1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:41,240 Speaker 1: So, if I'm feeling shame around this, then I'm gonna 13 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,000 Speaker 1: judge the people to protect myself. I'm gonna judge the 14 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: people around me harshly and say that something is wrong 15 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:52,920 Speaker 1: with them, as opposed to addressing my stuff. 16 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,440 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, that's a really good point. I would even 17 00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,520 Speaker 2: say that you might be so attached to what you've 18 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 2: learned because now it's part of your identity. So when 19 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,160 Speaker 2: someone comes for you or they disagree. 20 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 21 00:01:09,560 --> 00:01:14,000 Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts doctor Dominique Brussard, a college 22 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: professor and psychologist. 23 00:01:15,600 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker in a 24 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:23,600 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please 25 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:27,759 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 26 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,600 Speaker 2: five boys to fake friends and create a safe space 27 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: where black women can just be. 28 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: So our quote of the day are you ready for it? 29 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 3: Unlearned? That's it, yep, unlearned. 30 00:01:45,880 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: And that one word quote came to us from John 31 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 1: Singleton at the end of the movie, HW You're learning. 32 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,800 Speaker 2: We took all this time to try to figure out, Okay, 33 00:01:58,840 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 2: what is our quote of theid so going to because 34 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 2: we've put a lot of time and energy into this 35 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 2: to make sure that it's something on point, and we 36 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 2: just couldn't really find anything that was just perfect. 37 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, we really spend too much time diving in trying 38 00:02:11,840 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: to find an appropriate quote when this was in our 39 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:21,519 Speaker 1: face all along. I mean really, just that one word 40 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 1: truly captures what we want to focus on, what we 41 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: want to dive into for this particular episode. 42 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,960 Speaker 2: And before we dive into unlearning, we want to talk 43 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,280 Speaker 2: a bit about what it means to be open minded 44 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:39,079 Speaker 2: and why that's so important. So what I want you 45 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 2: to do, We're gonna do a little activity. So I 46 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,400 Speaker 2: wanted to close your eyes now. If you're driving, or 47 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 2: if you're doing something active, please don't do that. Don't 48 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,080 Speaker 2: close your eyes right now. Okay, do you listen to 49 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 2: this later and you close your eyes, But I want 50 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 2: you to close your eyes and imagine yourself as a 51 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:57,080 Speaker 2: newborn baby. You have a loving family, and they are 52 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,000 Speaker 2: eager to share with you all the things they've learned 53 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 2: earned in their life, and they want you to go 54 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 2: farther than they have, but they're also giving you the 55 00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:12,520 Speaker 2: best of what they have, whether it's knowledge, insight, lessons, experiences, 56 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:15,240 Speaker 2: all that good stuff. And let's say that in this family, 57 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:18,519 Speaker 2: you grow up and there are two things that stand 58 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,359 Speaker 2: out to you in regards to what you learn now. 59 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 2: The first is in your household, instead of saying fart, 60 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 2: you all say past gas. You are programmed. You are 61 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:33,160 Speaker 2: taught that fart is a bad word. Okay, like you 62 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,800 Speaker 2: just don't say it. Past gas is the word. The 63 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:40,440 Speaker 2: second thing you're taught is that green is actually yellow. 64 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,800 Speaker 2: So those are two things that stand out to you. 65 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:47,280 Speaker 2: And let's say you grow up, you go to school, 66 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,840 Speaker 2: you go off to college, and now you are adults. 67 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:55,720 Speaker 2: What do you think is going to happen when you 68 00:03:56,560 --> 00:04:00,840 Speaker 2: are out with your friends and someone say, let's it 69 00:04:00,960 --> 00:04:04,120 Speaker 2: rip and someone's like, oh my gosh, you farted. What 70 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 2: do you think is going to go through your mind 71 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 2: when you hear that? 72 00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: As I'm as I was trying to engage in the 73 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:18,200 Speaker 1: exercise as you were doing this, and I was like, oh, well, 74 00:04:18,240 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: then there's a few things that's gonna go through my mind. 75 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 1: I'm gonna look at my friends and I'm gonna be like, 76 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 1: what kind of crude people are you saying fart? When 77 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: I was taught to pass gas? So that automatically, right, 78 00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:37,880 Speaker 1: there is me judging my friends right because of how 79 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:43,720 Speaker 1: I was raised. And then chances are my friends may 80 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: clown me because I'm not saying fart, I'm saying. 81 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:54,159 Speaker 3: Past gas and so and so. 82 00:04:54,320 --> 00:05:00,120 Speaker 1: Then because I'm being clowned, that may cause me to 83 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,480 Speaker 1: stop and reflect, and then I may turn around and 84 00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 1: pass judgment on my family for raising me differently. 85 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:14,200 Speaker 2: That's a good point. And when you think about the 86 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 2: green is actually yellow situation, that's like a lie that 87 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 2: you were taught right like you were raised they But 88 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 2: here's the thing. Let's say that your family member was like, 89 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: I don't know, they had an issue with seeing colors 90 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:28,119 Speaker 2: the right way right, or they just literally they wanted 91 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 2: to teach it to you that way. That's the best 92 00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:32,520 Speaker 2: they knew. That's what they thought. When you finally learn 93 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 2: that green is actually green and yellow is yellow, you're 94 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,080 Speaker 2: probably still going to have some kind of emotional connection 95 00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 2: to the belief that green is yellow, even though it's 96 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: not right right. So fun fact for you. I was 97 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 2: the person that grew up in a household where we 98 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 2: were very I guess you could say, like politically correct 99 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 2: or respectful with our language, especially in public. So we 100 00:05:52,080 --> 00:05:54,280 Speaker 2: didn't say fart in my family. And I swear to 101 00:05:54,279 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 2: you dom even though now I'm an adult and like, 102 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,479 Speaker 2: I will say it and friends say it. For the 103 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,200 Speaker 2: longest time when people would say, I was just like, ya, 104 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,359 Speaker 2: you don't have no damn home training. What's going on? 105 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 2: Like I just thought it was so trifling. I'm like, 