WEBVTT - Two Jersey Js: A Legacy Lives On 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:03.520 The following podcast contains topics of mental health and loss, 0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:06.360 which may be difficult to listen to. If you, or 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:09.879 anyone you know is struggling, help is available. Call nine 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:13.200 to eight eight or visit nine A eight lifeline dot Org. 0:00:15.240 --> 0:00:17.000 Hi guys, it's Jen Fessler. 0:00:17.239 --> 0:00:20.800 Hey, it's Jackie Golschneider and we are two Jersey Jays. 0:00:21.040 --> 0:00:23.040 Hi Jack, Hi, bibe. 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:23.960 What's been going on? 0:00:24.560 --> 0:00:29.560 I mean it's been I'm so exhausted. So is Rachel. 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:34.760 My daughter's twenty third birthday yesterday. So always it's an ordeal. 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:37.360 You would think that after maybe you know, nineteen, it 0:00:37.400 --> 0:00:39.640 would stop being such a big deal, but it just doesn't. 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:43.040 So we were down the shore. We packed it up, 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:46.280 We went into the city. We went to Sacks, We 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:48.480 had lunch there, it was beautiful. 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:50.200 We went shopping. 0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.080 We decided that there was nothing at Sacks that we 0:00:54.080 --> 0:00:55.480 were going to plunk our money down. 0:00:55.560 --> 0:00:59.560 So we ended up at Mango. Have you been there? 0:01:00.240 --> 0:01:02.760 Yeah, Well they have Mangos all over Spain Europe. 0:01:02.880 --> 0:01:05.120 Yeah, no, I've been to the ones. Jeff loves them, 0:01:05.520 --> 0:01:09.080 but like they just now opening Garden State whatever. So 0:01:09.120 --> 0:01:11.000 we ended up there and then it was like we 0:01:11.000 --> 0:01:12.880 didn't even shop for Rachel, which I appreciate it. We 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:16.319 ended up shopping for my son, who doesn't ever shop, 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:20.240 and that was just exhausting. I like, just would rather 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:22.840 order now online. I know, I have to say bike 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:23.640 shopping is. 0:01:23.760 --> 0:01:25.840 I actually have to take my kids shopping this afternoon 0:01:25.880 --> 0:01:28.920 because they're going to do Like we're in the they 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:31.360 just finished their sophomore year of high school, my older ones, 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:35.440 so they're in the building your resume now for college 0:01:35.680 --> 0:01:39.480 phase and they're doing this great program at Duke. 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:40.800 For two weeks. 0:01:40.840 --> 0:01:43.039 But we just got the packing list and they have 0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:46.120 to wear like a suit for presentations, and they don't 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:50.320 have a suit but the bottom. That's so we're going 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:54.440 to We're going to suit shopping. I was going to say, 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:56.480 go straight to men's warehouse. 0:01:56.920 --> 0:01:57.120 Yeah. 0:01:57.600 --> 0:02:00.440 Yeah, there's actually a place in Paramus that that we 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:03.800 go to Salaretta or one of those No, not a 0:02:03.840 --> 0:02:06.600 fancy one. It's like they it's just they have so 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:10.520 many suits. But anyway, so last night I had two 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:14.920 that graduated middle school, which is very bittersweet for me. 0:02:15.400 --> 0:02:17.359 Next year I'll have all four at the same high 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:21.720 school for two years. So I said to Evan, I 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:25.919 you know, next year, I guess they'll just drive with 0:02:26.560 --> 0:02:29.600 their older brothers to school and I won't have to 0:02:29.600 --> 0:02:32.280 take them to school anymore. And he was like, oh, 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:34.359 that's awesome, that's the best. And I said, no, it's 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.120 not awesome. Like I feel a little sad about it. 