Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Alchemy. This than well,
Speaker 1: back to the matter is I have high hopes for
Speaker 1: this year. So yeah, hey, if you can hear me,
Speaker 1: don't funk this up. Okay, I love you your favorite
Speaker 1: actor named Kevin Polld, but I digress. Let's meet our alchemists,
Speaker 1: shall we? In no particular order. Let's check in with
Speaker 1: Craig Kowski for his book reading goals for the new year. Kevin,
Speaker 1: I read fifty three books. Uh in one. I don't
Speaker 1: want to see a fucking book this year. I don't
Speaker 1: want anybody to tell me what they're reading. I don't
Speaker 1: want to even read text on the the internet. I'm
Speaker 1: sick of it. I'm sick of it. Uh. It's uh,
Speaker 1: it's repulsive to me. So I get it. You want
Speaker 1: to get you stummer, I want to get dumber. In
Speaker 1: two right, Well, let's go have lunch soon. Um, did
Speaker 1: you squeeze in mel Brooks and the fifty three? No
Speaker 1: mel Brooks his new book, no autobiography. This is exactly
Speaker 1: what you didn't want. You didn't want people bringing up books.
Speaker 1: I don't want I don't want people recommending books. I
Speaker 1: don't need to read any more books. I did it
Speaker 1: I accomplished the goal. You really did, I mean, you
Speaker 1: say you did, so we'll believe you now. Jack Dinkins
Speaker 1: was the ruthe Ja rule, the have you ever made
Speaker 1: a pizza from scratch? And if not, what the hell?
Speaker 1: I actually have? My husband makes bread and he makes
Speaker 1: dope pizza dough that's very, very delicious, and uh we
Speaker 1: we did it so often in the past year that
Speaker 1: my family actually got together and got us one of
Speaker 1: those Uni pizza ovens for Chris. Yes, I'm so excited.
Speaker 1: And it's an indoor unit. Yes it's small enough, but um,
Speaker 1: we do it outside and everyone that we know who
Speaker 1: has one also does it outside. But you can probably
Speaker 1: do it inside. Our place is pretty small, and you'd
Speaker 1: recommend that you've used it. You're happy we've used it.
Speaker 1: And it's definitely and it went really well. It is
Speaker 1: definitely a learning process because it is so hot. It's
Speaker 1: very different than the than the oven. But either way,
Speaker 1: I love making pizza. It is a collaboration with Pat
Speaker 1: as he does the dough. Um, but I love it.
Speaker 1: And my favorite is like a pesto pizza. Oh sure, well,
Speaker 1: I had no idea any of that was part of
Speaker 1: your life. I just asked a blank question, thinking you'd
Speaker 1: probably say leave me alone, like Craig did with the books.
Speaker 1: But thank you for that. Thank you. He's a tool
Speaker 1: thing tall in any saddle. Pitch me a new game show,
Speaker 1: all right. We don't have two or four. We have
Speaker 1: three contestants. All right, they come on down. First of all,
Speaker 1: everyone's in a bathing suit. No reason, there's no water
Speaker 1: activities at all. But we've tricked them. You don't tell
Speaker 1: them the game. It's pure knowledge game. All right, we
Speaker 1: take We asked them, make sure they've read like a
Speaker 1: hundred books in their lifetime. Tell them it's all book based.
Speaker 1: Come in, and then we asked them about the same things.
Speaker 1: But from the movie version. That's fantastic. What do you
Speaker 1: call the show book nerds? But nerds a spelled and
Speaker 1: a d s. Okay, if I can take you back
Speaker 1: to the top of the pitch. Uh, it's not two,
Speaker 1: it's not four, it's three. You know, Jeopardy has been
Speaker 1: three since the beginning. And it's kind of maybe argue
Speaker 1: they want more contestants and some of them don't want many.
Speaker 1: And I just want to let you know this is
Speaker 1: gonna land right in that sweet spot where Jeopardy is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's something you want to be that brand. I just
Speaker 1: wasn't you know, taken aback or I thought any more
Speaker 1: of you for pitching three. Hey there's James Heeney, Candy Jane, Jane,
Speaker 1: please share one of your strangest auditions. Oh okay, Well,
Speaker 1: so this is a strange audition and I want to
Speaker 1: get through it really quick because I got something important.
Speaker 1: I want to say I had an audition. We can
Speaker 1: skip the audition if you want to go to I
Speaker 1: just wanted it. Last last episode, I talked about being
Speaker 1: bummed out about the new year, and there has been
Speaker 1: something that cheers me up, and it's the reviews people
Speaker 1: have been leaving this year. There's been some great reviews,
Speaker 1: and we want true reviews, honest ones. And this is
Speaker 1: a five star review from initiate Chris dash Alvarado dot
Speaker 1: com virus. That's the name of like the title of it.
Speaker 1: Uh it says, and there's a whole bunch of programming
Speaker 1: language and but then it says, I love this podcast.
Speaker 1: Personal anecdote. I listened to it all the time at work. Uh.
Speaker 1: I love the Alchemist, especially Chris Alvarado. Personal details acquired.
Speaker 1: It's a really cleverly written review that all uses programming language,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of shortened it right there. So
Speaker 1: those reviews have cheered me up a lot. And one
Speaker 1: time I had an audition for Black Funkadelic bass player
Speaker 1: and I went in and there was everybody looked like
Speaker 1: they were from nineteen seventies and had like amazing hair,
Speaker 1: and I was just like, what am I doing here?
