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Speaker 1: My husband told another woman that he's been divorced since

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Speaker 1: last year. Now I'm divorcing him for real. Also this

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Speaker 1: is direct Okay storytime submission on our slash ok Storytime

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Speaker 1: from Beauty Keli Love WHOA. So I'm thirty nine female

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Speaker 1: and spouse is forty mail. I've been with my significent

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Speaker 1: another nineteen years and married nearly seventeen years. We've had

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Speaker 1: a lot more lows than highs. Most of these lows

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Speaker 1: caused by my husband, between multiple cheating situations, addiction to

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Speaker 1: financial struggles. I've always been the primary breadwinner, but not

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Speaker 1: by choice. That is rough. That's rough. Some background info

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Speaker 1: to how I got here first. A few months ago,

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Speaker 1: after our second child was born, we moved to another

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Speaker 1: state for his job. I struggle with postparty depression after

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Speaker 1: my son. He was trying to be the bread winner

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Speaker 1: so I could stay home. Okay, I see, so he's

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Speaker 1: trying his best.

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Speaker 2: He's a beta. He's that's what I say. Yeah, he's

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Speaker 2: a beta.

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Speaker 1: Fine evening I accidentally found out that he had been

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Speaker 1: having an affair. I didn't mean to look at his

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Speaker 1: text memo or anything. His mom had been messaging him

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Speaker 1: all evening. It wasn't an affair with his mom. Oh god,

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Speaker 1: I was handing over the phone when I saw the

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Speaker 1: text flash over a woman stating how she missed his

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Speaker 1: kiss being with her intimately, et cetera. I was already

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Speaker 1: struggling with PPD, and this put me through through a

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Speaker 1: spiral for a while. I even began drinking heavily. I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to do. The entire time, I thought

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Speaker 1: we were okay, But did you because you were saying

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Speaker 1: there has been more downs than ups at the beginning.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, this might be similar to the first story where

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Speaker 3: they're going she's just like going through it and not like.

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Speaker 1: Actually literally from the first couple sentences where like I

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Speaker 1: feel like you know that this is not a relationship

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Speaker 1: that you had to be in, and also you're carrying

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Speaker 1: the weight, and I know you have kids, but like

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Speaker 1: it sounds like you would be better off without having

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Speaker 1: to carry this dead.

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Speaker 2: Weight, even without the cheating, even without the cheating.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, before that, I was like, I feel like I

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Speaker 1: was already like this might be like a dead weight situation,

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Speaker 1: dragging op down. But I don't know what you guys

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Speaker 1: think in the chat let me know, but let's keep

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Speaker 1: going and get some more contexts. So we were regularly

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Speaker 1: active and everything did and gave him everything he asked.

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Speaker 1: We had already been together almost seven years and two

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Speaker 1: young children. I asked him the normal questions, why and

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Speaker 1: how long? The jerk goes on to tell me it

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Speaker 1: started the days before we actually got being married. So

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Speaker 1: it's been going on a while, a while, fifteen.

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Speaker 2: Years or like sixteen years or something.

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Speaker 1: So they've been together for nineteen years, married for seven

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Speaker 1: so it's been going on seventeen years. Although I think

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Speaker 1: we'll get more context, but I think this is when

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Speaker 1: they had been together for seven years and had two

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Speaker 1: young children. But still it's been a while.

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Speaker 3: That's basically a second family. And I have to say

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Speaker 3: seven years. He might be the Michael Jordan of cheating.

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Speaker 3: I mean, that's impressive to be able to keep it

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Speaker 3: from a partner that long. Listen, that is like work

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Speaker 3: for the seat run the CIA.

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Speaker 2: I think it's usually because usually people get caught.

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Speaker 1: But you know what, he didn't have a second iPad,

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Speaker 1: and that's how everyone gets hot boiled. Everyone gets caught

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Speaker 1: on the second iPad. Samuel Donner had a cheat new

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Speaker 1: book coming soon. Oh please God know the golden rules, Opie,

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Speaker 1: I am sorry you're going through this. This sucks. I

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Speaker 1: asked him the normal questions. Apparently, I left town for

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Speaker 1: Christmas to visit my parents, and that's what happened. He

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Speaker 1: told me it was only one time. He's just kept

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Speaker 1: basically the emotional affair. So one physical affair and then

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Speaker 1: fifteen years of an emotional affair. He liked the attention.

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Speaker 1: He was young and dumb, normal shit, while also blaming me.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't as physically attracted to me. I had loose

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Speaker 1: skin and was not as experienced. I had lost one

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Speaker 1: hundred and eighty pounds, dude, op one hundred eighty that's

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Speaker 1: that is one hundred eighty pounds. Is crazy.

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Speaker 3: She lost us, You lost all sam Ora John, you lost.

