not right then

670
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,360
Speaker 1: to to have arguments and in a relationship ship, So

671
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,799
Speaker 1: does that set up kind of a bad um what's

672
00:36:03,800 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: the word for that, like um experience then, like an

673
00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:12,040
Speaker 1: expectation or like a panic, like, oh my god, I'm

674
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,799
Speaker 1: I'm not feeling warm and fuzzy towards my partner, and

675
00:36:14,840 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: I never saw my parents feeling that way towards each other.

676
00:36:17,160 --> 00:36:21,480
Speaker 1: Is that what you mean? Well, again, you're going to

677
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,000
Speaker 1: have disagreements in front of your children, because that's what

678
00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 1: humans do. We don't always just sort of float along

679
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 1: gracefully like little saints. So I don't think that. I

680
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:35,160
Speaker 1: think most children grow up sensing that people do argue

681
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: and disagree. However, you're right, there's some families that were

682
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:42,080
Speaker 1: parents who work so hard to shield their kids from

683
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 1: that that the kids can grow up thinking something must

684
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:48,160
Speaker 1: be wrong here because I'm really having these arguments and

685
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: fights with my husband, and my parents never did. So

686
00:36:51,640 --> 00:36:54,640
Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with having small disagreements

687
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:57,400
Speaker 1: in front of your kids, as long as you narrate

688
00:36:57,520 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 1: and you acknowledge. You know, Daddy and I don't agree

689
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:02,640
Speaker 1: about whether it's okay to have have cookies and we're

690
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:04,319
Speaker 1: I'm a little annoyed with him, and I think he

691
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: might be a little annoyed with me too, And we

692
00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:09,320
Speaker 1: love each other and we love you, and we're gonna

693
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 1: sort out our difference of opinion so that there at

694
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,760
Speaker 1: least you've laid a little bit of a foundation for

695
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,799
Speaker 1: them to know that this is part of what it's

696
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,239
Speaker 1: like to live with another human being, that there are

697
00:37:20,280 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: moments when you disagree for sure. And I have a

698
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: kind of a theory around kind of children, and I

699
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:32,959
Speaker 1: just want to get your professional opinion, Susan. And it's

700
00:37:33,120 --> 00:37:35,479
Speaker 1: you know, with Jane and I have done a ton

701
00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:39,080
Speaker 1: of individual therapy, a ton of couples therapy, and you're

702
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,840
Speaker 1: really with all that work that you do on yourself,

703
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:43,719
Speaker 1: you really realize how much comes back to your childhood.

704
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:47,800
Speaker 1: And then as a parent, it terrifies you, right because

705
00:37:47,800 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: you're then you're just on you know, you know, your

706
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:53,160
Speaker 1: hands and knees, being like, please, I don't want to

707
00:37:53,160 --> 00:37:56,920
Speaker 1: mess up my kids. And it makes you maybe overthink

708
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:01,359
Speaker 1: the whole parenting process. Now, my my kind of thought

709
00:38:01,440 --> 00:38:03,719
Speaker 1: process around it is and correct me if I'm just

710
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 1: completely way off basis, I feel like no matter what

711
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: circumstance or situation. Granted, there's there's some general traits whether

712
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 1: someone goes through an abuse or neglect or whatever, or abandonment,

713
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,239
Speaker 1: whatever it may be. I'm sure there's similar traits and

714
00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 1: people that have gone through that in their childhood. But

715
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: if you take two separate kids put them in the

716
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:27,280
Speaker 1: same exact situations, one of them might handle or react

717
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,840
Speaker 1: differently as as an adult than maybe the other one would.

718
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:35,360
Speaker 1: My reason is just biologically we're all different. So there's

719
00:38:35,400 --> 00:38:38,880
Speaker 1: no one thing of my childhood was this, This is

720
00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 1: all your fault, mom and dad, and you know, And

721
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 1: people just want to stand on that because I look

722
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:48,120
Speaker 1: back in my story and with things that I've gone

723
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,279
Speaker 1: through and being in a twelve step program. Now, my

724
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,960
Speaker 1: parents came to me and we're very concerned and we're questioning,

725
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,040
Speaker 1: like what how is this our fault? Like what did

726
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 1: we do? And I told them I was, look, here's

727
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: what I've learned. Yes, a lot of stuff comes up

728
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 1: from childhood, but I know now and where I'm at

729
00:39:05,920 --> 00:39:08,200
Speaker 1: that And I used the same story I said, if

730
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:11,040
Speaker 1: you took someone else, put him in the same childhood

731
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:13,680
Speaker 1: seam upbringing seam household as me, they could have not

732
00:39:14,080 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 1: gone to an addiction, They could have had a different

733
00:39:16,920 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 1: issue or no issue at all. So it's just one

734
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:22,040
Speaker 1: of those things I don't just again from my experience,

735
00:39:22,040 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: I feel like people that hear that might want to

736
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,800
Speaker 1: blame their parents or whatever, and I just I know,

737
00:39:26,960 --> 00:39:29,960
Speaker 1: I don't blame mine. Yes, they contributed in some ways,

738
00:39:30,080 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 1: but all parents do. I very much agree with that.

