WEBVTT - Minisode: The Cola Cure with Chelsea + Catherine

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<v Speaker 1>Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.

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<v Speaker 2>How are you well?

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<v Speaker 3>I almost died this weekend? Oh my god, A couple

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<v Speaker 3>of times.

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<v Speaker 2>What happened? Well?

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<v Speaker 3>I had a whirlwind weekend, A whirlwind week I went

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<v Speaker 3>to New York. I shot an ad campaign that I'm

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<v Speaker 3>pretty excited about, had a couple of fun nights out,

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<v Speaker 3>very innocent as usual, always innocent with me, you know.

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<v Speaker 3>Of course, I saw lots of friends. It was really joyful.

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<v Speaker 3>Then I flew to Vegas. I had to show my

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<v Speaker 3>show at the Cosmo. I had about seventeen twenty friends

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<v Speaker 3>that came out for that, all Randos, some from Martha's Vineyards,

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<v Speaker 3>some from la some from Vermont, some from Portland, some

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<v Speaker 3>from England.

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<v Speaker 1>We all went out. That was not an innocent night.

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<v Speaker 1>We went out.

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<v Speaker 2>That's in Vegas, of course.

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<v Speaker 1>It was one of my favorite shows so far in Vegas.

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<v Speaker 1>I love this residency. It's been so joyful. And you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not that.

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<v Speaker 3>Big of a fan of Vegas, I have to be honest.

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<v Speaker 3>But when they offered it, he said it was the

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<v Speaker 3>Chelsea Theater at the you know, I just can't have yes. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>And it's turned into such a fun thing because so

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<v Speaker 3>many of my friends come out and we gambled after

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<v Speaker 3>And you know, when I gamble, I give everyone money

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<v Speaker 3>because I don't want anyone to think that they have

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<v Speaker 3>to gamble. I just want them. I want them to

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<v Speaker 3>know they do have to gamble, but they're going to

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<v Speaker 3>gamble with my money.

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<v Speaker 1>We all won. We all won money.

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<v Speaker 3>I walked away with eleven hundred dollars of my own money.

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<v Speaker 2>Fabulous.

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<v Speaker 1>And then we went out dancing. This was a mistake.

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<v Speaker 3>We went out dancing till four o'clock in the morning,

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<v Speaker 3>and then I got home at four. My friend Sophie

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<v Speaker 3>got into my bed with me, and at around five

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<v Speaker 3>forty five am, my cousin Molly walked in and said,

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<v Speaker 3>it's time to get in the car. Your flight back

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<v Speaker 3>to Vancouver is at seven forty and I said, yes,

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<v Speaker 3>I was aware of this, but of course had you know?

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<v Speaker 3>I was asleep. So I got up, I went in

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<v Speaker 3>the car. I flew to Vegas. I mean sorry, I

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<v Speaker 3>flew from Vegas to Vancouver. Luckily, no one was on

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<v Speaker 3>the plane because Canadians don't want to come to America anymore,

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<v Speaker 3>so there's no one going back since they're all getting

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<v Speaker 3>fucking detained. And I flew and I got in the car.

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<v Speaker 3>Had to go pick up Doug from my friend Cynthia's house.

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<v Speaker 3>Then I drove from Vancouver to Whistler, which is like

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<v Speaker 3>a two hour drive. I got my first Canadian speeding ticket. Yep,

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<v Speaker 3>because that's how quickly I was just dying, trying to

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<v Speaker 3>make it an hour and a half, dying to get

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<v Speaker 3>back into my bed, just dying to go to sleep.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, begging. I got home.

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<v Speaker 3>The woman with the police officer was very nice. She

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<v Speaker 3>gave me a reduction for absolutely no reason. I don't

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<v Speaker 3>know if you think she knew who I was. And

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<v Speaker 3>I got home, I fell asleep.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, let me.

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<v Speaker 3>My friends were staying at my house that live in Vancouver.

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<v Speaker 3>Sometimes friends come up for the weekend and stay here

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<v Speaker 3>when I'm out here. And I said, They said, okay,

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<v Speaker 3>well we'll leave you alone.

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<v Speaker 1>You're tired.