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Speaker 1: A whole sam and a John, not together, but you

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Speaker 1: lost one of us, one of us. Yeah, and he

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Speaker 1: kept one. So it was working out to try to

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Speaker 1: tighten my skin. He made me insecure for years because

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Speaker 1: of my appearance. I also didn't have much experience prior

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Speaker 1: to him, only one other, which had been traumatic. For

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Speaker 1: a long time, I struggled with my image. It took

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Speaker 1: to my mid thirties to finally start feeling better about myself.

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Speaker 1: So this is just one of the issues that we're

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Speaker 1: dealing with, just one. There is a second issue, financial struggles.

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Speaker 1: I've held down such supported him and our family through

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Speaker 1: all these years, and also had time to work out

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Speaker 1: and lose one hundred and eighty pounds.

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Speaker 2: Ohpi, He's literally super.

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Speaker 1: What can't Opie do? Truly, He's never held a stable

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Speaker 1: job longer than two years. The one time he did

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Speaker 1: was during the pandemic, which he was fired right after.

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Speaker 1: Then he just refused to work. He refused to look

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Speaker 1: for jobs. He blamed everyone but himself. While we were

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Speaker 1: struggling financially, I was so stressed, working like crazy, even

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Speaker 1: doing side hustles on social media for extra income.

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Speaker 2: Stop.

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Speaker 1: Ope, he's doing the most while he slept all day

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Speaker 1: and stayed up all I playing video games and watching

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Speaker 1: corn at the same time.

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Speaker 2: Again, well listen, terrible but impressive.

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Speaker 1: Impressive.

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Speaker 2: I'm amazed at how to awful he is.

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Speaker 1: I handle everything about the kids, home, you name it.

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Speaker 1: Only reason we were not on the streets back then

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Speaker 1: was because we were renting my dad's place, which he

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Speaker 1: didn't need at the time. I begged him to find

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Speaker 1: any job, just so we could have an income, even

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Speaker 1: for fast food or whatever. I was working insane hours,

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Speaker 1: but we live in one of the highest costs of

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Speaker 1: living cities in the country, and single income with two children,

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Speaker 1: virtually it's impossible to survive. We don't qualify for any benefits,

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Speaker 1: and my income alone has pushed us over the edge.

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Speaker 1: Last year, we ended up homeless for five months. We'd

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Speaker 1: known for a long time. My dad needed his property back.

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Speaker 1: He even pushed it for an extra year to help us,

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Speaker 1: but he still did nothing. I mean, at this point, like.

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Speaker 2: Just gotta He's shown you.

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Speaker 1: He showed you. You gotta leave. Our kids ended up having

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Speaker 1: to move to my in laws to start school somewhere well.

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Speaker 1: I found another job to move closer to my in laws.

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Speaker 1: I was the one constantly worried about paying the hotel fees,

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Speaker 1: trying to figure things out, and in November I did

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Speaker 1: leave for a month slash separated because I was just done,

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Speaker 1: which is good. Yes, I couldn't handle it any further.

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Speaker 1: He did finally get a job. I decided to get

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Speaker 1: back with him because we're finally approved for an apartment.

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Speaker 1: It was income based approval at the end of November.

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Speaker 1: If you didn't move in with us, slash signed the paperwork,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't be approved for me the kids. So sounds

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Speaker 1: like she's in like a tough situation, but he's not

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Speaker 1: making anybody anymore.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so the income thing is because he's not making

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Speaker 3: any money, right, it's like low income.

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Speaker 1: My partnerstanding was like maybe they were calculating his income

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Speaker 1: plus her income and combining combined in code while he

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Speaker 1: was having a job and then he lost a job.

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Speaker 1: Now he doesn't have it, but like they got approved

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Speaker 1: for it with him.

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Speaker 3: Ah, right, so yeah, it was to quite like your

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Speaker 3: stable in a financial way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, qualify.

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Speaker 1: I understand that she needed the place and stuff. It's

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Speaker 1: a tough situation.

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Speaker 2: That is that is tough. That is tough.

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Speaker 1: That is tough.

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Speaker 3: Like you could you could almost be like I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get this for the kid, but then like we

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Speaker 3: need to figure out a plan for you to get out,

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Speaker 3: which is hard.

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Speaker 1: But I almost wonder if it's like, even even with

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Speaker 1: this situation, is it actually better to not be in

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Speaker 1: this in a in a close proximity to this guy,

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Speaker 1: even if she's not going to get the apartment and

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Speaker 1: be Now, this is how she's like she's on the streets,

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Speaker 1: but she's in motels and stuff. Like, I think it

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Speaker 1: might be a better idea to just not have him

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Speaker 1: around so you can actually build your life well from

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Speaker 1: the ground up, because if he's if you have the

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Speaker 1: same environment, you're gonna have the same outcome. You know,

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Speaker 1: Like your environment is a leading indicator of how your

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Speaker 1: life will be and if your environment is crap, usually

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Speaker 1: your life will be crap too, And so you have

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Speaker 1: to change your environment to change your situation.

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Speaker 2: Totally agree, Easier said than done. But like, sure, could

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Speaker 2: you move?

