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Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another new episode of

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Speaker 1: You Need Therapy. My name is Kat and I'm the host.

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Speaker 1: Here quick little reminder before we get started. Yes, this

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Speaker 1: podcast is called You Need Therapy, but this and itself

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Speaker 1: is not therapy. It is just a resource. Now. I'm

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Speaker 1: coming to you guys as a bright, new shiny thirty

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Speaker 1: two year old and my birthday was this past Saturday,

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Speaker 1: and it's just so weird to me that I'm thirty two.

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Speaker 1: I never actually thought I would even never be thirty,

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Speaker 1: let alone thirty two. And I mean that in the

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Speaker 1: sense where when you're younger and you think about where

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Speaker 1: you're going to be in like ten years, I always

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Speaker 1: thought about it in this like way that like it

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Speaker 1: never actually was going to happen, Like I never actually

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Speaker 1: thought I would get there. Just ten years seemed so

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Speaker 1: long and far away. And well, I think I'm learning

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Speaker 1: that it's not. And I also have to renew my license,

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Speaker 1: like my therapy license this year, and thinking about that

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Speaker 1: and doing the work I need to do for that,

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Speaker 1: plus realizing then as I was doing that, that I've

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Speaker 1: been basically doing this like being a therapist for nine years,

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Speaker 1: really just kind of got me thinking, and I was

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Speaker 1: thinking about how, like I started this career. I started

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Speaker 1: being a therapist a long time ago, Like I went

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Speaker 1: to school when I was twenty two, started my internship

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Speaker 1: when I was like twenty three. And I just started

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Speaker 1: thinking about like how I started, and then like what

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Speaker 1: I've learned along the way. And it's so funny because

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Speaker 1: when you start being a therapist, you can't just know

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Speaker 1: all of the things that you're going to know that

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Speaker 1: eventually make you into the kind of therapists that you are,

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Speaker 1: like evolve you into the kind of therapist you are.

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Speaker 1: You have to just start with what you know and

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Speaker 1: learn along the way. And you start with the information

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Speaker 1: and the trainings you do in school, and that's so important,

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Speaker 1: but you learned so much by experience and being a

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Speaker 1: human and you can only learn so much in the classroom.

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Speaker 1: I mean, definitely helps you need to go to school,

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Speaker 1: but if you want to be a therapist, um, but

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Speaker 1: it's not the only part. So what I started to do,

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Speaker 1: and I made this like super long list, is I

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Speaker 1: started to write down all of the things that I

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Speaker 1: have learned like along the way. So I started making

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Speaker 1: like a Google doc that just basically it was like

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Speaker 1: quotes or just like messages or hard truth or just

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Speaker 1: myths and stuff like that, like things I've learned along

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Speaker 1: the way that have been really helpful and kind of

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Speaker 1: helped evolve me into the kind of helper I am.

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Speaker 1: And some of them took nine years to figure out,

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Speaker 1: and some took like thirty days and clicked immediately. Some

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Speaker 1: make sense and at the same time or very hard

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Speaker 1: to still like sit inside of your soul, like you

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Speaker 1: can know them, but it's hard to like feel know them.

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Speaker 1: And this list is like fifty six pages long. So

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Speaker 1: I wanted to do an episode where I kind of

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Speaker 1: talked about this list, but that would be too much.

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Speaker 1: It would just me be like reading those things, and

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Speaker 1: so I don't think that'd be helpful. So I decided

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Speaker 1: to pick fifteen. They're not necessarily the top fifteen. I

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Speaker 1: don't think you can rank this stuff, but they're just

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Speaker 1: a portant ones that I just chose. So some of

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Speaker 1: the stuff I've talked about on here, some of it

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Speaker 1: I have not. It's a little bit of a mixed bag.

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Speaker 1: So let me present to you fifteen things being a

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Speaker 1: therapist has taught me so far. Number One, it's not

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Speaker 1: always about you. Yeah, this one is so hard to

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Speaker 1: actually believe sometimes, but so freaking powerful when you do.

