Speaker 1: The mind projects how fearful something is going to be
Speaker 1: this kind of worst case scenario thing automatically. But we
Speaker 1: can get over that through these small actions. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the one you feed Throughout time. Great thinkers have recognized
Speaker 1: the importance of the thoughts we have, quotes like garbage in,
Speaker 1: garbage out, or you are what you think ring true,
Speaker 1: and yet for many of us, our thoughts don't strengthen
Speaker 1: or empower us. We tend toward negativity, self pity, jealousy,
Speaker 1: or fear. We see what we don't have instead of
Speaker 1: what we do. We think things that hold us back
Speaker 1: and dampen our spirit. But it's not just about thinking.
Speaker 1: Our actions matter. It takes conscious, consistent, and creative effort
Speaker 1: to make a life worth living. This podcast is about
Speaker 1: how other people keep themselves moving in the right direction,
Speaker 1: how they feed their good wolf. Thanks for joining us.
Speaker 1: Our guest on this episode is Aaron Anastasi. He's a
Speaker 1: southern California native who graduated with a master's degree from Princeton,
Speaker 1: where he studied philosophy and psychology. He's also a serial
Speaker 1: entrepreneur with online businesses such as Superior Songwriting Method, Singing Success,
Speaker 1: and the internationally recognized superior singing method and online singing
Speaker 1: program that grosses seven figures annually. Having a love for adventure,
Speaker 1: he was a pro snowboarder in Vail, Colorado. He scaled
Speaker 1: Glacier Lake mountains in Bolivia and cut pathways through the
Speaker 1: jungles of Brazil. Along with being a Los Angeles based
Speaker 1: actor and filmmaker, Aaron is also a prominent success coach
Speaker 1: for clients in industry, leading roles ranging from film directors
Speaker 1: to marine biologists and even Tedex speakers. His new book,
Speaker 1: The Voice of Your Dreams was recently released. Here's the interview.
Speaker 1: Hi Aeron, Welcome to the show. Thank you, Eric, I
Speaker 1: I appreciate you having me. I'm I'm honored. I love
Speaker 1: your podcast. Thanks so much. We're glad to have you.
Speaker 1: We will get into your forthcoming book, The Voice of
Speaker 1: Your Dreams here shortly. But let's start like we always
Speaker 1: do with the parable. There's a grandfather who's talking with
Speaker 1: his grandson and he says, in life, there are two
Speaker 1: wolves inside of us that are always at battle. One's
Speaker 1: a good wolf, which represents things like kindness and bravery
Speaker 1: and love, and the other is a bad wolf, which
Speaker 1: represents things like greed and hatred and fear. And the
Speaker 1: grandson stops and he thinks about it for a second.
Speaker 1: Then he looks up at his grandfather and he says, grandfather,
Speaker 1: which one wins? And the grandfather says, the one you feed.
Speaker 1: So I'd like to start off by asking you what
Speaker 1: that parable means to you in your life and in
Speaker 1: the work that you do. Yeah, the work that I
Speaker 1: do centers and and the book that I wrote that
Speaker 1: you mentioned it centers a lot around these limiting voices
Speaker 1: that we have and the idea that we have, these
Speaker 1: recurring voices that go on in our mind, these tapes
Speaker 1: that repeat themselves over and over and over again. Common
Speaker 1: ones for me would be, you don't have what it takes,
Speaker 1: you're too far behind there, there's no reason to pursue
Speaker 1: that you're not gonna be successful, You're dumb. I mean,
Speaker 1: any number of those kind of things are ones that
Speaker 1: that I've dealt with that so one time or another.
Speaker 1: So to me, the limiting voices, I would say, the
Speaker 1: limiting voices are the are the evil wolf, and the
Speaker 1: more true voices are the ones that would be the
Speaker 1: good wolf. I've got a chapter in my book called
Speaker 1: the truth about you. I have a list on my
Speaker 1: phone literally still, I went over it today. I go
Speaker 1: over it nearly every single day, and it's things that
Speaker 1: people have said about me. People I respect in certain
Speaker 1: industries that have said things about me that I'm insecure about.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's my acting or my filmmaking or my coaching,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. And they've said things to the contrary,
Speaker 1: people I respect and would have no really reason to
Speaker 1: blow smoke up my butt. And I write these things
Speaker 1: down and I go over them almost every day to
Speaker 1: get recentered on what's more true about who I am.