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:38.640 You know, tomorrow's the. 0:02:38.680 --> 0:02:40.720 Last day that I'll be driving my kids to school, 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:42.919 and I'm sure there'll be one offs. But I think 0:02:42.919 --> 0:02:45.000 it's a difference in the way that like, I don't 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:48.040 want to generalize, but like moms and dads think about 0:02:48.040 --> 0:02:50.120 this kind of stuff, Like Evan's like, this is great, 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:52.680 you're getting your freedom back, you're getting your morning's back. 0:02:53.560 --> 0:02:55.800 But I think it's I don't know, it's sad. At 0:02:55.800 --> 0:02:58.720 this mom, I was like, whooo, I had none of that. 0:02:59.360 --> 0:03:01.760 Oh really no, No, I got absolutely not. 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:04.520 I was like, and especially when they got there, all 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.160 had their drive when Rachel all, I mean I only 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.640 have two. But when Rachel got a driver's license, because 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:13.639 Zach at that point was gone a year into college, 0:03:13.720 --> 0:03:17.320 I was like, yay, I am so bye bye kiss 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.000 and drop see yah. 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:19.000 Yeah. 0:03:19.080 --> 0:03:22.080 Yeah. And by the way, this whole college process, like. 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:23.960 This is not how we did it. 0:03:24.360 --> 0:03:27.400 When we were kids, like I played much advice for 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:30.960 you on that but for this podcast. But all of 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:33.880 this nonsense that you have to jump through free conces 0:03:33.960 --> 0:03:34.880 just to get in anywhere. 0:03:35.200 --> 0:03:38.680 I wasted so much money. I cannot even tell you 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:41.640 on that whole process. And I would do it differently. 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:44.880 Today than Oh I have to talk off camera the 0:03:44.920 --> 0:03:49.880 college counselors and the act tutors. And I remember Zach 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:53.640 Got he was always a great test taker. I don't 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:55.880 know how he didn't inherit that from me, but he 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:57.760 got like a really good score, like on his Aspire, 0:03:57.800 --> 0:03:58.960 which is like the pre Act. 0:03:59.120 --> 0:04:02.839 It was like, you're range is thirty one to thirty three. 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:08.040 And I still paid so much money for tutoring and 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.440 he ended up with like a thirty two. It was 0:04:10.520 --> 0:04:13.640 so ridiculous, so much stuff that I feel like I 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:14.560 just wasted money on. 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.160 But I know tutoring. I should have gone into tutoring. 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:19.400 Forget being a lawyer. Should have been a tutor. It 0:04:19.480 --> 0:04:30.400 may makes so much money. Agreed, it's amazing. Can I 0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:35.000 ask you today's guest is a personal friend of yours? 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:35.640 It correct? 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:37.880 She is? She is okay, so why don't you tell 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:42.960 us about her? Let's introduce her, because wow, what a story. 0:04:43.000 --> 0:04:46.080 But I'm not clear on how you actually how you 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:47.000 guys know each other. 0:04:47.200 --> 0:04:52.200 Well, okay, so we actually share a best friend and 0:04:52.240 --> 0:04:56.000 we are dear friends. Now we've been dear friends for 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:58.520 years and years we've been away together. But I met 0:04:58.680 --> 0:05:01.960 Brady originally through my friend Helene, and they went to 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:05.840 college together. They went to Ithaca together and they were 0:05:06.400 --> 0:05:09.400 just the best of friends freshman year on. Still are 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:14.039 with their friend Becca. But so I got to know 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:17.600 Brady because we all went away for Helene turned forty 0:05:17.640 --> 0:05:19.400 and she took a bunch of us away. We went 0:05:19.440 --> 0:05:22.040 to this place in Jamaica called Aminoka, and we all 0:05:22.080 --> 0:05:24.360 just bonded. It was this fabulous experience. Her name is 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:28.320 Brady Harrison and so and then just through the years 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:32.200 we've just been you know, friends since and anyway, so 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:37.480 I guess back around five years ago. It was twenty 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:43.719 twenty July of twenty twenty, I got a call from 0:05:44.240 --> 0:05:46.800 another friend there's a bunch of us that are very 0:05:46.800 --> 0:05:52.800 close saying that she heard that Brady's son, his name 0:05:53.520 --> 0:06:00.280 was Jack, had died overnight. And it was don't even 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:02.360 know what she was talking about. My cousin Cindy, who's 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:05.960 also very close to Helene, and I couldn't even understand 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.240 what she was saying. And this kid, Jack is the 0:06:08.240 --> 0:06:10.560 same age as my son, as Helene's son, as cindy son. 