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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Carly and this is Keon, your favorite

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime host, and we've got some great stories coming up.

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Speaker 2: But before that, we have a quick two minute break

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Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep the show running.

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Speaker 3: I think my wife is faking her amnesia and she's

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Speaker 3: asking for a divorce.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, who are you?

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Speaker 3: My wife was in a car crash two months ago.

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Speaker 3: It was bad but not lethal. She was in a

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Speaker 3: coma for three days and when she woke up, she

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Speaker 3: was confused, which is normal, but the first thing she

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Speaker 3: told me.

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Speaker 2: Was who are you? Who are you?

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Speaker 3: I thought she was making a joke or something, but

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Speaker 3: she continued to act like she did not know me.

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Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from few analysts six seven

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Speaker 3: to sixty six. And if you want to spit your

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Speaker 3: own stories, go to the r slash Okay Storytime suppared it.

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Speaker 3: I'm Sophia, I'm Carly.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm Dakota, and we're here.

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Speaker 3: To give good advice. Goofully, But we don't have all

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Speaker 3: the answers. We only know what we'd do, so let

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Speaker 3: us note you would do in the comments. And Opie

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Speaker 3: says her parents were also at the hospital and she

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Speaker 3: recognized that immediately, but she apparently did not know her

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Speaker 3: husband of four years. The doctor said that amnesia from

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Speaker 3: head injuries is uncommon, but not impossible. When she was discharged,

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Speaker 3: she refused to come home with me, even when her

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Speaker 3: parents told her they would be there too, and she

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Speaker 3: went home with them. She still refuses to see or

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Speaker 3: talk to me, even when she has seen proof of

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Speaker 3: our relationship pictures, videos, and her things at her place. Okay,

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Speaker 3: we don't really know if she's speaking or not yet,

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Speaker 3: but let's say she's not bigging, she doesn't super valid.

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Speaker 2: I don't know that I would trust just pictures that

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Speaker 2: I was shown.

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Speaker 3: Even whether or not you believe it to be like

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Speaker 3: you're gonna go home with a stranger and sleep in

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Speaker 3: that bed with that stranger.

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Speaker 2: I'm going home with my parents.

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Speaker 3: I remember Mary. The thing is, I don't believe her.

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Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure she's doing all this just to get

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Speaker 3: a divorce. The first thing she told me after going

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Speaker 3: home with her parents was that she does not care

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Speaker 3: if we're married. She doesn't know me. She wants a divorce.

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Speaker 3: I still do not know why, though. Why would she

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Speaker 3: lie instead of just telling me she wants a divorce?

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Speaker 2: I think your wife has amnesia.

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Speaker 3: I think she has amnesia. I never cheated, mistreated her,

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Speaker 3: or anything like that, even if she just doesn't love me.

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Speaker 3: This is crazy. Let's be honest. Amnesia is not nearly

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Speaker 3: as common as it is in the movies or TV shows,

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Speaker 3: and apparently she doesn't remember the last six years. It

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Speaker 3: seems crafted. I cannot talk to anyone about this because

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Speaker 3: when I tried to tell my mother in law about

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Speaker 3: my suspicions, she lost it on me. I wonder why,

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Speaker 3: But this doesn't make any sense. My wife is still

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Speaker 3: pushing for a divorce, but apparently her attorney told her

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Speaker 3: that mediation and or couple's counseling is a better first step.

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Speaker 3: She will not talk to me or acknowledge our relationship,

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Speaker 3: but apparently she's already on Tinder. Dang, it is driving

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Speaker 3: me insane and I do not know why she's doing

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Speaker 3: this to me. Top relevant comments. Delicious Quantity says faking

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Speaker 3: amnesia would not be an easy thing, especially forgetting a

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Speaker 3: whole six years. That is a lot of things she

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Speaker 3: would have to remember to forget. There would be ways

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Speaker 3: to find out if she's faking, like having someone who

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Speaker 3: is not you ask her about some events over the

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Speaker 3: last six years and see if she remembers anything. Oh

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Speaker 3: P says, I started to doubt because she recognized the

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Speaker 3: friend who introduced us, but they also met six years ago,

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Speaker 3: just a couple months earlier. See add nine oh five

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Speaker 3: seven says give her the divorce she wants and move

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Speaker 3: on with your life. It's sad and horrible, but isn't

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Speaker 3: it better to find someone who wants to be with you.

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Speaker 3: Are you sure her parents liked you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? It just takes time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it just typically within like at most a couple months.

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Speaker 3: It can like it's you know, it can come back.

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Speaker 2: Like I know it would be hard.

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Speaker 3: But just give her a minute. They were like second

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Speaker 3: parents to me. When my parents passed away a year

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Speaker 3: into our relationship, they were my rock and invited me

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Speaker 3: to live with them for a while to grieve in peace.

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Speaker 3: Pill Case of El says, if there was no indication

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Speaker 3: that she was looking for a way out before the crash,

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Speaker 3: is it polishable that she may just be telling the truth.

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Speaker 3: If she doesn't remember you, as far as she's concerned,

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Speaker 3: you're a stranger she has zero connection to, who's just

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Speaker 3: demanding to be in her life. Yeah, you gave her proof,

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Speaker 3: but that won't magically recreate a link that has been

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Speaker 3: erased from her mind. Put yourself in her shoes. If

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Speaker 3: she's telling the truth, she's recovering from literal brain damage.

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Speaker 3: Her psyche is probably a mess overall, and now she

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Speaker 3: has to be someone's wife on top of that. I

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Speaker 3: would nope the f out too. It's a horrible situation

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Speaker 3: for both of you. But I do find it bizarre

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Speaker 3: and concerning that your first reaction to that is to

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Speaker 3: accuse her of lingering. It sounds pretty self centered. Opie says.

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Speaker 3: It was not my first reaction. I was supportive until

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Speaker 3: a friend she met almost at the same time as

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Speaker 3: me came to visit, and she didn't have any problem

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Speaker 3: recognizing him. You can only forget one person when you

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Speaker 3: have a amnesia, dude, Amnesia's weird.

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Speaker 2: She could forget the last six years and she met

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Speaker 2: him months prior.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, there are no rules to amnesia.

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Speaker 3: Batman laws batman, ty Briton says, and she remembered details

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Speaker 3: about set friend I'm assuming, not just who he was.

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Speaker 3: This is wild. I'm sorry you're going through this, man,

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Speaker 3: Opie says. She even remembers his birthday, because she told

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Speaker 3: him we should do something. I'm sure I'll be well

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Speaker 3: enough by then. Hidden Kieboard says, if her doctors believe

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Speaker 3: this is real, I don't see why you don't. It's

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Speaker 3: very difficult to credibly feign amnesia in a way that

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Speaker 3: passes muster with medical professionals. Then again, if you're so

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Speaker 3: intent on believing the worst in her divorce is probably

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Speaker 3: the best bed anyway. The doctor said it shouldn't take

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Speaker 3: too much time for her to remember again. But now

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Speaker 3: I don't have access to her medical records or anything

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Speaker 3: at the hospital, although I'm her legal husband, totally not

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Speaker 3: Granek says, I don't think worrying for whether she's faking

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Speaker 3: or not is going to help you. That's a conversation

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Speaker 3: you should keep between you and a therapist, not anyone else.

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Speaker 3: I'd say it's fifty to fifty. Y're in denial, but

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Speaker 3: any temp at reconciliation should be approached as if she's

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Speaker 3: telling the truth. I don't see a way this relationship

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Speaker 3: comes back without a lot of family support, therapy, and counseling,

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Speaker 3: And after all of that, it's still uncertain if she's lying.

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Speaker 3: The relationship is already over the foundation of relationship is trust.

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Speaker 3: If she's not, she's in a medical situation that might

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Speaker 3: require all of the above and a lot of patience

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Speaker 3: and still not lead her back to you. If you

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Speaker 3: don't have faith in her, the relationship is already over

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Speaker 3: because you'll self sabotage what little chance you have. If

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Speaker 3: you're like most of us, you likely vowed in sickness

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Speaker 3: and in health. This might not be the sickness you

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Speaker 3: were envisioning. But if she's telling the truth, that's what

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Speaker 3: this is. Opie says, I want to wait for her,

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Speaker 3: but she's pushing divorce. I volunteered a driver and her

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Speaker 3: parents to the hospital because they don't have a car,

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Speaker 3: and she declined, so I gave my car to her

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Speaker 3: dad so he could drive her around and to her appointments.

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Speaker 3: Another commenter says, I get that you love her, but

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Speaker 3: don't set yourself on fire to keep her warm when

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Speaker 3: she won't even have a conversation with you. How are

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Speaker 3: her parents enabling this behavior? Commentary and was a bad

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Speaker 3: comment I didn't like it.

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Speaker 2: Yelluller, weird.

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Speaker 4: Her parents are enabling her to have amnesia.

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Speaker 3: She's got amnesia. She doesn't know who this guy is.

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Speaker 3: Her parents are like, well, we want her to have

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Speaker 3: the best chance of recovery, so we're not gonna put

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Speaker 3: her under unneeded stress. And you're like, werethy? Why arethy?

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Speaker 2: You know?

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Speaker 3: Letting her do this? Opie says, they don't answer my

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Speaker 3: calls or texts and asked me not to visit for

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Speaker 3: the time being. The only one giving the updates is

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Speaker 3: her best friend, and Ope replies to another comment, I

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Speaker 3: talk to her best friend and she just told me

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Speaker 3: to hang in there and be patient. Sometimes she sent

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Speaker 3: me picks or updates, but nothing about her medical situation.

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Speaker 3: She was the one that told me my wife wanted

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Speaker 3: to download Tinder, and another comment from Opee, I don't

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Speaker 3: know anymore. I spend my days crying, and I have

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Speaker 3: to wait until January for my therapy appointment because my

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Speaker 3: insurance is butt and I can't afford going on my

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Speaker 3: own because her physiotherapy sessions are like one hundred dollars

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Speaker 3: each and she goes five times a week. I even

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Speaker 3: thought about quitting my job, but her parents can't afford

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Speaker 3: her care. Whiskey Gambler says, you could try to do

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Speaker 3: his trial separation and work on forming a connection again

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Speaker 3: at her speed. If she really doesn't remember you, then

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Speaker 3: it must be scary having a man show you all

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Speaker 3: this stuff you don't remember and insisting to be a

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Speaker 3: big part of your life. Don't assume that she's faking it.

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Speaker 3: Work with her rather than assuming she's doing it on purpose.

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Speaker 3: You could recreate your first day. But just one of

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Speaker 3: her friends or her parents comes along. Opie says. Her

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Speaker 3: parents suggested having dinner at their place with my wife,

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Speaker 3: her parents, her best friend, and me, but the day

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Speaker 3: of she refused to come down, so I just left

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Speaker 3: so she could at least have dinner. And there is

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Speaker 3: an update eight days later. Amnesia or no.

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Speaker 2: I don't know anymore. I really don't care anymore. Like

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Speaker 2: you said, Oh, either way.

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Speaker 3: It's over. I think she's got amnesia.

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Speaker 4: I agree. I think there is amnesia.

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Speaker 3: Trigger warning for mentions of self harm in the following

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Speaker 3: update update eight days later, Hello, it's me again. As

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Speaker 3: you could probably see, I was not in a good

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Speaker 3: place mentally speaking. I was committed to the psych ward

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Speaker 3: for four days because of the heavy mental load. My

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Speaker 3: best friend decided to move in with me for the moment,

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Speaker 3: and I have therapy appointments twice a week now. When

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Speaker 3: I was released from the hospital. I found a bunch

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Speaker 3: of texts from my in laws asking me why I

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Speaker 3: didn't pay for my wife's physio therapy and therapy appointments,

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Speaker 3: and I realized they were never worried about me. They

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Speaker 3: didn't even ask if I was okay, just asked for money.

