Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Hi Chelsea.
Speaker 2: How are you well?
Speaker 3: I almost died this weekend? Oh my god, A couple
Speaker 3: of times.
Speaker 2: What happened? Well?
Speaker 3: I had a whirlwind weekend, A whirlwind week I went
Speaker 3: to New York. I shot an ad campaign that I'm
Speaker 3: pretty excited about, had a couple of fun nights out,
Speaker 3: very innocent as usual, always innocent with me, you know.
Speaker 3: Of course, I saw lots of friends. It was really joyful.
Speaker 3: Then I flew to Vegas. I had to show my
Speaker 3: show at the Cosmo. I had about seventeen twenty friends
Speaker 3: that came out for that, all Randos, some from Martha's Vineyards,
Speaker 3: some from la some from Vermont, some from Portland, some
Speaker 3: from England.
Speaker 1: We all went out. That was not an innocent night.
Speaker 1: We went out.
Speaker 2: That's in Vegas, of course.
Speaker 1: It was one of my favorite shows so far in Vegas.
Speaker 1: I love this residency. It's been so joyful. And you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not that.
Speaker 3: Big of a fan of Vegas, I have to be honest.
Speaker 3: But when they offered it, he said it was the
Speaker 3: Chelsea Theater at the you know, I just can't have yes. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And it's turned into such a fun thing because so
Speaker 3: many of my friends come out and we gambled after
Speaker 3: And you know, when I gamble, I give everyone money
Speaker 3: because I don't want anyone to think that they have
Speaker 3: to gamble. I just want them. I want them to
Speaker 3: know they do have to gamble, but they're going to
Speaker 3: gamble with my money.
Speaker 1: We all won. We all won money.
Speaker 3: I walked away with eleven hundred dollars of my own money.
Speaker 2: Fabulous.
Speaker 1: And then we went out dancing. This was a mistake.
Speaker 3: We went out dancing till four o'clock in the morning,
Speaker 3: and then I got home at four. My friend Sophie
Speaker 3: got into my bed with me, and at around five
Speaker 3: forty five am, my cousin Molly walked in and said,
Speaker 3: it's time to get in the car. Your flight back
Speaker 3: to Vancouver is at seven forty and I said, yes,
Speaker 3: I was aware of this, but of course had you know?
Speaker 3: I was asleep. So I got up, I went in
Speaker 3: the car. I flew to Vegas. I mean sorry, I
Speaker 3: flew from Vegas to Vancouver. Luckily, no one was on
Speaker 3: the plane because Canadians don't want to come to America anymore,
Speaker 3: so there's no one going back since they're all getting
Speaker 3: fucking detained. And I flew and I got in the car.
Speaker 3: Had to go pick up Doug from my friend Cynthia's house.
Speaker 3: Then I drove from Vancouver to Whistler, which is like
Speaker 3: a two hour drive. I got my first Canadian speeding ticket. Yep,
Speaker 3: because that's how quickly I was just dying, trying to
Speaker 3: make it an hour and a half, dying to get
Speaker 3: back into my bed, just dying to go to sleep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, begging. I got home.
Speaker 3: The woman with the police officer was very nice. She
Speaker 3: gave me a reduction for absolutely no reason. I don't
Speaker 3: know if you think she knew who I was. And
Speaker 3: I got home, I fell asleep.
Speaker 1: I was like, let me.
Speaker 3: My friends were staying at my house that live in Vancouver.
Speaker 3: Sometimes friends come up for the weekend and stay here
Speaker 3: when I'm out here. And I said, They said, okay,
Speaker 3: well we'll leave you alone.
Speaker 1: You're tired.
Speaker 3: I said, no, no, I just need a couple of
Speaker 3: hours of sleep and then we can all go to
Speaker 3: dinner at sushi.
Speaker 1: I had a couple hours of sleep. I woke up.
Speaker 1: I didn't feel great, obviously, but I felt.
Speaker 2: Like okay, like jet laggy, tired, not jet laggy, just hungover,
Speaker 2: but like I could rally.
Speaker 1: It's just yeah.
Speaker 3: I got home from sushi, probably one of the best
Speaker 3: meals I've ever had, at two o'clock in the morning.
Speaker 1: I was like, something's off.
Speaker 3: And you know when you're feeling nauseated and you go
Speaker 3: to your right and then you go to your left,
Speaker 3: anything but your back right.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And then from two am to.
Speaker 3: Nine am, no, I vomited probably sixteen times, had explosive diarrhea,
Speaker 3: not only in the toilet. I was so sick and
Speaker 3: I and my friend Yanica was in my bedroom and
Speaker 3: her son Calvin was there too. Calvin you could check
Speaker 3: out on my Instagram. He's always represented. He's fourteen. And
Speaker 3: I was.
Speaker 1: I was so sick.
