WEBVTT - Finding Gratitude After Loss with Allison Holker Boss 0:00:01.000 --> 0:00:01.720 Hi, Catherine. 0:00:01.840 --> 0:00:05.520 Oh, Hi Chelsea, Hi, Hi, just skied down to do 0:00:05.600 --> 0:00:08.320 this podcast, and I have to say. 0:00:08.080 --> 0:00:12.640 I love to see. I love skiing so much. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:15.040 You just skied right on into the studio. It's perfect. 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:17.360 I skied right out of my ski out, into my 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:20.239 ski out and walked over to my house and I 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:24.479 am just filled filled. I have my two babies with me. 0:00:24.600 --> 0:00:27.000 Jesse and Katie have been with me for a spring break. 0:00:27.360 --> 0:00:29.360 They both slept in bed with me. Last night we 0:00:29.400 --> 0:00:30.680 watched Pride and Prejudice. 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:34.560 Which one the movie one or the mini series one? 0:00:34.920 --> 0:00:36.280 Minise? Is there a miniseries? 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.520 Is a mini series with Colin Firth. 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:40.360 Oh, I had to tell you, Oh, you have to 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:40.720 see it. 0:00:40.720 --> 0:00:42.960 It's like, is it old nineties? 0:00:43.440 --> 0:00:45.720 But it's like Colin Firth coming out of the water 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:46.760 with that wet shirt. 0:00:46.840 --> 0:00:48.199 It's it's really everything. 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:51.160 I love the guy from Succession who's in the first 0:00:51.159 --> 0:00:53.239 of all, everyone in Pride and Prejudice is like a 0:00:53.320 --> 0:00:56.720 huge actor. Carrie Mulligan's in it. It's so beautiful and 0:00:56.760 --> 0:00:59.800 the language is so beautiful. I have one Jesse who's 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:02.440 like love with it, and then Katie's like, this is stupid. 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:03.480 What is this? 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:05.520 Why am I talking about this? It was so funny. 0:01:05.560 --> 0:01:08.920 I'm like, Okay, here are the twins, two different, completely different. 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:10.600 Personalities, exactly exactly. 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:11.440 I went out. 0:01:11.480 --> 0:01:13.720 I went skiing this morning and I texted them. I said, girls, 0:01:13.760 --> 0:01:15.759 when you get up, meet your father. They call me dad. 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.119 I go meet your father on the mountain. I said, 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:19.760 if you want to make your father happy, meet me 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:20.279 on the mountain. 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.080 And they're like, fudda, fudda. 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.440 We're all dressed and ready to go, but where are skis? 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:27.440 And their mom took their skis back to Squamish for 0:01:27.480 --> 0:01:27.920 some reason. 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:28.560 I'm not sure why. 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:30.880 I had one set of skis so only one of 0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:33.039 them could meet me. But they're like, we won't disappoint 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:33.559 We're coming. 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.360 It's so cute. And then we went to lunch. 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:38.800 You're just like surrounded by children on the mountain. 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.120 Oh my god, it's I know. I'm running a fucking 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:42.399 daycare center up here. 0:01:43.720 --> 0:01:46.280 So, Chelsea, I've got a little update that kind of 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:47.800 goes with our episode today. 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:50.760 This email comes from Riley. 0:01:51.160 --> 0:01:53.680 Riley says, Dear Chelsea, I'm not a past caller, so 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:55.800 this really can't be called an update, but it involves 0:01:55.880 --> 0:01:58.600 changes from your advice, so let's call it one. A 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:00.760 couple of months ago, I decided to take a year 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:02.800 off from school to pursue a full time job that 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:05.520 was making a ton of crazy money at A month later, 0:02:05.600 --> 0:02:07.160 I was fired from said job. 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:08.680 Long story short. 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.880 Within a year, I went from moving to my dream 0:02:10.919 --> 0:02:13.600 city for my dream program in school to a second 0:02:13.639 --> 0:02:17.400 time dropout and unemployed. I've always been a person who's 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:20.600 believed that energy follows you. I'm also a person who 0:02:21.040 --> 0:02:24.280 is practically a professional in negative energy and deals with depression. 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.880 So I've connected, listened, and taken your advice over the 0:02:27.960 --> 0:02:31.079 last few weeks. I'm on day seventeen of daily Gratitude. 0:02:31.440 --> 0:02:34.280 I've been doing all my positive affirmations, and I've been 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:36.840 repeating this is a good energy day to myself on 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.120 a daily basis and to both of you. Thank you, 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:41.919 because today I realized what a massive shift in general 0:02:41.960 --> 0:02:45.720 attitude I've had and the unnatural change in energy around me. 