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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her.

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Speaker 2: Space, It's always a good time to talk about how

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Speaker 2: we can give less fucks, but there is a caveat

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Speaker 2: and we want to give more context there because at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, I believe that the vision

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Speaker 2: that God has given us is not always supposed to

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Speaker 2: be understood are those around us, and the goal should

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Speaker 2: be to push forward with our purpose despite what others

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Speaker 2: I think.

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Speaker 1: Today's episode is sure to provide you with motivation, inspiration,

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Speaker 1: or a fresh perspective. If you have any AHA moments

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Speaker 1: or appreciate anything from this episode, please leave us a

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Speaker 1: review to let us know we're on the right track. Also,

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Speaker 1: we release episodes every Friday, so be sure to subscribe

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Speaker 1: on iTunes and visit cultivatingheurspace dot com to access our

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Speaker 1: exclusive after show and other bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 3: women like you.

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Speaker 2: We're your hosts.

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Speaker 4: Doctor Dominique Broussard, a college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 2: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 4: Our quote of the day, Remember, no one can make

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Speaker 4: you feel inferior without consent. And that quote comes to

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Speaker 4: us from Eleanor Roosevelt. I'm gonna say that again one

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Speaker 4: more time for the folks in the back. Remember, no

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Speaker 4: one can make you feel inferior without constant olt. Normally

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Speaker 4: I ask you what you think, but I'm gonna go

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Speaker 4: out to here and I'm gonna jump again first, because

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Speaker 4: when I hear this quote, I want to make sure

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Speaker 4: that folks understaying the implied your in between without and consent, right,

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Speaker 4: so recognizing that someone cannot no one can make you

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Speaker 4: feel inferior without your consent, like without you giving them

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Speaker 4: permissions to make you feel that way. And when I

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Speaker 4: think about it like that as first, I know there's

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Speaker 4: some peopeople that are gonna hear that and they're gonna say, wait,

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Speaker 4: what is somebody permission to say hurtful things to me?

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Speaker 4: And that is not what we're staying here. You're not

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Speaker 4: giving permission for someone to say they hurtful things to you.

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Speaker 4: You are to say what they want to say. You think, though,

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Speaker 4: in response to their words is on you. And if

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Speaker 4: you were hurt by it, then you're giving them consent

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Speaker 4: right like you were saying, I am giving consent to

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Speaker 4: make me feel hurt, And really it's not that. Then

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Speaker 4: you really giving them consider what it really is. It's

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Speaker 4: saying that there is something in the dynamic of our

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Speaker 4: relationship that your words have so much power over me

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Speaker 4: that I can take something that you said and be

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Speaker 4: hurt by it. And now sometimes that person will intentionally

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Speaker 4: trying to hurt your feelings, an other trying somebody lay

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Speaker 4: faith something and they invite me the passing comment not

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Speaker 4: with the intention of hurting you, but because of the

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Speaker 4: power either one the power that person has over you,

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Speaker 4: or two and sometimes as the combination of both. The

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Speaker 4: space you work in life, you are allowing those words

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Speaker 4: to hurt you. That's what I think when I hear

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Speaker 4: that quote, see what about you?

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Speaker 2: This is a loaded one, and I think you hit

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Speaker 2: the nail on the head with this. I think that

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Speaker 2: depending on where someone is in their journey, this quote

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Speaker 2: can hit different. Because I know for a fact that

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Speaker 2: there were times in my journey where I would have

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Speaker 2: been like what like, like you said, someone might listen

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Speaker 2: to this and say, wait, what it's they wait my consent? Okay,

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Speaker 2: let's dip into it. So I think the phrase without

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Speaker 2: your consent, right, Remember, no one can make you feel

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Speaker 2: inferior without your consent. I think that highlights the idea

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Speaker 2: that feeling inferior is not an involuntary reaction.

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Speaker 4: It's a choice out I know. And I think that it.

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Speaker 2: Also suggests that we get to decide whether or not

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Speaker 2: to accept or internalize negative judgments from others. And I

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Speaker 2: think that it also encourages us to derive our self

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Speaker 2: worth from internal factors rather than relying solely on external validation.

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Speaker 2: And we've all heard there's another a great proverb that

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Speaker 2: says hit dogs o'holla. Right, you all heard that great proverb.

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Speaker 2: So the thing about this down that this has been

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Speaker 2: triggering for me in life at one time. I'm going

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Speaker 2: to give you two examples. There was a time of

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Speaker 2: years ago. You probably know exactly who this was, but

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to get into all the tea, but

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Speaker 2: someone who I had done a lot for, Like I mean,

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Speaker 2: I made so many sacrifices for this person. They got

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Speaker 2: upset because I wasn't doing something they wanted me to do,

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Speaker 2: and they called me selfish, and it triggered me. And

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Speaker 2: I remember when they called me selfish. I remember going

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Speaker 2: to several people that I knew and I was like, wait,

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Speaker 2: they said this, do you think I'm selfish? I was

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Speaker 2: looking for a validation because I was so I was

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Speaker 2: hurt by who said it and why they said it.

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Speaker 2: But I think at the end of the day, I'm

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Speaker 2: being honest with myself. There may have been something deep

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Speaker 2: within me that resonated with the selfishness, and I needed

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Speaker 2: validation to let me know.

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Speaker 4: You're really not selfish.

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Speaker 2: I needed other people to tell me that because I

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Speaker 2: was not secure with the way I was with selfishness.

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Speaker 2: And so that's just it is what it is. There

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Speaker 2: was another instance years ago when someone came on someone

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Speaker 2: was trolling me on social media and they were like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: she's really a man like saying all this stuff in

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Speaker 2: the comments, and it was actually really funny to me.

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Speaker 2: But I think it's because I didn't resonate with being

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Speaker 2: a man like. It just it did not mean it

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Speaker 2: didn't connect with any part of me. And so I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of times when we are triggered by

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Speaker 2: something or we're looking for that validation, we should really

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Speaker 2: go with them because it's something inside that we may

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Speaker 2: need to work on, because that's why we're I was

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Speaker 2: sort of giving I was giving the person who called

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Speaker 2: me selfish. I was giving them consent to make me

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Speaker 2: feel a certain way. If that makes sense, Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: that does.

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Speaker 4: And I think sometimes what it is is that we

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Speaker 4: can be doing the work and sometimes someone look says

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Speaker 4: something that then becomes a reminder. Right, But like when

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Speaker 4: I hear that example that you gave, right of that

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Speaker 4: person calling you felfish and life you're being hurt by it,

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Speaker 4: and then like thinking like validation for me, sometimes it

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Speaker 4: is like you mentioned like an indicator that like you're

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Speaker 4: resonating with it because there's something that you're trying to

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Speaker 4: I'm like, you're working on within yourself around not being felfish,

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Speaker 4: and so then it it was like they were pushing

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Speaker 4: your buttons with that helmet. But then I think that

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Speaker 4: there are times one of what happens is that you

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Speaker 4: had done the work and you know you're not selfish anymore,

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Speaker 4: or that you never were selfish, right, but you've done

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Speaker 4: the work, and what it is is that herson is

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Speaker 4: pushing a chin point. So they know that vinceilok something

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Speaker 4: that was part of your puttt and they intentionally pushed

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Speaker 4: that button because they know it would hurt M that's

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Speaker 4: a good one, or that they assumed it there's a

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Speaker 4: potential for it's a hurt because they know it's something

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Speaker 4: from your path, and so they intentionally push that button.

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Speaker 2: Okay, alf on the tangent too far, But lady, we're

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Speaker 2: gonna set the stage and kind of lay the foundation

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Speaker 2: for this episode. But down, I wanted to ask you

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Speaker 2: a question. So in this particular situation, I believe that

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Speaker 2: the person was definitely projecting because that person it's very selfish.