Speaker 1: So we've got these limiting voices that are this in
Speaker 1: my mind, the wolf, the evil wolf. And then here's
Speaker 1: what's more true about us, getting centered when we're not
Speaker 1: in that kind of insecure state, what's really true about us?
Speaker 1: And it helps me, helps me become in a better
Speaker 1: state of mind to be able to get the things
Speaker 1: that I want in life and be able to serve
Speaker 1: others better. You have that section in your book, and
Speaker 1: it at one point, you know, you you talk about
Speaker 1: these questions we have. You know, I don't have what
Speaker 1: it takes, or do I have what it takes? And
Speaker 1: I think that's a that's a great example of a limiting,
Speaker 1: but extremely in my experience, both with myself and other people,
Speaker 1: very common question when we look at trying to do
Speaker 1: something that might be a bit beyond the ordinary. What's
Speaker 1: a good way to deal with that question? When we
Speaker 1: say to ourselves, I don't have what it takes or
Speaker 1: I don't think I have what it takes. I have
Speaker 1: seen that it's common with me and my clients as well,
Speaker 1: and I think it asks the wrong question. It's not
Speaker 1: really question I don't have what it takes or do
Speaker 1: I have what it takes. I think there's a more
Speaker 1: resourceful question. And and I find that when I say
Speaker 1: do I have the resources? Do I have the capacity
Speaker 1: to find the resources necessary to be successful in this endeavor?
Speaker 1: And so it's never about what is in me right
Speaker 1: now to be successful in this one thing. It's do
Speaker 1: I have the capacity to find the resources? And do
Speaker 1: I have the relationships? And do I have the knowledge?
Speaker 1: And if I don't, where can I go look for it?
Speaker 1: There's very little that is impossible for us or that
Speaker 1: we don't have what it takes to do. There just
Speaker 1: maybe some resources that we need to gather. Are people
Speaker 1: that we need to talk to in order to get
Speaker 1: the ball rolling toward that thing. Yeah, the idea of
Speaker 1: the fixed versus the growth mindset comes up again and
Speaker 1: again on the show, and and this you know, I
Speaker 1: don't have what it takes, or the question version that
Speaker 1: assumes that there's a certain set thing inside you that
Speaker 1: won't grow, won't expand won't become better. It's like, I'm
Speaker 1: kind of I am what I am. I'm as good
Speaker 1: as I'm going to be, and I'm gonna stay that way. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 1: which is which is that limiting voice? And the and
Speaker 1: the really insidious thing about limiting voices is they occur
Speaker 1: to us. We don't realize these limiting voices oftentimes are
Speaker 1: happening and are affecting our behavior and our automatic responses,
Speaker 1: and so we just they occur to us as reality.
Speaker 1: They they're the tapes that are going on our head.
Speaker 1: We just oftentimes occur to us as this is reality
Speaker 1: and this is what's true. And then our actions follow
Speaker 1: what we think is real, and then of course our
Speaker 1: results become what they become, whether we believe those and
Speaker 1: follow through with them or we choose to have a
Speaker 1: different story. Right, They're usually presented very realistically. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: come on, be realistic, you know, be realistic, you know,
Speaker 1: you know you, etcetera. As I started to read your book,
Speaker 1: one of the things that jumped out right away is
Speaker 1: very much a theme that that we talk about a
Speaker 1: lot on the show. And I'm going to just read
Speaker 1: a couple of lines from your book to sort of
Speaker 1: set the stage and maybe you can elaborate for there.
Speaker 1: You say that inspiration and passion most often arise while
Speaker 1: we're in action, getting busy doing whatever it is that
Speaker 1: we insist we want to do so badly sitting and
Speaker 1: waiting for inspiration to strike reveals a misunderstanding of this truth.
Speaker 1: The inspiration we're waiting for before we start is on
Speaker 1: the other side of starting. Yeah. I I just find
Speaker 1: that with the limiting voices and you know, the negative
Speaker 1: self talk, and there are a lot a lot of
Speaker 1: different um words for that. One of the primary ways,
Speaker 1: and I talked about a lot of different ways in
Speaker 1: the book, but one of the primary ways that I
Speaker 1: find to limit to limit, to uh, to quiet, to
Speaker 1: silence those limiting voices is just to get into action.
Speaker 1: What what can I start doing? Whether I feel like
Speaker 1: it or not. That will get me into action, because
Speaker 1: that the hardest part is just before we start. So
Speaker 1: if we can get beyond that starting point, we begin
Speaker 1: to get some momentum and some excitement and some inspiration
Speaker 1: on the other side of that. And what I find
Speaker 1: is really helpful is to just come two very very
Speaker 1: small chunks of time at a time. So, Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: do this, but just for two minutes, five minutes, whatever,
Speaker 1: it's just a small not just to get me started.
