1 00:00:00,920 --> 00:00:04,080 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Brooke Shields. I am fifty seven years old 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:07,320 Speaker 1: and I've been in the public eye for fifty six years. 3 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:11,320 Speaker 1: What can I say? I was ambitious out of the womb. 4 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,200 Speaker 1: If you're listening to this podcast, you probably already know 5 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 1: a little bit about me. I started modeling when I 6 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: was eleven months old, and by the time I was 7 00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:24,040 Speaker 1: eleven years old, was starring in the film Pretty Baby. 8 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,800 Speaker 1: And basically from that point on, I became a catalyst 9 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: for controversy. I gave young love bad tan lines in 10 00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 1: Blue Lagoon, gave frieda calo or run for her money. 11 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: I even gave Barbie a boot job. Yeah that is right. 12 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: My mother insisted that the brook doll be flat chested. 13 00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:48,239 Speaker 1: And let's not forget I became the most shocking thing 14 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: ever to happen to Denham. I eventually traded my Calvins 15 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: for a cape and lost my much talked about virginity 16 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: to Superman. Oh and I got a French degree from 17 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,440 Speaker 1: at Rutger's. If you don't believe me, just google my grades. 18 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:07,880 Speaker 1: They were published in Life magazine. For the record, none 19 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 1: of this is how I see myself. I am an actress, 20 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: a writer, a wife, and a mother to two incredible 21 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: young women. I recently started my own company, Beginning is Now, 22 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: and I have spent years building a life and a 23 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:27,560 Speaker 1: brand that I am really proud of. And now I'm 24 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: joining a long line of celebrities fighting for space inside 25 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:37,840 Speaker 1: your headphones. I'm starting a podcast, Why You Ask, Will 26 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:43,480 Speaker 1: because I'm actually really interested in other people's stories, specifically 27 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,920 Speaker 1: the stories about pivotal moments in their lives, setbacks, and 28 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 1: all the times that life doesn't go according to plan. 29 00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:56,920 Speaker 1: I call them now what moments. We all have them, 30 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:01,000 Speaker 1: but we rarely talk about them. For me, I was 31 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: losing my best friend to suicide, leaving my first marriage, 32 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,120 Speaker 1: and walking away from a big job opportunity because it 33 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:13,240 Speaker 1: just didn't feel right. Recently, though, I suffered a life 34 00:02:13,280 --> 00:02:17,160 Speaker 1: threatening injury that left me hospitalized for a month, wondering 35 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,280 Speaker 1: if I'd ever walk again. During that time, I couldn't 36 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 1: do much except think think about what else I wanted 37 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:29,079 Speaker 1: from my life, and one of those things was this podcast. 38 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,880 Speaker 1: Each week, I'll sit down with a guest to talk 39 00:02:32,919 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: about the times that they were knocked off course and 40 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 1: what did they do to move forward. Some stories are funny, 41 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,800 Speaker 1: others are gut wrenching, but all are a part of 42 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:47,040 Speaker 1: the human experience and what we do in the face 43 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: of adversity says so much about who we are. I'm 44 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:57,360 Speaker 1: Brookshields and this is now what I want to thank 45 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: you so much. It's a pleasure. You're my I'm your first, 46 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:07,680 Speaker 1: You're my first. Okay, wow, I feel really privileged. I'll 47 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:13,240 Speaker 1: try and make it painless. That voice she just heard 48 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 1: is award winning actress Julianna Markilles. We met back in 49 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,919 Speaker 1: the nineties, often crossing paths on the Warner Brothers lot 50 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: during our must see TV days. Like many of you, 51 00:03:26,919 --> 00:03:30,160 Speaker 1: I was a huge fan of Nurse Carol Hathaway, the 52 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 1: character she played for six years on e ER. In 53 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 1: the decades since, Julianna has done it all, including an 54 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: award winning turn as Alicia Floraic and The Good Wife, 55 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: and more recently as journalist Laura Peterson on Apple TVs 56 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: The Morning Show. She is also a wonderful mom to 57 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:54,839 Speaker 1: a teenage son, a wife, and, as it turns out, 58 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 1: a very very good writer. Her memoir, Sunshine Girl and 59 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,960 Speaker 1: Unexpected Life was one I could not put down, mainly 60 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 1: because her story is so incredible. The youngest child of 61 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 1: divorced parents. Julianna was raised all over the world. Her 62 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,840 Speaker 1: dad was an advertising executive in New York City, and 63 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,520 Speaker 1: her mom was a movement teacher and a true bohemian 64 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:24,200 Speaker 1: whose career and romantic relationships forced Julianna and her sister 65 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:28,160 Speaker 1: to move constantly. It's a kind of instability that can 66 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:32,719 Speaker 1: prove disastrous for a kid, but Julianna managed to adapt 67 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,960 Speaker 1: and with a lot of hard work and what she 68 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: says is a little luck, she has built an incredible 69 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: life for herself. I admire her resilience, her talent, and 70 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:47,279 Speaker 1: I think her ability to forgive and move forward is 71 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:50,839 Speaker 1: something that we can all learn from. So, without further ado, 72 00:04:51,360 --> 00:05:00,440 Speaker 1: here is Julianna Marcules. It was a fun I have 73 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 1: um a George A George moment and you'll appreciate this. 74 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:09,640 Speaker 1: Our good friend, my best friend, David. You guys were 75 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:12,080 Speaker 1: all having lunch and we were there. I think it 76 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: was a tape day, and so he said, hey, bro, 77 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: George Clooney is was walking this way. He's walking out. 78 00:05:19,240 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: He goes say hi to him. So I was like, 79 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,279 Speaker 1: really really, and he goes, yeah, yeah, stay hi to him. 80 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 1: So I stood in the middle of the path to 81 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: sort of obstruct his way out the door, and as 82 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,120 Speaker 1: he came up to me to have to pass me, 83 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: I didn't have any words to come out of my mouth, 84 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:41,320 Speaker 1: so I just looked at him and I went two 85 00:05:41,440 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 1: thumbs up. And David was like, you are such a 86 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: geeky nerd. He's like, I can't believe all you could 87 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: manage was getting two thumbs up like an idiot. Did 88 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:55,000 Speaker 1: he have a reaction though to that? He would have 89 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: had a sweet reaction. I'm sure he was just sweet. 90 00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: He just kind of like sort of nodded like, oh 91 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:02,640 Speaker 1: your porthe but it was but no, I bet you 92 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:04,560 Speaker 1: it was like, oh my god, Brookshields just gave me 93 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,279 Speaker 1: a thumbs up, not not not just one, but two. 94 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: And then I remember we did we play trades at 95 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:15,040 Speaker 1: your house? Yeah, and we played game night. This is 96 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: all pre children, when you had time to set up 97 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,719 Speaker 1: those kind of game nights, so serious about it running 98 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: and your game player you were well, And we'll get 99 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: to that too, because I think you're I feel a 100 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:35,760 Speaker 1: little perfectionist in there um and competitive for sure. And 101 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: I remember my first experience with game night at your 102 00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:41,080 Speaker 1: right perhaps that I thought I don't think I'm going 103 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 1: to survive this. I really don't think I'm going to 104 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 1: survive this. I can't. I can't handle it. There's too 105 00:06:46,360 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 1: much competition in the world and they're gonna think I'm stupid. 106 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: And you guys were all such good actors too, and 107 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,640 Speaker 1: it was just but it was I felt so excited 108 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,880 Speaker 1: that you had invited me, and I know it was 109 00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: through David, but he was like, you guys are gonna 110 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:05,080 Speaker 1: really like each other, and uh, I think, um, I 111 00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 1: didn't spend enough time with you, and was so happy 112 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:12,040 Speaker 1: now that we're able to reconnect or even maybe really 113 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 1: connect in the first place. Me too. And I have 114 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,360 Speaker 1: to tell you broke when you know, I'm very new 115 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: to Instagram and you were going through your leg trauma, 116 00:07:21,080 --> 00:07:24,840 Speaker 1: your femur. Right you broke your femur. I followed you 117 00:07:24,840 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 1: every day. I would d M you. I didn't know 118 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: what that really was, but I was with you every 119 00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 1: step of the way, and it just was remarkable to 120 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 1: watch you recover from that. What a hard time you 121 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,840 Speaker 1: went through. You know, it was the biggest shock I 122 00:07:39,880 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 1: think of my life to have to go through something 123 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,119 Speaker 1: like that all by myself in a hospital for a month, 124 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:51,000 Speaker 1: and I made it a real experience, you know. I 125 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 1: I sort of delved into the people that I would 126 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: see every day, like the nurse practitioner or the man 127 00:07:57,120 --> 00:07:59,880 Speaker 1: that came in and cleaned, you know, he would sort 128 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:02,760 Speaker 1: of empty the garbage. And they had just told me 129 00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 1: I had a staff infection and then didn't know what 130 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:08,760 Speaker 1: it was. And he saw my face and he said, oh, 131 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,720 Speaker 1: he said, may I, May I just do something? And 132 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: I you know, and then you're kind of like, well, 133 00:08:14,840 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: I can't run, can I um? And he sang Michael 134 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 1: Jackson's Smile acapella at the foot of my bed, and 135 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,920 Speaker 1: I thought, you know what, this is a horrendous experience. 136 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,000 Speaker 1: But there are angels around us all the time, and 137 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: and that's what I was able to grab onto that 138 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:42,040 Speaker 1: and make all those little mini experiences booing me And 139 00:08:42,440 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: what I could control was learning how to walk. So 140 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: that became my focus. Well, and you did it beautifully 141 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 1: because you really took us through your journey, like I 142 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:54,079 Speaker 1: felt like I was in rehab with you. Well, it 143 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,920 Speaker 1: wasn't a poor me way of doing it. I wanted 144 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:03,040 Speaker 1: to make sure that people understood how much were capable of. Yeah, 145 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 1: and it didn't come off as as poor MEA came 146 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,960 Speaker 1: off as a warrior, right, which is sort of what 147 00:09:09,559 --> 00:09:14,440 Speaker 1: we women have to be now, especially well especially now 148 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:18,400 Speaker 1: of warriors. But I think that I find that to 149 00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 1: be a part of who you always were, because in 150 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:30,320 Speaker 1: reading your book, you adapted, you shifted, I mean the 151 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: number of the sheer number of times that you had 152 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: to start over. Can you tell our listeners a little 153 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:41,320 Speaker 1: bit about the sort of I call it a beautiful 154 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: difference between the two full lives that