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.120 Then the magic happened. It feels like a door opened 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:51.120 with the new job I have, I found a different 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.320 program that clicked with my goals and values to go 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:55.560 back to school, and a guy at a bar asked 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:58.760 for my number for the very first time. Thanks again, 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:00.680 sending love from a stranger Riley. 0:03:01.360 --> 0:03:04.000 Yes, everybody, you can change your energy, and when you 0:03:04.080 --> 0:03:10.160 change your energy, you are magnetically attracting and energetically attracting 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:11.840 different things into your life. 0:03:12.120 --> 0:03:12.360 Yeah. 0:03:12.440 --> 0:03:15.160 So the value of a gratitude journal may say, sound 0:03:15.280 --> 0:03:17.600 corny or like a hundred of time for that, it 0:03:17.720 --> 0:03:22.040 changes your energy and you won't know it until you 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:23.720 do it, So fucking do it. 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:25.600 Yeah, and affirmations too. 0:03:25.680 --> 0:03:29.639 It's like when we talk to ourselves differently, things happen. 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:31.120 It's really really cool. 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:34.080 Oh, I'm going to DC to be one of the 0:03:34.080 --> 0:03:40.440 comedians that's giving Kevin Hart his Mark Twain Award in DC. Oh, 0:03:40.440 --> 0:03:43.360 that's exciting. Yeah, it'll be on Netflix, I think. So 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:45.720 I have whipped up a little speech for Kevin. 0:03:45.560 --> 0:03:48.560 Hart, so he better get fucking ready, bitch. 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:50.560 Is it like a nice speech or is it a 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:51.360 little roasty? 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.160 A little bit of both? 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.160 Gay? Excellent? Are you guys kind of like good friends 0:03:57.480 --> 0:03:58.080 like chums? 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:00.320 Well, he's been an old friend, so he's all always 0:04:00.320 --> 0:04:02.360 a good friend, like I've known him for so long 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.160 from Chelsea lately days he demanded to be a guest 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.120 instead of on the Roundtable. After he was on the 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.720 round Table for a period of time, then he demanded 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:13.480 to be a guest because his people were like, he's 0:04:13.480 --> 0:04:18.280 too he's he's now guest material, and I remember going, wow. 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:20.920 Look at him. Yeah, so he's been a pain in 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:22.480 my ass for a very long time. 0:04:22.839 --> 0:04:24.520 I don't see him, No, I don't see him a lot, 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:26.960 but I will always show up for Kevin. 0:04:27.000 --> 0:04:27.520 I love him. 0:04:27.640 --> 0:04:29.559 I love that. I love that old friends are sometimes 0:04:29.600 --> 0:04:30.279 the best friends. 0:04:30.320 --> 0:04:32.200 And he's one of the only black men, famous men 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:36.480 that I haven't had sex with. Well, just kidding, just kidding, Okay, 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:40.680 so oh today. I love this woman and the first 0:04:40.760 --> 0:04:44.240 reason she caught my attention was on Instagram dancing with 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:48.640 her husband Twitch, who has since passed away, and then 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:51.479 after he passed away by taking his life. 0:04:51.720 --> 0:04:54.880 I was just blown. 0:04:54.600 --> 0:04:58.880 Away by the way that this woman handled that and 0:04:58.960 --> 0:05:02.840 the way that she was able to almost it felt 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:04.960 like she was able to center herself, not in a 0:05:05.000 --> 0:05:08.600 premature way, but in such a grounded, centered way with 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:13.440 her three children, the public facing element of that hardship. 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:14.680 I just couldn't believe it. 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:18.320 So I had been dming with her on Instagram months 0:05:18.320 --> 0:05:21.760 and months and months ago and then she came to 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:27.200 my show at LA and anyway, I just felt a 0:05:27.200 --> 0:05:29.280 connection to her and I wanted to reach out to her. 0:05:29.320 --> 0:05:32.400 And she's on the podcast today and her name is 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:35.320 Alison Hooker and she's the author of the new children's 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:39.120 book Keep Dancing Through and as she is the new judge, 0:05:39.200 --> 0:05:41.080 the newest judge and so you think you can dance, 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:44.880 So please welcome Alison Holker boss. 0:05:46.240 --> 0:05:48.159 Hi Cuty, Petuity, Fashion Fruity. 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:50.520 That's so good to see you. 0:05:51.400 --> 0:05:55.000 I was watching your clip yesterday on your Instagram of 0:05:55.040 --> 0:05:58.960 that beautiful dancer and you telling her how you could 0:05:59.000 --> 0:06:01.320 see her, and I thought, but oh, that's the best 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.000 thing anyone can hear, is I see you? 0:06:03.520 --> 0:06:06.039 Thank you? No, she went beautiful. It's like sometimes you 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:08.520 just meet people that have like it's like a beautiful 0:06:08.560 --> 0:06:10.880 soul and you're like I feel that, you know. And 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:12.320 I was like, that's one of those people where I 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:14.080 was like I was really moved by her. She was great. 