00:00:08
Speaker 1: And I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear.

00:00:17
Speaker 2: But you're a.

00:00:17
Speaker 1: Guest to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no guests. Your own presences presents enough. And I already had too much stuff, So how.

00:00:35
Speaker 2: Do you dare to surbey me?

00:00:48
Speaker 3: Welcome to I said, no gifts. I'm Richard Wineger. We're in the backyard. The birds are chirping. I'm recovering from food poisoning. I was food poisoned, five hours of vomiting and just agony two nights ago. So you know, I've I've been to Helen back, I've seen death. I'm gonna try to keep it together. If this podcast is you know, if this episode is worse than usual, you can just blame the guest. I love him. I think he's so funny. It's Lou Wilson.

00:01:24
Speaker 2: Oh, hello.

00:01:27
Speaker 3: Bridge, Welcome guys. No gifts.

00:01:29
Speaker 2: It's a thrill to be here. And thanks for putting yourself together. You know a lot of other hosts would have said I can't do it, but you you overcame, You battled through hell and here we are.

00:01:40
Speaker 1: Well.

00:01:40
Speaker 3: I said, you know, I did say I can't do it, and anally said, get off the floor, you piece of shit, you know, And I'm also professional, of course, first and foremost, I am.

00:01:50
Speaker 2: A professional consummate. One might even say.

00:01:53
Speaker 3: Thank you, I brought you here to kind of compliment.

00:01:55
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm happy to do it.

00:01:57
Speaker 3: You know, we talked momentarily before this out my condition. It's I mean, it's not a condition anymore. It was yes, I'm fine, my stomach's a little achy. Truly, an ab exercise, you have no idea like it's it's like it.

00:02:12
Speaker 2: Feels like you've been doing sit ups for hours and now it's the rest, and it's just like pulsating.

00:02:19
Speaker 3: And making the work incredible.

00:02:22
Speaker 2: I swear I won't lie. Don't.

00:02:26
Speaker 3: Yeah, well we won't name the restaurant. Yes, it poisoned me. Of course, maybe a person was trying to poison me. We can never in the sandwich.

00:02:34
Speaker 2: You know, you're a high priority target. You know, I could. I can imagine somebody sees you goes, oh, man, if I do this, I'm gonna be on the podcast. I know that he'll talk about.

00:02:44
Speaker 3: But there's a target on my back constant, of course, But I was a club sandwich.

00:02:50
Speaker 2: That I cannot I'm which part of the club sandwich do you think it was?

00:02:54
Speaker 3: It must have been the mayo. The mayo, I mean, it's either the mayo or the turkey. Unless that lettuce wasn't washed.

00:02:58
Speaker 2: Well that's what I My head goes to, the lettuce, unwashed lettuce. I mean, if it's the turkey, well, damn this restaurant to hell.

00:03:08
Speaker 3: They're giving bad turkey. A boy, then they've got to take a look at them.

00:03:11
Speaker 2: Maybe that's that's a that's a full check in moment. If your turkey, If it's your turkey.

00:03:16
Speaker 3: Right, that's such a key component. Got to have some fresh turkey exactly. The weird I mean, really, the club sandwich. I've said this a million times before. The club sandwiches one type of food you should be able to count on it literally any restaurants.

00:03:29
Speaker 2: It should be one of these. It is a safe haven of a of a meal. Yes, it's like I'm in a strange world, in a strange place. I need something that I know I can count on, and it's a sandwich with a toothpick through it. Yeah, to hold it all together.

00:03:44
Speaker 3: Are there any other items like at that level where I can go to any restaurant I know it's basically fine.

00:03:48
Speaker 2: I don't know like grilled cheese is only, but like I think it's like club sandwich and grilled cheese. Are those two? Like if these are on the menu, I should know exactly what I'm getting.

00:04:00
Speaker 3: I mean, I said to Annale's before this, I ordered about seven forty five at night. Oh, and I imagine that mayo. It must have just been out all day. It must have been I ask for easy mayo. That's the real kicker.

00:04:15
Speaker 2: Not even You're not even taking slabs of mayo. You a light spread.

00:04:19
Speaker 3: This thing wasn't completely lubed. This was just a slight thing of mayo. And then it was waking up in the middle of the night and just wanting to die. It's devastating when the last time you got food poisoned.

00:04:33
Speaker 2: When is the last time I got food poisoning. I think the last time I had a I don't think I've had food poisoning that many times in my life because I'm allergic to fish. Oh, I feel like this big classic area of food poisoning danger I've just avoided most of my life. But the last time I had a very intense food experience, I ate one of those I think they were illegal. Now those chips that came in a bag and it was just one of them. Oh, and it was like the spiciest chip. Yes, exactly, So I was a potential victim, could have died. Felt like I was dying. I ate one for a Facebook watch show that was just like a live stream on Facebook ate it got through it and was like that was awful. But I'm here and I'm standing, And I went home and I laid in my bed and I proceeded to have the worst like exactly what you're talking about, like a workout for my stomach for the next six hours of just like and I wasn't. I didn't have evacuation out of either end, but it was just the intensity of the stomach cramps. It felt like things were popping inside of me. I was like, I've never wanted to escape a situation more in my life that feeling.

00:05:47
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I can name this restaurant because it's delicious. And what happened was I just served a thing too spicy a place called Cook's Tortas in Monterey Park. I used to get something called La diabla okay delicious. I was getting it every single time Okay, I became a regular. They knew me. One time they served it to me. Halfway through the sandwich. I was sweating, just panicking, went up to get a glass of water, and they said, Oh, we made it extra spicy for you because we know you like it, which.

00:06:13
Speaker 2: Just who we all dream of being a regular in a restaurant. No one imagines it will ever backfire on it to punishment exactly. Oh, you come in here all the time. We decided to challenge you. You've been coming in here getting the same thing. We said, we're going to switch it out for you.

00:06:31
Speaker 3: We're going to put your life in danger. But yeah, that it's that thing where like it's just your stomach. It feels like ash. It's turned a complete ash in your body.

00:06:39
Speaker 2: Body part that you're like get out of. I don't know what to do with you. I had it also with Lettuce a couple of times, or actually Kale. I think I was eating too much Kale.

00:06:49
Speaker 3: Oh interesting, and.

00:06:50
Speaker 2: I was having that same I would wake up in the morning and I would have it happened twice during the pandemic, and I would be having that same kind of like stomach is just like in tense stomach cramps to the point where I'm like, it's five thirty in the morning, I'm naked, just like cat, cowing like on a yoga matt, desperately trying to like stretch out my abdomen, seeking some sort of relief and finding none. I went to the hospital. I went to the hospital, over kale, over kale, and I sat in the waiting room and then it stopped happening. Also, the woman said it was gonna cost six hundred dollars sip that would do it. You know what, I'm gonna be Okay, I'm gonna figure this out on my own. I'm gonna feel better.

00:07:35
Speaker 3: Back to the chip for a moment, because I've been so curious about that horrible chip. Yes, does it taste good at all?

00:07:41
Speaker 2: Absolutely not? And the one that was served to me was definitely stale. It was like it, you know, yeah, exactly not even Chris. You know when you eat a tortilla chip and it kind of just folds over in your mouth, it kind of gives up. There's no fight.

00:07:53
Speaker 3: You don't want to chew.

00:07:54
Speaker 2: I don't want to chew. So I was chewing the spiciest thing I'd ever eaten, and it, but it's like many spicy things where it's like you eat it and you're kind of like, that is spicy, and then about fifteen seconds later, you can't feel any of your mouth and this guy's just asking me funny questions of like have you ever have you ever had an accident on a cruise ship? And I'm like, oh, but yeah, worst pain I've ever. If you go through Facebook somewhere, you can find this video of me suffering. Know that the suffering you watch in the video is nowhere near what I felt alone by myself hours later.

00:08:29
Speaker 3: Oh god, and shortly after eating it? Did you do anything to help? Did you drink milk or anything? Because did I drink milk and gatorade? Okay, but I think I had eaten almost nothing that day. Oh I think the chip was my breakfast.

00:08:45
Speaker 2: And that I you know, I've that has since prepared me for eating spicy food Like that was a turning moment for me, which is like, we don't mess around anymore.

00:08:54
Speaker 3: So up until that point, had you did you feel pretty tolerant of spicy food?

