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Speaker 1: Welcome. You are now listening to the Professional Professional. Hey guys,

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Speaker 1: welcome to this week's episode of the ps G podcast.

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Speaker 1: Is eban A and I'm very excited about this week's episode.

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Speaker 1: Before we begin, let's do a little housekeeping. Please follow

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Speaker 1: me on Instagram at the Professional home Girl, at the

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Speaker 1: PSD podcast, and last but not least, at eban a Beauty.

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Speaker 1: Please keep in mind that all of my guests are

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Speaker 1: not unless so let's begin this week's episode. So, I'm sorry,

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Speaker 1: decided to interview my guest this week. I think this

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Speaker 1: episode is long overdue, but I wanted to make sure

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Speaker 1: she was the one. I am interviewing my therapist. So

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Speaker 1: I know a lot of my listeners have reached out

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Speaker 1: to me and I have shared her information. So if

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Speaker 1: you aren't interested and or if you like after, if

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Speaker 1: you like what you here after this conversation, you can

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Speaker 1: always hear her up email me at Hello at the

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Speaker 1: Professional Homegirl dot com. I think you're gonna really like

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Speaker 1: this episode, so you're ready, So I'm ready. So my

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Speaker 1: first question is how were you introduced to therapy? So?

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Speaker 1: I was actually introduced to to therapy in two different ways.

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Speaker 1: One was I attended a transfer high school when I

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Speaker 1: was in my crazy days, back in the days. Um,

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Speaker 1: what's your crazy days? Girl, We're getting into it already. UM.

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Speaker 1: So I was a kid that couldn't stand going to

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Speaker 1: school and I would cut school all the time. And

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Speaker 1: I took myself, well, you know, registered myself into another

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Speaker 1: high school because I know that the one high school

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Speaker 1: I was in was not working out, which was Bush

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Speaker 1: for high School. Um. And I found out about like

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Speaker 1: this kind of outreach program, and me and my girlfriend

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Speaker 1: went over here and signed ourselves out. And a part

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Speaker 1: of the program was like giving kids classes that they

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Speaker 1: actually would be interested in. So like instead of like

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Speaker 1: a regular math class or English, we got like, um,

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Speaker 1: political government classes, we got psychology. And one of the

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Speaker 1: teachers in there was a psychologist and he was talking

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Speaker 1: about like, um, how he just like helped people transform

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Speaker 1: their lives and you know, healed through their pain and

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Speaker 1: things like that. And I used to be so mesmerized

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Speaker 1: by him. So I think I was like seventeen, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, when I get older, I want

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Speaker 1: to be a psychologist. Um. But I got kicked out

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Speaker 1: of that school and as didn't last very little. Um.

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Speaker 1: But then I you know, life kind of just kept

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Speaker 1: taking this course and I eventually had my son. UM,

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Speaker 1: got my g D. Just put it out there. I

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Speaker 1: got my g D. You have a son? Yes, I

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Speaker 1: had my son at nineteen, got my g D. Enrolled

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Speaker 1: in BMCC, and I had like switched my major so

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Speaker 1: many times and different things, and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: why can't I just get it? Why can't I just graduate?

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Speaker 1: And kind of like a lightbulb moment went off, was

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Speaker 1: like what are you good at? And I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I'm good at talking to people. So I registered for

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Speaker 1: like a human service class and started like seeing counseling

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Speaker 1: classes and stuff like that, and I was like I

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Speaker 1: like this. So I was like, okay, so my goal

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Speaker 1: could be like something in counseling. And that was kind

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Speaker 1: of the start of that. That was one part. The

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Speaker 1: second part was just going through my own traumas and

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Speaker 1: childhood traumas. UM. I started to see a therapist like

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Speaker 1: early in my twenties, mid twenties UM. And she was

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Speaker 1: a Buddhist and Bloodist therapist, so very different from like

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Speaker 1: white American therapist that we see right, oh, white ladies

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Speaker 1: sitting in front of you you, Like, but what do you

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Speaker 1: think about that. She was really into, like let's launch

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Speaker 1: some meditation, you know, let's really have some cleansing activity,

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Speaker 1: releasing ceremonies and things like that. And um, I was like,

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Speaker 1: this is the kind of therapist like I want to be.

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Speaker 1: I want to do some kind accounts and work like that.

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Speaker 1: So that was the sort of like me realizing that

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Speaker 1: I could be a very different therapist and go into therapy.

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Speaker 1: So what was the turning point for you to actually

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Speaker 1: become a therapist? UM. I graduated with my social work

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Speaker 1: license in twenty twelve. I think it was wow, so

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Speaker 1: long ago, UM, and I was working in a clinic.

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Speaker 1: Um I actually let me rewind that. So I graduated

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Speaker 1: from school and I was working in a high school.

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Speaker 1: I always worked in high schools as a social worker,

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Speaker 1: a counselor or something like that. And I kept saying like,

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Speaker 1: I really want to do something different. I want to

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Speaker 1: do something different. And I remember telling my friend like,

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Speaker 1: I want a part time job doing something like in

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Speaker 1: the counciling field. And I'm very intuitive about just like

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Speaker 1: the university and president of my life and things happening

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Speaker 1: for a reason. And I kept telling my friend. I

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, I need to at a suit.

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Speaker 1: I need to go by as too. I feel like

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Speaker 1: I need to have a suit And she was like

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Speaker 1: what and I was like yes, and I was like, well,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I need just a suit, like an

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Speaker 1: interview suit. I always have like slacked in a you know,

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Speaker 1: top or whatever. So I went to and I handle

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Speaker 1: money at that time. I'm with J. C. Penney, get

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Speaker 1: me like a three piece suit for all of fifty dollars, right,

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Speaker 1: And as soon as I got in my car, this

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Speaker 1: woman called me and was like, hey, we've seen your

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Speaker 1: information on LinkedIn and she was like, we want you

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Speaker 1: to come in for an interview to be a psychotherapist,

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Speaker 1: right as soon as I got in the car, and

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Speaker 1: I was like what. So I went and I interviewed

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Speaker 1: and I got the job as a psychotherapist. And she

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Speaker 1: was like, you know, this is your job duties, whatever,

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Speaker 1: this is your caseload. And I was just like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, so this is the start of it. And

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Speaker 1: then at the same time one of my friends was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: so you're gonna be doing therapy. She's like, I got

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Speaker 1: two little kids for you to work with and you

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Speaker 1: could do therapy with them. And I was a play

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Speaker 1: therapist at the time. Um, and that started like my

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Speaker 1: private practice and then started my clinical job at the

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Speaker 1: same time at my high school job, all at the

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Speaker 1: same time. She is such a hustling y'all will be

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Speaker 1: like strategized on things that I can do. Another like, wow,

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Speaker 1: like how do you balance everything? Because she really be

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Speaker 1: doing every single thing. Um. What would you say is

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Speaker 1: the most challenging part about your job? Because you've been

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Speaker 1: doing this for how long? I've been doing this maybe

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Speaker 1: as a as a counselor social workers since about two

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Speaker 1: thousand and ten, two thousand nine, um, and my private

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Speaker 1: practice going on four years sin year. Um. I was

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Speaker 1: doing clinical work maybe about four years back. UM, So

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Speaker 1: I don't know, maybe tempathy yet so far. Yeah. My

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Speaker 1: math is not good at all. Um, That's why I'm

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Speaker 1: a good therapist. It's not a good mathematician. So who

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Speaker 1: would you think what's the most challenging part about your job?