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Speaker 4: There are many too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, there are many ways in

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Speaker 2: life which you can you can pinpoint like, Okay, this

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Speaker 2: person is definitely selfish. And I think part of my

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Speaker 2: feeling was also like the audacity, Like I was like,

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Speaker 2: you had the audacity to call me this when I

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Speaker 2: did this, this, and this. So I think it was

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Speaker 2: a combination of things. Do you think there's a world

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Speaker 2: that exists where you can be frustrated and pissed off

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Speaker 2: that someone has called you something even though it may

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Speaker 2: not really resonate with you because I know I'm not selfish.

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Speaker 2: I do so much and I'm so selfless in so

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Speaker 2: many ways, and so do you think there's also a

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Speaker 2: world where you can be triggered, but it not necessarily

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Speaker 2: be an indication of how you feel about yourself, but

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Speaker 2: more so because you're upset that someone has the audacity.

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Speaker 4: All things considered, yep, yep, okay. I think the thing

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Speaker 4: is that we all that me when someone says from

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Speaker 4: thing to us, we will have any emotional response to

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Speaker 4: what they say. Sometimes that emotion in.

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Speaker 5: Chill.

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Speaker 4: I'm chill because I'm not saying is neutral, right, I'm

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Speaker 4: not saying either way by what you say. Sometimes it's

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Speaker 4: like the example that you gave when someone was trolling

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Speaker 4: you online and you found it hilarious. Other times it

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Speaker 4: could be that they have you outraged, or could be hurt,

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Speaker 4: could be said, could be amusement, could be excitement and

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Speaker 4: joy like, there are so many different emotions that are

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Speaker 4: going to automatically be elicited by the words of others.

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Speaker 4: I think our quote of the day is speaking specifically

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Speaker 4: to those feelings of inferiority that and honestly, you know,

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Speaker 4: when someone said something to us our whatever feelings are listening,

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Speaker 4: that's based on where we are in that space and time,

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Speaker 4: m yea, and our relationship to that person. Because let's

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Speaker 4: be real, I'm you know, I'm thinking about like fashion.

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Speaker 4: I saw somewhere online once and I was like, oh yeah,

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Speaker 4: that feels that feels accurate that. Let's say you're walking

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Speaker 4: down the street and like you got this out and

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Speaker 4: on that, you know, like you're like you you outside

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Speaker 4: and you got this out and on that you just

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Speaker 4: know is fly, And that's why you're really outside, right,

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Speaker 4: because you want to be seen in this fly ass

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Speaker 4: sick if the children, If a child acknowledges, because you know,

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Speaker 4: the children being the truth teller, If a child acknowledges

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Speaker 4: that your outfit is fly, or another black woman acknowledges

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Speaker 4: that your outfit is fly, what is gonna be your report?

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Speaker 4: Most of us are gonna feel elated. We're gonna tarry

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Speaker 4: our head a little higher. We're gonna we're gonna feel

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Speaker 4: validated in our flights. Right, But if a child walks

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Speaker 4: past you and they say something negative about that outfit,

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Speaker 4: you're gonna be second guessing yourself.

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Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here, Dom and I want to

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Speaker 2: take a moment to thank you for choosing to listen

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Speaker 2: to our podcast. We love you for real and we

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Speaker 2: want to give you a chance to learn more about

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Speaker 2: what's important to us. So tell us what you think

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Speaker 2: about this.

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Speaker 3: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 3: featured on the culture Mating her Space podcast and share

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Speaker 3: your business brand or perspective with millions around the globe.

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Speaker 3: Imagine joining our monthly virtual video check ins where you

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Speaker 3: can connect with like minded black women like you and

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Speaker 3: share your ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now,

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Speaker 3: I want you to imagine a world where you're in

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Speaker 3: the exclusive Cultivating her Space sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout

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Speaker 3: your day and week, you are conversing with us about

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Speaker 3: what's happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and

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Speaker 3: or personal wins.

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Speaker 2: How does that sound? Hopefully this is up your alley, lady,

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Speaker 2: because we are taking things to the next level of

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Speaker 2: this year and we're doubling down on investing in our community.

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Speaker 2: That means you. We want to meet you, connect with you,

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Speaker 2: and create communities of genuine women who love on black

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Speaker 2: women and push our culture and movement forward. We launched

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Speaker 2: this podcast in twenty nineteen, and to date, we have

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Speaker 2: not a week. We've been great stewards of our platform,

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Speaker 2: all while working full time and navigating our own ups

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Speaker 2: and downs. We release fresh new content every single Friday

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Speaker 2: like clock work, and we have hundreds of valuable episodes

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Speaker 2: if you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 2: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 2: this community effort forward. Visit herspace podcast dot com and

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Speaker 2: click Patreon. You can learn more about our goals and

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Speaker 2: exclusive offerings on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you

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Speaker 2: to join the Sister Frontier so that you can get

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Speaker 2: someone on one time with us. We also have an

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Speaker 2: option for you to donate on a one time basis

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Speaker 2: if that meets your needs. Again herspacepodcast dot com and

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Speaker 2: you can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 2: we'll hop right back into the conversation. I was going

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Speaker 2: to say, if you already felt a little may be insecure,

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Speaker 2: or maybe you were trying a new fashion statement, because

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Speaker 2: I feel like if you're confident and you like there

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Speaker 2: are times down where I will wear something and it's

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Speaker 2: not necessarily fashionable to other people, but I'm like, I

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Speaker 2: like it. So if someone says something, I'm like, okay,

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Speaker 2: that's your opinion, Like I feel good in this, But

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Speaker 2: if I take something out and I'm unsure, then that'll

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Speaker 2: really bother me.

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Speaker 4: What do you think? Yeah, I would, I would agree

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Speaker 4: with that, right that. Like, I think that even the

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Speaker 4: most confident, even if you are the most copiment, though,

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Speaker 4: there is gonna be like that flip back and like

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Speaker 4: oh okay, yeah, like and it might be like a

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Speaker 4: it might be like a, oh you really said that

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Speaker 4: about the set? I like you said, non't agree because

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Speaker 4: I'm believe that I'm walking in it and I'm confident

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Speaker 4: and now I'm liable. But if you are unsure, then

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Speaker 4: it will sit with you longer you are gonna be.

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Speaker 4: It is going to go back to our fold of

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Speaker 4: the day of like feeling a little bit in fair

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Speaker 4: because the truth tellers the elder the truth that you

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Speaker 4: didn't believe that you didn't agree with.

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Speaker 2: Yes, now, lady, we know this episode's titled Poppy. Has

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Speaker 2: you feel in a way or maybe you like yes,

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Speaker 2: Like I don't give a fuck or maybe you're like,

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Speaker 2: what are they talking about? So let's just kind of

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Speaker 2: set the stage before we jumped a little bit deeper.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 2: Now, I don't know if you can resonate with this,

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Speaker 2: but as someone who was raised in church with a

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Speaker 2: deeply religious upbringing, and I was somewhat seen as the

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Speaker 2: golden child, like the one that everyone had these high

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Speaker 2: expectations for all the little kids like my cousin, most

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Speaker 2: of the little kids, should I say my cousins and

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Speaker 2: kids that were around me, they looked up to me.

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Speaker 2: My siblings looked up to me. My parents held high

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Speaker 2: expectations for me and what I was to become. Because

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Speaker 2: of that pressure, for a very long time, I was

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Speaker 2: a prisoner of the opinions of others, and I do

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Speaker 2: think that at some point in my life it did

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Speaker 2: serve me. But as a woman well into my thirties,

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Speaker 2: now I have new interests. I'm interested in diving into

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Speaker 2: taboo topics and desires, and I feel like at this

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Speaker 2: point in my life my purpose is somewhat to shake

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Speaker 2: shit up and embark on non traditional paths, and so

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Speaker 2: as I'm like rebranding myself and figuring out what I

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Speaker 2: want to share with the world. I'm sensing some tension

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Speaker 2: around fulfilling this purpose, and for me, the challenge lies

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Speaker 2: in not letting the judgments and the pinions of others

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Speaker 2: impact me in a meaningful way that will stop me

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Speaker 2: from my purpose. So, Lady, I really do believe that

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Speaker 2: this conversation is super important, especially as we embark on

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Speaker 2: a new year and new season. No matter when you're

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Speaker 2: tuning into this episode, you know it could be a

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Speaker 2: new season. A new year is definitely a new day,

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Speaker 2: so it's always a good time to talk about how

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Speaker 2: we can give less fucks. But there is a caveat

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Speaker 2: and we want to give more context there because at

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Speaker 2: the end of the day, I believe that the vision

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Speaker 2: that God has given us is not always supposed to

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Speaker 2: be understood are those around us, and the goal should

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Speaker 2: be to push forward with our purpose despite what others

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Speaker 2: I think. So we have no fucks to give, But

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Speaker 2: down before I dump into jump into what having no

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Speaker 2: fucks means to me? What does it mean to not

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Speaker 2: give a fuck to you?

