1 00:00:07,880 --> 00:00:11,480 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, and welcome to the most dramatic podcast ever. 2 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: I'm your host, Chris Harrison. I am really excited to 3 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,240 Speaker 1: be here today, I say with a lot of trepidation 4 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 1: and nerves. Um, this is a very interesting endeavor. And 5 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:34,280 Speaker 1: first I just want to say I am unbelievably excited 6 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: to have this partnership with my heart, to be doing 7 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 1: this entire podcast network that's going to be about relationships. 8 00:00:40,159 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 1: This show is going to be the tent pole of 9 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 1: that that I'm hosting, and as we move forward, this 10 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: show is going to transform and move into many different things. Um. 11 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: But if this is really going to be about relationships, UM, 12 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: the most important comp owner to that is communication. And 13 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:03,800 Speaker 1: if I'm gonna ask you guys to believe in me 14 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: and to open your heart and bear your soul, then 15 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:10,920 Speaker 1: I think I need to be willing to do the same. 16 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: And so I'm gonna go first. I'm gonna take that 17 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:17,600 Speaker 1: first step. We have not talked in a long time, 18 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,520 Speaker 1: and I think it's time we finally have that chat. 19 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: And I'm sorry it's taken so long. I guess I 20 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: could say I wish I had done this sooner, but 21 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: I'm not sure it would have mattered. Um, I I 22 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,960 Speaker 1: have gotten the question of when are you going to 23 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 1: come back, what are you gonna do? And why am 24 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 1: I doing this podcast? The reason I'm doing this first, 25 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: there are other exciting professional things that are going to 26 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: happen this year that I'm excited to talk to you 27 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 1: guys about, and I'm excited for you to see. But 28 00:01:55,320 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 1: I felt like I owed you this, you deserve this, 29 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,760 Speaker 1: and I needed this. I need to have this talk. 30 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 1: I have not spoken publicly since I left the Bachelor franchise. 31 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:14,320 Speaker 1: I have not made one comment, which might be hard 32 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,760 Speaker 1: to believe considering how much was said and written, talked 33 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:22,840 Speaker 1: about podcasted if that's actually a word um about me, 34 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,920 Speaker 1: But very little of it. Actually, none of it came 35 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,840 Speaker 1: from me. It was everybody else talking. And one thing 36 00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: I learned while I was going through this whole ordeal, 37 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 1: when there is so much noise, me talking was just 38 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 1: going to be more noise. It would have been like 39 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:45,480 Speaker 1: trying to have a conversation in the middle of a 40 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:49,200 Speaker 1: crowded stadium. It just wouldn't have mattered. You wouldn't have 41 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:56,400 Speaker 1: heard it. And selfishly, I think I needed time. I 42 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,520 Speaker 1: need time to figure out what I want to say 43 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:02,360 Speaker 1: how I felt, you know, to go back to the 44 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:09,240 Speaker 1: infamous interview, one point that I was trying to make 45 00:03:09,360 --> 00:03:14,959 Speaker 1: and did not make eloquently was people need time to think. 46 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: You need time to process. We must have grace and 47 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:27,440 Speaker 1: patience for people to think and process, or else you're 48 00:03:27,480 --> 00:03:33,640 Speaker 1: just getting this kind of nonsensical, reactive emotion from people. 49 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:36,320 Speaker 1: And so I wanted to step away. I wanted to 50 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:40,120 Speaker 1: think and and learn and change and and go through 51 00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 1: everything I went through personally before I had this talk um. 52 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: And I have let everybody else speak, and I have 53 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: sat back and listen to everybody speaking. Look, I am 54 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:56,320 Speaker 1: sure there are a lot of people, well a few 55 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: people that are sitting in Hollywood right now, nervous as 56 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 1: all that I am doing a podcast. And I guess 57 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:05,920 Speaker 1: I would say to those people, if you're nervous, maybe 58 00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:12,080 Speaker 1: you should be because you probably know that I know. 59 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: I guess the thing I would start with is the 60 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 1: reason I'm doing this is you. I've missed you, guys, 61 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: I've heard you. I appreciate when my beautiful fiance Lauren 62 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,279 Speaker 1: Zim and I are traveling around the world and we're 63 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:38,720 Speaker 1: in airports, bars, restaurants, whatever, and you guys come up 64 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,400 Speaker 1: to us, and you have been so kind and so 65 00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: loving that you miss us, you miss me, you missed 66 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 1: my voice. You, Um, I wish I would come back 67 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 1: or you want me back. And you know, people say, oh, 68 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 1: I don't watch the show anymore, I miss you, and 69 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,839 Speaker 1: I hear it all and I very very much appreciate 70 00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: it on the bottom of my heart, and um it 71 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: kind of makes me me laugh because people will inevitably 72 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:09,800 Speaker 1: come up and apologize and they say, I'm so sorry, 73 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: but I just want to say I miss you, and 74 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,039 Speaker 1: I'm like, please, don't apologize. Thank you for your words. 75 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,760 Speaker 1: They truly has kept me going. And you guys are 76 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,560 Speaker 1: as much of my my life blood is anything else. 77 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:28,480 Speaker 1: I've really our relationship was important to me. I cultivated 78 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:32,880 Speaker 1: and worked on that relationship with the viewers. You from 79 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 1: day one when I was hosting the Bachelorm Bachelotte and 80 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,240 Speaker 1: I tried to earn your trust, I tried to earn 81 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 1: your love, and I tried to give you everything I 82 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 1: had honestly, and yeah, look, the show was entertainment and 83 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,839 Speaker 1: there were times when you know, I would be vague 84 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: or try to kind of put you off so you 85 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: wouldn't know how the show went, but at the end 86 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,359 Speaker 1: of the day, I tried to be really honest with 87 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: everybody on the show and you, and so you're the 88 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 1: reason I wanted to sit down and have this conversation. 89 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 1: And if I had a regret, it would be that 90 00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:16,440 Speaker 1: I didn't do this, that I didn't just come to 91 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 1: you in the first place. And I have to give 92 00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:25,880 Speaker 1: myself some grace because when I went through this ordeal 93 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:35,799 Speaker 1: after the interview and and everything subsequently kind of melted down. Um, 94 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,640 Speaker 1: there was there's there was no template for for this. 95 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 1: There was no playbook. The playbook had been thrown out 96 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 1: the window. And I'll talk a little bit more about 97 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: that and cancel culture in a minute, but they're the 98 00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 1: toughest thing for me was where to turn, what to do, 99 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 1: And I probably should have led with this, but I 100 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:09,159 Speaker 1: was heartbroken. I was gutted, I was embarrassed. I was 101 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:13,440 Speaker 1: mad at myself. I was disappointed in myself. The last 102 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: thing in the world I ever wanted to do was 103 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: be an agent of anything negative, whether it had to 104 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:29,600 Speaker 1: do with race or or anything. The fact that I 105 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: was involved in this, and that I had a big 106 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:35,600 Speaker 1: part in this, and I do own that there were 107 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,080 Speaker 1: many things out of my control, and things definitely spun 108 00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: out of control for for a number of reasons, but 109 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:45,240 Speaker 1: for my part in this. I was sick, sick to 110 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: my stomach, and I lost twenty pounds. I didn't sleep, 111 00:07:55,640 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: I didn't eat. I was scared to death of none 112 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:09,320 Speaker 1: of my job, but of my family, UM, my fiancee, 113 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: who God bless Lorenzima for being there every step of 114 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:14,320 Speaker 1: the way. She is the only other human being that 115 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:18,880 Speaker 1: was there seven But you know, I worried about my kids. 116 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: I worried about my family, my mom, my dad, my brother, 117 00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: all my loved ones, my friends. You know, I'm um 118 00:08:27,320 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: a bit of an impath, and I I'm very loyal 119 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,520 Speaker 1: to a fault um, but I'm a team player. And 120 00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:43,520 Speaker 1: so when this happened immediately after the interview, and I 121 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,400 Speaker 1: don't want this to come in the wrong way, but really, 122 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,680 Speaker 1: while I was sick to my stomach, and I felt 123 00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 1: so disappointed that that the interview went that way, and 124 00:08:53,160 --> 00:08:58,480 Speaker 1: it was on me because I controlled what I had 125 00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 1: to say. And while some of the of things, while 126 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:07,640 Speaker 1: the point I was trying to get across, I stand 127 00:09:07,679 --> 00:09:11,840 Speaker 1: by the way I did it. It was messy, It 128 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:17,560 Speaker 1: was disappointing and it's just not me um. So out 129 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:22,160 Speaker 1: of that interview, I really wasn't too worried about my 130 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:26,280 Speaker 1: job or the show or anything else. And look, everybody 131 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: did agree. It was not good and it was a messy, 132 00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:34,079 Speaker 1: really bad conversation, and I wasn't my normal eloquent self. 133 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,240 Speaker 1: I didn't express myself like I normally do. I think 134 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: that part we all agree on. But as far as 135 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:49,640 Speaker 1: my standing in the community and the show, it really 136 00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:53,680 Speaker 1: didn't register on the Richter scale. There was much more 137 00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: egregious things going on in the world and things that 138 00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 1: had happened, and so people didn't really think it was 139 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 1: going to amount too much, and it would if I apologized, 140 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:09,319 Speaker 1: we would be able to move forward. I had someone, 141 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:13,680 Speaker 1: a very prominent person, to say to me, you know 142 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: the mistake you made, Chris, you apologized, and I understood 143 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 1: what that person was trying to say, but I said, 144 00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:30,079 Speaker 1: I I disagree with you. My apology was warranted because 145 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:35,679 Speaker 1: I did misstep and I made a mistake, and I 146 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 1: am a firm believer. I've raised my kids like this. 147 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,360 Speaker 1: I was raised like this. When you make a mistake, 148 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:45,880 Speaker 1: you face who you wronged, and you apologize and you 149 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:50,360 Speaker 1: make it right. And as soon as this happened, I 150 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:53,840 Speaker 1: just wanted to wrap my arms around all of you, 151 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: everyone who's ever been on the show and just say 152 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,200 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, Like my god, if I hurt you, I 153 00:11:00,240 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: am so sorry. There is nothing in me, there is 154 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 1: nothing in my soul that would ever want to harm anybody, 155 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: make you feel less than, not seen, belittled in any way, marginalized. 156 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:19,240 Speaker 1: That's just not me. I love. I always lead with love. 157 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,280 Speaker 1: What you've seen on the show for nineteen years, I 158 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,040 Speaker 1: think you guys know that. And it was really interesting 159 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 1: because I also have been raised and I've you know, 160 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: beat this into my kids. You live a certain way, 161 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,120 Speaker 1: you treat people a certain way, and you build this foundation. 162 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,760 Speaker 1: So when things do go awry and you have a 163 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,319 Speaker 1: sloppy conversation like I did, and you make a mistake, 164 00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: that foundation is what people know you for. And it 165 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: was really interesting because that wasn't the case here the 166 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,960 Speaker 1: the world. It was stranger things. The world was upside down, 167 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: and I attribute that to a lot of things. I 168 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:10,720 Speaker 1: think the timing of this is very relevant of where 169 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:14,319 Speaker 1: we were in the world. Um, we were all coming 170 00:12:14,360 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: out of two years of being locked up, and I 171 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: think we're all angry and frustrated and um and then 172 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:27,160 Speaker 1: culturally what was going on in the world with civil rights, 173 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:35,120 Speaker 1: and there was a lot of confusion, anger, resentment. It 174 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:38,080 Speaker 1: was there was a lot. It was a very combustible 175 00:12:38,160 --> 00:12:44,400 Speaker 1: moment in time, and my timing of being sloppy and 176 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,839 Speaker 1: appropriate wrong in that moment was that's on me to 177 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: have not seen that. You know, I was just as 178 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: frustrated and blind and piste off as everybody else in 179 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 1: the world coming out of what we'd come out of. 180 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: But that's not to say that was okay. But the 181 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 1: timing of this I think was very relevant. And so 182 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:14,840 Speaker 1: when I apologized, I felt like I needed that and 183 00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 1: it was owed and I was fine with it. I'm 184 00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,520 Speaker 1: telling you, I had no problem putting out that first apology, 185 00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:22,199 Speaker 1: which I was a written apology I put out on 186 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:29,200 Speaker 1: on Instagram, and but there was just so much noise 187 00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:34,680 Speaker 1: at the time. It just didn't matter. Apologies didn't matter. 188 00:13:36,679 --> 00:13:38,520 Speaker 1: And I've never seen a time like that, and in 189 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 1: my life, I've never known that not to work to 190 00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,200 Speaker 1: be you know, if you if you sincerely apologize and 191 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: open your heart, and it was just like yelling in 192 00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:56,839 Speaker 1: a you know, in a cave. It just didn't matter. No, 193 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:03,160 Speaker 1: it just wasn't It didn't move anything, and it didn't 194 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 1: move us away from what had just happened. And so 195 00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:10,559 Speaker 1: even after that apology, we were still at ground zero, 196 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 1: and it was confusing and it was scary. I'm sitting 197 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,160 Speaker 1: here now and it's like my heart is racing and 198 00:14:20,240 --> 00:14:23,440 Speaker 1: I don't I don't get nervous about things. I don't 199 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:26,880 Speaker 1: get nervous to speak, but I have a lot of trepidation. 200 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: And I don't even know if this is the you know, 201 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,520 Speaker 1: doing this podcast is the right thing to do. It 202 00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:36,720 Speaker 1: may not be. Um, we'll see how all of you 203 00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: take it. I thought long and hard about doing this podcast. 204 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:44,160 Speaker 1: People had talked to me about doing this, even my heart, 205 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: for quite some time, and I said, no, no, no, 206 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:52,200 Speaker 1: I don't want. First of all, I'll be honest, there's 207 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: a load of podcasts out there, and between you and I, 208 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 1: too many, and so I might do I want to 209 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:00,760 Speaker 1: be one of those? Do? I just want to be 210 00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:05,520 Speaker 1: another voice out there? But then I came to well 211 00:15:05,560 --> 00:15:08,480 Speaker 1: talking with a very dear friend of mine who's sitting 212 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:13,840 Speaker 1: in this room right now, and she was right, is 213 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 1: that it's it's time to talk, and this is the 214 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 1: best way to do it. And I get back to 215 00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,600 Speaker 1: that regret of this is what I should have done 216 00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 1: from day one. I should have just come to you, unedited, unfiltered, 217 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,280 Speaker 1: and just talked and told you how sorry I am, 218 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:43,240 Speaker 1: how heartbroken I am. I worked really hard on that 219 00:15:43,280 --> 00:15:48,880 Speaker 1: show for nineteen years. Did I have say in in 220 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:52,120 Speaker 1: the decisions that were made around there? I did not. 221 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,080 Speaker 1: I never, once in the nineteen years I was there, 222 00:15:55,160 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: hired or fired anybody. I never edited the show, meaning 223 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,640 Speaker 1: I didn't decide what your storyline was. I didn't decide 224 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:08,960 Speaker 1: who was on camera, what you were saying, none of that. 225 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: I didn't cast the show. But I can't absolve myself 226 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 1: because you can't show up every day and make a 227 00:16:14,480 --> 00:16:17,920 Speaker 1: big paycheck and just say I'm not a part of that. 228 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:23,120 Speaker 1: That's not fair. You either are you aren't now, I 229 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 1: would like to think I was a part of a 230 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 1: group of very talented, incredible people that I still care for, 231 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 1: that try to be an agent of change. And we did. 232 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:44,800 Speaker 1: We tried. We were working very hard too shift and 233 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,960 Speaker 1: change and be better. I would like to think i'm 234 00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 1: I was a part of that, and one of my 235 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,840 Speaker 1: great disappointments and myself out of all this, is that 236 00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,480 Speaker 1: because of what I was a part of in that interview, 237 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 1: I rolled a grenade under all that and I made 238 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,359 Speaker 1: things worse. And for me, who cares so deeply and 239 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,600 Speaker 1: passionately about the show, about the people on it, about 240 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:19,879 Speaker 1: the people I've been with, about you, the people that 241 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,000 Speaker 1: watch it, I felt like I let you down because 242 00:17:23,080 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: I shined a big bright light on more than what 243 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,600 Speaker 1: needed to be I should that was. That was on me, 244 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: and to have brought that on my house is uh. 245 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 1: It was shameful and it just crushed me to the 246 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:44,359 Speaker 1: bottom of my soul. I was just sick to my 247 00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 1: stomach and I wanted to scream from the rooftop. I 248 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:52,439 Speaker 1: wanted to just scream to you, please forgive me. I 249 00:17:52,480 --> 00:17:56,879 Speaker 1: am so sorry, my god, I would never ever ever 250 00:17:57,080 --> 00:18:00,720 Speaker 1: want to hurt you in this way. I don't leaven 251 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 1: the things that are being said about me. That's not 252 00:18:04,240 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 1: in me at all. Let me fix this, Let me 253 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:10,880 Speaker 1: have a conversation. And you guys know me clearly. I'm 254 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:14,679 Speaker 1: sitting here. I'm good to talk. I love people, and 255 00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:18,360 Speaker 1: I still have this policy of like, if you want 256 00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 1: to come have a debate with me. If you want 257 00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 1: to talk, bring an open heart and an open mind 258 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,719 Speaker 1: and open ears, and man, I will discuss anything with you. 259 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:30,880 Speaker 1: And I just I wanted that so badly, but it 260 00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:35,679 Speaker 1: wasn't that I wasn't allowed, but I wasn't counseled to 261 00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 1: do that. I don't know if any of you watch 262 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:42,600 Speaker 1: the Harry and Megan thing, you know last year, the documentary, 263 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:46,560 Speaker 1: and it was funny because some of that I very much. 264 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,239 Speaker 1: Lauren and I um watched that together and we were 265 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:52,440 Speaker 1: talking about it, as we often do when we watch things, 266 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:54,960 Speaker 1: we discuss it at length, being the journalist we are, 267 00:18:55,960 --> 00:19:00,200 Speaker 1: and we really empathized with some of the things as 268 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:02,439 Speaker 1: they were saying. And one of it was when things 269 00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:10,160 Speaker 1: go sideways, don't speak, because that is what everybody wants. 270 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:15,640 Speaker 1: And when I say everybody, the tabloids, the clickbait. Oddly, sadly, 271 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 1: it's a weird thing when I when I counsel bachelors 272 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: and bacherettes when they're going through things, and they often 273 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:22,320 Speaker 1: call me on the side and say, how what should 274 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:27,399 Speaker 1: I do? I said, honestly, shut up, don't speak, And 275 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:30,440 Speaker 1: it is so contrary to everything that you are brought 276 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: up to believe, especially me, I'm I'm a Southern guy, proud, 277 00:19:35,280 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: I'm I'm taught to stand up, look you in the eye, 278 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:44,520 Speaker 1: and speak and and own it. Well, kind of back 279 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,320 Speaker 1: to the Harry Megan thing. You know what the royal family, 280 00:19:47,359 --> 00:19:50,879 Speaker 1: of the royal press folks were like, don't speak, don't 281 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: give them anything, because they will take anything you do 282 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: say and it will be held against you in the 283 00:19:56,280 --> 00:19:58,760 Speaker 1: court of public opinion. It will be the next clickbait headline. 284 00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:04,120 Speaker 1: Even if you say a you know, oh, I so 285 00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:08,159 Speaker 1: going back to uh when I was going through my divorce, 286 00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,960 Speaker 1: which was very public back in the day, and I 287 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,000 Speaker 1: remember I um the tabloids. I went to Dancing with 288 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 1: the Stars and it was Emily Maynard season. I used 289 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: to go there with the Bachelor Bachelorette and I just 290 00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,800 Speaker 1: got a divorced. I was sitting there with Emily and 291 00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,840 Speaker 1: and a week later I got a call from a 292 00:20:23,880 --> 00:20:27,280 Speaker 1: producer at dancing and they said, oh, we got a 293 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:30,120 Speaker 1: call from several tabloids that said Chris Harrison was there, 294 00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,919 Speaker 1: because now you know, I just got divorced and single, 295 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 1: and they're like, you know, was he with anybody? Did 296 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,320 Speaker 1: he do anything and this this person was smart enough, 297 00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:42,800 Speaker 1: because what if this person had said, no, Chris is great, 298 00:20:43,119 --> 00:20:45,199 Speaker 1: you know I I he he went up and and 299 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,760 Speaker 1: gave Julian Huff a hug and said hello, and it's 300 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: like boom, that's the headline. Chris Harrison hugs Julian Huff 301 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 1: for whatever, you know, and like there, there you go. 302 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,680 Speaker 1: There's your clickbait. So the toughest thing in the world 303 00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 1: is that you want to scream, you want to yell, 304 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:04,840 Speaker 1: you want to fight, but you learn not to. You 305 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,840 Speaker 1: learn just to sit there and take it. And that sucks. 306 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,719 Speaker 1: And in this situation, it really sucked because people are 307 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:19,920 Speaker 1: talking about you and you're being used. And that was 308 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:25,120 Speaker 1: the craziest thing about this is that once this happened, 309 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,679 Speaker 1: it's I guess the best analogy is if you were 310 00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 1: in a tsunami, or or if you're a surfer, if 311 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,720 Speaker 1: you've ever been surfing, you're in it's a huge wave 312 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,560 Speaker 1: and this massive wave, you don't make it over the top, 313 00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: and so you get thrown down to the bottom of 314 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,080 Speaker 1: the ocean and you're in it's like you're in a 315 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,240 Speaker 1: washing machine. You're getting thrown around, but it's over right, 316 00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:51,040 Speaker 1: and about five d eight seconds. If you hold your 317 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:53,440 Speaker 1: breath and you keep your head about you, you float 318 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: to the top and it's over and you when you 319 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 1: come up, it's actually really serene, it's really placid, it's calm. 320 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: But that wave is rolling on and it's destroying more 321 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 1: and it's loud. And that's how I felt, because when 322 00:22:14,280 --> 00:22:17,040 Speaker 1: I got hit by this wave and I was being 323 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:23,160 Speaker 1: thrown around, the decision was made, Okay, apologize, which I did, 324 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 1: and then don't speak, and that's what I was counseled, 325 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:33,679 Speaker 1: and I tentatively agreed, Okay, this this two shall pass. 326 00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,439 Speaker 1: We've been through things somewhat like this before, but this 327 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 1: two shill pass not a big deal. But that noise 328 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: in this moment in time didn't stop. And that's where 329 00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,480 Speaker 1: the playbook was thrown out the window. And that's what 330 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,080 Speaker 1: none of us were prepared for. And that's what I 331 00:22:55,119 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: wasn't prepared for, because all of a sudden, this moment 332 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:12,359 Speaker 1: and my name became synonymous with this political lightning in 333 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: a bottom moment, and all of a sudden, someone on 334 00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:22,440 Speaker 1: CNN is talking about me for purposes of the left, 335 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 1: and then Ben Shapiro and whoever on Fox is talking 336 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:31,639 Speaker 1: about me about you know, conservative or whatever, and this 337 00:23:31,680 --> 00:23:33,720 Speaker 1: is what's wrong in the world. And so I was 338 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 1: being used by the right, and so the left wing, 339 00:23:37,200 --> 00:23:41,159 Speaker 1: the right wing, the middle wing, everybody was talking about 340 00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:46,480 Speaker 1: me in this moment, and I wasn't speaking. Some people 341 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:50,680 Speaker 1: were cursing me, some people were yelling, people were angry. 342 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,399 Speaker 1: And I hadn't said anything other than the interview. I 343 00:23:54,440 --> 00:23:59,080 Speaker 1: had not spoken, and I I thought this will go away, 344 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:04,239 Speaker 1: this will pass us. And every day I woke up 345 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: and there was something new. Lauren and I had a 346 00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:20,920 Speaker 1: very difficult time getting through this together. It was brutal 347 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,800 Speaker 1: because this happened to her as much as it happened 348 00:24:24,840 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: to me. And I'll bring Lauren on and we'll sit 349 00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:36,320 Speaker 1: down and talk because her perspective. I'm actually interested to 350 00:24:36,320 --> 00:24:38,200 Speaker 1: know too, Because now that we've had time, we really 351 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:44,320 Speaker 1: don't talk about this this deeply anymore because it consumes 352 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,560 Speaker 1: so much of our lives. It impacted us so much. 353 00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,639 Speaker 1: In the end, it brought us together more and made 354 00:24:50,640 --> 00:24:56,320 Speaker 1: me love her more. She is unbelievably brilliant, wise, loving, caring. 355 00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,399 Speaker 1: It made me see a side of her that I 356 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: knew I loved even more. But it was a gut 357 00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:10,360 Speaker 1: punch to her as much as it was to me. 358 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,800 Speaker 1: And that was the thing for me, is it made 359 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:15,159 Speaker 1: me sick to my stomach that I was hurting the 360 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,399 Speaker 1: woman I love. She had you know, she was an 361 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: entertainment tonight at the time, and people were wanting her 362 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: to answer to it. And you know, again, it was 363 00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:27,159 Speaker 1: difficult because anything she did would be held against her 364 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 1: too good or bad. If she didn't speak. Your silence 365 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,440 Speaker 1: is deafening. If you speak, you're screwed. So you're you're 366 00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: damned if you do, You're damned if you don't. But 367 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: the playbook was really thrown out the window at that moment, 368 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:49,520 Speaker 1: and it was being used by everybody politically, talk shows, podcasts, 369 00:25:50,119 --> 00:25:58,560 Speaker 1: cast members. Um, you know, look in this business heavy 370 00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:01,399 Speaker 1: as the head who wears the round. I've been on 371 00:26:01,440 --> 00:26:05,200 Speaker 1: the top of this thing for nineteen years. I know 372 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 1: people coveted my job. I know people wanted my job. 373 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:11,280 Speaker 1: They'd be crazy not too is a great gig, or 374 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:17,399 Speaker 1: so it appeared from the outside looking in. But it 375 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: was a lesson I learned, honestly. Season three four, I 376 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,399 Speaker 1: was sitting at a party and um, I won't out 377 00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:29,919 Speaker 1: the bachelorette, but one of the Bachelretts walked in and 378 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:31,880 Speaker 1: I was sitting there on the couch and she sat 379 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 1: next to me, and she was talking to one of 380 00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: the director at the time and said, you know, I should, 381 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:41,119 Speaker 1: I should come back and host the next Batchelorette. And 382 00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:43,159 Speaker 1: I was sitting there and I said, you know, I'm 383 00:26:43,280 --> 00:26:45,560 Speaker 1: right here. She said, no, no no, no, no, I would 384 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: just you know, I would just host the back serette. Yeah. No, 385 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: that's that's that's my job. That's what I do too. 386 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:54,320 Speaker 1: I do both those shows, and that's how I pay 387 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:57,440 Speaker 1: my mortgage. That's that's my job. And it was funny 388 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,040 Speaker 1: because she didn't even see it as a job, or 389 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 1: the fact that she was asking for my job and 390 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 1: asking me to be unemployed in front of me. And 391 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:12,240 Speaker 1: every year I laughingly would always say, I am creating 392 00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:15,480 Speaker 1: to thirty people who want to host my show, it's 393 00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,240 Speaker 1: a really and it's unlike any other show. You know, 394 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 1: they you don't run into this on Survivor and and 395 00:27:21,280 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 1: and Dancing with the Stars and American Idol or Amazing Race. 396 00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:28,679 Speaker 1: You know, maybe they want to be influencers, maybe they 397 00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:31,040 Speaker 1: want to be but our show is very particular in 398 00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:34,639 Speaker 1: that way about creating influencers and creating people who go 399 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:36,479 Speaker 1: on to want to do TV, and I mean so 400 00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,399 Speaker 1: many of them end up moving to l A and 401 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:42,160 Speaker 1: have those aspirations, which is great. So I have nothing 402 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:46,040 Speaker 1: against that, um. But it's funny. I always just knew 403 00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 1: from day one I am every year it gets worse 404 00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:50,640 Speaker 1: and worse for me because I'm creating more and more 405 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 1: influencers and more and more people who just want my job. 406 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 1: And so there was that element to the people that 407 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: used the situation for their benefit, for their podcast, for 408 00:28:02,320 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 1: their book tour, for a media tour. It helped them 409 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 1: with their fifteen minutes of fame. The people that did that, 410 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:14,359 Speaker 1: I'm not mad at and I'm definitely not shocked by 411 00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 1: their behavior. It's the people you would expect, um. You know, 412 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:27,159 Speaker 1: I always say hope for the best from people. I 413 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:33,919 Speaker 1: just don't expect it because by nature we're selfish. And 414 00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:37,359 Speaker 1: I don't mean that in a completely negative connotation, but 415 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,680 Speaker 1: people are selfish. You're looking out for yourself. And honestly, 416 00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:41,240 Speaker 1: if I had been in the same situation what I 417 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,080 Speaker 1: have had my agent call, I knew about it. I 418 00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,760 Speaker 1: knew about certain cast members that were calling in. It 419 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,360 Speaker 1: was hilarious. And this funny thing is the people that 420 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:51,000 Speaker 1: were calling in I knew had no chance to get 421 00:28:51,000 --> 00:28:57,320 Speaker 1: the job. Um, but people were. You know, there was 422 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,720 Speaker 1: blood in the water, and in Hollywood, it's a tough, 423 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,800 Speaker 1: tough gig. It's tough business. So I don't I don't 424 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 1: begrudge those people for doing that. But I wanted to 425 00:29:09,360 --> 00:29:15,200 Speaker 1: speak but it didn't take. And every night we'd go 426 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:17,959 Speaker 1: to bed thinking things had finally calmed down and we 427 00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:21,600 Speaker 1: were okay, and we'd wake up the next morning two 428 00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:26,320 Speaker 1: new headlines, a new podcast, a new cast member had 429 00:29:26,360 --> 00:29:31,680 Speaker 1: said something, and it started all over again, and you 430 00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: go to bed exhausted. I spent many days just calling 431 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:47,720 Speaker 1: cast members. I talked to cast members, producers, executives, agents, 432 00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,400 Speaker 1: et cetera. Um. You know, I called a lot of 433 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:53,560 Speaker 1: cast members to make sure they were okay, to hear them, 434 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:59,360 Speaker 1: just to listen and talk. Um. But you'd get to 435 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,000 Speaker 1: the end of the day just exhausted and spent. But 436 00:30:03,720 --> 00:30:07,600 Speaker 1: I feel like, Okay, this is finally behind us. Next day, 437 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 1: all over again, someone's doing a media tour, someone's on 438 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: a podcast, someone, And again I don't begrudge him, this 439 00:30:17,040 --> 00:30:19,400 Speaker 1: is great. Oh my god, this is good podcast fodder. 440 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: I'm actually doing one right now. UM, so kind of 441 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:25,800 Speaker 1: a hypocrite if I said I didn't appreciate what he 442 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:30,280 Speaker 1: were doing. UM, it's the business and it's what I 443 00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 1: signed up for. But I I couldn't figure out how 444 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 1: to fix it, and nothing made sense because what I 445 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 1: know to do just wasn't working. And I talked to UM, 446 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:52,360 Speaker 1: a crisis manager. By the way, I hope I pray 447 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,000 Speaker 1: none of you ever go through anything like this. Don't 448 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: use a crisis manager. I'm not saying they're foolish, but 449 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:08,760 Speaker 1: they're not great UM, and to their credit, nothing prepared 450 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:12,000 Speaker 1: any of them for this. And I was also astonished 451 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:17,360 Speaker 1: at how many people had their hand out. I wanted 452 00:31:17,400 --> 00:31:21,080 Speaker 1: to get paid for this, taking advantage of this situation. 453 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 1: It's a bizarre thing. I'm telling you. I will not 454 00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,960 Speaker 1: only this podcast, I should teach a master class and 455 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:30,959 Speaker 1: speak to universities about this, because it is. If it 456 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:34,160 Speaker 1: wasn't happening to me, it's an amazing study in human 457 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 1: behavior because while this was happening to me, I was 458 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: really observing, and I am clearly after nineteen years, I 459 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,280 Speaker 1: am all about listening and observing and taking things in 460 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: and learning from it and figuring out why and watching 461 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:55,840 Speaker 1: the way people acted was amazing. I am sure when 462 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:58,920 Speaker 1: you are at war you will see a side of 463 00:31:59,040 --> 00:32:06,240 Speaker 1: people that is real. This is them, because when the 464 00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:10,000 Speaker 1: hits the fan at that level, you will find out 465 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 1: what's really inside somebody. And I felt the same way, 466 00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:22,400 Speaker 1: and that when the bullets start flying, you find out 467 00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:26,800 Speaker 1: who really is going to be in that foxhole with you, 468 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,800 Speaker 1: that will take the bullets and stand next to you. 469 00:32:33,480 --> 00:32:38,000 Speaker 1: And your circle gets small, which is a good thing. 470 00:32:38,040 --> 00:32:42,880 Speaker 1: As you get older, your circle gets smaller anyway, because 471 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 1: you realize time is precious and you realize that there's 472 00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:50,800 Speaker 1: only really a number of people you truly care and 473 00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:55,120 Speaker 1: love to spend time with. But you you figure out 474 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,640 Speaker 1: who's going to stand by you and stand up. But 475 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,560 Speaker 1: the craziest part of the US is people started calling 476 00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:04,760 Speaker 1: me right away and said, hey, man, what can I do? 477 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 1: You've always been there for us, You've been there for me, 478 00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:11,560 Speaker 1: You've counseled this, You've you know, helped us. It's our turn. 479 00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,320 Speaker 1: Now what can we do? Just say the word? And 480 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:21,440 Speaker 1: my advice to them was don't say anything. And I 481 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: wanted them to deep down, if we're being honest, I 482 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,760 Speaker 1: wanted them to. I wanted people to defend me because 483 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 1: I was just getting graped over the coals, crushed. But 484 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:36,680 Speaker 1: I told everyone just please don't speak, because there was 485 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:49,680 Speaker 1: this insatiable appetite. There was this momentum, this thing going on. 486 00:33:50,680 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 1: It didn't matter who it was, what you said, you 487 00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:01,440 Speaker 1: were going to be devoured. And they were hungry and 488 00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:06,240 Speaker 1: they wanted more. And anybody who stuck their head up 489 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:12,400 Speaker 1: above water was going to be devoured by this wave. 490 00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:18,240 Speaker 1: And I didn't want that for anybody else. I'm actually 491 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:22,440 Speaker 1: okay like it. Yes, it sucked, and it was just 492 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:25,360 Speaker 1: one gut punch after the other, and mentally and physically 493 00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:29,000 Speaker 1: I deteriorated pretty bad. But I'm okay as long as 494 00:34:29,040 --> 00:34:32,120 Speaker 1: I know I'm hurting. If I see anyone else in 495 00:34:32,160 --> 00:34:34,279 Speaker 1: my camp, that's what gets me. If I see my 496 00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:40,200 Speaker 1: family that that's my weeks, that's my weakness. And I 497 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:44,480 Speaker 1: just I couldn't let anybody else go down. Now, some 498 00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,759 Speaker 1: people still spoke out. Some people just said screw it, 499 00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: I don't give a I'm speaking out on your behalf. 500 00:34:50,360 --> 00:34:52,880 Speaker 1: And they got attacked and they got and and I 501 00:34:53,000 --> 00:34:55,120 Speaker 1: and I also told people again, there's so much noise 502 00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:59,680 Speaker 1: right now, no one's going to hear it because the people, 503 00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:09,839 Speaker 1: the people who were had that insatiable appetite too kind 504 00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:14,640 Speaker 1: of destroy and cancel. They weren't hearing it anyway. They 505 00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:16,200 Speaker 1: weren't going to hear anything where that was going to 506 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:20,200 Speaker 1: stop them in their tracks and go, oh okay, I see. 507 00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 1: And the people that on the other side didn't need 508 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,440 Speaker 1: to be convinced anyway. So there was no good that 509 00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 1: was going to come from speaking. And so I told 510 00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:39,000 Speaker 1: people not to speak. In the hardest moment, well too 511 00:35:39,000 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: hard moments. And I'm not going to speak for her. 512 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:44,840 Speaker 1: We'll talk later about it with Lauren's ema. But everything 513 00:35:44,880 --> 00:35:48,719 Speaker 1: with Lauren was hard because she is the love of 514 00:35:48,719 --> 00:35:54,799 Speaker 1: my life, and so trying to navigate this is one thing. 515 00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:59,040 Speaker 1: Trying to navigate it for her and with her was excruciating. 516 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:08,040 Speaker 1: The next hardest thing was my family, my mom, my dad, 517 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 1: my brother. I have an older brother, UM, not in 518 00:36:11,719 --> 00:36:13,920 Speaker 1: the business at all. No one in my family's in 519 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: the business. UM I'm the only odd ball that came 520 00:36:17,040 --> 00:36:23,280 Speaker 1: out to California to do this. UM. My brother is 521 00:36:23,960 --> 00:36:26,640 Speaker 1: my idol. I have always looked up to him. I 522 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: wanted to be him. He is brilliant. He's an incredible writer, 523 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 1: He's a poet. UM much more talented than I am. 524 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:41,200 Speaker 1: I ever was UM, and I love him unquestionably as 525 00:36:41,239 --> 00:36:43,640 Speaker 1: he does me. We've had he had each other's backs 526 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,279 Speaker 1: our entire lives. We've been in fights. We used to 527 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:48,080 Speaker 1: beat the ship out of each other. But we've been 528 00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:56,520 Speaker 1: in fights. We've We've done it all. Um, he is. 529 00:36:58,160 --> 00:37:01,560 Speaker 1: We were brought up very simple. You do what's right, 530 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:07,160 Speaker 1: You treat people right, you stand up for what's right always. 531 00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,839 Speaker 1: Life is simple because you just do what's right all 532 00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:16,600 Speaker 1: the time. And that's how we were raised. If you're 533 00:37:16,600 --> 00:37:21,560 Speaker 1: just honest and open, and it is unquestionable if anybody 534 00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:28,520 Speaker 1: comes after your family, that's the line we draw. And 535 00:37:28,600 --> 00:37:37,319 Speaker 1: so he wrote this amazingly eloquent, beautiful letter, kind of 536 00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:45,560 Speaker 1: an open letter to the world, and he, uh defended me, 537 00:37:45,719 --> 00:37:51,359 Speaker 1: defended me. So I'm getting all choked up, and uh 538 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 1: he wrote this beautiful letter, spoke from his heart and 539 00:37:56,840 --> 00:38:02,200 Speaker 1: defended his little brother. And what killed me. As I 540 00:38:02,239 --> 00:38:05,080 Speaker 1: called him and told him to take it down, I 541 00:38:05,120 --> 00:38:08,160 Speaker 1: could tell he was disappointed in me, not because of 542 00:38:08,200 --> 00:38:10,800 Speaker 1: the interview or whatever, because he knew, you know, a 543 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,120 Speaker 1: lot of what was going on was crazy and a 544 00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:17,840 Speaker 1: lot of it was you know, bullshit. But and he know, 545 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:19,719 Speaker 1: he knew that I had owned up to it and 546 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:24,160 Speaker 1: I apologized and whatever. Um, but he was just I 547 00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:27,040 Speaker 1: could tell he just had this disappointment of like, why 548 00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: aren't you fighting? We were raised to fight for what's right. 549 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,160 Speaker 1: We were always taught to stand up no matter what 550 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:42,080 Speaker 1: and do what's right. And I told him, Man, this 551 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:46,880 Speaker 1: just isn't the time. I say, I don't think you 552 00:38:47,000 --> 00:38:51,320 Speaker 1: understand what's happening right now, but this just isn't that time. 553 00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:57,680 Speaker 1: And I can't have you. And he has two kids 554 00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,680 Speaker 1: and a wife. I can't have you involved in this. 555 00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:03,279 Speaker 1: I can can't have I can't take another casualty in 556 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:05,800 Speaker 1: the family right now. I can't have paparazzi coming to 557 00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,960 Speaker 1: your house. I can't have them following you around because 558 00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,919 Speaker 1: that was my life. We had paparazzi outside our house. 559 00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:19,680 Speaker 1: Lord and I were already in living together, and um, 560 00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:23,360 Speaker 1: the kids would you know we're coming and going because 561 00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:29,120 Speaker 1: we had shared custody, and um, there were people parked 562 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:34,560 Speaker 1: outside of my house for weeks, following me everywhere I went. UM, 563 00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 1: and I'd have to sneak down the back hill of 564 00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,800 Speaker 1: my house. Luckily, I'm always close to my neighbors, and 565 00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:41,840 Speaker 1: so I would sneak down the hill of my house 566 00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,040 Speaker 1: through my neighbor's backyard, and my buddy would pick me up. 567 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:48,040 Speaker 1: He'd back his car into my other friend's garage and 568 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:53,719 Speaker 1: I jump in and we go just get away. Um. 569 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:59,439 Speaker 1: And if I drove anywhere for weeks, I would cut 570 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:01,600 Speaker 1: through alley ease and back roads and people you know, 571 00:40:01,600 --> 00:40:04,239 Speaker 1: and you know people were following me, so I try 572 00:40:04,280 --> 00:40:08,080 Speaker 1: to lose him. Um. The funny thing is the first 573 00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,360 Speaker 1: time I got caught, I was coming out of a 574 00:40:09,400 --> 00:40:12,120 Speaker 1: dunkin Donuts and there's like a picture of me with donuts. 575 00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:14,160 Speaker 1: I don't really every donuts. I was like, man, really, 576 00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:21,799 Speaker 1: Like now I've been afflack. Um. But that conversation with 577 00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:27,000 Speaker 1: my brother, that's where that might have been my low point, 578 00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:34,960 Speaker 1: because I knew this thing had beating me a little bit. 579 00:40:35,640 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 1: I wasn't being myself. It wasn't me. And my brother 580 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:52,080 Speaker 1: took it down and I realized in that moment he 581 00:40:52,239 --> 00:40:55,239 Speaker 1: was right. Because I hung up the phone. I just 582 00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:58,920 Speaker 1: sat there and I thought, and I'm like, this is 583 00:40:58,960 --> 00:41:07,000 Speaker 1: not what Harrison's do. This is not how we act. 584 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,720 Speaker 1: And I had followed this playbook and I was trying 585 00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,160 Speaker 1: to be loyal to the show and people. You know, 586 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:18,000 Speaker 1: people have said, look, screw the show. You know, it's 587 00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:20,879 Speaker 1: nothing without you. You know, are you pissed? And I'm 588 00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:23,919 Speaker 1: not mad. I'm not mad at the show. The show 589 00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:28,880 Speaker 1: changed my life. I am grateful to the Batchel and Bachelorette. 590 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 1: I will for ever be grateful because it brought me you. 591 00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,440 Speaker 1: It changed my life, It changed my kids lives. So 592 00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:42,640 Speaker 1: there is no animosity. Now. Was it a job where 593 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,279 Speaker 1: the parts of it that sucks. It's a job, you know, 594 00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,720 Speaker 1: tell me a job where you love your your boss 595 00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:50,719 Speaker 1: and you love everyone you work for. It's very rare 596 00:41:50,719 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: and God bless you. If you do you found that, 597 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,080 Speaker 1: that's great, you know, it's Shankara law. But the majority 598 00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:59,080 Speaker 1: of people I love and adored. Look, the show is 599 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,000 Speaker 1: a massive success. It was. It's a it's a historic show. 600 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,640 Speaker 1: It changed television in many ways, one of the most 601 00:42:05,520 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 1: relevant television shows and history. And to be a part 602 00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:14,320 Speaker 1: of that, to have helped create that over nineteen years, 603 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:21,600 Speaker 1: I take great pride in that. Um when people ask 604 00:42:21,920 --> 00:42:24,960 Speaker 1: what I think of it now, I don't watch UM. 605 00:42:25,000 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: The last thing I think I watched was UM, the 606 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:32,480 Speaker 1: last show with Matt James, I think Hometowns. When I left, 607 00:42:32,480 --> 00:42:36,799 Speaker 1: it was the number still the number one show on TV. Now. Look, 608 00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:40,640 Speaker 1: do I keep an eye on the ratings? Do I 609 00:42:40,680 --> 00:42:44,480 Speaker 1: know what's happening now? I'm not going to say I'm 610 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:48,359 Speaker 1: not so humble and whatever to say I haven't paid 611 00:42:48,360 --> 00:42:52,480 Speaker 1: attention to the scoreboard. Yes, I do know. You know 612 00:42:52,560 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 1: the I realized the ratings are down fift and the 613 00:42:56,120 --> 00:43:02,719 Speaker 1: show has changed dramatically. But I also that hurts me 614 00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:06,360 Speaker 1: a little bit because it's something I took pride in building. 615 00:43:07,640 --> 00:43:09,680 Speaker 1: And there's still some wonderful people that I talked to 616 00:43:09,760 --> 00:43:13,560 Speaker 1: on the show, cast members, crew. I love my crew 617 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:22,000 Speaker 1: ferociously and defended them ferociously. They're the most talented men 618 00:43:22,040 --> 00:43:27,399 Speaker 1: and women in the world worked on that show. UM, directors, producers, 619 00:43:28,200 --> 00:43:33,640 Speaker 1: art department, lighting, you name it, camera audio. There was 620 00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:36,319 Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds of people. I was the face and 621 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:38,279 Speaker 1: the voice of the show. And that's a weird thing 622 00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:42,600 Speaker 1: when you know this reality shows a little different because 623 00:43:43,719 --> 00:43:45,560 Speaker 1: I was always the face and the voice. I was 624 00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:49,840 Speaker 1: the constant for nineteen years, and so I always took 625 00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:54,600 Speaker 1: pride in that I was speaking and acting on their 626 00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:59,480 Speaker 1: behalf because they wouldn't ever be seen or heard um 627 00:43:59,480 --> 00:44:01,080 Speaker 1: And I took a lot of pride in that. And 628 00:44:01,120 --> 00:44:04,360 Speaker 1: so no, I'm not angry. And at the end of 629 00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:08,799 Speaker 1: the day, I always tell people I'm fine, right up 630 00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:14,239 Speaker 1: until the time I'm not. And I wish I could 631 00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:18,759 Speaker 1: be more specific about that time. But there was one 632 00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:26,319 Speaker 1: night in particular, and I went home and I drew 633 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:33,719 Speaker 1: the line in the sand, and that was it, And 634 00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:36,400 Speaker 1: that was my breaking point, and it was time to 635 00:44:36,400 --> 00:44:41,480 Speaker 1: take my life back, and it was time to step 636 00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:46,440 Speaker 1: away and get my life back. And that has been 637 00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:51,520 Speaker 1: a blessing. While I while I'm not happy as I 638 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:56,960 Speaker 1: wrapped this first episode up, I'll say this, I'm not 639 00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,080 Speaker 1: proud of how it went down. I'm not happy be 640 00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:05,840 Speaker 1: about how it went down. But I'm a faithful person. 641 00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:12,080 Speaker 1: I believe in God. I pray to God. God gives 642 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:19,120 Speaker 1: us these blessings. These prayers in our life get answered, 643 00:45:19,719 --> 00:45:21,640 Speaker 1: but they don't always come in a cute little box 644 00:45:21,680 --> 00:45:28,520 Speaker 1: wrapped under the tree. Sometimes they come in brutal, humbling, 645 00:45:29,760 --> 00:45:40,200 Speaker 1: life altering, shocking moments. And that's what this was. It 646 00:45:40,280 --> 00:45:43,879 Speaker 1: was being slapped upside the head strip, naked in front 647 00:45:43,880 --> 00:45:50,799 Speaker 1: of all of you, humbled, taken to my knees. But 648 00:45:50,920 --> 00:45:54,720 Speaker 1: it allowed me to have a better life with my kids, 649 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:01,240 Speaker 1: to fall in love, to be engaged to the woman 650 00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:05,319 Speaker 1: I love, to have a much better life than what 651 00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:10,680 Speaker 1: I was living. So as I bring this first episode 652 00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,879 Speaker 1: to a close again, I just want to say thank you. 653 00:46:14,680 --> 00:46:18,279 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening, thank you for being here, being 654 00:46:18,320 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 1: beside me, supporting me, loving me. Just know that I 655 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:27,440 Speaker 1: have missed you just as much and I have always 656 00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,520 Speaker 1: appreciated our relationship and I've never taken that for granted. 657 00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:40,120 Speaker 1: And I hope this is the start of moving forward 658 00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:47,680 Speaker 1: and learning together, loving together, getting back to the fun 659 00:46:47,800 --> 00:46:52,080 Speaker 1: that we had, and diving into relationships of all kinds. 660 00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:56,840 Speaker 1: But thanks for being here for this first episode. I 661 00:46:56,880 --> 00:47:00,440 Speaker 1: will see you next time because we still have a 662 00:47:00,680 --> 00:47:01,960 Speaker 1: lot more to talk about.