Speaker 3: I haven't had food poisoning in years, and I haven't
Speaker 3: thrown up in years.
Speaker 1: I mean the cramps, the fever, the chills, the diarrhea,
Speaker 1: the vomiting.
Speaker 3: I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital,
Speaker 3: and then yeah, what's that the Whistler Hospital, Like it's
Speaker 3: like a clinic.
Speaker 1: I'm like, they're not gonna be able to even save me.
Speaker 2: They're there for like ankle breaks and stuff exactly.
Speaker 3: And I couldn't even bring myself to call for yanica.
Speaker 3: That's how weak I write.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So finally, like it's I was up from two to
Speaker 3: nine am. Finally when I heard her, I was like,
Speaker 3: Yanna ka And she came and She's like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: oh my god. I'm like, oh my god, I need
Speaker 3: an IV, I need an ivy. My kidneys were like throbbing, throbbing, throbbing.
Speaker 3: This was yesterday morning, and I was in such Finally
Speaker 3: I would take a sip of ginger ale and just
Speaker 3: throw it up thirty yea, so thirsty that I was
Speaker 3: like I have to just like like switch it around
Speaker 3: my mouth at least like something.
Speaker 1: And then finally I was like, can you g just
Speaker 1: is there are there are there any cokes upstairs? Are
Speaker 1: there any cokes?
Speaker 3: And and she got brought me a coke and then
Speaker 3: everything changed. I stopped throwing it brought you back to life.
Speaker 3: It just made me no, not to life. I'm still
Speaker 3: not back to life. I mean, I feel like somebody
Speaker 3: took two sling shots and shot them right into my kidneys.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I got a.
Speaker 3: Leader IV last night bed the nurse came over my
Speaker 3: friend's in Whistler. Somebody, my doctor friend got me an
Speaker 3: ivy bag and I mean I couldn't move. I couldn't
Speaker 3: I can't even stand upstream yet because my kidneys are
Speaker 3: so shot.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. And this was like two days ago.
Speaker 2: This was Saturday.
Speaker 1: This was Saturday night.
Speaker 2: God, and we're recording on Monday. That is nuts. Oh
Speaker 2: my god.
Speaker 1: I honestly, that really through me. I've never been that sick.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Do you think it was the sushi
Speaker 2: or was it something marinating from Ashi?
Speaker 3: Because I looked up I goause they didn't get sick,
Speaker 3: and I was like, is there how do you know
Speaker 3: the difference between a twenty four hour virus, yeah, and
Speaker 3: food poisoning. And when I looked it up on the internet,
Speaker 3: They're like, there is no such thing as a twenty
Speaker 3: four hour food virus. Like twenty four hour virus, Like
Speaker 3: no virus goes in and out of your body in
Speaker 3: twenty four hours, Right, it's food poisoning. I mean I
Speaker 3: felt like I was being attacked.
Speaker 2: Truly, Like it's like that moment where you're laying on
Speaker 2: the floor of the bathroom just to feel something cool
Speaker 2: against your face, and like, I don't know about you,
Speaker 2: but when I'm that sick and it's coming out of
Speaker 2: all ends. I'm just like usually naked because you're like
Speaker 2: sweating but you're shivering.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, my bra was over my boobs, Like the
Speaker 3: under part of my boobs was like completely out, and
Speaker 3: my bra had like slipped up from throwing up so
Speaker 3: much in the toilet. Yeah, and then having to turn
Speaker 3: around when it was coming out of my butt and
Speaker 3: then going into the waste basket. I had a waste basket.
Speaker 3: You held a vomit next to my bed. I mean,
Speaker 3: it was the most disgusting night of my life.
Speaker 2: You know what? You actually bring up one of the
Speaker 2: major like disagreements in my marriage, which is I say
Speaker 2: that when you're sick and you have to vomit for
Speaker 2: one out blown see, I actually want someone to pat
Speaker 2: my back. But like the it's the waste basket of
Speaker 2: it all, because Brad is like, we'll just make it
Speaker 2: to the toilet, Like you can't always make it to
Speaker 2: the toilet.
Speaker 3: You can't always make it to the toilet. I just
Speaker 3: gave up at some point and brought the waste basket
Speaker 3: out towards my bed, which is actually something I've never
Speaker 3: done because I used to.
Speaker 1: Seve to to do that too.
Speaker 3: Wearing it, like bringing it to the getting to the toilet,
Speaker 3: Like I've never not made it to the toilet, but
Speaker 3: this one was like I was too weak to keep
Speaker 3: getting up and going to the toilet.
Speaker 1: Now I had to have my ba my thing.
Speaker 3: But the muscles that you use to contract to vomit
Speaker 3: when you're throwing up bile.
Speaker 1: I mean, this is just getting everyone off to a
Speaker 1: great week.
