Speaker 1: Knowing your kids, don't just me knowing their.
Speaker 2: Names, dead ass, because half the time we be calling
Speaker 2: every name but the name.
Speaker 3: Of the child that you want in that moment.
Speaker 1: I didn't even think about that when when I said it.
Speaker 3: But you're right though, right.
Speaker 2: But for me, it's although we encourage communication with our children,
Speaker 2: you still have to be the probing parents sometimes, dead ass.
Speaker 1: Deadass.
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoued and we're the Ellis's.
Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our.
Speaker 3: Boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 3: Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.
Speaker 1: Yes, sir, we are.
Speaker 4: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 4: li's most taboo topics.
Speaker 3: Things most folks don't want to talk about.
Speaker 1: Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass
Speaker 1: is a term that we say every day.
Speaker 4: So when we say dead we're actually saying the facts,
Speaker 4: one hundred the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but
Speaker 4: the truth.
Speaker 1: Were about to take pilot off to our whole new level.
Speaker 3: Dead ass starts right now. Storytime, Baby, what you got
Speaker 3: for over?
Speaker 1: The time I got something that happened real recent.
Speaker 2: I feel like so many of our like we've been
Speaker 2: talking a lot about parenting recently, because this is kind
Speaker 2: of the season that we're in, Yeah, with our kids
Speaker 2: being in so many different phases, and we're just like
Speaker 2: so many revelations.
Speaker 3: I feel like that's happened in the past year.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like we've been away from them so
Speaker 5: much that it's like when we come back to them,
Speaker 5: it's like, man, how did I miss all of this?
Speaker 1: I mean that kind of leads me to my story.
Speaker 5: The story happened actually last night before we filmed this
Speaker 5: one this morning. But I'm just watching Jackson like throughout
Speaker 5: the the whole day, and I'm just looking at him
Speaker 5: and I'm like, yo, you good, bro, And he gets
Speaker 5: to put the head back like yeah, I'm good. So
Speaker 5: I'm like, okay.
Speaker 1: They goes on.
Speaker 5: I see he's very pensive, you know, he's doing when
Speaker 5: this a lot and rubbing his eyes like you're good, bro,
Speaker 5: you're good, and he's like, yeah, I'm good, dad, I'm good, Dad,
Speaker 5: I'm good. So finally at night he's getting ready to
Speaker 5: go to sleep, so all right, buddy, give me a
Speaker 5: hug right, so goes to give me a hug, and
Speaker 5: rather than let him just give me a hug and
Speaker 5: walk away, I hold on to him. And when I
Speaker 5: hold on to him, I feel him kind of relaxed
Speaker 5: in my arms for a minute, and then.
Speaker 1: I feel like that like pull him back, and I said,
Speaker 1: what's up?
Speaker 5: His eyes are all red and I could tell he's
Speaker 5: trying to like hold back tears. And I said, do
Speaker 5: you want to talk to me about something? He says, Oh, no,
Speaker 5: I'm good. I'm good, I'm good. I said, just go
Speaker 5: upstairs and talk. We walked away, went upstairs to talk,
Speaker 5: and he let me know exactly what he was going through.
Speaker 3: So for karaoke karaoke time, can he picked the carry out?
Speaker 3: What version do you want to see?
Speaker 2: The version that is more commonly known within the black community.
Speaker 1: Yes, Yes, from a movie that you didn't watch, by
Speaker 1: the way.
Speaker 3: Not until I met you.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: And I still was kind of like, I think I
Speaker 2: watched it too late because it wasn't funny when.
Speaker 1: I watched it.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean that happens with classics, right, Like if
Speaker 5: you watch stuff twenty years after it was made, that
Speaker 5: version of comedy is no longer.
Speaker 2: Funny, right, sorry, Right, So when I watched it then
Speaker 2: I was kind of like, I don't get it. So
Speaker 2: I think I did myself with the service. I should
Speaker 2: have watched it then. Yeah, watched it again after the fact.
Speaker 5: But at least you still understand the cultural significance. Oh,
Speaker 5: for sure, they all will understand it. When I say this,
Speaker 5: I believe chulding on our future teaching.
Speaker 1: Wellway, y'all know that's wrong.
Speaker 5: Showed them all the beauty, get them all the strang
Speaker 5: If y'all don't know, we're talking about coming to America, guys,
Speaker 5: sex you chocolate.
Speaker 1: But no, Kate picked that.
Speaker 5: Song because we're talking about our children and them actually
Speaker 5: being the future and knowing that they will not make
Speaker 5: it to the future. If we don't see them, that's effects.
Speaker 5: And when I mean see them, I means see.
Speaker 3: Them, see them, feel them. Yes, we'll be back.
Speaker 2: Let's pay some bills, and we're gonna expand a little
Speaker 2: bit more on storytime and how I came into the
Speaker 2: story time and we both sat and had a talk
Speaker 2: with Jackson before bed last night just to kind of
Speaker 2: prep them for the week.
Speaker 3: So we'll be back, y'all stick around, all right, we're back.
Speaker 2: So storytime, we're talking about Deval having a moment with
Speaker 2: Jackson where you know, he was really trying to be
Speaker 2: in control of his emotions, which is something that we're
Speaker 2: very big on in the household.
Speaker 1: And it was part of the story you don't know about.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you.
Speaker 2: Tell me about it too, so maybe fill me in
Speaker 2: then and then i'll tell you when I came into
Speaker 2: the mix.
Speaker 5: So we were downstairs, it was me, Josh, Matt, and Cheeto,
Speaker 5: and Cheeto was telling us his stories about being a
Speaker 5: single man in La and those stories led to us
Speaker 5: talking about, y'all, you have to be careful as a
Speaker 5: man to make sure no one takes advantage of you.
Speaker 5: And while we're talking about these stories and things that's
Speaker 5: happened to dudes, and it's all comedic and it's fun,
Speaker 5: and you know, Cheetoh's a good storyteller, Josh and Matt
Speaker 5: a comedic, So we laughing and joking. And while we're
Speaker 5: laughing and joking, I noticed that Jackson's gotten real quiet.
Speaker 5: So we're getting ready to come up to that's when
Speaker 5: y'all were like, you know, y'all ready to come up
Speaker 5: thereirs and eat oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we heard you guys were having a really in
Speaker 2: depth conversation downstairs.
Speaker 3: What it was about.
Speaker 5: I seen that Jackson was quiet, and I took him upstairs,
Speaker 5: and that's why I was like, Yo, you're good. He's like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I'm good, and that's when I seen his eyes well
Speaker 5: up and I was like, yo, talk to me, what's up.
Speaker 5: And he had mentioned that he was just thinking about
Speaker 5: like life, and I was like, like, what you mean
Speaker 5: about life? And he was just like, you know, I
Speaker 5: hear y'all talking about, like, you know, be careful for
Speaker 5: women or people taking advantage of you, and it's just
Speaker 5: a lot to take in.
Speaker 1: And I said, jack you're twelve.
