Speaker 1: Ready, ready, Ready, there we go scrubbing in with Tilly
Speaker 1: and Tanya d An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, we are scrubbing intis we are another day another?
Speaker 2: Ask Bonya?
Speaker 1: That's right? I like Teka. I don't like Bonya. Actually
Speaker 1: Techa's so I don't know, harsh Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: No, there's a rapper named Little Teka who had a
Speaker 3: song on.
Speaker 1: Thee so we can't. We can't take that right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no we can. How do we compete with Little Teka?
Speaker 1: No? No, no, it's Bonya. Yeah, ask Bonya.
Speaker 2: Ask Bonya. So what inspired this episode was or some
Speaker 2: of this episode was that Hannah Gee from whose Colton
Speaker 2: season of The Bachelor answered someone's question on TikTok about
Speaker 2: what were the flights and travel days like when you're
Speaker 2: on the Bachelor. And it has been a long time
Speaker 2: since that time of my life.
Speaker 1: It's crazy, how long has it been.
Speaker 2: I filmed the first season I did in twenty fourteen,
Speaker 2: so ten years this September will be ten years.
Speaker 1: That's crazy. A decade, a decade, so crazy.
Speaker 4: And look at you, so much has happened, so much
Speaker 4: has happened, so much has changed, and yet so much
Speaker 4: has remained.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so much.
Speaker 1: So yeah through the hour class Yeah yeah, yeah, are
Speaker 1: the days of our lives.
Speaker 2: So when we were on the Bachelor, it was Christmas season.
Speaker 2: Was really funny because I went on The Bachelor thinking
Speaker 2: it was going to really fulfill my wonderlust desire to
Speaker 2: travel and explore the world, because I was thinking, worst
Speaker 2: case scenario, if I'm not into him, I'll go on
Speaker 2: some cool helicopter rides and see new places. Not even
Speaker 2: realizing that when you're filming something, you're not really leaving
Speaker 2: and going off to explore. You're kind of at their mercy,
Speaker 2: not kind.
Speaker 1: Of your mercy, like you stuck in a hotel room.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're not going anywhere unless you're with the produce,
Speaker 2: you know, with everybody.
Speaker 1: That's so lame. They should give you, guys, like free time.
Speaker 2: Sometimes if there was a day in between the travel day,
Speaker 2: you would have time off. But you you had you
Speaker 2: were still with the producers and the cast. You know,
Speaker 2: it was very and you'd have your phone, so you
Speaker 2: were very attached to them because you couldn't really go
Speaker 2: anywhere else.
Speaker 1: Oh god.
Speaker 2: So anyways, the funny part about that is that I
Speaker 2: thought I was going to explore the world, and we
Speaker 2: stayed in the Midwest the whole time, so, right, I
Speaker 2: did explore places that, yeah, the heartland of the USA.
Speaker 2: I did explore places that I would never go to,
Speaker 2: you know. So that was kind of cool in the sense,
Speaker 2: and I have good memories from it. But we ended
Speaker 2: up going to Bali, And I don't think when I
Speaker 2: think about flying on Chris's season, I don't have a
Speaker 2: memory of this. But on Ben's season, I remember we
Speaker 2: took a flight to the Bahamas, and so it was
Speaker 2: a small plane and they only have so many flights
Speaker 2: out to the islands, you know, and Ben was in
Speaker 2: first class and we were all in the same flight.
Speaker 2: So Ben's in first class with his producer and handler
Speaker 2: and then all of his girlfriends that he's dating at
Speaker 2: the same time had to walk by him back to
Speaker 2: our economy.
Speaker 1: So awkward. That is. So they also should have just
Speaker 1: like had him come in the plane last. Right, He's
Speaker 1: not just sitting there watching everybody pass.
Speaker 2: We were like, hey, Ben, and you can tell he
Speaker 2: was embarrassed, Like, God, this is so awkward. But the
Speaker 2: airports are really fun because we it was when they
Speaker 2: first had vending machines for makeup stuff. Do you remember,
Speaker 2: like the Bourbank Airport has it and some other airport benefit.
Speaker 5: Yeah, benefit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you would have thought that we had just stepped
Speaker 2: into Mall of America. Like we went crazy. The duty
Speaker 2: free stores, we went crazy and because it was all
Speaker 2: we could do to shop, So my god, the airports
Speaker 2: were just a thrill.
Speaker 1: How long were you gone all in like when you
Speaker 1: left the house till when you came home? Like, what
Speaker 1: did they tell you prepare for this many days of
Speaker 1: like underwear and stuff?
Speaker 2: Oh? Well, I mean the time max was eight weeks,
Speaker 2: so you had to pack.
Speaker 1: For eight weeks because eight times seven.
Speaker 2: Eight times seven is fifty six.
Speaker 1: So do you have is that right?
Speaker 2: Do you have to bring?
Speaker 1: Do you have to bring fifty six pairs of underwear? Well,
Speaker 1: there's a washing machine, so you guys just do your laundry.
Speaker 2: In the house. You do, and then once you go.
Speaker 2: I mean, they have handlers and stuff. So if you
Speaker 2: need if you need a makeup or if you ran
Speaker 2: out of something that you need.
Speaker 1: To go buy you underwear like Victoria's Secret.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, are you like staining your underwear?
Speaker 1: Why can't you wash it in the sink in a
Speaker 1: hotel room.