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Speaker 1: It is finding a way to relieve or alleviate some

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Speaker 1: of the stuff that you take in. So I've heard,

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Speaker 1: I mean, some of the most traumatic life stories and

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Speaker 1: things like that, and being able to give that to

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Speaker 1: someone or not absorb it into my own spirit. So yes,

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Speaker 1: I want to be a healer for people, but knowing

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Speaker 1: how to also heal myself and know when it's time

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Speaker 1: for me to shut off. UM. The other thing is

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Speaker 1: I feel like when you're good at what you do

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Speaker 1: and you really put your heart into it, so many

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Speaker 1: opportunities pop up, and knowing which opportunities are for you, right,

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Speaker 1: because you can be like I just want the money,

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Speaker 1: I just want to do this. But if you really

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Speaker 1: sit back and think about and be very intentional, you

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Speaker 1: know you have to say which opportunities are for you.

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Speaker 1: So I think those two things for me one being

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Speaker 1: able to you know, being pathetic um and hold space

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Speaker 1: for people, but also learning how to UM, you know,

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Speaker 1: be able to bring out some space for myself or

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Speaker 1: open up some space for myself too. How do you

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Speaker 1: remove yourself from like because I feel like you're like

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Speaker 1: a sponge inousence, So how do you remove yourself from

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Speaker 1: soaking in somebody traumatic experiences? Um? So one of the

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Speaker 1: things is I meditate a lot. I also pray a

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Speaker 1: lot UM when I come into my office. I meditated

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Speaker 1: about just being able to receive people's energy in their traumas,

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Speaker 1: but also to be able to cut off that space

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Speaker 1: because if I get so wrapped into people's stuff, now

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Speaker 1: I'm just your friend, right we're crying together. So I

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Speaker 1: got to make sure that there's also a certain level

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Speaker 1: of my professionalism that comes in, um me being a

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Speaker 1: therapist and the skills that I have being able to

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Speaker 1: come into so I try to, you know, kind of

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Speaker 1: balance that out. Yeah, So what do you love most

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Speaker 1: about being a therapist? I feel like you're just so

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Speaker 1: cool and thank you, because it's so hard trying to

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Speaker 1: find like a really good therapist that you can look

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Speaker 1: at and like really listen to. So I feel like,

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Speaker 1: and I know you really love your job, so I

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Speaker 1: think it makes it easier for me to be like,

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Speaker 1: all right, let me just open up and tell how

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Speaker 1: I feel about things. So, like, what do you love

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Speaker 1: about it? I love that I get to be on

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Speaker 1: a journey with people and their healing. Um I remember

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Speaker 1: when my therapist was on journey with me through my healing.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like sometimes people have no one at all,

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Speaker 1: and being able to be that person for someone and

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Speaker 1: see them at their best when they can't see their

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Speaker 1: selves in that space. So sometimes I have clients that

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Speaker 1: are like, I don't have a friend at all, or

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Speaker 1: I don't have any goodness in my life at all,

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Speaker 1: and me being able to say, but I can see

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Speaker 1: you when you have that, um, and knowing that I

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Speaker 1: can sometimes be that phone call where people are like,

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Speaker 1: I just feel like I want to end it right now,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, just give me a call, right, let's

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Speaker 1: just talk about it together. So being able to watch

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Speaker 1: people in their journey and experience their journey, but being

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Speaker 1: able to see them after when things are totally different

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Speaker 1: and they get all the things that they want in life.

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Speaker 1: What are the misconceptions about therapy? I think people think

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Speaker 1: the main thing is have to be crazy. Um. You know,

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Speaker 1: we always like, I'm not crazy, So I don't think

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Speaker 1: I need therapy. Therapy is not about being crazy. Um.

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Speaker 1: It is about being able to have a person that

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Speaker 1: you can give you know, the things that are not

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Speaker 1: okay for you, the unhealthy behaviors in your life. The

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Speaker 1: trauma is a dysfunction. Is being able to sit with

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Speaker 1: someone that can see your situation UM for you right

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Speaker 1: or extract you know, your your problems and things like that,

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Speaker 1: and show you that it's not you, but it's the

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Speaker 1: problem at hand. UM. So I think that and I've

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Speaker 1: totally got off the question. My biggest obstacle. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm going on and on. So the biggest obstacle for me,

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Speaker 1: you know, what's a misconceptions about therapy? I'm looking at

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Speaker 1: my question. I think the other misconception is financiers like

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Speaker 1: therapy costs a lot. If you you know, if you

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Speaker 1: get a really good therapist, you're gonna pay to three

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Speaker 1: hundred dollars um. I think a lot of reasons people

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Speaker 1: don't go to therapy, yes, and I think finding a

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Speaker 1: good therapist, they always find a way to have a

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Speaker 1: sliding scale, right, because they want to reach everyone. A

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Speaker 1: sliding scale just care for those who don't know. What's so.

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Speaker 1: Sliding scale is when they open up their session rates,

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Speaker 1: so it slides from a lower rate to a higher rate,

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Speaker 1: and then the client gets a chance to choose what

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Speaker 1: feels good for them. So it's a lot of trust

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Speaker 1: in that too, because you can say to a client, like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I trust that you're going to give me

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Speaker 1: a fair amount. My sliding scale starts from you know,

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Speaker 1: eighty dollars to one hundred and whatever. And I have

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Speaker 1: a lot of clients I feel as super honest, that

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Speaker 1: will be like, no, I want to pay the top

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Speaker 1: rate because I make enough that I can afford that.

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Speaker 1: So it allows people to slide in either direction based

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Speaker 1: on their income. But do you feel like a lot

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Speaker 1: of therapists offered the sliding scale because before I met you,

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Speaker 1: I was looking for a therapist and not come not

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Speaker 1: find anybody that was flexible with the rate, with their rate.

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Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of them do I think

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Speaker 1: now people especially women of color. Yes, I think now

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Speaker 1: people are seeing like, yeah, I can do it, But

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Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of them do it. I

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Speaker 1: have a couple of friends that do it and they're like, no,

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Speaker 1: I see the benefit in it because I also want

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Speaker 1: to be sure that everyone is able to get therapy.