you grew up 155 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:50,520 Speaker 1: living within your father's house, your mother's house. Your parents 156 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,240 Speaker 1: divorced when you were a year a year old old. 157 00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: My parents divorced when I was five months old. Oh 158 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:00,280 Speaker 1: you beat me, peacher by a couple of months. But 159 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:05,800 Speaker 1: I noticed that approval was always really important. Yeah, and 160 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: you wanted it from your dad as well as your mom. 161 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:13,200 Speaker 1: But differently, I wanted it more from my father because 162 00:10:13,200 --> 00:10:16,480 Speaker 1: my mother didn't show me a life that I wanted 163 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 1: to exemplify. And and you know, I have a great 164 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,880 Speaker 1: relationship with my mother and I and I take good 165 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,079 Speaker 1: care of her and we're good, but she was so 166 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 1: out there and such a narcissist. Her needs came first 167 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:32,640 Speaker 1: that that I didn't really need her approval, and also 168 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: she gave it to me every day, you know. I mean, 169 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,840 Speaker 1: even with all her crazy, I still was sitting on 170 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 1: her lap literally after dinner every night until I was fourteen. 171 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: But I didn't need her approval because I felt a 172 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,959 Speaker 1: pretty young age that I had already surpassed her level. 173 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 1: Her bar was so low. How did you know that 174 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 1: as a little girl? You knew this so innately. I 175 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:01,239 Speaker 1: think it's because my father, who was very highbrow, deep intellectual, 176 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: and very well regarded um in his business. And you know, 177 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: he had gone to an Ivy League school, and he 178 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,439 Speaker 1: was from a very very prominent Jewish family in Riverdale. 179 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:15,280 Speaker 1: You know, he was to me, he was sort of 180 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 1: what I aspired to be. I mean, it's why I act. 181 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 1: I think I was always watching people's behavior from the 182 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:25,480 Speaker 1: age of five. What are people feeling? How are they behaving? 183 00:11:25,880 --> 00:11:29,280 Speaker 1: Then I knew how to act, but I never thought 184 00:11:29,640 --> 00:11:32,040 Speaker 1: what am I How am I behaving? How am I feeling? 185 00:11:32,040 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: It was always what are they feeling? Then I'll be 186 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 1: able to incorporate myself into their world. And so with 187 00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:40,960 Speaker 1: my dad, I think I wanted his approval because to me, 188 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:46,120 Speaker 1: he was the more upstanding citizen. And also I saw 189 00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:49,240 Speaker 1: how much she disapproved of my mom. But then you 190 00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 1: still you didn't want to speak ill of your mother 191 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 1: because you didn't want him to think even less of 192 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,640 Speaker 1: her choices. Yeah. It wasn't until the twenty one year 193 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 1: old boyfriend who moved into our house when I was fifteen, 194 00:12:05,280 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 1: and I remember what my father said, and it really 195 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 1: freaked me out. He said, well, this just put the 196 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: nail in the coffin, and I remember thinking, oh my god, 197 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 1: it's over. He'll never think well of her now, because 198 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 1: I thought because I lived with her that he assumed 199 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 1: I was bad too, that my behavior was bad because 200 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: I chose to live with her. So it was I 201 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 1: was very conflicted. You know. Finally, when I was forty 202 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:37,920 Speaker 1: and pregnant, I confronted him because I always blame my 203 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 1: mother for everything, and then I thought, I have this 204 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: little baby. Would I ever allow my child to be 205 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:51,360 Speaker 1: in such an unstable home? And the mothers get blamed 206 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: for everything, what about the dad's And I had never 207 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 1: confronted him to say, like, wait a minute, Mr Perfect, 208 00:12:59,520 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 1: where were you? You could have said no, you were 209 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: the one giving her alimony, you were the one paying 210 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:06,679 Speaker 1: child support. Why didn't you come and get us. Why 211 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: didn't you say to her, no, you're not slipping the 212 00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,000 Speaker 1: girls to England again, And you're not, you know, living 213 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 1: with a twenty one year old. If you choose to 214 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 1: have a twenty one year old live in your house, 215 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,319 Speaker 1: which I pay for, that's it. I'm taking my girls away. 216 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 1: I'm taking them away, you know. And then I mean, 217 00:13:21,880 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 1: I feel lucky because I know that both my parents 218 00:13:24,240 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 1: are sort of well, my dad's passed away now, but 219 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:31,760 Speaker 1: both were very spiritually awake in that they could look 220 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,679 Speaker 1: at their own flaws, and I think that's hard for 221 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: our generation of parents. I think when I was finally 222 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,440 Speaker 1: able to confront my father and we had been in 223 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,160 Speaker 1: such a good place, I think it was such a 224 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:47,320 Speaker 1: shock to him to hear, and I think he was 225 00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: able to actually look at his own his own action, 226 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,560 Speaker 1: his own inaction, I should say, in my childhood. And 227 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: the second I got my apologies from both of them, 228 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,880 Speaker 1: I I left that baggage in the old room. I 229 00:14:01,920 --> 00:14:05,480 Speaker 1: don't go there anymore because I don't. It doesn't interest me. 230 00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: I don't want to live there. I want to live 231 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:17,880 Speaker 1: in what we can have now. I'm also amazed at 232 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: where your name came from. Sunshine Girl, and that was 233 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: given to you by your mom, and you said that 234 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:30,360 Speaker 1: that's who you were, that's who you were for everybody. 