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Speaker 3: Could you move somewhere that's cheaper while still getting paid

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Speaker 3: the same yea, Like we don't know the answer to that,

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Speaker 3: but like that is something to look into, where it's like, okay,

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Speaker 3: could by moving and like maybe even moving to a

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Speaker 3: place maybe you could get paid for more where it's

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Speaker 3: where it's lower, lower cost of living, then you don't

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Speaker 3: need him. Yeah, it's like, explore all options that don't

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Speaker 3: include him being in the apartment with you.

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Speaker 1: Or if you are going to get this apartment, explore

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Speaker 1: an option of what it looks like to get out totally,

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Speaker 1: like have a plan to exit. So over the past

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Speaker 1: few months, he's had four job. He can't last anywhere.

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Speaker 1: Just as I think things might be okay, he quits

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Speaker 1: or gets fired. The past few weeks, I noticed how

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Speaker 1: he's been outside in the patio a good part of

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Speaker 1: the day, doesn't even talk to me whatsoever, or just

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Speaker 1: complains and moans how I don't want to have spicy sleep.

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Speaker 1: It's hard when he doesn't do the things to show

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Speaker 1: his effection. I mean, yeah, he sucks. He sucks. He

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Speaker 1: basically just wants to be satisfied without caring if I'm satisfied.

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Speaker 1: At this point, he wants spicy sleep for himself. Well,

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Speaker 1: last week was my final breaking point. I noticed his

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Speaker 1: tablet was outside in the patio. I grab it to

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Speaker 1: bring it in the house. Something told me to open

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Speaker 1: it right away. I saw his text logs with a woman.

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Speaker 1: He just met a new woman while working, was very

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Speaker 1: flirtatious with her via text. Can't see if he's called

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Speaker 1: nothing inappropriate yet, but he's already told her that he's

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Speaker 1: been divorced since last year. Dude, but honestly, good, make

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Speaker 1: it freaking official. Yeah, you know what, make it official? Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's like, hey, thanks thanks for helping me manifest this. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I appreciate. This is like, you know what, I agree?

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Speaker 1: Just say I agree. Listen to him. Listen to him,

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Speaker 1: Listen to him. He asked for her relationship status, texting

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Speaker 1: how he's miss chatting with her, would love to hear

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Speaker 1: from her. At this point, I can't do it any longer.

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Speaker 1: I just don't know the first thing to do to

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Speaker 1: proceed with divorce. Finances are tough, as I am pretty

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Speaker 1: much broke. He's working right now, crappy hours, only paying

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Speaker 1: for his car insurance and the cable bill because that's

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Speaker 1: what's important to him. I'm lucky if he gives me

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Speaker 1: one hundred dollars a week, which barely pays for his cigarettes.

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Speaker 1: I'm paying all the bills on my own, and I'm

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Speaker 1: tired of so much stress. He's been nothing but a

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Speaker 1: financial and emotional strain on me. I mean, I think

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Speaker 1: go separation first. I know divorce it can be expensive,

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Speaker 1: but I mean divorce usually is like most expensive if

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Speaker 1: you're fighting about things. If you can agree about some stuff,

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Speaker 1: it's a little less expensive.

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Speaker 2: But even just starting with separation maybe just.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you just need your own environment. I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you need to be officially divorced. But

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Speaker 1: you need your own bank account, separate bank account. You

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Speaker 1: can open that up in your name. You don't need

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Speaker 1: a joint bank account.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I wonder how much she would save by not

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Speaker 2: giving him any money.

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Speaker 1: Probably a lot, probably, yeah, probably a lot. He's been

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Speaker 1: nothing but a financial and emotional strain on me. After

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Speaker 1: seeing those texts, I know I need to go. I

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Speaker 1: should have done it when I found out about the

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Speaker 1: first woman. He's basically trying to get with the next

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Speaker 1: woman to support him. By the way, if you want

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Speaker 1: to hop on over to us, you can join us

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Speaker 1: live every weekday through BEMPSD just have a profile. Oh god,

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Speaker 1: But one ironic thing is I tried looking at his

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Speaker 1: tablet again days later, his chat logs with her were

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Speaker 1: completely gone. Also, their texts are not showing up on

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Speaker 1: the phone bill. He's chatting with her somehow to show

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Speaker 1: no paper trail. Maybe he's using like Telegram or like

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Speaker 1: WhatsApp or something right he must know or since I've seen,

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Speaker 1: because why would he delete the chat and even remove

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Speaker 1: passwords from this device? Could anyone please give me advice

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Speaker 1: as to the steps needed to file. I don't have

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Speaker 1: much money, so needed to do it the cheapest way possible.

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Speaker 1: He also doesn't have much money. He won't show pay stubs.

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Speaker 1: I just want him out of my life and stop

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Speaker 1: being a burden to me. Thank you for advice in advance.

