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Speaker 1: I welcome to episode three fifty one with one of

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Speaker 1: my favorite artists, Jillian Jacqueline, meaning my favorite, like I

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Speaker 1: listened to her music when I just get to pick

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Speaker 1: my own music to listen to, meaning if it's me time,

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Speaker 1: I listened to Jillian. For example, when I'm talking about

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Speaker 1: Jillian song, because this is an older one, it's called

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Speaker 1: Reasons We've Got all. This is older stuff from Jillian.

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Speaker 1: I should say this too, that I took Jillian on

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Speaker 1: towards me for a long time and years ago, but

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Speaker 1: I was such a big fan. She came out and

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Speaker 1: opened a bunch of my comedy shows. And they weren't

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Speaker 1: married at the time. I think they were just dating.

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Speaker 1: But her husband now was her guitar player. And she's awesome.

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Speaker 1: She's awesome, he's awesome, And they came to my wedding.

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Speaker 1: Like That's how much I really enjoyed and really respect Jillian.

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Speaker 1: So her debut album, Honestly is out now. Just a

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Speaker 1: couple of things we've talked about and featured on the show.

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Speaker 1: Bandwagon is the current single, and we've played it on

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Speaker 1: the Women of By Our Country, the big weekend show

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Speaker 1: Here You Go Go Away. This little song those fifteen minutes.

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Speaker 1: So that is her new single on the new record.

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Speaker 1: And here is Better with the Broken Heart with t

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Speaker 1: j Osborne. They've came in and played on the show before.

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Speaker 1: Jillian and Brian just had a kid, a little son

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Speaker 1: named Rockwell. Pretty awesome. This is her debut album, and

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Speaker 1: I'll talk about in a minute how it crazy to

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Speaker 1: me that it's her debut album because I've just been

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Speaker 1: listening to her music for such a long time. But

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Speaker 1: when you get pretty deep here, I mean it's cool

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Speaker 1: to have a friend in because you can kind of

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Speaker 1: go a lot of places without having to feel it out.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense. Definitely a different dynamic. Yeah, Like if

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Speaker 1: it's somebody that I really that I know, no, I

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Speaker 1: don't have to weigh in and be like, I don't know,

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Speaker 1: do they like that? If I don't back out, just

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Speaker 1: go right into it. And she's such an interesting person

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Speaker 1: and artist and maybe this is your introduction to her.

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Speaker 1: So Jillian Jacqueline, enjoy this and go support her music.

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Speaker 1: Streamer music if you like it. Thank you guys. It

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Speaker 1: is a Bobby cast and here we go. I walked

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Speaker 1: into a conversation about the beach, which I hate. The

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Speaker 1: beach so I don't know what the conversation was about

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Speaker 1: the beach. I don't hate the beach. I don't don't

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Speaker 1: like being at the beach. I guess it's a difference

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Speaker 1: because I don't hate that the beach exists. I don't

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Speaker 1: care like I don't see the beach and a picture

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Speaker 1: and go get your beach. I hope you burned down beach.

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Speaker 1: You don't enjoy being on the beach. I don't see

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Speaker 1: the point, but not love the ocean. No, Oh, I

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Speaker 1: understand that. I understand the point of the ocean, but

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Speaker 1: I don't understand the point for me. I don't understand

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Speaker 1: the point of being on a beach. I don't like

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Speaker 1: anything about it. I understand why my wife likes it.

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Speaker 1: She likes to go in land a beach and just

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Speaker 1: relax and let water here the water and Jim get

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Speaker 1: in the water. Sometimes like why does it? Why don't

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Speaker 1: have to be near water if you're not gonna get

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Speaker 1: in it. It's like going for a boat ride and

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Speaker 1: not jumping in the water. Yeah, I have to go

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Speaker 1: in it. Yeah. So the beaches, I'm hot, sand everywhere.

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Speaker 1: I don't drink, and I think if I drank a

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Speaker 1: little bit. That probably help. It helps, but you have

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Speaker 1: to make sure you have a cooler with ice so

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Speaker 1: that the drinks are cold. But I don't. But I

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Speaker 1: don't drink. If I were able to drink, I think

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Speaker 1: I would enjoy everything more drink. That's probably true. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: Like I said, you have to come prepared. Convince me

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Speaker 1: in thirty seconds why I should like the beach. Oh

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Speaker 1: my god, there's nothing more to me. There's nothing more

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Speaker 1: cleansing and joyful than swimming in the ocean. I literally

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Speaker 1: feel like my happiest version of myself when I'm swimming

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Speaker 1: in the ocean. Where'd you grow up in Pennsylvania? So

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Speaker 1: you had the ocean near you could drive to it

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Speaker 1: in three hours? Right? Okay? I sent a lot of

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Speaker 1: times the ocean might Cape Cod and Nantucket and stuff. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's my point. Yes, I grew up doing that. I

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Speaker 1: never saw the ocean toss and now I happen to

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Speaker 1: drive by it. I'm from Arkansas. We're extremely landlocked, and

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Speaker 1: I didn't get to the state much, and so once

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Speaker 1: I thought it was pretty cool. When I saw I

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Speaker 1: was like, Wow, it's so big. And then the first

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Speaker 1: time I got in it, I was like twenty four,

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Speaker 1: so and I was like, let tastes like crap. So

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Speaker 1: not only does it taste bad, and listen, I'm not

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Speaker 1: a drink in the ocean. Water is taking big golds

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Speaker 1: of the salty. My only point is I think your

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Speaker 1: association with the feeling of the beach is that feeling

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Speaker 1: of being a kid. Yeah, okay, sure, yeah, I'm also

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Speaker 1: Pisces and I just love the water. So you see,

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Speaker 1: I also believe, and pardon this, that astrology is complete gibberish.

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Speaker 1: That yeah, right and right, and my husband thinks that.

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Speaker 1: And I like it for why it exists. I think

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Speaker 1: it can be fun. I think it can lead to

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Speaker 1: self discovery and ways of going. Oh you know why

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Speaker 1: I agree with I am like this or I'm not.

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Speaker 1: But as far as like basing it on anything scientific whatsoever,

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Speaker 1: there is none. I know, you should talk to my

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Speaker 1: three sisters because they're all like so hardcore astrology and

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Speaker 1: I'm actually the one that's more like you. But there

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Speaker 1: are certain things where like all my Pisces friends we

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Speaker 1: do have we do have these similarities. I like it

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Speaker 1: because I think if it makes you a better person

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Speaker 1: or a happier person, or gives you an interest. That's great.

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Speaker 1: So I for so astrology, for what I feel it

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Speaker 1: is great. Yeah, for people who feel like it's a science,

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Speaker 1: it's absolutely But you know, I'm like, I don't know

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Speaker 1: that that's because that wouldn't make sense. Everybody born on

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Speaker 1: my birthday is not like me and a little bit.

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Speaker 1: It's like when John Edwards the psychic would be like,

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Speaker 1: all right, yeah, I'm talking to somebody from your past.

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Speaker 1: There's a I don't know, there's like an aunt with

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Speaker 1: a vowel. I was like, well, this is crazy. I

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Speaker 1: feel like a little bit it could be that, but

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Speaker 1: you're allowed to associate your own feelings and emotions with

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Speaker 1: whatever is said. All that to say that I think

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Speaker 1: the beach for a lot of folks is some sort

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Speaker 1: of a flashback to a a better, easier, less stressful

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Speaker 1: childhood time. Same thing with music, I guess. And that's

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Speaker 1: the point I was gonna get to here. Yes, um,

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Speaker 1: but so I hate the beach. We'll end on that.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a beach guy. I'm going We're going to

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Speaker 1: the beach and I'll go and sit, but I I

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Speaker 1: end up laying there with I'll put music on her podcast.

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Speaker 1: My phone is up overheating and that sucks, or my

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Speaker 1: headphones get hot and have sand and I can't swim

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Speaker 1: in it because I don't have someone in the pool.

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Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you. Why just sit in the

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Speaker 1: body of water for the sake of being in the

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Speaker 1: botto water? Body water? A normal got to agree to

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Speaker 1: disagree on this one. I don't even no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm an idiot, and I'm not even arguing absolutely, I'm

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Speaker 1: not arguing that I'm right. I just don't like a pool. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's my wife will lay outside of a pool if

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Speaker 1: you will read a book, And I'm like, you could

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Speaker 1: read the same book in the air condition in the

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Speaker 1: house with instead of out in the because you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: just go stand in the heat for and walk around

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Speaker 1: and read the book. But why being in proct Do

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Speaker 1: not enjoy the feeling of feeling like weightless, like when

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Speaker 1: you're floating? Yeah with the great WiFi? Yeah? Um, you know, no, okay,

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Speaker 1: I really like that feeling. You know. My association with

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Speaker 1: water is boats and fishing and lakes and swimming was

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Speaker 1: pretty fun. But but but I like to do I

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Speaker 1: like to have activities. I see, I don't like that

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Speaker 1: I don't like boats. I don't like, um, all those

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Speaker 1: like parties that people do, like on yachts. I hate that.

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Speaker 1: I've never done it. But you're not in the water.

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Speaker 1: I'm jealous of all the rich people, so I hate it. Yes,

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Speaker 1: well you can do it now. Yeah, but I, um,

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Speaker 1: maybe you should get a vote. Do you have a boat? Okay,

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Speaker 1: we've talked about getting a boat. My wife's like, we

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Speaker 1: should get a boat, but she's so balanced and normal,

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Speaker 1: and I'm like, why do we need a boat? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: We can so all of that to say, we have

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Speaker 1: these thoughts about our our childhoods that allow us to

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Speaker 1: enjoy things still today, and you know, even musically. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was I was listening to like a clash sick

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Speaker 1: rock station yesterday, m excuse me. And classic rock now

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Speaker 1: is weird because some of the songs that I grew

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Speaker 1: up on are now played on classic rock, which is

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Speaker 1: stupid and they should never allow that. They shouldn't play

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Speaker 1: Radiohead and Nirvana on classic row. That's actually crazy. Oh.

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Speaker 1: I thought you were gonna say like Journey, but now

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Speaker 1: I grew up on Journy Jelly. I didn't think you

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Speaker 1: were that old, but hey, I listened to journey in

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Speaker 1: high school, so did I. But yeah, again, I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be upset a class work for my journey. That sure, okay,

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Speaker 1: But you mean like Radiohead and Nirvana, that's crazy. That's

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Speaker 1: not classic rock now. But I'm listening eye blind classic yes,

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Speaker 1: if it's not, because it's defined by a year and

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Speaker 1: agoin that makes me feel very old. And I'm listening

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Speaker 1: and yesterday, we're driving to dinner, and this is all

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Speaker 1: You're gonna see some full circle and then be blown

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Speaker 1: away at how I just point you and I am

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Speaker 1: in an amazing interviewer. And so we're driving to dinner.

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Speaker 1: What is on? Hey Man, Nice Shot? So hey Man,

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Speaker 1: Nice Shot is on from like late nineties. Caitl's like

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Speaker 1: this is oh, I like this pretty aggressive and she

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Speaker 1: goes in for you, that's pretty aggressive because I don't

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Speaker 1: listen to anything rest of now. I like singer songwriter stuff.

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Speaker 1: I like. I like McKinney, Chesney slow, I like, I

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Speaker 1: like a vibe. What you like for the beach. I

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Speaker 1: guess I like my slow music, right, And I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, I guess because I liked it when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid. Like I'm still into this. I'm still into.

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Speaker 1: And then a song followed it on a rock station

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Speaker 1: that was a new song, but it sounded very similar,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, I don't actually mind

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Speaker 1: this either. So here I am still enjoying something that

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Speaker 1: I liked as a kid. So I don't really think

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Speaker 1: I enjoy anymore. But because I have this association with

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I just kind of feel comfortable in it. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you can like compartmentalize and go back to that version

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Speaker 1: of yourself. I didn't know I really could until yesterday,

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Speaker 1: when this is happening. Yeah. That that's really strange and

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Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. I feel that way too.

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Speaker 1: I think if I listened to all American Rejects right now,

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't hate it. And I should technically because I

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Speaker 1: don't listen to that kind of music anymore. But that

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Speaker 1: was the first like pop rock band that I got into,

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Speaker 1: and it's just nostalgic. It's like something in your body

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Speaker 1: is like responding emotionally. There's a book that I've referenced

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Speaker 1: a few times that I read many years ago called

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Speaker 1: I'm Okay, You're Ay, and it's basically a book about uh,

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Speaker 1: the psyche and feelings and emotions and um the most

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Speaker 1: scientific book on emotions that I've ever found, which tough

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Speaker 1: because it's it's emotion. It's not really data driven. We'll

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Speaker 1: feel for different reasons. And they talk about certain songs

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Speaker 1: when you hear them that if you've heard it so

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Speaker 1: many times for us, you know, brief, it's not even

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Speaker 1: a second, for a brief uh micro period of time

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Speaker 1: in your brain, your brain releases the same exact chemical

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Speaker 1: that it released when you heard and enjoyed it when

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Speaker 1: you were a child. So and it can be music,

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Speaker 1: or it can be a smell, but I think I

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Speaker 1: think it was something that I've never heard of before

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Speaker 1: that it's probably related to that, right, But but it

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Speaker 1: was these smells are these sounds that we hear for

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Speaker 1: and that's why it feels. And you just said nostalgia.

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Speaker 1: That's what a lot of nostalgia is where you're like, oh,

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Speaker 1: I feel this again, but it's really because you are.

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Speaker 1: You're for a split second, you're reliving that that that

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Speaker 1: feeling and that emotion. Yeah, you know, it's weird. Having

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Speaker 1: a baby um feels sometimes like constant deja vu because

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Speaker 1: I'm experiencing joy through what he's experiencing and I'm like, whoa,

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Speaker 1: why do I feel like I've done this before? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Because I was him once and I felt so excited

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Speaker 1: about bathtime, you know what I mean. So you that's interesting.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard it a position like you actually think

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Speaker 1: you can remember those feelings of being a young I

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Speaker 1: won't say baby, but a young young kid. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah. Like when we're outside and he's looking up

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Speaker 1: at the trees and I get this rush of like

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Speaker 1: in my body it's like joy, it's like fulfillment, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my god, I'm feeling what he's feeling

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Speaker 1: like it's the first time. That's interesting. It's amazing that

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Speaker 1: you can because I'm sure our brains have all that store,

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Speaker 1: we just can't access it. I'm sure what they have

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Speaker 1: they have a month in store. Do you remember your

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Speaker 1: first memory as a human, Well, I think it'd be

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Speaker 1: I think you have to remember your first memory just

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Speaker 1: by that sentence. Okay, do you remember your first moment

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Speaker 1: in life? Like? Yeah, can you? Here's what I remember?