00:08:58
Speaker 2: You know, I grew up eating no spicy food, Like in my house. It was a thing that it like my mom would be like, and here's the spicy ones for everyone else who's eating, and here's the least spicy ones for Loo. But then as I got older, got out of college, moved out to LA, I feel like I started engaging with more, enjoying it more. Then it became and then I think, I think this caught me right at a moment where I was eating a lot of spicy stuff because I felt like it didn't I had like a friend from Nebraska who would be like, I can't touch it, and I would be like, bring it on, Like you know. It became that kind of environmental social thing where I was like, yeah, I'm a guy who does medium, you know what? What was the what's the restaurant Halan raised? The Chicken Place had gotten very popular, and I feel like I went there and I got medium and I felt like a real cool guy. So I think when this guy asked me to do the chip, I was riding high, being like I'm a medium guy. Let's let's see let's kick it up and not let's see what.

00:09:53
Speaker 3: I can handle go to the absolute spicy.

00:09:58
Speaker 2: I was like, let's run to the other end of this spectrum and touched the wall and see if I could make it back, and I could.

00:10:03
Speaker 3: Well, I have something I probably shouldn't admit this on the podcast.

00:10:07
Speaker 2: Oh I can't wait.

00:10:08
Speaker 3: You know, I was through food poisoning yesterday at about you know, about three o'clock. I was feeling pretty good, everything was fine, starting to think about dinner. What should I eat dinner. I had had some very bland ramen for lunch, had had some pedialyte on Elise had suggested was very helpful. I thought, what should I have for dinner? Why not howl and Raise?

00:10:29
Speaker 2: No way, no way.

00:10:32
Speaker 3: So this is a horrifying thing.

00:10:34
Speaker 2: One day after food poison day, I mean that.

00:10:38
Speaker 3: Morning I went to hal and Raised and had medium really, which is probably not a good choice, which is probably why I'm not fully recovered yet. I love the I love the restaurant. It's so delicious, it's so good. It's I mean, it's probably the best hot chicken restaurant maybe in the United States.

00:10:58
Speaker 2: I spent the first like three months of the pandemic trying. I like decided I was just going to cook one thing every day to try and get good at I was like, I'm gonna come out of the pandemic, trying to cook, like having mastered a few items, and one of them was the how I was like, I'm gonna learn to make Howland Ray's style hot chicken, and I never came close these guys. There is magic happening behind that counter where all those guys are yelling and having the time of their lives. What a wonderful got a fun place to work, It really does. Like every time I'm in there, I'm like, oh, maybe this is the career I want. It seems like such a healthy place to be. Yes, everyone's happy, they're talking to the customers. Yes for maybe too long. Yes, they have a relationship with everybody. It's amazing that you could cook that good of food and chat that much. It's unbelievable.

00:11:46
Speaker 3: I know every restaurant should be looking to them. Yes, But unfortunately I thought that was a good idea, just mere hours after some of the probably the most violent vomited of my entire life. I mean, so I guess things are fine. Maybe it was a good test I needed to go through.

00:12:03
Speaker 2: Amazing. I mean, I like, I like the audacity of it. You know, to say to look at your food, poison get say you will not keep me down. You will not stop me from enjoying what I love.

00:12:15
Speaker 3: I mean, my boyfriend's in New York right now, and he'd been texting me all day, Are you okay? Are you okay? And then I was just while I was eating dinner, I was like, I hope he doesn't text me now. I hope he doesn't ask where I am. And then I told him. He said, well, then don't come crying to me if there's another problem. I made it through is aching, but it was worth it. Of course I've got to go there once a week. You have to. I can'not be there.

00:12:40
Speaker 2: Once deliver now, which is just devastating. Is this just an ad for halland Ray's Hallan Raise. It's a fun environment there. They also deliver.

00:12:49
Speaker 3: Halan Ray's reach Out, Please Out. Yeah so that. I mean, we're just learning about the way I make decisions and my lifestyle right now, which is probably bad.

00:13:01
Speaker 2: I like it. I mean I think I would have done a very I think anytime I have a food thing, it is very hard, especially because I've been having a hard time, like I've not been feeling good, and you know what makes me feel a lot better is a meal from one of my favorite places. Now, is that food the food I should be eating? Of course not, but I want to treat Yes, it's that a hard time, but I went through exactly I should enjoy myself.

00:13:27
Speaker 3: I did think about that this morning. I was like, you should be able to. I mean, you need to treat yourself well. But I was like, but treating yourself doesn't just mean eating things you like. Yeah, it's also eating things that are not going to damage you. Yes, but you know, maybe it's both.

00:13:39
Speaker 2: Hey, well, when somebody makes a a chicken noodle soup that is that satisfies me in the same way as a a chicken sandwich from hal and Race. I will eat that. I will eat that when I'm sick. It just doesn't exist yet.

00:13:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, give me a call when you've got that chicken noodle.

00:13:59
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:13:59
Speaker 3: I mean, speaking of the ramen from yesterday, I hadn't had ramen in such a long time, and what a delicious oooh so good.

00:14:07
Speaker 2: You know, I didn't have ramen until I was like twenty two years old. I'd only ever had top ramen. Oh, and that was ramen in my head. And then I moved out to la after school, and I say that that that's misleading. I moved back to La because I'm from here. Moved back to LA when I graduated, and somebody was like, have you we should go get ramen and I was like, that's okay, I can make it at home. And they're like, it's not the same pork ton kotsup. It takes hours.

00:14:35
Speaker 3: I mean, I should say in this current moment, the what I'm saying is flipped. I love a of course a restaurant Rocky. Yes, I'm talking about top Ramen. Really, I hadn't had top Ramen in years, and I was thinking while eating. I was like, if this was served to me at a restaurant and I had never had it before, I'd be like, everyone's got to go to this restaurant try this. I love a top rama.

00:14:57
Speaker 2: Which one did you you had? Did you have a Kappa noodle? Get class?

00:15:00
Speaker 3: So you know, the boiled on the stove and it's just so I mean, it's just literally salty. So it's it's literally tasting.

00:15:07
Speaker 2: It's good, really great noodles. And like I really I love the al Dente.

00:15:16
Speaker 3: It's al Dent in three minutes, exactly incredible.

00:15:20
Speaker 2: No, I go gaga, I go Gaga for ramen people, I mean I go gaga for ramen, but I do enjoy top ramen. I was a big beef and chicken. That was where the two old we would go to the ninety nine cents store. You get a pack of six and that's lunch. That's lunch every day at school and on Saturday of.

00:15:41
Speaker 3: Course, of course, yeah that I will. I will say if that was served to me at a restaurant I had never had it before, I'd be like, this is the best restaurant in the world. And cheese its Oh if.

00:15:52
Speaker 2: We are, I mean, if the podcast is just us talking about the best food in the world, this is cheese. Its are I was addicted to cheese. It's as a child, of course. There's nothing indescribable, indescribable.

00:16:07
Speaker 3: They're perfect food.

00:16:08
Speaker 2: Oh got the little salt crystals on that. Oh, now do you like cheese it classic? Or you somebody who likes these these other cheese. It's that people talk to me all the extra toasting white cheddar.

00:16:20
Speaker 3: Look, I'll take those, of course, but at the end of the day, I'm just gonna go with the classic.

00:16:26
Speaker 2: The classic.

00:16:27
Speaker 3: It's an excellent food, It's perfect. The toasted ones. What's your take on those?

00:16:33
Speaker 2: I think you've been distracted as to what is the best part of cheese it. I think like there is something to like that that the taste of the cheese. It is that kind of like warm, like cooked cheese, which you get a little bit more of the cooked side of it. But I would just want the cheese. I think the original is the pure just the blast, Yes, exactly, blasts of cheese and salt. Get a handful of them. Oh, I'm wanted to fill my cheeks with cheese its.

00:17:04
Speaker 3: I was just thinking that they should have taken a note from Oops all Berries and called the toasted ones oops burned. Yeah, yeah, great, Now.

00:17:13
Speaker 2: What it takes like it is like it is burned, which I guess some.

00:17:16
Speaker 3: People like people like a little charge.

00:17:18
Speaker 2: Yes, but you're right there is because there's one or two in every Costco size, in every two packaged Costco sized thing of cheese. It's I get. But yeah, you're just taken out all of those extra toasty ones and thrown them in up bag exactly.

00:17:34
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, of course we could. I mean I truly could just talk about those two foods all day.

00:17:38
Speaker 2: We could really go because I mean, between the flavors.