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Speaker 1: Please be kind. I know I waited too long. You know,

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Speaker 1: the best time to plant the trees yesterday. The second

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Speaker 1: best time is now. The best time to get a

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Speaker 1: divorce was a year ago or years ago when he

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Speaker 1: cheated the second best dive right this second, right this second,

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Speaker 1: right now.

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Speaker 3: I wonder if she basically is like I am separating

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Speaker 3: all the finances and I'm not giving you any more money,

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Speaker 3: if that would be the quickest and most effective way

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Speaker 3: to get him out as quick as possible.

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Speaker 1: Think So, I mean, I think you can, yeah, separation

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Speaker 1: and giving.

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Speaker 2: What like legal thing.

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Speaker 3: I'm not sure exactly what it is, but I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I was trying to think of what is the most

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Speaker 3: effective method, fir. It's like, obviously she can start the process,

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Speaker 3: but what actually in reality gives him outs quick as possible.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the thing is, it doesn't sound like they

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Speaker 1: have a lot of assets. They're probably living paycheck to paycheck,

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Speaker 1: so there's not really anything that is like they don't

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Speaker 1: have a share that. I don't know if they have

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Speaker 1: many shared assets. So it actually, in a weird way,

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Speaker 1: makes it better and easier because they don't have to

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Speaker 1: split anything. So all she needs to do is create

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Speaker 1: a private account and just put money in a non

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Speaker 1: joint account and then just start building things from there.

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Speaker 1: And it's like non joint account. But they just signed

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Speaker 1: a lease, right Did they just sign a lease?

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Speaker 2: Did they?

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Speaker 3: I don't know if they ended up like fully committing

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Speaker 3: to it. I feel like she was like I want

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Speaker 3: to do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah something, Yeah, but it's like, I mean, the thing is,

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Speaker 1: you are on the lease, so it's gonna be hard

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Speaker 1: for him.

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Speaker 2: To That makes the entanglement a lot stronger.

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Speaker 1: That makes the entanglement a lot stronger. It's like you

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Speaker 1: could move him out or you could move yourself out,

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Speaker 1: but if he doesn't pay, it's going to be reflected

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Speaker 1: on your credit.

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Speaker 3: That's why I'm like, is it actually something like just

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Speaker 3: like not giving him any money or something like that,

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Speaker 3: because it's like, hey, I'm not going to.

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Speaker 2: Bankroll you anymore. Yeah, maybe unless you get move out

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Speaker 2: and then we'll figure out.

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Speaker 1: I feel it's like, hey, you have to like like

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Speaker 1: I need you to move out. But definitely you need

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Speaker 1: to tell him to move out, but I imagine it's gonna

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Speaker 1: be hard to actually get him to do that. Yes,

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Speaker 1: maybe you can ask your in laws or your family

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Speaker 1: to help with that.

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Speaker 2: Best case would be like living with family or something temperate.

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Speaker 1: See if you could break the lease, you might be

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Speaker 1: able to say like like or get a sublease or something.

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Speaker 1: You might be able to You could probably get a sublease,

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Speaker 1: or you could, you know, say hey, can I please

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Speaker 1: break the lease. You might have to pay two months

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Speaker 1: or something.

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Speaker 3: Live with your parents for a few months to save

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Speaker 3: up the money to break the lease and get out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because I also feel like a lot of the

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Speaker 1: reason that you might not be able to stay other

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Speaker 1: places is because of your husband, not you. So if

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Speaker 1: you ditch him, maybe you'll have a little bit more

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Speaker 1: housing options.

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Speaker 2: True, possibly, but definitely explore all the options to get

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Speaker 2: out of there.

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Speaker 3: I found out my husband's been spicy texting with other women.

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Speaker 2: I want to leave him, but we have a kid.

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Speaker 2: I have forty year.

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Speaker 3: Old female and married to a thirty seven year old male.

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Speaker 3: We've been married for on five years and we have

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Speaker 3: one young child. Some background, we met on a dating site.

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Speaker 3: He was charming, attractive, a hard worker. As an older

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Speaker 3: person who had done my fair share of dating, he

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Speaker 3: checked most, if not all, of my boxes.

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Speaker 2: We had fun and I just really enjoyed being around him.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from quick Initiative foty jo

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Speaker 2: six from Arslage. Okay, storytime.

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Speaker 3: So a few months into dating, we went on a

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Speaker 3: SHORTI vacation. At dinner, he gave me his phone so

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Speaker 3: I could add one of my friends to his Facebook account,

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Speaker 3: and I noticed.

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Speaker 2: That he had searched for his ex.

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Speaker 3: Whatever, we all do it, but I told him it

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Speaker 3: made me uncomfortable. He said he understood he had no

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Speaker 3: feelings for her and he wouldn't do it again. I

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Speaker 3: considered it a win in communication, but put an ICU

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Speaker 3: in the comments. If you see this loss, this l

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00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,520
Speaker 3: about to happen. A few months after that, we were

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Speaker 3: diving cross country to go to a wedding to one

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Speaker 3: of his friends. He went into a gas station and

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Speaker 3: his phone rang and his ex's name popped up. I

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Speaker 3: asked him about it. He said that she called once

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Speaker 3: in a while and he would just feel bad for her.

