WEBVTT - My Mane Man Chris Appleton 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:05.600 Hello, gorgeous, it's Lala Kent. Welcome to untraditionally, Lala. Hello, gorgeous, 0:00:05.640 --> 0:00:08.640 it is La La Kent. Welcome back to Untraditionally, Lala. 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:11.120 We have been graced with an. 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:12.600 Amazing presence today. 0:00:12.800 --> 0:00:17.960 I'm looking at you, baby, Where are you looking to 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:18.520 look at there? 0:00:19.760 --> 0:00:24.280 My eyes are kind of wandering. Okay, my hot pants 0:00:24.280 --> 0:00:26.000 that I wore for you I want to. 0:00:25.920 --> 0:00:30.720 Give you will Yes, when I. 0:00:30.680 --> 0:00:33.240 Walk, I made sure, but when I move, yes, it's 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:34.160 just the hot pants. 0:00:34.159 --> 0:00:34.800 You guys. 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:36.320 I have Chris Appleton. 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:39.800 Obviously, you guys know him, because none of us. 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:41.000 Live under a rock anymore. 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:45.159 A world renowned hairstylist gives being showcased on covers of 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:49.320 major feature publications, including Vogue, Harper's Bizarre, Vanity Fair, and 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:53.479 That's just to name a few. Celebrity clients include Jennifer Lopez, 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:57.880 Kim Kardashian, Sophia Viagara, Ariana Grande, Katie Perry, you have 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.200 two babies that are not so much babies any more. 0:01:00.400 --> 0:01:03.800 They're kind of always your babies, right yeah, Billy and 0:01:03.880 --> 0:01:08.000 Kitty Blue. I love that name with your former partner, Katie, welcome, 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:11.920 my love, thank you, and you have a book coming out. 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.560 It's out, We're here, there, it is. 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.760 There, it is. Do you ever have a bad day 0:01:17.800 --> 0:01:18.880 as far as like your looks go? 0:01:19.560 --> 0:01:22.280 Yeah, really, I'm literally yesterday I was doing a podcast. 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:24.560 I was like, I don't know why I look like 0:01:24.600 --> 0:01:26.479 all of them. It's my head gingja. Like we all 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:29.520 have those moments where you pull yourself apart. But now 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:32.000 I just come back to myself, Well, I'm doing that 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.399 thing I do. We will do it. 0:01:34.480 --> 0:01:35.319 We all do it. 0:01:35.360 --> 0:01:38.720 And I I love that when I was reading your book, 0:01:39.800 --> 0:01:41.800 I love that you pointed out because most people would 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.119 look at you and be like, you have everything going on, 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:47.200 like your sexy as hell, you're touching you know, the 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:49.480 hair of these mega mega superstars. 0:01:49.600 --> 0:01:52.200 What insecurity or problem could you ever have? 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:56.880 Yeah? And I have them all right, And. 0:01:56.960 --> 0:02:00.280 I'm I'm so excited about your book and for people 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:03.000 to fall even harder for you. I want to know, like, 0:02:03.120 --> 0:02:05.600 when did you know it was time to write a book. 0:02:06.520 --> 0:02:10.200 I think maybe the idea of Chris Appleton as a brand, 0:02:10.240 --> 0:02:14.040 Like people perceive me from what they see on social media, 0:02:14.160 --> 0:02:16.040 which is obviously what most people do. We have a 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:18.800 perception of someone from the small amount of information we see. 0:02:19.280 --> 0:02:21.560 So people probably know our work with celebrities. You know, 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:24.400 life looks good, it's a then red carpets or this 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:27.280 and that. But that's just like a really small part 0:02:27.280 --> 0:02:29.040 of my life, right and it's a really small part 0:02:29.040 --> 0:02:31.520 of what I do. And I felt like it was 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:36.440 time to bring a book out for people that say, well, 0:02:37.280 --> 0:02:38.919 I can't have that. I don't look like Jo Lo 0:02:39.280 --> 0:02:40.959 or I can't have that I'm not like I don't 0:02:40.960 --> 0:02:42.520 look like Kim Gardishian. And I was like, well, it's 0:02:42.520 --> 0:02:45.280 actually really easy when you break it down of how 0:02:45.280 --> 0:02:47.240 to like look and fill your absolute best. There's like 0:02:47.240 --> 0:02:49.320 a formula to it. Because I've worked with celebrities what 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:51.600 people know me as now, but I've also worked in 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:55.960 a salon doing you know, regular clients nine toil five. 0:02:56.360 --> 0:02:59.200 I've also done models on a runway. I've also done 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:02.760 cancer patients lost their hair, and you know, I see, 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:07.280 I saw a formula that worked with everyone on how 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.440 to make people look and feel their best, depending on 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.520 what they were going through and what they wanted. But 0:03:11.600 --> 0:03:13.360 a lot of it was about alignment. It was like, 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:15.760 when you're fully aligned on the inside is when the 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:19.480 outside really kind of happens, and that's the superpower. And 0:03:19.480 --> 0:03:20.919 I think that's the bit that a lot of people 0:03:21.000 --> 0:03:24.160 don't know. So what the reader will find is basically 0:03:24.200 --> 0:03:26.920 tools in how to you know, look and feel their best. 0:03:26.919 --> 0:03:28.200 And it's like, all right, well you don't look like 0:03:28.280 --> 0:03:29.600 Jennifer Lopez, but this. 0:03:29.680 --> 0:03:35.160 Is how And I love that because even Jennifer Lopez, 0:03:35.240 --> 0:03:37.800 I'm sure has her moments of going, we just ain't 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:40.480 hitting today and like the little insecurities. 