00:17:41
Speaker 3: Of it all delicious. But there's something else we have to talk about. What is that?

00:17:48
Speaker 2: Lou?

00:17:48
Speaker 3: I was so excited to have you here today. You know I was excited. You know I love you. I just thought we're going to have a great time. Yeah, well chat for however long we want. Lou might come for me in my time of need, of course, and then we'll move on. So I was a little surprised. I was a little I don't know that I'll say upset, but I was thrown when here comes Low into my backyard holding a bag wrapped beautifully thank you, gorgeously wrapped with some curly ribbon on it. What I can only describe, I mean from where I'm sitting, Yes, looks like a gift.

00:18:29
Speaker 2: It is a gift.

00:18:30
Speaker 3: And you okay, so you are aware the podcast is called I said no gifts.

00:18:33
Speaker 2: I am fully aware. But what can I say? My mama raised me right, the mother. Hey, I'll throw my mother under the bus all day. If I am walking into someone's home and I've never been there before, I'm bringing a gift.

00:18:47
Speaker 3: I had to do it, even if you're burglarized, even.

00:18:49
Speaker 2: If I'm Burglar. Ay, I'll tell you. If I'm gonna steal something, i'll leave. I'm gonna I'm gonna fish around for some pockets age something.

00:18:55
Speaker 3: You know. I brought a bottle of wine exactly.

00:18:59
Speaker 2: I took your tele vision. But here is a seven dollars bottle of wine that I picked up on my way over to burkelarize your home.

00:19:06
Speaker 3: I have manners. Well, I mean it's here.

00:19:10
Speaker 2: Yes?

00:19:11
Speaker 3: Should I open it here on the podcast? Okay, slide it my way? Sounds beautifully wrapped. I'm already apart. Its open. Okay.

00:19:42
Speaker 2: There's two parts. There's one on top and then there's another part on the bottom line.

00:19:45
Speaker 3: So is the top the one I should take first?

00:19:47
Speaker 2: Sure? Okay?

00:19:49
Speaker 3: Oh? Thank you? Want Alise? Oh I just kind of want to. Yeah, you could get into top thing. I'm fringing it out. I'm gonna set this aside for a more of course. Oh my god, thank you. On at least I know exactly what this is. You do and it's it's a box of Sea's candy. Yes, beautifully wrapped, so we know you didn't just find it in your cupp No.

00:20:11
Speaker 2: They I went to seize candy and they wrapped it for me.

00:20:15
Speaker 3: Of course they did. They offer it every time.

00:20:18
Speaker 2: Of course, I'm a real people pleaser. And when I was listening to the I was listening to a few episodes to prepare myself to warm up, and I think I was listening to I think it's maybe the episode with Emma Thompson where you mentioned off hand that you're a big fan of a certain Sea's candy, but I'm also I also you also call it seas, which you don't call You call it Ce's and not Seize Candy, which really threw me for a loop because I was like, seas, he likes chocolate from Seas. He couldn't be he must be talking like I only know it as Sees candy.

00:20:54
Speaker 3: But so obviously not as familiar with Mary c As.

00:20:57
Speaker 2: Of course you know Mary, so you are allowed to just call it seas. But uh yeah, So I went and I got your favorite, a few of your favorites, and then my favorite candy from there, which again is I got actually from my mother or she introduced it to me.

00:21:14
Speaker 3: But okay, what is that?

00:21:16
Speaker 2: That is thelasses? Of course, that's the molasses bar. So it's the It's just a little like strip of molasses covered. I got the milk chocolate and the darky bar.

00:21:27
Speaker 3: Yes, I hate to correct you. It's the molasses chip.

00:21:29
Speaker 2: The molasses chip. That's it. Oh, there it is. I'm working with a professional. Yes, the molasses chip. Which is there?

00:21:37
Speaker 4: It is?

00:21:38
Speaker 3: So that's your favorite.

00:21:39
Speaker 2: That's my favorite. I think it's I think I am incredibly thankful that seas aren't everywhere and easy to get to, because I would be eating molasses chip candy all of the time.

00:21:51
Speaker 3: I think that's my mom's favorite.

00:21:53
Speaker 2: And there it is.

00:21:54
Speaker 3: Okay, we've all got to have one. Now, have you ever had a Scotch malle?

00:21:57
Speaker 2: I have never had a Scotch ma.

00:22:00
Speaker 3: Oh my god, this is so gorgeous.

00:22:02
Speaker 2: So there you go.

00:22:03
Speaker 3: Got a beautiful candy. Okay, have one of those, of course, a Lisa. Would you like a Scotch mallow or a molasses chip? Beautiful?

00:22:13
Speaker 2: Hmmm.

00:22:15
Speaker 3: And I'm gonna have a I'm gonna have a dark molasses chip. Oh.

00:22:20
Speaker 2: I love the way that this podcast just evolves into talking about food and then eating it.

00:22:26
Speaker 3: Oh.

00:22:28
Speaker 2: This might be one of the best deliveries of marshmallow in a candy that I've ever had. It's the perfect it's not like the weird stringy.

00:22:37
Speaker 3: No, you don't want that.

00:22:38
Speaker 2: No, you don't want that.

00:22:40
Speaker 3: It's a very Oh I haven't had one of these in a very long time. And that's it's a perfect candy.

00:22:46
Speaker 2: It's a perfect candy.

00:22:47
Speaker 3: It's also devastating for dental health. Oh god, yes, it's immediately. It's like I'll have the Phlosopher days.

00:22:55
Speaker 2: No, I mean, it's part of it's another one of the reasons you don't go to sease candy that often. It's the reason you make it a special occasion. When you're coming over someone's house and you need a welcome gift. It is like you can't. You can't, especially once you start biting into the chip part. It's done. Those that moler is getting cof it's.

00:23:17
Speaker 3: A filling exactly. I don't need to go back to the tent.

00:23:21
Speaker 2: So go to seas four molasses gyps and you're good to go.

00:23:29
Speaker 3: Oh that's so delicious. Yeah, So you've been a seize person for a long time.

00:23:33
Speaker 2: Long my mother, Uh, you want to talk about treats my mom after anything? After my mom's a big gift giver and and likes to just have things on hand and so after any sort of soccer game that we won or whatever, you better believe I was getting a butterscotch sees lollipop. Oh, of course as a celebratory. And then also just any gift we got there might just be like I would get a birthday gift that was like a race car. I never got a race car, but you know, like an RC car, which.

00:24:04
Speaker 3: Difficult birth you know, I like a red wagon exactly.

00:24:08
Speaker 2: I would get a red wagon and there would be a seased candy butterscotch tied to the hand.

00:24:13
Speaker 3: Oh that's so sweet. So I like, our mom is maybe we're gonna find something out here. Oh my gosh, our mom is the same part.

00:24:20
Speaker 2: Oh oh oh, if I could be so lucky, But no, it was. Yeah, so I was just a big I grew up eating a lot of She would get me the lollipops and herself the molasses chip. And once I was old enough, I got to eat a few of the malasses chips. I guess that wasn't to be trusted as a young man.

00:24:39
Speaker 3: Wow, that's so strange because I had essentially the exact same experience.

00:24:43
Speaker 2: We guess the lollipops.

00:24:44
Speaker 3: Lollipops and then there was the box of the molasses chips. Oh yeah, delicious, that big, that big long box only for molasses chips.

00:24:53
Speaker 2: Yes, I almost got you one of those. But then I was like, no, if we're at seas at the Burbank mall, we might have We'll get a few Scotch mollows.

00:25:01
Speaker 3: Did they give you a sample while you were there?

00:25:03
Speaker 2: Of course?

00:25:03
Speaker 3: What did you get?

00:25:04
Speaker 2: I got molasses hip and they was though. It was a weird moment of being like, oh, I don't need to sample, but I hope. I hope she felt good because I feel like maybe she was like, oh, I'm making a sale. I gave him two dark molasses champ he ate it, and now he's asking for a box full of them. Wow, this guy loves it exactly. Now I get why we give out these samples. But yes, I did get a sample. I then was burdened with the little plastic bag all day. I didn't know what to do with that. I should have just like, I was kicking myself because I was walking around being like, you should have just given it back, but uh yeah, got a little sample.

00:25:43
Speaker 3: This is the thing people. I think I was late to learn this about ceas is that you can tell them what type of candy want is a sample? Usually they offer you a thing and usually it's like here's the blueberry surprise, like I don't know, thank you, what are we talking about? I don't want a fruit in my childhood? Of course you can tell them which one. Really, the place is happy.