0:06:14.760 --> 0:06:17.840 Yeah, yeah, yeah, So that's so awesome that you're judging 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:19.520 on So you think you can dance? 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.240 Oh my gosh. It's been a dream job to be honest, like, 0:06:22.760 --> 0:06:24.640 I've been like every position on the job, I've been 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:27.599 like a contestant, all star all of the things, but 0:06:27.720 --> 0:06:30.599 sitting on the judges panel has felt like home. And 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.039 to be honest, I didn't know how I was gonna 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:33.760 feel about sitting up there because I was like, am 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:37.160 I gonna miss being on the stage like being the dancer? 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:41.200 But truly, honestly, it's been way better. I've actually enjoyed 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.039 this experience so much. And I feel like as a judge, 0:06:44.080 --> 0:06:47.159 like I've sat where they are, I've stood in that 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:50.279 on that stage, so I'm like really hard on them, 0:06:50.320 --> 0:06:52.080 but it's all from like a place of love because 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:54.680 I have like a high expectation of them. But man, 0:06:54.720 --> 0:06:57.679 it's been a dream job. I've loved the experience so much. 0:06:58.279 --> 0:07:01.080 Well, I also think it's so nice when you're it's 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:04.040 your specialty and then you take a step back and 0:07:04.080 --> 0:07:07.280 you're actually able to judge and critique others doing what 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:09.520 you're doing. You would think you miss it, but it's 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.080 actually nice to have the pressure off of you and 0:07:12.160 --> 0:07:14.760 where you can kind of help other people to see 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:16.360 their strengths or weaknesses. 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:19.680 Yeah, and it's like, honestly, a lot of the ones 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:23.600 audition I've known them since they were children. So I 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.720 feel like I'm like sitting at that table being like 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:27.840 a mama bear. I've taught a lot of them since 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:30.320 they were really really young, so it's more of like 0:07:30.360 --> 0:07:32.120 an honor and like a treat to be able to 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:34.640 see like the progression that they've already had thus far, 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.560 to then be able like, Okay, now, whatever I say 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:39.280 to you, I can really help you on the next 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:42.320 step of your journey. And I've already been so blessed 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.320 to have a big journey in the dance community, so 0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:49.080 it's a blessing to be able to cultivate someone else's. 0:07:49.160 --> 0:07:51.760 Now, how did your dancing start, Allison? 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.280 I actually watched my sister dance when I was like 0:07:55.680 --> 0:07:59.640 twelve years old. She just looked so majestic on this stage. 0:08:00.480 --> 0:08:03.200 She was like a warrior princess, like she looked like, 0:08:03.720 --> 0:08:05.800 I don't know, she just looks so powerful, and I 0:08:05.840 --> 0:08:07.800 was like, I want to do that. And then even 0:08:07.840 --> 0:08:09.200 at a young age, I was like, I want to 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:13.400 impact other kids, or specifically girls, to be just as 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.760 powerful on a stage. Because it wasn't like one of 0:08:15.840 --> 0:08:18.600 those like frillly dancers. It wasn't like she was like 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:22.000 a ballallet dancer. It was like strong, athletic and powerful. 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:24.560 She was like flipping, and I was like, I liked 0:08:24.600 --> 0:08:28.440 seeing someone so feminine kind of own their masculine and 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:30.920 be like kind of dance more like the men and 0:08:31.000 --> 0:08:34.319 just be like owning their power. So that's always really 0:08:34.360 --> 0:08:36.320 what I wanted to do for girls in the dance 0:08:36.360 --> 0:08:37.400 industry specifically. 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:40.000 Yeah, and I think that's well said, because you're describing 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:43.440 yourself too, because you're very feminine and owning your masculinity 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.000 in your dance. That's what I've always noticed about you 0:08:46.400 --> 0:08:49.280 is you're so strong and the dance and you're such 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:50.000 a good dancer. 0:08:50.040 --> 0:08:51.559 I can't even. 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:54.600 Do a two step, So if you ever ever got 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:56.480 me alone and tried to teach me something, you would 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:59.600 have no respect for me, none, because it would be 0:08:59.840 --> 0:09:01.960 so But no, no, I promise you. 