WEBVTT - Want To Get A Man’s Attention? You Need This!

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, I do to part two.

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<v Speaker 2>It's your resident real life single guy in chapter two,

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<v Speaker 2>mister Wright, and I'm back to answer more of your

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<v Speaker 2>questions and give you the honest opinion that will hopefully

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<v Speaker 2>give you some insight on how men think. So since

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<v Speaker 2>our last episode, we've got tons of comments, back emails, voicemails.

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<v Speaker 2>It started a lot of conversations. So let's get started

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<v Speaker 2>here and go through some of the comments and emails

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<v Speaker 2>that we've gotten since our last episode. So our first

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<v Speaker 2>listener question came in from Lisa, who's forty eight, and

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<v Speaker 2>this is what she wrote, do guys, quote unquote do

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<v Speaker 2>research before a first date. Women will know a mom's name,

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<v Speaker 2>what kind of dog your cousin has, etc.

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<v Speaker 1>What is it like for guys?

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<v Speaker 2>All right, Lisa, So guys tend to do a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit of research, but really it's basically very simple. We

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<v Speaker 2>want to know if you're single, we want to know

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<v Speaker 2>what your friends think about you.

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<v Speaker 1>It's pretty I think it's pretty.

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<v Speaker 2>Surface, and I think guys really are looking for whatever

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<v Speaker 2>that connection is between the guy and the girl where

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<v Speaker 2>this is interesting, where maybe some women are looking for

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<v Speaker 2>some more deep down research and background information. I think

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<v Speaker 2>guys are trying to trying to figure out it on

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<v Speaker 2>their own. And so I think while it's important to

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<v Speaker 2>know whether or not you know you're dating somebody that's

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<v Speaker 2>kind of that will fit you outside of just the chemistry,

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's a little bit more of a mystery

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<v Speaker 2>for guys than it is for girls. So now we're

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<v Speaker 2>into our next question comes from Amy, who's fifty one,

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<v Speaker 2>and what she writes is this, what are men looking

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<v Speaker 2>for in a relationship where they're in their thirties than

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<v Speaker 2>in their forties, in their fifties, and what will they

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<v Speaker 2>want in their sixties and seventies And does it differ

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<v Speaker 2>as you get older or some things just stay the same.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, this is a big old question to unpack.

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<v Speaker 2>So let's start in our thirties. So what men are

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<v Speaker 2>looking for in their thirties is kind of a life partner.

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<v Speaker 2>They're looking for someone that they're going to start a

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<v Speaker 2>family with, that they're going to build a life with,

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<v Speaker 2>by their first home, with all of these things that

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<v Speaker 2>are that happen kind of in your early stages of

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship. And then when you get into your forties,

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<v Speaker 2>some guys are into their next chapter. So at this point,

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<v Speaker 2>now they're looking at kind of what does their stable

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<v Speaker 2>life look like, And if they're in their chapter two now,

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<v Speaker 2>they're looking for a reset. And they've probably learned some

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<v Speaker 2>lessons from their thirties that they don't want to.

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<v Speaker 1>Repeat when they're in their forties.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think a guy in their forties is certainly

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit wiser, a little bit more confident, kind

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<v Speaker 2>of knows what they're looking for, and has learned from

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<v Speaker 2>some estates they might have made in their thirties. Now

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<v Speaker 2>when you get into your fifties, now these are guys

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<v Speaker 2>that are going through really into the next chapter, not

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<v Speaker 2>just the next chapter of their relationship, but the real

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<v Speaker 2>next chapter of their lives. If they've had children, those

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<v Speaker 2>kids are probably graduating from high school in their fifties,

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<v Speaker 2>they may be going off to college, they may be

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<v Speaker 2>even graduating from college in their fifties. And what they're

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<v Speaker 2>looking for is really somebody that's going to take them

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<v Speaker 2>probably into the rest of their lives in terms of

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<v Speaker 2>dating and relationship. And you know, these fifty year old guys,

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<v Speaker 2>if they've been either newly single or single for a while,

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<v Speaker 2>they're probably a little bit more set in their way.

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<v Speaker 1>So just be aware.

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<v Speaker 2>That that old adage about teaching a new dog old

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<v Speaker 2>tricks or old.

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<v Speaker 1>Dog new tricks.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, you've got a fifty year old man that may

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<v Speaker 2>be pretty set in their waves, which kind of can

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<v Speaker 2>be a good thing, because you know what you're going

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<v Speaker 2>to get. A guy in their thirties or their forties

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<v Speaker 2>might still be growing and maturing. But a guy in

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<v Speaker 2>their fifties, they've probably had a career, they've raised children,

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<v Speaker 2>they've probably been through at least one or two or

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<v Speaker 2>even three serious relationships. So you're gonna get a guy

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<v Speaker 2>who knows what they want, that has a sense of confidence,

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<v Speaker 2>but know that it might be difficult to change them

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<v Speaker 2>in their ways.

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<v Speaker 3>Wait, sorry, mister Ray, I have to jump in here.

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<v Speaker 3>Please so tell me then, if men are set in

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<v Speaker 3>their ways in their fifties, why do they often gravitate

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<v Speaker 3>towards younger women.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, a lot of times they're to gravitating towards younger

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<v Speaker 2>women because they might feel that those younger women may

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<v Speaker 2>be willing to put up with a guy that's sitting

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<v Speaker 2>in their ways that might know that you know that

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<v Speaker 2>they're not going to be as malleable as a guy

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<v Speaker 2>in their thirties and in their forties, and and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>in a lot of times, women in their fifties are

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<v Speaker 2>just as set in their ways and just as confident,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, and just as experienced as guys in

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<v Speaker 2>their fifties. So it might be, and you know, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to get beat up for saying this by my

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<v Speaker 2>other guy friends, but guys might be looking for somebody

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<v Speaker 2>younger that may not be quite as set in their

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<v Speaker 2>ways and might be more willing to adjust to a

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<v Speaker 2>lifestyle or to something that the older guy is looking for.

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<v Speaker 3>That makes sense, mister right, Thanks for that intel, But

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<v Speaker 3>now I do want to know what they're looking for

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<v Speaker 3>in their sixties and seventies.

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<v Speaker 2>Now, sixties and seventies, now we're getting into you know,

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<v Speaker 2>kind of the you know, kind of the golden years.

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<v Speaker 2>And at that point, you know, you are looking for

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<v Speaker 2>that perfect companion. And I think that while you might

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<v Speaker 2>be you know, set in your ways to a certain degree,

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<v Speaker 2>I think at this point now there's a sense of

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<v Speaker 2>vulnerability where you might all of a sudden now be

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<v Speaker 2>willing to adjust your life a little bit more for

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<v Speaker 2>a partner, and you know, you are really looking for

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<v Speaker 2>who that person's going to be for the rest of

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<v Speaker 2>your life. So I think that there is probably this

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<v Speaker 2>pivot where guys go from being you know, young and

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<v Speaker 2>inexperienced to getting more confident and set in their ways,

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<v Speaker 2>and there might be a little regression back to a

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<v Speaker 2>point where you're like, wait a second, maybe to make

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<v Speaker 2>this thing work, I need to be more accepting, I

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<v Speaker 2>need to be a little more flexible. And I think

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<v Speaker 2>that's what happens later on, you know, for a man,

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<v Speaker 2>certainly when they're looking for a partner that's going to

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<v Speaker 2>be with them for the rest of their lives. So

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<v Speaker 2>Kristin who's thirty seven rights, do guys ever really say

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<v Speaker 2>what truly bothers them in a relationship? How can you

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<v Speaker 2>get a guy to open up so he doesn't feel

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<v Speaker 2>like he's being grilled? All right, So we are talking

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<v Speaker 2>chapter two here now. Guys I think are hesitant to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about what truly bothers him in the moment because

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<v Speaker 2>they don't want to upset the appu card. Guys generally

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<v Speaker 2>are I think, are less confrontational in the moment. Not

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<v Speaker 2>saying that we're less confrontational all the time, but I

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<v Speaker 2>think in a moment, if something is bothering them, I

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<v Speaker 2>think they were a little reticent to bring it up

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<v Speaker 2>right then and there. And oftentimes guys will let things

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<v Speaker 2>fester and then it'll will kind of blow up, and

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<v Speaker 2>it won't have anything really to do with the original

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<v Speaker 2>thing that was bothering them. It'll manifest in something small

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<v Speaker 2>and silly. And so I think it's important for, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>both the man and the woman or both the partners

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<v Speaker 2>to be constantly trying to make sure that they're looking

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<v Speaker 2>for signals that they're asking the right questions that aren't

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<v Speaker 2>interpreted as as Kristin was saying, grilling, but rather curious.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, I think it's just being a little

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<v Speaker 1>self aware.