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Speaker 1: Usually we are born this like insanely ecocentric, being like

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Speaker 1: that's just how we are in the early stages of development.

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Speaker 1: Being ecocentric is like the very normal tendency or or

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Speaker 1: way that a child sees everything as it all relates,

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Speaker 1: and it's happening to them. It's not like being selfish,

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Speaker 1: it's just not You don't have the ability to like

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Speaker 1: understand how the world works yet. And as we move

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Speaker 1: through life, we're supposed to grow out of this and

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to develop this ability to see that like,

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Speaker 1: other people's behavior isn't always revolving around us, but it

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Speaker 1: doesn't always happen. And then what does happen is we

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Speaker 1: can find ourselves saying, over and over again things like

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Speaker 1: what's wrong with me? Why am I not enough? Why

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Speaker 1: wasn't I enough? Why was I too much? What could

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Speaker 1: I have done better? And the reality is these are

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Speaker 1: all irrelevant because often the behavior of others has very

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Speaker 1: little to do with us, and we just can't stop

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Speaker 1: making it about us now. Often this can happen as

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Speaker 1: a result of childhood trauma, maybe needs be it emotional, physical,

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Speaker 1: any of that aren't met consistently, or you grow up

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Speaker 1: in chaos, or a family member leaves or a family

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Speaker 1: member dies, when you're still in that like natural state

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Speaker 1: of ecocentric nous and as a small child or adolescent,

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Speaker 1: we just naturally think these things are because of us.

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Speaker 1: And if that belief isn't addressed, then it just becomes

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Speaker 1: like a screen, which I've talked about the screens on

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Speaker 1: this podcast a lot, so it becomes kind of like

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Speaker 1: a lens that we see the world through, and it

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Speaker 1: actually is not accurate. When we do develop and we

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Speaker 1: do adopt the truth that like not everything is about us,

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Speaker 1: our world has the opportunity to just like change dramatically.

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Speaker 1: So number one, it's not always about you. Number Two,

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of bad in the world, and they're

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Speaker 1: still good. The trick is allowing yourself to see both.

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Speaker 1: And oh my gosh, my first couple of years working

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Speaker 1: as a therapist, I got like emotionally beat up. I

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Speaker 1: found myself stuck in this spot of do I become

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Speaker 1: jaded by life and do I just think the world

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Speaker 1: is evil? And do I just like take on this

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Speaker 1: hardened outlook on humanity or is there like another option.

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Speaker 1: I would like there to be another option, but I'm

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Speaker 1: leaning towards like become jaded by life. And I found

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Speaker 1: myself in the spot where like I didn't really know

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Speaker 1: how to survive and like enjoy being in our world.

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Speaker 1: I was doing that thing where like you see something

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Speaker 1: and basically it's all you pay attention to, so then

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Speaker 1: it's all you see, and then you just think that

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Speaker 1: you see more of it because it's all you see,

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Speaker 1: but really it's because you're just paying attention to one thing.

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Speaker 1: So we do it to ourselves. And the truth is

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of like fucked up ship in the world,

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Speaker 1: like a lot, but that's not all there is. And

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Speaker 1: I cannot take away the bad. We cannot take away

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Speaker 1: the bad. We can't get rid of that. But me

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Speaker 1: thinking that the world is just forever evil robs me

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Speaker 1: of the ability to experience that this is not the

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Speaker 1: whole story. There is good in the world, we just

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Speaker 1: have to be brave enough to see it. Number three,

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Speaker 1: not everything can be fixed, and not everything deserves fixing. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so this kind of speaks to itself. Humans have a

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Speaker 1: hard time sitting in discomfort. I think we've definitely decided

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Speaker 1: that here on the podcast. And it can be super

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable to have broken relationships, broken anything. Often relationships and

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Speaker 1: things break because they just don't work together, So not

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Speaker 1: everything can be fixed, and not everything deserves fixing. Number four,

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Speaker 1: we would all be very lost without Valley moments. Now.

