Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody. Welcome to a special, very very special
Speaker 1: edition episode here of Amy and DJ Rope sitting next
Speaker 1: to me. Reunited and it feels so good. Who does
Speaker 1: that song?
Speaker 2: Oh? I don't know, but I love it. It's a
Speaker 2: united and it feels so good.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, I didn't.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's on the tip of my toe
Speaker 2: and he's.
Speaker 1: About to get it for us.
Speaker 2: It's a it's a pair, it's a it's like something
Speaker 2: and something. What is it?
Speaker 1: Amy and DJ?
Speaker 2: No? No, no, oh oh Peaches and Herbs, Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 2: reunited and it feels so good. No, I'm not there's
Speaker 2: a reason why Peaches and Herbs sings it.
Speaker 1: I was surprised when you A lot of people know
Speaker 1: you took a trip to see your daughter in Berlin
Speaker 1: last weekend. You're going for what four nights, three nights.
Speaker 2: Three nights for four days?
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's four days. I and I expressed on
Speaker 1: a previous episode of the podcast that how I feel
Speaker 1: when you travel, when we travel apart, I'm not comfortable
Speaker 1: with it, don't like it. I was surprised to hear
Speaker 1: from you that you said that got people's attention and
Speaker 1: made headlines to some degree. Yeah. I was very surprised to.
Speaker 2: Hear that, right because it would make sense. I mean,
Speaker 2: I think maybe a lot of men wouldn't want to
Speaker 2: admit they don't like it. I think you might have
Speaker 2: even said you hated when I traveled without you.
Speaker 1: Why is that why you say most men like that?
Speaker 2: I feel like maybe there's an ego to it where
Speaker 2: you're just like, oh, I'm cool, I'm fine, I'm going
Speaker 2: to do my thing. I'm hanging out with my boys,
Speaker 2: I'm doing my stuff. So for you to admit that
Speaker 2: you didn't like it, I think was maybe some people
Speaker 2: would say brave.
Speaker 1: Written come on, let's not go that far now.
Speaker 2: Well, that's really I think ego is involved in so
Speaker 2: many relationships. It affects so many of our decisions, what
Speaker 2: we say, maybe even what we aren't willing to say.
Speaker 2: More than anything, we don't want to admit any kind
Speaker 2: of vulnerability, So that maybe struck a chord.
Speaker 1: It was you know what I didn't You and I
Speaker 1: have been doing this for a while now with sometimes travel.
Speaker 1: It's rare that we have to travel apart. But when
Speaker 1: you travel, we I don't know, we have a difficult
Speaker 1: time in our relationship. There's a distance. It's it's odd,
Speaker 1: it's it takes us out of a rhythm that we
Speaker 1: have in being up under sundery together. But yeah, we
Speaker 1: don't talk as much as we used to in it
Speaker 1: as we're accustomed doing.
Speaker 2: And it's when we're apart, right, it's not good. But
Speaker 2: this isn't anything new because when this is the truth,
Speaker 2: when we were just friends and it was endearing then
Speaker 2: and maybe it's a little bit more difficult now, but
Speaker 2: when we were just friends. Do you remember every time
Speaker 2: I travel, and I am a big traveler. I love
Speaker 2: That's how I spend my money. I don't buy things.
Speaker 2: I love experiences. So I've always been a big traveler.
Speaker 2: And when we were even just coworkers and friends, when
Speaker 2: I would come back, we would say there was an awkwardness.
Speaker 2: You're loving to you take us a couple days. You
Speaker 2: would say, oh my god, we're being awkward now because
Speaker 2: you've been gone, And somehow it shifted out dynamic even
Speaker 2: as friends. I remember you always, and we struggled a
Speaker 2: little bit for the first couple of days, and we
Speaker 2: got to a point where we could laugh at it, like, oh,
Speaker 2: here's the awkward phase. And you would even like text
Speaker 2: me like, oh did you land great? Can't wait for
Speaker 2: the next two days of awkwardness because it was all
Speaker 2: But it was this strange thing because I think we
Speaker 2: just get used to, like you said, our rhythm or
Speaker 2: we're constantly together and we enjoy it and it doesn't
Speaker 2: feel I think more than most people, we just are
Speaker 2: always together. And so when that is changed, there is
Speaker 2: a shift. And yeah, it takes them getting used to
Speaker 2: when I'm leaving or when you're leaving, and then when
Speaker 2: we're coming back together. It also takes some time to
Speaker 2: readjust what's today.