Speaker 1: I didn't get a call back, but they treated me
Speaker 1: nice in the audition, and I was just like, what, like,
Speaker 1: why am I here? And I guess they were just
Speaker 1: looking at options. Did you tease out your hair at
Speaker 1: all or not? No? I thought it would be ridiculous
Speaker 1: if I did. If they wanted to tease my hair out,
Speaker 1: I thought they would. Maybe I should have Maybe I
Speaker 1: could have booked it. I mean, we should talk before
Speaker 1: all your auditions. I also went out for that. They
Speaker 1: ended up going with Bootsy Collins. I don't know. Thank you,
Speaker 1: And last but screw you if you think him least,
Speaker 1: it's Mark Gagliardi. Hello, gag don't nag. What is your
Speaker 1: secret to meeting new people at a party full of folks?
Speaker 1: You just don't know My secret to meeting people. Uh,
Speaker 1: icebreaker games are great. Just immediately jump in with a
Speaker 1: zip zap zop. Everyone will play. Uh. Now, I've found
Speaker 1: in my life that there are two things that everybody
Speaker 1: loves to talk about when meeting strangers, and it is
Speaker 1: where they are from and what you eat there. And
Speaker 1: everybody loves to talk about the food where they're from.
Speaker 1: So that is my go to with strangers. I can
Speaker 1: talk about any food at all. Well, you're from and
Speaker 1: what's the food to get there? Exactly? That's a great one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you for that. Please take the rest of the
Speaker 1: fourteen seconds off. Let's do a damn show. All of
Speaker 1: our scene suggestions are gathered from your listener emails or
Speaker 1: from our patron v i p s. Any level of
Speaker 1: patron support is greatly appreciated. You'll receive exclusive content like
Speaker 1: standalone bonus scenes that we make just for your video
Speaker 1: on demand of our recording sessions of this very moment
Speaker 1: of me saying this, Does that not sound great? Other
Speaker 1: great perks. Head on over to patron dot com slash
Speaker 1: alchemy this, or you can suggest a scene via email
Speaker 1: that's right just right to us alchemy this email at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. It's that simple. It's just alchemy Gmail
Speaker 1: dot com. Seen one constant patron v I p by
Speaker 1: the moniker scene suggestor for three one two, who wrote,
Speaker 1: hey there, alchemists. Somehow my last suggestion ended with Santa,
Speaker 1: the real fucking Santa, rubbing his ship into someone's face. Perfection.
Speaker 1: I have another scene suggestion, door to door beef jerky sales.
Speaker 1: Thanks legends. I'm gonna tell you right now. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: tell you right now, it's gonna go nice and easy.
Speaker 1: Nobody gets hurt if anyone should come by this house
Speaker 1: while we're robbing it. You just need to do fucking nothing.
Speaker 1: That's it. But I should answer the door, right? Are
Speaker 1: you gonna go right to a problem? I say, there
Speaker 1: was the doorbelt just moments to go, and you're seeing
Speaker 1: I just do nothing, and we're I'm trying to lay
Speaker 1: the boundaries for you to stay alive. What part of
Speaker 1: that do you not? Okay, now, answer the door at
Speaker 1: your own peril, or sit the funk down so that
Speaker 1: we can get what we need and get out of
Speaker 1: your life and leave you alone. Okay, I don't want
Speaker 1: to just you're saying, answer the door at my orange
Speaker 1: peril or sit down. I'm afraid. I don't know what
Speaker 1: to do. I feel like I gotta answer the door. Hey,
Speaker 1: listen to the boss when he's a ducking a Tommy,
Speaker 1: Can I see you over here for a second place.
Speaker 1: I don't like people disrespecting you. Appreciate that. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to point out that I don't need you to
Speaker 1: tell anybody what I just thinking said. But here you
Speaker 1: that's right, and now guess what's happening. What you're disrespecting me?
Speaker 1: And I don't appreciate it. I'm sorry. Let's just rob
Speaker 1: this place. Oh it's that goddamn doorbell. I can't get
Speaker 1: it out of my head. Boss, I feel like we
Speaker 1: got to answer the door. You know, I forgot you
Speaker 1: actually worked for the crew. I thought you were the
Speaker 1: people who lived here. And listen to me. If you're
Speaker 1: going to stay within my employment, you do not answer
Speaker 1: the fucking We're trying to run this place and so
Speaker 1: much noise, how much take off the gag and let's
Speaker 1: see what they have to say. Okay, I have a
Speaker 1: have a ring, so you can just see who's at
Speaker 1: the door. That way. If it's somebody from your employee,
Speaker 1: you can let him in and if we just have
Speaker 1: to look at the ring on your finger, and then
Speaker 1: we're gonna be able to see what's going This is
Speaker 1: an app? Are you disrespecting the boss thinking he doesn't
Speaker 1: know what the apps are? Okay, excuse me just a second,
Speaker 1: Tommy over here? Yeah, what is it? Boss? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: just wanted to say that. Well, let me go through
Speaker 1: it one more time, Marcy. We ring the bell and
Speaker 1: then we count to a hundred, and if if nobody
Speaker 1: answers during that time, then we'll move on to the
Speaker 1: next house. Okay, okay, Dad, okay? And oh and and
Speaker 1: and if nobody answers, you move on to the next house.
Speaker 1: And if they buy something, I get three ice cream cones.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's right, three ice creams. Have you already
Speaker 1: thought about which flavors you want? Mars, Mint, chocolate chip, strawberry, banana, crumberule.
Speaker 1: We're gone and we're gonna have to go, so we're special. Okay.
Speaker 1: What's our count? He daddy? And need a date. That's
Speaker 1: what it's gonna be like when we get that ice cream.