106 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:07,920 Speaker 2: why would you say that? Like, oh my god. And 107 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,360 Speaker 2: I learned that stupid was a bad word. Like there 108 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: were certain things I just was raised to believe, and 109 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 2: that was my belief system. I clung to it, and 110 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 2: I was like, this is how I was raised. My 111 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 2: parents they taught me this, so it's right, and that's 112 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 2: what I believed. Now. When it comes to being open minded, 113 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,919 Speaker 2: being open minded, to me, it just means you being 114 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 2: open to hearing other perspectives, considering other perspectives, and not 115 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,440 Speaker 2: necessarily disregarding what you've learned and what you believe, but 116 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 2: just being open to something else, right, like actually being 117 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:43,120 Speaker 2: able to sit hear someone out, hear the perspective, even 118 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:46,520 Speaker 2: understand where they're coming from, whether or not you agree 119 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:46,840 Speaker 2: with it. 120 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 1: How long did it take you to get to that 121 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:53,560 Speaker 1: space though, of being open minded? Because my guess is, 122 00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 1: going back to what I said, my initial reaction would 123 00:06:56,720 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 1: be if that would have been mean, is there would 124 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: have been some judgment initially, right, Like you're judging the 125 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 1: people around you, because typically what happens is when we're 126 00:07:09,720 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: confronted with information as contradictory to the way we've been 127 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 1: raised us, judging other people or judging our family is 128 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: a protective mechanism for ourselves, right because there may be 129 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: some some shame around Oh, my family raised me this way. 130 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 1: So if I'm feeling shame around this, then I'm gonna 131 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,760 Speaker 1: judge the people to protect myself. I'm gonna judge the 132 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,840 Speaker 1: people around me harshly and say that something is wrong 133 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 1: with them as opposed to addressing my stuff. 134 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, that's a really good point. I would even 135 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:56,280 Speaker 2: say that you might be so attached to what you've 136 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 2: learned because now it's part of your identity. So when 137 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 2: someone comes for you or they disagree, it's not just 138 00:08:02,760 --> 00:08:05,680 Speaker 2: them saying no, no, no, far is okay. It's like no, 139 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:08,400 Speaker 2: They're coming at your identity and where you come from 140 00:08:08,480 --> 00:08:12,360 Speaker 2: and who you come from. And that's like a huge thing. 141 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: Right, And so to protect that identity, protect you lash 142 00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 1: out with judgment. 143 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:21,240 Speaker 3: Right, So I'm to protect myself. 144 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 1: I've got to be right, So that means you have 145 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 1: to be wrong, and then it's all and then and 146 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 1: so it just gets it can get so deep before 147 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:40,080 Speaker 1: a person can stop and unlearn and be open minded. 148 00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 2: Yes, I would say, go back to your question. I 149 00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 2: would say for me, it took a lot of introspection 150 00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 2: and just self awareness, So me just being me asking 151 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 2: myself difficult questions and me just being open to ponder 152 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:56,240 Speaker 2: these questions and not being attached to an outcome or 153 00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,360 Speaker 2: an answer. So just saying to myself, there were times 154 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 2: that I was super judgmental though, and I was like, 155 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,160 Speaker 2: Oh my god, they're over here saying far that is 156 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:04,319 Speaker 2: so they don't have no class, like what's going on. 157 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 2: But then as I begin to just interact with people 158 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:08,959 Speaker 2: and realize that's actually a very common word that a 159 00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,000 Speaker 2: lot of people use, Like just because we didn't use 160 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,160 Speaker 2: it in my household doesn't mean that it's a bad thing. 161 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,600 Speaker 2: And it was very eye opening because it made me 162 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 2: think about what are some of the other things that 163 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 2: I may have been taught or that I have learned 164 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 2: that either may not be correct, or may have differing perspectives, 165 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 2: or just may not be what I thought it was. 166 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,559 Speaker 2: And then when you think about it too, don I 167 00:09:28,679 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 2: was reading this article on fs dot blog. The author 168 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:34,520 Speaker 2: said something interesting about being open minded and said that 169 00:09:34,600 --> 00:09:39,320 Speaker 2: oftentimes people that are closed minded it's so dangerous because 170 00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,760 Speaker 2: they think that they're open minded. What they said was, 171 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:46,000 Speaker 2: before you smugly slap an open minded sticker on your chest, 172 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:50,720 Speaker 2: consider this closed minded people would never consider that they 173 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:54,760 Speaker 2: could actually be closed minded. In fact, their perceived open 174 00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,800 Speaker 2: mindedness is what's so dangerous. And that just automatically makes 175 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 2: me think about racists and people that I mean, cause 176 00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 2: I get it from a certain perspective. If you were 177 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 2: raised in a family like let's just say all white family, 178 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,480 Speaker 2: you never interact with black people. You see these images 179 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:14,120 Speaker 2: people post online or that are in the media. We 180 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: know the media is not necessarily for black people and 181 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,400 Speaker 2: promoting us in a positive manner. That's all you grow 182 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 2: up with. It's kind of like, I get that you 183 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:25,160 Speaker 2: would be racist because of your environment. Now it's our 184 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:28,679 Speaker 2: responsibility to question what we were raised with and not 185 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 2: just believe everything because our family did the best they 186 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 2: could with what they know and what they were handed down. 187 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 2: So again, I ain't condone and racist now, but I'm 188 00:10:36,760 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 2: saying I can understand how someone can get to that 189 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 2: point based on their upbringing, what they've learned. However, as 190 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,080 Speaker 2: an adult, is now your responsibility to get curious and 191 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 2: figure out what else is out there? What's wrong with 192 00:10:48,800 --> 00:10:51,439 Speaker 2: what I've learned, what's right with it? And how can 193 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,720 Speaker 2: I be open minded to explore other perspectives? 194 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 1: Right When as you say that, I think about, like, 195 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: how you so you gave the example. You gave a 196 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: very clear example that we could see and understand right 197 00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: of where someone is closed minded who thinks they're open minded. 