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Speaker 4: It's similarly to what it means to you in terms

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Speaker 4: of being in a faith where you're not like beholden

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Speaker 4: to the opinions of others, Yeah, right when it comes,

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Speaker 4: and I want to but I do want.

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Speaker 6: To clarify that that in regards to myself in my

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Speaker 6: personal choices, right, I think.

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Speaker 4: That there are time when I do have to give

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Speaker 4: a fuck about what other people say, other people, I

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Speaker 4: do have to intentionally solicit the opinions of others when

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Speaker 4: a decision that I may impacts more than just myself. Right,

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Speaker 4: So let me give some real life example things. Yes,

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Speaker 4: through y'all know, I like to travel most time. It's

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Speaker 4: rare that I'm taking a solo trip, although that's one

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Speaker 4: of the things that I do want to do more of,

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Speaker 4: is taking like solo trip. But if when I'm traveling

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Speaker 4: with others, it can't be well, I'm going to do

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Speaker 4: A B, C, and D and I'm not worrying about

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Speaker 4: what y'all on ABC and D is what's happening right, Well,

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Speaker 4: that that's not realistic if I'm traveling with a group

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Speaker 4: of people because me join A B and C, well

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Speaker 4: to don't extent impact everyone in that group. And so

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Speaker 4: I do need to care about what other people want

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Speaker 4: and what other people's interests and needs are as we're

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Speaker 4: planning something to do as a group but even within that,

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Speaker 4: there are some things that won't matter to them. Right

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Speaker 4: what I decide to wear on this trip, y'all ain't

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Speaker 4: gonna like what I'm wearing unless we have agreed upon,

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Speaker 4: like a particular day, we're gonna wear a certain color

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Speaker 4: or we're going for a certain thing. And even within net,

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Speaker 4: i'll I execute that is my choice.

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Speaker 7: Mm.

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Speaker 4: And so I think it's important to remember that there

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Speaker 4: are levels to it, that there are things that when

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Speaker 4: it impacts just you as an individual by all means,

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Speaker 4: do what feel good for you. But when you are

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Speaker 4: doing something that is going to directly and indirectly you're

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Speaker 4: doing something that is going to have a significant impact

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Speaker 4: on those around you, that you do need to give

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Speaker 4: a fuck. Because we want to be kind, Well, let

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Speaker 4: me think of myself. I want to be a kind, compassionate,

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Speaker 4: considerate individual, And so in within that that means that

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Speaker 4: if I'm doing something that's going to have an impact

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Speaker 4: on others, I think their opinion, there's the consideration. So

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Speaker 4: I think that there are again there are levels to it,

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Speaker 4: for sure, But the overarching thing, though, is really to

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Speaker 4: get to a space of being comfortable enough in your

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Speaker 4: authentic self that you are not caught up in the

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Speaker 4: opinions of others, the opinions of society, that you really

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Speaker 4: are doing what feels right for you. I like that.

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Speaker 4: I think they're.

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Speaker 2: Maybe because of the example you gave, I feel like

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Speaker 2: there may be a couple shifts in my perspective when

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Speaker 2: I heard about how you described it. But I would

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Speaker 2: say that when I say I don't give a fuck,

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Speaker 2: it actually means I deeply care about the opinions of

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Speaker 2: those who understand me and my purpose, but also those

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Speaker 2: who are evaluating me and what I mean by evaluating me,

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Speaker 2: I'm talking about like my manager at my job, or

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Speaker 2: even to some agree with our podcast listeners right like

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Speaker 2: to some I know, sometimes we push the boundaries like overall, lady, like,

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Speaker 2: we do care about what you think, and there are

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Speaker 2: times where we'll disagree. Like you know, one of the

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Speaker 2: things you'll probably notice in this episode, Dom and I

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Speaker 2: talked about in our very first episode we use colorful

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Speaker 2: language on this podcast. It's a grown woman podcast, so

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Speaker 2: we're gonna be cussing, and some people don't like the

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Speaker 2: podcast because we cuss, But based on where we are

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Speaker 2: in our lives and us being authentic, because this is

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Speaker 2: how we talk with our girls. The vibe of the

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Speaker 2: podcast is the girls like we you know, we've viben,

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Speaker 2: so we're gonna be cutting. And so if you don't

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Speaker 2: agree with that, you can listen to different podcasts. Right.

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Speaker 2: So that's an instance where it's like, I hear you,

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Speaker 2: I care about what you're saying, but we're gonna do

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Speaker 2: what feels, you know, authentic to us. And so I

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Speaker 2: value the people in my life who can see things

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Speaker 2: in my blind spots. Right, sometimes they can see things

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Speaker 2: that I don't necessarily see. However, for me, those that

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Speaker 2: don't matter would be the naysayers, right, the people just

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Speaker 2: be hating just to be hating, the people who are

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Speaker 2: closed minded, people who are judgmental, and also people who

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Speaker 2: haven't done the work on themselves. And I say, I

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Speaker 2: don't have any fucks to give to them, because usually

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Speaker 2: those people are not meant to understand. And I try

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Speaker 2: to reserve my cares for the things, the right things right.

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Speaker 2: And so I'll give you an example. For my new brand,

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Speaker 2: I definitely see it being a lot more taboo, very

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Speaker 2: different from the brands I've had before that were more

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Speaker 2: I'm going to say, you know, youth facing were like

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Speaker 2: it was more polished and it was presentable to a

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Speaker 2: young person. The direction I feel myself going in now

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Speaker 2: is like some grown woman shit. For instance, if you

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Speaker 2: go to my TikTok, I have workout videos and I'm

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Speaker 2: legitimately working out, but I'm loving how my body looks

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Speaker 2: and feels and I'm feeling great in my body.

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Speaker 4: So my workout clothes are sexy.

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Speaker 2: I'm in the gym with my trainer and you see

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Speaker 2: some you know, you see some today's you see some

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Speaker 2: ass and I mean, I have clothes on, but you

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Speaker 2: can see you know, you see it in the workout gear.

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Speaker 2: And I'm sure you see the shape. Okay, you see

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Speaker 2: the shape. Shape, you see that body? Come on, come on,

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Speaker 2: doctor girl. So it's different from uf I used to

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Speaker 2: post before. So I'm sure some people are like, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, what's she doing and she's changing No boom,

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Speaker 2: that's the one. Like I've been this way before about

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Speaker 2: more comfortable sharing this part of myself. And so I

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Speaker 2: think in that instance, time for me, even though it's

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Speaker 2: impacting people, in that case, I'm like, I don't give

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Speaker 2: a fuck because I know I'm here to I'm embracing

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Speaker 2: my body I'm doing. I'm you know, supporting my healthiest,

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Speaker 2: best life. And in that situation, that's that's where it's

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Speaker 2: like y'all gonna get these y'all gonna get this body,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

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Speaker 4: And I think that that's important to recognize again, like

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Speaker 4: what we are, Recognize that they're are our circumstances. Context

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Speaker 4: is important, Yes, that there are all of our circumstances

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Speaker 4: in which.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, we asked to right, yeah, and then But what

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Speaker 5: we're trying to say here is that in general, when

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Speaker 5: it comes to you do with an individual, you know.