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<v Speaker 2>If you know, if I did something or a partner

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<v Speaker 2>did something, and I recognize, wait a second, that isn't

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<v Speaker 2>that isn't a healthy reaction, that isn't a loving or

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<v Speaker 2>caring reaction. Even if they don't say something, I think

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<v Speaker 2>it's my responsibility to recognize that and see that maybe

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<v Speaker 2>that is bothering them, and then maybe figure out how

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<v Speaker 2>to elicit a response that doesn't seem like you're being interrogated,

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<v Speaker 2>that doesn't seem like you're being intrusive, but that you're

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<v Speaker 2>just saying I just want to know if this is right,

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<v Speaker 2>or if this is bothering you, if we're going in

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<v Speaker 2>the right direction. So I mean, it is a Rubik's

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<v Speaker 2>cube trying to figure out a guy and his emotions.

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<v Speaker 1>I get that we're.

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<v Speaker 2>Difficult, we're complicated, we have thick skin, we have thick skulls.

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<v Speaker 2>But I think it's worth taking the time and effort

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<v Speaker 2>to be gentle about trying to unwrap what might be

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<v Speaker 2>bothering your partner.

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<v Speaker 1>It might be bothering that guy.

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<v Speaker 2>And not letting it get to a point where it's

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<v Speaker 2>hitting like this pressure situation, and that pressure explodes over

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<v Speaker 2>something totally small and tiny because it hasn't been unwrapped

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<v Speaker 2>before then. So again, I'm not saying that it's going

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<v Speaker 2>to be easy, but I think it is necessary and

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<v Speaker 2>it is crucial for the health of a long term

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<v Speaker 2>relationship for both partners, certainly to figure out how to

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<v Speaker 2>figure out when something's bothering the other person, when something

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<v Speaker 2>is you know, just not right, Because I mean, both

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<v Speaker 2>neither the other partner wants to go and push someone.

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<v Speaker 1>Over the edge.

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<v Speaker 2>They don't want to. They don't want to intentionally, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>push their buttons. Well sometimes they do, but I think

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<v Speaker 2>generally you don't want to put somebody in a situation

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<v Speaker 2>where they're getting upset, where they're getting bothered, and then

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<v Speaker 2>it festers and just lingers until it explodes one day.

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<v Speaker 2>And unfortunately, sometimes you might not know what it was

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<v Speaker 2>to cause it in the first place, unless.

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<v Speaker 1>You're able to have that honest conversation.

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<v Speaker 2>So Gina, who's fifty five, she writes, I have been

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<v Speaker 2>single for five years since my divorce and have been

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<v Speaker 2>surrounded with a bunch of other incredible single women. We

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<v Speaker 2>have all really full lives, prioritize fitness, and like to

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<v Speaker 2>have fun. But somehow none of us are able to

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<v Speaker 2>meet quality men or know any quality men to set

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<v Speaker 2>each other up with. Why is that everyone knows great

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<v Speaker 2>single women, but no one seems to know great single men?

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<v Speaker 2>All right, Gina, So there is a little sense of

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<v Speaker 2>this question coming out that you have this tight group

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<v Speaker 2>of what looks like very confident, energetic and outgoing women,

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<v Speaker 2>and that could be a little bit uh intimidating.

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<v Speaker 1>For for some guys.

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<v Speaker 2>And oftentimes there can be in this kind of group

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<v Speaker 2>mentality where this there's this constant competition between one another,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, if you're you know, if you're you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you see a guy, uh, and you're in a group,

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<v Speaker 2>it might be that you guys are picking them apart,

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<v Speaker 2>and maybe that great guy doesn't seem that great because

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<v Speaker 2>you're kind of using this group think. And I've seen

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<v Speaker 2>it before where you have kind of a pack of

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<v Speaker 2>girls that are going out, whether at a restaurant or

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<v Speaker 2>a bar or whatever, and it's intimidating to go and

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<v Speaker 2>try and break into that group or for guys to

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<v Speaker 2>feel comfortable going and even I don't know, asking one

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<v Speaker 2>of them out. And then if the guy knows that

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<v Speaker 2>not only does he have to win the affection of

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<v Speaker 2>the girl that he's taking out, but her whole group

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<v Speaker 2>of friends that he knows are going to be giving

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<v Speaker 2>their opinions and their critique and asking questions, I would

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<v Speaker 2>say that maybe, you know, there could be something of

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<v Speaker 2>this group mentality that might might be holding you back. Gina.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think there are great guys out there. I

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<v Speaker 2>think there are great girls out there. But I think

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<v Speaker 2>it's all about putting yourself in the right situation, the

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<v Speaker 2>right mind frame, that might the right, you know, just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of scenario to find that great guy or find

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<v Speaker 2>that great girl.

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<v Speaker 1>There are great single men out there.

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<v Speaker 2>I promise you just got to be looking in the

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<v Speaker 2>right place and be ready.

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<v Speaker 1>For it when it hits you.

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<v Speaker 4>What's the right place?

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<v Speaker 2>The right place is the grocery store on Sunday after

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<v Speaker 2>no are I think that you know the classic great

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<v Speaker 2>places for you know, for guys and girls to meet

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<v Speaker 2>yoga studios, gyms, grocery stores. I mean, of course there's

0:12:18.600 --> 0:12:21.760
<v Speaker 2>gonna be bars and restaurants. I think charity events. I think,

0:12:22.120 --> 0:12:25.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, school events, things that where you can find

0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:29.200
<v Speaker 2>your priorities and meet up with other people that might

0:12:29.200 --> 0:12:34.400
<v Speaker 2>be sharing those same priorities. And you know, there's it's funny.

0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:37.400
<v Speaker 2>I you know, in my chapter two I have noticed

0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:41.840
<v Speaker 2>that the gym is filled with guys my age that

0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:44.559
<v Speaker 2>are in their chapter two that are not only looking

0:12:44.559 --> 0:12:47.400
<v Speaker 2>to stay fit and stay active, but are also trying

0:12:47.440 --> 0:12:51.520
<v Speaker 2>to exude that same energy and find somebody else that

0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:55.200
<v Speaker 2>is looking for the same thing. And so again, whether

0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.520
<v Speaker 2>it's the yoga studio, or whether it's gymnasium, whether it's

0:12:57.559 --> 0:13:02.840
<v Speaker 2>running trails, hiking trails, oftentimes those places are ripe with

0:13:03.000 --> 0:13:07.200
<v Speaker 2>single chapter two people that are looking for that next

0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.160
<v Speaker 2>chapter and looking for someone else to share it with. So,

0:13:11.120 --> 0:13:13.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, aside from dating apps that are and get

0:13:13.480 --> 0:13:15.599
<v Speaker 2>out of the virtual world, get into the real world

0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.120
<v Speaker 2>and get a Labrador retriever. Those seem to work really

0:13:19.160 --> 0:13:22.679
<v Speaker 2>well too, or you know, Cavalier King Charles. Those all

0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.000
<v Speaker 2>also seem to work really well as bait. So this

0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.280
<v Speaker 2>has brought up a really interesting topic that I think

0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:34.920
<v Speaker 2>deserves its entire own episode, which is Chapter two, Single People,

0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:38.840
<v Speaker 2>Jim Etiquette. That's a long title, but it's a long topic.

0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:44.160
<v Speaker 2>There are so many bits and pieces of how to

0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:50.040
<v Speaker 2>properly attend to Jim, how much eye contact to make,

0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:53.240
<v Speaker 2>headphones are no headphones? I mean, this conversation can go

0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:57.080
<v Speaker 2>on for hours, and I think it deserves its own episode.

0:13:57.200 --> 0:13:59.640
<v Speaker 2>All right, now we're hearing from Chelsea, who's forty, and

0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:04.959
<v Speaker 2>is there such a thing as too much communication? Where's

0:14:05.040 --> 0:14:09.679
<v Speaker 2>the line? Oh, my goodness, too much communication? That is

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:14.480
<v Speaker 2>a definite fuzzy line, to say the least, And it

0:14:14.559 --> 0:14:18.480
<v Speaker 2>is different for every couple. Now, I would think that

0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:24.520
<v Speaker 2>over communication will always win over less or under communicating,

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 2>and this is where a lot of couples have gotten

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:31.880
<v Speaker 2>in trouble in their chapter one. The assumption that the

0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:36.520
<v Speaker 2>other person can somehow read their mind, that the other

0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:38.560
<v Speaker 2>person should know when they're in a good mood or

0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:40.640
<v Speaker 2>a bad mood, or they're feeling romantic or not feeling

0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:41.720
<v Speaker 2>romantic or whatever.

0:14:41.800 --> 0:14:42.120
<v Speaker 1>It is.

0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 2>This idea that the other person can read your mind,

0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:48.560
<v Speaker 2>unfortunately grows in a relationship.

0:14:48.600 --> 0:14:50.600
<v Speaker 1>Well you should have known, well, you should have thought

0:14:50.600 --> 0:14:55.160
<v Speaker 1>of that. No. Chapter two is about telling it like

0:14:55.520 --> 0:14:56.040
<v Speaker 1>it is.

