1
00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:05,240
Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to Tommy Talk. This is a new

2
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,000
Speaker 1: weekly series that is part of my I've Never Said

3
00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,320
Speaker 1: This Before podcast, where I am talking about things that

4
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,840
Speaker 1: I've never really publicly talked about before. It's a wait

5
00:00:13,840 --> 00:00:15,400
Speaker 1: for you to get to know me better and hopefully

6
00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,759
Speaker 1: get a little insight into the advice I am offering

7
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,520
Speaker 1: to hopefully make your life a bit easier. And today's topic,

8
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,880
Speaker 1: this is a hot topic because I have a lot

9
00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,120
Speaker 1: of friends who have stories related to this topic, and

10
00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,800
Speaker 1: that topic is being asked to split the bill on

11
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:33,479
Speaker 1: a first.

12
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:35,080
Speaker 2: Date, a deal breaker.

13
00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:40,680
Speaker 1: Okay, there is a lot to unpack here, and you

14
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,640
Speaker 1: guys are getting some stories from my single dating days,

15
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:49,360
Speaker 1: because sometimes you need to learn from what I've gone

16
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:51,879
Speaker 1: through to help you make decisions for your future.

17
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:52,639
Speaker 2: I am here to.

18
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:55,280
Speaker 1: Help you, all right, So let's unpack this for a minute.

19
00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,840
Speaker 1: I was asked to go on a date by somebody

20
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,480
Speaker 1: in my early twenties. For quite a lot long time.

21
00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:03,560
Speaker 1: They were pursuing me hard, and for whatever reason, I

22
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:05,560
Speaker 1: was busy. I was working. I was doing a lot

23
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,240
Speaker 1: in the modeling world at the time, and I was

24
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,200
Speaker 1: on shoots and traveling and whatever. So I just wasn't around,

25
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,880
Speaker 1: and finally one night I was around and this person said,

26
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,840
Speaker 1: can I please take you out to dinner? And I thought, okay,

27
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,039
Speaker 1: why not? Like I have nothing to lose. I think

28
00:01:18,080 --> 00:01:21,360
Speaker 1: I was like twenty two maybe. So we go to

29
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:25,440
Speaker 1: this restaurant and it was not inexpensive restaurant, by the way.

30
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:28,760
Speaker 1: So this person picked a very nice place and we

31
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,880
Speaker 1: sit down and the server comes over and says, can

32
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:35,440
Speaker 1: I get you guys a cocktail? I think I ordered

33
00:01:35,440 --> 00:01:38,520
Speaker 1: a Vaka sota. I think I ordered a double vodka soda.

34
00:01:38,560 --> 00:01:41,320
Speaker 1: If I'm being honest. It was in my twenties. And

35
00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:44,160
Speaker 1: then this person ordered themself a drink, and the server

36
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 1: began walking away, and then my date said, oh, excuse me,

37
00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:54,720
Speaker 1: server comes back, can you please put our orders on

38
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:55,920
Speaker 1: separate tabs?

39
00:01:59,160 --> 00:02:01,720
Speaker 2: I literally was like, wait, what.

40
00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:05,920
Speaker 1: We just sat down seven minutes ago. Why are you

41
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:10,800
Speaker 1: worried about the bill? So then the server walks away.

42
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 1: I'm kind of sitting there awkwardly because now I feel like,

43
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,760
Speaker 1: what is this? Like this doesn't feel like a date anymore.

44
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,960
Speaker 1: And the person I was on a date, which said, oh,

45
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,040
Speaker 1: this just makes the bill easier when it comes like,

46
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:30,360
Speaker 1: kind of laughed it off. So immediately I was a

47
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,040
Speaker 1: little turned off by it because I thought, how could

48
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 1: someone be that worried about a bill within five minutes

49
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,720
Speaker 1: of being together, yet you asked me to go to

50
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,959
Speaker 1: a fairly nice restaurant, Like, what is going on? What

51
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:44,079
Speaker 1: is the vibe here?

52
00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:46,800
Speaker 2: Is this? Is this even a date? Do you just

53
00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:48,880
Speaker 2: want a friend? Like? What is this?

54
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,680
Speaker 1: Because I got the vibe you were kind of into me,

55
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,120
Speaker 1: but now I'm feeling like maybe you're not.

56
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 2: So I thought it was super weird.