198 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: That's a very easy example. But I would challenge all 199 00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: of us to think of times when we have been 200 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 1: closed minded ourselves, because we all do it. So think 201 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 1: about how many times you might have been resistant to 202 00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: something changing. 203 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:30,680 Speaker 3: Right. 204 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:41,200 Speaker 1: So, let's say that you're at work and your boss says, okay, Terry, 205 00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: we're changing the office hours. Instead of us opening at nine, 206 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 1: we're opening at eight. And your initial reaction is, hell, no, 207 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:01,800 Speaker 1: the traditional workday is nine to five. This starting at eight. 208 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 1: That's a bullshit, right, that's your immediate response because it's 209 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: different from what. 210 00:12:10,360 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 3: You're used to. 211 00:12:13,720 --> 00:12:19,400 Speaker 1: You automatically shutting that down is being closed minded, yep. 212 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:25,000 Speaker 1: And so we do that, all of us. It doesn't 213 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:28,520 Speaker 1: take much for us to truly engage in that. And 214 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,800 Speaker 1: so as I'm hearing this quote for me, it makes 215 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:38,640 Speaker 1: me want to stop and pause and truly think about 216 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: those times when I thought that I was being open 217 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:48,320 Speaker 1: minded and I really wasn't, Or those times when someone 218 00:12:48,480 --> 00:12:51,560 Speaker 1: was presenting something to me that was outside of my 219 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:56,840 Speaker 1: typical worldview and I immediately went to well, as dumb, 220 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: or that doesn't make any sense that that's I wouldn't 221 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 1: operate that way, like I don't understand how people operate 222 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 1: that way, and that was me being closed minded. And so, lady, 223 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 1: as you're listening, I want you to remember that all 224 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,120 Speaker 1: of us have had moments when we've been closed minded. 225 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:26,600 Speaker 1: The point of this episode, with this unlearning, is an 226 00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:31,040 Speaker 1: opportunity for us to kind of reflect on those times 227 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:36,439 Speaker 1: when we've been given information and we've shut it down. 228 00:13:37,920 --> 00:13:43,000 Speaker 1: This is an opportunity for us to pause and truly 229 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 1: be open to hearing something different. We don't have to 230 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 1: walk away. 231 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:49,439 Speaker 3: Agreeing with it. 232 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 1: We just need to be open to hearing something outside 233 00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:56,560 Speaker 1: of what we are used to. 234 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,840 Speaker 2: So questions like what was I taught about religion that 235 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:03,120 Speaker 2: maybe just doesn't resonate with me today, right? Or that 236 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 2: I just want to explore? What questions do I have? 237 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,320 Speaker 2: What was I taught about my body? What was I 238 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 2: taught about finances? What was I taught about relationships? What 239 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,040 Speaker 2: was I taught about race? Like all of these different 240 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:18,679 Speaker 2: elements and components of life that we were taught things about, right, 241 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:21,200 Speaker 2: We got messaging about these different things, and it's like 242 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,240 Speaker 2: sometimes you got to check in with yourself and say, 243 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 2: what do I believe about this? What do I believe 244 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 2: to be true? What am I questioning? Why do I 245 00:14:27,720 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 2: believe this. I mean, these are good questions to ask, 246 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:32,120 Speaker 2: but I do want to note that when you do 247 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:36,640 Speaker 2: begin to question the status quo and what you've always 248 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 2: sort of learned and what you know everyone around you 249 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 2: is sort of promoted, you may face some obstacles. And 250 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 2: I want to share a story with you dom that 251 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 2: I think really has the potential to really highlight like 252 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:53,560 Speaker 2: what could happen when you do question, like, what the 253 00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 2: fuck's going on here? What's going on up here? Y'all? 254 00:14:56,000 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 2: I have questions. So years ago, I had embarked on 255 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 2: this business venture. I think I was in college at 256 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 2: the time, and a mentor introduced me to this company 257 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,920 Speaker 2: and I was really excited and I heard that I 258 00:15:07,920 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 2: could get a lot of money, and I later found 259 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 2: out it was a pyramid scheme, which many of us 260 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,480 Speaker 2: have heard about. But it sounded so amazing, and I 261 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 2: was young and I was green, and I was like, 262 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 2: let's do it. So I remember one day, me and 263 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 2: some of the other business people that were like part 264 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 2: of this team. I guess you could say, we were 265 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: like o't going to different events and getting motivated and inspired. 266 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 2: We were doing like these early morning conference calls and 267 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 2: so we went to this event. You're like, yep, I remember, 268 00:15:35,640 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 2: I remember those days. So we went to this person's house. 269 00:15:39,920 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 2: They lived in this really big house, and we were 270 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:43,680 Speaker 2: all there. He was like, yeah, y'all, I'm making this 271 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,040 Speaker 2: much money and I'm doing this and I'm getting excited. 272 00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 2: I'm like, okay, you're making this money. And so he 273 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,920 Speaker 2: asked it. We had questions, and so I'm in the 274 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 2: room with my mentors and these other business people. I'm 275 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 2: probably the youngest person in the room. So I raised 276 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 2: my hand. I'm like yes, I'm like, so this sounds 277 00:15:57,800 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 2: so amazing, it sounds great. Is there any way that 278 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 2: you can like show us proof because I would love 279 00:16:02,440 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 2: to see proof of Like do you have a I 280 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,840 Speaker 2: mean I wanted to see the proof the proof is 281 00:16:05,840 --> 00:16:07,680 Speaker 2: in the pudding. Do you have a statement or something 282 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 2: that says that this is the money that you were making? 