739
00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you know glenn and Melton,

740
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,720
Speaker 1: but she and I have done a number of parenting

741
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: classes together and she wrote these wonderful books carry On

742
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 1: Warrior and Love Warrior, and yeah, so we've had so

743
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:50,560
Speaker 1: much fun together. And Glennon will will say, look, you know,

744
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,960
Speaker 1: she went through so much with addiction and her recovery

745
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:58,000
Speaker 1: and had this, you know, very loving family and a

746
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 1: sister who didn't. So I I've seen that a lot

747
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 1: in my practice working with kids and with families, that

748
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:11,400
Speaker 1: children will kind of process and absorb challenging childhood in

749
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,920
Speaker 1: different ways. And for instance, I've done a lot of

750
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:17,280
Speaker 1: work with a population with the trait of heightened sensitivity.

751
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,480
Speaker 1: I've done some classes online with Elaine Aaron, who wrote

752
00:40:20,480 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 1: The Highly Sensitive Person, The Highly Sensitive Child. Now, if

753
00:40:24,320 --> 00:40:27,480
Speaker 1: you have that trait, which about of the population has,

754
00:40:27,920 --> 00:40:31,439
Speaker 1: then you will pick up more in your childhood, more tension, more,

755
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 1: um more. If your parent is anxious or depressed, it

756
00:40:35,320 --> 00:40:37,719
Speaker 1: may have more of an impact on you, and other

757
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,880
Speaker 1: kids might just skate right by that and not be impacted.

758
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,719
Speaker 1: So I I think there's value in looking at your

759
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 1: childhood and how some of the experiences you went through

760
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:50,520
Speaker 1: might have informed the challenges or the particular struggles you

761
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 1: have or things you have to work on. But I

762
00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:56,360
Speaker 1: agree that, um there's no point and no value and

763
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:58,960
Speaker 1: not even any validity in pointing your finger at your

764
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,359
Speaker 1: parents for the flaw the way they brought you up.

765
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:05,360
Speaker 1: And in turn, when we're parenting our kids now this

766
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: panic that we're sort of sending them, giving them a

767
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 1: life sentence because we struggle with depression or anxiety or addiction.

768
00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 1: It's not true. Even if you have a child who's

769
00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 1: somewhat sensitive and who is experiencing the impact, we're different

770
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 1: parents than our parents. If we're helping the child understand

771
00:41:25,400 --> 00:41:28,000
Speaker 1: you know what, Mommy had a really hard day and

772
00:41:28,160 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 1: is really struggling today, and I love you and I'm

773
00:41:32,080 --> 00:41:34,200
Speaker 1: getting support and help. Is there anything you want to

774
00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,840
Speaker 1: ask me about it. Are you, you know, so that

775
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,440
Speaker 1: the kids don't We're not sweeping things under the rug

776
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: the way many of our own parents did when there

777
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:47,440
Speaker 1: was a challenge in the family. Absolutely, and I completely agree,

778
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: and I appreciate your outlook on that, and I the

779
00:41:50,000 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: way I kind of try to simplify it is just

780
00:41:52,400 --> 00:41:57,440
Speaker 1: it's all that childhood or whatever addiction. It's it's an explanation,

781
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:01,480
Speaker 1: not an excuse to how people are the way they are.

782
00:42:01,680 --> 00:42:05,960
Speaker 1: But honey, go ahead, how how could we correct anything

783
00:42:06,040 --> 00:42:08,759
Speaker 1: that we've already screwed up? Possibly with our daughter, because

784
00:42:08,800 --> 00:42:11,800
Speaker 1: that's that's my fear, as you know, just because the

785
00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 1: first you know, a couple of years was real rough

786
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:18,200
Speaker 1: in our marriage and I'm thanking God, you know, is

787
00:42:18,280 --> 00:42:20,880
Speaker 1: this have I already? Then if she's going to remember

788
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: us yelling at each other, you know, we don't do

789
00:42:24,360 --> 00:42:27,759
Speaker 1: it often anymore. Um, there are times we get a

790
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: little heightened, but you know, we've done a better job

791
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 1: of leaving the room. But it's like crap, Like is

792
00:42:32,680 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 1: there a way that I can like fix it and