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:42.520 And I noticed when I started talking. 0:03:42.200 --> 0:03:49.320 About like how I felt postpartum, which you have you 0:03:49.360 --> 0:03:52.320 have two kids. I'm sure who you were with at 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:54.600 the time, their mother. You know, things are just different 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:57.200 after two babies. Your hair is falling out and you 0:03:57.320 --> 0:04:01.320 really don't feel like you've so like your identity is 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:02.400 gone totally. 0:04:02.600 --> 0:04:04.520 And it's hard to. 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:07.200 Like go out and explain things to certain people because 0:04:07.200 --> 0:04:10.560 they're still fixated on like, well, you know, you're bounced back. 0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:13.280 Imagine if you had you know it the way I 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:13.600 had it. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:15.760 But there are moments where I'm looking at myself in 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:18.840 the mirror going like I just what is going on? 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.800 And it always for me goes back to what can 0:04:21.839 --> 0:04:22.680 we do with this hair? 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:26.200 Yeah, hair is so powerful, right. I mean, if you 0:04:26.200 --> 0:04:28.159 think about a lot of it's interesting to me. Some 0:04:28.160 --> 0:04:29.960 people will be like, I don't care about my hair, 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:32.160 Like it's the last thing I care about. I just 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:34.120 I can't be bothered. And I'm like, that also says 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:36.479 something about you. That also says about that. That also 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:38.600 says what you're putting out to the world, you know, 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.240 And if you don't truly feel like that on the inside, yeah, 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:43.680 and the outside is saying that, then you need you know, 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.320 you're not aligned. You need to kind of get aligned 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.120 with how you want to come across people, what your 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:49.400 goals are, and work towards those things. And I think 0:04:49.800 --> 0:04:53.320 if you think about any celebrity, like hair is so fundamental, 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.760 Like if I say j Lo, like you probably think 0:04:55.839 --> 0:04:58.680 like honey colored hair with a pop su blonde. Yeah, 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:03.039 obviously the Kardashian like dark rich brunettes, Lady Garga like 0:05:03.080 --> 0:05:07.960 platinum ice blonde, like Chapel with the red head. It's 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:11.080 so significant. I don't think about Marilyn Monroe without the 0:05:11.080 --> 0:05:13.920 platinum hair. I don't know. It's just it's such a 0:05:13.960 --> 0:05:17.960 part of identity, and I think a lot of people 0:05:18.000 --> 0:05:21.760 don't always kind of necessarily know they have a choice, 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:23.799 because a lot of people have what they've always had 0:05:24.320 --> 0:05:26.719 because no one's really given the option to ever explore. 0:05:27.279 --> 0:05:29.800 But that is also like personal things as well, Like 0:05:30.360 --> 0:05:33.080 you were told once as a kid you were the 0:05:33.160 --> 0:05:36.640 quiet one, or you are the you know your sister's 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.560 the bobby one. You're the quiet one, or you know 0:05:38.640 --> 0:05:40.880 you're the chubby one, she's the hot one. I don't know, 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:45.600 Like I noticed that people carry these things with them 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.039 their whole life, like they're put in a box. Yeah. 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:50.640 They literally like, oh, well, I know I can't. I 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:52.479 would sit down in the salon or in the chair 0:05:52.480 --> 0:05:54.080 and I'd be like, you know, well, have you ever 0:05:54.080 --> 0:05:56.559 thought about I don't know, you showed me a picture 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.800 of blonde hair, have you ever thought about Yeah, I 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:00.200 know I love the blonde, but I know I can't 0:06:00.279 --> 0:06:03.400 do that. And I'd be like all right, why And 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:05.560 they're like, well, I just know that that I can't. 