Speaker 2: No, like we they would you know, hotels have like
Speaker 2: laundry service or they could ticket to fluff and fold
Speaker 2: or something.
Speaker 1: Oh so you just hear my producer man.
Speaker 2: Now you just give them a bag and be like,
Speaker 2: here's my clothes.
Speaker 1: I don't know why that feels so like personal.
Speaker 2: I mean, you really have to depend on these people.
Speaker 2: You don't have your phone, and then the traveling to
Speaker 2: different places without having anything to listen to on your phone,
Speaker 2: or so much talking. Yeah, there was a lot of talking,
Speaker 2: but we all had been talking so much that we
Speaker 2: just wanted to space out and we couldn't do that.
Speaker 2: So I remember going to Bali. Taylor Swift's nineteen eighty
Speaker 2: nine had just come out, and I didn't have my phone.
Speaker 2: So one of the producers, he his girlfriend Sammy, got
Speaker 2: me for my birthday as the Taylor Swift CD. And
Speaker 2: I went to Target during my hometowns because I had
Speaker 2: time off during that, and I bought a CD player
Speaker 2: and I listened to nineteen eighty nine on repeat for
Speaker 2: the entirety of going to Bali. So whatever that was.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I have an airport question, okay, And I know
Speaker 6: I should write in describing it Todaharty dot com.
Speaker 3: But I'm gonna circumvent.
Speaker 2: That, like this is VIP questionnaire.
Speaker 6: I heard from another former Bachelor person that when you
Speaker 6: walk through especially the international airports, you're in a big
Speaker 6: group and everyone's gonna everyone sees that. It's always like
Speaker 6: stunding people walking in a big group, and you can't
Speaker 6: just be like.
Speaker 3: We're filming The Bachelor.
Speaker 6: Yeah, so what would you say if, like, was there
Speaker 6: a rule of like if people ask you what's going on?
Speaker 5: Who are you?
Speaker 2: We said we were on I think we had to
Speaker 2: say we were on like a just a group trip,
Speaker 2: like a girls trip or something. I don't think we.
Speaker 6: Because I think Ben was saying that they it was
Speaker 6: like a girl's soccer team or something.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like it was a sports team something like that.
Speaker 2: Where we were, we were just a traveling team of
Speaker 2: some sort like yellow jackets. Yeah, yes, but no one
Speaker 2: knew thank you who you know? At that point we
Speaker 2: were on TV, so no one knew us our faces.
Speaker 6: Because I think now even if you're non TV, if
Speaker 6: you see like one man in the metro like sending women,
Speaker 6: it's like, oh, it's the Bachelor's here, you know.
Speaker 2: But yeah, and that time is so different because social
Speaker 2: media wasn't so And.
Speaker 1: Do they also tell you this is how many cocktail
Speaker 1: ceremonies that you should bring, like dress wise.
Speaker 2: Like they literally send you a list of what you
Speaker 2: need to bring cocktail dresses, winter close, summer close, spabay suits,
Speaker 2: and it's like pack for eight weeks. Pack is if
Speaker 2: you're going to be there.
Speaker 1: For a how many suitcases did you have?
Speaker 2: You're only allowed to bring two, two big suitcases and
Speaker 2: I think I had to carry on, but like you're
Speaker 2: having to you know, wash stuck and be responsible for
Speaker 2: your stuff still. So and then when you get to hotels,
Speaker 2: you're still having to share rooms, so you have to
Speaker 2: think of space in terms of you.
Speaker 1: Get to pick who you shared your room with or
Speaker 1: did they just sign okay, it's nice.
Speaker 2: So I was with Kaitlin Bristow during Chris's season that
Speaker 2: it was with Jojo Ben season, and naturally that's who
Speaker 2: you become closest to because you kind of like, once
Speaker 2: you take your mic off and you go to sleep,
Speaker 2: that's kind of your only time to kind of talk
Speaker 2: about that. And it's weird because you're dating the same guy,
Speaker 2: so you're like I don't want to talk too much
Speaker 2: about this, but how did your day go? But I
Speaker 2: don't tell me too much like Jojo and you know Jojo,
Speaker 2: so like when she would come back and from a
Speaker 2: date and be like so excited, I was like, oh, like,
Speaker 2: as your friend, I want to know, but damn, that
Speaker 2: is not looking like a positive thing from my experience. Yeah,
Speaker 2: so yeah, that was It was really interesting. And then
Speaker 2: on Benzi's and I stuck my old phone on so
Speaker 2: I had music to listen to on the flight. So
Speaker 2: Jojo and I would like share an earphone on the flights.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I think she emailed her dad one time for my phone.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, rebels.
Speaker 2: And then I texted Caitlin Bristow. I message her on
Speaker 2: Instagram and I was like, I don't think Bens's into
Speaker 2: me as the other girls, and she goes no, like
Speaker 2: the producers are probably telling him to not act interested,
Speaker 2: so that like you're.
Speaker 1: Not catch go on.
Speaker 2: But she was with the outside just once.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then I listened to music and that was it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that was a little bts, little bts.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, sorry, I tried to get my mic
Speaker 1: and then I I had to pivot Yeah, it happened fast.
Speaker 1: It happened really fast.