793
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:42,239
Speaker 1: go back and and recorrect things? You know, Thank you

794
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:46,320
Speaker 1: for kind of being real about it, because what's amazing

795
00:42:46,760 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 1: is you know, because I'm a family therapist, and for many,

796
00:42:49,320 --> 00:42:51,880
Speaker 1: many years, I was a family therapist in the community

797
00:42:52,040 --> 00:42:54,080
Speaker 1: with you know, in Malibu, California, with some of the

798
00:42:54,239 --> 00:42:59,239
Speaker 1: most wealthy, powerful, famous people in the world, and you know,

799
00:42:59,480 --> 00:43:02,239
Speaker 1: and on cover of magazines looking happy, happy, happy, and

800
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 1: you know, and the truth is, when you're in my

801
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: line of work, you find out that most people aren't

802
00:43:08,680 --> 00:43:12,840
Speaker 1: living lives the way there's look from the outside. And

803
00:43:13,080 --> 00:43:16,000
Speaker 1: so you know, you might think and feel all this

804
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:18,000
Speaker 1: shame about Oh my god, we fought in front of

805
00:43:18,040 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 1: our daughter. I can't believe that. I know, none of

806
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 1: my neighbors ever would do that, or you know, all

807
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,600
Speaker 1: the ladies that the you know, it's just not true.

808
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 1: You you would be really surprised at the truth In

809
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:31,279
Speaker 1: most families. For sure, there's some where there's a lot

810
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: of peace and ease and great communication, but most of

811
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:38,480
Speaker 1: us are at least somewhat dysfunctional. And it gets played

812
00:43:38,480 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: out heavily in your marriage. So when your daughter, you know,

813
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,520
Speaker 1: she was quite young when some of the conflict was

814
00:43:44,600 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 1: going on, you're probably not going to be addressing it

815
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 1: in the way you would if she was ten years

816
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,680
Speaker 1: old when some of the conflict went on, and in

817
00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:55,839
Speaker 1: which case you would say, you know, sweetie, we had

818
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:59,479
Speaker 1: a bumpy few months there when daddy wasn't staying here

819
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: or and you know, whatever the circumstance about have been.

820
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:04,759
Speaker 1: Is there anything you want to ask me about that.

821
00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:08,040
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you had to go through that

822
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:11,160
Speaker 1: and it might have been really unsettling for you. And

823
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:14,400
Speaker 1: I'm here to answer any questions. The biggest thing that

824
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:18,040
Speaker 1: children need isn't to be sheltered from conflict or difficulty.

825
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 1: It's to have the freedom and know that their parent

826
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:23,920
Speaker 1: is sturdy enough and big enough. And you know, in

827
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: my work, I talked about being that captain of the ship,

828
00:44:26,920 --> 00:44:31,480
Speaker 1: captain the enough that whatever is sort of worrying them

829
00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,000
Speaker 1: or disturbing them, they can bring it to us so

830
00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,480
Speaker 1: they don't have to hide it from us. They don't

831
00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 1: have to try and in their own strange way process

832
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 1: things or make sense of things. That's where we get

833
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:45,919
Speaker 1: into trouble with a child who might have encountered that. Proverbally,

834
00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: if the behavior seems to be showing up, there's wonderful

835
00:44:50,040 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 1: ways that are not like traditional therapy, Like I like

836
00:44:53,880 --> 00:44:56,880
Speaker 1: the sand tray therapy when you see it if a

837
00:44:57,000 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: child at some point starts manifesting some behaviors and you

838
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,279
Speaker 1: want to help them kind of untangle them. There's a

839
00:45:03,360 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: form of therapy where they're the therapist has a big

840
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,800
Speaker 1: tray of sand and on the wall of their office

841
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:13,760
Speaker 1: they'll have hundreds and hundreds of small figurines like ships

842
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 1: and pirates and army people and trees, and the child

843
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:20,600
Speaker 1: can choose whatever they want and bring those items to

844
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:22,959
Speaker 1: the sand tray and create a scene and then work

845
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:26,120
Speaker 1: with the sand tray therapist to process some deeper feelings.

846
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 1: And of course as we get older, there's you know,

847
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 1: things like E M d R, which processes pre verbal

848
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: trauma in adults. Um, there's other ways to kind of

849
00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:39,360
Speaker 1: get at the things that might be underpinning. But but

850
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:44,440
Speaker 1: I'm still having conversations about mistakes or I've made when

851
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 1: I was parenting my now twenty nine year old son,

852
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 1: and they're incredible. There's no expiration date when you say, Okay,

853
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:53,720
Speaker 1: well we're not going to talk about that rough patch anymore.