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<v Speaker 3>I said, no, no, I just need a couple of

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<v Speaker 3>hours of sleep and then we can all go to

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<v Speaker 3>dinner at sushi.

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<v Speaker 1>I had a couple hours of sleep. I woke up.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't feel great, obviously, but I felt.

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<v Speaker 2>Like okay, like jet laggy, tired, not jet laggy, just hungover,

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<v Speaker 2>but like I could rally.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>I got home from sushi, probably one of the best

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<v Speaker 3>meals I've ever had, at two o'clock in the morning.

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, something's off.

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<v Speaker 3>And you know when you're feeling nauseated and you go

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<v Speaker 3>to your right and then you go to your left,

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<v Speaker 3>anything but your back right.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And then from two am to.

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<v Speaker 3>Nine am, no, I vomited probably sixteen times, had explosive diarrhea,

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<v Speaker 3>not only in the toilet. I was so sick and

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<v Speaker 3>I and my friend Yanica was in my bedroom and

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<v Speaker 3>her son Calvin was there too. Calvin you could check

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<v Speaker 3>out on my Instagram. He's always represented. He's fourteen. And

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<v Speaker 3>I was.

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<v Speaker 1>I was so sick.

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<v Speaker 3>I haven't had food poisoning in years, and I haven't

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<v Speaker 3>thrown up in years.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean the cramps, the fever, the chills, the diarrhea,

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<v Speaker 1>the vomiting.

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<v Speaker 3>I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital,

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<v Speaker 3>and then yeah, what's that the Whistler Hospital, Like it's

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<v Speaker 3>like a clinic.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, they're not gonna be able to even save me.

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<v Speaker 2>They're there for like ankle breaks and stuff exactly.

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<v Speaker 3>And I couldn't even bring myself to call for yanica.

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<v Speaker 3>That's how weak I write.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>So finally, like it's I was up from two to

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<v Speaker 3>nine am. Finally when I heard her, I was like,

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<v Speaker 3>Yanna ka And she came and She's like, oh my god,

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<v Speaker 3>oh my god. I'm like, oh my god, I need

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<v Speaker 3>an IV, I need an ivy. My kidneys were like throbbing, throbbing, throbbing.

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<v Speaker 3>This was yesterday morning, and I was in such Finally

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<v Speaker 3>I would take a sip of ginger ale and just

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<v Speaker 3>throw it up thirty yea, so thirsty that I was

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<v Speaker 3>like I have to just like like switch it around

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<v Speaker 3>my mouth at least like something.

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<v Speaker 1>And then finally I was like, can you g just

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<v Speaker 1>is there are there are there any cokes upstairs? Are

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<v Speaker 1>there any cokes?

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<v Speaker 3>And and she got brought me a coke and then

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<v Speaker 3>everything changed. I stopped throwing it brought you back to life.

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<v Speaker 3>It just made me no, not to life. I'm still

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<v Speaker 3>not back to life. I mean, I feel like somebody

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<v Speaker 3>took two sling shots and shot them right into my kidneys.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I got a.

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<v Speaker 3>Leader IV last night bed the nurse came over my

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<v Speaker 3>friend's in Whistler. Somebody, my doctor friend got me an

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<v Speaker 3>ivy bag and I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't

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<v Speaker 3>I can't even stand upstream yet because my kidneys are

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<v Speaker 3>so shot.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. And this was like two days ago.

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<v Speaker 2>This was Saturday.

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<v Speaker 1>This was Saturday night.

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<v Speaker 2>God, and we're recording on Monday. That is nuts. Oh

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<v Speaker 2>my god.

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<v Speaker 1>I honestly, that really through me. I've never been that sick.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god. Do you think it was the sushi

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<v Speaker 2>or was it something marinating from Ashi?

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<v Speaker 3>Because I looked up I goause they didn't get sick,

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<v Speaker 3>and I was like, is there how do you know

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<v Speaker 3>the difference between a twenty four hour virus, yeah, and

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<v Speaker 3>food poisoning. And when I looked it up on the internet,

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<v Speaker 3>They're like, there is no such thing as a twenty

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<v Speaker 3>four hour food virus. Like twenty four hour virus, Like

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<v Speaker 3>no virus goes in and out of your body in

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<v Speaker 3>twenty four hours, Right, it's food poisoning. I mean I

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<v Speaker 3>felt like I was being attacked.