235 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I think the reason um that my mom 236 00:14:34,360 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 1: named me Sunshine girl because she said I was the 237 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:38,640 Speaker 1: easy baby. I'm the youngest of three and I was 238 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 1: just and I never cried and I brought sunshine into 239 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 1: a room. And that's all sweet and good, right, But 240 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: it's a huge responsibility for a child. It means that 241 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:51,840 Speaker 1: you never get to complain or say this doesn't feel good, 242 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 1: or I'm scared, or I don't want to move again. 243 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: And you know, but I think my mother thought she 244 00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 1: was blessing me with that name. But for me as 245 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 1: an once I became a woman, a young woman, and 246 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: was living life on my own without that comfort of 247 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,920 Speaker 1: a loving parent around, I didn't really know how to 248 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 1: function without just being the Sunshine Girl. I didn't know 249 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 1: how to draw the line for myself or boundaries for myself. 250 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: I just thought I always had to figure it out 251 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:24,200 Speaker 1: how to be in someone else's space, how to be 252 00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 1: in someone else's mood, how to tiptoe around something that 253 00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: looked bad but that I could fix it. I always 254 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:33,680 Speaker 1: thought I could fix everything. And then in the end, 255 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: as an adult, especially once I started having mature relationships, 256 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,760 Speaker 1: I started realizing, when I got to thirty five, I'm 257 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: not happy. Why am I doing this song and dance 258 00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: to make everyone else happy if I'm not happy? And 259 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: therefore is it really being a sunshine girl? Or am 260 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:54,800 Speaker 1: I just being scared not to say what I need? 261 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 1: And it's a strange way to go out into the 262 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,280 Speaker 1: world with these labels that you haven't given your self right, 263 00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,320 Speaker 1: someone else has given you that and you're trying to 264 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: live on their terms. I think your upbringing was extraordinary 265 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:14,280 Speaker 1: because I think it helped reveal you. You know, it 266 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,720 Speaker 1: gave you culture, It gave you languages, it gave you travel, 267 00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 1: it gave you different friendships, It gave you it also 268 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 1: uprooted you. And you never knew when what was going 269 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 1: to happen and when you were gonna have to move again. 270 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,520 Speaker 1: And I mean I identify with that because I my 271 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:32,720 Speaker 1: dad was very upper crust as well, went to an 272 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 1: Ivy League school and just a very very different, different life. 273 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 1: And my mom was completely bohemian, completely like abroad, and 274 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 1: you know, she put me in this industry, and I 275 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 1: wasn't miserable in it. But when I look back, her 276 00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:57,280 Speaker 1: lack of self esteem and her alcoholism that kept me 277 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:03,280 Speaker 1: absolutely tether. You must have felt very responsible for her behavior, 278 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 1: completely response to any child of an addict, keep her 279 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,720 Speaker 1: alive and stick up for her in the press, because 280 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:14,719 Speaker 1: they were always just trying to obliterate her. And and 281 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,159 Speaker 1: I look back now and I see why. You know, 282 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,200 Speaker 1: we're all going to want approval. I morphed into whatever 283 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: was necessary for the environment because all my life people 284 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: have wanted something from me. So I'm eating when i'm 285 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 1: in you know, I'm sixteen, right, and and somebody wants 286 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 1: my autograph, and my mother would say, wait till she's 287 00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:40,239 Speaker 1: finished eating. So then I'm sitting there tortured, feeling like 288 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 1: they're waiting. They're getting impatience and you can't enjoy your food. 289 00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,760 Speaker 1: And sometimes they'd be like, yeah, but I'm leaving now, 290 00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 1: and my mother would say, well, that's your problem. She's 291 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 1: eating now. And then if they left, that meant they 292 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:55,240 Speaker 1: really didn't care about me. If they stayed, I was tortured. 293 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:58,760 Speaker 1: And so it's sort of like the whole recognition thing. 294 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm interested in how your whole trajectory to 295 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:07,200 Speaker 1: being an actress is because you were working so hard, 296 00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:10,119 Speaker 1: and I don't think people realize what it's like to 297 00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:15,680 Speaker 1: be on a procedural basically an our show. The hours 298 00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,760 Speaker 1: and days that you're working and then just to have 299 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,920 Speaker 1: to study and learn for the next day. There's no 300 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,720 Speaker 1: you don't even know you're famous. Yeah, it was such 301 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,280 Speaker 1: a shock to me when I had my first moment 302 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: outside of the studio and sort of in the real world, 303 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 1: to think that anyone I knew who I was. Also, 304 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: because I learned really early, Er was such a great 305 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:43,400 Speaker 1: training ground for an actor because Hathaway was a little 306 00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: bit of a um. You know, you meet her and 307 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,119 Speaker 1: she's the first time you meet her, she tries