854
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:57,439
Speaker 1: Because he's so much older, you know, he's learning through

855
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:00,880
Speaker 1: these conversations about the reality of relationship chips, the challenges

856
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 1: of being a parent, and how to kind of heal

857
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:06,319
Speaker 1: things and apologize and make amends even much later down

858
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:14,439
Speaker 1: the road. It's so hard, and but fear doesn't help

859
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 1: being afraid. Like, oh my gosh, please, I ask parents

860
00:46:18,600 --> 00:46:21,840
Speaker 1: everybody listening, do not approach parenting like I'm going to

861
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:23,680
Speaker 1: ruin it. I'm going to break my child. I just

862
00:46:23,719 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: feel like that's amazing rebiliant. Yeah, that's where I just

863
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:32,920
Speaker 1: because cray. But even someone says on on Instagram their day,

864
00:46:33,000 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 1: like you should leave your husband because you're like the

865
00:46:35,560 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: kids are watching this, and I'm like, well, we don't

866
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:39,160
Speaker 1: argue all the time and from them. But then I'm like,

867
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,040
Speaker 1: oh crap, like maybe they like she has heard us

868
00:46:42,040 --> 00:46:45,960
Speaker 1: a yelling before, so maybe that is why she was

869
00:46:46,000 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 1: acting out. And then I started to blame myself. Sorry,

870
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:55,399
Speaker 1: wait hard, Yeah, there's there's strangely, you know, I'm about

871
00:46:55,440 --> 00:46:58,040
Speaker 1: to do a class. I've done a number of collaborations

872
00:46:58,080 --> 00:47:00,680
Speaker 1: with Dr Dan SEAgel. Oh please don't be sorry. Thank

873
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:04,600
Speaker 1: you for letting people hear the truth. Parents fight in

874
00:47:04,719 --> 00:47:07,440
Speaker 1: front of their children. Very few do not, let me

875
00:47:07,520 --> 00:47:10,520
Speaker 1: just tell you the therapist when they tell me. Very

876
00:47:10,560 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 1: few parents don't argue and fight. Now some of them

877
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: have these raging things, and that is where we want

878
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:20,880
Speaker 1: to make it possible later, even fifteen years later, sweetheart,

879
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,600
Speaker 1: you might not even remember the day that I asked

880
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:25,680
Speaker 1: Daddy to leave. I was so mad and I threw

881
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:27,520
Speaker 1: something across the you know. I mean, you're not going

882
00:47:27,560 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: to play it out if they're not asking, but you

883
00:47:30,160 --> 00:47:34,120
Speaker 1: can certainly generalize and say, but here's the thing, Like

884
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,160
Speaker 1: when I do the work with Dan Segel, for instance,

885
00:47:36,200 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 1: who does a lot on neuroscience of attachment, UM, and

886
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:43,400
Speaker 1: we're doing something together again, so I'm kind of prepping

887
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:47,200
Speaker 1: for that class. We don't aim for perfect parenting. It's

888
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: not helpful to children. It's better for children to to

889
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,919
Speaker 1: not always have us be perfectly attuned and to learn

890
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: to kind of ride that that wave, that natural wave

891
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,960
Speaker 1: of being human, and to make amends and apologize and

892
00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,960
Speaker 1: make repair when it's needed. So it's very dangerous to

893
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:09,560
Speaker 1: parent in a way that you're terrified that you're going

894
00:48:09,600 --> 00:48:13,120
Speaker 1: to ruin your child. Um. Kids are much sturdier than

895
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,800
Speaker 1: we believe, as long as we make it okay for

896
00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: them and safe for them to tell us what they're

897
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: going through. Yeah, for sure, And well before we leave

898
00:48:21,719 --> 00:48:24,960
Speaker 1: your Susan I mean, you kind of answered my question

899
00:48:25,120 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: right there. But if there is one more bit of

900
00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 1: advice you would give to like, you know, new young parents,

901
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,840
Speaker 1: besides what you just said about not being fearful, what

902
00:48:33,920 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 1: would you say to young parents like ourselves? Mm hmmm. Well,

903
00:48:40,120 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 1: for another really big one that people don't do well enough,

904
00:48:43,360 --> 00:48:47,520
Speaker 1: I don't think is get support. Um, we're not meant

905
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 1: to raise children one or two parent household. Were meant

906
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: to raise children in a small community or tribe or village,

907
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 1: and most parents are not doing that. Um. And it's

908
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:01,960
Speaker 1: really hard to be a parent. It's exhausting physically, it's

909
00:49:01,960 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 1: emotionally taxing, it's relentlessly demanding. So I think it's so

910
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 1: important when you're starting out with young children to to

911
00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:14,080
Speaker 1: find like minded, lighthearted people and really create an extended