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Speaker 1: And that's my biggest reason for doing it, because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: everyone gets to go, Like, everyone gets to go to therapy,

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Speaker 1: and it shouldn't be financial. And you know as your

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Speaker 1: reason why you can't heal yourself. So what do you

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Speaker 1: think seems to be the biggest obstacle for clients in

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Speaker 1: therapy being able to be open and being able to

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Speaker 1: trust um when you come from a background of trauma. Right,

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Speaker 1: So let's think of sexual abuse. UM as black and

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Speaker 1: brown people, we deal with a lot of like UM,

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Speaker 1: people who are dishonest. Um, you know they lie to us,

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Speaker 1: they still they cheat, parents who tell us where not

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Speaker 1: saying things like that. And now I come in the

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Speaker 1: room and someone's gonna tell me that I get to

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Speaker 1: have a good life really seriously like as going through

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Speaker 1: all of this, So being able to trust the process

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Speaker 1: and say I'm just gonna come in and be open. Um,

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Speaker 1: I'm also gonna allowest person to know my deepest, darkest

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Speaker 1: things because they can help me fix that. UM. Being

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Speaker 1: able to be I think like optimistic that life can change, right.

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Speaker 1: And I have some people that have come to therapy

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Speaker 1: for a really long time and I'll say to them like,

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Speaker 1: I don't think we're moving forward because there's no optimism

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Speaker 1: in this. And I told somebody that before. Yes, I

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Speaker 1: mean I've come on evidence. You sit with me all

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Speaker 1: the time, and I will wrote up the sleeves and

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Speaker 1: say this is about a little awkward conversation, but I

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Speaker 1: gotta do it. We had a session. What was that

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Speaker 1: Friday or Saturday? Yeah, yo, she got in my ask. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I was really coming to come into the session. I

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Speaker 1: was like, yo, I don't have anything to talk about,

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Speaker 1: like everything is going good and stuff, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know what made the conversation go into the direction we

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Speaker 1: win it, but man, she really got you really got

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Speaker 1: in my asset, and I was almost on the verge

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Speaker 1: of crying. I was like, no, I'm not gonna like yes,

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Speaker 1: so I've had and I am not the therapist that

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Speaker 1: would just want to take your money, like if we're

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Speaker 1: not moving forward, I'm gonna tell you so. And there's

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Speaker 1: been times that I've gotten into it with a client

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Speaker 1: because you're like, no, I'm not gonna do that. I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna do that, And I'm like, okay, so we've

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Speaker 1: hit our mark of how you can grow. Right. If

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Speaker 1: you don't want to open up and you don't feel

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Speaker 1: like you want to allow me to hold space for

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Speaker 1: your emotions, we're not going to move forward. We're just

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Speaker 1: gonna sit here and look at each other and you're

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Speaker 1: gonna pay me. I'm not that therapist. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of times I'll tell clients go home and think about

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Speaker 1: our session, right, think about what direction you want this

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Speaker 1: to go into. If you don't feel like you're ready

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Speaker 1: to move forward, great, what I'm gonna tell you is

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Speaker 1: hit me up when you're ready, because we can't sit

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Speaker 1: here and look at each other. That's not the business

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Speaker 1: I'm in. I'm in the business to make sure that

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Speaker 1: you get the life that you want to have, not

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Speaker 1: that you're sitting here on Saturday morning. It's just warming

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Speaker 1: the couch. But how you ever told a client something

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Speaker 1: that you regret? No? No, not at all, not at all. Um,

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Speaker 1: I am thinking while you're thinking, um, while you're talking,

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Speaker 1: I am my My brain is really like putting things together.

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Speaker 1: I really clocked that up to my connection to guy

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Speaker 1: in the universe. So before a client walks in my office,

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Speaker 1: when I immediately walk into my office, I meditate. I

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Speaker 1: always say, I surrender my whole self to you, whatever

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Speaker 1: it is that you want me to say, what do

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Speaker 1: you want me to do? Who you want me to

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Speaker 1: speak to? That self to you got in this universe? Um,

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Speaker 1: And then I walk in that in the day. So

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Speaker 1: when things are about to come out, there's times that

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Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, like I really want to say this.

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Speaker 1: I will like pause for a second and I'll say

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Speaker 1: to my client, I'm trying to find the right worst

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Speaker 1: to say, so that this doesn't feel, you know, very harsh. Um.

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Speaker 1: The other thing, if I know it's gonna be harsh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna soften the blow. Feel So this is

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Speaker 1: gonna be awful. You think you'd be soften the blow

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Speaker 1: with me? Yes, I do. I put on kid gloves

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Speaker 1: with you. But yeah, I know it's gonna be awkward.

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Speaker 1: You you might not feel good when you walk away

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Speaker 1: from here today, but guess what it will change your life?

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Speaker 1: All right, sit in that awkwardness, sitting those not so

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Speaker 1: good feelings, right, because that's where we want you to be,

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Speaker 1: so we can get out of that. Right. So what

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Speaker 1: makes therapy effective? Like how can somebody apply the tools

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Speaker 1: or the resources they use in therapy today everyday living?

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Speaker 1: So practical tools. Right. So if you have a therapist,

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Speaker 1: and one of the ways that I work with clients

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Speaker 1: like you give them away some good knowledge. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: hope people are listening. People go and email me like, hey,

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Speaker 1: what's your therapist name? Or find a therapist? Right. The

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Speaker 1: the goal is that yes, you call me, but find

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Speaker 1: someone that works for you. Um. So I think that

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Speaker 1: one of the ways that people can so I work

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Speaker 1: with clients through CBT. So CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy,

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Speaker 1: and what that means is that your thoughts create a behavior,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes those behaviors could be very very healthy, right, Like,

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Speaker 1: so I'm thinking that I really want to be a millionaire,

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Speaker 1: and I know that I gotta wake up every morning,

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Speaker 1: you know, I have a regiment and do what I

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Speaker 1: need to do. Some of them could be very very

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Speaker 1: dysfunctional and very painful and and just hurtful for people,

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Speaker 1: which can be I'm nobody and nobody cares about me,

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Speaker 1: and he loves me. So I'm just gonna roll back

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Speaker 1: over in the bed. So we will deal with where

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Speaker 1: do those thoughts come from? Um? But then I will

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Speaker 1: say to you one of my homeworks would be and

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Speaker 1: I think this is a way that therapy works is

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Speaker 1: doing the homeworks that your therapists give you. So I

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Speaker 1: will say that be very cognizant of your thoughts. You know,

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Speaker 1: when you're about to roll back over in the bed, right,

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Speaker 1: what's coming up for you? So they'll be like, well,

