1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,199
Speaker 1: My stepdad stole my identity and destroyed my credit.

2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,720
Speaker 2: Now he's telling me to get over it. Get over it.

3
00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:08,280
Speaker 3: You didn't need that money.

4
00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:12,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, old stepdaddy needed a new boat.

5
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:18,160
Speaker 3: So sorry, call me step daddy Robin Hood, because I'm

6
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,840
Speaker 3: gonna take your money for me.

7
00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:25,799
Speaker 2: The poor step daddy. Even prov professionals over here.

8
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:28,960
Speaker 1: This is the answer the question should you cut off friends, family,

9
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,400
Speaker 1: or partners who damage your lives with a great question.

10
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:35,159
Speaker 1: It comes from Affectionate Bus sixty two eighty one. I

11
00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,840
Speaker 1: have never had a reason to check my credit score

12
00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:40,320
Speaker 1: until a couple of months ago, other than when I

13
00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:42,159
Speaker 1: got a credit card in twenty twenty one.

14
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,279
Speaker 2: At the time, I had a seven forty five. It'd

15
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:44,760
Speaker 2: scored by the.

16
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:47,120
Speaker 3: Way, Oh, I gotta I don't know what I have.

17
00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:50,000
Speaker 3: Actually I have a I don't know what I don't know?

18
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:53,840
Speaker 3: And also should I tell that doesn't matter? Okay, I

19
00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:54,720
Speaker 3: don't know. Anyway.

20
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:57,760
Speaker 1: When I went to purchase my first car on my

21
00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,240
Speaker 1: own in April, the dealership told me that my credit

22
00:01:00,280 --> 00:01:00,840
Speaker 1: score was.

23
00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:06,240
Speaker 2: Oh, that's a dip, that's a big drop. That's bad.

24
00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:11,319
Speaker 1: That's what's your Yeah, oh mine is around probably now

25
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,479
Speaker 1: six seven fifty or seven sixty.

26
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:14,120
Speaker 3: That's pretty good.

27
00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:16,800
Speaker 2: It took it took a hit when we started.

28
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,880
Speaker 3: This makes sense. Where do you find that information?

29
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,200
Speaker 1: I had no idea why, since I barely use my

30
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,040
Speaker 1: credit card and always paid it off.

31
00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:26,479
Speaker 2: Fully every month on time. Nice.

32
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:28,640
Speaker 1: I put off buying the car while I looked into

33
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,800
Speaker 1: my credit and was mortified when I saw two other

34
00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:35,360
Speaker 1: credit cards on my report, both of which were nearly

35
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:39,440
Speaker 1: maxed out and probably with fifteen late payments between the

36
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:40,039
Speaker 1: two of them.

37
00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:41,080
Speaker 3: That's not good.

38
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,560
Speaker 2: Credit experts can correct me.

39
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:45,679
Speaker 1: I would say, like anything below probably a six point eighty,

40
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,280
Speaker 1: you're starting to get into like not good.

41
00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,840
Speaker 3: Able to get loans for a house a car, which

42
00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,760
Speaker 3: is what op is dealing with right now.

43
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,600
Speaker 1: I would say they have like a two point zero

44
00:01:58,600 --> 00:01:59,720
Speaker 1: credit GPA right now.

45
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,400
Speaker 3: Not good? Not good.

46
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,080
Speaker 1: When I asked my mom and my stepdad about it,

47
00:02:05,160 --> 00:02:08,280
Speaker 1: my stepdad said he opened the cards when I went

48
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:12,320
Speaker 1: to college because I stopped paying rent at the house.

49
00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:19,639
Speaker 3: What wit? Oh? Pe stopped paying rent at the house

50
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:22,280
Speaker 3: because Opie no longer lived there.

51
00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:24,720
Speaker 2: It seems that that it was at.

52
00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,760
Speaker 3: College, and then he was like, well, you weren't paying rent,

53
00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,480
Speaker 3: so I had to subsidize that cost somehow.

54
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:34,280
Speaker 1: When I lived there during my two years at community college,

55
00:02:34,320 --> 00:02:36,960
Speaker 1: I paid them five hundred dollars a month rent. I

56
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,240
Speaker 1: stopped paying when I moved out.

