Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: What do you think of when you think of the future.
Speaker 3: Is it space travel, robots, trucks with the word cyber
Speaker 3: in front of them. Whatever your vision, there is one
Speaker 3: man working to make it a reality. He's part Thomas Edison,
Speaker 3: part iron man, part annoying dude in the group chat.
Speaker 2: And is anything but your standard CEO.
Speaker 4: I changed my title to to Techno Kang. And by
Speaker 4: the way, this is a formal SEC filing. It's I'm
Speaker 4: legally for whatever Techno kan. I just did that as
Speaker 4: kind of like a joke.
Speaker 3: Yes he's a technic king, but as a joke, and
Speaker 3: soon we'll all be a service that in a funny way,
Speaker 3: because while he may be an eccentric satellite launching, terminally
Speaker 3: online billionaire who wants to plug people into computers and
Speaker 3: build a bad network of underground tunnels, it's not like
Speaker 3: he's some kind of super villain.
Speaker 4: Eventually you can transform Mars into an earthlike planet. Drop
Speaker 4: the nuclear weapons over.
Speaker 3: The pulse, well maybe a little so strappy turn on
Speaker 3: the autobott, but keep your hands on the steering wheel
Speaker 3: in case of pedestrians. Because this is the daily shiography
Speaker 3: of Elon Musk's visionary future man. Elon Musk was born
Speaker 3: in Pretoria, South Africa, in Earth year nineteen seventy one.
Speaker 3: His father made a fortune in construction and emerald minum.
Speaker 3: Because Africa's resources are like free money for white people.
Speaker 3: Badly bullied in school, Elon overcame many hardships, although unlike
Speaker 3: other South African celebrities, he didn't make his childhood into
Speaker 3: a whole thing. By age ten, he was learning to
Speaker 3: program computer. At twelve, he built a video game he
Speaker 3: called Blastar, which started his lifelong life of inventing things
Speaker 3: that already exist. Soon after, he left South Africa made
Speaker 3: his way to a booming Silicon valley, where he launched
Speaker 3: his first company, zip Too, which he eventually sold a
Speaker 3: compact computer for three hundred and five million dollars. Like
Speaker 3: so many tech entrepreneurs, he earned his unimaginable wealth by
Speaker 3: doing something invaluable for society. Selling a startup you've never
Speaker 3: heard of to a.
Speaker 2: Company that doesn't exist anymore.
Speaker 3: Musts celebrated by buying himself a million dollar supercar.
Speaker 4: There are sixty two of Clarents in the world, and
Speaker 4: I will.
Speaker 2: Earn one of them.
Speaker 3: Yes, Musk was so rich he could afford to have
Speaker 3: a midlife crisis while he was still in his twenties.
Speaker 2: Sadly, this new toy wouldn't last long.
Speaker 4: I didn't really know how to drive from McLaren because
Speaker 4: it's like a difficult car to drive, and I flawed
Speaker 4: it and did a lame change on the brack wheels
Speaker 4: broke news and the cross fun around and then we
Speaker 4: hit the embankment and knocked the car into the air,
Speaker 4: which continued spinning like a discus, like three feet in
Speaker 4: the air.
Speaker 2: That's right, Musks. McClaren crashed worse than dodge Coin. After
Speaker 2: Saturday Night Live.
Speaker 3: For his next act, Musk created x dot com, which
Speaker 3: would they become PayPal, the app your uncle had to
Speaker 3: use because Venmo and cash app won't work. And as
Speaker 3: an opia, Musk took the money he made from that
Speaker 3: business and built an empire of cool ass ship rocket ships,
Speaker 3: electric cars, solar farms, artificial intelligence, neurotechnology, and underground highways,
Speaker 3: all while dating celebrities and starting a record label to
Speaker 3: release his.
Speaker 2: Own edm track, A Banger, All the.
Speaker 3: More impressive considering Musk had clearly never heard music before. Yes,
Speaker 3: Elon must refuses to stay less lady, much like a
Speaker 3: Tesla on autopilots.