00:26:03
Speaker 2: I did it, I mean I do. I hadn't been in one for a while, and it is funny the way the world melts away as you enter this Willy Wonka style all white room. It's pristine, where everyone's in uniform, just going hi, Hi, would you like, would you like some chocolate? And you're like, yes, it really is.

00:26:23
Speaker 3: What are they doing to get their employees to be so happy?

00:26:25
Speaker 2: Everyone is? Everyone was over the moon except this woman could not wait to box my chocolate.

00:26:31
Speaker 3: Right. I've never been in a seas where I feel like the employee seems put out.

00:26:35
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, where they're like, oh fine, right. Because there was a moment where she put too many molasses bars. I was like, there's not enough room for Scotch mellows in the box, and she was she was elated to put them back.

00:26:50
Speaker 3: She was like, you want a room?

00:26:52
Speaker 2: I could probably fit two Scotch mellows in here. I was like, Lauren, it's okay, you're doing great. So it was I honestly, I thank you for the gift of getting me back into a seas.

00:27:05
Speaker 3: Of course, I'm willing to drive anybody there. And they're not in every state or every city.

00:27:09
Speaker 2: I think.

00:27:10
Speaker 3: No, I feel like it's a kind of West coasty, yeah thing, I feel like they're they're not on the East Coast as much.

00:27:16
Speaker 2: No, I don't feel like when I would go to like in the in my travels, I feel like i've I really there's a there's one of the terminals that I feel like I fly in way too much. I think it's American. Is there's a seas candy right on your left as you pass security.

00:27:30
Speaker 3: Called the little Wagon.

00:27:31
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, little Wagon. But I I really, I don't think I haven't seen seas candy. I don't nobody knows of these butterscots blocks that they put. It's crazy. And if you and you want to talk about Phillings, I'll tell you try and bite that.

00:27:48
Speaker 4: Give you all your exactly if you if you had like that's one of the like in the movie when the kid wants to remove it to like, that's what you choose to do.

00:27:58
Speaker 2: Soften one of those over like an open flame, just smack it right onto the tooth and they just rip it out.

00:28:04
Speaker 3: That will just come out with a cluster of teeth over it. This is horrifying.

00:28:09
Speaker 2: It's like a tiny club.

00:28:11
Speaker 3: Like, yeah, not not great. So you went to the Burbank Mall. From to the Burbank Mall, Yeah, I'm trying to imagine. I don't think I've ever been to the Burbank Mall.

00:28:19
Speaker 2: It's because they're fourteen. So right, I'm show your picture of one of the many malls. This is the one that's kind of in between the Burbank sixteen. Is on the it's like a bank theater, the big theater. Then there's this little mall. It's not little, but there's a mall in the middle that has like has like a Seas and a Sears that's there. They have this abandoned Sears.

00:28:42
Speaker 3: Oh I've seen that series, which I think was just recently a Haunted Yes, exactly store.

00:28:47
Speaker 2: So it's that Sears and then uh and then on the other side is another movie theater that has a Romans or is it a Romans, No Romanspaciden, Barnes and Noble has a Barnes and Noble, So it's the whole sam what in between? And each one of these malls has an AMC movie theater.

00:29:05
Speaker 3: That's where it gets confused. I think I've only ever been to the Big One, but I'm always like, where do I need?

00:29:09
Speaker 2: Yes, I gave directions to two lovely older ladies who are driving who are driving lost around the parking lot yesterday. Well I was after I had left the C's. They pulled up next to me and we're like, where is the movie theater? And I had to be like, which one? And they're like the Big one? And I got to go, okay, so you're here. You're right near the AMC eight, which maybe you put in the AMC six, but what you need is the AMC sixteen.

00:29:35
Speaker 3: Wait, there are three theaters.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: Three theaters. There's one in the Burbank Mall, there's one next to the Burbank Mall, and there's one across the street from the this Burbank mall. They're all AMC, and they're all AMC different. I don't know, it is likest. What do we need to differentiate?

00:29:53
Speaker 3: That is baffling.

00:29:54
Speaker 2: It's crazy.

00:29:55
Speaker 3: I didn't even know there was a third one.

00:29:57
Speaker 2: I believe there should still be the AMC which is in the which would have been one floor above me at this while I was at the seas. Wow, you go one more floor up, you get another AMC.

00:30:07
Speaker 3: What that's really?

00:30:09
Speaker 2: They all have different programming skin. I don't know. I don't know what's going on.

00:30:12
Speaker 3: But and is any of this connected to the worst parking lot in America that has the ross dress for less parking?

00:30:19
Speaker 2: Uh?

00:30:19
Speaker 1: It is?

00:30:20
Speaker 2: It is No, We're across the street though. That's the scariest parking lot. I me and my girlfriend were just trying to see a movie there and I made the mistake of driving in there, and never have I so quickly gone. We fucked up. We have to get out of here.

00:30:35
Speaker 3: And then you think, oh, I can't because exactly it's an endless weird thing.

00:30:40
Speaker 2: I'm driving its circles. People are coming out of angle from angles. They don't feel that part looked like it was parked, but now it's driving forward and that was a lane the whole time. It's a It's I don't I don't feel safe in many burbank parking lots.

00:30:55
Speaker 3: And that parking lot in particular has so much reserved parking for Ross.

00:30:59
Speaker 2: I cannot imagine.

00:31:02
Speaker 3: Why does Ross need that much parking.

00:31:04
Speaker 2: And they have a guard too, who's watching to make sure that you walk. If you park there, you walk directly into the Ross.

00:31:11
Speaker 3: I feel like this must be like some thinking on Ross's part to like make it look fancy or something.

00:31:17
Speaker 2: It's like an arawon whether they like what's up? You know, there's a there's a parking attendant the year. This is a very Ross, exactly the best of the best. This man's here because obviously they are normally Mercedes, Benz and me and w It's another luxury cars parked out here as people walk in. Just because they have a nice car doesn't mean they don't like to dress for less. Everyone loves to dress for less.

00:31:39
Speaker 3: It feels almost like they should have a valet there. Oh, they should to valet at a Ross.

00:31:43
Speaker 2: That would I would? I would do that just to say I.

00:31:46
Speaker 3: Did it all the time? Would valet Exactly?

00:31:49
Speaker 2: Yeah? I pay sixteen dollars to valet at the Ross.

00:31:52
Speaker 3: Ten times what I paid for this shirt.

00:31:56
Speaker 2: Then I got this Valve serf shirt for two dollars and eighty cents out of.

00:32:01
Speaker 3: All of the discount clothing source. I do think Ross is the low basement level. Yes, I'll go to a Burlington, I'll go to a Marshall's. I'll go to a TJ Max. Are there any other ones?

00:32:14
Speaker 2: TJ Max? You got Marshals and TJ Max and Marshalls are.

00:32:19
Speaker 3: My I know when I end up in a Ross that something has gone exactly desperately wrong.

00:32:23
Speaker 2: I feel like lots of rosses have like an underground element to them. Yes, there's just something about the nature of Ross that they're like, bury it beneath.

00:32:33
Speaker 3: The subterranean exactly, just the mood there. It feels like you're always about six miles beneath the crust of the earth. Oh yeah, so well, I'm glad to talk to learn about this third Burbank movie theater. Yes, I have to get in there. Okay, so should I open this now?

00:32:51
Speaker 2: You can have the second gift?

00:32:52
Speaker 3: All right, let's get in here. Let's see reaching, reaching reaching. Okay, Wait, I have what this is incredible It's a costume that looks like Avatar. Yes, but I would love to know what the what it actually is.

00:33:13
Speaker 2: I do think it's straight up avatar.

00:33:15
Speaker 3: This is straight up creature.

00:33:17
Speaker 2: It's not blue creature.

00:33:19
Speaker 3: Is this what you were for Halloween?

00:33:20
Speaker 2: No, this is not what I was for Halloween. Another pro tip from my mom. You know that if you go to a Halloween store the day after Halloween, everything is dirt cheap. So I went and I spent much too long wandering the aisles try. I was like, I will do bridge of a favor. I'm gonna get I'm gonna knock out his Halloween costume for next year. We're just gonna have it. We're just gonna We're gonna bank it.

00:33:42
Speaker 3: Incredible.