912
00:49:14,120 --> 00:49:16,400
Speaker 1: family of sorts so that those are people you can

913
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:18,759
Speaker 1: be honest with. You can say take could you please

914
00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:22,000
Speaker 1: take my kids? I'm so tired, I just want to

915
00:49:22,080 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: watch TV or take a nap and then then I'll

916
00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:27,920
Speaker 1: take gears tomorrow. And and to sort of let your

917
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:32,680
Speaker 1: let yourself be propped up, um, and and don't have

918
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:36,520
Speaker 1: an expectation. This is great quote, lower your expectations you'll

919
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 1: achieve more. You know that this might be dirty. You know,

920
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,239
Speaker 1: enjoy your children as much as you can. Ask for

921
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,399
Speaker 1: help when you need it. Lower the bar in terms

922
00:49:47,400 --> 00:49:50,200
Speaker 1: of what you're expecting when when you lose your way,

923
00:49:50,280 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 1: not if, but when you lose your way or things

924
00:49:53,440 --> 00:49:56,879
Speaker 1: go south in the house or with you. UM say

925
00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:59,719
Speaker 1: you know what, sweetheart, that just happened. And you might

926
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: be noticing that I was really mad, or I was

927
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: really upset, or Daddy and I weren't being very sweet

928
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: with each other. We love each other so much, we're

929
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,680
Speaker 1: learning how to work through our differences. Is there anything

930
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:13,640
Speaker 1: you want to say or ask about that? Is there

931
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: anything you need to feel more comfortable? And kids will

932
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 1: tell you if you make it safe now. If the

933
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:21,960
Speaker 1: child says well, I hate it when you fight. I

934
00:50:22,080 --> 00:50:24,640
Speaker 1: wish you would never fight again, and you say, well, okay,

935
00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:27,480
Speaker 1: we'll never fight again, or you make some promise you

936
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:30,560
Speaker 1: can't keep. I don't think they're served by that. You

937
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:33,239
Speaker 1: would then say, well, gosh, I know, I know it

938
00:50:33,320 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 1: feels so uncomfortable and we're arguing. I can understand why

939
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:40,480
Speaker 1: you wish we would never fight again. And as much

940
00:50:40,520 --> 00:50:42,240
Speaker 1: as I wish I could tell you that won't happen,

941
00:50:42,280 --> 00:50:46,000
Speaker 1: it might because you know, being a person a human

942
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:48,879
Speaker 1: is is sometimes means we don't see things the same

943
00:50:48,960 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 1: way as the people we like and live with. But

944
00:50:52,040 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 1: I can promise you that we're going to keep working

945
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:57,640
Speaker 1: through things and you can always tell us how you're feeling.

946
00:50:57,800 --> 00:50:59,880
Speaker 1: And we love each other and we love you, and

947
00:51:00,160 --> 00:51:04,239
Speaker 1: so you're not sweeping stuff under the rug. Um, you're

948
00:51:04,280 --> 00:51:08,799
Speaker 1: making it it possible to really tell their truth. Um,

949
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:11,920
Speaker 1: but you're being realistic also, and you have to have

950
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 1: faith that your kids really do come through when we

951
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:19,600
Speaker 1: can allow them to turn to us with whatever their

952
00:51:19,640 --> 00:51:23,560
Speaker 1: truth is, even when it's hard to hear. Amazing, Thank

953
00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:26,920
Speaker 1: you so much for all this helpful stuff. And sorry

954
00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:28,919
Speaker 1: again then I tried to feel stupid, but I really

955
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:33,480
Speaker 1: appreciate it, and please don't be sorry. Well, Susan, thank

956
00:51:33,520 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 1: you so much. And where can our listeners find you

957
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:38,120
Speaker 1: if they want to get more information about your literature?

958
00:51:38,239 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 1: What else your yeah? Yeah, oh, there's a monthly membership

959
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:46,279
Speaker 1: support group. There's co parenting with a narcissist support group.

960
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:51,240
Speaker 1: There's tons of classes on on chores and um, highly

961
00:51:51,320 --> 00:51:54,200
Speaker 1: sensitive kids and screen time. We do a lot of

962
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,560
Speaker 1: stuff on kids in screen time. So it's just at

963
00:51:56,640 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 1: Susan Stiffleman dot com. Awesome. Well I'm signing up right now.

964
00:52:00,280 --> 00:52:02,680
Speaker 1: So thank you so much, Susan. We really appreciate it.

965
00:52:02,920 --> 00:52:05,640
Speaker 1: We have a great day. Thank you for your wonderful work.

