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Speaker 1: One of our core values is really having a growth mindset,

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Speaker 1: and so if I give them the answers all the time,

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Speaker 1: I'm really depriving them of opportunities to grow. I don't

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Speaker 1: care if you're a CEO of a Fortune five company,

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Speaker 1: or you're a youth soccer coach or anything in between.

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Speaker 1: I think your culture will be as healthy and your

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Speaker 1: productivity will be as good as the genuine relationships in

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Speaker 1: which you build. This is the Reformed Sports Project, a

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Speaker 1: podcast about restoring healthy balance and perspective in all areas

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Speaker 1: of sports through education and advocacy. Hi. This is Nick

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Speaker 1: Bonacore from the Reformed Sports Project podcast. Joining me today

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Speaker 1: is the head women's basketball coach for the u c

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Speaker 1: l A Bruins, Corey Close coach Closes. In her eleventh

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Speaker 1: season at the helm of u c l A. She

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Speaker 1: holds the highest winning percentage among the program's coaches with

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Speaker 1: more than two hundred wins, and she's led the Bruins

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Speaker 1: to six n A Tournament appearances. Coach Close and I

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Speaker 1: discussed misconceptions about discipline, how mental health plays an integral

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Speaker 1: role in sports, and why coaches focus I'm building relationships

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Speaker 1: with their players. Man, I'm freaking fired up. I feel

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Speaker 1: I feel borderline like I should be putting time out

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Speaker 1: this poor coach. She's been middle of her season and

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Speaker 1: she's taking time out to come on. I'm super duper

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Speaker 1: excited head women's basketball coach from u C. L A

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Speaker 1: Bruins coach Corey Close, coach, thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: hopping on. It's my pleasure. But if you're that jacked

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Speaker 1: about having this old lady coach, you know, coming out

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Speaker 1: of COVID, then you got to check your what else

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Speaker 1: you got in your life. But I'm excited to be

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Speaker 1: with you, and I'm excited to be able to sing

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Speaker 1: going well. I love it. I love your energy, I

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Speaker 1: love your vibe. I watched you and the Lady Huskies.

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Speaker 1: I was born and raised in Connecticut. Oh yeah, I

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Speaker 1: grew up there. I watched you and you guys went

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Speaker 1: toe to toe a couple of weeks back. Tough game,

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Speaker 1: but I mean I watched your girls battle. I mean

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Speaker 1: they came back. I mean it was just a great finish.

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Speaker 1: What was that? Like? Real quick? What was it? You

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Speaker 1: know when you watched your girls give it all they

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Speaker 1: got and then you know kind of ran out of gas,

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Speaker 1: Like how do you deal with what's that locker room

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Speaker 1: like afterwards with your with what do you say to them? Well,

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Speaker 1: I think it really depends on this area, right. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know, I think I try to always think about,

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Speaker 1: you know, how do you maximize teachable moments? And uh,

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Speaker 1: you know, so I really lean on my staff. I

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Speaker 1: have a brilliant assistant coaches that you know, I'll be like, well,

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Speaker 1: what do you think? What do you think the messaging

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Speaker 1: needs to be? And most of the time, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: my associate head coach, Shannon le Buff says, you know,

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Speaker 1: why don't you ask them? Ask them what the game

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Speaker 1: taught them, asked them to own the parts that they

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Speaker 1: grew and own the parts where maybe they fell short

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Speaker 1: that we gotta sent up and take responsibility and move forward.

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Speaker 1: And you know, my tendency sometimes is to go in

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Speaker 1: and go, Okay, frame it, you know what do we

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Speaker 1: need to learn, be honest about the feedback, and then

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Speaker 1: let's go from there. But I think sometimes, um, you know,

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Speaker 1: she's much wiser than I am, and she really asked

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Speaker 1: them to not let it just happen to them. One

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Speaker 1: of our core values is really having a growth mindset

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Speaker 1: and so, um, if I give them the answers all

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Speaker 1: the time, I'm really depriving them of opportunities to grow.

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Speaker 1: So that particular locker room, honestly was a mixed bag.

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Speaker 1: I said, you showed some real growth. Um, you know,

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Speaker 1: both programs were estimated by injuries, even at that point

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Speaker 1: before COVID ran both of our programs, and so um

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Speaker 1: you know, I think the number one thing was we're

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Speaker 1: not going to be in the pity pond about what

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Speaker 1: we didn't have. We had enough and we made some

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Speaker 1: really good growth place. But we also made some mistakes

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Speaker 1: that we got to learn from and helped it push

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Speaker 1: us forward. So it was a mixed fag. It was

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Speaker 1: honoring those things that I saw on them where they grew,

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Speaker 1: and also holding the mirror up to myself as a

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Speaker 1: leader and to them as a team of areas in

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Speaker 1: which we have to take responsibility for and grow forward.