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Speaker 3: I realized this was going to unlive me if I

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Speaker 3: didn't do anything about it, so I called them and

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Speaker 3: told them I agreed to the divorce and to tell

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Speaker 3: my wife, but since she'll no longer be my wife,

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Speaker 3: I wouldn't pay for anything else, and that I wanted

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Speaker 3: my car back. They tried to yell, and I just

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Speaker 3: hung up. My best friend found me a lawyer who

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Speaker 3: was a friend of his, and we'll see what we

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Speaker 3: can do to protect myself. I'm still very tired and

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Speaker 3: very hurt, and I want to clarify that it's not

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Speaker 3: that I don't believe my wife. I was just so

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Speaker 3: heartbroken and wasted. I basically created a whole new alternative

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Speaker 3: reality that makes so much sense. Then just you accusing

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Speaker 3: her of faking amnesia, but to have a really good

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Speaker 3: relationship and then to have your wife completely forget about

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Speaker 3: you and then want a divorce and you have no

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Speaker 3: idea what's going on, Like, yeah, it makes sense that

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Speaker 3: you want to hope that she actually did remember you,

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Speaker 3: even if it meant that she just wanted a divorce. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so clearly op is going through a lot. Yesterday, my

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Speaker 3: best friend went to retrieve my car because I don't

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Speaker 3: have the energy to fight with anyone right now. It

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Speaker 3: was in the middle of the night with a spare key,

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Speaker 3: so he didn't even have to talk to them because

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Speaker 3: my car was parked outside. I don't really know what

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Speaker 3: I'm going to do after this. Everything is still fresh

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Speaker 3: and confusing and everything hurts. But I can't fight anymore.

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Speaker 3: And maybe this is all my own fault for fighting

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Speaker 3: when everyone told me to just give up. I haven't

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Speaker 3: heard anything from my ex, and I've blocked my in laws,

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Speaker 3: but I assume we'll hear from them soon because I

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Speaker 3: took my car and I stopped all payments. I have

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Speaker 3: a lot more grace for Opite now that I realize

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Speaker 3: that he's just kind of had a break down um

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Speaker 3: and was not accusing his wife of faking amnesia for

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Speaker 3: no reason.

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Speaker 2: He's going through it.

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Speaker 3: He's gone through it, and that is like a really

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Speaker 3: devastating thing to experience. I appreciate the kind words and

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Speaker 3: the ones trying to reason with me, but at the moment,

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Speaker 3: I'm not ready to listen Right now. I just want

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Speaker 3: to get better and move on with my life. I

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Speaker 3: ask for time off at my job so I can

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Speaker 3: process everything better, and I'm just relaxing. I haven't realized

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Speaker 3: how bad I was sleeping until today that I woke

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Speaker 3: up around two pm. I'll do my best remember to

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Speaker 3: update once the divorce is finalized, and my lawyer said

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Speaker 3: we actually have a shot at not paying for alimony

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Speaker 3: or any medical bills, so I'm almost hopeful. Please take

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Speaker 3: care of yourself and enjoy the holidays. I'll try to

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Speaker 3: do it myself too. Environmental chart says stay close to

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Speaker 3: your loved ones in these times, especially the holidays can

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Speaker 3: be as rough as they are joyful. I wish you

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Speaker 3: all the best in the world. Man and nop, He says,

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Speaker 3: thank you. It's just me and my best friend this year.

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Speaker 3: He tried to make me move in with him at

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Speaker 3: the beginning of all this, but I didn't listen. He

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Speaker 3: really is a great man. Tito says, sorry you're going

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Speaker 3: through this. My question, though, do you still believe she's

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Speaker 3: faking the amnesia. Is that what you mean by making

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Speaker 3: up in alternate reality? Opie says, I don't think she's

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Speaker 3: faking it. At the time, it was the better option

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Speaker 3: than the love of your life doesn't remember you and

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Speaker 3: doesn't want to be near you, and this might never change.

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Speaker 3: To be honest, I don't think anyone can fake something

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Speaker 3: like this from waking up. But I wasn't thinking clearly

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Speaker 3: and was in a very bad place mentally speaking. And

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Speaker 3: Opie says, I'm thinking about selling the house, but I

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Speaker 3: think I have to wait until after the divorce, even

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Speaker 3: though it was an inheritance. The lawyer said something like that,

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Speaker 3: and that is the end of that story.

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Speaker 2: But wow, my husband said he could do everything better

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Speaker 2: than me, but never acts on it.

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Speaker 3: I gonna do anything better than you.

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Speaker 2: Trigger warning mentions a verbal and emotional mistreatment. I thirty

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Speaker 2: three female, consider myself as in open minded, down to

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Speaker 2: earth with a growing mindset kind of lady. I would

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Speaker 2: describe my husband, thirty seven male, as a closed minded

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Speaker 2: family oriented with his brothers, which originally hooked me. Small hearted,

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Speaker 2: big egotistical mail. He knows what he wants and isn't

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Speaker 2: afraid of how he gets It. Probably should have been

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Speaker 2: a red flag eleven years ago, but it wasn't as

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Speaker 2: prominent as it is now. So that's where I'm at.

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Speaker 2: By the way, this comes from Potential Crazy fifty eighty six,

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Speaker 2: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

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Speaker 2: to the rslash Okay storytime, separate it. I'm Carly, I'm Sophia,

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Speaker 2: I'm Dakota, and we're here to give good advice. Goofully,

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Speaker 2: but we don't have all the answers. We only know

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Speaker 2: what we would do, so let's know what you do

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Speaker 2: in the comments. As Op says, my husband and I

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Speaker 2: have been together for eleven years, with a year break

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Speaker 2: after the first year of dating and living together. Been

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Speaker 2: married for six years with zero anniversary celebrations, his reasoning

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Speaker 2: being that he can't get away from his business long

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Speaker 2: enough to celebrate for an entire day. His business is

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Speaker 2: closed on Sundays. We eloped because he didn't want to

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Speaker 2: have a wedding with people. He hates people pleasing events.

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Speaker 2: Surprise pregnancy four to six weeks after getting back together

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Speaker 2: nine years ago. But we thought we knew what we wanted,

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Speaker 2: a marriage, a house in a good school district, two kids,

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Speaker 2: two incomes, so we bought a town home slash condo together,

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Speaker 2: split based on our incomes. He always made more money

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Speaker 2: than me because he already had his degree, so we

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Speaker 2: tried the two incomes, one kid thing while I worked

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Speaker 2: on my degree online, and he couldn't handle staying home

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Speaker 2: with baby while I was away. He ran out of

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Speaker 2: milk that I pumped and refused to substitute with formula

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Speaker 2: I provided while I was working. It was his idea

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Speaker 2: for me to quit my jobs as an assistant teacher

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Speaker 2: and a server at a local restaurant to raise her

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Speaker 2: first and finish my degree, which he financed since I

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Speaker 2: was no longer working well. Then I discovered how difficult

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Speaker 2: it is to juggle being a stay at home mom

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Speaker 2: with postpartum depression and trying to juggle a restless infant

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Speaker 2: which will later be diagnosed with SPD, and trying to

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Speaker 2: juggle online college courses. I was sleeped aps and my

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Speaker 2: husband was angry that the house seemed to never be

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Speaker 2: clean because as soon as I cleaned something, we both

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Speaker 2: needed to use it again.

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Speaker 4: And why don't you clean it? Husband?

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Speaker 3: Why don't you chupin? You don't even know how to

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Speaker 3: raise your own child, eh, like the bottles, dishes, trash

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Speaker 3: for dirty diapers, et cetera girl.

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Speaker 2: While he used being the breadwinner as a free pass

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Speaker 2: to never lift a finger outside of work and still

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Speaker 2: does so. It took me six years to finish my

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Speaker 2: degree instead of three years, which he still holds against me,

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Speaker 2: amongst other things like the variety and quality of meals

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Speaker 2: I provide for our family of four. Three years ago

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Speaker 2: we had our second and last child, and I landed

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Speaker 2: a full time salary position with my degree, making four

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Speaker 2: times as much as I used to, but still half

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Speaker 2: of what he makes now with his business. He started

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00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:55,360
Speaker 2: with his business partner. He named both the kids. I

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Speaker 2: just didn't disagree with the names. Two years ago we

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00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:02,200
Speaker 2: bought our nearly perfect house in our dream school district.

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00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,120
Speaker 2: Now we have our vision, our dream, a marriage, two kids,

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Speaker 2: a nearly perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the

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Speaker 2: ideal school district, with two incomes. I'm a very involved mother,

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00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:17,360
Speaker 2: working eight hours a day, five days a week while

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00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,200
Speaker 2: the kids are at school. He is a business owner,

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Speaker 2: working sixty hours a week Monday through Saturday, ten hour days.

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Speaker 2: Sunday is his day off where he typically chooses to

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00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,840
Speaker 2: lay around watching sports on TV and scroll social media

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00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:35,200
Speaker 2: most of the day, or plays video games, or all

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Speaker 2: of the above. He is constantly unhappy with what I provide.

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Speaker 2: You barely make half as much as I do, even

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Speaker 2: though I am making the average amount for my profession

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Speaker 2: and four plus times as much as I was making

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Speaker 2: when we started dating eleven years ago. The dinners I

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00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:55,520
Speaker 2: cook are below average and not nutritious. I cook what

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00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:58,240
Speaker 2: the kids will eat, with a little room for opportunity

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00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 2: and exploration, which include it's a protein, a carb, and

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Speaker 2: a vegetable and or a fruit. I've tried the whole

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00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:06,919
Speaker 2: you eat what I cook thing and they refuse to

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00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,199
Speaker 2: eat cabbage rolls and stir fry for days. So I

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00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,200
Speaker 2: chose fed is best on that battle. Providing a little

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00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:18,040
Speaker 2: room for opportunity and exploration paired with comfort and safe

359
00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:22,879
Speaker 2: foods is a research based strategy backed by licensed pediatric dietitians.

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Speaker 3: What's like you, Yeah, you give them the stuff that

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00:18:24,400 --> 00:18:25,959
Speaker 3: they know, and then you just like cut up like

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00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,120
Speaker 3: a new fruit, yeah, or a new vegetable that they've

363
00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:30,919
Speaker 3: never tried, and then you go, okay, you want to

364
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:31,199
Speaker 3: try that?

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Speaker 2: Give that a goal the house is never clean. Immediately

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Speaker 2: after I swept, mopped, washed the dishes, washed and dried

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00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,200
Speaker 2: the laundry, and took out the trash, all because the

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00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,200
Speaker 2: kids got the toys out again. I'm just a bedroom kid,

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00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,199
Speaker 2: happy to provide a childhood with living room kids that

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Speaker 2: feel safe to be living room kits.

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Speaker 3: And to be clear, if anyone was confused by that,

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Speaker 3: OPI is saying that when she was a kid, she

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Speaker 3: spent all of her time in the bedroom because her

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Speaker 3: parents didn't make her feel safe enough to spend all

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Speaker 3: the time spend her time, and and now she has

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00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:04,359
Speaker 3: kids that want to spend time in the living or

377
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 3: she wants kids like that.

378
00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:09,480
Speaker 2: Our home was movin ready, but outdated and still need

379
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:13,040
Speaker 2: some repairs. I updated the living room myself by painting

380
00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,680
Speaker 2: it myself, and then hired a floor company to update

381
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 2: the floors while I was home on vacation from work.