Speaker 1: So we are you've been back for I guess we're
Speaker 1: recording this three days or so. We're still finding our rhythm.
Speaker 2: I feel like today we really hit it.
Speaker 1: We find.
Speaker 2: We're back and we're about to go on vacation together.
Speaker 2: So we're excited and yeah, but no, but always you know,
Speaker 2: it's true from the very beginning when we were separated
Speaker 2: for whatever reason, even as colleagues, it was weird when
Speaker 2: we got back together, like hey, hey, yeah, no I
Speaker 2: didn't I didn't miss you either, cool, all right, Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was like this thing that.
Speaker 1: Was just me trying to mask my true feelings. No,
Speaker 1: it's always the case. This time, I'm so curious because
Speaker 1: it did. It was Look, when you're all right to
Speaker 1: people who are out there in a relationship, the person
Speaker 1: leaves on vacation, let's say, with their boys or with
Speaker 1: their girls, but it's kind of a that kind of
Speaker 1: a trip for fun. Like what is the expectation for
Speaker 1: communication when you know that other person is in the
Speaker 1: middle of partying, sometimes in a different time zone. What
Speaker 1: should the expectation be of communication?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's tough, Like how how finn should you be
Speaker 2: looking at your phone when the people who you're with
Speaker 2: are expecting you not to be looking at your phone,
Speaker 2: But you know, you still want to be connected to
Speaker 2: the person who you left behind.
Speaker 1: Okay, you want to be connected is one thing. The
Speaker 1: other thing is let me make sure I make that
Speaker 1: other person feel like I'm connected to them, which seems
Speaker 1: like more of a danger zone.
Speaker 2: Right Anyway, we're still working that part out. If anyone
Speaker 2: has any thoughts, we're open to them.
Speaker 1: But yes, yes, what you you ghosted me on Sunday,
Speaker 1: completely ghosted.
Speaker 2: And I did apologize because we were racing from one
Speaker 2: thing to another, and then you actually ended up reaching
Speaker 2: out to my two girlfriends to find out if everything
Speaker 2: was okay.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh no, I knew, Okay,
Speaker 1: that sounds crazy, but that was a six hour stretch
Speaker 1: that I didn't hear from you after reaching out to you.
Speaker 1: Now there is a certain degree where I go, Okay,
Speaker 1: I get it, she's with a girl, she's in the
Speaker 1: middle of something. But when there is no response of it,
Speaker 1: now I get concerned, right, And I know obviously the
Speaker 1: friends well enough, Morgan and Nikki to where I can
Speaker 1: reach out to them say. And all I said was, Hey,
Speaker 1: everything okay, And I said, I'm sorry for you even
Speaker 1: have to ask.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, I won't make excuses. It's just
Speaker 2: it is one of those things where as soon as
Speaker 2: that happened, I felt awful because I that did happen
Speaker 2: one time, and this wasn't on purpose, but the Dominican
Speaker 2: Republic you didn't have service, and I actually I thought
Speaker 2: you were dead. I had convinced myself that you either
Speaker 2: the plane had crashed, you had gone off the road,
Speaker 2: you had been like attacked by bandits. I was actually.
Speaker 1: Crying all legit possible.
Speaker 2: And it had been probably the same, like maybe four
Speaker 2: or five hours same thing. So I do know what
Speaker 2: that feels like, and it feels awful. So I apologize again.
Speaker 1: No, I just what is the I do? Because what
Speaker 1: is the expected? What should? What is the norm? And
Speaker 1: I was genuinely concerned. I didn't think you were doing
Speaker 1: something clubbing? Who should wit? It was just a matter
Speaker 1: of ye is everything okay?
Speaker 2: We were running around. My phone was in my person.
Speaker 2: You know what it is, the Apple Watch. I didn't
Speaker 2: bring the charger, and that is a godsend. I will say,
Speaker 2: when you are going around, if you have an Apple
Speaker 2: Watch on and you can hear the buzz when a message,
Speaker 2: then you get alerted. If you don't have your phone
Speaker 2: with you because you're trying to be present, you can
Speaker 2: forget like time can just slip away. But if you've
Speaker 2: got the Apple Watch on, at least you know, oh,
Speaker 2: someone's trying to get a hold of me, and you
Speaker 2: can make a decision. I should have brought the charger.
Speaker 1: I love no, no, no, I love you. I don't think
Speaker 1: you should need an Apple Watch or an Apple charger
Speaker 1: to remember after six hours that you're still in a
Speaker 1: relationship with me.
Speaker 2: I didn't forget I was in a relationship with you.
