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Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, it's your go Cheeky's and you've reached the

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Speaker 1: voicemail box for Dear Cheeky's. I'm here to give you

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Speaker 1: advice on anything and everything you need help with. Maybe

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Speaker 1: you're going through a breakup, maybe you're having issues with

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Speaker 1: your family, or maybe you need help figuring out how

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Speaker 1: to balance your checkbook or how to start a business.

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Speaker 1: What are the cases I want to hear from you?

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Speaker 1: Remember these are my thoughts and opinions, and if you're

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Speaker 1: suffering from an issue or hardship, you should seek help

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Speaker 1: from a qualified professional. All right, Now go ahead and

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Speaker 1: leave your question at the sound of the beat.

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Speaker 2: Cheekys, I've beenefendly girls for over a decade. I love

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Speaker 2: your energy, your personality, just everything. So I recently went

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Speaker 2: through the passing of my boyfriend of eleven years. I

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Speaker 2: have a similar situation when it comes to family and

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Speaker 2: betrayal and just all around toxic. So I'm no longer

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Speaker 2: in contact with my boyfriend's family. They wasted no time

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Speaker 2: after he passed to show me how they really felt.

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Speaker 2: They took a lot of his belongings from me while

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Speaker 2: I wasn't home. Even though it wasn't much. They knew

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Speaker 2: exactly what they took. They completely flipped the story on me.

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Speaker 2: They when it told lies about me. His mom talks

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Speaker 2: so bad about me, get expects to have access to

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Speaker 2: our two kids. My question to you is, what's your

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Speaker 2: advice for toxic family members after betrayal, after they do

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Speaker 2: you so dirty, after they deny everything. I would love

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Speaker 2: to know your opinion. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, Marlene, I'm so sorry. First of all,

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Speaker 1: I'm sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine. Damn

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Speaker 1: you know what. I will tell you that, unfortunately, families

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Speaker 1: seem to fall apart after losing a family member, Like

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Speaker 1: I don't know what happens. I don't know. I've lived it,

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Speaker 1: I've experienced it. And my mom was a huge pillar,

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Speaker 1: a strong pillar in our family. So when that pillar

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Speaker 1: was no longer there, well, a bunch of stuff started

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Speaker 1: happening and started coming out, and people started just showing

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Speaker 1: their true colors. And it's so sad and disheartening. But

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Speaker 1: it's also best to know the truth sooner rather than later.

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Speaker 1: You know, if that is your choice to keep your

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Speaker 1: children away from his family, then I'm okay with that.

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Speaker 1: Once they they're old enough, then I feel like, okay,

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Speaker 1: if that's if you guys want to go find and

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Speaker 1: speak to your family and have a relationship. I think

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Speaker 1: that that's fine. But right now, I'm sure they're young,

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Speaker 1: and you need to protect their hearts and their minds,

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Speaker 1: you know, because if they're talking bad about you and

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Speaker 1: doing all these things and they have some soul searching to do.

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Speaker 1: You know, the best advice that I can give you

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Speaker 1: when it comes to toxic family members, because I think

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Speaker 1: we all have them, guys, there's always at least one

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Speaker 1: toxic family member. Stay away. That's the best thing that

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Speaker 1: I can tell you to do. There's nothing wrong. You

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Speaker 1: can love them from afar. Don't speak bad about them.

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Speaker 1: One if I can give you some advice, don't speak

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Speaker 1: bad about your man's family to your kids, like keep

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Speaker 1: the kids out of it in that way, in that aspect,

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Speaker 1: protect their little hearts, protect your heart, and stay away.

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Speaker 1: Stay away until hopefully they come around and apologize and

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Speaker 1: can accept the wrongdoings and take accountability and responsibility for

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Speaker 1: their actions. And if they don't, then you stay away

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Speaker 1: and you wish them well and you love them from

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Speaker 1: far and pray for them, send them love and light.

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Speaker 1: That is the best advice that I can give you

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Speaker 1: other than that revenge does no good or talking bad

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Speaker 1: about them too or not. So it's a waste of

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Speaker 1: your time and your energy, and you need to focus

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Speaker 1: on your kids and healing your heart. So that's the

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Speaker 1: best advice I can give you, and I hope that helped.

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Speaker 1: Wishing you the Marlene. Okay, So our next question comes

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Speaker 1: from an anonymous listener.