Speaker 1: Once i'm in, i'll write or or whatever it is
Speaker 1: that I'm doing, I'll do it for hours because it
Speaker 1: ends up silencing the voice. And I realized, oh, this
Speaker 1: isn't as scary as I thought. You know, the mind
Speaker 1: projects how fearful something's going to be, this kind of
Speaker 1: worst case scenario thing automatically naturally, But we can get
Speaker 1: over that through these small actions. Yeah. I mean, I
Speaker 1: think if I was going to name one thing that
Speaker 1: I learned that did more to change my ability to
Speaker 1: accomplish things in life, it was probably that it was
Speaker 1: learning to break down things that felt overwhelming into incredibly
Speaker 1: small things and essentially trick myself into getting started. That's
Speaker 1: absolutely right. It just makes such a big difference. And
Speaker 1: I think the the other thing about that that you
Speaker 1: were just hinting at is that I had this conversation
Speaker 1: with somebody today, a pretty long conversation. You kept bringing
Speaker 1: up all these different things in his head, all these
Speaker 1: various permutations on him thinking about something, and the answer
Speaker 1: every time was, well, why don't you just instead of
Speaker 1: thinking about what's going on your head or thinking about
Speaker 1: yourself what you get back to what you are working on.
Speaker 1: Why don't you put your attention back into this moment
Speaker 1: right now what you're focusing on, Because any version of
Speaker 1: those things that are going on your head are all
Speaker 1: a distraction from what actually matters in this moment, which
Speaker 1: is the thing that's right in front of you. Right
Speaker 1: Once we get into action, that inspiration starts coming. And
Speaker 1: also it's a form of a declaration. I think declarations
Speaker 1: and commitments and visions um having a vision for a
Speaker 1: life and a commitment of declaration. There's a goal that
Speaker 1: that thing that we're after that is a form of
Speaker 1: a declaration that creates a new reality for us to
Speaker 1: live into. So if we're if we're living into the reality,
Speaker 1: because I believe that we live into the future that
Speaker 1: we see coming toward us. So the future we see
Speaker 1: coming toward us is just a repackaged, bandaged version of
Speaker 1: the past failures or whatever, then that's oftentimes what we get.
Speaker 1: Whereas if we make a commitment and a declaration like
Speaker 1: this is what I'm going after, I'm committed to going
Speaker 1: after this, rather than saying, oh, this is scarier, this
Speaker 1: is bad, or I'm not going to be able to
Speaker 1: do this. That's a form of a declaration, just like
Speaker 1: a declaration is I'm going to sit down tomorrow at
Speaker 1: two pm and write two pages on this book. Is
Speaker 1: a declaration. One gets us one result, one gets us
Speaker 1: another result. Yeah. The thing about this stuff that's such
Speaker 1: a pain in the ass is that it's like we
Speaker 1: do it today, Like I did it, I got started,
Speaker 1: I was moving, and then you know, very often it's
Speaker 1: the same battle tomorrow, absolutely, which I know these lessons.
Speaker 1: I know that once I start, it's gonna be better.
Speaker 1: You know why this consistent resistance? Do you have any
Speaker 1: sense of of what? You know? Why that resistance just
Speaker 1: comes back over and over to a lot of us.
Speaker 1: A couple of things come to mind. People, oftentimes my clients.
Speaker 1: I'll find that because I'm also a coach, like a
Speaker 1: life coach, success coach, and I find that a lot
Speaker 1: of my clients they will talk about I'm just not
Speaker 1: that kind of person or that's not my personality. And
Speaker 1: I'm a big proponent of using our personality, you know,
Speaker 1: to victimize ourselves into believing that we're only capable of
Speaker 1: certain things. It doesn't fly like. What we are is
Speaker 1: a compilation of habits, generally speaking, so I think that
Speaker 1: it comes back over and overright. I call myself a
Speaker 1: recovering pessimist. I remember I was doing a lot of work.
Speaker 1: One of the chapters in my book is about optimism
Speaker 1: and pessimism, and I asked my wife, I said, would
Speaker 1: you consider me an optimist or a pessimist? She did
Speaker 1: not hesitate. She said a pessimist, which was, you know,
Speaker 1: terrible for me to hear. At the time. It was
Speaker 1: good feedback. But but what I realized and why it
Speaker 1: wasn't devastating, is that I, Okay, if in that moment,
Speaker 1: or in the past days or weeks, I've rehearsed the
Speaker 1: habit of pessimism, I could rehearse the habit of optimism
Speaker 1: and and change my way of thinking, and change my
Speaker 1: way of being and therefore changed the results that I get.