Speaker 4: Is changing lands by itself.
Speaker 3: Tesla's groundbreaking cars brought unprecedented power arrangement sexualists to electric vehicles,
Speaker 3: a market previously reserved for nerds who cared about the environment,
Speaker 3: and Musk even promise the dream of full self driving technology.
Speaker 2: No hands, no female thing like promised repeatedly.
Speaker 4: I'm confident that in less than a year, you'll be
Speaker 4: able to go from highway on ramp to highway exit
Speaker 4: without touching any control.
Speaker 5: Holy shit, it just ran that red light.
Speaker 4: Only in three years will be able to take from
Speaker 4: a point to point previously. I think we're basically less
Speaker 4: than two years away from complete autonomy.
Speaker 5: Oh shit, shit.
Speaker 4: We hit that cross country from LA to New York
Speaker 4: by the end of the year fully autonomous. Extremely confident
Speaker 4: of achieving full autonomy UH and releasing it to the
Speaker 4: tees a customer base next year.
Speaker 3: But Must can't stop dreaming big, even when he probably should,
Speaker 3: like when SpaceX made history with the world's first reusable
Speaker 3: rocket technology and then use it to launch the first
Speaker 3: car in the space technically second if you can elon
Speaker 3: Musk's Clary Must special brand of achievements, one of a
Speaker 3: totally normal and healthy families around the world. But success
Speaker 3: didn't come easy. Ye had to overcome a lot of doubters,
Speaker 3: starting with himself.
Speaker 4: I don't want to give the impression that I thought
Speaker 4: tes THEA would be successful from the beginning.
Speaker 2: I actually thought we would fail.
Speaker 4: We were only a few days from bankruptcy.
Speaker 2: It's literally two days.
Speaker 3: It pushed him to the brink. Must could have gone
Speaker 3: from being a multi billionaire all the way down to
Speaker 3: the very lowest rung of society millionaire. But through the years,
Speaker 3: Must kept his many ventures going with little more than
Speaker 3: his can do attitude oh oh sorry, and billions of
Speaker 3: dollars in government subsidies. Today, Musk isn't merely the richest man.
Speaker 2: In the world.
Speaker 3: His net worth is higher than the GDP of most countries.
Speaker 3: Should Must be a country does have a national anthem.
Speaker 2: But don't worry. It's not like he's got an army
Speaker 2: or anything.
Speaker 4: I went to Russia to look at buying refurbished ICVM,
Speaker 4: which is a very trippy experience.
Speaker 2: Okay, maybe worry a little.
Speaker 3: And he's not just great at making money, he's also
Speaker 3: an exury saving by paying almost nothing in taxes for
Speaker 3: three years and then actually nothing in twenty eighteen. Of course,
Speaker 3: there's always haters like to nitpick musk business methods.
Speaker 6: There are charges of unreported injuries, excessive hours, abusive conditions,
Speaker 6: injuries on the job, breathing toxic fumes, over one hundred
Speaker 6: ambulance calls.
Speaker 4: I don't think that's correct. I mean I was literally
Speaker 4: living in the factory. If these if those like toxic fumes,
Speaker 4: I'm breathing them.
Speaker 3: Okay, exactly does Musk seem like a man who is
Speaker 3: inhaling toxic fumes? But Elon Musk also understands that all
Speaker 3: work and no play make x ash a twelve a
Speaker 3: dull boy, and like any well adjusted person, his favorite
Speaker 3: pastime is spending twelve to fourteen hours a day on Twitter.
Speaker 3: So it made sense when Musk announced that he would
Speaker 3: buy the social media platform, and even more sense when
Speaker 3: the deals spun out of control and crashed into an unback.
Speaker 3: But Musk doesn't only use Twitter for fun. He uses
Speaker 3: to make the world a better place, or at least
Speaker 3: promised to. It's where he promised to solve world hunger
Speaker 3: and traffic, fight COVID, and fix Flint's water, and when
Speaker 3: a Thai soccer team was stuck in a cane, Elon
Speaker 3: even promised to rescue those kids from the guy who rescued.