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Speaker 4: We are breaking free from being beholden to what society

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Speaker 4: they is or what anybody else around those say me

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Speaker 4: stupid or should not be doing exactly and speak talk

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Speaker 4: about blatchet.

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Speaker 2: That's I just got a blatchet vibe as you were

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Speaker 2: saying that bougie, classy rat set.

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Speaker 4: Lady, you already know.

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Speaker 2: Yes, So let's talk a bit about the approval seeking track. Right, So, lady,

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Speaker 2: if you take a look at your life, I know,

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Speaker 2: if I take a look at my life, I can

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Speaker 2: definitely see how societal pressures and conditioning has played a

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Speaker 2: significant role in shaping my tendency to seek approval from others, right,

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Speaker 2: I think about from a young age, we're exposed to

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Speaker 2: societal norms, cultural expectations, and standards of success. Oh my gosh,

435
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,080
Speaker 2: I remember like in school, how for some of us

436
00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:56,680
Speaker 2: it was so gruesome, like you had to get a's

437
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: and b's. It was very much a defining factor on

438
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,000
Speaker 2: who you are and your worth. And so these influencers

439
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:06,080
Speaker 2: can create a strong desire for approval and validations, validation

440
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 2: from others right outside of ourselves. And so I think

441
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:11,480
Speaker 2: some of the key ways, like we were just think

442
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 2: about some top influences. We have, media influence, family dynamics

443
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 2: and traditions, cultural expectations. What else economic factors could be one, Yeah,

444
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 2: fear of rejection. I mean the list can go on

445
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 2: on educational systems. I mean so many different institutions and

446
00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:37,440
Speaker 2: you know paradigms that are shaping. Are we're showing up

447
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:40,640
Speaker 2: in this approval seeking posture?

448
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,040
Speaker 4: Yeah? And I think, yes, I think what it is

449
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:51,640
Speaker 4: and looking at how being are defined? Right, Like boll say,

450
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:59,919
Speaker 4: who not define what it means to be a black

451
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 4: woman at twenty five versus a black woman at thirty

452
00:28:08,119 --> 00:28:16,840
Speaker 4: five or forty five or seventy five right, and recognizing

453
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:23,159
Speaker 4: that once you identify the who and recognize that that

454
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 4: who is not you, then it doesn't really matter. Right

455
00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 4: that what's more important in reliasing that approval was speaking

456
00:28:37,680 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 4: trapped that all of us don't care who you are.

457
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 4: We have all fallen into it at some point in

458
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,840
Speaker 4: our lives, some of us stating it longer than others.

459
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:58,880
Speaker 4: Once you recognize what it is, it's important to then

460
00:28:58,960 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 4: release it, like recognizing me that your life is just

461
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 4: that your life, that even as a child, there are

462
00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 4: certain things that you don't need other people to approval for.

463
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 4: I think about my younger nieces and nephews. Right, they

464
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:42,840
Speaker 4: decide what their favorite color is. They can be five

465
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,320
Speaker 4: years years old. They have a say on what their

466
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:55,240
Speaker 4: favorite color is. I can't change that. They don't need

467
00:29:55,280 --> 00:30:02,400
Speaker 4: my approval to decide their favor or color. Now, if

468
00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:06,920
Speaker 4: we're in the store and on my rich jobt vibes

469
00:30:07,520 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 4: and buying an outfit, if I'm the person who's paying

470
00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 4: for it, I technically have a say, well, you wanted

471
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 4: this blue bouts it, I don't like the blue ouf me.

472
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 4: I ain't buying it.

473
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:24,960
Speaker 6: Now?

474
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 4: Is that healthy? Is that helpful in getting them to underside,

475
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 4: start to decide what they want, like have that alternaty. No,

476
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:51,520
Speaker 4: that's not healthy, right because ideally, as long as the

477
00:30:51,640 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 4: outfit is appropriate for the contract and I afford it,

478
00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 4: why would I they know? Mm hmm Because to me,

479
00:31:11,080 --> 00:31:16,400
Speaker 4: in that moment, what I'm doing is setting that child

480
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:22,480
Speaker 4: up for people pleasing. Mm hmmm. Auntie doesn't like the

481
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 4: thing you were in blue. Auntie prefers to see you

482
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 4: in orange, even though blues your favorite color. So because

483
00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:40,320
Speaker 4: now I've exerted my opinion on you in a space

484
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:48,520
Speaker 4: that didn't need my opinion, now you're gonna start getting

485
00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:53,040
Speaker 4: orange things because you want my Auntie the critical mm hmm.

486
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 4: That's a good point.

487
00:31:56,720 --> 00:32:01,320
Speaker 2: I think that autonomy dom also speaks to the power authenticity,

488
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 2: and I think that when it comes to you know,

489
00:32:05,880 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 2: the people pleasing or just breaking free from the approval

490
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 2: of others, it really begins with our relationship with ourselves, right, Yes,

491
00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 2: And there's a lot of freedom that comes with embracing

492
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,240
Speaker 2: one's true self and being in relationship with oneself, and

493
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 2: it allows us to be unburdened by the need for

494
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:26,360
Speaker 2: constant approval. And so, Lady, I think that's something that

495
00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 2: we should definitely dive into, like what does it mean

496
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 2: to be your authentic self? I think it includes, you know, understanding,

497
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 2: you know, what are your values outside of societies expectations

498
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 2: and pressures, outside of what other people think about you, Like,

499
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:42,560
Speaker 2: what are your values, what are your passions, what are

500
00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 2: your beliefs? Right, and just kind of going through a

501
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:48,040
Speaker 2: journey of self discovery to understand who you are at

502
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 2: the core, because I think that when you understand who

503
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 2: you are at the core, what you're here for, your

504
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 2: purpose and again your why.

505
00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 4: Right.

506
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 2: I think we talked about that on a previous episode

507
00:32:57,600 --> 00:33:00,920
Speaker 2: or a future episode, we're gonna talk about your wife.

508
00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 2: But it's super important. And once you get clear on

509
00:33:04,560 --> 00:33:07,800
Speaker 2: all that and you have that solid foundation, when you

510
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,800
Speaker 2: move freely in the world the opinion you're like, oh, okay,

511
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:12,640
Speaker 2: that's what they think, that's your opinion. You know, it's

512
00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:16,880
Speaker 2: easier to just move freely because you have that relationship

513
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,080
Speaker 2: with yourself and you're clear on what it means to

514
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 2: be authentic to you.

515
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think that being authentic to you is

516
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,400
Speaker 4: super important because then it permeates everything that you do,

517
00:33:30,040 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 4: every space that you occupy. Right as you were saying there, like,

518
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 4: an example that comes up for me is an exampl

519
00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:49,600
Speaker 4: I've shared before thinking about natural hair, right and lady,

520
00:33:49,640 --> 00:33:52,760
Speaker 4: if you're watching this episode, you'll see that this is

521
00:33:52,880 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 4: one of the rare episodes where I don't have braden

522
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:03,640
Speaker 4: and you speed my natural hair, And so it makes

523
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,400
Speaker 4: me reflect, Like anytime I think my brains out and

524
00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:08,600
Speaker 4: I'm looking at my natural hair, like, I think, I

525
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 4: reflect on that journey, right, like I've been wearing I'd

526
00:34:14,239 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 4: been wearing my hair natural for at least fifteen years,

527
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:24,960
Speaker 4: sow so before before it was super popular, before we

528
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 4: had products like we were using and we were using

529
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 4: honey and juices and berries because they didn't have products

530
00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:39,319
Speaker 4: for natural hair, or they had very few products. Let

531
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 4: me say that, yep, they had very few products that

532
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 4: weren't really acceptable. Lightning the are new. But I what

533
00:34:47,560 --> 00:34:51,360
Speaker 4: I remember about that time when I first started that

534
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 4: natural hair journey is that like and natural hair for

535
00:34:56,360 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 4: me meet like I was still getting my hair of straightened,

536
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,759
Speaker 4: but I wasn't getting relaxers or anything like that.