00:33:43
Speaker 2: I'm gonna bank it. Oh that was I was like, and I thought there was like a kind of fun uh in the gift, being like a look, it's a little app post Halloween situation. So we got a little candy, and we've got a little but none of it is from Halloween. It's all boughtsifically the day after h so candy and a costume for next year that was fifty This.

00:34:07
Speaker 3: Isn't This is incredible because now I kind of have no choice but to be this for ext Halloween.

00:34:11
Speaker 2: Also, by oh, I spent a lot of time trying to I one, I don't know when the last time you were in a Halloween store was costumes are incredible?

00:34:20
Speaker 3: What's happening there?

00:34:21
Speaker 2: There's just everything like I you know this is obviously from the Avatar movie, but there was one. I think that the really incredible thing was the things you can be for Halloween that you don't have to make up yourself like there like there was cryptocurrency. There was that milk, like just a piece of like the crypto symbol that you hang over yourself and it's just like, who is who is this four? There was cryptocurrency one. Another one of my favorites was sky Blue from LMFAO. You could be the like least the less famous guy from years. They had multiple sky Blue a lot. There was a costume called the Noble Savage that you I'll let your mind run wild with that. It's really out of control. At Halloween City.

00:35:08
Speaker 3: At Burbank and no, was this the one in the series.

00:35:11
Speaker 2: This is the one in the series. So I went down from the season can wandered into the Halloween City, got legitimately scared by several of the of the props in the like lawn props, and then spent about a half hour wandering up and down the men's costume mile trying to pick something out.

00:35:27
Speaker 3: Now, have they taken over the entire series, I don't believe.

00:35:31
Speaker 2: So it seems to just be this like map. I know that this years before had a downstairs area because I think one time when I was looking for pants, I was walking around the steers and I remember taking an escalator down and I arrived in an area that was mostly empty, and it clearly like the series had started up, had started selling like flea market space, because there was like an independent rug seller in the basement of the series, and I was like, this is not going well. So I think they maybe have just taken over the main floor. The number the just the the right next to the World Market. I'm really giving I'm painting.

00:36:04
Speaker 3: A map of the gorgeous we are all there right now.

00:36:09
Speaker 2: But yes, it's just the main floor of the series.

00:36:12
Speaker 3: Because I do love an abandoned seeries. I've talked about this on the podcast before, and I keep talking about it in the hopes that someone will take me into the giant abandoned Seers on Santa Monica. I believe that it is a fortress. Oh, I'm hoping the mayor will eventually listen to the podcast Karen reach out and let me go into that thing.

00:36:31
Speaker 2: Yes, just give you the keys.

00:36:33
Speaker 3: Yes, just let me wander it. From it, I'll probably, you know, probably have to put on a hazmat suit or like one of those suits from what was the Alien Parole or the Alien prequel Prometheus. Yes, I'm imagining myself in one of those costumes, wandering through a series that's truly all I want in the world. And it can't be that hard to get me in there.

00:36:51
Speaker 2: No, it can't be.

00:36:52
Speaker 3: Who's in charge there.

00:36:53
Speaker 2: Somebody there has to We can definitely find a like whoever owns the building? Who could be like who could give you forty five five minutes walk up and down a bunch of dusty escalators. I'm sure there's a few like remnants. There's got to be a few like ruins in this series that are just like a rack of men's fleece coats.

00:37:15
Speaker 3: Eaten by moths. Yes, oh, I bet the atmosphere in there is credible.

00:37:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, your ideas, Prometheus is perfect. There's just like little dust particles everywhere. It's like Blach cameras.

00:37:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, so That's why I do appreciate a Halloween store for like kind of allowing you to go into these sort of give you a sense what were you for Halloween this year?

00:37:38
Speaker 2: I was a seasonal. I was just I didn't do anything particular. I was just like, I wore an orange sweater and a black deadim jacket.

00:37:46
Speaker 3: That's kind of nice.

00:37:47
Speaker 2: That's I feel like that's I'm not a big Halloween person, but I don't. I'm not. I don't like to I'm not like anti Halloween. I don't dislike Halloween. I just don't. I'm not a big costume guy.

00:37:58
Speaker 3: Well it's because it's a giant hassle.

00:38:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. And it's hard and I have a hard I feel like I finding this stuff in the road. It's hard enough for me to buy clothes that I could just wear and that I like. So the idea that that I'm finding clothes for one day, that is a thing that I if I do it right, my reward is that other people look at me and go, I think you're I think you're Smoky the bear, and I go, oh, thank god, thank god, this wasn't a huge waste of time. I just don't it doesn't compute for me. I love Autumn, I love fall, but I don't go hard on Halloween.

00:38:35
Speaker 3: Right. I can never tell if I'll be in the Halloween mood or not. I mean, I can basically tell this point I probably won't be, but some years it will really hit me and I'll be like, I want to be involved with this in every possible way, but there's no telling until about four days before. That's it, and that's what becomes difficult.

00:38:54
Speaker 2: Well, hey, now, now now you're ready to stress.

00:38:58
Speaker 3: That has been just lifted off of my should I could the next year of my life. I'm gonna be flying exactly.

00:39:05
Speaker 2: This is it. You You have already got October thirty first, twenty twenty four in the bag. It's done.

00:39:11
Speaker 3: I am gonna be performing at a level that I have never thought about, that no one has ever seen there. It is incredible.

00:39:17
Speaker 2: This is a Turkey moment in the podcast. Just watch Skyrocket. By next March, Barack Obama will.

00:39:22
Speaker 3: Be on here. You know, if Joe Rogan and I'm also gonna take a hard turn, right, it's gonna be It's gonna be rough, but it's also gonna be very good.

00:39:30
Speaker 2: For stick with it. Guys, everyone out there listening, stick with it, Move with me to Austin. Were you something this? Did you get dressed up this year?

00:39:38
Speaker 3: I was, I mean, and of course it was a day of planning. I was a mechanic experimenting with bangs.

00:39:46
Speaker 2: Oh so it was.

00:39:47
Speaker 3: I had a my boyfriend has a mechanic suit, and then I had bangs, which were a gift from a former guest on this podcast, and tran which God blessed because it came together in a beautiful way.

00:39:58
Speaker 2: Incredible.

00:39:59
Speaker 3: I put that on and I hate, I hate to say it. It was a hit.

00:40:03
Speaker 2: I'm sure you know you don't.

00:40:05
Speaker 3: A costume you have to explain is very risky. Yes, and so when I had to start explaining this, there was the fear. But every person loved it and it was so easy.

00:40:17
Speaker 2: And I think that's just a fun that's a fun mashup of two. I think that is the way the best costumes live, which is why I'm just too lazy. It's like, it is that kind of like to bring the classic costume of mechanic mechanic, but bring in this fun modern twist that is experimented with bangs.

00:40:34
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it worked out pretty well, and it was so easy. I was comfortable a mechanic. What is that coveralls? Thank you very contray.

00:40:45
Speaker 2: People love wearing coverall.

00:40:46
Speaker 3: Oh, they love a cover all. I mean I thought about while it's right, It's like maybe I just need the cover all. Yeah, probably won't do it, but you thought about it, thought about it. That's more than I did before. So that's what I was this Halloween. And I only went out for Halloween one night and that was plenty. Yes, this, I mean Halloween this year was on a Tuesday, and so Halloween was essentially fourteen weeks long. Yes, it started on the Friday before, then Saturday and Sunday.

00:41:15
Speaker 2: When people were telling me they went out on Tuesday, I was like, how like.

00:41:21
Speaker 4: That?

00:41:21
Speaker 2: Also, like I had a friend and go Yeah, last night, I went pretty hard, and I was kind of like, what it was Tuesday? Wait, it was a workday.

00:41:30
Speaker 3: What event could you have done hard? Atlete?

00:41:33
Speaker 2: There were other people who wanted to go hard with you? You found them, but yeah, no, no, no, Yeah.

00:41:39
Speaker 3: I went out with a few friends to dinner, just a non Halloween thing, but then we ended up going next door to a Have you been to the bar Ruby Fruit?

00:41:49
Speaker 2: No?

00:41:49
Speaker 3: Lesbian bar in Silver Lake, which was having a costume competition. Was none of this was planned, but then I ended up kind of. I wasn't planning on staying for the whole thing, but when when the competition begins, you're you're not leaving, You're stuck. People are parading past you.

00:42:04
Speaker 2: Did you enter?

00:42:06
Speaker 3: No, I wasn't dressed up. If I had been in the costume, I would have blown everybody around.