Speaker 3: That's why Musk is such a champion of free speech.
Speaker 3: If you can't randomly accuse someone who's saving people's lives
Speaker 3: of being a pedo guy, does civil.
Speaker 2: Discourse even exist?
Speaker 3: Lelon Musk is dedicated to building a brighter future for
Speaker 3: old humanity. It's why he backed the most futuristic presidential.
Speaker 2: Candidate of twenty twenty.
Speaker 3: It's why he's so dedicated to turning every aspect of
Speaker 3: our lives into a platform for his dumb jokes. From
Speaker 3: robots to cybernetic implants, to AI to space travel to
Speaker 3: unfettered social media, Elon Musk is building a.
Speaker 2: Future that humanity only imagined in the movies. And who
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to live there?
Speaker 4: Basically, I think not the hate humanity if you don't
Speaker 4: like that future.
Speaker 3: And that's why Elon Musk fruly is a visionary future man.
Speaker 7: Let's begin with the latest twist in the will they
Speaker 7: won't they story that everyone is talking about.
Speaker 1: Elon Musk and Twitter.
Speaker 7: It's the hottest and messiest relationship drama this side of Riverdale,
Speaker 7: and it looks like, after weeks of flirtation and fighting,
Speaker 7: the new couple has officially done the deed.
Speaker 8: Now it is official.
Speaker 9: Elon Musk has bought Twitter for approximately forty four billion.
Speaker 9: He's going to be paying each share of Twitter fifty
Speaker 9: four dollars and twenty cents. In a statement released by
Speaker 9: the company, mister Musk said free speech is the bedrock
Speaker 9: of a functioning democracy, and Twitter is the digital town
Speaker 9: square where matters vital to the future of humanity are debated.
Speaker 7: This is a dramatic turn of events from earlier this month,
Speaker 7: when Twitter was that to decline Musk offer, adopting a
Speaker 7: so called poison pill.
Speaker 8: To block him.
Speaker 7: That's right, people, Twitter said it would never sell to
Speaker 7: Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they're like,
Speaker 7: it will sell.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 7: I guess they found that edit button after all. It's
Speaker 7: actually kind of a historic moment. This is the first
Speaker 7: time anyone at Twitter has changed their mind about anything
Speaker 7: well done. I think that Twitter was always going to
Speaker 7: sell to Elon though, right, this can be too eager
Speaker 7: about it. You know, it's like a like a husband
Speaker 7: and a wife, where it's.
Speaker 1: Like ah, I am not going to that wedding. Forget it.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna happen.
Speaker 7: And then three months later it's like, how does my
Speaker 7: bowtie look?
Speaker 1: How does it looks good? Do you think it does?
Speaker 7: I honestly don't know why Elon would want to own Twitter,
Speaker 7: all right. It just doesn't seem like a fun place
Speaker 7: to supervise right now. You know, It's like buying Jurassic
Speaker 7: Park after the power went down and the cages are opened. Yeah,
Speaker 7: you're gonna spend a lot of time replacing Jeep windshields.
Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 7: But the truth is, look, in many ways, this is
Speaker 7: a really smart move by Elon Musk, because wealthy men
Speaker 7: know the value in owning publishing platforms.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 7: It's why Jeff Bezos bought the Washington Post, It's why
Speaker 7: Rupert Murdoch bought the Wall Street Journal. It's why Confucius
Speaker 7: owns those fortune cookies. Yeah yeah, because you see, then
Speaker 7: he knows that none of us will play his lucky
Speaker 7: numbers in.
Speaker 1: The Lato And that's genius.
Speaker 7: So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Musk gets to
Speaker 7: own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms.
Speaker 8: In the world.
Speaker 7: I mean to remember this, think about it. Twitter is
Speaker 7: how the Arab Spring took off. Right, Black Lives Matter
Speaker 7: blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter.