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Speaker 3: But if I didn't like that, that he would stop.

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Speaker 3: I told him I was uncomfortable since we had been

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Speaker 3: dating for about six months and he had never mentioned

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Speaker 3: that they were still in content act flash. We had

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Speaker 3: already talked about this already because of the first interaction.

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Speaker 3: He apologized and then said it would never happen again.

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Speaker 3: Side note, they only dated for three months. So Opie's

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Speaker 3: six months into his current relationship and he's still talking

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Speaker 3: to his ex of three months. I have to ask

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Speaker 3: a one mister Samuel Donner, who's very prepared for this question.

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Speaker 1: So basically, should should should someone be still texting their

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Speaker 1: ex like incessantly still answering some six months into a relationship.

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Speaker 3: And he had looked her up on Facebook and she

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Speaker 3: saw that. He apologized, he said, wouldn't do it again.

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Speaker 3: She's calling, He's the ex is calling him. He's answering.

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Speaker 1: There is nothing wrong with being in contact with your

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Speaker 1: ex if your partner is okay with that. There is

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Speaker 1: something wrong if your partner says I'm not okay with

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Speaker 1: you talking to your ex and then you say, okay, babe,

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Speaker 1: I won't talk to my ex, and then you keep

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Speaker 1: talking to your ex. Because that is a lie.

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Speaker 2: That's a lie, A lie.

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Speaker 1: And you are lying, and so it's like again, you

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Speaker 1: could do whatever you want in a relationship as long

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Speaker 1: as both of you agree. Really, yeah, whatever you want anything.

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Speaker 1: What ideas are you cooking in that little head I

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Speaker 1: want to do?

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Speaker 2: Are you cooking over there?

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00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,360
Speaker 1: What idea? I dude, I have plenty of ideas. I'm

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Speaker 1: sure I have so many ideas, dude, My relationship is

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Speaker 1: going to be the weirdest thing ever.

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Speaker 3: Oh oh, most of it's going to be great, skydiving,

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Speaker 3: spicy sleep.

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Speaker 1: Dude, mile High to Mile zero club.

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Speaker 3: I mean, dude, that is you are raw dog, that's

378
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:35,640
Speaker 3: raw don mile high. So Opie says, life goes on.

379
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Speaker 3: I have no reason to think anything odd is happening here.

380
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Speaker 3: We are having a great time following love, and about

381
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Speaker 3: a year into our marriage we got engaged. Maybe relationship

382
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 3: so fast forward. We now own a house together. We're

383
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,560
Speaker 3: about a month from being married. We go out with

384
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Speaker 3: friends and I see over his shoulder that he is

385
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Speaker 3: talking with his ex on I believe Snapchat, but honestly

386
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Speaker 3: can't remember.

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Speaker 1: Bro, it's Snapchat, It's over over, It's oh, I'm sorry,

388
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:04,159
Speaker 1: but it's I meanchat Snapchat is the newdy City what

389
00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 1: it's like.

390
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:06,879
Speaker 3: Any reasonable person be like, I'm just gonna text you

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Speaker 3: because it just looks bad, even if you're just like

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Speaker 3: with these people almost forty bro, come on, like, the

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Speaker 3: only people that I know that you snapchat for g

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Speaker 3: rated things are like those young gen zers.

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Speaker 1: The youth, the youth and the youth is there are

396
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,720
Speaker 1: a y a bunch of pruds these days. They're not

397
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,359
Speaker 1: having se they're not drinking, they're not doing anything.

398
00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:29,199
Speaker 3: But back to the story, so Opie says, when we

399
00:17:29,240 --> 00:17:31,679
Speaker 3: got home, I completely lost him. We've now been in

400
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:34,720
Speaker 3: a relationship for about two years, getting married within weeks,

401
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 3: and he.

402
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:38,199
Speaker 2: Is still talking to this girl on Snapchat. What the f?

403
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:42,280
Speaker 3: He says, and does everything right, apologizes again, says she's

404
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:44,360
Speaker 3: been having a hard time and he feels bad for her,

405
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,320
Speaker 3: shows me that he is deleting her from all social media.

406
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:49,880
Speaker 3: Didn't want to tell me and didn't want to tell

407
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Speaker 3: me that she had reached out because he didn't want

408
00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,720
Speaker 3: me to be upset. I had a whatever decision I

409
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,160
Speaker 3: make right now will affect the rest of my life

410
00:17:57,240 --> 00:17:58,960
Speaker 3: moment and decided to stay.

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Speaker 2: Shame on me.

412
00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,200
Speaker 3: Maybe well we get married, because remember this was literally

413
00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,840
Speaker 3: weeks before the marriage that all this went down, And honestly,

414
00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,919
Speaker 3: life was good, busy with work, but enjoying our time together.