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Speaker 3: Hi, Tiki's I have asked you a couple of questions

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Speaker 3: on your podcast and you have given me great advice.

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Speaker 3: So here I am again. I currently am married for

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Speaker 3: ten years now, well been with this person for ten

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Speaker 3: years now, but just lately I learned that within our marriage,

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Speaker 3: he has been using drugs to have sex, and so

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Speaker 3: it has just become habit. Without the drugs, it's not good,

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Speaker 3: and with the drugs it's good, but it's not the

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Speaker 3: best thing because he's inconsistent. He's leaving my son alone

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Speaker 3: to go and find them while I'm at my part

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Speaker 3: time and it just makes my life really hard. I

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Speaker 3: don't have support from my family, and I just don't

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Speaker 3: know what to do anymore. So I just wanted to

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Speaker 3: ask and see what your thoughts are. What I could do.

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Speaker 3: I feel a little stuck and I really love him

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Speaker 3: and he's a really good man, but he has this

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Speaker 3: drug problem.

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Speaker 1: Oh damn. This is a tough one, babe. Drug addictions

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Speaker 1: are are tough. It's a disease. But he has to

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Speaker 1: first accept that he has a problem. If he doesn't

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Speaker 1: want to change for you, for your child, for your household,

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Speaker 1: then it's going to be very hard. I wonder what

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Speaker 1: kind of drug it is, because if it's I mean,

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Speaker 1: I just I just not that it really matters kind of,

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Speaker 1: but regardless, a drug is a drug. And if he's

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Speaker 1: leaving your child alone to go and find this, like

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Speaker 1: it's it's progressively getting worse, you have to put a

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Speaker 1: stop to it. He needs to know that he's lost you,

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Speaker 1: and you have to be serious. It can't be a game.

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Speaker 1: You have to like for sure, be like I'm done,

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Speaker 1: Like I can't put my child through this because you're

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Speaker 1: putting now your child in danger and you have to

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Speaker 1: make a decision and you have to have a straight

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Speaker 1: up conversation like if you don't stop this, give him

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Speaker 1: a warning. I'm sure you've given him plenty, but it's like, dude,

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Speaker 1: this is it. If you don't get your shit together.

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Speaker 1: I have to walk out. I have to protect my kid.

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Speaker 1: He needs to go find help, and you can be

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Speaker 1: there with him and be by his side, but he

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Speaker 1: needs to want it. You can't force him, like you

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Speaker 1: need to make a he needs to make a decision

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Speaker 1: as a grown ass man for his family to say, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I want to go to rehab. I want to find help.

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Speaker 1: I like, he needs to stop this because it's going

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Speaker 1: to get worse and if he needs drugs for his

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Speaker 1: penis to get hard, like no, like you need to

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Speaker 1: find other ways to like no, I'm just I'm not

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Speaker 1: okay with that is your big sister talking. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna leave it at that, but you know what

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Speaker 1: you got to do, and you need to have that conversation,

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Speaker 1: and you need to and do this for your child

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Speaker 1: if you're going to do it for anyone else, because

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Speaker 1: him leaving your child alone is not okay because so

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Speaker 1: many things can happen. I'm so upset about that. Now

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Speaker 1: we're gonna breathe. I hope. I hope everything gets better, Biby,

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Speaker 1: And thank you for continuing to listen to Dear Cheeky's

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Speaker 1: and sending me questions and I'm hoping and praying that

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Speaker 1: this advice can help. We're gonna move on to Melinda

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Speaker 1: Hi cheeky.

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Speaker 4: So this is something that I've always been curious about

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Speaker 4: and hope that you can provide the answer. So I'm

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Speaker 4: curious as to how it works when you go on

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Speaker 4: these trips that are beautiful and amazing experiences, go to

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Speaker 4: events or you know, to nice expensive restaurants. When you

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Speaker 4: invite a group of people, is it expected for the

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Speaker 4: person that does the invite to pay for everything? Is

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Speaker 4: it a discussion that everybody pays this much. I'm just

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Speaker 4: curious as being a person that would not be able

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Speaker 4: to afford, you know, these trips, Like what do you

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Speaker 4: do if you have a friend where you know that

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Speaker 4: they're not in a place where they could afford, you know,

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Speaker 4: going on a trip with you, going to a certain

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Speaker 4: restaurant with you. Do you just never invite them? Do

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Speaker 4: you invite them and then offer to pay, or do

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Speaker 4: you just do the invite and see what they say

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Speaker 4: they can pay? Like, I just I'm really curious as

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Speaker 4: to how all of that works. I always see people

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Speaker 4: on social media doing all these amazing things, and I wonder, like,

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Speaker 4: what about their friends that truly can't afford it? Are

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Speaker 4: they just left out? Or like what happens? Thank you?