Speaker 1: That's right, Marcy? Where are we right now? Okay? So
Speaker 1: we got u seventy three more seconds before we move
Speaker 1: on to the next house, and again we only ring
Speaker 1: the bell once. We ring the bell once and that's it,
Speaker 1: and that's it. But we wait patiently, just wait, wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: what was that? Hello? Nobody should go away, get out
Speaker 1: of here. I think somebody said nobody's here, go way,
Speaker 1: But clearly there are here. They're here. Wait, they're communicating
Speaker 1: through the ring. We can just talk right back. Excuse me, um, sir,
Speaker 1: We're not trying to cause any trouble. We're just here
Speaker 1: with delicious, delicious meats, sticks and meats. My daughter and
Speaker 1: I are selling door to door beef jerky. We've got
Speaker 1: spicy jerky, We've got crunchy jerky, we've got candy jerky.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine every variety of jerky. Daddy says it's
Speaker 1: good for your health, and Marcy says it tastes yum.
Speaker 1: This is horribly suppoised. Let's open the door and get
Speaker 1: some beef jerkey. What beef jerky? It's beef jerky. How
Speaker 1: do you know there's beef jerky out there? It's your ring, boss.
Speaker 1: Didn't you see the ring? You didn't see it in
Speaker 1: the appter The beef jerky sounds pretty good, Tommy could
Speaker 1: I talk to you for a second. What the hell
Speaker 1: do you have to give me such grief in front
Speaker 1: of the other game. Just I've been the most loyally
Speaker 1: you of anybody who are the most loyal, That's what
Speaker 1: pains me to have to over and over again win
Speaker 1: the puss. Listen, alright, boss, I've let in the beef
Speaker 1: turkey salesman here. Sollo, it appears to hello. How are
Speaker 1: you good, sir? And is this your daughter? Yes, we're
Speaker 1: playing a game. You see that guy over there with
Speaker 1: the gag in his mouth, he's the prisoner. Now can
Speaker 1: you guess, little girl, what he did to become our prisoner?
Speaker 1: You might win the game. Didn't buy any beef turkey?
Speaker 1: That's right? Oh my goodness. The door boss, Why don't
Speaker 1: you get it? Larry? Wow? Dad, we could really make
Speaker 1: a lot of sales if people keep showing up. I
Speaker 1: think we're going to clean up here, Banana Crimberley, here
Speaker 1: we come. Who is it? Who? Excuse me? With the
Speaker 1: dice and vacuums. We're just out here just second to
Speaker 1: see if you have your vacuum and if you're happy
Speaker 1: with it. Okay, listen, is it something that would be
Speaker 1: really good if I cleaned up a mistake I made.
Speaker 1: This vacuum can pick up anything. Come on, you know,
Speaker 1: don't no more. You're gonna the boss is gonna love
Speaker 1: me when he sees to you. All right, are you
Speaker 1: gonna just open the are you do? Come on? Look
Speaker 1: at this foire. But the high ceilings are hard to
Speaker 1: keep clean. Oh, this sure are? And Marcy tell them
Speaker 1: what they get in the value pack. The value pack
Speaker 1: has all three flavors, spicy, crunchy, and candy. But you
Speaker 1: don't just get three sticks of beef jerky. You're gonna
Speaker 1: get nine sticks s each you both. I'm so sorry,
Speaker 1: little girl. I just want to make sure that I
Speaker 1: get credit for we're credit to do. I prefer a
Speaker 1: young lady. What you deserve to be called young adye?
Speaker 1: We are so sorry. Can you give me just a moment?
Speaker 1: Larry Tommy come over here for a second. Why would
Speaker 1: you give shipped to me in front of anybody? And also,
Speaker 1: don't talk to the little girl Leaver alone. She wants
Speaker 1: to be called young woman. First of all, we know
Speaker 1: what that's nothing but trouble. You ain't woke. If there's
Speaker 1: one thing you ain't, you're right, you're right, But I
Speaker 1: want you to take the owner of the house into
Speaker 1: the back bedroom and gag that son of a bitch
Speaker 1: like there's no fucking tomorrow. I don't want to hear
Speaker 1: another fucking Pete Petter him h huh oh. And I
Speaker 1: got a special guest dad. They keep on applauding me
Speaker 1: from the other room. Do you hear how many times
Speaker 1: they are laughing? Marcia, You're doing terrific, Like when people
Speaker 1: are cheering and they're like, oh, like when you're watching
Speaker 1: a basketball game, like something ext he happens, Like I
Speaker 1: just feel like I'm nailing it so hard. They're on
Speaker 1: your side, young lad, You're the best. But I'm not
Speaker 1: going to lie to you. I have even bigger hopes
Speaker 1: for this beef Terky brigade. Really am I am I
Speaker 1: cramping your style? No, no, no, I still want to
Speaker 1: do this with you. But like, don't you think that
Speaker 1: if we do really well, like maybe mom will come back?
Speaker 1: You know? Well I hope so she sees that we're
Speaker 1: doing so well and then we're making all of that
Speaker 1: fat cash that she wanted, then maybe she'd come back,
Speaker 1: you know, once we have that fat fat though. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're you're putting this on on Instagram live right. Yes,
Speaker 1: if only she would follow me, if followly she would
Speaker 1: follow me. Well, I was on to Baskin Robbins thirty
Speaker 1: one flavors all for taking. Hey, we just so you know,
Speaker 1: we're out of the banana Crimberley and the green chocolate.
Speaker 1: Meant what can I do for you? Oh? Well, my daughter?
Speaker 1: Who daughter? Our daughter? That's her favorite? What are you
Speaker 1: gonna do? You're not gonna get her the crimberulet? Is
Speaker 1: that what you're going to do. I'm leaving and I'm
Speaker 1: never coming back, and it's your fault. And if she
Speaker 1: ever asks about it, this is why they said no.