0:14:56.760 --> 0:15:01.120
<v Speaker 2>It's about communicating effectively with your partner so you aren't

0:15:01.160 --> 0:15:05.520
<v Speaker 2>surprised and they aren't surprised. And if a day, you know,

0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:07.600
<v Speaker 2>if you didn't have a good day at work, your

0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:10.880
<v Speaker 2>partner may not know why. And and if you come

0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.240
<v Speaker 2>home in a grumpy mood and the other person doesn't

0:15:14.280 --> 0:15:15.960
<v Speaker 2>know you're coming home in a grumpy mood, that is

0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:21.120
<v Speaker 2>a ripe situation for an explosion. So I think that

0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:27.280
<v Speaker 2>too much communication is hard to hit. I think over

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:31.760
<v Speaker 2>communicating is a really difficult you know, bar to to clear,

0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:36.400
<v Speaker 2>and there is no such thing. I think that if

0:15:36.440 --> 0:15:40.440
<v Speaker 2>you're finding yourself over communicating, then you are the rare,

0:15:40.680 --> 0:15:44.880
<v Speaker 2>rare circumstance. I think it's important that both partners know

0:15:45.400 --> 0:15:48.000
<v Speaker 2>where they stand. I think both partners, especially in this

0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:51.960
<v Speaker 2>chapter two, when we are more confident. When we are

0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 2>more set in our ways, I think, no surprises. Let's

0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:59.480
<v Speaker 2>just let's just get communication on the table. Let's let

0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.520
<v Speaker 2>everybody know where they're where, where they stand, if something's

0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:06.400
<v Speaker 2>bothering you, something's making you happy, whatever the case may be,

0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:21.120
<v Speaker 2>just communicate more. It'll avoid a chapter three. All right,

0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:24.280
<v Speaker 2>So we're going to bring in producer Heather, who over

0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:27.840
<v Speaker 2>the weekend I think went down a rabbit hole on

0:16:28.280 --> 0:16:30.320
<v Speaker 2>a situation that I think is kind of interesting to

0:16:30.360 --> 0:16:32.120
<v Speaker 2>talk about. It was too difficult to put in a question,

0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.600
<v Speaker 2>so let's just open it up to a producer, Heather,

0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.200
<v Speaker 2>to talk a little bit about.

0:16:36.120 --> 0:16:38.840
<v Speaker 1>What happened to her out there recently in the wild.

0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:43.119
<v Speaker 4>Well, thanks, mister Ray. Yeah, I have a scenario.

0:16:43.240 --> 0:16:45.360
<v Speaker 3>I wanted to run past you because I just thought

0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.480
<v Speaker 3>it was a little bit odd. But maybe as a

0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.120
<v Speaker 3>man you can tell me if it was odd or not.

0:16:50.880 --> 0:16:55.440
<v Speaker 3>So I have an incredibly cute puppy and we go

0:16:55.840 --> 0:16:58.320
<v Speaker 3>to different parks all the time.

0:16:59.080 --> 0:17:00.320
<v Speaker 4>We're always meeting people.

0:17:00.360 --> 0:17:03.160
<v Speaker 3>People want to come up and meet the dog, touch

0:17:03.200 --> 0:17:06.600
<v Speaker 3>the dog, all sorts of stuff. So we go to

0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.439
<v Speaker 3>a park on Sundays that plays live music.

0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:13.640
<v Speaker 4>So we're hanging out, and probably I.

0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:17.159
<v Speaker 3>Would say forty to fifty feet away from me was

0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:22.040
<v Speaker 3>a family on a blanket, and at one point the

0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:26.360
<v Speaker 3>mom and the toddler came over and met me and

0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:29.439
<v Speaker 3>introduced themselves and wanted to play with the dog, and

0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:35.040
<v Speaker 3>the husband stayed back at the blanket. Fine, so again,

0:17:35.080 --> 0:17:38.640
<v Speaker 3>forty to fifty feet away, they're not like within an earshot.

0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:42.160
<v Speaker 3>They're not like right next to me. They're a little

0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:46.000
<v Speaker 3>ways away. So then twenty minutes later, after they've left,

0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:51.320
<v Speaker 3>the husband comes over on his own to say hi

0:17:51.359 --> 0:17:54.560
<v Speaker 3>to the dog. So I'm like, fine, well, my dog

0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:58.520
<v Speaker 3>is not interested whatsoever at this point. So the guy

0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:04.159
<v Speaker 3>sits down, and my dog is like off somewhere else,

0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:05.520
<v Speaker 3>like not even near us.

0:18:05.720 --> 0:18:07.440
<v Speaker 4>And this guy.

0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:10.720
<v Speaker 3>Continues to just chitchat with me, wants to know how

0:18:10.720 --> 0:18:14.119
<v Speaker 3>my weekend was, what did I get up to, tells

0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:17.800
<v Speaker 3>me about what him and his family did, and is

0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:20.160
<v Speaker 3>talking about my dog, talking about the kind of dog

0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:22.760
<v Speaker 3>he has. Again, my dog is not playing with him.

0:18:22.760 --> 0:18:25.960
<v Speaker 3>This guy is now sitting at my blanket. He's not

0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:29.240
<v Speaker 3>like kneeling over anything. And so I just wondered what

0:18:29.280 --> 0:18:33.000
<v Speaker 3>you thought of that kind of interaction, if that was

0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:36.720
<v Speaker 3>appropriate as I'm just like a single woman just sitting

0:18:36.960 --> 0:18:38.399
<v Speaker 3>alone with my dog.

0:18:38.720 --> 0:18:44.639
<v Speaker 2>Wow, that is an interesting scenario. So just we're talking

0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.000
<v Speaker 2>a family fifty feet away. Has the family now retreated

0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:51.040
<v Speaker 2>back to their original blanket and now it's just you,

0:18:51.119 --> 0:18:54.240
<v Speaker 2>no dog and the husband's slash father.

0:18:54.640 --> 0:18:58.600
<v Speaker 3>Yes, so my dog is like attached to me, but

0:18:58.680 --> 0:19:02.080
<v Speaker 3>he's like often another direction. He's not interested in this guy.

0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:04.920
<v Speaker 3>This guy's not petting my dog interacting with my dog.

0:19:05.119 --> 0:19:08.560
<v Speaker 1>No. Wow. So that's a rough situation.

0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:13.200
<v Speaker 2>And I'm wondering, did you catch just dagger eyes coming

0:19:13.280 --> 0:19:18.959
<v Speaker 2>from the wife slash mom. No, she wasn't interested in

0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:24.000
<v Speaker 2>the fact that her husbands slash father was not attending

0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.440
<v Speaker 2>to the family and was more interested in the dog

0:19:27.480 --> 0:19:27.879
<v Speaker 2>slash you.

0:19:28.440 --> 0:19:30.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I know she did not care.

0:19:30.880 --> 0:19:35.600
<v Speaker 3>Wow. I just thought it was so strange.

0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:39.720
<v Speaker 1>That's and so there's so many dynamics at work here.

0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:42.520
<v Speaker 2>I think that there is a certain flex that this

0:19:42.560 --> 0:19:46.000
<v Speaker 2>guy is trying to prove to himself that he can

0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.399
<v Speaker 2>go over and you know, talk to a single girl.

0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:51.720
<v Speaker 2>I think there might be a situation in which he's

0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:55.359
<v Speaker 2>also trying to let his his wife slash mother of

0:19:55.400 --> 0:19:58.680
<v Speaker 2>his child see that he is able to go over

0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:02.359
<v Speaker 2>and successfully talk to a single girl. I also think

0:20:02.359 --> 0:20:06.160
<v Speaker 2>there's another dynamic where the wife slash mother is saying, yeah,

0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:08.399
<v Speaker 2>I don't care if you go over and talk to

0:20:08.880 --> 0:20:11.280
<v Speaker 2>a single girl, because I'm just that confident. I mean,

0:20:11.320 --> 0:20:14.760
<v Speaker 2>there is so much stuff to unpack there. But I

0:20:14.760 --> 0:20:17.960
<v Speaker 2>gotta so, how did how did the interaction between you

0:20:18.000 --> 0:20:21.560
<v Speaker 2>and this guy ultimately end? That I think is important.

0:20:22.440 --> 0:20:24.639
<v Speaker 3>I think he just at one point, like again, my

0:20:24.720 --> 0:20:27.240
<v Speaker 3>dog wasn't paying any attention to him, So I think

0:20:27.359 --> 0:20:29.600
<v Speaker 3>just at one point he got up and was like, Okay,

0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.760
<v Speaker 3>have a nice rest of your day, and like and

0:20:32.760 --> 0:20:35.920
<v Speaker 3>then him and his he went back to his blanket,

0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.879
<v Speaker 3>and him and his wife grabbed like some sort of game,

0:20:39.040 --> 0:20:41.240
<v Speaker 3>and then they went off behind me and were like

0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:45.600
<v Speaker 3>playing a game together with their toddler standing nearby. I

0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:48.240
<v Speaker 3>just thought it was strange. The moment that I thought

0:20:48.240 --> 0:20:49.719
<v Speaker 3>it was strange. I didn't think it was weird when

0:20:49.760 --> 0:20:53.000
<v Speaker 3>he asked to see my dog pet my dog. Literally

0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:55.679
<v Speaker 3>people do it all day every day. It's actually like

0:20:55.760 --> 0:20:58.959
<v Speaker 3>when the biggest shock I've had since getting him, it

0:20:59.040 --> 0:21:02.480
<v Speaker 3>was when he decided to sit down, lean up against

0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:04.600
<v Speaker 3>a tree, put his legs out in front of him

0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:07.359
<v Speaker 3>turn to me and say, so, what'd you get up

0:21:07.400 --> 0:21:08.240
<v Speaker 3>to this weekend?