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Speaker 1: I love that, and quite frankly, it's kind of a

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Speaker 1: good segue to where I want to get in. Obviously

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Speaker 1: we're talking you know, youth, amateur sports, you know, athletic development,

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Speaker 1: everything that kind of goes with it. But there's a

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Speaker 1: particular part I think it's hard for youth athletes to

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Speaker 1: really see this. But as a parent a youth coach,

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Speaker 1: I think it gets lost in today's culture, and that

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Speaker 1: is the word relationships and how they carry us forward.

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Speaker 1: And just by you talking about your locker room and

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Speaker 1: how you have those relationships with your players and your coaches,

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Speaker 1: you kind of put the ownership on them and you

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Speaker 1: have a dialogue little different at the youth level. At

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Speaker 1: the same time, how do you foster the how do

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Speaker 1: you grow it? I think it gets low us in

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Speaker 1: this day and age of showcasing, and you know, I

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Speaker 1: want to get seen it. We there's so much efforts

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Speaker 1: as coach on performance, on performance, on output that I

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Speaker 1: think parents at times we lose sight of the value

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Speaker 1: proposition of the whole youth sports experience. Can you talk

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Speaker 1: about the relationship piece and how that place, particularly in

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Speaker 1: the youth level, and evolves. Yeah, First of all, I

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Speaker 1: agree with everything you said, you know, and I think

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Speaker 1: we've we've lost that on multiple levels in multiple arenas.

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Speaker 1: Is the importance of that genuine relationship, that human connection,

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Speaker 1: that service to each other, doing things better together than

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Speaker 1: we ever could individually. And I think we've lost our

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Speaker 1: way a little bit with that. And you know, when

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Speaker 1: I think back to my youth sports experience, UM, I

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Speaker 1: still remember the relationships I had with youth coaches. UM.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's probably one of the things I lost

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Speaker 1: my dad in August, and um one of the things

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Speaker 1: that I've I've actually reflected on the most. He was

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Speaker 1: a great youth coach. And it's so interesting we play

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Speaker 1: up at Stanford. Um. I grew up in the Bay

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Speaker 1: Area and we play up at Stanford in every year.

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Speaker 1: I've got at least five or six people from my

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Speaker 1: youth soccer team, the Roadrunners. I still remember it. And

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Speaker 1: they do not come to see me. They come to

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Speaker 1: see my dad because of the relationship that he built

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Speaker 1: with them. And one of the things I was really

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Speaker 1: sad about is that, you know, we weren't going to

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Speaker 1: play up there this year. Um. But on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: I was I quickly remembered, Oh, but they weren't coming

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Speaker 1: to see me, and they came to see my dad.

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Speaker 1: And my dad's in a better place now. But UM,

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Speaker 1: I just think you're so right, and I think I

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Speaker 1: don't care if you're a CEO of a fortune company

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Speaker 1: or you're a youth soccer coach or anything in between.

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Speaker 1: I think you will, your culture will be as healthy

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Speaker 1: and your productivity will be as good as the genuine

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Speaker 1: relationships in which you build. And UM, you know, I

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Speaker 1: carry around a little laminated thing of every staff member

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Speaker 1: on my staff and every player, what are their love languages? Meaning?

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Speaker 1: How do they give and receive care most genuinely for them?

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Speaker 1: Because the tendency is for all of us is that

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Speaker 1: we want to love other people in the way that

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Speaker 1: we want to be loved. But if you want genuine

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Speaker 1: relationships and trust to be built, it's more important for

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Speaker 1: you to love the person right where they are. And

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Speaker 1: what a great opportunity in new sports, UM, if it's

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Speaker 1: truly transformational and not transactional, to go get a scholarship,

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Speaker 1: to go make varsity, to go whatever. Um, But what

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Speaker 1: an opportunity. And so I keep that and I tried

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Speaker 1: to do I try to UM intentionally reach out to

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Speaker 1: one staff member and one player every week intentionally in

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Speaker 1: their love language. So today I brought these little markers

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Speaker 1: to one of my players who's an artist, but her

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Speaker 1: love language is gifts, and so I brought her these

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Speaker 1: little pins. And you would have thought I brought her

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Speaker 1: a million dollars. She was just like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 1: that was so you know, and it really isn't my nature.