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Speaker 1: those thoughts that I'm not good enough? Okay, Now let's

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Speaker 1: counteract those thoughts. Do the work in your bead, bu's

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Speaker 1: out your notebook, and be a lot you know, right,

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Speaker 1: in your notebook. My irrational thoughts are this, and then

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna write underneath that. But my rational thoughts are this,

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Speaker 1: Do that enough and it becomes automatic. Field. So clients

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Speaker 1: do not do the homework because you know, seventy of

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Speaker 1: it is you outside of the Roomy five percent is

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Speaker 1: me helping you understand what's happening for you. But the

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Speaker 1: seventy is you being conscious of your thoughts doing the

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Speaker 1: homeworks that we give you, you know, consciously saying I

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Speaker 1: want to be better and I see myself for an

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Speaker 1: optimistic way. Yeah, why do you think there's such a

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Speaker 1: stigma of therapy and the black community. I think that

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Speaker 1: goes way beyond just right now, right, that goes way

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Speaker 1: into slavery in my opinion. Right, Um, just feeling like

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Speaker 1: we just gotta keep on moving. We gotta keep on going.

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Speaker 1: We can't let Grandpa's death affect us. Right. We can't

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Speaker 1: sit here more on for a husband that we lost.

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Speaker 1: We can't sit here more on a husband that cheated,

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Speaker 1: a wife's that cheated, someone that left. We can't do

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Speaker 1: that because we have to move forward. We don't have

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Speaker 1: the financial means to stay home, you know, twelve days

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Speaker 1: to grieve. We gotta get back to work. We don't

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Speaker 1: have insurance, you know, to pay for these things. So

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Speaker 1: all of this plays apart and why people don't really

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Speaker 1: get therapy, you know, the financial part, you know, the

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Speaker 1: stigma that we're not crazy, um, and if you go

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Speaker 1: into a therapist, you're crazy. The other thing is hidden secrets, right,

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Speaker 1: So many families have all these hidden secrets and they

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Speaker 1: feel like, you know, if I tell you now, it's

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Speaker 1: out there, like molestation and things like that. If I

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Speaker 1: tell you Uncle such and such in our community, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: if I tell you that he was touching me, now,

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Speaker 1: the whole family has to really really start to recognize that.

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Speaker 1: And people have to own up to the things that

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Speaker 1: they've done. Right, wee been in under the rug um,

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Speaker 1: you know, telling you this didn't happen. So a lot

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Speaker 1: of people are not willing to do that because when

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Speaker 1: I come to therapy, it's not just me that changes,

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Speaker 1: it's a system, right, It's my entire family that starts

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Speaker 1: to change, and that could be super painful. So how

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Speaker 1: do you think we can break that barrier? I think

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Speaker 1: by more people just coming right and people saying spreading

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Speaker 1: the word, spreading the word that you know, when I

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Speaker 1: go to therapy, I feel really good. You know, I've

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Speaker 1: put my secrets out there, but it's my therapist job

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Speaker 1: to hold that right. I'm not walking down Broadway saying, hey,

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Speaker 1: I know everybody's secret. What your mama did? You know?

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Speaker 1: Things like that when you walk on my office, it's

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Speaker 1: like this never even happened. This is between you and me.

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Speaker 1: So this is your say space to talk about all

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Speaker 1: of that, but also knowing that there is a hope

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Speaker 1: that things could change. So if I come in the

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Speaker 1: room all the time and I share these things and

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Speaker 1: I get feedback and information, my whole system can change,

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Speaker 1: work can change, my family can change. After right, all

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Speaker 1: these things could change if I just start to change. Hey, guys,

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00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 1: The PhD podcast is sponsored by eban a Beauty. Eb

403
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,439
Speaker 1: and a Beauty is a beauty company that I found

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Speaker 1: twenty five times with the proper care um. For more information,

407
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Speaker 1: visit e b O and e beauty dot com. Use

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Speaker 1: and trust me, all these lashes are really beautiful, Like

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Speaker 1: So make sure you go to the website. EB and

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00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 1: A Beauty used the code. And let's get back to

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Speaker 1: this week's episode. Um, so you spoke about feeling good.

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Speaker 1: What are some other ways of person can benefit from therapy? Um,

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Speaker 1: changing their perceptions and perspectives about themselves and the world, right, Um,

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Speaker 1: allowing themselves to release a lot of pain because sometimes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: we'll talk about it, but we haven't let it go. Um.

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Speaker 1: You know, we're not going back into the past to

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Speaker 1: keep thinking about it. And a lot of people do it.

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Speaker 1: They just hold it. And you know, when I'm feelings that,

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Speaker 1: I grab it off the shelf. I want to add

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Speaker 1: this to my you know, my pain. But releasing that

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Speaker 1: and letting it go, UM, And that's another way to

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Speaker 1: feel good. So I've released that, I've let that go,

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Speaker 1: and what I've done is essentially started to welcome all

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Speaker 1: these great and new things into my life. And that

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Speaker 1: feels good, you know, seeing myself in a newer and

428
00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 1: and I guess healthier way. UM. So I know you

429
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,199
Speaker 1: spoke on this before that you dropping the client that

430
00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,840
Speaker 1: you thought wasn't a good fit. Do you feel bad

431
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,080
Speaker 1: about doing it or no? So I don't just like

432
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:54,560
Speaker 1: open the door and kick you out. I'm like, okay,

433
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,480
Speaker 1: so you know, we'll talk about why I don't think

434
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: they were really good fit. Um and if if that

435
00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:03,359
Speaker 1: conversation is happening, usually I'm going to refer you to

436
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,800
Speaker 1: like three or four people I'm on a bunch of site. Yes,

437
00:22:07,400 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: so by the Social Work Code of Ethics doesn't allow

438
00:22:10,119 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 1: us to just like discontinue a client and they're like,

439
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,560
Speaker 1: we're not talking to you anymore. We have to refer

440
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,199
Speaker 1: you to at least three people um, or refer you

441
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:19,119
Speaker 1: to some type of resource that's going to help you,

442
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,200
Speaker 1: because you know, we are the person that's the professional

443
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:23,840
Speaker 1: in the room. So I can't just say to you,

444
00:22:24,080 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: just don't work for you, because what I'm essentially doing

445
00:22:26,359 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 1: is abandoning you and rejecting you. So it's probably the

446
00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 1: reasons why you've come to therapy. Now, this person that

447
00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,240
Speaker 1: I asked for help has just told me you're not

448
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:36,439
Speaker 1: even good enough for therapy. So what will I do?

449
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,760
Speaker 1: Depending on what kind of mental state there is, Yeah,

450
00:22:38,800 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 1: well when I do go jump over bridge kill somebody

451
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 1: do something. So that that's never gonna be on me.