966
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,600
Speaker 1: I love Susan. Yeah, I'm sorry, I just I have

967
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:22,960
Speaker 1: it's just like I said the other podcast or yeah,

968
00:52:22,960 --> 00:52:24,600
Speaker 1: I think last week's I just have a really hard

969
00:52:24,680 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: time when someone mentioned something about the kids and um,

970
00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 1: I had put something on Instagram a photo of us,

971
00:52:32,800 --> 00:52:37,080
Speaker 1: and in a comment, you know, said yeah, until he

972
00:52:37,160 --> 00:52:40,960
Speaker 1: does it again, and what a bad example you are

973
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:42,919
Speaker 1: for the kids. No wonder why you know your daughter

974
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:47,040
Speaker 1: is acting acting out the way that she is. Um

975
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:50,320
Speaker 1: to like let you know, to let your kids be

976
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 1: around and that kind of environment. And then just said

977
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:58,120
Speaker 1: like I was a week week B and it just

978
00:52:58,440 --> 00:53:01,400
Speaker 1: really like there because because I do have some guilt,

979
00:53:01,440 --> 00:53:05,879
Speaker 1: like there's been some fights that I don't ever want

980
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:10,480
Speaker 1: her to remember seeing. And you know, I know we've

981
00:53:10,520 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 1: done a better job of it now going in the

982
00:53:12,960 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: room and waiting until they go to bed, Like we've

983
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 1: done a great job of it. I think sometimes we

984
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:20,280
Speaker 1: still linger in conversations and I'm like stop, stop, stop,

985
00:53:20,440 --> 00:53:23,239
Speaker 1: you know, um, because I think we had still have

986
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: a hard time pausing. So um yeah, so I just

987
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:33,000
Speaker 1: feel like bad. I'm like, oh my god, maybe that

988
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 1: is why like she's you know, like, is that is

989
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:39,680
Speaker 1: the reason that she's acting out or or I don't know.

990
00:53:39,840 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 1: So do you wanna hear my thoughts? Yeah? Um, that's

991
00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:49,600
Speaker 1: unfortunate that that person wrote that, and because not like

992
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:51,839
Speaker 1: we're arguing every single day in the house and it's

993
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:58,600
Speaker 1: not like I mean, sorry, I got it, I got it. Um.

994
00:53:58,719 --> 00:54:01,839
Speaker 1: First of all, she's acting out. She's four and that's

995
00:54:01,880 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 1: what four year olds do. Anyone with a four year

996
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,680
Speaker 1: old or has had a four year old can attest

997
00:54:07,719 --> 00:54:13,880
Speaker 1: to that, right mark Um. Secondly, the best thing that

998
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:17,919
Speaker 1: we can do, in my opinion, is we've gotten through

999
00:54:18,040 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 1: the worst of our fighting. We've grown a lot in

1000
00:54:21,239 --> 00:54:25,399
Speaker 1: our arguing. We have, you know, we have, so it's

1001
00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:27,439
Speaker 1: only gonna get better. We're only going to get better

1002
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:31,839
Speaker 1: at pausing and communicating. So the fact that we've were

1003
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,359
Speaker 1: willing to do the work that we have to get

1004
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,120
Speaker 1: to a better place that we are now compared to

1005
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,200
Speaker 1: where we were is the best thing we can do

1006
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 1: for ourselves and for Jolie and for Jason, because what

1007
00:54:44,920 --> 00:54:48,399
Speaker 1: Jolie is gonna end up remembering isn't the previous four years.

1008
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,440
Speaker 1: It's gonna be what she sees from now on. Those

1009
00:54:51,520 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 1: memories are gonna trump anything. But will she remember you

1010
00:54:55,400 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 1: being gone for four months? Will she remember, you know,

1011
00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 1: the me crying with her in my arm? Like, well,

1012
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:04,359
Speaker 1: do she remember those things? Like that's what I'm Will

1013
00:55:04,400 --> 00:55:06,680
Speaker 1: she remember when I threw that thing at you? Or

1014
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:10,200
Speaker 1: you know it's that's that's where my I'm just like

1015
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 1: feeling because I trust me as much pain and shame

1016
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:18,960
Speaker 1: as I feel around going seventy days without seeing her,

1017
00:55:20,440 --> 00:55:23,480
Speaker 1: I like, I would like to think that when she

1018
00:55:23,719 --> 00:55:29,719
Speaker 1: was six to seven eight months old, she's not going

1019
00:55:29,800 --> 00:55:32,960
Speaker 1: to remember me not being there. But since baby, they

1020
00:55:33,040 --> 00:55:35,560
Speaker 1: sense it, Like that's just like sure they can sense,

1021
00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,480
Speaker 1: but also it depends on what they have from that

1022
00:55:38,600 --> 00:55:41,800
Speaker 1: moment on, they can sense it, and if it continues

1023
00:55:41,840 --> 00:55:45,880
Speaker 1: that way, then they'll definitely be more likely to remember m.

