WEBVTT - So What's Therapy Like Anyway? | TBT 0:00:00.640 --> 0:00:02.440 And her child just keeps coming up at all these 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:05.400 different phases of my life, and it was just so 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:08.320 it was just mind blowing to me to have that 0:00:08.400 --> 0:00:12.680 experience in therapy, sharing that those personal details and just 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:15.160 to know that you can make it so far and 0:00:15.280 --> 0:00:17.840 still internally have so much healing to do. 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:20.599 And yeah, it was just it was deep. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:25.160 Welcome to cultivating her space. I'm doctor Don, a college 0:00:25.160 --> 0:00:28.000 professor and licensed psychologist. 0:00:27.520 --> 0:00:32.000 And I'm Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. Every Friday, 0:00:32.200 --> 0:00:37.160 we initiate authentic conversations on everything from fibroids to fake 0:00:37.240 --> 0:00:39.720 friends and sex work to self care. 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.200 Join us as we create a safe space where black 0:00:43.280 --> 0:00:45.360 women can just be. 0:00:46.440 --> 0:00:48.159 All Right, lady, let's get into it. 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:57.680 From Chicago, this is Film Spotting. 0:00:57.720 --> 0:00:59.920 I'm Adam Kempanard and I'm Josh Larson. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:03.320 I went to Larson on film dot Com two stars 0:01:03.960 --> 0:01:08.120 for Josh Larson has the stale, stifling air of a 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:11.720 hospital waiting room. Yikes, any ideas. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.759 Yet, man, sounds like I was having a bad day. 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:16.520 I can tell you that. 0:01:15.959 --> 0:01:18.240 That was from our Top twenty five Films of the 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.600 Century show in twenty twenty five. My number five film 0:01:21.600 --> 0:01:24.280 of the twenty first century. You still don't know what 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:24.959 it is, do you? 0:01:25.360 --> 0:01:27.440 I just don't want to guess incorrectly. 0:01:27.720 --> 0:01:30.600 Film Spotting in depth reviews of films new and old, 0:01:30.680 --> 0:01:34.399 top five lists, movie marathons, and the occasional actor or 0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.520 director interview with a show archive that goes all the 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:38.960 way back to two thousand and five. 0:01:39.400 --> 0:01:42.920 Listen to Films Spotting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 0:01:43.040 --> 0:01:46.600 or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes every Friday. 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:49.559 More about the show at film Spotting dot map. 0:01:49.880 --> 0:01:52.200 Never let Me Go Josh number five. 0:01:54.040 --> 0:02:00.800 Okay, lady, So today, recognizing that we are this episode 0:02:00.840 --> 0:02:03.760 is airing, not necessarily when you might be listening to it, 0:02:03.800 --> 0:02:07.520 but when this episode is airing, we are within the 0:02:07.520 --> 0:02:13.280 month of May, which is National Mental Health Awareness Month, 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:16.720 and so what we want to do today is kind 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:19.880 of kind of walk you through that process of what 0:02:20.040 --> 0:02:24.480 therapy is like and what you can expect and what 0:02:24.639 --> 0:02:29.000 things you might need to advocate for when you decide, 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:32.480 when you make that decision that you want to address 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:37.280 your mental health. In previous episodes, we've talked about anxiety, 0:02:37.840 --> 0:02:43.120 we've talked about depression, and we've also talked about ways 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.800 to address certain things, like we have a whole episode 0:02:45.840 --> 0:02:50.720 on self care, right, we also have episodes that dive 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:59.120 into confidence or conflict and relationships, sexuality. 0:02:59.520 --> 0:03:01.600 All of the those things might be. 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:05.600 Reasons why you decide to go and seek the services 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:07.160 of a mental health professional. 0:03:07.400 --> 0:03:09.480 So today we want. 0:03:09.320 --> 0:03:14.120 To kind of give you a guide on how to 0:03:14.200 --> 0:03:17.440 seek those services. I'm going to start us off with 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:20.600 our quote of the day. When we talk about our feelings, 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:27.680 they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. That 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:33.200 quote comes to us from mister Rogers. We'll team when 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:36.440 you think about mental health because I have not I 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:41.440 will be up front and transparent that as mental health professional, 0:03:41.840 --> 0:03:47.080 I'm biased. I encourage any and everybody to seek the 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:50.920 services of a mental health professional. My friends and family 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:55.040 will tell you I have no problem saying you think 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:56.560 maybe you need to go, say a therapist for that, 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:00.760 or I'm I'm not your therapist. 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:02.360 Oh that's a good one. 0:04:04.200 --> 0:04:08.600 And so I acknowledge that when it comes to this 0:04:08.640 --> 0:04:12.520 particular topic, I have a bias. What do you think 0:04:13.560 --> 0:04:17.200 about mental health and seeking therapy? 