283 00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,000 Speaker 2: Like I would love to see that because in my mind, 284 00:16:12,040 --> 00:16:13,880 Speaker 2: I'm like, this is common sense. I want to see 285 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 2: if this is true before I invest more. Girl. In 286 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:21,280 Speaker 2: that moment, my mentor got so upset. So the guy 287 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 2: he kind of like a nervously like responded, I can't 288 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,320 Speaker 2: remember what he said, but my mentor. She was a 289 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 2: lot older, and she snapped, like she snapped on me 290 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,320 Speaker 2: in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed because I'm like, 291 00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:33,400 Speaker 2: I'm this young person just trying to learn and do 292 00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:36,760 Speaker 2: this stuff. And she really shamed me for asking those questions, 293 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 2: and she's like, you should trust us, like we came 294 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 2: here and you know we're your you know, mentors, and 295 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 2: you know that's just disrespectful. And in that moment, I 296 00:16:45,080 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 2: felt really bad and I felt a lot of shame 297 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 2: around that. But at the same time, I was like, 298 00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 2: you know what, I didn't do anything wrong. I wanted 299 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:56,320 Speaker 2: to get proof that before I signed up for something, 300 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,040 Speaker 2: before I invested in this opportunity, I wanted to know 301 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 2: that I would get a return on my investment. I 302 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: wanted to see that someone else did this. And what 303 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 2: it made me think about was my mentor has done 304 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:07,840 Speaker 2: so much for me in my life, like has given 305 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 2: me so many gems, so many lessons. I still love 306 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 2: that mentor to this day. And at the same time, 307 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 2: I realized that there's a limitation or a different perspective 308 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 2: that that mentor has that I just want to dodge. 309 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 2: We don't got a beef, we don't have to have 310 00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 2: an issue. But if anyone is ever going to shame 311 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:25,399 Speaker 2: you or be upset with you for asking questions about 312 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 2: something that relates to your future or something that you're 313 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: just curious about, that should raise a red flag. 314 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: As you were saying that, immediately what came up for 315 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: me was this phrase that I remember constantly hearing as 316 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 1: a kid, do as I say, not as I do. 317 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 1: And that phrase usually came up when as a child, 318 00:17:51,640 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: I was asking questions or another child around me was 319 00:17:56,920 --> 00:18:01,920 Speaker 1: asking questions about what the adults were right. So if 320 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:07,159 Speaker 1: the adult said eat with a knife and fork, and 321 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: then you look over and the adult is eating with 322 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:14,120 Speaker 1: a spoon, eating the same meal that they just told 323 00:18:14,119 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: you to eat with a knife and fork, and they're 324 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:19,440 Speaker 1: eating it with a spoon, and you ask, well, why 325 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,480 Speaker 1: are you eating with a spoon and you told me 326 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:26,680 Speaker 1: to eat with a knife and fork. That question makes 327 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,440 Speaker 1: sense to me as a child, you want to understand 328 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:35,160 Speaker 1: why is this Why is your behavior different from what 329 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:37,479 Speaker 1: you're telling me, Like, is there something that I'm missing? 330 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 1: Is there something that I need to be learning? And 331 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:44,640 Speaker 1: when you tell me to not question. 332 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:47,959 Speaker 2: And then it's a shame of me for questioning It's 333 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,160 Speaker 2: like two components like don't question and I'm gonna shame 334 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,360 Speaker 2: you and embarrass you because you questioned. 335 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,680 Speaker 3: It's like, damn, so totally shutting you down. 336 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,480 Speaker 1: What that does is that squashes Eventually you get conditioned 337 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,960 Speaker 1: to not question anything, and then you end up in 338 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,240 Speaker 1: a space as an adult where you become. 339 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,560 Speaker 2: A follower just blindly following blindly. 340 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:16,159 Speaker 3: That is the keyword, like the following blindly. Yeah, it 341 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,760 Speaker 3: makes me really. 342 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:24,120 Speaker 1: Feel bad for people who are afraid to question. 343 00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,119 Speaker 2: Because of those traumatic experiences, because that was embarrassing a 344 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 2: shit girl. I'm like, I'm in front of all these people, 345 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,280 Speaker 2: I will say that business. The people that were doing 346 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,720 Speaker 2: that that I know of, they're no longer doing the business. 347 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:37,439 Speaker 2: Like course, it's not a successful adventure. And it's just like, 348 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,920 Speaker 2: damn that really could have that really could have shut 349 00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:43,240 Speaker 2: me down from questioning anything. I could have just become 350 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 2: a whole different person, you know, from that experience. And 351 00:19:45,560 --> 00:19:47,760 Speaker 2: it makes me think about what are the other myths 352 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,399 Speaker 2: that we've learned in our childhood that are not true? 353 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 2: Because some of these we've all heard and you're gonna 354 00:19:53,840 --> 00:19:55,800 Speaker 2: be like, wait, I thought that was true, So google it. 355 00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,000 Speaker 2: Do your research. Okay, don't just believe what we say. 356 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,359 Speaker 2: Still do your research, right, regardless of what anyone's telling you. 357 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:03,600 Speaker 2: You got to do your own research. The first I 358 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,240 Speaker 2: remember hearing is reading in the dark ruin your eyes 359 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,080 Speaker 2: all the time. My mom used to say that. 360 00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,480 Speaker 1: No, really, Grandma, I want to I heard that too, right, 361 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 1: like turn on the light when you're reading, so like 362 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 1: I do, because I do still hear people say, okay, 363 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:23,199 Speaker 1: well when you're watching television or when you're working on 364 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: the computer, that you should have light on. 365 00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:26,200 Speaker 3: Right. 366 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 1: So that's one that I actually kind of want to 367 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: check with an optometrist or an ophimiologist to find out. Now, 368 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: I know, Terry, like you know, you did your research, 369 00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 1: like I know, so what did you? What did the 370 00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: Optometrists or Ophthalmologists Association say? 371 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 2: Yes? So, there's an article on cheapism dot com. It's 372 00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,400 Speaker 2: a blog and it says that according to I doctors 373 00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:56,360 Speaker 2: at Harvard, reading in dimlight won't cause any ongoing medical condition. 374 00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,920 Speaker 2: It could tire your eyes and call a strain, which 375 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 2: could mean a bit of a headache. So it's probably 376 00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 2: not a good idea to read with the lights off, 377 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,760 Speaker 2: but it will not ruin your vision is what it's saying. 