Speaker 1: You didn't care that you were in a lationship.
Speaker 2: I just didn't check my phone.
Speaker 1: You didn't have to check it. You shouldn't pick up
Speaker 1: your phone to check to see if I message you
Speaker 1: after six hours? Shouldn't you pick up your phone and
Speaker 1: wants to message the person that you want to be with.
Speaker 3: Yes, you are right, and if you.
Speaker 1: Don't, then that sends a message to.
Speaker 2: The person that I was in Like that.
Speaker 4: Maybe, Andy, there are signs that this thing isn't going
Speaker 4: to work out.
Speaker 2: Okay, Wow, I love your trend.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 2: That's great.
Speaker 1: Well, No, our producer Andy here just pointed something else
Speaker 1: to us. It's a list say that I'm gonna mess
Speaker 1: it up. It's a list of what again?
Speaker 5: This is the eleven signs a relationship isn't meant to be?
Speaker 1: Okay, So sign number one is no contact after six hours?
Speaker 5: Seeing that?
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, thank you?
Speaker 1: Okay. Eleven signs warning signs or just.
Speaker 5: Eleven early signs of relationship isn't meant to be?
Speaker 1: Is it meant to be? Okay? What's number one on
Speaker 1: the list? Andy?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 5: Number one is you're somewhat bored of talking to them.
Speaker 2: Now we're going okay, we don't get more.
Speaker 1: Damn it, I can't even try.
Speaker 2: That wasn't even all I can't even Okay, Okay, we're good.
Speaker 1: There, we're good. There to go.
Speaker 5: Number two, Number two, Number two, Only one of you
Speaker 5: is putting in most of the effort.
Speaker 2: Oh, come on, we moth put in effort. Stop. Okay, six,
Speaker 2: I admit I did not which short of that that
Speaker 2: was a one off.
Speaker 1: No, I don't think that's it. We don't have it.
Speaker 2: No, we don't have that.
Speaker 1: All right, all right, we two for two. We're okay,
Speaker 1: we're okay, all right.
Speaker 5: Can I ask what you both define as effort?
Speaker 1: Maybe effort?
Speaker 2: Oh, thinking of the other person first, what do they like?
Speaker 2: What would they want? Just kind of considering what I
Speaker 2: think they would like versus what you want, And I.
Speaker 1: Would just say that's more detail. But I would just
Speaker 1: say equal effort. There's never a time where I feel
Speaker 1: like I'm doing more than she is. There's never a
Speaker 1: time where she's doing so much and I say, oh,
Speaker 1: I need to pick it up a little bit. I
Speaker 1: don't ever think there's a drop off in effort with
Speaker 1: either one of us.
Speaker 2: I agree completely, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: Well, Number three is there's minimal trust between the two
Speaker 5: of you.
Speaker 2: I think, Oh, we totally trust each other. I have
Speaker 2: to we have to do this, no way. Oh absolutely,
Speaker 2: that's the last thing I'm worried about.
Speaker 1: Even if I don't don't want to, I don't have
Speaker 1: a choice at this point. Were good, that's qualified.
Speaker 2: Were three for three. We're three for three. High five.
Speaker 5: Number four. Your values are on very different pages.
Speaker 2: No, No, they're very much on the same page. In fact,
Speaker 2: I've said this a lot. I think something huge for me,
Speaker 2: having had all the life experiences I've had. If you
Speaker 2: have the same mode of operation and you value the
Speaker 2: same sorts of things, that's something that is I regard
Speaker 2: so highly, and I recognize how important that is just
Speaker 2: to because you know what, the daily operations of life
Speaker 2: can just wear a relationship down. If you approach things differently,
Speaker 2: if you value the same things, it just makes things
Speaker 2: a lot easier and fights a lot more rare.
Speaker 1: I can't say it any better than that. Yeah, we do.
Speaker 1: We are discovering more and more day and day out, like, wow,
Speaker 1: we really do operate the same Yeah, so.
Speaker 2: Wow, wow, four for four. Keep them coming, Andy.
Speaker 5: Number five, You frequently bicker and fight about the small
Speaker 5: things small.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, we may we're gonna find about the same things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but and it's not frequently. I would say, it's
Speaker 2: like once every six weeks.
Speaker 1: The same fight. Yes, and that drives me crazy. It's
Speaker 1: the same.
Speaker 2: No, I know, it drives us both crazy. But we
Speaker 2: don't frequently bicker. We do. God, I would never describe
Speaker 2: what we do as bicker.