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Speaker 1: I remember cares this bear with me. It's pretty dark.

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Speaker 1: Where I was was pretty dark, and then all of

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Speaker 1: a sudden, it was like somebody had opened a door

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Speaker 1: or something, and then I remember moving and then all

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Speaker 1: of a sudden I looked up and then the doctor's

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Speaker 1: head was there and I was coming out of a vagina. No,

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Speaker 1: I don't. My first memory is that, like five four

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Speaker 1: or five years old, I really got me there. I

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Speaker 1: was like, where is he going to go? I have?

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Speaker 1: You know, you know there's people that claim they do

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Speaker 1: remember that. I have idiot friends who think that. Do

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Speaker 1: you really think that's impossible? Though I know I don't

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Speaker 1: think it's impossible. I have no way to know if

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Speaker 1: they actually do. We have no idea. It could be possible.

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Speaker 1: Someone just told me that there was a baby born

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Speaker 1: with all of its teeth. Anything, it's possible. I see

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Speaker 1: fish born with teeth sometimes. But I agree in that

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Speaker 1: if I can't prove it's impossible, that I can't believe

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Speaker 1: it's impossible. Correct. So, but my friends are idiots who

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Speaker 1: say this, and so based on their other actions, I

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Speaker 1: don't believe it. Yeah, you're like, your track record does

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Speaker 1: not lend itself to you make any sense? Have you

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Speaker 1: stuck your kid in the ocean yet? Yeah? I gotta

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Speaker 1: tell you it was such a lesson in expectations. Like

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Speaker 1: I said, I love the water. I love the ocean.

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Speaker 1: And when we put Rockwell's feet down in the sand

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Speaker 1: right at the as the tide was coming in, he

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Speaker 1: started screaming and wanted to be picked up, and there

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Speaker 1: was like this part of me as a mom. I

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Speaker 1: was like, no, you like it, you like it. You're

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to like the ocean. And Brian was like, no,

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Speaker 1: he's really not into it, and my heart kind of sank.

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, no, my kid doesn't like the ocean. Well,

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Speaker 1: he gets to be kind of like your husband too,

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Speaker 1: you know, yes, I think the Brian was coming through,

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Speaker 1: but it was such a lesson for me, and like,

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Speaker 1: this has nothing to do with you. This is his experience,

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Speaker 1: his life. Let him be his own person and he

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Speaker 1: probably will grow to love the ocean, and if he doesn't,

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Speaker 1: that's okay too. But I was like kind of disappointed

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Speaker 1: because I wanted his first moment to be like this sweet,

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Speaker 1: blissful like guys flashing in the waves. No, that was

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Speaker 1: not it at all, which leads me to track one

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Speaker 1: The Ocean featuring featuring Charlie Wassham. Here you go soon

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Speaker 1: more of a metaphor type thing, but still, you know

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Speaker 1: you get it. Charlie's wonderful, So wonderful is wonderful? Um,

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Speaker 1: and so you wrote this with tofor and Hillary Lindsay,

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Speaker 1: which is pretty strong room right there. Yeah. Track ones

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Speaker 1: are always interesting to me on why they and again,

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Speaker 1: albums are becoming I'm gonna separate albums from bodies of

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Speaker 1: work two different things in my mind. Don't don't don't

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Speaker 1: hate me when I say bodies of work can be

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Speaker 1: three songs, seven songs, that it can be an album.

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Speaker 1: Albums are losing importance two bodies of work based on

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Speaker 1: consumption and um, the A D D of our culture. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so this question I probably won't even ask it in

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Speaker 1: two years because of how music is kind of moving along.

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Speaker 1: But track one, like, why what what about this song?

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Speaker 1: Was it? The tempo of the song, the message of

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Speaker 1: the song? Because track wants a big decision because it's

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Speaker 1: up there first? Why the ocean? First of all? It

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Speaker 1: makes me so sad that you're not going to be

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Speaker 1: asking this question in two years. Because I think albums

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Speaker 1: are going to survive. I don't. Here's what I think. Yes,

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Speaker 1: in a way, I think concept albums will survive. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't think thirteen songs. Is a body of work

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Speaker 1: matters because what's happening is and I speak from this

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Speaker 1: is someone who loves music. You love music. I don't

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Speaker 1: have time to listen to thirteen songs enough times, no,

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Speaker 1: if I really like them or not. So songs get

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Speaker 1: lost in the mix because there's something else great, then

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Speaker 1: well that's your okay, So that's your opinion on why.

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Speaker 1: But there's also there's still something that we said for

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Speaker 1: the creation of albums. I think they're still important, even

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Speaker 1: if you have to piece meal in and say, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'll listen to these six songs. That's great. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: not what we're talking about. So we're talking about an album.

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Speaker 1: I don't need to argue against it. I mean you should.

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Speaker 1: I like it. You're right if you put out thirteen

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Speaker 1: songs at once and just presented as an album and go,

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Speaker 1: this is my new album. I believe there are probably

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Speaker 1: and I'll do your you have eleven on yours. Um.

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Speaker 1: I believe that people if they're just discovering you. I

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Speaker 1: don't think let's say, um song that it's been out

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Speaker 1: for all magic Yeah, okay, maybe if they never heard it.

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Speaker 1: Maybe because Magic is such a lovely lovely song. If

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Speaker 1: they don't listen to it twice, they don't really understand

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Speaker 1: how great of a song that is because they didn't

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Speaker 1: have enough time because there was so much to get through. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: well that's just a whole bigger conversation. That's collective culture. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so I'll track one track one the ocean. Um well,

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Speaker 1: this was, um the only song on the record that

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Speaker 1: actually the concept came to me like in a not

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Speaker 1: a dream. But I was like half asleep and I

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Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I have to write this song.

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Speaker 1: So we wrote this song. I brought it into Hillary

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Speaker 1: because I always try to come in with something really

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Speaker 1: solid with her because you know, she writes really fast

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Speaker 1: and you can it's just she's very powerful. So we

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Speaker 1: came in, we wrote it for you know, it took

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Speaker 1: up like an hour, and um, you wrote song a really,

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Speaker 1: I would think, so that's super quick because the chorus

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Speaker 1: fell out and then the verses were very autobiographical, and

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Speaker 1: you know, she's very confident and she'll just say, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's it, that sounds great, like let's move forward. And

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Speaker 1: so I was very trusting of kind of her instincts

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Speaker 1: and and tof you know, it's just so great too.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, when it came to the track list, I

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Speaker 1: was just thinking of every song intro and then outro

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Speaker 1: into the next song. And I like records that start

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Speaker 1: with a really powerful moment, and I love the intro

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Speaker 1: to the ocean, and it feels like this wave kind

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Speaker 1: of leading in. And also there's this overarching um sort

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Speaker 1: of optimism um and and sort of a bridge to

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Speaker 1: me between like where I was. You know, I'm talking

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Speaker 1: about my past and then I'm also talking about finding

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Speaker 1: my future and that really sums up a lot of

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Speaker 1: what honestly represents. So it just felt felt right message

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Speaker 1: based song, you like the message the field of as

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Speaker 1: opposed to just like the like tempo. I wasn't thinking

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Speaker 1: about that at all when I didn't think you did.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that that's ever, you know, with with

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Speaker 1: your music. I don't know, it's like all right, one

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Speaker 1: toy PPM, let's get someone. I mean, if you've listened

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Speaker 1: to my record, you know that it's it's not like

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Speaker 1: one slow, one fast, one slow fast. It's actually a

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Speaker 1: very um there's a lot of mellow kind of you know,

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Speaker 1: just I don't know byby moments on the record, do

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Speaker 1: you know what's interesting to me that I didn't realize

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Speaker 1: until I was just I guess looking at some notes

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Speaker 1: about the album is because I've been a fan obviously

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Speaker 1: of the music for a long time. Is that? And

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Speaker 1: I could be wrong, but is this your first, like

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Speaker 1: full album first? Really? Yeah? Really? I was shocked by that,

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Speaker 1: and I thought it was a type of because I

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Speaker 1: guess I've just spent so much time with your music

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Speaker 1: that I thought I've listened to a lot of her music.

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Speaker 1: Surely there's an album. But it also shows me how

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna get back to it. How I don't think

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Speaker 1: I lost anything because you didn't put out an album.

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Speaker 1: I just needed music from you all the time. Yeah, no,

385
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Speaker 1: I hear you. That was intentional. It was all kind

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Speaker 1: of it happened by a mistake, and it was a

387
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Speaker 1: very messy. I felt very for straight at a lot

388
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Speaker 1: of the time about how things didn't go um because

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Speaker 1: Side and Side B were supposed to be a full

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Speaker 1: album and I felt in my heart and my remembering

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Speaker 1: their albums to me and I don't six song albums. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I don't mean that in like, why weren't they albums?

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Speaker 1: Or what happened I mean again, I'm just going from

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Speaker 1: how I think and feel about what I've listened to

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Speaker 1: and why I think albums as thirteen unit entities aren't

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Speaker 1: as important to be that long anymore. Maybe that's what

397
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Speaker 1: I should say. Maybe maybe I shouldn't say albums are

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Speaker 1: become less important. I don't think they need to be

399
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Speaker 1: that long anymore. So you could do a six song

400
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Speaker 1: album and not call it an EP. Who cares? Here's

401
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Speaker 1: my question for you. Because digital there's no EP. On digital,

402
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Speaker 1: There's no such thing, right is it? Does it have

403
00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:46,600
Speaker 1: to do maybe with the how saturated how many people

404
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,879
Speaker 1: are putting music out, because because if there were people

405
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Speaker 1: like if you had all of these Joni Mitchell types

406
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 1: or John Mary even like people that make records because

407
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Speaker 1: they it's an entire experience, if that was all you

408
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,399
Speaker 1: were listening to, you'd we want the album. I love

409
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Speaker 1: the argument you just made. I'm gonna tell you when

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Speaker 1: you there a couple of words you just said and

411
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Speaker 1: I was like, well I just won this one. Sometimes

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Speaker 1: it's like whenever, it rarely happens with my wife because

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Speaker 1: she's way smarter than me, and it sucks. I'm not

414
00:20:14,119 --> 00:20:16,200
Speaker 1: used to this, but every once in a while she'll

415
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:17,440
Speaker 1: float something out there and I'm like, oh, I'm a

416
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Speaker 1: goot to win this argument. I cannot believe it. So

417
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Speaker 1: so I love that you use the word winner in marriage.

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Speaker 1: Good luck. I know, I got a lot of work

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Speaker 1: to do. Um. John Mayer has also started to put

420
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,600
Speaker 1: it out in waves and three songs, and I do

421
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Speaker 1: enjoy it all together, but I like to spend time.

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Speaker 1: I have no I don't have an issue with people

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Speaker 1: feeding songs out, you know, periodically until the record comes.

424
00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,280
Speaker 1: But I do think that if it's leading up to

425
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 1: an album, I'm I'm so much more excited about that

426
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,560
Speaker 1: because I think you took the time to tell me

427
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:55,400
Speaker 1: something in a it's an art form, there's something here

428
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:58,480
Speaker 1: that it all goes together, and it's it's a collaborative

429
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 1: meeting of like all your inspirations, and it's important. Nobody's

430
00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:04,840
Speaker 1: disagree with you. I'm not disagreeming Again. My only disagreement

431
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:07,359
Speaker 1: is if you go, here's thirteen new songs, Oh god no,

432
00:21:07,560 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 1: because nobody, nobody has time. And you know, the old

433
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 1: album format is it was on a c D and

434
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,920
Speaker 1: you couldn't get it early or a single and so on.

435
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,879
Speaker 1: People like, I'm a big album person. I hear them

436
00:21:17,920 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 1: going this is I'm gonna put a couple of songs,

437
00:21:19,320 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 1: and here's the rest of the fourteen songs. And I'm like, man,

438
00:21:21,080 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 1: you have so much good work that I hate to

439
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 1: say this to you, but people are gonna spend enough

440
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:25,440
Speaker 1: time with it because it's too much at one time.

441
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:27,480
Speaker 1: Do you think that I should have put out more

442
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,840
Speaker 1: songs before I put out the Yeah? Oh you do? Yeah, Okay,

443
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:33,440
Speaker 1: we put out what four? Yeah, okay, so we should

444
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,040
Speaker 1: have put out like seven? What do I know? I

445
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:38,119
Speaker 1: didn't know that. I'm a huge fan of yours, and

446
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,680
Speaker 1: even now as I've listened through the album on my own,

447
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 1: even before this, but even again, because of this, I

448
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:47,080
Speaker 1: probably haven't spent enough time with some of the songs

449
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,879
Speaker 1: because okay, well I love Ben Rector's album. Well I

450
00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,159
Speaker 1: love Brett Eldridge's album, and I tell him brought some of

451
00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 1: of my best friends, like, you can make up more

452
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 1: before you put put out the whole thing. Yeah, that's

453
00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:58,600
Speaker 1: only that's only me, but I think that's just the

454
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:01,040
Speaker 1: general culture. We just can't take a whole lot of once.

455
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,920
Speaker 1: It's like too big of an awesome meal. Yeah, I've

456
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:05,280
Speaker 1: been saying I've been saying this a lot um, this

457
00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:08,440
Speaker 1: thought of like where do we go from here? We're

458
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:12,280
Speaker 1: going so fast and so forward, and I just keep thinking,

459
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 1: when are we going to hit the wall? I'm gonna

460
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 1: tell you only only went ten seconds of a song.

461
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,080
Speaker 1: I want ten more seconds of a song every day.

462
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 1: Give me ten more seconds and then what we just

463
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:23,320
Speaker 1: internally combust? Um. No, I think you are swaying. I

464
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: mean you're making a very good argument, because there are

465
00:22:26,119 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 1: artists that I love who have albums out right now.