Speaker 5: We're talking about the club scene where you have to
Speaker 5: be at least twenty one to get in. So that's
Speaker 5: nine years, right, So you're not going to understand this.
Speaker 5: But I think it's important for you at twelve to
Speaker 5: sit in a room full of men who I trust.
Speaker 5: These are all my close friends, and if something is
Speaker 5: bothering you or you're unsure, ask you know, like I
Speaker 5: asked a question.
Speaker 1: You should have said, cheetoh, like what do you what
Speaker 1: do you mean? You know?
Speaker 5: And if Josh made a joke, you usually be like,
Speaker 5: j Josh, what do you mean by that? Like, you know,
Speaker 5: try to understand, because also he doesn't understand what's jokes
Speaker 5: and what's real, right, So sometimes and what I'm realizing
Speaker 5: is that when he hears some of the jokes, he
Speaker 5: doesn't understand that he's just a joke. So now he's
Speaker 5: thinking like, oh shoot, I gotta be an alert for that.
Speaker 5: And now it's it's overwhelming, so much to focus on.
Speaker 3: He hasn't even scratched the service of the half of
Speaker 3: those things.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and then that's when, you know, I came back
Speaker 5: downstairs and I had a full conversation with him in
Speaker 5: front of Matt and Josh and Cheeto, and I said, bro,
Speaker 5: you know, tell everybody you know how you feel. So
Speaker 5: and he told Me's like I was just a little
Speaker 5: concerned and overwhelmed. And then I could see on Cheetoh's
Speaker 5: face because Cheto, you know, he doesn't have kids. You know,
Speaker 5: Josh and Matt around our kids, and Josh has a
Speaker 5: daughter who's eight. I believe, so Josh, Gosh understands what
Speaker 5: it is to raise a child. So the minute Jack
Speaker 5: started talking, he went into dad mode. You know, Matt
Speaker 5: winning the uncle mode. They just looking at him and
Speaker 5: he's saying how he feels, and I'm, you know, kind
Speaker 5: of reiterating how he feels. And Josh the first one
Speaker 5: to jump in. It was just like, bro, like, we're
Speaker 5: not gonna judge. You asked a question, you know, stuck
Speaker 5: his hand out to give jackson pound. Then I watched
Speaker 5: Jack's chest kind of go like yeah, because he didn't
Speaker 5: want to feel judged. And I said, well, why didn't
Speaker 5: you want to say something to asked a question? He said, well,
Speaker 5: I didn't want to sound stupid, And he said I
Speaker 5: also didn't want to be a punk because it was
Speaker 5: making me emotional.
Speaker 1: So I was just holding in. I was just going
Speaker 1: to go upstairs.
Speaker 5: And that's what made me want to have the conversation
Speaker 5: on the podcast about being able to see your kids,
Speaker 5: not just be you know, I see my son, he's
Speaker 5: right there. No, I can see something that's going on
Speaker 5: with you.
Speaker 1: And then when we went.
Speaker 5: Upstairs to talk, he started to share more about some
Speaker 5: anxieties he was having about life in general, and about
Speaker 5: how overwhelming sometimes basketball and coding and tutoring and sometimes
Speaker 5: the pressure can be coming. That's when you walked in
Speaker 5: the I see. So it wasn't just about basketball and coding.
Speaker 5: It was about being twelve and feeling like he always
Speaker 5: has to get lessons taught about what to be aware
Speaker 5: of and the world can be daunting sometimes.
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely.
Speaker 2: I mean that middle school age is such a critical
Speaker 2: age and period for the development of boys and girls, right,
Speaker 2: And we speak freely in front of our children a
Speaker 2: lot of the times when we do have, like you said,
Speaker 2: trusted adults who can now say, hey, let's rally around.
Speaker 2: We talk about like having men in our corner who
Speaker 2: can be around our children at a live show, remember,
Speaker 2: Carter asked, right, yes, yeah.
Speaker 3: She said, you know I have.
Speaker 2: She's in the same sex relationship, and she said, I'm
Speaker 2: not a man, but my fiance has a son who's twelve,
Speaker 2: and I can't teach him how to be a man,
Speaker 2: So what's the best way to be able to help
Speaker 2: rally around him.
Speaker 5: I'm glad you brought that up, because I should have
Speaker 5: said it that night, that I am a man, and
Speaker 5: I think I'm the most masculine, manly man that I
Speaker 5: could be, but I still surround my son with other men,
Speaker 5: and that's.
Speaker 2: Where I'm going with it, you know, because sometimes Jackson
Speaker 2: doesn't want to hear from dad. Again, think about how
Speaker 2: many times you've told him some things and he's now
Speaker 2: heard it from a different perspective, from Jay or from
Speaker 2: Roger or somebody else, and then it clicks differently because
Speaker 2: it's a different perspective that's just echoing what you think.
Speaker 2: So the fact that you have and we have a
Speaker 2: village of strong men who we trust around our son,
Speaker 2: I think is invaluable.
Speaker 3: But also Jackson's not the kid that.
Speaker 2: Takes things for surface value either. Like he is a thinker.
Speaker 2: He's a thinker, he internalizes, he's an EmPATH. So because
Speaker 2: of that, it is very necessary I think, for him
Speaker 2: especially to have those touch bases, which you then in
Speaker 2: turn had. And then I walked into him saying like, Okay,
Speaker 2: what's too much? What are some things that are on
Speaker 2: your plate right now that maybe we have to alleviate
Speaker 2: so that way you can enjoy And he said, you know,
Speaker 2: I just want sometimes to come home and play with
Speaker 2: Cairo and Kaz and Koda. And I'm like, and you
Speaker 2: should be able to do that. Yeah, bro, you're twelve.
Speaker 2: You're twelve, you know. But again, we did did an
Speaker 2: episode of a podcasts I think previously where we talked
Speaker 2: about kind of overparenting and trying to make sure that
Speaker 2: we just don't screw our kid up. So it's like,
Speaker 2: we can foresee all of these things that are going
Speaker 2: to potentially happen, so you're trying to prevent them from
Speaker 2: happening by overparenting and not allowing your child to just
Speaker 2: enjoy the process of life. So that was an eye opener,
Speaker 2: I think for you and I last night. You know,
Speaker 2: when I came upstairs and I saw that he was
Speaker 2: really emotional, and we just wanted to make sure that
Speaker 2: he knew that he was fully supported in whatever it
Speaker 2: is what he wanted to do. He was like, Mom,
Speaker 2: is it cool if I take a little break from coding,
Speaker 2: maybe startup in the summer again?
Speaker 3: Why I don't have as much basketball.
Speaker 2: I'm like, bro, say less, I only do these things
Speaker 2: and enroll you in these things because you show.
Speaker 1: I'm yeah do that as a mom.
Speaker 5: You definitely don't say you gotta do this, you say
Speaker 5: you want to do this.
Speaker 1: I'm an find out where I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna find the best place. I'm a research I'm gonna
Speaker 2: pull out all the reinforcements. But it's according to what
Speaker 2: you want to do. I'm never going to push anything
Speaker 2: on you. So I said, you wanted to take a
Speaker 2: break from coding in a previous football season because it
Speaker 2: was a lot, we can take a break during basketball season.