Speaker 1: Oh god, I just had a flashback of that moment. Oh,
Speaker 1: the terrible moment where they're out there out of two
Speaker 1: of your three favorite flavors. So if you're having a
Speaker 1: time on't you just step aside and let the next
Speaker 1: customer go? Oh god? Oh, So that the vacuum is
Speaker 1: it able to clean up tomato juice that got all
Speaker 1: over the place like a V eight like a like
Speaker 1: av Yeah, Like I made a big message to V
Speaker 1: eight and it mean the world to me if we
Speaker 1: could clean it up. Yeah, I can see how that
Speaker 1: happened those cans. The cans they're weird, they're too small,
Speaker 1: but but they're hard to open. So yeah, I feel
Speaker 1: like a giant when I hold them. Yeah, that's a
Speaker 1: good point too, sir. But yeah, we have all kinds
Speaker 1: of dysons. What you're looking for is the wet Dyson
Speaker 1: picks up anything like that. I have it here right
Speaker 1: on my back. Take it. When did this guy get here? Well,
Speaker 1: when the second thorbell rang after the beef jerky, there's
Speaker 1: another bell and Boss said, get the door. You really
Speaker 1: think this guy is a cleaner upper kind of guy?
Speaker 1: Can I show you something, sir? Yes, yes, step over here.
Speaker 1: Do you think you see dust on the ground? I mean,
Speaker 1: do you see dust on the ground? Are you asking
Speaker 1: me or him? Both of you? This is a participant
Speaker 1: of you can respond, I see it. I see it
Speaker 1: all right. You see. It's not the cleanest house. But
Speaker 1: do you see what I just did? That area is
Speaker 1: remarkably cleaner than this other area. And that's what you're
Speaker 1: gonna get with the Dyson. You're gonna get a guarantee. Now,
Speaker 1: we have three kinds. We have a candy, we have
Speaker 1: a salty and a spice. No I don't want you
Speaker 1: take credit for this with the Boss. I brought this
Speaker 1: guy in here. Believe me, I have no interest in
Speaker 1: taking credit with her. This with the Boss that a
Speaker 1: scene one. Ah, let it be a lesson to the
Speaker 1: rest of you. Is scene too comes from listen to
Speaker 1: Matthew Bollo insert as kissing, heartfelt message here. I frequently
Speaker 1: listened to your podcast, and I am a full time painter,
Speaker 1: and it's a better alternative than watching paint dry. Nice
Speaker 1: nicely played, Matthew. I have a scene suggestion for you,
Speaker 1: libertarians successfully get rid of stop signs. Thanks, thanks so much,
Speaker 1: Keep up the amazing work, Matthew. Ah, Jesus, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: I know, I mean, I don't not supposed to apologize
Speaker 1: in a in a situation like this for insurance and
Speaker 1: all that, But I feel like this hadn't been my fault,
Speaker 1: Like you t boned me. Your ta boned used to
Speaker 1: be a stop sign right here. I don't know what
Speaker 1: the hell is I know that I'm sorry, I'm apologizing.
Speaker 1: Do we just need let me just trade information with you? Okay,
Speaker 1: here's some information. That's not what I meant by trade informed.
Speaker 1: I mean like I need your insurance cars giving you
Speaker 1: by insurance information. But that's how it works in a
Speaker 1: car accident. You you just p boned me? If you asshole?
Speaker 1: Oh jeez, I can't be I don't want to be
Speaker 1: a Hello gentlemen, how did this happen? High officer? Um? Uh,
Speaker 1: we were just in an accident. I could have sworn
Speaker 1: there was a stop sign here yesterday. He was in
Speaker 1: an accident. I that wasn't me. License and registration, both
Speaker 1: of you, please, yeah, here you both of us. What
Speaker 1: did I just say he clearly p boned this car
Speaker 1: whoever was driving it? Well, I'll determine whether it's clearly
Speaker 1: in the meantime license and registration? All right, okay, Uh,
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what. Why don't you both head on
Speaker 1: over to your vehicles and I'll speak with you one
Speaker 1: at a time. Gentlemen, who says, uh, who's been accused
Speaker 1: of doing the t boning? Yes? Yes, sir? Yeah. How
Speaker 1: long have you lived at this address? Uh? My whole life.
Speaker 1: I've never left this is. I go around the block
Speaker 1: and then I come back. But that's about it. There
Speaker 1: was I swear there was a stop sign here. I
Speaker 1: see on your license that you're supposed to be wearing eyeglasses.
Speaker 1: I I left him at home, but I had one.
Speaker 1: I have won contact in the future. Yeah, quick answers,
Speaker 1: I'm wearing contacts, sir. Okay, I have one of my
Speaker 1: contacts and I lost the other one, so I was
Speaker 1: gonna wear my glass. I'm sorry. I get nervous around cops.
Speaker 1: I swear there was a stop sign there. Well, for
Speaker 1: the record, there was for many, many years. And if
Speaker 1: said you live around the corner, you well know that
Speaker 1: there has been a stop sign here for jeez, as
Speaker 1: long as anyone can remember. Yeah, but you probably also
Speaker 1: are aware that all stop signs have been removed. So
Speaker 1: that's you know, general information now that everybody knows every
Speaker 1: had what means everybody knows all that remove? What? Hang
Speaker 1: on a second, didn't there used to be a red
Speaker 1: light right there? And yeah? And didn't didn't didn't your
Speaker 1: squad car used to have have police written on the side.
Speaker 1: You're did yeah? And you're your badge? Where's your badge?