Speaker 7: Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show
Speaker 7: joke into the forty fifth president of the United States
Speaker 7: and a joke.
Speaker 1: So, owning Twitter gives you more power than.
Speaker 7: The drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 7: you wanna smell fresh, You best not piss off Curtis.
Speaker 1: Don't play around, will shut you down.
Speaker 7: Walk around smelling musty.
Speaker 8: So here's the thing.
Speaker 7: Look, whether you are for Elon Musk or against him,
Speaker 7: you've got to admit it is pretty crazy that one
Speaker 7: man is now in control of all of that because
Speaker 7: before this, Jack Darsey didn't own Twitter. Right, A lot
Speaker 7: of people think he didn't know he had two percent
Speaker 7: of the shares and even a CEO he stiled to
Speaker 7: answers to the board, and the board still had to
Speaker 7: answers to the shareholders, and Twitter itself still had to
Speaker 7: answer to the SEC. But now as a private company, it's.
Speaker 8: Just Elon Musk.
Speaker 7: Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is
Speaker 7: up to him. And also whatever strain.
Speaker 1: His weed guy gives him that day.
Speaker 7: I'm just saying, if he gets the wrong sativa, there
Speaker 7: could be a race war.
Speaker 1: People prepare yourselves.
Speaker 7: Like, this is the thing, whether it's a billionaire you
Speaker 7: like or a billionaire you hate. As a society, I
Speaker 7: think we should spend more time interrogating how easy it
Speaker 7: is for billionaires to shape our world in their favor.
Speaker 7: Just think about it. You like it now, you don't
Speaker 7: like it now? But should they be able to do it?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 8: No, you know the news.
Speaker 1: What's happening in the news. What's happening in the news.
Speaker 7: Oh, let's kick things off with the big news of
Speaker 7: the day, right, starting with Elon Musk, the guy who
Speaker 7: always looks like a ghost, whether it's halloed or not.
Speaker 7: For months now, for months now, Musk has said that
Speaker 7: he wanted to own Twitter, right. And the reason he
Speaker 7: wanted to own Twitter is because he wanted to make
Speaker 7: sure that it became a haven for free speech.
Speaker 8: Right.
Speaker 1: He wanted to change it to that, because, let's be honest,
Speaker 1: up until now, you know, people have really held back
Speaker 1: on Twitter. And I always find myself scrolling and thinking,
Speaker 1: but what do you rarely think, why are you so reserved, sir?
Speaker 8: So.
Speaker 7: Anyway, on Thursday, the day Elon officially took over, right,
Speaker 7: we got a taste of this extra free speech right
Speaker 7: because in the first twelve hours under Elon's ownership, the
Speaker 7: use of the N word on Twitter shot up five
Speaker 7: hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Which, no, you don't you don't know. You don't know
Speaker 1: who knows what it is.
Speaker 7: It could be racist, yeah, it could be could be
Speaker 7: all right, this is who feel free and feel emboldened
Speaker 7: to say it now, right, or it could be black
Speaker 7: people watching Elon take over like this nigga.
Speaker 10: You don't know which one it is. You're not sure.
Speaker 10: You're not sure because he's going crazy. Here's my question,
Speaker 10: here's my question. I really want, I really want to
Speaker 10: know this.
Speaker 7: Why is it always went when the free speech people, right,
Speaker 7: all these people were like, we want free speech.
Speaker 1: Why do they never.
Speaker 7: Want to use their free speech to say words like
Speaker 7: perambulate or pusillanimous?
Speaker 1: Like it's never stuff like that. Have you noticed that,
Speaker 1: Like we want free speech, we want free speech. You're like, okay,
Speaker 1: what do you want to say?
Speaker 8: Nigger?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 7: Really, all the things you could have said in the world, everyone,
Speaker 7: everything you could have spoken about all the issues.
Speaker 1: What do you want to say that any other word? Niggers?
Speaker 7: He's like, he doesn't want free speech, you just want
Speaker 7: to hate on people, right, So, yeah, it looks like
Speaker 7: Elon is up.
