Speaker 1: Guess who just got back today, The Brooklyn Bos that
Speaker 1: it'd been away. They both have so much to see.
Speaker 1: You know their names. A Browny Podcast Episode one, It's
Speaker 1: the Brooklyn Boys podcasts. After a week of recharging our batteries,
Speaker 1: when I don't even feel like my batteries were ever recharged,
Speaker 1: because I'm right back into the rut that I was
Speaker 1: before we left for vacation. Well, you know, I read
Speaker 1: a cartoon once it said confusus say, no man needs
Speaker 1: a vacation more than one who just had one true story.
Speaker 1: And I didn't sleep in my bed for more than
Speaker 1: one night, I think one night for two nights, very
Speaker 1: comfortable in my bed. Yeah, I mean your girlfriend was
Speaker 1: there where else? Was I gonna be right? Yeah, because
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, she can't resist you. Yeah yeah please,
Speaker 1: girlfriend smoking hotches, no interest in me, although she finds
Speaker 1: me funny. Now Mix two of us. I appreciate that. Hey,
Speaker 1: we had two very different vacations, surprised to no one exactly,
Speaker 1: so we'll recap that. Yeah, I mean, at some point
Speaker 1: in this podcast, I'm still high vacation. It was weird
Speaker 1: being off because right before you and I started recording,
Speaker 1: we spent ten minutes asking each other if we told
Speaker 1: those stories already on the podcasts. How long? Well, it's
Speaker 1: not only hasn't been that long, but I haven't had
Speaker 1: anyone to talk to with my stories, so I've been
Speaker 1: telling other people. So now when I remember them, I'm like,
Speaker 1: did I tell Scary about the couch? Yeah? I like,
Speaker 1: I know, I've I've had the conversation. I'm like, I
Speaker 1: feel like I podcasted, but I didn't. And by the way,
Speaker 1: we took off one week right, People were getting very
Speaker 1: confused because we were saying before vacation on the air.
Speaker 1: When I say we, I mean not me, you guys,
Speaker 1: I wasn't on the air. I have been on the
Speaker 1: air like two weeks. Really three weeks. It's been a while. Um.
Speaker 1: But when we say we'll see in two weeks, people
Speaker 1: thought we were on vacation for two weeks. No, if
Speaker 1: we were on vacation but two weeks, we would say
Speaker 1: i'll see in three weeks. Yes, that there is confusion
Speaker 1: there because of the way the way that we we speak,
Speaker 1: but but it is in actuality two weeks. If you
Speaker 1: take one week off les, it's eleven days, but it's
Speaker 1: like it's the second week because next week we're on
Speaker 1: vacation and the week after we'll see you. So we'll
Speaker 1: see you in in the second week. Really, that's why,
Speaker 1: when when you've skipped things because of the pandemic, which
Speaker 1: is over about over a year, you said, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I haven't done this in two years. If it's a
Speaker 1: seasonal thing, you know, like, I haven't done that in
Speaker 1: two years. I haven't been to this place at Jersey
Speaker 1: Shore in two years, and like, no, what are you
Speaker 1: talking about. It's been a year. Elmo said something that
Speaker 1: that's similar to that. He said, I can't believe it's
Speaker 1: going to be too soon, which it really isn't gonna
Speaker 1: between twenty two soon. But his point was it'll be
Speaker 1: three years since well, it'll only be two years in
Speaker 1: a month, right, it'll be three years since January, but
Speaker 1: since it since the calendar had a nineteen on, it
Speaker 1: onlybe two years in a month in a day. Really,
Speaker 1: so it's not once. I'm glad we are not next
Speaker 1: to each other in a studio. I am. I am
Speaker 1: burping up something hard because I made myself a a
Speaker 1: spicy crab salad today. I used the jumbo lump crab.
Speaker 1: Have you ever But first all, do you know that
Speaker 1: there's a there's a big difference in canned crabs. I
Speaker 1: mean there's a no hold on, a second hold on. Okay,
Speaker 1: I never knew this really, Okay, I know that forget
Speaker 1: about softshell crab and the stuff that you catch in
Speaker 1: the water. I'm talking about for most of us, we
Speaker 1: have to eat crab out of a can. No jokes, please, well, dad,
Speaker 1: jokes go Well the crab. If the crabs have gotten
Speaker 1: to the can, you're in big trouble. Whole inch and
Speaker 1: a half if you have crabs on your can. So no,
Speaker 1: but there's different grades and different levels, and they're different
Speaker 1: so like there, but they're a certain like the cheaper
Speaker 1: ones you're supposed to use for to make crab cakes
Speaker 1: out of. Because it's blended, it's more fine. Whatever. But
Speaker 1: then as you get up the ladder of crab, this
Speaker 1: chicken get expensive. There's this place, there's this there's this company.
Speaker 1: I guess it's the Epicure whatever it is. They do
Speaker 1: a one pound can and that fucking thing is thirty
Speaker 1: five epis something epiccac Epicure, it's it's lump crab. And
Speaker 1: and of course the more it's that means it's a
Speaker 1: continuous piece of crab. It's like getting a chicken nugget
Speaker 1: versus a piece of chicken. Right, so when you open
Speaker 1: up this shredded chicken reform, right when you open up
Speaker 1: this can it which would apparently last for like two
Speaker 1: years in the refrigen. It's gotta be refrigerator. By the way,
Speaker 1: you can't get it off the shelf. It's not room temperature.
Speaker 1: You this thirty five can of crab. You just open
Speaker 1: it up and then it's like these beautiful jo and
Speaker 1: continuous pieces of crab, almost like it's fresh out of
Speaker 1: the water. So I understand you get in this case,
Speaker 1: you get what you paid for. But I said, I
Speaker 1: want to do a male less salad, crab salad. So
Speaker 1: it called for brody. It called for horseradish and onions
Speaker 1: at chopped onions and celery and lemon juice and mustard
Speaker 1: olive oil. So I mixed it all together. The problem
Speaker 1: you sounds like justin timber Lake at the end of
Speaker 1: that song reference. Oh, I thought you were a yeah,
Speaker 1: but the end of the justin Tilake so an awful.
Speaker 1: But I will say so, I'm like, you know, what
Speaker 1: is he hanging it up, by the way, is justin done? No,
Speaker 1: he'll be back. I think he's just taking a break.
Speaker 1: I think he's out of the pop world. Now he's
Speaker 1: on hyenas. Yeah. Is he gonna be Britney's new conservator?
Speaker 1: You know what they're more? You know he did speak
Speaker 1: in defense of her recently. Yeah, because he screwed her
Speaker 1: over and treated her like crap and threw under the bus.
Speaker 1: Who knew all that time? Yeah? And then you know
Speaker 1: that she cheated on him though, going to the Crimeer
Speaker 1: River video. She cheated on him. It's right there in
Speaker 1: the video. The girl in the video looks like her.
Speaker 1: Didn't he apologize for that? Yeah? He said he got
Speaker 1: got Google Google. But so anyway, long story short about Yeah,
Speaker 1: I really I must say, um, it don't ruin great
Speaker 1: crab by trying to do fancy footwork and get around
Speaker 1: like the mayo and the regular stuff that you would
Speaker 1: put in a crab salad or whatever. I ruined the
Speaker 1: fucking thing. I war thirty dollars worth the crab because
Speaker 1: I made this concoction of a dressed guy who yells
Speaker 1: at me for putting ketchup on a good steak. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're that guy. You put seventy five ingredients on top
Speaker 1: of pure lump crab. Dude, you put butter on it.
Speaker 1: You can pull a garlic. What about it's cold. It's
Speaker 1: cold you anyway. So now now this concoction, I ate
Speaker 1: it and I'm burp ing. I'm burping up a storm.
Speaker 1: It's repeating on me. I gotta tell you, Uh, the
Speaker 1: crab dip at Costco it's fantastic. Now does it come
Speaker 1: like that, like comes like just heating up and heat
Speaker 1: and surf kind of thing. Well, it's in a plastic
Speaker 1: container and it's you know, it's got it's it's basically
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say to me, it's mayonnaisey and shredded crab
Speaker 1: and other things. I know that it's. It's other types
Speaker 1: of like, um, what's the one they always throw in there?
Speaker 1: Uh whiting and like a couple of things that like
Speaker 1: crab esque. Right when you see the crab in the containers,
Speaker 1: it's like imitation crabming has that red stripe on it.
Speaker 1: They spray paint that ship. Don't eat that ship, don't
Speaker 1: don't buy that. Oh you're talking about spy. You're talking
Speaker 1: about crab with the k and the crab stick crusty,
Speaker 1: the crab crompsy, the crab, the crab stick that they
Speaker 1: use in like sushi. That's fake. That's fake ship. It's
Speaker 1: like they spray painted pickures. It's red. It's red on
Speaker 1: the outside and white on the inside. It's not real. Anyway,
Speaker 1: you don't have to text me about tweet me rather
Speaker 1: about the thing that's the mostly in crab. It'll come
Speaker 1: to me. My point was, I still love it anyway.
Speaker 1: Shop Right, which is a huge grocery store chain here
Speaker 1: in the area, huge, huge area. Um, they have a
Speaker 1: crab dip that is similar right, it's about sixty five
Speaker 1: percent is good as the Costco one. And by the way,
Speaker 1: the Costco one is only available in some locations the
Speaker 1: fun Costco. Like, you go to one, they don't have it.
Speaker 1: You go to the other one they have it all
Speaker 1: the time. I've got on my way fifteen miles the
Speaker 1: other direction you'll walk. I would, So I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what Costco near me didn't have it. I
Speaker 1: was I was craving it on vacation, right, you know,
Speaker 1: the holiday weekends coming up, all the crab dip. So
Speaker 1: I go to Shop Right, doing my shopping as as
Speaker 1: you do. And I go to the the seafood area,
Speaker 1: which is right the deli counter, and they have all
Speaker 1: the dips you dip by dip, we dip. They don't
Speaker 1: have any crab dip, but they've got lobster dip. So
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lobster dip A pillow extra four it if
Speaker 1: it's lobster dip. Whatever. So I look at the lobster
Speaker 1: dip and they look at the ingredients, not because I
Speaker 1: care what kind of fishes in it, but I want
Speaker 1: to see, like if this celery and ship. I don't
Speaker 1: eat in there, right, I just want whatever the white
Speaker 1: creamy mayonnaisy stuff is and the seafood, right, I don't
Speaker 1: want chopped up minced ship. I don't want red onion
Speaker 1: in there. I don't want scallions. You know me, you'll
Speaker 1: know me. Well, it's filler, you know it. Also it
Speaker 1: also makes fluffs it up, fluffs it up, and they
Speaker 1: can charge more because you're they're giving you more volume,
Speaker 1: but there's less of the quality stuff in there I want.
Speaker 1: I thought I took a picture of it, and I
Speaker 1: don't think I took a picture of it because I
Speaker 1: wanted to read the label because no joke the first
Speaker 1: nine ingredients, eight or nine ingredients. We're not seafood Nazi
Speaker 1: food like the Germans, like like Hitler used to Nazi food.
Speaker 1: You said, Nazi food. Oh boy, on a Jewish New
Speaker 1: Year week, you're making Nazi jokes. Ba Shanatova Tova l
Speaker 1: Shanna Tova Brody. And by the way, thank you for
Speaker 1: not using doing the Russia homa joke for Russia Shanna Russia.
Speaker 1: How Jews are Russia homa? Yeah, thanks for not doing
Speaker 1: it this year. I appreciate that. First time in twenty
Speaker 1: five years, I didn't do. You know, Elvis played that
Speaker 1: out Today's scary last week that you told him stopped
Speaker 1: doing It's offensive scary. Didn't do that? Where did all
Speaker 1: the Jews going there? Russia? Russia homa for Russia Shawna, Yeah,
Speaker 1: Wellshava does that mean happen here? Yes, means have a
Speaker 1: good year, have a good year, and good Yeah, it
Speaker 1: means good holiday, really good holiday. Well yeah, okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm the ingredients wore like xanthium, gum, sugar, uh, some
Speaker 1: kind of like paste, guar like guar gum zum, all
Speaker 1: of it scary And then eighth or ninth ingredient was whiting,
Speaker 1: which is like ship fish. It's fish. So what brand
Speaker 1: was this? I don't know, shop Bright like it was like,
Speaker 1: you know whatever. It was like old Bay or old Fisherman,
Speaker 1: old Old Steve's Fisherman, anchor like some some sea bearing
Speaker 1: term generic bullshit, scary. I couldn't. I stopped reading it
Speaker 1: by the third line, No lobster in that fucking thing.
Speaker 1: It should have said lobster esque. It should have said
Speaker 1: like hint of inspired by lobster people. I was thinking
Speaker 1: about lobster essences. They took by the can. They actually
Speaker 1: took a perfume bottle with lobster essence and they sprayed
Speaker 1: it on. You know, people do. Lot of people don't
Speaker 1: realize that that that ingredients labels. It's from most to least.
Speaker 1: So the first thing is the most of what's in it. Um.
Speaker 1: Now it's funny you bring this up because um um
Speaker 1: on a tweet thread we had last week. UM, I
Speaker 1: wanted to say hi to read him again. Oh, Hi
Speaker 1: him again. We love her. She's great. Um. So Highway explore,
Speaker 1: you know, put the picture up of the fair Life milk,
Speaker 1: you know where it was classic you know classic white,
Speaker 1: and he was pointing out the well, if it's classic
Speaker 1: white milk, obviously it's it's that's milk. They don't have
Speaker 1: to say classic white. But Rita reads the label and
Speaker 1: goes on to say naturally flavored with other natural flavors.
Speaker 1: What does that mean? What does that mean? Is that
Speaker 1: like a little less than over a minute? But this
Speaker 1: is a classic clip of all. Now now read a
Speaker 1: good eyes and and great point. However, I learned this
Speaker 1: from Dr Roz, and I'll educate the world right now
Speaker 1: that that term is actually legit. It's not like a
Speaker 1: what do you call It's not, you know, a bullshit
Speaker 1: Now the actual okay, there is. So what's trying to
Speaker 1: say is there is a natural flavor to it, but
Speaker 1: it's loaded with other junk. So when you unk other
Speaker 1: when you see Dr Oz told us this, whenever you
Speaker 1: see any package that says natural flavors, that is that
Speaker 1: is the f d a's legal permission for that prom
Speaker 1: client or that that product to load it with shit
Speaker 1: that's not natural. So natural flavors doesn't mean anything. So
Speaker 1: it means so it's actually a little less alarming, but
Speaker 1: it's legally approved by the FDA. It's a way of
Speaker 1: tricking you by adding things other than milk, so which
Speaker 1: means that product is even worse than you think because
Speaker 1: it has things like ribo flavoring and xanatan gum and
Speaker 1: go our gum and carried gene and so those are
Speaker 1: the quote natural flavors that they speak of, you understand.
Speaker 1: So so Rita wasn't wrong in pointing it out, but
Speaker 1: it is correct When it says naturally flavored with other
Speaker 1: natural flavors, it's it's saying, yeah, it's milk and then
Speaker 1: there's other ship so yeah, but but yeah, but it
Speaker 1: is it is, it is proper, and that's the way
Speaker 1: that they get away with it. And think of how
Speaker 1: many things, dude, you know your chicken, Your chicken has
Speaker 1: natural flavors written on it, some some of it if
Speaker 1: it's poor quality on the package. Think of there's so
Speaker 1: many things that have a natural flavors that a lot
Speaker 1: of juices have that a lot of you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of sodas and things natural flavors. They want you
Speaker 1: to think that. It's like you know that that that
Speaker 1: lime made is is just is really lime juice, But
Speaker 1: it says and other natural flavors. That means it's garbage. Sorry. Sorry,
Speaker 1: that's sorry. I was just so basically, there was natural
Speaker 1: essence of lobster. Yes, and this ship in your ship Congratulations,
Speaker 1: you've got a can of ship on ship podcast. I
Speaker 1: wanted to find a tweet. I usually a screenshot everything
Speaker 1: and put it in a folder. Um, I can't find
Speaker 1: who started it, but I will. I want to give
Speaker 1: them credit and slap them across the face at the
Speaker 1: same time. Oh here it is uh speaking of things
Speaker 1: that are in things, right, I'm not going to ruin
Speaker 1: it for people. So I'm going to tell you the
Speaker 1: doctor at Dan Rich, who's a regular tweeter Dr Seoul Nope, Nope,
Speaker 1: regular tweeter big listen to the podcast. So I have
Speaker 1: nothing but love for him. But here's here's my complaint.
Speaker 1: Sometimes when you know something is disgusting, you don't have
Speaker 1: to tell the other person. By the way, you know
Speaker 1: this ship there that you'd find disgusting. Okay, so I'm
Speaker 1: gonna I'm gonna get specific. I'm not gonna get that specific,
Speaker 1: get specifically. You know, there's a type of of food
Speaker 1: that I like. It's a fruit. Okay, I don't know
Speaker 1: if you saw the saw the tweet. So I'm gonna leave.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna. I don't want to. I don't want
Speaker 1: to be that guy. So this person knows I like
Speaker 1: that fruit and says, you know, look, if you guys
Speaker 1: want to know, I know, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. If
Speaker 1: you guys want to google it, go google it. I'm
Speaker 1: not rooting it for you, I tell you, and I
Speaker 1: want to want to be that guy. I want to
Speaker 1: tell the story because I don't make sense to people.
Speaker 1: Don't Okay, I'm gonna it'll make sense. Trust me. I'm
Speaker 1: a storyteller by nature, not because I hate you. So
Speaker 1: he says, I don't know if you know this, brody,
Speaker 1: but that fruit you like it's not actually a fruit.
Speaker 1: It's partially regurgitation of wasps, and the wasps die inside
Speaker 1: of the part that you think is the fruit, and
Speaker 1: so when you eat it, you're eating wasp parts, parts
Speaker 1: of wasps. I heard that. I heard that. I have
Speaker 1: been eating a product with that fruit my whole life.
Speaker 1: Love it. I love it, even though some people go,
Speaker 1: you should beat that. Old people what it? Love it.
Speaker 1: I like the fresh version of that fruit, but it's
Speaker 1: the same thing. But the thing if you know I
Speaker 1: like it. Don't tell you know, you who you tell
Speaker 1: it to. You tell somebody you like that fruit, and
Speaker 1: they go, I hate that fruit. You guess what good thing?
Speaker 1: You hate it? Because I just found this out. You
Speaker 1: don't go, oh, you like that, Let me shoot on
Speaker 1: your dreams. That's what you did. That's what you did
Speaker 1: to me. So I appreciate the knowledge. But okay, so,
Speaker 1: but is it true or is it just an old
Speaker 1: wives tale? Nope? I made that. So what I did was,
Speaker 1: I said, this can't be right. It's got an old
Speaker 1: wives tail or an old wasp tail. So I looked
Speaker 1: it up. I did the Google. It's true, it's true.
Speaker 1: I knew it. I knew it too. I learned that
Speaker 1: in Singapore when I was on a trip. Did they
Speaker 1: eat some unusual food in the Singapore area? And you
Speaker 1: know it? So it's just just let everybody know what
Speaker 1: it is. I'm not you people go around eating wasp
Speaker 1: bags in their fruit. You know what, if you want
Speaker 1: to know, you could google what fruit has wasps in it?
Speaker 1: That's it dead was And by the way, now that
Speaker 1: now that now that I I am remember you know
Speaker 1: now that when I think about eating this fruit and
Speaker 1: I'm crunching down on it. It is makes crunchy noise.
Speaker 1: Those are old dead wasps and wasp bags. That's what
Speaker 1: I'm eating. It's it's it's inside the fruit. No, those
Speaker 1: are the little grainy nut things that you don't see that.
Speaker 1: I looked up the size of it. You can't see it.
Speaker 1: You don't see that. You know that half of all
Speaker 1: the chocolate we eat chocolate, don't do it? Don't don't nope, nope.
Speaker 1: Think of how chocolate is made, Brody, I know chocolate
Speaker 1: is made in giant that's yes. I know huge drums,
Speaker 1: not the size of like the size of like your house.
Speaker 1: I know, like swimming. So you don't think you know,
Speaker 1: I don't think. No, I don't think. I don't think that.
Speaker 1: I hate you. I hate you being mixed around. It's
Speaker 1: all being mixed around. It's all. When I eat a
Speaker 1: chunky bar, it's legitimately chunky full of stuff. I'm telling you, guys,
Speaker 1: you can google this. This is not again. Once again,
Speaker 1: this is not a fun when I'm working with you. Look,
Speaker 1: there's a degree. There's an amount of lobster dip didn't
Speaker 1: have wasp in it. There's an amount of vermin. There's
Speaker 1: an amount of vermin in our chocolate, no, and and
Speaker 1: and candy because they're attracted to sweet things. Bees and
Speaker 1: flies and all kinds of rodents and insects well not well,
Speaker 1: not rats, but the insects. Everything they get into when
Speaker 1: they're making in these factories, and the huge vats they
Speaker 1: get into, the the candy, the chocolate when it's in liquid.
Speaker 1: Four but present. Listen, you know what, when you're sleeping,
Speaker 1: you swallow like seventy five spiders a year. I'm making
Speaker 1: that number up, but that's what happens. That's life, man.
Speaker 1: I will go to bed at night thinking about it.
Speaker 1: If okay, if I'm gonna, if I'm gonna fucking pool
Speaker 1: what I like I was last weekend. I'm sitting in
Speaker 1: a pool and then about maybe ten feet away is
Speaker 1: a woman and her kid, and they're in the pool
Speaker 1: and the kid is literally taking water and spitting it
Speaker 1: in the in the mother's face and spitting back and forth. Technically,
Speaker 1: I'm swimming in that same water no matter how far
Speaker 1: away I get. It's the same concept with that's why
Speaker 1: my own pool. And don't invite anybody like you over
Speaker 1: by the way, I'll talk about my pool. Now, I
Speaker 1: I how I invited you over. But I was a
Speaker 1: certain day I did this part of my stand up
Speaker 1: routine that I haven't done stand up in forever, and
Speaker 1: I never did this. I wrote it, but I didn't
Speaker 1: do it. Was it was sort of because it seemed
Speaker 1: like too much like you might be a redneck. If
Speaker 1: you're in a swimming pool and a gross band aid
Speaker 1: washes up next to you, you get the hell out
Speaker 1: of the pool, but you don't at a water park,
Speaker 1: right right, If you see a kid like it loaded
Speaker 1: diapers in the pool, you get out, but you don't
Speaker 1: at a water park like all the things that are
Speaker 1: like you see someone with an open wound in a pool, like,
Speaker 1: you get out. You don't want to be like that
Speaker 1: nick person's like scamby and bleedy. But in the water park,
Speaker 1: you know, you don't. You accept it all because you
Speaker 1: paid good money to get in there, and you want
Speaker 1: to go down that damn slide. So you're like you're
Speaker 1: and you're in the wave pool and you see ship
Speaker 1: floating by, you normally be like, oh, I gotta get
Speaker 1: out of this fucking thing. You see guys spitting water
Speaker 1: at each other and like yeah, but think about it.
Speaker 1: Scary the water goes up your ass in a in
Speaker 1: a pool, right because of everybody's ass, So you're sharing.
Speaker 1: I'm sharing asswater with you every time I'm standing in
Speaker 1: a pool, which is why I don't spit water in
Speaker 1: a pool, because that water has been on your tits,
Speaker 1: your tits, your man Tit's scary, like no offense. It's
Speaker 1: been in your pits. I'm not spilling. I don't care
Speaker 1: who the chlorine kills it really, really, that's what you think.
Speaker 1: That means. Everybody is sharing. Everybody is sharing everybody's water
Speaker 1: because crack water. Crack water, Yeah, I get it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: who who? Who? Juice? It's all there Yet the pep
Speaker 1: you were the one who went there. I wasn't gonna
Speaker 1: I'm gonna stop right. They tell you what fruit it is,
Speaker 1: but I'll tell you about the pool. That's why my
Speaker 1: own pool. I got swimming in my own pool. I
Speaker 1: spit water all I want. Because now can you can
Speaker 1: we talk about how how you completely you invited me
Speaker 1: on the absolutely worst day to go swimming. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: a Hurricane Ida, as you know, destroyed the South, but
Speaker 1: it also unfortunately did a big number on the northeast
Speaker 1: New Jersey, uh, New York area, probably Pennsylvania as well,
Speaker 1: especially in the New Jersey area that's south right near Pence,
Speaker 1: like near Philadelphia, a tornado hit destroyed huge homes. So
Speaker 1: I'm not making it, and I'm before I tell you
Speaker 1: the story, I want to make it. Make it clear.
Speaker 1: Every man's tragedy is his own tragedy, right, Like if
Speaker 1: I stubbed my toe, I know other people have cancer.
Speaker 1: I'm just telling you my toe hurts. So I know
Speaker 1: people lost a lot. I'm telling you that all I
Speaker 1: had damage to my house was my pool, which you
Speaker 1: guys should have seen on my Instagram at David Brodie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: which I know you all even because I only have
Speaker 1: like three thousand likes on it and we have way
Speaker 1: more listeners than that, so check it out. Um, So
Speaker 1: the storm. Normally, when is a storm, I'll run out
Speaker 1: and let water out of the pool periodically, like every
Speaker 1: hour of a half hour, depaying how hard it's raining.
Speaker 1: I'll run out to the pool and I'll let water out.
Speaker 1: But I wasn't home right. I was in Central Jersey,
Speaker 1: which is normally about a forty fifty minute drive home. Well,
Speaker 1: in the rain, it took me three hours because there
Speaker 1: was major flooding. There was lane closures. There were cars
Speaker 1: that was stopped dead in the water in the right lane,
Speaker 1: and then everyone had to like scooch around in the
Speaker 1: left lane to get around it. Then where the underpasses
Speaker 1: dip again, you dip by dip crab crab. You had
Speaker 1: to get off, do the loop, the loop, take the streets,
Speaker 1: and get back on on the other side of the overpass.
Speaker 1: So it's a lot of like going through other people's neighbors.
Speaker 1: You were pretty much fucked well. Not only that, and
Speaker 1: thank god for my navigation system when I got off
Speaker 1: the parkway, and if you could, if you want to
Speaker 1: tweet me, because this I need help with. I didn't
Speaker 1: google it, so I'm interested in knowing the side streets
Speaker 1: I had to take. A lot of cars were parked
Speaker 1: at an angle, like at a forty five degree angle
Speaker 1: at the curb. Now I don't know if the water
Speaker 1: pushed them all away from the curb, but they were
Speaker 1: all parked as if they were like pulling out and
Speaker 1: then stopped. And then there were cars just stopped in
Speaker 1: the middle of the street and people got out left.
Speaker 1: There was no water, they just got out of the
Speaker 1: car and left middle of the street. So there were
Speaker 1: roads blocked by cars that just stopped. And people are like, fucking,
Speaker 1: I'm getting out. I can't find a parking space. I'm
Speaker 1: leaving it here. So it was a nightmare. So when
Speaker 1: I got home, Um, no one in my house was
Speaker 1: home but me, right, Um they were. My family was
Speaker 1: visiting friends a couple of blocks away and they didn't
Speaker 1: want to travel in the weather. So I get home
Speaker 1: and my backyard, the water in my pool is over
Speaker 1: the top and the water is now rushing like a
Speaker 1: river across the deck of my pool. From from left
Speaker 1: to right. Now the way my neighborhood is my street.
Speaker 1: At the end of my street is a main road. Okay,
Speaker 1: main avenue, and one side of the avenue where all
Speaker 1: the all the houses are is a hill. All the
Speaker 1: houses are on a hill. It's a mountain. Okay, my
Speaker 1: side is level ground. But what happens is the water
Speaker 1: rolls down the big hill across the avenue and then
Speaker 1: through our back yard. That's right, It was about to
Speaker 1: happen that I have a liner. I have an in
Speaker 1: ground pool with a liner. I can't have a concrete
Speaker 1: pool in my backyard. I'm not allowed, you know, allowed
Speaker 1: because there's so much water pressure so it will pop
Speaker 1: the concrete out. So my pool has was filmed with um.
Speaker 1: All the dirt from my neighbor to the left in
Speaker 1: my pool. So it was pitch black and I had
Speaker 1: tree limbs and branches just mayhem in my pool. That
Speaker 1: was Wednesday night. I can't do anything. Wednesday was raining.
Speaker 1: All that was the night you invited me over. I say,
Speaker 1: come over over, and come over comes swimming, so you
Speaker 1: can't say I never invited you. So it took me
Speaker 1: three days and I'm surprised. Like I've had my pool
Speaker 1: now for twenties something years. I would have play that
Speaker 1: same logic, by the way, with your steak dinner. You
Speaker 1: watch Oh you take me the steak dinner when you're
Speaker 1: in Costa Rican exactly, So I used I I did
Speaker 1: a little flocking shock. So if you have a pool,
Speaker 1: you should know where flock is. It's flacculent, which sounds
Speaker 1: like a sexual term, but it's for sure it's called flock.
Speaker 1: When when the flock meets the water, it's the fan.
Speaker 1: What Yeah, it clumps, right? Is it like a clumping formula?
Speaker 1: So what you do is you put the flock in
Speaker 1: a couple of hours before you shut your filter off
Speaker 1: at night. It circulates around the pool for a couple
Speaker 1: hours and then you turn the filter off. The whole
Speaker 1: of the pump everything uh and an overnight it all
Speaker 1: clumps and draw the bottom. Brilliant, it's brilliant. Whoever invented flock,
Speaker 1: I bless you, they're probably not living anywhere. Basically dirt
Speaker 1: glue and so your water is mostly crystal clear, except
Speaker 1: it's got little algae algae tint to it because you
Speaker 1: had little tree points. So how do you get that
Speaker 1: part out? Well, once you vacuum the pool, right, you
Speaker 1: get the dirt out of the bottom. You just you
Speaker 1: just over chlorinate the pool and run the filter and
Speaker 1: it gets the green out. So it took me. It
Speaker 1: took me two and a half days of work on it.
Speaker 1: But now my pool is cleaner than it's ever been
Speaker 1: all season. It's shiny, it's clean, it's clean. Yeah. But
Speaker 1: you yeah, I wanted you to come over. Yeah, thanks,
Speaker 1: so question so clean clean, clean clean. But I was
Speaker 1: saying I had a week before you hit the commercial jingle.
Speaker 1: By the way, if you played a brody and scary
Speaker 1: jingle because I keep hearing the scary and Brody, I
Speaker 1: always rotate. Okay, all right, rotate um. I did have
Speaker 1: another story about a bad experience this week on my vacation. Vacation, vacation.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about vacation, That's what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: because vacation was first of all, just list all the
Speaker 1: places you were at, all right. I went to day one,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna go broad stroke. Went to Delray Beach, Florida.
Speaker 1: You know, I was hanging out at the Seagate Hotel
Speaker 1: and spa client. Yes, okay, God got that out of
Speaker 1: the way quick. Uh. And then after that I came.
Speaker 1: I went from there. They paid for my second flight. Kids,
Speaker 1: keep in mind, they have to they have to fly
Speaker 1: me in, they fly me back. So I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: if they fly me to a second place, why not,
Speaker 1: why don't I do that and use that as the flight. Aha,
Speaker 1: that's being smart and that's using their money on my behalf.
Speaker 1: So I said, fly me to Costa Rica from here, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, it was only two hours from Florida.
Speaker 1: So rather than fly back to New York and then
Speaker 1: have a five hour flight, I let them them pay
Speaker 1: for a two hour flight from there right to Costa
Speaker 1: Rica that some of friends came on dude the Friday though,
Speaker 1: cutting it close coming back I fly. I flew back
Speaker 1: into Newark Airport, landed at four fIF pm. I had
Speaker 1: to be at a wedding in Queens at that place
Speaker 1: Russo's on the Bay, which I have to I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about. Um, that's what I wanted to mention.
Speaker 1: At six fifteen for cocktail hour, Brody, thank god for
Speaker 1: global re entry. I have all the bells and whistles,
Speaker 1: I have t s, a pre check, I have anything.
Speaker 1: I carried my bag on the flight because I knew
Speaker 1: I didn't want to wait at the baggage carousel. WHOA,
Speaker 1: you didn't have someone carry a bag for you? Are
Speaker 1: you okay? No, Brody, I'm I brought my bag on
Speaker 1: the flight. I packed lightly and I brought my bag
Speaker 1: on the flight so I would I literally quick on,
Speaker 1: quick off off the plane, voop right through you know
Speaker 1: customs immigration. With the global re entry, that's like the
Speaker 1: fast pass. And then I had a car waiting for
Speaker 1: me because I scheduled it because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: wait no fucking taxi line. Because I had to get
Speaker 1: home only to sit in three hours of fucking traffic
Speaker 1: because I forgot it was Friday, going into Labor Day
Speaker 1: weekend and it was the middle of rush hour. So
Speaker 1: I came home, took a quick shower, changed into my
Speaker 1: suit to go to this wedding on Friday, and then
Speaker 1: I got fucked and I sat in my car for
Speaker 1: two and a half hours trying to get there. Um.
Speaker 1: And then then after that I went to the Jersey Shore,
Speaker 1: which was that was part four of my vacation. Uh.
Speaker 1: But but one thing I wanted to pause on, and
Speaker 1: that is the wedding Shenanigans, the brody. We've all seen it,
Speaker 1: at least we have in the Northeast. I don't know
Speaker 1: who's familiar, who's listening to this podcast, but people tend
Speaker 1: to how do we describe this? We we go overboard
Speaker 1: with weddings, um, with the bride, the groom, They get
Speaker 1: a want to say anything. I thought it was I
Speaker 1: thought the video you posted there was. I thought that
Speaker 1: first of all, we could go into listen, it's all
Speaker 1: in good fun. Listen God bless Marina and Vinny. This
Speaker 1: is and this was the couple I told you that
Speaker 1: had the we this is part two of the wedding,
Speaker 1: because it was part one was back in May. So
Speaker 1: this was the big reception, the one with hundreds of people,
Speaker 1: the big I wanna say it gumba Guido like mobster
Speaker 1: like get together a place. Don't use that didn't say that,
Speaker 1: you know it's there's a place called Russo's. I'm painting
Speaker 1: a picture. Russo's on the Bay super Italian. It's Cross
Speaker 1: Bay Boulevard russ Its name is Russo Okay, and they
Speaker 1: got bub bron, they got rice balls and meat balls
Speaker 1: and fried trimp and gallama. Nothing but wonderful things about that.
Speaker 1: People go there. Food is outrageous. However, by I'm changing
Speaker 1: what I said before, everything's fantastic. So here's the one thing.
Speaker 1: And I don't know who if there's bride Zilla's listening
Speaker 1: or if you've done this, please don't be offended. Wouldn't
Speaker 1: it be bride Zillow's yo yo? So when after the
Speaker 1: cocktail hour, they always there's always the next room where
Speaker 1: they sit down to to sit down dinner, and there's
Speaker 1: always a DJ, a very over zealous DJ on the
Speaker 1: mic and try to was saying for the first time,
Speaker 1: as you know and they always do. They do that. Now, well,
Speaker 1: they have the people walking into the room led by
Speaker 1: Deborah Joe. It's John the you know, you know grooms
Speaker 1: Ben John cousin John, and they come into some crazy
Speaker 1: song let's get it started in here or nowadays Brodie
Speaker 1: I came into a parody, I wrote at the wedding.
Speaker 1: At the weddings, they do the the the the all
Speaker 1: the bride's bridal party comes into like like doing funny
Speaker 1: things like one like the the bride, the bridesmaid will
Speaker 1: come running into the room first, and then the groom
Speaker 1: will like throw a football pass at her and then
Speaker 1: like you know, and then and they'll walk in together.
Speaker 1: But they'll or they'll do a dance or they'll do
Speaker 1: some crazy you know, some kind of funny ship. So
Speaker 1: that's like the newer thing that they do when they
Speaker 1: were entering the room. But then it comes time for
Speaker 1: everybody to rise and then for the first time as
Speaker 1: husband and wife, they announced the couple into the room.
Speaker 1: And we've been there before. However, if you've been to
Speaker 1: a Brooklyn Queen's Long Island Northeast Italian wedding, a lot
Speaker 1: of these catering halls that specialize in this stuff. The
Speaker 1: bride and groom, they don't enter from the they don't
Speaker 1: enter from the same doors as the rest of the
Speaker 1: bridal party. Oh no, they enter from the floor below.
Speaker 1: The dance floor has a has a has a carving,
Speaker 1: a circular carving in it that just looks like a design.
Speaker 1: But what really is is an elevator. Now, Brodie, I
Speaker 1: know you have a lot to say on this, but
Speaker 1: when they say and now, now, I would imagine they
Speaker 1: were given the couple was given a choice. Do you
Speaker 1: want to enter the room like the rest of your
Speaker 1: bridal party, like through the doors, or do you want
Speaker 1: to do the fancy bells and whistles? Was it the
Speaker 1: father and the no, the bride and the groom, And
Speaker 1: remember the video that well so and then so they come.
Speaker 1: So it was like it was like a cylindrical, cylindrical,
Speaker 1: cylindrical thing comes twisty from combined Calandra's restaurant with cylindrical
Speaker 1: the the cylindrical designed dance floor now is rising and
Speaker 1: before your very eyes, the it's it realized it's a
Speaker 1: fucking elevator from the floor below that they got into.
Speaker 1: And then it kind of on a twist and very slowly,
Speaker 1: it makes its corkscrew way up to the main level,
Speaker 1: where they are greeted with fog machines and lights and lasers,
Speaker 1: and the new couple enters. They literally enter from the
Speaker 1: floor below you. It's it's crazy and they come up
Speaker 1: from the floor. Yeah, okay, So my problem, My problem
Speaker 1: is videos. Okay, so no, no, look it's not my style,
Speaker 1: but I said I think it's a fun entrance. My
Speaker 1: problem is it took eleven minut It was a slow
Speaker 1: elevator ride up from they know, for safety reasons whatever,
Speaker 1: you know, strapped them in and speed the thing up.
Speaker 1: Because it's by the time they got to like ground level,
Speaker 1: you'd be hungry and you're like, okay, Mr and Mrs.
Speaker 1: Now hold on, scary hold on Mr and Mrs. For
Speaker 1: the first time. Mr Vanny, it's so of course it
Speaker 1: is name is Vanny. Here you ready? Here comes here
Speaker 1: they come. Remember, please wish them a happy first anniversary.
Speaker 1: From the time they got into the thing, they've been
Speaker 1: married a year. It was like there you could see
Speaker 1: their heads. It was like, okay, I can see their
Speaker 1: shoulders now a pause. It was like like you see
Speaker 1: the head of the baby and they have to wait,
Speaker 1: it was so slow at that point. There's no it's
Speaker 1: gotta be like, you know, it's gonna be like it's
Speaker 1: out like beat me up, Scotty, come up quickly. There
Speaker 1: should be like a cloud of smoke and then like
Speaker 1: the side curtains dropped. It's got to be like the
Speaker 1: drive through teller at the bank with the tube the right.
Speaker 1: They should slide the tube out on the floor. There
Speaker 1: should be like a cloud of smoke, and then the
Speaker 1: curtains on all the side they're there like we're both
Speaker 1: a light. Right. This was like here we come and
Speaker 1: you know, there's a guy in the basement cranking it like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a little it was the moment had passed.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess it was a little the
Speaker 1: Viennese table had passed, had passed. It was an anticlimactic moment, right,
Speaker 1: And I don't have a problem with the entry. It
Speaker 1: just it was well some listeners did because I posted
Speaker 1: that on my I G and everyone's like yo seven
Speaker 1: called they want their moves back, you know, because I
Speaker 1: mean it's been a known thing that you know, some
Speaker 1: of these cantering halls have done this. It's been an
Speaker 1: idea that's been done over and over again. I thought
Speaker 1: it was wonderful. It's all she ever wanted and she
Speaker 1: got her day and she got so I thought it
Speaker 1: was I thought it was a fun wedding. I'm just saying.
Speaker 1: The elevator was slow, That's all I'm saying. Um So
Speaker 1: that was that Brooklyn Catering Halls famous, the Grand Prospect Hall,
Speaker 1: the Grand Prospect On the gaudiest look if you were
Speaker 1: married there. I apologize, but it's like mirrored Florida ceiling
Speaker 1: with like gold everywhere. It's you know so, but the
Speaker 1: people you'll hear the accent. I'm gonna play the commercial
Speaker 1: for you there. They have a very unique accent unless
Speaker 1: you're from there, in which case it's not unique. And uh,
Speaker 1: I want you to listen to them and people. This
Speaker 1: was a commercial us to run in New York like
Speaker 1: one in the morning, but on cable TV for years,
Speaker 1: but like decades, and it's the same commercial always looked
Speaker 1: like it was filmed in nineteen eighty and and the
Speaker 1: special effects, you know, how like the picture would like
Speaker 1: like it would flip and flip and flip and fly away,
Speaker 1: and like you know, like you learned in school, had
Speaker 1: to like do a wash where the picture slides to
Speaker 1: the right, another pictures behind it, like the most basic,
Speaker 1: awful editing. But here's the audio. Hold on, wait, do
Speaker 1: I remember the line we make your dreams come true?
Speaker 1: Here we go about it. It's betting, carefully planned and
Speaker 1: here is the most important. That's not the one of
Speaker 1: your life. I think that's not the couple. No, hold on,
Speaker 1: they're in the picture come true, prosper Hall seven one
Speaker 1: eight seven eight eight oh seven seven seven. Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: the short one. That's the short version of it. But
Speaker 1: dreams come true? Yeah, they went out of business the
Speaker 1: other on. Oh, I gotta a skip ad. God damn
Speaker 1: with the skip ad. But bro, do you the follow
Speaker 1: up to that story have something for you? Grand prosper
Speaker 1: Hall you stinking out again? Yeah? They're boy last year's weddings.
Speaker 1: Fence the balls and banquets here advice is that like
Speaker 1: SuDS the Mahom restaurant and duplicated. I got handers for
Speaker 1: brides and grooves and brosp holl middles are broken all
Speaker 1: seven eight all seven seven seven. I like to go
Speaker 1: minutes away in Brooklyn, minutes where I live, right, you
Speaker 1: could be in Westchester. I'm so I'm coming from Philly
Speaker 1: minutes away? How many minutes? Seven? Six? Yeah, but every
Speaker 1: you know what, everything is minutes away, the moons minutes away,
Speaker 1: he said, to figure how many minutes? And now. So
Speaker 1: the follow up on that story is they're tearing it
Speaker 1: down or didn't someone buy it? Somebody bought it. Now
Speaker 1: there tearing it down. That's awful. That places a piece
Speaker 1: of Brooklyn a slice of Americana. David is something. Anyway,
Speaker 1: that was only one part of my vacation. But you know,
Speaker 1: you know, my my my highlight was using the toilet
Speaker 1: paper on at bar a, which is quite that. So
Speaker 1: let me fast forward. I don't want to bore everybody
Speaker 1: with by vacation details. But when I got back, I
Speaker 1: did a bar a gig at down the Jersey Shore
Speaker 1: with with the radio stage. I feel like you should
Speaker 1: almost hit the jingle there. I feel like, alright, So
Speaker 1: Bacardi ardy legend in the business. The guy is full
Speaker 1: of tricks. The guy dresses. You might have seen a
Speaker 1: viral video of him. He dressed up as the cheese
Speaker 1: Burglar once jumped on the bar and started throwing out cheeseburgers.
Speaker 1: Real mcdonald' cheeseburgers they had gotten like fucking three giant
Speaker 1: bags full and throwing it out to a very hungry,
Speaker 1: drunk crowd. This is what Baccardi already does. But he's
Speaker 1: been in the business since the eighties. He actually used
Speaker 1: to work a little fun fun fact, he used to
Speaker 1: work on the street team of Z one Radio in
Speaker 1: New York in the mid eighties. You know, he recently
Speaker 1: got into a fight. I saw it on the news
Speaker 1: because yeah, with Malibu still two of them were fighting. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he is he is an m C and he's full
Speaker 1: of tricks and fun in games and especially when he's
Speaker 1: given a budget, so he always goes over the top.
Speaker 1: But but one of the things that me and the
Speaker 1: Jersey kid Greg T were remembered so fondly that was
Speaker 1: created at Bar a Gregg T. And I was when
Speaker 1: we used to go on stage there. I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: going back years. But Cardiardy was there back then, and
Speaker 1: he was there this past Saturday night of course. Uh
Speaker 1: and he created a toilet paper gun. Okay, he took
Speaker 1: a leaf blowers. What what night of the week was
Speaker 1: this Saturday night? Oh, because on Friday nights, Henny Kenny
Speaker 1: works well he took a leaf he has a leaf blower, okay,
Speaker 1: and then he takes a paint a paint roller, spindle
Speaker 1: strips it of the roller, and then he makes it
Speaker 1: so that you could put toilet paper on it. When
Speaker 1: you press the button on the fucking leaf blower, the
Speaker 1: toilet paper roll fucking unloads at the crowd, you know,
Speaker 1: like a ribbon formation, and about maybe twelve seconds. And
Speaker 1: so back in the day, we used to live for
Speaker 1: this fucking thing because there was no Greg t and
Speaker 1: I and everybody. We all used to us Sam Baccarti
Speaker 1: already invented this. Well, we've all listened to me. We've
Speaker 1: done these bar gigs all over the city, over all
Speaker 1: over the place, and we never saw a toilet paper gun.
Speaker 1: And already's like, yeah, I just made it myself. Well
Speaker 1: now in Wikipedia now and it says, uh, fireball Paul
Speaker 1: made it. Well, all these years later, Bacardi already has
Speaker 1: perfected the toilet paper gun. This is like toilet paper
Speaker 1: gun six point oh, Like you remember when you used
Speaker 1: to have regular water guns. And then the super soaker
Speaker 1: came out, and then the fucking mega blaster with the
Speaker 1: fucking engine on it, and the thing. And it's a
Speaker 1: semi automatic water gun. That's what this leaf blower, that
Speaker 1: is what this this new uh fangled toilet paper gun is.
Speaker 1: It is fucking hilarious. It works, it's it's beautiful. It's
Speaker 1: the Porsche of toilet paper guns. So I had so
Speaker 1: much fun with it, and I filmed myself on stage
Speaker 1: spraying the crowd with toilet paper, and then listeners fucking
Speaker 1: texted me, I'm getting anxiety because I couldn't find t
Speaker 1: P for a year, you know, during the pandemic. This
Speaker 1: is crazy and you're wasting toilet paper. I'm like, come on,
Speaker 1: we're just having fun. Yeah, that toilet paper shortage is over. Yeah,
Speaker 1: charming should be happy. No, I see, I didn't have that.
Speaker 1: I went to one bar on vacation, but all they
Speaker 1: had was was jin Vin and he wasn't very entertaining anyway.
Speaker 1: Bart they threw a hell of a party. The twelve
Speaker 1: foot balls twelve ft beach balls there to the crowd.
Speaker 1: How much how much do you think the guy got
Speaker 1: paid who was working at Bacardi and realized that it
Speaker 1: rhymes with party. Well that's a great question. Well, because
Speaker 1: you know McCarty was around for much longer then of course.
Speaker 1: Well no, no, not forget about already. I'm talking about
Speaker 1: like Boccardi parties. Yeah, at some point it was just Piccardi. Right,
Speaker 1: A bunch of old guys worked there and they made
Speaker 1: run and they're like some guy had to go you
Speaker 1: know rhymes with party, right, guy must have made buko dollars. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think already made a penny of Piccardi for
Speaker 1: being Boccardi already. No, he probably owes the money if
Speaker 1: you've been licensing anyway. So yeah, so that was the
Speaker 1: you know whatever, what about your vacation, Brody, Enough about
Speaker 1: my vacation. I didn't even forget about Costa Rica and
Speaker 1: the flock of macause that I saw and the black
Speaker 1: sand beach I went on, and I'm talking about toilet
Speaker 1: paper guns and rising from the floor at a wedding. Well,
Speaker 1: let me tell you. Do you want to hear the
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I'll tell you two stories happened to me
Speaker 1: on vacation. One at the at the big actually right
Speaker 1: before vacation. I'll save that, But let me tell you
Speaker 1: how else my vacation was. So, what's today today? We're
Speaker 1: recording this on when on when they birthday on Wednesday.
Speaker 1: So Monday, I'm home alone, right, thank you. My daughter
Speaker 1: is out, my wife is at work, um, and I'm
Speaker 1: I'm home with the dogs now. One of the dogs
Speaker 1: is my daughter's dog, and we're watching while she's away,
Speaker 1: and he's he's a runner. No, he's not been trained
Speaker 1: yet to not run out. If the door is open,
Speaker 1: he'll run out and run all over the lawn and
Speaker 1: you scare, here's the hell out of you. And you're
Speaker 1: terrified he's gonna hit by a car. Right, So I
Speaker 1: go out to get the mail and I see that
Speaker 1: the siding on my house is filthy. It's got like,
Speaker 1: you know, like a layer of dirt on and my
Speaker 1: house is uh is light blue. So there's a guy
Speaker 1: painting my neighbor's house. So my neighbor moved. He had
Speaker 1: a yellow house, and the new guy is painting the
Speaker 1: siding blue, like a medium blue. So this guy's on
Speaker 1: ladders all all over the house for weeks, painting and
Speaker 1: fixing the roof. He's putting a lot of money in
Speaker 1: before he moves in. Okay, So I'm looking at my house.
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, God, this house is all clean now because
Speaker 1: he washed it and painted it. And I have this
Speaker 1: film layer of dirt on my on my house. You
Speaker 1: know what, I'm gonna hose down the porch just around
Speaker 1: the door entrance. You're gonna hose at that house, right,
Speaker 1: put the hose on the house. So I said, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm gonna So I go out the front door,
Speaker 1: and I'm not driving my car, so my house keys
Speaker 1: are on my car key ring. I put the keys
Speaker 1: down because I don't want to get them wet, right,
Speaker 1: I don't get the fob wet. And I go out
Speaker 1: and I closed the door. Now I know I'm locking
Speaker 1: the door so that the dog doesn't run out, because
Speaker 1: I was like, I'll leave the door halfway. No, I
Speaker 1: pulled the door closed, and I know I have the
Speaker 1: code to my garage door where I can get in.
Speaker 1: And I know that when I'm home during the day,
Speaker 1: I leave the interior garage door open, not lock it
Speaker 1: at night. But you know, when i'mre not home him,
Speaker 1: I locked them in the way out, but when I'm
Speaker 1: home that's my way in. So I go out and
Speaker 1: I hosed down the whole front of the front the house,
Speaker 1: get it all clean. Them very proud of myself. I
Speaker 1: got something done on Monday, and I go into the
Speaker 1: garage with my key code and I go into the
Speaker 1: garage door. It's a steel door. It's a heavy steel
Speaker 1: door in my garage, and it's locked. Somehow the little
Speaker 1: push button on the other side got pushed in. I
Speaker 1: don't know if my daughter did it accidentally when she
Speaker 1: was leaving. I don't know. So I'm like, oh, fuck,
Speaker 1: all right, so I'll go out and I'll go on
Speaker 1: back on my deck. I have French doors. Maybe I
Speaker 1: left them open. Nope, can't get in. I go to
Speaker 1: the back door of my house. I can't get in. Well,
Speaker 1: my wife and daughter don't have keys to the house
Speaker 1: because they go into the garage or someone's always home,
Speaker 1: right And my daughter I just lost her key, so
Speaker 1: she said, oh, can you go to home deep and
Speaker 1: make me a new key? I want a green one whatever,
Speaker 1: Like okay, yeah, So on my us to do Tuesday
Speaker 1: was go to home depot and get keys made. Now
Speaker 1: you're probably thinking, why don't you have a key in
Speaker 1: the garage right in case this happens. Well, I had
Speaker 1: a key in the garage, but my daughter needed it
Speaker 1: and she lost it and I never replaced it. So
Speaker 1: Lesson learned. I'm now trapped. So I called my wife
Speaker 1: and she says, I think I gave a key to
Speaker 1: the neighbors across the street because we have their key
Speaker 1: when they go on vacation, we get their mail. I
Speaker 1: go across the street. They don't have a key. So
Speaker 1: I call my buddy. Who who's Mr Toole? Mr Toole's guy.
Speaker 1: Is he's a tool? No, he's Mr Tools. Here's everything?
Speaker 1: So I said, hey, got a crowbar? He says yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm going out. I'll leave it outside for you. Well,
Speaker 1: I'm not my keys. I can't get in my car.
Speaker 1: I can't drive my car. Everything's in the house and
Speaker 1: the dogs are in the house barking. So my daughter
Speaker 1: texts me and says, oh, I left my window unlocked
Speaker 1: on the top floor because I was looking out the
Speaker 1: window the other night and I'm pretty sure I left
Speaker 1: it open. So I go to the guy painting the
Speaker 1: house next door on the giant ladder. I say, hey, man,
Speaker 1: can you uh can I probably ladder for a second
Speaker 1: and I need to go with my house in the window.
Speaker 1: So he says, oh, yeah, no problem, no problem. So
Speaker 1: he puts the big, big ladder up against the house. Scary.
Speaker 1: You have a climb the ladder to the It doesn't
Speaker 1: seem like a high thing to do, right until you
Speaker 1: are halfway up, which is basically now, I'm at window
Speaker 1: level for the first floor, and you realize you have
Speaker 1: to go another level. And I'm sorry, guys, if you're
Speaker 1: looking at me going and I'm realizing to myself, I
Speaker 1: then have to open a window and climb in the
Speaker 1: window from the top of the ladder. I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1: I suddenly realized I'm not a firefighter. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: do it. So I climbed back down and he looks
Speaker 1: at me, and so he was hispanic. He still is Hispanic.
Speaker 1: He didn't speak a lot of English. He looks at me, goes, oh,
Speaker 1: like he knows I'm not doing it. So he goes,
Speaker 1: he goes, I go, I go. So I go, all right,
Speaker 1: I'll give you ten dollars. I'll please just shut up. Man.
Speaker 1: I had a ten dollar bill in my pocket. So
Speaker 1: he goes, okay, So I said, just go up and
Speaker 1: then go down the two staircases and let me in.
Speaker 1: He goes up and the windows locked. My daughter locked
Speaker 1: the window right, yes, He goes to the can you checked.
Speaker 1: So then I'm like, well, already I'm in for ten bucks, right,
Speaker 1: so can you check the other windows? He checks the
Speaker 1: other front window locked. I said, I said, can you
Speaker 1: can you go on the back? You check my other
Speaker 1: back So he checks all the windows, bedroom windows all locked.
Speaker 1: Your daughter, she she forgot that she actually did the
Speaker 1: right thing and locked the window. Yeah, So he looks
Speaker 1: at the front window. Now, the front of my house
Speaker 1: has a picture window and a regular window on both
Speaker 1: sides right and then and then my door to the house.
Speaker 1: Right to the left of my my porch is a
Speaker 1: picture window and a regular window on each side of
Speaker 1: the picture window. And he looks in and he says,
Speaker 1: the window on the right is unlocked, which is weird
Speaker 1: to me because I'm from Brooklyn. I locked everything, but
Speaker 1: you're not gonna ask any questions, so I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: so I So he leaves because I need a little ladder.
Speaker 1: I get in a little ladder and I can't see
Speaker 1: the top of the window, but he said it was unlocked.
Speaker 1: So I try to lift the storm window up, then
Speaker 1: the glass window that before the screen, and I shatter
Speaker 1: it glass because I had a screw driver trying to
Speaker 1: pry it up because the release is inside, right, the
Speaker 1: little two clicks the two things you pinch in and
Speaker 1: it lifts up. So I was like, oh, I'll just
Speaker 1: use the screwdriver and I'll jimmy it. Nope, cracked window.
Speaker 1: So then he comes over and he goes, I'll help you,
Speaker 1: and then he looks. He goes, oh my my, he goes.
Speaker 1: He goes, yeah, he goes, well, he said again, he
Speaker 1: didn't say that. He says, oh uh, he said. I
Speaker 1: think he said my fault or my bad something like that.
Speaker 1: The window he is locked, so not over. So now
Speaker 1: you're just like, fuck it, man, just just punch the
Speaker 1: rest of the window out and just grab it from
Speaker 1: You can't get in. You can't. You can't get to that.
Speaker 1: How did you finally solve this problem? So I call
Speaker 1: my second friend, who also is a tool guy, because
Speaker 1: the first guy didn't have the tools, he didn't have
Speaker 1: the crowbar, and he was going out. So the second
Speaker 1: guy says, to meet You know, you can just call
Speaker 1: the police precinct and they'll come. Now, it's scary. I'm
Speaker 1: from Brooklyn, right so n y p D. I would
Speaker 1: never think to call them to get me into an apartment.
Speaker 1: I'd call a locksmith because the NYPD is like this
Speaker 1: massive force of police officers patrolling fifty people. I'm not gonna,
Speaker 1: So he says, called the precinct. I go, there's gotta
Speaker 1: be something more important for the officers to be doing.
Speaker 1: I don't want to bother him, because that's to trust me.
Speaker 1: If they if they time, they'll do it. So I
Speaker 1: call the precinct and the officer says, I'll call the
Speaker 1: fire department. They'll be right over. No, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: don't bother the firefighters. Lane come on, are they gonna,
Speaker 1: because if they're busy, they'll tell you. But if they're
Speaker 1: not busy, they come. All right, Look, please tell him
Speaker 1: not to have the sirens on. Please just tell him
Speaker 1: to come in like a van. But I feel terrible.
Speaker 1: So they shot up to my house in a in
Speaker 1: a big fire truck right with the lights spinning, no sirens,
Speaker 1: and three wonderful two men and a woman firefighters get out,
Speaker 1: and I said, guys, I'm so sorry, don't be ridiculous.
Speaker 1: We just finished lunch with don't worry about it. Uh,
Speaker 1: this is what we do. And they took out two
Speaker 1: screw drivers and they went to my steel door and
Speaker 1: he did like a they opened the door. Of course,
Speaker 1: of course I said that first, Well, you saved your
Speaker 1: broken window in ten bucks, right, so I never thought
Speaker 1: to call the fire department. I don't have a cat
Speaker 1: in a tree to say, but that's what they do.
Speaker 1: They rescue cats and trees when they when there's no fire.
Speaker 1: If they have I'd rather have them doing like real stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you know sometimes you can, you know, you can
Speaker 1: call it. Did you tip them? No, they wouldn't take it.
Speaker 1: I said, can I guy buy you guys lunch? I
Speaker 1: was gonna drop off like pizza at the fire Yeah.
Speaker 1: They didn't want it to which what we do. My
Speaker 1: point of the story is you never know because I
Speaker 1: because I reached out to a locksmith, wanted a hundred
Speaker 1: and fifty dollars just to show up because it was
Speaker 1: labor day. I'm like, oh fuck labor day. I'm you
Speaker 1: know what, free labor from the fire department. Well, I
Speaker 1: wasn't my intention, but yes, my point was they were
Speaker 1: very helpful and you may get locked out of your
Speaker 1: house someday. By the way, that was my vacation Monday
Speaker 1: Labor Day. My house can't wait to hear the about
Speaker 1: the rest of the vacation and tell you about the plumber.
Speaker 1: At some points, Podcast Scared needs your your your opinion
Speaker 1: on this. Tell me what's wrong if if this stands
Speaker 1: out to you. I'm at home Depot, uh, and they
Speaker 1: were they were closing. I was getting keys made Tuesday night,
Speaker 1: right I finished all my all my stuff I was
Speaker 1: doing in family stuff, and I ran to home Depot
Speaker 1: no Labor Day Monday. Labor day Monday, I went to
Speaker 1: get to key the same day as the apartment. I
Speaker 1: gotta get the keys made. I'm not gonna procriss. This
Speaker 1: is a great ending to your I'm just realizing this.
Speaker 1: This was the end of your vacation. This wasn't the beginning.
Speaker 1: Right home Depot right Monday night. So I go to
Speaker 1: Home Depot and I hear Home Depot will be closing
Speaker 1: in ten minutes. Please bring bring your final purchases to
Speaker 1: the register. You know, I've never heard that before because
Speaker 1: I've never been to I go. I've been there like
Speaker 1: three times in my life. You don't go, you go
Speaker 1: to apartment hunt. I don't. I just don't go to
Speaker 1: these places. So that the announcement when you've heard this announcement,
Speaker 1: please bring the final So I went up to the
Speaker 1: guy behind the I went to the guy at at
Speaker 1: the register and I said, hey, I had a question
Speaker 1: for you. What's the difference between please bring your final
Speaker 1: purchases to the register and please bring your purchases to
Speaker 1: the register. Oh god? And he says, you're playing grammar
Speaker 1: games with these people. Want to go asking. I always
Speaker 1: wondered that, why, like, what do you mean my final
Speaker 1: purchases to be bill run up and then at the
Speaker 1: last minute go back and get more stuff, like you come,
Speaker 1: we're closing, Come buy your ship. He says to me,
Speaker 1: you know what, I work here for thirty years. I've
Speaker 1: never noticed that. You're right, there's no difference. And he
Speaker 1: goes up to the next cast here he says, what's
Speaker 1: the difference, and she goes, I don't know just exactly
Speaker 1: why are we saying that? And it's actually in their script, right, yes,
Speaker 1: you have to say it just like that, right, right,
Speaker 1: Please bring your final purchases because because they don't want
Speaker 1: you to bring your purchase final final purchase. Right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's two people run back and ga, I feel like
Speaker 1: all purchases are final once they passed the register, unless
Speaker 1: you want to return it at a later date, right,
Speaker 1: But like, what's yes, that's that's my he was like
Speaker 1: he's thinking me, he goes, thank you so much. I
Speaker 1: never that way. Yeah, also bought a couch. You bought
Speaker 1: a couch. We have this sound here. Should we go
Speaker 1: into this first? Yeah? I think we should because a
Speaker 1: lot of them. You're very very very very heavy on
Speaker 1: the Mets sound for a team that's out of it
Speaker 1: and it's going nowhere this season. First of all, they're
Speaker 1: not out of it. There are four games out. They're
Speaker 1: not out of it. I'm out of it. I'm out
Speaker 1: of I'm out of hope. Okay, so let me. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna tell you what what clips to play because we
Speaker 1: have a lot here. Um, can you play the pumpkin
Speaker 1: spice clip? Now? You remember last episode because you listen
Speaker 1: in order where I said I talked about pumpkin spice.
Speaker 1: It doesn't that pumpkin in it. There's no pumpkin spice.
Speaker 1: I apologize. One of our listeners tweeted at me and said,
Speaker 1: I saw that that's wrong. Dunkin Donuts, UH coffee has
Speaker 1: the pumpkin spice. Latte has pumpkin in it. Now, that
Speaker 1: may be the case, but I didn't say pumpkin spice.
Speaker 1: Latte's don't have pumpkin. Pumpkin spice doesn't have pump Pumpkin
Speaker 1: spice is just that a spice. So last night on
Speaker 1: Late Night with Seth Myers, play the clip because You'll
Speaker 1: be dead from cinnamon poisoning. Second, what that is? Pumpkin
Speaker 1: spice don't taste like punk and it tastes like all
Speaker 1: the garbage you have to put on pumpkin. It tastes
Speaker 1: like anything. It's like referring to butter as lobster spices.
Speaker 1: Very true, Thank you, set Yes, I think he's listening
Speaker 1: to our podcast. I think so. I think that's where
Speaker 1: they're getting their ideas from. Play so scary. What's that
Speaker 1: thing you know when when something stands out like it's
Speaker 1: a it's a special special thing like a star. Yeah, Like,
Speaker 1: what's that call with an A? Like that's gonna have
Speaker 1: a asterisk? Right, aster risk asterisk? This clip is Ron
Speaker 1: Darling Yale graduate hit it talking about an asterisk and
Speaker 1: the directord books. He said, asterick now record books aster
Speaker 1: rick or aster rix with an X both wrong? Yeah,
Speaker 1: terrible it's risk at the end, and you said it right,
Speaker 1: scary very of course, asterisk I know that. Come on,
Speaker 1: I'm a grammar guy from way back. I want you
Speaker 1: to listen to this home run call and then listen
Speaker 1: to the fan. This is on on television. You can
Speaker 1: hear a fan at the end of the clip before
Speaker 1: they cut him off. It says a fan in the stands,
Speaker 1: listen after the home run call. With an opposite field
Speaker 1: home run and the Mats that lead five to three, Wow,
Speaker 1: what a fucking what I think he was gonna say.
Speaker 1: I don't know, because with an opposite field home run
Speaker 1: and the Mats that lead five to three. Wow. And
Speaker 1: by the way, that's what happens. That's what happens when
Speaker 1: nobody's there at the game and you could hear anything
Speaker 1: anyone said. It was a Mets national game in Washington,
Speaker 1: so it was I guess it was someone who wasn't
Speaker 1: happy the Mets at home run. Okay, so uh, let's
Speaker 1: let's see we have the All Star State a state
Speaker 1: rather and the bullpen stuff. This is a clip of
Speaker 1: Gary Cohen, who's the straight laced main announcer, and Keith Hernandez,
Speaker 1: who is a legendary baseball player who's a great announcer
Speaker 1: and was on Seinfeld. Don't know if you saw the
Speaker 1: two part episode The Spinner. Keith is great, but sometimes
Speaker 1: Keith loses focus. I have a couple of clips of
Speaker 1: Keith losing I love Keith the record. He is hilarious
Speaker 1: and he could do no wrong. My favorite was the
Speaker 1: clip where he had to apologize after the break because
Speaker 1: I guess they were doing one of those opening shots
Speaker 1: of you know, in between innings, and there was there
Speaker 1: was a hot girl as a hot girl with like
Speaker 1: a tight T shirt on cut off t shirt the
Speaker 1: Padres game, and there was a woman in the dugout. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: and then the camera was on. He just wants the
Speaker 1: little lady doing the dugout or he goes another time.
Speaker 1: He was just being a perfuse my old look at that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the little lady or something like that doing in
Speaker 1: the dugout. They gotta get he out of there before
Speaker 1: the inning starts. Turns out she's a coach. The coach
Speaker 1: he you know, he's he's old school. So they're doing
Speaker 1: a read like we do you do commercials, right, They're
Speaker 1: doing a commercial for one of the sponsors, which is
Speaker 1: all State. What is the slogan for all State All State? Well,
Speaker 1: I represent state farm because like a good neighbor, state
Speaker 1: farm is there? So like a good neighbor state farm
Speaker 1: is there that that state farm All State is. You're
Speaker 1: in good hands with all States. Play the clip of
Speaker 1: Gary doing the read and Keith chiming in. That was
Speaker 1: your All State good hands play. Welcome back. Luiski Ormy
Speaker 1: first started five weeks and he's already showed off the
Speaker 1: d It's always good to be a good neighbor. Don't wait.
Speaker 1: Good good hands kids, good good hands. Yes you should
Speaker 1: know about good hands. Don't say anything else. Just focus
Speaker 1: on that part of the clip because I got so
Speaker 1: so he's doing the commercial All State that they're about
Speaker 1: to make a kid goes so it's going to be
Speaker 1: a good neighbor. It looks like All State is gonna
Speaker 1: be getting some free commercials from the Mets Berry soon.
Speaker 1: That's like doing a McDonald's commercial. I'm going, Wow, that's
Speaker 1: a whopper. Now, now Barry to Night clip play Mets
Speaker 1: all State too, because this made me laugh out loud
Speaker 1: and you just heard it. Did back. Luiski or he
Speaker 1: first started five weeks and he's already showing off the
Speaker 1: df D. We're twelve year old boys, Okay, so sticking
Speaker 1: with Keith hernandez uh just we have a podcast just
Speaker 1: on this guy. This is just this week. So I
Speaker 1: want you to listen to Gary Cohen talking about the
Speaker 1: how the Mets bullpen hasn't let any runs in since
Speaker 1: the starter was out. All of the relievers have pitched
Speaker 1: scoreless innings. Go ahead, play the first clip that's bullpen's
Speaker 1: been impeccable today four innings or three and two thirds things,
Speaker 1: no runs, no hits. And then about a minute later,
Speaker 1: play Keith, do you know what? I just want to
Speaker 1: scare freaking me if I'm wrong? You met bullpen today?
Speaker 1: If Diaz gets the last out, there'll be uh four
Speaker 1: and two thirds innings pitched with no hits? Right, yeah?
Speaker 1: Am I wrong? Nobody and nobody mentioned that until that.
Speaker 1: I just I'm looking at the summation of the game. Here,
Speaker 1: my god, did you mention it? The Sota nothing at
Speaker 1: a long you mentioned it. You gotta speak up. I
Speaker 1: love you, Keith, speak up. I just noticed I wasn't
Speaker 1: paying attention on boys. Oh it's good stuff. Care that
Speaker 1: is hysterically. I got one more, one more Keith this week,
Speaker 1: So the Mets haven't pitched. He just repeated everything he said, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, okay, So Taiwan Walker pitches for the Mets.