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:14.440 I mean, they've known each other forever and anyway, and 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:19.039 it's just it was so crazy because Helene didn't know 0:06:19.080 --> 0:06:22.880 at that point and Cindy and I had to tell her, 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:26.320 and it was just the most And this is I'm 0:06:26.360 --> 0:06:28.120 not even talking about Brady at this point. Just telling 0:06:28.160 --> 0:06:32.200 Helene this about her best friend's son who had they 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:35.440 all grew up together, was so horrific and that was 0:06:35.520 --> 0:06:37.760 only that was just, you know, not just but that 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:39.440 was me here in the news and then having to 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:48.560 tell Helene and in fact, Brady's beautiful, amazing, just glorious son, 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:54.919 Jack Nathan, died of a fentanyl laced percocet. So this 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:59.760 is going back five years. And Jack was also this 0:06:59.839 --> 0:07:04.400 real really gifted young artists, and like so many of us, 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:08.800 he struggled with mental illness and he had created this 0:07:09.200 --> 0:07:12.640 brand called Happy Jack, and he put all of his 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:17.680 just emotions and pain and he poured it into this business. 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:20.400 And I don't know, he raised money for the Child 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:22.880 Mind Institute. He just did all these amazing things, and 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:26.120 he was he would make these sweats and t shirts 0:07:26.680 --> 0:07:29.840 with like these smiley faces. 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:31.600 But they were they weren't smiley faces. 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:36.040 They were kind of like jig jag jagged smiley faces 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.640 and just talking about you know, anxiety and depression and 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:44.280 things that he had been through. And after Jack passed, 0:07:45.040 --> 0:07:50.560 his legacy, one of his many legacies carried on through 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:57.040 his mom, Brady, Happy Jack is amazing and still doing 0:07:57.120 --> 0:08:00.320 amazing things in this world. And it's funny, like all 0:08:00.360 --> 0:08:05.520 the kids when Jack passed and they lived in living 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:07.440 Ston of Short Hills, but even to all the kids 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:11.800 here in our area, my daughter, everybody followed Jack Nathan 0:08:11.840 --> 0:08:14.080 because he was so dynamic and they all had Happy 0:08:14.160 --> 0:08:18.920 Jack clothing. And I don't know, and this foundation has 0:08:18.920 --> 0:08:23.040 continued to thrive. But you know, Brady has talks a 0:08:23.080 --> 0:08:26.240 lot about what she's been through, and she is one 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:29.640 of the strongest women I've ever known, along with one 0:08:29.640 --> 0:08:35.200 of the most thoughtful and just intelligent and kind and 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.920 beautiful and wonderful women. And her pain is indescribable and 0:08:38.960 --> 0:08:42.520 she tries really hard though to you know, share her story, 0:08:43.440 --> 0:08:46.439 especially with what's going on in this world with fentanyl. 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:48.920 So she's I'm gonna We're gonna bring her in and 0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:50.320 she's going to tell you more. And I know she's 0:08:50.360 --> 0:08:54.840 going to touch all of you. This story is impossible 0:08:54.960 --> 0:09:00.400 and heartbreaking. But she uses her pain. You know, she's 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:03.280 a warrior and she uses her pain for good. So 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.400 she's just so hard for you to meet her. 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:07.040 Horrifying. 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:12.000 It's so scary to think that, you know, it's like 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:16.000 the littlest drop of fentanyl can kill you. And with 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.679 four teenagers, I worry just constantly. 