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:22.080 Well, I will say my opinion on this has evolved. 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:24.960 I know, growing up this was something so far fetched. 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.159 It was only therapy was only something I saw white 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:29.680 people do in lifetime movies. 0:04:29.720 --> 0:04:30.599 I watched My Mom. 0:04:30.480 --> 0:04:32.560 I'm like, oh, go on a therapy that's crazy. And 0:04:32.600 --> 0:04:34.240 you just think of this image of like, oh, this 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:36.640 person laying, you know, lying on the therapist's couch and 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:38.160 they're just talking about their problems and you're just like, 0:04:38.200 --> 0:04:41.440 oh my gosh, it's so weird. Right, And now I 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:43.839 think for me, it's crazy that I've been through so 0:04:43.880 --> 0:04:47.400 many traumatic experiences. They had this crazy life, right, and 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.040 didn't start going to therapy until I was in grad school. 0:04:50.279 --> 0:04:53.400 And I remember going to this woman in Southbury, Maryland, 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:54.200 where I was living. 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:56.960 And it's interesting because. 0:04:56.680 --> 0:05:00.000 I kind of thought that that experience was what therapy was. 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:02.240 It wasn't a very good experience for me. I was 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:04.600 with the therapist that she actually talked a lot about 0:05:04.600 --> 0:05:06.880 her life and what she was going through, and I 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:10.680 was like, I wanted to say, I really want to say, bitch, 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:12.000 I'm not your therapists. 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:14.280 I'm here to see you. 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:17.359 I need no help, but I didn't say that, but 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:18.839 it was I will say it was nice to be 0:05:18.839 --> 0:05:21.000 able to get just get shit off my chest. That 0:05:21.040 --> 0:05:22.960 maybe I didn't want to tell people, you know, that 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:24.880 were close to me. Maybe I didn't want to be judged. 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:28.120 And so having a safe space that was confidential where 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:30.120 I knew she wouldn't tell my business or anything like that, 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.000 that was nice, but it wasn't a good fit. 0:05:32.680 --> 0:05:35.680 So talk to me about because there were multiple things 0:05:35.680 --> 0:05:40.200 that you said in there that I could imagine that 0:05:40.200 --> 0:05:43.880 that being your first experience with therapy, that would be 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:46.160 the thing that would keep you from going back. Right 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.640 if you're in therapy and your therapist is telling you 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:53.719 about their problems and you don't necessarily feel like you 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:58.719 have the space to share your own stuff, I could 0:05:58.760 --> 0:06:01.560 see where you would be like, I'm not coming back. 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:05.760 Yes. That In addition to that, I remember she I'm 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.600 very observant. I feel like, yeah, I'm very observant, and 0:06:08.640 --> 0:06:10.880 so I've not I noticed that when you talk to 0:06:10.920 --> 0:06:13.560 some people, they would they would sort of try to 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:17.160 not diagnose you, but try to maybe just speak to 0:06:17.200 --> 0:06:18.919 you in a certain way that you just weren't feeling. 0:06:18.960 --> 0:06:21.120 And so she would say I might share something and 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:23.840 she would just assume like, oh, this is the thing 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:26.440 that's going on with you, and it's it's like not really, 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:28.880 and I knew that wasn't it, but it was more 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:31.520 So I'm sharing this with you to just give you 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:33.800 some backstory, but I don't really need you to say. 0:06:34.040 --> 0:06:35.520 I don't know how to explain it. Does that make sense? 0:06:35.560 --> 0:06:35.720 Time? 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:40.279 So what kept you in those moments? What kept you. 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:46.840 From saying to her, hey lady, no, this is not no, 0:06:46.920 --> 0:06:49.159 this is not what I mean, like basically, like what 0:06:49.240 --> 0:06:52.760 kept you from advocating for yourself in that moment? 0:06:53.080 --> 0:06:54.479 Ooh, that's a really good question. 0:06:54.680 --> 0:06:54.880 One. 0:06:55.040 --> 0:06:56.680 I was in a different place in my journey. I 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:00.160 actually it wasn't until one of my girlfriends recently told 0:07:00.160 --> 0:07:03.000 me that she got into an argument or something with 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:05.400 her therapist. I didn't realize that it was that type 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:09.120 of interaction or exchange It was, I think sometimes. 0:07:08.680 --> 0:07:10.640 And I was so young back then. I was just 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:10.960 in the. 