1024
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:51,160
Speaker 1: But when Jolie only only knows from like this age,

1025
00:55:51,200 --> 00:55:56,640
Speaker 1: when she's really becoming influenced and impressioned by how we are, like,

1026
00:55:56,880 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 1: she's going to remember more of how we handle things now.

1027
00:56:00,080 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 1: Just take so much pride in being and being a

1028
00:56:04,480 --> 00:56:07,200
Speaker 1: good mom and not I know I'm going to do

1029
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,279
Speaker 1: things wrong, but that I can impact them in a

1030
00:56:10,440 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: negative way with my actions make me just That's where

1031
00:56:16,480 --> 00:56:20,080
Speaker 1: I just crumble, as you heard, because I just I'm

1032
00:56:20,239 --> 00:56:25,279
Speaker 1: so I just want to be so cautious and conscience,

1033
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:30,640
Speaker 1: have conscience, Jesus conscious of that because I don't want

1034
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:33,200
Speaker 1: her to. I just just to know that it could

1035
00:56:33,239 --> 00:56:36,280
Speaker 1: be my fault that she's going to have some emotional

1036
00:56:36,360 --> 00:56:39,600
Speaker 1: issues because she saw me screaming and us you yelling.

1037
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:42,880
Speaker 1: And but just like I haven't mentioned Susan that Susan

1038
00:56:43,040 --> 00:56:47,840
Speaker 1: agreed invalidated is regardless, Like there's no perfect parent. We

1039
00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: know that there we're gonna there's gonna be something that

1040
00:56:52,400 --> 00:56:55,160
Speaker 1: we could easily turn into being our fault. When they

1041
00:56:55,200 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: get older, they go Jolie is in a teenager in

1042
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:02,240
Speaker 1: line a bit more. Oh that's all my fault, because

1043
00:57:02,280 --> 00:57:04,839
Speaker 1: I all he did was lie for a long time

1044
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:06,840
Speaker 1: in my life. No, it's not that, it's it's what

1045
00:57:07,000 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 1: she's saying is coming to them, not from a dictator

1046
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,080
Speaker 1: authoritative place all the time being like pointing the finger

1047
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:16,640
Speaker 1: you're grounded, but coming to them and having a discussion

1048
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,800
Speaker 1: around it, Hey, why do you feel the need to lie,

1049
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,920
Speaker 1: and and creating that safe place that she was talking

1050
00:57:22,960 --> 00:57:24,960
Speaker 1: about that you and I have talked about, to create

1051
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:27,440
Speaker 1: a safe place for them to come and discuss those

1052
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:30,400
Speaker 1: feelings and their reasonings behind behaviors. Mark, have you ever

1053
00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:33,560
Speaker 1: fought in front of your kids with your wife? Yeah? Yeah,

1054
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,600
Speaker 1: And actually you know, Um, I did read something once

1055
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,640
Speaker 1: that I take salace in that when kids see you

1056
00:57:39,760 --> 00:57:42,560
Speaker 1: fight in front of your kids, see their parents fight,

1057
00:57:43,160 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 1: and then later or even the next day, see them

1058
00:57:46,640 --> 00:57:50,120
Speaker 1: hugging and kissing and everything's fine, It teaches them conflict resolution.

1059
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:52,720
Speaker 1: It teaches them, like you kind of broached this up

1060
00:57:52,800 --> 00:57:57,160
Speaker 1: with with Dr Stiffleman, the idea that if they never

1061
00:57:57,240 --> 00:57:59,760
Speaker 1: see you fight and then they're in a relationship one

1062
00:57:59,800 --> 00:58:01,640
Speaker 1: day and they get in a fight, they're gonna think

1063
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,120
Speaker 1: this is it, this is over, this is a disaster.

1064
00:58:04,640 --> 00:58:06,760
Speaker 1: But if they see that fights can be resolved and

1065
00:58:06,760 --> 00:58:08,880
Speaker 1: then fights aren't really that big of a deal, they'll

1066
00:58:08,920 --> 00:58:11,200
Speaker 1: handle it better when they disagree with future partners. So

1067
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:13,919
Speaker 1: I think there is something to that, And of course

1068
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm justifying that because yeah, we've done that before, and

1069
00:58:17,160 --> 00:58:20,280
Speaker 1: that helps me sleep better at night. And to Mike's point,

1070
00:58:20,880 --> 00:58:22,720
Speaker 1: you know, four year olds act out. That's why they