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Speaker 1: I know this one is very cliche, but also it's

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Speaker 1: not wrong. This always reminds me of the part in

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Speaker 1: The Glass Asshole, which was a book that I had

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Speaker 1: to read an undergrad and I kind of want to

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Speaker 1: read it again because how freaking good it is. But

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Speaker 1: there's this part in the Glass Castle where they're talking

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Speaker 1: about the Joshua tree, and I'm just gonna read a

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Speaker 1: little like it's like two sentences from the book. One

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Speaker 1: time I saw a tiny Joshua tree sapling growing not

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Speaker 1: too far from the old tree. I wanted to dig

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Speaker 1: it up and replant it near our house. I told

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Speaker 1: Mom that I would protect it from the wind and

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Speaker 1: water every single day so that it could grow nice

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Speaker 1: and tall and straight. Mom frowned at me. You'd be

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Speaker 1: destroying what makes it special, she said, it's the Joshua

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Speaker 1: trees struggle that gives it its beauty. Oh, and I

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Speaker 1: just love it because if you know what Joshua Tree is,

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Speaker 1: it's those like windy twiny and like twirly things and

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Speaker 1: like they're so freaking cool and it's so true like

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Speaker 1: the struggle that that gives it. It's beauty. Without the struggle,

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Speaker 1: it wouldn't look that way. And I will always stand

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Speaker 1: by the idea that we can be grateful for our

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Speaker 1: growth without being grateful for the thing that made us grow.

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Speaker 1: I'm not grateful for trauma. I would be very clear

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Speaker 1: about that. I not grateful for trauma. I am grateful

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Speaker 1: for parts of me that I was forced to find

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Speaker 1: and see and hold and know because of what I've

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Speaker 1: gone through. I'm not grateful for the trauma, but a

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Speaker 1: lot of the hard parts of life or what have

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Speaker 1: forced me to tap into the parts of me that

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Speaker 1: I might not ever find if I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: find them, which leads me to number five, four or

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Speaker 1: five and six kind of all to go together. Number five.

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Speaker 1: Asking for help is one of the most vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: courageous things humans can do. This is also one of

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Speaker 1: the things that is the hardest for people to do,

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Speaker 1: which I found very very, very very early on. It

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Speaker 1: is extremely difficult for people to ask for help for

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Speaker 1: different reasons. And I wonder often when we're going to

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Speaker 1: universally acknowledge that, like asking for help is like actually

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Speaker 1: a huge act of strength and power. I mean, we're humans,

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Speaker 1: and humans were put on earth more than one at

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Speaker 1: a time, I'm pretty sure for a reason. And we

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Speaker 1: were literally created to need people and to be connected

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Speaker 1: to people, like actually we were born connected to another human,

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Speaker 1: Like it's that literal. And what we know through through

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Speaker 1: just like living life and also through research and science

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Speaker 1: is that like humans can't develop fully in like a

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Speaker 1: vacuum by themselves. They need people. They just do. If

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Speaker 1: you want to be a functional human, you need other people.

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Speaker 1: That is just a truth. And we never stop being

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Speaker 1: humans throughout our lives. So like it's not like when

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Speaker 1: you're a kid, you can you can need people because

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Speaker 1: you're a human when your kid, But when you get

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Speaker 1: older you turn into this like robot thing that doesn't need. No,

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Speaker 1: you're always a human, So that means you never stop needing,

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Speaker 1: which brings me into number six. Like I said, four

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Speaker 1: or five and six are kind of connected. We don't

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Speaker 1: just need help in our valley moments. I love talking

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Speaker 1: about the valley. I really do. Maybe I'll do an

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Speaker 1: episode on that. But this was a later lesson for me.