466
00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:30,800
Speaker 1: Their albums have been out for six months, and I

467
00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: love them, and I'm like, I'm a fan. I'd buy

468
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,760
Speaker 1: their ticket. And still I don't know what track number

469
00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: seven is. And that's your that's at your point, and

470
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:40,000
Speaker 1: I understand that. And if they probably put out two

471
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,400
Speaker 1: or three songs at a time, I bet you would

472
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: listen and invest in those two or three songs because

473
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like too much of a commitment. And

474
00:22:44,359 --> 00:22:47,560
Speaker 1: it's my point of the albums as a full package,

475
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: once fully released, are dead. But I need him increments

476
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 1: me only me, um, and then I need because I

477
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:56,280
Speaker 1: want to spend time with my favorite music and really

478
00:22:56,320 --> 00:22:58,760
Speaker 1: get to know the songs, and I don't, and I think,

479
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:03,680
Speaker 1: I I what a lot of consumption is Um, I

480
00:23:03,840 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 1: don't give enough time to think. This raises a really

481
00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 1: good question about how much the artist pays attention to

482
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,400
Speaker 1: the audience, because if an artist is making a record,

483
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 1: they are probably you know, in today's world, most of

484
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:25,439
Speaker 1: the kids on TikTok, that's all they think about is

485
00:23:25,480 --> 00:23:27,440
Speaker 1: what does my audience want? What songs should I write

486
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: that They're going to use that thirty second clip and

487
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 1: put their own video to it. Um. I am constantly

488
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 1: at I'm resisting, and I'm in at war with this

489
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,240
Speaker 1: whole concept. It's very hard for me to wrestle with

490
00:23:40,280 --> 00:23:42,000
Speaker 1: the idea of like I should just do what feels

491
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,359
Speaker 1: right to me instinctively as a human, as an artist,

492
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,400
Speaker 1: as a creator. But then there's also this whole other,

493
00:23:47,520 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: you know, argument for paying attention to what people want

494
00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,440
Speaker 1: and kind of adapting to that. And well, I don't

495
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 1: think you're adapting your message or your content or your integrity.

496
00:23:56,200 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: I think you're adapting. Yeah, but a lot of your

497
00:23:58,760 --> 00:24:02,080
Speaker 1: integrity feels like you just tell the same message. You

498
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,040
Speaker 1: can put out every one of these songs. You know,

499
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 1: three at a time, for even two at a time. Well,

500
00:24:07,920 --> 00:24:10,320
Speaker 1: this bleeds out into so much more. Though there's social media,

501
00:24:10,359 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 1: there's content, there's how you promote the songs. I mean,

502
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,520
Speaker 1: it's not just it doesn't stop. It like, yeah, give

503
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,000
Speaker 1: them a song at a time. It's like no, no, no no,

504
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 1: you gotta have a visual for every song. You have

505
00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: to have a dance that goes with it. You have

506
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 1: to also teach them how to make it. I didn't

507
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,000
Speaker 1: see any of your dances. I don't. You have to

508
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,640
Speaker 1: have a cocktail that also matches every single song. I mean,

509
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 1: it's like this whole thing it doesn't stop, That's what

510
00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,240
Speaker 1: I'm saying. And it never will and there is no end.

511
00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:33,879
Speaker 1: And are you you okay with that? Like you feel

512
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:37,000
Speaker 1: have no choice? So yes, I have no choice. But

513
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 1: isn't there something to be said for the people that

514
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:42,640
Speaker 1: resist the wave? Like we don't need those people at all.

515
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,679
Speaker 1: We do. We need every kind of person. But you,

516
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 1: as an artist, what you were saying a second ago

517
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 1: is you know, I don't want to change how I

518
00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:55,400
Speaker 1: feel or question um, but do you want your message,

519
00:24:55,960 --> 00:24:58,119
Speaker 1: your true message, to get to the most people. I

520
00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:01,240
Speaker 1: guess that's what I wanted of course, okay, And if so,

521
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,800
Speaker 1: it's that walking that high wire of man, I need

522
00:25:05,840 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 1: to do what we'll get to the most people in

523
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:12,359
Speaker 1: the way that matches most with how I want to

524
00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,760
Speaker 1: present it. And it is, and it's it's never you're

525
00:25:15,800 --> 00:25:18,359
Speaker 1: never right. There's not a right answer, and that mind's

526
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:22,240
Speaker 1: not about a message or your integrity as an artist.

527
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 1: It's just about delivery and consumption. And I have friends

528
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:27,520
Speaker 1: that are like, I'm only gonna put out twelve song

529
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: albums and I respect that, and I say that's great

530
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 1: because you know the mays you want to walk people down,

531
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:35,359
Speaker 1: but you're gonna walk far fewer people down it totally. Yeah, Well,

532
00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:37,359
Speaker 1: and that a lot of your friends probably have the

533
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:40,240
Speaker 1: luxury of people waiting for that album, you know, the

534
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:42,720
Speaker 1: friends you're talking about, it's probably like a million people

535
00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:45,160
Speaker 1: are waiting for that twelve times even then not anymore,

536
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 1: not as much anymore. So, Yeah, I think we're everybody's changing. Man,

537
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: It's crazy. And am I okay with it? No? I

538
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 1: don't like it, But you have to be okay with

539
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: it because if you're not okay with it, you're you're

540
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: arguing with the clouds. But you can't win that I

541
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 1: spent a lot of time doing that. Does that show

542
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,720
Speaker 1: maybe that's why it took me three years to get

543
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:05,640
Speaker 1: this album out? Why? Why? Um? Well, you know there

544
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: was a pandemic. I don't know if you heard, but

545
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:11,199
Speaker 1: I wonder did you hold off or did you or

546
00:26:11,200 --> 00:26:14,080
Speaker 1: were you not able to because there's a difference, there's both.

547
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,160
Speaker 1: It was both. Yeah, it was. I wasn't ready two

548
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,560
Speaker 1: thousand and the end of two thousand nineteen, music wasn't ready.

549
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 1: It was just had just started being kind of formed,

550
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:27,400
Speaker 1: and then uh March everything shut down. Um. I put

551
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: out Wait for the Light, which you so kindly supported,

552
00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:33,760
Speaker 1: and and we kind of just used that time where

553
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,399
Speaker 1: there was so much uncertainty to really hone in on

554
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,159
Speaker 1: what the record needed to be. And then um, and

555
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: then partner. We had to find a partner. You know.

556
00:26:41,119 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: I didn't want to put it out fully independently because

557
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: I really wanted, like you said, I wanted it to

558
00:26:45,760 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 1: reach as many people as it could. So, um, we

559
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,320
Speaker 1: spent a few months kind of meeting with people, and

560
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 1: then Virgin came along and it just felt great and

561
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:57,040
Speaker 1: and then brought us to now. I'd like to say,

562
00:26:57,080 --> 00:26:58,639
Speaker 1: for those that are listening, here, I think Jillian are

563
00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,320
Speaker 1: having this very healthy conversation while we don't have to

564
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,719
Speaker 1: exactly agree on everything. And I can have this with

565
00:27:02,760 --> 00:27:09,240
Speaker 1: you because I admire respect and I am friends, so

566
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: we can kind of do this and it be wonderful.

567
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,560
Speaker 1: It's very fun because I massively respect you, and I

568
00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 1: think that you have such a handle on um our

569
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 1: culture and like what what motivates people? And also, um,

570
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:28,920
Speaker 1: you're really good at sniffing out intentions when people do things.

571
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 1: I think you're very perceptive and like what someone's intention

572
00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 1: is when they're doing something. So, um, every time you

573
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,119
Speaker 1: say something, I always take it to heart. I don't. Okay, here,

574
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 1: here's the next one. I'm gonna tell you, And I'm

575
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,440
Speaker 1: gonna play some of these tracks that I really that

576
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 1: to me for one reason or other hit me in

577
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:44,919
Speaker 1: a different way. Um. And so the song with t

578
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:47,480
Speaker 1: J Osborne, which you played on my show, God dang man,

579
00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:50,720
Speaker 1: it's just it's just the best. It's just the best.

580
00:27:50,720 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 1: So here's better with a broken heart like wonderful mality.

581
00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 1: It's uh, t J is such a great addition to

582
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:24,639
Speaker 1: that song. Just I love the song. What's funny is

583
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:27,200
Speaker 1: I don't actually and I was drawn to that song.

584
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 1: I don't actually feel that anymore about me personally, but

585
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 1: that was my jam forever, meaning that that feeling that, uh,

586
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,040
Speaker 1: it sucks. Everything sucks, So I need music that sucks

587
00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,360
Speaker 1: to go with my socks. Yeah, totally. And so when

588
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,840
Speaker 1: I hear this, it reminds me of that and the

589
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,000
Speaker 1: most wonderful way and that you know, music is just

590
00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: to make us feel one way or the other one.

591
00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 1: And it's also just my kind of paying tribute to

592
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:54,120
Speaker 1: our love and country music of just the sad pulling

593
00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 1: up to the bar, drowning your sorrows kind of feeling

594
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: like I grew up on so many of those songs,

595
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:00,400
Speaker 1: and I wasn't in that position when I was thirteen

596
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 1: years old, but I was like, oh, yes, I feel it.

597
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 1: My heart is breaking, like I love just kind of

598
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 1: owning that, and it's just what our you know, what

599
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,680
Speaker 1: our genre kind of um embraces when I hear that.

600
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 1: When I heard it the first time, I was like, man,

601
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,960
Speaker 1: four years ago, I'd like, this is my favorite song

602
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,200
Speaker 1: because I just liked those songs that made me feel

603
00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 1: that way. It's like, you know, I just rather do that.

604
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,080
Speaker 1: I'm sad anyway, I'm not. I'm not that anymore, oddly

605
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 1: for the first time ever that there are a lot

606
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 1: of factors, mostly it's meeting my wife. But that's such

607
00:29:29,760 --> 00:29:32,120
Speaker 1: a strong song that it reminded me of how I

608
00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: used to feel. And that's a really good thing. I

609
00:29:34,440 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: like that. I like, you know, you have a lot

610
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:40,040
Speaker 1: of songs that actually, um make me feel or remember

611
00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:43,240
Speaker 1: that I used to feel things. That's very cool to hear. Yeah. Yeah,

612
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,880
Speaker 1: I think there's a difference between like telling someone how

613
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,320
Speaker 1: to feel and also letting them kind of find their

614
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: way to that feeling. Like there's a juxtaposition that has

615
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:54,120
Speaker 1: to happen between like the lyrics and the melody and

616
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,560
Speaker 1: the production, you know. And I think Better is almost

617
00:29:56,560 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 1: like this, like Classic has like a saloon esque kind

618
00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:02,320
Speaker 1: of like you know, raise your glass kind of feeling.

619
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: I want to play a little bit of the last track,

620
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: and I want to ask kind of the similar question

621
00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,239
Speaker 1: I did with the first track, and against such this

622
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:12,760
Speaker 1: question would have been awesome for the seventies. I mean,

623
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,880
Speaker 1: it really would have been the question. But I still

624
00:30:14,920 --> 00:30:18,000
Speaker 1: I'm kind of into the idea of why things are

625
00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,840
Speaker 1: put in certain places, even set less, like I'm still

626
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:22,040
Speaker 1: fascinated and love to get into the mind of people

627
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: who put set less together. And I do mind for

628
00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:25,720
Speaker 1: different reasons. If I'm telling jokes that we're doing funny

629
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 1: songs were done. Um, but like a real artist as yourself,

630
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 1: I'm gonna play Honeymoon. I'm gonna come to you for that.

631
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 1: So here's the last track on the record, Honeymoon. Heyst

632
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:45,360
Speaker 1: late with you. I don't know that forever. So to

633
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 1: light on your skin on want it awful? So now

634
00:30:53,640 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: the sky tune and paint in a boom. Oh is

635
00:30:57,720 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 1: you in the globee? This is you at your best?

636
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 1: Just a piano you can you can hear the uh

637
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:15,280
Speaker 1: perfections and imperfections of your voice because it is it's

638
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 1: so close. I mean, it's it's just that's that's just

639
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 1: you at your best. In my opinion, Thank you. Um.

640
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: When it comes to musically, so I'm gonna give you

641
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: my idea of what I feel at the end of

642
00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:26,959
Speaker 1: this song, not what the song is about, but why

643
00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:29,280
Speaker 1: I thinks and you tell me the real reason. Um.

644
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:30,640
Speaker 1: So when I hear this song, I don't hear an

645
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 1: ending to the record. I hear an ending much like

646
00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:36,600
Speaker 1: Castaway ends with Tom Hanks and he's at the like

647
00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: the four way or the road and he's like, all right,

648
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,120
Speaker 1: here goes and then you don't know, right, it's it's

649
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: it's it's the end, but it's the beginning. Oh god, yeah,

650
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,680
Speaker 1: that's very well said. It is the end in the beginning.

651
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:51,000
Speaker 1: So when I hear this, don't don't tell me I'm

652
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: right or wrong yet. I'm just out because I'll just yeah,

653
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,959
Speaker 1: I hear this song, and I hear and it's like, well,

654
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:58,520
Speaker 1: that's the end of the record, and that's the end

655
00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:02,160
Speaker 1: of this. But some records end, and I felt like

656
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:07,000
Speaker 1: this record, this, this ends. Where did we go next?

657
00:32:08,520 --> 00:32:11,479
Speaker 1: That that's what I feel here. So you tell me,

658
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: first of all, love the song just like I said,

659
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,480
Speaker 1: it's you at your best? Why did you put a

660
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:23,239
Speaker 1: track the last track of the record. It's um, you know,

661
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: I've always sort of romanticized the like end of the show,

662
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 1: curtain call kind of feeling and record and um this

663
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:37,400
Speaker 1: song was written about my husband, which is a lot

664
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:39,280
Speaker 1: of the record is the theme of falling in love

665
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 1: and really saying are we going to do this forever?

666
00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:44,440
Speaker 1: And then I had a baby during the process of

667
00:32:44,720 --> 00:32:48,320
Speaker 1: making this album, and I cut this vocal while holding

668
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 1: rockwell he was sleeping, and then I think you can

669
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:53,040
Speaker 1: actually hear him wake up at one point because it's

670
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:57,640
Speaker 1: like a full one take thing. Um, And I realized

671
00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:00,000
Speaker 1: that that was the beginning that was also singing about

672
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 1: at the beginning of someone's life, starting and wanting to

673
00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 1: hold onto these precious moments of the beginning of him

674
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,920
Speaker 1: being my baby and he won't be that way forever.

675
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 1: And um, but there's also, you know, a big question

676
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 1: mark for me. I'm already thinking about what I'm going

677
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: to make next, because I do not music, you know.

678
00:33:21,640 --> 00:33:23,360
Speaker 1: But um, kind of like you said, like where do

679
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: we go from here? You know? This record was twelve

680
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 1: years in the making, no longer because it was the

681
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 1: record I've always wanted to make, and so knowing that

682
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 1: it's out and it's done, there is sort of this

683
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:37,000
Speaker 1: like whoa, Okay, that took a really long time and

684
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 1: it means way more than I ever thought it could mean.

685
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 1: And now there's like this sort of this weird gray

686
00:33:45,520 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: area where I'm like, Okay, where do I go next?

687
00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 1: You know? And I'm already thinking about the songs that

688
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:54,200
Speaker 1: will shape the next record. Um, I don't know if

689
00:33:54,200 --> 00:33:57,200
Speaker 1: that answers your question. But I feel like i've once

690
00:33:57,240 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 1: in my life somewhat it hit me the same way

691
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 1: that you were trying to send it out. In music.

