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Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, it's Lala Kent. Welcome to untraditionally, Lala. Hello, gorgeous,

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Speaker 1: it is La La Kent. Welcome back to Untraditionally, Lala.

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Speaker 1: We have been graced with an.

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Speaker 2: Amazing presence today.

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Speaker 3: I'm looking at you, baby, Where are you looking to

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Speaker 3: look at there?

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Speaker 2: My eyes are kind of wandering. Okay, my hot pants

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Speaker 2: that I wore for you I want to.

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Speaker 4: Give you will Yes, when I.

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Speaker 2: Walk, I made sure, but when I move, yes, it's

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Speaker 2: just the hot pants.

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Speaker 4: You guys.

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Speaker 2: I have Chris Appleton.

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Speaker 3: Obviously, you guys know him, because none of us.

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Speaker 2: Live under a rock anymore.

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Speaker 3: A world renowned hairstylist gives being showcased on covers of

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Speaker 3: major feature publications, including Vogue, Harper's Bizarre, Vanity Fair, and

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Speaker 3: That's just to name a few. Celebrity clients include Jennifer Lopez,

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Speaker 3: Kim Kardashian, Sophia Viagara, Ariana Grande, Katie Perry, you have

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Speaker 3: two babies that are not so much babies any more.

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Speaker 3: They're kind of always your babies, right yeah, Billy and

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Speaker 3: Kitty Blue. I love that name with your former partner, Katie, welcome,

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Speaker 3: my love, thank you, and you have a book coming out.

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Speaker 4: It's out, We're here, there, it is.

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Speaker 2: There, it is. Do you ever have a bad day

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Speaker 2: as far as like your looks go?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, really, I'm literally yesterday I was doing a podcast.

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Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know why I look like

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Speaker 4: all of them. It's my head gingja. Like we all

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Speaker 4: have those moments where you pull yourself apart. But now

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Speaker 4: I just come back to myself, Well, I'm doing that

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Speaker 4: thing I do. We will do it.

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Speaker 2: We all do it.

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Speaker 3: And I I love that when I was reading your book,

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Speaker 3: I love that you pointed out because most people would

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Speaker 3: look at you and be like, you have everything going on,

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Speaker 3: like your sexy as hell, you're touching you know, the

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Speaker 3: hair of these mega mega superstars.

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Speaker 2: What insecurity or problem could you ever have?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? And I have them all right, And.

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm so excited about your book and for people

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Speaker 3: to fall even harder for you. I want to know, like,

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Speaker 3: when did you know it was time to write a book.

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Speaker 4: I think maybe the idea of Chris Appleton as a brand,

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Speaker 4: Like people perceive me from what they see on social media,

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Speaker 4: which is obviously what most people do. We have a

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Speaker 4: perception of someone from the small amount of information we see.

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Speaker 4: So people probably know our work with celebrities. You know,

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Speaker 4: life looks good, it's a then red carpets or this

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Speaker 4: and that. But that's just like a really small part

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Speaker 4: of my life, right and it's a really small part

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Speaker 4: of what I do. And I felt like it was

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Speaker 4: time to bring a book out for people that say, well,

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Speaker 4: I can't have that. I don't look like Jo Lo

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Speaker 4: or I can't have that I'm not like I don't

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Speaker 4: look like Kim Gardishian. And I was like, well, it's

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Speaker 4: actually really easy when you break it down of how

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Speaker 4: to like look and fill your absolute best. There's like

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Speaker 4: a formula to it. Because I've worked with celebrities what

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Speaker 4: people know me as now, but I've also worked in

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Speaker 4: a salon doing you know, regular clients nine toil five.

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Speaker 4: I've also done models on a runway. I've also done

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Speaker 4: cancer patients lost their hair, and you know, I see,

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Speaker 4: I saw a formula that worked with everyone on how

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Speaker 4: to make people look and feel their best, depending on

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Speaker 4: what they were going through and what they wanted. But

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Speaker 4: a lot of it was about alignment. It was like,

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Speaker 4: when you're fully aligned on the inside is when the

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Speaker 4: outside really kind of happens, and that's the superpower. And

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Speaker 4: I think that's the bit that a lot of people

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Speaker 4: don't know. So what the reader will find is basically

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Speaker 4: tools in how to you know, look and feel their best.

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Speaker 4: And it's like, all right, well you don't look like

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Speaker 4: Jennifer Lopez, but this.

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Speaker 3: Is how And I love that because even Jennifer Lopez,

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Speaker 3: I'm sure has her moments of going, we just ain't

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Speaker 3: hitting today and like the little insecurities.

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Speaker 2: And I noticed when I started talking.

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Speaker 3: About like how I felt postpartum, which you have you

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Speaker 3: have two kids. I'm sure who you were with at

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Speaker 3: the time, their mother. You know, things are just different

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Speaker 3: after two babies. Your hair is falling out and you

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Speaker 3: really don't feel like you've so like your identity is

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Speaker 3: gone totally.

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Speaker 2: And it's hard to.

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Speaker 3: Like go out and explain things to certain people because

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Speaker 3: they're still fixated on like, well, you know, you're bounced back.

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Speaker 2: Imagine if you had you know it the way I

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Speaker 2: had it.

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Speaker 3: But there are moments where I'm looking at myself in

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Speaker 3: the mirror going like I just what is going on?

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Speaker 2: And it always for me goes back to what can

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Speaker 2: we do with this hair?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, hair is so powerful, right. I mean, if you

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Speaker 4: think about a lot of it's interesting to me. Some

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Speaker 4: people will be like, I don't care about my hair,

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Speaker 4: Like it's the last thing I care about. I just

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Speaker 4: I can't be bothered. And I'm like, that also says

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Speaker 4: something about you. That also says about that. That also

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Speaker 4: says what you're putting out to the world, you know,

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Speaker 4: And if you don't truly feel like that on the inside, yeah,

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Speaker 4: and the outside is saying that, then you need you know,

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Speaker 4: you're not aligned. You need to kind of get aligned

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Speaker 4: with how you want to come across people, what your

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Speaker 4: goals are, and work towards those things. And I think

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Speaker 4: if you think about any celebrity, like hair is so fundamental,

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Speaker 4: Like if I say j Lo, like you probably think

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Speaker 4: like honey colored hair with a pop su blonde. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: obviously the Kardashian like dark rich brunettes, Lady Garga like

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Speaker 4: platinum ice blonde, like Chapel with the red head. It's

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Speaker 4: so significant. I don't think about Marilyn Monroe without the

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Speaker 4: platinum hair. I don't know. It's just it's such a

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Speaker 4: part of identity, and I think a lot of people

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Speaker 4: don't always kind of necessarily know they have a choice,

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Speaker 4: because a lot of people have what they've always had

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Speaker 4: because no one's really given the option to ever explore.

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Speaker 4: But that is also like personal things as well, Like

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Speaker 4: you were told once as a kid you were the

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Speaker 4: quiet one, or you are the you know your sister's

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Speaker 4: the bobby one. You're the quiet one, or you know

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Speaker 4: you're the chubby one, she's the hot one. I don't know,

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Speaker 4: Like I noticed that people carry these things with them

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Speaker 4: their whole life, like they're put in a box. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: They literally like, oh, well, I know I can't. I

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Speaker 4: would sit down in the salon or in the chair

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Speaker 4: and I'd be like, you know, well, have you ever

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Speaker 4: thought about I don't know, you showed me a picture

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Speaker 4: of blonde hair, have you ever thought about Yeah, I

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Speaker 4: know I love the blonde, but I know I can't

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Speaker 4: do that. And I'd be like all right, why And

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Speaker 4: they're like, well, I just know that that I can't.

