Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to the most dramatic podcast ever.
Speaker 1: I'm your host, Chris Harrison. I am really excited to
Speaker 1: be here today, I say with a lot of trepidation
Speaker 1: and nerves. Um, this is a very interesting endeavor. And
Speaker 1: first I just want to say I am unbelievably excited
Speaker 1: to have this partnership with my heart, to be doing
Speaker 1: this entire podcast network that's going to be about relationships.
Speaker 1: This show is going to be the tent pole of
Speaker 1: that that I'm hosting, and as we move forward, this
Speaker 1: show is going to transform and move into many different things. Um.
Speaker 1: But if this is really going to be about relationships, UM,
Speaker 1: the most important comp owner to that is communication. And
Speaker 1: if I'm gonna ask you guys to believe in me
Speaker 1: and to open your heart and bear your soul, then
Speaker 1: I think I need to be willing to do the same.
Speaker 1: And so I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna take that
Speaker 1: first step. We have not talked in a long time,
Speaker 1: and I think it's time we finally have that chat.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry it's taken so long. I guess I
Speaker 1: could say I wish I had done this sooner, but
Speaker 1: I'm not sure it would have mattered. Um, I I
Speaker 1: have gotten the question of when are you going to
Speaker 1: come back, what are you gonna do? And why am
Speaker 1: I doing this podcast? The reason I'm doing this first,
Speaker 1: there are other exciting professional things that are going to
Speaker 1: happen this year that I'm excited to talk to you
Speaker 1: guys about, and I'm excited for you to see. But
Speaker 1: I felt like I owed you this, you deserve this,
Speaker 1: and I needed this. I need to have this talk.
Speaker 1: I have not spoken publicly since I left the Bachelor franchise.
Speaker 1: I have not made one comment, which might be hard
Speaker 1: to believe considering how much was said and written, talked
Speaker 1: about podcasted if that's actually a word um about me,
Speaker 1: But very little of it. Actually, none of it came
Speaker 1: from me. It was everybody else talking. And one thing
Speaker 1: I learned while I was going through this whole ordeal,
Speaker 1: when there is so much noise, me talking was just
Speaker 1: going to be more noise. It would have been like
Speaker 1: trying to have a conversation in the middle of a
Speaker 1: crowded stadium. It just wouldn't have mattered. You wouldn't have
Speaker 1: heard it. And selfishly, I think I needed time. I
Speaker 1: need time to figure out what I want to say
Speaker 1: how I felt, you know, to go back to the
Speaker 1: infamous interview, one point that I was trying to make
Speaker 1: and did not make eloquently was people need time to think.
Speaker 1: You need time to process. We must have grace and
Speaker 1: patience for people to think and process, or else you're
Speaker 1: just getting this kind of nonsensical, reactive emotion from people.
Speaker 1: And so I wanted to step away. I wanted to
Speaker 1: think and and learn and change and and go through
Speaker 1: everything I went through personally before I had this talk um.
Speaker 1: And I have let everybody else speak, and I have
Speaker 1: sat back and listen to everybody speaking. Look, I am
Speaker 1: sure there are a lot of people, well a few
Speaker 1: people that are sitting in Hollywood right now, nervous as
Speaker 1: all that I am doing a podcast. And I guess
Speaker 1: I would say to those people, if you're nervous, maybe
Speaker 1: you should be because you probably know that I know.
Speaker 1: I guess the thing I would start with is the
Speaker 1: reason I'm doing this is you. I've missed you, guys,
Speaker 1: I've heard you. I appreciate when my beautiful fiance Lauren
Speaker 1: Zim and I are traveling around the world and we're
Speaker 1: in airports, bars, restaurants, whatever, and you guys come up
Speaker 1: to us, and you have been so kind and so
Speaker 1: loving that you miss us, you miss me, you missed
Speaker 1: my voice. You, Um, I wish I would come back
Speaker 1: or you want me back. And you know, people say, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't watch the show anymore, I miss you, and
Speaker 1: I hear it all and I very very much appreciate
Speaker 1: it on the bottom of my heart, and um it
Speaker 1: kind of makes me me laugh because people will inevitably
Speaker 1: come up and apologize and they say, I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: but I just want to say I miss you, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, please, don't apologize. Thank you for your words.
Speaker 1: They truly has kept me going. And you guys are
Speaker 1: as much of my my life blood is anything else.
Speaker 1: I've really our relationship was important to me. I cultivated
Speaker 1: and worked on that relationship with the viewers. You from
Speaker 1: day one when I was hosting the Bachelorm Bachelotte and
Speaker 1: I tried to earn your trust, I tried to earn
Speaker 1: your love, and I tried to give you everything I
Speaker 1: had honestly, and yeah, look, the show was entertainment and
Speaker 1: there were times when you know, I would be vague
Speaker 1: or try to kind of put you off so you
Speaker 1: wouldn't know how the show went, but at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, I tried to be really honest with
Speaker 1: everybody on the show and you, and so you're the
Speaker 1: reason I wanted to sit down and have this conversation.