Speaker 1: So to answer your question, I think part of it
Speaker 1: is it's just habitual. It's habitual like this pessimistic attitude,
Speaker 1: and why these negative things come up are because it
Speaker 1: has a way of making us feel like, oh well,
Speaker 1: if I if I feel disappointed before I go in,
Speaker 1: and I have a pessimistic attitude about what might happen,
Speaker 1: then I'll be less disappointed if it doesn't happen. So
Speaker 1: and it's actually true that does help a little bit
Speaker 1: like that, but the problem is we end up living
Speaker 1: a dark cloud life and not getting a lot of
Speaker 1: the results that we could otherwise get, just for that
Speaker 1: little benefit of slightly less disappointment if things don't work out.
Speaker 1: In the book, you talk about Hemingway, who was known
Speaker 1: for finishing while he still had one idea left, so
Speaker 1: that when he came in the morning he had something
Speaker 1: to st art with. He knew where to start instead
Speaker 1: of staring at the blank page. And there's a lot
Speaker 1: of different tricks like that to sort of make sure
Speaker 1: that we can get started and get moving. I believe
Speaker 1: I read that in a Movable Feast. It became just
Speaker 1: part of my practice every day so my last I
Speaker 1: wouldn't write my last idea just right, the ideas that
Speaker 1: I had that last idea I jot down on paper
Speaker 1: next day, I would. I would be excited because I've
Speaker 1: been looking forward to writing about this one thing, and
Speaker 1: that would lead to a dozen other things, but always
Speaker 1: stop with one idea, and it it made me a
Speaker 1: much more prolific writer and made me enjoy the process
Speaker 1: a lot more as well. I think it's the jotting
Speaker 1: down that's the key there, Like I will remember that
Speaker 1: for sure, and then I'm like, I have no idea.
Speaker 1: It's amazing. Um. We talk a lot on the show
Speaker 1: also about setting really small goals, baby steps, and UM.
Speaker 1: One of the things that that I was thinking about
Speaker 1: as I was reading You've got a lot in the
Speaker 1: book about that. You're clearly a big proponent of that.
Speaker 1: One of the things that I was thinking about was
Speaker 1: this idea that sometimes we're shooting for a goal and
Speaker 1: success feels like accomplishment of that goal. So every step
Speaker 1: until we get to that goal feels like we're waiting
Speaker 1: to be successful. And you really talk about letting success,
Speaker 1: you say, be defined as a completion of a small
Speaker 1: goal you set for yourself each day. These goals add up,
Speaker 1: eventually putting you on the path towards the future you
Speaker 1: were creating, which will become a future worth having and
Speaker 1: living into. But you're really focusing on celebrating or enjoying
Speaker 1: or appreciating the fact that you're doing the work today.
Speaker 1: You're doing that thing that you want to do, that
Speaker 1: you care about that matters to you. You're doing it
Speaker 1: right now, regardless of what result might come three, six,
Speaker 1: nine months, years, whatever in the future. When I talk
Speaker 1: to my clients, I first try to find out what
Speaker 1: what is it that they love to do so because
Speaker 1: oftentimes the result that we want in our life. I
Speaker 1: want this result, but I don't enjoy the process toward
Speaker 1: that result. I would have to question how much you
Speaker 1: really love that result, and what the why do you
Speaker 1: want that? Do you want that because you love doing
Speaker 1: that thing or because of fame or money or all
Speaker 1: these other things. To me, if you don't love the process,
Speaker 1: and you probably won't even love the result, because in
Speaker 1: the result, you'll have to still be doing this process
Speaker 1: exactly exactly. Yeah, yeah, I love the idea of celebrating
Speaker 1: small victories. Like you said, I believe that celebration. Is
Speaker 1: is a discipline, even even a spiritual discipline of stopping
Speaker 1: and celebrating small victories and allowing success to be the
Speaker 1: accomplishment of small goals, like you said, over time. But
Speaker 1: it's this realization of the goals that is success. So
Speaker 1: today did I move my goal forward? Um? A little bit? Okay?