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Speaker 1: It's just that I really desire to be obsective, a

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Speaker 1: transformational teacher, and you've got to have genuine relationships. And

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Speaker 1: so I couldn't agree with you more. It was a

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Speaker 1: long answer to your short question. But um, you know,

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Speaker 1: I I really and I also think that's why we're

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Speaker 1: losing kids in new sports. Our numbers are going down

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Speaker 1: a cross all sports, the amount of participation that we

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Speaker 1: have and use sports, and we're missing the boat. It's

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest formation tools that we have. And

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Speaker 1: so I think if we took more pride in building

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Speaker 1: genuine relationships, are attrition would not be as high. I'm

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Speaker 1: going to read a quote you from and I didn't

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Speaker 1: get this quote from him, Um, but I think it's

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Speaker 1: an amazing quote and I love to see where you

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Speaker 1: kind of what your thoughts are. It's from a Dabo Sweeney,

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Speaker 1: one of one of his most well known and he says,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's completely ties into the relationship pieces.

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Speaker 1: Is the key to coaching is love. It's not knowledge,

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Speaker 1: it's not discipline. If you love them, you can discipline

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Speaker 1: that if you love them. You can yell at them

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Speaker 1: and then laugh about it later. Now some people hear

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Speaker 1: that were discipline and they automatically think, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: that's so bad. Well, I got six kids. I said

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Speaker 1: this to Jim Calhu on the other day when I interviewed.

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Speaker 1: I said, coach, if I don't have discipline in my house,

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Speaker 1: I'm done. You know, so six kids just for that.

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Speaker 1: It's it's insane. It's insane and a great in a

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Speaker 1: great way. But I got a great wife. And but

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Speaker 1: my point is relationships, discipline, um, love, How does all

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Speaker 1: tie together so that you get the most out of

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Speaker 1: the kid and they get the most out of the experience. Well,

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Speaker 1: and I think we've missed, We've misconstrued. I've been really

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Speaker 1: um influenced by language um by a guy named Tim

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Speaker 1: Kite who is focused three and E plus R equals oh.

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Speaker 1: He's a major impact on people like Luke Fickle and

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Speaker 1: and Ohio State football and some of those things. But

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Speaker 1: he's worked with us and one of the things he

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Speaker 1: talks about is that discipline is somehow been misconstrued as

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Speaker 1: punitive and it's not at all. It actually is it's

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Speaker 1: an expression of love, and it's because you love your

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Speaker 1: six kids that you create a discipline environment so that

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Speaker 1: they're able to be their very best. You know, but

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Speaker 1: I think that there they work hand in him. I

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Speaker 1: read a great book called Rare Leadership, and uh it's

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Speaker 1: in context of uh you know, they studied businesses, churches,

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Speaker 1: athletic teams, uh, classroom environments and they what were the

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Speaker 1: highest rates of improvement in learning in all those environments?

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Speaker 1: And there were two characteristics that were present in all

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Speaker 1: the most hyper forming learning environments and all those arenas.

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Speaker 1: And they were struggle and joy. And it's sort of

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Speaker 1: what you were just talking about, love and discipline, you know,

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Speaker 1: it's sort of grace and truth. You know. Um, well,

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Speaker 1: had a situation with a player today that she made

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Speaker 1: a mistake and I literally was driving in going what

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Speaker 1: does it look like to love her unconditionally and hold

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Speaker 1: her to the standard? And you know, how does that

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Speaker 1: work hand in hand in a in a really you know, Uh,

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Speaker 1: some tensions are meant to be managed and some are

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Speaker 1: meant to be solved. And I think that's a tension

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Speaker 1: that's meant to be managed right as an attenuous sort

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Speaker 1: of you don't want your pendulum to swing far one

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Speaker 1: way or the other. And so literally, at the top

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Speaker 1: of my practice plans, I have struggle and joy, and

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Speaker 1: my job as the head coach is to make sure

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Speaker 1: both of those things happen in a balanced fashion. That

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Speaker 1: there has to be adversity, there has to be trial,

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Speaker 1: there has to be some failure that you have to

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Speaker 1: respond to. There has to be some struggle where you've

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Speaker 1: got to dig down deep, you know. And there also

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Speaker 1: has to be joy, you know. And I believe there's

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Speaker 1: a difference between joy and happiness. Happiness it depends your

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Speaker 1: happenings on your circumstance. I think joy it is tied

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Speaker 1: into contentment and a perspective and a choice that is

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Speaker 1: under your control. And so especially in these COVID environments,

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Speaker 1: I mean, you know, we've had to postpone um several

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Speaker 1: games because of COVID. There's just so much that's out

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Speaker 1: of our control. But you know what's under our control

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Speaker 1: is joy and how we respond to the struggle and

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Speaker 1: so um. You know, I think even in that is

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Speaker 1: an important balance of environment. But I do think without love,

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Speaker 1: you're you just are less effective in everything else. And

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Speaker 1: I think you're less effective in your discipline, You're less

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Speaker 1: effective in your teaching strategies. You're less effective in everything

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Speaker 1: else without love, And I think that gives you a basis.