382
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:21,120
Speaker 2: Now the living room is fully furnished, but I'm still

383
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,439
Speaker 2: working on choosing and installing curtains and blinds. So he

384
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 2: continues to nag that my living room is still not

385
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 2: finished two years later, even though I've received compliments from

386
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:34,800
Speaker 2: my family and his family about how beautiful and warm

387
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:38,160
Speaker 2: the living room turned out. When we moved, we put

388
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,120
Speaker 2: our storage in the garage since the electronic garage door

389
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:44,000
Speaker 2: was broken. Anyway, he said, since I work less than

390
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 2: him two hours less a day, I must clean out

391
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,040
Speaker 2: the garage so we can park our cars in the garage.

392
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,440
Speaker 2: I'm responsible for school pickup and drop off for the

393
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:56,600
Speaker 2: kids every day because he makes the money, so he

394
00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 2: has people for that. Therefore, that eats that we half

395
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,960
Speaker 2: of the two hours every day. I've asked and begged

396
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,320
Speaker 2: him to watch the kids, eight year old and three

397
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:08,800
Speaker 2: year old so I can work on and complete a

398
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:13,119
Speaker 2: house project, and he refuses. He watched them for two

399
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:17,600
Speaker 2: hours twice in the past two years to press his

400
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 2: favorite sports team on them, which I've asked him not

401
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 2: to press. I jumped on the house projects as hard

402
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,879
Speaker 2: as I could for those two hour increments, but I

403
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:29,600
Speaker 2: needed about three to four more. He disagreed and argues

404
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,440
Speaker 2: that I have poor time management. Mind you, I deactivated

405
00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,120
Speaker 2: all my social media over a month ago to remove

406
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:40,960
Speaker 2: any distractions after already muting notifications years ago, and he

407
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 2: is still constantly wasting time on social media, will blatantly

408
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 2: ignore the kids, trying to communicate with him in real

409
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 2: life while he's scrolling social media thoughts. I keep telling myself,

410
00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 2: I do it for the kids because they are my

411
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,879
Speaker 2: whole world. I brought them to this planet, and I

412
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,160
Speaker 2: want to provide the best opportunity I can possibly give them.

413
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,000
Speaker 2: I want somebody to be there, ready to help when

414
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 2: they need help, someone that truly cares when they are sad.

415
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:11,399
Speaker 2: I hate the idea of divorce for many reasons. I

416
00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,560
Speaker 2: was one of two offspring victim to divorce, and I

417
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,720
Speaker 2: hated having to share time between my parents. I missed

418
00:21:17,720 --> 00:21:20,080
Speaker 2: my dad dearly. For the twenty two days a month

419
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,400
Speaker 2: I was with my mom. I would call my dad

420
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:25,439
Speaker 2: in tears, telling him how much I needed him immediately,

421
00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 2: and all he could say was sorry, legally, I can't

422
00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 2: come to see you right now. That broke me. Also,

423
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 2: I hate the idea of my husband being distracted while

424
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,200
Speaker 2: being alone with the children. There have been multiple occasions

425
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,320
Speaker 2: where the youngest has yelled for help or has been

426
00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:45,399
Speaker 2: in danger under his supervision, and he didn't bat an

427
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 2: eye because he was so distracted with social media, video games,

428
00:21:49,119 --> 00:21:50,320
Speaker 2: or TV sports.

429
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Speaker 3: Keep track of these things, yeah, write them all down,

430
00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 3: I pointed out, and he just twists the scenario to

431
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 3: blame me.

432
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,760
Speaker 2: I didn't hear you say you were leaving to go

433
00:22:00,840 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 2: downstairs to do the laundry, so it's your fault, even

434
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:07,960
Speaker 2: after immediately acknowledging that I was leaving the youngest with

435
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,760
Speaker 2: him to do laundry. My husband tells our marriage counselor

436
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 2: that he hates watching me do everything I do when

437
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:18,560
Speaker 2: he knows he could do it better. But he refuses

438
00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 2: to cook, clean, do pick up or drop off home projects,

439
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:25,600
Speaker 2: or even watch the kids without extractions because he makes

440
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 2: too much money to be responsible for that. He calls

441
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: me a horrible wife after I rub his feet because

442
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:35,160
Speaker 2: the roast beef sandwich I packed him in his lunchbox

443
00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,119
Speaker 2: that he didn't eat went bad after two or three days.

444
00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 2: He calls me a terrible mom for only cooking frozen parogis,

445
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,480
Speaker 2: kilbasa and broccoli Monday night, chicken nuggets with salad and

446
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,359
Speaker 2: mac and cheese Tuesday night, and spaghetti and meatballs with

447
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:52,240
Speaker 2: fresh baked bread on Wednesday. On Thursdays and Fridays, the

448
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 2: kids have extra curricular activities that I transport them to.

449
00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,639
Speaker 2: Therefore we eat on the go Thursday and Friday the

450
00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:02,920
Speaker 2: relationship is absolutely exhausting, but I am one hundred percent

451
00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 2: on board for whatever provides the best for my childhood

452
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,240
Speaker 2: slash life for my kids. Initial options career shift. I

453
00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:13,320
Speaker 2: can try my very best to find a job or

454
00:23:13,480 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 2: jobs that will bring me double the money of what

455
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,639
Speaker 2: I make now and have my husband agree to provide

456
00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:21,159
Speaker 2: everything else. Since I will be the bread winner.

457
00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:27,639
Speaker 3: He used to be, yes, breadmaker, breadwinner, bread bread swapping roles.

458
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:31,640
Speaker 2: Therefore, he gets the opportunity he's been impatiently waiting for

459
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,960
Speaker 2: to try to do everything else better with more freedom

460
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,640
Speaker 2: while I take care of the majority of the work

461
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,880
Speaker 2: and finances. This would be a heck of a sacrifice

462
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 2: for me because I would be giving up my dream

463
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:47,159
Speaker 2: job and career I worked so hard for, unfortunately seek

464
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:49,560
Speaker 2: for higher pay, while he gets to work as little

465
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:52,160
Speaker 2: or as much as he wants as the newly stay

466
00:23:52,160 --> 00:23:55,640
Speaker 2: at home dad of the two that have already been nurtured, fed,

467
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,440
Speaker 2: potty trained, and are now conveniently school aged. I have

468
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: presented the scenario to him previously and asked him that

469
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 2: what he would do with his time while the kids

470
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,360
Speaker 2: are at school. His response was do everything better and

471
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,720
Speaker 2: go golfing. Do I give him an allowance, so I'm

472
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:14,639
Speaker 2: not funding five days of golfing a week. I have

473
00:24:14,680 --> 00:24:16,959
Speaker 2: no idea what's supporting a stay at home dad? If

474
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:20,320
Speaker 2: two school age kids would look like he constantly argues

475
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 2: with me that he wants me on of already so

476
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 2: I can make a ridiculous amount of money quickly to

477
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 2: support him and the kid's college fund.

478
00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,680
Speaker 3: Oh my god, divorce him, Oh my god, divorce him.

479
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,600
Speaker 2: But my morals haven't budged. I would lose any chance

480
00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:36,879
Speaker 2: at a position in my career focus if I was

481
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:40,160
Speaker 2: on of, and I know of is a temporary income,

482
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:41,880
Speaker 2: I'm not getting any younger.

483
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,160
Speaker 4: Does he go onf because he's not hot enough?

484
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 3: Exactly? If he can do everything better?

485
00:24:48,280 --> 00:24:51,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, then shouldn't he be able to do of better?

486
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:53,840
Speaker 3: It would stand to reason divorce.

487
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 2: I hate the idea while the children are young because

488
00:24:56,960 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 2: of my experience with divorce parents at a young age

489
00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:02,720
Speaker 2: by But if the pros outweigh the cons for my children,

490
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 2: I will consider it. I keep telling myself that divorce

491
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 2: will be easier when they are older and understand more. Also,

492
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:13,240
Speaker 2: if we wait to divorce when they are both legal adults,

493
00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:16,760
Speaker 2: not only do they better understand the concept and reasoning,

494
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 2: but it also has less of an impact on their

495
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:22,160
Speaker 2: day to day life without the custody battle. I get

496
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:25,560
Speaker 2: that providing a potentially unhealthy two parent home may not

497
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,560
Speaker 2: be ideal, but I'd rather be in the same home

498
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 2: and see everything so that I can act on it immediately,

499
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 2: rather than only see what I am allotted per the

500
00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:39,600
Speaker 2: custody agreement. Fighting for full custody would be at last resort,

501
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 2: and only if he presented a solid reason to do so.

502
00:25:43,119 --> 00:25:45,080
Speaker 2: I do not want to rip my kids away from

503
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 2: their father if I don't feel I have to for

504
00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 2: their well being. Seventy three custody absolutely ruined me as

505
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 2: a child. I'm considering a strategically planned divorce, the kind

506
00:25:55,840 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 2: that one planned out for years previously so they were

507
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,840
Speaker 2: prepared for anything else and everything when the time came

508
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:03,760
Speaker 2: to cut ties and sign papers.

509
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,919
Speaker 3: But uh, my only advice is divorce. I have no

510
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:09,160
Speaker 3: other advice I can give.

511
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,640
Speaker 4: I don't think it's just divorce. It's the logic of like, oh,

512
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 4: we're gonna get divorced when the kids are old enough

513
00:26:15,600 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 4: to understand. It's like they're never gonna be like yay,

514
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 4: Like it's always gonna suck, so you might get them

515
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 4: out of there. Finally.

516
00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:27,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely. If you've never had a good relationship like

517
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,280
Speaker 3: you know, you don't have a good relationship with now,

518
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 3: it's not gonna get any better.

519
00:26:30,680 --> 00:26:32,280
Speaker 2: He's not good to you. I don't think he's even

520
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:32,960
Speaker 2: good to the kids.

521
00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:37,199
Speaker 3: You don't want to literally just another like person to

522
00:26:37,359 --> 00:26:37,760
Speaker 3: pay for.

523
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:41,080
Speaker 4: This is not a role model for your children, no.

524
00:26:41,760 --> 00:26:45,120
Speaker 2: Hope, he continues, nothing. Refuse to budge. We are doing

525
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 2: exactly everything we agreed upon nine years ago, so I

526
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:50,719
Speaker 2: can refuse to change anything and take it the verbal

527
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 2: and emotional mistreatment that comes with it in order to

528
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,199
Speaker 2: be one hundred percent there for my kids as I

529
00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:01,320
Speaker 2: raise them. My current job, my dream job, is understanding

530
00:27:01,440 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 2: and allows me to leave if there's an issue that

531
00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 2: needs my immediate attention, which I appreciate as a mother

532
00:27:07,040 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 2: of two young children. I wouldn't survive on this salary

533
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,159
Speaker 2: as a single mother of two young children, though, so

534
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,840
Speaker 2: this is not an option with divorce. Maybe if I

535
00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 2: took on a second, part time job, which would then

536
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,639
Speaker 2: mean the kids stay home with a sitter at my

537
00:27:21,760 --> 00:27:24,800
Speaker 2: place while I work my second job instead of spending

538
00:27:24,800 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 2: time with my kids. While I have them. Just stay

539
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 2: aflow as a single mother. Not ideal, but none of

540
00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 2: this is ideal, So I want your non biased opinions

541
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 2: and experiences. Please share your personal experience with something similar

542
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 2: to this, only because unfortunately I'm not the one that

543
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,479
Speaker 2: has gone through the situation. Thank you in advance. I mean,

544
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 2: if it's your dream job, part of me wants to

545
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:53,320
Speaker 2: be like, can you stay like for a little bit

546
00:27:53,440 --> 00:27:55,520
Speaker 2: and just save as much as you can?