00:42:10
Speaker 2: Of course, banks that's the first prize costume.

00:42:13
Speaker 3: But I did get to see some pretty impressive costumes and so that it was like a nice little hint of Halloween didn't require anything of me. And then I got to go home and I did watch something called the Enfield poulter Geist. Have you seen this documentary?

00:42:28
Speaker 1: No?

00:42:29
Speaker 3: I haven't been actually scared of anything like any haunted type thing in a very long stit.

00:42:34
Speaker 2: And this is a documentary.

00:42:36
Speaker 3: This is a documentary. There was a poulter Geist situation in England in the seventies and this guy, I don't know what sort of person he was, he was a guy ended up document or recording hours and hours of audio of this and they used the audio in this documentary. But they and this is a risky choice. It's something kind of have to get used to. They have the actor's lip sync all of the audio, and it's like kind of which sounds terrible, so.

00:43:08
Speaker 2: Kind of like a recreation situation where we're playing we're listening the seventies audio while like an actor from Central Casting is going like my, my, the demons inside of me, Like yeah, okay, and.

00:43:21
Speaker 3: It after it clicks, it basically works okay because the audio is horrifying. It's actually very scary. Okay, And I'm watching this at eleven o'clock at night, I'm home alone, texting friends. I'm I'm spooked as hell. Yes, if it's actually kind of creepy, so that it was a decent Halloween.

00:43:40
Speaker 2: That's I like I was. My girlfriend was a big fan of getting a little bit of spooky in there, which I do think is the fun part of Halloween. You can do at home by yourself, which is my favorite part. It's like, which part requires no one else and it's just me and my loved ones getting scared together. Right. I do love a haunted house, or like I love a house, but I didn't have the energy for it this year. But normally I'm a big haunted hay ride.

00:44:06
Speaker 3: Oh right right. Somebody had recommended some others haunted theater thing to me this year, and I promised her I would go, and then I'm a liar. It didn't go, but it seemed like something that would have been a nice creepy time. Yeah, but yeah, that's the sort of thing that I want out of Halloween. It's just a chill down my spine exactly.

00:44:25
Speaker 2: Yes, I find it very distressing. I feel like everything that is present, oh disappears as I like, I wonder if I'm going to be ripped from this universe by an otherworldly spirit. There's something it's nice to replace my today stress was something deeper and truer that kind of keeps me up at night.

00:44:47
Speaker 3: Right, that feels so so good. I mean, I want to go back to this avatar costume for just one moment because the photo on it, just to describe to the listener, it is an avatar guy or gal I don't know, but they're wearing what is essentially like prison clothing. Is that does that happen in the movie?

00:45:06
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny, I said a bigure of bit. She was like, what did you get? Bridger and I sent this picture and she was like, which part of the movie is that.

00:45:14
Speaker 3: It's like they're just in the convict.

00:45:17
Speaker 2: Which also at the Halloween City thousands of convict costa. There is nothing more popular than being an inmate or Michael Myers, it would seem, according to Halloween City. But yes, I have no idea there is. I think this is meant to be Jack Sully or Jake Suley.

00:45:35
Speaker 3: Uh.

00:45:36
Speaker 2: And I don't actually know what part of the movie this is from. I feel like this maybe happens in the first one, Like there's a moment where he's wearing like this is him and this is meant to be playing clothes. But it looks so prisony.

00:45:52
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it literally just like a tan shirt and tank. I mean not even It's like it's just literally prisones.

00:45:59
Speaker 2: It's pretty. So they have taken prison clothes and added fun forearm gauntlets and a mask and are like they did put a tail on the pants is a tail on the interest. So they took a prison costume, put a navvy tail and gave you some fun arm bracers and a mask. And look at that prison has cubbed to Pandora.

00:46:22
Speaker 3: I wonder if This was like a situation for the company where they were like, we can't afford all blue spandex so what something else we could do? Yes, well, we've got all these prison costumes left over.

00:46:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, slapped some tails on them and boom oh.

00:46:38
Speaker 3: And so ultimately, what this means for me is this is a costume for next year. Yes, the year after that, I'm a prisoner.

00:46:44
Speaker 2: Exactly. You take rip the tail off, leave the mask off, and boom prisoner.

00:46:48
Speaker 3: I mean two years of life have been planned for mare. It is what an absolute gift and it's an extra large which is incredible.

00:46:55
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, if you need it tailored, you let me know. We can include that in the gift.

00:47:00
Speaker 3: Do you want to take this to a tailor? Bad?

00:47:03
Speaker 2: Can you take this in on this side, take the legs just a little bit more. I want to be comfortable, but fitted, but hippie.

00:47:12
Speaker 3: Interesting. Uh No, I'm very excited about this. I saw the first half of this movie earlier this year in theaters with my new movie policy is of if it's over three hours long, I only see an hour and a half. Really new new policy for me. It's something I'm recommending to everybody.

00:47:29
Speaker 2: Did you see it? Did you see Killers? Did you watch an hour and a half of Killers in the flower?

00:47:33
Speaker 3: This is the one movie I made the exception for Marty. You've got when Marty, you know, it's a treat. He's one of our great great masters of cinema. I'm going to sit through his movies.

00:47:46
Speaker 2: Yes, but for others, if it's three hours, you only do an hour and a half.

00:47:50
Speaker 3: I'm out at an hour and a half. And if I if I like that enough, I'll go back for the last half, like another time, Another time. Wow, I take a long intermission, maybe weeks long intermission.

00:48:01
Speaker 2: Powerful, it feels incredible. Now, what have there been movies that you came back for the second half?

00:48:07
Speaker 3: Not yet? So and there have been a lot of three hour movies this year, shockingly.

00:48:12
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:48:13
Speaker 3: So when I get to that movie that demands I come back for the last half, it's gonna be It's gonna be interesting because I guess it's not that good of a movie. Yes, that just kept me can out.

00:48:24
Speaker 2: Let's be clear, you walked out, but you went all you slept on it, and you said I'd be interested in how that all got to wrapped.

00:48:32
Speaker 3: I need to wrap this up. Yeah. So I do not know how the last half of the Way of Water goes, but it doesn't matter. I imagine that the Aliens do something.

00:48:44
Speaker 2: It goes exactly the way you think from the first ten minutes. How you think the rest of the movie goes is exactly as as you expect it was, you.

00:48:52
Speaker 3: Know, Yeah, it was just like I know. Even going in, I was like, I know what this experience is going to be. But everyone's talking about it, of course, so I have to have at least seen part of it.

00:49:02
Speaker 2: That's you just need to.

00:49:03
Speaker 1: I like that.

00:49:04
Speaker 2: I really love this mentality because you're right. There's so many things I watch just so that when I go to a bar, I'm not the person going, wait, what happened? Okay, wait, so wait so those two are brothers? Okay, hold on, I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read it on Wikipedia, and then I'll join the conversation in fifteen minutes. It's like, you watch it just so you can be a part of it. But yeah, you're right, just.

00:49:24
Speaker 3: Watch enough an hour and a half as plenty.

00:49:26
Speaker 2: You'll get all the exposition you need. Yes, Yeah, and if somebody brings up something exciting, then that's just you can tell me that part, right, I know the basic premise.

00:49:34
Speaker 3: Well, I can just lie my way through it and be like, oh, I can kind of remember that part.

00:49:38
Speaker 2: Ye, yes, that happened. That happened.

00:49:44
Speaker 3: But I'm obviously a dedicated fan of the franchise for Halloween, this is ideal. Yeah, oh boy, Well, I think it's time to play a game. Oh I'd love to on a lease. Gifter A curse on a Lease's keeping me a professional? The mouth the words to me, I didn't remember. Let's be honest, we have two different games, and I'm trying to be better. Other gift called Gift Master.

00:50:10
Speaker 2: That's you know. In all the episodes I listened to, I don't think I ever heard anyone play Gift Master.

00:50:15
Speaker 3: Should we play?

00:50:16
Speaker 2: I mean too, we don't have It's your show is a pretty short game. It's just it was interesting for you to go there too. And I was looking thinking back on the episodes I listened to. I was like, did I hear I never heard anything that wasn't gift or a curse.

00:50:27
Speaker 3: Let's play Gift Master first and see how much time it takes. Okay, okay, I need a number between one and ten from you six, Okay, I need to do some like calculat okay to get her game pieces. You can recommend, promote, do whatever you want right now.