57
00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,760
Speaker 1: It wasn't even at the end of the meal, which

58
00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:02,440
Speaker 1: is also in my opinion, and a little odd to say,

59
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:04,560
Speaker 1: will you split the bill with me if you're being

60
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:07,560
Speaker 1: asked on a date? So it just created this super

61
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,600
Speaker 1: strange environment. And then what was really weird is for

62
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:11,960
Speaker 1: the rest of the date, it was like it was

63
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,520
Speaker 1: like a date, Like this person was trying to be

64
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:17,600
Speaker 1: flirty and was very complimentary and seemed clearly very interested

65
00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:21,000
Speaker 1: in me. And then the end of the dinner comes

66
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:23,880
Speaker 1: and the server brings over the two bills, and I

67
00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:27,560
Speaker 1: looked over and this person didn't tip very well at all,

68
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,400
Speaker 1: which to me is also a deal breaker, like give

69
00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,840
Speaker 1: a good tip to a server they work so hard.

70
00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:35,920
Speaker 1: It is not an easy job, like tip somebody, well

71
00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:40,080
Speaker 1: twenty percent minimum for server. Come on, I mean you

72
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,880
Speaker 1: just have to. But that's a whole other time we talk,

73
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:45,360
Speaker 1: I guess. So then we pay and this person says,

74
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,960
Speaker 1: can I walk you, you know, to wherever you're going next?

75
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:52,360
Speaker 1: Because I made it clear I had plans after, and

76
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:53,520
Speaker 1: I said, oh, you know what.

77
00:03:53,480 --> 00:03:55,320
Speaker 2: I'm good. I'm good. I'm just kind of in a rush.

78
00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:56,800
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do a phone call after.

79
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:59,600
Speaker 1: And they were super insistent, like come on, like, let

80
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:00,920
Speaker 1: me just want I'm not ready for the night to end.

81
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,560
Speaker 1: Let me just walk you. Let me just walk you.

82
00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,720
Speaker 1: And I literally was like what do I say now?

83
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:07,000
Speaker 2: Now? This is just awkward.

84
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,200
Speaker 1: So I let the person walk me to know the

85
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,720
Speaker 1: subway and then they were like, I really hope we.

86
00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:13,080
Speaker 2: Can do this again again.

87
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,920
Speaker 1: I can't even say it right because it was so

88
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:18,640
Speaker 1: it was so weird, and I just remember thinking like,

89
00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,760
Speaker 1: I will not be calling you. This is totally strange vibes.

90
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 1: And I kind of like hurriedly went down the subway

91
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,560
Speaker 1: steps after dodging what I thought was like a kiss

92
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,440
Speaker 1: and coming. I'm like, no, no, we're not playing that game.

93
00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,880
Speaker 1: So get on the subway and go. And this story

94
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,440
Speaker 1: got me thinking, is it a deal breaker for you

95
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:42,880
Speaker 1: if somebody wants to split the bill with you on

96
00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,200
Speaker 1: a first date? And I guess there's a few different caveats, right, Like, listen,

97
00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,840
Speaker 1: we're in twenty twenty five. I am all for a

98
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:51,479
Speaker 1: quality for all my ladies listening, for all of my

99
00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,080
Speaker 1: gay men listening, Like if you were like, I don't

100
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:56,000
Speaker 1: need to be bought. I want to be seen as

101
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:58,960
Speaker 1: an equal. I don't need someone to pay for my meal.

102
00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:02,280
Speaker 1: Power to you. Yes, yes, yes, I love that. For you,

103
00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:05,000
Speaker 1: that's great. But on a first damn date, you shall

104
00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,400
Speaker 1: let someone take you out. I'm sorry you should. If

105
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,760
Speaker 1: you are being asked to go on a date, I

106
00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:16,159
Speaker 1: think that that person is responsible for taking you out, period,

107
00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,320
Speaker 1: point blank. Now that doesn't mean that if you continue

108
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,960
Speaker 1: seeing this person on date number two, you say you

109
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,320
Speaker 1: got me last time, let me get you this time.

110
00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:25,040
Speaker 2: I love that.