Speaker 1: Oh no, we have big blowouts. If we're gonna do this,
Speaker 1: let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let's go bigger, go home.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we don't have little no.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you know that might be nice, but no,
Speaker 2: we don't pick at each other. We don't nag it
Speaker 2: each other. And that's the thing. Actually, I do appreciate
Speaker 2: that too, because I think that is something that I'm
Speaker 2: just grateful for and I recognize we do not nag
Speaker 2: each other.
Speaker 1: Oh no, no, no, no, we don't do that. That wou
Speaker 1: over no quickly.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 5: In the early stages, that wasn't a thing because.
Speaker 2: No, even as friends, I think we used to. One
Speaker 2: of the things we loved about each other hanging out.
Speaker 2: We just kept always saying to each other, it's so
Speaker 2: easy with you, like you just get me, like it
Speaker 2: was that was a huge sign that we just always
Speaker 2: wanted to hang out. So even as friends, that's awesome.
Speaker 5: Number Six, time around each other makes you feel drained.
Speaker 2: No, I'm drained when I'm not with him. I've said
Speaker 2: this and you've admitted it that your moody. And I asked,
Speaker 2: if I asked you, would you describe me as moody?
Speaker 2: And you said, no, you just have different levels. Yes,
Speaker 2: of intensity. Yeah, you too, I'm kind of the same mood.
Speaker 2: But it's just if you're going to get a lot
Speaker 2: of me or just a little less of me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if it's me, he's going to be sad, he's
Speaker 1: going to be happy, he's going to be angry, he's
Speaker 1: going to be these things. Yeah, you are either at
Speaker 1: a ten, a seven, or three of whatever the mood is.
Speaker 1: It's just you're just there all the time.
Speaker 2: So no, no, no, but we don't wear each other out.
Speaker 1: Oh god, no, no, no, no, oh man, early sign,
Speaker 1: what is it the list again?
Speaker 5: Smoking relationship isn't meant to be. I feel like it
Speaker 5: makes sense though, because if you guys started as friends,
Speaker 5: it's like you got to know each other as friends,
Speaker 5: so you would know as a friend whether or not
Speaker 5: you liked and.
Speaker 2: We were always together. So if we had worn each
Speaker 2: other out initially, just like, oh my god, I'm mentally
Speaker 2: exhausted by this person or he's an energy what do
Speaker 2: they call them energy vampires? No, it's I feel like
Speaker 2: I got like energized.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's true. Dammit, I hate to agree with
Speaker 1: you on the aperture. You're right.
Speaker 5: You want me to go to number seven. Yeah, let's
Speaker 5: keep it going on Number seven. There isn't much emotional
Speaker 5: intimacy between the two of you, dude, Oh.
Speaker 2: My god, that's hilarious. Not we we're good.
Speaker 1: Our emotions make out all the time.
Speaker 2: They couldn't get closer, goes, we.
Speaker 1: Are more intimate emotionally than physically.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, that's so funny. Well, I did not
Speaker 2: think it was gonna go this well for us. Shocked. Okay.
Speaker 5: Number eight, there's a noticeable lack of respect between the
Speaker 5: two of you.
Speaker 2: No, no, I respect you immensely.
Speaker 1: Goodness. No, no, no, I don't feel I wish I could
Speaker 1: say something in that regard. Nope, I don't feel that.
Speaker 2: I've talked about like disrespecting every Yep, Nope, we're good.
Speaker 2: Check wow.
Speaker 5: Number nine one or both of you don't really want
Speaker 5: to commit.
Speaker 2: I don't think that's true either. We both said that
Speaker 2: we're committed to each other from the beginning. Actually we
Speaker 2: kind of set that up right away.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm trying to again early signs that your relationship
Speaker 1: is in trouble. Yeah, right, there's a list, and one
Speaker 1: of the early signs is that say the thing again.
Speaker 5: And one or both of you don't really want to commit.
Speaker 2: I want to keep your options open. I mean, you
Speaker 2: did suggest that maybe I get on a dating app.
Speaker 1: I want to give you opportunity. I want to give
Speaker 1: you a chance to go out there and see if
Speaker 1: you can do.
Speaker 2: Better, because you're that confident. Oh my goodness. No, I mean,
Speaker 2: but that is a big one, because I mean, there
Speaker 2: are some things that are deal breakers. But yeah, if
Speaker 2: someone wants to be exclusive and the other one doesn't,
Speaker 2: you've got a problem. That's pretty obvious. I think. No,
Speaker 2: that's never been our issue. I think we're still deciding
Speaker 2: about just what that level of commitment is. But like
Speaker 2: whether it's legal or not, but that's still up for debate.