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Speaker 4: And I'd be like, well, who told you that? I'm like, well,

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Speaker 4: I don't know. And they trace it back and it's

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Speaker 4: usually like once someone said to them like this is

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Speaker 4: what suits you, and they kind of get it broken

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Speaker 4: up into the head is this is who I am.

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Speaker 4: And the idea of the book is that you stop

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Speaker 4: and like actually truly look in the mirror and find

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Speaker 4: out who you are, who you want to be, and

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Speaker 4: know that it's possible to change, and it's like never

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Speaker 4: too late to meet you come back. It's a lot

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Speaker 4: of people also have a thing about age, like well

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Speaker 4: over the age of twenty, I'm too old, Like it's

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Speaker 4: who I am, who I am now, And it's like

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Speaker 4: you can create, you come back at any age. It's

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Speaker 4: never too late. And it might be as simple as

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Speaker 4: like changing your hair color or your haircut, or it

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Speaker 4: might be leaving a marriage, it might be changing your job,

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Speaker 4: it might be getting out of the friend group that

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Speaker 4: makes you miserable. But the whole thing is about coming

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Speaker 4: back to yourself and you know, fully feeling comfortable. And

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Speaker 4: the book was actually really different, like I wrote a

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Speaker 4: very different book initially. Really Yeah, it was way more

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Speaker 4: kind of like what people would probably expect, like a polish,

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Speaker 4: like cute book. And I just was like, it's not

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Speaker 4: really real, it's not who I am, Like I've gone

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Speaker 4: through a real journey of getting to where I'm at. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: where the first time in my life I'm fully comfortable

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Speaker 4: with who I am, and I just wanted to share that.

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Speaker 4: So I actually started and talked about a lot of

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Speaker 4: the dark times in my life because I've hoped in

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Speaker 4: opening up to that, it would encourage other people to

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Speaker 4: feel freely to talk about theirs. Yeah, it's not about

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Speaker 4: deleting it and pretending it didn't happen. It's just about

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Speaker 4: making it part of your story.

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Speaker 2: And moving on from it.

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Speaker 4: So, yeah, that goes it's completely different.

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Speaker 3: Did you have the same title your Roots Don't Define You?

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Speaker 4: No, that came after the book, and I think your

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Speaker 4: roots don't define you? Obviously it's you know, visually, you know, yeah,

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Speaker 4: a nod towards hair, But it really is the fact

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Speaker 4: that most people roots do define them. Their childhood really

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Speaker 4: defined who they are, what someone once said to them,

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Speaker 4: really like to find who they were, and they carried

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Speaker 4: it their whole lives without even realizing. And it hopefully

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Speaker 4: gives people the opportun you see, to stop look in

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Speaker 4: the mirror and actually decide what their story is, decide

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Speaker 4: what their image is, how they want to be perceived

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Speaker 4: by the world, and you know, have the power to

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Speaker 4: change it. Because it is as simple as that, and

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Speaker 4: it's like really fun like techniques broken down which are

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Speaker 4: easy to follow. They just make you stop and kind

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Speaker 4: of for anyone that said before, is this it? Like?

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Speaker 4: Is this enough? All that way and read the book?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is as good as it gets. Like what

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Speaker 2: am I doing?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 3: I have to ask you a question? Yeah, and I

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Speaker 3: don't even know if I want to hear the answer.

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Speaker 3: What does what does my hair say to you right now?

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Speaker 4: What?

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Speaker 2: Like when you look at it, you go, she's in

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Speaker 2: what era?

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Speaker 4: I just thinkure, I never your has really pray. I

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Speaker 4: think it's great. I think the color is really nice.

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Speaker 4: It's like a nice combination. No, it suits your skin tone.

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Speaker 4: It works with your eye color. It's not too dark

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Speaker 4: and harsh, but it's not like platinum blonde and you

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Speaker 4: know out there like that. It kind of it works

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Speaker 4: with your skin tone.

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Speaker 2: What would you do?

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Speaker 4: Maybe give it? Maybe pop it more like more of

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Speaker 4: what you got, Give it a little bit more.

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Speaker 2: Like I'm oh, more sexy?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like just pop out, like tip out some of

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Speaker 4: the ends a bit more and give it a bit.

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Speaker 4: But it looked great, you look you look amazing. But

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Speaker 4: you know, if you were like I'm going to this

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Speaker 4: event or I've got something going on. I want to

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Speaker 4: feel my absolute best, Like what you've got isn't wrong,

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Speaker 4: but you know, you could just spice it up, and.

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Speaker 2: I don't spice it up. Can I tell you?

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Speaker 3: I have gone from jet black to like super super blonde,

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Speaker 3: and so I'm in this phase of like, let's get

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Speaker 3: the hair healthy, let's like try to grow out.

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Speaker 4: And what was your best era? Did you like the

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Speaker 4: black or the blonde or not.

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Speaker 2: The black was too harsh?

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Speaker 3: Honestly, I think that I'm in my best era right now,

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Speaker 3: definitely where we're we're getting we're getting our sexy back.

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Speaker 2: I'm sixteen months postpartum.

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Speaker 4: And you look amazing.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you.

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Speaker 3: And it's you know, I always know the moment my

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Speaker 3: extensions are clipped into my head, I become a different persons.

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Speaker 2: I am like vavoon, right, I come alive.

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Speaker 3: But I want to be able to like feel that

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Speaker 3: way without the extensions. So I'm like in this phase

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Speaker 3: of like, if I'm just kicking it, we have a

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Speaker 3: hair mask in we are oiled up. You could fry

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Speaker 3: an egg on my face because there's oil all over

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Speaker 3: that as well.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's great. You've got to be able to like replenish.

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Speaker 4: You got to put it all back together.

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Speaker 2: Can I ask you how old you are?

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Speaker 4: Forty two?

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Speaker 2: Damn me? You look good?

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Speaker 4: Really? Yeah, thank you.

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Speaker 2: I'll be thirty six this year and I'm tweaking out

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Speaker 2: over it.

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Speaker 4: I love me. I don't know. When I was turning forty,

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Speaker 4: I was a little freaked out. I was like, God,

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Speaker 4: I used to I was like, oh, thought, they're really old,

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Speaker 4: you know. And obviously that was just a younger version

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Speaker 4: of myself. But I think I'm at a place in

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Speaker 4: my life I've learned so much and I have done

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Speaker 4: the work. It's not like I just like, oh, I'm

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Speaker 4: in a great place, like because I've had success in

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Speaker 4: my life and been really miserable. So it might look

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Speaker 4: great on the outside, but on the inside, I was

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Speaker 4: miserable and insecure and just afraid, you know. I had

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Speaker 4: a lot of shame, a lot of fear, heard that

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Speaker 4: a lot of my life. But I think truly find

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Speaker 4: in alignment. And the book was really helpful in that

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Speaker 4: of like bringing all of my past into one place

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Speaker 4: and then when it's just all part of me. Whereas

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Speaker 4: I think for a long time I used to try

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Speaker 4: and delete my past and kind of pretend it didn't happen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, forget about it, because it felt.

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Speaker 4: So much shame and fear, especially like coming out later

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Speaker 4: on in life at twenty six having two kids. There

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Speaker 4: was some shame around that. And I think in writing

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Speaker 4: the book and making it all kind of one space,

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Speaker 4: it was really healing and for the first time in

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Speaker 4: my life, I think I was comfortable like being on

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Speaker 4: my own, having my own space. I think before I've

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Speaker 4: always gone into things, had someone around, had relationships, gone

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Speaker 4: into situations.

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Speaker 2: Like a codependent situation.