Speaker 1: Then today was a success And I'm a success yep,
Speaker 1: I'm a recovering alcoholic. And you know, the one day
Speaker 1: at a time thing really is like if you went
Speaker 1: to bed today, if you went to bed at all,
Speaker 1: if you went to bed today sober, that's a big success, right,
Speaker 1: regardless of whether you stay sober the next month, week, etcetera.
Speaker 1: You say that, I'll quote you again here. The primary
Speaker 1: operative term is progressive. Success is staying on the path
Speaker 1: towards your goal a little by little. So if you're
Speaker 1: on the path, you're already achieving success. That's right. It's
Speaker 1: it's this progressive realization. And in fact, I think it
Speaker 1: was Earl Nightingale that said success is progressively realizing a
Speaker 1: worthy ideal. And the thing that is so nice about that,
Speaker 1: I think is I think that there is when we
Speaker 1: say we're going to do something we want to do
Speaker 1: something and then we actually do it, there's a feeling
Speaker 1: internally that that generates a feeling of well being or
Speaker 1: internal harmony. I don't know what to call it, but
Speaker 1: that very thing is very much often the reward. And
Speaker 1: alternatively that saying I'm going to do something and then
Speaker 1: not doing it gives a real sort of sense of
Speaker 1: internal disease disease, and so I find that just doing
Speaker 1: it is oftentimes, like I said, the reward is the
Speaker 1: fact that I did it because I feel good about
Speaker 1: myself and I feel like, to your point, I'm on
Speaker 1: the right path, and boy does it feel bad to
Speaker 1: feel like you're consistently on the wrong. Absolutely, and that
Speaker 1: that reminds me of working out, Like I have a
Speaker 1: I have a schedule where I it's just been habitual
Speaker 1: over the past several years where I work out more,
Speaker 1: you know, about five days a week. In the morning,
Speaker 1: I spent about an hour working out. It's nothing crazy,
Speaker 1: but it that to me is such a good analogy
Speaker 1: because every day I go and work out, I not
Speaker 1: only feel good that I worked out and that I
Speaker 1: accomplished one of my goals early on in the day,
Speaker 1: but working out actually you know, the serotoninally it like
Speaker 1: helps me feel better and think better, and so immediately
Speaker 1: this process. Let's say I'm trying to lose weight or
Speaker 1: I'm trying to gain muscle, whatever it is, that goal
Speaker 1: is great. But if I don't let myself celebrate and
Speaker 1: and hold my happiness, hijack it, you know, hold it
Speaker 1: until I reached that final goal, it doesn't make any
Speaker 1: It doesn't make any sense. And we see that with
Speaker 1: working out, we get the benefit immediately from something like
Speaker 1: that if we love doing the thing and it makes
Speaker 1: us feel good along the way. Yep. And I would
Speaker 1: say even with working out, if you don't necessarily love
Speaker 1: the thing that much. For me, I love the way
Speaker 1: it feels almost immediately and the fact of being on
Speaker 1: the right track. And it's even better when you can
Speaker 1: find exercise that you love. But I find myself sometimes
Speaker 1: sliding into a rut where it's the same sort of exercise.
Speaker 1: But I just know that every morning by you know,
Speaker 1: I try and do it first thing the morning. Every morning,
Speaker 1: by you know, an hour after being awake, I'm like,
Speaker 1: all right, I feel you know, I feel much better
Speaker 1: about where I'm going and what I'm doing. And I
Speaker 1: love that you said that, because that that resonates with me,
Speaker 1: the idea of I don't always love working out, but
Speaker 1: I always love the way I feel when I've worked out,
Speaker 1: and if I can remember that, that's a good motivation
Speaker 1: to get in there. Yep, that's one of those back
Speaker 1: to that idea of like why the resistance because I
Speaker 1: think literally every time in my life I have worked out, afterwards,
Speaker 1: I say I'm glad I did that, like without fail
Speaker 1: and yet why does it seem like why is that? Still?
Speaker 1: You would think thing that had that much positive result
Speaker 1: would just be easy to just be like, I'm doing
Speaker 1: it no matter what you know. It's just it cracks
Speaker 1: me up. So you talk a little bit about not
Speaker 1: focusing only on the goal or the outside piece, but
Speaker 1: on who you are, defining who you are. Um. You
Speaker 1: say that if you define who you are and what
Speaker 1: you're up to at the outset, whatever you do becomes
Speaker 1: an outworking of who you are, not an attempt to
Speaker 1: define their identity. Can you tell us more about that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: When I first started my my singing program, it was
Speaker 1: back then it was called the Singing Guide. UM it's
Speaker 1: now called Superior Singing Method. But I created the Singing
Speaker 1: Guide for a lot of reasons that you know, I
Speaker 1: wanted to pass it income. I was I was a
Speaker 1: good singer, and I was a pretty good teacher, and
Speaker 1: so I thought this would be this would be a
Speaker 1: good thing. So I I spent a couple of years
Speaker 1: doing it and we were excited, in my business partners
Speaker 1: and I. And when we launched it, it was an
Speaker 1: absolute flop. It was a it was a total fail or.