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:22.640 Yes, you know, I trust my kids, but no, no, no, 0:09:22.840 --> 0:09:25.880 it's not even it's so Jackie, we all, I don't 0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:26.480 trust the world. 0:09:26.600 --> 0:09:28.040 Freaked out. No, there's they're not. 0:09:28.760 --> 0:09:33.920 It is what's happened with this fentanyl crisis in this country. 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:35.920 And Brady's going to tell you more. Is is so 0:09:35.960 --> 0:09:41.120 scary and horrifying. But so anyway, you guys, I just 0:09:41.200 --> 0:09:44.120 I do want to say though, that Brady is a 0:09:44.160 --> 0:09:46.679 lot of things. She's Jack's mom, and she's also the 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:52.360 mother of a beautiful, uh young woman named Drew, and 0:09:53.280 --> 0:09:58.199 she was always just just creative and really smart and 0:09:58.280 --> 0:10:00.800 really fun and has her own strugg with mental illness 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:02.600 that I'm sure she'll share as do I, as do 0:10:02.679 --> 0:10:07.440 so many of us. But she's been through it and 0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.840 I'm not going to speak on her behalf anymore. I 0:10:09.920 --> 0:10:13.079 just I want to bring her in and I think 0:10:13.080 --> 0:10:16.040 that you guys are going to be so overwhelmingly touched 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:21.200 by her story. So, without further ado, here is my 0:10:21.320 --> 0:10:23.480 very dear friend, Brady Harrison. 0:10:24.080 --> 0:10:24.920 Thank you, my love. 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:29.600 We want to just take us back. You know you're 0:10:29.640 --> 0:10:32.520 asked to do that constantly. Maybe it's I don't know, 0:10:32.520 --> 0:10:34.040 you tell me. I don't know what it is, cathartic 0:10:34.080 --> 0:10:35.600 in some way, but I know you're always asked to 0:10:35.640 --> 0:10:37.960 take take us back to that day. 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:40.199 I hate even asking, well. 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:43.000 You know why, because it goes back even further. To 0:10:43.040 --> 0:10:46.120 be able to clearly articulate what happened that day, you 0:10:46.200 --> 0:10:48.600 have to know who my son was and what his 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:56.640 struggles were. So my son, Jack Nathan struggle with both 0:10:56.679 --> 0:11:00.240 anxiety and depression, but he was very forthcoming about how 0:11:00.280 --> 0:11:03.880 he felt, like, completely transparent. He sort of wore like 0:11:03.880 --> 0:11:06.280 a badge of honor, which is very unusual for kids 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:11.560 who are nineteen. Had a huge social circle, you know, 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:15.720 never without a friend in sight, so that certainly wasn't 0:11:17.160 --> 0:11:21.520 the The issue was internally, right. He struggled internally, and 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.240 as a mother, all you want to do is make 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.200 your kid happy. I would have done anything. He was 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:31.280 in therapy, we were trying medication. I had flown to 0:11:31.400 --> 0:11:34.839 University of Denver to try and help him. Fast forward, 0:11:34.920 --> 0:11:37.040 he says to me, one day, you know what, Mom, 0:11:37.360 --> 0:11:39.400 If I can help just one person not feel the 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.640 way I do, it'll be worth it. And what he 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:45.240 meant was he wanted to start a company called Happy Jack, 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.160 which is a nickname some casting agent gave him when 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:55.079 he modeled when he was a baby, and he came 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:58.000 up with the idea that he would parlay his love 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:02.720 of art and painting into a business, that he would 0:12:03.120 --> 0:12:07.320 sell this art on apparel or canvases to raise money 0:12:07.320 --> 0:12:11.240 for kids who struggled like he did. So he launched 0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:17.280 Happy Jack World on June seventh of twenty twenty, and 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.360 he sent a text to everyone in his contact lists, 0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:23.240 Jack Nathan, if you're getting this right now, You've been 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:26.920 part of my journey with my struggle with mental illness. 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:32.319 A portion of every purchase will go towards the Childmind Institute. 