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Speaker 4: But if it was codependent, I think it was more

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Speaker 4: it was it was better to have someone around them

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Speaker 4: to be on your own, because when you're on your own,

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Speaker 4: you have to That's when you're looking in the mirror.

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Speaker 4: And that's what I mean, it's that thing. Write about

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Speaker 4: it in the book. We'll look in the mirror maybe

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Speaker 4: ten or fifteen times a day. You're brushing your teeth,

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Speaker 4: You're like glancing. You see that thing. You know, you

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Speaker 4: see your reflection. You just know it. But not many

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Speaker 4: people really stop and look. And I realized I made

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Speaker 4: a career out of doing that, making people stop and look,

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Speaker 4: seeing the best version of themselves. I felt like a

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Speaker 4: superpower to me making people look and feel their best.

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Speaker 4: But I realized that I'd never really stopped and not

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Speaker 4: to myself. That's hard to do, you know. And I

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Speaker 4: think in doing that and really seeing like where you're

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Speaker 4: out in your life, the changes you want to make,

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Speaker 4: you know, and like I say, getting aligned internally externally

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Speaker 4: was just that's like your superpower, because that's then it's

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Speaker 4: you have piece. You have like an inner piece absolutely,

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Speaker 4: you know, which I've never had before, and I think

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Speaker 4: I have ADHD. I've always been on the move, are

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Speaker 4: you know, And I've always like strived for, like to

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Speaker 4: become successful because my background, like we were really poor

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Speaker 4: as kids and we didn't have a lot. And I

295
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Speaker 4: was like, well when I if I get successful, if

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Speaker 4: I get financially secure, that will be you know, that

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Speaker 4: looks like the goal. But I realized, oh, you get

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Speaker 4: those things, and it's like yeah, but you still have

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Speaker 4: to come home to you.

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Speaker 2: I still have to.

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Speaker 4: Be on you know. It doesn't matter how rich or

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Speaker 4: families you are, it doesn't matter who you are, Like

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Speaker 4: you're still human, Like we say, we'll have heartbreak. We

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Speaker 4: still have good times, bad times, and you know, it's

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Speaker 4: been able to like be okay with that and be

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Speaker 4: present and you know, not be in a situation where

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Speaker 4: you're trying to you know, feel the void. So right, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: the book was really helpful for me to get to

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Speaker 4: that point.

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Speaker 3: Well, it was probably a lot of shedding and like

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Speaker 3: an elephant was off of your chest. I don't know

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Speaker 3: about you, but there have been so many moments. I'm

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Speaker 3: a recovering addict. I've been sober for over seven years,

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Speaker 3: and there were so many times and even now being sober,

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Speaker 3: I will still think back on moments in my life

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Speaker 3: and feel so much guilt and shame, and I feel like,

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Speaker 3: once I acknowledge that that's just a part of my

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Speaker 3: journey and where I am today, and without those moments,

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Speaker 3: I don't exist the way that I am exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a power.

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Speaker 4: Will make you a better parent, you know, because you

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Speaker 4: can speak for my experience. You know, you can help

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Speaker 4: guide in a way that you know, maybe the things

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Speaker 4: that you didn't have that made you lead to get

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Speaker 4: into that place, you can help make sure that doesn't

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Speaker 4: because you know that what you needed at that age.

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Speaker 4: I don't know, you know, that's like, I mean, it's deeper,

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Speaker 4: but like you're in a child work of like looking

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Speaker 4: back at a younger age of you. And have you

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Speaker 4: ever done that?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yes, it's very intending a lot of

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Speaker 3: tears when I do that by nature, But I'm.

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Speaker 4: Not really like, I'm not like an energy. I mean,

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Speaker 4: I just I don't know. I was in I was

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Speaker 4: in this verypy session of my praipise was like, you know,

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Speaker 4: I want you to remember when you were a kid. Yeah,

337
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Speaker 4: we go and I was really like not feeling it.

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Speaker 4: And I was like okay, and he's like, and I

339
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:41,960
Speaker 4: remember this. I was like six years old. I was

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Speaker 4: standing at the window and and he's like, well, how

341
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Speaker 4: do you how did you feel? I think I felt

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Speaker 4: kind of like alone, like I wasn't really like my

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Speaker 4: brothers or my sisters, and I was dyslexic. I kind

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00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:56,600
Speaker 4: of wasn't academic. I don't know, I felt different. And

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Speaker 4: he's like, well, you know, if you could go back

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Speaker 4: to that little cook kid, now, what do you think

347
00:15:01,520 --> 00:15:05,040
Speaker 4: you needed to hear? And I was like oh, and

348
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Speaker 4: then my shoulders kind of went down. I was thinking, well,

349
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,480
Speaker 4: I think you just wanted to know what's going to

350
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Speaker 4: be okay, like and you know, I think he's just

351
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:13,160
Speaker 4: wanted to know that, like, how although I'm different, that

352
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Speaker 4: will be like your superpower one day when you're older.

353
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Speaker 4: It's good to be different, you know, whereas I so

354
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Speaker 4: I just wanted to blend in and then I'm like

355
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Speaker 4: crying hysterically and I was like, oh my god, ugly crying,

356
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Speaker 4: and I'm like, what did you do to me? But

357
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Speaker 4: it changed me. I felt like I couldn't not see myself.

358
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Speaker 4: And I talk about this in the book and that

359
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Speaker 4: the reader will obviously hear about it, about the hater,

360
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:39,240
Speaker 4: how we speak so poorly to ourselves. But it changes

361
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:43,360
Speaker 4: it because like, now I recognize that little boy, and

362
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Speaker 4: I would never speak to anyone else like that. So

363
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Speaker 4: I'm like, why would I speak to myself like that?

364
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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

365
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Speaker 4: So now I was still spiral. I still had triggers

366
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Speaker 4: where you're like, oh I look older, I feel fat,

367
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Speaker 4: or you know, I'm not fit enough, or I'm not

368
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:58,000
Speaker 4: doing well. You know, we all have these human things,

369
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Speaker 4: whatever it is we're triggered by. But now the volume

370
00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:03,040
Speaker 4: used to be at ten. Now it's at like a two,

371
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:04,600
Speaker 4: and I can actually just come back to myself and

372
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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm just doing that thing. I do. You

373
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:08,120
Speaker 4: know it says that boys that hater, I call it

374
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Speaker 4: the hater, And you can kind of turn it down

375
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Speaker 4: and come back to your adult self because really all

376
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Speaker 4: you're doing is resulting back to that. I was resorting

377
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 4: back to that like little kid. Yeah. So like that's

378
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,840
Speaker 4: very powerful and like I like sharing it. I mean

379
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:21,680
Speaker 4: for some people it might be a bit heavy, but

380
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Speaker 4: it actually is really powerful to know.

381
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Speaker 2: I don't think it's heavy at all.

382
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Speaker 3: I mean I think that in those moments where you

383
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Speaker 3: can sit with yourself and acknowledge, you know, go back

384
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,240
Speaker 3: to your inner child, that's where like the real work

385
00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:35,240
Speaker 3: takes place totally.

386
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Speaker 4: It is brutal.

387
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Speaker 2: It is brutal, but there's peace at the end of

388
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:38,520
Speaker 2: the time.

389
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:40,840
Speaker 4: What did you say to your younger self? Did you

390
00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:43,280
Speaker 4: did you do this child thing? Like yes, what did

391
00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 4: you think you wanted to do as a kid?

392
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Speaker 2: And I and I sobbed as well.