547
00:27:55,720 --> 00:28:00,520
Speaker 3: Yeah? I just I mean, you're the only one who's

548
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:02,440
Speaker 3: looking after the kids, and now you're the only one

549
00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 3: who's paying for the kids. I just the thing is, like,

550
00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:10,040
Speaker 3: you don't even trust your husband to be alone with

551
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:13,600
Speaker 3: the kids. I don't know. I would feel like divorce

552
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 3: where you get full custody, but he's allowed to come,

553
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:21,080
Speaker 3: like see the kids whenever supervised. Yeah, like supervised visits

554
00:28:21,119 --> 00:28:23,320
Speaker 3: if you don't trust it until they're older and then.

555
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:27,439
Speaker 2: Maybe yeah, until they're not trying to just constantly yeah,

556
00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 2: filling themselves off of things. Yeah, and that's the end

557
00:28:30,359 --> 00:28:32,880
Speaker 2: of this story. We're going to go to the next one.

558
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 4: My friend has been faking her job for years and

559
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:37,840
Speaker 4: I accidentally discovered it.

560
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:38,960
Speaker 3: Fake it till you make it.

561
00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 4: I female, thirty two, have a friend from high school, Amy,

562
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 4: female thirty two. We are fourteen years out of high

563
00:28:45,600 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 4: school and ten years out of college. We went to

564
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:50,720
Speaker 4: a small private high school that was pretty intense, the

565
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,160
Speaker 4: kind of place where people always ask where are you

566
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 4: going to college instead of if? By the way, this

567
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:59,080
Speaker 4: comes from user Okay Hurry ninety two eighty four, and

568
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own own stories, go

569
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,400
Speaker 4: to the r slash ok storytime subreddit. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia,

570
00:29:04,520 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 4: I'm Keon, and we're here to collectively give you a

571
00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 4: little bit of good goofy, little goofy advice. But we're

572
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 4: just a bunch of little goofsters. We don't know everything.

573
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:14,280
Speaker 4: Let us know what you know you would do in

574
00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:17,440
Speaker 4: the comments. After graduation, I went to a big state

575
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:20,080
Speaker 4: school a few hours away from our hometown. Amy decided

576
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,080
Speaker 4: she wanted to study nursing, so she chose the small

577
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,920
Speaker 4: university in our hometown since it has a great program

578
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:26,920
Speaker 4: and she could save money by living at home. We

579
00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,480
Speaker 4: stayed friends through college. We would get dinner when I

580
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 4: was home on weekends, and she drove up to visit

581
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 4: my school once or twice. A year after graduating, I

582
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 4: moved across the country for graduate school. She stayed in

583
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 4: our hometown and told me she had been accepted to

584
00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 4: a competitive residency program for new nursing grads at a

585
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 4: local hospital. My mom is a nurse in the same

586
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 4: hospital system Amy started at and told me it was

587
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:50,120
Speaker 4: a big deal for Amy to get in because the

588
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 4: program has less than a ten percent acceptance rate. I

589
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 4: was really proud. We drifted apart a little bit when

590
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 4: I moved, but she still stood up in my wedding

591
00:29:57,480 --> 00:29:59,960
Speaker 4: and we tried to catch up every time I came home.

592
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 4: I ended up settling down near my grad school and

593
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:05,920
Speaker 4: have a career I love think accountant, doctor, lawyer, etc.

594
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 4: I tried to check on Amy throughout the pandemic because

595
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 4: I knew she was in the ICU and I saw

596
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 4: how hard it was for my mom in a non

597
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: critical care department. Amy would tell me horror stories of

598
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 4: how traumatic it was and how it was so hard

599
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 4: not to be able to talk about work, because a

600
00:30:20,000 --> 00:30:23,120
Speaker 4: bad day for most people might mean sending follow up emails,

601
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,040
Speaker 4: but for her it probably meant someone passed away. I

602
00:30:26,080 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 4: have other friends who worked ICU, and that sounded pretty

603
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 4: consistent with what they said. Last summer, she told me

604
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,760
Speaker 4: she was starting to think about leaving nursing and going

605
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 4: to school for something less intense, like business. Fast forward

606
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 4: to about a month ago. I was following a news

607
00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,080
Speaker 4: story from the state we grew up in Think true crime,

608
00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:44,720
Speaker 4: and the people in the comments started arguing about whether

609
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 4: or not someone involved was a nurse. One person posted

610
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 4: the link to the state nursing licensure database. I clicked

611
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,640
Speaker 4: it and was trying to see how much information it

612
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 4: would provide about someone. So I put in Amy's name

613
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 4: and nothing came up. I would have let it go,

614
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 4: except I remembered that five years ago my mom had

615
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:04,840
Speaker 4: looked for Amy in their system database and didn't see her.

616
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,360
Speaker 4: So she asked me if Amy had switched jobs. Amy

617
00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,680
Speaker 4: said she had not, so I assumed my boomer mother

618
00:31:10,160 --> 00:31:12,360
Speaker 4: just could not use an Outlook address book. I tried

619
00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:14,880
Speaker 4: to find a logical explanation. Did she get married and

620
00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 4: not tell me? No, maiden names still come up. Did

621
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 4: she lose her license, No, it seemed like you could

622
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 4: see suspended or inactive licenses. Did she have a different

623
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,160
Speaker 4: legal name, well, no, I have traveled with her and

624
00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 4: seen her airline ticket and ID I sent a text

625
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,320
Speaker 4: to ask her to remind me what hospital she worked at.

626
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:33,600
Speaker 4: She responded and told me she had switched to another

627
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 4: hospital in our hometown. I found a friend of a

628
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 4: friend whose mom was a nurse at the hospital Amy

629
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 4: said she was working at, and sure enough, they didn't

630
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,480
Speaker 4: know her and couldn't find her in their system. So

631
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,320
Speaker 4: I started digging. Eventually I was able to find the

632
00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 4: graduate list from Amy's college for our year. She was

633
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,680
Speaker 4: not on it, or any of the three years before

634
00:31:52,880 --> 00:31:55,320
Speaker 4: or after. I realized I had never seen a picture

635
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,720
Speaker 4: of her at graduation. I'm pretty sure she at least

636
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:00,320
Speaker 4: enrolled at one point, because I went to a vallball

637
00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:02,240
Speaker 4: game with her our freshman year of college and met

638
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,760
Speaker 4: friends from her program. I dug more and found out

639
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 4: from court records that she had financial troubles. She has

640
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 4: been sued by debt collections agencies multiple times in the

641
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 4: past few years. Eventually I was able to figure out

642
00:32:14,560 --> 00:32:17,560
Speaker 4: what she actually does. She is the office manager for

643
00:32:17,600 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 4: a dental practice, a totally normal and not worth hiding job.

644
00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 4: Her bio on the practice's website said she's been working

645
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,760
Speaker 4: there for eight years. At this point in my life.

646
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 4: Amy is the only person from our high school class

647
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 4: that I keep in contact with, but she is still

648
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 4: close with a few people who ended up back in

649
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:37,720
Speaker 4: our hometown, and I follow those people on Instagram. I

650
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 4: checked their pages, and at least as of twenty twenty,

651
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,160
Speaker 4: they thought she was a nurse, because one captioned a

652
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 4: photo happy birthday to our favorite nurse, thanks for taking

653
00:32:47,240 --> 00:32:49,240
Speaker 4: all of our frantic medical questions.

654
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:52,400
Speaker 3: Okay, well, now this posits the question, how did she

655
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 3: know the answers.

656
00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:56,640
Speaker 4: Maybe she's just like making it up a nurse in

657
00:32:56,680 --> 00:32:57,120
Speaker 4: her heart.

658
00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:01,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's like she studied outside nursing school and just

659
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 3: has a lot of random knowledge.

660
00:33:03,600 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 4: She found like an old, dusty tone of knowledge. Amy

661
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:09,280
Speaker 4: had removed the tag so it didn't show up on

662
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 4: her page. I found something Amy's mom posted about a

663
00:33:11,880 --> 00:33:14,719
Speaker 4: year after we would have graduated college that tagged Amy

664
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,480
Speaker 4: and had an RN pin in it, So it seems

665
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 4: like at one point her parents thought she was a

666
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 4: nurse too. She is no longer friends with her parents

667
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 4: on social media, so maybe they had a falling out.

668
00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,200
Speaker 4: My head was spinning because no way Amy would lie

669
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:28,240
Speaker 4: to me. But then I started thinking back on the

670
00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 4: last ten years, and I am an idiot. Have you

671
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 4: heard of the passed away dog in a duffelbag story?

672
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 4: Google it if not, it is a famous urban legend.

673
00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 4: Our freshman year of college, she told me that happened

674
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,040
Speaker 4: to her, and I thought maybe she had embellished, but

675
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 4: didn't realize it was an urban legend. Last summer I

676
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 4: met her new boyfriend and she said, oh, yeah, he

677
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:50,920
Speaker 4: really wants me to quit nursing and go to business school.

678
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 4: So don't bring up nursing or will fight. Freshman year

679
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,160
Speaker 4: of high school, someone spilled soda all over one of

680
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:58,720
Speaker 4: my textbooks in the library after I left it sitting

681
00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:00,800
Speaker 4: on a table with Amy. She said she had gotten

682
00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 4: up to go to the bathroom and came back and

683
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 4: found it like that. Like, I'm so freaking dumb. So far,

684
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,880
Speaker 4: I have not said a word to Amy or anyone

685
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 4: who knows her besides my parents. Some people have said

686
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 4: maybe she flunked out of college and was just embarrassed

687
00:34:13,160 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 4: and thought I would judge her, but obviously I would

688
00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:17,600
Speaker 4: support her no matter what others have said. Confront her

689
00:34:17,640 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 4: and see if there's a good explanation. Others still have said,

690
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 4: just goes her time to cut and run. She has

691
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 4: texted me a few times recently, and I just have

692
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:26,319
Speaker 4: not known what to say.

693
00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 3: Hello.

694
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 4: I realized your life is a lie and we have

695
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,000
Speaker 4: a TLDR. My high school friend has been lying about

696
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,239
Speaker 4: graduating from college and becoming a nurse for ten years

697
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,560
Speaker 4: to me and others, and I realized she's probably been

698
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 4: telling similar lies as long as I've known her. I

699
00:34:38,080 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 4: think I need to tell her that I know what

700
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:42,439
Speaker 4: is the best way to approach this conversation. I feel

701
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 4: like I would cry on a phone call, but texting

702
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 4: feels like dropping a bomb on her, and I'm mad,

703
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,399
Speaker 4: but I'm not trying to upset her or send her

704
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 4: into a spiral Pamela on the go. I don't think

705
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:54,719
Speaker 4: I would continue the friendship. This is a whole other

706
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 4: level of lying. Rock that Mana says. I had a

707
00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 4: cousin who did something very similar. She pretended she was

708
00:35:01,480 --> 00:35:04,160
Speaker 4: going to UNI for five years and even faked a

709
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 4: bunch of things, like graduation, which was moved last minute

710
00:35:07,160 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 4: to a date she knew there was no way that

711
00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 4: any of us could make. She faked essays, exam sessions,

712
00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 4: et cetera. She was actually pocketing her parents and my

713
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:19,680
Speaker 4: mom's money to go on shopping sprees and all things

714
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 4: of the sort.

715
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:22,719
Speaker 3: Truly, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe maybe I

716
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,880
Speaker 3: just don't want as many material things certain people, But

717
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 3: like how much how many shopping sprees can one person

718
00:35:29,520 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 3: go on?

719
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:31,799
Speaker 1: There are people who mean love to do that.

720
00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,360
Speaker 4: I just don't see how big those closets can get.

721
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 3: Like, is that not at a certain point just hoarding?

722
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,360
Speaker 4: My question, how the space is it hoarding? No, the

723
00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:41,520
Speaker 4: gravy train's going to run out. Well, some point you're

724
00:35:41,560 --> 00:35:44,440
Speaker 4: going to be caught, they found out. So how can

725
00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:45,200
Speaker 4: you enjoy?