0:21:09.280 --> 0:21:10.439
<v Speaker 1>Okay? Can I well you?

0:21:10.560 --> 0:21:12.199
<v Speaker 2>Okay, producer Heather Wey, Are you going to give us

0:21:12.200 --> 0:21:13.880
<v Speaker 2>an honest answer here if I ask you?

0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:14.280
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:18.320
<v Speaker 2>Of course, what was your body language like and what

0:21:18.440 --> 0:21:22.040
<v Speaker 2>was your response like? Were you answering in short, curt

0:21:22.119 --> 0:21:24.639
<v Speaker 2>sentences or were you were you you know, were you

0:21:24.920 --> 0:21:28.560
<v Speaker 2>leading on in terms of like this conversation could could

0:21:28.640 --> 0:21:29.080
<v Speaker 2>keep going.

0:21:29.720 --> 0:21:34.640
<v Speaker 3>No, So I'm sitting cross legged on a blanket, facing.

0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:36.399
<v Speaker 1>Him, facing him, okay, yeah.

0:21:36.280 --> 0:21:38.760
<v Speaker 4>Because he came and sat in front of me. So

0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:40.960
<v Speaker 4>they were forty to fifty feet ahead of me.

0:21:41.400 --> 0:21:42.960
<v Speaker 1>Oh, and they came backwards.

0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:46.080
<v Speaker 4>He picked himself up, came back and sat with me.

0:21:46.760 --> 0:21:50.400
<v Speaker 2>So you changing your direction, you know, your pivoting would

0:21:50.400 --> 0:21:52.080
<v Speaker 2>have meant it would have been awkward because then you

0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:53.600
<v Speaker 2>would have been staring off into space kind of you

0:21:53.600 --> 0:21:55.800
<v Speaker 2>wouldn't have been looking at this concert.

0:21:56.000 --> 0:21:58.720
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, the band was in front of me, which means

0:21:58.720 --> 0:22:01.760
<v Speaker 3>if they were in front of him, So yeah, me

0:22:01.920 --> 0:22:04.400
<v Speaker 3>turning around would have been very strange.

0:22:04.640 --> 0:22:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Was there any hair flipping? No, I was.

0:22:08.520 --> 0:22:12.159
<v Speaker 3>I can say this honestly. I was not physically attracted

0:22:12.200 --> 0:22:13.520
<v Speaker 3>to this man. Whatsoever.

0:22:14.000 --> 0:22:16.720
<v Speaker 1>No, didn't bring over a pineapple or anything like that.

0:22:16.720 --> 0:22:20.600
<v Speaker 4>No, No, he was just so.

0:22:20.680 --> 0:22:25.280
<v Speaker 3>I don't tend to talk to men just willy nilly

0:22:25.359 --> 0:22:30.760
<v Speaker 3>on my own in the in the real world, it

0:22:31.080 --> 0:22:33.639
<v Speaker 3>men just approach me now a lot more because of

0:22:33.680 --> 0:22:36.200
<v Speaker 3>the dog, and usually it's your dog is so cute,

0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:39.760
<v Speaker 3>they pet, they walk away whatever. I had an experience

0:22:40.040 --> 0:22:43.840
<v Speaker 3>literally the weekend before as well, same park, same event,

0:22:44.520 --> 0:22:47.840
<v Speaker 3>where we were sitting in A man that was probably

0:22:47.880 --> 0:22:51.320
<v Speaker 3>old enough to be my father came by, asked to

0:22:51.320 --> 0:22:54.960
<v Speaker 3>speak to asked to pet the dog. Dad, and that

0:22:55.080 --> 0:23:00.560
<v Speaker 3>man continued to rattle off questions to me. Where did

0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:02.399
<v Speaker 3>I grow up, Where did I go to school, What

0:23:02.440 --> 0:23:03.399
<v Speaker 3>do I do for a living?

0:23:03.440 --> 0:23:04.600
<v Speaker 4>How long have I had this dog?

0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:07.399
<v Speaker 3>Did like this man I was like, oh, he's going

0:23:07.480 --> 0:23:09.560
<v Speaker 3>to ask for my Social Security number next, you know,

0:23:09.680 --> 0:23:12.720
<v Speaker 3>that man just kept talking to me. And that guy,

0:23:12.880 --> 0:23:16.359
<v Speaker 3>I felt, was like kind of overtly like trying to

0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:19.639
<v Speaker 3>figure out like if I was married or if I

0:23:19.680 --> 0:23:22.560
<v Speaker 3>was in a relationship or something, and that man I

0:23:22.640 --> 0:23:27.400
<v Speaker 3>was giving very short answers to, being like, get the hint,

0:23:27.560 --> 0:23:30.879
<v Speaker 3>like they're old enough to be my dad, Like absolutely not.

0:23:30.960 --> 0:23:32.800
<v Speaker 3>You have three hairs on the top of your head

0:23:32.880 --> 0:23:36.560
<v Speaker 3>like this is I'm not interested. But that guy kept

0:23:37.160 --> 0:23:40.320
<v Speaker 3>talking to me. I was literally not giving him any

0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:44.199
<v Speaker 3>follow up whatsoever. So same park, same event, just a

0:23:44.200 --> 0:23:46.800
<v Speaker 3>week later, and this guy and I was just like

0:23:47.440 --> 0:23:50.000
<v Speaker 3>the minute he turned to me and said, so, what'd

0:23:50.040 --> 0:23:53.560
<v Speaker 3>you get up to this weekend? I actually I probably

0:23:53.640 --> 0:23:55.240
<v Speaker 3>was like a little bit like shocked, but I was

0:23:55.240 --> 0:23:58.960
<v Speaker 3>wearing sunglasses, so I was probably like I and by

0:23:58.960 --> 0:24:01.240
<v Speaker 3>the way, I didn't get up to anything this weekend.

0:24:01.280 --> 0:24:06.960
<v Speaker 3>I have a very boring life. So I was like, oh, well,

0:24:06.960 --> 0:24:10.480
<v Speaker 3>I took a class on Saturday. I go, I take

0:24:10.520 --> 0:24:13.480
<v Speaker 3>a foreign language class on Saturdays. And he goes, oh,

0:24:13.840 --> 0:24:15.000
<v Speaker 3>what language are you learning?

0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:17.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, let me just tell you.

0:24:17.359 --> 0:24:19.520
<v Speaker 2>You could have come up with some answers that were

0:24:19.960 --> 0:24:21.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, that that that really would have turned them

0:24:21.800 --> 0:24:23.040
<v Speaker 2>off in a way. You could have, you know, you

0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:24.879
<v Speaker 2>could have you know, told them that you had your

0:24:24.920 --> 0:24:27.800
<v Speaker 2>dungeons and dragons meeting. You know, you could have given

0:24:27.800 --> 0:24:28.560
<v Speaker 2>all sorts.

0:24:28.320 --> 0:24:30.800
<v Speaker 3>Of but maybe then he would have asked, like, what

0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:34.560
<v Speaker 3>my character is that I play or something, you know.

0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:38.119
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I was like, oh, I take French

0:24:38.200 --> 0:24:41.320
<v Speaker 3>twice a week, and I we hung out at another

0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:44.359
<v Speaker 3>park that we liked to go to. I was, you know,

0:24:44.480 --> 0:24:48.840
<v Speaker 3>reading pretty low key, and then he was like, yeah,

0:24:49.000 --> 0:24:53.840
<v Speaker 3>we we went to Disneyland for the first time. And

0:24:53.880 --> 0:24:59.120
<v Speaker 3>I was like, oh cool, and he was like yeah.

0:24:59.160 --> 0:25:01.440
<v Speaker 3>I'm like I I didn't realize it was forty five

0:25:01.480 --> 0:25:03.960
<v Speaker 3>minutes away. And I was like, oh, are you not

0:25:04.760 --> 0:25:07.280
<v Speaker 3>from here? And he's like, wow, we've lived here for

0:25:07.359 --> 0:25:10.440
<v Speaker 3>six years, but uh, yeah, I didn't know Disneyland was

0:25:10.440 --> 0:25:12.040
<v Speaker 3>there only forty five minutes away?

0:25:12.119 --> 0:25:14.280
<v Speaker 4>And I was like, oh yeah.