Speaker 1: What is happening? Oh, ladies, gentlemen? I called the Libertarian
Speaker 1: Society of Putnam County the lcs PC two order whoa whoa?
Speaker 1: You can call things to order? Why don't we just
Speaker 1: let it happen. Nobody should be trying to call things
Speaker 1: to order. It's not for it. Good good, good, good
Speaker 1: test and everyone freedoms for all. All right. So we
Speaker 1: have had a busy year. Uh. Stop signs gone, police
Speaker 1: cars gone, red lights gone, self checkout machines gone. Um.
Speaker 1: So what we're looking for is kind of a group consensus,
Speaker 1: a thought process of what we want to get rid
Speaker 1: of that I want to get rid of cos mm hmm. Yeah.
Speaker 1: We need a national time honor system national everybody keeps
Speaker 1: their own time. Uh huh. I don't want somebody to
Speaker 1: try to take my time. Yeah, we don't want the
Speaker 1: government telling us what time it is. I like that freedom.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna call that the freedom time Clause FTC. Trees,
Speaker 1: I want them gone. You want trees gone? Well here yeah, seconded. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I just don't want them. That's how I feel,
Speaker 1: just feel I need to read said, Wow, is the
Speaker 1: government pushing trees on us? You're telling me I had
Speaker 1: to have a tree, and I don't want to treat
Speaker 1: Mr President, Thank you for seeing me. I just wanted
Speaker 1: to go over a couple of the most recent removals
Speaker 1: by the Libertarian Party. The last one seems to be treats, which, um,
Speaker 1: I know you worked real hard to U save our
Speaker 1: forests and our natural Every American citizen got to plant
Speaker 1: a tree in their yard. Yeah, okay, I'm not I'm
Speaker 1: not breaking on that one. That's staying in right. Well,
Speaker 1: you don't have to break on anything you believe in, sir.
Speaker 1: That's why I'm asking you if we could maybe put
Speaker 1: together a master plan as to how to respond to
Speaker 1: the Libertarian Party. And I say, we just push harder
Speaker 1: and we get trees in everybody's yard faster. I want to.
Speaker 1: I want to double our putting trees in people's yards effort. Right,
Speaker 1: it's the push harder part aspect that I'm uh unclear, sir.
Speaker 1: How would we in fact push hard well, instead of
Speaker 1: having people go up to the door to collect information
Speaker 1: in census, I want them to go up to people's
Speaker 1: door and plant trees in their yard. Yeah. We talked
Speaker 1: about that one before. Can I be honest, Ronald. I
Speaker 1: was just feeling like I wasn't participating enough in the meeting,
Speaker 1: and I looked out the window and I saw a
Speaker 1: tree and I said trees. So and that's why we've
Speaker 1: we've mobilized a national effort to get trees out of lawns,
Speaker 1: out of parks. The thing is that the greenery it
Speaker 1: is good in terms of getting oxygen into the air,
Speaker 1: and it's also proven to have a good mental impact
Speaker 1: on people's mental health. One thing that happens when libertarians
Speaker 1: say something, they do it right, right. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't ron Ronald, I'm sorry I couldn't help, but
Speaker 1: you know, I have to admit I've kind of just
Speaker 1: been winging this whole libertarian thing too. I got pissed
Speaker 1: at a stop signed the other day and throughout that
Speaker 1: we should get rid of them. And now there's no
Speaker 1: stop signs here anymore. Let's ask the group in this group,
Speaker 1: who has recommended something to get rid of based on
Speaker 1: a personal story and not because of government overright. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I'll raise my hand. But Jim, you're the
Speaker 1: one who told us to get rid of planes. Yeah, alright,
Speaker 1: it's ten am on my clock. Let's get this meeting started.
Speaker 1: Look at this, well, go whoa, who's just kidding? What
Speaker 1: are you guys all doing here? We've been going for
Speaker 1: a while, man, the meet He's at ten am right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my ten am, freedom freedom, brother, freedom, freedom, freedom, he's
Speaker 1: got a different ten am. I see what say they? Brother? Uh?
Speaker 1: Here here's the who who I forgot who suggested we
Speaker 1: should get rid of a organized time? That was my suggestion,
Speaker 1: and that was I thought we'd kind of line up
Speaker 1: with my time. Okay, can everyone just line up with
Speaker 1: Jim's time? How about? Well, then that's not really libertarian,
Speaker 1: is it lining up? Yeah? We're not. What's up? Sheeple? Okay, Jim,
Speaker 1: that looks like everyone is very much against that. So
Speaker 1: then I want to just go back to the old time. Okay?
Speaker 1: Is everyone cool with going back to the old time?
Speaker 1: I also move we get rid of parliamentary procedure. Anybody
Speaker 1: second that? I guess I'll second that. Don't second that
Speaker 1: that's parliamentary procedure sheep Oh? Sorry? And and going back
Speaker 1: to the way things were. You know, I think you're
Speaker 1: in the wrong party, mr. Hey, Hey, hey, I just
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get not the party who wants to
Speaker 1: go back to the way things were. We want to
Speaker 1: be restive, move forward. Yeah, get rid of everything. You
Speaker 1: guys don't need to push me out of the Hey,
Speaker 1: I have a right here right, No hierarchy, Sorry Ronald sorry,
Speaker 1: oh shit, oh that just he just snapped in half.
Speaker 1: Uh coling, Yeah, that has seen too. See three comes
Speaker 1: to us from Corey Booth. Yes, Corey, Now, I gave
Speaker 1: Corey credit in our previous episode about an undercover boss,
Speaker 1: but that was in fact I want to give a
Speaker 1: shout out to Matt Huro. I'm definitely not saying that correctly,
Speaker 1: but that scene suggestion about the undercover boss was Matt,
Speaker 1: not CORI's. Here now is Corey Booth scenes suggestion. I
Speaker 1: hate when anyone gets mad at people going the speed limit.