Speaker 1: He's scrambling.
Speaker 7: He's scrambling to figure out, you know, how to how
Speaker 7: to make this whole thing work, because remember he spent
Speaker 7: forty four billion dollars. Well, he was forced to spend
Speaker 7: forty four billion dollars because it was a troll that
Speaker 7: turned into a real He used his free speech and
Speaker 7: he paid a big price.
Speaker 1: And it's gonna be hard to make money from this thing.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 7: Twitter has a lot of debts, right, They're not profitable
Speaker 7: as a company, you know. And so today to try
Speaker 7: and mitigate this, Elon Musker came out and he said
Speaker 7: he's going to start charging people eight dollars a month
Speaker 7: to be verified with a blue check mark next to
Speaker 7: their name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, eight dollars a month for the blue check mark.
Speaker 7: Because I guess he's hoping that everyone else on Twitter
Speaker 7: will also make terrible financial decisions like he did. Because
Speaker 7: I'm sorry, eight dollars, what do you what are you
Speaker 7: spending eight dollars a month for like the blue check
Speaker 7: You realize what you get with eight dollars a month.
Speaker 7: You can subscribe, you can get like Netflix, you can
Speaker 7: get Paramount Plus, you can get Hulu, or or you
Speaker 7: can pay so that people verify that they're actually shitting
Speaker 7: on you pror it's just like, oh, this is the
Speaker 7: real Trevor. I hate this guy.
Speaker 1: Oh what was even funny? I was the reason? This
Speaker 1: is the reason Eloud Musk gave. He said the reason he's.
Speaker 7: Doing this, the reason he's doing it is because he's
Speaker 7: sick of Twitter's current lords and peasants system for who
Speaker 7: has or who doesn't have a blue check mark? And
Speaker 7: then he ended it with power to the people blue
Speaker 7: for eight dollars a month.
Speaker 1: So here's my question.
Speaker 7: If you're trying to create equality on Twitter, why charge
Speaker 7: anyone to be verified? Huh yeah, just give everyone a
Speaker 7: blue check mark?
Speaker 1: Then why are you charging the people? Give it to
Speaker 1: everyone for free, or give it to no one, give
Speaker 1: it to no one?
Speaker 7: Right, But it doesn't make sense to offer it as
Speaker 7: equality and then put a price on it.
Speaker 1: Do you get what I'm saying? Can you imagine if
Speaker 1: MLK was out there like.
Speaker 7: Ah, have a dream, ah, have a dream and I'll
Speaker 7: tell you all about it for eight.
Speaker 8: Not a nine a month.
Speaker 1: It wouldn't be the same thing. It's all about equality. No,
Speaker 1: you're trying to make money.
Speaker 8: I get it.
Speaker 7: Yeah, so I think this eight dollars a month thing
Speaker 7: is ridiculous. You know, if you ask me, if Elon
Speaker 7: Musk wants to make money from Twitter, what he should do.
Speaker 7: Don't charge people for blue check marks. No, you know,
Speaker 7: charge white people to say the N word. Twitter will
Speaker 7: be the most profitable company in history. Racists are going
Speaker 7: to be taking out loans. I need a better extra cash.
Speaker 1: My neighbors are so goddamn loud I can yell this.
Speaker 8: In social media news.
Speaker 7: On Friday, Elon Musk kicked off his new job as
Speaker 7: the head of Twitter by by the day off.
Speaker 8: I like how you built your booo.
Speaker 7: He kicked off as the head of Twitter by laying
Speaker 7: off half of the workforce, even fired the bird.
Speaker 8: It was terrible.
Speaker 7: I was last seen in a parking lot of dick
Speaker 7: for worms.
Speaker 1: All relaxed, relaxed. A dick is just a bigger worm.
Speaker 7: But it turns out, it turns out Musk got a
Speaker 7: little ahead of himself because this morning He's reportedly trying
Speaker 7: to rehire dozens of people that he just fired after
Speaker 7: realizing that he actually needs them. And I'm gonna be honest,
Speaker 7: I'm gonna put it out there.