415
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,760
Speaker 3: No complaints other than him putting his underwear in the

416
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Speaker 3: laundry basket.

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Speaker 1: SI.

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00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:13,920
Speaker 2: I'm gonna pause right here.

419
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,520
Speaker 3: But you saw him with the snapchat. They're about to

420
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Speaker 3: start talking about kids. That's what's coming up.

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00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,160
Speaker 1: Oh dude, I mean I feel like, I mean, yes,

422
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,479
Speaker 1: things have been going well, but I feel like it's

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00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,560
Speaker 1: you know, our rule, if you have thought about breaking

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00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:29,119
Speaker 1: up with someone, you need two years of not thinking

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Speaker 1: about that before you're together with them.

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00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 2: Oh that's a that's a rule.

427
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:33,720
Speaker 1: That's the rule.

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Speaker 2: This is a new rule to me.

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00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,840
Speaker 1: You need to you need two years. So if you

430
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:40,240
Speaker 1: thought about breaking up with someone, you need two years

431
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:43,040
Speaker 1: of not thinking about that before you marry them.

432
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Speaker 2: Before you marry them, you marry him.

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Speaker 1: But if you start dating someone and it's a year

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Speaker 1: of amazingness, then I'll allow a marriage after that.

435
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:54,400
Speaker 2: Right, right, I see the Mormon way, the Mormon way.

436
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:57,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that could have been well, Actually it

437
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Speaker 3: could not have been okay, because he did all the

438
00:18:59,640 --> 00:19:02,159
Speaker 3: right things quote unquote, but he did it over and

439
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,040
Speaker 3: over again. He does he's done it at least three

440
00:19:04,119 --> 00:19:06,639
Speaker 3: times from what we have seen. If this is his

441
00:19:06,720 --> 00:19:09,960
Speaker 3: only I don't know. If everything truly actually is okay

442
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,919
Speaker 3: and everything is going well after the fact, and he

443
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:15,560
Speaker 3: actually stopped this time, do they stay married?

444
00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:16,399
Speaker 2: That's my question.

445
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 3: So assuming this was the actual final straw, Now he

446
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,359
Speaker 3: repeatedly kept doing this. Every time he would say the

447
00:19:22,440 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 3: right thing, but then get you know, caught in the

448
00:19:24,359 --> 00:19:25,119
Speaker 3: act quot unquoe.

449
00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:26,040
Speaker 1: Well, I mean he's lying.

450
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's lying every time. So but if he actually

451
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,000
Speaker 2: stops and the marriage is going well to start, do

452
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,040
Speaker 2: you avoid breaking up?

453
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,280
Speaker 1: I mean, you know, I I probably wouldn't have gotten

454
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 1: married in the first place. Yes, I would have gotten

455
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:41,200
Speaker 1: married in the first place. But if it was like

456
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,840
Speaker 1: if it's two years later, yeah, and things have been

457
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,600
Speaker 1: going well, maybe maybe it's okay to start thinking about

458
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,000
Speaker 1: having kids if everything's okay.

459
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:49,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

460
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:52,080
Speaker 3: I think the issue here is that Opie got married.

461
00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,200
Speaker 3: Now everything is so much more complicated. Yeah, it should

462
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:58,640
Speaker 3: have been like I'm canceling the wedding until I feel safe.

463
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,840
Speaker 1: And how long has it been that they felt safe

464
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 1: and secure?

465
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,280
Speaker 3: So it's two years total for the relationship, and like

466
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:08,399
Speaker 3: one year and basically this I believe this.

467
00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, this started about like four.

468
00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 3: Or five months in and like these things would happen

469
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:18,320
Speaker 3: like throughout, you know, big moments throughout the relationship, from

470
00:20:18,320 --> 00:20:20,120
Speaker 3: like four to five months to the two year mark.

471
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 1: Oh, this would continue happening.

472
00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 2: Yes, it's happened at least three times.

473
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,720
Speaker 1: And they and ops like I want to have kids

474
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:30,879
Speaker 1: about that's what she's about talking about dumb. Op, that's dumb.

475
00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 1: Don't do that with this person. This person is not

476
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:34,760
Speaker 1: being very truthful.

477
00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 2: What if she just wants to have a toxic life.

478
00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 1: I mean, or if you just want a sperm donor

479
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 1: and then yeah, like you get yeah, you don't have

480
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,480
Speaker 1: talking connections to and inherit the lying gene exactly. Yeah,

481
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 1: I don't know about that. The kids stuff. This doesn't

482
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:54,720
Speaker 1: feel like very solid relationship ground to build on. I

483
00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:59,120
Speaker 1: would let the dust settle before you escalate intimacy with children.