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Speaker 1: And it has to be genuine. It's can't be manipulative,

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Speaker 1: it can't be self serving. Um, genuine love has got

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Speaker 1: to be something that allows you to be more effective

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Speaker 1: in every other aspect of your teaching and leadership. First

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Speaker 1: of all, like you said, I agree with everything you

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Speaker 1: just said, and you brought up the adversity piece of it,

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Speaker 1: and and I think that's so critical to get into.

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Speaker 1: And the reason why is that it's you know, look

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Speaker 1: at the culture today. And again, my oldest is a

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Speaker 1: junior in high school. My youngest is three and a half,

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Speaker 1: so and I got everything in between. So I've seen

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Speaker 1: a lot and I've I'm just gonna see it again.

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Speaker 1: I feel like I'm more equipped now let's go around.

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Speaker 1: But either way, it's so easy coach to my kids

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Speaker 1: struggling on this ten you, twelve you team. I always

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Speaker 1: use this example and I think you'll hear it and

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Speaker 1: you'll transfers any sport. Everyone's parents wants their kid to

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Speaker 1: play shortstop. And it's like if my kids not playing shortstop,

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Speaker 1: Like why isn't my kids playing shortstop? Like what? And

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Speaker 1: you're like, dude, what, what the what the hell? Like

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Speaker 1: there's an eight other positions. And I talked to Tim

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Speaker 1: Corbyn and right, he's obviously another legend. He goes, Nick.

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Speaker 1: You know a lot of times shortstops are the best

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Speaker 1: athletes we bring in, you know, on the baseball field,

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Speaker 1: and we'll recruit several of them, but there's only one

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Speaker 1: in the field. So what happens one who go play outfield?

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Speaker 1: You know, one may get on the pitcher's mount, one

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Speaker 1: may become a catcher. But the either way you have

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Speaker 1: to adapt and adjust. And if you haven't experienced that

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Speaker 1: as a ten, eleven, twelve, fifteen year old kid, haven't

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Speaker 1: experienced any university because a lot of times kids are

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Speaker 1: taking off one team put on another so that they

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Speaker 1: can play shortstop right right the path the path is

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Speaker 1: created for them rather than them trying to create or

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Speaker 1: navigate their path. Are we doing them a major disservice?

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Speaker 1: In why? Yes, yes we are. And if I asked

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Speaker 1: you as a parent, or let me ask you as

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Speaker 1: an individual, tell me about a time in your life

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Speaker 1: that just pops into your head where you really grew

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Speaker 1: the most. When when did that happen? Right now, I'll

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Speaker 1: tell you this. When I when I got divorced and

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Speaker 1: I'm remarrying, when I went through the darkest, deepest time

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Speaker 1: my life, and it was when I went through a divorce. Yeah. So,

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Speaker 1: first of all, appreciate your courage to be vulnerable. I

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Speaker 1: think that's a huge deal. But I think the reality

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Speaker 1: of that is that you hit adversity and you grew

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Speaker 1: the most because you were forced to overcome, to grapple,

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Speaker 1: to wrestle with those dark moments and make really difficult choices.

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Speaker 1: And now, looking back, did you enjoy it? No? Was

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Speaker 1: it really hard and dark? Yes, but it forced something

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Speaker 1: in you, um that maybe wouldn't have happened. In other words,

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Speaker 1: I love the quote. I'm a huge Tony Bennett fan,

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Speaker 1: and you know he talks about when they lost and

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Speaker 1: he said, if if used correctly, that's the big gift, right,

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Speaker 1: adversity can take you to a place that you never

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Speaker 1: would have gone otherwise. And you know, I think that

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Speaker 1: that's the reality at all of us. I asked that

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Speaker 1: question a lot, and I keep wanting someone to say, oh,

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Speaker 1: when I was drinking, I s t S on the

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Speaker 1: beach Man. I grew a lot, but it's just not reality, right.