to 308 00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:50,200 Speaker 1: commit suicide, so she was a dark She went to 309 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,320 Speaker 1: some dark places. And I realized early on that if 310 00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 1: I didn't leave her outside my home when I got 311 00:18:56,840 --> 00:19:01,000 Speaker 1: home from work, I wouldn't survive. I couldn't be city. 312 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 1: So if I had a really heavy scene, I would 313 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: just drive around on the four or five for a 314 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 1: while until I and listen to music until I could 315 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:09,840 Speaker 1: let it go before I would walk in my door. 316 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,080 Speaker 1: Because I just didn't want to bring it into my 317 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:16,199 Speaker 1: own personal space. Once I got to the good wife 318 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:19,160 Speaker 1: and I had a family to come home to every night, 319 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:21,640 Speaker 1: I put my key in the door and go leave 320 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 1: her outside, leave her outside, and I would just strip down, 321 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 1: take a breath, walk in, and then be mom and wife. 322 00:19:28,840 --> 00:19:31,080 Speaker 1: But you know, I used to struggle with that because 323 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:33,560 Speaker 1: I used to think, well, if I'm not angst written 324 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: and granted, comedy as my my home, my happy place. 325 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 1: But I always wondered because most of the actresses that 326 00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:44,840 Speaker 1: I have met, and I don't have very many friends 327 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 1: who are actresses, but the ones that were tortured, I 328 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,400 Speaker 1: would put on this pedestal and I think that's really acting. 329 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,239 Speaker 1: That's they get it, you know. And and look at 330 00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:58,879 Speaker 1: there such a thespian and there's and so I always 331 00:19:58,880 --> 00:20:02,120 Speaker 1: put myself down. Yeah, and it's so interesting to hear 332 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:05,399 Speaker 1: you say that, because the struggle is real, but you 333 00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: realized for your own self, sanity, sanity, that you needed 334 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,800 Speaker 1: to draw the line so that you could actually do 335 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: your job absolutely. And also, you know, I I, until 336 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,199 Speaker 1: I met my husband, I really only dated actors. And 337 00:20:18,240 --> 00:20:23,280 Speaker 1: I remember I dated this actor who will remain nameless 338 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,800 Speaker 1: and I said, your moves are nuts, like you are, 339 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,080 Speaker 1: you are nuts, and he was like, but this is 340 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,040 Speaker 1: what makes me such a great actor. And I remember 341 00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: having such a bullshit meter on that, being like even 342 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 1: just to say that seriously, so you're gonna treat me 343 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,879 Speaker 1: like a piece of ship because you're about to go 344 00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:43,280 Speaker 1: off and do a part Like, No, that's actually not 345 00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:46,320 Speaker 1: how we live life. And once I married someone outside 346 00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,720 Speaker 1: of the business, and I would come home sometimes with 347 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,040 Speaker 1: stories of some actors who just behaved really badly on set, 348 00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 1: and he would he would go, if I ever walked 349 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 1: into my office and through a tantrum, because you know 350 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,000 Speaker 1: that doesn't happened like it. If it happened, you're fired. Like, 351 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: you don't get to do that in the real world. 352 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: Only your industry gets to do that. That's ridiculous. Although 353 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 1: now I think less and less, but I think it's 354 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: less and less, and I think because that that behavior 355 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 1: is not getting rewarded the way it used to. And 356 00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:21,800 Speaker 1: I think that the business has changed increminentally. Yeah, and 357 00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,480 Speaker 1: I think now everyone has a camera on you, So 358 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: I think people that I'm sure the people that I 359 00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:31,680 Speaker 1: experienced bad behavior with now probably would know that someone 360 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,240 Speaker 1: was probably filming them and then putting it on TikTok 361 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,760 Speaker 1: or something. I don't know. I don't even know really 362 00:21:36,800 --> 00:21:38,920 Speaker 1: what TikTok is, to be honest with you, but I 363 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:42,360 Speaker 1: mean that's my podcasts. Yeah, that's another podcast. My teenage 364 00:21:42,359 --> 00:21:45,200 Speaker 1: girls are like, you've got to get a better TikTok presence, 365 00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:58,480 Speaker 1: and I was like, ah no, I don't. Let's go 366 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: back to your day's doing e er. Practically overnight the 367 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:08,440 Speaker 1: tone changes. You're you're famous, you're winning these awards, and 368 00:22:08,560 --> 00:22:12,040 Speaker 1: by all appearances, everything is just fine. But all the 369 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,480 Speaker 1: while you're in this relationship, which already had lasted for 370 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 1: more than a decade. I mean, you you say it's 371 00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:23,080 Speaker 1: unhealthy at best. How do you come to that conclusion? 372 00:22:23,119 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: Like what do you think that was? Like? What made 373 00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 1: you decide like this is not working for me right? 