Speaker 2: Oh, and then other people were asking about hair, nail
Speaker 2: and tanning appointments while you were on the show. We
Speaker 2: all did our own nails. So if you got your
Speaker 2: nails done before the show, once you're if you got
Speaker 2: jels or something, once they were grown out, you would
Speaker 2: either just have to like the pick them off, because
Speaker 2: the smarter thing to do would be to go with
Speaker 2: your nails painted and then bring nail polish because there's
Speaker 2: so much downtime. I did my I got so good
Speaker 2: at doing my nails because we would have nothing else
Speaker 2: to do. We would just be sitting in the hotel
Speaker 2: or the house, and if you weren't doing an interview
Speaker 2: or girl chat where they have you like talking to
Speaker 2: other girls, like let's paint her nails. Have TV. I
Speaker 2: feel like they've loosened up a lot, I see. I
Speaker 2: feel like there's tiktoks and stuff of the girls that
Speaker 2: from this season, and maybe it's just on producer's phones,
Speaker 2: Like maybe the producers are a little more privy to
Speaker 2: like trends and they're thinking ahead of like let's film
Speaker 2: this and then when it airs you can post it.
Speaker 1: Oh, because I like on Love Island that they all
Speaker 1: have phones that they can like take pictures and videos
Speaker 1: on Like I'm like, that's cute.
Speaker 2: But I loved not having my phone. And then I
Speaker 2: got it back and I found out my great grandma
Speaker 2: had passed away. Like it was so it was it
Speaker 2: was a really weird word it was weird. I had
Speaker 2: just gotten dumped and then I was so excited to
Speaker 2: talk to my family and then they told me my
Speaker 2: great grandma passed away, But the producers didn't want My
Speaker 2: mom called them because she had their number in case
Speaker 2: of emergency, and they were like, well, there's two more
Speaker 2: days left, you know, it's almost the end. Do you
Speaker 2: want us to tell her? And my mom was kind
Speaker 2: of like, I mean if I guess, not, Like I
Speaker 2: don't know, right. So it was a strange strange I'm crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's literally like you put into a vortex.
Speaker 2: You really are. That's why when people are like, how
Speaker 2: do you fall in love within this timeframe? It's like, well,
Speaker 2: what else do you have to do before? What else
Speaker 2: do you have to do? But like talk about this
Speaker 2: guy that they had styled and with a nice colonneal
Speaker 2: on that I.
Speaker 1: Were fall in love with like the egg carton in
Speaker 1: my fridge.
Speaker 2: Given so much for you to have gone on the Bachelor.
Speaker 2: I think if you hadn't met Robbie, I would have
Speaker 2: really gunned hard for that.
Speaker 1: You know that. I early when Rob and I were
Speaker 1: early days before he and I were boyfriend girlfriend, I
Speaker 1: was like really considering it, and I almost wish that
Speaker 1: I would have done it because he wasn't committing to me. Remember,
Speaker 1: he was like, I'm not ready to be boyfriend girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, then I'm going to go on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, Dude, I wish I When.
Speaker 2: When did he not want to be boyfriend and girlfriend?
Speaker 1: So we became boyfriend girlfriend early February of twenty twenty. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we met in November of twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2: Oh and you got on the other day. That's what
Speaker 2: it did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that like I think it was maybe like
Speaker 1: two or three weeks of time. I really wish I
Speaker 1: would have gone on the Bacheler, But it's a short window.
Speaker 7: There's an alternate universe right now where you're missus Clayton Eckert.
Speaker 1: Was that the season, I don't know, it's just a couple.
Speaker 5: Of years ago.
Speaker 2: Maybe you'll be dancing together TikTok dancing together.
Speaker 1: That's pretty crazy that he was the Bachelor, because I
Speaker 1: don't think he and I are a match.
Speaker 5: What about Matt James or Zach shallacross?
Speaker 1: No, I think they just got worse and worse. I
Speaker 1: think I lecked out.
Speaker 2: I think everything worked at house supposed to be. You
Speaker 2: could be planning meals and family meetings with one of
Speaker 2: those guys.
Speaker 1: Could you imagine? No?
Speaker 2: I really couldn't. No. And then there was one more.
Speaker 2: Someone asked during hometowns, where do you sleep at your
Speaker 2: childhood home with your family during my hometown I I
Speaker 2: think after you film your hometown, they like you spend
Speaker 2: time with your family for like thirty minutes. I need
Speaker 2: to confirm this. In it like it's short. You get
Speaker 2: to like say hey and recap, but then it's like
Speaker 2: they're taking me back to the bubble. But mine was
Speaker 2: on my birthday and so Chris I went to say
Speaker 2: bye to him and he was like, actually have a
Speaker 2: surprise for you, and he took me to the fair
Speaker 2: was in town during that time in my hometown, which
Speaker 2: is very dangerous. I don't know, you just don't. It's
Speaker 2: not what it used to be.
Speaker 5: There's a gross.
Speaker 1: Yeah, mister sunshine dumper.
Speaker 7: I've never been called mister sunshine number before. I see
Speaker 7: your point, though, you're saying on Monday, I had a
Speaker 7: different You're gonna take a lot for me to come around.
Speaker 2: On fairs, They're definitely not known as being hygienic, but
Speaker 2: they are fun.
Speaker 1: It's food and freedom and child community community.