Speaker 1: And I came to a point with that. I was obviously,
Speaker 1: you know, so many years of work and I was
Speaker 1: just like, this thing is not going to take off.
Speaker 1: And I came to a point where I I re
Speaker 1: examined who am I Like, what is it about this
Speaker 1: that is it just about money and passive income? Like,
Speaker 1: because that that's not enough to motivate me. I'm I'm
Speaker 1: partially motivated by money, but not really and so what
Speaker 1: is it? And I found that at the core of me,
Speaker 1: all the things that I do, whether it's coaching or writing,
Speaker 1: or or teaching singing or even acting and filmmaking, it's
Speaker 1: always for this purpose of I want to help people
Speaker 1: live a fuller and freer life. Um, I want their
Speaker 1: life to be bigger and I wanted to be freer,
Speaker 1: and I noticed that that the Singing program could do that.
Speaker 1: So this was part of who I was and who
Speaker 1: I wanted to be. I wanted to help people all
Speaker 1: over the world be able to reach their dream of
Speaker 1: becoming a singer. I love the idea of that, and
Speaker 1: so that motivated me to put my head down for
Speaker 1: another year and develop, you know, a rebrand, refilm, re restudy,
Speaker 1: and and decide what to do with the singing program.
Speaker 1: And it, you know, eventually became a really big success.
Speaker 1: But it was that was a pivotal moment for me
Speaker 1: to lock it into my values and who I was
Speaker 1: and see this as a legacy rather than just like
Speaker 1: a money maker or just whatever. Yeah. That always is
Speaker 1: helpful if you can find a deeper, underline reason for
Speaker 1: doing things. Yeah, and that also I think it happened
Speaker 1: again with the singing program. In two thousand eleven, Google
Speaker 1: released an algorithm called Panda. And I know nothing about algorithms.
Speaker 1: You just heard all the knowledge I have on algorithms.
Speaker 1: But the algorithm, I know what the effect of it was.
Speaker 1: We had all these keywords fifteen keywords and main keywords
Speaker 1: singing tips, how to sing, how to improve your sing voice.
Speaker 1: The main ones that people searched. We had them all
Speaker 1: on top spots on Google, you know, Spot one, two
Speaker 1: or three and usually even um the top spot. And
Speaker 1: so we were buzzing for a while, even with superior
Speaker 1: singing method, and we were, you know, enjoying some of
Speaker 1: the success of that. And then Google release Panda and
Speaker 1: what it did is it shot all of our number
Speaker 1: one keywords down to page fifteen and and not spot fifteen.
Speaker 1: Page fifteen that nobody's ever visited except probably me because
Speaker 1: I wanted to see what that was. It's a long
Speaker 1: slow click seven oh, no eighth. It was so painful. Um.
Speaker 1: But that was another time where I had to revisit,
Speaker 1: is this important to me? What's going on? And you know,
Speaker 1: we had to get a new strategy and implement something else,
Speaker 1: and that's when we did our YouTube videos and those
Speaker 1: eventually blew up as well. But it was another point
Speaker 1: to where I could have not been to nation and
Speaker 1: just been like, oh, we had a good run. What else.
Speaker 1: But when it locked into what I was about and
Speaker 1: who I wanted to be it it made it more motivating.
Speaker 1: You've got in your book chapter called my life isn't working,
Speaker 1: you know, you say that, it's usually not a circumstance
Speaker 1: or a person that's holding us back. It's our language.
Speaker 1: It's our words and our thoughts. Yeah, and this and
Speaker 1: this goes back to the idea of the limiting voices,
Speaker 1: so so our words as certainly as we talked about
Speaker 1: our words with the pessimistic language. Like for example, if
Speaker 1: I'm if if I wake up every day and I
Speaker 1: have another list on my phone. I've got a lot
Speaker 1: of lists on my phone that helped me get recentered,
Speaker 1: and it's just called I'm thankful for and and when
Speaker 1: I go through that and I start saying the things
Speaker 1: that I'm thankful for, it creates a certain way of
Speaker 1: being for me in a certain way that I see
Speaker 1: my life, I see myself, I see others and my circumstances.