00:50:40
Speaker 2: I'll be right. Hey guys, it's me Lou. If you're a fan of dungeons and Dragons or fantasy fiction in general, I have a podcast called Worlds Beyond Number where we use dungeons and dragons to tell a fantasy story together, but do the masterful editing of my friend Taylor More. It kind of ends up being more story oriented versus maybe some of the other D and D based formats you've maybe seen before. So feel free to check it out. It's me, my friend Brendan Lee Mulligan, my friend Eric, my friend Abria Irongar, all telling a wonderful story entitled The Wizard, the Witch, and the wild One. So check us out Worlds Beyond Number.

00:51:26
Speaker 3: Beautiful.

00:51:27
Speaker 2: There it is.

00:51:27
Speaker 3: That's such a well structured piece of promotion.

00:51:30
Speaker 2: Yeah, just a nice clean elevator the information there.

00:51:34
Speaker 3: Wow, people should take a lesson from you.

00:51:36
Speaker 2: There it is.

00:51:37
Speaker 3: This is how we play gift Master. I'm gonna name three gifts.

00:51:40
Speaker 2: I feel slightly bad that I bullied my way into gift Master. But I just want to like what I like.

00:51:47
Speaker 3: When a guest has you know, throws things in a different and you know it. We've got to stay on our toes, of course. And I like this game. Let's be honest. You can actually there's a home game version of this. This is a good time. I was told I should promote things, promote the merchandise.

00:52:02
Speaker 2: Well you have you have a you can play gift Master at home. At home.

00:52:05
Speaker 3: It's a card game. Wow. And I got the email yesterday on aalast. I'm gonna look at you. It's exactly right. Store dot Com on a least is gonna double check this because you know, again not great at this, but yeah, I mean, wow, now look at you. You've turned me into a disgusting promotion person whatever, but the network will be so happy with me.

00:52:25
Speaker 2: Yes, on a least.

00:52:26
Speaker 3: Does that feel right? Wow? I think that's the first time ever on this podcast that I've been able to accurately tell people where to go on the issue. You want to know?

00:52:33
Speaker 2: Why is because you know exactly what you're gonna be for Halloween next year. Yeah, that's.

00:52:39
Speaker 3: It's paying off already. Okay, this is how we play I'm gonna tell you three gifts, three things you can give away. And then I'm gonna tell you three celebrities which and you're gonna tell me which celebrity you'll give which gift. And hey, all right, does that make perfect sense?

00:52:53
Speaker 1: Yes?

00:52:53
Speaker 2: I like this game. Okay.

00:52:54
Speaker 3: These are the three gifts. Number one is a dozen eggs. Okay, so that's a good big prices are all over the charts, so that's a good gift. Number two is a trip fifty years into the future, which is a very good gift. And number three is mountains of debt, Mountains of debt. Yes, okay, so they will be in mountains of debt. And these are the three people. Number one Christoph Waltz. Yes, you love Christoph. Number two Ellen Barkin, Okay, I love Ellen. Number three is Billy Gilman. Do you have any idea who that is?

00:53:26
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna need both Ellen Barkin just I'm sure I know who they are. But will you place them in the cultural zeitgeist for me?

00:53:34
Speaker 3: Okay? Ellen Barkin is an actor. What's Ellen's biggest role? Would you say? On Elise, Oh God, now you've got me. Of course, she's you know, she's been doing movies for ages.

00:53:48
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I oh gosh, she loves to sneer at people.

00:53:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's got a real sneer. Ye.

00:53:56
Speaker 2: There's definitely a movie that I feel like I watched as a young man where she's a she's some kind of villain and it's incredible.

00:54:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, she's got She's got I would say, a darkness that she is able to access.

00:54:07
Speaker 2: Yes.

00:54:08
Speaker 3: Billy Gilman had a hit single in probably nineteen ninety eight. He was like a boy country singer and I feel like he sang a song about someone with a gun.

00:54:19
Speaker 2: Wow. Billy Gilman, he was one one boy.

00:54:22
Speaker 3: He was one of these like, uh, you know when parents get on board with like a celebrity.

00:54:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like, I really like that Billy Gilly gilt Yes.

00:54:31
Speaker 3: We don't know where he is now, Okay, but now you have to deal with him.

00:54:36
Speaker 2: Great, Okay, here it is. Here's where I'm giving gift one eggs, gift to a trip fifty years in the future, and gift three mountains of dead. I'm going to give the eggs to Billy Gilman. Okay, why well, you know I here's what I'm gonna say. Billy Gilbert was huge in the nineties. Our parents loved him. I don't know where he's at right now. I don't know how he's doing. I haven't heard about Billy Gilman in a minute.

00:55:07
Speaker 3: Now.

00:55:08
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean Billy Gilman's not out here thrife, okay, but I just I don't want to put any I feel like for me, Billy is very I'm very concerned with Billy's now, and I want to make today a very special day for Billy. And so I come up to Billy. I say, Billy, it's been a minute I know, or actually it's been a whole lot of minutes. We've never met before. But I'll tell you. I don't know what today and tomorrow are like for you, but I'll tell you what I want you to have for breakfast, lunch, or maybe dinner if you're feeling frisky. And it's a fried scrambled poached.

00:55:42
Speaker 3: Boiled as I'm glad you said poached.

00:55:44
Speaker 2: It's Hey, I know Billy, Billy, I don't know. Hey, I've never met Billy. I don't know how he takes his eggs.

00:55:49
Speaker 3: All right, I'm open he might be poaching.

00:55:52
Speaker 2: So I'm gonna give I'm gonna get Billy, those eggs beautiful and say I want today, I want.

00:55:57
Speaker 3: This week to be great for you, protein packed.

00:56:00
Speaker 2: For Christoph Waltz, I'm giving him the trip fifty years in the future. You know, I think that he's his now is incredible. This guy's in movies left and right. He's doing really well. I think that he I think there's I think there's something. He plays a lot of villains, and I think maybe if we put something on the horizon for Christoph, he said, Christoph, Christoph, I know it's been a minute. We haven't met, so it's been a whole lot of minutes. But it's good to see you. You you're playing you play mean men, but maybe you wouldn't be so mean if on the horizon, if out in the distance you knew there was joy and you just had to have fifty you could be You could have fifty years of mean, fifty years and nice. No matter what, there's something great coming for you, and it's a trip. I'm giving him a trip in fifty years time.

00:56:50
Speaker 3: I mean I could also kind of see him as kind of like an evil emperor in a future dystopia. Oh, very easily. Yes, if he hasn't played that already.

00:56:59
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's a well in which he goes on this vacation and takes over, you know, just kind of stays there and rules.

00:57:06
Speaker 1: Right.

00:57:07
Speaker 2: But even then, let's put that fifty years off in the future. If that's the case, Let's give those people fifty years to prepare the battlements. But when Christoph Waltz enters and attempts to manipulate his way to the top.

00:57:18
Speaker 3: Imagine getting to twenty seventy three and Christoph Waltz is ruling the planet.

00:57:23
Speaker 2: Like, what's up? I mean, it would eats. It's fitting for him, which is because he's both a nice and scary.

00:57:29
Speaker 3: S IoT smile that could go in any direction.

00:57:31
Speaker 2: Yes, I really got to give it up to him. And then for Ellen Barkin, I hate to do it. I'm gonna give Ellen mountains of debt. I think she was you know, I you know, I had to. She had to be placed for me in my head where she is in the cultural zeitgeist. But I can say this for sure. She is a villain in my mind, and villains deserve whoa.

00:57:56
Speaker 3: You gotta put a barrier between her and the do gooders exactly. She's gonna have something else to worry.

00:58:02
Speaker 2: He's gonna have something else to work through because I now, of course, is there a world in which this makes her an even more villainous person, interest sneers more people. Who knows. Maybe it's motivation for her next role. But Ellen's getting mountains of debt.

00:58:18
Speaker 3: She has maxed out her credit card. Wow, beautifully played, there it is, and you came in here. We're trying to play the other game and you played this game perfectly.

00:58:26
Speaker 2: Oh, thank you.

00:58:28
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't think we even need to play another game.

00:58:30
Speaker 2: What do you think?

00:58:31
Speaker 3: Only's analis is screaming.

00:58:33
Speaker 2: No screaming. Thank god, there's this soundproofing between us.