0:25:14.280 --> 0:25:16.040
<v Speaker 3>And then he just asked me if I'd ever been

0:25:16.080 --> 0:25:19.240
<v Speaker 3>to Disneyland, and I was like, yeah, I grew up

0:25:19.240 --> 0:25:22.560
<v Speaker 3>in Orange County. I like, that's like our backyard, Like

0:25:22.560 --> 0:25:24.040
<v Speaker 3>we used to hang out there all the time as

0:25:24.080 --> 0:25:24.360
<v Speaker 3>a kid.

0:25:24.400 --> 0:25:26.720
<v Speaker 4>And he's like, oh, like that's so. He said.

0:25:26.720 --> 0:25:29.639
<v Speaker 3>That was so fascinating that I said, I like grew

0:25:29.720 --> 0:25:30.920
<v Speaker 3>up going to Disneyland.

0:25:31.200 --> 0:25:31.760
<v Speaker 4>Like, I don't know.

0:25:31.800 --> 0:25:36.399
<v Speaker 3>I just thought this was a really strange conversation, and

0:25:36.480 --> 0:25:39.639
<v Speaker 3>I was just thinking, like, if I was married to

0:25:39.720 --> 0:25:42.040
<v Speaker 3>this guy, I would think.

0:25:43.240 --> 0:25:44.840
<v Speaker 4>This was a weird interaction.

0:25:45.480 --> 0:25:49.399
<v Speaker 3>I would be thinking to myself, why am I married

0:25:49.400 --> 0:25:52.200
<v Speaker 3>to a guy that feels the need to walk away?

0:25:52.280 --> 0:25:56.280
<v Speaker 3>From me and go talk to somebody that he doesn't know.

0:25:56.840 --> 0:25:58.760
<v Speaker 3>I think it would be It would have been different

0:25:58.880 --> 0:26:02.119
<v Speaker 3>if he had come over initially when his wife and

0:26:02.240 --> 0:26:04.600
<v Speaker 3>child came over to talk to me, if he had

0:26:04.600 --> 0:26:06.320
<v Speaker 3>been like, oh, I want to join in on this

0:26:06.480 --> 0:26:09.240
<v Speaker 3>and like meet the doggie. But the fact that he

0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:13.320
<v Speaker 3>waited like twenty five minutes to do it on his own,

0:26:13.600 --> 0:26:17.119
<v Speaker 3>I thought was strange. And I didn't know if like

0:26:17.200 --> 0:26:21.440
<v Speaker 3>that's me being like a weirdo woman just like thinking

0:26:21.480 --> 0:26:24.000
<v Speaker 3>and over analyzing, or if like you as a man,

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 3>agree with me that that is like a weird way

0:26:27.040 --> 0:26:30.200
<v Speaker 3>to interact with somebody that you don't know when you're married.

0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:42.280
<v Speaker 2>One of the things that I think that we've unwrapped

0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:45.280
<v Speaker 2>on this episode is that having a puppy in a

0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:48.200
<v Speaker 2>park is a great way to meet guys, whether they're

0:26:48.240 --> 0:26:50.760
<v Speaker 2>old or married or what have you.

0:26:50.840 --> 0:26:53.120
<v Speaker 3>So I think I think if the dog honestly attracts

0:26:53.160 --> 0:26:55.280
<v Speaker 3>old and married, I really do. I don't think he's

0:26:55.320 --> 0:26:59.639
<v Speaker 3>ever attracted like in my age range, like single in

0:26:59.680 --> 0:27:02.960
<v Speaker 3>a vail. Not that I'm looking, because I'm I'm definitely

0:27:03.000 --> 0:27:08.520
<v Speaker 3>not looking, but it's so far it's like it's honestly hilarious,

0:27:08.560 --> 0:27:11.040
<v Speaker 3>Like how many I think weirdos have come up to

0:27:11.080 --> 0:27:13.879
<v Speaker 3>me since I've gotten the dog. I'm always texting my

0:27:13.960 --> 0:27:18.040
<v Speaker 3>sisters being like another old man came up to talk

0:27:18.119 --> 0:27:20.320
<v Speaker 3>to me, to like doc to the dog.

0:27:20.640 --> 0:27:22.439
<v Speaker 2>But the dog, I think is like a it's like

0:27:22.480 --> 0:27:24.360
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of like a like a question mark,

0:27:24.400 --> 0:27:25.879
<v Speaker 2>a little bit of an opportunity.

0:27:25.960 --> 0:27:29.000
<v Speaker 1>It's an easy one, too easy in yeah.

0:27:29.000 --> 0:27:33.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, you know, there are so many hurdles to

0:27:33.880 --> 0:27:37.000
<v Speaker 2>meeting somebody, and you know, just the just the social

0:27:37.400 --> 0:27:41.240
<v Speaker 2>mores and norms of of introduction are difficult, and I

0:27:41.280 --> 0:27:44.240
<v Speaker 2>think having a dog, I think, you know, is one

0:27:44.280 --> 0:27:46.600
<v Speaker 2>of those things that it's like anybody can go up

0:27:46.640 --> 0:27:48.800
<v Speaker 2>and use the dog as a ruse to go up

0:27:48.800 --> 0:27:51.480
<v Speaker 2>and start a conversation. And what kind of dog is this?

0:27:51.520 --> 0:27:52.880
<v Speaker 2>I mean, that's like an easy one.

0:27:53.280 --> 0:27:53.560
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:58.080
<v Speaker 2>And and right away you are in that physical like bubble.

0:27:58.160 --> 0:28:00.440
<v Speaker 2>You you crossed that three foot you know, they say

0:28:00.440 --> 0:28:02.240
<v Speaker 2>that there's a three foot bubble around each of us.

0:28:02.600 --> 0:28:04.480
<v Speaker 2>And if you can get within that three foot bubble,

0:28:04.840 --> 0:28:08.000
<v Speaker 2>then both people are very very vulnerable, and in a

0:28:08.040 --> 0:28:09.639
<v Speaker 2>good ways, you know, well it can be in a

0:28:09.640 --> 0:28:13.040
<v Speaker 2>good way. And so I think that you know, dogs

0:28:13.080 --> 0:28:15.040
<v Speaker 2>are a great way to go ahead and find a

0:28:15.080 --> 0:28:18.000
<v Speaker 2>way to get into that impenetrable bubble.

0:28:18.280 --> 0:28:20.879
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I will say for singles that are looking

0:28:20.960 --> 0:28:24.240
<v Speaker 3>to mingle, they should look into their local areas, especially

0:28:24.320 --> 0:28:26.679
<v Speaker 3>as we get into these warmer months, for things like

0:28:26.720 --> 0:28:31.719
<v Speaker 3>they do in my area, which is this Sunset Park

0:28:32.000 --> 0:28:35.840
<v Speaker 3>concert thing that is free and it happens every single week.

0:28:35.960 --> 0:28:39.000
<v Speaker 3>I mean hundreds of people show up to this and

0:28:39.080 --> 0:28:43.880
<v Speaker 3>like bring blankets and snacks and their dogs. And again,

0:28:44.000 --> 0:28:46.480
<v Speaker 3>I'm not single, and I mean I am single, but

0:28:46.520 --> 0:28:49.320
<v Speaker 3>I'm not looking to mingle. I just go for you know,

0:28:49.680 --> 0:28:51.800
<v Speaker 3>fresh air and stuff like that in.

0:28:51.800 --> 0:28:55.920
<v Speaker 1>Content for it for podcasts too, exactly.

0:28:56.480 --> 0:28:59.880
<v Speaker 3>I'm there just you know, sitting on a blanket waiting

0:28:59.880 --> 0:29:01.320
<v Speaker 3>for a weirdo to come and talk to me.

0:29:02.320 --> 0:29:03.360
<v Speaker 4>But thank you mister.

0:29:03.160 --> 0:29:08.120
<v Speaker 3>Wright, for you know, really letting me know that I'm

0:29:08.160 --> 0:29:11.520
<v Speaker 3>actually not crazy that that was a weird interaction. And hey,

0:29:11.720 --> 0:29:14.000
<v Speaker 3>men that are married, don't do that.

0:29:14.800 --> 0:29:17.400
<v Speaker 2>No, Yeah, I think, yeah, I think that you can

0:29:17.400 --> 0:29:18.280
<v Speaker 2>go up and pet a dog.

0:29:18.400 --> 0:29:18.960
<v Speaker 1>That's fine.

0:29:19.000 --> 0:29:21.360
<v Speaker 2>I think that I would do it with the with

0:29:21.440 --> 0:29:24.240
<v Speaker 2>the toddler or with the wife or or whatever.

0:29:24.560 --> 0:29:27.360
<v Speaker 3>Or don't sit down like that. Was the other thing.

0:29:27.400 --> 0:29:29.720
<v Speaker 3>It was like come over, say hi to the dog,

0:29:29.760 --> 0:29:31.560
<v Speaker 3>but it was the sitting.

0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:33.000
<v Speaker 1>Down making yourself comfortable.