Speaker 1: It's like if the bakery told you that ten is
Speaker 1: the limit on pumper nickel rolls. Uh and some and
Speaker 1: some in the bakery. Someone in the bakery is screaming
Speaker 1: that you are only going to take ten. Jesus, I've
Speaker 1: already confused myself. I'm I'm reading this cold. I'm sorry, listeners. UM.
Speaker 1: I hate when anyone gets mad at people going the
Speaker 1: speed limit. Um. Scenes suggestion road rage. Love you, Corey Booth.
Speaker 1: How was your day at school? It was horrible? The
Speaker 1: hor day teacher called me up sucked. Did you have
Speaker 1: fun at soccer practice? No? Coach called me up. So okay,
Speaker 1: well when we get home, I made a very special
Speaker 1: something for my very special boy, and I think you
Speaker 1: are you fucking kidding me? Shut the funk up your
Speaker 1: little piece of ship. That guy in the back sucks.
Speaker 1: That guy sucks. You don't know what he does. Suck.
Speaker 1: But we're gonna let it go. We're just gonna we're
Speaker 1: gonna let it go, and we're gonna let drive. Honey.
Speaker 1: Let her know that she's going slow. Just tap the horn.
Speaker 1: People just sometimes need to be brought into attention. But
Speaker 1: it's rude to tap the horn. I feel like, I mean,
Speaker 1: if you could do like a little tap. But what
Speaker 1: if I do too? What if I do to taps
Speaker 1: like a baby? That's like the road runner? Right, I
Speaker 1: mean she's going five, hunter, she's going five, So I
Speaker 1: really think too little. Okay, I'll do I'll do two
Speaker 1: little taps. Oh, she does not look happy. She does not.
Speaker 1: She might you know what, I think she is happy.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of excitement. She's I think we just
Speaker 1: a literature. She might have been better sleep we could.
Speaker 1: You You might have just saved her life. You might
Speaker 1: have just saved a life. Yeah, you know what, you
Speaker 1: know what. I feel good about that. Oh and and
Speaker 1: she hasn't really picked up the speed at any point though.
Speaker 1: Should I do it again? Yeah? But I think maybe
Speaker 1: one long peep this time. Does that seem nicer or meaner? Well?
Speaker 1: I think that maybe she got the wrong idea from
Speaker 1: the last short beeps and one long peep I think
Speaker 1: that will really get her. You know how I like
Speaker 1: to be told like in a long, slow, easy, sweetie,
Speaker 1: you stay right here in the car, okay, and just
Speaker 1: work on your homework. Just work in your homework for
Speaker 1: the right back. I know. But mommy is going to
Speaker 1: be right back, don't you worry. It's gonna be really
Speaker 1: nice when we get back in the car. Hey, hey, you,
Speaker 1: she said, getting out of your cars? What's she doing
Speaker 1: all down your window? She wants to talk to you
Speaker 1: out of your car. I'm sorry, is there? I was
Speaker 1: just because you were going on face me. I squere
Speaker 1: your chest to my chest, I'm square. Where did you
Speaker 1: get a sword? I'm my son has hobbies. Let me go, honey,
Speaker 1: your behavior you think that's appropriate behavior? I know I
Speaker 1: think five. I was going thirty five. I'm trying to
Speaker 1: get my son home safe. Excuse me, I can help
Speaker 1: out with this if you you can go up to
Speaker 1: five miles over the speed limit. I don't want to
Speaker 1: speed it. I'm going to She's poking me on the
Speaker 1: shoulder every stop that we do not poke my husband
Speaker 1: with that sword? Is there anything in the car I
Speaker 1: can defend myself with here? This is an ice scraper?
Speaker 1: Get her? Look, get her? She crossed the law. Let's
Speaker 1: go get the funk out of your car. Oh great?
Speaker 1: You doing everybody? Hello, officer, Hello, officer, this this woman.
Speaker 1: Put the ice craper down. Sir, you put that pull.
Speaker 1: It's not even snowy outside. Yeah, ma'am is that a
Speaker 1: Is that a Contentna? Yes, my son, he takes um
Speaker 1: different weaponjury classes weapon. Oh yes, I took weapondry when
Speaker 1: I was growing up. This is beautiful, beautiful, look gorgeous. Sir.
Speaker 1: You're not going to arrest her? Sir? You down? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: where did you get a sword? Hey? We had to
Speaker 1: get rid of all the guns because of the Libertarian Association,
Speaker 1: and now we have our own weapons. We can choose.
Speaker 1: So this is what I've chosen. Would be quiet wile
Speaker 1: I talked to a great choice. Thank you? Yeah, this
Speaker 1: is this is actually made in Iowa. You wouldn't know that.
Speaker 1: The masonries there are pretty pretty spot on. Oh that's
Speaker 1: good to know. I'm going to look into that for
Speaker 1: my son's next birthday. He's actually he's turning twelve in
Speaker 1: two months, exactly two months from today. I can't believe
Speaker 1: he's twelve. I mean, it really is amazing to me.
Speaker 1: You know, he always seemed like he would be eleven forever.