726
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:47,960
Speaker 1: You'll I was gonna say, they'd like so I think

727
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 1: it started out like a little snowball and you're like, okay,

728
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: this is a little lie. How far can it go?

729
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lie a little bit more. Now it's getting to

730
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: a really big snowball. And then it's just like, now

731
00:35:56,600 --> 00:35:57,839
Speaker 1: we're causing an avalanche.

732
00:35:57,920 --> 00:36:01,080
Speaker 4: My cousin even asked me for money at times, even

733
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,279
Speaker 4: if it was always a very small amount. We had

734
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 4: been very close. My mom had taken her in since

735
00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 4: she was fifteen in order to give her better opportunities.

736
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 4: We affectionately called each other's sisters. The day I found

737
00:36:11,040 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 4: out about the deception, arrangements for her to move out

738
00:36:13,719 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 4: were made, and we both immediately knew our relationship was over.

739
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 4: My mom and the cousins that were old enough to

740
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 4: understand also cut her off. Beyond enraged. There's no coming

741
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 4: back from that. Wow. I'm floored that she would keep

742
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:28,799
Speaker 4: up the ruse for ten years. She could easily have

743
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,840
Speaker 4: just told everyone she hated the job and decided to

744
00:36:30,880 --> 00:36:32,440
Speaker 4: go a different direction. I guess if you want to

745
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:34,760
Speaker 4: stay friends with her, then maybe just not say anything,

746
00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 4: although I'm not quite sure why anyone would want to

747
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,600
Speaker 4: stay friends with someone who would continue to lie to

748
00:36:39,640 --> 00:36:41,400
Speaker 4: them for so long. If you want to confront her,

749
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 4: I think I would send her a text or an

750
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,080
Speaker 4: email saying I received some information that indicates you never

751
00:36:46,120 --> 00:36:49,239
Speaker 4: graduated from nursing school, never received your nursing license, and

752
00:36:49,320 --> 00:36:52,279
Speaker 4: never worked at XYZ Hospital. A quick search of the

753
00:36:52,360 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 4: nursing license database and university record seems to have confirmed

754
00:36:55,600 --> 00:36:58,120
Speaker 4: the information I have. On the off chance that I'm mistaken,

755
00:36:58,160 --> 00:36:59,920
Speaker 4: I wanted to give you the opportunity to set the

756
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,279
Speaker 4: record straight. I am disappointed you don't feel comfortable enough

757
00:37:03,320 --> 00:37:05,359
Speaker 4: to be honest with me. You can take it from there.

758
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,279
Speaker 4: Maybe she just didn't know how to tell you that

759
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,920
Speaker 4: nursing wasn't for her As an RN. My primary concern

760
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:12,160
Speaker 4: would be if she is telling other people she's a

761
00:37:12,239 --> 00:37:15,520
Speaker 4: licensed professional and giving out advice on dealing with healthcare issues.

762
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,799
Speaker 4: Please update us, and we got an update. Initially, after

763
00:37:18,840 --> 00:37:20,400
Speaker 4: posting this, I thought I was going to go the

764
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:23,399
Speaker 4: route of not saying anything to Amy and slowly stepping back,

765
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,000
Speaker 4: but I kept thinking about it, so a week or

766
00:37:26,080 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 4: so ago, I sent her a text that just said

767
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,880
Speaker 4: I had found out she worked at the dental office,

768
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 4: that I felt confused and hurt, and that she didn't

769
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 4: owe me an explanation, but I was open to hearing

770
00:37:36,400 --> 00:37:38,720
Speaker 4: from her if she wanted to share anything. She texted

771
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 4: back that night and said that working there was something

772
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,800
Speaker 4: she started doing on the side initially, and she hadn't

773
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 4: told anyone for a while because she was afraid of

774
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 4: not being who people thought she was. She said that

775
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,440
Speaker 4: it's been like a really rough eight years and that

776
00:37:52,520 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 4: she hated her job and felt like she was failing

777
00:37:55,120 --> 00:37:57,600
Speaker 4: it life. Finally, she said that she also didn't tell

778
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,560
Speaker 4: me because we see each other so infrequently. I wasn't

779
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 4: sure it mattered. That last part was what really frustrated me,

780
00:38:03,719 --> 00:38:06,560
Speaker 4: because it's not like work didn't come up. She was

781
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,760
Speaker 4: actively telling me elaborate lies.

782
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:10,240
Speaker 3: That's impressive, though, Yeah.

783
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,160
Speaker 4: Maybe she should just be a CIA operative. I also

784
00:38:13,360 --> 00:38:16,120
Speaker 4: wasn't sure if she was trying to save part of

785
00:38:16,160 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 4: the lie. Eight years ago only gets us back to

786
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:22,280
Speaker 4: two years post college graduation. I responded and asked if

787
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:25,200
Speaker 4: when she said she hated her job she meant nursing.

788
00:38:25,320 --> 00:38:27,759
Speaker 4: She never responded. At that point, I hadn't talked about

789
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,240
Speaker 4: the situation with anyone who knew Amy besides my husband

790
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 4: and my parents. I decided to reach out to someone else.

791
00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,880
Speaker 4: We went to high school with Gwen. The three of

792
00:38:34,960 --> 00:38:36,680
Speaker 4: us were super tight in high school, but Gwen and

793
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 4: Amy stayed close longer because Gwen moved back to our

794
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 4: hometown after going to school out of state. Incidentally, she

795
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 4: is a nurse, and yes, I checked. I knew they

796
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:47,320
Speaker 4: had grown a part in recent years since Gwen had kids,

797
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,439
Speaker 4: so I didn't feel like I was interfering with any

798
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,600
Speaker 4: of her current important relationships. I asked Gwen where Amy

799
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,319
Speaker 4: had said she was working when they last spoke Gwen

800
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,960
Speaker 4: told me she could never quite pin Amy down on that,

801
00:38:58,480 --> 00:39:00,759
Speaker 4: but she was pretty sure it was hostile system B.

802
00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:03,160
Speaker 4: I let her know what I had found, and apparently

803
00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,839
Speaker 4: her husband has been saying that Amy was faking being

804
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 4: a nurse since twenty sixteen, but Gwen thought he was

805
00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 4: being dramatic. That year, Amy went to visit Gwen and

806
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 4: her husband out of state, and Gwen needed a TB

807
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:17,479
Speaker 4: test read before she started a clinical Any licensed nurse

808
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 4: can read a TV test, so she asked Amy to

809
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,080
Speaker 4: sign it since she was there. Amy took it and

810
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:24,720
Speaker 4: said she would look at it later. After Amy left,

811
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,400
Speaker 4: she swore up and down that she had left the

812
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 4: signed TB test on the coffee table, but Gwen never

813
00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 4: found it. She had also told Gwen that she was

814
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,080
Speaker 4: a labor and delivery nurse. Gwen and I talked about

815
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,759
Speaker 4: potentially saying something to other people we went to high

816
00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 4: school with who are still close with Amy, because we

817
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,400
Speaker 4: would both want to know. Instead, I settled on sending

818
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:43,120
Speaker 4: Amy one more text to make it clear that I

819
00:39:43,200 --> 00:39:44,840
Speaker 4: knew she had never been a nurse at all, that

820
00:39:44,880 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 4: I was so sorry she had not felt like she

821
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:48,520
Speaker 4: could share the truth about her day to day life

822
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:50,359
Speaker 4: for so long, and that for what it was worth,

823
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:53,359
Speaker 4: I thought the other friends deserved the truth because I

824
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,800
Speaker 4: would have rather heard it from Amy instead of putting

825
00:39:55,800 --> 00:39:59,040
Speaker 4: it together myself. It's been about five days and no response,

826
00:39:59,080 --> 00:40:02,080
Speaker 4: and I'm not expecting anytime soon. She's still watching my

827
00:40:02,160 --> 00:40:05,239
Speaker 4: Instagram stories and posting on socials right now. I'm not

828
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,120
Speaker 4: planning on reaching out to our other high school classmates,

829
00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 4: but it is something I have still thought about. And

830
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story.

831
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 3: And there you go.

832
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,000
Speaker 4: I don't think I would reach out. I would just

833
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:18,600
Speaker 4: let Amy know that. It's like, Yeah, after realizing this,

834
00:40:19,160 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 4: I don't think I really wanna be friends and I

835
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,800
Speaker 4: think you should start telling the truth about it. Yeah,

836
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:27,680
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're gonna go

837
00:40:27,680 --> 00:40:30,239
Speaker 4: on to the next one. Hey, key on here, We're

838
00:40:30,280 --> 00:40:31,920
Speaker 4: going to get back to the stories. But here's three

839
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,440
Speaker 4: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

840
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:37,320
Speaker 3: My best friend is about to propose while his girlfriend

841
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:38,680
Speaker 3: is planning to break up.

842
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,520
Speaker 4: You should tell him that if you know that.

843
00:40:41,719 --> 00:40:44,120
Speaker 3: I female, twenty eight. I have a best friend. Let's

844
00:40:44,160 --> 00:40:47,000
Speaker 3: call him Benny, male thirty. He recently told me he's

845
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,240
Speaker 3: planning to propose to his girlfriend Annie, female twenty seven,

846
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,399
Speaker 3: who was also a good friend of mine. They've been

847
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 3: together for three years, but they've had problems for a while.

848
00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 3: They don't see each other often, they rarely go on dates,

849
00:40:59,239 --> 00:41:01,720
Speaker 3: and they haven't been intimate in over a year. Neither

850
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 3: of them is good at confrontation, and I suspect they

851
00:41:04,560 --> 00:41:07,520
Speaker 3: don't communicate enough about their issues. By the way, this

852
00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 3: comes from hot and seventy one fifty six and if

853
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:11,400
Speaker 3: you want to spit your own stories, go to the

854
00:41:11,480 --> 00:41:13,239
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime subbured it.

855
00:41:13,360 --> 00:41:16,360
Speaker 4: I'm Sophia, I'm Dakota, I'm key On, and we're here.

856
00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:17,600
Speaker 3: To give good advice. S gooofully, but we don't have

857
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 3: all the answers feeling know what we know, so let

858
00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 3: us know you know in the comments. I was always

859
00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,160
Speaker 3: there for them both and did my best to help,

860
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,399
Speaker 3: but there's not a lot I can do. A couple

861
00:41:26,480 --> 00:41:30,440
Speaker 3: of months ago, Annie suddenly decided to move to another city.

862
00:41:30,520 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 3: She didn't even talk to many about it. She simply

863
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,239
Speaker 3: told him she was doing it. She said he could

864
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 3: move with her, but she was going regardless. Despite all

865
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 3: the issues, she has always claimed she wanted to marry him.

866
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,880
Speaker 3: And even gave him her ring size. She talked to

867
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:46,840
Speaker 3: me multiple times about how much she wanted him to

868
00:41:46,880 --> 00:41:49,919
Speaker 3: propose to her, and up until last month, she kept

869
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 3: saying that. However, a few days ago, I met up

870
00:41:52,640 --> 00:41:55,480
Speaker 3: with Annie and she told me she's considering breaking up

871
00:41:55,520 --> 00:41:59,239
Speaker 3: with Benny because she isn't sure he's the one. She

872
00:41:59,280 --> 00:42:01,200
Speaker 3: said she still love him a lot, but no longer

873
00:42:01,239 --> 00:42:04,600
Speaker 3: feels excited about the relationship. She hasn't made her decision yet,

874
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:08,240
Speaker 3: but even having this doubt says a lot. I advised

875
00:42:08,239 --> 00:42:10,800
Speaker 3: her to have an honest conversation with him and actually

876
00:42:10,840 --> 00:42:13,799
Speaker 3: discuss their problems, because that's the only way they could

877
00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:17,000
Speaker 3: fix things. Pass forward to today, Benny called me super

878
00:42:17,040 --> 00:42:20,200
Speaker 3: excited and told me he's about to propose. He asked

879
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:22,680
Speaker 3: me to help him choose the ring. Normally I would

880
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,920
Speaker 3: be the rilled, but knowing what Annie just told me,

881
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:30,000
Speaker 3: my heart completely sank. I congratulated him and said I'd help.