Speaker 2: And he says it, okay if I take it up
Speaker 2: during the summer because I don't have school. Absolutely, absolutely,
Speaker 2: because when I do take something like that away, though,
Speaker 2: I want him to also understand that we're not quitting,
Speaker 2: we're just referring, and so you're better able to do
Speaker 2: it because you do also have to be well rounded,
Speaker 2: Like you have to be a great student, you have
Speaker 2: to be a good athlete, you have to have other
Speaker 2: things happening to make you a well rounded individual. So
Speaker 2: I'm happy that he felt comfortable. Like you said, you
Speaker 2: see that like calm come over him when he feels like, damn,
Speaker 2: my mom and dad have my back and I can
Speaker 2: talk to them about anything.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 5: That's also why I said preface it by saying, make
Speaker 5: sure you see your children. Because Jackson and I also
Speaker 5: had a brief conversation. I said, I didn't want to
Speaker 5: push it too much, but we were talking about the
Speaker 5: dating process and I saw him getting emotional and getting
Speaker 5: kind of like overwhelmed. So then we went upstairs and
Speaker 5: I said, hey, you're doing this that I said, you know,
Speaker 5: are you attracted to women? Are you attracted to men?
Speaker 5: Like I had that conversation too, and he's like, no,
Speaker 5: I'm attracted to women. Why And so I'm asking because
Speaker 5: you got emotional when we were talking about the dating process.
Speaker 5: I also don't want you to ever feel like you
Speaker 5: have to be something that you may not be because
Speaker 5: you want us to felix accepsolutely.
Speaker 1: So you know, I'm accepted. I'm attracted to women.
Speaker 5: I just want And I said, I'm just asking because
Speaker 5: I want you to know now that if you're not
Speaker 5: and that if you are attracted to them, and this
Speaker 5: is something that we can talk about and it's something
Speaker 5: that you can walk in and you can feel safe here.
Speaker 5: But it's important to see your children when they're going
Speaker 5: through something and make it clear to them that no
Speaker 5: matter what you're going through, I'm here.
Speaker 3: Oh for sure, I'm here.
Speaker 5: When he talked about, you know, being overwhelmed, I said, dude,
Speaker 5: if you want to quit basketball tomorrow, stop, you're twelve.
Speaker 5: You know you don't have to play basketball your whole
Speaker 5: life right, and when I tell parents because I have
Speaker 5: a unique perspective being a mentor for twelve years touring
Speaker 5: young men and women over five between five hundred and
Speaker 5: seven hundred young.
Speaker 1: Men and women.
Speaker 5: I've watched these men and women, young men and women,
Speaker 5: go through so many different versions of themselves, and I've
Speaker 5: watched how they've changed. I've also noticed how middle school
Speaker 5: is that fork in the road. Yes, the middle school
Speaker 5: is that that time where if they don't believe that
Speaker 5: someone in their life is in their corner.
Speaker 3: Or they're not confident in who they are becoming, they're.
Speaker 5: Going to find someone to advocate for them. And that
Speaker 5: advocation I don't even know if there's a word advocacy.
Speaker 1: Advocacy and come from the streets, and I don't want that.
Speaker 2: For my kids or from a very poor source, right
Speaker 2: meaning their friends who are also not equipped.
Speaker 5: That's what I mean by the streets right outside, not
Speaker 5: a glimpse.
Speaker 2: To be able to tell them anything. Social media, whatever
Speaker 2: it is, because it's but so much that you can
Speaker 2: protect your children from. So that's why so much of
Speaker 2: it starts at home. And I think that's why you
Speaker 2: and I are so like hands on in that sense.
Speaker 3: With them people.
Speaker 5: I want to see my kids, to see them through
Speaker 5: I want to say, I want to every every day
Speaker 5: my boys come home. They have a responsibility. You got
Speaker 5: to confine me, find your mother, say what's up. I
Speaker 5: want to hug you right after school. I want to
Speaker 5: look in your eyes right after school. I was school today.
Speaker 5: And if I asked you out of school today and
Speaker 5: your head go down and you look, what's up?
Speaker 1: What's what happened in school?
Speaker 3: Exactly?
Speaker 1: If you're smiling, then I know everything is good.
Speaker 5: When I look in your eyes and your eyes are
Speaker 5: a little glossy and you look a little yellow wish,
Speaker 5: I'm like, you ain't feeling good.
Speaker 1: Let me feel you.
Speaker 2: Let me give me Let me check the temperature.
Speaker 3: You know what good for that because I want to
Speaker 3: get the real temperature. Like I got to touch your brain.
Speaker 1: In my ear? My bad I still is still ringing it.
Speaker 1: I hope I can't. I can't hear.
Speaker 3: Can hear me?
Speaker 1: I can't hear? You want to? I want to know.
Speaker 5: It's just as parents, sometimes we get caught up in
Speaker 5: our own lives, and we also get caught up and
Speaker 5: work and stuff. That when your kids come in and
Speaker 5: out of the house. You don't even realize who your
Speaker 5: child is. I remember when I used to do social
Speaker 5: media checks at Prototype and it was guaranteed. I mean
Speaker 5: was it was. It was what's the word, It was mandatory.
Speaker 5: It was mandatory that if you're going to join the program,
Speaker 5: I have to have access to your Facebook, Instagram and
Speaker 5: at the time it was Snapchat. And I remember having
Speaker 5: a meeting with parents and I'm just like, you know,
Speaker 5: we want to meet about your child social media. Oh,
Speaker 5: my child doesn't have social media. Oh but why why
Speaker 5: you say that my child don't even have a phone.
Speaker 5: Oh you don't Coachabau. My child has a phone. Well,
Speaker 5: I have their phone.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know. I don't know whose phone
Speaker 1: it is, but I have it.
Speaker 5: And there's definitely a Snapchat and an Instagram, and there's
Speaker 5: definitely profile pictures, and there's definitely messages being sent between
Speaker 5: your child and members. And I think you might want
Speaker 5: to see it because the stuff that I'm seeing could
Speaker 5: be classified as child pornography. And that's when I seen
Speaker 5: parents go, I forget.
Speaker 2: There's probably like as a percentage. But I saw somewhere
Speaker 2: I think it was Ashley Chia, my girl that posted it,
Speaker 2: and she said, like, your children pretty particularly once they
Speaker 2: reached middle age school age.
Speaker 1: Middle school age, middle age school, Like, damn, go to.
Speaker 2: School, middle age, middle school age, you don't really know
Speaker 2: who your child is.
Speaker 3: And I laughed at that.
Speaker 2: Because I'm just like, damn, when I was in middle school,
Speaker 2: high school, then my parents really know who that was?
Speaker 3: No, because I love doing ship.
Speaker 2: Getting into ship okay, because I was so.
Speaker 3: Like protected that I was like, God, I just want
Speaker 3: to do all the things.
Speaker 5: Seventh grade is when I fell in love with Booty.