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Speaker 1: We don't do that. We don't. We don't grow like

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Speaker 1: that as coaches, as parents, as athletes. And so I

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Speaker 1: really I wish parents could. Um. I really am lucky,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's happening less and less. But um

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Speaker 1: number one, if parents could uh separate from their kids performance,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't reflect on them. You know one of our players,

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Speaker 1: Um that just one rookie of the Year in the

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Speaker 1: w n b A last year, michaela Onion wedding. And

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Speaker 1: I remember when she was in college, she was trying

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Speaker 1: out for a USA basketball team, which she ended up

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Speaker 1: making and was a leading minute person on that team.

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Speaker 1: And I asked her mom, I and she's so well adjusted,

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Speaker 1: she's such a great teammate, such a great work ethic.

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Speaker 1: And I asked her mom, I said, well, how did

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Speaker 1: you raise a kid like this? Like how she's so

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Speaker 1: she's a dream and she's athletic and high performing and

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Speaker 1: other centered and hard working and all these things. And

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Speaker 1: she says, well, it's I didn't do it. She did it.

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Speaker 1: It's her journey. I have my own journey. I said, well,

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Speaker 1: what did you ask her? She does you know? The

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Speaker 1: only two things I asked her every single time she

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Speaker 1: got in the car after a game where a practice

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Speaker 1: was um, were you a good teammate today? And did

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Speaker 1: you get better today? And if the answers were yes

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Speaker 1: to both of those, I said, where do you want

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Speaker 1: to eat? And I thought, how balanced? Right? And it

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Speaker 1: was just so separated from that. And so I'm very

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Speaker 1: grateful from my own self growing up and I played

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Speaker 1: multiple use sports that my parents weren't afraid to let

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Speaker 1: me struggle and that you know, I had to do

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Speaker 1: the work and I had to you know, they didn't

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Speaker 1: bail me out because they didn't want me to miss

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Speaker 1: out on the good stuff, because that's when the real

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Speaker 1: growth happens. And so I think that I say that

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Speaker 1: in every home visit, I ask parents when do you

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Speaker 1: remember growing the most? And when are you most proud

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Speaker 1: of your child growing the most? And inevitably they all

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Speaker 1: tell a story of triumph or overcoming adversity or overcoming failure,

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Speaker 1: and so we need to not we need to lean

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Speaker 1: into it. We need to lean into the discomfort, lean

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Speaker 1: into the struggle, not run away from it or rescue

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Speaker 1: from it, because we're really depriving these young people from

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Speaker 1: the really special stuff that comes from sports. I love

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Speaker 1: that expression lean into It reminds me of standing in

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Speaker 1: the batter's box and like someone'll be throwing gas and

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Speaker 1: you gotta lean into it, and you're like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to lean into that yet. That that's Corey Close,

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Speaker 1: had women's basketball coach for the u c l A Bruins.

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Speaker 1: When we return, Coach Close and I discussed the importance

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Speaker 1: of versatility and how mental health and mental performance are

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Speaker 1: impacting sports today. Welcome back to the Reform Sports Project podcast.

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Speaker 1: We're Coach Close and I left off. We're about to

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Speaker 1: discuss mental health and mental performance, as well as why

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Speaker 1: versatility can help you in sports and in life. You

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Speaker 1: brought up playing multiple sports, youth, multiple sports, and haven't

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Speaker 1: interviewed many women's college basketball coaches, so this is very interesting.

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Speaker 1: But out of every sport I've interviewed, UH coach I've

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Speaker 1: spoken with, I've yet to come across someone says, man,

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Speaker 1: I love it when kids lock in on one sport

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Speaker 1: from the earliest of ages. So you know, I haven't

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Speaker 1: but yet, but yet the yeah, but the AU coaches,

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Speaker 1: the youth coaches will say no, we need you year round,

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Speaker 1: year round, year round, all year job. Everything else. Do

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Speaker 1: you do as a trend with your better players coming

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Speaker 1: to U c l A. Or that, you know, if

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Speaker 1: that had a multiple sport experience, or that least sample

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Speaker 1: the variety of sports, particularly let's say thirteen and under,

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Speaker 1: you know, before high school. Yeah, I think it's so important,

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Speaker 1: And I would say even midway through high school. I

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Speaker 1: just would as long as you possibly can without really

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Speaker 1: compromising your progressions, I guess. But I really haven't met

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Speaker 1: hardly anyone that's really happens to you that they felt

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Speaker 1: like they looked back and they go in. If I

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Speaker 1: had only specialized sooner, I would have been at a

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Speaker 1: higher level. You never hear any high level college or

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Speaker 1: pro athletes say at but what I have heard is

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Speaker 1: I'm burnt out by the time they get to college,

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Speaker 1: you know. I mean, I've you know, recruited some of

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Speaker 1: the top players in the country and they get to

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Speaker 1: me and they work their whole lives and then they

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Speaker 1: don't have any gas left to really enjoy what they've

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Speaker 1: been working for, and so they're either burnt out. They

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Speaker 1: had a really influential strength and conditioning coach when I

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Speaker 1: was at Florida State, and he talked about how when

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Speaker 1: kids specialized too soon, they don't they stopped working all

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Speaker 1: the planes of the body, and especially at developmental ages.