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:14.440 Whole different space mentally, emotionally, self esteem wise, so I 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.200 didn't think it was my place. Part of me kind 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.800 of saw the therapist as the professional, the sort of 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:24.320 the not parent, but the expert there you go, the 0:07:24.360 --> 0:07:25.320 authority figure. 0:07:25.600 --> 0:07:27.360 And I didn't know that it was like my space 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:27.960 to do that. 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.360 I didn't know I could do that, and I was 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:32.640 just happy to be in somebody's chair talking about my problems, 0:07:32.920 --> 0:07:35.160 and so I didn't know, m. 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.600 Yeah, because when I so when I hear that from 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:44.920 the therapist perspective, what I hear is that she's trying 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:46.480 to like hypothesize with me. 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.680 Yes, right, And I. 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:52.880 Think sometimes that it may depend on how that comes across. 0:07:53.400 --> 0:07:56.360 So one of the things that I might say, like 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:58.160 if I had been in her position, one of the 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:02.320 things that I may have said it was so, here's 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:05.760 what I'm wondering, and then put it out there, right. 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:11.480 And so just adding that piece, I think, at least 0:08:11.480 --> 0:08:14.400 to me and correct me if I'm not putting it 0:08:14.520 --> 0:08:18.240 right by putting it out there, by starting off by saying, well, 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:24.320 here's what I'm wondering, or maybe this might be the perspective, like, 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:30.239 so just phrasing it in the question first to me invites. 0:08:29.760 --> 0:08:32.120 Room for you to correct me if I'm wrong. 0:08:34.679 --> 0:08:38.040 I've had three therapists in my life, and my third 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:41.000 therapist that's something she did very well, where we talk 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:43.719 and she's like, well, I wonder if X y Z. 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:45.720 And that gave me an opportunity to let her know 0:08:46.480 --> 0:08:48.960 what my thought was and where I was coming from, 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:51.720 and also an opportunity to consider what she was sharing 0:08:51.760 --> 0:08:54.640 instead of her just giving me this sort of direct 0:08:55.679 --> 0:08:57.120 I guess hypothesis would be the word. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:01.120 Yeah, so giving you giving you this doctor almost as 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:03.640 to say, as if to say, well, what I'm saying 0:09:03.760 --> 0:09:06.760 is the gold standard, exactly saying is the Bible truth. 0:09:07.160 --> 0:09:09.520 You have to follow what I've been agreed with what 0:09:09.559 --> 0:09:13.839 I'm saying. By offering the question, it gives you room 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.960 to be back into the conversation. It puts it in 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:23.440 a perspective of being equals in this journey. 0:09:23.679 --> 0:09:26.120 Yes, absolutely so. 0:09:27.679 --> 0:09:31.559 Another thing that you mentioned with this therapist was that 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:35.800 they talked about themselves a lot. So talk to me 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:38.800 a little bit about how that really made you feel. 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:41.760 Now, I will say it's interesting because I've had other 0:09:41.840 --> 0:09:43.680 therapists do the same thing, but they did it in 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:45.600 a way where they were connecting it to my story. 0:09:46.080 --> 0:09:48.040 And so for me when she did that, I felt like, 0:09:48.559 --> 0:09:50.840 I'm paying you money for me to come here, and 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:52.560 we are on a time but we have a time 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:56.320 frame here. We have a very clear hard we have 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:59.640 a very hard, very clear hard stop sign. Right, this 0:09:59.720 --> 0:10:02.160 is a and so when you're sharing your stories, and 0:10:02.160 --> 0:10:05.240 it's becoming more of a it's just kind of being 0:10:05.760 --> 0:10:08.280 drawn out. It's sort of cutting into the time that 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:10.600 I'm paying for. It's kind of wasting my time because 0:10:11.080 --> 0:10:13.719 your life experience and what you've been through the way 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:15.280 that she was telling the story, it wasn't like a 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.920 learning opportunity. It was kind of more like just oh, 0:10:19.360 --> 0:10:22.240 that's that I had the same experience, and it's just 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:28.880 like oh, okay, okay, and yeah, like okay, but I did 0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:31.480 have another therapist that she would share her experience and say, 0:10:31.520 --> 0:10:33.559 you know what, there's a similar situation I went through. 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.360 And I actually appreciated hearing her story because I could 0:10:36.400 --> 0:10:38.080 see how it connected and I could see what I 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:41.720 could grab and grasp from her story for myself to 0:10:41.880 --> 0:10:42.720 use on my journey. 