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Speaker 1: So, no matter how great a relationship is, it should

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Speaker 1: never turn violent. Picture someone getting smashed across the nose

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Speaker 1: with the log, chase down the street with a knife,

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Speaker 1: or getting a hot cup of coffee thrown in their face.

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Speaker 1: That's just some of what happened to our greatest president.

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Speaker 1: I'm Patty Steele. A peek behind the curtains of the

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Speaker 1: Lincoln marriage. Next on the back story. We're back with

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Speaker 1: the backstory. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship,

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Speaker 1: but there is one completely black and white issue, a

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Speaker 1: line you just don't cross, and that's when disagreements or

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Speaker 1: anger turns violent. You might think it could never happen

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Speaker 1: to a successful, powerful person, but that's where you're wrong.

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Speaker 1: It can happen to anybody. A perfect example of that

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Speaker 1: our greatest President, Abraham Lincoln. He was a complicated guy

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Speaker 1: who came from a sad, difficult background, but he was

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Speaker 1: noted to be unfailingly kind and compar passionate. And maybe

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Speaker 1: that's where his problems with his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln began.

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Speaker 1: Mary's temper was ferocious, and he put up with it

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Speaker 1: in his own way. Now, in fairness, a lot of

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Speaker 1: historians agree that she was emotionally unstable, with an explosive

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Speaker 1: temper that was exacerbated by migraines, terrible menstrual issues, and

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Speaker 1: likely two other conditions that included bipolar disorder and pernicious anemia,

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Speaker 1: which can cause everything from fatigue to fever and electrical

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Speaker 1: buzzing sensation down the spine, anger and delusion. Neighbors said

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Speaker 1: that Mary threw cups of hot coffee at abe, smashed

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Speaker 1: him across the nose with a piece of firewood, chased

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Speaker 1: him out of the house with a broomstick, ran after

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Speaker 1: him outside with a knife, threw books at him and

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Speaker 1: even potatoes, which is kind of like throwing rocks at somebody.

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Speaker 1: And she was constantly verbally abusive toward him, screaming at

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Speaker 1: him at the top of her lungs. She caused what's so,

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Speaker 1: several witnesses said were bloody injuries to his head. In

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Speaker 1: the firewood incident, she was angry that he wasn't building

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Speaker 1: a fire fast enough at home, and she slammed him

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Speaker 1: across the face with a piece of wood. His law

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Speaker 1: partner said the next day he came to work with

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Speaker 1: a large bandage covering his injured and torn nose. Mary

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Speaker 1: simply didn't hide her temper. Folks in their hometown of Springfield,

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Speaker 1: Illinois said Mary's tantrums for the talk of the neighborhood,

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Speaker 1: and that she also aimed her anger at people working

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Speaker 1: in local shops or at her house, as well as

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Speaker 1: her own servants. When she went off on Abe, his

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Speaker 1: law partner said he could always tell, because he'd come

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Speaker 1: to work and find Abe sleeping on a couch in

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Speaker 1: the office, or sometimes he'd be staying with friends across town.

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Speaker 1: What did Lincoln do about all of this, Well, he

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Speaker 1: put up with it, but he also, as a traveling lawyer,

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Speaker 1: did everything he could do to stay away from home,

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Speaker 1: and he became increasingly aloof which, understand only made her

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Speaker 1: even more upset. So none of what he did in

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Speaker 1: response to her abuse was the right answer to the problem,

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Speaker 1: but in those days there weren't a lot of answers

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Speaker 1: about how to deal with mental illness. As time went by,

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Speaker 1: Lincoln became more and more well known on the political circuit,

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Speaker 1: which of course delighted Mary. She wanted a bigger life

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Speaker 1: than she had as the life of a small town

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Speaker 1: traveling lawyer, but his success also frightened her. For several reasons.

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Speaker 1: She was impossibly jealous of the attention he got, particularly

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Speaker 1: from other women, but from men as well, And after

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Speaker 1: he won the presidential nomination and eventually the election, she

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Speaker 1: was terrified for his safety. She tried to make herself

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Speaker 1: a big deal in Washington, but she went about it

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Speaker 1: the totally wrong way. A compulsive shopper, she ran up crazy,

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Speaker 1: huge debts. If she went shopping for leather gloves in

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Speaker 1: New York City, she would buy and I mean this literally,

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Speaker 1: one hundred pairs. She bought wildly expensive clothes for the

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Speaker 1: White House. She bought wildly lavish furniture, fabrics, art rugs, china,

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Speaker 1: and crystal, and to hide it from her husband, she

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Speaker 1: falsified bills and illegally got a hold of federal funds

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Speaker 1: to partially pay off her debts with the help of

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Speaker 1: a dishonest White House manager. But she always had people

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Speaker 1: looking for money from her. She also took really expensive

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Speaker 1: gifts from men who wanted government jobs, and then lobbied

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Speaker 1: abe for those guys to get those jobs. Now, in

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Speaker 1: his defense, he rarely gave in on that front. One historian,

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Speaker 1: as well as Lincoln's law partner, set about the marriage

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Speaker 1: that life in the Lincoln House was a burning, scorching hell. Again,

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Speaker 1: in fairness, his law partner had a deep seated hatred

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Speaker 1: for Mary, Plus she did have a lot of physical

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Speaker 1: and mental issues, as well as a husband who retreated

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Speaker 1: from her and also was wildly busy with a civil war.

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Speaker 1: Her anxiety and depression and only worsened when one of

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Speaker 1: her little boys, her favorite child, Willie, died in eighteen

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Speaker 1: sixty two, and she never really got over that. When

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Speaker 1: Lincoln was assassinated, Mary completely collapsed. She didn't even go

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Speaker 1: to his funeral, didn't comfort her. Sons didn't leave her

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Speaker 1: bed in the White House for over a month. Eventually

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Speaker 1: she moved to Chicago, but ten years later her son Robert,

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Speaker 1: who lived out there, had her committed to a sanitarium.

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Speaker 1: She stayed for just three months, then she went to

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Speaker 1: live with her family until she died in eighteen eighty two.

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Speaker 1: Abe Lincoln's compassion for people who were suffering is legendary,

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Speaker 1: and that included his wife and her issues. The pain

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Speaker 1: he suffered in his own life helped him to feel

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Speaker 1: for others, but the inability for either him or his

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Speaker 1: wife to effectively deal with her mental illness and violent

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Speaker 1: temper led to an awful lot of sadness for both

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Speaker 1: of them and their kids as well. There's never a

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Speaker 1: real to excuse abusive behavior. It needs to be recognized

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Speaker 1: and treated for everybody involved, and that is a lesson

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Speaker 1: we all can learn from understanding the Lincoln marriage. Hope

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Speaker 1: you're enjoying the Backstory with me, Patty Steele. Please please subscribe,

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Speaker 1: and if you have a story you'd like me to

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Speaker 1: dig into and share, go ahead and DM me on

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Speaker 1: Facebook at Patty Steele or on Instagram at Real Patty Steele.

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Speaker 1: I'm Patty Steele. The Backstory is a production of iHeartMedia,

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Speaker 1: Premiere Networks, the Elvis Duran Group, and Steel Trap Productions.

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Speaker 1: Our producer is Doug Fraser. Our writer Jake Kushner. We

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Speaker 1: have new episodes every Tuesday and Friday. Feel free to

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Speaker 1: reach out to me with comments and even story suggestions

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Speaker 1: on Instagram at Real Patty Steele and on Facebook at

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Speaker 1: Patty Steele. Thanks for listening to the Backstory with Patty Steele.

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Speaker 1: The pieces of history you didn't know you needed to

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Speaker 1: know