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Speaker 1: So when they get to college, they get hurt all

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Speaker 1: the time, and their rate of injury is so much

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Speaker 1: higher when they specialize quicker, and so au coaches can

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Speaker 1: continue to say that all they want because they don't

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Speaker 1: face the ramifications of that in their time. Maybe they

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Speaker 1: continue to either make more money off the events with

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Speaker 1: the kids there, or they continue to see them grow.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not saying they're all m self serving, but

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Speaker 1: they don't deal with the ramifications of increased injuries, burnout,

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Speaker 1: you know, um, just all the different parental pressures once

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Speaker 1: they get into the really pressure lights on you on

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Speaker 1: TV kinds of moments. And I just have never met

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Speaker 1: anyone that has said, man, I just if I would

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Speaker 1: just want to specialize sooner, and you know, it's just

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Speaker 1: I really think it's a short sighted decision. It's interesting.

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Speaker 1: We work on our mental conditioning for fifteen minutes every

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Speaker 1: day and today the the guy was talking about how

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Speaker 1: it's you just have to get Are you willing to

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Speaker 1: what he said? Are you willing to give up what

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Speaker 1: you want now for what you really want in the future.

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Speaker 1: And most people don't reach their long term potential, not

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Speaker 1: because they're not talented enough, not skilled enough, not whatever.

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Speaker 1: It's just that they compromise what they want long term

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Speaker 1: for what they feel now, and unfortunately includes parents, a you, coaches,

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Speaker 1: you know, all these different people and what they want

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Speaker 1: now as a scholarship, what they want now is to

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Speaker 1: be able to say their kid did X, Y and

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Speaker 1: Z what they want now, and so that feels more tangible.

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Speaker 1: But what they're really compromising is what they say they

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Speaker 1: really want long term, and a lot of times that

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Speaker 1: ends up falling by the wayside. For everyone out there,

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Speaker 1: there's no script, there's I feel like I'm putting them

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Speaker 1: out of tea, and you're just like segueing, this is

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Speaker 1: perfect because I want to ask you, and I really

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Speaker 1: want to ask you about mental health. It's a topic

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Speaker 1: that's important, but it's also a topic that is becoming

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Speaker 1: more and more mainstream, especially in athletics. You're having pro

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Speaker 1: athletes talk about it, and you talk about the mental

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Speaker 1: conditioning and you know, you talk about we're talking about

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Speaker 1: you sports talking about burnout all these things I've heard.

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Speaker 1: I've heard parents or adults say, Man, any athlete or

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Speaker 1: any athlete that says they're burnt out doesn't really love it.

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Speaker 1: They don't know. And I'm sitting there and I'm going,

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Speaker 1: do you really know what it's like to be in

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Speaker 1: that fight every day? Do you know what it's like

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Speaker 1: to play baseball or whatever sport? It is even a

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Speaker 1: little professionally like there's demands on you. It wears and tears.

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Speaker 1: How what about mental health? How does that play in

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Speaker 1: this whole thing? Because parents want to know, parents are wondering,

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00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,919
Speaker 1: you know, how can they help? Well, I think that

429
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:48,560
Speaker 1: you just hit a really key phrase. Um, you know,

430
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,480
Speaker 1: they don't know. Have they really been in the grind

431
00:19:50,520 --> 00:19:53,000
Speaker 1: and they really felt the pressures? Have they really you know,

432
00:19:53,119 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 1: understood what that feels like. Well, you know John Gordon,

433
00:19:56,680 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: who's a good friend of mine, he always says, people

434
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:02,080
Speaker 1: don't burn out because they're working too hard. They burn

435
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,520
Speaker 1: out because they've lost track of their hy And that

436
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:06,800
Speaker 1: I think is so huge in the area of mental

437
00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,679
Speaker 1: health and burnout, because you know, why do you play?

438
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:12,200
Speaker 1: You know, like, where where's the joy in it? Where

439
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:15,520
Speaker 1: where's the where's the love? Of getting better. What where's

440
00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:18,600
Speaker 1: the you know, man, I feel so much better when

441
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 1: about myself and when I am growing and or what

442
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 1: about given to some something else that's bigger than you?