0:10:44.160 --> 0:10:49.840 Okay, and so what would you tell yourself back then 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:54.480 on how to address that situation with the therapist? 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:58.280 I think for me, you know what, I think, no 0:10:58.360 --> 0:10:59.199 one what I know now. 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:01.920 I would probably come from a place of curiosity and 0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.400 just ask her is it customary for her to share 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:08.560 her experiences in the session? Yes? 0:11:08.640 --> 0:11:08.800 Or no? 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:11.720 Like that is that something that? And maybe what is 0:11:11.760 --> 0:11:14.120 the purpose or what are we trying what are we 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:15.880 doing here? I wouldn't say it like that, I would 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.200 say it taxically, but like, what is the purpose of 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:18.719 this right? 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.280 You wouldn't even have You don't even necessarily have to 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:25.119 say it tactfully. I think, just a piece of advocating 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.119 for yourself and asking the question, like what is customary 0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:30.319 here is this part of the process? 0:11:30.640 --> 0:11:32.960 How does this work in the process. I think that 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:34.040 it's key. 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:39.840 To not as a client, to not be afraid to 0:11:40.200 --> 0:11:44.839 ask the questions, like if you have concerns about what's 0:11:44.880 --> 0:11:50.719 happening in the therapy now, it is perfectly okay for. 0:11:50.760 --> 0:11:53.240 You to ask yes. 0:11:53.320 --> 0:11:55.120 And this is super random, but I just remembered I 0:11:55.120 --> 0:11:58.360 actually I've had four therapists in my life. I feel 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.760 so good saying that. I feel so like liberated, because 0:12:00.760 --> 0:12:02.839 there was a time when that was looked at. It's 0:12:02.840 --> 0:12:05.280 something that was so like bad. There was a stigma, 0:12:05.320 --> 0:12:08.120 oh you're crazy. But I feel so empowered saying that 0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:11.120 because I am worthy of getting help for myself, because 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:13.720 I can't handle all this shit by myself. Life is 0:12:13.800 --> 0:12:15.960 rough sometimes and you need to consult with someone, and 0:12:16.000 --> 0:12:18.000 so I think for me, it just feels so good 0:12:18.040 --> 0:12:20.080 to say that not in a not in a brag 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:22.079 adocious way, but more of in a way of trying 0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:26.040 to destigmatize the stigma around it. So let people know, like, yo, 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:28.440 I got to go on out here doing stuff and 0:12:28.480 --> 0:12:30.200 I got I've had four therapists. 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:33.600 Yes, you know what, and that's how I got here. Yes, 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:38.560 I've had helped you. We cannot be on this journey. 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.920 Alone and we shouldn't be, you know, whether it's a 0:12:40.920 --> 0:12:43.280 hotline or you know, if you can't go to therapy, 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:45.720 we do have resources on our site. If you go 0:12:45.760 --> 0:12:49.760 to her space podcast dot com and click on resources, 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:52.760 we have resources there. So their domins talked about therapists 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:55.760 offering sliding scales and so this is something available for 0:12:56.600 --> 0:12:57.959 h for a lot of people out there. 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:02.280 And nowadays we have there's an app for everything, and 0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:04.920 there are apps for mental health. 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:07.240 There are apps where you. 0:13:07.160 --> 0:13:12.000 Can go online and get guided meditation activities where you 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:16.160 can get different information on how to manage anxiety, how 0:13:16.240 --> 0:13:21.520 to manage depression, and there are apps that and because 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.199 we don't get paid advertisements. 0:13:23.640 --> 0:13:24.640 Oh yeah, we don't put. 0:13:27.040 --> 0:13:30.120 Out there. You can find them on our website. 0:13:30.440 --> 0:13:35.400 Uh, there are multiple apps that you can utilize that 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:41.760 will provide therapy, like will provide you with connections to 0:13:43.200 --> 0:13:45.120 live therapists. 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.120 And Dob might have a question for you. 0:13:46.400 --> 0:13:51.800 Okay, So my question is when you typically begin seeing 0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:54.720 a new clients, like what does that first session look like? 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:56.000 And what is the goal? 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:57.520 And like what are some of the questions you might 0:13:57.559 --> 0:13:59.719 ask for someone that might be wondering like what. 0:13:59.720 --> 0:14:01.160 Do I expect? I don't even know? 