537
00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,880
Speaker 5: And so.

538
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:15,560
Speaker 4: I remember that that journey was an opportunity for me

539
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:24,280
Speaker 4: to practice releasing the approval of others and focusing on

540
00:35:24,400 --> 00:35:27,600
Speaker 4: what really felt good for me, because at the term

541
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:33,360
Speaker 4: that I did it, that I went natural, most people

542
00:35:33,400 --> 00:35:39,399
Speaker 4: around me were like, what are you doing? Why would

543
00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 4: you do that for yourself? And when I started that

544
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,960
Speaker 4: journey with all the chopping, having a big chop right,

545
00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 4: and there were so many people around me who were

546
00:35:53,880 --> 00:35:58,880
Speaker 4: not approving of that, people whose opinion at the turn

547
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:05,520
Speaker 4: weighed a lot in my mind. But I had gotten

548
00:36:05,560 --> 00:36:11,760
Speaker 4: to a point where I was focused on really coming

549
00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 4: into doing what felt authentic to me and being less

550
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 4: consterned or less weighed down by what other people had

551
00:36:25,920 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 4: to say. Now, because I was early in that journey,

552
00:36:30,600 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 4: when the people around me did not approve or expressed

553
00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: anything negative, it hurts, Oh yeah, it didn't stop me though.

554
00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 4: I continued on that journey because you know, fast forward

555
00:36:51,200 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 4: to here we are right in my hair is still

556
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 4: natural and more people it has become more popular, much

557
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 4: more popular since then. But at that time it was

558
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 4: a good opportunity or need to practice really shedding the

559
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:16,520
Speaker 4: opinions of other people, because what that then did was

560
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:20,360
Speaker 4: allowed me to be what it was like for me

561
00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:27,560
Speaker 4: to be my authentic felf. And then it should begin

562
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:34,560
Speaker 4: to engage in higher stakes decision making mm hmm, without

563
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 4: relying on the approval of others.

564
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:41,160
Speaker 2: Bet it go ahead, Dom Jazz Girl. I love that

565
00:37:41,200 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: you share that, and kudos to you don for sticking

566
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,200
Speaker 2: with the journey despite the feedback. We talked about this

567
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 2: on the podcast before. I had a similar experience with

568
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 2: my Big Chop and things the family said, and then

569
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 2: that feel, I mean, especially when it's people close to you,

570
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 2: that shit is tough.

571
00:37:55,719 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 7: It is.

572
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 2: I remember feeling lonely and a question that I make

573
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:02,040
Speaker 2: the wrong decision, which makes you question your beauty because

574
00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,319
Speaker 2: this is you know, back then, I think more so

575
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 2: now it's we're embracing women who decide to shave their

576
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,919
Speaker 2: heads and rock, you know, a beautiful bald head or

577
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,399
Speaker 2: a low cut. But I think back then, I mean,

578
00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 2: it was just people were just like, what are you

579
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:17,600
Speaker 2: going to a mid life crisis? Like you're not going

580
00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,719
Speaker 2: to get married? What's happening? Like just so confused and

581
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 2: it can really impact you. But I think something that's

582
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:25,440
Speaker 2: important to note you made me think about about this

583
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 2: time as you were speaking. People are fickle, right, and

584
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:34,000
Speaker 2: a lot of times the people who have these perspectives

585
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 2: or that are trying to give feedback on your journey,

586
00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,200
Speaker 2: not even a lot of times. Sometimes these people don't

587
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,879
Speaker 2: even have experience with where you're going or what you're

588
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,480
Speaker 2: trying to do, and their feedback is based on their

589
00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:51,040
Speaker 2: limited beliefs. They're limiting beliefs, their limited perspective, and usually

590
00:38:51,160 --> 00:38:53,440
Speaker 2: lack of research. Right, So of course we want to

591
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:55,399
Speaker 2: give a fuck about the people who mean well, who

592
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 2: are like in our corner, who are supporting us. It

593
00:38:57,560 --> 00:38:59,520
Speaker 2: doesn't mean we always have to agree with what they're saying,

594
00:38:59,719 --> 00:39:02,040
Speaker 2: but be open because we always want to be coachable.

595
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 2: We can't ever just be on an island and think

596
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 2: we know everything and can't get feedback from anyone. We

597
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:09,400
Speaker 2: should always be coachable to those who are worthy of

598
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 2: being the coach, right, And so I think that you know,

599
00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: you just sharing that.

600
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 4: It's like, damn, people are so thick with times of

601
00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:15,440
Speaker 4: change now.

602
00:39:15,480 --> 00:39:16,839
Speaker 2: I'm sure a lot of the people who were talking

603
00:39:16,840 --> 00:39:19,320
Speaker 2: about your natural hair back then are either natural or

604
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:21,399
Speaker 2: they tried it and they embarked on the journey after.

605
00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,600
Speaker 2: And so it's just a reminder on being authentic to yourself,

606
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 2: like one of the activities down I brought this up

607
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 2: with one of my coaches recently because I'm really working

608
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:33,759
Speaker 2: on this with myself even more now and taking it

609
00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 2: to a higher degree. And I love that you talked

610
00:39:35,520 --> 00:39:39,120
Speaker 2: about that experience of cutting your hair and shape or

611
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,279
Speaker 2: doing your big chop allowed you to make higher stake

612
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 2: decisions without the approval of others. That's so powerful and

613
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 2: I think we could take baby steps like that in

614
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 2: our journey, where we do we take these small steps

615
00:39:49,719 --> 00:39:52,560
Speaker 2: that then lead us to bigger steps. Okay, I'm trying

616
00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 2: not to go off on too many tangents, but two

617
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:56,080
Speaker 2: things I just want to share real quick. So dom

618
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 2: years ago, when I started my blog, it was a

619
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 2: big step for me and making decisions on my own

620
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 2: and like having ownership and not having to get approval

621
00:40:04,040 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 2: because I used to be the kind of person where

622
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:07,960
Speaker 2: every time I would do something, here can you read

623
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 2: this and take a look at it. But when you

624
00:40:09,120 --> 00:40:11,719
Speaker 2: have a blog, unless you're paying an editor, you don't

625
00:40:11,760 --> 00:40:14,880
Speaker 2: have the time to have someone read a blog in

626
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 2: its entirety before you publish it. So for me that

627
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 2: helped me with my self esteem. I would publish posts

628
00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,600
Speaker 2: and hit send without having anyone read it, and it

629
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:26,040
Speaker 2: gave me ownership over my craft, over my decision making,

630
00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 2: and it was very instrumental in my development as a woman.

631
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 2: And then I was telling my coach kind of go

632
00:40:32,200 --> 00:40:33,480
Speaker 2: back to what I was saying earlier. I was telling

633
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 2: my coach that one day I'm going to go outside

634
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 2: and just live my life like a regular day, but

635
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 2: I'm gonna wear like one of my knee high boots

636
00:40:40,719 --> 00:40:42,760
Speaker 2: and one of my tim boots, like two different shoes,

637
00:40:43,280 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 2: just because I feel like something that sometimes I got

638
00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:48,239
Speaker 2: to be extra, something that drastic. I know people are

639
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 2: going to be looking at me on the street, I

640
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 2: know people are going to say things. But just being

641
00:40:52,600 --> 00:40:56,640
Speaker 2: able to go freely and be ungreaventional and not care

642
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 2: if like, oh someone's gonna take a picture of posting

643
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:00,480
Speaker 2: on social media or whatever it might be. I think

644
00:41:00,520 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 2: sometimes activities like that can also be the catalyst to

645
00:41:04,200 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 2: help us tap into that energy even more.