692
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: You know, it's allowed to hit us in a hundred

693
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 1: different ways. It doesn't matter exactly what you meant. We

694
00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 1: all accept and interpret it different ways. That's the point

695
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,520
Speaker 1: of it, you know. I don't think you can speak

696
00:34:12,560 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: for yourself here. I don't think every artist puts out

697
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,560
Speaker 1: a message and demands it be interpreted exactly as they

698
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,239
Speaker 1: said it. I think people are allowed to take and

699
00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:24,080
Speaker 1: accept and um understand their own you know, with music

700
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:25,600
Speaker 1: and with At the end of this record, I was like, well,

701
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 1: that's the end of the record. But I just feel like,

702
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:30,120
Speaker 1: to me, it was Tom Hanks at the end of

703
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 1: The Castaway and he's like, it's it's in the movie,

704
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 1: but it's a whole beginning for him totally, so at

705
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 1: the end of the beginning. At the same time, it's

706
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,240
Speaker 1: weird to feel like twelve years in like the debut album,

707
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 1: there's so much life in it. And also, yeah, it's

708
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: it's a heavy beginning in a way, you know, it's like, wow, here,

709
00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,759
Speaker 1: I'm gonna dump this all out. I had to get

710
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: it all out, and now it's like, okay, let's uh

711
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: find a new island. I don't know, you know that's

712
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:58,680
Speaker 1: hypothetically you know, well you I didn't know that you're

713
00:34:58,719 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 1: holding your whenever you were singing there. That makes sense

714
00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: to me because you know, as I listened to the

715
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,520
Speaker 1: song and possibly my favorite song on the record. Uh,

716
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:09,400
Speaker 1: I did say before you told me that I like

717
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,919
Speaker 1: I could hear again your vocal perfections and imperfections, which

718
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: is just you singing it all the way through. That's

719
00:35:16,120 --> 00:35:19,719
Speaker 1: pretty cool. Yeah, and hoping that he doesn't like start crying. Yeah,

720
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 1: I had to do that quite a few times actually,

721
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:26,360
Speaker 1: so that that song just lovely. I do want to

722
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 1: play a bit of magic, which I guess i've Why

723
00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 1: do I know has this song been out the longest?

724
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: Why do I know this song so well? It was? Yeah,

725
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 1: it was the first one we put out. Got it?

726
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: That makes sense? That makes sense? And I wrote it

727
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: like five six years ago. Here is Magic from Jillian

728
00:35:40,840 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 1: wasgic just Slee Jack Druck just to social media. Yeah,

729
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:07,319
Speaker 1: I saw you a post and I knew where it

730
00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 1: was going. Um, and it was like great thematically, but

731
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:15,719
Speaker 1: you're posting iconic do a couples? Maybe A first it

732
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: was just it was couples, right, not sing sing singular

733
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:21,799
Speaker 1: people A couple That was yeah, and so I knew

734
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 1: it was something. I knew it was building for that,

735
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: but I thought it was really cool. And I didn't

736
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:26,279
Speaker 1: know if it was going to be iconic or I

737
00:36:26,280 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 1: didn't know. But so I'm gonna play this. We'll talk

738
00:36:29,640 --> 00:36:45,480
Speaker 1: about that, but here is um iconic tweet? Did sweet

739
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:57,480
Speaker 1: we could be? I'm gonna go a little backward here,

740
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,080
Speaker 1: but so that's that's ten Honeymoons eleven. So we're with

741
00:37:00,120 --> 00:37:02,759
Speaker 1: the last track. Those two, to me, more than any

742
00:37:02,760 --> 00:37:04,960
Speaker 1: other couple of songs, felt like they were brother and

743
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:13,160
Speaker 1: sister songs. Yeah, definitely, Well, yeah, I think thematically, you know. Yeah, Um,

744
00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: I know I felt a little risky putting those songs

745
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:16,399
Speaker 1: next to each other too. I was like, are people

746
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:18,279
Speaker 1: going to fall asleep or they get just gonna cry?

747
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: Who knows? Um? Yeah, so that song um I wrote

748
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:26,239
Speaker 1: after I got engaged to Brian in Paris, um under

749
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: the Eiffel Tower. And you know, there's a lot of

750
00:37:28,520 --> 00:37:31,160
Speaker 1: this record that I kind of wanted to feel like

751
00:37:31,200 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 1: you're walking through the streets of Paris or some beautiful

752
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:38,000
Speaker 1: like you know, European city or something. And um, this

753
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 1: was one of the first songs that we started playing

754
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:45,000
Speaker 1: for people, and it was actually Karen Fairchild. I have

755
00:37:45,080 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: to give Karen props. I haven't told anyone this, but

756
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,960
Speaker 1: when we played her like four songs off the record,

757
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,960
Speaker 1: Iconic was like the last. When we played because it

758
00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,200
Speaker 1: was really slow and just emotional, We're like, you know,

759
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: she probably won't want to hear that, and then we're like,

760
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,440
Speaker 1: we'll just play this last one, you know. And after

761
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 1: hearing all the other songs, she was like, that's the

762
00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:03,959
Speaker 1: one and I was like, what do you mean. She's

763
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,959
Speaker 1: like that's the song, Like that's the song that people

764
00:38:05,960 --> 00:38:07,320
Speaker 1: are going to hear and like get it. And I

765
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:09,600
Speaker 1: was like, oh okay, wow. And then she was like

766
00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,319
Speaker 1: and I want to shoot the music video for you

767
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,759
Speaker 1: in Paris and I was like, are you gonna fly

768
00:38:12,880 --> 00:38:16,240
Speaker 1: us there? That's so great, let's do it. Um. But yeah,

769
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,080
Speaker 1: you know, Iconic is you know, for me, it's this, Uh,

770
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:23,280
Speaker 1: I'm diving into that idea of being scared of forever

771
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: when you come from divorced parents, um, you know, not

772
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,640
Speaker 1: knowing what that feels like and feeling like every second

773
00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,800
Speaker 1: the other she was gonna drop, and like someone's gonna

774
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:33,879
Speaker 1: just leave and you're not gonna be able to get

775
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 1: through the hard times, you know. Um. And it was

776
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: just kind of my my very vulnerable, naive question to

777
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,960
Speaker 1: Brian of like, what if we did it? You know,

778
00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,240
Speaker 1: can we do it? I'm scared? Are you scared too?

779
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:51,439
Speaker 1: And it, uh, it's a very emotional song for me

780
00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:53,320
Speaker 1: and I you know, convinced him to be in the

781
00:38:53,400 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: music video because it's a little voyeuristic, but we played

782
00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:00,160
Speaker 1: all these this footage from my wedding day, um, and

783
00:39:00,200 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: it felt very brave and I was I was actually

784
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: really proud of myself because I can be a very

785
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:06,400
Speaker 1: private person with my personal life, and it was kind

786
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:08,840
Speaker 1: of my way of declaring to the world like, whoa,

787
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,360
Speaker 1: I got married and now we've got to make it

788
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:13,360
Speaker 1: work forever, you know, and you just got married, so

789
00:39:13,400 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: you know that feeling right? Yes, I you're talking about

790
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:22,160
Speaker 1: things that that I struggle with as well, meaning you know,

791
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:25,239
Speaker 1: the parents thing. And I always and listen, I'm in

792
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: therapy often where I always feel like everybody's leaving because

793
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: I always have and so when did your parents get divorced?

794
00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:36,920
Speaker 1: How old were Okay? So, I mean very much a

795
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:41,439
Speaker 1: time when you're figuring out who you are. UM, so

796
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: very much, and it's gonna scar you at any point,

797
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 1: regardless if it's six or twenty two. But I think

798
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 1: the scars are are different length and depth depending on when.

799
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 1: Thirteen is pretty rough time. I think to have to

800
00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:56,520
Speaker 1: have it split up. Um, your relationship with both parents

801
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,080
Speaker 1: was it good? Was there at the time? Was there

802
00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,160
Speaker 1: a villain? My mom was the villain and she has

803
00:40:02,239 --> 00:40:05,000
Speaker 1: since not. You know, nobody's the villain anymore because marriage

804
00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: is hard because you know you I know them both,

805
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 1: and you know the world. You know, Yeah, I have

806
00:40:12,239 --> 00:40:14,280
Speaker 1: grace for things I couldn't have when I was thirteen,

807
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: and that's you know, that's on me. It's Um, I

808
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,319
Speaker 1: definitely villainized my mom. Sorry, Mom, I'm apologizing publicly to

809
00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: you now because I was a bratty little thirteen year

810
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:25,919
Speaker 1: old that was like why why you know? And you're

811
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 1: you're too you're too cognitive, you're too aware, and you're

812
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: kind of like, what can I do to fix this

813
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,360
Speaker 1: between you guys? I literally remember sitting them down and

814
00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: I was like Okay, I know things are getting hard,

815
00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 1: like is it me? Like what can I do to

816
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:39,960
Speaker 1: fix it? And that was like they they've told me

817
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:42,360
Speaker 1: since then. That was kind of the first instinct or

818
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: indication to them that I was very empathic because I

819
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:49,280
Speaker 1: got and maybe egoing. I was like, it's my fault,

820
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 1: It's all about me. But you know, I think as

821
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: a kid, You're like, I gotta fix this, um and

822
00:40:55,120 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: I couldn't. I couldn't fix it. And two people that

823
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 1: I thought were so in love and had this perfect marriage, uh,

824
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: chose to leave each other. And so there was this

825
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:08,560
Speaker 1: brokenness when it came to commitment for me, and and

826
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:11,680
Speaker 1: Brian knew that. And you know, it's very understanding to

827
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 1: that my wife deals with that with me, and that

828
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,840
Speaker 1: you know my you know, mom had a pregnant fifteen,

829
00:41:18,000 --> 00:41:19,839
Speaker 1: and you know, my dad was seventeen. I don't he's

830
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,080
Speaker 1: not my dad. Will call my dad, but you know

831
00:41:22,160 --> 00:41:24,439
Speaker 1: they were together for four or five or so before

832
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 1: he left, and it was just anybody that came in

833
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:31,040
Speaker 1: and now always went out. Ever, so even my mom,

834
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:32,920
Speaker 1: you know, I don't you know she when she died

835
00:41:32,960 --> 00:41:38,360
Speaker 1: in her forty So I just never expected or and

836
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:40,799
Speaker 1: I'd given up on hoping that anybody would stay ever.

837
00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:46,799
Speaker 1: And it takes a really specific, compassionate, special person to

838
00:41:47,440 --> 00:41:50,360
Speaker 1: know that about you and also to somehow instill trust,

839
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 1: like I'm going to be here and it's tough, and

840
00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,680
Speaker 1: it's it's me. She's awesome, and she comes from two

841
00:42:01,719 --> 00:42:03,400
Speaker 1: parents that still are together and love each other, and

842
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 1: she had that example, she had a she had a model,

843
00:42:06,880 --> 00:42:08,439
Speaker 1: and I don't, and I just think that everybody's gonna

844
00:42:08,440 --> 00:42:11,120
Speaker 1: always leave, you know, And that's what we did. That's

845
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:17,719
Speaker 1: inside even when my mind says, okay, look at this logically, yeah, well,

846
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,200
Speaker 1: that goes into your defense mechanisms and your your your

847
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:23,279
Speaker 1: panic mode when you know the fight or flight. You know,

848
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 1: that's like obviously your therapist probably talks to you about that.

849
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,640
Speaker 1: Mine has definitely talked to me about it. Where you know,

850
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: you have your go to and you learned it very

851
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:33,200
Speaker 1: young how just survive and how to take care of

852
00:42:33,280 --> 00:42:35,960
Speaker 1: yourself and trust me, there is that escape pod in

853
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 1: the back of my mind where it's like, okay, so

854
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: in case this happens, so we're gonna do. What you're

855
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:41,640
Speaker 1: gonna do is gonna run down these stairs like it's

856
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,960
Speaker 1: real and my wife's always like, hey, I'm not leaving,

857
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 1: and she's like, every time we disagree, that doesn't mean

858
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 1: this is some huge blow up. We're never going to

859
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: talk again. I don't she because she knows I like

860
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:55,719
Speaker 1: go e to z immediately. Oh yeah, yeah. Are you

861
00:42:55,800 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 1: the lean in person or you the retreat like when

862
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: when things completely I I have isolated my whole life

863
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:05,120
Speaker 1: and that's been a struggle for her to deal with

864
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 1: because she's very much talk it out. Let's spend time,

865
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,040
Speaker 1: let's sit down, let's figure out what the root is.

866
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 1: And I just want to go and be alone and

867
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 1: figured out myself because I spent my whole life being

868
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:16,479
Speaker 1: alone and figured out things myself. Yeah, and you feel

869
00:43:16,520 --> 00:43:17,920
Speaker 1: like that person is not going to be able to

870
00:43:17,960 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 1: hold space or understand and she can't because she hasn't

871
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 1: and I can't understand her. But we're learning to actually

872
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:30,480
Speaker 1: understand our process better and that we don't understand the

873
00:43:30,640 --> 00:43:34,759
Speaker 1: early building blocks of each other because I don't know

874
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: what it's like to have two loving parents. Now that

875
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:39,840
Speaker 1: means say they're they're they're different dynamics with that too,

876
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,080
Speaker 1: that I don't understand that good and bad. So when

877
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,439
Speaker 1: you say this stuff. I'm like, yeah, they just play

878
00:43:45,520 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 1: guitar behind that, sing this to me because this is

879
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,200
Speaker 1: a song. Totally, it's like, what is your what are

880
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 1: your defaults? Keep kicking? Yeah, I mean I think Brian

881
00:43:53,000 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: also came from very, very happy, you know, a wonderful

882
00:43:56,239 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 1: home and his parents were still together, and it's just

883
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,760
Speaker 1: his default is like, oh, we're gonna be okay, everything's

884
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:04,440
Speaker 1: gonna be fine. And that's not mine. It's you. It's

885
00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: exactly same, exactly the same. And I know it's not

886
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 1: my default, but yes, I mean this is this is

887
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 1: the same. But I get to have a problem with

888
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: Brian to come from a loving fan he wears too

889
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:17,400
Speaker 1: much black. You can't wear that much black and come

890
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,719
Speaker 1: from that much love. Well, yeah, we gotta stop that.

891
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:22,920
Speaker 1: Stop being oh my god, totally they called him. I

892
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:25,719
Speaker 1: mean he so Brian is sort of the anomaly of

893
00:44:25,760 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 1: his family. I mean, you know, to fare well enough,

894
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:30,719
Speaker 1: you know my producer, and uh, Brian is I I

895
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:33,759
Speaker 1: joke and say he's a vampire because he probably would

896
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:38,120
Speaker 1: stay in his studio in the dark all day every day.