374 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,640 Speaker 1: Which I finally figured it out when I finally extracted 375 00:22:31,760 --> 00:22:34,879 Speaker 1: myself from that relationship and went to therapy to figure 376 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: out what I was doing. I didn't want to be 377 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,040 Speaker 1: my mother. My mother went through so many boyfriends. It 378 00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 1: was just a revolving door of boyfriends. And I have 379 00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,680 Speaker 1: it in one of my I wrote journals since I 380 00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:50,760 Speaker 1: was you know, since I could write. Probably then kept 381 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:54,080 Speaker 1: the journals and I went back and painfully read all 382 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 1: of them when I was writing the book, and I wrote, 383 00:22:57,280 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: I think when I was nine, I'm never going to 384 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,480 Speaker 1: be like her. So as an adult, I think in 385 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,919 Speaker 1: my brain I thought, stick it out, kid, because you 386 00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 1: can't be that. You can't be the one going from 387 00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 1: man to man to man. Instead, it was like, stick 388 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 1: out a long relationship and be miserable, not to be 389 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,560 Speaker 1: your mother. Be miserable. But honestly, I think I was 390 00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:20,920 Speaker 1: really afraid that if I left the relationship, I would 391 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,359 Speaker 1: be much more like her, and I didn't want to 392 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:28,199 Speaker 1: do that. What are the parts from her or the 393 00:23:28,280 --> 00:23:31,399 Speaker 1: life that she sort of forced you to live that 394 00:23:31,600 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: you would want to retain. That's a great question, and 395 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,560 Speaker 1: I'll tell you. She taught me to be fiercely independent, 396 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:43,400 Speaker 1: just by circumstance. You know. She was really out there 397 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,879 Speaker 1: and definitely thought of herself first. But she loved me 398 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:52,160 Speaker 1: fiercely and told me always, honey, you can do whatever 399 00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 1: you set your mind to it. You know, we had 400 00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,879 Speaker 1: our fair share of fights and all that, but who 401 00:23:56,960 --> 00:24:00,439 Speaker 1: doesn't with their mom. But she always champed and me. 402 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 1: She was like you know the world's your oyster. My 403 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,199 Speaker 1: dad used to say it to me too, But you 404 00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,639 Speaker 1: were able to follow your heart. And maybe somewhere in 405 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:13,280 Speaker 1: there your mom did teach you that. Absolutely, they both did. 406 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 1: They both did. They both always said, you know, happiness 407 00:24:17,320 --> 00:24:22,399 Speaker 1: is from within. It's not about objects or things. Listen. 408 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,560 Speaker 1: I really do love having money. I love that I 409 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 1: can pay to take really good care of my mom 410 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 1: now that she's an assisted living I love that, you know, 411 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,480 Speaker 1: I love all of that stuff. But it could all 412 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: go away tomorrow. In the back of my head, I 413 00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 1: always think, whenever I'm at a restaurant, I'm like, oh, 414 00:24:36,520 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 1: she's a good waitress. Yeah, I'd be that good. I 415 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: could survive. You could take all of this away, and 416 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 1: I know how to work. She taught you, though, to 417 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:46,920 Speaker 1: be there for yourself. She did, even though it came 418 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,360 Speaker 1: at a sort of side door roundabout white you. And 419 00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: and it's true. And I still hear her, you know, 420 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: in the morning, after I brushed my teeth, I still 421 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:56,920 Speaker 1: hear my mother in my head, Honey, after you brush 422 00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: your teeth or wash your face, just take a tissue 423 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:02,480 Speaker 1: and wipe around the ink. And literally every morning, that's 424 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 1: what I do and I hear her in my hand. God, 425 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 1: now I'm going to think that. You know that now 426 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:08,679 Speaker 1: whenever I brush my teeth and to think about you 427 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:11,440 Speaker 1: and your mother, it's just that thing, you know what 428 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:15,080 Speaker 1: We're like. My dad always saying to me, honey, always 429 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 1: flost your teeth. Just don't make the same mistakes I did. 430 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:20,800 Speaker 1: Floster feet, and literally every night I'm floster with him, like, 431 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:24,399 Speaker 1: thanks thanks that, Thanks God, thanks Dad. Most of the 432 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 1: things that my mother said to me were just made up, 433 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,480 Speaker 1: but she would say them with such conviction. I mean, 434 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:35,040 Speaker 1: my mother was quote unquote teaching me how to swim, 435 00:25:35,080 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 1: and she teaching me to dive. And I dive off 436 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:40,080 Speaker 1: and I come up and I go, how did I do? 437 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: How did I do? How did I do? And she said, 438 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,239 Speaker 1: you know, she gave me instructions. You know, keep your 439 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,359 Speaker 1: toes pointed, think to the other end of the pool, 440 00:25:46,400 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 1: don't think down, think forward, think ahead, and I'd gotta 441 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,919 Speaker 1: do it again, and I'd want to approval. And she 442 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:57,320 Speaker 1: never learned how to swim. Your mom didn't couldn't swim. No, 443 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:01,840 Speaker 1: oh my god, she couldn't whim. And it was a shoe. 444 00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: And she taught you how to swim. She made me 445 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:07,760 Speaker 1: think she knew how to swim. So I'm diving in 446 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: the water with thinking the power of conviction. There you go. 447 00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 1: You know the stories I could go into about and 448 00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,600 Speaker 1: she I believed these things. I believe them. So at 449 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,800 Speaker 1: least your parents gave you some good, good advice. They 450 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,160 Speaker 1: gave me a lot of good to the point where, 451 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,639 Speaker 1: you know, I say, I'm so nervous about like swaddling 452 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,600 Speaker 1: my child too much. You know, when I realized at 453 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:30,639 Speaker 1: seven he couldn't tie his own shoes because I've been 454 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,600 Speaker 1: tying them for him, and realized that struggling is really good. 455 00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:39,679 Speaker 1: It builds character, it builds resilience. It's important for kids 456 00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,640 Speaker 1: to struggle. Our children are a little too pampered. Everything's 457 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: at their fingertips. Everything happened so fast, and there's something 458 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:50,000 Speaker 1: to be said about the struggle. And I don't want 459 00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,160 Speaker 1: to take that away from him. Ever. I think it's important, 460 00:26:53,200 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: and I think it's important for parents to to apologize 461 00:26:56,240 --> 00:27:00,240 Speaker 1: to their parents, to their children. When parents can say 462 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,959 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, you know what I was wrong, it allows 463 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 1: the child to learn how to apologize in life well. 464 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,439 Speaker 1: And also it allows you to be human, you know, 465 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,879 Speaker 1: and I don't think we're taught that our parents are human. 