882
00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,440
Speaker 3: I can't tell Benny what Annie told me, but I

883
00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 3: also can't stand by and watch him walk straight into heartbreak.

884
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 3: There is a chance she'll say yes, but I'm not

885
00:42:38,320 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 3: convinced she will, and I know how deeply it will

886
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:43,799
Speaker 3: hurt him if she says no. He has struggled with

887
00:42:43,920 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 3: depression for years. His last breakup almost pushed him over

888
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 3: the edge, and I'm terrified that if she rejects him,

889
00:42:49,719 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 3: there won't be a way back. He went through a

890
00:42:51,960 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 3: lot of trauma in the past year. He lost his

891
00:42:54,719 --> 00:42:57,400
Speaker 3: father and his mother is very sick. I'm afraid this

892
00:42:57,480 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 3: will be the last straw for him. I'm supposed to

893
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,480
Speaker 3: meet him soon to pick up the ring, but I

894
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,520
Speaker 3: don't know if I can do it while knowing how

895
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 3: unsure she is. I don't want to be in the

896
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,440
Speaker 3: middle of this, but I already am. If I tell him,

897
00:43:09,440 --> 00:43:12,120
Speaker 3: I may lose Annie's friendship. If I don't tell him,

898
00:43:12,160 --> 00:43:14,719
Speaker 3: I'm scared he might lose himself. I don't know what

899
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 3: to do, and I don't have anyone to talk to

900
00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 3: because most of my friends know them both. I told

901
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:22,240
Speaker 3: my boyfriend, and he hates the way Annie treats Benny.

902
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:24,719
Speaker 3: I agree to some extent, but he also couldn't give

903
00:43:24,719 --> 00:43:27,080
Speaker 3: me advice on what to do. Should I tell Benny

904
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 3: what Annie told me? Or should I act like I

905
00:43:29,080 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 3: don't know anything? What would you do if you were

906
00:43:31,400 --> 00:43:33,759
Speaker 3: in my place? I know that I'm not responsible for

907
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:36,239
Speaker 3: other people's relationships, but I don't want to watch my

908
00:43:36,320 --> 00:43:38,879
Speaker 3: best friend getting hurt knowing what I know. Please help

909
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,840
Speaker 3: me out comments. Do you have any comments?

910
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 4: You got to intervene, you got interview. You can't just

911
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 4: be like all hunky dory about it now. It doesn't

912
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 4: have to be like it's the end of the world.

913
00:43:49,160 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 4: It's just like he to be like, hey, she just

914
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:54,560
Speaker 4: told me. You know what she told you. I don't

915
00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 4: know if proposing is a great idea right now.

916
00:43:57,160 --> 00:44:00,000
Speaker 3: Apart Insect. Eight five nine says I would say nothing,

917
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:02,399
Speaker 3: think about what Annie had said, and instead have him

918
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:05,040
Speaker 3: talk out why he wants to propose. Sounds like he's

919
00:44:05,080 --> 00:44:07,839
Speaker 3: doing it for panic reasons, not genuine. Ones point out

920
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 3: that getting married will not make all of the many

921
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 3: many issues they have go away. It will magnify them

922
00:44:13,000 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 3: by upping the stakes. Getting married also won't resolve his

923
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 3: personal issues of loss self worth and stress over his mom.

924
00:44:19,719 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 3: Annie will be able to smell that he's wanting a

925
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,680
Speaker 3: caregiver to dump his mom on. I would also help

926
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 3: him pick a day to do this that's a month

927
00:44:26,640 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 3: or so out, in order to give Annie a chance

928
00:44:28,680 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 3: to bring things up. With him beforehand. If you can

929
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 3: swing it, mentioning that he should work on himself to

930
00:44:33,200 --> 00:44:35,240
Speaker 3: increase his chances of success.

931
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:35,879
Speaker 4: Maybe good.

932
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 3: If you can set him up in a grief or

933
00:44:37,680 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 3: caretaker group before this hits the fan, you'll have a

934
00:44:40,640 --> 00:44:43,080
Speaker 3: lot more resources to help you. If I were to

935
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 3: warn anyone, I would be more inclined to tell Annie

936
00:44:45,600 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 3: about Benny's plans than Benny about Annie's plans. Annie needs

937
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 3: some time and space to get through the thrill of

938
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:55,480
Speaker 3: being proposed to at long, long last and come out

939
00:44:55,520 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 3: the other side level headed enough to know if this

940
00:44:58,239 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 3: is a good idea or absolutely terrible. She will most

941
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:04,920
Speaker 3: likely land on terrible, and that extra level headedness should

942
00:45:05,000 --> 00:45:08,360
Speaker 3: help her break up in the kindest way possible instead

943
00:45:08,400 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 3: of the explosive way that might happen if she is

944
00:45:11,040 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 3: reacting in the moment. Ope, he says thank you for

945
00:45:13,160 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 3: the advice. I will for sure have a discussion with him,

946
00:45:15,960 --> 00:45:17,920
Speaker 3: and I will try to talk him into waiting a

947
00:45:17,960 --> 00:45:19,959
Speaker 3: bit so I can give Annie a chance to talk

948
00:45:20,000 --> 00:45:23,280
Speaker 3: to him about the caregiver parts. He would never even

949
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 3: try to dump his mother on his girlfriend. He was

950
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:29,359
Speaker 3: always helping his parents by himself, and he never even

951
00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 3: tried to involve her in his personal problems. Actually, out

952
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,040
Speaker 3: of the two of them, he is the caring one,

953
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,600
Speaker 3: while she is just taking care of herself and never

954
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:40,719
Speaker 3: thinking about his feelings about the part with warning Annie,

955
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,200
Speaker 3: I wouldn't do that because up until a month ago,

956
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 3: she always wanted to marry him, and I suspect she

957
00:45:46,440 --> 00:45:49,240
Speaker 3: will get super mad at me if I ruin the surprise.

958
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,520
Speaker 3: In case she decides to say yes, I am considering

959
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 3: meeting up with her to get a better idea of

960
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,359
Speaker 3: her feelings, But I don't know if it's a good

961
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 3: idea to get that involved. Bitter Scorpio says, I disagree

962
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 3: that you should stay out of it. They have already

963
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 3: placed you snugly in the middle. Has Benny been your

964
00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 3: friend longer than you have been friends with Annie? My

965
00:46:07,320 --> 00:46:10,640
Speaker 3: loyalties would be to the longer friend or better friend. Personally,

966
00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 3: I'd be chatting with Benny. I wouldn't outright say what

967
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,359
Speaker 3: Annie told me, But you can still hawk him out

968
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:19,200
Speaker 3: of it without betraying that trust. I'd ask him probing questions,

969
00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 3: ask him how he felt about her moving away with

970
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,120
Speaker 3: no conversation. How does he feel their communication and connection

971
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:28,120
Speaker 3: is how does he actually see them building a life together?

972
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 3: Have they ever lived together? Ask him how he knows

973
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,959
Speaker 3: for sure that she's the one if they haven't spent

974
00:46:33,080 --> 00:46:36,720
Speaker 3: extended periods in each other's company. Tell him you're excited

975
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:38,799
Speaker 3: for him, that you'd be happy to support him in

976
00:46:38,840 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 3: getting a ring, but maybe they should make plans to

977
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:44,760
Speaker 3: move forward in other ways first. That way he won't

978
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:48,239
Speaker 3: spend non refundable amount of money on jewelry to be heartbroken.

979
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 3: I don't know. I'd be doing something if my friend

980
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,480
Speaker 3: was prone to depression, then I'd tell Annie that she's

981
00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 3: got to tell him soon, because she's placed me in

982
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,359
Speaker 3: a terrible position to have that kind of knowledge while

983
00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:01,200
Speaker 3: he is none the one wiser. She has to make

984
00:47:01,200 --> 00:47:03,279
Speaker 3: her mind up and can no longer put you in

985
00:47:03,320 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 3: the middle. But I also wouldn't out write tell Annie

986
00:47:05,960 --> 00:47:08,920
Speaker 3: he wants to propose, because then she might feel obligated

987
00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 3: to stay with him. It might also make two people

988
00:47:12,080 --> 00:47:15,240
Speaker 3: get married that clearly shouldn't. And there is an update

989
00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 3: one month later.

990
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 4: The more I'm thinking, the more I'm like, yeah, we do.

991
00:47:20,160 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 4: Do we even really want our friend married to this

992
00:47:22,520 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 4: person who doesn't really consider him or his feelings? In

993
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,560
Speaker 4: any of her decisions. Are you now getting super super

994
00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:31,719
Speaker 4: cold feet about him?

995
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,239
Speaker 3: It including I don't know, I understand wanting to go

996
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:38,520
Speaker 3: to your friends and saying, hey, I having these thoughts

997
00:47:38,560 --> 00:47:41,239
Speaker 3: about maybe breaking out with this partner and stuff, but

998
00:47:41,560 --> 00:47:44,800
Speaker 3: knowing that you are friends with both of them puts

999
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:47,399
Speaker 3: you in just a really uncomfortable position, and I don't

1000
00:47:47,400 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 3: think it's very fair of Annie to do that. After

1001
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,520
Speaker 3: a lot of conversations with both parties, I wanted to

1002
00:47:52,560 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 3: share an update. I met with Benny and he seemed

1003
00:47:55,239 --> 00:47:57,520
Speaker 3: very unsure about everything. He talked a lot about the

1004
00:47:57,520 --> 00:48:00,360
Speaker 3: ongoing drama in their relationship, and it felt like he

1005
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 3: was considering proposing, mainly so he could feel like he

1006
00:48:03,360 --> 00:48:06,799
Speaker 3: had done everything possible before giving up. A few weeks later,

1007
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:09,280
Speaker 3: he called me to say that he is no longer

1008
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,440
Speaker 3: planning to buy Annie a ring. Turns out Annie has

1009
00:48:12,440 --> 00:48:15,320
Speaker 3: a very serious debt problem and has been lying about

1010
00:48:15,360 --> 00:48:19,000
Speaker 3: it consistently. She owns an apartment, works full time, and

1011
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 3: her parents help her cover some of her bills, yet

1012
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 3: she has somehow accumulated tens of thousands in debt. She

1013
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 3: doesn't use substances and doesn't spend money on expensive clothes,

1014
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:31,080
Speaker 3: so the source of the debt is unclear. It is

1015
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,760
Speaker 3: escalated at the point where the bank has sent notices

1016
00:48:33,800 --> 00:48:37,160
Speaker 3: stating they may begin seizing her assets, but she brushes

1017
00:48:37,200 --> 00:48:40,040
Speaker 3: it off and acts like nothing's happening. Benny also shared

1018
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:43,080
Speaker 3: that Annie has lied to her parents about major aspects

1019
00:48:43,080 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 3: of her life, including her education, her job, and even

1020
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 3: the ownership of her cat. She told them the cat

1021
00:48:48,800 --> 00:48:52,160
Speaker 3: was originally mine. Her pattern of dishonesty has pushed him away,

1022
00:48:52,239 --> 00:48:55,760
Speaker 3: and as a result, he has decided not to propose.