0:12:32.520 --> 0:12:34.040 Now at this time, I didn't even know what the 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:38.760 Childmine Institute was. Within the first week of sales, Jack 0:12:38.800 --> 0:12:42.080 donated one thousand dollars, which I only found out about 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:47.400 because he posted it on Instagram. Fast forward that was 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:50.920 June seventh. Fast forward July third. He like second. He 0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:53.680 tells me he is going to a party in Marlborough, 0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:59.960 New Jersey. If my son and I were extremely close, 0:13:00.400 --> 0:13:03.920 like beyond, we told one another, we loved each other 0:13:03.960 --> 0:13:07.400 about ten times a day, He's going to this party. 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.840 Of course, I say, I love you. He says, I 0:13:09.880 --> 0:13:16.040 love you. I say, be safe and he left. He 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:21.080 texted me at eleven forty nine that night and he said, Mom, 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.440 I'm going to stay here, really not safe to drive home. 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.040 And by that I just took it as like it's 0:13:26.120 --> 0:13:28.840 late and it's an arrow away and he's not going 0:13:28.920 --> 0:13:31.160 to drive. I didn't really think anything of it, and 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:33.440 I said, I love you more than life. He wrote, 0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:37.360 I love you more than life. Not unusual texts, and 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:43.080 the next morning I heard nothing. I texted him and 0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:47.600 I called him. I texted his best friend and nothing. 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.600 I didn't. It was like one o'clock. I didn't hadn't 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:53.600 heard from him. I figured he was sleeping at his 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:58.200 phone off. And then the next phone call I got 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:07.000 was from Jack's father, and it was a phone call 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:13.160 that no parent on this planet would care to receive. 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:22.360 And he just just said he didn't wake up, and 0:14:24.680 --> 0:14:28.240 you know, you're in complete disbelieve. I fell to my 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:34.000 knees screaming. It was crazy. I mean, I'm shaking like 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:39.120 just telling you guys this story. But we came to 0:14:39.200 --> 0:14:45.040 find out later after we got the autopsy results, was 0:14:45.080 --> 0:14:48.880 that Jack had taken at some point after he texted 0:14:48.920 --> 0:14:50.920 me at eleven forty nine, which I thought was just 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:54.800 how do you have such a you know, articulate conversation 0:14:55.000 --> 0:15:00.120 with your mom? And began some time after that he 0:15:00.200 --> 0:15:04.920 had ventanyl in his system, and if you know anything 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:12.040 about ventanyl, it is fifty times stronger than morphine heroin 0:15:13.080 --> 0:15:15.280 or a hundred times stronger than morphine. I think fifty 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:22.320 times stronger than heroin. And he basically he took what 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:28.200 I later found out a percocet, and that what he 0:15:28.240 --> 0:15:33.160 thought was a percoset had ventanyl in it. And all 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:38.440 it takes is two milligrams a ventanyl to stop your heart, 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:44.560 especially for someone who has zero tolerance for it. And 0:15:44.600 --> 0:15:48.000 when I say to two milligrams, we're talking literally grains 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:50.960 of sand. Like if you took a salt shaker and 0:15:50.960 --> 0:15:52.280 you put it in the palm of your hand, it 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.960 fits on the tip of a pencil. That's how lethal 0:15:56.440 --> 0:16:00.840 it is. And it's not myself heart. And he never 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:04.960 woke up. And at the time I really didn't know 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:09.440 what fentanyl was. You're talking. It was twenty twenty, right, 0:16:09.840 --> 0:16:13.960 so I had heard of it, but it's nowhere near 0:16:14.320 --> 0:16:16.360 the epidemic that it is today, or at least people 0:16:16.360 --> 0:16:19.640 didn't speak about it now. It's like you can't swing 0:16:19.680 --> 0:16:26.040 about without someone knowing someone, right. So for two years 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:31.960 I didn't mention how Jack had passed because I wanted 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:34.520 him to be remembered for who he was rather than 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:38.640 how he left us. And he was a mental health advocate, 