Speaker 3: That's Jackson's.
Speaker 5: Seventh grade is when I fell in love with boot
Speaker 5: That's when I started grabbing girls butts and girls, was
Speaker 5: putting stuff in my pants and trying to play.
Speaker 1: Hide and go get it.
Speaker 5: Like, seventh grade is when kids start to experiment with
Speaker 5: each other.
Speaker 2: And you know what I'm saying that their parents something
Speaker 2: completely different, Like my parents would have never been like
Speaker 2: my in high school that had been.
Speaker 5: Like quiet boy, quiet boy. They ain't know you was
Speaker 5: a freak, your pin your mom still don't know you
Speaker 5: a freak.
Speaker 3: Period.
Speaker 1: She was at the live podcast called Show Like This.
Speaker 3: For Mimi was at the lie I told her I
Speaker 3: already told her. She was just like, I don't understand why.
Speaker 3: I'm the only parent who hasn't been to a show yet,
Speaker 3: and I don't know. I said, the Valles parents came
Speaker 3: because they have a sense of humor.
Speaker 2: I said, you don't have that what I'm saying, and
Speaker 2: Dad just that is just happy to be there. I said,
Speaker 2: you're the one that judges, so I can't have you
Speaker 2: judging me while I'm on stage performing for these people. Sorry,
Speaker 2: she said, she just she just closed her ears.
Speaker 5: She closed her eyes as your ass swallowed that freaking
Speaker 5: every show, even though they tried to cheeks, they tried
Speaker 5: to TD cake, except kept coming out that swallow.
Speaker 3: Triple is wild for that video. It was the funniest
Speaker 3: ship ever. She was like, I don't want to get
Speaker 3: in trouble posting it. People think I didn't get your permission.
Speaker 3: I was like, triple post that ship.
Speaker 2: I was like Kermit with the head on the put on,
Speaker 2: like post it and pin pin.
Speaker 3: My comments is because that shit is hilarious.
Speaker 1: It was funny.
Speaker 3: A whole mess. All right, let's jump into some facts
Speaker 3: and stats.
Speaker 2: We're talking about how well you know your children and
Speaker 2: making that probing parenting something that is regular in your household.
Speaker 2: Experts believe that a parent's intuition is real and is
Speaker 2: defined as an innate ability to know what is best
Speaker 2: for your child. I think all parents are pretty much
Speaker 2: born with that when your children or your.
Speaker 3: Child is born, such is the parents intuition.
Speaker 2: Parents intuition is also defined as gut feelings, the idea
Speaker 2: of making decisions without analytically without analytical reasoning. Experts say
Speaker 2: gut feelings are signals from the brain to the gastro
Speaker 2: intestinal track and vice versa, when.
Speaker 1: You feel nervous and anxious and normal to take a shit, like.
Speaker 3: Nah, bro, I felt like that before every show. But
Speaker 3: I didn't have.
Speaker 2: To poot, but it was like, you feel like you
Speaker 2: gotta go. Experts believe that nonverbal cues may account for
Speaker 2: up to ninety three percent of communication. General nonverbal cues
Speaker 2: include body language, hand gestures in touch, tone of voice,
Speaker 2: facial expression, eye contact, space, and physical boundaries.
Speaker 1: So huge, I.
Speaker 5: Want to talk about each one of these. Body language, right,
Speaker 5: I've learned this from mentoring the kids. Yeah, anytime something
Speaker 5: was wrong with the kids. With a child, I could
Speaker 5: tell from the minute they walked in the gym when
Speaker 5: their shoulders were slouched when they're walking a step slower,
Speaker 5: when they're.
Speaker 3: Away from the group, hanging low.
Speaker 1: That's that's the first sign.
Speaker 5: Sluggish, sluggish, slout shoulders, you know, not looking up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, something is wrong.
Speaker 3: So I would watch they say wait of the world
Speaker 3: right on their shoulders.
Speaker 5: And I would watch how they interact with their peers
Speaker 5: for us. Right then I look at hand gestures in touch. Yo,
Speaker 5: let me get a pound. Right, You go to give
Speaker 5: a kid a pound, they give you to death fish pound.
Speaker 5: You grab their hand, you know what I'm saying. You
Speaker 5: go to grab their hand and they just let their
Speaker 5: hand die in your hand. It's almost like they've given up.
Speaker 5: It's like, what's what's going on?
Speaker 1: What's good? Tone of voice?
Speaker 5: No, no, no, I'm good, the fake smile. But they don't
Speaker 5: look you in your way, They don't look.
Speaker 1: You in the eyes. See. Eye contact is the mainly
Speaker 1: thing with Jackson. Look at me, look at me?
Speaker 3: How many times we say that, look at me?
Speaker 5: And when I look him in his eyes when something's wrong,
Speaker 5: you know what happens, tears, tears, When he's fine, he's.
Speaker 3: Like Cairol is the same way.
Speaker 5: Eye contact is probably ninety nine percent of the nonverbal cues.
Speaker 5: If your child cannot look you in the eye without
Speaker 5: breaking down, something is going on because they know their
Speaker 5: parents know, and they don't want you to know what's
Speaker 5: going on, so they're trying to hide it. And then
Speaker 5: when they looking in your eyes and their eyes start
Speaker 5: to well up and you so I can see because
Speaker 5: Jackson knows to say, are you about to cry? I'm
Speaker 5: not a muggle cry, said Jackson, your eyes are well
Speaker 5: en up. Then he stops talking and I see a.
Speaker 3: Fall, because that'd be the worst.
Speaker 2: Two when you're trying to not cry. And then somebody
Speaker 2: keeps telling you, I see you're about to cry. That
Speaker 2: makes the cry like literally like on the verge, on
Speaker 2: the tip, like about to fall. Always but these are
Speaker 2: so it's so spot on. You're absolutely right about they're
Speaker 2: absolutely right about all this.
Speaker 1: One thing I know about Jack's two space and boundaries.
Speaker 5: When Jackson doesn't want to tell me something but he
Speaker 5: wants me to probe and figure out. He's always around
Speaker 5: me orbiting, orbiting, and it's like he's orbiting and talking
Speaker 5: about something that has nothing to do with nothing, right,
Speaker 5: you know, He's like he's just.
Speaker 1: Kicking the can. He's moving around, and I'm just like, yo,
Speaker 1: what's up?
Speaker 3: Trying to figure out when's the best time to say
Speaker 3: something about it.
Speaker 5: And they often say this, Jacks, what's up? Huh huh?
Speaker 1: When I by here the huh I know something? What
Speaker 1: you mean? Huh? Nothing? Nothing? Nothing?
Speaker 5: Okay, But you're standing here, but you're not talking to me.
Speaker 5: You're not looking at me. You don't want to play pool,
Speaker 5: you don't want to work out something. What's going on?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: I was just you know, I'm just a little concerned
Speaker 5: because all right, whatever you now, I'm starting to.
Speaker 1: Say, let's talk about it.
Speaker 3: That happened one time with the grade that he got.