Speaker 1: And if I had a regret, it would be that
Speaker 1: I didn't do this, that I didn't just come to
Speaker 1: you in the first place. And I have to give
Speaker 1: myself some grace because when I went through this ordeal
Speaker 1: after the interview and and everything subsequently kind of melted down. Um,
Speaker 1: there was there's there was no template for for this.
Speaker 1: There was no playbook. The playbook had been thrown out
Speaker 1: the window. And I'll talk a little bit more about
Speaker 1: that and cancel culture in a minute, but they're the
Speaker 1: toughest thing for me was where to turn, what to do,
Speaker 1: And I probably should have led with this, but I
Speaker 1: was heartbroken. I was gutted, I was embarrassed. I was
Speaker 1: mad at myself. I was disappointed in myself. The last
Speaker 1: thing in the world I ever wanted to do was
Speaker 1: be an agent of anything negative, whether it had to
Speaker 1: do with race or or anything. The fact that I
Speaker 1: was involved in this, and that I had a big
Speaker 1: part in this, and I do own that there were
Speaker 1: many things out of my control, and things definitely spun
Speaker 1: out of control for for a number of reasons, but
Speaker 1: for my part in this. I was sick, sick to
Speaker 1: my stomach, and I lost twenty pounds. I didn't sleep,
Speaker 1: I didn't eat. I was scared to death of none
Speaker 1: of my job, but of my family, UM, my fiancee,
Speaker 1: who God bless Lorenzima for being there every step of
Speaker 1: the way. She is the only other human being that
Speaker 1: was there seven But you know, I worried about my kids.
Speaker 1: I worried about my family, my mom, my dad, my brother,
Speaker 1: all my loved ones, my friends. You know, I'm um
Speaker 1: a bit of an impath, and I I'm very loyal
Speaker 1: to a fault um, but I'm a team player. And
Speaker 1: so when this happened immediately after the interview, and I
Speaker 1: don't want this to come in the wrong way, but really,
Speaker 1: while I was sick to my stomach, and I felt
Speaker 1: so disappointed that that the interview went that way, and
Speaker 1: it was on me because I controlled what I had
Speaker 1: to say. And while some of the of things, while
Speaker 1: the point I was trying to get across, I stand
Speaker 1: by the way I did it. It was messy, It
Speaker 1: was disappointing and it's just not me um. So out
Speaker 1: of that interview, I really wasn't too worried about my
Speaker 1: job or the show or anything else. And look, everybody
Speaker 1: did agree. It was not good and it was a messy,
Speaker 1: really bad conversation, and I wasn't my normal eloquent self.
Speaker 1: I didn't express myself like I normally do. I think
Speaker 1: that part we all agree on. But as far as
Speaker 1: my standing in the community and the show, it really
Speaker 1: didn't register on the Richter scale. There was much more
Speaker 1: egregious things going on in the world and things that
Speaker 1: had happened, and so people didn't really think it was
Speaker 1: going to amount too much, and it would if I apologized,
Speaker 1: we would be able to move forward. I had someone,
Speaker 1: a very prominent person, to say to me, you know
Speaker 1: the mistake you made, Chris, you apologized, and I understood
Speaker 1: what that person was trying to say, but I said,
Speaker 1: I I disagree with you. My apology was warranted because
Speaker 1: I did misstep and I made a mistake, and I
Speaker 1: am a firm believer. I've raised my kids like this.
Speaker 1: I was raised like this. When you make a mistake,
Speaker 1: you face who you wronged, and you apologize and you
Speaker 1: make it right. And as soon as this happened, I
Speaker 1: just wanted to wrap my arms around all of you,
Speaker 1: everyone who's ever been on the show and just say
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Like my god, if I hurt you, I
Speaker 1: am so sorry. There is nothing in me, there is
Speaker 1: nothing in my soul that would ever want to harm anybody,
Speaker 1: make you feel less than, not seen, belittled in any way, marginalized.
Speaker 1: That's just not me. I love. I always lead with love.
Speaker 1: What you've seen on the show for nineteen years, I
Speaker 1: think you guys know that. And it was really interesting
Speaker 1: because I also have been raised and I've you know,
Speaker 1: beat this into my kids. You live a certain way,
Speaker 1: you treat people a certain way, and you build this foundation.