Speaker 8: If he's handling.
Speaker 7: Twitter like this, I don't know how comfortable I would
Speaker 7: be going with this dude to Mars. You know, yeah,
Speaker 7: I don't want Elon walking into my cabin one day, like, hey, guys,
Speaker 7: it turns out how I accidentally fired the team.
Speaker 8: That was bringing the oxygen.
Speaker 7: But we'll be fine if we just stopped breathing for
Speaker 7: sixty nine months.
Speaker 8: Right now.
Speaker 7: The one thing being mismanaged worse than Putin's war is
Speaker 7: Elon Musk's websites.
Speaker 5: Well.
Speaker 11: Twitter has officially debuted it's verified blue check marks in
Speaker 11: the future is already causing a lot of confusion. Vivers
Speaker 11: who paid the eight dollars monthly fear now entitled to
Speaker 11: some additional perks, namely the blue check mark previously reserved
Speaker 11: for verified accounts. The problem is some of those users
Speaker 11: are using their newly acquired verification to impersonate celebrities and
Speaker 11: other public figures.
Speaker 12: Someone pretending to be Lebron James tweeted, I am officially
Speaker 12: requesting a trade from the Lakers. An account that appeared
Speaker 12: to be from the pharmaceutical company Eli Lilly announced that
Speaker 12: all insulin would now be free. Meanwhile, a user impersonating
Speaker 12: George W. Bush declared I miss killing Iraqi's and a
Speaker 12: fake account for Nintendo simply tweeted a picture of Mario
Speaker 12: giving the finger.
Speaker 7: Oh no, because anyone can buy verification. They're now impersonating
Speaker 7: famous people who could have seen this coming?
Speaker 8: What everyone?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 1: Where were you guys?
Speaker 7: Forty four billion dollars ago? Look, I'm gonna be honest
Speaker 7: and I'm gonna be blunt here. Elon Musk is Twitter
Speaker 7: into the ground and it's the best Twitter's ever been?
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me?
Speaker 8: Fake Lebron leaving Na, Mario flipping.
Speaker 7: The bird, George Bush telling us how he rarely feels
Speaker 7: the thing is an absolute train wreck and I'm here
Speaker 7: for it. The only reason we know that that wasn't
Speaker 7: the real Mario was because Mario would never.
Speaker 1: Flip someone the bird.
Speaker 7: He's Italian, Come on, yeah, he'd probably do this, right,
Speaker 7: Or this is like.
Speaker 8: Hey cooler, tell your mother said hello?
Speaker 4: Why?
Speaker 8: But who knows? Who knows?
Speaker 7: Maybe all of this verified real fake people on Twitter
Speaker 7: chaos is actually part of Elon's plan. Yeah, maybe this
Speaker 7: is what he's doing on purpose, so no one will
Speaker 7: know a real account from a fake account. And then
Speaker 7: he'll be like, guys, did you see someone impersonated me
Speaker 7: and spent forty four billion dollars on Twitter?
Speaker 8: That was crazy?
Speaker 1: Well I'm just gonna take my money and be on
Speaker 1: my way. Okay, bye bye now bye bye.
Speaker 8: Now.
Speaker 7: If we had the time, we could discuss how this
Speaker 7: verified fiasco isn't just hurting Twitter, it's so damaging Tesla's stock. Oh,
Speaker 7: we could definitely talk about how Rihanna just said on
Speaker 7: Twitter that she.
Speaker 8: Wanted me to perform with her at the Super Bowl.
Speaker 7: I know it's not a fake account because she even
Speaker 7: asked for my.
Speaker 8: Social Security number.
Speaker 5: Let me ask you, guys a question. Who hears on Twitter? Okay,
Speaker 5: that's too many people. The guy who said no, that's
Speaker 5: a that's a normal person right there.
Speaker 8: I trust you. Now.