646
00:41:07,480 --> 00:41:10,560
Speaker 4: That was listen it as you said that. Okay, So

647
00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:16,439
Speaker 4: as you said that, the social psychologists in me was like, oh,

648
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:22,480
Speaker 4: that's a good social experiment you for yourself, but also

649
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:30,240
Speaker 4: to me, I think so curious around how many people

650
00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 4: come up to you and point it out there that

651
00:41:33,520 --> 00:41:38,759
Speaker 4: you're wearing to different shooting right, like, I would be

652
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:42,720
Speaker 4: so curious around what are the thoughts as other people

653
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 4: are observing you, Like, what are the thoughts that they're having? Yes,

654
00:41:47,400 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 4: because the thought that they're having are going to be

655
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 4: a reflection of themselves, like where they are in the moment.

656
00:41:56,600 --> 00:41:58,279
Speaker 4: Can you dive into that deeper? What does that mean?

657
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 4: Dom Because that's deep? I think that often turned when

658
00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:07,759
Speaker 4: we the opions that we have of other people in

659
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:12,240
Speaker 4: ourselves are based on where we are in the moment. Right,

660
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:16,760
Speaker 4: So if you're a person who is in a state

661
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:21,400
Speaker 4: of still being like maybe you're still in your people

662
00:42:21,480 --> 00:42:24,920
Speaker 4: pleasing faith, or maybe you're in a space where you're

663
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:28,840
Speaker 4: feeling insecure, or you're in a or you're in a

664
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 4: space where you are still needing the approval of others.

665
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,799
Speaker 4: You might find yourself as Terry is walking down the

666
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 4: street in her mixed Matt shoes that or miss Matt

667
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:50,240
Speaker 4: shoe as you're walking at her walking down the street

668
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:54,879
Speaker 4: in her miss match shoes. Like, if you're in one

669
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,600
Speaker 4: of those spaces, you may look at Harry and you

670
00:42:58,800 --> 00:43:05,520
Speaker 4: may say, what is going on with her? Why does

671
00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:10,360
Speaker 4: she like that? Write something? But she'd go back in

672
00:43:10,400 --> 00:43:18,520
Speaker 4: and get that together log look right, Yeah, other questions

673
00:43:18,560 --> 00:43:21,279
Speaker 4: folks might have if they're in a space where they

674
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 4: are feeling free, they may look at it and say, damn,

675
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 4: that's the bull choice. Okay, she did that, I'm not

676
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 4: doing it, but she is doing it right. And so

677
00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 4: your opinions of other people around you really are are

678
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:51,640
Speaker 4: dependent upon the faith that you are in. And when

679
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 4: you are in a staith where you aren't give the

680
00:43:56,320 --> 00:44:02,959
Speaker 4: fuck anymore, where you are being you, having break being

681
00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:12,799
Speaker 4: your authentic felt, you are less likely to care to

682
00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:20,120
Speaker 4: be emotionally invested in what other people around you are

683
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 4: doing living hurticularly springers. Mm hmm. Now that doesn't mean

684
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:30,120
Speaker 4: that you don't share the one I want to clarify.

685
00:44:31,040 --> 00:44:39,680
Speaker 4: There's a difference between caring and being being overly emotionally

686
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:44,319
Speaker 4: invested in some of them or someone I don't know.

687
00:44:44,360 --> 00:44:46,279
Speaker 4: I think you might either break down the differences. What's

688
00:44:46,320 --> 00:44:48,799
Speaker 4: the difference between the two? Let the people know, all right?

689
00:44:49,200 --> 00:44:55,760
Speaker 4: All right? So if I am overly emotionally invested in someone,

690
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:03,040
Speaker 4: then that means that I feel their outcome, are going

691
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:10,239
Speaker 4: connected to and will directly be impacted by the outcomes

692
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:17,400
Speaker 4: of their decision, and so I am hyper focused on

693
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:24,520
Speaker 4: their behaviors and what they're doing versus if I care.

694
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:31,360
Speaker 4: If I care, I want what's healthy and what's best

695
00:45:31,400 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 4: for you to recognizing that they're a limit to my power,

696
00:45:38,239 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 4: my opinion, and the outcome. I have no control over

697
00:45:43,719 --> 00:45:49,560
Speaker 4: your outcome. If I'm overly emotionally invested, chances are I'm

698
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,200
Speaker 4: probably also trying to control what happens as well. I'm

699
00:45:53,239 --> 00:45:59,239
Speaker 4: offering up my opinion. I am like all in in

700
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:05,239
Speaker 4: it it, girl. It's like share with a healthy don't

701
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:10,360
Speaker 4: If I have a healthy don't carry. I want to

702
00:46:10,400 --> 00:46:15,759
Speaker 4: see you do well and do dole well is what

703
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 4: it's healthy for you, not my opinion.

704
00:46:20,680 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: As you were breaking that down, the difference between care

705
00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 2: and being emotionally invested, I couldn't help but think about

706
00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 2: Holly Bailey because she's been trending for like the past

707
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 2: few months with this, you know, as far as like

708
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,680
Speaker 2: the alleged pregnancy, and so it made me think about

709
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,960
Speaker 2: that because they're people are feeling both ways, right. They're

710
00:46:37,960 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 2: saying that she allegedly had the baby over the you know,

711
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:43,319
Speaker 2: the Christmas holiday, and by the time this episode airs,

712
00:46:43,320 --> 00:46:46,240
Speaker 2: we'll probably know for sure what happened. But I see

713
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:49,920
Speaker 2: these two sort of schools of thought right on social media.

714
00:46:49,960 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 2: Some people are like, whatever she wants to do with

715
00:46:51,920 --> 00:46:53,279
Speaker 2: her life, which are the best?

716
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,920
Speaker 4: And the others are just like, no, not the Little Mermaid?

717
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:57,120
Speaker 4: Why is she with this rapper?

718
00:46:57,160 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: Like it's like they're so emotionally invested in So y'all

719
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:02,320
Speaker 2: forgive me for the tangent, but that's how I was

720
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,319
Speaker 2: kind of processing yet.

721
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:06,839
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, that's a good example for folks to kind

722
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:08,400
Speaker 4: of understand what that really looks for.

723
00:47:08,600 --> 00:47:10,839
Speaker 2: Yeah, as you were speaking Town, it made me think

724
00:47:10,840 --> 00:47:13,840
Speaker 2: about situations. I love the fact that you leaned into

725
00:47:14,840 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 2: someone's opinion or the perspective is based on where they

726
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:18,759
Speaker 2: are in their life, and so it made me think

727
00:47:18,760 --> 00:47:21,440
Speaker 2: about moments in my life where I was working on

728
00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:26,000
Speaker 2: being more outspoken and so when I saw well, no,

729
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:28,719
Speaker 2: I wanted to be outspoken, but I wasn't comfortable with it,

730
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:30,840
Speaker 2: And so when I saw other women or other people

731
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 2: be outspoken, I was very judging. Like I found it

732
00:47:33,880 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 2: in my past. I had a habit of judging things

733
00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:41,640
Speaker 2: that I deeply desired to do. So a sexually liberated

734
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 2: woman who was just like, I don't give a fuck

735
00:47:43,280 --> 00:47:45,360
Speaker 2: with nobody's thinking I'm just gonna do me like I'm vuma,

736
00:47:45,719 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 2: And I wasn't in that space back then, so I

737
00:47:47,560 --> 00:47:50,319
Speaker 2: was just like, she shouldn't be doing that, like, you know,

738
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 2: like just projecting and judging, or even a woman who

739
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,160
Speaker 2: wears something really cute and you know how back in

740
00:47:55,160 --> 00:47:56,920
Speaker 2: the day y'all where that people will be like, oh,

741
00:47:56,960 --> 00:48:00,879
Speaker 2: she thinks she all that. Actually, I think you think

742
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:03,520
Speaker 2: she aught that because she ain't say shit about all that.

743
00:48:03,680 --> 00:48:06,880
Speaker 4: She just showed up and you felt triggered, you know

744
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:07,239
Speaker 4: what I mean.

745
00:48:07,239 --> 00:48:10,560
Speaker 2: So I think about those instances where people just show

746
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:14,160
Speaker 2: who they are based on where they are in their

747
00:48:14,200 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 2: life and how they respond to what you're presenting.