1023
00:48:55,880 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 3: He is now seriously considering ending the relationship due to

1024
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:02,800
Speaker 3: the conant lying and the lack of intimacy. He loves

1025
00:49:02,800 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 3: her deeply and doesn't want to break up, but even

1026
00:49:05,040 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 3: he recognizes that this kind of relationship isn't sustainable. Benny

1027
00:49:09,440 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 3: is extremely depressed and heartbroken. I don't know the best

1028
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:14,399
Speaker 3: way to help him, but my boyfriend and I will

1029
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:17,359
Speaker 3: support him however he needs. At the same time, I'm

1030
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:20,480
Speaker 3: very concerned about Annie. The extent of the lying and

1031
00:49:20,560 --> 00:49:23,600
Speaker 3: the debt makes me worry that something deeper is going on.

1032
00:49:23,840 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 3: As her friend, it's hard to watch her risk losing

1033
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:29,120
Speaker 3: her home due to financial issues. Her parents likely have

1034
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:31,279
Speaker 3: the means to help her, but I'm unsure whether reaching

1035
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:34,040
Speaker 3: out to them would be appropriate. I've also considered some

1036
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 3: kind of intervention involving her, Benny, and me, but Annie

1037
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 3: tends to avoid problems and dislikes confrontation, so I don't

1038
00:49:42,160 --> 00:49:44,400
Speaker 3: know if that will be effective. I will talk to

1039
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:46,840
Speaker 3: Benny again in the next couple of days and propose

1040
00:49:46,920 --> 00:49:50,080
Speaker 3: the intervention tactic. I hope my next update is positive

1041
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:54,040
Speaker 3: and comments from tight Shift. This is one instance where

1042
00:49:54,120 --> 00:49:58,160
Speaker 3: I'd suggest you refrain from interceding. They've both privately confided

1043
00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:01,000
Speaker 3: in you. As such, I wouldn't disclose anything to either

1044
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:03,880
Speaker 3: that are both grown adults, allow them to each handle

1045
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:07,360
Speaker 3: the relationship as each determines the issues appear major, and

1046
00:50:07,440 --> 00:50:09,880
Speaker 3: they've arrived at the point where it appears that communication

1047
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,880
Speaker 3: will now occur. If you do anything, I'd simply suggest

1048
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,800
Speaker 3: to each that they need to speak with one another.

1049
00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:16,800
Speaker 3: So it seems like Gop He's just trying to figure

1050
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 3: out what to do now where it is okay to

1051
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,399
Speaker 3: intervene after learning all this information, I think you could

1052
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 3: talk to Benny at this point and say, hey, do

1053
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 3: you think you should talk to her parents? Like I

1054
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,960
Speaker 3: know you're considering breaking up, which is fair, but you

1055
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:32,880
Speaker 3: know you still had a lot of love for this person.

1056
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 3: Do you think your parents get all.

1057
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,800
Speaker 4: And that's the end of this story. We're going to

1058
00:50:35,840 --> 00:50:36,840
Speaker 4: go on to the next one.

1059
00:50:37,360 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Carly, your favorite Axelotel host. Here. We're going

1060
00:50:41,680 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 2: to get back to the stories. But here's three minutes

1061
00:50:43,920 --> 00:50:45,239
Speaker 2: of ads from our sponsors.

1062
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:49,319
Speaker 4: My friend's wife invited a stranger to my house and

1063
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 4: it was my last straw get.

1064
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 3: Out of my house.

1065
00:50:52,840 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 4: I twenty nine female have a really strong core friend group.

1066
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:59,040
Speaker 4: We have annual holiday traditions like friends giving, a Christmas

1067
00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:01,320
Speaker 4: party and so on. One of my guy friends recently

1068
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 4: got married over the summer to a woman none of

1069
00:51:03,960 --> 00:51:07,239
Speaker 4: us can stand, but we tolerate her for his sake.

1070
00:51:07,320 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from user Symphony Sadness, And

1071
00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:12,040
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

1072
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,000
Speaker 4: the r slash showcase storytime subburd it. I'm Dakota, I'm Sophia,

1073
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 4: I'm Keon, and we are here collectively to give good advice. Goofily,

1074
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:21,360
Speaker 4: but we don't know everything, so we just know some stuff.

1075
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 4: Or douy tell us the stuff that you know in

1076
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 4: the comments is the nicest guy ever, and she is

1077
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 4: clearly using the crap out of him for context. In

1078
00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:32,960
Speaker 4: the two years they've been together, he's moved her children

1079
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:35,520
Speaker 4: into his home, has quit her job to start a

1080
00:51:35,600 --> 00:51:38,800
Speaker 4: ridiculous side hustle that brings in no income, and convinced

1081
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:40,840
Speaker 4: a man who said he would never get married again

1082
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 4: to do just that. Fast forward to now. I sent

1083
00:51:43,800 --> 00:51:47,080
Speaker 4: out invites to our annual holiday party. It's always hosted

1084
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 4: at my house. It's usually our core friend group with

1085
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:53,240
Speaker 4: a few extras sometimes but not always. Usually the extras

1086
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 4: are people most of our friend group knows. I was

1087
00:51:55,239 --> 00:51:57,560
Speaker 4: going through the digital invite list and saw a name

1088
00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,919
Speaker 4: I didn't add, didn't recognize, and didn't no. I asked

1089
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,760
Speaker 4: our group chat who this person was. Apparently my friend's

1090
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 4: wife took it upon herself to invite her friend to

1091
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:08,680
Speaker 4: my party. My address is on the invite. I pay

1092
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:10,720
Speaker 4: for all the food, and we also do a secret

1093
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:13,880
Speaker 4: Santa exchange, which was already set up weeks prior. Here's

1094
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 4: the thing. Had she asked me, I probably wouldn't have

1095
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 4: cared and been okay with it. But she didn't. When

1096
00:52:18,680 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 4: I confronted her, she said she doesn't know any of us,

1097
00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,839
Speaker 4: so who cares if she brings a stranger. She's known

1098
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:25,960
Speaker 4: all of us for two years, by the way, and

1099
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 4: is included in every activity, group, chat, and event we're

1100
00:52:29,600 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 4: all in.

1101
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:31,239
Speaker 3: I don't know any of you.

1102
00:52:31,480 --> 00:52:35,440
Speaker 4: I politely told her I would have appreciated being asked first,

1103
00:52:35,480 --> 00:52:38,120
Speaker 4: and that things are already paid for and planned, so

1104
00:52:38,239 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 4: I'm not okay with a stranger coming to my house.

1105
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 4: She's still pushing for her friend to be there. I

1106
00:52:42,400 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 4: also found out she apparently invited randoms to our friends

1107
00:52:45,320 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 4: giving event, which my boyfriend hosted at his place. They

1108
00:52:48,440 --> 00:52:51,400
Speaker 4: didn't show, but it still seems wild to me. I

1109
00:52:51,440 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 4: am usually a laid back, easygoing person, but this really

1110
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:57,040
Speaker 4: made me angry and felt like my boundaries were crossed,

1111
00:52:57,320 --> 00:53:00,319
Speaker 4: and she's still pushing the agenda. My friend, who she's

1112
00:53:00,320 --> 00:53:02,720
Speaker 4: married too, is the nicest guy ever, and I truly

1113
00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:05,239
Speaker 4: value his friendship, so I don't want to hurt his

1114
00:53:05,280 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 4: feelings or piss him off. But I really don't want

1115
00:53:07,680 --> 00:53:10,840
Speaker 4: her friends we don't know at my house, ruining our

1116
00:53:10,960 --> 00:53:13,799
Speaker 4: night and vibe, or making me worry about things being

1117
00:53:13,840 --> 00:53:16,799
Speaker 4: taken from my home. My friends are like family, so

1118
00:53:16,920 --> 00:53:17,480
Speaker 4: I'm torn.

1119
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:19,480
Speaker 3: I understand where you're going from. I think you may

1120
00:53:19,520 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 3: be worrying just a little bit too much.

1121
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,239
Speaker 4: I think our opinion of this person is making us

1122
00:53:24,360 --> 00:53:26,960
Speaker 4: assume that the people that come are going to be

1123
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,440
Speaker 4: in nightmares. Do I just let her bring her friend

1124
00:53:29,600 --> 00:53:31,320
Speaker 4: or put my foot down? And we have some comments

1125
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 4: plus ones don't get plus ones, and then there's a

1126
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 4: downvoted response to this. While this is a good rule,

1127
00:53:36,680 --> 00:53:39,399
Speaker 4: it's weird to treat someone's wife as a plus one.

1128
00:53:39,520 --> 00:53:42,080
Speaker 4: Spouses are part of the group. It sounds like other

1129
00:53:42,120 --> 00:53:44,120
Speaker 4: people in the friend group have invited extra people and

1130
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:46,640
Speaker 4: it wasn't a problem because op doesn't hate them. I

1131
00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:49,800
Speaker 4: think it generally best not to invite my own guests

1132
00:53:49,840 --> 00:53:51,840
Speaker 4: to other people's houses, but that's not a rule in

1133
00:53:51,880 --> 00:53:54,240
Speaker 4: this group. I think it comes down to does opie

1134
00:53:54,320 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 4: except that her friend loves this woman and is married

1135
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:58,960
Speaker 4: to her, does she want them in her life anymore?

1136
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:01,399
Speaker 4: OPI is hoping the one will go away, but that's

1137
00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:04,160
Speaker 4: not likely. I think OPI is spending way too much

1138
00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:07,160
Speaker 4: energy fussing about her friend and his wife's life. The

1139
00:54:07,200 --> 00:54:09,600
Speaker 4: friend or his wife could easily write in for advice

1140
00:54:09,640 --> 00:54:11,759
Speaker 4: about how to deal with the hostile person and their

1141
00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:13,799
Speaker 4: friend group, Opie needs to decide if she likes the

1142
00:54:13,840 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 4: friend more than they hate the wife and her kids.

1143
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:18,800
Speaker 4: Opie says, no one else in the friend group invited

1144
00:54:18,840 --> 00:54:21,399
Speaker 4: anyone else. The only people invited were the core group

1145
00:54:21,440 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 4: and their spouses. I want to make it clear I

1146
00:54:23,239 --> 00:54:26,320
Speaker 4: don't hate her kids, their children, and not the issue.

1147
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:28,640
Speaker 4: I'm a mother myself. My issue is a thirty seven

1148
00:54:28,719 --> 00:54:30,959
Speaker 4: year old woman who should know better and is also

1149
00:54:31,000 --> 00:54:34,440
Speaker 4: a mother invited a random stranger to my house without

1150
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:36,719
Speaker 4: asking me. That is really just the cherry on top.

1151
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,560
Speaker 4: If you just would have asked, like, hey, comember my friend,

1152
00:54:39,000 --> 00:54:40,840
Speaker 4: it's a yeah, you can bring you down, but you

1153
00:54:40,880 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 4: didn't ask. Come on, number two, how do you know

1154
00:54:42,719 --> 00:54:45,239
Speaker 4: she quit her job for a ridiculous side also that

1155
00:54:45,280 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 4: brings in no money.

1156
00:54:46,080 --> 00:54:46,680
Speaker 3: Did she tell you?

1157
00:54:46,760 --> 00:54:49,160
Speaker 4: Did he tell you? Are you guessing? And Opie says,

1158
00:54:49,239 --> 00:54:50,759
Speaker 4: we have a group chat all of us and the

1159
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,400
Speaker 4: spouses are in it because we hang out together frequently,

1160
00:54:53,719 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 4: house gathering, sports events, bar outings, bowling, et cetera. We

1161
00:54:57,000 --> 00:54:59,359
Speaker 4: even take an annual weekend away together all of us,

1162
00:54:59,440 --> 00:55:01,719
Speaker 4: so we're all pretty involved. She told us she quit

1163
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:05,400
Speaker 4: she started a food cart, not truck business, that she

1164
00:55:05,520 --> 00:55:07,839
Speaker 4: shares a ton of content with on social media. Out

1165
00:55:07,880 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 4: of her multiple events, she has never made a profit.