Speaker 2: He wasn't happy about and he knew I wasn't gonna
Speaker 2: be happy about it, but he knows I check his
Speaker 2: grades every week, so he knew it was coming. It
Speaker 2: was almost Friday, and he was just like, shit, the
Speaker 2: grades are probably going.
Speaker 3: To go in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let me get before the problem and just let
Speaker 2: mom know and prepare for it and say, you know what, Mom,
Speaker 2: I that was my bad.
Speaker 3: I didn't do X y Z, I should have been
Speaker 3: better prepared, YadA, YadA, YadA. So everything that I told
Speaker 3: him that I would have told him.
Speaker 2: He told me to tell like he's telling him yah, yeah,
Speaker 2: because he knew exactly where I would have go with it.
Speaker 2: But I'm like, that's progress because at least now he's
Speaker 2: holding himself accountable.
Speaker 3: He know that he didn't do anything.
Speaker 2: That's the consequence for not doing your stuff, and you
Speaker 2: got to deal with it. As your child develops communication skills,
Speaker 2: they will use a range of nonverbal cues to convey
Speaker 2: messages or feeling.
Speaker 5: And that's that's where we are with all of them,
Speaker 5: because i know we're talking about Jackson a lot now
Speaker 5: because he's in that middle school range. But I've noticed
Speaker 5: that with Kiro and Kaz as well. When something's not
Speaker 5: right with them, they tend to probe around me because
Speaker 5: they don't know how to say it. But it's like
Speaker 5: they know that my dad will figure it out. And
Speaker 5: I Kaz, who's the most nonverbal of all of them,
Speaker 5: he'll just come and he'll just sit and I'm like,
Speaker 5: what's up, what's up?
Speaker 1: Bro? Nothing? Why not with your brothers? Quiet?
Speaker 5: Quiet, just sitting there, quiet, And I'm like, you just
Speaker 5: want to sit with dad for a minute, And he's
Speaker 5: like yes.
Speaker 3: He does the same thing with me, Tom, can we
Speaker 3: sit on the couch together? And I'm sure. And sometimes
Speaker 3: he just wants he wants his time.
Speaker 2: He wants his time. Yeah, so yeah, and I just
Speaker 2: give him them. Like sometimes in the mornings before school
Speaker 2: who have breakfast, will have a couple of minutes before
Speaker 2: he has to get dressed, and he says, can we
Speaker 2: snuggle on the couch and they'll come over.
Speaker 5: I think that it's important for you to give him
Speaker 5: that time too, because that creates a safe space where
Speaker 5: they also know that something doesn't always have to be
Speaker 5: wrong to be with my parents, I.
Speaker 1: Just want to spend time with my parents and that's okay.
Speaker 2: And that may be his cry in that moment for like, okay,
Speaker 2: I haven't had that one on one time with my
Speaker 2: mom in a minute, So this is me asking for that,
Speaker 2: and I always make sure that I give it to him.
Speaker 2: Cairo is a little bit more like he'll look at
Speaker 2: you and he won't say anything, you know, but you can.
Speaker 3: See it all his eyes.
Speaker 2: Is like all four of them. It is in his
Speaker 2: eyes and he's super sensitive.
Speaker 1: He gonna let it out.
Speaker 2: That's usually his biggest gripe now is losing seven.
Speaker 1: Sucks. I'm like Yo, your brother is five years older
Speaker 1: than you.
Speaker 5: My g you're not going to beat him in one
Speaker 5: on one right now in a basket where your brother
Speaker 5: does not have to jump to dunk. Bro, he's web
Speaker 5: beat right now, and you, Steph Curry, Okay, just relaxed
Speaker 5: like he's.
Speaker 2: Because then he'll start rolling out all the stats, all
Speaker 2: the stats. Oh my goodness. How do you distinguish your
Speaker 2: parents intuition from your own fear or personal anxiety that
Speaker 2: you have while parenting.
Speaker 3: That's a good question, because I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think sometimes it gets muddled for me, at least
Speaker 2: my parents intuition versus just like trying to save them
Speaker 2: from the things that I fear happening. That's hard for
Speaker 2: me as a mom, particularly because I know you've said,
Speaker 2: like you got to let them live, but it's just
Speaker 2: like the struggle with seeing like Dan, this could potentially
Speaker 2: be a detriment, but.
Speaker 3: I gotta let them do it.
Speaker 2: I know the stakes are low because they're younger now,
Speaker 2: but I can just foresee that being probably more of
Speaker 2: an issue for me as they get older.
Speaker 1: But that should be what you what you fall on
Speaker 1: for me, That's what it is.
Speaker 5: Ituation versus fair no, no, understanding the stakes are low.
Speaker 5: So whatever they fail at now or they're not good
Speaker 5: at now they're two, six, seven and twelve, is it
Speaker 5: really that big of a deal. No. And I've learned
Speaker 5: to curb my own fear and anxiety about feeling for myself.
Speaker 5: So for me is if I've learned to not even
Speaker 5: think about fear, like, I really don't care about fear
Speaker 5: or failing. You're going to fail at everything you try
Speaker 5: the first time. So now that I know that watching
Speaker 5: my sons go through stuff and failing, to me is
Speaker 5: just part of the process, so I don't have an
Speaker 5: anxiety like Jackson with basketball. My biggest thing in the
Speaker 5: beginning with basketball is wanting him to be so good
Speaker 5: because I know that I know all the secrets how
Speaker 5: he can get there. I learned that it doesn't matter
Speaker 5: what I know. Jackson is going to have to fail
Speaker 5: over and over and over again on his own so
Speaker 5: that he can learn the things I know. Now that
Speaker 5: I've learned that, I don't care like I can't will
Speaker 5: my son to the NBA. If he's going to go
Speaker 5: to the NBA, he's going to have to want to
Speaker 5: go first. Then he's going to have to fail and
Speaker 5: fail and fail until he figures out his way to
Speaker 5: the NBA. That's given me a sense of peace that
Speaker 5: I can just support him in whatever it is you
Speaker 5: want to do, even his failures.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 5: And that's how I kind of curb my anxiety because
Speaker 5: I just don't I don't care what they do, Like
Speaker 5: I don't care what Kirokas Jackson and the Code to
Speaker 5: do for fun, what they do for a profession. I
Speaker 5: just want them to enjoy their life. That I've been
Speaker 5: able to accept that my anxiety about what they do
Speaker 5: is like non existent.
Speaker 1: Jacksons about to start AAU.
Speaker 5: He's gonna be playing on the Nike eybl circuit, the
Speaker 5: toughest circuit in all the basketball. I don't care. I'm
Speaker 5: just gonna be some tournaments. I'm not going to go.
Speaker 5: Just because Kyro was starting track and so it was Kaz,
Speaker 5: I can't go Jacks And now I'm watching him kind
Speaker 5: of be like, there's not that bigger deal, Like no
Speaker 5: Jack U twelve.
Speaker 1: That's it playing basketball.
Speaker 3: You're with the trusted adult. Go do your thing. Have fun.
Speaker 1: That's all.