Speaker 2: But mentally, emotionally, we've absolutely agreed to commit to each other.
Speaker 1: Number nine, take us a minute before we get the
Speaker 1: number ten because we need to unpack.
Speaker 2: No, we haven't figured the marriage thing out yet.
Speaker 1: But what was it? We haven't figured it out, figured
Speaker 1: it out? Right, we haven't, you mean you, we haven't
Speaker 1: decided whether we're going well legally, I mean we just
Speaker 1: talked to a guy who was a straight shooter, so
Speaker 1: let's be a straight shoot here we're talking about. We
Speaker 1: haven't decided whether or not we are going to officially get.
Speaker 2: Married, right, Okay, but we have. I have said this
Speaker 2: to you, and I believe you've said it to me
Speaker 2: as well, that I want to be with you for
Speaker 2: the rest of my life, and I would I would
Speaker 2: like to live with you, Okay when the time comes.
Speaker 2: It doesn't have to be today or tomorrow or next year,
Speaker 2: but I would eventually like to live with you. I
Speaker 2: want a life partner. I want someone who is with me. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I want to spend that I like, I like spending
Speaker 2: the night with you and waking up with you.
Speaker 1: What happens? Then you say a life partner?
Speaker 2: What?
Speaker 1: And I think a lot of people deal with that, like,
Speaker 1: what is a life partner? Short of a legal binding agreement?
Speaker 1: Can you have a life partner?
Speaker 2: Without that you can and I and I and I've
Speaker 2: actually always been in awe of the best example I
Speaker 2: can think of, And this is someone I've always loved. Yes,
Speaker 2: you know, I'm gonna go golding On and Kurt Russell
Speaker 2: because Overboard is my favorite movie, and their relationship, I'm sure,
Speaker 2: and I know it's not perfect, but I've always been
Speaker 2: in awe of the fact that every day they wake
Speaker 2: up and they choose to be together. There's no legal
Speaker 2: binding document that says they have to be together anyone,
Speaker 2: Well there was. I was just joking, Oh no, but
Speaker 2: I was actually because I've thought this, I'm like, then,
Speaker 2: why do I default to wanting that? And I do,
Speaker 2: in my heart of hearts want that, And I think
Speaker 2: it is a level of security. And we know, based
Speaker 2: on our experiences that it might be false security, but
Speaker 2: at least there's this. This is the way I think
Speaker 2: my brain works. It's a lot harder to break up
Speaker 2: when you're married, and so there, when you go through
Speaker 2: the tough times or something really bad happens, or something
Speaker 2: really hard happens, it's so much easier to walk away
Speaker 2: if there's nothing that you have to settle lead and
Speaker 2: just I know that's not the reason why I want
Speaker 2: to stay with somebody. But there is this notion, there's
Speaker 2: this sense of security that well, it's an extra hard thing,
Speaker 2: so maybe we'll both stick it out. Yeah that is.
Speaker 1: Isn't that the exact opposite thing that you want to
Speaker 1: happen only with you because it's harder to get away
Speaker 1: from it?
Speaker 2: Correct? I know I'm admitting.
Speaker 1: Intellectually, you know that you're saying there is.
Speaker 2: Something like, well, it's it's a security blanket, but it's
Speaker 2: a false security blanket, and that's not the way I
Speaker 2: want to have a relationship with you. But I still
Speaker 2: default to that in my head. I'm just admitting it,
Speaker 2: and I'm not saying it makes any sense, but I'm
Speaker 2: just admitting that there's something about it where I feel
Speaker 2: like if I can say that's my husband and I'm
Speaker 2: his wife, it feels more official, and it feels it
Speaker 2: feels more real, even though that's not necessarily the case,
Speaker 2: because we've lived enough life to know that's not baby.
Speaker 1: You can say it if you want to. You can
Speaker 1: call me whateveryone.
Speaker 2: I can call you my husband if you want to, by.
Speaker 1: O me no. No, It's just interesting because we've had.
Speaker 1: We're talking about it here and Andy has given us
Speaker 1: this list, but we've talked about this privately, how we
Speaker 1: understand it. It's almost I am more excited and I
Speaker 1: feel it's a stronger commitment to not get married because
Speaker 1: you can walk out tomorrow the next day. All you
Speaker 1: got to do is grab your driver's license and walk out,
Speaker 1: and you're kind of good.
Speaker 2: No, it's true.
Speaker 1: And so to hear that's still a binding legal document
Speaker 1: feels like more of a secure.