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:03.320 And Okay, I got like a ton of questions for 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:05.280 you that will cover that first, and then I want 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:07.720 to talk about the confidentiality piece because I know for 0:14:07.880 --> 0:14:09.640 me when I first started going to therapy, I was 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.599 just like it feels so weird, like telling someone on 0:14:12.679 --> 0:14:14.679 my business and then I know they probably have to 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:17.040 take notes or like where's this going to go? 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:17.480 All that? 0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.760 Okay, So the first question of what happens like kind 0:14:21.760 --> 0:14:24.160 of like in that first session? Well, I think so 0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.000 it varies depending on the setting in which you're seeing 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:29.960 a therapist. And so you can be seeing a therapist 0:14:30.160 --> 0:14:34.560 in who's in like private practice, so you go to 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:37.440 their office and it's in an office building or a 0:14:37.440 --> 0:14:40.320 house or some type of setup like that, or you 0:14:40.440 --> 0:14:44.520 might be seeing a therapist if like where I work 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:49.600 on a college campus, or if you're a veteran, you 0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:54.040 might be seeing a therapist at the VA. So there, 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:57.920 and there are lots of other configurations on how we 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:03.320 might receive therapy. The general setup is that in that 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:08.920 initial session, the therapist is trying to get to know you. 0:15:10.080 --> 0:15:11.920 But one of the things that I always like to 0:15:12.120 --> 0:15:15.120 stress to people is that that's also an opportunity for 0:15:15.280 --> 0:15:18.880 you as the client, to get to know the therapists. 0:15:19.280 --> 0:15:22.480 How do you ask them questions? Or yes, you see, 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:24.080 I've never done that before. 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:26.520 I feel like they usually volunteer information, but I never 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:28.960 even thought like, I never saw it as that way. 0:15:29.000 --> 0:15:30.760 So I think this is so important, like that we're 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:33.480 having a conversation and to share that, because sometimes when 0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:35.840 you see someone as an authority figure, you're just like, Okay, 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:37.760 I'm just going to sit and I'll do what you say. 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:40.080 You ask questions, I'll answer like I never thought about 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:42.440 what would I even ask my therapist. 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:48.000 So I constantly tell students to like, I constantly say well, 0:15:48.000 --> 0:15:51.360 do you have any questions for me? And usually when 0:15:51.400 --> 0:15:53.800 I start off the first session, I'll tell them at 0:15:53.800 --> 0:15:56.600 the beginning that I kind of give them an overview 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:58.360 this is a process where I'm going to be asking 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:02.520 a lot of questions. Questions might seem unrelated, some of 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:09.360 the questions may seem uncomfortable. But stick with the process. 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:11.880 Trust the process. That's one of my favorite phrases. Trust 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:16.000 the process. And if at any point throughout this process 0:16:16.520 --> 0:16:20.200 any questions come up for you, feel free to stop 0:16:20.240 --> 0:16:24.400 me and ask no matter what the question is, because 0:16:24.800 --> 0:16:29.000 this therapy session is for you. And so I constantly 0:16:29.040 --> 0:16:33.760 try to strive and stress to people that, like you 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.400 mentioned before, this is a surface that you are caing for, 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:43.680 so advocate for yourself. The therapy is the perfect space 0:16:44.400 --> 0:16:47.480 for you to try things out that you might be 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:49.240 scared to do in your real life. 0:16:49.360 --> 0:16:51.960 Right, So, if you struggle. 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:55.440 With advocating for yourself, therapy is that space where you 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:59.280 can practice and let's say it doesn't go right, let's 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:02.280 say it's hell awkward. That's the space where you do 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:05.640 it is hella awkward? You and your therapist process why 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.320 it is hella awkward, and then you practice until you 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:09.320 get better at it. 0:17:10.240 --> 0:17:11.159 That's what therapy is for. 0:17:11.440 --> 0:17:13.760 Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Ooh, this is I'm excited 0:17:13.800 --> 0:17:16.240 for this conversation. I'm taking my own loan notes and 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.960 I'm learning, and so I think about you do want. 