466 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,919 Speaker 1: You know, we want them to be you know, we 467 00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: want them to be superhuman and we and and that's 468 00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:24,280 Speaker 1: you know, as a mom now I often say I'm sorry, 469 00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:30,160 Speaker 1: but I failed to. It's a fine balance between being 470 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:32,959 Speaker 1: a safety net for your child they always know you're 471 00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:38,280 Speaker 1: going to be there, but also feel free to fly, right, 472 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 1: you know. And I never was free to fly. But 473 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:44,679 Speaker 1: you were very different. I mean, your circumstance was not 474 00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:48,600 Speaker 1: so because you didn't have a childhood. You had a 475 00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 1: work hood. My real salvation and place was college. I 476 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,400 Speaker 1: mean that was the first time I was completely on 477 00:27:56,440 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 1: my own, in my own world and I found out 478 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,960 Speaker 1: who I was. But when I was on a movie set, 479 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,920 Speaker 1: I was so happy. You felt like your home because 480 00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:11,800 Speaker 1: there were rules, there were times, and in a weird, weird, 481 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,320 Speaker 1: kind of twisted way, I think it saved me from 482 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:19,840 Speaker 1: a lot. Can I get personal? Yes, absolutely. So. Did 483 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,560 Speaker 1: you go to therapy like when you had to sort 484 00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:25,640 Speaker 1: of figure out and sort of cut the ties from 485 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:27,880 Speaker 1: your mom? No, I didn't go to therapy at all. 486 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:29,760 Speaker 1: I did it all of course. I went to therapy. 487 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:33,200 Speaker 1: My god, and was she what was your relationship as 488 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,959 Speaker 1: a healed adult with her. Once you did, I think 489 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: I was healing till the day she died. And I 490 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 1: think she had to die before a whole part of 491 00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 1: me could actually emerge in a different way. But I 492 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:56,480 Speaker 1: was blessed enough to on my own in college start 493 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,720 Speaker 1: going to therapy and bounced around owned a little bit. 494 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:04,760 Speaker 1: You know, you kind of have to date, yeah, and 495 00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: and you know, sometimes they tried to be cute and 496 00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, that's not gonna work for me. 497 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,640 Speaker 1: I was lucky enough right out of college to find 498 00:29:13,080 --> 00:29:19,440 Speaker 1: an extraordinary therapist for me, and I'm still going to her. Wow, 499 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 1: oh my god, that's amazing. And the first thing I 500 00:29:22,120 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 1: said to her and she brings us up to me, 501 00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,920 Speaker 1: she said, she'll never forget it. You sat in my 502 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:30,120 Speaker 1: office for the first time and you said, I'm afraid 503 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:34,520 Speaker 1: if my mother dies, I will die too. And that 504 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:38,520 Speaker 1: was the first session. And obviously we delved into all 505 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:44,000 Speaker 1: of it. And I was lucky enough too. In my 506 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:50,120 Speaker 1: first marriage. He helped me separate from my mother financially 507 00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:53,200 Speaker 1: and logistically, and I wouldn't have been able to do 508 00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:57,640 Speaker 1: it without him, and he did it with love. He 509 00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,280 Speaker 1: helped me do it with love. But I did one 510 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:05,760 Speaker 1: thing that was so brutal. Um. I basically gutted her 511 00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:09,080 Speaker 1: office out one night. She left on a Friday, and 512 00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:11,800 Speaker 1: she came in on Monday to our offices and I 513 00:30:11,840 --> 00:30:15,360 Speaker 1: had taken everything. Oh my god, And I regret that. 514 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,680 Speaker 1: I will always feel terrible about that. I didn't know 515 00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,720 Speaker 1: any other way. I needed to rip the band aid off. 516 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 1: And that was a whole other chapter of therapy that 517 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:30,640 Speaker 1: really I had to forgive myself. And when I found 518 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:36,040 Speaker 1: the right therapist, it was life changing, right, absolutely life Yeah, 519 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 1: and I got really lucky. I mean, you know, I 520 00:30:38,840 --> 00:30:41,360 Speaker 1: found the right person for me, which is not easy. 521 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: Well yeah, but I mean you say lucky, but I 522 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:44,960 Speaker 1: think it's a lot of work. You have to put 523 00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: in the work to have the life you want. You 524 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 1: just do. The show really is about the make or 525 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 1: break moments in our lives, when we're faced with having 526 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,560 Speaker 1: to make a decision, having to pivot, whatever that means 527 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,760 Speaker 1: in your life. You've talked about many different ones, but 528 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: is there a was there on now what moment that 529 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:11,920 Speaker 1: was the most profound? Were you almost thought I might 530 00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:16,120 Speaker 1: not be able to get through this? I would say, yeah, 531 00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:19,920 Speaker 1: it was probably my decision to LEAVR and to walk 532 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 1: away from twenty seven million dollars. When I made the decision, 533 00:31:23,200 --> 00:31:26,080 Speaker 1: it was a difficult decision to make, but it wasn't 534 00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:29,040 Speaker 1: I really felt like I had made the right decision 535 