Speaker 1: That that gets me a much different result than if
Speaker 1: I wake up in the morning and allow those I
Speaker 1: think I mentioned when I wake up in the morning.
Speaker 1: Oftentimes still today, which is probably why I wrote a
Speaker 1: book about limiting voices. My mind is feel filled with
Speaker 1: a lot of fearful thoughts as soon as I wake
Speaker 1: up in the morning and I have a routine that
Speaker 1: I go through, and part of it is these lists
Speaker 1: of this language in my head. So the language we speak,
Speaker 1: for sure, but the language in our head that has
Speaker 1: all these negative, kind of fearful thoughts ends up getting
Speaker 1: me a certain result. And so how do you keep
Speaker 1: those lists, those uh mind activities you do? How do
Speaker 1: you keep those from becoming sort of a stale repetition
Speaker 1: that doesn't really engender much change Because I find that
Speaker 1: for myself sometimes like ideas like um, a gratitude list
Speaker 1: is a great idea. There are sometimes though that I
Speaker 1: feel like it's just going through the motions and it
Speaker 1: doesn't do me any good. Do you have any weight
Speaker 1: of keeping the those things fresh for yourself or getting
Speaker 1: the emotional connection with them on a consistent basis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I hear what you're saying, and I and I have
Speaker 1: the same struggle for for my list becoming stale and
Speaker 1: not having that you know that like a that EpiPen
Speaker 1: adrenaline pumped to my heart like like they originally did.
Speaker 1: What's been helpful for me is to make sure that
Speaker 1: I'm continuing to add to the list. And so my
Speaker 1: thankful for list is that like fifty three, I think
Speaker 1: right now, and so I usually scrolled down to like
Speaker 1: the last five or ten that connect with me the most.
Speaker 1: And if I actually sit there and I say, okay,
Speaker 1: what are two more things right now that are different,
Speaker 1: and I write those down that usually that usually has
Speaker 1: it has a way of helping, and then also is
Speaker 1: using different methods, I find that the idea of the
Speaker 1: daily morning ritual to me, after a couple of weeks
Speaker 1: or months of any ritual can become stale to me.
Speaker 1: So as long as I switch it up, and sometimes
Speaker 1: I'll read books that inspire me in the morning, are
Speaker 1: different votes or or wisdom literature or different things that
Speaker 1: will help kind of spike me, and then I can
Speaker 1: go back to the to the gratitude list or these
Speaker 1: other things maybe in a few weeks. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: the same sort of situation of trying to to work
Speaker 1: to find a way to keep it fresh and to
Speaker 1: try and find a way to emotionally connect versus like
Speaker 1: I said, just kind of going through the motions and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: And you know I talk on here and in so
Speaker 1: many episodes I've done about how sometimes like none of
Speaker 1: that stuff even seems to work with my negative voices,
Speaker 1: and I have to do something that like completely changes
Speaker 1: the channel, Like concentration games help. Trying to start with
Speaker 1: the letter A and think of a song you like
Speaker 1: that starts with the letter A, and then hear the
Speaker 1: melody in my head. And that sort of thing actually
Speaker 1: engages me enough that if I stick with that for
Speaker 1: a little while, I sort of emerge from the morass
Speaker 1: um and then things like a gratitude list or something
Speaker 1: help me a little bit more. But sometimes when I'm
Speaker 1: deep in it, that other stuff isn't as effective as
Speaker 1: I would like it to be. Yeah, that's great, I
Speaker 1: haven't heard that before. I may start using that. Another
Speaker 1: another thing that's been helpful for me is I have
Speaker 1: I have a closet. It's not like a huge walking closet,
Speaker 1: but it's like still kind of walking ish, and I
Speaker 1: keep a chair folded up in there that I can
Speaker 1: like pull out and sit on and I can close
Speaker 1: that door. And and when I when I just sit
Speaker 1: in there with you know, sit up straight and have
Speaker 1: my hand, it's meditation, but really it's not like any
Speaker 1: formal meditation. If I just sit there and I do
Speaker 1: I just do some breathing and just sit quietly for
Speaker 1: five or ten minutes. A lot of times, my inner wisdom,
Speaker 1: whatever it is, you know, it could be if people
Speaker 1: are from a faith, tradition or whatever they believe. But
Speaker 1: my inner kind of wisdom starts to filter, filter through
Speaker 1: those thoughts and and write them and give me, give
Speaker 1: me fresh ideas. Yep, Chris has a really small closet
Speaker 1: that he likes to climb into and and sob like
Speaker 1: a baby. That's his that's his morning routine. I like Chris.