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.640 And I'd be like, well, who told you that? I'm like, well, 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:10.080 I don't know. And they trace it back and it's 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:12.839 usually like once someone said to them like this is 0:06:12.880 --> 0:06:14.719 what suits you, and they kind of get it broken 0:06:14.800 --> 0:06:16.880 up into the head is this is who I am. 0:06:17.080 --> 0:06:18.839 And the idea of the book is that you stop 0:06:18.880 --> 0:06:21.320 and like actually truly look in the mirror and find 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.400 out who you are, who you want to be, and 0:06:23.480 --> 0:06:25.960 know that it's possible to change, and it's like never 0:06:26.000 --> 0:06:27.880 too late to meet you come back. It's a lot 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:29.839 of people also have a thing about age, like well 0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:32.480 over the age of twenty, I'm too old, Like it's 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.280 who I am, who I am now, And it's like 0:06:34.560 --> 0:06:36.240 you can create, you come back at any age. It's 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.320 never too late. And it might be as simple as 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:40.640 like changing your hair color or your haircut, or it 0:06:40.720 --> 0:06:43.440 might be leaving a marriage, it might be changing your job, 0:06:43.560 --> 0:06:45.159 it might be getting out of the friend group that 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:49.920 makes you miserable. But the whole thing is about coming 0:06:49.920 --> 0:06:53.240 back to yourself and you know, fully feeling comfortable. And 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:55.160 the book was actually really different, like I wrote a 0:06:55.279 --> 0:06:58.640 very different book initially. Really Yeah, it was way more 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:01.440 kind of like what people would probably expect, like a polish, 0:07:01.600 --> 0:07:03.680 like cute book. And I just was like, it's not 0:07:03.720 --> 0:07:06.320 really real, it's not who I am, Like I've gone 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:09.040 through a real journey of getting to where I'm at. Yeah, 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.600 where the first time in my life I'm fully comfortable 0:07:11.640 --> 0:07:13.880 with who I am, and I just wanted to share that. 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.200 So I actually started and talked about a lot of 0:07:16.240 --> 0:07:19.680 the dark times in my life because I've hoped in 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.120 opening up to that, it would encourage other people to 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:25.760 feel freely to talk about theirs. Yeah, it's not about 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.600 deleting it and pretending it didn't happen. It's just about 0:07:28.640 --> 0:07:30.120 making it part of your story. 0:07:29.840 --> 0:07:30.720 And moving on from it. 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:34.320 So, yeah, that goes it's completely different. 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:37.360 Did you have the same title your Roots Don't Define You? 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.760 No, that came after the book, and I think your 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:44.760 roots don't define you? Obviously it's you know, visually, you know, yeah, 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:48.000 a nod towards hair, But it really is the fact 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:51.280 that most people roots do define them. Their childhood really 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.520 defined who they are, what someone once said to them, 0:07:53.760 --> 0:07:56.240 really like to find who they were, and they carried 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:59.239 it their whole lives without even realizing. And it hopefully 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.240 gives people the opportun you see, to stop look in 0:08:01.240 --> 0:08:05.080 the mirror and actually decide what their story is, decide 0:08:05.560 --> 0:08:08.520 what their image is, how they want to be perceived 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:10.720 by the world, and you know, have the power to 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.280 change it. Because it is as simple as that, and 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.680 it's like really fun like techniques broken down which are 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:17.840 easy to follow. They just make you stop and kind 0:08:17.840 --> 0:08:20.360 of for anyone that said before, is this it? Like? 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:23.520 Is this enough? All that way and read the book? 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:25.640 Yeah, this is as good as it gets. Like what 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:26.239 am I doing? 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:28.119 Wow? 0:08:28.360 --> 0:08:31.720 I have to ask you a question? Yeah, and I 0:08:31.720 --> 0:08:33.440 don't even know if I want to hear the answer. 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:37.120 What does what does my hair say to you right now? 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:37.360 What? 0:08:37.600 --> 0:08:39.400 Like when you look at it, you go, she's in 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:39.880 what era? 0:08:40.720 --> 0:08:42.560 I just thinkure, I never your has really pray. I 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:44.280 think it's great. I think the color is really nice. 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:47.560 It's like a nice combination. No, it suits your skin tone. 0:08:47.600 --> 0:08:49.800 It works with your eye color. It's not too dark 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:53.120 and harsh, but it's not like platinum blonde and you 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:55.160 know out there like that. It kind of it works 0:08:55.160 --> 0:08:56.079 with your skin tone. 0:08:56.760 --> 0:08:57.360 What would you do? 