Speaker 2: Know the area where I'm from, isn't its like wholesome
Speaker 2: like that? It seems tan, Yeah, look it up, let
Speaker 2: me know what you think. So anyways, they the fair
Speaker 2: had shut down, but they opened it up for us
Speaker 2: to go and we wrote the Ferris Wheel. So it
Speaker 2: was like a very romantic thing. But I was kind
Speaker 2: of sad because I wanted to hang out with my family,
Speaker 2: like I had missed them so much. So I was like,
Speaker 2: this is really sweet and I want to Okay, I
Speaker 2: don't know my family.
Speaker 1: Red flag like, you are not in love with this dude.
Speaker 2: I had spent a total of ten hours with him. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was not in love with them.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I would have my spidy senses would
Speaker 1: be like, I'm not that into you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, looking back, yeah, I can see that. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: can see what you're saying, yeah, is this.
Speaker 6: The state fair of Louisiana. Yeah, oh wow, Louisiana. Feed
Speaker 6: your soul.
Speaker 2: The food was crazy, but that's pretty typically.
Speaker 5: Like I met my.
Speaker 7: Wife at a state fairs, so I don't want, you know,
Speaker 7: but still I get super I know you do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, super emotional.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 6: I love them with so much of my Heart's not
Speaker 6: to love They're so special.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 1: It's like the best of humanity in four squares at mine.
Speaker 2: You could get shot at any point. So that's what
Speaker 2: I mean when I say they're not safe. Oh but
Speaker 2: I see what you're saying.
Speaker 4: The games, rock firearms, beer beer testing rides that have
Speaker 4: been set up seventeen times in seventeen cities in the
Speaker 4: last seventeen days.
Speaker 2: That is a little freaky. But you got to risk
Speaker 2: it to get the biscuit sometimes and then would be
Speaker 2: a fried biscuit outside.
Speaker 1: We were at a fair.
Speaker 2: We were at a fair.
Speaker 1: I think it was over the It was, yeah, it
Speaker 1: was over last summer. It was right before Rob and
Speaker 1: I got engaged, and we were doing bumper cars at
Speaker 1: this fair and this woman was like in line to
Speaker 1: go to the bumper cars and she's like Robbie out
Speaker 1: of gar and I was like, and uh, it turns
Speaker 1: out that this was like the first girl he ever
Speaker 1: kissed in his life, like his very first kiss. And
Speaker 1: she was in line. So I met her and then
Speaker 1: I met her wife and then a.
Speaker 5: Little more comfortable.
Speaker 2: Are you so happy about this? Yeah? I understand.
Speaker 1: And then it was cute. We took a picture and
Speaker 1: I was like, your first kiss and your last. I know,
Speaker 1: I thought it was pretty cute too.
Speaker 2: Well. Fairs are special for a lot of people, and
Speaker 2: Mark he met his wife. He says, I did.
Speaker 7: I met my wife with the Wisconsin's Day Fair, so I'll
Speaker 7: back down. That's fine, But I just genuinely speaking, I've
Speaker 7: been to a lot of like county fairs, and they're disgusting.
Speaker 2: Do you like a corn dog?
Speaker 5: Not really?
Speaker 7: Wow?
Speaker 1: Oh wow?
Speaker 7: I mean, you know, I it's father fine, but no, no,
Speaker 7: I don't seek out corn dog.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I'd rather like a hamburger or like a beady at taco.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and carnies.
Speaker 6: I don't.
Speaker 3: I don't have this to become a fair thing.
Speaker 6: But the Santa Cruz County Fair from my hometown has
Speaker 6: a jingle and it's my favorite thing. There's no better
Speaker 6: way to have more fun in one day the Santa
Speaker 6: Cruz County Fair.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 2: I love it, to say, Easton, And I know that
Speaker 2: this is going to come across as a backhanded compliment.
Speaker 2: I don't mean it to be that way. I think
Speaker 2: that you could be a really good singer if you
Speaker 2: like took less like. I think you have the tone
Speaker 2: for it and the strength.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much, figuring that that truly does me wrong.
Speaker 2: But saying that he seeks with just freedom and there's
Speaker 2: no like structure to it. I hear the potential.
Speaker 5: And I respect that.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 7: He doesn't like hold back because he might not be
Speaker 7: a great singer. He doesn't care about that.
Speaker 5: He's going to sing.
Speaker 2: Singer.
Speaker 3: Yes, well, you're very kind of saying thank you.
Speaker 2: You know, fill your diet first all.
Speaker 1: I'm the only one that's going to keep it real
Speaker 1: here and I have no future, no no, But I
Speaker 1: like the way you sing. It's unabashed, it's confident, and
Speaker 1: I enjoy wa. I just don't think you have like
Speaker 1: a grande vibes.
Speaker 2: I didn't say that, but I was saying more like you.
Speaker 2: I could see you like playing in guitar and wear
Speaker 2: a cowboy boots guitar, just any other good voice.
Speaker 6: If you If you guys want to see me play guitar,
Speaker 6: it's musical music, go to YouTube watch nachos but Easton
Speaker 6: Allen I recorded a whole album in ten and with
Speaker 6: the help of auto tune, and it's a great sounding voice.
Speaker 2: Love and I just covered you.
Speaker 7: That would be a fun segment on the show, but
Speaker 7: it's not legal. Would be for to sing karaoke on
Speaker 7: this show. I think that would be a fun thing,
Speaker 7: but we can't do it because you can't have music
Speaker 7: on the show.
Speaker 5: But I think it would be.
Speaker 2: Fun royalty free music.
Speaker 5: We can't sing along, plain that we can't.