Speaker 1: Where does time go? Where does it go? Mom? I
Speaker 1: don't know. Remember when he was five and he fell
Speaker 1: off the jungle gym and you said, oh, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be okay. Yeah, yeah, I'm not sure he is. Grandma, Hey,
Speaker 1: how's he going? Temmy sucks? Yeah? Did you get that
Speaker 1: horn from a car? It's a gift I got. It's
Speaker 1: a car horn replicator. Oh do you want to hear
Speaker 1: it again? Sure? Huh huh. That's like I'm kind of
Speaker 1: being nice. Honk right. It's almost like there's a goose
Speaker 1: in there. You know what, sweetie? If you could not
Speaker 1: do that in the house, that would be great. Doesn't
Speaker 1: love that? Happy birthday? By the way, thanks girl. Sorry
Speaker 1: we aren't doing a party in presents this year. I
Speaker 1: don't I guess COVID is changing everything. COVID sucks. Well,
Speaker 1: you're right about that quarantine. If you were to get
Speaker 1: a birthday gift, what would you want. Uh? Oh, there's
Speaker 1: this new blade that comes out of aims Iowa. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's a three sided blade and it's amazing. Honey, I
Speaker 1: don't think you need a sword. I think that those
Speaker 1: stitches are gonna heal it fine, and you're gonna be fine.
Speaker 1: Quiet added to the rest of the rest of the
Speaker 1: gear in the back of the car. Don't you tell
Speaker 1: me how I can drive. You saw what that woman
Speaker 1: did to me. You saw what the cop that came
Speaker 1: over to help did to me. Think about it. It's
Speaker 1: like lightning striking twice. What are the odds that you're
Speaker 1: ever really gonna need a sword? I needed it that
Speaker 1: once and that's why I didn't just get a sword. Now,
Speaker 1: can you put it in the back next the bayonets
Speaker 1: and the ninja stars. It's just these things are probably
Speaker 1: gonna end up hurting you more than then you're gonna
Speaker 1: hurt anybody else. Well, there's a lot of weaponry back
Speaker 1: there that pleasantly like slats all together. Back there, I
Speaker 1: had that rack built. Look, I just want I just
Speaker 1: want to say, so, Uh, Tommy, if you seem to
Speaker 1: know everything about basic algebra, why don't you come up
Speaker 1: here to the front of the class. Sucks? Okay, So
Speaker 1: I have ten pumper Nicker rolls. Uh, if I want
Speaker 1: to give five, how did you get turned? Well, because
Speaker 1: there's a limit. That's as many pumper nick rolls as
Speaker 1: you can purchase. Oh. If I give three pumper Nicker
Speaker 1: rolls to Abigail, and if I give four pumper Nicker
Speaker 1: rolls to Bruce, nine, stop it, Bruce. This is not
Speaker 1: for you. This is this is for Tommy's eating all
Speaker 1: of them. Okay, Tommy, Uh, these these are hypothetical. Uh.
Speaker 1: Pumper Nickel rules. All right, I don't I don't literally
Speaker 1: have the pumper Nickel rules. Ummy, Tommy, do you have
Speaker 1: an answer? Well, what is the question? I'm trying to
Speaker 1: ask the question? All right? If I have Okay, let's
Speaker 1: assume the maximum amount of Pumpernickel rules you can order. Yeah, okay, Bruce,
Speaker 1: stop it all right? Okay, Okay, thanks to the Libertarians,
Speaker 1: I have to teach all ages in all levels, uh,
Speaker 1: in this class, and there there's a there's a huge
Speaker 1: disparity between people's ability to do basic algebra. Tommy, Tommy,
Speaker 1: come back into the classroom. All right, where are you going?
Speaker 1: This classroom sucks? Is that a katana sword out? Okay?
Speaker 1: If I have well on and then if we still
Speaker 1: had a principle, i'd i'd have to alert the principle
Speaker 1: right now. But we don't. Uh, Bruce can carry his
Speaker 1: JanSport backpack and I can't carry the sword. Okay. So
Speaker 1: it says here in your previous uh work, you worked
Speaker 1: in the rodeo. Is that right? Yeah? Sure thing, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I worked at rodeo. Well, uh, you got a lot
Speaker 1: of things to do when you got a bull and
Speaker 1: you get at right, there's a lot of manure, right,
Speaker 1: so I take the manure. We have our own composting system,
Speaker 1: and manure is already close to compost. So then we
Speaker 1: just take some of the trash from around the rodeo
Speaker 1: events and if it's compostable, we put it in the compost.
Speaker 1: I managed that process. I got about six guys under me.
Speaker 1: They're also the clowns, so I managed that department too.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you what, why don't you go into the
Speaker 1: counter handle the next customer and let's see how it comes.
Speaker 1: That's just I want to tell you this. I really
Speaker 1: want this job. I love Alright, Alright, good luck out there. Okay,
Speaker 1: don't worry, Marcy. They've got your flavors here. I know
Speaker 1: they've got your flavors. And your mom's gonna meet us
Speaker 1: here and we're gonna be a family. I can so
Speaker 1: if you're having a moment, you can just step aside
Speaker 1: and let the no. No, that's all right. I might
Speaker 1: go into a flashback of a previous traumatic event at
Speaker 1: an ice cream shop, but it wasn't a dairy queen.
Speaker 1: It was a thirty one flavor. So uh, I'll make
Speaker 1: it easy on you. I just need a triple scoop
Speaker 1: of vanilla mint, chocolate chip and banana crimberly great. That
Speaker 1: will be six sixty two. How would you like to
Speaker 1: pay Venmo? We do take venmo? Yeah, okay, there's a
Speaker 1: there's a barcode right there. You hear the QR code.
Speaker 1: Just scan that pay us, and I just have to
Speaker 1: wait till you've paid it so I can see it
Speaker 1: on my This is from my special little girl here.
Speaker 1: She's just so we don't need to know we we
Speaker 1: just handed to you sir, we're on a daddy daughter
Speaker 1: date and she sold ten variety packs of beef jerky.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Hi Sheila, it's you saw her Instagram stories.