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Speaker 1: It came after I realized very early on that asking

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Speaker 1: for help is an amazing sign of strength. But I

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Speaker 1: think it clicked after I realized how important like aftercare

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Speaker 1: was when it came to the recovery process. Like when

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Speaker 1: I was working in treatment and you put so much

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Speaker 1: effort into making sure people had all this aftercare and

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Speaker 1: we had all these resources, and we had to these

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Speaker 1: backup plans, these all the stuff, and it was like,

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Speaker 1: why do these people are sober now they've worked on

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Speaker 1: their trauma. Why do we still need this? And it's

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Speaker 1: because like when we come to like the early stages

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Speaker 1: of like okay, I need help, Like when we were

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Speaker 1: finally like okay, I need help, there's usually like a

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Speaker 1: little bit of like motivation to do the work and

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Speaker 1: feel better, and then like we we get excited because

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Speaker 1: things are working, and then we're climbing to the top

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Speaker 1: of the mountain and we're getting out of the valley,

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Speaker 1: and so we're doing all the things, and then once

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Speaker 1: we get to the top of the mountain, it's like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm done, But then we forget that, Like, the reason

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Speaker 1: that we got to the top of the mountain is

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Speaker 1: because I was doing all of these things. So what's

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Speaker 1: going to happen when I stopped doing these things? When

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Speaker 1: I stopped needing to support or thinking that I need support,

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Speaker 1: When I stopped doing the things that I know helped

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Speaker 1: me walk into my day with a good attitude or

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Speaker 1: the energy that I need. When I do the things

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Speaker 1: that allow me to rest, when I do the things

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Speaker 1: that allow me to all that, you're going to fall

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Speaker 1: down the mountain. If we stop doing the things that

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Speaker 1: make us feel better and more full and more human

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Speaker 1: and more alive, then eventually we're going to go back

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Speaker 1: to where we started. I get why that's tough and

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Speaker 1: why we don't want that to be true, because it's

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Speaker 1: like this, does the work ever end? But like it

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Speaker 1: kind of doesn't. We just got to keep doing those things.

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Speaker 1: We don't just need help. In value moments number seven,

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Speaker 1: conflict is necessary to build intimacy. If there's no conflict

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Speaker 1: in a relationship, then somebody's not being honest. I'll just

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Speaker 1: say that if there's no it's never ever, ever, ever, ever,

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Speaker 1: ever ever ever ever any conflict in a relationship, somebody

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Speaker 1: is not being either transparent or honest or vulnerable. And

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Speaker 1: there's no way that two people never have one ounce

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Speaker 1: of conflict if they're both being fully themselves. And I

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Speaker 1: say this knowing that conflict isn't bad. It's an opportunity

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Speaker 1: to know someone deeper and learn, just like we learned

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Speaker 1: from my value moments, right. And I love this idea

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Speaker 1: that I ran into. And this could be a whole

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Speaker 1: another point, but I'm gonna put it in here that like,

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Speaker 1: what makes a relationship strong isn't how compatible and like

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Speaker 1: perfect you are together, but how you handle incompatibility, like

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Speaker 1: when those things do come up when you do disagree.

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Speaker 1: It's not really about oh, we just fit perfectly because

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Speaker 1: we are a perfect match, because like perfect does not

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Speaker 1: exist in the world. It's oh, we know we are

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Speaker 1: not perfect, and in our imperfection we have the ability

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Speaker 1: to sit and work through and be in that stuff together.

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Speaker 1: So conflict is necessary to build intimacy. If I want

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Speaker 1: to know somebody deeper, I have to allow them and

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Speaker 1: I have to allow myself to be fully vulnerable. If

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Speaker 1: I want intimacy, I have to be vulnerable. Vulnerability invites conflict,

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Speaker 1: Conflict helps us know people deeper. All of that is intertwined.

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Speaker 1: Number eight. If it looks like someone's life is perfect,

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Speaker 1: there is a very high chance it's actually chaotic. And

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Speaker 1: I feel like I don't really need to say a

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Speaker 1: lot here, but like hear me out, I see it all.