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.600 Maybe give it? Maybe pop it more like more of 0:09:00.640 --> 0:09:02.640 what you got, Give it a little bit more. 0:09:02.960 --> 0:09:04.920 Like I'm oh, more sexy? 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:07.199 Yeah, like just pop out, like tip out some of 0:09:07.240 --> 0:09:08.600 the ends a bit more and give it a bit. 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:11.520 But it looked great, you look you look amazing. But 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:12.920 you know, if you were like I'm going to this 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:15.679 event or I've got something going on. I want to 0:09:15.679 --> 0:09:18.480 feel my absolute best, Like what you've got isn't wrong, 0:09:18.880 --> 0:09:21.480 but you know, you could just spice it up, and. 0:09:21.400 --> 0:09:23.560 I don't spice it up. Can I tell you? 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:28.440 I have gone from jet black to like super super blonde, 0:09:29.120 --> 0:09:31.360 and so I'm in this phase of like, let's get 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:34.080 the hair healthy, let's like try to grow out. 0:09:34.320 --> 0:09:36.560 And what was your best era? Did you like the 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.080 black or the blonde or not. 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:39.520 The black was too harsh? 0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:42.840 Honestly, I think that I'm in my best era right now, 0:09:43.240 --> 0:09:46.480 definitely where we're we're getting we're getting our sexy back. 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.880 I'm sixteen months postpartum. 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:49.520 And you look amazing. 0:09:49.559 --> 0:09:50.280 Well, thank you. 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:54.880 And it's you know, I always know the moment my 0:09:54.960 --> 0:09:57.960 extensions are clipped into my head, I become a different persons. 0:09:58.679 --> 0:10:01.000 I am like vavoon, right, I come alive. 0:10:01.800 --> 0:10:04.600 But I want to be able to like feel that 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:08.120 way without the extensions. So I'm like in this phase 0:10:08.160 --> 0:10:10.880 of like, if I'm just kicking it, we have a 0:10:10.920 --> 0:10:13.920 hair mask in we are oiled up. You could fry 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:16.160 an egg on my face because there's oil all over 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:16.920 that as well. 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.320 Yeah, that's great. You've got to be able to like replenish. 0:10:19.400 --> 0:10:20.600 You got to put it all back together. 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:21.920 Can I ask you how old you are? 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:22.600 Forty two? 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:24.120 Damn me? You look good? 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:25.480 Really? Yeah, thank you. 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:27.559 I'll be thirty six this year and I'm tweaking out 0:10:27.600 --> 0:10:28.000 over it. 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:31.640 I love me. I don't know. When I was turning forty, 0:10:31.679 --> 0:10:33.960 I was a little freaked out. I was like, God, 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:37.120 I used to I was like, oh, thought, they're really old, 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.160 you know. And obviously that was just a younger version 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:41.520 of myself. But I think I'm at a place in 0:10:41.559 --> 0:10:43.679 my life I've learned so much and I have done 0:10:43.720 --> 0:10:45.800 the work. It's not like I just like, oh, I'm 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.080 in a great place, like because I've had success in 0:10:48.120 --> 0:10:50.079 my life and been really miserable. So it might look 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:51.880 great on the outside, but on the inside, I was 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:58.160 miserable and insecure and just afraid, you know. I had 0:10:58.160 --> 0:11:00.400 a lot of shame, a lot of fear, heard that 0:11:00.400 --> 0:11:02.160 a lot of my life. But I think truly find 0:11:02.200 --> 0:11:04.160 in alignment. And the book was really helpful in that 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:07.080 of like bringing all of my past into one place 0:11:07.160 --> 0:11:08.920 and then when it's just all part of me. Whereas 0:11:08.920 --> 0:11:10.800 I think for a long time I used to try 0:11:10.800 --> 0:11:14.240 and delete my past and kind of pretend it didn't happen. 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:17.000 Yeah, forget about it, because it felt. 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.440 So much shame and fear, especially like coming out later 0:11:19.520 --> 0:11:21.920 on in life at twenty six having two kids. There 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:25.480 was some shame around that. And I think in writing 0:11:25.520 --> 0:11:28.040 the book and making it all kind of one space, 0:11:28.120 --> 0:11:30.920 it was really healing and for the first time in 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:32.800 my life, I think I was comfortable like being on 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:36.360 my own, having my own space. I think before I've 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:40.040 always gone into things, had someone around, had relationships, gone 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:41.319 into situations. 0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:42.679 Like a codependent situation. 