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:21.640 To go back to you because I realized I didn't 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:25.199 answer your other questions about confidentiationy right, and so but 0:17:25.280 --> 0:17:27.400 before I get to that, I do want to say that, 0:17:27.480 --> 0:17:30.640 like generally, that first session, we are asking a lot 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:32.640 of questions to kind of get. 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:33.560 To know your background. 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.080 Okay, in some settings, we have to come up with 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:39.919 a diagnosis, especially if you're using insurance and we have 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.560 to build an insurance company, we have to provide a diagnosis, 0:17:43.560 --> 0:17:47.400 and so we're gathering information to kind of figure out 0:17:48.040 --> 0:17:50.240 what your potential diagnosis might be. 0:17:50.960 --> 0:17:53.320 Ooh, that makes me think of something. So one of 0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:57.120 my old therapists we were working together, and I think 0:17:57.160 --> 0:18:00.320 my diagnosis may have been like depression and anxiety. And 0:18:00.359 --> 0:18:02.639 at one point I was doing really, really well and 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:05.440 she basically it was so interesting to have this conversation, 0:18:05.480 --> 0:18:07.560 but she basically said that I was doing very good, 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:11.280 which was great, but I guess the insurance wouldn't cover 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:14.240 it because I now didn't have those same the same 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:15.640 diagnosis that I had initially. 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:17.719 Is that sound about right? 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:21.320 That might happen depending on your insurance provide. 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:24.640 Okay, Yes, we had that conversation. I was like, Okay, 0:18:24.720 --> 0:18:26.399 I'm like, well, I kind of want to just still 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:28.639 come see you because I want to maintain this level 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.000 that I'm at. But it sounded like based on my insurance, 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.760 and I guess what insurance she took. If you were 0:18:34.920 --> 0:18:38.040 doing well to a certain point, it's like, okay, like 0:18:38.119 --> 0:18:40.200 you're off to go fly, which is good too, because 0:18:40.240 --> 0:18:43.040 I think it's a great source of sort of empowerment. 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:45.480 And I think for me, my goal was always how 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:49.080 can I become self sufficient? Like I just as an individual, 0:18:49.160 --> 0:18:54.040 I do not look down on any medications or any continued. 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:56.240 Support, but I do want to I. 0:18:56.200 --> 0:18:57.960 Want to ideally just be to a place where I 0:18:58.560 --> 0:19:00.760 know the addictions run in my family. So I'm very like, 0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:04.119 you know, leary of just using things because I know 0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:05.760 that that runs in my family. I don't want to 0:19:05.760 --> 0:19:07.960 become addicted to anything. And so for me, it's always like, 0:19:08.200 --> 0:19:10.840 how can I reach a level of like internal peace 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:13.840 or at least gain tools for myself where I can 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:16.480 depend on that and get help as needed because I 0:19:16.520 --> 0:19:18.199 know where it's at, but also be able to like 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:19.280 sustain myself. 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:23.960 If that makes sense, Yes, it does. The things within that. 0:19:25.400 --> 0:19:28.159 If we're going to have an addiction, an addiction to 0:19:28.240 --> 0:19:31.920 therapy is not a bad thing if you are doing 0:19:31.960 --> 0:19:39.960 the work right. So if you are using therapy to 0:19:40.160 --> 0:19:45.720 grow and you're addicted to growing, I don't necessarily look 0:19:45.760 --> 0:19:46.680 at that as a bad thing. 0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:49.760 And again I own that bias, but. 0:19:50.320 --> 0:19:56.240 That's not necessarily a bad thing. However, my goal, and 0:19:56.280 --> 0:19:58.280 I can't speak for all therapies out there. 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:02.359 But my goal when I'm working with students is to 0:20:02.440 --> 0:20:03.280 get them to a. 0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:09.080 Point where they have developed the skills within themselves that 0:20:09.119 --> 0:20:15.560 they don't need me anymore. We all have the potential 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:19.440 in ourselves. We are all our own experts on. 0:20:19.400 --> 0:20:20.800 Our own lives. 0:20:22.000 --> 0:20:25.080 My job as the therapist is to help you tap 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:30.520 into that, is to help you reach your inner great, 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:34.080 excellent self, to help you reach your black girl magic. 0:20:34.400 --> 0:20:39.520 Yes, I want to get back to because I know 0:20:39.640 --> 0:20:40.679 we keep veering off. 0:20:41.560 --> 0:20:45.439 To go back to the confidentiality piece, right that essentially, 0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:52.320 as a therapist, I keep what you say confidential, right, 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:56.880 So what that means is that you could come in 0:20:57.600 --> 0:21:02.399 and there might be things is that you don't feel comfortable. 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:07.959 I kind of this is an interesting thing. It's almost 0:21:08.320 --> 0:21:12.840 similar to in the Catholic Church, going to the priest 0:21:12.920 --> 0:21:17.040