897
00:44:38,200 --> 00:44:40,560
Speaker 1: That's his happy place. He's a very he's a very

898
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 1: you know self sustaining, um independent person and that's what

899
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,280
Speaker 1: I love about him, you know, And I'm that way too,

900
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:52,919
Speaker 1: But also in relationships, I'm much more the I don't

901
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: know if you call it um anxious attachment where you know,

902
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 1: if there's something going on, I will be like, wait, wait,

903
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,279
Speaker 1: what's going on? Let's fick sit you know? Are you

904
00:45:01,360 --> 00:45:03,560
Speaker 1: fixed too? I'm trying to I'm trying to fix all

905
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 1: the time. Yeah, I'm learning that I don't have to

906
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: try to fix and sometimes it's not to be fixed. Yes,

907
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: And that's hard. It's really hard because I can't physically.

908
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:15,279
Speaker 1: It's almost makes me sick when things are off, like

909
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:19,239
Speaker 1: I feel it internally. It makes me uncomfortable to not

910
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:23,279
Speaker 1: try to fix something that isn't whole or right, and

911
00:45:23,320 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 1: I'm just supposed to sit in it. It's that's so hard.

912
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: And you know, my extremely balanced wife is like, hey,

913
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:35,800
Speaker 1: sometimes just sit here with me. You have to fix it. Wow.

914
00:45:35,960 --> 00:45:38,040
Speaker 1: And that's the hardest thing. Your skin is like crawling.

915
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm like no, no no, no, I need to

916
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:41,880
Speaker 1: fix it right now. Because if you're feeling this is

917
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 1: not good for you, it's not good for me. So

918
00:45:43,040 --> 00:45:44,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fix it and She's like, I don't need that.

919
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:49,319
Speaker 1: I just need you to be here with me right now.

920
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:54,720
Speaker 1: Do you guys do couples therapy? No, yes, and what Yes,

921
00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:56,680
Speaker 1: but not as frequent as we should. We spend a

922
00:45:56,680 --> 00:46:00,680
Speaker 1: lot of time um in therapy apart and we have,

923
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: but not every week. I guess it's my answer. I

924
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 1: hate to commit and say yes we do when we

925
00:46:05,200 --> 00:46:07,920
Speaker 1: we weren't consistent with it. But it is very important

926
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 1: to us to go to therapy and try to figure

927
00:46:11,480 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 1: each other out and then work on ourselves together. I

928
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,560
Speaker 1: think that's so smart. We're we just started doing it together.

929
00:46:15,880 --> 00:46:21,480
Speaker 1: We should probably go every week just for maintenance. Everyone should.

930
00:46:21,480 --> 00:46:23,120
Speaker 1: It never gets to a point where you feel like

931
00:46:23,280 --> 00:46:25,840
Speaker 1: we got to go to therapy. Um. But we we

932
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,120
Speaker 1: work on ourselves and and together enough that as long

933
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:32,440
Speaker 1: as we're going my individual therapy that was so important

934
00:46:32,480 --> 00:46:36,040
Speaker 1: to me. Yeah, it is. If I don't go, I

935
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:40,879
Speaker 1: spiral quick, um A spiral quick. It's crazy, especially coming

936
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: from your background, you need that objective just listening ear

937
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:48,160
Speaker 1: you know. Yeah, opporctunities. The thing I didn't understand that

938
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,239
Speaker 1: I would value the most. Yeah. I never thought I

939
00:46:51,239 --> 00:46:54,440
Speaker 1: would want somebody to have any influence that actually didn't care.

940
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 1: And what I mean if I don't care is it

941
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,279
Speaker 1: doesn't affect their day the rest of the day. Right, Yeah,

942
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 1: But I need because I need somebody who does infect

943
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:02,839
Speaker 1: the day the rest of the day to actually give

944
00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,799
Speaker 1: me their objective opinion about stuff. Yeah, even with art, right,

945
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,279
Speaker 1: I think to have that. I hate that. I mean,

946
00:47:09,320 --> 00:47:13,520
Speaker 1: it's great, and just let it go. I don't want. Okay,

947
00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:19,359
Speaker 1: I like that. It sucks. It sucks, but it is

948
00:47:20,400 --> 00:47:22,880
Speaker 1: what I feel for me is most needed at times,

949
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: even though I hate it the most. Who. So, who

950
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,359
Speaker 1: in your life do you get professional feedback from. I'm

951
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:30,800
Speaker 1: gonna tell you you used to be nobody. I just

952
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 1: wouldn't accept it because I thought because I don't have

953
00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: any mentors in any business. I just always felt like

954
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 1: nobody understands it. I'm doing it differently, not because I'm like,

955
00:47:37,760 --> 00:47:39,719
Speaker 1: I have this great idea do differently because I don't

956
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: have a skill set to do do it like anybody else.

957
00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 1: So I figured out how to do it in ways

958
00:47:42,239 --> 00:47:45,879
Speaker 1: that nobody else did. Yeah, I was so advanced, but

959
00:47:46,040 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 1: oh I can't do it that way. So how am

960
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:50,239
Speaker 1: I going to figure out how to get there? Through

961
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,000
Speaker 1: digging under the dirt instead of climbing the ladder. You

962
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:55,359
Speaker 1: know there was no blueprint already there for you. Yeah,

963
00:47:55,480 --> 00:47:57,080
Speaker 1: and if it was, I wasn't good enough to use.

964
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:58,719
Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't have the skill set to actually

965
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,440
Speaker 1: use the blueprints. So that being said, I never trusted

966
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,160
Speaker 1: anybody to tell me what was good or not. UM,

967
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:06,879
Speaker 1: and I struggle even today. And in my last book,

968
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:08,520
Speaker 1: I guess I'm my last book. I have a kid's book.

969
00:48:08,840 --> 00:48:12,399
Speaker 1: UM sent you a picture. I know I was gonna

970
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:18,080
Speaker 1: give you one with with with an autograph, but who cares? UM?

971
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:21,919
Speaker 1: So my last book fail until you don't. I wrote

972
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 1: a thing about it's hard to trust people that say

973
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,560
Speaker 1: that you're wonderful if they also haven't in the past

974
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:31,439
Speaker 1: been accurate when they told you you're not, because it's

975
00:48:31,440 --> 00:48:33,680
Speaker 1: easy for someone to go it's amazing, and for you

976
00:48:33,719 --> 00:48:35,799
Speaker 1: to believe it if you're not. It's it's easy because

977
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 1: you just want to believe you like, please give it

978
00:48:37,000 --> 00:48:39,319
Speaker 1: to me, Give it to me. But if you have

979
00:48:39,360 --> 00:48:40,920
Speaker 1: that trust with someone who's come to you and it's

980
00:48:40,920 --> 00:48:43,480
Speaker 1: been very uncomfortable, and they've said, I don't think this

981
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:46,320
Speaker 1: is the best, or I don't think that that sucks,

982
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,919
Speaker 1: and that in that instant you may not be better

983
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:52,280
Speaker 1: from it, but you can actually trust them when they

984
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: say the opposite. Yeah, I know, and that's important. I'm

985
00:48:56,000 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 1: still working around the shame feeling that I get when

986
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,279
Speaker 1: I hear something that's you're not great? Yeah, so how

987
00:49:02,320 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: do you? Because I'm still really wrestling with that even

988
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: with my manager, who I respect, and I want her

989
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 1: to tell me the truth, you know, Melanie, she uh

990
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 1: if she's ever like, you know, I don't like what okay,

991
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:13,760
Speaker 1: what do you mean? Like what you know? I can't

992
00:49:13,800 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: handle it? And I'm like, that's not okay either, But

993
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:17,759
Speaker 1: it's okay not to be able to handle it. I

994
00:49:17,880 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: don't handle it well, but to what is happening in

995
00:49:21,239 --> 00:49:25,279
Speaker 1: somewhere deeper where it's like I'm believing that you you

996
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: have to have this reserve of confidence. You know that

997
00:49:28,320 --> 00:49:30,440
Speaker 1: and you but you do you have a different reserve

998
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:32,040
Speaker 1: of confidence. Now here's what I want to say to that,

999
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:34,759
Speaker 1: because I think we have a lot of similar struggles.

1000
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:39,799
Speaker 1: I am. I'm just I'm not confident in a lot

1001
00:49:39,840 --> 00:49:43,120
Speaker 1: of things, um that you would think I would be. Yeah,

1002
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: so you fooled me. Yeah, that's the plan right right,

1003
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,640
Speaker 1: and so um and I am very I'm like, I

1004
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:52,360
Speaker 1: create and I make jokes like ours, but I do

1005
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: create a lot of things, and I'm very sensitive. I

1006
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:56,439
Speaker 1: think if you're you're creating, you want to put things

1007
00:49:56,440 --> 00:50:00,359
Speaker 1: out that people enjoy, consume, live by love, and when

1008
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 1: they don't, it hurts, even if you don't let it

1009
00:50:03,160 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: be known that it hurts. UM. And so I struggle

1010
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: whenever I don't hear what I like. But what I've

1011
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:12,879
Speaker 1: learned is that it never is going to feel better.

1012
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:15,799
Speaker 1: But I've learned through experience of having it happened so

1013
00:50:15,840 --> 00:50:20,080
Speaker 1: many times that it usually ends up better for me.

1014
00:50:21,000 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: And A It's like an investment. I treated like if

1015
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 1: I'm investing in some putty money and something it sucks,

1016
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:28,880
Speaker 1: I gotta pay money and maybe make more later or not. Um,

1017
00:50:29,000 --> 00:50:33,520
Speaker 1: but it's usually a good investment comes back to you

1018
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:35,360
Speaker 1: later and you're like, well, I'm so glad I did that.

1019
00:50:35,560 --> 00:50:37,920
Speaker 1: It hurt for a second, but I'm glad I did it.

1020
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 1: So when that person who you trust tells you that,

1021
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 1: do you have a hard time staying close to that person?

1022
00:50:44,480 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 1: I get so offended and I recoiled almost and I

1023
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 1: want to lash back out for not even depending on

1024
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:52,880
Speaker 1: what they said, they could be absolutely accurate and they

1025
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: could be saying complete truths. But I'm so defensive and

1026
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 1: scared that they're right that all I want to do

1027
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 1: is be like I'm still worthy. Oh god, yeah, I

1028
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:06,920
Speaker 1: feel that. So I actually isolate, like I I in

1029
00:51:07,040 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 1: some part of me hate that person. I'm like, I

1030
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,080
Speaker 1: gotta hate you now because you don't think that I

1031
00:51:12,120 --> 00:51:14,719
Speaker 1: am everything that I'm supposed to be telling you that

1032
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,840
Speaker 1: I am. It's terrifying, like, oh god, they're seeing something

1033
00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 1: that I'm not supposed to be letting them see. Yeah,

1034
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:25,160
Speaker 1: and you it's very vulnerable. Um and so I didn't

1035
00:51:25,200 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 1: have somebody for a long long time that I really

1036
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:34,400
Speaker 1: would trust with that um my harshest critic. And on

1037
00:51:34,440 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 1: the flip side of that harshest critic, maybe isn't the term,

1038
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: but for this to make it easy, who will come

1039
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:42,120
Speaker 1: at me the quickest and say, hmm, I ain't good

1040
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,440
Speaker 1: And we'll also say, but I know when they say

1041
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: that is good, that they're absolutely telling the truth. Is

1042
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:51,799
Speaker 1: my wife. She's so funny. She will fix jokes for me.

1043
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 1: I'll show go out and watch me do a set

1044
00:51:53,719 --> 00:51:55,560
Speaker 1: at the operry or I just a couple and she's

1045
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:59,359
Speaker 1: like all right. And I used to get so mad.

1046
00:51:59,360 --> 00:52:01,919
Speaker 1: I'm like, what are you know? And I wasn't mad

1047
00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:04,879
Speaker 1: because she wasn't good. She was actually she was right,

1048
00:52:05,239 --> 00:52:08,600
Speaker 1: and I was so offended that she was right. I

1049
00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 1: would I would have it get mad. And she would go,

1050
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: you know whatstide of that joke when you're talking about

1051
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:15,040
Speaker 1: this dream? What if you said it and you kind

1052
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:16,839
Speaker 1: of walked him over here and then you flipped it

1053
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 1: and into the joke like this, you're saying exactly the thing,

1054
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,399
Speaker 1: but it's like a few different words and you're good.

1055
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:23,520
Speaker 1: And the first time she did that, I was leaving

1056
00:52:23,520 --> 00:52:25,040
Speaker 1: the operation. I felt like it just crushed. I did

1057
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:26,880
Speaker 1: like thirteen minutes and some new material, and that's an

1058
00:52:26,880 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 1: older audience and I don't really expect to crush with

1059
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,839
Speaker 1: the operation ever because of the crowd. But I just

1060
00:52:32,080 --> 00:52:33,759
Speaker 1: let him have it. And I was feeling great and

1061
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,719
Speaker 1: I was driving back and I was like, man, it

1062
00:52:35,760 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: was really great. She was like it was great, and

1063
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:41,959
Speaker 1: she goes, now, do you want it to be better? Oh? God,

1064
00:52:43,239 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 1: that wouldn't really get me, yeah, And I said yes,

1065
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:51,000
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't want to say yes, but I

1066
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:52,399
Speaker 1: feel like I had to say yes. And she said

1067
00:52:52,440 --> 00:52:54,600
Speaker 1: that she telled me how to fix this joke, and

1068
00:52:54,640 --> 00:52:57,319
Speaker 1: I was very offended, you know what. You know, I

1069
00:52:57,320 --> 00:52:58,680
Speaker 1: tell the joke now the way she told me then.

1070
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 1: But you were you were coming off the high of

1071
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 1: the show, you know, and that takes a lot to

1072
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:04,040
Speaker 1: go out there and tell your jokes, and you were

1073
00:53:04,080 --> 00:53:06,360
Speaker 1: feeling that, and then in some ways you were probably like,

1074
00:53:06,440 --> 00:53:08,520
Speaker 1: oh God, why now come on, let me just have

1075
00:53:08,600 --> 00:53:10,880
Speaker 1: my moment. I'm glad she did it then, and she

1076
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:13,360
Speaker 1: knew it too because I was still in it. Yeah,

1077
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:14,879
Speaker 1: she needed me to be in it so I could

1078
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:18,279
Speaker 1: actually reflect on why what happened could have happened a

1079
00:53:18,280 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 1: little better because I just in it. I love that

1080
00:53:21,160 --> 00:53:23,120
Speaker 1: it's weird. It's weird, and I get so upset and

1081
00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 1: now the growth in me and it's not always the case.

1082
00:53:26,400 --> 00:53:30,440
Speaker 1: But um, I've put together this show. It's it was

1083
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,200
Speaker 1: an hour and a half the last time we did it.