393
00:16:47,440 --> 00:16:52,240
Speaker 3: And you know, I was a very strange child in

394
00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:54,480
Speaker 3: the sense where like I would be watching like the

395
00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,560
Speaker 3: Disney Channel, and instead of just like watching the Disney Channel,

396
00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,160
Speaker 3: I would beat myself up over the fact that they

397
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:03,200
Speaker 3: were all actors and making money and I was just

398
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:07,639
Speaker 3: sitting watching and like I wasn't good enough and I

399
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:11,400
Speaker 3: was lazy and I'm a young child. So now I'm

400
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:15,560
Speaker 3: thirty five and I still talk to myself that way,

401
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:18,879
Speaker 3: and we've accomplished way more than I ever thought that

402
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:19,800
Speaker 3: we would totally.

403
00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:22,399
Speaker 2: And when I did this.

404
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,280
Speaker 3: You know, inner child work, it was like to go

405
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:31,640
Speaker 3: back and and you just want to like cradle that

406
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:36,840
Speaker 3: person and like you said, let let that inner child

407
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 3: know like.

408
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,240
Speaker 2: You are gonna be okay, You're good.

409
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,639
Speaker 4: Enough, good enough. Yeah, I think we all want to

410
00:17:41,680 --> 00:17:44,879
Speaker 4: know that, or needed to hear it more. Yeah, you know,

411
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:46,720
Speaker 4: And I think now we're so much more aware of

412
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:48,920
Speaker 4: these things. And I'm sure your parenting will be different

413
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,119
Speaker 4: to what you had. It's not that anyone did a

414
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:53,320
Speaker 4: bad job. It's just it's just what we knew, you

415
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:54,520
Speaker 4: know what I mean, everyone just kind of knew it

416
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,359
Speaker 4: used to be. Remember like these to say kids should

417
00:17:56,359 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 4: be seen and not heard. It's like things.

418
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 2: Changed, everything has change, and thank god.

419
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 4: Yes, but you know, some of us are still dealing

420
00:18:03,920 --> 00:18:06,919
Speaker 4: with what we didn't get. And it's just great to

421
00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:09,359
Speaker 4: know some quick and easy techniques of being able to

422
00:18:09,359 --> 00:18:12,719
Speaker 4: a not feel alone. B You know, if you do

423
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:14,720
Speaker 4: you can feel like you can relate to others and

424
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,600
Speaker 4: see just be able to come back to yourself even

425
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 4: when you do have those moments.

426
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:32,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, you said that you came out later on in

427
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:36,640
Speaker 3: life and in your book. I mean, I'm not laughing,

428
00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:41,520
Speaker 3: but it is just wild because your mom said to you,

429
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,800
Speaker 3: and you remember this, being gay is when two men

430
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,040
Speaker 3: get together and there's this thing called age which makes

431
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,920
Speaker 3: you sick and die. How old were you when your

432
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:50,720
Speaker 3: mom said that to you.

433
00:18:51,640 --> 00:18:54,639
Speaker 4: I think I was like a maybe eleven. It was

434
00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,080
Speaker 4: like one of those conversations where let you sit down

435
00:18:58,080 --> 00:19:02,439
Speaker 4: and you talk about sex all called conversations, okay, whatever,

436
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:07,240
Speaker 4: and they it was a conversation around like gay men

437
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:10,600
Speaker 4: and you know, they have sex together, but there's this

438
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 4: thing called HIV which at the time, because I was

439
00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:15,520
Speaker 4: born in eighty three, like at that age there was

440
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 4: people didn't really know about gay I remember being from

441
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,920
Speaker 4: a small town in England and back then, I remember

442
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:25,800
Speaker 4: there was like a pub that there was like on

443
00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:29,080
Speaker 4: the outskirts that the gay people went to. But it

444
00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:32,800
Speaker 4: was like it was like society said that was like

445
00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:34,919
Speaker 4: the weird, like you know, it was the gay area.

446
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:38,320
Speaker 4: And I remember at the time around the time I

447
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,280
Speaker 4: don't know, or it was still just relevant. The Princess

448
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:44,399
Speaker 4: Diana like took her glove off to shake the hand

449
00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:47,040
Speaker 4: of a man with HIV and it made worldwide news

450
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,760
Speaker 4: because people thought you could catch it like that. People

451
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 4: thought you could catch it from the toilet or like

452
00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 4: the previously didn't know. So it wasn't that like my

453
00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:58,560
Speaker 4: mum was, you know, saying anything. She didn't know. It

454
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,520
Speaker 4: was just as a society, that's all we at the time.

455
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:02,840
Speaker 4: It was gay men and the gay JV. It wasn't

456
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,640
Speaker 4: spoken about. It wasn't TikTok. There wasn't Instagram, it wasn't

457
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,239
Speaker 4: We weren't as knowledge. Sorry, we didn't have as much

458
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 4: knowledge as we do now. So it was just like

459
00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:14,440
Speaker 4: passing thro away information like oh, you know, gay men HIV.

460
00:20:14,520 --> 00:20:16,400
Speaker 4: And I just remember from my age thinking, oh my god,

461
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 4: I don't want that.

462
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,480
Speaker 2: You know, did you did you? Did you know that

463
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 2: age that you were attracted to boys?

464
00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,400
Speaker 4: No? I didn't know. So from a young age I

465
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,120
Speaker 4: started doing hair. So I did my mom's hair from

466
00:20:29,119 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 4: the age of like nine, and I remember being like, wow,

467
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 4: I'm good at this. Because I was dyslexic at school,

468
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,080
Speaker 4: so I was felt a little well, I was just

469
00:20:36,119 --> 00:20:38,720
Speaker 4: told I was stupid, you know, the teachers. If you

470
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:40,600
Speaker 4: didn't learn the way everyone else did, you were stupid

471
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:42,840
Speaker 4: or lazy. So I got put in the special needs class.

472
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,439
Speaker 4: Like the special I mean the fact I called it

473
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:47,280
Speaker 4: special needs. I mean like I carried that, you know,

474
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:49,560
Speaker 4: a special need. I felt different. I didn't feel like

475
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,959
Speaker 4: everyone else. But I knew I wasn't stupid because I

476
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:55,040
Speaker 4: was very articular, but that wasn't really recognized then, and

477
00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,560
Speaker 4: I was very good at being creative, drawing, painting, but.

478
00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 2: Again, intelligence was measured differently.

479
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,159
Speaker 4: Of course. Yeah, it was like you learn from the board,

480
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,920
Speaker 4: and if you don't, then you're stupid or lazy or

481
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 4: you know, just annoying. So I felt all those things.

482
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:12,880
Speaker 4: So when I started doing hair, I was like wow.

483
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,199
Speaker 4: I saw my mom and she stood up taller when

484
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:16,840
Speaker 4: I did her hair because I tried to make a

485
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:18,960
Speaker 4: look more glamorous because it was far from the life

486
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,399
Speaker 4: we lived. And I remember being like, wow, it's just

487
00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 4: like a superpower you get to make people feel really good.

488
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:25,040
Speaker 4: I saw a stand up taller. I was like, I'm

489
00:21:25,040 --> 00:21:26,080
Speaker 4: going to do this, and I'm going to do it

490
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,400
Speaker 4: to the best of my ability. So then I got

491
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,680
Speaker 4: a job at the age of like twelve thirteen, and

492
00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 4: I remember the kids found out at school. I had

493
00:21:34,840 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 4: a job, like a Saturday job, and I did hair.

494
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,480
Speaker 4: But again, if you did hair, then as a man,

495
00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:43,000
Speaker 4: you were gay. So all the kids were like, oh,

496
00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:44,880
Speaker 4: you're gay. You're gay, you know. So that that started,

497
00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:47,280
Speaker 4: and they weren't saying in a nice way. They were like,

498
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,480
Speaker 4: you're gay. Like again, it was like a bad thing.