452
00:22:43,440 --> 00:22:45,400
Speaker 1: So what I will say to you is I will

453
00:22:45,480 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 1: refer you to someone else. We're not a good fit.

454
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,840
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you to these three people. And

455
00:22:49,960 --> 00:22:52,239
Speaker 1: sometimes the sites that I come home for, I'll just

456
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: tell them, hey, it's probably best that you just go

457
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,040
Speaker 1: back to the site and find another person, because just

458
00:22:57,080 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 1: because it's two of us are not a good fit

459
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:01,200
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you don't make a good fit with another therapist.

460
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 1: But I also give them the reasons why. So I'll

461
00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 1: give you an example how the client that was UM

462
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: just not her time management wasn't good UM, and then

463
00:23:12,119 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 1: she would always try to negotiate her fee. So when

464
00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 1: we sit down, yes, it's it's the worst. And I

465
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:21,119
Speaker 1: find that this only happens and I'm gonna say this

466
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 1: with black and brown people, right, we sit in the

467
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,800
Speaker 1: room and we feel like, yes, we want to negotiate

468
00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:31,439
Speaker 1: the fee. So I'm thinking, we already negotiated the fee.

469
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 1: You're at the lowest level of my slidest scale fee,

470
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with that. I'm happy about that because

471
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 1: this is what you can afford. But then what happened

472
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:42,800
Speaker 1: was it was it was like she came into therapy,

473
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,359
Speaker 1: and then a friend of hers came into therapy. Two

474
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 1: separate situations, two separate people paying two separate fees. But

475
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:51,439
Speaker 1: it's kind of like, I know you're paying lower, so

476
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 1: I want to pay lower. I never tell people how

477
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:56,960
Speaker 1: much I'm paying. Yes, So then she told me that

478
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 1: her front was paying lower. She wanted to pay lower.

479
00:23:59,480 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 1: I was like, right, I kind of knew that was

480
00:24:01,119 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 1: gonna happen, so I'm gonna eat it is happy, but

481
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna eat ten dollars like the universe gonna provide

482
00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: for me. God gonna provide for me. So ten dollars

483
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,720
Speaker 1: is not gonna kill me, and you're gonna still be okay, right,

484
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 1: So then that happened. Then it was kind of like,

485
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,560
Speaker 1: I have a cancelation policy. I like for people to

486
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:22,160
Speaker 1: cancel twenty four hours before at minimum, right, because if

487
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:25,160
Speaker 1: you cancel before twenty four hours before, I can call

488
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: you up evanding and say, hey, someone canceled, Like I

489
00:24:28,119 --> 00:24:31,359
Speaker 1: digited someone cancel. I have an open space, and I

490
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:34,640
Speaker 1: was excited. Yeah, you could come in two hours earlier

491
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 1: and still have your whole day. But it was happening

492
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,080
Speaker 1: to like to the point that it was right before

493
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: her session. So it was annoying me. And I'm gonna

494
00:24:43,240 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: be very serious, it was annoying me. And I was

495
00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:49,040
Speaker 1: just can't you don't value my time? First you've said

496
00:24:49,040 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: that when you wanted to negotiate your fee, but now

497
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 1: you're saying that when you're not valuing my time. So

498
00:24:54,320 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 1: I was just like, at this point, you know what,

499
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: I think that you need someone that is around a

500
00:24:58,720 --> 00:25:01,159
Speaker 1: time frame with you, same time frame you need, but

501
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 1: someone that you actually can't afford as well, because I

502
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,480
Speaker 1: don't think you can afford my fee. Um. Of course

503
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,520
Speaker 1: she was piste off and that she was pissed, um,

504
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:13,159
Speaker 1: and and that's for her to deal with. And I

505
00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 1: was just like, here's three people that I might refer

506
00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,399
Speaker 1: you to and also back to the site that you

507
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,639
Speaker 1: would or But do you think people like that do

508
00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: that because you are a woman of color? Um? Yes,

509
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,800
Speaker 1: I do, Yes, I do it. I think they do

510
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: it because they feel like they don't want to pay.

511
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 1: I feel like because she probably want to do it

512
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 1: to my girl, Becky, Yes, yes, And I feel like

513
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: they feel like when they walk in the room like,

514
00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:41,960
Speaker 1: oh she's a sister, right, She's says she's my sister. Um,

515
00:25:42,040 --> 00:25:44,520
Speaker 1: And do I feel like I want to pay you know,

516
00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:48,760
Speaker 1: another black woman or a black person. Yes, So that

517
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,280
Speaker 1: hurts my heart when it happens, because I'm like, we

518
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:53,800
Speaker 1: always feel like we got to negotiate what our you know,

519
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,920
Speaker 1: what our people as opposed to, you know, just giving

520
00:25:56,960 --> 00:25:58,800
Speaker 1: them the fee that they asked what. But you won't

521
00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: do it with Becky, Right, Becky asked for two hundred dollars.

522
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:05,320
Speaker 1: You find it. You're putting down those bags in the store,

523
00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: you put down those shoes, and you're actually paying her,

524
00:26:07,680 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 1: But you won't pay a black or brown woman. Yes,

525
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,679
Speaker 1: damn that's sad. Yeah, And it's hard for all of us.

526
00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: Like I've been on panels with white women, Asian you know,

527
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 1: black women and black men, and we all talk about,

528
00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: you know, how hard it is for us because we

529
00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,159
Speaker 1: love the work, how hard it is for us to

530
00:26:26,200 --> 00:26:29,520
Speaker 1: actually charge certain prices. So when we're doing it, it's

531
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,680
Speaker 1: like a struggle too, because we're like, damn, I want

532
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 1: to charge somebody a hundred and seventy five dollars doing

533
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,760
Speaker 1: the work that I enjoy. But then you you're really

534
00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 1: good at right, and you're gonna look me in the

535
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,560
Speaker 1: face tell me you ain't even work that, so that's

536
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:43,240
Speaker 1: hard to write, So you don't Usually I don't like

537
00:26:43,320 --> 00:26:46,080
Speaker 1: working with clients that are negotiating all the way down

538
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 1: the road. Yeah, that's kind of it was really sad. Yeah,

539
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 1: it becomes sad. And I always think to myself, like,

540
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: why would it have to be my sister? Right? If

541
00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: you know it's not because if somebody looks like, yeah,

542
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,159
Speaker 1: why when I have clients that don't look like me

543
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:04,520
Speaker 1: that are so happy to pay right, they're like, oh,

544
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,600
Speaker 1: I'm paying for the whole month. I'm coming in here

545
00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:10,640
Speaker 1: four times, I'm paying for the whole month. Here's my everything, right, Yeah, yeah, yeah,

546
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:14,600
Speaker 1: I agree. Um, what's the difference between a psychotherapist and

547
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 1: a psychologist? So a psychologist UM is a person that,

548
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 1: in my opinion, deals with more of UM neurology, like

549
00:27:23,560 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: neurological stuff, UM. And they do similar work to us,

550
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:31,400
Speaker 1: but they are more about brain and neurology and things

551
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: like that. We are more about behavior, so we really

552
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:36,640
Speaker 1: deal with thoughts and behavior. Just in case somebody wants

553
00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:38,720
Speaker 1: to know the difference, because you are a psychotherapist, I'm

554
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:42,040
Speaker 1: a psychotherapist. Yeah, and psychologists deal with more of like

555
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,479
Speaker 1: UM longstanding trauma. So they go through your entire life history.