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<v Speaker 2>Truly, Like it's like that moment where you're laying on

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<v Speaker 2>the floor of the bathroom just to feel something cool

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<v Speaker 2>against your face, and like, I don't know about you,

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<v Speaker 2>but when I'm that sick and it's coming out of

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<v Speaker 2>all ends. I'm just like usually naked because you're like

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<v Speaker 2>sweating but you're shivering.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, my bra was over my boobs, Like the

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<v Speaker 3>under part of my boobs was like completely out, and

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<v Speaker 3>my bra had like slipped up from throwing up so

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<v Speaker 3>much in the toilet. Yeah, and then having to turn

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<v Speaker 3>around when it was coming out of my butt and

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<v Speaker 3>then going into the waste basket. I had a waste basket.

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<v Speaker 3>You held a vomit next to my bed. I mean,

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<v Speaker 3>it was the most disgusting night of my life.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what? You actually bring up one of the

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<v Speaker 2>major like disagreements in my marriage, which is I say

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<v Speaker 2>that when you're sick and you have to vomit for

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<v Speaker 2>one out blown see, I actually want someone to pat

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<v Speaker 2>my back. But like the it's the waste basket of

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<v Speaker 2>it all, because Brad is like, we'll just make it

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<v Speaker 2>to the toilet, Like you can't always make it to

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<v Speaker 2>the toilet.

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<v Speaker 3>You can't always make it to the toilet. I just

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<v Speaker 3>gave up at some point and brought the waste basket

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<v Speaker 3>out towards my bed, which is actually something I've never

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<v Speaker 3>done because I used to.

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<v Speaker 1>Seve to to do that too.

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<v Speaker 3>Wearing it, like bringing it to the getting to the toilet,

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<v Speaker 3>Like I've never not made it to the toilet, but

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<v Speaker 3>this one was like I was too weak to keep

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<v Speaker 3>getting up and going to the toilet.

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<v Speaker 1>Now I had to have my ba my thing.

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<v Speaker 3>But the muscles that you use to contract to vomit

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<v Speaker 3>when you're throwing up bile.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, this is just getting everyone off to a

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<v Speaker 1>great week.

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<v Speaker 3>I just hopefully this is on a Monday or whenever

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<v Speaker 3>we drop our minisodes, but I want this is a

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<v Speaker 3>journal entry.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I'm so sorry you got so sick.

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<v Speaker 2>Or have you even eaten anything since then?

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<v Speaker 3>Or had a bagel this morning with some butter, But

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<v Speaker 3>I hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I got my V I'm

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<v Speaker 3>getting another IV as soon as I get home tonight.

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<v Speaker 1>And my life is insane.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, obviously, if I hadn't been out till four

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<v Speaker 3>o'clock in the morning, I doubt that food poisoning would

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<v Speaker 3>have been as.

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<v Speaker 1>Bad as it was.

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<v Speaker 2>Had the choke hold it did on you.

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<v Speaker 3>I wouldn't have been so already in a state of

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<v Speaker 3>dehydration and like, you know, weakness, But you know, I'll

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<v Speaker 3>never learn. My life is constantly just one big shit show.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh my god, I'm so glad you're on the mend

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm so sorry that absolutely sucks.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>An update.

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<v Speaker 3>I decided to leave Doug in Canada because he's so

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<v Speaker 3>happy here.

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<v Speaker 1>Everyone who sends me these pictures. My friend Cynthia has him.

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<v Speaker 3>She goes on runs through the woods in the forest

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<v Speaker 3>and bike rides through the woods and forest, and Doug

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<v Speaker 3>just follows her. And I was like, you know what,

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<v Speaker 3>it's nicer to leave him here than to bring him

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<v Speaker 3>back to Ma Bell's apartment where she doesn't have air conditioning.

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<v Speaker 3>And he's going to be when I go to Europe

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<v Speaker 3>on all of my tours. So I was like, is

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<v Speaker 3>there any way you would want to keep Doug until

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<v Speaker 3>I get back from Europe?