Speaker 1: So when things do go awry and you have a
Speaker 1: sloppy conversation like I did, and you make a mistake,
Speaker 1: that foundation is what people know you for. And it
Speaker 1: was really interesting because that wasn't the case here the
Speaker 1: the world. It was stranger things. The world was upside down,
Speaker 1: and I attribute that to a lot of things. I
Speaker 1: think the timing of this is very relevant of where
Speaker 1: we were in the world. Um, we were all coming
Speaker 1: out of two years of being locked up, and I
Speaker 1: think we're all angry and frustrated and um and then
Speaker 1: culturally what was going on in the world with civil rights,
Speaker 1: and there was a lot of confusion, anger, resentment. It
Speaker 1: was there was a lot. It was a very combustible
Speaker 1: moment in time, and my timing of being sloppy and
Speaker 1: appropriate wrong in that moment was that's on me to
Speaker 1: have not seen that. You know, I was just as
Speaker 1: frustrated and blind and piste off as everybody else in
Speaker 1: the world coming out of what we'd come out of.
Speaker 1: But that's not to say that was okay. But the
Speaker 1: timing of this I think was very relevant. And so
Speaker 1: when I apologized, I felt like I needed that and
Speaker 1: it was owed and I was fine with it. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you, I had no problem putting out that first apology,
Speaker 1: which I was a written apology I put out on
Speaker 1: on Instagram, and but there was just so much noise
Speaker 1: at the time. It just didn't matter. Apologies didn't matter.
Speaker 1: And I've never seen a time like that, and in
Speaker 1: my life, I've never known that not to work to
Speaker 1: be you know, if you if you sincerely apologize and
Speaker 1: open your heart, and it was just like yelling in
Speaker 1: a you know, in a cave. It just didn't matter. No,
Speaker 1: it just wasn't It didn't move anything, and it didn't
Speaker 1: move us away from what had just happened. And so
Speaker 1: even after that apology, we were still at ground zero,
Speaker 1: and it was confusing and it was scary. I'm sitting
Speaker 1: here now and it's like my heart is racing and
Speaker 1: I don't I don't get nervous about things. I don't
Speaker 1: get nervous to speak, but I have a lot of trepidation.
Speaker 1: And I don't even know if this is the you know,
Speaker 1: doing this podcast is the right thing to do. It
Speaker 1: may not be. Um, we'll see how all of you
Speaker 1: take it. I thought long and hard about doing this podcast.
Speaker 1: People had talked to me about doing this, even my heart,
Speaker 1: for quite some time, and I said, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I don't want. First of all, I'll be honest, there's
Speaker 1: a load of podcasts out there, and between you and I,
Speaker 1: too many, and so I might do I want to
Speaker 1: be one of those? Do? I just want to be
Speaker 1: another voice out there? But then I came to well
Speaker 1: talking with a very dear friend of mine who's sitting
Speaker 1: in this room right now, and she was right, is
Speaker 1: that it's it's time to talk, and this is the
Speaker 1: best way to do it. And I get back to
Speaker 1: that regret of this is what I should have done
Speaker 1: from day one. I should have just come to you, unedited, unfiltered,
Speaker 1: and just talked and told you how sorry I am,
Speaker 1: how heartbroken I am. I worked really hard on that
Speaker 1: show for nineteen years. Did I have say in in
Speaker 1: the decisions that were made around there? I did not.
Speaker 1: I never, once in the nineteen years I was there,
Speaker 1: hired or fired anybody. I never edited the show, meaning
Speaker 1: I didn't decide what your storyline was. I didn't decide
Speaker 1: who was on camera, what you were saying, none of that.
Speaker 1: I didn't cast the show. But I can't absolve myself
Speaker 1: because you can't show up every day and make a
Speaker 1: big paycheck and just say I'm not a part of that.
Speaker 1: That's not fair. You either are you aren't now, I
Speaker 1: would like to think I was a part of a
Speaker 1: group of very talented, incredible people that I still care for,
Speaker 1: that try to be an agent of change. And we did.
Speaker 1: We tried. We were working very hard too shift and
Speaker 1: change and be better. I would like to think i'm
Speaker 1: I was a part of that, and one of my
Speaker 1: great disappointments and myself out of all this, is that
Speaker 1: because of what I was a part of in that interview,
Speaker 1: I rolled a grenade under all that and I made
Speaker 1: things worse. And for me, who cares so deeply and
Speaker 1: passionately about the show, about the people on it, about
Speaker 1: the people I've been with, about you, the people that
Speaker 1: watch it, I felt like I let you down because
Speaker 1: I shined a big bright light on more than what
Speaker 1: needed to be I should that was. That was on me,
Speaker 1: and to have brought that on my house is uh.
Speaker 1: It was shameful and it just crushed me to the
Speaker 1: bottom of my soul. I was just sick to my
Speaker 1: stomach and I wanted to scream from the rooftop. I
Speaker 1: wanted to just scream to you, please forgive me. I
Speaker 1: am so sorry, my god, I would never ever ever
Speaker 1: want to hurt you in this way. I don't leaven
Speaker 1: the things that are being said about me. That's not
Speaker 1: in me at all. Let me fix this, Let me
Speaker 1: have a conversation. And you guys know me clearly. I'm
Speaker 1: sitting here. I'm good to talk. I love people, and
Speaker 1: I still have this policy of like, if you want
Speaker 1: to come have a debate with me. If you want
Speaker 1: to talk, bring an open heart and an open mind
Speaker 1: and open ears, and man, I will discuss anything with you.