1084
00:53:32,400 --> 00:53:34,760
Speaker 1: I did two shows this past weekend, and I've built

1085
00:53:34,800 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 1: this entire show with a little silent films in it,

1086
00:53:37,560 --> 00:53:41,080
Speaker 1: and it's it's comedy and motivation and it's this show.

1087
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:46,080
Speaker 1: It's very vulnerable. It's quite funny. Um, I've not seen

1088
00:53:46,120 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 1: a show like this before. And I said, you know

1089
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 1: what a tackle this thing. I spent three or four

1090
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 1: months not only writing the jokes and creating the stories,

1091
00:53:54,000 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 1: but conceptualizing the videos that run on the screens. I

1092
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:58,800
Speaker 1: paid extra for all these screens to go up in

1093
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 1: the theater, and I said to my management team, I said, hey,

1094
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:07,640
Speaker 1: I need to do not one night at the rhemants,

1095
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:10,400
Speaker 1: I need to do two nights or three nights like

1096
00:54:10,440 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: a thousand, because I need to do it a few times,

1097
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:15,120
Speaker 1: a couple of times to make sure that, um, I'm

1098
00:54:15,160 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 1: doing it right. Because I have to go out and

1099
00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:20,840
Speaker 1: and works workshop stuff with real people. I can't practice

1100
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:23,000
Speaker 1: guitar and then have it. I have to go and

1101
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 1: get reaction. Oh it's a joke, it's a story. I

1102
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: can think that something funny. Many times I think something

1103
00:54:28,280 --> 00:54:29,719
Speaker 1: hilarious and I go out and nobody last or even

1104
00:54:29,719 --> 00:54:31,960
Speaker 1: thinks that's a joke, And I'm like, oh God, that

1105
00:54:32,040 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 1: wasn't a joke at all, was it. So I do

1106
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,960
Speaker 1: these shows and this is where I just it's funny.

1107
00:54:37,800 --> 00:54:42,480
Speaker 1: Bring this up as I finished show one, and is

1108
00:54:42,520 --> 00:54:44,759
Speaker 1: good for for a show one, and this whole new

1109
00:54:44,800 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: idea that I had is slightly clunky, but I thought

1110
00:54:47,560 --> 00:54:49,360
Speaker 1: it was really good to give it a B minus.

1111
00:54:50,040 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: And you know, I went to her and I was like, Hey,

1112
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:54,600
Speaker 1: what's up. What are your thoughts? And she was like,

1113
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:58,920
Speaker 1: it's really good. She was like that show mattered. And

1114
00:54:58,920 --> 00:55:00,279
Speaker 1: she was like, I think it's the first thing you've

1115
00:55:00,280 --> 00:55:02,759
Speaker 1: done where people that have no idea who you are

1116
00:55:02,760 --> 00:55:04,360
Speaker 1: if they happen to see, Oh, let's go to the

1117
00:55:04,760 --> 00:55:06,319
Speaker 1: show that's in this theater they walked and they'll be

1118
00:55:06,360 --> 00:55:09,279
Speaker 1: like I love that because you have your people and

1119
00:55:09,320 --> 00:55:10,520
Speaker 1: the people that you talk to in the kind of

1120
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:12,440
Speaker 1: she goes, but I think this is the first thing

1121
00:55:12,440 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 1: that I've seen you do that. It's just like, straight up,

1122
00:55:16,000 --> 00:55:18,319
Speaker 1: somebody can just stumble on Netflix and like that's and so.

1123
00:55:18,360 --> 00:55:19,960
Speaker 1: But she's telling me this and I'm like, wow, she

1124
00:55:20,080 --> 00:55:22,759
Speaker 1: never says this, not in a never in a bad way,

1125
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:26,400
Speaker 1: but I believe it so much. And then she's I

1126
00:55:26,440 --> 00:55:27,960
Speaker 1: was like, well, what can I do? How can I rete?

1127
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:29,920
Speaker 1: And then we sat and we rearrange stuff, and I

1128
00:55:30,080 --> 00:55:37,360
Speaker 1: just loved that and trusted that because of the uncomfortableness

1129
00:55:37,880 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: that we had when I wasn't comfortable enough to take it.

1130
00:55:40,440 --> 00:55:43,040
Speaker 1: I do have that. Yeah, I'm really proud of you guys.

1131
00:55:43,200 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 1: I'm still working on that with my husband. I don't

1132
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 1: think you'll ever figure out or will I ever? But

1133
00:55:47,760 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 1: what's that like for you with folks? He is that

1134
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:53,920
Speaker 1: person for me too, so so he is a lot

1135
00:55:54,000 --> 00:55:57,920
Speaker 1: of Caitlin where he's very honest, brutally brutally honest. Like

1136
00:55:58,000 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 1: even the other day, he was like, sometimes I feel

1137
00:55:59,600 --> 00:56:01,399
Speaker 1: like you post photos of yourself that don't really show

1138
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: how beautiful you are. And I was like, which one

1139
00:56:03,320 --> 00:56:05,440
Speaker 1: that's a compliment and it's all the same time, wow exactly.

1140
00:56:05,480 --> 00:56:08,040
Speaker 1: I was like, well, can you show me on my Instagram?

1141
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:09,520
Speaker 1: He's like, I don't know, You're just like so beautiful

1142
00:56:09,520 --> 00:56:11,480
Speaker 1: and sometimes you post a photo and he said it

1143
00:56:11,520 --> 00:56:13,320
Speaker 1: makes me wonder what you think about yourself. And I

1144
00:56:13,400 --> 00:56:16,440
Speaker 1: was like, okay, let's just unpack this. But when it

1145
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:19,840
Speaker 1: comes to like shows, if he's like backstage and he's like, wow,

1146
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,120
Speaker 1: that was really good, I'm like, Okay, that was really good,

1147
00:56:22,360 --> 00:56:24,279
Speaker 1: you know. Or if he's like yeah, yeah, it was good,

1148
00:56:24,320 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 1: you know, like I just know immediately and thank god,

1149
00:56:26,920 --> 00:56:29,359
Speaker 1: but I'm still not comfortable I'm not where you are.

1150
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 1: Where I'm like, hey, baby, will you tell me like

1151
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: what I could do better? Like that is where I

1152
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,520
Speaker 1: need to really work because right now it just makes

1153
00:56:37,520 --> 00:56:39,759
Speaker 1: me feel like failure, failure, failure. You know, you're not

1154
00:56:39,840 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: perfect and we got you know that's a huge issue

1155
00:56:43,680 --> 00:56:46,880
Speaker 1: for me and me too. Yeah, and you will absolutely

1156
00:56:46,920 --> 00:56:50,279
Speaker 1: get there, especially if you respect the person who's telling

1157
00:56:50,320 --> 00:56:51,920
Speaker 1: you what they're telling you, why they're telling you it.

1158
00:56:52,520 --> 00:56:54,480
Speaker 1: I hate I hate people to be like I don't know,

1159
00:56:54,520 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: I don't know this what I hate it. I mean,

1160
00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,279
Speaker 1: it makes me feel like I'm not worthy. Period. I'm

1161
00:56:59,280 --> 00:57:00,919
Speaker 1: not good enough. Do you think I'm not good enough?

1162
00:57:01,000 --> 00:57:03,000
Speaker 1: All you're doing is validating the fact that I already

1163
00:57:03,000 --> 00:57:04,480
Speaker 1: think I'm not good enough totally. That's what it is.

1164
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:07,160
Speaker 1: That's honestly, get down to it. I don't think I'm

1165
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:10,080
Speaker 1: good enough. I'm hoping I'm fool on everybody. You're reminding

1166
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: me that I'm I'm right. I'm not gonna so I

1167
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:15,560
Speaker 1: just have to ask because you've you've been so successful

1168
00:57:15,719 --> 00:57:18,080
Speaker 1: and you it seems like we connect a lot on

1169
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 1: that inner monologue that's happening. You know that we grew

1170
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 1: up sort of believing this, if I prove myself that

1171
00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: I'm worthy, then I'll be good enough, then the world

1172
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:28,120
Speaker 1: will love me, then I'll be successful. So despite those

1173
00:57:28,160 --> 00:57:29,960
Speaker 1: you know, do you feel like a lot of the

1174
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,920
Speaker 1: people you meet at your level, at your level of success,

1175
00:57:33,720 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 1: just have this inner confidence and you're like, WHOA, Like,

1176
00:57:36,920 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 1: why don't I have that? Or is it kind of

1177
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:41,480
Speaker 1: like everybody has that thing? A little bit of the

1178
00:57:41,520 --> 00:57:43,760
Speaker 1: second one. I think everybody has a little bit of

1179
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,520
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome. Everybody. Okay, I do, I think, but I

1180
00:57:46,560 --> 00:57:52,760
Speaker 1: think some people that have an absolute skill that has

1181
00:57:52,880 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 1: allowed them to develop a confidence that's unquestionable because their

1182
00:57:57,080 --> 00:58:01,680
Speaker 1: skill is so good. And I don't have an undeniable

1183
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:04,240
Speaker 1: skill that I can present to someone and be like, well,

1184
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:06,520
Speaker 1: regardless of the whole world field, I'm not Mariah Carey

1185
00:58:06,560 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 1: with a voice like that. Who is she can be

1186
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:09,440
Speaker 1: the biggest dev in the world. Everybody hates her. She's

1187
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,640
Speaker 1: still freaking out her voice. Maybe now she's the holder.

1188
00:58:11,680 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 1: But you know, um, so I have imposter syndrome because

1189
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:20,960
Speaker 1: I don't feel that I have a skill I can

1190
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: present and go regardless, I still got this. I don't

1191
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:26,560
Speaker 1: have that thing, Okay, I feel like you do have that,

1192
00:58:26,600 --> 00:58:28,600
Speaker 1: but I don't name it name. I mean, I think

1193
00:58:28,680 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 1: you're exactly you can't name it? No, no, no no, can

1194
00:58:31,600 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 1: I say it? I was already feel unomfortable. Wow? Really no? Okay,

1195
00:58:35,960 --> 00:58:38,800
Speaker 1: do you know like why, like David Letterman is like

1196
00:58:38,840 --> 00:58:41,480
Speaker 1: you are that? Like that's a skill, like an interviewer,

1197
00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 1: being able to actually like have a conversation with people

1198
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,000
Speaker 1: that the public wants to listen to. That's an actual gift.

1199
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:51,720
Speaker 1: But it's not. It's a It's a skill that I've

1200
00:58:51,760 --> 00:58:54,600
Speaker 1: developed and that I didn't do well for a long time,

1201
00:58:55,120 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 1: and I couldn't do it like the greats did it,

1202
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 1: so I had to figure out a way. You don't

1203
00:59:00,000 --> 00:59:02,720
Speaker 1: think that it's a skill to be so interesting to

1204
00:59:02,760 --> 00:59:04,600
Speaker 1: people that they just want to hear you talk. I

1205
00:59:04,600 --> 00:59:07,720
Speaker 1: think that at this point, I've been through a lot

1206
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:10,200
Speaker 1: of crap and I can my superpower here you go,

1207
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,240
Speaker 1: let's get down to it. My superpower is empathy. Yes

1208
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 1: that I don't feel sorry for you. I in many

1209
00:59:18,200 --> 00:59:20,720
Speaker 1: ways understand where you're coming from, so I don't have

1210
00:59:20,760 --> 00:59:23,160
Speaker 1: to shy away from it, and I can go well

1211
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,960
Speaker 1: because I relate to you. Whence your parents get divorced.

1212
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 1: I don't have to. Yeah, and so and then you

1213
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: and then you don't go. It's weird. It's not really

1214
00:59:32,720 --> 00:59:34,640
Speaker 1: your business to get any deeper in that. But but

1215
00:59:34,720 --> 00:59:36,640
Speaker 1: you go, Well, he understands that I can talk with

1216
00:59:36,720 --> 00:59:40,440
Speaker 1: him about it. That's that is It's that that is

1217
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: a skill. I will argue that is a skill. No,

1218
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: it's an incredible skill. There's so many people that I've

1219
00:59:46,520 --> 00:59:49,080
Speaker 1: sat in the same position with and I feel guarded

1220
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 1: and uncomfortable, and I want to leave the room and

1221
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:54,680
Speaker 1: I don't want to tell them anything about myself. Fair

1222
00:59:54,960 --> 00:59:57,080
Speaker 1: I will say, that's not a skill I've developed. Um,

1223
00:59:58,040 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 1: it's not a talent. I've developed a skill. Also get

1224
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:02,600
Speaker 1: a fend people time. I'm talented, really very very offended. Yeah,

1225
01:00:02,640 --> 01:00:07,880
Speaker 1: why because I've had to work for it all and

1226
01:00:07,920 --> 01:00:10,320
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I have a natural talent, okay,

1227
01:00:10,480 --> 01:00:12,200
Speaker 1: And so when people go you're so talented, I'm like,

1228
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:14,040
Speaker 1: you have no idea at the hours I put into

1229
01:00:14,040 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 1: this crowd. It's dumb and I shouldn't And and I

1230
01:00:17,280 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 1: was talking to Breland. He was like, yeah, you're basing

1231
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:21,560
Speaker 1: that off intention. You need to base it off intention.

1232
01:00:22,080 --> 01:00:24,600
Speaker 1: They're being nice to you. They are and they're not

1233
01:00:24,640 --> 01:00:26,200
Speaker 1: saying that you didn't work hard for what you have,

1234
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 1: and so I struggle with that. I could see that,

1235
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:32,040
Speaker 1: and I can see he also probably understands that very

1236
01:00:32,080 --> 01:00:34,680
Speaker 1: well more than anyone um because you've had to work

1237
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,160
Speaker 1: tenfold because of where you came from and what you're

1238
01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:40,720
Speaker 1: trying to do. Sometimes I think you're such an anomaly

1239
01:00:40,840 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 1: to me because there doesn't seem to be a limit

1240
01:00:43,600 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 1: to what you're capable of, which is a lot of

1241
01:00:45,560 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 1: people have that one thing that they're really good at.

1242
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:51,040
Speaker 1: And it seems to me, like I've said this to Branam,

1243
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,240
Speaker 1: like he will become like a governor. I mean, he

1244
01:00:53,480 --> 01:00:56,320
Speaker 1: probably could be president. Like I actually think that there's

1245
01:00:56,360 --> 01:00:59,200
Speaker 1: nothing that you can't do. It's funny that that's what

1246
01:00:59,240 --> 01:01:01,560
Speaker 1: you think, because in a weird way, it's the opposite.

1247
01:01:01,640 --> 01:01:03,440
Speaker 1: For me. It's where I feel like I have to

1248
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:06,040
Speaker 1: try everything. I have to like I have to go

1249
01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:07,760
Speaker 1: at everything because I really don't have one thing I

1250
01:01:07,800 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 1: can rely on. So this is just, yeah, that's the truth.