57
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:43,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, why would you do that? I still play pay

58
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,440
Speaker 3: all my landlord.

59
00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:47,320
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah. Don't you know you pay all of

60
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,680
Speaker 2: your past landlords.

61
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:52,120
Speaker 3: It's like it's like you accrue more landlords and you

62
00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:54,560
Speaker 3: just keep paying them, just keep paying them for nothing.

63
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,920
Speaker 3: Landlord stack right.

64
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,359
Speaker 1: When we ended up arguing about it, and he said

65
00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:02,760
Speaker 1: that I owed him for the years I didn't pay rent,

66
00:03:03,120 --> 00:03:07,200
Speaker 1: literally talking about eighth to twelfth grade, and to just

67
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,560
Speaker 1: drop it. When I told him he can't do that

68
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,320
Speaker 1: with my permission, he said he doesn't need my permission

69
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:16,799
Speaker 1: and spit in my face. Soon this man and put

70
00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 1: him in jail, literally literally straight to jail. I left crying,

71
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,160
Speaker 1: and my mom called to apologize. We talked a little

72
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,640
Speaker 1: bit later and she told me that he had something

73
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,120
Speaker 1: similar happened to him in the past. Obviously that's no excuse,

74
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,720
Speaker 1: and I told her I'd have to go to the

75
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:34,880
Speaker 1: police about the accounts.

76
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:35,800
Speaker 2: Thank god.

77
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,880
Speaker 1: She said to slow down and really think. If that's

78
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,360
Speaker 1: what I want to do, it is what you want

79
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:43,160
Speaker 1: to do? Yes, I hung up the phone. I wish

80
00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:45,800
Speaker 1: I had known about the account sooner. I still think

81
00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,600
Speaker 1: I'm going to call the police. But is there any

82
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,800
Speaker 1: other way of handling this. There's an update, there's relevant comments,

83
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,400
Speaker 1: but let's pause there real quick.

84
00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,400
Speaker 3: Yes, I believe the first order of business is file

85
00:03:58,440 --> 00:03:59,160
Speaker 3: a police report.

86
00:03:59,280 --> 00:03:59,480
Speaker 2: Yep.

87
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:03,200
Speaker 3: Call your bank and say, hey, these credit cards were

88
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,920
Speaker 3: taking out in my name. They are not mine. This

89
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,920
Speaker 3: is a fraud chart, you know. I'm filing fraud. And

90
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,840
Speaker 3: then see if you can shut those cards down immediately,

91
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,520
Speaker 3: and then go no contact.

92
00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:15,840
Speaker 2: I have another question for you.

93
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,040
Speaker 3: What is your other question that I can answer for you?

94
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:22,880
Speaker 1: You're the mom, Yes, your husband stepdad to your child

95
00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,720
Speaker 1: spits in their face after stealing from them, identity, theft.

96
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,000
Speaker 2: Et cetera.

97
00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:33,400
Speaker 3: I immediately divorce them, immediately, immediately. If anyone ever spit

98
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,680
Speaker 3: in my child's face, or spit in any of my

99
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:39,840
Speaker 3: family or friends' faces. Honestly, if anyone I know is

100
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,760
Speaker 3: spitting in someone's face, I don't want to associate with them.

101
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:49,160
Speaker 1: I think, oh, just the thought of I married this person, right,

102
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:52,800
Speaker 1: not the not the parent of my child. Yeah, they

103
00:04:52,839 --> 00:04:57,080
Speaker 1: do anything remotely close to this to my child. You're

104
00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:02,359
Speaker 1: about to develop this this sickness called not waking up anymore.

105
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's get into this next hunting.

106
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,159
Speaker 1: So I mean relevant comments Responsible Pye seven forty five says,

107
00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:13,400
Speaker 1: the moment he spit in my face, I would have

108
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:15,039
Speaker 1: drove right to the police station.

109
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:15,800
Speaker 2: Amen.

110
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:18,640
Speaker 1: Brother, he doesn't respect you at all. One to open

111
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,760
Speaker 1: credit cards in her name. Two to spit on you

112
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,080
Speaker 1: and your mom is okay with this? Yeah, that's right.

113
00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:27,400
Speaker 1: Seems that she doesn't care too much either, if she's

114
00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:31,839
Speaker 1: trying to sway you in a different direction. Facts Affectionate

115
00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:34,760
Speaker 1: bus Op responds, I don't think she's okay with the spinning.