1071
00:58:22,760 --> 00:58:24,439
Speaker 1: called the fffing four us, right, that's what every parent

1072
00:58:24,480 --> 00:58:26,240
Speaker 1: says about when your kids four years old. That's what

1073
00:58:26,320 --> 00:58:30,200
Speaker 1: they do. They act out. But also Lexi's like she

1074
00:58:30,320 --> 00:58:33,160
Speaker 1: was saying, kids are so resilient. And I when I

1075
00:58:33,320 --> 00:58:34,760
Speaker 1: was going through a really hard time where I was

1076
00:58:34,800 --> 00:58:37,400
Speaker 1: traveling constantly and really having a hard time being away

1077
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:40,080
Speaker 1: from the kids, I was talking to my mom and

1078
00:58:40,200 --> 00:58:42,920
Speaker 1: she says, well, your dad left for he was in

1079
00:58:42,960 --> 00:58:44,680
Speaker 1: the army, and so he would leave for training for

1080
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:46,760
Speaker 1: like three weeks a year. He'd go away for three

1081
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:49,360
Speaker 1: weeks once a year. And I said, really, I have

1082
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: absolutely no recollection of that ever happening. She said, really,

1083
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:56,160
Speaker 1: every February he'd be gone for three Yep, don't remember

1084
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: that at all. So that made me feel better that

1085
00:58:58,520 --> 00:59:00,720
Speaker 1: they're not gonna remember me going to for three weeks.

1086
00:59:00,800 --> 00:59:02,600
Speaker 1: You know, that's just barely gonna be a blip on

1087
00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:06,320
Speaker 1: their radar. That's yeah, that's true. I barely. My dad

1088
00:59:06,360 --> 00:59:09,400
Speaker 1: did shift work all grown up, and he also was

1089
00:59:09,520 --> 00:59:11,920
Speaker 1: part of what I don't remember what they called it,

1090
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:14,600
Speaker 1: but basically in the fire department where anytime there's like

1091
00:59:14,680 --> 00:59:17,720
Speaker 1: a big travesty at another country, he would be part

1092
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:19,959
Speaker 1: of a crew that would go over there and help

1093
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:22,760
Speaker 1: and everything like that. So he would be gone for weeks.

1094
00:59:23,640 --> 00:59:26,800
Speaker 1: And I remember him doing that, but I don't see

1095
00:59:26,800 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 1: I don't remember. I don't I don't remember my parents leaving.

1096
00:59:29,680 --> 00:59:32,200
Speaker 1: But what I remember, starting at age five, was my

1097
00:59:32,280 --> 00:59:34,920
Speaker 1: parents fighting and being scared of my dad and being

1098
00:59:34,960 --> 00:59:40,160
Speaker 1: scared of of the that fighting, which is why I'm

1099
00:59:40,320 --> 00:59:42,680
Speaker 1: trying so hard to make sure that we're not arguing

1100
00:59:42,720 --> 00:59:45,040
Speaker 1: in front of Uli, which again we haven't even with

1101
00:59:45,200 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: this last incident, Like we didn't like nothing, no argument

1102
00:59:49,120 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 1: at all. It was all in the bedroom, um, which

1103
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:53,880
Speaker 1: I think we did a good job with that. But

1104
00:59:54,240 --> 00:59:59,680
Speaker 1: that's why I'm so careful and scared. Now that she's four,

1105
01:00:00,000 --> 01:00:01,439
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my gosh, it's one more year until

1106
01:00:01,480 --> 01:00:02,920
Speaker 1: I remember things. And then I start putting all this

1107
01:00:02,960 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 1: pressure on myself, like oh crap, Like okay, we have

1108
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 1: to make sure that we really lock it up. To

1109
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:10,640
Speaker 1: your point, you start remembering at whatever age you did,

1110
01:00:11,240 --> 01:00:14,000
Speaker 1: but things never changed between your mom and dad. That's

1111
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:18,240
Speaker 1: my whole point. They never changed, they only got worse. Really. Yeah,

1112
01:00:18,440 --> 01:00:21,880
Speaker 1: so we have we have the gift of doing this

1113
01:00:22,000 --> 01:00:25,920
Speaker 1: work earlier in our kids upbringing that they don't have

1114
01:00:26,040 --> 01:00:31,600
Speaker 1: to be, you know, witness to that. It's so hard.

1115
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:35,320
Speaker 1: Parents out there, Give yourself some grace. It's gonna be okay. Yeah,

1116
01:00:35,320 --> 01:00:39,240
Speaker 1: and email us and let us know that we're normal. Please. Um,

1117
01:00:39,320 --> 01:00:41,640
Speaker 1: I think that's a show, right, guys, That is a show.

1118
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 1: See you guys next week.