443
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: You know, think about you know, when you serve somebody else,

444
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,280
Speaker 1: when you sacrifice for the team, when you give up

445
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 1: what's on the back of your jersey for what's on

446
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,040
Speaker 1: the frontier jersey. Who wins? Well, not only does a

447
00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 1: team win, but guess what you win? You win with

448
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,040
Speaker 1: your contentment, You win with your character growth. There's this

449
00:20:40,119 --> 00:20:42,360
Speaker 1: there's a you know, there's so much science that goes

450
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,840
Speaker 1: into it when you practice gratitude and service dopamine and

451
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:48,639
Speaker 1: I mean like that these these drugs are released for

452
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:52,400
Speaker 1: happiness and contentment into your bloodstream. I mean it's even scientific.

453
00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: So I think it's so important that you are really building,

454
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:57,240
Speaker 1: Like why are you doing this? Is this that I

455
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,480
Speaker 1: get to or and I have to? You know? And

456
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 1: I think if parents can really um, foster that, you know,

457
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 1: and really fuel the right wise, Um, it doesn't make

458
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,600
Speaker 1: you soft. I think that's such a myth where families,

459
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,719
Speaker 1: you know, like, it doesn't make you soft or less competitive.

460
00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:17,320
Speaker 1: It actually probably fuels more competition because you feel responsible

461
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,000
Speaker 1: to someone in something bigger than yourself. And so I

462
00:21:20,040 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: think that's a big side of the burnout piece of it,

463
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:25,880
Speaker 1: and the handling pressure piece of it is that when

464
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,080
Speaker 1: you have a very clear why and that's your anchor,

465
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:31,920
Speaker 1: that's your sort of place to, you know, to get recentered.

466
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:34,439
Speaker 1: And I think that's a really important piece now that

467
00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:36,560
Speaker 1: you if you said two different things I think are

468
00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:41,359
Speaker 1: separate but related. Mental conditioning is about like for basketball,

469
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: for instance, I asked people all the time, what what

470
00:21:43,440 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: percentage of the game do you think is mental most

471
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:48,680
Speaker 1: of the time? They say se And then I say, okay, well,

472
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 1: last time you went to the gym, what percentage of

473
00:21:51,400 --> 00:21:53,600
Speaker 1: the time did you work on the mental side of

474
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,639
Speaker 1: the game. They're like, well, zero, I don't even know

475
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,439
Speaker 1: how Well it's a toolbox, right, So there's the mental

476
00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 1: So it's that's being present for focused, next place speed

477
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,160
Speaker 1: where you're onto the next play, learning a refocused routine

478
00:22:05,240 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 1: or reset routine where what you've already decided and worked

479
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,919
Speaker 1: on that's going to help you move on past adversity

480
00:22:10,920 --> 00:22:13,960
Speaker 1: a bad call by an ump or referee or missing

481
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:16,720
Speaker 1: shots or striking out or fill in the blanks and

482
00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 1: there's a there's a whole skill set of toolbox that

483
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:21,800
Speaker 1: I think mental conditioning. Like you know, you go to

484
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,600
Speaker 1: the gym to work on your muscles and your conditioning,

485
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 1: and well, this is the mind gym, and so we

486
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:29,760
Speaker 1: are very intentional about that. We spend fifteen minutes in

487
00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:32,679
Speaker 1: the mind gym every single day, and you know, we

488
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,800
Speaker 1: want our players to become more and more equipped in

489
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: that way. But that that is related to because I

490
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,239
Speaker 1: do think it's so important as a life skill, right.

491
00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: It's not a matter of if they're going to continue

492
00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:44,399
Speaker 1: to hit adversity as the ball goes flat and they

493
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,399
Speaker 1: go on in their lives, it's when and what is

494
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: it gonna look like? And so this these mental conditioning

495
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:52,200
Speaker 1: things are so much bigger than performance. They're really life

496
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: skills that help with performance but are also really really

497
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 1: tremendously essential as they move forward beyond sport. But the

498
00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: mental health side, I think, you know, um, I have

499
00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:05,480
Speaker 1: probably half my team that's in counseling right now, and

500
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,240
Speaker 1: you know I I praised them for being courageous enough

501
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 1: to be vulnerable and to say what's really going on?

502
00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,679
Speaker 1: And um, you know I come from a background. My

503
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,560
Speaker 1: dad was a marriage counselor UM and a therapist. So

504
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:19,520
Speaker 1: I don't really shy away from that. UM. I don't

505
00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: think it's um, you know, I do. I do not

506
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,400
Speaker 1: think it's weakness. UM. You know, that's my own personal thing.