Speaker 3: Our biggest thing is have fun. We want you to
Speaker 3: have fun.
Speaker 1: But I will always keep my eyes on my kids.
Speaker 3: Oh I get it.
Speaker 5: Jackson's gonna be playing on the even Nike ybl circuit. No, no, no,
Speaker 5: he's going to be with Jay. So he's going to
Speaker 5: be with someone that I picked, that I trust.
Speaker 3: Oh for sure.
Speaker 1: So I don't have to.
Speaker 5: Worry about what's happening because I already know Jay. So
Speaker 5: my eyes are already there, yo, j just tell me
Speaker 5: what happens.
Speaker 2: That's the fact that's in the village, baby, the beauty
Speaker 2: in the village. All right, y'all, we're gonna take a
Speaker 2: quick break and move into listen letters.
Speaker 3: But let's do some ads first and then we will
Speaker 3: be back. All right. You want to go first, babe,
Speaker 3: or should I?
Speaker 1: It's up to you, baby, whatever you want to do.
Speaker 3: I guess I'll dive in. What up though?
Speaker 2: What up?
Speaker 3: Though? Hey?
Speaker 2: Can't wait to see you guys in Dallas and New York.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, So here we are after the fact, and
Speaker 2: we've seen you in Dallas in New York.
Speaker 3: You hope you had a great time.
Speaker 2: I couldn't celebrate my birthday in the month of January
Speaker 2: due to work, so I'm making this trip my birthday trip.
Speaker 3: Yes, a month late, because why the hell not.
Speaker 2: That's the spirit baby, because I celebrated forty all the
Speaker 2: way up to it and still can be celebrating in
Speaker 2: the year of forty with Tobell because if it's his birthday,
Speaker 2: it's my birthday too.
Speaker 1: I knew that was coming. I knew that anyway.
Speaker 2: I've been a listener for a little while now, and
Speaker 2: I appreciate your podcast because it's the first time I
Speaker 2: allow myself to be inspired instead of intimidated.
Speaker 3: That's a really good way of looking at it. That's dope.
Speaker 2: It's also helped me address my imposter syndrome and social
Speaker 2: anxiety instead of allowing them to be an unnecessary barrier.
Speaker 3: I love that.
Speaker 2: Not getting too deep into the minute of why I'm
Speaker 2: writing in today, but I just turned twenty nine, and
Speaker 2: I've recently taken the time to see what i want
Speaker 2: and what I'm meant to do. Prayer time and silence
Speaker 2: and a whole lot of talking to myself revealed something
Speaker 2: I'd known for a long time and gave me permission
Speaker 2: to dream, dream big, and bet on myself. I used
Speaker 2: to allow people to make me feel bad for being
Speaker 2: all over the place quote unquote, until I realized two things. One,
Speaker 2: fuck those people, absolutely, they're just comfortable with my complacency.
Speaker 2: Say that shit again, yes. And number two, it's possible
Speaker 2: to have a vision that will make a difference in
Speaker 2: more than one area of the community. The only person
Speaker 2: limiting myself was me, right a baby. It sounds like
Speaker 2: you got everything figure about and so I wat to
Speaker 2: question it. So I started actively pursuing those goals little
Speaker 2: by little. From health, I've committed to working out, and
Speaker 2: I'm fifteen pounds down already, good stuff to write a book,
Speaker 2: to looking up acting classes or beginner jobs, even starting
Speaker 2: the foundation research for starting my own podcast and launching
Speaker 2: my own small business, just to name those closest to
Speaker 2: my heart.
Speaker 1: Do you really want to start a podcast? You'd ask Trible?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, astrible girl, as Trible ask Trible.
Speaker 2: That being said, how do you align yourself to the
Speaker 2: career of your dreams with zero resources to begin with?
Speaker 3: Well, tribles a resource first and foremost.
Speaker 2: Sometimes I find myself doing research and I feel like
Speaker 2: I don't know what I'm searching for. I've taught myself
Speaker 2: pretty much everything as far as I can remember. I
Speaker 2: damn near raised myself. However, one thing God has shown
Speaker 2: me time and time again is that doing it alone
Speaker 2: is a recipe for destruction. Being stuck isn't an option,
Speaker 2: much like losing. So how do you align yourself with
Speaker 2: the path that you don't know how to carve?
Speaker 3: Yours? Truly? Your favorite awkward black girl, that's a great letter.
Speaker 1: That's a great letter.
Speaker 5: But to be honest, man, I think that that's everybody
Speaker 5: struggling and they feel like they don't have resources, when
Speaker 5: in actuality there's resources everywhere. I remember when I first
Speaker 5: got out of the NFL, I was like, I don't
Speaker 5: know how to get into acting. And then I just
Speaker 5: thought for a minute, and I was like, oh shoot,
Speaker 5: my aunt Adrian's been acting since I was alive. Let
Speaker 5: me ask her where to start yep, and she pointed
Speaker 5: me in the right direction. She asked me, she said, listen,
Speaker 5: can you just take me to an audition? So I
Speaker 5: drove her to an audition. While driving her to an audition,
Speaker 5: she talked to me about the industry, about advocating for myself.
Speaker 5: Then she said to me, I have a commercial agent
Speaker 5: I want to introduce you to. That was a resource.
Speaker 5: From there, thought about my aunt Chidi, because my cousin
Speaker 5: kill was in TV.
Speaker 1: It's a charity.
Speaker 5: Do you have any resources? The moral of the story
Speaker 5: is there are tons of resources around. People typically don't
Speaker 5: know how to ask for help, or they're afraid to
Speaker 5: ask for help because they might get laughed at or
Speaker 5: shot down. Lastly, the greatest Internet you have, I mean
Speaker 5: the greatest resource you have is the Internet. You can
Speaker 5: literally google anything to figure out and once you figure
Speaker 5: out what it is you want to do, you have
Speaker 5: to use discernment to figure out what's bullshit and what's real.
Speaker 5: And there are definitely ways, depending on what industry you
Speaker 5: want to get into decide or to figure out discern
Speaker 5: what's bullshit and what's real.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's great advice, I think, because, like you said,
Speaker 2: we all just had moments where it's like, I want
Speaker 2: to do this, but how do I start, especially if
Speaker 2: it's an unconventional path or route Like for me. When
Speaker 2: I was in school, for example, I was a great
Speaker 2: student because I said, all right, I need to do
Speaker 2: X Y Z classes with this many credits to be
Speaker 2: able to get.
Speaker 3: This degree perfect.
Speaker 2: And then once I graduated from school and you're out
Speaker 2: in the real world now trying to actually find a
Speaker 2: job and make something of yourself and start the career.
Speaker 2: It's that much more difficult because you're just like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I don't know how to actually navigate a field that
Speaker 2: doesn't necessarily have a cookie cutter blueprint of how you're
Speaker 2: supposed to do things, particularly the arts or performance. That
Speaker 2: was hard for me in the beginning. So I understand
Speaker 2: that mindset. But talking to specifically her saying that being
Speaker 2: all over the place feeling because there's so many things
Speaker 2: that you want to do and you're passionate about. You
Speaker 2: listed a couple of things here, writing a book, acting classes,
Speaker 2: beginner job foundation, to start your own podcast, small business.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's going to require you to focus on one
Speaker 2: thing in that moment.