Speaker 7: I think it'd be really funking a karaoke contest some
Speaker 7: week on the show.
Speaker 2: But Love is Blind, I mean, yeah, the Love is
Speaker 2: Blind songs that are just royalty free and we're just
Speaker 2: just it's like Love is Hard Corner.
Speaker 1: I know they don't need to talk to the Love
Speaker 1: Island producers because the Love Island producers know what's up
Speaker 1: with you.
Speaker 2: If they get license music, I think.
Speaker 1: Whatever, then get a license and they're.
Speaker 2: Like, no, we're just gonna use it. Okay, We're gonna
Speaker 2: take a break and we will be right back. All right,
Speaker 2: we are back. I think we have a couple of emails,
Speaker 2: so you do well.
Speaker 5: That's the whole point of this episode, I believe.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so take it away.
Speaker 7: All right, I'd be happy to Uh. This is from Laura.
Speaker 7: First off, I want to say the podcast is such
Speaker 7: a great start to my week. I wanted to know
Speaker 7: how you handle jealousy or insecurity in your relationships with
Speaker 7: with Tanya. It helps if his acts is dating another woman,
Speaker 7: but in general, I've been dating my boyfriend for two years.
Speaker 7: He recently started work I'm get a sports agency and
Speaker 7: travels a lot. While he has never given me any
Speaker 7: reason to be insecure, I am losing my mind when
Speaker 7: he's away. We're in constant contact, but I know the
Speaker 7: sports world can be filled with groupies, and I'm scared
Speaker 7: he will one day give into temptation. This is my person,
Speaker 7: so when he tips, any of you can give to
Speaker 7: keep me sane, please bring them on. I hope your
Speaker 7: podcast stays on for another fifty years.
Speaker 5: That is very sweet.
Speaker 7: That's a fun we wishing you do that someday. What
Speaker 7: this show will be like in the year twenty seventy four,
Speaker 7: I mean, I'd.
Speaker 1: Like to be doing this show for the next fifty years,
Speaker 1: but Becca, I feel like this is probably better for you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I I think I've expressed on the
Speaker 2: podcast how challenging I've had, like really challenging moments when
Speaker 2: Haley's gone, especially on tour because it's for an extended
Speaker 2: amount of time. I don't know what helps, Like, I
Speaker 2: really don't know what I mean. Therapy couples say has
Speaker 2: helped us a lot, But I also think that the
Speaker 2: thing that really helped is when I started explaining to
Speaker 2: her what makes me feel insecure and what would make
Speaker 2: me feel more secure, that realistic things that she can
Speaker 2: do because obviously she can't fly back and be with
Speaker 2: me to comfort me, But what are things she can
Speaker 2: do while she's a way that make me feel safe?
Speaker 2: And I think the first step is expressing those concerns
Speaker 2: and not in a way. I think it's important to
Speaker 2: let your partner know that you trust him, it's just
Speaker 2: your own insecurities, because I realized a lot of I
Speaker 2: kept when I was in therapy. I kept thinking about
Speaker 2: why am I feeling insecured? Is it that I don't
Speaker 2: trust her? Because if I don't trust her. What is
Speaker 2: she doing that makes me out trust her? And I
Speaker 2: couldn't think of anything. It wasn't It wasn't that I
Speaker 2: didn't trust her. It was that I felt insecure about
Speaker 2: her being gone and her spending time and having experiences
Speaker 2: with other people, which was really hard for me to
Speaker 2: realize because getting jealous or insecure about your partner having
Speaker 2: fun experiences that you're not involved in and acknowledge that
Speaker 2: that made you feel bad, it is like a vulnerable
Speaker 2: thing to face because I'm like, I want you to
Speaker 2: have experiences and I don't care that they're with other people,
Speaker 2: and yet it makes me feel sad and left behind
Speaker 2: or something. So once I was able to figure that
Speaker 2: out and really and then Haley's thing was that she
Speaker 2: loves to recap, so like she wanted to tell me
Speaker 2: about her days, but I was hearing about things that
Speaker 2: made me feel sad, so I would be like, I
Speaker 2: don't even know if I want to hear about this,
Speaker 2: but then she felt like I didn't care. So it
Speaker 2: was kind of finding that balance and being able to
Speaker 2: support your partner and doing what they love and knowing
Speaker 2: that you trust them, but also working on yourself while
Speaker 2: they're gone because I think the biggest thing was filling
Speaker 2: time with friends. And there were times where I just
Speaker 2: didn't want to be around anybody, But the only thing
Speaker 2: that made me feel better was being around people or
Speaker 2: doing something that kept my brain away from wondering what
Speaker 2: Haley was doing. Like she's on stage, I'm like, why
Speaker 2: she's performing right now? Why am I wondering what she's doing?
Speaker 2: And so I think it's just finding that safety. But
Speaker 2: I also think couple therapy has helped a lot because
Speaker 2: it was kind of us figuring out where we were
Speaker 2: meeting in that because I'd be like, I don't feel
Speaker 2: safe and she's like, well you every time I try
Speaker 2: to talk to you don't want to hear about it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, because I don't feel safe. So it's just
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just finding that communication.