1166
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 4: From what she tells us, She's now moved on to

1167
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 4: renting out used toys for birthday parties. Our friend has

1168
00:55:16,400 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 4: a high paying salary job as an executive. He told

1169
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,799
Speaker 4: us she basically moved her and her two kids in

1170
00:55:21,880 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 4: without asking. It started off as sleepovers here and there,

1171
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:28,360
Speaker 4: and then they just never left and he converted his

1172
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:32,520
Speaker 4: extra rooms into rooms for her kids. She pays no bills.

1173
00:55:32,560 --> 00:55:35,359
Speaker 4: Comment three says, this feels like you're the a hole.

1174
00:55:35,640 --> 00:55:37,680
Speaker 4: None of you like her, and she knows you want

1175
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:39,680
Speaker 4: to punish her because you don't like her, So you're

1176
00:55:39,680 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 4: punishing her for bringing her friend. You would have figured

1177
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 4: out a way to be crappy to her regardless. Hope says,

1178
00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:47,239
Speaker 4: we literally picked the event date so she could be there.

1179
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 4: We're all nice to her until she makes rude comments,

1180
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:53,080
Speaker 4: and then we check her, which happens frequently. Comment four

1181
00:55:53,200 --> 00:55:55,279
Speaker 4: is she a lot younger than your friend group. Do

1182
00:55:55,360 --> 00:55:58,520
Speaker 4: you think it's noticeable to her that she's not very liked? Honestly,

1183
00:55:58,560 --> 00:56:00,520
Speaker 4: it maybe seems like she wants and when there is

1184
00:56:00,520 --> 00:56:03,000
Speaker 4: a safety net and someone to socialize with, since it

1185
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:06,040
Speaker 4: sounds like it's possible, she feels excluded, especially by the

1186
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:08,319
Speaker 4: way you're talking about her. Maybe behind the scenes, her

1187
00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 4: husband is requiring her to go, but her compromise is

1188
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:13,720
Speaker 4: bringing someone she's comfortable with and the event, her husband

1189
00:56:13,760 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 4: is socializing with your friends, and she feels left out.

1190
00:56:16,040 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 4: I'm just trying to reframe it for you. Nope, says

1191
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:20,879
Speaker 4: I'm actually the youngest in the group. I'm twenty eight.

1192
00:56:21,000 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 4: The rest are all in their late thirties or early forties.

1193
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:26,239
Speaker 4: She is thirty seven. Her husband prefers when she doesn't

1194
00:56:26,239 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 4: come along because he actually enjoys himself when she isn't there.

1195
00:56:29,400 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 4: My friends are also like family, so that's why I'm

1196
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:35,000
Speaker 4: also torn. But caterers have been paid for and gift

1197
00:56:35,040 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 4: exchanges have been set, and there's some extra info here

1198
00:56:38,280 --> 00:56:40,800
Speaker 4: from op. Thank you for all the comments. Didn't expect

1199
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 4: this to blow up and can't respond to each one,

1200
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:45,120
Speaker 4: so I thought I would add some context here. I

1201
00:56:45,200 --> 00:56:47,680
Speaker 4: am a female. I don't know how some of you

1202
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:52,279
Speaker 4: missed that. There is four females and six Malays in

1203
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:55,400
Speaker 4: the group. Most are couples. I am the youngest in

1204
00:56:55,440 --> 00:56:57,400
Speaker 4: the group. The rest are all in their late thirties

1205
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,680
Speaker 4: early forties. I'm twenty eight. We all hang out pretty

1206
00:56:59,680 --> 00:57:02,800
Speaker 4: regular and always include everyone, weekend trips out in sports,

1207
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 4: blah blah blah, blah blah. This isn't your standard house party.

1208
00:57:05,360 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 4: This is a gathering I host every year. I have

1209
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 4: it catered, We play games, we do gift exchanges, I

1210
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:12,879
Speaker 4: show a video of our best moments of the year,

1211
00:57:12,960 --> 00:57:15,760
Speaker 4: et cetera. It sounds like a pretty normal party, except

1212
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 4: you have catering and an Oscar style review of the year.

1213
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:22,040
Speaker 3: This isn't your normal high school people talk about going

1214
00:57:22,080 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 3: to college here.

1215
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 4: None of us can stand this woman because she is

1216
00:57:26,120 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 4: rude and we all see through her trying to manipulate

1217
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:31,280
Speaker 4: our friend. Our friend doesn't stand up for himself. As

1218
00:57:31,320 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 4: some of you have mentioned, this is his third marriage.

1219
00:57:34,200 --> 00:57:37,920
Speaker 4: Jan six months into the relationship, she brought her girls

1220
00:57:37,920 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 4: for a weekend sleepover and they basically never went home.

1221
00:57:41,240 --> 00:57:43,440
Speaker 4: She's made plenty of rude remarks to each of us

1222
00:57:43,440 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 4: and thinks she's funny. At Friendsgiving, she started eating food

1223
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:49,040
Speaker 4: before we sat down for dinner and mocked my boyfriend's

1224
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 4: home decor. She even hid some of his paintings in

1225
00:57:53,520 --> 00:57:56,000
Speaker 4: his garage when we weren't paying attention. We are all

1226
00:57:56,120 --> 00:57:58,280
Speaker 4: nice to her for the most part, and include her

1227
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:01,720
Speaker 4: because our friend did may and we have common courtesy

1228
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 4: and class unlike her. In fact, I purposefully picked a

1229
00:58:04,720 --> 00:58:07,200
Speaker 4: date she could attend when her ex had the kids.

1230
00:58:07,280 --> 00:58:09,880
Speaker 4: My problem is not my dislike for her. My problem

1231
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:12,040
Speaker 4: is she invited a random person to my home and

1232
00:58:12,080 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 4: didn't ask. I am a single mom. This is also

1233
00:58:14,680 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 4: my child's home. I am careful about who I let

1234
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:20,200
Speaker 4: into my home. If she had asked, I probably wouldn't

1235
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:22,280
Speaker 4: have cared and could have planned for an extra guest.

1236
00:58:22,440 --> 00:58:24,840
Speaker 4: She didn't, and now this person has my address and

1237
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:28,160
Speaker 4: contact details. She knows all of the group who was coming.

1238
00:58:28,400 --> 00:58:31,640
Speaker 4: Her comment about us being strangers makes zero sense. She's

1239
00:58:31,680 --> 00:58:34,200
Speaker 4: been on trips with us and birthday parties for the kids.

1240
00:58:34,520 --> 00:58:37,320
Speaker 4: Most of us were in their wedding party. I hope

1241
00:58:37,320 --> 00:58:40,360
Speaker 4: this clears up some gaps. I appreciate all of your input.

1242
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,439
Speaker 4: This friend means the world to me, so that's why

1243
00:58:42,480 --> 00:58:44,960
Speaker 4: I'm treading lightly. But also would never invite a random

1244
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,720
Speaker 4: person to someone else's gathering without asking. And you have

1245
00:58:47,720 --> 00:58:50,240
Speaker 4: an update. It sounds like you are all emotionally mature,

1246
00:58:50,560 --> 00:58:53,600
Speaker 4: stable people who are able to stick and move in

1247
00:58:53,680 --> 00:58:55,800
Speaker 4: this situation, I think the one thing you need to

1248
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,479
Speaker 4: do is set a boundary moving forward where you go. Hey,

1249
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:01,960
Speaker 4: next time, any guests that you want to bring, just

1250
00:59:02,040 --> 00:59:04,439
Speaker 4: ask you have to let us know ahead of time.

1251
00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:07,840
Speaker 4: I ended up canceling the entire party, taking most of

1252
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:10,400
Speaker 4: your advice into consideration. I reached out to my friend's

1253
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:12,160
Speaker 4: wife and let her know I would not be able

1254
00:59:12,160 --> 00:59:15,720
Speaker 4: to accommodate extra guests, as planning or caterers had already

1255
00:59:15,720 --> 00:59:17,600
Speaker 4: been booked and the event was a focus on our

1256
00:59:17,640 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 4: core friend group and celebrating the holidays together since we're

1257
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:23,440
Speaker 4: like a second family. I deleted the digital event an

1258
00:59:23,480 --> 00:59:26,160
Speaker 4: invite list and created another so her friends that she

1259
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:28,960
Speaker 4: invited would not see it. Now friends is plural. The

1260
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:33,880
Speaker 4: next morning, I received more RSVP confirmations than guests I

1261
00:59:33,920 --> 00:59:37,760
Speaker 4: had planned or accounted for. Again, she invited her friends again,

1262
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:41,240
Speaker 4: and this time invited more people, So I snapped. I

1263
00:59:41,280 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 4: sent a message in our group chat telling everyone that

1264
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 4: since my house rules can't be respected, I will no

1265
00:59:45,680 --> 00:59:48,040
Speaker 4: longer be hosting this year's event. Most of my friends

1266
00:59:48,080 --> 00:59:51,000
Speaker 4: understood where I was coming from. Her husband apologized to

1267
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,840
Speaker 4: me immediately, saying he had no idea she had done

1268
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:56,120
Speaker 4: this again. I told him I'm not upset with him,

1269
00:59:56,160 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 4: but I need to put my foot down here to

1270
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:01,880
Speaker 4: have my boundaries protected. Also informed him of my safety

1271
01:00:01,880 --> 01:00:05,600
Speaker 4: concerns bringing strangers into my home. He totally understood. I

1272
01:00:05,640 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 4: told him that my boyfriend also didn't appreciate her behavior

1273
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 4: on Friendsgiving and that things are still missing from her

1274
01:00:11,560 --> 01:00:13,920
Speaker 4: or trying to be funny and moving things around. He

1275
01:00:13,960 --> 01:00:15,760
Speaker 4: offered to pay for them, which I told him is

1276
01:00:15,800 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 4: not necessary. I told him I love him, but basically

1277
01:00:18,200 --> 01:00:20,200
Speaker 4: he needs to get a handle on his wife and

1278
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:22,520
Speaker 4: explain if she wants to be included going forward. There

1279
01:00:22,560 --> 01:00:25,520
Speaker 4: needs to be respect, so there will be no Christmas

1280
01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:27,600
Speaker 4: potty this year. I told the chat if someone else

1281
01:00:27,640 --> 01:00:29,560
Speaker 4: wants to step up and host, that's on them, but

1282
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 4: maybe we can try again in the new year when

1283
01:00:31,600 --> 01:00:34,360
Speaker 4: we're all more aligned on boundaries. Thankfully, I was able

1284
01:00:34,360 --> 01:00:36,479
Speaker 4: to get refunded for catering and most of the things

1285
01:00:36,480 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 4: I purchased. My boyfriend and I are just going to

1286
01:00:38,520 --> 01:00:40,480
Speaker 4: take the money to go to a really nice dinner

1287
01:00:40,720 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 4: by a really nice bottle and go home, get a

1288
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 4: little slushy, sloshy and watch The Grinch that night. And

1289
01:00:46,800 --> 01:00:48,160
Speaker 4: that is the end of that story, all.

1290
01:00:48,120 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 3: Right, them, I don't know, do what you want. It's

1291
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 3: your house, it's your party. I think it's a little

1292
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:55,600
Speaker 3: silly to cancel an event that you've been like super

1293
01:00:55,640 --> 01:00:59,040
Speaker 3: clear that everyone bought gifts for, you, catered.

1294
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, you had all this.

1295
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,560
Speaker 3: Stuff planned for. When you could just not invite her

1296
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 3: and stand up to her and be like, hey, sorry,

1297
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:06,360
Speaker 3: you can't come anymore.

1298
01:01:06,480 --> 01:01:09,600
Speaker 4: It's the call is yours. Yeah, and that's the end

1299
01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:10,280
Speaker 4: of this story.