Speaker 2: That's wild it does?
Speaker 1: I mean?
Speaker 2: And again, I still like the idea of what I said,
Speaker 2: what you said, how Goldie Hawn and ker Russell have lived.
Speaker 2: But I'm admitting that there is something about that marriage
Speaker 2: document that makes you feel more secure.
Speaker 1: Does that make it? Doesn't? We have one another woman
Speaker 1: in the room, she's a much younger woman still, but
Speaker 1: does that make sense? I guess maybe I should as
Speaker 1: Andy as well, But still does that what does that?
Speaker 1: I'm just getting another woman's opinion on hearing what you
Speaker 1: just heard from Ropes.
Speaker 6: That makes sense to me. I would feel more comfortable
Speaker 6: with a bind that Wow, yeah, to be in a
Speaker 6: relationship because but maybe that's also people being obsessed with
Speaker 6: the fact of wanting more, like you have the relationship finally,
Speaker 6: but you want more, and so you have to be
Speaker 6: like legally binded to someone and they can't be taken away.
Speaker 1: We were just watching what show was it where we
Speaker 1: actually talked about this, where you talk about this all
Speaker 1: the time, but people are so much in love with
Speaker 1: the idea of having a husband or having a wife
Speaker 1: or having a marriage that you're in love with the
Speaker 1: idea of the wedding and all of these things, and
Speaker 1: no focus is put on the actual relationship.
Speaker 2: Early on, right, and what it's going to be like
Speaker 2: actually being married. We're all focused on having a wedding
Speaker 2: and then so many stories, so many movies end there.
Speaker 2: That's why I think as much as I love rom coms,
Speaker 2: I think they ruin real life for so many people
Speaker 2: because it ends at the wedding. That's the goal, that's
Speaker 2: the end goal. But actually that's when your marriage begins,
Speaker 2: and anyone who's lived enough life knows that less focus
Speaker 2: is put on that, and that's actually what we should
Speaker 2: be talking more about what that entails. So I'm actually
Speaker 2: just I think our level of commitment to get back
Speaker 2: to what Andy initially asked is the same it is
Speaker 2: the same. Although do you want to live with me?
Speaker 2: I don't know that you. I don't know that I
Speaker 2: know the answer to that, And it's okay if you don't, well.
Speaker 1: I mean, do you want to do this in front
Speaker 1: of everybody right now?
Speaker 2: I don't know why not?
Speaker 1: Okay, let's do this.
Speaker 2: Yes, I actually did not know what you were going
Speaker 2: to say, and I was prepared for either.
Speaker 1: It's yes, I don't like being a part you know what,
Speaker 1: It's gotten a lot. Bet. What I hated was I
Speaker 1: was respecting so for so long that your home was
Speaker 1: Analysa's home and I know you welcome me into that
Speaker 1: home and that's my home all the time. But I
Speaker 1: always was trying to just be respectful that you have
Speaker 1: a seventeen year old daughter that might not want to
Speaker 1: see me sitting on the couch watching a basketball game.
Speaker 1: She comes in from school or comes in from her
Speaker 1: night out whatever. Maybe so that is I think we've
Speaker 1: obviously we've gotten pasted.
Speaker 2: Right, But I appreciated it, and I knew that is.
Speaker 2: I knew that's where your head was and your heart
Speaker 2: was so But yeah, of course, oh Emma has a question.
Speaker 6: Yes, do you think that your dynamic would change if
Speaker 6: you live together, There's.
Speaker 2: A hell no for me, No, not at all, because
Speaker 2: we're together twenty four to seven. I mean, think about
Speaker 2: most couples go to work and they're apart from each
Speaker 2: other for at least eight hours a day, maybe more
Speaker 2: if you put commutes into it. So then you just
Speaker 2: kind of come together at the end of the night.
Speaker 2: We work together, and we prep for work together, and
Speaker 2: and so we're never and we've been like this for
Speaker 2: a very long time, even when we were working like
Speaker 2: we were working together. So I just think we're so
Speaker 2: used to constantly being around each other that would not
Speaker 2: change anything all. Noah, it would just make the closet
Speaker 2: situation easier. We're like, oh my god, do I have
Speaker 2: jeans at your place? It actually would simplify a lot
Speaker 2: of our life. I think it would make it easier
Speaker 2: from a logistics standpoint.
Speaker 1: I also have a.
Speaker 5: Question, Ups, this is great you asking for a friend. Okay,
Speaker 5: so you mentioned just marriage and just making it easier.