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.720 But if it was codependent, I think it was more 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:47.440 it was it was better to have someone around them 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:48.800 to be on your own, because when you're on your own, 0:11:48.840 --> 0:11:50.320 you have to That's when you're looking in the mirror. 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.320 And that's what I mean, it's that thing. Write about 0:11:52.320 --> 0:11:54.240 it in the book. We'll look in the mirror maybe 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:56.160 ten or fifteen times a day. You're brushing your teeth, 0:11:56.280 --> 0:11:58.480 You're like glancing. You see that thing. You know, you 0:11:58.480 --> 0:12:01.040 see your reflection. You just know it. But not many 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.520 people really stop and look. And I realized I made 0:12:03.520 --> 0:12:05.880 a career out of doing that, making people stop and look, 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.000 seeing the best version of themselves. I felt like a 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.080 superpower to me making people look and feel their best. 0:12:11.280 --> 0:12:13.480 But I realized that I'd never really stopped and not 0:12:13.600 --> 0:12:16.520 to myself. That's hard to do, you know. And I 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:18.960 think in doing that and really seeing like where you're 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:20.720 out in your life, the changes you want to make, 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:25.120 you know, and like I say, getting aligned internally externally 0:12:25.320 --> 0:12:28.600 was just that's like your superpower, because that's then it's 0:12:29.360 --> 0:12:31.520 you have piece. You have like an inner piece absolutely, 0:12:31.520 --> 0:12:33.439 you know, which I've never had before, and I think 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:36.640 I have ADHD. I've always been on the move, are 0:12:36.800 --> 0:12:40.000 you know, And I've always like strived for, like to 0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.040 become successful because my background, like we were really poor 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:46.080 as kids and we didn't have a lot. And I 0:12:46.120 --> 0:12:47.840 was like, well when I if I get successful, if 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:51.000 I get financially secure, that will be you know, that 0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:54.520 looks like the goal. But I realized, oh, you get 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:56.280 those things, and it's like yeah, but you still have 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:57.160 to come home to you. 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:58.480 I still have to. 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:00.960 Be on you know. It doesn't matter how rich or 0:13:00.960 --> 0:13:02.800 families you are, it doesn't matter who you are, Like 0:13:03.040 --> 0:13:05.959 you're still human, Like we say, we'll have heartbreak. We 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.880 still have good times, bad times, and you know, it's 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:10.880 been able to like be okay with that and be 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:14.400 present and you know, not be in a situation where 0:13:14.400 --> 0:13:17.360 you're trying to you know, feel the void. So right, Yeah, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.200 the book was really helpful for me to get to 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:19.560 that point. 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:21.880 Well, it was probably a lot of shedding and like 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:23.760 an elephant was off of your chest. I don't know 0:13:23.760 --> 0:13:27.079 about you, but there have been so many moments. I'm 0:13:27.080 --> 0:13:30.040 a recovering addict. I've been sober for over seven years, 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:34.280 and there were so many times and even now being sober, 0:13:34.320 --> 0:13:37.760 I will still think back on moments in my life 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:43.000 and feel so much guilt and shame, and I feel like, 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:45.680 once I acknowledge that that's just a part of my 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.880 journey and where I am today, and without those moments, 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.400 I don't exist the way that I am exactly. 0:13:52.480 --> 0:13:54.080 Yeah, that's a power. 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:56.920 Will make you a better parent, you know, because you 0:13:56.960 --> 0:14:00.000 can speak for my experience. You know, you can help 0:14:00.200 --> 0:14:02.720 guide in a way that you know, maybe the things 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.320 that you didn't have that made you lead to get 0:14:05.320 --> 0:14:07.800 into that place, you can help make sure that doesn't 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:10.360 because you know that what you needed at that age. 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:12.800 I don't know, you know, that's like, I mean, it's deeper, 0:14:12.880 --> 0:14:14.920 but like you're in a child work of like looking 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:16.760 back at a younger age of you. And have you 0:14:16.800 --> 0:14:17.360 ever done that? 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.400 Oh my gosh, yes, it's very intending a lot of 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.880 tears when I do that by nature, But I'm. 