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<v Speaker 1>And she was like absolutely, So he's going to.

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<v Speaker 2>Stay, like for a little bit of the summer while you're.

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<v Speaker 3>He's going to stay. He's going to stay for the

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<v Speaker 3>month of June.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, June.

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<v Speaker 2>This was your happy place. Turns out it's your sons happy.

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<v Speaker 1>Place as well. I love my baby so much.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, he's such a good boy.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know what was cute.

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<v Speaker 3>He was coming up on the bed trying to check

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<v Speaker 3>on me yesterday when my friend Yonica came in, but

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't even have the strength of pet him, you know. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>and he was like sniffing around because he was like,

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<v Speaker 3>why does it smell like vomit and diarrhea? And here

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<v Speaker 3>does she smell so bad? And I was just like

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<v Speaker 3>I can't. She's like, Doug, come on, come on, and

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<v Speaker 3>he was trying to check on me. It was really cute.

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<v Speaker 3>But yes, anyway, I'll be in Vegas. The next date

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<v Speaker 3>will be July fifth, that'll before the July weekend. Yamnika

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<v Speaker 3>will be opening for me, so that's very exciting and

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<v Speaker 3>uh yeah, you can check my dates for Vegas coming

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<v Speaker 3>up and all my dates in Europe.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm coming. Go to Chelsea Hendler dot com for all

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<v Speaker 1>other dates in Europe.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and for that July fifth date, Yaminika, we just

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<v Speaker 2>recorded with her that won't be out yet by the

0:09:18.040 --> 0:09:21.280
<v Speaker 2>time this comes out, but she's so hysterical. You two

0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:24.080
<v Speaker 2>have a hilarious rapport, so it's going to be a

0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:26.000
<v Speaker 2>super super good time. Yeah.

0:09:26.160 --> 0:09:27.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, she's pretty ridiculous.

0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.120
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and we'll hopefully have her on some upcoming minisodes too. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, thanks for listening, guys, We'll see you later. Do

0:09:36.280 --> 0:09:40.920
<v Speaker 3>Do Do Do Do Do, drum roll Catherine please And

0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:43.920
<v Speaker 3>abroad broad is my European tour.

0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:48.640
<v Speaker 1>So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.

0:09:48.920 --> 0:09:52.040
<v Speaker 3>I need to get the health out of this fucking country.

0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:55.440
<v Speaker 3>And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm

0:09:55.440 --> 0:09:57.360
<v Speaker 3>coming to the UK. I'm coming to.

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<v Speaker 1>Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June.

0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:06.360
<v Speaker 3>I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,

0:10:07.000 --> 0:10:11.720
<v Speaker 3>New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,

0:10:11.960 --> 0:10:17.480
<v Speaker 3>Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.

0:10:17.320 --> 0:10:19.199
<v Speaker 2>That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.

0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:21.760
<v Speaker 3>I know I want to go see me abroad and

0:10:21.920 --> 0:10:26.200
<v Speaker 3>there all be there, all be excellent. Okay. My remaining

0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:29.040
<v Speaker 3>dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for this year.

0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:35.240
<v Speaker 3>Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at

0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:39.000
<v Speaker 3>the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.

0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:39.920
<v Speaker 1>We will be the next.

0:10:39.800 --> 0:10:43.559
<v Speaker 3>Date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then

0:10:43.679 --> 0:10:48.720
<v Speaker 3>November one and twenty ninth. November first and November twenty ninth,

0:10:48.920 --> 0:10:52.520
<v Speaker 3>I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing

0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.200
<v Speaker 3>Inside Myself at the Chelsea.

0:10:54.480 --> 0:10:57.280
<v Speaker 1>It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,

0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:58.200
<v Speaker 1>thank you.

0:10:59.080 --> 0:11:01.680
<v Speaker 2>Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea

0:11:01.720 --> 0:11:05.319
<v Speaker 2>Podcast at gmail dot com. Find full video episodes of

0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.480
<v Speaker 2>Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching at Dear Chelsea pod.

0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:12.920
<v Speaker 2>Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive

0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:15.480
<v Speaker 2>producer Katherine law And be sure to check out our

0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.200
<v Speaker 2>merch at Chelseahandler dot com.