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:03.360 I cannot my rhythm. 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:06.520 Someone stole it from me before I was born, and 0:09:06.640 --> 0:09:10.240 I'm tone deaf, and when I dance, it's just people 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.960 have to look away, and I need something to lean on, 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:15.280 like a ballast. I need something so that I can 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:18.280 just sway and not move my arms and legs at 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:18.880 the same time. 0:09:19.280 --> 0:09:20.920 Really, what you're telling us, is you need a wall to. 0:09:22.960 --> 0:09:25.840 Yes, well, I used to go out with my girlfriends 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:27.400 and we would go to bars and get drunk. I 0:09:27.400 --> 0:09:29.920 would swing my purse around my head to like just 0:09:30.240 --> 0:09:32.760 like as a decoy to not look at my dancing, 0:09:32.840 --> 0:09:34.520 just to look at my purse, and. 0:09:34.559 --> 0:09:37.760 Just also get off your back. 0:09:38.040 --> 0:09:39.240 Duck up, back up. 0:09:39.520 --> 0:09:42.440 No, Honestly, everyone says that they can't dance, but I 0:09:42.600 --> 0:09:46.200 tell everybody like, if you can walk, dancing is just 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:49.240 walking with style, Like that's it. Like I would be 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:51.199 able to get you to dance so quick. 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:53.760 Someone told me this summer that it's better to not 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.000 move your if you're not a great dancer. It's better 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:58.280 to keep your feet in one place and move the 0:09:58.280 --> 0:09:59.160 rest of your body. 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:01.439 What are your thoughts on I. 0:10:01.480 --> 0:10:03.760 Definitely thinking we should move your feet so you don't 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:06.800 just look like you'resser, like get like a teeter tatter. 0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:09.040 Like how long can I not move my feet for? 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:13.360 I think I would actually start with the lower half 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:15.839 and work your way up. You know what I'm saying, 0:10:16.240 --> 0:10:18.040 Give me like a nice two set. 0:10:18.080 --> 0:10:20.440 Right right, That's what I was thinking. I was like 0:10:20.520 --> 0:10:22.600 the two step I could do, Like okay, how could 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:24.679 you fuck that up. But once it gets more complex 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:26.600 than that, that I'm lost. It's like I'm swimming. 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:28.520 If you just start moving your arms is gonna start 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.400 like looking like the toothpicks or like the what the 0:10:31.400 --> 0:10:33.680 the I don't know, all the flossing and weird stuff. 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:35.240 We don't want to go there. We start from the 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:37.199 bottom and a bigger way to the top, you know. 0:10:37.160 --> 0:10:37.680 But I do. 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:39.160 I mean, that's how I did meet you. It was 0:10:39.200 --> 0:10:42.080 on Instagram and dancing. Congrats on your new book. It's 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:45.320 called Keep Dancing through a Boss Family Groove. 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:46.640 How did that come about? 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:50.000 Actually, this book was written back in twenty twenty one 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.240 into twenty twenty two, so it's it's been a long 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.360 time coming. It was written with my late husband, and 0:10:55.920 --> 0:10:59.600 honestly it's just a testament to what our family would 0:10:59.600 --> 0:11:02.520 do in a day in our lives. You know, my husband, 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.600 we really believed a lot in like affirmations and teaching 0:11:05.640 --> 0:11:09.440 that to our kids. And so every morning, together with 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.320 both of us, we would teach our kids and like 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:13.720 start our day with like I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, 0:11:13.760 --> 0:11:15.800 and I'm kind, which I still do to this day 0:11:15.800 --> 0:11:19.440 of my kids every single morning and we just started realizing, 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:22.440 like when we talk to other parents or other you know, 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.440 other friends of ours, that they don't really do affirmations. 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:27.600 And we were like, man, if we got kids to 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:30.480 start talking kindly to themselves at a young age, like 0:11:30.880 --> 0:11:33.080 that could really help them through their like you know, 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:36.360 going through like the preteen stage, teenage years into adulthood. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.280 So we were like, let's teach other kids what we 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.120 like to do. And so the story really goes from 0:11:42.120 --> 0:11:45.000 like morning tonight, my kids, all three of them go 0:11:45.080 --> 0:11:48.439 through something like little little mini kid challenges, nothing dramatic 0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.559 and crazy, but either way, for them, it's big, and 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:55.160 they use affirmations to kind of like pick themselves back up. 0:11:55.480 --> 0:11:57.160 And I think my favorite part of the book Keep 0:11:57.240 --> 0:11:59.880 Dancing Through is that it's not just coming from the 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:02.240 parents like me and Steve, and it's not just coming 0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:04.360 from us that we teach o your kids affirmations. In 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:07.559 the book, the siblings help each other to remind each 0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:09.400 other of that, and I thought that was like a 0:12:09.440 --> 0:12:11.920 really special way of looking at it. Because my oldest daughter, 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:14.800 who's fifteen, so many times when my kids are going 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:18.120 through the things, she'll step in and help. So that's 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.000 something we also really wanted to kind of get through 0:12:20.040 --> 0:12:22.600 in this book. But really it's just teaching people to 0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.120 teach your kids affirmations and if you're having a hard day, 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:29.040 talk kindly to yourself. So that's really the premise book. 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:30.120 It reminds me. 0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:32.000 I was driving yesterday with a girlfriend of mine in 0:12:32.000 --> 0:12:34.160 Whistler and we were driving through this neighborhood and we 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.319 saw they said, this boy and this girl. It was 0:12:36.360 --> 0:12:39.240 an older boy, probably like sixteen fifteen sixteen with his 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:41.640 friend and then a sister. Because they looked alike, you 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:43.680 could tell they were brother and sister. And he yelled 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.120 at her and she came running back. He goes, don't 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:49.160 ever walk away without giving me a hug. And he 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:52.160 was with his friend and I was like, you are 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:55.680 so cute. We were screaming out the window. I'm like, 0:12:55.800 --> 0:12:57.960 you're the best big brother ever. And he had this 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.440 huge smile, and the girl looked at us and she goes, 0:13:00.480 --> 0:13:02.320 he is the best big brother ever. 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.320 And I thought that was the sweetest thing. 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.080 Honestly, Sibling love is my favorite. I don't think we 0:13:08.120 --> 0:13:10.360 talk about it enough. We always talk about like parent love, 0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:14.160 taking care of your friends, being there for like your relationship, 0:13:14.160 --> 0:13:17.640 and like sibling love is like if you have a 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:20.160 close relationship with your brother or sister, like it's endless. 0:13:20.200 --> 0:13:22.079 Like I'm so close to my brothers and sisters. I'm 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:24.719 so grateful for that because it truly is one of 0:13:24.760 --> 0:13:27.920 those relationships where you could like not talk for a week, 0:13:28.200 --> 0:13:30.760 three months a year, but wherever you start talking, it's 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:34.400 like you never stopped. I love sibling love. It's my favorite. 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:37.040 How many siblings do you have, Alison, I'm the youngest 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:37.400 of five. 0:13:37.960 --> 0:13:40.560 Oh no, I'm the youngest of six, So that's what 0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:41.440 we have in common. 0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:45.600 Okay, okay, uh huh, yeah, Oh I'm dating. I'm definitely 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:48.280 baby energy of the family. I take full advantage. 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:49.319 Yes, totally. 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:51.280 The baby is the best position to be in because 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.720 everyone wants to do everything for you and help you. 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:55.680 And that's why I'm so incompetent. 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:59.559 I believe in any sort of domestic capability, like I 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:03.160 cookie cleaning. If something happens, if one of the dogs 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:04.760 goes to the bathroom on the rug, I just leave, 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:07.040 like I don't want any part of it. I don't 0:14:07.080 --> 0:14:08.800 know how to clean it. I don't want to know. 0:14:09.360 --> 0:14:11.520 I tried to cook something last night, and ended up. 0:14:11.559 --> 0:14:13.600 I cooked chicken and spinach and they both ended up 0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:16.160 in the garbage. And I just am completely And I 0:14:16.200 --> 0:14:18.800 blame them because they have rendered me useless. 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:21.600 Yes, no, blame them for sure. It's your fault that 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:24.320 you are so good at taking care of the house. 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:25.240 I don't know. 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:27.440 How, yes, exactly exactly. 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:29.920 No, I bring it in. I bring it in. 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.760 Where are they? Are they in California? You're siblings. 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.920 So my family all pretty much lives in Utah, although 0:14:36.960 --> 0:14:38.680 they're coming to visit me this week because we're all 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:40.960 very close, so my mother and my brother, they're coming 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:44.000 to stay with me. There's a lot lessen I come from, 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:48.680 like a Utah Mormon family, so there's a lot of grandkids. 0:14:48.720 --> 0:14:51.040 There's a lot of babies running around all the time. 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:54.960 So it's like whenever we get together, there's lots of energy. 0:14:55.320 --> 0:14:58.320 But it's really fun. Like we're very big, like game heavy, 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:02.280 sports heavy family, so we get together, we like make teams, 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:05.680 we'll play basketball, soccer, and it's really fun. But there's 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:06.920 a lot of bodies to take care of. 0:15:07.400 --> 0:15:10.560 Yeah, I bet there are another reason why I before 0:15:10.600 --> 0:15:13.240 I met you, or and what I found so inspiring, 0:15:13.280 --> 0:15:15.840 which you know, the world did as well. Was how 0:15:15.880 --> 0:15:18.000 you dealt with the loss of your husband and how 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:20.440 you dealt with your grief and with your children. And 0:15:20.560 --> 0:15:24.360 it felt like, I don't want to say it happened quickly. 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:27.880 It felt like you were able to center and ground 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:33.800 yourself in a way that was surprising to see and 0:15:33.880 --> 0:15:37.920 inspiring to see that you were able to really focus 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:42.640 on the gratitude. And I want to know more about 0:15:42.680 --> 0:15:45.440 how you did that, and I want my listeners to 0:15:45.520 --> 0:15:49.320 know how you were able to wrangle your strength during 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:49.920 that time. 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:55.520 Well, first off, thank you. I'll be real though, I 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:58.320 think the reason I am where I am today is 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:03.320 multiple reasons. The first thing being I separated myself from 0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:07.080 the world for like three months. I didn't look at 0:16:07.120 --> 0:16:12.280 social media, didn't look at anything online. I honestly separated 0:16:12.320 --> 0:16:15.640 myself even from friends. And I said to my children, 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:17.640 we have to do this together and we have to 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:21.760 face it all, every emotion. We're not rushing the process, 0:16:22.120 --> 0:16:25.040 but we cannot ignore this process. So we didn't go 0:16:25.080 --> 0:16:27.960 to school, I didn't go to work. I didn't I 0:16:28.000 --> 0:16:30.040 didn't even do any of those things. We just sat 0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:33.400 in with our emotions and face the anger, the sad, 0:16:33.520 --> 0:16:36.640 the pain, the joy, the memories, and I went through 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:42.440 everything together with therapists, with a very very very small 0:16:42.480 --> 0:16:45.760 group of like loved ones, just because I was like, 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:47.720 this is not something that we can just go to 0:16:47.760 --> 0:16:50.160 the grocery store and try to be like we're okay 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:56.200 right away. We sat together, face everything communicated, We're vulnerable, 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:59.120 we're crying with each other, we're holding each other. Walking 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:01.320 through our home sometimes was just tough because there's so 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.840 many memories in each place. So sometimes someone would just 0:17:04.840 --> 0:17:06.680 start crying when they're walking up the stairs when they 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:08.639 just like clicked and had a memory of him holding 0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:10.840 them there, or when we'd walk in the kitchen and 0:17:10.840 --> 0:17:13.320 look at a certain chair that was his chair. But 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:17.800 instead I was like, let's process all this. And I 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:22.000 think that by allowing us that space of just being 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:27.080 together and being honest about all of the feelings. Sometimes 0:17:27.119 --> 0:17:29.840 i'd go outside and I would always tell my kids 0:17:29.880 --> 0:17:32.040 that he's in the stars, So if you ever need 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:34.640 to talk to him, we go outside and just look 0:17:34.680 --> 0:17:36.280 up at the stars and say whatever you need to say. 0:17:36.640 --> 0:17:40.000 And sometimes it would just be you know, today is 0:17:40.040 --> 0:17:43.040 a really beautiful day. I held Zia and we played 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:45.680 some games. Other times it would be like, I'm really 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:48.760 upset with you, very upset. How could you do this 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:50.560 to us? How could you do this to me? And 0:17:50.560 --> 0:17:53.040 I would let them do that as well, and I 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:57.120 think giving us that space to properly grieve and not 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:00.600 hide from it, we all shed a lot of layers 0:18:00.760 --> 0:18:05.960