484
00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,000
Speaker 3: Well, let's see, we started talking about having kids. I mean,

485
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 3: we had had this conversation previously and we were on

486
00:21:04,400 --> 00:21:06,600
Speaker 3: the same page. This was more of the like should

487
00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,720
Speaker 3: we try now conversation. We decided that due to my age,

488
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 3: impossible health risks for myself and future baby. We would

489
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:16,119
Speaker 3: try for six months. If it didn't happen, then we

490
00:21:16,280 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 3: live the good life childless. Op is very like so binary.

491
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,640
Speaker 3: It's like I had to make this life changing decision

492
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,600
Speaker 3: and it's either I go on and get married or not.

493
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 3: It's like, we're gonna try for six months. If it

494
00:21:27,359 --> 00:21:28,840
Speaker 3: doesn't work, then we're just It's like.

495
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,040
Speaker 1: You try it for longer than six months.

496
00:21:30,840 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 3: And I feel like it's like, hey, we could try

497
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,200
Speaker 3: for six months and then see how we feel and

498
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,000
Speaker 3: then like think about it.

499
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 2: That like it's so like just all or nothing. I

500
00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:38,639
Speaker 2: don't know.

501
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,880
Speaker 1: I mean, this relationship should be nothing. That's true us

502
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:44,440
Speaker 1: less than all should be nothing exactly. Let's if we're

503
00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 1: gonna do all or nothing, let's at least pick the

504
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,000
Speaker 1: right choice. After about a year into our marriage, we

505
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,520
Speaker 1: went to breakfast with some friends and wouldn't you know it,

506
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: I see him sending a message to my favorite.

507
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:56,439
Speaker 2: Ex on Snapchat.

508
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:59,680
Speaker 3: No, there was a huge scene in the parking lot

509
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 3: where he got left behind. As soon as I got home,

510
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,119
Speaker 3: I started doing some detective work. Texts are only saved

511
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 3: for like thirty days in the cloud, but I could

512
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,640
Speaker 3: see years of phone calls between the two of them,

513
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 3: some of them lasting upwards of forty five minutes. I

514
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:17,080
Speaker 3: never found any naked pictures, any spicy text or anything.

515
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,719
Speaker 3: But that's kind of not the point. He had been

516
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 3: lying to me about this person for our entire relationship,

517
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 3: and like, honestly, what's what's so worse to me?

518
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 2: Is he?

519
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 3: She was like, oh, he would always do the right

520
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:31,119
Speaker 3: thing and delete it, and you know, seem like he was,

521
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:32,360
Speaker 3: he was doing good.

522
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,560
Speaker 2: But then go right back to it. I hate that.

523
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,879
Speaker 3: So he had been lying to me about this person

524
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 3: for our entire relationship. He of course tried to make

525
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 3: things right like he always does, said all the right things,

526
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:44,400
Speaker 3: but I didn't care anymore.

527
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 2: I really didn't care.

528
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 3: The nail in the coffin was once I saw an

529
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 3: email come through from the ex subject line ex girlfriend

530
00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 3: in time out laughing emoji email, body, so does emailing work?

531
00:22:56,920 --> 00:23:02,720
Speaker 3: And he replied, yes, Brah, Yeah.

532
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,920
Speaker 1: I'm done with him at this point, you should be.

533
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,040
Speaker 1: I just want you to actually be done. Like we've

534
00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,120
Speaker 1: said this a couple of times, like, let's let's seal

535
00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:09,520
Speaker 1: the deal.

536
00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:11,800
Speaker 3: I decided it was all or nothing, so I'm either

537
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:15,680
Speaker 3: gonna leave him or for a good college try for

538
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 3: forty years.

539
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 2: Those are the only two.

540
00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 1: Options classic opie in or binary right.

541
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 3: So I started planning on how to get out, and

542
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,440
Speaker 3: a few weeks later we found out we were pregnant.

543
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, cars doesn't complicate this, of course, it's so uncomplicated.

544
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 2: Everything's gonna go so perfectly. Well.

545
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,200
Speaker 3: I shared all of this with my mom, and for

546
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:38,959
Speaker 3: better or for worse, she convinced.

547
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:43,320
Speaker 2: Me to stay mom. You're supposed to be in my corner, bro,

548
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:44,160
Speaker 2: not my mom.

549
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: This, you know, for the sake of the baby. Oh no,

550
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 1: the baby doesn't want this.

551
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:51,040
Speaker 2: The baby doesn't want this.

552
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 1: Baby doesn't want it.

553
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 3: The baby's born in the thick of the twenty twenty shutdowns,

554
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,679
Speaker 3: and I was very isolated from family and friends who

555
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,240
Speaker 3: were taking COVID very seriously. When the baby was about

556
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:02,960
Speaker 3: three months old, I found out that hubby had been

557
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:07,919
Speaker 3: spicy texting strangers on the Internet. He was confronted and

558
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 3: lied and deleted everything, then told me about the time

559
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,560
Speaker 3: that he thought about self harm in college, manipulation anyone.

560
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:17,880
Speaker 3: In other words, for years now, my husband has been

561
00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:20,639
Speaker 3: in training for a very high earning career. It was

562
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 3: not the reason I married him. In fact, lots of

563
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:26,440
Speaker 3: marriages who have a partner in this field fail because

564
00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:27,879
Speaker 3: it's so tough on families.