1251
01:01:11,760 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to try things and try

1252
01:01:13,880 --> 01:01:15,440
Speaker 1: at all because I have nothing that I can Is

1253
01:01:15,480 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 1: it like panic diversity? You're like, I'll diversify myself absolutely,

1254
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:24,480
Speaker 1: maybe not panic, but fear diversity. So yeah, well, okay,

1255
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:26,440
Speaker 1: See mine is the opposite where I only think I

1256
01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:28,160
Speaker 1: can do this one thing really well, and I still

1257
01:01:28,240 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: question if I can do it well at all. So

1258
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 1: I just do it constantly to the point where I

1259
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:41,960
Speaker 1: don't do anything else. When you've finished the record finished,

1260
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:47,560
Speaker 1: whenever you heard all the tracks, fully mixed, everything done,

1261
01:01:47,560 --> 01:01:50,600
Speaker 1: We're okay, we're sailing it up. Turn the key. When

1262
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:53,760
Speaker 1: you listen back to all of it, what song were

1263
01:01:53,800 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 1: you most proud of? And it could be one we've

1264
01:01:56,880 --> 01:02:00,880
Speaker 1: talked about already, meaning the message sonically, you're like, we

1265
01:02:01,000 --> 01:02:06,160
Speaker 1: really captured whatever that is, We really captured that. What

1266
01:02:06,240 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: was that? Honeymoon was definitely that for me. I was

1267
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,360
Speaker 1: very proud of that, um just because bare bones, you know,

1268
01:02:11,520 --> 01:02:13,600
Speaker 1: like just a piano and a vocal. I've never really

1269
01:02:13,640 --> 01:02:17,000
Speaker 1: done that and it felt very brave. UM. And then Hummingbird.

1270
01:02:17,280 --> 01:02:20,200
Speaker 1: Hummingbird was like, that's a song that I listened to.

1271
01:02:20,400 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 1: Is if it's not mine, you can do that, Huh,

1272
01:02:22,960 --> 01:02:24,720
Speaker 1: that's awesome. I listened to it all the time. So

1273
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 1: this is so weird to say, but I'd never done that,

1274
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:28,560
Speaker 1: and I actually, I'm like, I want to listen to

1275
01:02:28,640 --> 01:02:32,400
Speaker 1: Hummingbird right now. Um. Somehow, writing that song was very fast.

1276
01:02:32,520 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 1: I wrote it with Daniel Tashin and Andrew D. Roberts,

1277
01:02:35,080 --> 01:02:37,080
Speaker 1: and it was such a quick session and I kind

1278
01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 1: of feel like Daniel has this jarring, sort of unum

1279
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:44,200
Speaker 1: disarming way of kind of being like you want to

1280
01:02:44,200 --> 01:02:46,760
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and then you are and you're like, oh god, wait,

1281
01:02:47,160 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 1: oh okay, is that okay? And so we wrote it

1282
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,240
Speaker 1: and then when I listened to it later, I was like,

1283
01:02:51,840 --> 01:02:54,040
Speaker 1: oh wow, this is about my parents and me and

1284
01:02:54,080 --> 01:02:56,840
Speaker 1: my fear and running from everything because I'm so afraid

1285
01:02:56,840 --> 01:03:01,200
Speaker 1: that I'm not enough. Okay, Well, and now I listen

1286
01:03:01,280 --> 01:03:04,080
Speaker 1: to it and I'm like, it feels like I'm listening

1287
01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 1: to another girl. I don't know. It feels powerful. Here

1288
01:03:08,200 --> 01:03:25,800
Speaker 1: is humming Bird every time it well, thing a song

1289
01:03:25,880 --> 01:03:29,960
Speaker 1: good in a tree, so simple and so sweet? Wouldn't

1290
01:03:30,000 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: that be easy find a place to rest, to be

1291
01:03:35,440 --> 01:03:40,840
Speaker 1: done with discontent? Sometimes I wish it weird to look

1292
01:03:40,920 --> 01:03:43,360
Speaker 1: at something that you've done and be able to appreciate

1293
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:47,640
Speaker 1: it as something that you just appreciate it as something

1294
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 1: that's not normal like other things you've done because occasionally

1295
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:52,800
Speaker 1: I'll have that I don't know if you've heard song

1296
01:03:52,840 --> 01:03:57,040
Speaker 1: Hobby Lobby Bobby, but it's pretty fairs No, but you know,

1297
01:03:57,080 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 1: it's every great. Once in a while I'll be like, damn,

1298
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:04,480
Speaker 1: I'm quite proud of that. It's rare, but it's even

1299
01:04:04,480 --> 01:04:06,120
Speaker 1: more valuable. And it sounds like that's the case here

1300
01:04:06,120 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 1: with how I'm bird for you it is. Yeah, I

1301
01:04:08,760 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 1: think it's a new concept for me to sort of

1302
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:17,160
Speaker 1: open up about being fearful and anxious. Um, owning that,

1303
01:04:17,280 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 1: you know, instead of being like, oh, no, I'm easy, breezy,

1304
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,680
Speaker 1: I'm I'm happy, everything's great. You know, it was a

1305
01:04:22,680 --> 01:04:25,960
Speaker 1: little bit uncomfortable for me. Um, I can't even I'm

1306
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 1: like not even looking at you as I'm saying it

1307
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:29,480
Speaker 1: because it's so uncomfortable. I'm like, yeah, I'm anxious. I'm

1308
01:04:29,480 --> 01:04:33,280
Speaker 1: an anxious person, like I you know, I make sure

1309
01:04:33,320 --> 01:04:35,360
Speaker 1: that I take things that make me less anxious. Like

1310
01:04:35,400 --> 01:04:37,480
Speaker 1: that was a whole thing for me in life, was

1311
01:04:37,520 --> 01:04:41,840
Speaker 1: accepting that I have anxiety. It's fun. Um, we're on

1312
01:04:41,920 --> 01:04:45,240
Speaker 1: something we're talking about earlier without realizing it, where you know,

1313
01:04:45,280 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 1: you were like, I don't know that I can do

1314
01:04:46,720 --> 01:04:49,680
Speaker 1: that yet is to just take it from somebody and go,

1315
01:04:49,840 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 1: you know, this is why I didn't think it was

1316
01:04:51,400 --> 01:04:52,920
Speaker 1: as good as maybe you did, or this is what

1317
01:04:52,960 --> 01:04:55,240
Speaker 1: you can do better. You know ten minutes ago that conversation,

1318
01:04:55,720 --> 01:04:57,840
Speaker 1: you've done the thing in other parts of your life

1319
01:04:58,240 --> 01:05:00,960
Speaker 1: to grow an area you just talked about it there.

1320
01:05:01,240 --> 01:05:07,440
Speaker 1: It's just uh doing it and saying please do it

1321
01:05:07,480 --> 01:05:13,120
Speaker 1: to me. It sucks because it's exposure therapy and it sucks,

1322
01:05:13,320 --> 01:05:15,800
Speaker 1: and I just say it one time. It sucks. It's

1323
01:05:15,840 --> 01:05:18,640
Speaker 1: never easy, but you actually get so much better at

1324
01:05:18,680 --> 01:05:21,560
Speaker 1: it after it's done, and you realize every time that's

1325
01:05:21,600 --> 01:05:24,560
Speaker 1: someone let's issues Brian for example, Uh, you know you

1326
01:05:25,040 --> 01:05:26,680
Speaker 1: write a song. I'm gonna create a scenario here, so

1327
01:05:26,800 --> 01:05:28,640
Speaker 1: just allow me to do so. You can write a song,

1328
01:05:28,680 --> 01:05:31,440
Speaker 1: and let's do it. He goes, Um, it's fine. You know,

1329
01:05:33,120 --> 01:05:35,520
Speaker 1: I don't really understand why you said this, or I

1330
01:05:35,560 --> 01:05:37,520
Speaker 1: don't know that the melody here kind of matches. And

1331
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,800
Speaker 1: you're probably pierced because you felt like you did a

1332
01:05:39,800 --> 01:05:44,360
Speaker 1: good job. But the more times that you actually are

1333
01:05:44,800 --> 01:05:49,120
Speaker 1: open and invite it to happen, the easier. Easier is

1334
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 1: not a good word. The quicker you can learn from

1335
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:56,440
Speaker 1: it and be better and actually help other people at

1336
01:05:56,440 --> 01:06:00,080
Speaker 1: the same time in the same way. So we was

1337
01:06:00,080 --> 01:06:01,320
Speaker 1: thinking about because you asked me, like, how did you

1338
01:06:01,320 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 1: do it? Just exposure? I think you're you're on too exactly.

1339
01:06:06,120 --> 01:06:08,880
Speaker 1: What makes like great songwriters great? Like they don't take

1340
01:06:08,920 --> 01:06:12,040
Speaker 1: it personally. They ask for the feedback like I feel

1341
01:06:12,040 --> 01:06:15,680
Speaker 1: like Shane and take it very personally. Yeah, well you do,

1342
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:17,960
Speaker 1: but and I would too. But I think that people

1343
01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:22,120
Speaker 1: that are able to separate that you know, their work

1344
01:06:22,240 --> 01:06:24,000
Speaker 1: from who they are, which I can't do. I don't

1345
01:06:24,040 --> 01:06:25,240
Speaker 1: know how to do that, but it would make it

1346
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 1: a lot easier. Just rip the band. It doesn't have

1347
01:06:27,160 --> 01:06:28,880
Speaker 1: to be songwriting. It could be you know, anything you're

1348
01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,840
Speaker 1: talking about creatively where you're like, you know, how do

1349
01:06:30,880 --> 01:06:32,640
Speaker 1: I how do you hear from somebody you care about?

1350
01:06:32,680 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 1: Do you suck? Yeah? See, I'm afraid you're right. I

1351
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:37,320
Speaker 1: just need to keep doing it and just make it easier,

1352
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,680
Speaker 1: because right now it feels like if I actually opened

1353
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:42,320
Speaker 1: that door, I would spiral so far and quit music.

1354
01:06:42,800 --> 01:06:46,360
Speaker 1: And you will spiral music, and you may quite music

1355
01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,040
Speaker 1: for a second, and then it may happen again. You

1356
01:06:48,040 --> 01:06:50,040
Speaker 1: may spik a little less, quit music. For a less

1357
01:06:50,040 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 1: time and then eventually you just go, oh, this sucks. Yeah,

1358
01:06:54,400 --> 01:06:56,920
Speaker 1: but I actually get to grow. This is this is

1359
01:06:56,920 --> 01:07:00,400
Speaker 1: my growing pill. Yeah, and it sucks too. It hurts

1360
01:07:00,400 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 1: to grow, growing hurts or anything. If you're twelve, when

1361
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 1: you're growing as a human being, you're at that age

1362
01:07:04,080 --> 01:07:06,080
Speaker 1: where you're growing, or if you're having to grow because

1363
01:07:06,080 --> 01:07:08,280
Speaker 1: something happens in your personal somebody that there's all these

1364
01:07:08,600 --> 01:07:13,160
Speaker 1: growth never feels good. Ever it does afterwards, once you're

1365
01:07:13,160 --> 01:07:16,600
Speaker 1: taller or you're smarter. Are you able to kind of

1366
01:07:16,640 --> 01:07:20,040
Speaker 1: gauge like in life when you're in um are you

1367
01:07:20,080 --> 01:07:22,520
Speaker 1: feel do you feel like you're constantly growing and craving

1368
01:07:22,560 --> 01:07:25,720
Speaker 1: growth experience? I don't know. No, I don't want it, okay,

1369
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:27,680
Speaker 1: because I feel stagnant something I don't want. I don't

1370
01:07:27,680 --> 01:07:29,840
Speaker 1: want it. I don't like it hurts, it sucks. I

1371
01:07:29,880 --> 01:07:31,680
Speaker 1: want it to be so perfect there's no need for growth.

1372
01:07:32,800 --> 01:07:35,439
Speaker 1: But I have to understand and realize that's not the case.

1373
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:38,000
Speaker 1: And there are sometimes where I don't have the ability.

1374
01:07:38,040 --> 01:07:40,400
Speaker 1: I don't have even the capacity to take growth right

1375
01:07:40,400 --> 01:07:42,200
Speaker 1: now because I'm at I'm in a not in a

1376
01:07:42,200 --> 01:07:44,880
Speaker 1: good place, and so there are times where I just

1377
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:50,520
Speaker 1: can't emotionally take growth. So we're just good but not

1378
01:07:50,520 --> 01:07:52,480
Speaker 1: not often. But but when it's that, I know that,

1379
01:07:52,600 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 1: I know it's. Um. You know, I will write something

1380
01:07:56,400 --> 01:07:58,160
Speaker 1: and you don't have a management team and one of

1381
01:07:58,160 --> 01:07:59,320
Speaker 1: them be like, you know, I don't know about that,

1382
01:07:59,400 --> 01:08:01,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't. I can't right now. I'm

1383
01:08:01,200 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 1: gonna come back to this and then I'm gonna take

1384
01:08:02,920 --> 01:08:04,440
Speaker 1: this in. But right now I'm just not in a

1385
01:08:04,440 --> 01:08:07,440
Speaker 1: good place with it, like three things. So I hold

1386
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:09,600
Speaker 1: you back, but I'm gonna take in a little bit. Well,

1387
01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:11,600
Speaker 1: that's good that you know that about yourself. You know,

1388
01:08:11,920 --> 01:08:14,040
Speaker 1: I root for that for you because I because I

1389
01:08:14,040 --> 01:08:15,720
Speaker 1: know it, because I was there. That's why I guess

1390
01:08:15,720 --> 01:08:17,479
Speaker 1: that's why I'm rooting for me. I guess I'm rooting

1391
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:20,240
Speaker 1: for you in that situation. Um, you're just listen. I

1392
01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:26,200
Speaker 1: just I just think you're just the greatest, just in

1393
01:08:26,240 --> 01:08:28,880
Speaker 1: all the ways as an artist. Obviously, I love like

1394
01:08:29,560 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 1: your voice and your sound and your songwriting. And you know,

1395
01:08:33,000 --> 01:08:35,599
Speaker 1: you're not so bad as a person. Your husband's okay

1396
01:08:35,640 --> 01:08:38,120
Speaker 1: too makes me uncomfortable, Yeah I should, because that you're

1397
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:40,960
Speaker 1: the kind of person that would make me too. But

1398
01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:43,320
Speaker 1: you should know that, Like, I have the most respect

1399
01:08:43,360 --> 01:08:45,800
Speaker 1: for you. Thank you as a person and as an artist.