Speaker 1: I did. I I saw the Instagram story. I was
Speaker 1: a little concerned about the burglary, but then I noticed
Speaker 1: how well you were treating Marcy. And we only realized
Speaker 1: in hindsight there was obviously a burglary taking place. We
Speaker 1: were so focused on getting this sale we missed all
Speaker 1: the You really didn't even notice that a burglary always
Speaker 1: missed all the warning signs. The person tied up in
Speaker 1: the chair, I know, but they explained it away. They
Speaker 1: said they were playing a game, and wow, it's I'm
Speaker 1: really I'm really happy to see you and Marcy doing okay.
Speaker 1: And man, if you're not going to order, I need
Speaker 1: you to step to the side. Oh um, I I
Speaker 1: mean you were. How Here's here's a little test for you.
Speaker 1: Do you remember my favorite flavors. Don't you order me one? Ah?
Speaker 1: Of course, of course. Uh let me get three scoops
Speaker 1: of uh coffee you're really sweating and rainbow sherbet Wow coffee.
Speaker 1: You got two of the three? Oh god, ah, moose tracks.
Speaker 1: I want you out of my life forever. It wasn't
Speaker 1: most tracks, No, it was Moose tracks. I just, in
Speaker 1: this moment, realized that I was going right back into
Speaker 1: something that I shouldn't have been going right back into.
Speaker 1: It was Moose tracks. You remember it all three It's
Speaker 1: that's not why it's I'm very wishy washy, and I
Speaker 1: apologize and and and this whole relationship. Maybe it was me,
Speaker 1: maybe it was you. I don't know, but maybe there's
Speaker 1: a day when you and I can get an ice
Speaker 1: cream together. We sell ice cream, so if you want it,
Speaker 1: I can get it right now. You smell like ship.
Speaker 1: By the way, Wait, are you the bullshit guy from
Speaker 1: the rodeo? Not bullshits? Or the ship mover? All? Right?
Speaker 1: Ship from what? Though? Well? We have many different animals,
Speaker 1: so I'm glad you asked. There's cows, there's there's bulls,
Speaker 1: which are also cows. Uh. Though, there's a let's get
Speaker 1: out of here while he's doing this list something, Marcy,
Speaker 1: say something. Your parents are back together, Marcy, I'm leaving
Speaker 1: if you don't say something. Chickens we have sometimes we
Speaker 1: have a hand. I guess she doesn't want me here.
Speaker 1: Eagles sometimes we have goodbye, Marcy, say something, say something.
Speaker 1: Your mother's leaving Marcy goodbye, and we also have sometimes
Speaker 1: we have a tiger. So this time it's Marcy's fault
Speaker 1: and that is our show. Why wouldn't Marcy say something? Well,
Speaker 1: it's because Jackie Deals had to leave. Jackie Gonzalez do
Speaker 1: Ruthie had to leave during the recording, she had a
Speaker 1: hard out now in shoe business, a hard out of
Speaker 1: Oh sorry. Let's thank all of our alchemists who were
Speaker 1: kind enough to remain, starting with James Heeny. My apologies
Speaker 1: to you. James. During the recording, I may have a
Speaker 1: side tracted uh your creativity and the listeners will never know,
Speaker 1: but I do want to apologize in front of them. Oh,
Speaker 1: thank you, and thanks for having me. What a great time.
Speaker 1: Uh check out game Front. That's fair, check out game Front, damnit.
Speaker 1: Mark Agley already, thanks so very much of being here.
Speaker 1: Oh man, it's always so delightful that my favorite text
Speaker 1: message to get is want to do the show, and
Speaker 1: I'm always like who So that was? Today is one
Speaker 1: of those days, right on. Thank you very much for
Speaker 1: that a tool sing, Thank you very much for having me.
Speaker 1: It's always a pleasure. Being here, good times, good laughs,
Speaker 1: and uh, it's it's great because it's twice I get
Speaker 1: the laft during the show, and then when I listened back,
Speaker 1: it's a second laugh. So thank you. Oh please feel
Speaker 1: free to have a third laugh on us. Craig Atkowski,
Speaker 1: thank you. I am hungry for ice cream now, and uh,
Speaker 1: as everybody knows, the best flavor of all time is
Speaker 1: Jenny's Salted peanut butter and chocolate. Huh, I'm gonna take
Speaker 1: you to Ginger's for the peanut butter crack. Check that
Speaker 1: out as well. He's all available in the Los Angeles area.
Speaker 1: All right, let's thank your engineering, producing, the stars, for
Speaker 1: Bean who worked extra hard on this episode, and all
Speaker 1: the fine folks that I hurt. Media. I'm your host,
Speaker 1: Kevin Pollack reminding you that we greatly appreciate, as James
Speaker 1: Penner out, all the reviews that you're writing. It helps
Speaker 1: tremendously to get the word out and let people know
Speaker 1: what's happening and also what you think while you're listening
Speaker 1: to the show, and so please continue to write those reviews.
Speaker 1: If you have never written a review of the show,
Speaker 1: I'm to say now is the time. Let's start the
Speaker 1: new year or whenever you're listening to this, by having
Speaker 1: you write a review of the show, and, as James
Speaker 1: pointed out, real reviews, honest replies. Uh no need to
Speaker 1: be creative or funny. Just tell us what you think
Speaker 1: of the show. It would be great. Um and uh yeah,
Speaker 1: until next time, be kind to each over to everybody,
Speaker 1: and we love you and thank you very much for
Speaker 1: being here. And you remember the name of the show,
Speaker 1: It's