556
00:27:46,640 --> 00:27:50,199
Speaker 1: You can get like a psychoanalytical UM therapist to that

557
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 1: deals with all of the childhood trauma. They kind of

558
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:54,960
Speaker 1: saying this, how do you feel it's more of you

559
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,639
Speaker 1: talking UM and them just listening to happening to your emotions.

560
00:27:58,640 --> 00:28:02,520
Speaker 1: We are more about behavior, so future forward, UM talk

561
00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 1: therapy UM future focused and more practical tools. And how

562
00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 1: do you feel about because I'm just curious, how do

563
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:13,239
Speaker 1: you feel about medication and therapy? UM? It doesn't bother me.

564
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: I do tell clients really try to think of like

565
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: a holistic point of view. So think of your diet,

566
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:24,480
Speaker 1: think of your vitamin intake, thinking of your workout regimens,

567
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: how many days, how many hours you're outside, how much

568
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: sunlight you're getting, your friendships, your family relationships, your intentional relationships,

569
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: you're making your your jobs right, think of all these

570
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,560
Speaker 1: things because if all these things isn't harmony, sometimes you

571
00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 1: don't need the medication. Right. People come in with anxiety

572
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:44,680
Speaker 1: all day long. When you get to the root of

573
00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 1: the problem, it's like I'm anxious because I can't get

574
00:28:47,400 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 1: on the train because I had a trauma on the train.

575
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,080
Speaker 1: If we work through that, then you don't need the

576
00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,840
Speaker 1: anxiety meds. But then I think on the other side

577
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 1: of that, there are people that really really need the medication,

578
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: and I tell them, if you need them, take them.

579
00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,880
Speaker 1: Make sure that you're doing yourself a service by you know,

580
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: doing both. So psychotherapy and medication. Yeah, this is so good.

581
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:10,640
Speaker 1: I was just thinking about you. Was talking to something

582
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 1: like that's so true because like I text her, but

583
00:29:13,400 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 1: she's probably one of my go to because I text

584
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 1: you and I was about to leave my job and

585
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: I was like, hey, this is a good deal this Now.

586
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,960
Speaker 1: I showed her um the offer day that they was

587
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: making for me. So that just shows to you how

588
00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,720
Speaker 1: much I like really trust her and like value what

589
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,720
Speaker 1: you say. And it just kind of sucks that people

590
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: that look like us are not willing to invest in

591
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: themselves by paying you what you deserve. Yeah. I also

592
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 1: think people don't think is it super important. Like I know,

593
00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:40,840
Speaker 1: when I was doing therapy, I was like, Okay, my

594
00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 1: therapist at the time was like seven dollars or something,

595
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,760
Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, if I'm not going out

596
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 1: to eat every single day in the week, I can

597
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:50,720
Speaker 1: actually pay for therapy. Um. You know, if I'm not

598
00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: buying an extra pair of shoes that I probably don't need,

599
00:29:53,440 --> 00:29:56,160
Speaker 1: I could pay for therapy. I also really wanted a

600
00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,760
Speaker 1: total different life from what I had in my twenties,

601
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 1: and that was the only way to get it if

602
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:04,040
Speaker 1: I really work through whatever traumas that I had within myself.

603
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: So for me, it was really seeing myself in a

604
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 1: different place, um space within myself, um, and being very

605
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: intentional about that and saying, I'm going to sacrifice some

606
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,280
Speaker 1: things because my life, you know, ten years from now,

607
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:19,040
Speaker 1: seven years from now, it's so much worth it. Right,

608
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 1: It's worth me doing that. I could buy shoes at

609
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 1: any time, right, seven years later, I could buy all

610
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:26,480
Speaker 1: the shoes I want. For now, I really need to

611
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 1: be sitting and talking to someone and working through probably

612
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:31,600
Speaker 1: why I need all these shoes, right, to make me

613
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: feel better. Yes, how often would you recommend therapy? Um?

614
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:39,120
Speaker 1: So I usually see clients every other week as opposed

615
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,280
Speaker 1: to weekly. I do see clients that are in a

616
00:30:41,360 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 1: major crisis once a week. So people who are going

617
00:30:45,040 --> 00:30:48,920
Speaker 1: through big transitions. So if you are going through work stuff,

618
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 1: so there's been times you and not seeing each other,

619
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 1: Like man, I told you my last job was killing me. Yeah,

620
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: So when you have things like that, you're just like,

621
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,000
Speaker 1: I just need to give this to someone. I need insight,

622
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: I need hope. Right, So every time I sit with

623
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: this person and you're like, Okay, so we're moving forward,

624
00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,880
Speaker 1: we're working, this is what we're gonna do, so next

625
00:31:04,920 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 1: week could look better. That feels good for some people,

626
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: but for some people they are like, okay, so you know,

627
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:12,400
Speaker 1: pretty even thought in my life, but I know that

628
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 1: things come up every two weeks and I really want

629
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:16,920
Speaker 1: to work through them, so weekly or bi weekly, and

630
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:19,600
Speaker 1: then I have people also to finish that off sometimes

631
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: once a month or the check in. Yeah, that I've

632
00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,600
Speaker 1: been seeing though. So I've had people I've been seeing

633
00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:26,920
Speaker 1: for four years now and they're now like checking in

634
00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 1: once a month. And what's the age? Let what do

635
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,960
Speaker 1: you what? Do you think it's an appropriate age for

636
00:31:32,040 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 1: somebody to start going to therapy? Um? Do you see

637
00:31:34,640 --> 00:31:36,480
Speaker 1: kids still? So? I used to, Yeah, I was. I

638
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: don't see kids anymore, but I was a play therapist

639
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: and I started seeing kids that were maybe four or

640
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 1: five years old. So I've seen kids that dealt with

641
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 1: sexual trauma four years old. They was able to. It's

642
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 1: really a reason why you do play therapy with them.