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:32,160 Speaker 1: until everyone started talking about it. I think I had 536 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:37,680 Speaker 1: a real panic moment of realizing that the world had 537 00:31:37,720 --> 00:31:43,360 Speaker 1: opinions about my choices, and um, it kind of devastated 538 00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 1: me for a little while. And it took me, you know, 539 00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:48,400 Speaker 1: a few months to grow a thicker skin and realize 540 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,680 Speaker 1: that your choices are only for yourself and no one else, 541 00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: and everyone can judge them, you know, from now until doomsday, 542 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,680 Speaker 1: but no one else is living in your shoes. Well, 543 00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 1: and and asking that question, I wasn't hinting or trying 544 00:32:03,320 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: to lead you there. Um oh, no, I know, but 545 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: I think that was the most significant sort of Wow, 546 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,240 Speaker 1: what have I done? In retrospect now? Had no one 547 00:32:12,240 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 1: ever talked about it, I probably wouldn't have even thought 548 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,800 Speaker 1: about it, to be honest with you. It was like, no, 549 00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 1: this is right. I did six years. Now, I'm gonna 550 00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: go to a play and then I'm going to go 551 00:32:19,800 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 1: and do a mini series and moved back to New York. 552 00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:24,960 Speaker 1: It just sort of all seemed right, But then when 553 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:27,600 Speaker 1: everyone started throwing these daggers of who does she think 554 00:32:27,680 --> 00:32:31,960 Speaker 1: she is? It's sort of like, oh, was I wrong? 555 00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,880 Speaker 1: And it took me a lot. I went back to 556 00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: therapy a while to sort of get back on my 557 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,000 Speaker 1: own two feet without worrying about the daggers at me. 558 00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,080 Speaker 1: I knew how to now I know how to dodge them. 559 00:32:44,120 --> 00:32:47,800 Speaker 1: But what a backlash for Nope, for nobody deserves to 560 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:51,280 Speaker 1: be in that position. Yeah, I mean, my dad said 561 00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:54,120 Speaker 1: it best. He really helped me with that one because 562 00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,640 Speaker 1: he said, it has nothing to do with you. All 563 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,800 Speaker 1: of these naysayers they're angry you because they all think, 564 00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: what would I do if I was off for twenty 565 00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,000 Speaker 1: seven million dollars and I would take the money. So 566 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 1: when you don't take the money, they get angry at 567 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,400 Speaker 1: that decision because that's not what they would do. It 568 00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,800 Speaker 1: actually has nothing to do with you. And I'm sure 569 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:17,960 Speaker 1: you know I can. I'm sure I probably rolled my 570 00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:20,440 Speaker 1: as is someone. You know, it was the idea that 571 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:22,160 Speaker 1: they all thought, you know what if she thinks she's 572 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:23,920 Speaker 1: going to be some big movie star, which you know 573 00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,000 Speaker 1: what you get paid at Lincoln Center for you know, 574 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:28,720 Speaker 1: a play you were going to do theater, you weren't. 575 00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 1: You weren't jumping to I hate injustice. I hated to 576 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:38,200 Speaker 1: be unfairly accused. And that is great learning because it 577 00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:41,440 Speaker 1: makes you aware that it actually doesn't matter what anybody 578 00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,959 Speaker 1: thinks about you. All that really matters is what do 579 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:48,959 Speaker 1: you think about you? And that is the bravest place 580 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:52,080 Speaker 1: that you can be. It's always about someone else, It's 581 00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:54,760 Speaker 1: always about them. And but you followed your heart and 582 00:33:54,800 --> 00:34:00,480 Speaker 1: you taught that to everybody. And when you look at 583 00:34:00,520 --> 00:34:03,240 Speaker 1: the at the your life as a whole, I mean, 584 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:09,640 Speaker 1: who do you see? Honestly, I see a really happy person. 585 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:15,480 Speaker 1: I love my life and I'm back around to Sunshine Girl. Yeah, 586 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:20,920 Speaker 1: and I really love I really love my family, like 587 00:34:21,040 --> 00:34:24,120 Speaker 1: my little nuclear family. I feel so lucky, and that 588 00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:28,840 Speaker 1: includes my dog. I actually feel much more brave now 589 00:34:29,120 --> 00:34:31,880 Speaker 1: as an actor than I would have without them, because 590 00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:34,000 Speaker 1: I always have this safe place to come home to 591 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:39,400 Speaker 1: and I feel so loved by them. Just true and 592 00:34:39,600 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: utter joy and frustrations. To believe me, I'm a fourteen 593 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,839 Speaker 1: year old, so we all know what that's like. But 594 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:49,959 Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I just I got 595 00:34:50,000 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 1: the life I wanted, because the truth is, not in 596 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:56,520 Speaker 1: a million years did I expect to be this settled, 597 00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,399 Speaker 1: to be this calm, and to walk in the door 598 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:07,360 Speaker 1: and know exactly where I'm going. That was the talented 599 00:35:07,520 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 1: and down to earth Julianna Margulies. If you want to 600 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:12,920 Speaker 1: hear more from her, pick up a copy of her 601 00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:17,239 Speaker 1: book Sunshine Girl, An Unexpected Life. If you want to 602 00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 1: hear more from me, well subscribe to this show Now 603 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,839 Speaker 1: What with Brook Shields on the I Heart Radio app, 604 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:29,680 Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows. Now 605 00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:32,959 Speaker 1: What is produced by the wonderful Julia Weaver with help 606 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:37,279 Speaker 1: from Darby Masters. Our executive producer is Christina Everett. The 607 00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:41,520 Speaker 1: show is mixed by Bahed Fraser and Christian Bowman. A 608 00:35:41,680 --> 00:35:46,320 Speaker 1: special thanks to Nikki Etre, Jess Crime Chitch, Will Peterson, 609 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:47,640 Speaker 1: and Elizabeth Warner.