499
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,120
Speaker 4: So I just remember thinking, no, I'm not. I hadn't

500
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,719
Speaker 4: even thought about sexuality. I didn't even you know, I

501
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:55,760
Speaker 4: was like young and just sort of I was just

502
00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 4: happy playing with my friends and didn't It wasn't really

503
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,680
Speaker 4: it was premature. So before I even kind of explored

504
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:03,880
Speaker 4: that was like, well, I'm not that for sure, not that.

505
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:06,199
Speaker 4: And I think I just got so focused on like

506
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,240
Speaker 4: showing everyone that I wasn't stupid and I'm not gay,

507
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,480
Speaker 4: and I'm not weird and I'm not special needs, like

508
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:14,720
Speaker 4: I'm gonna show up one and I just really just

509
00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:16,880
Speaker 4: put my head forward. And I think, you know, your

510
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:21,520
Speaker 4: brain's really powerful. You know, you can convince yourself at

511
00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 4: things that are not actually true. And I guess Like

512
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 4: I said, I went through most of my adult life

513
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 4: teenage life sure, not looking in the mirror and never

514
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:31,560
Speaker 4: seeing myself. I got really good at making up with people,

515
00:22:31,640 --> 00:22:33,440
Speaker 4: look doing the best for them, and making it always

516
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 4: about everyone else. But it wasn't until like you know,

517
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,919
Speaker 4: I was like twenty six, twenty seven, That's when I

518
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 4: actually stopped and looked. Because circumstances sometimes made you two.

519
00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 4: And once I saw myself, I couldn't see it. I

520
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:46,199
Speaker 4: couldn't stop it, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't

521
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,120
Speaker 4: get back to be. I was like, what, I wasn't

522
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 4: hooking up with guys. I wasn't watching Gayborne, I wasn't

523
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,520
Speaker 4: thinking of men like I was fine until I wasn't.

524
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:57,439
Speaker 4: And it was like once I'd stepped into it, I

525
00:22:57,520 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 4: kind of couldn't get back, and that was really hard

526
00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:01,920
Speaker 4: because I was like, well, I was normal, I had

527
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 4: a life and I loved it well, but get back

528
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:05,160
Speaker 4: to it.

529
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,879
Speaker 2: Because you had your you were very young when you

530
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,680
Speaker 2: became a down nineteen nineteen.

531
00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 3: So what was that conversation because I know in your

532
00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:16,280
Speaker 3: book you said that you had like down a bottle

533
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:21,680
Speaker 3: of gin. Oh yeah, that moment of having to not

534
00:23:21,760 --> 00:23:25,160
Speaker 3: having to, but being being ready and being feeling brave

535
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:27,399
Speaker 3: enough to say like, this is who I am, this

536
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,639
Speaker 3: is what I like, and then going to your wife.

537
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,679
Speaker 2: At the time, you guys were married.

538
00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:34,120
Speaker 4: Right, I never married. Okay, we were together for ten

539
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:36,520
Speaker 4: years and we're best friends. We're still best friends now.

540
00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:40,360
Speaker 4: But our relationship broken around, had broken down, and I think,

541
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,560
Speaker 4: like as a couple with you know, separated, yeah, still

542
00:23:43,600 --> 00:23:46,720
Speaker 4: kind of just figure out what that meant. And yeah,

543
00:23:46,760 --> 00:23:49,040
Speaker 4: it was really hot. I mean telling other people was

544
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 4: one thing. I was also telling people, and people then go, well,

545
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 4: you must have always known, and I was like, I

546
00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:55,959
Speaker 4: didn't know, idea, I didn't, It's not as I was

547
00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:58,359
Speaker 4: thinking about it, and I've always been hiding it. I

548
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 4: was happy and selahlationship broke down, and it's like, you know,

549
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:03,840
Speaker 4: when your relationship breaks down, sometimes you do things that

550
00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,639
Speaker 4: you don't normally do, like the revenge haircut, chop all

551
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,280
Speaker 4: your hair off because you just don't want to see

552
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,520
Speaker 4: that person anymore. Yeah, you want to cut away the pain.

553
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,840
Speaker 4: So I kind of just was. I remember I was out,

554
00:24:12,880 --> 00:24:14,960
Speaker 4: I was in Barcelona. My job was kind of taking

555
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 4: me away a lot more. And one night some guy

556
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 4: tried to kiss me. It was like at the end

557
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 4: of the night we'd all been drinking. It was always

558
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:24,640
Speaker 4: around gay guy, so I didn't really think a lot

559
00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 4: of it, and I just remember thinking, like I remember

560
00:24:27,200 --> 00:24:28,639
Speaker 4: going back to my hotel and I was like brushing

561
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 4: my teeth and brushing my tongue. I was like, oh,

562
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 4: I was just drunk. I was just drunk. I was

563
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,280
Speaker 4: just like, you know, it, just drunk. Whatever. But we

564
00:24:35,359 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 4: became friends, and he didn't live in the country, but

565
00:24:37,920 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 4: we had like communication. We spoke on the phone a lot,

566
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:42,199
Speaker 4: and it was the first time i'd already had a

567
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 4: gay friend, and I think I kind of like started

568
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,359
Speaker 4: to open up and relax and feel comfortable and like, oh,

569
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 4: he's not weird, he's not this, he's not that. But

570
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,040
Speaker 4: one step forward, it was two steps back because then

571
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:55,560
Speaker 4: I was like no, no, no, no, this is wrong. So

572
00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 4: I go back to that younger self, like gays wrong,

573
00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 4: like you know, all these things, like I got really

574
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 4: afraid of that, and I kind of try and know

575
00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:07,280
Speaker 4: I'm I can be normal. I can be normal. I've

576
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:09,680
Speaker 4: always been one way, So I don't know why this started.

577
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,480
Speaker 4: But then once you kind of open up truly who

578
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,280
Speaker 4: you are once you like look at yourself and see

579
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:16,840
Speaker 4: yourself in the mirror. You can't unsee yourself, you know.

580
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 4: But it's just the process. It doesn't just go like,

581
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:23,080
Speaker 4: oh okay, I see myself here. It takes time, and

582
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:26,400
Speaker 4: it takes time to understand how you got to that point,

583
00:25:26,560 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 4: like why you were never actually allowed to explore that,

584
00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,399
Speaker 4: you know, why you felt so much shame of fear,

585
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:35,400
Speaker 4: And that's like all the inner work you have to do.

586
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 4: It doesn't it doesn't just come overnight. But I felt

587
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,520
Speaker 4: like I needed to share some of my moments in

588
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,719
Speaker 4: the book so that people reading it can maybe relate.

589
00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:45,720
Speaker 4: You know, that was sexuality, but it might be, like

590
00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 4: I say, a relationship. It might be this is a

591
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,760
Speaker 4: job you're in and you hate. But maybe as a

592
00:25:49,800 --> 00:25:51,399
Speaker 4: kid you were told you should be a doctor, or

593
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 4: you should be a dentist, or you should work here

594
00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 4: or you know, for anyone that's ever just thought is

595
00:25:56,160 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 4: this it, it isn't, And there is more. You just

596
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:02,920
Speaker 4: have to start, you know, change a lot of people

597
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 4: are afraid of. They're like, how do you change? I

598
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:07,760
Speaker 4: don't even I don't know how to change. Well, change

599
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:10,800
Speaker 4: starts with just knowing that you need to change something.

600
00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:14,159
Speaker 4: There's something is unhappy, something is not right, and you

601
00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:15,800
Speaker 4: kind of got to figure out what that is.

602
00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 2: And admitting the problem is the first step.

603
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:18,360
Speaker 4: Totally.