Speaker 5: By now you probably know Elon Musk recently bought Twitter
Speaker 5: for forty four billion dollars. Yeah, and since Elon's takeover,
Speaker 5: all I see on Twitter is Twitter sucks.
Speaker 8: We should leave Twitter. Elon ruined Twitter.
Speaker 5: But here's the thing, guys, Elon didn't make Twitter terrible.
Speaker 5: Twitter has been terrible for.
Speaker 8: Years because of us. You can't dunk on Elon. It's us.
Speaker 5: Twitter is the shittiest platform on planet Earth. It's worse
Speaker 5: than Tender, and tender gives you genital herpes. Okay, but
Speaker 5: as bad as it gets, no one ever leaves.
Speaker 8: Oh, Hussan, I can't leave Twitter. It's the digital town square.
Speaker 5: No, it's not. Twitter is not a town square. It's
Speaker 5: time square. Have you been a Time square? It's fine, terrifying.
Speaker 5: You got the M and M store, Mexican Elmo, a
Speaker 5: guy masturbating ads for DraftKings dot com. I'm like, can
Speaker 5: someone just stab me in the eye and take me
Speaker 5: out of this hell? Oh but, Huzan, we have to
Speaker 5: be a part of the discourse. This is a place
Speaker 5: for discourse. Fine, let's talk about the discourse. Has Twitter
Speaker 5: ever anyone's mind on anything? It's someone like you know,
Speaker 5: I used to think canceling student debt was a bad idea,
Speaker 5: but it makes it makes a lot more sense with
Speaker 5: hand clap emojis. Oh oh, you think we're gonna convince
Speaker 5: Florida's government to stop banning books?
Speaker 8: With a thread. Here's a man.
Speaker 5: They've already made it pretty clear they're not big on reading.
Speaker 5: But husson, husson, No, No, I can't leave Twitter.
Speaker 8: Everybody's on Twitter. No, they're not.
Speaker 5: Only a small minority of dorks even use Twitter. Yeah,
Speaker 5: by the way, by the way, and only ten percent
Speaker 5: of those dorks create eighty percent of the content. It's
Speaker 5: a minority of a minority. There are more country music
Speaker 5: stars named Luke than.
Speaker 8: People who tweet.
Speaker 5: It just feels like everyone's on it because the news
Speaker 5: media is on it. So journalists see three people tweet
Speaker 5: about something and they're like, everybody's talking about this?
Speaker 8: Who the heck is everybody?
Speaker 5: Ball SACS seventy nine is everybody?
Speaker 8: But they go.
Speaker 5: Quote tweet, quote tweet quote of this, of this, of this.
Speaker 8: But this was nothing. This was not discourse. This was
Speaker 8: three people. Okay.
Speaker 5: Now, now to the people that gave it up that
Speaker 5: were like, oh I.
Speaker 8: Used Twitter, I will give you this. I'll give you this.
Speaker 5: Twitter has been helpful for boosting the Me too movement
Speaker 5: and spotlighting police brutality, but it has to be used
Speaker 5: in dire circumstances. That should be the capture for Twitter.
Speaker 5: When you log in.
Speaker 8: It shouldn't ask you to pick three stoplights.
Speaker 5: It should ask you, are you reporting a natural disaster,
Speaker 5: an authoritarian government, whistleblowing, harassment by the police, or are
Speaker 5: you defending Beyonce? Then and only then should you get
Speaker 5: to tweet outside of that? What the is the upside
Speaker 5: of anyone tweeting? Why should I tweet? Why should you tweet?
Speaker 5: Think of the process? You share your opinion, you argue
Speaker 5: with people, and then potentially lose your job. That's if
Speaker 5: you're a civilian or a celebrity. It's a platform with
Speaker 5: no dialogue, no grace, no forgiveness.
Speaker 8: It's all isis beheadings and clout in.
Speaker 5: The only thing worse than Twitter's features are its users.
Speaker 8: Not the lurkers. Lurkers were normal.