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.160 Not really like, I'm not like an energy. I mean, 0:14:26.840 --> 0:14:28.640 I just I don't know. I was in I was 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:30.600 in this verypy session of my praipise was like, you know, 0:14:30.640 --> 0:14:33.800 I want you to remember when you were a kid. Yeah, 0:14:34.040 --> 0:14:38.280 we go and I was really like not feeling it. 0:14:38.400 --> 0:14:40.080 And I was like okay, and he's like, and I 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:41.960 remember this. I was like six years old. I was 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.920 standing at the window and and he's like, well, how 0:14:44.960 --> 0:14:47.880 do you how did you feel? I think I felt 0:14:48.000 --> 0:14:49.800 kind of like alone, like I wasn't really like my 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:53.280 brothers or my sisters, and I was dyslexic. I kind 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:56.600 of wasn't academic. I don't know, I felt different. And 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:58.800 he's like, well, you know, if you could go back 0:14:58.840 --> 0:15:01.480 to that little cook kid, now, what do you think 0:15:01.520 --> 0:15:05.040 you needed to hear? And I was like oh, and 0:15:05.120 --> 0:15:07.240 then my shoulders kind of went down. I was thinking, well, 0:15:07.280 --> 0:15:08.480 I think you just wanted to know what's going to 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.720 be okay, like and you know, I think he's just 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.160 wanted to know that, like, how although I'm different, that 0:15:13.200 --> 0:15:15.680 will be like your superpower one day when you're older. 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.080 It's good to be different, you know, whereas I so 0:15:18.040 --> 0:15:21.640 I just wanted to blend in and then I'm like 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.600 crying hysterically and I was like, oh my god, ugly crying, 0:15:24.600 --> 0:15:26.560 and I'm like, what did you do to me? But 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:30.040 it changed me. I felt like I couldn't not see myself. 0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:31.960 And I talk about this in the book and that 0:15:32.040 --> 0:15:35.880 the reader will obviously hear about it, about the hater, 0:15:36.080 --> 0:15:39.240 how we speak so poorly to ourselves. But it changes 0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:43.360 it because like, now I recognize that little boy, and 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:45.040 I would never speak to anyone else like that. So 0:15:45.040 --> 0:15:46.560 I'm like, why would I speak to myself like that? 0:15:46.600 --> 0:15:47.120 Oh my god. 0:15:47.280 --> 0:15:49.640 So now I was still spiral. I still had triggers 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.560 where you're like, oh I look older, I feel fat, 0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:55.440 or you know, I'm not fit enough, or I'm not 0:15:55.800 --> 0:15:58.000 doing well. You know, we all have these human things, 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:01.440 whatever it is we're triggered by. But now the volume 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:03.040 used to be at ten. Now it's at like a two, 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:04.600 and I can actually just come back to myself and 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:06.160 I'm like, I'm just doing that thing. I do. You 0:16:06.200 --> 0:16:08.120 know it says that boys that hater, I call it 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:10.120 the hater, And you can kind of turn it down 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:11.880 and come back to your adult self because really all 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:13.800 you're doing is resulting back to that. I was resorting 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:17.040 back to that like little kid. Yeah. So like that's 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:19.840 very powerful and like I like sharing it. I mean 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:21.680 for some people it might be a bit heavy, but 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:24.080 it actually is really powerful to know. 0:16:24.600 --> 0:16:25.800 I don't think it's heavy at all. 0:16:25.920 --> 0:16:28.920 I mean I think that in those moments where you 0:16:28.960 --> 0:16:31.560 can sit with yourself and acknowledge, you know, go back 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:34.240 to your inner child, that's where like the real work 0:16:34.280 --> 0:16:35.240 takes place totally. 0:16:35.320 --> 0:16:36.080 It is brutal. 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:38.240 It is brutal, but there's peace at the end of 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:38.520 the time. 0:16:38.680 --> 0:16:40.840 What did you say to your younger self? Did you 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.280 did you do this child thing? Like yes, what did 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:44.680 you think you wanted to do as a kid? 0:16:44.760 --> 0:16:46.880 And I and I sobbed as well. 0:16:47.440 --> 0:16:52.240 And you know, I was a very strange child in 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.480 the sense where like I would be watching like the 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:57.560 Disney Channel, and instead of just like watching the Disney Channel, 0:16:57.840 --> 0:17:00.160 I would beat myself up over the fact that they 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.200 were all actors and making money and I was just 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:07.639 sitting watching and like I wasn't good enough and I 0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:11.400 was lazy and I'm a young child. So now I'm 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:15.560 thirty five and I still talk to myself that way, 0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.879