0:29:33.360 --> 0:29:36.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, so what'd you get up to this weekend? I

0:29:36.040 --> 0:29:39.200
<v Speaker 4>was literally was like, uh, I.

0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:43.320
<v Speaker 3>Was, and I felt compelled to like say something super interesting.

0:29:43.400 --> 0:29:43.640
<v Speaker 1>I know.

0:29:43.680 --> 0:29:46.000
<v Speaker 3>I was like, I was like, Oh, what did we

0:29:46.120 --> 0:29:48.400
<v Speaker 3>do today? I was like, I went to a new

0:29:48.480 --> 0:29:51.840
<v Speaker 3>coffee shop. And then he was like wanting to know

0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:54.240
<v Speaker 3>what it was, and I was like, Oh, it's blah

0:29:54.280 --> 0:29:55.640
<v Speaker 3>blah blah.

0:29:55.680 --> 0:29:57.880
<v Speaker 4>And then he looked confused, and I was like, it's

0:29:58.000 --> 0:29:59.000
<v Speaker 4>near where we live.

0:30:00.000 --> 0:30:02.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't I don't think he was even listening to

0:30:02.040 --> 0:30:03.360
<v Speaker 2>your answers. I think he just wanted to.

0:30:03.360 --> 0:30:05.800
<v Speaker 1>Be in your space. So I think you take take

0:30:05.800 --> 0:30:07.680
<v Speaker 1>that as a compliment. Take that as a compliment.

0:30:07.960 --> 0:30:11.680
<v Speaker 3>It makes me feel strange, It makes me feel that like,

0:30:12.280 --> 0:30:15.800
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, it makes me feel and who knows.

0:30:15.880 --> 0:30:18.640
<v Speaker 3>I think he was married. I think I saw a ring.

0:30:19.480 --> 0:30:23.440
<v Speaker 3>But I just feel like, I mean, let me ask

0:30:23.480 --> 0:30:26.960
<v Speaker 3>you this, mister Wright. I've always been of the mindset

0:30:27.000 --> 0:30:29.880
<v Speaker 3>that men and women can be friends. It's not that

0:30:29.960 --> 0:30:33.400
<v Speaker 3>I don't think that they can't be friends, but I

0:30:33.440 --> 0:30:36.640
<v Speaker 3>think that when you get married, and when you even

0:30:36.680 --> 0:30:41.400
<v Speaker 3>cross into a more serious level of relationship, that those

0:30:41.480 --> 0:30:44.600
<v Speaker 3>friendship dynamics between men and women change, and I think

0:30:44.640 --> 0:30:48.200
<v Speaker 3>that they should change. I've been in situations. I'll just

0:30:48.240 --> 0:30:52.680
<v Speaker 3>give an example where I was in a long term

0:30:52.760 --> 0:31:00.280
<v Speaker 3>relationship and I had a partner who had a quote

0:31:00.360 --> 0:31:04.400
<v Speaker 3>unquote best friend that was a woman. And when that person,

0:31:04.600 --> 0:31:09.320
<v Speaker 3>the woman, got out of a relationship, my partner thought

0:31:09.360 --> 0:31:13.720
<v Speaker 3>it was appropriate to talk about going on a trip

0:31:13.760 --> 0:31:18.600
<v Speaker 3>together with this person to help them get over their breakup,

0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:25.160
<v Speaker 3>because that's what that person did for them when they

0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:26.560
<v Speaker 3>were in college.

0:31:27.760 --> 0:31:29.680
<v Speaker 4>And I had.

0:31:29.520 --> 0:31:34.000
<v Speaker 3>To have this conversation because I was a little bit

0:31:34.840 --> 0:31:37.560
<v Speaker 3>annoyed by this that I felt like this was a

0:31:37.680 --> 0:31:43.000
<v Speaker 3>very obvious thing, that this was inappropriate, and they were

0:31:43.120 --> 0:31:48.160
<v Speaker 3>painting me as like being jealous, and I was like, no,

0:31:48.520 --> 0:31:53.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm not jealous. I think it's inappropriate based on how

0:31:53.240 --> 0:31:56.400
<v Speaker 3>long our relationship has been. And then I also felt

0:31:56.440 --> 0:32:00.360
<v Speaker 3>the need to point out that this woman was in

0:32:00.440 --> 0:32:03.600
<v Speaker 3>a very vulnerable state at this time.

0:32:04.080 --> 0:32:05.560
<v Speaker 4>She had just ended an engagement.

0:32:06.480 --> 0:32:10.320
<v Speaker 3>And I said, I don't know if being in close

0:32:10.400 --> 0:32:12.640
<v Speaker 3>quarters with a man is.

0:32:14.080 --> 0:32:15.240
<v Speaker 4>A safe thing to do.

0:32:15.480 --> 0:32:20.200
<v Speaker 3>And I said, and to maintain your friendship. I don't

0:32:20.200 --> 0:32:22.320
<v Speaker 3>think you want to put yourself in a situation that

0:32:22.400 --> 0:32:25.360
<v Speaker 3>could possibly go too far, because once you go too far,

0:32:26.480 --> 0:32:29.320
<v Speaker 3>she makes a pass at you whatever, you can't go

0:32:29.440 --> 0:32:31.520
<v Speaker 3>back to being friends after that. So you might want

0:32:31.560 --> 0:32:35.600
<v Speaker 3>to avoid that kind of situation altogether. I was met

0:32:35.640 --> 0:32:39.840
<v Speaker 3>with it's not like that, she's like that. I'm not

0:32:39.960 --> 0:32:40.840
<v Speaker 3>interested in her.

0:32:41.240 --> 0:32:47.280
<v Speaker 4>Da da da da da. So uh, I dropped it.

0:32:47.360 --> 0:32:50.200
<v Speaker 3>I let it go, and after I said my piece,

0:32:50.320 --> 0:32:51.960
<v Speaker 3>it never ended up coming to fruition.

0:32:52.320 --> 0:32:55.280
<v Speaker 2>No, we'll never know that the experience experiment never never

0:32:55.320 --> 0:32:55.800
<v Speaker 2>played out.

0:32:56.160 --> 0:32:57.440
<v Speaker 4>Well, I'll tell you this.

0:32:57.840 --> 0:33:01.880
<v Speaker 3>I'll there's a very real possibility that that experience played

0:33:01.880 --> 0:33:06.400
<v Speaker 3>out after my relationship ended. I would not be surprised

0:33:06.440 --> 0:33:09.360
<v Speaker 3>if those two went on a little trip together.

0:33:09.840 --> 0:33:10.880
<v Speaker 4>But what do you think about that?

0:33:10.920 --> 0:33:13.120
<v Speaker 3>What do you think about men and women being friends,

0:33:14.400 --> 0:33:21.880
<v Speaker 3>close friends, not acquaintances, moost friends. As you know, marriages

0:33:22.360 --> 0:33:27.160
<v Speaker 3>and deeper relationships develop outside of that friendship.

0:33:27.600 --> 0:33:31.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so I think that And this came actually up

0:33:31.240 --> 0:33:35.600
<v Speaker 2>in our other episode. Previously talked a little bit about

0:33:35.800 --> 0:33:40.920
<v Speaker 2>the dynamic of girl friends and guy friends. And you know,

0:33:40.960 --> 0:33:43.800
<v Speaker 2>I think as you get older, I think that it

0:33:43.920 --> 0:33:47.480
<v Speaker 2>gets easier to have guy and girlfriends. I think you

0:33:47.480 --> 0:33:50.400
<v Speaker 2>know when you're younger that you know it can be

0:33:50.440 --> 0:33:53.920
<v Speaker 2>difficult just because you know, everything's I don't know, everything's

0:33:53.960 --> 0:33:56.840
<v Speaker 2>just so like experimental, and you're going through so many

0:33:56.920 --> 0:33:59.200
<v Speaker 2>changes in your lives, and this person that with your friend,

0:33:59.240 --> 0:34:01.160
<v Speaker 2>you think, well, maybe they'retually supposed to be my girlfriend,

0:34:01.240 --> 0:34:02.640
<v Speaker 2>or maybe they're supposed to be my wife or my

0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:05.200
<v Speaker 2>husband or whatever else, because I do get along with

0:34:05.240 --> 0:34:08.840
<v Speaker 2>them so well. So at my age now, I actually

0:34:08.880 --> 0:34:13.000
<v Speaker 2>have really really good girl friends, and it's never but

0:34:13.040 --> 0:34:17.080
<v Speaker 2>it's never been any question mark about anything more than

0:34:17.200 --> 0:34:20.080
<v Speaker 2>just you know, friends that are just you know, respect

0:34:20.080 --> 0:34:22.359
<v Speaker 2>each other and give good advice and all these sorts

0:34:22.360 --> 0:34:22.719
<v Speaker 2>of things.