111
00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:26,800
Speaker 1: I am all for a little ping pong in the

112
00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,400
Speaker 1: relationship like that, or in the dating ship, I should say,

113
00:05:30,160 --> 00:05:33,360
Speaker 1: But for a first date, if somebody is setting the restaurant,

114
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,520
Speaker 1: which by the way, they're choosing the price point of

115
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,240
Speaker 1: the restaurant. They're choosing the location. Maybe you have to

116
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:42,520
Speaker 1: go a little further for this location. They're choosing the time.

117
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:47,719
Speaker 1: It's like a lot on you to accommodate them and

118
00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:50,480
Speaker 1: leave everything up to their planning. So the least somebody

119
00:05:50,560 --> 00:05:53,080
Speaker 1: can do is pick up a tab if they want

120
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,920
Speaker 1: to go out with you, if they want your time,

121
00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,720
Speaker 1: if they want to take up your Thursday or your

122
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:01,839
Speaker 1: Friday night. It's very simple. Otherwise, don't ask somebody on

123
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:05,920
Speaker 1: a date if you don't intend to take them out right.

124
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:07,159
Speaker 2: It's just to me.

125
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,880
Speaker 1: Maybe I don't know, maybe it's a little old school

126
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,720
Speaker 1: or antiquated, but if I sit down at a table

127
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,320
Speaker 1: and we are on a first date and the first

128
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,400
Speaker 1: thing you say to me is let's have separate checks,

129
00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,120
Speaker 1: or if at the end of what I think is

130
00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:23,200
Speaker 1: a really great date you say, can we split the bill,

131
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:26,680
Speaker 1: I'm instantly going to think you're not interested instantly, or

132
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:29,640
Speaker 1: that I did something wrong to turn you off from.

133
00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:33,040
Speaker 2: The date, or that you're cheap, which.

134
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,080
Speaker 1: To me is not great because you know, you don't

135
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,200
Speaker 1: need to be extravagant, but you also don't want to

136
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:40,039
Speaker 1: come off as like super cheap. That's not fun. So

137
00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:42,120
Speaker 1: it just sends the wrong message as well. It's a

138
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:48,960
Speaker 1: very very confusing thing. I think that in this day

139
00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:53,720
Speaker 1: and age also a lot of people feel like there's

140
00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,480
Speaker 1: mixed signals when it comes to dating.

141
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:55,880
Speaker 2: Right.

142
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:57,760
Speaker 1: You don't know if someone is super interested in you, you

143
00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,200
Speaker 1: don't know if they're not. There's a lot of options

144
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,520
Speaker 1: are online dating, going on four dates a week. So

145
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,760
Speaker 1: if you're really digging someone, as the person who asks

146
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,880
Speaker 1: somebody out, show them, like show them by a simple

147
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:10,640
Speaker 1: gesture of covering their tacos and a margarita. That's it,

148
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 1: very very very simple. I think dating is such an

149
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,040
Speaker 1: interesting thing, and I think that there's a lot of

150
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,960
Speaker 1: people who kind of form these rules in their mind

151
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,320
Speaker 1: about dating that really come from nowhere, but then they

152
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,920
Speaker 1: stick to them. And I do have a friend who

153
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:26,000
Speaker 1: said on a lot of first dates they always go

154
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,320
Speaker 1: in on halves for the bill, and I thought why,

155
00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,440
Speaker 1: Like I don't understand that. Why And they're like, well,

156
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,400
Speaker 1: I don't know if I want to see this person again,

157
00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:35,600
Speaker 1: or I don't know if it's going to lead to anything.

158
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,800
Speaker 1: So why am I going to waste my money on

159
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:41,360
Speaker 1: somebody if I don't intend or if I don't know

160
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,320
Speaker 1: if there'll be anything else with this person, Like I

161
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,200
Speaker 1: don't know if they'll say yes to another date with me,

162
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:47,480
Speaker 1: or I don't know if I'm going to want to

163
00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:49,640
Speaker 1: go on another date with them if I meet someone else,

164
00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:52,200
Speaker 1: And all of that I understand. But it's the game

165
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,320
Speaker 1: of dating. It's the price of dating, right. You got

166
00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:56,280
Speaker 1: to get in the arena to see what can happen.

167
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:59,720
Speaker 1: If potentially meeting the love of your life means spending

168
00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:02,880
Speaker 1: an extra forty bucks on a dinner, then I think

169
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:04,840
Speaker 1: it's worth it. I think it's worth it. And if

170
00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,040
Speaker 1: you're choosing to go on dates with different people five

171
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:10,120
Speaker 1: nights a week, well that's your decision, bro, Like, that's

172
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:10,760
Speaker 1: up to you.