604
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 3: So I hate putting people in boxes. You can totally

605
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:25,120
Speaker 3: shut me down if this question is out of bounce. Yeah,

606
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 3: do you identify as gay or by? Do you still

607
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:31,959
Speaker 3: look at chicks? Or is it just about the person?

608
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,000
Speaker 3: Am I allowed to ask that?

609
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, you can ask what you want. I'm I'm gay.

610
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:38,880
Speaker 4: I think you know if you'd have asked me when

611
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:43,200
Speaker 4: I was that age and I'm by or I don't

612
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 4: want to be labeled. I just didn't want to see it.

613
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:49,360
Speaker 4: I wasn't ready, you know. I had to go through

614
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,680
Speaker 4: the process of knowing what I like because I'd spent

615
00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 4: twenty six years in my life, you know, programmed to

616
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 4: do what society told me to do and how to

617
00:26:57,520 --> 00:27:00,040
Speaker 4: be and like what was normal. So I had to

618
00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 4: figure out what that was. It was rewired, catching up,

619
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:07,399
Speaker 4: you know what I mean. Like, So, no, yeah, that

620
00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 4: I think I feel fully I'm with that confidence.

621
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 2: Because you should baby.

622
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:14,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, No, totally. I think you know a lot of

623
00:27:14,160 --> 00:27:16,639
Speaker 4: people still have questions like is he by? Because I

624
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:17,080
Speaker 4: always will.

625
00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:19,360
Speaker 3: But I think that's all of us that are wishful

626
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 3: thinking there ladies over here, we're like, are you sure?

627
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:26,159
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm sure I couldn't. I'll try it.

628
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:31,359
Speaker 2: Who knows, can I tell you? Give me a few podcasts.

629
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,160
Speaker 3: And we don't know what will happen, you know, really

630
00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 3: hoping for their baby.

631
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:36,600
Speaker 4: No.

632
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,320
Speaker 2: When I when I was a drinker, no one was safe.

633
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,080
Speaker 4: We call it, oh yeah, really, oh yeah.

634
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 2: We had a heyday baby really? Oh yeah?

635
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,320
Speaker 4: What age though? How did you get?

636
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 3: I got silver when it was twenty eighteen October so

637
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: I had just turned twenty eight?

638
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:58,439
Speaker 4: Wow? Yeah cool? What was their final thing where you

639
00:27:58,440 --> 00:27:59,960
Speaker 4: were like, I've got to stop, Like.

640
00:28:00,560 --> 00:28:06,119
Speaker 3: I just I got wasted at disney World, and I

641
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:10,439
Speaker 3: remember being on a jet home and letting the kids

642
00:28:10,480 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 3: color on my legs and do my makeup, and I

643
00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:15,159
Speaker 3: got we landed, and I looked at myself and I

644
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 3: was like trying to scrub everything off of me so

645
00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,000
Speaker 3: that the next morning there was no remnants of like,

646
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 3: what a horrendous nightmare the entire because everyone was having

647
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:26,000
Speaker 3: the greatest time, and I was just consumed with, like

648
00:28:26,440 --> 00:28:28,520
Speaker 3: how many roadies are there in the car for me?

649
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 3: Is there a bar when we get to Disney World.

650
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 3: I was just inebriated and I woke up the next

651
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 3: morning after that and I just identified as an alcoholic

652
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,200
Speaker 3: and said, like, we're done. I will never go back

653
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:40,480
Speaker 3: to this.

654
00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, but it's interesting, like that's probably your looking in

655
00:28:43,000 --> 00:28:45,040
Speaker 4: the mirror moment where you see yourself and you're like,

656
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 4: I got to change something, like absolutely not where I

657
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:51,160
Speaker 4: want to be in my life. You know. Yeah, sometimes

658
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,600
Speaker 4: you look, and you can use tools in the book

659
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,479
Speaker 4: to look, but sometimes life just makes you look anyway.

660
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,240
Speaker 4: You know. I think you always end up coming back

661
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:02,480
Speaker 4: to yourself, but sometimes we're forced to, and sometimes you

662
00:29:02,520 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 4: choose to make a change.

663
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. And I love.

664
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 3: Since getting sober, and there are obviously moments that I've

665
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 3: had that I'm not proud of, where there is guilt

666
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 3: and shame and I've lost myself. And I love that

667
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:21,360
Speaker 3: you added that into your book about looking in the mirror,

668
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 3: but like not just not just for like what's here, Yeah,

669
00:29:24,720 --> 00:29:27,200
Speaker 3: because there are many times that I look in the

670
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,040
Speaker 3: mirror and I go, are we happy with what we see?

671
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 2: Like beyond all of this? Yeah, do we know what

672
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 2: we stand for?

673
00:29:32,760 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 3: Do we stand behind what we say, and it's a

674
00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 3: powerful thing totally.

675
00:29:37,080 --> 00:29:40,120
Speaker 4: It really is. It makes such a big difference to

676
00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 4: your everyday life, the decisions you make, the way you

677
00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 4: allow people to treat you, the way you treat others,

678
00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 4: like your goals and aspirations in life. It's such a

679
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 4: small thing, but like once you see it, you can't

680
00:29:53,920 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 4: see it, or it just stays with you, and when

681
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: you become allergic to the bullshit that doesn't work for

682
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:01,480
Speaker 4: you or it's wonderful. Once you were attracted to and

683
00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:03,240
Speaker 4: you know, want to see, sometimes you like can still

684
00:30:03,240 --> 00:30:06,640
Speaker 4: get attracted to those things. Sometimes you can still be like, oh,

685
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 4: I'm drawn towards I don't know if you like a drink,

686
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 4: like oh, that looks fun. But then you very quickly

687
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 4: can be like, yeah, but I know where that leads.

688
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 2: Where's that lead that goes?

689
00:30:14,840 --> 00:30:16,640
Speaker 4: And I'm just good. You come back to yourself. It's

690
00:30:17,520 --> 00:30:21,120
Speaker 4: just fixed and everything's like kungy dor. You still get triggered,

691
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,479
Speaker 4: but you can come back to yourself.

692
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,120
Speaker 3: Life still happens. Yeah, do your kids live in a

693
00:30:25,200 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 3: way yeah, I.

694
00:30:25,840 --> 00:30:27,440
Speaker 4: Mean they have their own plays now, they've their own

695
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 4: partners and doing their own thing. But you know, like

696
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:31,400
Speaker 4: me and Kitty are going to an event tonight. It

697
00:30:31,440 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 4: is so fun. I'm like, oh, come to this thing

698
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 4: and like the best day ever. It's so fun to.

699
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: That is the best date ever.

700
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 4: She knows who everyone is. I'm like, who's who? She

701
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 4: like knows everyone.

702
00:30:40,480 --> 00:30:42,680
Speaker 2: Oh, I know. I love that for you.

703
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,760
Speaker 4: But also how she's grown. They say the best thing

704
00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:46,720
Speaker 4: you can do for your kids is let them leave

705
00:30:46,760 --> 00:30:50,400
Speaker 4: the hometown that were brought up in, because you again,

706
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:52,880
Speaker 4: like start to take on the values of what especially

707
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 4: if you're from a small town. You know that you

708
00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,240
Speaker 4: work nine till five, you get married at the age

709
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,920
Speaker 4: of twenty one. You know, you have kids by the

710
00:30:58,960 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 4: age of twenty five if you think, or by the

711
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,920
Speaker 4: age of thirty five forty, then you're like, oh, what's

712
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,120
Speaker 4: going on? You know, like being able to like travel

713
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:07,560
Speaker 4: and experience things. I remember my daughter when she first

714
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 4: moved to la at the age of seventeen, Like she

715
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,760
Speaker 4: couldn't even make eye contact with the waiter and like

716
00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:14,840
Speaker 4: she wouldn't look down. You know, I could see how

717
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 4: she wasn't confident and she was and I say, hey,

718
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:18,640
Speaker 4: talk to the way to look at the waiter. And

719
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:22,960
Speaker 4: she's grown so much, like living in La Live. You know,

720
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 4: she's worked at Kim's place, at her office when she

721
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 4: had the skin line, and she's worked with different persons.