565
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,720
Speaker 1: Surgeon, I'm guessing, surgeon.

566
00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:32,360
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a good guess. That's a great guess.

567
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 3: So I actually considered it a negative when we first met.

568
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,160
Speaker 3: At this point in the story, he is now out

569
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 3: of the training, so we are able to benefit financially

570
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 3: from the hard work that he has done. I drive

571
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 3: in a nice car, We live in a nice house

572
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:46,679
Speaker 3: in a safe neighborhood. We are able to travel often.

573
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,400
Speaker 3: Most importantly, our child is in a great school district

574
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:52,960
Speaker 3: and as many opportunities. If he's truly not a absolute

575
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 3: scum of the earth dirt bag, then he will continue

576
00:24:56,440 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 3: to provide financially for your child even if you do

577
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:03,159
Speaker 3: and you to the extent that you self cared to

578
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,439
Speaker 3: care for your child in the event of.

579
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, if you divorce, now you can get that fat

580
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:15,520
Speaker 1: fat child support slash alimony, chuck hing baby, and he

581
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:16,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't have gotten it earlier.

582
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:20,760
Speaker 3: True, this is this is the time. Perfect, It's finally

583
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:25,159
Speaker 3: the time. So when he is home, we do fine together.

584
00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 3: He is still funny and charming. We still like the

585
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,199
Speaker 3: similar things and get along, he loves her child and

586
00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:31,520
Speaker 3: would do anything for them.

587
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,159
Speaker 2: By the way, you can stay with us by joining

588
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:36,440
Speaker 2: our live every weekday at three pm PST. Just tap

589
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 2: the profile. You could be here live.

590
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:39,680
Speaker 3: But I don't trust him, and with all the hurt

591
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,159
Speaker 3: that he caused me, I am not in love with

592
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 3: him anymore. I haven't been for a long time now. Honestly,

593
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,160
Speaker 3: if he just disappeared one day, not in a harmful

594
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:48,320
Speaker 3: kind of way, but more in the he just never

595
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,560
Speaker 3: existed kind of way. But my life is the same,

596
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,800
Speaker 3: or more importantly, my child's life was the same, I

597
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:53,600
Speaker 3: wouldn't miss him.

598
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 2: All in all, I love my life.

599
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:57,639
Speaker 3: I just don't love him, and I've definitely stayed for

600
00:25:57,680 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 3: the sake of the child and opportunities that it gives

601
00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,160
Speaker 3: them in this life.

602
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 2: Would you stay in this situation?

603
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 1: No? No, because you get the same benefits.

604
00:26:05,520 --> 00:26:08,600
Speaker 3: If you just leave, you get the same benefits. Yeah,

605
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:09,280
Speaker 3: here's a question.

606
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 1: Right.

607
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:13,040
Speaker 3: We always say like, if two people have a agreed

608
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 3: upon situation that they both feel very good about, that

609
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,919
Speaker 3: that's that's okay in a relationship. Right If op is like,

610
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,280
Speaker 3: this is an absolute loveless marriage. But I would literally

611
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 3: my actual true preference is to be in this lifestyle

612
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 3: with my kid and the father of my child, and

613
00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 3: just like non experience, you know, a love marriage, then

614
00:26:30,960 --> 00:26:33,440
Speaker 3: go off and try to find, like I love connection.

615
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:36,080
Speaker 1: I maybe just make it, make the marriage open, or

616
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,280
Speaker 1: make it clear, make it just me. I just got

617
00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,919
Speaker 1: to find you just got to define the parameters and

618
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: stick to them. But it doesn't sound like the husband

619
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,280
Speaker 1: is very good at that kind of open communication.

620
00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 3: No, Ultimately, from like reading in between the lines here,

621
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:52,400
Speaker 3: I think you are ultimately way.

622
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:52,320
Speaker 2: Better off that way.

623
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:54,439
Speaker 3: But if that is, if what I just described is

624
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:56,720
Speaker 3: actually truly how you feel, maybe sit him down and

625
00:26:56,760 --> 00:26:59,120
Speaker 3: talk to him about it. I imagine he might get

626
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:00,439
Speaker 3: to a point where it's like, okay, well, if you're

627
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 3: just like you know.

628
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, if we're both hooking up with other people, why

629
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:03,960
Speaker 1: I stay together?

630
00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:05,440
Speaker 2: What are we doing? What are we doing here?

631
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 1: What are we doing?

632
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:08,800
Speaker 2: I know what we're doing?

633
00:27:09,080 --> 00:27:11,680
Speaker 3: Maybe just maybe this episode is over, Oh this episode

634
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 3: is over breaking done?

635
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 2: Wow?

636
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,960
Speaker 1: Well, so if you love us, make sure to subscribe

637
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:21,920
Speaker 1: we love you and see it a love