748
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:24,560
Speaker 4: So moving along here to selective folks to give hmm.

749
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:26,800
Speaker 4: I think this is important.

750
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 2: We kind of talked about this before, but I feel

751
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 2: like we're going to dive in a bit deeper on

752
00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:34,600
Speaker 2: what does it mean to strategically.

753
00:48:34,200 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 4: Give a fuck? Yeah? Yeah, I think you know, when

754
00:48:38,600 --> 00:48:42,439
Speaker 4: we think about being a strategic interest in the fuck

755
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:43,319
Speaker 4: that we have to give.

756
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 2: M h.

757
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:50,400
Speaker 4: I think it's important to be strategic one because you

758
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,800
Speaker 4: want to consider an acknowledge that we all have limited

759
00:48:54,840 --> 00:49:04,400
Speaker 4: emotional resources, right that how you allacate your emotional resources

760
00:49:04,440 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 4: really is important. Yeah. If I am giving all of

761
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:18,400
Speaker 4: my emotional resources to a situation that I have no

762
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:24,080
Speaker 4: control over, yes, then what then does that Leani? What

763
00:49:24,160 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 4: if emotional resources? Does that Leani? For the situations that

764
00:49:28,800 --> 00:49:31,520
Speaker 4: I do have to control over or the people in

765
00:49:31,560 --> 00:49:34,360
Speaker 4: my life that I care more about. Right, So that

766
00:49:34,640 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 4: your example I can think of that I think will

767
00:49:38,239 --> 00:49:44,680
Speaker 4: resonate with a lot of art. It's work right as

768
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:48,319
Speaker 4: a black woman in America. And I'm sure a lady,

769
00:49:48,320 --> 00:49:51,040
Speaker 4: if you are listening from another country, you may be

770
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 4: able to resonate with this as well. But I can

771
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 4: I can only speak of what it's like being a

772
00:49:54,840 --> 00:50:02,560
Speaker 4: black woman in America. There have been walk in my

773
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:09,239
Speaker 4: life where I've been a work situation that was draining

774
00:50:09,360 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 4: my emotional capacity, which then made it difficult for me

775
00:50:15,280 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 4: to show up with friends and family. And let's be real,

776
00:50:20,960 --> 00:50:23,840
Speaker 4: I like what I do, but my friends and family

777
00:50:23,880 --> 00:50:24,439
Speaker 4: matter more.

778
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:25,759
Speaker 5: Hell.

779
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, So if I am giving all of my emotional

780
00:50:31,120 --> 00:50:36,880
Speaker 4: resources to work, what then do I have left for

781
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:43,120
Speaker 4: the people in relationships that mean more? Amen?

782
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:44,719
Speaker 2: I mean, don you hear the nail on the head.

783
00:50:44,760 --> 00:50:49,400
Speaker 2: I think it's all about just you know understanding the

784
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 2: importance of discerning where you are choosing to invest that

785
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:58,319
Speaker 2: emotional energy, right, yes, Because I mean, like you said,

786
00:50:58,320 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 2: we have limited emotional resources.

787
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:03,120
Speaker 4: And I think that you also kind of talked about

788
00:51:03,120 --> 00:51:04,920
Speaker 4: prioritizing meaningful connections.

789
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,279
Speaker 2: So if you know that, oh, this job, Yeah, I

790
00:51:07,280 --> 00:51:09,920
Speaker 2: appreciate my job or my dream funder whatever you want

791
00:51:09,960 --> 00:51:12,399
Speaker 2: to call it. And I'm not about to let these

792
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 2: people stress me out after hours. When I clock out,

793
00:51:14,840 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 2: I'm done, and I'm prioritizing the meaningful connections, right. I

794
00:51:18,360 --> 00:51:20,520
Speaker 2: think it's also about setting boundaries, like I'm at a

795
00:51:20,520 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 2: point in life down where girl, Because first, this all

796
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:28,400
Speaker 2: goes back to your relationship with self. Because over the years,

797
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,040
Speaker 2: as someone who struggled with low self esteem and who's

798
00:51:31,040 --> 00:51:33,560
Speaker 2: had to work very hard to not hate myself based

799
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,240
Speaker 2: on my abuse that I experience and all that stuff,

800
00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,400
Speaker 2: I speak to myself a certain way, and if I

801
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:41,200
Speaker 2: ever feel like I'm falling back into a pattern of

802
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:44,680
Speaker 2: speaking negatively to myself, I checked that shit real quick

803
00:51:45,000 --> 00:51:48,200
Speaker 2: and we get it into order. So I don't have

804
00:51:48,239 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 2: the capacity to let other people talk to me any

805
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:51,560
Speaker 2: kind of way. I just don't do it. If I

806
00:51:51,600 --> 00:51:53,319
Speaker 2: don't let myself talk to me any kind of way.

807
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 2: I'm damn sure I'm not about to let somebody else

808
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:57,320
Speaker 2: do that. And so that was a boundary that it

809
00:51:57,360 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 2: took me a while to build. But setting that bounce

810
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:04,840
Speaker 2: allows me to protect my piece and my energy and

811
00:52:04,880 --> 00:52:09,000
Speaker 2: my emotional capacity, because if someone doesn't have access to

812
00:52:09,040 --> 00:52:11,280
Speaker 2: me because they don't know how to adhere to a boundary,

813
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:14,160
Speaker 2: then I'm not impact in the same way. You know.

814
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:16,520
Speaker 4: I think also rituals.

815
00:52:16,960 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 2: I was on a call the other day with the

816
00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:21,160
Speaker 2: client and they were rude as fuck, and I was

817
00:52:21,200 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 2: so annoyed.

818
00:52:21,840 --> 00:52:22,680
Speaker 4: I was really bothered.

819
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,400
Speaker 2: I'm like, I just came on the car, I had

820
00:52:24,440 --> 00:52:26,680
Speaker 2: this really good energy and they were so mean and

821
00:52:26,719 --> 00:52:29,680
Speaker 2: they like just were funky, and so literally after the

822
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 2: call said I am not holding this space. So I

823
00:52:31,560 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 2: cleared my energy, did a quick routine for meditation, and

824
00:52:35,400 --> 00:52:37,000
Speaker 2: you know, did my rituals, and I was done with

825
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:38,840
Speaker 2: it and I let it go. And I reminded myself

826
00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:42,000
Speaker 2: that their reaction or how they responded on the call,

827
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:43,960
Speaker 2: it wasn't personal. They weren't they didn't wake up like

828
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:46,040
Speaker 2: I'm going to go talk to Terry low Maxi's way

829
00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 2: and be rude. They have some shit going on in

830
00:52:48,200 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 2: their life which impacted the way they showed up. So

831
00:52:50,440 --> 00:52:52,920
Speaker 2: it allowed me to not make it as like, not

832
00:52:53,000 --> 00:52:55,279
Speaker 2: take it as personally, release that shit and move on.

833
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:57,200
Speaker 2: And so I think that there are many ways that

834
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:01,600
Speaker 2: we can protect are our energy and our boundaries when

835
00:53:01,640 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 2: we are having our selective folks to give.

836
00:53:05,960 --> 00:53:09,160
Speaker 4: Yes, I agree with that, and I think part of

837
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 4: that setting the boundary, how you're able to set the

838
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:16,720
Speaker 4: boundary and how you know which you're able to descern

839
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 4: which connections are most meaningful to you is by making

840
00:53:21,640 --> 00:53:25,400
Speaker 4: sure that you were in alignment with your value right.