Speaker 5: I feel like I keep hearing the word easier. If
Speaker 5: that were in the cards, do you think it would
Speaker 5: just be like a courthouse thing private or would you
Speaker 5: want to have like an actual wedding wedding.
Speaker 1: All right, that's I'm curious that we should do it
Speaker 1: like a one two three, And you answered, I am
Speaker 1: curious and know what you think here because I have
Speaker 1: thoughts as well.
Speaker 3: Okay, so courthouse or would do an actual wedding courthouse
Speaker 3: for me? Yes, but I would like a party afterwards.
Speaker 1: Okay, waitt same day or something we invite people to
Speaker 1: down the road.
Speaker 2: It could be the same day, one hundred percent. Want
Speaker 2: I think for me, this, this relationship with you has
Speaker 2: been so like obviously it was put into the public
Speaker 2: eye and maybe it happened in front of everyone's watch,
Speaker 2: but so much of what you and I are is
Speaker 2: just so private. It's not for anyone else. It's not
Speaker 2: a spectacle. But I would love to celebrate with my
Speaker 2: family and my friends and our friends and the people
Speaker 2: who have supported us. That I think I would love.
Speaker 2: I kind of just want to do the vows just
Speaker 2: you and me.
Speaker 1: Oh, okay, you make a good argument, But there are
Speaker 1: the there's a handful of people. I mean, it's a
Speaker 1: very small group that would be very cool to throw
Speaker 1: a party and for them to be in the room. Yes,
Speaker 1: that would get it right. That's a very small group
Speaker 1: of folks. I would, eh, I'm kind of I would
Speaker 1: kind of like that.
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, all right, next question.
Speaker 1: Well, so I wait, so I am, I am, I
Speaker 1: am voting, the guy is voting for the wedding, and
Speaker 1: you want the courthouse.
Speaker 2: Well no, but I think the compromise is the courthouse
Speaker 2: and then the party. The party, but you could have
Speaker 2: some people at the courthouse.
Speaker 1: Oh no, he's going to be at the courthouse.
Speaker 2: Well, it doesn't have to be the courthouse. I'm just
Speaker 2: saying I don't want a big wedding.
Speaker 1: Don't they just line you up at the courthouse.
Speaker 2: I mean, you could have someone from there come to
Speaker 2: you and make it privately. You don't have to go
Speaker 2: to the courthouse. You can actually hire someone to come.
Speaker 1: Those are a private wedding.
Speaker 2: Then, I mean, let's just bring Jeff Guardier in and
Speaker 2: have him do it privately.
Speaker 1: Obviously he's gonna do it.
Speaker 2: Right, and then and then have the party. Okay, Yeah,
Speaker 2: we just don't have to do the walk down the
Speaker 2: aisle thing.
Speaker 1: You don't want to do that. I don't have to walk,
Speaker 1: you're the walker.
Speaker 2: I don't have to walk.
Speaker 1: You don't wan to walk.
Speaker 2: I want a great dress.
Speaker 1: You don't want to walk down the aisle.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I haven't given I don't know. I'm
Speaker 2: being uh.
Speaker 1: One another walk. Your dad is getting exhausted.
Speaker 2: He's like, not again, take this.
Speaker 1: Walk again, Jesus. Obviously we're close that we could joke
Speaker 1: about something like this.
Speaker 2: Obviously, all right, next question, moving on.
Speaker 1: We're doing We're doing okay? Yes.
Speaker 5: Number ten, Is you feel lonely even when you're together
Speaker 5: with each other?
Speaker 2: Oh god, no, dude, I feel.
Speaker 4: Like there's fourteen more people in the room with her,
Speaker 4: Like Jesus, people getting crowded.
Speaker 2: It's crowded the road, my god, no, all my personality
Speaker 2: is all coming in one place. No, it's no. I
Speaker 2: have never felt lonely, thank you.
Speaker 1: No. No. So what's eleven? So were now on this list.
Speaker 5: And number eleven on Early signs A relationship isn't meant
Speaker 5: to be? Is you often feel uncomfortable with your partner
Speaker 5: at a gut level?
Speaker 1: No, No, more so than anything. For a long time,
Speaker 1: the gut was not drawing me away from her, but
Speaker 1: drawing me to her. So no, no, oh no, no,
Speaker 1: no a gut level. Nop, nop, nope, non't damn.
Speaker 2: Right Wow, never felt more confident about us.
Speaker 5: Well, how soon do you think into a relationship, can
Speaker 5: you tell if it's going to last or not?