722
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 4: She can now walk in a room and you know,

723
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,880
Speaker 4: greet people and say hi and have a conversation. And

724
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 4: you know, I think she's grown so much. It excelled

725
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:39,520
Speaker 4: so much just being out of you know, her comfort

726
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 4: zone was when she you know, was in our hometown,

727
00:31:42,040 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 4: the thing to do for kids was go to the

728
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 4: park during smoke weed. You know it, there wasn't much

729
00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 4: opportunity for her. And I think it was so good

730
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 4: to come out your comfort zone. And I think it's really

731
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:54,280
Speaker 4: great to be able to do that and see how

732
00:31:54,360 --> 00:31:56,840
Speaker 4: different people do things then like, oh, well, as a kid,

733
00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 4: I saw this dynamic, like especially with your parents, But

734
00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 4: like I see these people have a different dynamic, and

735
00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,360
Speaker 4: they have a different dynamic. Can you realize that just

736
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 4: because you were told something as a kid doesn't necessarily

737
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 4: mean it was right. It just means that's what we knew,

738
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 4: you know. So to be able to leave and have

739
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,080
Speaker 4: new experiences and opportunities, especially for someone younger, I think

740
00:32:16,080 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 4: he's great and it's really powerful.

741
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 3: When when did they move from the small town Telly.

742
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 4: When they were seventeen and eighteen.

743
00:32:25,400 --> 00:32:27,680
Speaker 2: So okay, so they spent quite a bit of time there.

744
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely, Yeah, I mean.

745
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:30,720
Speaker 2: When did you move here?

746
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 4: Ten years ago? It changed me a lot, though, it

747
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:36,360
Speaker 4: changed me a lot. I think, I think I'm still

748
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,840
Speaker 4: who I am, but also coming to Hollywood at a

749
00:32:38,880 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 4: young age, I didn't realize that, like I think I

750
00:32:43,440 --> 00:32:46,400
Speaker 4: sort of started my gay relationships here, my gay experiences

751
00:32:46,440 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 4: as well. Here as like just me that didn't have

752
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,320
Speaker 4: like a past, you know, because I could say I'm

753
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:54,000
Speaker 4: Chris Appleton and oh, nice to meet you. That's say

754
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:56,280
Speaker 4: I'm gay, Whereas I felt like in the UK it

755
00:32:56,320 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 4: was difficult because everyone was always like, oh, here we

756
00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 4: had a girlfriend and now he's strengthened. It was always

757
00:33:00,720 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 4: like whispers. But then I didn't realize, like, you're in Hollywood,

758
00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 4: you know, it's the land of dreams. A lot of

759
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:08,720
Speaker 4: people come here to be someone or be something, and

760
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 4: I didn't. I kind of just thought everyone had the

761
00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 4: same intentions I did, but they don't, you know, and

762
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 4: like you learn, you learn, you learn the pros and

763
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:17,959
Speaker 4: cons about living everywhere.

764
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 2: Yes, of course, yeah.

765
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:22,200
Speaker 4: But Hollywood's Hollywood. I mean I love it. I think

766
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 4: it's a magical way.

767
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: I love it too. And every time I'm here and

768
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,160
Speaker 2: I'm like, I got to get the fuck out. Why

769
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: do we live here?

770
00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I go somewhere else, I'm like, oh

771
00:33:30,480 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 3: it all makes sense.

772
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:32,280
Speaker 2: Get me back there.

773
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, what would you consider your big break?

774
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,560
Speaker 4: My big break? Yeah, it's interesting. I get asked this

775
00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 4: a lot. I don't know if there was one significant

776
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,560
Speaker 4: moment in my life that was It's always been like

777
00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,360
Speaker 4: little little things, like the build that you keep building,

778
00:33:56,480 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 4: and like, I don't know. I remember whenning British Headress

779
00:34:00,920 --> 00:34:02,840
Speaker 4: of the Year. It was like a thing in the UK,

780
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 4: and then I, oh, I did a TV show which

781
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:08,719
Speaker 4: was a bit like The Great British Bake Off, but

782
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:10,400
Speaker 4: of hair, and I won that.

783
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:11,040
Speaker 2: Oh sick.

784
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 4: Let me just tell everyone. There's plenty of times that

785
00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:16,799
Speaker 4: I didn't win, probably you know, twenty times before that

786
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,560
Speaker 4: I sat there and applauded the winner. But I kept

787
00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 4: going inuntil I got, you know, And I was fortunate

788
00:34:21,719 --> 00:34:23,680
Speaker 4: enough to have a couple of wins, and I just

789
00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 4: used each opportunity to get to the next thing. And

790
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:29,280
Speaker 4: then one day I was just sort of started posting

791
00:34:29,320 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 4: on social media because Instagram started. I remember saying like,

792
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 4: how does it work, and like, well, you just get

793
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:38,880
Speaker 4: a picture and you post it, and I'm like, oh yeah,

794
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 4: And so I just started posting my work. I started

795
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:43,359
Speaker 4: working with Rita Aura, and I was always doing something

796
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 4: different with a hand and I just started posting it

797
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 4: all the time. And then I had an email from

798
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 4: Jlo's team and they were like I was in like

799
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 4: England at the time, and they were like, oh, you know,

800
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,319
Speaker 4: Jennifer Lopez would love to see if you're available to

801
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 4: do a hair for a Vega show. And I remember laughing.

802
00:34:58,320 --> 00:34:59,960
Speaker 4: I just deleted the emails because you thought it was

803
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 4: I thought it was bad. That was one of those

804
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 4: things where it's like you've won a million dollars, just

805
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 4: ring this number, you know what. I'm like, oh, oh cute.

806
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:09,800
Speaker 4: Oh just deleted it. And then I got another email

807
00:35:09,840 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 4: and I remember being like, oh, maybe this is real.

808
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 4: But then I was like, how does jaloh know who

809
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:18,040
Speaker 4: I am? Just Chris, you know, just Chris Appleton from Leicester,

810
00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:21,560
Speaker 4: Like what? But then I kind of thought, all, she's

811
00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:23,840
Speaker 4: obviously seen my work on social media. You know, people,

812
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:26,839
Speaker 4: your Instagram is like your portfolio. You know people look,

813
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 4: you know. She obviously liked what I was doing, and

814
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,279
Speaker 4: I was like, well, maybe I could make Maybe I

815
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 4: could go there, because my goal when I was a

816
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,799
Speaker 4: kid was to make my mom like a Hollywood star.

817
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,120
Speaker 4: Like I was always kind of fascinated by Hollywood and

818
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,160
Speaker 4: movies and the classics. And I was like, maybe I

819
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 4: could do it. Maybe I could go to La and

820
00:35:45,600 --> 00:35:49,279
Speaker 4: live that dream. So I moved to Hollywood. Literally, I

821
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,319
Speaker 4: think it was like the twenty fourth of December. We

822
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 4: finished filming The X Factor. The last thing I did

823
00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:56,640
Speaker 4: with Rita was on the twenty third. I packed two suitcases,

824
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 4: I left my apartment, everything I just I just left

825
00:35:59,640 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm going to make this work.

