1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:05,160 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Jonathan Goldstein, host of the hit podcast Heavyweight. 2 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: Our fourth season will begin on September twenty sixth, But 3 00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: worry not, I've prepared a delicious amuse boush to amuse 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,160 Speaker 1: your boosh while you wait. Over the next eight weeks, 5 00:00:17,200 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 1: I'll present the Heavyweight Diaries, short Peabody worthy pieces of 6 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,840 Speaker 1: hard hitting journalism, sprinkled, as all journalism is, with subtle, 7 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: tastefully executed, barely noticeable instances of paid product placements. Set 8 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: your Heavyweight timers for eight weeks and start polishing your 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:56,360 Speaker 1: silver plated Heavyweight dessert spoons because you're in for retreat. 10 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:05,560 Speaker 1: Alex wants to see you in the studio, Harper says. 11 00:01:06,480 --> 00:01:12,080 Speaker 1: Alex is Gimblet Media CEO and founder Alex Bloomberg. Harper 12 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:17,400 Speaker 1: is his executive assistant, and the studio is the special 13 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: one with the shag carpeting and the silent Grandfather clock that, 14 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,920 Speaker 1: rather than potentially interrupting a recording session with an ill 15 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: timed dong emits at the stroke of each hour an 16 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: expensive puff of Chanelle number five. Of course, I know 17 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 1: why Bloomberg wants to see me. I've been working on 18 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:41,520 Speaker 1: the new season of Heavyweight for months now, without a 19 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:58,559 Speaker 1: single thing to show for it. Where did the time go? 20 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 1: It's all panicky blur. In January there was the week 21 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: long team building event at the Dude Ranch, where my 22 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: producers and I learned to ride donkeys, learned to milk donkeys, 23 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: and learn the importance of teamwork by doing trust falls 24 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:18,120 Speaker 1: off our donkeys. And most of March was spent preparing 25 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:22,480 Speaker 1: for my big news media profile. We want to understand 26 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 1: your moves, the reporter told me, the way you embrace 27 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:30,600 Speaker 1: death with such calm resolve. I thought the interview would 28 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: be Fog of warlike in its depth and Barbara Walters 29 00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: like in its national primetime audiencenss, but instead it ended 30 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 1: up being a four minute appearance on a mixed martial 31 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:55,360 Speaker 1: arts podcast that thought Heavyweight was a boxing blog. And 32 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,960 Speaker 1: now the day of reckoning is upon me. Bloomberg wants 33 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: to see me. Oh why today, of all days, had 34 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: I chosen to wear socks with holes? Earlier in the day, 35 00:03:06,560 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 1: putting them on made me feel capricious, But now that 36 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: regretful choice is making my dogs sweat something awful. What 37 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 1: if Bloomberg asks me to take off my shoes out 38 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:23,440 Speaker 1: of respect for the studio shag carpeting, or to illustrate 39 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: some point about resilient adhocracy he'd picked up in management 40 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:32,160 Speaker 1: training shoes in a pile, he might say, this pile 41 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: represents growth. I will nod my head, the shag tickling 42 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 1: my bare, sweaty dogs through the holes. Please don't look down, Alex, 43 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: I will think a thought that will only make my 44 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: dogs sweat harder than an ice cold bottle of Miller 45 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:56,880 Speaker 1: High Life glistening in the desert sun. As Harper leads 46 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: me to the studio, my persperant dogs continue to moisten out, 47 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: pacing the already compromised wicking capacity of my oversaturated socks 48 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:13,040 Speaker 1: and rendering the already unpresentable hosiery even more unpresentable. Perhaps 49 00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,560 Speaker 1: Harper would allow me to stop for a bathroom break 50 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,119 Speaker 1: along the way. Once safely in a locked toilet stall, 51 00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 1: I could peel off my socks and tape them to 52 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:26,560 Speaker 1: the underbelly of a toilet lid for retrieval after work. Oh, 53 00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 1: why today, of all days that I forget to pack 54 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:32,640 Speaker 1: Gaffer's tape in my fanny pack? Does my caprice know 55 00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:36,760 Speaker 1: any limits? Maybe I could just squeeze the socks into 56 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:40,279 Speaker 1: my front pockets. But what if Bloomberg asks me to 57 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 1: empty my front pockets contents of your front pockets in 58 00:04:44,440 --> 00:04:50,560 Speaker 1: a pile, He might say, this pile represents growth. Upon 59 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,720 Speaker 1: seeing socks emerge from my pockets, Bloomberg might inquire as 60 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:58,240 Speaker 1: to why I keep socks in my pockets. I was 61 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:02,280 Speaker 1: planning on tennis after work, I might say, then, why 62 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,360 Speaker 1: aren't there pump palms on the ankles of your pocket socks? 