Speaker 1: I think that's a big part of it, is like
Speaker 1: being able to be open and honest about about how
Speaker 1: you're feeling and why you're feeling that way, and expressing
Speaker 1: that you do trust your partner, but it still makes
Speaker 1: you feel a certain type of way. So sometimes it's
Speaker 1: like I remember my therapist always said things that like
Speaker 1: really would blow my mind, but she was like, two
Speaker 1: things can be true at the same time. So you
Speaker 1: know how like Casey Musgraves haves the song happy and Sad,
Speaker 1: It's like somebody can be happy and sad at the
Speaker 1: same time with like different stuff that's going on in
Speaker 1: their life, you know what I mean, Like two things
Speaker 1: like that can exist. So I feel like you can
Speaker 1: feel jealous and insecure and he can also be doing
Speaker 1: absolutely nothing wrong and be like the most absolutely loyal
Speaker 1: partner ever and both things can be true at the
Speaker 1: same time. And so I think it's just being able
Speaker 1: to express to him that you're feeling a certain type
Speaker 1: of way and then like allowing him to just hear
Speaker 1: it and just and do with that what he feels
Speaker 1: is right, you know. Like I remember, it's really interesting
Speaker 1: when you start dating a guy that has two kids,
Speaker 1: because I'll never forget Teddy told me this and it
Speaker 1: really stuck with me. She was like, you know, when
Speaker 1: you're newly dating a guy and you're not spending all
Speaker 1: your time with that person, they go on golf trips
Speaker 1: with their dudes and they do this stuff with their dudes.
Speaker 1: Like Robbie never did that. It was he was with
Speaker 1: me or he was with his kids. Like I never
Speaker 1: had to like question what he was doing or where
Speaker 1: he was or you know what I mean. Like I
Speaker 1: always I knew if he wasn't with me, he was
Speaker 1: with the kids. And it was kind of how our
Speaker 1: relationship has always been, like it's me and the kids,
Speaker 1: and that's kind of what he fills his life with.
Speaker 1: And I remember the first time he told me he
Speaker 1: was getting coffee with this like girlfriend of his from
Speaker 1: high school. I got insecure about it, Like I got
Speaker 1: really weird about it. And in my mind, I'm like,
Speaker 1: I trust him completely. He's never given me one like
Speaker 1: I trust him with everything in me. I trust this
Speaker 1: even though I don't really know the woman. I was like,
Speaker 1: I do trust the one, Like there's nothing in here
Speaker 1: that I should be insecure or upset about, and yet
Speaker 1: I was. And so I just like said it. I
Speaker 1: was like, I just it makes it feel turned away
Speaker 1: because I never have had to experience that with you before,
Speaker 1: you know, like I've just never had this, so it's
Speaker 1: like weird. So he just heard me out and then
Speaker 1: you know it was what it was.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think it's you going thinking to yourself, Okay,
Speaker 2: in this situation that we're in What are things, realistic
Speaker 2: things that he can do to make me feel safe
Speaker 2: in this? And it like for me, it was like
Speaker 2: she texts me throughout the day when when she's doing
Speaker 2: something and it's like, hey, just checking in, or you know,
Speaker 2: whenever she has a moment and has the capacity like
Speaker 2: face timing, like we at least talk on the phone
Speaker 2: or FaceTime at least once a day, but most of
Speaker 2: the time it was two times a day.
Speaker 1: And like putting your picture on her hydroflask, you know,
Speaker 1: means yeah, totally totally fine to ask for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it couldn't. It's like you you can't be
Speaker 2: controlling because that you want to. It's healthy to be
Speaker 2: able to trust your partner with him going and doing
Speaker 2: something like this and you working on yourself and finding
Speaker 2: out where the insecurity stem from.
Speaker 7: Yes, I think that's a big part of this is
Speaker 7: self esteem also, like you know, everything you're feeling is legitimate,
Speaker 7: but also why do you feel like you're not enough
Speaker 7: for him? Why do you feel like he's bound astray?
Speaker 7: Why do you feel like right that he's the only
Speaker 7: one you can get, you know, like if he if
Speaker 7: he does stray, then he is not your person. You
Speaker 7: say he's your person, but if he's stray, he's not,
Speaker 7: and you can do as well or better than him.
Speaker 1: So and yeah, but we feel this need to control
Speaker 1: like it's interesting. It is so psychological.
Speaker 7: There you go, Good luck, Laura, thanks for listening to
Speaker 7: our podcast. Uh April and Jan clarification on sleep smell.
Speaker 7: April says, I don't know what that is. I have
Speaker 7: to shower at night because of our schedules, and now
Speaker 7: I'm worried that I smell at work. Can you explain
Speaker 7: sleep smell? Jill said, I remember Becca metching that she
Speaker 7: showers before bed to wash off the day. But does
Speaker 7: she shower in the morning to get rid of sleep smell?
Speaker 7: Does she wash your hair every day? Or is hair
Speaker 7: exempt from sleep smell? Some clarification please.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you don't know sleep smell, you probably have
Speaker 1: sleep smell. So I hate to break it to you,
Speaker 1: April and Jill, but you might have it. So I
Speaker 1: look into that.
Speaker 2: I will never get into my bed without showering. That
Speaker 2: is a mandatory. And then morning shower if I'm going somewhere,
Speaker 2: like if I'm like like for instance, when I come
Speaker 2: to the podcast, I shower if I work out or something,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to shower before I work out, but
Speaker 2: I'll shower after I work out. Just depends on my day,
Speaker 2: I guess.
Speaker 1: So I shower every morning and every night. However, I
Speaker 1: still believe that my two showers a day are still
Speaker 1: shorter than your typical one shower a day because I
Speaker 1: just I do the bits.