0:34:23.040 --> 0:34:25.000
<v Speaker 3>Well, sorry, let me ask you this, mister, right, did

0:34:25.040 --> 0:34:28.359
<v Speaker 3>you have these girl friends, these good girl friends when

0:34:28.400 --> 0:34:29.719
<v Speaker 3>you were in your chapter one?

0:34:30.600 --> 0:34:32.359
<v Speaker 1>Not really not the same way.

0:34:32.440 --> 0:34:36.640
<v Speaker 2>I mean, this is definitely it's definitely changed, okay, because

0:34:36.760 --> 0:34:39.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, primarily out of respect for my you know,

0:34:39.640 --> 0:34:45.520
<v Speaker 2>my my my previous partner, spouse, and so they're just

0:34:45.520 --> 0:34:48.840
<v Speaker 2>just was I think it wasn't appropriate to have, you know,

0:34:50.280 --> 0:34:54.640
<v Speaker 2>friends that were getting the same information you know, that

0:34:54.960 --> 0:34:58.880
<v Speaker 2>i'd be sharing with my wife with them. So but

0:34:59.000 --> 0:35:02.640
<v Speaker 2>now that that, now that I'm that I'm single, you know,

0:35:02.719 --> 0:35:06.200
<v Speaker 2>I've developed probably closer relationships with friends that are that

0:35:06.239 --> 0:35:08.839
<v Speaker 2>are girls that I've had friends with all along. But

0:35:09.120 --> 0:35:11.359
<v Speaker 2>I can promise you it hasn't been anything that has

0:35:11.360 --> 0:35:13.840
<v Speaker 2>been you know, that has towed the line of anything

0:35:14.400 --> 0:35:16.799
<v Speaker 2>you know, romantic or anything else like that, even at

0:35:16.800 --> 0:35:19.120
<v Speaker 2>a convenience or whatever else. It's never been like that,

0:35:20.000 --> 0:35:22.319
<v Speaker 2>because I do know you said it just a minute ago.

0:35:22.360 --> 0:35:25.280
<v Speaker 2>That is, you know, once you cross that line, coming

0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:30.560
<v Speaker 2>back is an impossibility exactly. But you know, I think

0:35:30.560 --> 0:35:33.040
<v Speaker 2>as you get older, I think it's I mean personally,

0:35:33.080 --> 0:35:36.840
<v Speaker 2>I think it's easier to have good, close, even best

0:35:36.840 --> 0:35:38.480
<v Speaker 2>friends that are of the opposite sex.

0:35:38.840 --> 0:35:41.200
<v Speaker 3>Well, let's talk about that when you get into your

0:35:41.239 --> 0:35:42.160
<v Speaker 3>next relationship.

0:35:42.200 --> 0:35:44.719
<v Speaker 4>Because this is where where I.

0:35:44.480 --> 0:35:50.800
<v Speaker 3>And again I identify as a feminist. I absolutely love women.

0:35:51.440 --> 0:35:53.600
<v Speaker 3>Women make up my circle of friends.

0:35:53.680 --> 0:35:55.000
<v Speaker 4>I do not have.

0:35:56.440 --> 0:35:59.440
<v Speaker 3>Straight male friends. I have straight male acquaintances, guys that

0:35:59.480 --> 0:36:03.120
<v Speaker 3>I've worked with, Guys that I enjoy seeing, you know,

0:36:03.200 --> 0:36:05.439
<v Speaker 3>every once in a while. But I do not have

0:36:06.320 --> 0:36:09.799
<v Speaker 3>a best friend, male buddy that I call or hang

0:36:09.840 --> 0:36:13.000
<v Speaker 3>out with or anything like that. Not saying that that's wrong.

0:36:13.120 --> 0:36:15.839
<v Speaker 3>It's just that's how my life has kind of always been.

0:36:15.920 --> 0:36:18.560
<v Speaker 3>I have sisters, I don't have brothers. I just always

0:36:18.600 --> 0:36:21.720
<v Speaker 3>grew up around a lot of women. So I love women,

0:36:21.760 --> 0:36:24.160
<v Speaker 3>and I do believe that men and women can be friends.

0:36:25.000 --> 0:36:29.640
<v Speaker 3>My issue is when being in a relationship with a man,

0:36:30.320 --> 0:36:35.240
<v Speaker 3>I do not want somebody that is going to talk

0:36:35.400 --> 0:36:39.719
<v Speaker 3>about our issues or things between us to get a

0:36:39.840 --> 0:36:45.280
<v Speaker 3>woman's opinion or a woman's take on instead of coming

0:36:45.360 --> 0:36:47.960
<v Speaker 3>to me. It's one thing when guys talk about their

0:36:48.000 --> 0:36:50.480
<v Speaker 3>issues with other guys, and guys will give you a

0:36:50.640 --> 0:36:53.399
<v Speaker 3>like guys give each other whatever kind of advice guys give,

0:36:54.080 --> 0:36:59.279
<v Speaker 3>but it's a different It feels it feels disrespectful in

0:36:59.320 --> 0:37:03.120
<v Speaker 3>a way, and maybe it's coming from a genuine place, like, oh,

0:37:03.160 --> 0:37:05.000
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how to talk to her, blah blah

0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:06.440
<v Speaker 3>blah blah blah blah blah, So I'm going to go

0:37:06.800 --> 0:37:09.239
<v Speaker 3>talk to my female best friend who might give me

0:37:09.320 --> 0:37:14.719
<v Speaker 3>some perspective to me. I think that that's inappropriate. I

0:37:14.719 --> 0:37:17.799
<v Speaker 3>think you should be having those kinds of conversations with

0:37:18.560 --> 0:37:24.080
<v Speaker 3>your woman. And it makes I just have experienced this

0:37:24.360 --> 0:37:28.239
<v Speaker 3>more than once of guys that as I look back

0:37:28.239 --> 0:37:31.279
<v Speaker 3>on patterns in my relationships and why I'm at where

0:37:31.320 --> 0:37:35.279
<v Speaker 3>I'm at now. The similarity I see with guys that

0:37:35.360 --> 0:37:38.680
<v Speaker 3>I've been in relationships with is they tend to be

0:37:39.680 --> 0:37:44.800
<v Speaker 3>less alpha men, and they tend to have female friends.

0:37:45.440 --> 0:37:49.160
<v Speaker 3>And one boyfriend I had, anytime we got into a disagreement,

0:37:49.280 --> 0:37:54.880
<v Speaker 3>would run to said female friend to talk about it,

0:37:55.719 --> 0:38:03.600
<v Speaker 3>bitch about it. And then that girl has this mentality

0:38:03.680 --> 0:38:07.040
<v Speaker 3>anytime we were around each other and things were fine,

0:38:07.080 --> 0:38:10.560
<v Speaker 3>that she knew, she knew everything, She knew everything that

0:38:10.600 --> 0:38:14.319
<v Speaker 3>went on in our relationship, which is I think a

0:38:14.400 --> 0:38:16.560
<v Speaker 3>violation and I don't think.

0:38:18.000 --> 0:38:18.440
<v Speaker 4>Is great.

0:38:18.600 --> 0:38:22.480
<v Speaker 3>And so now again I very much love women and

0:38:22.520 --> 0:38:27.280
<v Speaker 3>identify as a feminist, but I don't It's very strange

0:38:27.320 --> 0:38:30.120
<v Speaker 3>for me now when I if I were to get

0:38:30.120 --> 0:38:32.200
<v Speaker 3>back out there in date, if I were to meet

0:38:32.239 --> 0:38:35.719
<v Speaker 3>another guy that was like, yeah, my best friend is

0:38:36.840 --> 0:38:39.360
<v Speaker 3>so and so, it would.

0:38:40.600 --> 0:38:41.960
<v Speaker 4>It would make me uncomfortable.

0:38:41.960 --> 0:38:44.400
<v Speaker 3>And I will say in my last relationship, when I

0:38:44.520 --> 0:38:49.280
<v Speaker 3>met said best friend for the first time, I wasn't

0:38:49.320 --> 0:38:51.120
<v Speaker 3>greeted with a warm response.

0:38:52.080 --> 0:38:54.520
<v Speaker 2>And this is this is the guy's girlfriend, a friend

0:38:54.520 --> 0:38:57.880
<v Speaker 2>that's a girl friend and you're meeting her and you're saying,

0:38:58.480 --> 0:38:59.840
<v Speaker 2>she was just very.

0:38:59.680 --> 0:39:03.839
<v Speaker 3>Like I remember she I felt very excluded from the conversation,

0:39:03.960 --> 0:39:05.879
<v Speaker 3>and I remember her turning to me at one point

0:39:05.880 --> 0:39:07.720
<v Speaker 3>and going, so sorry, we're gabbing.

0:39:07.760 --> 0:39:09.640
<v Speaker 4>We've just known each other for so long.