826
00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 4: And then they didn't do anything but like three or

827
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 4: four moms and I spent all my money and I

828
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,759
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I'm going to go home. But then

829
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 4: I got the call from Christina Aguilera's team to do

830
00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:12,200
Speaker 4: a hair for a voice and I was like, Okay,

831
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:16,600
Speaker 4: I'm going to do this. It's terrified, so like felt

832
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 4: so small, but like what am I doing here? Like

833
00:36:20,120 --> 00:36:23,239
Speaker 4: and way above like my head's I don't know. I

834
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:27,239
Speaker 4: was just like syndrome to the Max and then I

835
00:36:27,239 --> 00:36:29,080
Speaker 4: remember kate them over my kids, like I say, we're

836
00:36:29,080 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 4: still best friends. I was on the phone to her

837
00:36:30,640 --> 00:36:31,680
Speaker 4: and I was on the way and I was like,

838
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,560
Speaker 4: I'm so nervous, and she was like, Chris, if you

839
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 4: don't make this work, like you're going to have to

840
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 4: come home because I had two kids to provide for,

841
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 4: you know. And I was like, you're right. So I

842
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:41,520
Speaker 4: got there and initially there was like three hours for

843
00:36:41,600 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 4: glam and for whatever reason, I didn't go in till

844
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,279
Speaker 4: like the last twenty minutes before the live show to

845
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 4: do her hair because you know, they're busy doing interviews

846
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 4: and people are pulling them left ryan center. So anyway,

847
00:36:51,000 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 4: I went in and I was like, she's like, what

848
00:36:54,480 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 4: do you want to do? And I remember thinking like,

849
00:36:55,719 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 4: I've only got twenty minutes and then you know, she

850
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,719
Speaker 4: needed to have a head on, so I prepped all

851
00:36:59,719 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 4: these I was so organized, and I was like, you know,

852
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 4: I think if we did this piece it would be

853
00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:05,040
Speaker 4: good and I could like add her hair into it.

854
00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 4: And she's like, oh, I don't like wiggs and I

855
00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:11,280
Speaker 4: was like, oh, yeah, of course you don't like wigs.

856
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:13,240
Speaker 4: And I was thinking, what wow would you like anything

857
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:15,319
Speaker 4: I've got to do. And I was like, she sees me,

858
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,759
Speaker 4: she sees Chris, she sees I'm just that little guy

859
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,920
Speaker 4: from Leicester, Like what what am I doing here? And

860
00:37:20,960 --> 00:37:23,560
Speaker 4: I felt the fear, like in my stomach, I felt

861
00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 4: like paralyzed me, Like I felt like I couldn't move,

862
00:37:26,760 --> 00:37:29,400
Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm a loser. I'm the biggest

863
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 4: fucking loser. I'm an idiot, like you know all the things,

864
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: the hater and the boys, and it was paralyzing me.

865
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:37,640
Speaker 4: I felt like I couldn't move. And then it's the

866
00:37:37,680 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 4: only time that's ever happened in my career, but it

867
00:37:39,800 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 4: was a lot. It was. It was honestly the moment

868
00:37:41,560 --> 00:37:44,800
Speaker 4: that changed my whole life because I remember hearing Kate's voice.

869
00:37:44,840 --> 00:37:46,759
Speaker 4: I remember just her saying like, if you don't make

870
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,480
Speaker 4: this work, you're going have to come home. Yeah, and

871
00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,200
Speaker 4: I thought about my kids and it kind of just

872
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 4: brought me back into my adult body. It kind of

873
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,279
Speaker 4: brought me back to myself of being like, look, I've

874
00:37:54,320 --> 00:37:56,200
Speaker 4: been doing this for thirty years. I know what I'm doing,

875
00:37:56,800 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 4: learn every aspect of hair. I'm so prepared. I have

876
00:38:00,160 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 4: all these amazing pieces. I know I can do this.

877
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:03,760
Speaker 4: So I just kind of grab one of the pieces

878
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:05,160
Speaker 4: and I put it my head. I was like, you know,

879
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:06,759
Speaker 4: you've never tried one of these, let's try it. And

880
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 4: she was like, oh, oh, I like it. And then

881
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 4: the girl like behind me, the stylist, was like, I

882
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:14,680
Speaker 4: like it. So when I put it on and left

883
00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 4: the hairline out, and she ran off to do the show.

884
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:19,560
Speaker 4: So then it's live on the Voice and everyone has

885
00:38:19,600 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 4: an opinion on it on social media and stuff. I

886
00:38:21,760 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 4: was just terrified.

887
00:38:22,560 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, good, bad comment.

888
00:38:24,520 --> 00:38:27,560
Speaker 4: And then I remember she came off and she was

889
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,480
Speaker 4: talking to the contestants and she saw me in the

890
00:38:29,480 --> 00:38:31,640
Speaker 4: corner of her eye and she just looked over at

891
00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,560
Speaker 4: me and she was like, everyone likes your wig, and

892
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,520
Speaker 4: then carried on talking to the oh my god contestant.

893
00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:40,280
Speaker 4: But in that moment, I knew I'd done it. And honestly,

894
00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 4: if I had have not, if i'd have just let

895
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 4: fear takeover, I would have done some crappy hairstyle because

896
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:46,919
Speaker 4: there was not enough time. She would have gone out.

897
00:38:46,960 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 4: I wouldn't have made a statement with it. I wouldn't

898
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:52,279
Speaker 4: have she wouldn't booked me again. I wouldn't be here.

899
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,200
Speaker 4: I would have gone home. I wouldn't have written the book.

900
00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 4: I wouldn't be here now talking to you. And that

901
00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 4: was one of the honestly, such a significant moment of

902
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,640
Speaker 4: wow doubt, which we all have. We all have those moments,

903
00:39:02,680 --> 00:39:05,600
Speaker 4: and I've had it plenty of times since. But being

904
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:09,160
Speaker 4: able to come back to yourself and like remember who

905
00:39:09,239 --> 00:39:11,680
Speaker 4: you are and what your intentions are and how you

906
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:14,520
Speaker 4: got there, and put your feet back on the ground

907
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,320
Speaker 4: and feel your hands but your present is like really powerful.

908
00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:19,760
Speaker 4: They changed my whole life.

909
00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:21,280
Speaker 2: I freaking love that story.

910
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,560
Speaker 4: It was a second away from being a very very

911
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 4: different outcome. Yeah, and I'm telling you, I won'n't be here.

912
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:28,640
Speaker 4: You won't know who Chris Alperton was. I want to

913
00:39:28,640 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 4: written a book and I'd probably still be I'd still

914
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,440
Speaker 4: probably be living the life that people told me I

915
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,799
Speaker 4: should have just been drowning in shame and fear. I'd

916
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,239
Speaker 4: probably I don't know, I don't know what i'd be,

917
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:41,800
Speaker 4: but it won't be this.

918
00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 3: I love everything that you have said. I'm so excited

919
00:39:45,760 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 3: for people to read your book. I think that is

920
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,160
Speaker 3: is amazing you guys. Your roots don't define you? Is

921
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:53,959
Speaker 3: out right now you can.

922
00:39:53,840 --> 00:39:57,279
Speaker 2: Get it what you know wherever you get your books, baby.

923
00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,160
Speaker 4: And its rusted. This enough for you.

924
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 2: It's for you, Chris. Thank you so much for coming

925
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 2: on my podcast.

926
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 4: I appreciate it.

927
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:06,319
Speaker 2: You guys, I love you so much.

928
00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,040
Speaker 3: Thank you for listening to another episode of Untraditionally Lala.

929
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:10,280
Speaker 2: I'm gonna catch you next week.

930
00:40:10,480 --> 00:40:11,359
Speaker 4: Bye yay