Speaker 2: You don't wash your feet, yeah, correct.
Speaker 1: I do a quick come in there, armpits, you know,
Speaker 1: private parts, face, and I'm out to get the sleep off,
Speaker 1: to get the sleep off. So in the morning, I
Speaker 1: have to get the sleep off, which is why I
Speaker 1: shower in the morning, and then at night. I do
Speaker 1: not get into my bed without showering. But I sweat
Speaker 1: when I sleep, so I have to shower. I have
Speaker 1: to shower.
Speaker 2: I don't sweat when I sleep, but I don't wash
Speaker 2: my hair.
Speaker 1: Every day, neither do I.
Speaker 2: But the sleep smell with the hair, I just will.
Speaker 1: It could get your hair could get sleep smell if
Speaker 1: you let it go long enough.
Speaker 2: Do you want to hear the really unfortunate news. It's
Speaker 2: it's not sleep smell when it's the hair. It's more
Speaker 2: like what like dirty scalp which if you've been in
Speaker 2: an uber, you know there's certain ubers where you smell
Speaker 2: the dirty scalp smell. Okay, okay, I use dry shampoo,
Speaker 2: and I literally will make hair. I'll be like, does
Speaker 2: my hair smell? Because if she says yes, I'm washing it,
Speaker 2: and she's always like, no, it sounds like it sounds
Speaker 2: like come like perfume because of my try shampoo.
Speaker 1: So I used to wash my hair every single day.
Speaker 1: Also because I used to work out every single day,
Speaker 1: and I get like sweaty and gross. Now that I'm
Speaker 1: doing more pilates and less like sweaty exercises, I don't
Speaker 1: wash it every day, and that is something that concerns me.
Speaker 1: The smell, the smell, the scout smell.
Speaker 2: You should ask Robby. You gotta have the trust with you.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. He didn't have a sense
Speaker 1: of smell for many years.
Speaker 2: I had advantage of it. Yeah, I use it for good.
Speaker 1: Take a whoof in here? It does that smell like?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So I don't know what to tell you. I
Speaker 2: I just know that I do my best to avoid
Speaker 2: smelling like sleep, and I try to. My goal every
Speaker 2: day is for someone to tell me I smell good.
Speaker 1: But I also think too, if you're doing you're generally
Speaker 1: hygienic person, do I smell?
Speaker 5: I never noticed smell I never noticed or bad.
Speaker 1: That's good because I don't really spray up on me, right,
Speaker 1: I don't want the the endocrin disruptors. All right, I
Speaker 1: try not to spray things on myself. But I don't
Speaker 1: want to smell bad.
Speaker 5: You smell neutral. You just don't smell.
Speaker 1: Okay. If you're an overall hygienic person, I don't think
Speaker 1: you're gonna get sleep smell because to me, I think
Speaker 1: sleep smells somebody like doesn't wash their sheets often like
Speaker 1: it's it's it's pretty.
Speaker 2: I think smell stems from getting into your bed without
Speaker 2: showering after being like doing stuff all, not.
Speaker 1: Washing your sheets for like like weeks.
Speaker 7: Yes, so shower before a bad clean sheets. You're probably
Speaker 7: not gonna have to sleep smell the next morning.
Speaker 1: Generally speaking, I think you're okay.
Speaker 2: I think you're good. I think you're safe.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 7: I'd like to request one more break, please, okay, and
Speaker 7: then we have a fun game from Mariette.
Speaker 5: That you sent in.
Speaker 2: Okay, Mary, we'll be right back after this break. All right,
Speaker 2: we are back with a game, A game.
Speaker 7: That a listener named Mariette sent in. She says, I've
Speaker 7: really enjoyed the energy and laughter on the pod as
Speaker 7: of late and wanted to contribute to it with a
Speaker 7: fun game we recently played over the weekend. It's based
Speaker 7: on you and your partners, and it's the who is
Speaker 7: most likely to game. I've included questions below and what
Speaker 7: generated the most laughter and chat in our game night.
Speaker 7: So I'm thinking the way we do this, and I
Speaker 7: don't know how the game is played, but I thought
Speaker 7: it'd be fun if we read the who is more
Speaker 7: likely to? Between Becca and Tanya and then Easton and
Speaker 7: I guess who we think is more likely to and
Speaker 7: then you guys can determine who's what the.
Speaker 5: Correct answer is.
Speaker 7: For example, Okay, number one, who was more likely to
Speaker 7: smell their partner's clothing when folding them?
Speaker 5: Easton Tanya?
Speaker 7: Tanya, what do you guys think? Question about that? So
Speaker 7: you have done that before? Yeah, just to kind of
Speaker 7: get his musk.
Speaker 1: Just to kind of just to see to see what
Speaker 1: what it smells like.
Speaker 5: I don't know, Okay, is.
Speaker 2: This after a laundry or like you're putting thing that
Speaker 2: went folding them, you wouldn't be folding dirty clothes.
Speaker 1: I don't like smell his like gym clothes, but I have.
Speaker 1: I just don't do it on a regular.
Speaker 2: I didn't clean.
Speaker 7: Okay, if he's if he is, he ever gone, he's
Speaker 7: out of town and you smell something, he's warned, just
Speaker 7: to kind of bring back the scent.
Speaker 5: No, okay, just check it all right? Next one? Uh East?