Speaker 3: I just hopefully this is on a Monday or whenever
Speaker 3: we drop our minisodes, but I want this is a
Speaker 3: journal entry.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry you got so sick.
Speaker 2: Or have you even eaten anything since then?
Speaker 3: Or had a bagel this morning with some butter, But
Speaker 3: I hadn't eaten anything yesterday. I got my V I'm
Speaker 3: getting another IV as soon as I get home tonight.
Speaker 1: And my life is insane.
Speaker 3: I mean, obviously, if I hadn't been out till four
Speaker 3: o'clock in the morning, I doubt that food poisoning would
Speaker 3: have been as.
Speaker 1: Bad as it was.
Speaker 2: Had the choke hold it did on you.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have been so already in a state of
Speaker 3: dehydration and like, you know, weakness, But you know, I'll
Speaker 3: never learn. My life is constantly just one big shit show.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so glad you're on the mend
Speaker 2: and I'm so sorry that absolutely sucks.
Speaker 3: Thank you.
Speaker 1: An update.
Speaker 3: I decided to leave Doug in Canada because he's so
Speaker 3: happy here.
Speaker 1: Everyone who sends me these pictures. My friend Cynthia has him.
Speaker 3: She goes on runs through the woods in the forest
Speaker 3: and bike rides through the woods and forest, and Doug
Speaker 3: just follows her. And I was like, you know what,
Speaker 3: it's nicer to leave him here than to bring him
Speaker 3: back to Ma Bell's apartment where she doesn't have air conditioning.
Speaker 3: And he's going to be when I go to Europe
Speaker 3: on all of my tours. So I was like, is
Speaker 3: there any way you would want to keep Doug until
Speaker 3: I get back from Europe?
Speaker 1: And she was like absolutely, So he's going to.
Speaker 2: Stay, like for a little bit of the summer while you're.
Speaker 3: He's going to stay. He's going to stay for the
Speaker 3: month of June.
Speaker 1: Yeah, June.
Speaker 2: This was your happy place. Turns out it's your sons happy.
Speaker 1: Place as well. I love my baby so much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's such a good boy.
Speaker 1: And you know what was cute.
Speaker 3: He was coming up on the bed trying to check
Speaker 3: on me yesterday when my friend Yonica came in, but
Speaker 3: I didn't even have the strength of pet him, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and he was like sniffing around because he was like,
Speaker 3: why does it smell like vomit and diarrhea? And here
Speaker 3: does she smell so bad? And I was just like
Speaker 3: I can't. She's like, Doug, come on, come on, and
Speaker 3: he was trying to check on me. It was really cute.
Speaker 3: But yes, anyway, I'll be in Vegas. The next date
Speaker 3: will be July fifth, that'll before the July weekend. Yamnika
Speaker 3: will be opening for me, so that's very exciting and
Speaker 3: uh yeah, you can check my dates for Vegas coming
Speaker 3: up and all my dates in Europe.
Speaker 1: I'm coming. Go to Chelsea Hendler dot com for all
Speaker 1: other dates in Europe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and for that July fifth date, Yaminika, we just
Speaker 2: recorded with her that won't be out yet by the
Speaker 2: time this comes out, but she's so hysterical. You two
Speaker 2: have a hilarious rapport, so it's going to be a
Speaker 2: super super good time. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's pretty ridiculous.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we'll hopefully have her on some upcoming minisodes too. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Okay, thanks for listening, guys, We'll see you later. Do
Speaker 3: Do Do Do Do Do, drum roll Catherine please And
Speaker 3: abroad broad is my European tour.
Speaker 1: So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad.
Speaker 3: I need to get the health out of this fucking country.
Speaker 3: And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm
Speaker 3: coming to the UK. I'm coming to.
Speaker 1: Brussels, Paris, Belfast in May and June.
Speaker 3: I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm, to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow,
Speaker 3: New Zurich, Vienna. I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin,
Speaker 3: Barcelona and Lisbon. I'm coming abroad is abroad.
Speaker 2: That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad.
Speaker 3: I know I want to go see me abroad and
Speaker 3: there all be there, all be excellent. Okay. My remaining
Speaker 3: dates for Vegas, there are remaining dates for this year.
Speaker 3: Summertime is coming and I will be in Vegas at
Speaker 3: the Cosmo doing my residency on July fifth.
Speaker 1: We will be the next.
Speaker 3: Date that I'm there, July fifth, August thirtieth, and then
Speaker 3: November one and twenty ninth. November first and November twenty ninth,
Speaker 3: I will be in Las Vegas at the Cosmo performing
Speaker 3: Inside Myself at the Chelsea.
Speaker 1: It's called Chelsea at the Chelsea for a reason. Okay,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 2: Do you want advice from Chelsea? Right into Dear Chelsea
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