841
00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:34,960
Speaker 4: That is, we know that work is not at the

842
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 4: top of your values list, then that should not be

843
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:46,120
Speaker 4: where you give the mobile stuck. It should go towards

844
00:53:47,719 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 4: where you have what are your top priorities in terms

845
00:53:51,160 --> 00:53:56,560
Speaker 4: of your value right, making sure that you set boundaries

846
00:53:56,960 --> 00:54:01,840
Speaker 4: that reflect the relationship set a highest priority to you,

847
00:54:03,239 --> 00:54:08,799
Speaker 4: that the things that matter most are the things that

848
00:54:08,840 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 4: you put the most energy into. And then what that

849
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 4: also does, once you are clear in your values and

850
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:24,080
Speaker 4: your core beliefs, it makes it a whole lot easier

851
00:54:25,840 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 4: to let go of the things that don't matter. Tarry

852
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 4: with the example that you gave of being on a

853
00:54:33,360 --> 00:54:36,640
Speaker 4: call with this person who had who was coming in

854
00:54:36,680 --> 00:54:43,200
Speaker 4: with all the negative energy, and you knew one work

855
00:54:43,280 --> 00:54:48,760
Speaker 4: is not the tip priority for you right then, people,

856
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:54,680
Speaker 4: relationships with friends, family, You know that is where your

857
00:54:54,719 --> 00:55:01,239
Speaker 4: priority is. And you also recognize that it's important not

858
00:55:01,320 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 4: to take things personal. So then when you were able

859
00:55:04,800 --> 00:55:08,720
Speaker 4: to get off that all you were able to release,

860
00:55:08,920 --> 00:55:13,040
Speaker 4: and by engaging in your ritual, that helped you to

861
00:55:14,120 --> 00:55:19,120
Speaker 4: release something that would unnecessary for you in terms of

862
00:55:19,120 --> 00:55:24,279
Speaker 4: where you're concerns lies exactly, because if after you get

863
00:55:24,280 --> 00:55:27,400
Speaker 4: off that all you're having to go and tend to

864
00:55:27,440 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 4: your family, you don't want to carry that energy from

865
00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 4: that all into your time with your family when that's

866
00:55:34,960 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 4: your because time with your family is a higher priority

867
00:55:39,120 --> 00:55:39,799
Speaker 4: than that call.

868
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:43,640
Speaker 2: Yes, And I think that to Another thing that could

869
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 2: be helpful to dom is journaling. Sometimes I'll you know,

870
00:55:46,800 --> 00:55:49,680
Speaker 2: something will happen and I'm replaying it in my mind

871
00:55:49,680 --> 00:55:51,960
Speaker 2: to think about what I could have done, wonder why

872
00:55:51,960 --> 00:55:54,439
Speaker 2: they did that. Sometimes I'll create a quick voice note

873
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:56,520
Speaker 2: in my phone, or I'll just journal, get that shit

874
00:55:56,520 --> 00:56:00,000
Speaker 2: out of my body and onto paper into the audio file,

875
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 2: and then I let it go and release it. So

876
00:56:02,080 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 2: lady being, it's all about mindful engagement, right, being mindful

877
00:56:06,200 --> 00:56:10,600
Speaker 2: and present and just particularly about the energy and the

878
00:56:10,600 --> 00:56:14,440
Speaker 2: people that we are keeping in our circles. Now, don

879
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 2: I wanted to check in is there anything else that

880
00:56:15,960 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 2: you want to talk about without this topic, because I

881
00:56:17,480 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 2: know we want to save some juicy stuff for the

882
00:56:19,200 --> 00:56:21,799
Speaker 2: after show, and so I just want to see is

883
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,640
Speaker 2: there anything else that we want to cover about this

884
00:56:24,880 --> 00:56:25,719
Speaker 2: before we live.

885
00:56:25,520 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 4: In what we before we head onto the after show.

886
00:56:29,320 --> 00:56:32,239
Speaker 4: I think what I want folks to be sure to

887
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:40,200
Speaker 4: take away is recognizing that by really being strategic and

888
00:56:40,280 --> 00:56:47,560
Speaker 4: where you put your concern, that also gives you liberation

889
00:56:47,680 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 4: of tarth.

890
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:50,880
Speaker 5: Right.

891
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 4: If you can identify the thing that you were not

892
00:56:55,719 --> 00:57:01,160
Speaker 4: concerned about, then you spend less time on those scenes,

893
00:57:02,880 --> 00:57:05,839
Speaker 4: in more time on the things that you are concerned about,

894
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:12,040
Speaker 4: the things that do matter more. And then that allows

895
00:57:12,120 --> 00:57:20,160
Speaker 4: you to really be intentional on how you utilize the

896
00:57:20,240 --> 00:57:24,000
Speaker 4: turn around. You. You know, part of our title is

897
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 4: like reclaiming our turn and we want to make sure

898
00:57:30,200 --> 00:57:34,880
Speaker 4: that as we're stepping into this new season that we

899
00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:39,720
Speaker 4: truly are Because I think about when I reflect on

900
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 4: twenty twenty three. There were a lot of things that

901
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 4: happened for a lot of people that we don't need

902
00:57:54,560 --> 00:58:00,840
Speaker 4: to have happened in the New Feaster. And when we

903
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:03,800
Speaker 4: really step back and reflect on what are the things

904
00:58:03,840 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 4: that really matter to us, what are the things that

905
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:15,000
Speaker 4: we truly care about, we can then use our time

906
00:58:15,880 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 4: in a more resourceful way, in a more uplifting and

907
00:58:21,000 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 4: liberating way. For sure, absolutely, because we have space and

908
00:58:24,720 --> 00:58:27,520
Speaker 4: we have the mental capacity to do so. Yay man,

909
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 4: go ahead, dom lady. We appreciate you for tuning in.

910
00:58:30,480 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 4: Domina are going to head on over to the after show,

911
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:35,880
Speaker 4: so come join us. You can visit herspacepodcast dot com

912
00:58:35,920 --> 00:58:39,120
Speaker 4: and click on Patreon to join us for the after show. Also,

913
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:41,520
Speaker 4: just a reminder, in case you were wondering, this is

914
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:45,480
Speaker 4: a black founded, black owned, and black funded podcast.

915
00:58:46,600 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 2: These two voices that you hear. We are the owners

916
00:58:49,320 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 2: of this podcast. Okay, the owners look by you. So

917
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,400
Speaker 2: support us, lady, Okay, come support us. Leave us a

918
00:58:55,400 --> 00:58:58,920
Speaker 2: five star review on Apple Podcasts if you enjoy the podcast,

919
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,200
Speaker 2: and also visit us on page and support us as

920
00:59:01,240 --> 00:59:03,800
Speaker 2: a patron. We're also on social media at her Space

921
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 2: podcast and now we're going to go to the after show,

922
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,640
Speaker 2: so we'll talk to you soon and we'll see you

923
00:59:08,640 --> 00:59:09,120
Speaker 2: next time.

924
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,520
Speaker 7: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

925
00:59:13,600 --> 00:59:17,560
Speaker 7: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

926
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 7: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

927
00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:28,080
Speaker 7: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

928
00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:33,560
Speaker 7: That's d R D O M I N I q

929
00:59:33,720 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 7: U E b R O U S s ar D

930
00:59:38,800 --> 00:59:43,800
Speaker 7: dot com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I

931
00:59:43,880 --> 00:59:48,760
Speaker 7: look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining us today.

932
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:55,240
Speaker 7: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

933
00:59:55,880 --> 00:59:59,919
Speaker 7: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means

934
01:00:00,360 --> 01:00:04,240
Speaker 7: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship

935
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:08,080
Speaker 7: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone

936
01:00:08,160 --> 01:00:11,480
Speaker 7: you know is in need of mental health care, please

937
01:00:11,600 --> 01:00:16,720
Speaker 7: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or

938
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:18,480
Speaker 7: contact your insurance provider.

939
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

940
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:25,200
Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website at heirspacepodcast dot com

941
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 2: and be sure to click the Patreon tab to get

942
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:32,240
Speaker 2: access to video content. Bonuses and our weekly after show

943
01:00:33,120 --> 01:00:37,680
Speaker 2: and before we meet again. Repeat after me. My thoughts

944
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:42,840
Speaker 2: create my reality. Today, I choose thoughts that empower and

945
01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 2: uplift me