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Speaker 1: I see it all, like I see the insides of

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Speaker 1: so many people's lives, and I just needed to trust

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Speaker 1: me here, Like, perfect is not a thing. So if

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Speaker 1: something looks perfect, there is a chance that you are

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Speaker 1: either not seeing the full picture or there is a

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Speaker 1: lot of masking going on. And the good news is here,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't really matter because we don't need to identify

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Speaker 1: how good our life is by sizing up someone else's

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Speaker 1: life around us. And I heard Annie f Downs say

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Speaker 1: this on her podcast That Sounds Fun one time, and

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Speaker 1: I just love it so much. She said, if we

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Speaker 1: are deciding if our life is okay by looking at

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Speaker 1: someone else's life, we're always going to come up wanting

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Speaker 1: because we usually look at like the outsides of other

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Speaker 1: people's lives, and we compare our insides to everybody's outsides,

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Speaker 1: and we think that they're outsides are perfect, and like,

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Speaker 1: maybe they are. I don't know, that doesn't really make

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Speaker 1: sense to me because perfect and one person isn't perfect

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Speaker 1: to another, and like what it is perfect and all that.

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Speaker 1: But if we are always looking to other people to

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Speaker 1: figure out if we have enough, we're always not going

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Speaker 1: to have enough because the reality is we all need differences,

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Speaker 1: we don't all need the same. But if you think

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Speaker 1: somebody's life is perfect, I just want you to know

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Speaker 1: you are probably not seeing the whole picture, or you're

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Speaker 1: not seeing clearly. Okay. Number nine, You cannot withdraw your

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Speaker 1: way to connection. And this is a tricky one because

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Speaker 1: I bet more of us do this than we want

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Speaker 1: to admit. But one of the deepest and like most

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Speaker 1: like I guess, universal desires for human beings is the

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Speaker 1: desire to connect, to connect with other people. We all

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Speaker 1: just like want connection and connection heals us. But to

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Speaker 1: get connection, we have to move to We can't move away,

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Speaker 1: and so often we do this thing where we lean

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Speaker 1: away hoping that someone will lean into us. But as

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Speaker 1: we lean away, a lot of times those people either

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Speaker 1: stay where they are or they also will lean away

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Speaker 1: too because they're like sensing your vibe. Right, you can't

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Speaker 1: withdraw your way to connect action. That's a very passive,

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Speaker 1: aggressive and just like not honest. It's not vulnerable, and

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Speaker 1: connection is vulnerable. It's not the true way to actually

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Speaker 1: connect to people. Connecting to saying hey, I have a need,

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Speaker 1: Hey have a feeling, Hey have a desire. I need

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Speaker 1: you to hear me. It's not rolling over and hoping

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Speaker 1: that the other person will tap you on the shoulder

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Speaker 1: and be like, what's wrong? All right? Number ten, Acceptance

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Speaker 1: can be more healing than love. Love, in fact, is

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Speaker 1: not always the answer. And I know this is crazy, right,

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Speaker 1: It's crazy that I just said that, because we're not

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Speaker 1: taught that. But sometimes it's impossible. Sometimes it's just impossible

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Speaker 1: to love something or someone. It just is. And in

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Speaker 1: those cases when we can't learn to love ourselves or

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Speaker 1: our bodies or somebody else or an experience, we get

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Speaker 1: to choose something else, like there is another option, and

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Speaker 1: that other option is called acceptance. And there actually is

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Speaker 1: a skill called radical acceptance that a woman named Marsha

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Speaker 1: Lenahan has created in her skills that at go into

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Speaker 1: this overhead idea of therapy called DPT. It's a whole

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Speaker 1: school of therapy dialectical behavioral therapy, and radical acceptance is

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Speaker 1: one of the biggest skills used inside of that therapy process.

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Speaker 1: And the truth is it's very very very very very

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Speaker 1: exhausting to fight reality. Like it's very exhausting, and then

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Speaker 1: also it doesn't work, like we can't just like fight

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Speaker 1: reality and then win and be like reality is not reality.

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Speaker 1: I win, like, no, you can't actually change reality. And

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Speaker 1: I also confine myself trying to do this sometimes like

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Speaker 1: this can't be true, this isn't whatever. I have to

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Speaker 1: learn to do this or I have to do that.

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Speaker 1: But refusing to accept reality doesn't make our pain go away.

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Speaker 1: It just ends up turning our pain into suffering. So i'

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Speaker 1: gonna say that again, refusing to accept reality doesn't make

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Speaker 1: our pain go away. It just turns our pain into suffering.

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Speaker 1: So this skill of radical acceptance is very helpful in

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Speaker 1: situations when you can't change reality and you can't change

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Speaker 1: how you feel about reality. And radical acceptance does not

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Speaker 1: mean that you agree with what's happening or what has

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Speaker 1: happened to you. Rather, it just signals like an opportunity

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Speaker 1: for hope because you are accepting things as they are

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Speaker 1: and not fighting. So if you want to learn more

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Speaker 1: about radical acceptance, you honestly could google it and find

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Speaker 1: a lot of good information on it. Um If you

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Speaker 1: search Marsha Lenehan, a bunch of stuff will come up.

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Speaker 1: DBT is awesome. So if you're in therapy, you can

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Speaker 1: like ask your therapist I want to learn more about this.

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Speaker 1: Most therapists know at least a baseline amount of DPT

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Speaker 1: because their skills can be universal even if you don't

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Speaker 1: practice solely DBT. And maybe we'll do a whole episode

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Speaker 1: on that as well. One day, we're going to do

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Speaker 1: this podcast forever, I've decided, so we have a lot

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Speaker 1: of episodes so I can use whatever topics that I

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Speaker 1: need to use. Number eleven. Sometimes things don't make sense,

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Speaker 1: and that's the point period. One of the biggest encouragements

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Speaker 1: I would like to give to any and all human

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Speaker 1: and beings is do not attempt to understand why a

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Speaker 1: dysfunctional or very unhealthy person does what they do. Just

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Speaker 1: understand that it's dysfunctional, understand that they're not healthy, and

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Speaker 1: then put a period to actually figure that out. Can

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Speaker 1: sometimes be super damaging because at the same time, you're

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Speaker 1: trying to rationalize certain behaviors that can't be rationalized. For example,

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Speaker 1: when people ask questions like why did this happen to me?

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Speaker 1: When talking about like abuse or trauma and stuff like that,

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Speaker 1: it sends a message that your abuse has something to

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Speaker 1: do with you, and it can be explained and it

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Speaker 1: can make sense to you. And abuse just can't make sense.

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Speaker 1: It's not okay. And I know we want to make

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Speaker 1: sense of things because it tells us like in our heads,

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Speaker 1: if I can make sense of this, I can understand it,

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Speaker 1: and then maybe I won't feel this way. But I

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Speaker 1: think it's very empowering to know that there are certain

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Speaker 1: things that don't make sense because they're so messed up.

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Speaker 1: So sometimes things don't make sense. And that's just the

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Speaker 1: point Number twelve. Behavior is a symptom, not the problem.

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Speaker 1: And this is where the idea of focusing on the cause,

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Speaker 1: not the symptom comes. And when it comes to addiction,

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Speaker 1: especially I am relentless here. I did an episode on

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Speaker 1: addiction a while ago that I highly suggest listening to.

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Speaker 1: And there's this genius man named Gabor Mate who I

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Speaker 1: talk a lot about on that episode, and he illustrates

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Speaker 1: this idea perfectly when he speaks about how addiction is

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Speaker 1: looked at in our society because we look at humans

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Speaker 1: and we say like why are you doing this? Why

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Speaker 1: are you smoking? Why are you drinking? Where you're doing

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Speaker 1: these drugs? Why are you watching this? Or why why

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Speaker 1: do you keep doing that? And it's like, well, maybe

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Speaker 1: that's not the question we need to be asking, because

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Speaker 1: maybe that behavior is not actually the problem, and it's

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Speaker 1: a symptom of a bigger problem. And so the question

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Speaker 1: we might want to ask instead of like why the

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Speaker 1: addiction is why are you in so much pain? So

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Speaker 1: behavior is a symptom, it's not the problem. And I

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Speaker 1: think if we can own that for ourselves and other people,

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Speaker 1: it can allow us to be so much more loving

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Speaker 1: and caring towards ourselves and accepting. If that's what you need.

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Speaker 1: You don't actually have to work hard to be who

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Speaker 1: you are. You have to work hard to stop being

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Speaker 1: who you Aren't just let that one sink in. Being

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Speaker 1: ourselves actually comes very naturally. It's the other stuff that

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Speaker 1: clouds are are being and and clouds our relationships, and

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Speaker 1: it clouds our thoughts. That fear of not being able

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Speaker 1: to control being loved or understood or being loved by

401
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Speaker 1: certain people really screws with our ability to show up.

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Speaker 1: So we develop all of these things, whether their behaviors

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Speaker 1: or thoughts, or ways we show up, and all of

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Speaker 1: the ways we look, ways we dress. We develop all

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Speaker 1: of these things and attempt to get what we all

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Speaker 1: truly want, love, connection, acceptance, belonging. And then these become

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Speaker 1: like coats of armor almost and and and so it's

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Speaker 1: it's not so hard to be you. That's a natural thing.

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Speaker 1: If you took the coats of armor off, there you'd be.

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Speaker 1: But it's hard to take this coat of armor off

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Speaker 1: because if I take this off, what's going to happen?

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Speaker 1: What won't I get? What won't I have? And the

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Speaker 1: question I would even ask here to like transform that

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Speaker 1: what won't I get? What won't I have? Is what

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Speaker 1: is my armor keeping me from? What's my armor keep

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Speaker 1: me from? If I was created on purpose, for a purpose,

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Speaker 1: with purpose the way I was for a purpose, but

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Speaker 1: then I put all this armor on, I don't show

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Speaker 1: up with that as that human. There's something that I'm

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Speaker 1: like probably not getting because the creation I was created

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Speaker 1: as doesn't get to show up. But it's really really

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Speaker 1: hard and scary to take that stuff off. And so

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Speaker 1: people I hear people say all the time, like I

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Speaker 1: don't know who I am, or it's hard to be

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Speaker 1: who I am, and or it's hard to show up

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Speaker 1: as authentic. And I'm like, I don't know if that's

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Speaker 1: the thing that we need to look at. I think

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Speaker 1: it's hard to let go of the things that we've

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Speaker 1: put on top of who we are. Number fourteen. It

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Speaker 1: is truly never too late. Honestly, I want to make

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Speaker 1: this one short and simple, because the thing here is

432
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,600
Speaker 1: unless you're dead, you still have time. That that applies

433
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:47,320
Speaker 1: to anything. Unless you're dead, you still have time. And

434
00:21:47,359 --> 00:21:49,119
Speaker 1: there are so many things in our lives that we

435
00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,679
Speaker 1: are like, oh, my time has passed. I can't do that.

436
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 1: It's too late for this. It's too late for that.

437
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,840
Speaker 1: And it's like when we see this all the time,

438
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,000
Speaker 1: the time is going to pass that you're moving in,

439
00:21:57,160 --> 00:21:58,760
Speaker 1: so like you might as well use it to do

440
00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:00,679
Speaker 1: what you want to do or be he want to be,

441
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 1: or say what you want to say. That time is

442
00:22:02,520 --> 00:22:04,399
Speaker 1: going to move, so do you want to move with

443
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:05,880
Speaker 1: it or do you want to kind of stay like

444
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 1: almost like holding yourself back. But it is never too late,

445
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 1: never too late to go to therapy, It's never too

446
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: late to to work on yourself. It's never too late

447
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 1: to get back to school. It's never too late to

448
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,919
Speaker 1: think about starting a job. It's never too late to

449
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,800
Speaker 1: start a new hobby. It's never too late you could

450
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 1: be And you're like, I want to learn how to

451
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: play the piano. It doesn't mean that you're going to

452
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: be like incredible piano player, but you can learn maybe,

453
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:31,920
Speaker 1: which brings us to number fifteen. We made it all

454
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:33,679
Speaker 1: the way to the end. This is one of my

455
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,760
Speaker 1: favorite things ever. So I know I said in the beginning,

456
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,199
Speaker 1: like I can't rank these, but like, this is one

457
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:40,320
Speaker 1: of my favorite things in the whole entire world. And

458
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,560
Speaker 1: it is this simple, simple, simple idea and truth in fact,

459
00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:48,639
Speaker 1: that you cannot heal what you refuse to acknowledge. And

460
00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:50,320
Speaker 1: I say this one of our last because as simple

461
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 1: as it sounds, it's one of the most important things.

462
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:54,919
Speaker 1: I think we can learn to hold on and plant

463
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 1: inside of our beans. That we can't heal things that

464
00:22:57,760 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: we aren't acknowledging. We can't into wounds that we pretend

465
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,800
Speaker 1: aren't there. And it's hard and it's scary, I know,

466
00:23:04,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: to acknowledge stuff, to acknowledge pain, it's scary. But remember

467
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 1: us not acknowledging pain doesn't make it go away. It

468
00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: just turns our pain into suffering. So I'm gonna leave

469
00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:16,119
Speaker 1: you with that one because I think it's so powerful.

470
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,680
Speaker 1: And maybe you think about, like, what are the things

471
00:23:18,720 --> 00:23:22,240
Speaker 1: that I'm refusing to acknowledge that like actually deserves some healing,

472
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,360
Speaker 1: And maybe if I give myself that healing, it might

473
00:23:25,359 --> 00:23:27,200
Speaker 1: be easier for me to take some of this armor

474
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,720
Speaker 1: off and then I can be myself. Is that part?

475
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: You already have the structure to do be yourself? So

476
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 1: there are my fifteen things I learned on my journey

477
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: of being a therapist. And maybe we'll do a part

478
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:44,040
Speaker 1: two one day, because this list will continue to grow

479
00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 1: till the end of time and change, and I might

480
00:23:47,240 --> 00:23:49,399
Speaker 1: change my mind on some of them because we're allowed

481
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,360
Speaker 1: to do that as humans. We are allowed to change

482
00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,199
Speaker 1: our minds which gets to go on the list. But

483
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,439
Speaker 1: I hope that was helpful for you guys, and I

484
00:23:56,560 --> 00:23:59,040
Speaker 1: think that you guys could also be making these kinds

485
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,040
Speaker 1: of lists like you could also. I mean, this is

486
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,760
Speaker 1: a human thing, so you're moving through life. You're also

487
00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:05,919
Speaker 1: learning things about humidity and yourself and all of that,

488
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:08,120
Speaker 1: so this could be a little encouragement to start your

489
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: own little list of things I've learned from being a

490
00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:12,920
Speaker 1: human being. If you have any questions, remember you can

491
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 1: always email me Catherine at You Need Therapy Podcast. You

492
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:19,399
Speaker 1: can follow me at Cat dot de Fatah or the

493
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,920
Speaker 1: podcast at you Need Therapy Podcast on Instagram. I love

494
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: when you guys connect with me on there, and I

495
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:28,199
Speaker 1: love when you guys send me emails and questions and

496
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: all of that. So I'm gonna leave you with that,

497
00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:33,320
Speaker 1: and I hope you guys have the very day you

498
00:24:33,359 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 1: need to have, the very week you need to have,

499
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,120
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna go have the Monday that I need

500
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,200
Speaker 1: to have. By guys,