63 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: He might ask, Only a Neanderthal plays tennis without sock 64 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: pump poms, Jonathan, are you a Neanderthal? Canadian tennis prohibits 65 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,680 Speaker 1: pomp pomery of any sort, I might say, such a 66 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:25,239 Speaker 1: proud people, He might say, time to see just how proud. 67 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 1: Let's strip down to our jockeys and play some tennis 68 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: right now. I'll whip you, but good. The thought of 69 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 1: Bloomberg whipping me but good in my under dainties, what 70 00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:41,440 Speaker 1: with the dearth of elasticity dangerously compromising my pantywaiste, was 71 00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:56,600 Speaker 1: enough to get my dogs drooling, And so I decide 72 00:05:56,600 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: to do the mature thing. Harper, I asked, will I 73 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:03,599 Speaker 1: be required to take my shoes off during the course 74 00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 1: of this business? Meeting. When Harper fails to respond or 75 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,640 Speaker 1: even acknowledge my having spoken words out loud, I realized 76 00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: that posing my question was a bad idea. After a 77 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,120 Speaker 1: few minutes, I ask if you would mind not repeating 78 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 1: this conversation to Bloomberg. But I'm not even sure if 79 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,440 Speaker 1: what we just had was a conversation. He asked me 80 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,839 Speaker 1: not to say something Harper might now say to Bloomberg, 81 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: But I am saying something. What are you saying, Bloomberg 82 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: might say, ask him. Harper might say, gesturing in my direction, 83 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:46,719 Speaker 1: what aren't you saying? Bloomberg might say, Oh, I'd say 84 00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 1: I just asked if Harper might not say anything about 85 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:54,000 Speaker 1: the surprise birthday party I'm planning for you. My birthday 86 00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:57,720 Speaker 1: isn't for another ten months. Bloomberg might say, what I'd 87 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:01,279 Speaker 1: like most is a surprise tennis for birthday party. But 88 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 1: instead of tennis rackets, we could use spanking paddles, the 89 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:10,880 Speaker 1: kind traditionally used on liars. And instead of boring old champagne, 90 00:07:10,880 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 1: I might say, we could drink the champagne of Beers 91 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: Miller High Life. By the time we reach the studio, 92 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 1: my knees are rubbery and my sweat drenched socks are 93 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:31,480 Speaker 1: making squishing sounds in my shoes. I walk into the studio, and, 94 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:35,640 Speaker 1: to my tremendous relief, see that I'm alone. Bloomberg isn't 95 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 1: here yet, so it's just me and my socks. I 96 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:42,320 Speaker 1: quickly take off my shoes with the idea of stashing 97 00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:45,720 Speaker 1: my socks down my pants and wearing just my now 98 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: wet shoes, a plan that should work as long as 99 00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:53,240 Speaker 1: the subject of tennis does not arise, which it shouldn't, 100 00:07:53,360 --> 00:07:56,240 Speaker 1: as my socks will no longer be in my front pockets, 101 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: but will rather be secured safely down the front of 102 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: my pants, where they cannot be seen nor commented upon 103 00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 1: by the eagle eyed journalist turned oligarch. Fingers trembling, I 104 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:12,040 Speaker 1: remove my right sock and stash it with my left 105 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: sock and mid peel. I pause for a moment to 106 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:20,840 Speaker 1: savor my victory. For once, Jonathan Goldstein will escape humiliation. 107 00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:24,880 Speaker 1: The sodden sock clears my last little toe with a 108 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:29,160 Speaker 1: flourish sending a gentle arc of dog sweat across the 109 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: studio at the exact moment that Alex Bloomberg walks in 110 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: the door. This has been chapter one of the Heavyweight Diaries. 111 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,720 Speaker 1: With any luck, the new season of Heavyweight will begin 112 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: on September twenty sixth, and you can chart our progress 113 00:08:57,679 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: each week with a new Diary update. And remember the 114 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: best place to listen to Heavyweight is on Spotify. The 115 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:06,760 Speaker 1: second best place to listen to Heavyweight is in a 116 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:10,880 Speaker 1: Beautiful Villa in the Italian Alps. Heavyweight is me Jonathan 117 00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,640 Speaker 1: Goldstein along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt and 118 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 1: b A. Parker. This episode was mixed by Emma Munger, 119 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: music by Bobby Lord. Our ad music is Vivaldi's Spring 120 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:26,720 Speaker 1: performed by the Wichita State University Chamber Players. We'll have 121 00:09:26,760 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: a new chapter of the Heavyweight Diaries next week.