0:16:39.120 --> 0:16:41.720 and that's who he was at his heart. He wanted 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:45.200 kids his age to live freely. I'm proud and I'm 0:16:45.200 --> 0:16:50.760 apologetically and I admired him for that. He was completely transparent, 0:16:51.320 --> 0:16:55.840 and he taught me how to be transparent. And after 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:59.400 two years, I said, I can't just watch all these 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:04.160 kids disappear. And I felt like I had a sense 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:11.040 of responsibility to share my story, to warn other parents, 0:17:11.119 --> 0:17:15.359 to warn other kids. My son looks no different than 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:16.600 every other kid. 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.760 I mean, well, he did a little bit bray because 0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:19.800 he was so gorgeous. 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:24.080 This is Jack and this is my dog actually, who 0:17:24.119 --> 0:17:27.159 passed away a year later, but like he was the 0:17:27.200 --> 0:17:29.439 most delicious. 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:32.520 Beyond I'm telling you he had like a cult following. 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:33.840 I only know that. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.199 I'm not just saying that, Brady, like you know that, 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:40.720 like my daughter who didn't know him, knew who he 0:17:40.880 --> 0:17:44.560 was because he was number one. Sorry, he was just 0:17:44.600 --> 0:17:46.720 he looks he looks exactly like you, one face, but 0:17:47.040 --> 0:17:48.520 absolutely gorgeous. 0:17:48.840 --> 0:17:49.600 But he had this. 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:54.359 Charisma that I didn't know him well, so I knew 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:59.119 you know about him through you, But he was just 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:02.439 like this, this this beacon of light. And I'm not 0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:04.879 just saying it. It's I just remember what Rachel was like. 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:08.640 What that kid? 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:11.280 He was just so magnic. 0:18:11.440 --> 0:18:14.639 Lady, When did he start struggling with mental illness? How 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:15.200 old was he? 0:18:16.640 --> 0:18:19.240 Looking back? I think that's an excellent question. Looking back, 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:26.720 I would say probably maybe like freshman year ish. I 0:18:27.000 --> 0:18:34.119 started noticing and I picture what he was wearing. He 0:18:34.200 --> 0:18:37.480 sat on my kitchen counter. He's wearing timberlains and like 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.600 a button down and he just looked at me and 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:44.119 he's like, I'm not happy. Now. Like, as a parent, 0:18:44.720 --> 0:18:48.200 you're like, what could you possibly be unhappy that? I mean, 0:18:48.240 --> 0:18:55.800 he had an abundance of friends, good looking, twelve, a 0:18:55.880 --> 0:19:00.080 huge circle of those who loved him. I couldn't. It 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:04.800 didn't make any sense to me. So what I came 0:19:04.840 --> 0:19:07.120 to realize is that when you struggle and when you're 0:19:07.160 --> 0:19:10.360 not happy, it has to do with everything that's internal, right, 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:12.679 and nothing that's external. There's nothing that you're going to 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:14.920 be able to pinpoint and say like, oh, he didn't 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.000 get a new iPhone, that's why he's depressed. Oh his 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:20.320 girlfriend broke up with him and that's why he's depressed. 0:19:20.359 --> 0:19:23.879 It doesn't work like that. It's like there's this underlying 0:19:24.040 --> 0:19:31.320 sadness and you can't often articulate why you're sad because 0:19:31.359 --> 0:19:38.879 it's it's an imbalance, it's chemical, there's no outside You know, 0:19:39.960 --> 0:19:43.600 situations can make it worse, but generally they're not the 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:46.679 root cause of why my son wasn't happy. So I 0:19:46.720 --> 0:19:52.080 sort of brushed it off, like, yeah, and my ex 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:55.119 husband and I got divorced, and my son got worse, 0:19:55.200 --> 0:19:59.280 and he went to college and got worse. The anxiety 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:03.600 got worse, and when he came home, he had to 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:06.880 come home because of COVID, which does not mix well 0:20:06.920 --> 0:20:10.040 with anyone who struggles. I mean, you put someone who's 0:20:10.040 --> 