378 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,200 Speaker 2: So we've been told these like very dramatic myths where 379 00:21:08,240 --> 00:21:10,080 Speaker 2: it's like a lot of it is out of fear. 380 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,840 Speaker 2: You know, It's like, don't do that because it'll ruin 381 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,640 Speaker 2: your eyes, you know what. You're like, Oh my god, Okay, 382 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:15,600 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do it, you know. 383 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:18,919 Speaker 3: Yeah, what the. 384 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 2: So? 385 00:21:21,880 --> 00:21:26,000 Speaker 1: You know, Okay, if you crack your knuckles, then you 386 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:32,200 Speaker 1: will get arthritis. I don't crack my knuckles. I don't 387 00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,280 Speaker 1: think it doesn't have anything to do with me having 388 00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:35,720 Speaker 1: a fear of getting arthritis. 389 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 3: I just don't like the sound. 390 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:42,040 Speaker 1: And I have an issue with like trying to do 391 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: anything that might potentially inflict pain on myself. 392 00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 3: So that's like my own issue. But when I hear 393 00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 3: but hearing that, like, all right, what did your research 394 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:55,200 Speaker 3: tells cracking knuckles? 395 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:59,680 Speaker 2: Recent studies show that pulling or twisting joints creates space 396 00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:03,159 Speaker 2: between the bones, and that expansion causes negative pressure to 397 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:06,080 Speaker 2: fill with the I'm not even going to try to 398 00:22:06,119 --> 00:22:08,680 Speaker 2: say this word, but some kind of fluid, because I'm 399 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 2: going to butcher that fluid that keeps bones from rubbing together. 400 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,720 Speaker 2: So the crack that we hear is actually the fluid 401 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 2: filling the new space. So but I girl, The thing is, 402 00:22:18,080 --> 00:22:19,920 Speaker 2: I heard that so much growing up. It's like when 403 00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:21,879 Speaker 2: you hear it over and over, I'm like, oh no, 404 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,959 Speaker 2: I'm definitely getting authritis because I cracked my knuckles all 405 00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,119 Speaker 2: the time, right, And that's not even true, but you 406 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: we believe it so much because that's what we were taught. 407 00:22:29,640 --> 00:22:31,000 Speaker 2: It's like literally programming. 408 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 3: You know, the programming is real. 409 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 2: The programming is real, all right, don Let's see we 410 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 2: also have Oh this is a fun one because I 411 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,880 Speaker 2: used to actually count and track this one, like, oh, 412 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,680 Speaker 2: I got seven more years swallowed gum takes seven years 413 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 2: to digest. That is not true, y'all? 414 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,919 Speaker 1: Okay, Pauls So like you would keep track, Oh, like 415 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 1: you would like mark on the calendar today, I swallowed 416 00:22:54,240 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: the piece of gum today, nineteen ninety seven, November first, 417 00:23:00,840 --> 00:23:04,560 Speaker 1: nineteen ninety seven. I swallowed a piece of gum. So wait, 418 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:06,480 Speaker 1: so did you check the calendar. 419 00:23:07,280 --> 00:23:09,119 Speaker 2: I don't think I did it on the calendar. I 420 00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,120 Speaker 2: wouldn't be surprised because I was a very strange kid. 421 00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 2: But I did make a mental note, and I was like, 422 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:15,520 Speaker 2: oh damn, I remember vividly A few times when I 423 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 2: swallowed gum and I was like, oh shit, I got 424 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:20,679 Speaker 2: seven more years until my stomach is empty. All right, 425 00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:22,479 Speaker 2: I'm gonna try to get an empty stenting Like I know, 426 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:26,040 Speaker 2: I know, I know. That's crazy. That's crazy. Yes, that's 427 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 2: not true. Okay, what else do we have? 428 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,400 Speaker 3: Cross eyes will get stuck that way? 429 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:32,800 Speaker 2: Yep. 430 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: So like if you are constantly crossing your eyes, your 431 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 1: eyes will stay that way. 432 00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 2: Heard that one a lot. 433 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:44,480 Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, no, that's clearly not real. 434 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,919 Speaker 2: But when you hear it enough, it's so silly, but 435 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 2: you're like, oh, yeah, that makes fuck, that makes sense. Okay, 436 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,760 Speaker 2: I get it. It's like how houseway right right? 437 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: Or rolling your eyes, your eyes are gonna roll to 438 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:57,480 Speaker 1: the back of your head one day. My sisters and 439 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,160 Speaker 1: I are the queens of like I roll and so. 440 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 2: I yeah, I should be back there, or they're not. 441 00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,919 Speaker 3: Okay, I go like they should have been stuck, but 442 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:10,240 Speaker 3: they're not. 443 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 2: And when you think about why we were told these things, 444 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:15,920 Speaker 2: I'm like why. I mean, I'm sure that it kind 445 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 2: of traveled through generations at one point, but it's like, 446 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:19,760 Speaker 2: where does this even come from? And I feel like 447 00:24:19,760 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 2: a lot of it comes from, uh, the desire to 448 00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:25,600 Speaker 2: really fear, Like a lot of it is fear based, 449 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 2: so the desire to control, to potentially manipulate, sometimes also 450 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 2: to try to encourage us to do the best that 451 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:37,760 Speaker 2: we can for ourselves. So maybe it's like, I don't know, 452 00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:40,280 Speaker 2: I don't want you to read in the dark because 453 00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:41,720 Speaker 2: it just doesn't seem like a good thing to do. 454 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,800 Speaker 2: So we'll just say that it ruins your eyes because 455 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:44,640 Speaker 2: I don't want you to do it. 456 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,600 Speaker 1: Right, Some of it is passed down from generations, right, 457 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 1: So there are some things that some behaviors that we 458 00:24:53,359 --> 00:24:59,400 Speaker 1: were taught as kids that were passed down for our protection. 459 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,960 Speaker 3: Right. And at the time when. 460 00:25:02,760 --> 00:25:10,560 Speaker 1: Those phrases or those statements were originally said, life was different, right. 461 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,159 Speaker 3: And so if. 462 00:25:15,000 --> 00:25:19,200 Speaker 1: Life was different, or as life continues to evolve, then 463 00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: that means that some of these phrases and some of 464 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 1: these ways of. 465 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,120 Speaker 3: Being should also evolve. 466 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 2: Oh you gotta say that one more time for the 467 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,520 Speaker 2: people in the back. 468 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:31,359 Speaker 1: I was good for the people in the way back. 469 00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:39,400 Speaker 1: As our lives, as generations evolve, how we address things 470 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:47,600 Speaker 1: needs to evolve as well. I think about some of 471 00:25:47,600 --> 00:25:53,320 Speaker 1: the more harmful statements that we have been told or 472 00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:59,760 Speaker 1: messages that we received, and I say harmful because some 473 00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:06,120 Speaker 1: of the those things caused physical and psychological damage to us, 474 00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,680 Speaker 1: and for a lot of us, it's gonna take years 475 00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:18,480 Speaker 1: of having to unlearn and depprogram some of the negative 476 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,960 Speaker 1: messaging that we received so in order to get to 477 00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: a space where we're living a healthy life. The first 478 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 1: one that I think of is about masturbation. What messaging, tee, 479 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,399 Speaker 1: what messaging did you receive around masturbation. 