0:39:10.520 --> 0:39:14.480
<v Speaker 2>So okay, in a guy's defense, just so. And I've

0:39:14.560 --> 0:39:17.840
<v Speaker 2>been on the wrong side of this unfortunately. But you know,

0:39:17.920 --> 0:39:22.239
<v Speaker 2>oftentimes and when we're looking for a woman's perspective that's

0:39:22.280 --> 0:39:26.120
<v Speaker 2>not our partner or whatever, it's a we're really trying

0:39:26.200 --> 0:39:28.560
<v Speaker 2>to be sensitive, like we're trying to be like, wait,

0:39:28.800 --> 0:39:29.400
<v Speaker 2>what am I missing?

0:39:29.560 --> 0:39:33.040
<v Speaker 3>I fully understand that the intention is pure, like it's

0:39:33.080 --> 0:39:33.680
<v Speaker 3>a good thing.

0:39:33.719 --> 0:39:37.000
<v Speaker 2>I get that, Yeah, but I have also been bitten

0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:39.160
<v Speaker 2>with that and it has been like, why do you

0:39:39.160 --> 0:39:40.719
<v Speaker 2>need to go talk to that person? He could have

0:39:40.719 --> 0:39:43.040
<v Speaker 2>talked talked to me about it exactly, And I'm saying, well,

0:39:43.040 --> 0:39:45.040
<v Speaker 2>why didn't want to upset you? Or this was something

0:39:45.080 --> 0:39:47.000
<v Speaker 2>that we were going through, and so I was trying

0:39:47.040 --> 0:39:48.600
<v Speaker 2>to fix it before it was a problem.

0:39:49.320 --> 0:39:51.880
<v Speaker 1>Unfortunately it was already a problem.

0:39:52.320 --> 0:39:53.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, exactly.

0:39:53.080 --> 0:39:56.160
<v Speaker 3>It's like I would not have a problem if men

0:39:56.560 --> 0:39:59.640
<v Speaker 3>went to other men for that kind of advice. I

0:39:59.680 --> 0:40:06.200
<v Speaker 3>think that women operate differently amongst each other when it

0:40:06.280 --> 0:40:15.080
<v Speaker 3>comes to knowing information and how they act. So again,

0:40:15.200 --> 0:40:19.959
<v Speaker 3>like I said, this girl the interaction, and by this point,

0:40:20.040 --> 0:40:24.000
<v Speaker 3>I mean we'd already been together for six seven years

0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:26.280
<v Speaker 3>or something at this point when I met this person

0:40:26.320 --> 0:40:28.960
<v Speaker 3>for the first time, and I just remember walking away

0:40:29.000 --> 0:40:32.960
<v Speaker 3>from that interaction being like, they didn't ask me anything

0:40:32.960 --> 0:40:35.319
<v Speaker 3>about myself, they weren't interested in getting to know me.

0:40:35.760 --> 0:40:38.760
<v Speaker 4>And then sure enough, a month.

0:40:38.600 --> 0:40:43.960
<v Speaker 3>Later, we found out that she was now single, her

0:40:44.000 --> 0:40:48.120
<v Speaker 3>engagement had been called off, and she was wanting to.

0:40:48.080 --> 0:40:53.800
<v Speaker 4>Go on a trip. And I thought that was strange too.

0:40:53.960 --> 0:40:56.920
<v Speaker 3>I remember having this conversation with a friend of mine

0:40:56.960 --> 0:41:00.960
<v Speaker 3>because I was I was peeved, right irritated by this,

0:41:01.040 --> 0:41:04.520
<v Speaker 3>and I remember being like, am I being insane? And

0:41:04.560 --> 0:41:07.000
<v Speaker 3>my friend being like, did she ask you to come

0:41:07.000 --> 0:41:10.399
<v Speaker 3>on the trip? And I said, no, not that I'm

0:41:10.440 --> 0:41:16.080
<v Speaker 3>aware of, and she goes. Then that's a direct disassociation

0:41:16.280 --> 0:41:20.879
<v Speaker 3>of your relationship. You would never ask a man, right,

0:41:20.960 --> 0:41:23.840
<v Speaker 3>A woman would never ask a man who's married to

0:41:23.920 --> 0:41:26.560
<v Speaker 3>go on a trip with her, Right, No, we would

0:41:26.560 --> 0:41:29.800
<v Speaker 3>never do that, right, So why would she ask somebody

0:41:29.880 --> 0:41:32.160
<v Speaker 3>that's been in a relationship for six seven years at

0:41:32.160 --> 0:41:35.080
<v Speaker 3>this point to go on a trip with her, and

0:41:35.120 --> 0:41:36.080
<v Speaker 3>I remember.

0:41:35.719 --> 0:41:38.240
<v Speaker 1>Being like, great, that's crazy, right.

0:41:38.239 --> 0:41:41.200
<v Speaker 4>It's crazy. I thought it was actually crazy.

0:41:41.239 --> 0:41:44.520
<v Speaker 3>And I remember being like, so are you going to

0:41:44.520 --> 0:41:46.000
<v Speaker 3>stay in separate rooms?

0:41:46.200 --> 0:41:47.560
<v Speaker 4>Like what's happening?

0:41:48.560 --> 0:41:53.879
<v Speaker 3>And I remember my boyfriend being like, I just let

0:41:53.880 --> 0:41:55.040
<v Speaker 3>her plan all that stuff.

0:41:55.920 --> 0:41:58.520
<v Speaker 2>Well, this is this is actually another, I think another episode.

0:41:58.680 --> 0:42:03.200
<v Speaker 2>An interesting talk topic is exes and how they relate

0:42:03.239 --> 0:42:05.520
<v Speaker 2>to one another in terms of like what is the

0:42:05.640 --> 0:42:09.680
<v Speaker 2>chapter two look like separately? You know, when you have children, Like,

0:42:09.719 --> 0:42:13.840
<v Speaker 2>what's the dynamic between an ex husband and an ex wife?

0:42:14.080 --> 0:42:17.759
<v Speaker 2>What's appropriate? What's you know? What is too much? What's

0:42:17.760 --> 0:42:20.160
<v Speaker 2>too little? Do you go on vacations if you have

0:42:20.440 --> 0:42:22.960
<v Speaker 2>young kids together? Do you you know, do you go

0:42:23.000 --> 0:42:25.680
<v Speaker 2>to dinners together? Do you go to celebrations together? What's

0:42:25.719 --> 0:42:29.440
<v Speaker 2>the what's the line at which you draw that? You know,

0:42:29.560 --> 0:42:32.399
<v Speaker 2>if there's a boyfriend or a girlfriend in the chapter two,

0:42:33.160 --> 0:42:36.640
<v Speaker 2>how do they see the relationship with the you know,

0:42:36.680 --> 0:42:41.200
<v Speaker 2>with their partner's previous spouse, Like there is and I

0:42:41.200 --> 0:42:44.080
<v Speaker 2>see it a lot right now, because you know, there's

0:42:44.160 --> 0:42:45.480
<v Speaker 2>a lot of ambical breakups.

0:42:45.680 --> 0:42:48.239
<v Speaker 1>Not every breakup ends up in you.

0:42:48.120 --> 0:42:50.920
<v Speaker 2>Know, throwing plates across the kitchen and screaming, yelling a

0:42:50.960 --> 0:42:51.399
<v Speaker 2>lot of them.

0:42:51.640 --> 0:42:54.080
<v Speaker 1>You know, people are growing apart or whatever else.

0:42:54.120 --> 0:42:57.000
<v Speaker 2>And so you're still raising kids together, you still have

0:42:57.160 --> 0:43:00.799
<v Speaker 2>a history together, whether that's five years, ten, what the

0:43:00.880 --> 0:43:05.000
<v Speaker 2>time is, but especially with kids, and so what are

0:43:05.000 --> 0:43:07.840
<v Speaker 2>the rules of engagement in terms of what's appropriate in

0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:10.719
<v Speaker 2>terms of spending time together as that family unit was

0:43:10.960 --> 0:43:16.680
<v Speaker 2>when you were married versus now as divorced parents of

0:43:16.760 --> 0:43:17.640
<v Speaker 2>those of those kids.

0:43:17.640 --> 0:43:21.080
<v Speaker 1>And I think it's a there's a lot to impact there, definitely.

0:43:21.200 --> 0:43:24.400
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, So listeners, send in your questions or leave us

0:43:24.400 --> 0:43:27.000
<v Speaker 3>a voicemail. All the info is in the show notes.

0:43:27.280 --> 0:43:30.840
<v Speaker 3>Thanks mister right for basically confirming I'm not crazy.

0:43:31.360 --> 0:43:32.840
<v Speaker 4>Really appreciate your advice.

0:43:33.160 --> 0:43:34.560
<v Speaker 1>All right, guys, we've run out of time.

0:43:34.600 --> 0:43:37.480
<v Speaker 2>There were so many questions coming in on our email

0:43:37.520 --> 0:43:40.279
<v Speaker 2>and our voicemails that we need to dedicate an entire

0:43:40.320 --> 0:43:43.160
<v Speaker 2>another episode to this, So follow along for part two

0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:45.200
<v Speaker 2>of this episode on I Do.

0:43:45.320 --> 0:43:45.719
<v Speaker 1>Part two