00:58:40
Speaker 3: Okay, it's time for the final segment of the podcast. Yes, it's called I said no emails people right into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. They're desperate for answers. They need answers to questions in their lives, and you know, I do my best. Of course, I'm going to drag the guests into it. Would you help me answer a question?

00:58:59
Speaker 2: Happily? But one?

00:59:00
Speaker 3: Okay, all right, this says dear Bridger and guest. I am writing in for my cousin. Oh interesting, Oh, cousin doesn't like the podcast. Apparently she has a best friend who is an identical twin, and her friend's birthday is coming up. My cousin is going to give her a gift, but the question is this feels like one of those math problems, like it did that, but did this and then you have to like a little. It's like an sat thing exactly.

00:59:28
Speaker 2: Immediately I started being like, wait, who is asking the question and who is receiving? It feels like that is going to be the multiple choices, like, please list who is receiving the gift and who is asking the question?

00:59:39
Speaker 3: And who was on the train and it wasn't he. Let's see, my cousin is going to give her a gift, But the question is should my cousin give a gift to each of them WHOA or should she just give a gift to the twin who she's friends with. From Margo and Baltimore.

00:59:56
Speaker 2: Okay, so Margo is leaving Baltimore at seven forty five am on her way to give a gift to her cousin's identical twin friend.

01:00:05
Speaker 3: Jason has a mustache. M Okay, clear, this is my mind. The cousin hates the podcast, they left a one star review. Margo wrote in because the cousin still needs help. Yes, the cousin has friends who are twins. Okay, the twins are having a birthday on the same day as they.

01:00:24
Speaker 2: Usually as twins often do.

01:00:26
Speaker 3: But the cousin only likes one of the twins. Should the twin give the friend a gift or both of them a gift?

01:00:36
Speaker 2: And why that is an I find that is a bit of a conundrum. And if I'm being my most honest, I would love to know their ages, Like there's something interesting ages for me, Like if these if everyone is nineteen, everyone gets I would give gifts to everybody, and I would just make them bad gifts. I'd be like, I got you both up like a book from Roman's from the like nobody else has Romans. Romans is a thing that only exists in Pacedena, but it is the quintessential bookstore. I would get you like a used book from Barnes and Noble.

01:01:10
Speaker 3: But if they're older, let's assume eighty three.

01:01:14
Speaker 2: Assume eighty three and they're sharing a party.

01:01:16
Speaker 3: They're sharing a party. Uh, he doesn't even say I mean Margo despite this bizarre question, and has not given us the birthday party detail.

01:01:26
Speaker 2: I you know, I exactly Hey, well, you know, in my dream version, me and Margot get on the phone. We talked this out for an hour and a half and I get to the bottom of it. But for the podcast, I think I'm gonna be I'm gonna I'm gonna be that guy. I'm only getting a gift for the twin.

01:01:41
Speaker 3: I like interesting, right, I think that they're if.

01:01:45
Speaker 2: Everyone's eighty three, we're adults. I don't I don't know you. I guess maybe you pick up a like a fifth of Jamison or like, you know, just like I like, or something from uh the you know, speaking, You head down you Valet park at the Ross, You go to the checkout la Online, and you get one of those cookbooks by Hello squirrel.

01:02:08
Speaker 3: Girl is trying to enter the podcast.

01:02:10
Speaker 2: You get one of those cookbooks by John Legend's wife whose name I can't remember right now, Chris Chrissy Tagant, and you give that. You give like a real, like like thoughtless gift to the You put zero energy into the twin. You don't like if you feel so compelled to give them a gift, but you know earnestly and Honestly, I think gifts should be thoughtful, and I think you have this opportunity to give a thoughtful gift to somebody you actually care about. Don't water it down and waste your time spending energy trying to create a gift for a person you don't know do care about exactly.

01:02:44
Speaker 3: You could liver die for all you can exactly.

01:02:47
Speaker 2: So I don't know. That gift could be in the will coming back to you the next day, and would you want that.

01:02:54
Speaker 3: They're both eighty three exactly. Well, they're probably trying to kill each other.

01:03:00
Speaker 2: You know, someone's getting poisoned at this party, at.

01:03:02
Speaker 3: This double birthday. I think that that's a decent idea.

01:03:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think.

01:03:07
Speaker 3: I mean, you obviously are a thoughtful gift giver. I mean the only other strategy I can think of right now is Margo gives the twin a better gift, which the friend becomes jealous of and is now thinking, does Margo love me anymore? Now the twin is working harder than ever to be a friend. Ah.

01:03:24
Speaker 2: There it is a little entrapment situation.

01:03:27
Speaker 3: And also the twin is now becoming friends with Margo. Yes, so we've got not only do we have a new friend. We have an dear old friend who is putting in the work again. Yes, they are desperate, they're sweating, They're thinking, Margo, do you love me? Yes? It's like a you know, a marriage renewed.

01:03:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, who needs a friend? You could have someone who seeks to serve you, who's just hoping that every moment everything they do, you smile for them. You know, they're like, should we go out to Applebee's? And you kind of keep tight lip and they're like, I'm sorry, that was stupid. I shouldn't have said Applebee's. I hate Applebee's. You know, you just kind of really flip the dynamic on its head.

01:04:09
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:04:09
Speaker 3: I think that, uh, you know, mine's a better idea.

01:04:13
Speaker 2: I agree.

01:04:13
Speaker 3: I think now that we've now we've really talked it, I think that that might be the way Margot the direction Margo needs to take at this eighty is it the eighty third or eighty fourth birthday?

01:04:23
Speaker 2: We don't don't know.

01:04:25
Speaker 3: We don't know. We hope that the twins are still alive, yes, or at least one of them. But I think we answered it perfectly.

01:04:32
Speaker 2: I think I think Margo is going to take that to her cousin who hates her, their cousin who hates the podcast, and figure it all out. I think they've I think we've cracked it.

01:04:42
Speaker 4: Yeah, this cousin has been waiting. Yes, Margo, what do you have for me? It's like a full businessman. They're behind like a giant desk. Margo comes in, fligs a file. I consult it the best boss. Here's what he said.

01:04:56
Speaker 3: I imagine while Margot was typing this email, the cousin was behind her rubbing her shoulders.

01:05:02
Speaker 2: Yeah that's right. Yeah, there in this Marco. Yeah, well put an exclamation point at the end, right there. Yeah, you're fun.

01:05:11
Speaker 3: Perfect, perfect, perfect. Well, I have two beautiful gifts. You've given the Scotch molos and the molasses chips, two different types. Yes, I mean, what a thoughtful gift. And I have the costume for next year.

01:05:23
Speaker 2: Which again, if you need it tailored, please let me know.

01:05:27
Speaker 3: This costume is gonna end up costing one thousand dollars. It's gonna be the sharpest suit I've ever worn. I'm gonna wear it to premieres hot red carpet looks.

01:05:39
Speaker 2: If you guys could see the mask, just picture a perfectly tailored suit, and then there's just kind of wonky mask on top of.

01:05:47
Speaker 3: It, kind of flapping in the wind.

01:05:49
Speaker 2: It's your neck, your neck lock, just fucking out out there in the breeze. Meanwhile, you look incredible. The food poisoning is fucking worked you to the bone. The ads are showing his shirt.

01:06:04
Speaker 3: Oh beautiful, Lou, I've had such a wonderful time.

01:06:06
Speaker 2: That is incredible.

01:06:08
Speaker 3: Thank you for being here.

01:06:09
Speaker 2: I'm sorry I got your gift.

01:06:10
Speaker 3: I think has an apology.

01:06:14
Speaker 2: Hey, well that's what hey, you said no gifts and I brought one. Anyway, I'm on my hands and knees walking out of here. I'm sorry, but it was really a delight to be here.

01:06:23
Speaker 3: Thank you, Thank you, and listener, we've made it through. I'm still alive. Hopefully I'll be alive for the next episode. That's a bad thing to say aloud. Oh jeez, oh boy. Well the podcast is over. I love you, goodbye. I said no Gifts. Is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Neilson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Kottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from a miracle worker, Amy Man. You must follow the show on Instagram. At I said, no gifts. I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts?

01:07:14
Speaker 2: And I invit?

01:07:15
Speaker 1: Did you hear.

01:07:19
Speaker 3: Thought?

01:07:19
Speaker 1: I made myself perfectly clear.

01:07:23
Speaker 3: When you're a guest to my home.

01:07:27
Speaker 1: You gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, you're own presences, presence and I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to survey me