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Speaker 4: I love you so much.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I love you too. This is a very good question.

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Speaker 1: I've been in this situation where I've had friends that

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Speaker 1: expected me to pay all the time, and it caused

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Speaker 1: a lot of issues and a lot of frustration within myself.

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Speaker 1: I take responsibility because I could have put a stop

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Speaker 1: to it, but I didn't. I think in a way,

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Speaker 1: I was kind of buying their love and I was

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Speaker 1: buying their company because I didn't want to be alone.

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Speaker 1: I didn't like to be alone, and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: do all these things knowing that they couldn't necessarily afford it,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, well, maybe I can, so I'll

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Speaker 1: do it. And there's nothing wrong with being a person

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Speaker 1: that if you feel in your heart you want to

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Speaker 1: buy your friends something or invite them to a trip

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Speaker 1: or whatnot, there's nothing wrong with that. The problem is

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Speaker 1: when a person starts getting used to it, and I understand, Okay,

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Speaker 1: they probably can't this time, but if they're doing well

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Speaker 1: and then they can and they choose not to because

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Speaker 1: they're so used to you doing it, then that's where

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Speaker 1: the issue comes and that's what happened to me. And

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Speaker 1: now I'm fortunate enough to have friends that we can

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Speaker 1: go out. Sometimes I'll be like, hey, don't worry, I

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Speaker 1: got the bill. It is very important that it's how

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Speaker 1: we word it, like hey, let's go, let's go to

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Speaker 1: this restaurant. I want to try this restaurant. Let's go.

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Speaker 1: We'll split it, like say it from the very beginning,

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Speaker 1: so that they can either say hey, I can't afford it,

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Speaker 1: Hey I can't do it, or hey, yeah, let's go,

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Speaker 1: and everyone already knows you have set the tone of

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Speaker 1: we're going to split the bill, or hey, I invite

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Speaker 1: you if you're inviting them. It's all in how and

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Speaker 1: the words that we choose, how we deliver our message.

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Speaker 1: Then you can go and say, okay, well I'm going

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Speaker 1: to pay for it. I'll pay for your have Now

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Speaker 1: I have friends where it's like hey, I know my

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Speaker 1: set of friends where it's like I know who can

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Speaker 1: go on a trip with me and who can't, or

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Speaker 1: it's just a conversation. I'm grown now and they're grown.

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Speaker 1: It's like I'm hey, what's up? Can we do this?

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Speaker 1: Are you down? Can you afford it. It's like straight up,

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Speaker 1: you know, without feeling like you're going to hurt anyone's feelings.

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Speaker 1: Or if you're in a position where you can pay

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Speaker 1: for it, then great. And if it's a good friend

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Speaker 1: to you and you're able to do it, then I

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Speaker 1: think that's awesome. It's just people that take advantage. I

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Speaker 1: can't with that, Like, don't take advantage of my kindness.

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Speaker 1: Don't take my kindness for weakness. That irks me so bad.

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Speaker 1: So I hope that answered your question. But because I

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Speaker 1: went in and I was like, hold on, I was

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Speaker 1: starting to remember all kinds of things. But anyways, I

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Speaker 1: am so good. I have good friends.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 1: It's like, hey, we split the bill, and I think

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Speaker 1: that's healthy. I think it's absolutely healthy. So Melinda, thank

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Speaker 1: you for your question. I love you too. I already

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Speaker 1: said it. But yes, don't let people take advantage of you, babe.

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Speaker 1: I don't know if that's happening, but it's not cute.

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Speaker 1: It's just not fun. It just frustrates you. So our

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Speaker 1: last question comes from Steph Habby Cheekys.

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Speaker 5: I want to say hi, and I'm such a great

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Speaker 5: fan of your family. I need some help. I need

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Speaker 5: some advice. I just broke up with my ex about

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Speaker 5: six months ago. You know, it is what it is. Single.

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Speaker 5: I didn't think I was gonna be single, but here

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Speaker 5: I am. However, I just can't get over my first.