Speaker 2: That's a good question. I think. I think you need
Speaker 2: to have your first fight first, and I think once
Speaker 2: you've had if you if you have not fought and
Speaker 2: you don't fight, that's concerning because learning how to fight
Speaker 2: and learning who your partner is through those fights is
Speaker 2: a big part of sustainability, I think.
Speaker 1: And I would argue that you can find out I
Speaker 1: think very early that it's not going to work out
Speaker 1: based on things they do. But it takes you a
Speaker 1: little while to find out if it will work out.
Speaker 1: Like you you might know first date, this ain't gonna
Speaker 1: work out, right, You won't know until first day, second day,
Speaker 1: third date if it will. You need you need a
Speaker 1: little bit of a sample size before you know if
Speaker 1: it's going to work out. I just you can't know
Speaker 1: that early on. But man, first date, there's some stuff
Speaker 1: folks can do that you know is a deal breaker.
Speaker 2: I think absolutely, there's lust at first sight for sure
Speaker 2: with a lot of people, but love but no. But
Speaker 2: I think people confuse and I've been I've been in
Speaker 2: this situation I'm not talking about you.
Speaker 1: You stopped talking about your lust. You caught that.
Speaker 2: Right, But there is a difference between the two, and
Speaker 2: that's where I think it gets confusing.
Speaker 1: Okay, God, in this episode, we were friends at first sight,
Speaker 1: friends of first site. Yeah, no, lust, you saved the
Speaker 1: lusts for the others. You heard that right, I'm not
Speaker 1: you heard it right? No, no, no, you heard what
Speaker 1: she said. That could be lust at first That's happened
Speaker 1: plenty in.
Speaker 2: Oh, don't look like you don't know what I'm talking
Speaker 2: about with.
Speaker 1: You, TJA. We were friends, Jesus.
Speaker 2: I know that you do not doubt my attraction to you. Okay,
Speaker 2: come on, okay, all right, next.
Speaker 5: As have another question.
Speaker 2: But no, wait, we made it's the whole list and
Speaker 2: none of them.
Speaker 1: I don't have any early signs that we have a problem.
Speaker 5: Now have you ever noticed these things in a relationship?
Speaker 5: And what did you do?
Speaker 1: Oh? Yes, just in a quick way, go through, say
Speaker 1: the first one again?
Speaker 5: You're bored of talking to them? Yes, yep, only one
Speaker 5: of you is putting in most of the efforts. Yeah,
Speaker 5: there's minimal trust. Yes, values are on different pages.
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Yes, Okay, bring it down a little bit, bring it
Speaker 1: down just a little.
Speaker 5: Bit, so frequently bickering and fighting all the small things.
Speaker 1: I'm never a bicker.
Speaker 2: I have been a bicker. I'm not proud to admit time.
Speaker 5: Around each other made you feel drained.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 5: No, emotional intimacy yep.
Speaker 2: Respect yep. Oh that's a big one.
Speaker 5: One or both didn't want to commit.
Speaker 2: No, I don't think I had that. I never had that. No, No, No,
Speaker 2: I never had that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you hear this. Yeah, everybody wanted this, everybody was
Speaker 1: commit lock it down.
Speaker 2: The I was also saying that reciprocally that I never
Speaker 2: felt that way, like I was all in, okay, stop.
Speaker 5: And feeling lonely when you're together with Yes, yes, man,
Speaker 5: that's comfortable at a gut level.
Speaker 2: Yes, all of those I had.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and again and whatever relationship we're not I'm.
Speaker 2: Not saying any one person. We've had lots of relationships
Speaker 2: in our lives were Ye, we're at that place. But
Speaker 2: that Actually I love that you asked that because I
Speaker 2: hadn't considered that outside of us, and once I looked
Speaker 2: at that in past relationships, it actually makes how I
Speaker 2: feel now even more special. Wow, I think you just
Speaker 2: made our day.
Speaker 1: And thank you for that. Emma, thank you for that
Speaker 1: as well. Folks, thank you for listening, and we'll go
Speaker 1: back to lusting individually apparently here, and we will see
Speaker 1: you from Possibly our next podcast might be recorded from
Speaker 1: an island. Yes we don't know yet, debating, don't hold
Speaker 1: us to that, but.
Speaker 2: Perhaps it just depends how much vacation we want to
Speaker 2: be experiencing and how much work we want to do
Speaker 2: on vacation. We could turn it into.
Speaker 1: A workation, all right, folks, thanks as always, appreciate y'all listening.
Speaker 1: Let's see you soon.