Speaker 3: So what are you most passionate about right now?
Speaker 2: Because doing a lot of busy work is the ideal
Speaker 2: way to what they say, move but not go anywhere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, movement is not progress moment.
Speaker 5: Yes, you can do jumping jacks in place for an hour,
Speaker 5: and you can move for an hour, but you haven't
Speaker 5: progressed anywhere. Or you can jog for an hour and
Speaker 5: you can go somewhere and you can see different parts.
Speaker 5: And that's just an analogy because some people doing jumping
Speaker 5: jacks still helps you progress physically. But the point is
Speaker 5: is that all movement is not moved.
Speaker 3: The movement is exactly if it's just busy work.
Speaker 5: To go back to what you said, I think is
Speaker 5: very important. You have so many different things. You can
Speaker 5: be a jack of all trades, but you will be
Speaker 5: a master at none. And ultimately, mastery is the only
Speaker 5: way you can be compensated for the work that you do.
Speaker 1: Yep. And in order to be a master at something,
Speaker 1: it takes.
Speaker 5: A thousand move It takes a thousand movements for that
Speaker 5: movement to become muscle memory.
Speaker 1: Once you have muscle memory, that's when you become a.
Speaker 3: Master, and you still have to perfect it there, you have.
Speaker 1: To perfect it.
Speaker 5: But the problem is is that if you're all over
Speaker 5: the place and you're working on this one day and
Speaker 5: that one day and this one day, you've never took
Speaker 5: your time to do the thousand movements to become a master.
Speaker 2: You spread thing because you don't need about five thousand
Speaker 2: movements exactly, you know what I'm saying. As you spread
Speaker 2: it across all of the different things you want to do,
Speaker 2: versus focusing on one thing, so that won't mean that
Speaker 2: for me would be the biggest advice to you is
Speaker 2: that it seems like you have a lot figured out,
Speaker 2: you believe in yourself. You're just like, fuck what everybody
Speaker 2: else got to say? That's exactly how we feel. Just
Speaker 2: try to focus that energy on something specific in that moment,
Speaker 2: because think about how these things can evolve. For de Valeni,
Speaker 2: for example, it started with social media, right, so we're
Speaker 2: doing vlogs, We're doing videos, and all that good stuff
Speaker 2: held us into than what a podcast? So we focus
Speaker 2: on the podcast. After focusing on the podcast for a
Speaker 2: couple of years, that propelled us into what the book.
Speaker 3: Now I'm working on what's the business going to be?
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying. So there was a succession
Speaker 3: of things that happened over.
Speaker 2: Time because we started putting the work and the energy
Speaker 2: into one thing that helped.
Speaker 3: To propel us into something else.
Speaker 2: So I hope that's helpful for you, our favorite awkward
Speaker 2: black girl. Thank you for coming on tour with us
Speaker 2: to Dallas and New York. We hope you had an
Speaker 2: amazing time.
Speaker 5: Number two, Hey, Kadeen and Daval, I love you guys
Speaker 5: and your family so much.
Speaker 1: We love you too. I need some advice and want
Speaker 1: to get your perspective.
Speaker 5: I'm twenty seven years old and have been with my
Speaker 5: fiance twenty eight for ten years and engage for almost
Speaker 5: two years now. My fiance has gotten to the point
Speaker 5: where he just wants to go to the courthouse and
Speaker 5: get married and not have a wedding or reception due
Speaker 5: to finances at this time. I'd personally rather wait and
Speaker 5: save to have a wedding ceremony. I don't want this big,
Speaker 5: lavish wedding. I just want something small and intimate with
Speaker 5: close friends and family.
Speaker 1: Am I being so for wanting to wait?
Speaker 5: My fiance states he's ready for me to be his
Speaker 5: wife and move forward with building a life together. For years,
Speaker 5: we've talked about getting married, and now that the moment
Speaker 5: has come, I don't want this special moment to be rushed.
Speaker 5: We have had ups and downs in our relationship but
Speaker 5: have always managed to make it through and the love
Speaker 5: we have for each other is endless.
Speaker 1: What should I do?
Speaker 5: When do you know you? When did you know you
Speaker 5: were ready to get married? Are you ever really fully
Speaker 5: ready for marriage?
Speaker 3: Man? This is literally us at twenty seven to twenty eight.
Speaker 5: So here's the biggest advice I can give you. We
Speaker 5: can't give you advice. You have to speak to him.
Speaker 5: He has to speak to you. You two have to
Speaker 5: decide what's in the best interest for each other as
Speaker 5: a collective and individually and make a decision.
Speaker 1: If I were to sit here and say.
Speaker 5: Definitely, don't get married and don't have the big wedding,
Speaker 5: but then you guys regret it later on as bad advice.
Speaker 5: If I tell you to have the wedding and do
Speaker 5: something or do something you love, but then you don't
Speaker 5: have the finances to create the life.
Speaker 1: You want, that would be bad advice.
Speaker 5: Moral of the story is only you two can decide
Speaker 5: what's in the best interest for each other. And that's
Speaker 5: how Kadeen and I decided what was in the best
Speaker 5: interest for each other. We talked about it, we talked
Speaker 5: about it, we made a decision, and once we made
Speaker 5: a decision, we stuck with the decision no matter what
Speaker 5: happens after that. Because there's no book to life, right,
Speaker 5: all you have to do is make a decision. You
Speaker 5: make choices, and after you make that choice, you deal
Speaker 5: with the consequences that come with that choice. The good
Speaker 5: thing about being married is when you make a choice.
Speaker 5: You now have a partner to deal with whatever consequences together.
Speaker 5: So y'all to sit down together decide financially what's in
Speaker 5: the best interests for you. And I mean, I can't
Speaker 5: help a little bit when it comes to finances. He
Speaker 5: probably knows that he wants to create a life for you.
Speaker 5: If he can't create the life that he wants to
Speaker 5: create for you, because he's going to use majority of
Speaker 5: those finances for one day. That's why he doesn't want
Speaker 5: to do that. But I also understand after listening to
Speaker 5: my wife that it was her dream to get married
Speaker 5: a certain way. So what we decided to do was compromise.
Speaker 5: I asked her if she wanted the house or if
Speaker 5: she wanted the wedding, and that moment she wanted the wedding,
Speaker 5: so did I. So we had the wedding, we already
Speaker 5: had two properties, and now we got the house later.