Speaker 1: And I just I wanted that so badly, but it
Speaker 1: wasn't that I wasn't allowed, but I wasn't counseled to
Speaker 1: do that. I don't know if any of you watch
Speaker 1: the Harry and Megan thing, you know last year, the documentary,
Speaker 1: and it was funny because some of that I very much.
Speaker 1: Lauren and I um watched that together and we were
Speaker 1: talking about it, as we often do when we watch things,
Speaker 1: we discuss it at length, being the journalist we are,
Speaker 1: and we really empathized with some of the things as
Speaker 1: they were saying. And one of it was when things
Speaker 1: go sideways, don't speak, because that is what everybody wants.
Speaker 1: And when I say everybody, the tabloids, the clickbait. Oddly, sadly,
Speaker 1: it's a weird thing when I when I counsel bachelors
Speaker 1: and bacherettes when they're going through things, and they often
Speaker 1: call me on the side and say, how what should
Speaker 1: I do? I said, honestly, shut up, don't speak, And
Speaker 1: it is so contrary to everything that you are brought
Speaker 1: up to believe, especially me, I'm I'm a Southern guy, proud,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm taught to stand up, look you in the eye,
Speaker 1: and speak and and own it. Well, kind of back
Speaker 1: to the Harry Megan thing. You know what the royal family,
Speaker 1: of the royal press folks were like, don't speak, don't
Speaker 1: give them anything, because they will take anything you do
Speaker 1: say and it will be held against you in the
Speaker 1: court of public opinion. It will be the next clickbait headline.
Speaker 1: Even if you say a you know, oh, I so
Speaker 1: going back to uh when I was going through my divorce,
Speaker 1: which was very public back in the day, and I
Speaker 1: remember I um the tabloids. I went to Dancing with
Speaker 1: the Stars and it was Emily Maynard season. I used
Speaker 1: to go there with the Bachelor Bachelorette and I just
Speaker 1: got a divorced. I was sitting there with Emily and
Speaker 1: and a week later I got a call from a
Speaker 1: producer at dancing and they said, oh, we got a
Speaker 1: call from several tabloids that said Chris Harrison was there,
Speaker 1: because now you know, I just got divorced and single,
Speaker 1: and they're like, you know, was he with anybody? Did
Speaker 1: he do anything and this this person was smart enough,
Speaker 1: because what if this person had said, no, Chris is great,
Speaker 1: you know I I he he went up and and
Speaker 1: gave Julian Huff a hug and said hello, and it's
Speaker 1: like boom, that's the headline. Chris Harrison hugs Julian Huff
Speaker 1: for whatever, you know, and like there, there you go.
Speaker 1: There's your clickbait. So the toughest thing in the world
Speaker 1: is that you want to scream, you want to yell,
Speaker 1: you want to fight, but you learn not to. You
Speaker 1: learn just to sit there and take it. And that sucks.
Speaker 1: And in this situation, it really sucked because people are
Speaker 1: talking about you and you're being used. And that was
Speaker 1: the craziest thing about this is that once this happened,
Speaker 1: it's I guess the best analogy is if you were
Speaker 1: in a tsunami, or or if you're a surfer, if
Speaker 1: you've ever been surfing, you're in it's a huge wave
Speaker 1: and this massive wave, you don't make it over the top,
Speaker 1: and so you get thrown down to the bottom of
Speaker 1: the ocean and you're in it's like you're in a
Speaker 1: washing machine. You're getting thrown around, but it's over right,
Speaker 1: and about five d eight seconds. If you hold your
Speaker 1: breath and you keep your head about you, you float
Speaker 1: to the top and it's over and you when you
Speaker 1: come up, it's actually really serene, it's really placid, it's calm.
Speaker 1: But that wave is rolling on and it's destroying more
Speaker 1: and it's loud. And that's how I felt, because when
Speaker 1: I got hit by this wave and I was being
Speaker 1: thrown around, the decision was made, Okay, apologize, which I did,
Speaker 1: and then don't speak, and that's what I was counseled,
Speaker 1: and I tentatively agreed, Okay, this this two shall pass.
Speaker 1: We've been through things somewhat like this before, but this
Speaker 1: two shill pass not a big deal. But that noise
Speaker 1: in this moment in time didn't stop. And that's where
Speaker 1: the playbook was thrown out the window. And that's what
Speaker 1: none of us were prepared for. And that's what I
Speaker 1: wasn't prepared for, because all of a sudden, this moment
Speaker 1: and my name became synonymous with this political lightning in
Speaker 1: a bottom moment, and all of a sudden, someone on
Speaker 1: CNN is talking about me for purposes of the left,
Speaker 1: and then Ben Shapiro and whoever on Fox is talking
Speaker 1: about me about you know, conservative or whatever, and this
Speaker 1: is what's wrong in the world. And so I was
Speaker 1: being used by the right, and so the left wing,
Speaker 1: the right wing, the middle wing, everybody was talking about
Speaker 1: me in this moment, and I wasn't speaking. Some people
Speaker 1: were cursing me, some people were yelling, people were angry.
Speaker 1: And I hadn't said anything other than the interview. I
Speaker 1: had not spoken, and I I thought this will go away,
Speaker 1: this will pass us. And every day I woke up
Speaker 1: and there was something new. Lauren and I had a
Speaker 1: very difficult time getting through this together. It was brutal
Speaker 1: because this happened to her as much as it happened
Speaker 1: to me. And I'll bring Lauren on and we'll sit
Speaker 1: down and talk because her perspective. I'm actually interested to
Speaker 1: know too, Because now that we've had time, we really
Speaker 1: don't talk about this this deeply anymore because it consumes
Speaker 1: so much of our lives. It impacted us so much.
Speaker 1: In the end, it brought us together more and made
Speaker 1: me love her more. She is unbelievably brilliant, wise, loving, caring.
Speaker 1: It made me see a side of her that I
Speaker 1: knew I loved even more. But it was a gut
Speaker 1: punch to her as much as it was to me.
Speaker 1: And that was the thing for me, is it made
Speaker 1: me sick to my stomach that I was hurting the
Speaker 1: woman I love. She had you know, she was an
Speaker 1: entertainment tonight at the time, and people were wanting her
Speaker 1: to answer to it. And you know, again, it was
Speaker 1: difficult because anything she did would be held against her
Speaker 1: too good or bad. If she didn't speak. Your silence
Speaker 1: is deafening. If you speak, you're screwed. So you're you're
Speaker 1: damned if you do, You're damned if you don't. But
Speaker 1: the playbook was really thrown out the window at that moment,
Speaker 1: and it was being used by everybody politically, talk shows, podcasts,
Speaker 1: cast members. Um, you know, look in this business heavy
Speaker 1: as the head who wears the round. I've been on
Speaker 1: the top of this thing for nineteen years. I know
Speaker 1: people coveted my job. I know people wanted my job.
Speaker 1: They'd be crazy not too is a great gig, or
Speaker 1: so it appeared from the outside looking in. But it
Speaker 1: was a lesson I learned, honestly. Season three four, I
Speaker 1: was sitting at a party and um, I won't out
Speaker 1: the bachelorette, but one of the Bachelretts walked in and
Speaker 1: I was sitting there on the couch and she sat
Speaker 1: next to me, and she was talking to one of
Speaker 1: the director at the time and said, you know, I should,
Speaker 1: I should come back and host the next Batchelorette. And
Speaker 1: I was sitting there and I said, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: right here. She said, no, no no, no, no, I would
Speaker 1: just you know, I would just host the back serette. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: that's that's that's my job. That's what I do too.
Speaker 1: I do both those shows, and that's how I pay
Speaker 1: my mortgage. That's that's my job. And it was funny
Speaker 1: because she didn't even see it as a job, or
Speaker 1: the fact that she was asking for my job and
Speaker 1: asking me to be unemployed in front of me. And
Speaker 1: every year I laughingly would always say, I am creating
Speaker 1: to thirty people who want to host my show, it's
Speaker 1: a really and it's unlike any other show. You know,
Speaker 1: they you don't run into this on Survivor and and
Speaker 1: and Dancing with the Stars and American Idol or Amazing Race.
Speaker 1: You know, maybe they want to be influencers, maybe they
Speaker 1: want to be but our show is very particular in
Speaker 1: that way about creating influencers and creating people who go
Speaker 1: on to want to do TV, and I mean so
Speaker 1: many of them end up moving to l A and
Speaker 1: have those aspirations, which is great. So I have nothing
Speaker 1: against that, um. But it's funny. I always just knew
Speaker 1: from day one I am every year it gets worse
Speaker 1: and worse for me because I'm creating more and more
Speaker 1: influencers and more and more people who just want my job.
Speaker 1: And so there was that element to the people that
Speaker 1: used the situation for their benefit, for their podcast, for
Speaker 1: their book tour, for a media tour. It helped them
Speaker 1: with their fifteen minutes of fame. The people that did that,
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at and I'm definitely not shocked by
Speaker 1: their behavior. It's the people you would expect, um. You know,
Speaker 1: I always say hope for the best from people. I
Speaker 1: just don't expect it because by nature we're selfish. And
Speaker 1: I don't mean that in a completely negative connotation, but
Speaker 1: people are selfish. You're looking out for yourself. And honestly,
Speaker 1: if I had been in the same situation what I
Speaker 1: have had my agent call, I knew about it. I
Speaker 1: knew about certain cast members that were calling in. It
Speaker 1: was hilarious. And this funny thing is the people that
Speaker 1: were calling in I knew had no chance to get
Speaker 1: the job. Um, but people were. You know, there was
Speaker 1: blood in the water, and in Hollywood, it's a tough,
Speaker 1: tough gig. It's tough business. So I don't I don't
Speaker 1: begrudge those people for doing that. But I wanted to
Speaker 1: speak but it didn't take. And every night we'd go
Speaker 1: to bed thinking things had finally calmed down and we
Speaker 1: were okay, and we'd wake up the next morning two
Speaker 1: new headlines, a new podcast, a new cast member had
Speaker 1: said something, and it started all over again, and you
Speaker 1: go to bed exhausted. I spent many days just calling
Speaker 1: cast members. I talked to cast members, producers, executives, agents,
Speaker 1: et cetera. Um. You know, I called a lot of
Speaker 1: cast members to make sure they were okay, to hear them,
Speaker 1: just to listen and talk. Um. But you'd get to
Speaker 1: the end of the day just exhausted and spent. But
Speaker 1: I feel like, Okay, this is finally behind us. Next day,
Speaker 1: all over again, someone's doing a media tour, someone's on
Speaker 1: a podcast, someone, And again I don't begrudge him, this
Speaker 1: is great. Oh my god, this is good podcast fodder.
Speaker 1: I'm actually doing one right now. UM, so kind of
Speaker 1: a hypocrite if I said I didn't appreciate what he
Speaker 1: were doing. UM, it's the business and it's what I
Speaker 1: signed up for. But I I couldn't figure out how
Speaker 1: to fix it, and nothing made sense because what I
Speaker 1: know to do just wasn't working. And I talked to UM,
Speaker 1: a crisis manager. By the way, I hope I pray
Speaker 1: none of you ever go through anything like this. Don't
Speaker 1: use a crisis manager. I'm not saying they're foolish, but
Speaker 1: they're not great UM, and to their credit, nothing prepared
Speaker 1: any of them for this. And I was also astonished
Speaker 1: at how many people had their hand out. I wanted
Speaker 1: to get paid for this, taking advantage of this situation.
Speaker 1: It's a bizarre thing. I'm telling you. I will not
Speaker 1: only this podcast, I should teach a master class and
Speaker 1: speak to universities about this, because it is. If it
Speaker 1: wasn't happening to me, it's an amazing study in human
Speaker 1: behavior because while this was happening to me, I was
Speaker 1: really observing, and I am clearly after nineteen years, I
Speaker 1: am all about listening and observing and taking things in
Speaker 1: and learning from it and figuring out why and watching
Speaker 1: the way people acted was amazing. I am sure when
Speaker 1: you are at war you will see a side of
Speaker 1: people that is real. This is them, because when the
Speaker 1: hits the fan at that level, you will find out
Speaker 1: what's really inside somebody. And I felt the same way,
Speaker 1: and that when the bullets start flying, you find out
Speaker 1: who really is going to be in that foxhole with you,
Speaker 1: that will take the bullets and stand next to you.
Speaker 1: And your circle gets small, which is a good thing.
Speaker 1: As you get older, your circle gets smaller anyway, because
Speaker 1: you realize time is precious and you realize that there's
Speaker 1: only really a number of people you truly care and
Speaker 1: love to spend time with. But you you figure out
Speaker 1: who's going to stand by you and stand up. But
Speaker 1: the craziest part of the US is people started calling
Speaker 1: me right away and said, hey, man, what can I do?
Speaker 1: You've always been there for us, You've been there for me,
Speaker 1: You've counseled this, You've you know, helped us. It's our turn.
Speaker 1: Now what can we do? Just say the word? And
Speaker 1: my advice to them was don't say anything. And I
Speaker 1: wanted them to deep down, if we're being honest, I
Speaker 1: wanted them to. I wanted people to defend me because
Speaker 1: I was just getting graped over the coals, crushed. But
Speaker 1: I told everyone just please don't speak, because there was
Speaker 1: this insatiable appetite. There was this momentum, this thing going on.
Speaker 1: It didn't matter who it was, what you said, you
Speaker 1: were going to be devoured. And they were hungry and
Speaker 1: they wanted more. And anybody who stuck their head up
Speaker 1: above water was going to be devoured by this wave.
Speaker 1: And I didn't want that for anybody else. I'm actually
Speaker 1: okay like it. Yes, it sucked, and it was just
Speaker 1: one gut punch after the other, and mentally and physically
Speaker 1: I deteriorated pretty bad. But I'm okay as long as
Speaker 1: I know I'm hurting. If I see anyone else in
Speaker 1: my camp, that's what gets me. If I see my
Speaker 1: family that that's my weeks, that's my weakness. And I
Speaker 1: just I couldn't let anybody else go down. Now, some
Speaker 1: people still spoke out. Some people just said screw it,
Speaker 1: I don't give a I'm speaking out on your behalf.
Speaker 1: And they got attacked and they got and and I
Speaker 1: and I also told people again, there's so much noise
Speaker 1: right now, no one's going to hear it because the people,
Speaker 1: the people who were had that insatiable appetite too kind
Speaker 1: of destroy and cancel. They weren't hearing it anyway. They
Speaker 1: weren't going to hear anything where that was going to
Speaker 1: stop them in their tracks and go, oh okay, I see.
Speaker 1: And the people that on the other side didn't need
Speaker 1: to be convinced anyway. So there was no good that
Speaker 1: was going to come from speaking. And so I told
Speaker 1: people not to speak. In the hardest moment, well too
Speaker 1: hard moments. And I'm not going to speak for her.
Speaker 1: We'll talk later about it with Lauren's ema. But everything
Speaker 1: with Lauren was hard because she is the love of
Speaker 1: my life, and so trying to navigate this is one thing.
Speaker 1: Trying to navigate it for her and with her was excruciating.
Speaker 1: The next hardest thing was my family, my mom, my dad,
Speaker 1: my brother. I have an older brother, UM, not in
Speaker 1: the business at all. No one in my family's in
Speaker 1: the business. UM I'm the only odd ball that came
Speaker 1: out to California to do this. UM. My brother is
Speaker 1: my idol. I have always looked up to him. I
Speaker 1: wanted to be him. He is brilliant. He's an incredible writer,
Speaker 1: He's a poet. UM much more talented than I am.
Speaker 1: I ever was UM, and I love him unquestionably as
Speaker 1: he does me. We've had he had each other's backs
Speaker 1: our entire lives. We've been in fights. We used to
Speaker 1: beat the ship out of each other. But we've been
Speaker 1: in fights. We've We've done it all. Um, he is.
Speaker 1: We were brought up very simple. You do what's right,
Speaker 1: You treat people right, you stand up for what's right always.
Speaker 1: Life is simple because you just do what's right all
Speaker 1: the time. And that's how we were raised. If you're
Speaker 1: just honest and open, and it is unquestionable if anybody
Speaker 1: comes after your family, that's the line we draw. And
Speaker 1: so he wrote this amazingly eloquent, beautiful letter, kind of
Speaker 1: an open letter to the world, and he, uh defended me,
Speaker 1: defended me. So I'm getting all choked up, and uh
Speaker 1: he wrote this beautiful letter, spoke from his heart and
Speaker 1: defended his little brother. And what killed me. As I
Speaker 1: called him and told him to take it down, I
Speaker 1: could tell he was disappointed in me, not because of
Speaker 1: the interview or whatever, because he knew, you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of what was going on was crazy and a
Speaker 1: lot of it was you know, bullshit. But and he know,
Speaker 1: he knew that I had owned up to it and
Speaker 1: I apologized and whatever. Um, but he was just I
Speaker 1: could tell he just had this disappointment of like, why
Speaker 1: aren't you fighting? We were raised to fight for what's right.
Speaker 1: We were always taught to stand up no matter what
Speaker 1: and do what's right. And I told him, Man, this
Speaker 1: just isn't the time. I say, I don't think you
Speaker 1: understand what's happening right now, but this just isn't that time.
Speaker 1: And I can't have you. And he has two kids
Speaker 1: and a wife. I can't have you involved in this.
Speaker 1: I can can't have I can't take another casualty in
Speaker 1: the family right now. I can't have paparazzi coming to
Speaker 1: your house. I can't have them following you around because
Speaker 1: that was my life. We had paparazzi outside our house.
Speaker 1: Lord and I were already in living together, and um,
Speaker 1: the kids would you know we're coming and going because
Speaker 1: we had shared custody, and um, there were people parked
Speaker 1: outside of my house for weeks, following me everywhere I went. UM,
Speaker 1: and I'd have to sneak down the back hill of
Speaker 1: my house. Luckily, I'm always close to my neighbors, and
Speaker 1: so I would sneak down the hill of my house
Speaker 1: through my neighbor's backyard, and my buddy would pick me up.
Speaker 1: He'd back his car into my other friend's garage and
Speaker 1: I jump in and we go just get away. Um.
Speaker 1: And if I drove anywhere for weeks, I would cut
Speaker 1: through alley ease and back roads and people you know,
Speaker 1: and you know people were following me, so I try
Speaker 1: to lose him. Um. The funny thing is the first
Speaker 1: time I got caught, I was coming out of a
Speaker 1: dunkin Donuts and there's like a picture of me with donuts.
Speaker 1: I don't really every donuts. I was like, man, really,
Speaker 1: Like now I've been afflack. Um. But that conversation with
Speaker 1: my brother, that's where that might have been my low point,
Speaker 1: because I knew this thing had beating me a little bit.
Speaker 1: I wasn't being myself. It wasn't me. And my brother
Speaker 1: took it down and I realized in that moment he
Speaker 1: was right. Because I hung up the phone. I just
Speaker 1: sat there and I thought, and I'm like, this is
Speaker 1: not what Harrison's do. This is not how we act.
Speaker 1: And I had followed this playbook and I was trying
Speaker 1: to be loyal to the show and people. You know,
Speaker 1: people have said, look, screw the show. You know, it's
Speaker 1: nothing without you. You know, are you pissed? And I'm
Speaker 1: not mad. I'm not mad at the show. The show
Speaker 1: changed my life. I am grateful to the Batchel and Bachelorette.
Speaker 1: I will for ever be grateful because it brought me you.
Speaker 1: It changed my life, It changed my kids lives. So
Speaker 1: there is no animosity. Now. Was it a job where
Speaker 1: the parts of it that sucks. It's a job, you know,
Speaker 1: tell me a job where you love your your boss
Speaker 1: and you love everyone you work for. It's very rare
Speaker 1: and God bless you. If you do you found that,
Speaker 1: that's great, you know, it's Shankara law. But the majority
Speaker 1: of people I love and adored. Look, the show is
Speaker 1: a massive success. It was. It's a it's a historic show.
Speaker 1: It changed television in many ways, one of the most
Speaker 1: relevant television shows and history. And to be a part
Speaker 1: of that, to have helped create that over nineteen years,
Speaker 1: I take great pride in that. Um when people ask
Speaker 1: what I think of it now, I don't watch UM.
Speaker 1: The last thing I think I watched was UM, the
Speaker 1: last show with Matt James, I think Hometowns. When I left,
Speaker 1: it was the number still the number one show on TV. Now. Look,
Speaker 1: do I keep an eye on the ratings? Do I
Speaker 1: know what's happening now? I'm not going to say I'm
Speaker 1: not so humble and whatever to say I haven't paid
Speaker 1: attention to the scoreboard. Yes, I do know. You know
Speaker 1: the I realized the ratings are down fift and the
Speaker 1: show has changed dramatically. But I also that hurts me
Speaker 1: a little bit because it's something I took pride in building.
Speaker 1: And there's still some wonderful people that I talked to
Speaker 1: on the show, cast members, crew. I love my crew
Speaker 1: ferociously and defended them ferociously. They're the most talented men
Speaker 1: and women in the world worked on that show. UM, directors, producers,
Speaker 1: art department, lighting, you name it, camera audio. There was
Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds of people. I was the face and
Speaker 1: the voice of the show. And that's a weird thing
Speaker 1: when you know this reality shows a little different because
Speaker 1: I was always the face and the voice. I was
Speaker 1: the constant for nineteen years, and so I always took
Speaker 1: pride in that I was speaking and acting on their
Speaker 1: behalf because they wouldn't ever be seen or heard um
Speaker 1: And I took a lot of pride in that. And
Speaker 1: so no, I'm not angry. And at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, I always tell people I'm fine, right up
Speaker 1: until the time I'm not. And I wish I could
Speaker 1: be more specific about that time. But there was one
Speaker 1: night in particular, and I went home and I drew
Speaker 1: the line in the sand, and that was it, And
Speaker 1: that was my breaking point, and it was time to
Speaker 1: take my life back, and it was time to step
Speaker 1: away and get my life back. And that has been
Speaker 1: a blessing. While I while I'm not happy as I
Speaker 1: wrapped this first episode up, I'll say this, I'm not
Speaker 1: proud of how it went down. I'm not happy be
Speaker 1: about how it went down. But I'm a faithful person.
Speaker 1: I believe in God. I pray to God. God gives
Speaker 1: us these blessings. These prayers in our life get answered,
Speaker 1: but they don't always come in a cute little box
Speaker 1: wrapped under the tree. Sometimes they come in brutal, humbling,
Speaker 1: life altering, shocking moments. And that's what this was. It
Speaker 1: was being slapped upside the head strip, naked in front
Speaker 1: of all of you, humbled, taken to my knees. But
Speaker 1: it allowed me to have a better life with my kids,
Speaker 1: to fall in love, to be engaged to the woman
Speaker 1: I love, to have a much better life than what
Speaker 1: I was living. So as I bring this first episode
Speaker 1: to a close again, I just want to say thank you.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, thank you for being here, being
Speaker 1: beside me, supporting me, loving me. Just know that I
Speaker 1: have missed you just as much and I have always
Speaker 1: appreciated our relationship and I've never taken that for granted.
Speaker 1: And I hope this is the start of moving forward
Speaker 1: and learning together, loving together, getting back to the fun
Speaker 1: that we had, and diving into relationships of all kinds.
Speaker 1: But thanks for being here for this first episode. I
Speaker 1: will see you next time because we still have a
Speaker 1: lot more to talk about.