643
00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: So you're playing with them while they're talking to you. Um,

644
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: you're doing colorings. It's very intentional play. So you're playing

645
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 1: with dolls and dollhouses and things like that. They're showing

646
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: you things. Um, you're teaching parents how to work with them,

647
00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:06,880
Speaker 1: how to help them do their trauma, how to help

648
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: them not have nightmares. And that was hard, It was

649
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:16,400
Speaker 1: very hard. It was very emotional. Um, working with kids

650
00:32:16,440 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: that you're like, this innocent kid was raped and just

651
00:32:20,680 --> 00:32:22,880
Speaker 1: because someone was like, oh my god, like I can't

652
00:32:22,920 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 1: believe that happened, the kid internalized this like people said

653
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:29,160
Speaker 1: I don't believe you, and from them started to really

654
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: act out. So you're teaching parents how to say no,

655
00:32:32,480 --> 00:32:35,160
Speaker 1: I did believe you. I just it was a surprise

656
00:32:35,240 --> 00:32:38,120
Speaker 1: to me. Um. And then also helping parents to really

657
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 1: navigate through that as well. And then you're teaching kids

658
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:43,280
Speaker 1: kids that they don't have a voice. You're teaching them

659
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 1: that they have a voice. You're teaching them how to

660
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: really express their emotions instead of acting out and throwing

661
00:32:49,200 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: things and you know, misbehavior and things like that. You're

662
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 1: teaching them to say you know I'm scared. You know

663
00:32:54,880 --> 00:32:58,000
Speaker 1: I'm scared this this thing hurt me, or that man

664
00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:00,560
Speaker 1: reminded me of the man that did to me and

665
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,760
Speaker 1: that made me scared, or you touched me in a

666
00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 1: way that made me feel icky, right, and I want

667
00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 1: to be able to tell that to someone. So it's hard.

668
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: I loved it though. I did it for a couple

669
00:33:11,400 --> 00:33:13,960
Speaker 1: of years, and then kind of as I grew I

670
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,160
Speaker 1: started to grow into different populations. But as early as

671
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,520
Speaker 1: four years old kids to get therapy. I work with

672
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,480
Speaker 1: people that are twenty four all the way up until

673
00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:28,000
Speaker 1: fifties sixties. Ye oh nice. What is an advice you

674
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,720
Speaker 1: would give to the listeners if they want to lead

675
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:34,720
Speaker 1: a more fulfilling life. One. I think if you are

676
00:33:34,760 --> 00:33:37,760
Speaker 1: in a place where your life is not fulfilling, sit

677
00:33:37,800 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 1: down and talk to someone and figure out why, right, um,

678
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 1: figure out why we are still doing the same thing

679
00:33:43,680 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 1: over and over again expecting a different result, um, which

680
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: is the definition of insanity. I'm doing the same thing

681
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 1: every day, and I'm thinking that they're going to be better,

682
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:54,920
Speaker 1: So sit down and talk to someone. The other thing

683
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,560
Speaker 1: is really sitting down and saying, you know, where do

684
00:33:57,600 --> 00:33:59,800
Speaker 1: I want to see my life go. You know, I

685
00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 1: doing the same thing over and over again, but maybe

686
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 1: I don't even have a trajectory on where my life

687
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,040
Speaker 1: should go or where I wanted to go. Um, sitting

688
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: down with yourself, by yourself and saying what can I

689
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: imagine happening in my life five years from now, seven

690
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: years from now, with no holds barred, Because sometimes we

691
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:17,279
Speaker 1: do them and we're like, well, I don't know if

692
00:34:17,280 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have money for that house. We don't know, right,

693
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 1: and we can get you there. We don't have to

694
00:34:22,440 --> 00:34:25,400
Speaker 1: dream with like limits on it. So allow want people

695
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,279
Speaker 1: to sit with themselves and say where do I see

696
00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,799
Speaker 1: myself going? And if I'm capable of getting there on

697
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:31,640
Speaker 1: my own. If I'm not, let me reach out to

698
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: someone and talk to them about it. Yeah. I even

699
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,480
Speaker 1: say to people, do four or five sessions. You don't

700
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: have to walk into it with a lifelong, you know,

701
00:34:39,760 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 1: commitment to it. Do four, four or five sessions get

702
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,560
Speaker 1: some insight. Have you ever told somebody that you think

703
00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: their time is done, like they reached their highest potential?

704
00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 1: What do you mean my highest potential? Like you feel

705
00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: like maybe they have reached the highest level of their

706
00:34:55,800 --> 00:34:57,920
Speaker 1: growth like they was doing. They did so well over

707
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,120
Speaker 1: the years, and there's no need to like like they

708
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:03,440
Speaker 1: really need to come back to you. I've never said

709
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: that to a person. What I usually do with clients

710
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: is maybe monthly or every two months, we'll sit down

711
00:35:10,160 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 1: and talk about the progress UM that they've had and

712
00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 1: what are the growth you know, places in their lives

713
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: that they have grown UM, and then I will say

714
00:35:18,200 --> 00:35:21,200
Speaker 1: to them what do we want to work on next? UM.

715
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: But therapy is life is like like you're like an onion.

716
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 1: So you'll come for a couple of days or a

717
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,880
Speaker 1: couple of couple of sessions and you're just peeling off

718
00:35:30,920 --> 00:35:34,160
Speaker 1: the outside layers a lot of pills. So you learn

719
00:35:34,200 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: about those things and as you get through that, another

720
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,240
Speaker 1: bunch of layers come, and then another bunch of layers

721
00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: come UM, and you continuously do it right until you

722
00:35:42,480 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: get to the point where you're like, oh, everything has changed,

723
00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:48,359
Speaker 1: and then it's like I don't want it to ever

724
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: go back to that. So most people are like, I'll

725
00:35:51,120 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 1: check in with you once a month. I will have

726
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,120
Speaker 1: these months a month check ins because life still happens

727
00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,960
Speaker 1: all the time, and I'm gonna be triggered. Still, I'm

728
00:35:58,960 --> 00:36:04,120
Speaker 1: not hell where life don't make me feel anyway. Sometimes

729
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,400
Speaker 1: people check in every couple of months because something happens, right,

730
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 1: They get married, baby is born, a job is lost,

731
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 1: a relationship is lost. And when those things happen and

732
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 1: we're in emotional distress, it's so easy for us to

733
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 1: shift back into who used to be, even if it's

734
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 1: only for a moment. But you want to make sure

735
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,359
Speaker 1: that you have a lifeline to someone that can say,

736
00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,760
Speaker 1: all right, so this happened, We're okay, Right, We're okay.

737
00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:28,759
Speaker 1: Life shook you for a little bit. Things are gonna

738
00:36:28,760 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 1: be okay. We're gonna move forward. Breathe, yes, breathe. And

739
00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:34,839
Speaker 1: I remember my therapist he say that too. I used

740
00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 1: to be like, oh my god, it's a catastrophe. I

741
00:36:37,280 --> 00:36:38,879
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm gonna make it, and she would

742
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,279
Speaker 1: be like, just breathe, We're gonna get through this. It

743
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: was just a bump in the road, right, Life comes

744
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 1: in others and flows and let's get through this together.