480 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 2: I've always learned that masturbation is bad. You shouldn't do it. 481 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:46,119 Speaker 2: It's nasty, don't touch yourself ooh like icky, just just 482 00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 2: gross and nasty. That's what I was taught. And for 483 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,240 Speaker 2: a long time, I mean, I didn't do it because 484 00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,199 Speaker 2: I was like, oh no, this is there's so much shame. 485 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 2: It's not enjoyed. This is just disgusting, Like why would 486 00:26:57,119 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 2: you even do that? And I remember a time in 487 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,560 Speaker 2: my life when I was in it, when I was 488 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:06,160 Speaker 2: in grad school and I just like just started having 489 00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:08,720 Speaker 2: sex around that time or like a little maybe like 490 00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,560 Speaker 2: a year or so before, and I was in a 491 00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,879 Speaker 2: new place and I was like, Okay, well now that 492 00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 2: I done did the do I'm like, you know, I 493 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:17,959 Speaker 2: want to do. I want to have sex more, but 494 00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 2: I don't want to get my body count up. So 495 00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 2: I guess I could consider masturbation. But it's bad. I 496 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 2: shouldn't do this. It's wrong. 497 00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:30,679 Speaker 3: And there is so much. 498 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,040 Speaker 1: Negative messaging in all of what you. 499 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:37,040 Speaker 3: Were saying, so like in that whole statement. 500 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:41,040 Speaker 1: Of what you said, so that masturbation is wrong, right, 501 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: Like I remember taking Catholic sexual ethics class and it 502 00:27:44,680 --> 00:27:47,800 Speaker 1: was basically teaching us that sex was solely for the 503 00:27:47,840 --> 00:27:52,520 Speaker 1: purpose of procreation, So even married couples aren't necessarily having 504 00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:55,560 Speaker 1: sex for pleasure, like, Okay, maybe you may have maybe 505 00:27:55,560 --> 00:27:58,840 Speaker 1: sex may come, maybe pleasure may come from sex, but 506 00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,440 Speaker 1: sex was for procreation, right. 507 00:28:02,040 --> 00:28:04,640 Speaker 3: And then also. 508 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 1: That masturbation was an absolute no no no matter what 509 00:28:08,880 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: your gender identity. But also within that what you were saying, 510 00:28:15,840 --> 00:28:20,120 Speaker 1: you said, oh, we I'll masturbate to keep my body 511 00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 1: count low. So even within that, there's messaging around how 512 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:30,520 Speaker 1: many people is it's okay for you to have sex with? 513 00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,400 Speaker 1: And that's harmful in and of itself. 514 00:28:34,280 --> 00:28:36,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, I didn't. The thing is, if we were to 515 00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:39,160 Speaker 2: have this conversation, I want to say, like seven years ago, 516 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,080 Speaker 2: which is around the time where I was in this 517 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 2: sort of space in life. I just started my blog. 518 00:28:44,000 --> 00:28:46,640 Speaker 2: I was faced with this dilemma where it's like, damn, 519 00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:48,880 Speaker 2: do I meet someone new and sleep with them even 520 00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaker 2: though we're not married, so I'm having premaral sex, which 521 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 2: isn't good. Or do I masturbate when I have sexual desires? 522 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:54,400 Speaker 1: Right? 523 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,240 Speaker 2: Because we're all human beings, it is what it is. 524 00:28:56,800 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 2: And so I remember who girl have a little fling, 525 00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 2: and I was just like, I regretted it so bad afterward, 526 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:05,360 Speaker 2: and I was like, God, damn it. If I would 527 00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:07,960 Speaker 2: have been comfortable enough to explore masturbation, I could have 528 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,040 Speaker 2: just it could have just been me and me and 529 00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:12,440 Speaker 2: not inviting someone else in. And so for me, it 530 00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:14,960 Speaker 2: was just a great learning moment of you know, there's 531 00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,280 Speaker 2: no judgment around even what you said about the you 532 00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:20,160 Speaker 2: know what you learned in Catholic school. I'm gonna be honest. 533 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,200 Speaker 2: In my mind, the first thought was, oh my gosh, 534 00:29:22,240 --> 00:29:23,760 Speaker 2: that sounds so silly, but then it's like, at the 535 00:29:23,760 --> 00:29:26,760 Speaker 2: same time, that's someone's belief, that's someone's perspective, and they 536 00:29:26,760 --> 00:29:28,760 Speaker 2: were taught that. So I want to be mindful that 537 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:30,880 Speaker 2: we're not like judging other people as well, so I 538 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 2: had to check myself, like, yeah, it might seem silly 539 00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 2: to me, but guess what someone else might think that 540 00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 2: the whole fart pass gas thing is silly. So it's 541 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,520 Speaker 2: like it literally all boils down to what we were learned, 542 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 2: what we learned growing up, and how we're evolving with 543 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 2: these thought processes. 544 00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 3: Right. 545 00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:49,400 Speaker 1: And I think the thing too is, as you were 546 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:54,280 Speaker 1: talking about, Okay, well you had this fling, and you 547 00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,520 Speaker 1: could have you had the choice of, like, maybe if 548 00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:58,959 Speaker 1: you would have been more comfortable with masturbation, maybe you 549 00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:01,040 Speaker 1: wouldn't have had the fling, because you could have been 550 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:02,000 Speaker 1: masturbating for sure. 551 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 3: But another way to look at that is. 552 00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:11,640 Speaker 1: Maybe you could have had a more fulfilling fling if 553 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 1: you took masturbation into that relationship. 554 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,360 Speaker 3: Right, that's a good one. 555 00:30:17,480 --> 00:30:22,440 Speaker 1: So and took it into that relationship in terms of saying, Okay, well, 556 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,360 Speaker 1: since I masturbated, I know what it takes to please me, 557 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 1: so I can go into this fling with the mindset of, well, 558 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:32,360 Speaker 1: this is what I need to please me. And if 559 00:30:32,360 --> 00:30:36,160 Speaker 1: this truly is just a fling, here's what you gotta 560 00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:37,560 Speaker 1: do to get me off, homie. 561 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:42,120 Speaker 3: And it could have been an amazing, Flint. 562 00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:44,160 Speaker 2: That's a really good point. Yes, that's a really good point. 