173
00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:11,440
Speaker 2: You're choosing.

174
00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:13,240
Speaker 1: That doesn't mean that you should make all of these

175
00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:16,320
Speaker 1: people you're asking out split the bill. I am so

176
00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,360
Speaker 1: gung ho on. If you ask somebody out, you need

177
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:23,120
Speaker 1: to pay the bill, period. And I think money's a

178
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:26,640
Speaker 1: really interesting topic in general, especially between friendships and like

179
00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 1: should you talk about money?

180
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:31,120
Speaker 2: Should you not? What do you do when bills come?

181
00:08:31,120 --> 00:08:33,559
Speaker 1: When you're in a group of friends and one friend

182
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,040
Speaker 1: got the eighty dollars stake and you got a fifteen

183
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:39,040
Speaker 1: dollars taco Like, that's all different. That's different. That's for

184
00:08:39,080 --> 00:08:41,120
Speaker 1: another Tommy talk. There's a lot of Tommy talks that

185
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,880
Speaker 1: can come from this, but I am specifically talking about

186
00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,600
Speaker 1: a one on one date. You ask somebody out, you

187
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:49,840
Speaker 1: take them out. It's very simple to me. I also

188
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,800
Speaker 1: think that when you do go on that first date,

189
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:59,120
Speaker 1: there's a lot of a lot of emotion to navigate, right.

190
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:01,440
Speaker 1: You're like, in the we're getting to know you phase,

191
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,640
Speaker 1: you're trying to share things about yourself but also seem.

192
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,800
Speaker 2: Not overly open or.

193
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:14,640
Speaker 1: Crazy or emotional or all the things right, because you're like,

194
00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,400
Speaker 1: oh my god, I want this person to maybe like me.

195
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:21,320
Speaker 1: So the least that you can do is take the

196
00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:23,600
Speaker 1: money out of it, take the money out of the conversation, Like,

197
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,280
Speaker 1: just don't make it a thing, pay the bill, have

198
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,600
Speaker 1: a great net. If you don't want to see the

199
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,080
Speaker 1: person again, fine, it's the price of dating, and move on.

200
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:34,080
Speaker 1: But let me tell you if almost single people out there,

201
00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,679
Speaker 1: what you don't want to do is sit down at

202
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,000
Speaker 1: a restaurant and tell the server to give you separate

203
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:44,840
Speaker 1: checks upon sitting down, because you will not ever, ever

204
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,439
Speaker 1: ever date that person again.

205
00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:47,880
Speaker 2: If you are interested in them.

206
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,040
Speaker 1: It is the number one way to run out the door.

207
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:51,400
Speaker 1: I should have run out the door. There were those

208
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,040
Speaker 1: little bells on the door, and I should have had

209
00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,480
Speaker 1: those bells ringing because I was like, why the hell

210
00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:58,480
Speaker 1: am I still here. I did not have enough alcohol

211
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,680
Speaker 1: at that dinner to get through it, but you know what,

212
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:04,880
Speaker 1: I made it out alive. And you got to go

213
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:07,840
Speaker 1: through some rough dates to meet the right one. And

214
00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,760
Speaker 1: I am so happy I have met my right one

215
00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:14,880
Speaker 1: because there's never been anything like that with this person

216
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:15,480
Speaker 1: in my life.

217
00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:15,920
Speaker 2: Right now.

218
00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,800
Speaker 1: My husband has been nothing but wonderful and generous and kind,

219
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,400
Speaker 1: and so have I. And like I said, it should

220
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:24,960
Speaker 1: be reciprocal. But a first date, Come on, guys, Come On, guys.

221
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,400
Speaker 1: By the Damn Tacos and the Vaka Soda. I've Never

222
00:10:29,440 --> 00:10:33,400
Speaker 1: Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Dedario. This

223
00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:37,680
Speaker 1: podcast is executive produced by Andrew Piglisi at iHeartRadio and

224
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:42,120
Speaker 1: by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've Never

225
00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,880
Speaker 1: Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran podcast

226
00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:49,359
Speaker 1: network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review and subscribe

227
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,080
Speaker 1: to our show. And if you like this episode, tell

228
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,280
Speaker 1: your friends. Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario