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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationship, dating, work, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARVEFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We could be reading your

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Speaker 1: letter live on the air, just like we're going to

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Speaker 1: read this one right here, right now, and you never know,

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Speaker 1: it could be yours.

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Speaker 2: You never know. Buckle up and hold on tight. We

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Speaker 2: got it for you here. It is Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 1: Thank you nephews. Subject is my husband tired of being

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Speaker 1: with me? Dear Stephen Shirley. I saw a lady story

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Speaker 1: online where she and her husband were on vacation and

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Speaker 1: she was doing a lot of videos of him and

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Speaker 1: her and he would look at her and he looked

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Speaker 1: irritated by her. She noticed it on the video and

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Speaker 1: called him out for it. It went viral online, and

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Speaker 1: I think they're getting a divorce now. I'm going through

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Speaker 1: the same situation with my husband of twelve years. But

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Speaker 1: I can't afford to do something that I might regret,

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Speaker 1: So I need advice on how to fix my husband

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Speaker 1: or fix my my marriage, or whatever I need to

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Speaker 1: do so I don't ruin my children's lives. About four

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Speaker 1: years ago, I noticed a change in my husband and

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Speaker 1: it seemed like he was tired of me. He stopped

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Speaker 1: being silly with me, and he would sit silent across

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Speaker 1: from me in the mornings when we had breakfast together.

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Speaker 1: He started only doing things with me if the kids

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Speaker 1: were involved. Sex was different, and he didn't have any

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Speaker 1: passion in it anymore. Last Christmas, he didn't want to

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Speaker 1: dress up like me and the kids for our annual

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Speaker 1: family photo, so I skipped it and the kids were bummed.

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Speaker 1: I started inviting him on dates and he always refused.

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Speaker 1: He started calling me silly, childish, and at times ratchet.

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Speaker 1: I'm never ratchet, and he used to love joking around

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Speaker 1: with me and playing pranks on the kids. I stopped

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Speaker 1: talking to him for a few days and he didn't

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Speaker 1: even care. It makes me think that he is tired

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Speaker 1: of me after fifteen years of being with me. He

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Speaker 1: doesn't treat the kids differently, just me. And before you ask,

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Speaker 1: I have not gained any weight and I can still

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Speaker 1: drop it like it's hot. So please tell me what's

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Speaker 1: going on with my man. Is this fixable or is

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Speaker 1: this a sign that my marriage is in trouble. If

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Speaker 1: it's fixable, where do we start?

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Speaker 3: OK?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I know a couple of things right off the bed. First,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry you're going through all of this. This I

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Speaker 1: really am. I know this hurts. I do believe some

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Speaker 1: bad marriages are fixable, but it depends on what the

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Speaker 1: bad is.

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Speaker 4: You don't know.

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Speaker 1: You just say your man has changed towards you, and

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Speaker 1: that this happens around four years ago. I mean, it's

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Speaker 1: hard to think that you've allowed yourself to be treated

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Speaker 1: this way for four long years. You say you don't

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Speaker 1: want to ruin it for the kids, which I understand,

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Speaker 1: but what about you? And I'll also say this, depending

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Speaker 1: on how old your kids are, they can sense if

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Speaker 1: something's wrong between their parents, you know, if there's no love,

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Speaker 1: if he's treating you differently and all that. I'm glad

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Speaker 1: you're no longer in denial though, because yes, he has

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Speaker 1: checked all the way out of this marriage and now

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Speaker 1: he doesn't want to do things with the kids either.

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Speaker 1: But back to you, I'm glad you've kept yourself together.

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Speaker 1: You said you haven't gained any weight. You could still

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Speaker 1: drop it like it's hot because this is a mess.

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Speaker 1: Instead of not talking to him like you tried to

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Speaker 1: do and gotten a response. You said he didn't care

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Speaker 1: at all. You need to talk to this man. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he at least owes you some sort of explanation about

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Speaker 1: his change and behavior, because based on what you've told us,

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Speaker 1: it does sound very much like he's got another woman

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Speaker 1: stash somewhere and he's kicked you to the curb as

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Speaker 1: simple as that. He's out of this marriage.

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Speaker 4: Steve.

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Speaker 2: Wow, wow, he got another woman somewhere.

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Speaker 1: Uh huh, yeah, stash somewhere.

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Speaker 2: Wow wow.

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Speaker 3: She never mentioned in this letter that she's seen any

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Speaker 3: signs of him cheating. She never mentioned in the letter

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Speaker 3: that he's always on his phone texting someone. He doesn't

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Speaker 3: come home at night. So where you got another woman from?

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Speaker 2: I do not know.

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Speaker 3: Let's go down to the bottom of the letter. If

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Speaker 3: it's fixable, where do we start. Well, ma'am, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: give you a real hope, because this marriage is fixable.

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Speaker 3: Sureley is right about something, though. You all have got

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Speaker 3: to communicate, because you have to remember something.

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Speaker 2: In a marriage, both people.

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Speaker 3: From the day you say I do, both of you

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Speaker 3: begin to change because nothing stays the same. Everybody changes

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Speaker 3: in life. I don't care who you are. You are

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Speaker 3: not the way you work fifteen years. You are not

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Speaker 3: the same person you was twenty twenty five years ago.

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Speaker 2: You're just not. You might think you are, but you're not.

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Speaker 3: And a lot of times when these changes occur, when

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Speaker 3: we're not communicating, we end up not liking the person

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Speaker 3: that the other person has become, or we don't like

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Speaker 3: who we've become. But the key, as Shirley said, is communication.

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Speaker 3: You said you noticed four years ago that he stopped

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Speaker 3: being silly with you. He would sit across from you

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Speaker 3: in the mornings when you had breakfast together. You know,

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Speaker 3: he only does things with you if the kids is involved.

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Speaker 3: So basically, what I'm saying is this, this marriage can

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Speaker 3: be fixed, but we have to start with what's wrong.

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Speaker 3: Because something has changed in you and something has changed

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Speaker 3: in him, and the two new people that you have become,

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Speaker 3: one of them don't like the other person. And right

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Speaker 3: now it looks like it's your husband has changed in

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Speaker 3: some way and he ain't told you what the change was,

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Speaker 3: and you haven't discussed what the change was. Now if

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Speaker 3: the change is someone else, as Sureley has.

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Speaker 2: Suggested, but it could not be the case.

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Speaker 1: All right, We're gonna have part two of Steve's response

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Speaker 1: coming up in twenty three minutes after the hour. Today's

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Speaker 1: Strawberry Letters subject is my husband tired of being with me.

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Speaker 1: We'll get back into it right after this. You're listening

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Speaker 1: Steve Harvey Morning Show.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve, let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is is my husband tired of being with me?

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Speaker 3: Well, you know this is a strange letter because Shirley

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Speaker 3: said that the key was communication, which is absolutely correct.

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Speaker 3: Shirley also said it looks like he has another woman

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Speaker 3: tucked somewhere and that could be the cause of the change. Well,

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Speaker 3: it could be, but there's nothing in the letter indicating that.

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Speaker 3: You're not saying he don't come home at night. You're

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Speaker 3: finding him on the phone, he hang up. When you

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Speaker 3: walk in the room. You find in text messages and pictures.

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Speaker 3: You didn't say any of that. So I don't want

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Speaker 3: to put that out there. I don't think that's it.

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Speaker 3: I think what happens is, like I said earlier, when

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Speaker 3: you get married. The day after you get married, the

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Speaker 3: two people began to change. It's not because you're married,

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Speaker 3: it's just nobody stays the same. You're not the same

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Speaker 3: person you were fifteen years ago.

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Speaker 2: You're just not.

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Speaker 3: You're not who you were twenty years ago, twenty five

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Speaker 3: years ago, You're just not. There have been subtle changes

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Speaker 3: in both of you. What happens, though, is when you

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Speaker 3: don't communicate, then the new person that you've become, or

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Speaker 3: the new person that he become, the other person may

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Speaker 3: not like him because, like Shirley said, a lack of communication.

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Speaker 2: Now, what could be wrong?

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Speaker 3: It could be any number of things, But let me

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Speaker 3: say this on behalf of men.

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Speaker 2: Now, Ladies, don't take this the wrong way.

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Speaker 3: This is not a slap against women or nothing, but

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Speaker 3: a lot of men fall into a shell, as they

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Speaker 3: often do because we're not the best at sharing our

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Speaker 3: thoughts and emotions. A lot of men fall into this thing.

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Speaker 3: Let this guy's in from lack of appreciation. When your

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Speaker 3: whole happiness, it is based around your providing happiness for

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Speaker 3: other people, you can soon look up and find out

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Speaker 3: you have none for yourself. A guy asked me the

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Speaker 3: other day, He said, Steve, what makes you happy? And

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Speaker 3: the first thing I said was being able to give

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Speaker 3: my children, my grandchildren, my wife the life that they want.

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Speaker 3: That's a big part of making me feel like, really

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Speaker 3: really good about myself. He said, But what makes you

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Speaker 3: happy though, I said, well, fishing. Fishing makes me happy.

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Speaker 3: He said, Okay, when you're not fishing, what makes you happy?

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Speaker 3: I said, won't to go fishing? Yeah, he said, Steve,

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Speaker 3: y'all don't know if you notice this, but you're falling

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Speaker 3: into the category that most men fall into. You don't

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Speaker 3: have anything that makes you happy, and all of your

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Speaker 3: happiness is tied to making other people happy. And that's

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Speaker 3: a true statement, that really is a true statement. But

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Speaker 3: what happens to a man after a while is it

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Speaker 3: saddens him. And if you throw in a lack of appreciation,

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Speaker 3: if nobody ever saying thank you, if nobody ever bigging

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Speaker 3: him up all the time, no, if nobody's sitting there going, man,

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Speaker 3: I'm proud of you. If ain't nobody sitting there going, man,

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Speaker 3: my husband, is this, this, this, and this girl? If

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Speaker 3: y'all had a man like if ain't nobody doing that,

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Speaker 3: your man can sit over there and started feeling emptier

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Speaker 3: and emptier and emptier and to the point where he

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Speaker 3: has no more to give than the basics protection and

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Speaker 3: provision and that happens to a lot of men and ladies.

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Speaker 2: That's not your fault, so don't take it that way.

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Speaker 2: I'm just telling you that's what happens to a lot

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Speaker 2: of men.

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Speaker 3: So this man right here, after twelve years of marriage,

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Speaker 3: raising the kids, here's what could have happened. He may

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Speaker 3: not be where he wanted to be financially, probably been

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Speaker 3: kicked down a few times, didn't get the promotions he wanted,

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Speaker 3: never open up the business he wanted to open up.

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Speaker 3: He thought by the time he was forty some years old,

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Speaker 3: he'd be in a lot better position.

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Speaker 2: He's not in. Y'all have to check on your men.

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Speaker 3: With this type of stuff, because once they start feeling

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Speaker 3: that way, we have nowhere to take that too.

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Speaker 2: We can't go to our other friends with it.

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Speaker 3: We're not gonna bring it in there to you because

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Speaker 3: we don't want you to be any more disappointed than

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Speaker 3: you've had to have been.

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Speaker 2: This is real talk. This is real talk.

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Speaker 3: So get in there and check on your man because

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Speaker 3: he might be becoming this man because he has no outlets.

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Speaker 3: And it's not that he's unhappy with her. A lot

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Speaker 3: of times the man lady can be unhappy with himself.

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Speaker 3: I just wish y'all could see that part of it,

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Speaker 3: because y'all keep wanting the man to be a man.

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Speaker 3: But when he'd had done all he can do in

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Speaker 3: the manhood department and it ain't going well for him,

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Speaker 3: what do he have?

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Speaker 4: Oh man?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 1: Post your comments on today's Strawberry Letter on Steve Harvey

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Speaker 1: fam on Instagram and Facebook.

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Speaker 3: And check out like they're in the position they in.

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Speaker 1: It's All podcast on the free iHeartRadio APPM Sticking your

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Speaker 1: Mouth Out That downloaded today. Coming up at forty six

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Speaker 1: minutes after the hour, we got Junior in sports talk.

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Speaker 2: We'll be trying to hear what's happening with the man.

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Speaker 2: What you want? No, that's not true.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show.