563 00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,400 Speaker 2: And I didn't realize back then how I think necessary 564 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 2: it is for us to explore our bodies. I know 565 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,640 Speaker 2: that we've been taught that it's nasty and shameful, but 566 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,160 Speaker 2: it's like it's a beautiful thing. And you know, I've 567 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:56,160 Speaker 2: always I always used to hear people say, if you 568 00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 2: don't know how to please yourself, how are you going 569 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,719 Speaker 2: to tell someone else? Because we're also and I'm like, 570 00:31:01,040 --> 00:31:04,360 Speaker 2: that's a really good point. Like if you're not understanding, okay, 571 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 2: where are my points? You know what makes me feel 572 00:31:06,920 --> 00:31:09,920 Speaker 2: really good, it's going to be difficult to share that 573 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:12,680 Speaker 2: with someone else so that you are pleasured. So, yes, 574 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 2: that is the first one. The second one, dob I 575 00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:19,000 Speaker 2: would say, is just in general, this whole conversation around 576 00:31:19,040 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 2: my body, like my body is not my own. And 577 00:31:22,240 --> 00:31:25,560 Speaker 2: the messages I got that really communicated that to me 578 00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:27,960 Speaker 2: were things like I brought you into this world, I 579 00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:30,280 Speaker 2: could take you out. That was like, oh damn, like 580 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:34,040 Speaker 2: I am not my own, like I am my parents' property, 581 00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 2: you know, And it's like, oh no, it's really not 582 00:31:37,040 --> 00:31:39,080 Speaker 2: how that works. And I think that there's a shift 583 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: in society now where we are questioning a lot of 584 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:44,240 Speaker 2: the problematic things that we've learned. We are, like the 585 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,720 Speaker 2: society as a whole, I think is unlearning and we're 586 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,000 Speaker 2: realizing that, Yo, a lot of the shift that we 587 00:31:49,080 --> 00:31:51,560 Speaker 2: grew up with shit just ain't right. Like, yes, we 588 00:31:51,640 --> 00:31:54,320 Speaker 2: may have grown up this way some of the stuff 589 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:57,040 Speaker 2: I know, for us, in particular people of color and 590 00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,240 Speaker 2: black people, we know how to laugh at our trauma, 591 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,160 Speaker 2: but sometimes that shit really ain't funny and it's like 592 00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,480 Speaker 2: it's really problematic and it's not good, you know. And 593 00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:08,280 Speaker 2: so I think about statements like that and how I 594 00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 2: didn't really have ownership over my being because I didn't 595 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 2: know that I could. 596 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 1: You know, as you say that, Like I was trying 597 00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:23,400 Speaker 1: to like think about like other examples of how our 598 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 1: bodies are not particularly young girls, how we are taught 599 00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:34,840 Speaker 1: that our bodies are not our own. And I think 600 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:39,560 Speaker 1: that it goes a lot deeper in terms of you know, 601 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: when we've touched on this in previous episodes about hugging people, right, 602 00:32:45,840 --> 00:32:51,200 Speaker 1: how you're forced to hug adults even if that's not 603 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 1: something that you feel comfortable with, like as a kid, 604 00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 1: like you're told, oh, go hug Nana. I don't like 605 00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:02,520 Speaker 1: that woman yet, why do I gotta hug. 606 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,120 Speaker 2: Her uncle Tommy? 607 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,600 Speaker 1: And we know that uncle Tommy is ab a perverb, yes, 608 00:33:09,960 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 1: and and so. 609 00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,720 Speaker 3: Then I also think about like. 610 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:21,960 Speaker 1: Our clothing choices and how our bodies get policed, and 611 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:27,360 Speaker 1: we tell young girls about dressing a certain way so 612 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:31,560 Speaker 1: that they don't look older or that they don't entice men. 613 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: And that's a whole nother episode about like how we 614 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:42,000 Speaker 1: police women and what and young girls in terms of 615 00:33:42,040 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: what they wear. But but what it boils down to 616 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: is this messaging of your body truly isn't your own? 617 00:33:51,560 --> 00:33:55,840 Speaker 1: And at what point do you get to feel like 618 00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 1: your body really is yours? 619 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,280 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really good point. It makes me think 620 00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 2: about the conversation that everyone's talking about now with TI 621 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,960 Speaker 2: and his daughter domm You want to give us a 622 00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:11,920 Speaker 2: rundown on what exactly is going down with that? 623 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:13,800 Speaker 3: Okay? 624 00:34:15,160 --> 00:34:21,719 Speaker 1: I am thoroughly disappointed in Ti in terms of this 625 00:34:23,040 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: hymen testing that he claims he has with the gynecologists, 626 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,160 Speaker 1: that the gynecologist performs on his eighteen year old daughter. 627 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:38,680 Speaker 1: I just want to be clear that the World Health 628 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:46,200 Speaker 1: Organization has said that this virginity testing, as it sometimes 629 00:34:46,239 --> 00:34:51,600 Speaker 1: may be called, has no scientific or clinical basis behind 630 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,920 Speaker 1: it at all. Okay, say that one more time, because 631 00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 1: I know that there are a lot of people out 632 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:04,319 Speaker 1: there that still i'll believe that you can tell a 633 00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:09,840 Speaker 1: woman or a young girl's virginity by doing a hymen test. Again, 634 00:35:10,360 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 1: the World Health Organization has pointed out that this virginity 635 00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:21,120 Speaker 1: testing or hymen checking is a violation of human rights 636 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:27,400 Speaker 1: and that it is unethical for doctors or any healthcare 637 00:35:27,480 --> 00:35:33,120 Speaker 1: professional to perform these tests. Now, with that said, I 638 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:37,400 Speaker 1: know that you know, I've read some articles recently where 639 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:43,920 Speaker 1: they have women who share the trauma that is caused 640 00:35:44,360 --> 00:35:49,720 Speaker 1: by these tests. And so this quote unquote virginity testing, 641 00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:54,279 Speaker 1: what it really boils down to is trying to control 642 00:35:55,160 --> 00:36:00,759 Speaker 1: a woman's body. And I think it gets back to 643 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:09,960 Speaker 1: this messaging that we received as kids that a woman's 644 00:36:10,040 --> 00:36:13,160 Speaker 1: body you can look at her hemen and tell whether 645 00:36:13,239 --> 00:36:17,200 Speaker 1: or not she's a virgin, and that her virginity is 646 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 1: a prize to be won, again, reinforcing this notion that 647 00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:29,320 Speaker 1: her body is not hers. And as we are moving 648 00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:38,080 Speaker 1: towards unlearning some of the harmful physically and psychologically harmful 649 00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:42,719 Speaker 1: ways of existing. I think that this is one of 650 00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:50,040 Speaker 1: the major ones that we really, really truly need to unlearn. 651 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, don I mean, I think you're right. When I 652 00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:55,880 Speaker 2: first heard the story break believe it or not, I 653 00:36:56,000 --> 00:36:59,000 Speaker 2: wasn't super surprised because this is a conversation I heard 654 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:00,759 Speaker 2: in my household grown up where it was kind of 655 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,000 Speaker 2: like a yeah, if we suspect that something's going on 656 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,800 Speaker 2: like this may happen. I've heard that happen to other people. 