Speaker 5: That works for us only because we spoke about it,
Speaker 5: not because someone else told us what to do. So no,
Speaker 5: I don't think you're being selfish. I think you guys
Speaker 5: need to continuously talk about it and come up with
Speaker 5: a solution together.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and and to piggyback off of that everything you
Speaker 2: said was completely accurate.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 2: Don't hold any standards of what you guys should do
Speaker 2: based on other people and what they're doing. And it's
Speaker 2: particularly hard in the social media age. Like we got
Speaker 2: married thirteen years ago when social media wasn't huge or
Speaker 2: wasn't a thing, but now it seems to be. There's
Speaker 2: that you know that it's like an unspoken competition for
Speaker 2: like whose wedding can go viral? And though you said
Speaker 2: that you didn't want to have a big, lavish wedding,
Speaker 2: I don't think you should cheat yourself on the moment
Speaker 2: and the memory and creating that experience for you and
Speaker 2: your fiance. But never discount or discredit or take for
Speaker 2: granted the plan that a man has. Deval has always
Speaker 2: said to me that he had a plan for us,
Speaker 2: and we've spoken about the plan. So in echoing Deval
Speaker 2: saying that you guys should speak with each other about really,
Speaker 2: why is it that he doesn't want to have a
Speaker 2: wedding and just wants to do the courthouse, he might say, Babe,
Speaker 2: I have this much money saved. If we have this wedding,
Speaker 2: it's going to take away from this nest egg because
Speaker 2: I really want us to look for a house and
Speaker 2: have somewhere to invest in a tangible, appreciating assets, and
Speaker 2: then maybe we can have a small dealer with friends
Speaker 2: and family. There can be a compromise in this. But
Speaker 2: if your fiance is the kind of man that has
Speaker 2: a plan and has ambition and knows what he wants
Speaker 2: your life to look like, and he's a provider, that's
Speaker 2: something for me that I think is super valuable to have.
Speaker 2: As long as you guys are on the same page,
Speaker 2: and it doesn't necessarily require that you guys have won
Speaker 2: versus the other. Try to find a way to make
Speaker 2: both happen, and you can compromise.
Speaker 5: I agree, But most something you said didn't make a
Speaker 5: lot of sense. Don't don't sacrifice the rest of your
Speaker 5: life for one day. A lot of people think this
Speaker 5: is what but this is important to me. So one
Speaker 5: day is more important than the rest of your life.
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying don't have a wedding. What I'm
Speaker 5: saying is, when you're making these decisions, just think about
Speaker 5: the reality of.
Speaker 3: That of that for sure that this.
Speaker 1: Is one day and then there's the rest of your life.
Speaker 3: That's a fact. But don't wait the rest of your
Speaker 3: lives to write us at Deadass Advice at gmail dot
Speaker 3: com because we enjoy these listener letters so much.
Speaker 2: So if you have something that you're debating, you know
Speaker 2: we still have Dead Ass Court kind of sort of
Speaker 2: happening from the live show. This is like our version
Speaker 2: of it here with the listener letters, we're trying to.
Speaker 3: Give you guys the best advice as possible.
Speaker 2: So if you want to be featured as a listener letter,
Speaker 2: be sure to email us at dead Ass Advice at
Speaker 2: gmail dot com.
Speaker 5: That's D E A D A S S A D
Speaker 5: V I C E at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: All right, moment of truth. We're talking about the babies
Speaker 2: like we always are, knowing your kids parents intuition, being
Speaker 2: the probing parents, seeing and feeling your children.
Speaker 3: What you got for us, babe.
Speaker 1: My moment of truth for this one is simple. Right.
Speaker 5: Probing as a parent is your right because you are
Speaker 5: responsible for that human right. Probing doesn't mean that you
Speaker 5: violate boundaries, you sneak in their room. Probing means you
Speaker 5: can look at your children in the eyes, you can
Speaker 5: hug them, you can feel them, and you can tell
Speaker 5: without them having to say a word. Exactly what's going on.
Speaker 1: M period, dope.
Speaker 2: My moment of truth is as a parent, never underestimate
Speaker 2: the power in nonverbals with your children. And that's just
Speaker 2: connection that's looking into their eyes, making that eye contact,
Speaker 2: the hug. I believe it's like something like seven or
Speaker 2: twelve seconds or something like that. There's a certain amount
Speaker 2: of time that you're supposed to hug someone for there
Speaker 2: to be that transfer connection energy and connection and the
Speaker 2: release of oxytocin. Like, let's not discount how that nonverbal
Speaker 2: can really really help to strengthen that connection and that
Speaker 2: bond that you have with your child. And simultaneously that
Speaker 2: parent intuition and gut feeling that we get that usually
Speaker 2: doesn't lie. So if you feel like something might be
Speaker 2: off with your child, trust how you feel as a parent,
Speaker 2: because I think that that's something that's God given the
Speaker 2: minute you have a child, that's there as a resource
Speaker 2: for us to stay connected to our children.
Speaker 5: There's one thing I for to add I didn't tell us.
Speaker 5: There's one thing I do with all of my sons.
Speaker 5: I hug them and I say, did I tell you
Speaker 5: I love you today?
Speaker 1: And you do?
Speaker 5: I do it to you all the time. And I
Speaker 5: asked them and they'll either say yes or no. And
Speaker 5: when they say yes, I say when and they have
Speaker 5: to tell me when, and I say did you tell
Speaker 5: me back? And the reason why I do that is
Speaker 5: because when they see me now, they know my dad
Speaker 5: is going to ask me this question and they feel
Speaker 5: like my dad cares absolutely and they want to know
Speaker 5: that we and they.
Speaker 3: Don't want days to pass before Dad.
Speaker 1: No every day. Yes, it sounds like a lot, but realistic.
Speaker 1: Think about it.
Speaker 5: For you to hug your child and say did I
Speaker 5: tell you I love you today? That you can never
Speaker 5: be too busy to do that because my children will
Speaker 5: say to me.
Speaker 1: Dad, you didn't tell me you hugged me today? You
Speaker 1: love me today?
Speaker 5: And I'd be like I didn't and they'd be like no,
Speaker 5: and then I have to think about it. I'm like,
Speaker 5: come in and I'm like and I'll punch him like
Speaker 5: why didn't you come over? I can hug you, and
Speaker 5: then they grab me and we're like wrestling stuff. But
Speaker 5: it also puts accountability as a parent when your child
Speaker 5: can tell you and tell me you love me today and.
Speaker 2: They just reciprocated naturally, because I get a ton of
Speaker 2: just I'm in the kitchen cooking, washing dishes, whatever, and
Speaker 2: Jackson'll come put his arm around you.
Speaker 3: I love your mom. You're a great mom, like your
Speaker 3: great son. Like you know.
Speaker 2: Those moments are just they're doing and they're living exactly
Speaker 2: what we're doing and preaching, you know. So all right, y'all,
Speaker 2: be sure to follow us on social media if you
Speaker 2: are not already.
Speaker 3: Dead Ass the Podcast is our page.
Speaker 2: I'm Kadeen and I am and then we have Patreon,
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Speaker 1: Baby, y'all know me?
Speaker 5: I am Deval And if you're listening on Apple podcasts,
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Speaker 5: you get your copy of We Over Me, The Counterintuitive
Speaker 5: Approach to Getting Everything you want out of your relationship.
Speaker 3: Dead Ass Baby.
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Speaker 4: and it's produced by Donor Opinya and Triple Follow the
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