0:20:13.760 already anxious and depressed in to a home and tell 0:20:13.800 --> 0:20:18.840 them not to leave. I mean, how would anyone fair? So? 0:20:20.280 --> 0:20:23.159 I mean I I it was horrific. It was not 0:20:23.280 --> 0:20:26.920 good for him, not good for him. I was completely isolating, 0:20:27.080 --> 0:20:30.840 he was overwhelmed with schoolwork, and that's when he sort 0:20:30.880 --> 0:20:35.199 of got it together to Laurn Chappy Jack. But you know, 0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:38.040 you look, Jackie, I go back all the time, right 0:20:38.520 --> 0:20:42.679 and I'm like, what could I have done differently? You 0:20:42.720 --> 0:20:47.440 know what? You know? Could I have saved him? Could 0:20:47.440 --> 0:20:51.720 I have parented differently? What if I said something in 0:20:51.760 --> 0:20:54.520 the kitchen that day that you know, changed the trajectory 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:57.520 of his life? You do that, and I think it's 0:20:57.560 --> 0:21:03.240 just natural for any parent to go backwards and question 0:21:03.600 --> 0:21:07.400 everything and anything to make sense of it. But because 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:13.680 it's so senseless, it's just so senseless, don't you. 0:21:13.720 --> 0:21:17.040 Do you feel like it's I think his his legacy 0:21:17.240 --> 0:21:20.520 and what he did when he was live, and just 0:21:20.600 --> 0:21:22.280 my own mind is so separate from the way that 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:24.560 he died. I mean, he was my he was murdered, 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:28.000 you know what I mean? Like, it's not like I 0:21:27.680 --> 0:21:33.680 done to stop a criminals and fentonl from coming into 0:21:35.600 --> 0:21:39.399 you know, this country in a pill. 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:42.399 I don't. I don't What would you have said to 0:21:42.480 --> 0:21:43.439 him that could have stopped that? 0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:44.600 Nothing thing? 0:21:45.600 --> 0:21:46.000 You now? 0:21:46.040 --> 0:21:49.080 My friend said to me, it was like equivalents like Brady, 0:21:49.080 --> 0:21:50.600 It's like he got hit by a bus. 0:21:51.160 --> 0:21:53.880 Yeah. Is it a pill that was given to him 0:21:53.880 --> 0:21:55.879 by other kids at the party or did he have 0:21:55.920 --> 0:21:56.440 it with him? 0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:58.320 I don't know, you don't know. 0:21:58.359 --> 0:22:01.240 It doesn't matter. I'm just wondering if anyone else there 0:22:02.040 --> 0:22:03.199 I had ingested anything. 0:22:04.680 --> 0:22:08.439 I don't know. Okay, it was a twenty first birthday party. 0:22:13.800 --> 0:22:17.760 I don't know. I don't know, and I wouldn't change 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:21.000 the outcomes, So I don't think i'd let myself go 0:22:21.080 --> 0:22:21.879 through all of that. 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:29.720 Good after everything, when you decided to continue his legacy 0:22:30.040 --> 0:22:32.920 of being a mental health advocate and telling his story, 0:22:33.400 --> 0:22:36.120 how did it is that what happy Jack is now? 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:37.000 You kept it going? 0:22:37.920 --> 0:22:41.159 Yes? Absolutely, you know, like I said, I feel a 0:22:41.200 --> 0:22:46.800 sense of responsibility, and of course it's very personal and 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:51.560 emotional to me, and I don't want to let his 0:22:51.680 --> 0:22:56.000 business go because I guess if I'm being completely transparent, 0:22:56.040 --> 0:23:00.320 it's like me letting him go. But it's hard because 0:23:00.320 --> 0:23:02.879 he's not here, and he's not here to tell me 0:23:02.880 --> 0:23:04.760 what to do, you know what designed to put out 0:23:04.800 --> 0:23:08.080 and he left behind all these like amazing designs and 0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:13.399 this like amazing logo of this like crooked smile because 0:23:13.440 --> 0:23:16.080 he was like, it's impossible to be completely happy all 0:23:16.240 --> 0:23:21.760 the time. But I wish he was here to tell 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:28.359 me what to do, because it's it's really hard running 0:23:28.600 --> 0:23:33.399 your son's business when he is no longer here. You know, 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:38.439 typically the child falls into the parents' footsteps and is 0:23:38.480 --> 0:23:43.720 mentored that way. It's doesn't not supposed to work this way. 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:47.480 Right, So what is the charity? How has the charity 0:23:49.119 --> 0:23:52.399 been doing, and how has it helped people? And what 0:23:52.440 --> 0:23:54.159 do you do on a daily basis? 0:23:55.160 --> 0:23:58.600 So I, on my ends worked to maintain, maintain, just 0:23:58.640 --> 0:24:01.040 like the inner workings of this site and the business 0:24:01.119 --> 0:24:05.800 end of it. We launched the Happy Jack Foundation a 0:24:05.880 --> 0:24:08.560 couple of years after he passed because we wanted to 0:24:08.560 --> 0:24:10.960