116
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,719
Speaker 1: Probably not alright with the credit cards, but not so

117
00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,560
Speaker 1: against it that she wants to me going to the police.

118
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:43,600
Speaker 1: She's not defending you the way you deserve exactly.

119
00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:46,120
Speaker 3: I think the fact that she didn't like I don't

120
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,599
Speaker 3: care if she doesn't agree with his actions or whatever.

121
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 3: The fact that she has not left him and is

122
00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:55,640
Speaker 3: not fully supporting you one is just unacceptable, but also

123
00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:57,719
Speaker 3: two kind of makes me think what she in on this?

124
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,880
Speaker 3: You know what she in on the credit card stuff?

125
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,400
Speaker 1: Conspiracy theory, my conspiracy theory that is a good thought.

126
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,400
Speaker 1: Electro Stag speaker says police are going to do absolutely

127
00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,040
Speaker 1: nothing for someone claiming they were spit in the face.

128
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,400
Speaker 1: This is a waste of time unless it's on video.

129
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,839
Speaker 1: Opie responds, I saw this Firstanne in college. My best

130
00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 1: friend was spit on by some random guy. The police

131
00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:21,520
Speaker 1: were called and there was a video. The guy denied everything,

132
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:23,960
Speaker 1: even though the spit was literally still on her face.

133
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:24,680
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

134
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,919
Speaker 1: To their credit, the police took a swab of it

135
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:30,440
Speaker 1: and identified the other guy. Video couldn't be accessed until

136
00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,800
Speaker 1: the manager came in on Monday. The issue was the

137
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: police couldn't prove that very second it was his spit.

138
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:39,280
Speaker 1: She was given the chance to follow up at the

139
00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:42,680
Speaker 1: prosecutor's office. She did that Monday, probably six weeks later,

140
00:06:42,720 --> 00:06:44,760
Speaker 1: she gets a letter in the mail saying they were

141
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,799
Speaker 1: not going to prosecute with the reason other She filled

142
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,520
Speaker 1: out an FIA for the report and we read through it.

143
00:06:51,680 --> 00:06:54,240
Speaker 1: The police seemed to do a thorough job and obtained

144
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,920
Speaker 1: the video when they could. According to the report, the

145
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:00,559
Speaker 1: video showed the guy lunging at her with his face

146
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,039
Speaker 1: and she reacted by jerking away and wiping her face.

147
00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,680
Speaker 1: Someone who she knew who works as an attorney, and

148
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,239
Speaker 1: since it was battery, it would be a violent crime,

149
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,880
Speaker 1: and they would probably have a backlog of violent cases

150
00:07:11,880 --> 00:07:15,240
Speaker 1: and decided not to prosecute a violent crime with no injury.

151
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,440
Speaker 1: One hundred percent of the prosecutor's office drop the ball.

152
00:07:18,480 --> 00:07:20,480
Speaker 1: I just have a feeling it would be the same

153
00:07:20,640 --> 00:07:21,240
Speaker 1: in my case.

154
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,400
Speaker 2: My gosh, Yeah, we have an update.

155
00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:27,000
Speaker 3: But I think regardless of whether or not you can

156
00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:30,280
Speaker 3: file for assault charges, I think you could absolutely still

157
00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:31,120
Speaker 3: file for fraud.

158
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,120
Speaker 2: I would still file for everything.

159
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, kind of for as much as you can.

160
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:37,240
Speaker 2: This guy deserves everything that's coming his way.

161
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,760
Speaker 1: And look, hopefully, I don't know if this is how

162
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:41,960
Speaker 1: it works, but if you're like, hey, here's like the

163
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,200
Speaker 1: evidence of like all or just like all of these charges, yeah,

164
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,880
Speaker 1: maybe maybe that will be you'll get a higher chance

165
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,440
Speaker 1: of getting him on some of them. Yes, you know

166
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,640
Speaker 1: what I mean. Yeah, you have zero percent chance if

167
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: you don't press the truge. Yeah, so it's like, at

168
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,840
Speaker 1: least press the charge and hopefully throw all of the

169
00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,520
Speaker 1: darts at the board and to land all the darts,

170
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,960
Speaker 1: because this man deserves to be darted darted. Thank you,

171
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,200
Speaker 1: Sophia welcome, but we have an update.