745
00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,360
Speaker 1: And people really need that. Do you still saw to

746
00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: your therapist? Yeah? I talked to my therapist probably once

747
00:36:52,120 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 1: a month. Um or if life starts happening. I'm like, Okay,

748
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:59,520
Speaker 1: I gotta call hell because I gotta give this to someone. Um.

749
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:02,200
Speaker 1: But I've known her for so many years since I

750
00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:06,120
Speaker 1: was in my twenties that, um, it's kind of like

751
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,759
Speaker 1: a friendship. Like I can call and say, Okay, this

752
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:11,000
Speaker 1: is what's happening for me, and let's figure it out.

753
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: And she knows my probably darkest secrets. She's probably the

754
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 1: one person in this world that knows my deepest, darkest

755
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:20,200
Speaker 1: secrets and she gets it right, and she's just like, Okay,

756
00:37:20,200 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 1: so this is what's happening. And remember ten years ago

757
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,080
Speaker 1: when we worked on this and if used to come up,

758
00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:27,040
Speaker 1: now is the time for us to work through this.

759
00:37:27,320 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 1: Because things can come up in therapy but you're not

760
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: ready to work through them. But the more you keep

761
00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:35,080
Speaker 1: on working on other stuff, it'll be like, Okay, so

762
00:37:35,120 --> 00:37:37,600
Speaker 1: this came up a long time ago. Now I'm ready

763
00:37:37,640 --> 00:37:39,480
Speaker 1: to work through it because I'm seeing it happen in

764
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 1: my life so often. And last, or not least, what

765
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,520
Speaker 1: is an advice you would give to the listeners out

766
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 1: there that's a little nervous about seeking therapy. Scared people

767
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:58,520
Speaker 1: are scared, I say, find a person that looks like you. Yes, UM,

768
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 1: find someone that looks like you. But also going with

769
00:38:01,719 --> 00:38:05,320
Speaker 1: an open mind. It is something that's very fearful because

770
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:08,319
Speaker 1: we're going against the norm. Right, We're doing things that

771
00:38:08,320 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 1: are very different nowadays. We are putting more more effort

772
00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:16,799
Speaker 1: into us. We are trying to heal these wounds from ancestors. Right.

773
00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,360
Speaker 1: So that is scary, But it doesn't mean that it

774
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 1: has to be paralyzing. Right. So I'm scared, yes, but

775
00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:26,840
Speaker 1: staying here scares me most, so let me just try it. UM.

776
00:38:26,960 --> 00:38:30,279
Speaker 1: Also talking to friends about it, like, hey, girl, I've

777
00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:32,120
Speaker 1: been thinking about therapy. What do you you know? What

778
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,200
Speaker 1: do you think? Most of the times your friends will

779
00:38:34,239 --> 00:38:37,479
Speaker 1: say I've had a therapist for five years, right, or

780
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 1: I've had one before. It wasn't for me, but it

781
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:43,680
Speaker 1: might be something that works for you. UM. Looking online

782
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: and seeing like what type of modalities work for you.

783
00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 1: So a lot of people will call me and say, hey,

784
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:51,400
Speaker 1: I know you do CBT. I don't know a lot

785
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:53,359
Speaker 1: about it. I read up on it. It seems like

786
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,040
Speaker 1: something that can help me. So doing some research too.

787
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,680
Speaker 1: But the biggest thing is kind of like jumping in

788
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,520
Speaker 1: the water and saying I'm is gonna try it. Yeah,

789
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go for it. And I think you

790
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,640
Speaker 1: touched on a good point because I feel like representation

791
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: really matters because before I met you, I had just

792
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:10,640
Speaker 1: you know, white therapist like, you know, let me not

793
00:39:10,719 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: be um Judge melitory and danlet me just going there,

794
00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 1: you know, being open and stuff, and yo, she just

795
00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: did not get it, like like two completely different styles

796
00:39:20,080 --> 00:39:22,200
Speaker 1: from you and her. So I think it's important that

797
00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:24,000
Speaker 1: when you do have somebody that looks like you and

798
00:39:24,040 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: it gets it, it makes the process a lot easier. Yeah,

799
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,240
Speaker 1: and you know, I'm not counting out like we can't

800
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:33,480
Speaker 1: see white people, we can't see Latin people, whatever. But

801
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: go with what you feel comfortable with. You're paying your money,

802
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:38,839
Speaker 1: you know, sitting in the room with someone that you're like,

803
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,520
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna be one d percent comfortable with her.

804
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 1: I've had a deal with a lot of men to

805
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 1: work with a lot of men, and really, yeah, I

806
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 1: have a lot of male clients. Stuff. I think my

807
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:52,799
Speaker 1: pient basis probably men compared to women, but men will

808
00:39:52,840 --> 00:39:55,640
Speaker 1: call on there, like I want a bi racial therapist,

809
00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:58,719
Speaker 1: you know, female therapists, this is the person I want.

810
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 1: I want to work with you, like they know off

811
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,239
Speaker 1: the batum who they want to work with, So I

812
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: think no one who want to work with and not

813
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,359
Speaker 1: being afraid to say no, Like if I do see

814
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:09,880
Speaker 1: this white woman and I'm like, I don't think she

815
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 1: could relate to me. Finding you someone that can and

816
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:17,719
Speaker 1: working with them, yeah, well, I'm super excited about this episode.

817
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,800
Speaker 1: I feel like my therapist has been very uh influential

818
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: in these past couple of months. I mean, I got

819
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:28,959
Speaker 1: a job, I haven't killed, my boyfriend's left a bit yet.

820
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:34,240
Speaker 1: If you need a therapist, I highly recommend my therapist.

821
00:40:34,280 --> 00:40:36,239
Speaker 1: I don't like sharing people, but I really feel like

822
00:40:36,280 --> 00:40:37,920
Speaker 1: if you need to help out there, because you know,

823
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:39,440
Speaker 1: if you the more people that use you, and then

824
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 1: the last time I have been constant, I'm just but no, seriously,

825
00:40:44,520 --> 00:40:46,560
Speaker 1: if you really need a therapist, I'm all about mental health.

826
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:48,120
Speaker 1: I feel like we're living in a time now where

827
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 1: we have to take care of ourselves mentally because times

828
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:53,720
Speaker 1: are getting hard. So if you are interested in reaching

829
00:40:53,719 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: out to my therapist, please email me at hello at

830
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 1: the professional homegirl dot com and I have no problem

831
00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: sharing you her and from nation and you better pay

832
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: her what you were paying games. Y'all until next time,

833
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:09,760
Speaker 1: guys later, later, Thank you, You're welcome.