507
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:28,000
Speaker 1: But I really do think there's you know, really goes

508
00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,240
Speaker 1: back to something we talked about earlier. We talked about

509
00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:34,040
Speaker 1: the need for relationships and human connection and trust. And

510
00:23:34,160 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 1: as social media has gone up and you know, surfacing

511
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:40,200
Speaker 1: and we're doing more and more things remotely and looking

512
00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 1: at our phones, were experiencing less and less community, less

513
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 1: and less connection, which leads to all of these other things.

514
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,800
Speaker 1: And I'm guilty. I mean, I'm guilty of that. So UM,

515
00:23:49,840 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 1: but I think that that's some of the causes. UM.

516
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 1: But I also think, you know, we need to be

517
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 1: honest and say, okay, well, what what does it take.

518
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 1: I always tell our players, Look, you are never going

519
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: to have this many resources available to you at no

520
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:03,560
Speaker 1: cost to you for the rest of your life. And

521
00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:06,480
Speaker 1: so I really encourage them, you know, try it. UM.

522
00:24:06,480 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: What downside is there to it? Um? But you know,

523
00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 1: depression anxiety. UM. I actually my first year here at

524
00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 1: u c l A experienced the tragedy and experienced PTSD,

525
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: which really enlarged my heart in my mind of like, okay,

526
00:24:19,640 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 1: what does that look like? I don't think I really

527
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:24,080
Speaker 1: understood what that was like. And um, and now you know,

528
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,120
Speaker 1: I had a different level of anxiety that I didn't

529
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,880
Speaker 1: understand and I needed help and I went to counseling

530
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,720
Speaker 1: for fifteen months to help get tools of how I

531
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,440
Speaker 1: could process that in a healthy way. The bottom line,

532
00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:37,080
Speaker 1: I think in life with this issue, and as a coach,

533
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: you you can't ignore it. You have to, especially if

534
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,679
Speaker 1: you love people and you want to impact people in

535
00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: a transformational way. But I just think you either everyone

536
00:24:45,880 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 1: has issues and stuff. We all have stuff, and if

537
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,440
Speaker 1: you don't handle it in a healthy way, it will

538
00:24:51,520 --> 00:24:54,000
Speaker 1: come out in an unhealthy way. So what's your choice

539
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: going to be? We all got them, nobody's perfect, we

540
00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:59,000
Speaker 1: all got junk. We all bring stuff to the table

541
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 1: that we um. You know. I also have a phrase

542
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 1: that wounds are deeper than convictions, and if you don't

543
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:07,199
Speaker 1: handle your wounds, they will overpower your convictions. So you

544
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:09,399
Speaker 1: can you can be all into like this is what

545
00:25:09,480 --> 00:25:11,159
Speaker 1: I believe, this, I'm gonna react, this is what I'm

546
00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 1: gonna do and then you get triggered out of your woundedness,

547
00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:16,520
Speaker 1: all that crap goes out the window. And so I

548
00:25:17,000 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 1: just really, um, I just I'm really praise the courage.

549
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,760
Speaker 1: I don't think you can be a courageous This is

550
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: a burnet brown thing. But I don't think you can

551
00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:28,640
Speaker 1: show great courage or bravery without also showing great vulnerability.

552
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 1: And uh and so I really I think it's an

553
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 1: issue that we're all dealing with at different levels. The

554
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 1: pandemic just has accentuated that. And so I really encourage

555
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:41,240
Speaker 1: coaches to be courageous enough to enter into the difficult,

556
00:25:41,320 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 1: chaotic stuff. And you've got to start of be willing

557
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,600
Speaker 1: to enter into the tunnel of chaos if you want

558
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 1: real trust and vulnerability on the other side. Corey freaking Close,

559
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 1: Coach Close, this has been awesome U c l A

560
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: women's basketball. I cannot thank you enough for your time.

561
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: This has been awesome. Well it's my pleasure. Thank you

562
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,880
Speaker 1: for caring about kids. Thank you for really teaching about

563
00:26:00,960 --> 00:26:04,119
Speaker 1: youth sports. And I'm really passionate about that across all

564
00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:08,040
Speaker 1: kinds of sports. That's Corey Close had women's basketball coach

565
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:10,280
Speaker 1: for the U C. L A. Bruins. Thanks for listening

566
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 1: to the Reform Sports Project podcast. Dominick Boncourt and our

567
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,200
Speaker 1: goal is to restore a healthy balance and perspective in

568
00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:19,920
Speaker 1: all areas of sports through education and advocacy. For updates,

569
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: please follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, or check

570
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: out our website by searching for the Reform Sports Project