172
00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:09,160
Speaker 3: Ah.

173
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,720
Speaker 2: I am praying this man goes to jail. Update.

174
00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,960
Speaker 1: I made the police report for both identity theft and

175
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,200
Speaker 1: the spitting. Thank god, they said it was two separate incidents.

176
00:08:19,360 --> 00:08:21,960
Speaker 1: The identity theft was a felony and the spitting was

177
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:26,480
Speaker 1: a misdemeanor. About a week afterward, my dad comes storming

178
00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:30,080
Speaker 1: into my workplace. He's always had anger issues, but this

179
00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,679
Speaker 1: is a new low for him. He starts screaming at

180
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,160
Speaker 1: me for calling the police, and a security guard comes

181
00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:37,640
Speaker 1: in to tell him he has to leave. The security

182
00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 1: guard meant well, but she's probably twenty three years old

183
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,559
Speaker 1: and small, and my dad is six too and has

184
00:08:43,559 --> 00:08:46,520
Speaker 1: had plenty of fights in his life. My manager told

185
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,880
Speaker 1: me to go in the back and he followed me there.

186
00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:51,360
Speaker 1: I locked myself in the bathroom and he just kept

187
00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,200
Speaker 1: banging on the door for probably three to four minutes,

188
00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:57,120
Speaker 1: screaming at me. I called my mom and she tried

189
00:08:57,160 --> 00:09:00,679
Speaker 1: calling him. Eventually, a police off off gets there and

190
00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:05,000
Speaker 1: goes to handcuff my dad. He fought him and two

191
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:08,719
Speaker 1: other officers pile on him. Only silver lining is this

192
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,400
Speaker 1: is probably all great for the case. Now he's going

193
00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,720
Speaker 1: to get some cases, he's attacking a police officer.

194
00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:14,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're not gonna lie.

195
00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 3: I really no, he's going to get things stacked.

196
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:22,360
Speaker 1: He's arrested on aggravated battery and aggravated resisting charges. He

197
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,679
Speaker 1: was released from jail the next day. No idea why,

198
00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:30,719
Speaker 1: but the county decided not to prosecute him.

199
00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:32,719
Speaker 2: I spoke with.

200
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,800
Speaker 1: An officer a couple of days later about a possible

201
00:09:35,960 --> 00:09:39,200
Speaker 1: order of protection, and I was told the county usually

202
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,320
Speaker 1: doesn't prosecute people fighting cops unless an officer gets injured

203
00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,800
Speaker 1: so badly they might have to medically retire.

204
00:09:46,280 --> 00:09:50,320
Speaker 2: What happened to them abusing their own self interest? What

205
00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:50,960
Speaker 2: happened to that?

206
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:55,520
Speaker 1: What what reminded me about this post was that I

207
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:59,520
Speaker 1: checked my credit yesterday and one of the accounts has

208
00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:00,000
Speaker 1: come up.

209
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,240
Speaker 3: You need to talk to your bank, you need to

210
00:10:02,280 --> 00:10:03,280
Speaker 3: make them both come off.

211
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:06,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, But honestly, I don't know a ton about identities

212
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,720
Speaker 1: after this, but I'm pretty sure it's like very hard.

213
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,000
Speaker 3: I'm sure it is revers but I just want to

214
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:16,479
Speaker 3: know whether or not OP is hopefully talking to the bank, still.

215
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,880
Speaker 1: Waiting for the other one, but I think it's just

216
00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:20,360
Speaker 1: a matter of time. My dad hasn't said a word

217
00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 1: to me since, and my mom refuses to talk about it.

218
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,520
Speaker 1: Get the mom out of here. Get the mom out

219
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:26,520
Speaker 1: of that is disgusting.

220
00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 3: Absolutely, don't talk to them.

221
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,080
Speaker 1: The next thing is the rest of my family is

222
00:10:30,120 --> 00:10:31,560
Speaker 1: completely on my side on this.

223
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:32,320
Speaker 2: Thank God.

224
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,840
Speaker 1: My credit should recover pretty soon. But I think my

225
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,680
Speaker 1: relationship with my dad is pretty much over. I'm fine

226
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:40,520
Speaker 1: with that. He's a toxic person. I'm just hoping nothing

227
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:43,840
Speaker 1: else happens. That's the end of the story. Have zero

228
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000
Speaker 1: regrets about.

229
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,720
Speaker 3: Literally no, cut him off and cut your mom off

230
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:53,720
Speaker 3: because these people are very toxic and they're just going

231
00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:59,160
Speaker 3: to abuse the relationship with you, and they're going to, yeah,

232
00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,960
Speaker 3: take all of your stuff unless you just stop them.

233
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:02,840
Speaker 2: I would.

234
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,280
Speaker 1: Maybe the mom, I think, also needs some sort of

235
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:10,160
Speaker 1: repercussion for actions, might just tell her, like, I'm gonna

236
00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:12,679
Speaker 1: cut you off because you didn't defend me. You refuse

237
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,240
Speaker 1: to talk about look what he did to me? Yeah,

238
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:16,760
Speaker 1: how dare you not defend me?

239
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:19,839
Speaker 3: Yeah? No, you have that confrontation letting her know. I

240
00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,040
Speaker 3: think also he deserves that kind of closure.

241
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:23,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally totally.

242
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:27,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely unacceptable that you weren't there for me. Oh but.

243
00:11:29,320 --> 00:11:30,360
Speaker 2: We do have more stories.

244
00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,240
Speaker 3: My best friend's widow found a new boyfriend. Now I

245
00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:35,880
Speaker 3: want her out of my life.

246
00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:37,200
Speaker 2: Oh dare they find love?

247
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:42,600
Speaker 3: So Burger balls forty five, says Bals. About eight months ago,

248
00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:47,280
Speaker 3: my twenty eight male friend twenty seven male took their

249
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:50,480
Speaker 3: own life due to some childhood trauma. He had a girlfriend,

250
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:54,079
Speaker 3: twenty five female, and two young kids he left behind.

251
00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:56,880
Speaker 3: One had just turned three and the other was about

252
00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,640
Speaker 3: ten months. It was very sad and really me up.

253
00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:02,560
Speaker 3: I sent her a message and said that if she

254
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:06,280
Speaker 3: ever needs anything at all, to reach out. She thanked me.

255
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,800
Speaker 3: I did not mean in a spicy sleep kind of

256
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,240
Speaker 3: way or anything like that. I never viewed her like that.

257
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:15,439
Speaker 3: I had been with the girl for two years when

258
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,960
Speaker 3: they started dating. We broke up a while ago. I

259
00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,800
Speaker 3: was single for a while and was dating a different

260
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 3: girl for about three months when he passed away. Anyways,

261
00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:27,360
Speaker 3: when I said help, I meant it in a good way,

262
00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 3: Like in a hypothetical situation if I had kids and died,

263
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,360
Speaker 3: I would want people to help my girlfriend flash wife,

264
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,040
Speaker 3: or if she died, I would probably be looking for

265
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:39,360
Speaker 3: some assistance. There was a go fundme setup that I

266
00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:42,520
Speaker 3: had contributed to I was not the biggest downer there,

267
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,360
Speaker 3: so it's not like I'm the only one who cared

268
00:12:44,360 --> 00:12:47,160
Speaker 3: about them. But as you can imagine, it dries up

269
00:12:47,240 --> 00:12:50,480
Speaker 3: quickly because she was not working at the time. Then

270
00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,360
Speaker 3: a couple local businesses did fundraisers we went to and

271
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,160
Speaker 3: we cooked her some lasagna. So about two months later,

272
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:01,400
Speaker 3: she reached out to me my now ex girlfriend, by

273
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:04,200
Speaker 3: a group messenger and asked us if we could watch

274
00:13:04,240 --> 00:13:08,600
Speaker 3: the kids for free one night. We obviously said yes.

275
00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 3: She was saying how tough it is because her mom

276
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:13,560
Speaker 3: can't babysit all the time, and having paid for a

277
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,840
Speaker 3: babysitter eats away at most of what she makes. But

278
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:19,959
Speaker 3: it's better than nothing. I mean, two kids too young,

279
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:23,800
Speaker 3: too young kids when you're yeah, you're trying to have

280
00:13:23,840 --> 00:13:25,199
Speaker 3: a job but also take care of them.

281
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:28,760
Speaker 1: I would imagine babysitters today are a decent bit above

282
00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:30,439
Speaker 1: whatever the minimum wages.

283
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:34,520
Speaker 3: A babysitting I would say, can range. When I started babysitting,

284
00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,800
Speaker 3: I was paid around twelve to fifteen dollars.

285
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,120
Speaker 2: An hour, but you were like at twelve right, yeah.

286
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:43,240
Speaker 3: But now recently I was paid about twenty two dollars

287
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 3: an hour more recently and then I have a friend.

288
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 3: It was also paid like thirty dollars an hour. Yeah,

289
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:50,640
Speaker 3: so it can get pretty pricey. We both talked about

290
00:13:50,640 --> 00:13:53,160
Speaker 3: how much we hope she finds someone soon and things

291
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,680
Speaker 3: get better for her. Afterwards, I responded saying I was

292
00:13:56,720 --> 00:14:00,400
Speaker 3: serious and that I'm able to help out whenever month

293
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,920
Speaker 3: goes by and she sends a message saying she has

294
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,280
Speaker 3: fallen a little bit behind on the electric bill and

295
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,760
Speaker 3: asked for help. I told her to send it to me,

296
00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,920
Speaker 3: and she was like, well, it's kind of a lot.

297
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,520
Speaker 3: You don't have to pay the whole thing, just anything helps.

298
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,600
Speaker 3: I told her to send it to me and I'd

299
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,880
Speaker 3: pay what I could. It was more than I thought,

300
00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:20,160
Speaker 3: but I paid the whole thing. She was so thankful

301
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,280
Speaker 3: for this, which is I think that's really nice. And

302
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:25,600
Speaker 3: I also think that that she specifically said, I don't

303
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,440
Speaker 3: need you to pay at all. It's a lot. I

304
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:29,240
Speaker 3: just need a little bit of help totally.

305
00:14:29,440 --> 00:14:32,040
Speaker 1: And he's already Yeah, what a hard position to really

306
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 1: hard to ask for that, you know.

307
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:37,000
Speaker 3: I think it's it's really difficult I think for people,

308
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:40,000
Speaker 3: especially just in terms of like pride, oh, of having

309
00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:43,320
Speaker 3: to ask for help and ask for money, but knowing

310
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,400
Speaker 3: that you have two children that you mind a support it. Yeah.

311
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,400
Speaker 3: My girlfriend and I break up about a week or

312
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,760
Speaker 3: two after this, not because she was mad I paid

313
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:54,040
Speaker 3: the bill or anything like that. She would not be upset.

314
00:14:54,520 --> 00:14:57,040
Speaker 3: I assume she makes good money, as we're both professionals,

315
00:14:57,040 --> 00:15:00,000
Speaker 3: and we never discussed finances. Ours were one hundred percent

316
00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 3: and we each had our own place, but hers was

317
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,080
Speaker 3: a studio, so she was staying with me most of

318
00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:08,080
Speaker 3: the time. But we had disagreements on household things and

319
00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,920
Speaker 3: we both agreed we wouldn't want to live together, so

320
00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:14,840
Speaker 3: we just broke up for the best. Back to my

321
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,280
Speaker 3: friend's widow, she sends us another message asking if we

322
00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,040
Speaker 3: can watch her kids again. I'd tell my ex I'll

323
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,080
Speaker 3: reply privately, so I tell her that we had broken

324
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,080
Speaker 3: up and that I had plans, but I offered to

325
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:29,800
Speaker 3: pay for a babysitter. She uh said yes and thanked

326
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:33,000
Speaker 3: me again. A few more weeks passed and she blew

327
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,200
Speaker 3: a tire. She called and asked for help. I was working,

328
00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,000
Speaker 3: but told her I'd pay for the tow truck and

329
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,800
Speaker 3: a new set of tires. He was crying with thanks

330
00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,440
Speaker 3: after that. The small request started to get more frequence.

331
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 2: It's tough, this is hard.

332
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,680
Speaker 3: How do you set boundaries?

333
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:48,440
Speaker 2: Yeah?

334
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:52,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it's like, it's obviously great that Op's helping,

335
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 1: and I understand, like like initially with the electric but

336
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,240
Speaker 1: or like asking to like watch the kids. Yeah, totally

337
00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,160
Speaker 1: understand that. But it can reach to this place where

338
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:02,160
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay.

339
00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:03,920
Speaker 3: Now there's a financial burden on op it's.

340
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:04,920
Speaker 2: A financial burden on op.

341
00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 1: OPI has been OPI has proven that they're willing to

342
00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,920
Speaker 1: help within reason. So it gets to a point I

343
00:16:12,920 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 1: think where it's like, Okay, Opie shouldn't have to be

344
00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:19,920
Speaker 1: overly burdened more than they already were reasonably contributing, Yeah

345
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 1: and doing really good.

346
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,840
Speaker 2: I would say, yeah, I agree.

347
00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,400
Speaker 3: After that, the small request started to get more frequent.

348
00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,480
Speaker 3: One day she asked me if I could pay for

349
00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:30,200
Speaker 3: the babysitter. I said yes, and it happened several times

350
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:33,560
Speaker 3: after that. Anytime she said that their son wanted McDonald's,

351
00:16:33,720 --> 00:16:37,120
Speaker 3: she gets EBT, which is nice. It's not like she's irresponsible,

352
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:39,400
Speaker 3: but was happy for a treat. One day it was

353
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:43,240
Speaker 3: for some movie. Twice it was for days at the pool. Well,

354
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:47,200
Speaker 3: I saw that she had in a relationship with twenty

355
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:51,400
Speaker 3: six Mail. I was very happy for her and the kids.

356
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 3: I was partially relieved thinking that I was, or a

357
00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:58,600
Speaker 3: better term, off the hook. Yeah, from being asked to

358
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 3: cover their expenses. Look, I never minded I was the

359
00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:04,000
Speaker 3: one who offered, but I'd prefer not to do it

360
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,280
Speaker 3: forever if there is an alternative.

361
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:10,680
Speaker 1: So reasonable, very reasonable, massively massively reasonable, like you said,

362
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:14,640
Speaker 1: going going above and beyond, and shouldn't be I shouldn't

363
00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:15,240
Speaker 1: feel or.

364
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,639
Speaker 2: Be obligated to do anything more than they're already.

365
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:20,600
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, especially now that there seems to be someone

366
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:21,920
Speaker 3: else in the picture. Whe I think Opee could have

367
00:17:21,960 --> 00:17:24,960
Speaker 3: a conversation with her, yes and say, hey, I noticed

368
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 3: that you have a partner, and I don't think that

369
00:17:28,600 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 3: I can, you know, continue forever? Yeah, I continue to

370
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:37,040
Speaker 3: do this a great So. Now here's where it went bad.

371
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,080
Speaker 3: About three days after that, she sent me a message

372
00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:43,280
Speaker 3: asking me to pay for her son's shoes because he

373
00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:47,359
Speaker 3: outgrew them. I was a little confused. I said, oh,

374
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,159
Speaker 3: aren't you dating twenty six Mail? Then she sent me

375
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:52,800
Speaker 3: back a message asking what that has to do with anything.

376
00:17:53,119 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 3: I said, well, you shouldn't, well, shouldn't you ask him.

377
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,200
Speaker 3: Then she said that they had just started dating and

378
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,000
Speaker 3: she didn't I feel comfortable asking him to start covering

379
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 3: her kid's expenses yet. I told her that if he's

380
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,480
Speaker 3: dating her, he should be the one she asks for

381
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:11,600
Speaker 3: financial assistance, not me. She then asked me if I

382
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:13,320
Speaker 3: was just giving her money with the hopes of getting

383
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:20,119
Speaker 3: in her pants someday. Come on, that's really rude.

384
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,520
Speaker 2: He was the angel. He was the angel. Thank you?

385
00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 2: Like truly, someone's just trying to help, that is it.

386
00:18:25,840 --> 00:18:29,520
Speaker 3: Yeah? I responded by saying, no, I was dating X

387
00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,840
Speaker 3: someone else when friend passed away or died. I was

388
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:34,760
Speaker 3: trying to help you and your kids get out of

389
00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,800
Speaker 3: a rough spot that you were in. But it looks

390
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:40,040
Speaker 3: like you're out. She didn't respond and left it at that.