Speaker 1: T A I j U A n Taiwan Okay, good
Speaker 1: picture for the Mets. Gary starts talking about him, and
Speaker 1: then Keith chimes in, go ahead. Than Walker leads off
Speaker 1: for the Mets of the second after a wild first
Speaker 1: inningrone batting left hand tyrone. We gotta get this guy
Speaker 1: some focus. Fact there. T Wan Walker leads off for
Speaker 1: the Mets in the second after a wild first inning
Speaker 1: Tyrone batting left handed. The guy has been on the
Speaker 1: team since since February. February marks, yeah, so I got
Speaker 1: one more clip. This is This sounds like the soundtrack
Speaker 1: to a porn movie. Now it's actually W. B. Mason.
Speaker 1: But the guy, the big burly guy, says, I'm right here,
Speaker 1: and then listen to horror and a couple of women
Speaker 1: in the clip, and see if it could sound like
Speaker 1: a porn movie to me? Go ahead? Where where he
Speaker 1: should put it? Go ahead? Um, I don't have it.
Speaker 1: You have W. B. Mason? No, I know, we don't
Speaker 1: have it. I'll play it off my phone. Hang on
Speaker 1: you I have eight clips and we've used it all.
Speaker 1: Here we go, hold on, here we go. Can you
Speaker 1: sure here or here or even here? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: that does sound like porn. Yeah, you can put it in.
Speaker 1: Can you put it here? Yeah? How about here? And
Speaker 1: how about even here? Every time I see it, that
Speaker 1: was when we had it was like when we had
Speaker 1: Rachel Ray cooking clips. And then if you don't, we're
Speaker 1: not watching TV. You don't know what she's doing. She's
Speaker 1: actually chopping things up, like cucumbers and things. And then
Speaker 1: just all you do is hear her and go, oh yeah,
Speaker 1: that's gushy, Oh that's squeeze. Oh yeah, look at that.
Speaker 1: It's a little slimy right there. I gotta get that
Speaker 1: part out. Yeah, you never know, you know, you never know.
Speaker 1: That's like the old the old threes Company joke. We're
Speaker 1: not gonna go there. This is the seventies reference when
Speaker 1: when they would actually mistake people for having sex and
Speaker 1: doing sexual things in the next here through the door,
Speaker 1: Like usually it's Jack Tripp or the main character who's
Speaker 1: listening in, and then like someone else is in there
Speaker 1: with someone else, but they're doing something completely different. You know,
Speaker 1: they're you know, they're basting the turkey and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: shove the base through this, shove it this way. You're
Speaker 1: in there in the rubbed the breast. And then they
Speaker 1: barge into the kitchen like what is going on in here?
Speaker 1: And they're like making it and they're like, we're making
Speaker 1: a turkey. Yeah, exactly. Hey, I got this text message today.
Speaker 1: We got this text message at the morning show. It says,
Speaker 1: what is the number phone number for the show? I
Speaker 1: pointed that out to Elvis. I tried searching and it
Speaker 1: only shows radio station numbers. So I said, you searched
Speaker 1: for it? Did you google what is the number for
Speaker 1: the Elvis Durant show? Because when you do that, it
Speaker 1: says why would you not do that? So I didn't
Speaker 1: want to like be an asshole and go what exactly
Speaker 1: did you search for? But what did you search? What
Speaker 1: did you search for? And then, by the way, when
Speaker 1: people say, oh, every morning when you guys are recording
Speaker 1: your show, like, no, we we don't record our show.
Speaker 1: We do live, like we never recording our show. We
Speaker 1: don't record. Yes, we we make a copy of recording,
Speaker 1: copy of it, but we're not recording our show. We
Speaker 1: record this podcast because you're hearing you're not hearing you
Speaker 1: in real time. But our radio show is we don't
Speaker 1: go in the studio and record our show. And well,
Speaker 1: here's the thing. At the beginning of the of the
Speaker 1: show at six am East Coast times, this program prerecorded.
Speaker 1: That's for legal reasons. You know what's prerecorded, the music
Speaker 1: and the phone taps. Well, the music, of course is
Speaker 1: pre and the commercials. Yeah, but as far as the content,
Speaker 1: the phone taps are prerecorded because we have to beat
Speaker 1: them and edit them. That's that's it. But legally that's
Speaker 1: what the government wants now or wanted a year and
Speaker 1: a half ago. Were today years old when you found
Speaker 1: that one out? And if you know, yeah, we got
Speaker 1: two kids. We got two text messages here today for
Speaker 1: the show, which we will go over after this. David,
Speaker 1: I think you're getting paid for hitting the commercial button,
Speaker 1: that's what I think. No, I'm just being told we
Speaker 1: have to hit the commercial Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay, we
Speaker 1: were told we haven't hit the commercial button enough, so
Speaker 1: now we're we're trying to hit the commercial button. So
Speaker 1: I think two people were today years old when they
Speaker 1: learned something and I'm again, it's just the world we
Speaker 1: live in. It's not a sign of not it's not
Speaker 1: it's I'm not making fun of these people. I'm just
Speaker 1: pointing out that I'm amazed that people don't know things
Speaker 1: that are old school technology. So if you use a
Speaker 1: cell phone and I call you, what happens? If you're
Speaker 1: on the phone, it'll be biopop, right, and you might
Speaker 1: pick up because you might be in the lot. Okay,
Speaker 1: but people aren't used to calling landlines, so you obviously
Speaker 1: don't work in I don't know. You don't call companies
Speaker 1: or what. I guess people don't call landlines, right like
Speaker 1: you don't call your auntie, your grandparents, whatever a lot.
Speaker 1: Because when you call a landline, a couple of things happen.
Speaker 1: If the circuits get overloaded, right In other words, maybe
Speaker 1: the system can handle five phone calls, but eight thousand
Speaker 1: people are calling to win the phone tapp prize. It
Speaker 1: gets overloaded. They can't handle that many calls, so it
Speaker 1: goes to a call, it goes paper. The number you've
Speaker 1: reached it cannot be reached right now, or the circuits
Speaker 1: are overloaded. There's some are busy, right, and then people
Speaker 1: are text in their phone numbers not working. No, the
Speaker 1: phone number works. It's just overload, right, that's that's it's
Speaker 1: an old term that people don't understand. Fine, but we
Speaker 1: got two text messages today that I've never seen before,
Speaker 1: and I'll tell you what My response was. The first one,
Speaker 1: and again I'm not blaming these people. The first one
Speaker 1: was when we call, are we supposed to wait at
Speaker 1: the busy signal forever? Or keep trying to call until
Speaker 1: it sounds like something else? Wow? That those are people
Speaker 1: who don't pick up the phone and make any phone calls. No,
Speaker 1: they don't call landlines. The second one, okay, stupid question
Speaker 1: of the day. When trying to get through, Will I
Speaker 1: have better luck staying on the line listening to the
Speaker 1: constant beeping or hang up and keep trying? Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So I wrote back to both of them politely. There's
Speaker 1: not a phone in the world that changes from a
Speaker 1: busy signal to a ring Somehow, they they not knowing
Speaker 1: a busy signal, think that after a while it changes
Speaker 1: to ringing. My guess is there gen z or younger
Speaker 1: And they don't know because they just never called a
Speaker 1: landline where they've gotten a busy signal. If you've heard
Speaker 1: that a noise and they like how they call it
Speaker 1: a noise beeping, they don't say the word. They don't
Speaker 1: know the word busy signal, because a busy signal is
Speaker 1: just that. It would tell you if you knew what
Speaker 1: a busy sugnal was, and you knew the term busy signal,
Speaker 1: you know to hang up and try again, right hear listen,
Speaker 1: I hear that. We're pretty difficult to get in touch
Speaker 1: with in the morning. Dad, we're very popular. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but um, I got some more reedy stuff. You got
Speaker 1: something because I don't we know. Continue, we hit the
Speaker 1: commercials again. We're good. We're good. We're good. We're good.
Speaker 1: We're good. We're done on commercials. Okay. From a comment
Speaker 1: on the green Pool picture I put up from Monster
Speaker 1: donut Pants, which was your name in high school? Isn't
Speaker 1: it Monster donnut Pants? Yeah? That you were, Mr Munchkin.
Speaker 1: That's right, Munchkin. I wasn't short. Okay, all right, Um, Brody,
Speaker 1: I saw I wrote down on the on the picture
Speaker 1: I invited you to the pool, so this says she wrote,
Speaker 1: But Brody, we all know at Scary Jones would get
Speaker 1: in the pool if there is wouldn't get in the
Speaker 1: she wrote, would get but she mean wouldn't get in
Speaker 1: the pool if there isn't a DJ poolside bar and
Speaker 1: hot girls in bikinis filling the pool with expensive and paign.
Speaker 1: Hashtag boogie bastard. So I laughed at that. That was
Speaker 1: pretty funny. Um, angel angel Hurst sent me a sent
Speaker 1: us a picture. As I read this, the ramp music
Speaker 1: is playing in my head. It's a picture of a
Speaker 1: case of coke. It says fifteen pack, three more cans
Speaker 1: than twelve pack. Is that really? Oh? Yeah, because it's
Speaker 1: just then three more, right, because in just in case
Speaker 1: you don't know how to do basic math, it has
Speaker 1: it right. It spells it out in another way that
Speaker 1: you get three extra cames. Nothing, no problem with that, right,
Speaker 1: Kelly uh screen named Roscoe's mama. She sent me a picture.
Speaker 1: She said, UM, check out the great value Walmart has
Speaker 1: on Lysol. So Lysol has cans of lysol one for
Speaker 1: five dollars and forty eight cents. Right, two value pack
Speaker 1: eleven sixty seven more than twice the price of the one. Yes,
Speaker 1: I I get it. You want me to get the
Speaker 1: case back so you can I know we're good. We're good,
Speaker 1: We're good. I have I have a couple of email
Speaker 1: with I have a grammar police. Is that okay? Police?
Speaker 1: Like a couple more things I wanted to read. I'll
Speaker 1: go for it. Continue. Uh not a grammar police. Uh.
Speaker 1: Lord of Enjoyment sent a picture. I still don't know why,
Speaker 1: a picture of two milk crates that he got popped
Speaker 1: up in his Instagram feed. So I guess for the
Speaker 1: for the milk car because we were talking about we
Speaker 1: were talking about the milk crate challenge, and the milk
Speaker 1: crates popped up in his feed. So then that girl Aarnell,
Speaker 1: you know her? Yeah, that girl her. I mean, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: Aaron Yeah. She wrote are these white milk rates? I
Speaker 1: thought it was hilarious, a reference to white milk. She's
Speaker 1: She's sharp as attack. I love her, She's great. I
Speaker 1: wanted to say welcome aboard to Shelly right at love
Speaker 1: to rescue you. She's not gonna hear this for another
Speaker 1: six months. Oh, new listener. I started listening to The
Speaker 1: Brooken Boys in August, and I've only gotten through episodes before.
Speaker 1: I can't begin to tell you how much I love
Speaker 1: you too, hopefully I will be caught up by the spring.
Speaker 1: Keep it going. You have an incredible impact on everyone.
Speaker 1: So I wrote back, what made you finally listen to
Speaker 1: the show We've been on for three years? And she
Speaker 1: wrote back, I was just looking for something light and funny.
Speaker 1: I work on a gang task force and it gets
Speaker 1: pretty heavy. You make me laugh so hard with the
Speaker 1: rants and scary brings out my Italian side. You all
Speaker 1: really provide a great service to me. Thank you. So
Speaker 1: then Omar and uh Shady jew Mobster and a couple
Speaker 1: of the people forgive me welcome them new Slice Alert,
Speaker 1: Welcome aboard, listen in order. Uh So, it was great,
Speaker 1: but I have a bone to pick with. Omar sent
Speaker 1: me a picture. You're gonna gonna you're gonna want to
Speaker 1: pretend you didn't see this. A player on a football team,
Speaker 1: college football. Oh no, I saw this Indiana right. But
Speaker 1: the shirt says in Indiana indeed I N D I
Speaker 1: N I A. They spelled Indiana wrong across the front
Speaker 1: of his jersey. Now that's what I don't understand. Is
Speaker 1: it just on his jersey or it was in a
Speaker 1: miscording to Omar, it was this guy must have gotten
Speaker 1: they must have like hand ironed them on and somebody
Speaker 1: spelled his wrong right, So I wrote back to Omar
Speaker 1: at bagged Waddy. Yeah, of course he's an old school
Speaker 1: he's an affair from way back. So I wrote back,
Speaker 1: what college is that? And before you say INDIODA, I
Speaker 1: said specifically because I wanted to talk about it on
Speaker 1: the podcast, I said, is in Indiana State, Indiana University,
Speaker 1: Indiana Tech, like it could be a lot of a
Speaker 1: lot of Indiana colleges rather than you got Indiana stupid.
Speaker 1: I asked questions because I know why I'm asking them,
Speaker 1: so I rather than him saying Indiana. So so he
Speaker 1: writes back, can you believe that? And this one off
Speaker 1: like four tweets. Well, I kept saying what college is it?
Speaker 1: And he go, I guess one that can't spell no,
Speaker 1: no no, which so finally someone else had the chime
Speaker 1: in and tell me it was Indiana Universal. So just
Speaker 1: at some point read text messages re tweets, police Police,
Speaker 1: Kristen Hilty road to us at the Brooklyn Boys podcast
Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. Yes, regular email works. Thank you
Speaker 1: both for everything you do. I'm glad the big show
Speaker 1: is on Vaccasion this past week. So I could finally
Speaker 1: work on getting caught up on the Brooklyn Boys. As
Speaker 1: a teacher, I love the grammar police section of the podcast. However, Brody,
Speaker 1: I am curious why you don't have the same passion
Speaker 1: for people saying numbers correctly as you do people using
Speaker 1: correct grammar. I do. I hate when they say twelve
Speaker 1: people in Brooklyn. When reading numbers, there should not be
Speaker 1: the word and in any whole number, and is only
Speaker 1: said when you eats the decimal point. It was driving
Speaker 1: me crazy awhile listening to the episode about Ali's Instagram likes.
Speaker 1: For homework, I used to have students listen to the
Speaker 1: radio and watch TV and record every time someone said
Speaker 1: a number incorrectly. They were always so surprised how often
Speaker 1: adults don't know how to use same numbers. Regardless. I
Speaker 1: love you both, Brodie. I wish they brought you into
Speaker 1: the Big show a little more often. You and I
Speaker 1: would have a great time at dinner because of our
Speaker 1: eating habits are very similar. Kristen, you lost me on that. Please.
Speaker 1: Brodie's eating habits no dale, no no green stuff, no vats,
Speaker 1: the balls anyway. But yeah, but bro can you you
Speaker 1: want to respond to Kristen about that, well, I'm about
Speaker 1: the decimal point forms dot com and it says using
Speaker 1: and in numbers is not wrong at all. So there
Speaker 1: you go, there, Kristen, put that into your pipe and
Speaker 1: smoke it if you smoke. Louise Cruise wrote to us
Speaker 1: about the ugly section. Hey, Scary and Brodie. First of all,
Speaker 1: you guys are legendary, the most entertaining pot cast out there.
Speaker 1: Big fan of you guys in The Big Show, Scary,
Speaker 1: check out Curb Your Enthusiasm Season ten, episode seven. It's
Speaker 1: basically the same thing that happened to you with the
Speaker 1: sitting in the ugly section at the restaurant you're in.
Speaker 1: Larry David was a riot and how he handled the
Speaker 1: ugly section seating um. Also, as much as I love
Speaker 1: Danielle on The Big Show, I've got to call her
Speaker 1: out for something you guys. You guys criticized some celebrities
Speaker 1: of doing. I think it was a DSW commercial. Don't
Speaker 1: tweet me. I heard that's the shoe warehouse. I heard
Speaker 1: during the Big Show. But she read it as we
Speaker 1: as if she works for them. So she was doing
Speaker 1: a commercial for the ds W shoe warehouse and as
Speaker 1: soon as I heard that, I was like, the hell
Speaker 1: all because of what you guys talked about a few
Speaker 1: episodes back. You guys are rock stars. So yeah, So
Speaker 1: Danielle must have been reading commercial copy directly from the copy,
Speaker 1: and the way it was written was we here at
Speaker 1: D s W Shoe Warehouse, whereas she shouldn't have said that.
Speaker 1: She should probably have said they at at at D
Speaker 1: s W Shoe Warehouse because she doesn't work for them.
Speaker 1: Got it, got it all right? And then I have
Speaker 1: a scamboni from from Megan. If I can hit the button, well,
Speaker 1: my buttons are real slow today, but Brodie, this is
Speaker 1: oh my god, Melanie the tillow. I want to let
Speaker 1: you guys how I found out about a scamboni. Our
Speaker 1: old Curig coffee machine broke at the office, so I
Speaker 1: brought our boss thought and bought a new one. And
Speaker 1: it was a new Curig Mini. The machine wouldn't intake
Speaker 1: all of the water or brew anything. We thought the
Speaker 1: unit was defective. That one was just sitting around in
Speaker 1: someone's basement before we brought it in, so we bought
Speaker 1: a new one of the same kind. Okay, so they
Speaker 1: bought the same exact Mini after the other one wasn't working. Um. Anyway,
Speaker 1: we opened it up right the directions and so that
Speaker 1: Curig says not use distilled water. What do you know?
Speaker 1: The first mini Curing we had now works if we
Speaker 1: just use tap water. We can use spring water as well.
Speaker 1: But the point is that newer curings have a mineral
Speaker 1: sensor in them to detect water without minerals. We believe
Speaker 1: this is a scamboni so that people have to use
Speaker 1: tap and spring water in their machines and build up
Speaker 1: will happen faster. So you have to buy the scaler
Speaker 1: from Curing and replace the curings more often. Just call
Speaker 1: me mel zinny too late anyway, mels zinny Um. Do
Speaker 1: you think that Curing would go with Brodie? Do you
Speaker 1: think Curing would install mineral detectors so the machine doesn't
Speaker 1: work with mineral water, so you're forced to use filthy water,
Speaker 1: which causes you to buy the the scaler, which I
Speaker 1: don't I don't know. I don't think that she's really
Speaker 1: overthinking this. I don't know if she may be right.
Speaker 1: I don't know. First of all, why breaks their own
Speaker 1: phones so you have to buy new ones? So so
Speaker 1: would would Curig No force you into buying the scale
Speaker 1: or but the thing is okay. So then then answer
Speaker 1: the question why doesn't it work with mineral water because
Speaker 1: I don't know that the chemical makeup of mineral water.
Speaker 1: But for instance, if mineral water is hard water, hard
Speaker 1: water damages your machines, you have you have to you
Speaker 1: have to cleanse them out. I know my wife's curig.
Speaker 1: When she had a curig, the hard water damaged it
Speaker 1: and you had to de scale it from hard water.
Speaker 1: So I mineral water is considered hard water. Uh, and
Speaker 1: you can look that up. I'll look it up later.
Speaker 1: That maybe why? And then one final scamboni from Mike Felix, Um,
Speaker 1: how the hell are you guys not talking about the
Speaker 1: Amazon scamp? I was not aware as a prime member
Speaker 1: that to day shipping is not two day shipping anymore
Speaker 1: on the pandemic On my Ring video, I catch Amazon
Speaker 1: customer service informing me they are being deceptive, So why
Speaker 1: are we paying prime membership fees? Wasn't it for to
Speaker 1: day shipping? Linked to my Ring video below, this person
Speaker 1: actually sends, oh my god, they taped them. Okay, I
Speaker 1: don't know if we should play this. What did they tape?
Speaker 1: They take their conversation through with the Amazon arguing with
Speaker 1: the Amazon person. So, look, if it comes in three days,
Speaker 1: I can live with it. If it comes in seven days,
Speaker 1: then I asked for a credit. It depends on if
Speaker 1: I need the product. But but he's trying to say,
Speaker 1: two day shipping should be two day shipping. You're paying
Speaker 1: for two day shipping. Why is it showing up in
Speaker 1: three Well, I said why because of the pandemic. Certain
Speaker 1: certain warehouses are a little short staff. Certain suppliers don't
Speaker 1: have the product that was short on things, and they
Speaker 1: tell you when you buy it may may be affected.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you want doesn't say it sounds like
Speaker 1: he doesn't want you should get discount. He doesn't. He
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to pay to ship to day shipping fees
Speaker 1: for three day shipping. Well, you're not paying day shipping
Speaker 1: fig you're getting this shipping free. Well, maybe should get
Speaker 1: money off your prime membership. You can ask what you want.
Speaker 1: You can you can you can uh do that because
Speaker 1: they're big super company and they have all the money
Speaker 1: in the world. Or you can say, you know a
Speaker 1: lot is a pandemic going on. I might give him
Speaker 1: a leading. Let them took for a day. Like if
Speaker 1: it's a day, I let him off the hook. If
Speaker 1: it's a week and a half, you know, like there's
Speaker 1: gotta be a middle point where you go, you've had
Speaker 1: some problems in the past during this pandemic where you
Speaker 1: did not let them off the hook, and you've got
Speaker 1: your free dessert. Yeah, but different things like if they
Speaker 1: send me the wrong thing, or it's broken, or it
Speaker 1: comes a week later, if it's three days and there
Speaker 1: was no warning, then I'll let it slide. I don't
Speaker 1: normally need things, gotta have it, but you know, it depends,
Speaker 1: by the way. So a couple of things I'm looking
Speaker 1: up just to be to be safe here. The British
Speaker 1: way of saying the numbers is always to use act,
Speaker 1: and the American ways to occasionally use the end. For instance,
Speaker 1: it's you don't use it when the two digits are
Speaker 1: zero zero. In other words, you'd say, right, right, okay.
Speaker 1: It is said after thousand when the last three digits
Speaker 1: of the number are less than a hundred. In other words,
Speaker 1: you would say five thousand and twenty six. And on
Speaker 1: checks you always use and if there are no thousands, um,
Speaker 1: and let's say it's a million if you had a
Speaker 1: million and you added forty seven, you would say a millillion,
Speaker 1: and otherwise you'd say a million forty seven and you
Speaker 1: got seven. It's confusing to to sort of eliminate the
Speaker 1: confusion you use, and and that is on multiple websites.
Speaker 1: Grammarly works. Brody is is spanking the math teacher with
Speaker 1: her own ruler. Well, listen, I'm sure she's a wonderful
Speaker 1: math teacher, but she's not an English teacher. It's actually
Speaker 1: an English issue. But listen, you can teach your students
Speaker 1: anything where you want, but there are certain exceptions to
Speaker 1: the rule. And since it is a British way, you
Speaker 1: can use it. It's not wrong to say it. Don't
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't adhere to the British way. I
Speaker 1: adhere to the brief Gray, the Brooklyn way. How do
Speaker 1: you spell gray? G R E y R g r
Speaker 1: A y Okay? Well, g R E y is English,
Speaker 1: British English either way, No, no, A y is a
Speaker 1: for American. Just because squinsense just you said you don't
Speaker 1: subscribe to the British way, and yet you just spelled gray,
Speaker 1: spread spread love it's the Brooklyn's. Then I'm not dying.
Speaker 1: What are you doing so wrong? I got another hour.
Speaker 1: Did you really have bonies? Boys Brooklyn Brookland Boys bro