657 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,719 Speaker 2: It never happened to me. But when I think about it, 658 00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:16,960 Speaker 2: then someone doing that then compared to now how sensitive 659 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:19,680 Speaker 2: we are as a society and how we are and 660 00:37:19,719 --> 00:37:21,759 Speaker 2: sensitive not in a bad way, but just sensitive to 661 00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 2: the things that need to be re evaluated and our learning, 662 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:28,439 Speaker 2: it's like, oh, yeah, that's this is not the time 663 00:37:28,480 --> 00:37:30,520 Speaker 2: to be, you know, sharing that. But I think back 664 00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:32,120 Speaker 2: in the day, if someone were to share this, it 665 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 2: wouldn't have been a big deal at all because of 666 00:37:34,320 --> 00:37:37,399 Speaker 2: the perspective on where people were mentally right. 667 00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,920 Speaker 1: And I think this goes back to what we were 668 00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:46,520 Speaker 1: saying in the beginning that as the generations evolve, how 669 00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:52,680 Speaker 1: we operate truly does need to evolve and some of 670 00:37:52,719 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 1: these messages and phrasing and ways of being that we 671 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:03,439 Speaker 1: were taught that may have served people well two three 672 00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,680 Speaker 1: generations ago are not serving us well. 673 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 3: Now. 674 00:38:07,360 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's all about unlearning, becoming your best self and 675 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:13,799 Speaker 2: just being open minded and just being curious. Right when 676 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,880 Speaker 2: you think about things, anything in particular that you've unlearned, 677 00:38:16,920 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 2: does anything come to mind for you down around like 678 00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:24,080 Speaker 2: your life and what you may have I guess not altered, but. 679 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:30,760 Speaker 1: I think continues to come up for me is being 680 00:38:30,960 --> 00:38:36,240 Speaker 1: open minded and unlearning the messaging that I've been taught 681 00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:46,719 Speaker 1: about sex and sexuality and body positivity in general, and 682 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,279 Speaker 1: so just thinking about what consent looks like. And we'll 683 00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:52,719 Speaker 1: have a whole other episode where we talk about like 684 00:38:52,960 --> 00:38:56,840 Speaker 1: what consent really looks like today on the heels of 685 00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:03,120 Speaker 1: the Me too movement, but just in general being open 686 00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:10,080 Speaker 1: to what your body is capable of and what your 687 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:14,520 Speaker 1: body is there for, and what and what relationships look 688 00:39:14,680 --> 00:39:16,120 Speaker 1: like like. 689 00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:18,600 Speaker 3: I know that was a lot, no, but it's powerful. 690 00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,360 Speaker 3: But I think it's just I've just been. 691 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,400 Speaker 1: Really trying to be more open to a lot of things, 692 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:27,680 Speaker 1: whether it's something that I'm trying to do for myself 693 00:39:28,480 --> 00:39:32,200 Speaker 1: or hearing other people's experiences. 694 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:38,160 Speaker 2: That's a really really powerful one. I think that now 695 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:41,120 Speaker 2: real quick. Don't get it twisted. Okay, I am black, 696 00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:45,240 Speaker 2: the black black, which means that I love all things black, 697 00:39:45,280 --> 00:39:48,680 Speaker 2: I love my people, I love myself, black power, black excellence, 698 00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:52,799 Speaker 2: all that good stuff. But for me, I'm not even 699 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:54,560 Speaker 2: gonna say but, because I always hear that when you 700 00:39:54,600 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 2: say butt in negates everything else. So I'm like, not it. 701 00:39:56,719 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 2: But but and right, I'll say. 702 00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:58,560 Speaker 1: And. 703 00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:04,120 Speaker 2: I feel it being great growing up right, the household 704 00:40:04,160 --> 00:40:07,320 Speaker 2: I grew up in, it was like, you don't trust 705 00:40:07,320 --> 00:40:11,080 Speaker 2: nobody Black people support everything black, but you don't trust 706 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:14,000 Speaker 2: anybody else. And I'm like, okay, I can get with that. Right, 707 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:16,440 Speaker 2: you don't trust any other races, And I'm sure other 708 00:40:16,520 --> 00:40:18,399 Speaker 2: races they're raised the same way. It's like you don't 709 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:20,600 Speaker 2: trust black people. I'm sure everyone hears that one because 710 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:23,360 Speaker 2: that's just like what the world has been programmed to believe. 711 00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:28,880 Speaker 2: But what I'll say I've learnedm is that up until 712 00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:34,480 Speaker 2: this point in my journey, I've interacted with some i 713 00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 2: want to say, allies that are not black that will 714 00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,920 Speaker 2: support and go hard for black people. And I've also 715 00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:45,280 Speaker 2: met black people, whereas baby, they say what all skinned 716 00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,160 Speaker 2: folks and ken folks. And I've learned that. So now 717 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:51,279 Speaker 2: instead of just saying, oh, it's I'm still rooting for 718 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:57,080 Speaker 2: everybody black, and I'm rooting for all of the I 719 00:40:57,120 --> 00:41:00,480 Speaker 2: want to say, good spirited people, like people that want 720 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:02,520 Speaker 2: to do well by black people. 721 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:03,080 Speaker 3: And the human race. 722 00:41:03,160 --> 00:41:05,280 Speaker 2: It's not just the skin thing, right, It's more about 723 00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,280 Speaker 2: what are your intentions? What are you doing in the world. 724 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,680 Speaker 2: So that for me is a huge shift, because if 725 00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:13,760 Speaker 2: you look at it from a superficial standpoint, it's like, Okay, 726 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:15,879 Speaker 2: I'm just going to go, you know, check off all 727 00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:18,960 Speaker 2: the black people that are like running for this you know, 728 00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,560 Speaker 2: office here, or I'm going to do this. But oftentimes 729 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:23,719 Speaker 2: when we do that out of symbolism and we don't 730 00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,439 Speaker 2: really see what is this person, what is their agenda? Right? 731 00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:29,960 Speaker 2: Are they doing anything for the black community specifically things 732 00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:33,400 Speaker 2: like that, then it's like, oh, okay, it's a different story. 733 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,200 Speaker 2: So I think for me, it's being more focused on 734 00:41:35,520 --> 00:41:38,600 Speaker 2: the spirit of a person and a being instead of 735 00:41:38,719 --> 00:41:41,680 Speaker 2: just oh that's black, this is white, you know what 736 00:41:41,719 --> 00:41:42,000 Speaker 2: I mean? 737 00:41:42,120 --> 00:41:44,839 Speaker 3: Yeah, So unlearned. 738 00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:51,240 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her space. Please note 739 00:41:51,320 --> 00:41:55,680 Speaker 1: that I show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 740 00:41:56,160 --> 00:41:59,480 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 741 00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,920 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 742 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:07,680 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you are 743 00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:10,640 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 744 00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:15,320 Speaker 1: please visit the Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today 745 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:17,760 Speaker 1: or contact your insurance provider. 746 00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:20,120 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 747 00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:23,520 Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 748 00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:28,480 Speaker 2: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 749 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:32,840 Speaker 2: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 750 00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,840 Speaker 2: after me, I know that everything is working out for 751 00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:39,000 Speaker 2: my good, even when things don't go as planned. 752 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:40,920 Speaker 3: We'll see you next week, Lady,