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Speaker 5: I haven't talked to him. We're just social media friends,

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Speaker 5: but I haven't talked to him in almost two years.

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Speaker 5: I just want to say how he's doing. Nothing, like, Hey,

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Speaker 5: hit me up because I'm single. I want to just

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Speaker 5: say hi, but I am nervous. I have his number,

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Speaker 5: But should I reach him out on social media first,

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Speaker 5: or just send him a quick text and just say, hey,

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Speaker 5: how are you doing? It's been in my mind. I've

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Speaker 5: had dreams about him. Oh girl, I'm stuck. Should I

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Speaker 5: not funny? My first I was the one who made

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Speaker 5: the move, So now, almost ten years later, should I

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Speaker 5: make the move again?

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Speaker 1: Steph? I like you, girl, okay, because I love it

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Speaker 1: because you're like, Hey, I just broke up with my

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Speaker 1: egg six months ago. It is what it is, and

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Speaker 1: we're talking about the first, which is great. You know good.

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Speaker 1: I am glad you're not hurting that much. And honestly, look,

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Speaker 1: I always say this, I would rather take a risk

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Speaker 1: than live with you. What if hopefully this dude is

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Speaker 1: not in a relationship, follow him on social media. That's

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Speaker 1: the first thing. If he's in a relationship, don't do that.

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Speaker 1: If you know that he is with someone, don't do

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Speaker 1: that because that's disrespectful to yourself and to his partner.

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Speaker 1: But if it looks like he's single, why the heck not? Girl? Yes,

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Speaker 1: who cares? All this like this whole like, oh, the

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Speaker 1: guy should make the first move. I mean the first

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Speaker 1: movie with the media, I was like, dude, you got

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Speaker 1: some QT eyes. Like I was like, I'm feeling you.

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Speaker 1: So anyways, if you want something, you you gotta be

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Speaker 1: the one to like, hey, what's up? You know what

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Speaker 1: I mean? If that's what you feel. If he's not,

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Speaker 1: then why not that way you get out of that,

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Speaker 1: Like oh should I shouldn't because that's like that, that's

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Speaker 1: there's like a lot of like when you're in limbo,

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Speaker 1: that makes me uncomfortable. It's it's just like I'd rather

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Speaker 1: just go bam, let me take the sleep of faith,

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Speaker 1: let me take this risk and see what happens. But

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Speaker 1: if he's if he has a girlfriend, don't do it.

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Speaker 3: Don't.

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Speaker 1: But if he's single, if it seems like he's single.

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Speaker 3: Do it.

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Speaker 1: You're the first one to do it last time. Why

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Speaker 1: not now do it? Steph and keep us updating. I

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Speaker 1: want to know what happens. Okay, don't just leave me

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Speaker 1: here and be like, Okay, I'm giving you advice and

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Speaker 1: then you don't let me know what's up. So Steph,

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Speaker 1: let me know if you reach out and what he

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Speaker 1: says and if the dream can come true if you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, because I'm sure it was crazy dreams. Okay, anyways,

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Speaker 1: I want to know all about it, okay, Steph. So,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm excited. I hope it works out. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you guys, thank you so much for your questions. These

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Speaker 1: these were like, these were good questions. One of them

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Speaker 1: got me hot. But anyways, and I don't mean like

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Speaker 1: horny hot, I mean like hot, upset hot. You guys,

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Speaker 1: if you have any questions that you would like me

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Speaker 1: to answer, please leave them. I always tell you guys.

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Speaker 1: Speak pipe dot Com slash Cheekys and Chill podcast. That

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Speaker 1: is speak pipe dot Com slash cheeks in Hot. Oh no,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to make a song, but anyways, no,

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Speaker 1: it's not gonna work, so speakpipe dot Com slash cheeks

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Speaker 1: in Chill podcast. All Right, you guys, I love you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to dear Cheekys and cheeks in Chill.

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Speaker 1: I really really love you, guys, and I appreciate you

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Speaker 1: so much.

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Speaker 2: You have no idea.

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Speaker 1: I love my podcast and I'm glad that you love

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Speaker 1: it too. Okay, I'll see you guys soon. Misitos. This

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Speaker 1: is a production of iHeartRadio and Mike Quintura podcast Network.

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Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at my Quintura Podcasts and follow

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Speaker 1: me Cheeky's That's c h I q u i s.

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