Speaker 7: Then what do you think, Becker Tanya? Who is most
Speaker 7: likely to wake up and be in the mood for it?
Speaker 3: I don't know if we should define what it is.
Speaker 5: I guess we don't need to.
Speaker 6: Tanya.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Tanya, I.
Speaker 1: Feel like she's a morning girly.
Speaker 2: I think I'm gonna say you. I think it could
Speaker 2: be you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is me for a morning tonight.
Speaker 2: I like a healthy balance.
Speaker 1: I'm too tired at night. Morning all the way.
Speaker 5: Okay, good good?
Speaker 7: Who Becca or Tanya would be the most likely to
Speaker 7: be killed first if they were in a horror movie?
Speaker 3: Becca killed first, killed first?
Speaker 7: Let me think about that, killed first in a horror Yeah,
Speaker 7: I think No, I think Tanya. I don't think if
Speaker 7: Tanya is having a lot of like, you know, kind
Speaker 7: of like that streets.
Speaker 5: I need to know to kill her on the loose.
Speaker 2: Why this is like a no brainer?
Speaker 1: I thought it was you.
Speaker 6: I feel like I don't know how much fight you
Speaker 6: have in you, and I also think you're bet.
Speaker 3: I don't doubt that.
Speaker 6: But I also feel like you might be the first
Speaker 6: one in a like a zombie horde or something. I
Speaker 6: think you might be the first one to like just
Speaker 6: resign to your fate, like.
Speaker 2: Should give up in a zombie thing. See. Wow, this
Speaker 2: is interesting because this is so not my character, like
Speaker 2: how I think I'm viewed. I'm very athletic and fast.
Speaker 2: So I'm voting Tanya, I.
Speaker 7: Say, because I feel like Tanya is very trusting of people,
Speaker 7: and if there's a if a horror movie with a
Speaker 7: killer on the loose, she's more likely to.
Speaker 2: Hug them in the house.
Speaker 5: Yes she would, he would say, yeah, paranoid.
Speaker 1: So I know, I think this is back all the way.
Speaker 2: She scrubbers to weigh in.
Speaker 5: On the what's your reasoning for?
Speaker 1: Because who is most likely to be killed first if
Speaker 1: they were in a horror movie?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: So I think that I can run faster than you.
Speaker 5: Okay a video.
Speaker 2: Video?
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I also think that I would know
Speaker 1: all the exits of wherever I am. Like, I don't
Speaker 1: think you go into a movie theater and look for
Speaker 1: all the exits.
Speaker 2: I'm very paranoid about scary things.
Speaker 1: I also think I would duck and cover. I'd find
Speaker 1: like a small little hole to curl up in, and
Speaker 1: I feel like you would like try and fight them.
Speaker 2: No, I would just run because I'm faster.
Speaker 1: I just disagree.
Speaker 7: We're gonna go down right here, or we could go, uh,
Speaker 7: I know, the sidewalk over here.
Speaker 3: In California or on the corner from California riverside because long.
Speaker 5: To run barefoot today.
Speaker 2: Because I need to go.
Speaker 5: I got my But I think that would be a very.
Speaker 2: Good Yeah, that's really.
Speaker 5: Good, Crystal. You might need to come up for that one.
Speaker 5: Who is the bigger baby when sick?
Speaker 2: Definitely me?
Speaker 1: I'm going back and for sure, back up, I rule
Speaker 1: the world when I'm sick.
Speaker 7: Who is the most likely to fall asleep while being
Speaker 7: intimate Easton? I don't know, I say Becca. Tanya's eyes
Speaker 7: never close even in those situations. I feel like her
Speaker 7: eyelids never touch each other.
Speaker 2: She's tired. Yeah, so I think that a self admission.
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's true. I think if your eyes always wide open.
Speaker 1: That is true when I'm awake, but if I'm asleep,
Speaker 1: they're closed fair enough, So if I were sleeping, then
Speaker 1: they would be.
Speaker 5: That's sure. Who gives better directions? Becca, I could see.
Speaker 2: That, sure, like getting somewhere.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I feel like Tanya would be making up a
Speaker 6: lot of words in streets.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I probably have a better sense of direction too.
Speaker 7: That's the questions less reliant on their GPS.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably me?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 7: Our last one here for Mariette and thank you Marriette.
Speaker 7: Who would be the first to crack if you couldn't
Speaker 7: talk or see each other for a month?
Speaker 5: We know that one. I mean, that's that's pretty clearly.
Speaker 5: Tan you Oh, I like a month? An hour?
Speaker 2: Definitely want to go a month before you cried?
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's for sure.
Speaker 2: Oh well, that's the end of the Ask Vanya episode.
Speaker 2: Share it with your friends, please.
Speaker 1: Download it on your parents.
Speaker 2: Give us ratings, give us five stars. Please. We really
Speaker 2: should have been better. We you know, throughout the years,
Speaker 2: we should have really encouraged our listeners to do that,
Speaker 2: but we've never really been consistent with.
Speaker 7: I always that always wrote me the wrong way when
Speaker 7: podcasts tell me to leave a five star review for them,
Speaker 7: I don't do it.
Speaker 1: If you could, yeah, just rate.
Speaker 2: And off pudding. But if you have some time and
Speaker 2: he liked her episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah a nice review wouldn't harm.
Speaker 2: I sure want it anyways. We love you so much
Speaker 2: and we'll baby that