1400
01:08:45,800 --> 01:08:49,960
Speaker 1: I'm and I'm a massive fan at the same time.

1401
01:08:51,200 --> 01:08:53,600
Speaker 1: So it's like I would pay money to watch you

1402
01:08:53,640 --> 01:08:56,800
Speaker 1: do a show, and so it's all those things. And

1403
01:08:56,880 --> 01:08:59,879
Speaker 1: because of that, I hope people go and they check out, honestly,

1404
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:05,040
Speaker 1: and it's just a great I'll say, it's a great album.

1405
01:09:05,040 --> 01:09:07,280
Speaker 1: We need more full length albums. That's we come all

1406
01:09:07,280 --> 01:09:11,799
Speaker 1: the way around. This changed your mind with the eleven

1407
01:09:11,880 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 1: songs that I dumped on the world way too soon,

1408
01:09:14,800 --> 01:09:19,559
Speaker 1: not too soon? Maybe if maybe, if a few more

1409
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:22,800
Speaker 1: trickles and between, well, I'll tell you that there is

1410
01:09:22,840 --> 01:09:27,040
Speaker 1: another song coming. Um, it's actually a re reinvention of

1411
01:09:27,080 --> 01:09:30,400
Speaker 1: an older song with one of my favorite bands coming out.

1412
01:09:30,720 --> 01:09:33,360
Speaker 1: And uh, and you know, I waited too long to

1413
01:09:33,360 --> 01:09:35,479
Speaker 1: put this record out, and now I'm on the train

1414
01:09:35,520 --> 01:09:38,080
Speaker 1: of like not stopping. So we'll just kind of keep

1415
01:09:38,080 --> 01:09:40,160
Speaker 1: it going. And so I will be doing what you're saying,

1416
01:09:40,160 --> 01:09:41,439
Speaker 1: I would just be putting out so well not for

1417
01:09:41,439 --> 01:09:42,600
Speaker 1: a while. I'm not gonna catch up and listen to

1418
01:09:42,640 --> 01:09:44,840
Speaker 1: these enough. See, I'm just in a bad a few months. Yeah,

1419
01:09:46,520 --> 01:09:49,000
Speaker 1: just only listen to my album for the next month.

1420
01:09:49,080 --> 01:09:52,040
Speaker 1: Maybe that's it's it's tough. That's tough to do, but

1421
01:09:52,080 --> 01:09:54,160
Speaker 1: it is great and it is up there, and the

1422
01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:56,360
Speaker 1: ones that I will listen, I've got about four now

1423
01:09:56,680 --> 01:09:59,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, what mood I in yep, and this

1424
01:09:59,479 --> 01:10:02,479
Speaker 1: is definitely I wanted them. Um, and we only have

1425
01:10:02,520 --> 01:10:04,000
Speaker 1: a couple minutes left. We already done over an hour,

1426
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:05,680
Speaker 1: which is so easy to do with you, which, by

1427
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:10,000
Speaker 1: the way, it's been awesome. Hope it's been fun for you. Uh,

1428
01:10:10,320 --> 01:10:13,400
Speaker 1: album music right now that you're really into for whatever

1429
01:10:13,760 --> 01:10:17,080
Speaker 1: chapter of your life now. Um yeah, I mean like you,

1430
01:10:17,120 --> 01:10:19,280
Speaker 1: I only kind of listened to a few at a

1431
01:10:19,320 --> 01:10:21,680
Speaker 1: time and I kind of just like play them over

1432
01:10:21,720 --> 01:10:24,879
Speaker 1: and over again. Um My, coach, I love Madison Cunningham.

1433
01:10:25,000 --> 01:10:26,559
Speaker 1: Do you know Madison cunning him. You're going to say

1434
01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,280
Speaker 1: all these artists that I don't know because you're way

1435
01:10:28,280 --> 01:10:30,360
Speaker 1: cooler than me, so I don't. But you can just

1436
01:10:30,439 --> 01:10:33,639
Speaker 1: keep talking about really drawn to female artists that can

1437
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:36,639
Speaker 1: play really well and have something to say, So Madison

1438
01:10:36,680 --> 01:10:41,120
Speaker 1: cutting them. Yeah. Maddie Diaz is another one that I

1439
01:10:41,120 --> 01:10:42,639
Speaker 1: put on all the time. She's a friend of mine

1440
01:10:42,640 --> 01:10:48,000
Speaker 1: and she's incredible. Um, you know, Ah, it's tough. I

1441
01:10:48,080 --> 01:10:49,680
Speaker 1: go to a lot of older things. You know, I

1442
01:10:49,720 --> 01:10:51,960
Speaker 1: listened to a lot of like Simon and Garfunkel, like

1443
01:10:52,000 --> 01:10:55,920
Speaker 1: greatest hits. I'm not really up on like what's super

1444
01:10:56,000 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 1: hip and new right now? Um well, some would say

1445
01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:00,160
Speaker 1: it's super hipp new to say Simon and Garfunkle, I'm

1446
01:11:00,200 --> 01:11:02,240
Speaker 1: just saying, really, I don't know about that. I was

1447
01:11:02,280 --> 01:11:07,280
Speaker 1: listening a couple of days ago on Diamondson. I'm a

1448
01:11:07,320 --> 01:11:11,120
Speaker 1: big Paul Simon fan, just love, but that's super hip.

1449
01:11:11,120 --> 01:11:13,160
Speaker 1: You're want a Judge T shirt and you're like, that's

1450
01:11:13,160 --> 01:11:16,880
Speaker 1: all but your hip. I don't think I am. No.

1451
01:11:17,120 --> 01:11:19,320
Speaker 1: I think I'm actually the opposite of hip, which maybe

1452
01:11:19,400 --> 01:11:24,920
Speaker 1: maybe that's it, right, I don't know who knows, But yeah,

1453
01:11:25,080 --> 01:11:27,720
Speaker 1: you go to any shows? Get is that? I know

1454
01:11:27,760 --> 01:11:30,760
Speaker 1: you have a baby. But let's let's say, well, I

1455
01:11:30,800 --> 01:11:33,320
Speaker 1: like small shows. I don't like going to big shows,

1456
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:36,840
Speaker 1: like I don't really crave going to the arena. Um.

1457
01:11:36,880 --> 01:11:38,640
Speaker 1: I did go to see John Marrith Arena and it

1458
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:41,120
Speaker 1: was great. I loved that because I love John Mayre.

1459
01:11:41,240 --> 01:11:44,240
Speaker 1: But um my, my dream is like going to see

1460
01:11:44,600 --> 01:11:46,680
Speaker 1: a singer songwriter that I really love like at the

1461
01:11:46,720 --> 01:11:50,080
Speaker 1: basement and like just dealing with like a hundred people

1462
01:11:50,120 --> 01:11:53,240
Speaker 1: and that's fun for me. Yea. But yeah, I do

1463
01:11:53,280 --> 01:11:57,400
Speaker 1: go to shows. That's cool. Yeah, that's that's a thing

1464
01:11:57,439 --> 01:12:02,200
Speaker 1: to say, like that tip. Yeah, well so hit, I

1465
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:05,000
Speaker 1: really do like feeling in someone's window and watch him

1466
01:12:05,000 --> 01:12:10,120
Speaker 1: sing alone. I'm so yeah, Yeah, I don't. I don't

1467
01:12:10,120 --> 01:12:12,679
Speaker 1: get to go to a lot of shows anymore because

1468
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:18,400
Speaker 1: not home a lot, traveling a lot, um, So when

1469
01:12:18,439 --> 01:12:21,719
Speaker 1: I do, it's very valuable. We went, We're going Saturday

1470
01:12:21,720 --> 01:12:25,120
Speaker 1: to watch Ben Rector. I love Benn. He's a friend now.

1471
01:12:25,840 --> 01:12:27,920
Speaker 1: Um in his record now it is like a chapter

1472
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:30,160
Speaker 1: of Caitlin and his life all the time. So all

1473
01:12:30,160 --> 01:12:35,680
Speaker 1: those songs remind us of this this time period for us. Um.

1474
01:12:35,800 --> 01:12:38,639
Speaker 1: Brett's last album that just came out, Brett Elder's last

1475
01:12:38,680 --> 01:12:43,760
Speaker 1: album was really good because it's like, uh, singer songwriter Brett.

1476
01:12:45,040 --> 01:12:46,640
Speaker 1: I love all that stuff that he does. I mean

1477
01:12:46,640 --> 01:12:48,720
Speaker 1: I toured with him when he hadn't done that yet,

1478
01:12:48,760 --> 01:12:51,200
Speaker 1: and then this album came out, and I mean, he

1479
01:12:51,280 --> 01:12:54,720
Speaker 1: just has such a fantastic voice and um, yeah, I

1480
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:57,679
Speaker 1: think he's diving in really deep now and kind of

1481
01:12:58,200 --> 01:13:02,120
Speaker 1: without fear, even though it could, I won't say be disastrous.

1482
01:13:02,200 --> 01:13:04,639
Speaker 1: He's got a great career, but he's risking a bit

1483
01:13:04,800 --> 01:13:09,439
Speaker 1: because he could easily put out three minutes yeah tempo bangers,

1484
01:13:09,640 --> 01:13:10,720
Speaker 1: but he like, I don't want to. I want to

1485
01:13:10,720 --> 01:13:13,280
Speaker 1: talk about growth though. That's exciting to me. I feel

1486
01:13:13,280 --> 01:13:15,439
Speaker 1: like I'm watching someone grow in real time and it's

1487
01:13:15,439 --> 01:13:18,920
Speaker 1: really exciting. Um, having a girl's latest record is really good. Really,

1488
01:13:19,000 --> 01:13:22,360
Speaker 1: it's really good. Okay, well, I have a dance record

1489
01:13:22,360 --> 01:13:25,439
Speaker 1: for you. I love having a know but Caitlin will

1490
01:13:25,479 --> 01:13:28,240
Speaker 1: love it. It's lucious, you know, Lucius. I just saw

1491
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:30,200
Speaker 1: them at the Rhyme and there to two girls and

1492
01:13:30,240 --> 01:13:32,519
Speaker 1: they are I mean, I never do this, but I

1493
01:13:32,560 --> 01:13:35,439
Speaker 1: was like standing dancing the entire time. I'm usually like

1494
01:13:35,479 --> 01:13:39,040
Speaker 1: the curmudgeon, just like sitting down like listening, like you know,

1495
01:13:39,120 --> 01:13:41,439
Speaker 1: so serious, but I was dancing and singing along and

1496
01:13:41,520 --> 01:13:43,840
Speaker 1: laughing and it was like so much fun. It's also

1497
01:13:43,880 --> 01:13:45,599
Speaker 1: incredible that you can do that, because I can't really

1498
01:13:45,640 --> 01:13:47,200
Speaker 1: do that at a show Mom's night out. It's hard

1499
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:48,600
Speaker 1: for me to like, let lose at a show and

1500
01:13:48,680 --> 01:13:51,559
Speaker 1: dance and have fun. It's not very hard, it's hard.

1501
01:13:52,240 --> 01:13:53,880
Speaker 1: I actually get mad at people when they do it.

1502
01:13:53,920 --> 01:13:56,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, can you start on? Sit down? Oh no.

1503
01:13:56,760 --> 01:13:58,360
Speaker 1: There was this guy at John Mayer that was just

1504
01:13:58,400 --> 01:14:00,040
Speaker 1: like just bopping the whole time and I was to

1505
01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 1: get out of the way, man, but he was having

1506
01:14:01,960 --> 01:14:03,960
Speaker 1: a great time. Yes, and this is not what it's

1507
01:14:03,960 --> 01:14:08,320
Speaker 1: all about. Yeah, okay, everyone everyone listening to this. So

1508
01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:12,360
Speaker 1: she's Jillian Jacqueline. Her album is honestly, we've we're gonna

1509
01:14:12,479 --> 01:14:14,840
Speaker 1: end on playing some Bandwagon, which is the current single,

1510
01:14:15,680 --> 01:14:18,400
Speaker 1: and we're gonna play it out and then we're gonna go.

1511
01:14:18,520 --> 01:14:21,280
Speaker 1: And I'm glad we get together because um I got

1512
01:14:21,320 --> 01:14:23,200
Speaker 1: sick and we didn't weren't able to it last time,

1513
01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:24,680
Speaker 1: and the time before that, I think you just forgot it.

1514
01:14:24,760 --> 01:14:27,120
Speaker 1: I was fifteen minutes later and then you can't. You

1515
01:14:27,160 --> 01:14:30,040
Speaker 1: said no, don't come, but I was ten minutes early

1516
01:14:30,120 --> 01:14:33,160
Speaker 1: this time to make up for it to be fair,

1517
01:14:33,680 --> 01:14:37,400
Speaker 1: and it's unfair as well. Uh, you're accurate, And I

1518
01:14:37,439 --> 01:14:40,200
Speaker 1: did say that. I just I'm on stupid calendar. Oh

1519
01:14:40,280 --> 01:14:42,400
Speaker 1: I know, I know. And I actually was so upset

1520
01:14:42,400 --> 01:14:43,600
Speaker 1: in my car. I was like, oh god, and I

1521
01:14:43,600 --> 01:14:46,800
Speaker 1: saw I saw your manager at the opery and she

1522
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:48,840
Speaker 1: was like Jillian so sad, and I was like, I

1523
01:14:48,840 --> 01:14:50,040
Speaker 1: don't know who that is. I don't know her name,

1524
01:14:50,360 --> 01:14:51,960
Speaker 1: so I knew you were going to do that. I

1525
01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:53,680
Speaker 1: was terrified in my cars, like he's gonna hate me.

1526
01:14:53,680 --> 01:14:55,679
Speaker 1: He's gonna be so mad. He hates when people are late.

1527
01:14:56,000 --> 01:14:59,200
Speaker 1: I felt so bad. Okay, here is Bandwagon, Jillian. Great

1528
01:14:59,200 --> 01:15:02,559
Speaker 1: to see you. You You guys, follow at Jillian Jacqueline. Go

1529
01:15:02,720 --> 01:15:04,760
Speaker 1: hit her up when she gets back on the road,

1530
01:15:04,800 --> 01:15:06,800
Speaker 1: go see her. Just listen to the record stream the

1531
01:15:06,800 --> 01:15:09,880
Speaker 1: crap out of it. Here is Bandwagon, Go ahead again

1532
01:15:10,080 --> 01:15:15,080
Speaker 1: on this one is almost gone. Hat on you lift

1533
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:20,320
Speaker 1: those fifteen minutes like where the sun says, will follow?

1534
01:15:20,439 --> 01:15:23,960
Speaker 1: Who's the next piece? Lines of kicking it up days.

1535
01:15:24,240 --> 01:15:25,639
Speaker 1: Everyone loves to get