391
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,520
Speaker 3: I just looked over my credit card and Venmo's statements.

392
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:47,679
Speaker 3: Two hundred and fifty dollars for GoFundMe, four one hundred

393
00:18:47,680 --> 00:18:51,159
Speaker 3: and eighty three dollars for electric bill, five hundred and

394
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:54,399
Speaker 3: twenty five dollars cent to the babysitter, one hundred and

395
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,520
Speaker 3: fifty cent to a tow truck driver, oh my god,

396
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,399
Speaker 3: eight seventy cent to her directly on Venmo I couldn't

397
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:02,600
Speaker 3: pay for the tires directly, so I just had her

398
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:06,040
Speaker 3: sent me the receipt. I've done this before. Twenty six

399
00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:09,840
Speaker 3: dollars for the movie tickets nineteen fifty six at McDonald's.

400
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,920
Speaker 3: That's at least two three hundred and twenty four dollars

401
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,439
Speaker 3: I gave to help her earn her kids out in

402
00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:23,600
Speaker 3: confirmed bills, Dude, dude, oh my, and you turn around,

403
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:27,359
Speaker 3: gives the audacity to say, oh, you're just trying to

404
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,240
Speaker 3: get in my pants.

405
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:29,120
Speaker 2: Come on.

406
00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,199
Speaker 3: The Amazon bills a little trickier because some of it

407
00:19:32,280 --> 00:19:34,760
Speaker 3: was for a birthday present and I do buy stuff myself,

408
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 3: but I guess about four hundred to five hundred dollars

409
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,720
Speaker 3: there unrelated to birthdays, plus forty dollars in cash for

410
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,520
Speaker 3: the pool. I gave her twenty dollars each time and

411
00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:46,760
Speaker 3: told her to use the rest on snacks. There was

412
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:50,479
Speaker 3: other cash money spent, regardless, it's about three K that

413
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 3: I spent. I was happy to do it at the time,

414
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:56,240
Speaker 3: but after that message, I've been kind of conflicted. I

415
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,840
Speaker 3: wouldn't want the kids to suffer or end up homeless.

416
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 3: It kind of made be mad, But I'm wondering, am

417
00:20:02,760 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 3: I the a hole here.

418
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 2: No no, no, no.

419
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 3: No, you gave so three thousand dollars. Yes, and she

420
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,800
Speaker 3: has the audacity to say this to you to expect

421
00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,960
Speaker 3: all of this money. And also I do understand to

422
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,600
Speaker 3: a certain extent, not wanting to ask a new partner

423
00:20:21,119 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 3: to fund your life. However, it does seem like someone

424
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,679
Speaker 3: brought up in the comments it seems like maybe the

425
00:20:28,720 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 3: babysitter was for her to go on dates, which at

426
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 3: this point OP is funding these dates, and.

427
00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:39,080
Speaker 1: That's also a little bit unfair. But in any case, yeah,

428
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 1: it is not Op's responsibility. And OP is, you know,

429
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:46,159
Speaker 1: offering an alternative solution and ultimately doesn't even need to

430
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:46,480
Speaker 1: do that.

431
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,600
Speaker 3: No, like OP does not have any obligation to give

432
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 3: her money. He is doing it out of the kindness

433
00:20:51,560 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 3: of his heart. Yep, he's been very very kind. Yes, yeah,

434
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,600
Speaker 3: this is just ridiculous. I think she's grown used to it.

435
00:20:59,600 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 3: It seems like h got complacent and then is saying

436
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: and is now expecting it, which is not fair.

437
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 2: Too bad, That is bad. Is there a question for

438
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:10,640
Speaker 2: this episode?

439
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 3: Should you cut off friends, family, or partners who damage

440
00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 3: your livelihood? This is tricky because I think that OP

441
00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 3: might want a relationship with the kids because these are

442
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 3: his friends' kids.

443
00:21:19,160 --> 00:21:21,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, like he's like their uncle.

444
00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,480
Speaker 3: Kind of Yes, I think. I think maybe not fully

445
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 3: cutting off, but just saying hey, I can no longer

446
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:27,600
Speaker 3: support you.

447
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:28,680
Speaker 2: Limited context.

448
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:29,040
Speaker 1: Yes,