Speaker 5: I'm talking about the power users flooding your timeline. The
Speaker 5: amount the psychost tweet is on another level. George Takai
Speaker 5: has tweeted one hundred and three thousand times since he joined.
Speaker 5: That comes out to twenty three tweets a day. George,
Speaker 5: you can have opinions, but I shouldn't be able to
Speaker 5: set my watch to them.
Speaker 8: Dude.
Speaker 5: Mike Cernovich has tweeted two hundred thousand times. That's forty
Speaker 5: eight tweets a day. How the ft do you have
Speaker 5: that many opinions? I'm a guy and I only have
Speaker 5: two opinions. I love the Sacramento Kings and Real Talk.
Speaker 5: Chipotle has kind of fallen off.
Speaker 8: That's it, well, Jahad Ali.
Speaker 5: He's a friend of mine and a writer for The
Speaker 5: New York Times. Brag Wage has tweeted one hundred and
Speaker 5: eighty five thousand, two hundred times.
Speaker 8: Wag, I have a message from your family. We miss you.
Speaker 8: Look up. I don't care what side of the aisle
Speaker 8: you're on.
Speaker 5: Put the crack pipe down and leave Twitter like you
Speaker 5: said you would. What happened to the mass exodus when
Speaker 5: Elon took over? I thought all you guys were going
Speaker 5: to Twitter.
Speaker 8: Canada messed it on.
Speaker 5: Find me on mestodon. You can catch me on mestodon.
Speaker 5: You feel cowards and for the people who still think
Speaker 5: it has value, you're wrong. You know this deep down,
Speaker 5: you can feel it here. You bitch about Elon all
Speaker 5: the time, but you won't quit. You don't even have
Speaker 5: the willpower to live up to your own values.
Speaker 8: You don't give up talk about your values. You don't
Speaker 8: give up. Do you care more about your brand than progress.
Speaker 8: You don't want to write on Twitter. You want to.
Speaker 5: Write on succession, but you're not talented enough to write
Speaker 5: for succession, and neither am I out of the media grip?
Speaker 8: Do you understand? I want my mind back.
Speaker 5: I hate this place.
Speaker 8: I hate Twitter.
Speaker 5: II wan out, Hi wana out, Give me my mind back.
Speaker 5: Don't dree my mind from Ali's tweets.
Speaker 8: Please?
Speaker 13: How what am I doing? What am I doing? My
Speaker 13: daughter's here? What am I doing? Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 13: the living embodiment.
Speaker 8: Of Twitter.
Speaker 5: I'm judging other people without changing anything about myself. Let
Speaker 5: me channel the fake Gandhi quote I saw on Twitter.
Speaker 5: Maybe I need to be the change I wish to
Speaker 5: see in the world. This I'm leaving Twitter. I'm leaving Twitter.
Speaker 5: I'm leaving this healthscape right now. Let's do this right now.
Speaker 5: You think I'm doing this? This is real, This is real,
Speaker 5: and just like everybody on Twitter, I'm making a long,
Speaker 5: annoying announcement about it right here.
Speaker 8: You got that? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah, let's get
Speaker 8: that out of here.
Speaker 5: Deactivate, Yes, deactivate, goodbye. I'm God time God, I agree,
Speaker 5: I'm a bree.
Speaker 14: I'm free.
Speaker 8: So what do I do now?
Speaker 5: I guess I can actually go to the town square
Speaker 5: and meet people in real life, hang out with my wife,
Speaker 5: kiss my children, you know, touch grass. It's a big
Speaker 5: world out there, and I want to live in it.
Speaker 5: We had a fun ride trolls and bad faith actors.
Speaker 5: Oh and by the way, if you hate this on Twitter,
Speaker 5: I could.
Speaker 8: Give it because I'm not there, join me in the
Speaker 8: real world.
Speaker 5: And hey, in case I don't see you, good afternoon,
Speaker 5: good evening, and good night.
Speaker 10: Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
Speaker 10: searching the Daily Show wherever you get your podcast.
Speaker 1: Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven.
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast