WEBVTT - Questlove Supreme: Will Smith 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:09.520 Quest Love Supreme is a production of iHeartRadio, Man, I. 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:12.760 Better make the Central special, right, Okay, ladies and gentlemen, 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:14.080 everybody's searching for a hero. 0:00:14.640 --> 0:00:16.760 People need someone to look up Tom. 0:00:20.040 --> 0:00:24.560 No, actually to be Frank, our guest is a true hero. 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:30.240 There's literally no human being on earth who has not 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.839 heard of our guest. Like, seriously, you don't even need 0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.680 to hear my voice anymore. But just for for now, 0:00:37.760 --> 0:00:40.640 these success we can go hip Hop Legend, the first 0:00:40.680 --> 0:00:43.839 hip Hop Grammy winner, Sticom Legend, or one of the 0:00:43.840 --> 0:00:47.199 most beloved important family shows in TV history. 0:00:47.080 --> 0:00:48.560 A Golden Globe winner. 0:00:48.880 --> 0:00:52.479 Yes, oh yeah, that's new. We're new. 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:57.600 We're now skipping. You didn't think that that was online 0:00:57.640 --> 0:00:58.200 now I'm playing. 0:00:59.320 --> 0:01:01.880 No, But seriously, like, let's let's not take it lightly 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:05.360 that he has been a premier action hero, one of 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:08.840 the most highest paid actors. I believe seventeen of his 0:01:08.920 --> 0:01:13.039 films that grows past at least combined eight billion dollars, 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.640 which is nothing to scoff that. You know, when I 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:17.280 say this man has his own money, I mean he 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:25.640 has his own money. No, seriously, I swear to God, 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:27.240 I'll put it this way. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.520 Steve, you remember my infamous rat story, the. 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:31.399 One I heard a thousand times. 0:01:31.440 --> 0:01:32.640 Yeah, I think I can remember it. 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:36.240 Right, So before before you came in the picture, I 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.800 will say, even his foot even the footnotes of his 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:43.399 life become other people's highlights. And I mean he invited 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:47.199 me to the Millennial back in nineteen ninety nine, December 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:47.760 thirty first. 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:51.680 I'm sure he doesn't remember about that, Yes, right, exactly. 0:01:52.600 --> 0:01:53.440 Inaugurations. 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:55.920 Do you know how many times I've told the story 0:01:56.040 --> 0:02:00.480 of Mary Tyler Moore running over Liz Taylor's Wilcha or 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:01.800 my Jordan or my corns. 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:04.160 That was my original rat story. 0:02:04.560 --> 0:02:05.560 Anyway, I can. 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:09.040 I can talk and talk, talk, talk about achievements until 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:12.040 the counts come home. But literally what hit home for 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:19.520 me personally was his really brave, rigorous act of complete 0:02:20.000 --> 0:02:23.079 honesty and vulnerability, which is a word you don't often hear, 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:28.000 especially in the black community. And his book will amongst 0:02:28.080 --> 0:02:32.080 other things that he's achieved. This intro is now ninety 0:02:32.120 --> 0:02:34.679 minutes long, and the show's over. Ladies and gentlemen, please. 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:35.360 Welcome Bill Smith. 0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:37.960 Bring. Yes, there you go. 0:02:38.040 --> 0:02:43.560 Yes, you're like, wait, have you set up lights in 0:02:43.600 --> 0:02:44.160 your apartment? 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:45.960 Huh? Yeah? 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:48.119 Were you set up lights right now here. 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:50.239 So here's the thing. Here's the thing. 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:57.160 I took this interview seriously right. 0:02:56.560 --> 0:02:59.119 No, this is the cleanest zoom display I've ever seen 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:00.440 in my life. 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:02.359 I'm very ashamed right now. 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:07.120 I was like, it's my man. You know, he asked 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.560 me to you know, to come on. It's Philly. 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:11.720 It's all of that. It's like I got to make 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:13.960 you know, I don't know what he needs, what he 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:16.560 wants to use, Like I want to be I want 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:17.720 to represent properly. 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:20.000 I want to It's just audio, bro, you could have 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:22.119 been on the couch anyway. 0:03:22.919 --> 0:03:26.280 So actually I want to start off and I'm I'm 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:30.000 gonna go against format and just sort of make this 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.640 a free round for everyone on the show, all of 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:34.040 us here. 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:39.400 Hello, Team Supreme. By the way, let's go anyway. 0:03:39.680 --> 0:03:45.400 So I want to know what did you do this morning? 0:03:46.400 --> 0:03:50.960 Me or Team Supreme tell you. 0:03:51.320 --> 0:03:54.400 I'm just curious what your average warning is like nowadays. 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:59.800 So I usually I wake up about four am. So 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:05.840 so like four to six is my private quiet time, 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:14.760 like no phone, no nothing, I think, I meditate, I read. 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.720 It is like my favorite time of the day that 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.760 there there's very few days I'm not awake at four 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:26.520 AM and four to six is how I get just 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:30.280 centered and clear about what I'm going to do in 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:34.760 the course of a day. And some days I'll go 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:38.080 I'll go back to sleep from six to seven point 0:04:38.080 --> 0:04:41.120 thirty or something like that and start my day. And 0:04:41.520 --> 0:04:45.640 some days, if I'm energized, I'll get on the treadmill 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:47.240 at six and. 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:50.680 Start my day. See, I already feel like I'm doing 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:56.600 this wrong because no, because Grace told me, like, Grace's 0:04:56.600 --> 0:05:01.200 time is five am. And that's the one promise that 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:04.400 I sort of like backtracked on, you know, Yes, we'll 0:05:04.400 --> 0:05:08.400 get up together at five a m. And you know, 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:13.280 and then I went back to my normal ten am routine. 0:05:14.000 --> 0:05:14.200 Ah. 0:05:14.360 --> 0:05:17.600 Man, man, you can't underestimate the power of watching the 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:21.920 sun rise. There's something that that energizes a human body 0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:24.440 about seeing the sun rise. 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:27.360 It like wakes you up with it. 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:30.680 It's like you get in sync with with like how 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:31.719 the world is moving. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.479 How long has that been a practice for you, Probably. 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:39.520 About three years it started happening. 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:44.320 I'm not a big sleeper. I'm I rarely, if. 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:51.719 Ever sleep for you know, five hours straight, really, you know, yeah, rarely, rarely, 0:05:52.000 --> 0:05:54.400 you know, I'll sleep for four hours, up for a 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:57.320 couple hours, and then sleep for three hours three more 0:05:57.320 --> 0:06:03.240 hours like, but very rarely will I sleep. I never 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:06.800 sleep eight right, I'll sleep a combination of four up 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:09.000 for a couple hours and then back for four, but 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:10.520 never eight hours straight. 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.840 Okay, So can I ask you nowhere? That's where I 0:06:13.880 --> 0:06:17.120 have excelled in life. Do you feel like you've slept 0:06:17.360 --> 0:06:22.000 eight hours or more? Do you feel like you wasted 0:06:22.040 --> 0:06:24.440 the day? And I know from reading your book, I 0:06:24.520 --> 0:06:29.560 know that for you, the idea of hard work, performative 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:32.800 hard work is like job one. So letting the idea 0:06:32.800 --> 0:06:35.480 of that go. I'll give you an example. This Saturday, 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:39.000 I've never gotten up at two in the afternoon. I 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:44.360 slept for fifteen hours. Yeah, I've never slept for fifteen 0:06:44.400 --> 0:06:46.680 hours ever. And I didn't even feel tired. I just 0:06:46.720 --> 0:06:48.359 opened my eyes and it's like, wait, it's still in 0:06:48.360 --> 0:06:48.880 the afternoon. 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.960 What the fuck? Yeah? And she let me sleep. 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:55.680 For fifteen hours, like for you, is sleeping eight hours? 0:06:55.760 --> 0:07:01.200 Like that's a wasted I could have saved world in 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:02.000 the last hour. 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.600 I used to I used to feel like that. It 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:07.599 used to feel like, you know, I didn't want to 0:07:07.600 --> 0:07:13.320 be sleep. I always felt like I was Yeah, yeah, 0:07:13.360 --> 0:07:16.840 that was a Quincy Jones joint. You know, boy, you 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:22.200 have enough time to sleep when you did, you know, so. 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:26.160 So I prefer like I'll I take naps, right, you know, I'll. 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:30.400 Lay down for thirty minutes at lunch, you know, and 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:32.040 you know, get a get a third, and I can 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.960 I'll be refreshed the thirty thirty minute nap at lunch. 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:40.240 I'm like, really refreshed. But I don't like. 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:45.800 The feeling of sleeping all the way through in that way. 0:07:46.560 --> 0:07:48.440 But every couple of months, I'll definitely get one of 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.360 those fifteen hour jones. Like you know, if you do 0:07:51.440 --> 0:07:54.400 that every couple of months, i'll get that full day 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:58.320 where you just shut it down and return that sleep debt. 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:02.040 But that that four to six practice is a new thing. 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.720 I wouldn't miss that for anything like that up and 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:08.640 the whole world belongs to me, and it's private and 0:08:08.680 --> 0:08:12.240 it's quiet. It's like that's when I do my best thinking. 0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:15.000 And you're still able to do that while you're taping 0:08:15.320 --> 0:08:16.640 movies and stuff too, while you're shooting. 0:08:17.200 --> 0:08:19.960 Yeah, so usually with a movie, if if I have 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:22.200 an early call, it works perfectly because I'm up a 0:08:22.200 --> 0:08:25.240 couple hours before anyway, and I'll just continue my day. 0:08:25.240 --> 0:08:26.840 And usually on those. 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:30.040 Kind of days, I'll sleep at lunch, I take a 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:31.560 nap at least. 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:33.640 What does a meditation look like to you? Because we 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:35.360 talk about meditation a lot on this show. 0:08:35.480 --> 0:08:36.560 What does it mean to you? 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:40.720 The big thing for me with meditation is no pressure. 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.000 I don't pressure myself to. 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:48.320 Do anything but just watch my mind to just be 0:08:48.440 --> 0:08:51.240 aware of all of the things that are coming up 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:52.600 to just notice. 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:53.000 Damn. 0:08:53.040 --> 0:08:56.160 I hate meditating today, right, and I just I kind 0:08:56.160 --> 0:08:59.920 of I take the time to just notice what's going 0:08:59.920 --> 0:09:01.320 on with my mind. 0:09:01.360 --> 0:09:03.679 I don't wrestle with it. I let it. I let 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:04.360 it do what it do. 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:06.440 Baby, do you do trans meditation? 0:09:07.640 --> 0:09:10.600 No, I don't. I don't go that far like I. 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:13.440 You know I have you know, you read the book, 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:17.000 so you know I've done ayahuasca and things like that. 0:09:17.080 --> 0:09:19.600 Which is you know it's a form that you know 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.079 for me, that's a form of meditation. 0:09:22.520 --> 0:09:24.720 I didn't read it. Can you just tell me, man, don't. 0:09:24.559 --> 0:09:26.200 Spoil it, you don't. 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:27.480 I don't want you to spoil it. 0:09:28.600 --> 0:09:29.480 I'm so curious. 0:09:30.559 --> 0:09:33.760 I was gonna I was gonna tell you, Will I 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:37.560 am what did I hit you the last time? I 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:41.360 was telling you that I was waiting for this very 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:44.200 specific I wanted my first ayahuasca journey to be with 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:47.079 this African couple that. 0:09:46.559 --> 0:09:47.160 That does it. 0:09:47.960 --> 0:09:52.800 And a funny thing happened to them, which is they 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:53.559 were now. 0:09:53.559 --> 0:09:55.040 Like, you know what's happening. 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.920 This Will Smith book has just come out and suddenly 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:00.880 we're in the mid So now I. 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:09.920 Gotta ia, peyote, mushrooms, all family. 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:13.800 Right, So I ayahuasca is really really different. 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.520 So you know the the the the scene in Black 0:10:17.559 --> 0:10:23.360 Panther right where he goes to ancestral plane. Yet ancestral plane, right, 0:10:23.640 --> 0:10:27.640 So that's the African that's taken from the African version 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.360 of ayahuasca uh Eboga. 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:30.760 Right. 0:10:31.160 --> 0:10:36.560 So it is as vivid as they depicted in the movie. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:40.560 You you like, actually go meet, see talk to people, 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.240 you come back right like that's the movie is not 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:45.239 an exaggeration. 0:10:44.679 --> 0:10:47.840 Of what the experience is. Wow. Right. 0:10:49.280 --> 0:10:54.240 The only the only thing that was was uh potentially 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:58.120 a little bit of of an exaggeration is the directing 0:10:58.280 --> 0:10:59.440 of the experienced. 0:10:59.720 --> 0:11:02.600 The it takes you where it wants to take you. 0:11:02.600 --> 0:11:03.640 You don't get to like pick. 