Speaker 1: So you have another part that I love. I love
Speaker 1: the title. It's something I tend to say all the time,
Speaker 1: which is it's all made up anyway. You're you're basically saying,
Speaker 1: our current assumptions and perceptions tend to be a story
Speaker 1: of some sort anyway, So why not pick a good one.
Speaker 1: I think most of our entire lives are a story
Speaker 1: that we tell ourselves. So the story in back to
Speaker 1: the Limiting a Limiting Voice is kind of a story.
Speaker 1: So the idea of like I don't have what it takes. Okay,
Speaker 1: that may or may not be true, but it is
Speaker 1: just a story you're telling yourself that you could probably
Speaker 1: find some evidence in some way that there is some
Speaker 1: truth to that story. Okay, great, What about the story
Speaker 1: that says I'm a resourceful person and I could find
Speaker 1: what it is that I need to to do this thing.
Speaker 1: That's just another story that's gonna that's gonna be more
Speaker 1: resourceful for me. And so I love the idea. And
Speaker 1: even how you mentioned that, even overwhelmed overwhelmed is such
Speaker 1: a big one for my clients. I feel overwhelmed. Overwhelmed
Speaker 1: itself is just a story. It's a story that we
Speaker 1: make up and then we believe, and then we begin
Speaker 1: to shut down. The story is I have too much
Speaker 1: to do. Another story could be I only have one
Speaker 1: thing to do right now. It's the thing that I'm doing,
Speaker 1: and I'm gonna do that, and then the next thing
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do if I have time for that. That's
Speaker 1: a different story but creates a less panicky state. I'm
Speaker 1: just fascinated by the interplay between behavior, thoughts, and feelings
Speaker 1: and how all those things sort of can affect each other.
Speaker 1: It's it's not like a clean delineation between those. Like
Speaker 1: that feeling of overwhelmed part of me when you say that,
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, but overwhelmed feels panic. But then I
Speaker 1: was like, but it feels panicky because of the story
Speaker 1: I'm telling myself about everything that has to happen, and
Speaker 1: I may not even be aware that I am telling
Speaker 1: myself that story. It just seems true. I'm overwhelmed. Yes,
Speaker 1: And I love that you bring that up, because that
Speaker 1: the things that we're telling ourselves we don't oftentimes most
Speaker 1: of the time really I they're there. It occurs to
Speaker 1: us as really as real as this is objective reality,
Speaker 1: and then our actions follow them. Yeah, it rained this morning.
Speaker 1: I live in in Los Angeles, doesn't rain very often.
Speaker 1: It was pouring, pouring rain this morning. And just the
Speaker 1: idea of our our feelings and our thoughts, how they
Speaker 1: really dictate our feelings. I remember looking out the window
Speaker 1: and and thinking it's raining so hard, and my thought was,
Speaker 1: this is beautiful. California needs the rain. I love when
Speaker 1: it rains. It it's such a fun feeling. It felt
Speaker 1: like the rain gave me a feeling of calm, but
Speaker 1: it wasn't the rain. Rain has nothing to do with it.
Speaker 1: I could have looked out the window and thought, oh man,
Speaker 1: well I've got to get to work, and now traffic
Speaker 1: is gonna be There's all these other thoughts that the rain.
Speaker 1: I could have thought the rain was making me feel anxious.
Speaker 1: And that's I think why sometimes in the beginning, just
Speaker 1: starting to learn to consistently question our thoughts, not even
Speaker 1: like not even like they're wrong, they're just even starting
Speaker 1: to question the fact, like maybe that's just not true,
Speaker 1: maybe that's not you know, objective reality, and trying to
Speaker 1: really find out, like what is the fact? Like what
Speaker 1: you said there is the fact is it's raining. That's
Speaker 1: the really only fact. And everything you've described, everything else
Speaker 1: is an interpretation. That's right. Well, Aaron, I think we
Speaker 1: are out of time, but thank you so much for
Speaker 1: coming on the show. I've really enjoyed the conversation. I
Speaker 1: enjoyed the book. Will have links in our show notes
Speaker 1: to where people can get the book, and uh, best
Speaker 1: of luck to you on the launch. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: It was this was great, all right, take care bye.
Speaker 1: You can learn more about this podcast and Aaron Anastasi
Speaker 1: at one new feed dot net, slash errand