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.440 Maybe at higher levels people can pick, right, but yeah, 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:09.440 I never got to pick. 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:13.200 I got dragged right, So what did to drag you into? 0:11:13.240 --> 0:11:14.640 Who did you get to talk to? Did you need 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:16.640 to talk to any people from your past or whatever? 0:11:17.720 --> 0:11:20.600 My father came to me, you know, So that's what 0:11:20.640 --> 0:11:22.880 I was saying. So I had that experience my father. 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:27.400 He came to me and showed me where he was living. 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:37.920 You know, I will say to you laya that sort 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.200 of on that path. I think the lightest version of 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.080 it is, well, there are sound journeys you can take. 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:47.800 For some people step up from that is sound journeys 0:11:47.800 --> 0:11:48.520 with mushrooms. 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:50.439 Some people do idahwasta. 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:57.120 Mike Tyson talks about doing toad, which is even more yeah, yeah, extreme, 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:03.960 But basically it's almost like you should really be open 0:12:04.440 --> 0:12:08.120 for me at least in trying to heal like a 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:10.520 lot of the childhood trauma. First of all, I mean 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:14.240 there's literally no human alive, especially black human that has 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:19.600 not dealt with trauma, real trauma. And for I think 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:25.640 for a lot of us, we sort of normalized the trauma, 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:28.079 like I normalized like, well, yeah, Dad's supposed to be 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:31.199 your ass until you know, I'm a good personalities. My 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:35.640 dad beat my ass, and it's only it's really only 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:38.680 until like maybe a year and a half ago, where 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:41.719 I just had to settle that, yes, even though my 0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:46.199 dad loved me, that that was the. 0:12:46.240 --> 0:12:48.640 Highest form of the highest form of abuse and really 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:49.199 like damnit. 0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:54.640 So I mean as a result, right, but that's the thing, like, 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:58.280 as black people, a lot of what we hold on 0:12:58.360 --> 0:13:02.160 to for how we were reared, it comes from slavery 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.560 and that's sort of the one aspect that we can't 0:13:04.600 --> 0:13:09.720 let go, which for me, at least in reading Will's book, 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.800 the reason why I say, like the vulnerability and the 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:19.480 honesty is really unprecedented, especially like I really want black 0:13:19.480 --> 0:13:23.000 people and I know, like people are you know, attracted 0:13:23.000 --> 0:13:25.480 to the fact that, like, you know, everything that's happened 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:28.560 in the last year or so in Will's life, that 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:31.560 they're coming here for that, like that dirt or whatever. 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:35.760 And it's really not about that. It's about really coming 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.720 to grips. You guys, remember on past episodes where I 0:13:38.720 --> 0:13:43.680 told you about the laughing song, right, George Johnson, how 0:13:45.040 --> 0:13:50.679 it just hit me that emotions were literally illegal for. 0:13:50.760 --> 0:13:53.839 Three hundred years exactly you couldn't laugh. 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.360 And if you you know the reason why they invented 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.640 the terminology barrels. 0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:02.600 Of laughs was because slaves are built a barrel full 0:14:02.640 --> 0:14:03.080 of water. 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:06.480 So if you felt yourself about the laugh on the plantation, 0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:10.000 instead of meeting the ire and the anger of. 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.280 The overseer, you would dunk your head in the water 0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:17.960 to suppress the sound. Same for anger. Who you assassin, 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:19.240 that who you're getting smart with? 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:20.840 You better not cry if I give you something to 0:14:20.840 --> 0:14:22.920 cry about, like all those things that we attribute to 0:14:23.600 --> 0:14:26.120 black parents, like all that shit came from slavery, so 0:14:26.160 --> 0:14:30.600 we literally could not show emotions it. 0:14:30.520 --> 0:14:32.760 Was illegal or else you faced flashes. 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.960 And as a result, I think the defensive thing that 0:14:37.000 --> 0:14:39.600 we invented, like the same way we invented soul food 0:14:39.640 --> 0:14:42.640 out of the worst food ever, Black people invent it 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:48.800 cool cool as a defensive mechanism like not showing, not 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:54.400 showing emotions, not being too affected, holding back, not not 0:14:54.400 --> 0:14:59.000 not drawing, you know what I mean, And as a result, 0:14:59.520 --> 0:15:02.080 it's really damaged us. Like if you really think about, 0:15:02.080 --> 0:15:04.400 the last black person that I saw really on display 0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:08.320 of this vulnerability was the last thirty seconds of She's 0:15:08.320 --> 0:15:11.320 out of my life, like who Will? Who's willing to 0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:16.920 be that open about about their life? And so for me, 0:15:17.240 --> 0:15:20.600 why why did you feel as though now's the time? 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:23.120 Because when I read this book, I was when I 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.200 was relieved because someone went before me. 0:15:25.360 --> 0:15:27.040 You know, I give them three stooges. 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:29.520 Where they do the army thing and like who's the 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:36.320 first to volunteer? And everyone steps backwards and leaves, like seriously, 0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:38.480 like every one in my life's like, yo, we can't 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.120 wait till you stop writing these bullshit as music books 0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.800 and really no, no, for real, It's like you know, 0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.200 every people were like, yo, no more music books, Like 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:50.440 tell us some real. 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:51.400 Shit about your life. 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:58.600 And literally, when Will's book came out, I felt like, okay, 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:00.440 maybe it is safe across the street a little bit 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:03.160 without getting run over. So why did you feel like 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:08.840 now is the time to really share your story and 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.600 to be as honest and open about it? 0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:16.600 Yeah? I think I'm sure you all have been watching 0:16:16.680 --> 0:16:21.160 me publicly for the for the last thirty years. 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:30.480 Yeah, I mean, come on, you know, I think first 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:34.440 and foremost, I can feel the wave coming right, So 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:39.520 there's a there's a consciousness shift that is happening right now, 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:41.880 right so, so a. 0:16:42.240 --> 0:16:43.560 Couple of things are happening. 0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:51.560 More people are realizing that there is no happiness to 0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:57.440 be derived from any material conditions that you can put together. Right. 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:02.120 People are starting to realize that at no matter how 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:07.959 great your job is, no matter how great your family is, 0:17:08.359 --> 0:17:14.680 no matter no matter how perfectly you cultivate your material conditions, 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:17.640 they are unsustainable. 0:17:18.440 --> 0:17:19.840 You you have. 0:17:19.760 --> 0:17:25.400 A perfect marriage and family, and then there's a storm 0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.520 and three people in your family get killed. 0:17:31.560 --> 0:17:35.200 COVID and shuts down and you lose it. Shuts it down. 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:42.160 Right, So people are realizing that material circumstances are unsustainable. 0:17:42.840 --> 0:17:43.040 Right. 0:17:43.440 --> 0:17:46.199 So if that's the case, if it's the case that 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:51.240 I can lose anything, how can I possibly enjoy my 0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:51.880 time here? 0:17:52.520 --> 0:17:58.520 Right? And more people are waking up slowly to that idea. 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:05.800 And people are starting to realize that you are the 0:18:05.880 --> 0:18:11.000 only problem you have to solve, right, that your your 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:12.240 mind and. 0:18:12.600 --> 0:18:16.200 How you are with this world is the answer. 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:22.440 Right, How to be with your circumstances is the answer, 0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:26.679 not trying to get your circumstances perfect. Right, Okay, So, 0:18:27.600 --> 0:18:29.640 and I'm this is this is the first time I've 0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:31.800 been asked this question this way. So I'm struggling to 0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:35.440 like to to to to say it right. This is 0:18:35.480 --> 0:18:39.000 the first time you've been asked this question in this way. 0:18:39.119 --> 0:18:41.320 So I'm not like I've never been asked a question. 0:18:41.600 --> 0:18:44.320 The answer I want to give, I'm trying to form 0:18:44.359 --> 0:18:45.480 it in my mind right now. 0:18:45.560 --> 0:18:45.760 Right. 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:50.159 So, the the the realization that I that I had 0:18:50.760 --> 0:18:56.639 is it doesn't matter so much what happens to me. 0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:01.919 It doesn't matter what happens in my life. It doesn't 0:19:01.960 --> 0:19:05.080 matter what happens with my family, It doesn't matter what 0:19:05.200 --> 0:19:06.280 happens with my career. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.920 Doesn't matter what happens in my. 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:14.320 Life as much as it matters how I think about 0:19:14.440 --> 0:19:18.920 what happens to me and how I manage myself in 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:20.760 interacting what happens to me. 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:28.080 Right, So, the answer that I realized is you can't 0:19:28.560 --> 0:19:37.080 create loving interactions from unloving behavior. You can't. You can't. 0:19:37.280 --> 0:19:38.800 You can't. You can't. 0:19:39.520 --> 0:19:44.320 You're trying to love and be loved at the deepest 0:19:44.680 --> 0:19:50.560 part of your being. You want to love and be loved. 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:59.000 You can not create it. If you're scared, if you're angry, 0:20:00.080 --> 0:20:04.240 if you're resentful, if you're hungry and craving, if you're 0:20:04.320 --> 0:20:08.480 holding any of those poisons in your heart. You can't 0:20:08.760 --> 0:20:12.360 create what you want. You can only create the opposite of. 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:16.320 What you want, right, man, that's careful. 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:19.640 So all of that to say, I knew that if 0:20:19.720 --> 0:20:23.400 I was going to be happy, I couldn't be scared 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:27.200 of what people were going to say. That I had 0:20:27.240 --> 0:20:33.080 to thoroughly and comfortably be me just as I am, 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:39.840 with no fucks given about what anybody thinks or memes. 0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:42.640 So being so to that point, in terms of being 0:20:42.680 --> 0:20:46.080 you and in writing this book, how did you decide 0:20:47.080 --> 0:20:49.920 what to tell and what not to tell? You know 0:20:49.920 --> 0:20:52.440 what I'm saying, and not necessarily in terms of being 0:20:52.520 --> 0:20:54.679 having any shame about any parts of your life, but 0:20:54.840 --> 0:20:57.800 just as an artist having that line of saying, listen, 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:00.919 these are some parts of myself that I choose to 0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:03.880 keep to myself. And I have the right to own myself, 0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:06.240 you know, so as to not let these things define me. 0:21:06.440 --> 0:21:09.480 You know, how do you decide what was take me 0:21:09.480 --> 0:21:11.800 through the process of deciding how you wanted to tell 0:21:11.840 --> 0:21:12.400 your story? 0:21:13.200 --> 0:21:18.120 So the only thing I was prepared and still am 0:21:18.200 --> 0:21:22.040 prepared to say anything and everything that's true for me, 0:21:22.560 --> 0:21:26.960 because I only get stronger by being vulnerable. I used 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:30.000 to think I got weaker by being vulnerable. I only 0:21:30.080 --> 0:21:35.240 get stronger by being comfortable to share who and what 0:21:35.400 --> 0:21:40.760 I am freely. The line that I drew is I 0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:47.320 didn't want my words to be weaponized against people I love. Okay, 0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:52.720 so I wanted to tell my story, and the difficulty 0:21:52.840 --> 0:21:59.560 I was having was telling my story without telling Jada's 0:21:59.600 --> 0:22:05.000 story right right to you know, to tell yeah, without 0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:08.679 you know, telling Alfonso's story or telling Jeff's story. 0:22:09.320 --> 0:22:09.560 You know. 0:22:09.680 --> 0:22:13.399 So what I did is when I finished the book, 0:22:14.119 --> 0:22:16.879 I had what I was calling a writer's camp, and 0:22:17.000 --> 0:22:20.439 for two weeks I called everybody that I mentioned in 0:22:20.480 --> 0:22:23.800 the book down to Miami and I read every word 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:26.919 of the book to all of the people in the 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:29.520 book so they would know what I was saying about them. 0:22:30.119 --> 0:22:33.440 And then I let them respond and made adjustments and 0:22:33.600 --> 0:22:34.840 and things like that. 0:22:35.440 --> 0:22:40.879 Everybody, Yeah, yeah, it was uh read. It was a 0:22:40.960 --> 0:22:43.280 first Uh well, there there were a couple of people 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:44.080 who declined. 0:22:47.640 --> 0:22:52.439 Declined, But it was the first time my mother and 0:22:52.480 --> 0:22:58.280 I had ever talked about my father being abusive. We literally, 0:22:58.600 --> 0:23:01.480 I was I was fifty two years old at the time, 0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:05.359 and my mother and I literally never talked about the 0:23:05.440 --> 0:23:10.520 fact that my father beat her up, and her hearing 0:23:10.600 --> 0:23:13.800 me read the chapter was the first time that the 0:23:13.960 --> 0:23:19.760 conversation came up between us, and you know, it was 0:23:20.000 --> 0:23:24.440 it was gut wrenching, but it was deeply purifying. 0:23:25.040 --> 0:23:27.639 And you know, when I was talking about. 0:23:27.400 --> 0:23:31.280 That idea of blocks to love, it's like the fact 0:23:31.280 --> 0:23:34.840 that my mother and I couldn't talk about that there 0:23:34.920 --> 0:23:39.120 was a barrier between us, right, and we loved each other, 0:23:39.840 --> 0:23:45.480 but we weren't really connecting in honesty and authenticity, right, 0:23:45.520 --> 0:23:47.960 So there's always a little bit of a facade because 0:23:47.960 --> 0:23:50.560 we both know we're just not going to talk about it. 0:23:50.600 --> 0:23:52.960